http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Lucious-Lust&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Lucious-Lust en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Fri, 18 Dec 2009 18:59:35 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/28076390/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/28076390/ Sat, 31 Oct 2009 23:39:26 PDT ~Hehewuti . Come visit!

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/27988664/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/27988664/ Tue, 27 Oct 2009 02:31:58 PDT
It was bag enough when it was all rape-bondage for a while, but now it's like every other picture on every page has some huge fuck-off rack where I couldn't just ignore if I wanted to...and believe me, I want to. It's agitating to me as an artist, and as a female.

As an artist, someone who works harder on every piece, who finds my flaws so I can better my talent, who will be working endlessly to improve, I get no recognition. And I'm not talking about pageviews or stupid shit like that. I'm talking about people I don't know stopping by to say, "Hey, I appreciate the effort you're taking to better your art. I can see your improvement and here's how I think you can do better". No, all the attention goes to the people who draw big tits little waists and tight asses on slutty, flirty, ditsy anti-feminist females. Right, THOSE people are CLEARLY genuine artists.

And then there's the pictures. Now, I am a fan of artistic nude...if it's ARTISTIC. If it shows in a powerful and gentle way the beauty and strength of the human body, male OR female. But no, those pictures are pushed aside for the pornographic filth that seems to be taking over my computer screen. Bigger boobs, ass shots, pornographic positions, and they don't even TRY to make it look like art with lighting or color filtering. Nope, there it is, a great big flabby ASS right in my face, and that's all I see. I don't see a deep emphasis and appreciation for physical dexterity, I don't see a respect for the human form or artistic opinion, all I see is ASS. An ass that was probably made for some cheap porn flick so some lonely pathetic failure of a man could snap one off.

As a female, I feel nothing but utter disgrace. These revolting images show complete disrespect for the female body, by rejecting a beautiful, natural form with average breasts, thick waists and flat bottoms, and replacing it with the better, sexier, more appealing enormous honkers, itty bitty waist and round rump. It's aggravating, shameful and embarrassing. For every picture I see of a bare, big breasted woman, I feel like my own, personal body is being carelessly put on display. By posting one naked 'fan-service' picture of a big breasted female of any kind, it's telling the world that a females body only exists to be pleasing to others. I am embarrassed that someone would have such an intense disrespect for a womans body that they will replace it for 'what's better, what should be instead'. I am embarrassed that these women are attractive because they are so sleazy and unrealistic. I am embarrassed that the message seems to constantly be: "Big breasts make the woman".

Physical features aside, all of these big boobied women are CONSTANTLY presented as being clumsy, ditsy, dim, unintelligent, and weak. Every female I've seen drawn with big tits is drawn with an expression of worry, fear, confusion, or just plain wide-eyed idiocy. If there ever is a 'strong' woman, she's shown as a dominatrix; a woman who only excels in sexual pleasure. I have yet to see a strong, independent woman who is smart, clever, and above stereotypical influence...but I digress. My point is, all of these offensive, tit-n-ass women have one thing in common: They're stupid and naive. So, let's recap.

In most, if not all, the pictures of women are:
Ridiculously big boobs
Logic-defying small waists
Big, round, tight asses
Stupid
Naive
Weak
A pleasure only to look upon, and nothing more.

And then there's the pictures that aren't even artistic. They're just nude. Their pornographic. Their images to display the female body in an arousing fashion, because that's all women are, right? Sex toys. That's the only reason they exist, so that man can jizz and be happy. I am appalled that pictures such as this and this are considered "art" and not what they really are...Centerfolds in a playboy magazine.

