http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Loveologyx&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Loveologyx en-us Copyright 2010, deviantART.com Fri, 01 Jan 2010 06:41:18 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://Loveologyx.deviantart.com/journal/29273118/ http://Loveologyx.deviantart.com/journal/29273118/ Tue, 29 Dec 2009 06:15:31 PST
In waking life, I really did grow up in a tiny pink house. But the one I'm dreaming of isn't like that at all. It's next to my current house, across the street.
On the outside it looks really small, but inside it is pretty big.
I guess a house is a pretty basic thing to dream about but the weird thing is that when I'm inside, there is ALWAYS a family playing outside of my house.
Not my family, at all, once again.
Just a bunch of children and two parents, playing in my yard. I'm always standing at my window watching, trying to ask to join them.
Last night I worked up the courage to ask for some reason (even though, in this dream I am my current age 17) and the others vanish and a little girl takes my hand and she's laughing and taking me around my yard and I realized it's a younger version of myself. Little, five year old Emily. And me and her were just playing outside together. It was freakish.
After that, I kept trying to find her, but I went blind and the only time I could see again was inside of my house.

I just find it so scary. I wonder what my subconscious is trying to tell me by putting me in a big house alone, playing with my younger self, and then going blind while trying to find her again.
Dreams are so strange, man.

]]> ~Loveologyx http://Loveologyx.deviantart.com/journal/28964685/ http://Loveologyx.deviantart.com/journal/28964685/ Tue, 15 Dec 2009 15:53:09 PST It was the song changing on the radio, it was taking a bite of a hard stale Christmas cookie, it was a red van, an instant of:
"What is he doing?!"
"We'll get swerve out of the way."
"God, no, we won't."
Followed by me screaming Connor's name. Unlike the way I ever had. Unlike the way I did trying to find him, unlike the way I did in a heated argument, unlike the way I did during passionate moments while discovering our bodies.
If Christina never told me, motherly, to put my seat belt on.
If Connor swerved the wrong way.
If we were going a bit faster.
If it was raining that day.
That could have been the last thing I have ever said.

But I was buckled in. Connor is a good driver. It was dry out.
The impact was hard, and I tensed my body and held my breath. It will be over soon. The airbags hit harder than the dashboard, everything was smoking. People pulled over. Connor cursed the situation. We all checked we were okay. Then we got out. I was crying hysterically. I hadn't spoken to my mom in a week now I have to tell her that I had been in a car wreck?
They strapped us on stretchers and took us to the hospital in an ambulance.


Banged and bruised. I have nerve damage in my hand. It just aches and it doesn't work as well. I've been playing with clay so I can work up the strength again but its nothing compared to what could have happened.

In these situations all you can say is, Thank God.

Make sure you earn your money in the Karma bank, you never know when it will be coming around for you and your kin.

]]> ~Loveologyx http://Loveologyx.deviantart.com/journal/28842437/ http://Loveologyx.deviantart.com/journal/28842437/ Wed, 09 Dec 2009 10:18:55 PST Things are really tough right now and I'm just waiting out the storm, unfortunately its christmas time too which makes it unbearable since everyone around is so damn cheery. Not that I mind.
I'm not going to be living at home this week. I'm going to stay with a friend because at home, I can't be there. When I'm there, theres constant screaming and fighting and yelling. I'm sure when I get some sleep things will feel better. My mom will be in the hospital in a few days.
Maybe when she gets home from the hospital, I can come back and take care of her and she can just tell me that I have to be a better daughter. my dad will just keep drinking but at least we wont be fighting anymore. and jeff will be with his girlfriend, not knowing anythings going on at all.

]]> ~Loveologyx http://Loveologyx.deviantart.com/journal/28730805/ http://Loveologyx.deviantart.com/journal/28730805/ Thu, 03 Dec 2009 15:29:19 PST This is the last song that I write while you're even on my mind
cause it's time to leave those feelings behind

Oh, cause blue skies are coming

]]> ~Loveologyx http://Loveologyx.deviantart.com/journal/28598797/ http://Loveologyx.deviantart.com/journal/28598797/ Thu, 26 Nov 2009 20:23:47 PST I don't really know his real name, everyone has always called him the last letter of the alphabet.
He's always hanging out at family functions, and tonight I found out he was a photographer, of trains mostly.
He asked me all these questions about my camera, and editing and told me about all of his camera models and I just kind of shrugged.
I don't know, I point and shoot and play with colors and modes and feelings until it matches mine.
He looked at my work, and told me I have a real eye for photography.
He said that I should film everything, and shoot everything, and just don't think twice, do it. Follow the passion.
I thought that was really nice of Z, to encourage me like that.

We should always take a little something from the people we meet, take a little piece and put it in ourselves. And if you meet someone who you can't find anything valuable to get out of, try to look harder. Let your own positive traits rub off on other people as well. We are all worth some good. Some you just have to open your eyes real wide to find.

]]> ~Loveologyx http://Loveologyx.deviantart.com/journal/27303288/ http://Loveologyx.deviantart.com/journal/27303288/ Sat, 19 Sep 2009 15:52:50 PDT
Thats my question.
People look at me like a happy person, and I am. But thats only because I fight like hell to be a happy person sometimes. If I didn't try my best to be happy, I wouldn't be. I didn't always, and when things are hard I feel easily weak. I want to go back to old [terrible] crutches I used to rely on. I see myself as a insignifigant, guilty child instead of powerful, strong, and full of life and things to give.

So what do you do?

Thats my other question. What do you do to turn the weakness into strength? The sadness into optimism? Fear into hope? We cannot deny ourselves these emotions. Nobody never deals with negativity. Do you tell yourself something? Make art, music, ext? Something else? Or just feed the negativity because its easier?
Well, I'm trying to not feed my negativity, because it will surely turn into a full blown waste of living. So I guess it is a struggle we all have to fight, but how do you win?

]]> ~Loveologyx http://Loveologyx.deviantart.com/journal/27264695/ http://Loveologyx.deviantart.com/journal/27264695/ Thu, 17 Sep 2009 15:02:03 PDT
1. Thank you for all the comments, and favorites. I want to sit here and say thank you to everyone who gave me credit for all my crappy artwork, but people probably don't even remember commenting/fav'ing at this point lol. So I will just say THANK YOU! here.
2. My old artwork is god awful. I am trying to clean it up, and put up my new stuff that I have got together over the summer and now.

I've been face-booking my acceptable pictures, but I miss this place because it's more of an open canvas. Theres art to look at, better feedback and its actually meant for sharing art.

My summer was so rad. I've been kicking back with friends, relaxing, and back with an old guy I've had a crush on since I was like freaking twelve. By no means has the start of my senior year been good. There's been deaths in my family, and just a lot of stress. But all grief must cease (Does that rhyme? I dont think so, but its gonna be my mantra from now on because it's catchy.)
I'm really going to start submerging myself back into art and yoga. I am even thinking about belly dancing classes too. I'm going to start putting away money and get back to focusing on my body, mind, and soul. Not shopping all time.

]]> ~Loveologyx