It angers me beyond words that in a place that is supposed to be dedicated to ART, a painful, disgraceful image of women being objects of pleasure is very strong and alive. If I were to shuffle on over to *jollyjack's gallery, tell him that he's a chauvinistic sexist pig because of how he draws women, I would get TORN APART by all his loyal followers. But if I were to comment on a picture like this, or... ]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/27978499/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/27978499/ Mon, 26 Oct 2009 14:02:57 PDT Place for My Head-Linkin Park

2..HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Overdue~Muse

3..WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
On/Off~Daft Punk

5..WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Adios~Rammstein

6..WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Exo-Politics~Muse

7.. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Overture~Phantom of the Opera (FUCK yeah)

8..WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Points of Authority~Linkin Park (Lulz XDD True enough)

9..WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Cigaro~System of a Down

10..WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Four~Ratatat (XDDDD!! I'll explain this below)

11..WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BESTIE?
Cave~Muse (lul)

12..WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Torn~Disturbed

13..WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Jet Pilot~System of a Down

14..WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
The Kinslayer~Nightwish (Hahaha!!)

15..WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Hypnotize~System of a Down

16. What song will we play at your funeral?
Du Reichst So Gut~Rammstien (Ew XD)

17..WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
She's Like Heroine~System of a Down (O____O Oh lawd no.)

18..WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Fear~Disturbed (LMAO! XD We have nothing to fear but fear itself!)

19..WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
I Remember-Stranger Than You Dreamt It~Phantom of the Opera (Fair enough.)

20..WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
End of All Hope~Nightwish (XDD)

21.WHAT WILL YOUR WEDDING SONG BE?
Aerodynamite~Daft Punk (Sweet.)

22.WHAT IS YOU AND YOUR BESTFRIENDS SONG?
I Wish I Had an Angel~Nightwish

23..WHAT WILL YOU REPOST THIS AS?
Soldier Side~System of a Down

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, so the Two plus Two Answer explained:
I have the discography for a band called Ratatat, and one of their albums is 9 Beats, and the title of each song is it's nubmer, i.e.; One, Two, Three, Four, etc! I swear to you that I did not plan that, it happened all on it's own XDD And it made me unreasonably happy.

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/27728852/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/27728852/ Mon, 12 Oct 2009 15:19:15 PDT
Axel
Phantom Chibi
Phantom comic
100 Challenge/Re
Red Lantern Fan Art
Jack Sparrow/Jack Harkness
Cuddle Buddy Re
Xi-Feng Fire Nation

MEMES
Avatar M.
Nyu's Art M.
Bella Swan M. (for shits and giggles)
Game M.
L4D M.

Now keep in mind that is in no way the order they'll be done...it's just...random XD Sooo...yeah. Tootles~!

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/26347413/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/26347413/ Sun, 02 Aug 2009 21:42:04 PDT

I saw this video on Youtube, and had such an issue with every point the guy tried to make, I had to rant about it:

Here is the video; Watch and read along [link]

Right after the opening sequence, when we are introduced to the first sound clip that talks about media influence, Sanjaynewton (or SN from here on) has a clip of Gaston chasing Belle around her house. This was my first red flag; Gaston was DESIGNED to be a self-infatuated, demanding, sexist, egotistical prick. A 6 year old could tell you that. Trying to say "LOOK DISNEY IS SEXIST" using HIM as your first example is a simple failure. The next shot is using a clip of Hercules killing some pig. Again, poorly done. First of all, Hercules is a real world legend/myth, meaning that those were tasks he "actually" completed; it's not Disney trying to puff him up as some manly man. Secondly, HE'S A GOD! What do you expect from someone with a divine lineage? Again, SN fails to lure me into his topic. The following clip is one of Kuzco, rejecting a line of beautiful women for a wife. This scene is, I think, supposed to depict the sexism against females, as a higher standard of beauty. But AGAIN he choses a character that is designed to be someone who is arrogant and pompous; someone who wont settle for anything less than his own design. (Which, by the way, is the entire PLOT of the movie: "Here's an asshole who learns a lesson about being a better person and nice to other people.")

Men and Their Women
When I see this subject line, I expect SN to address the relationships in Disney movies, in regards to the man being superior to the woman. But AGAIN he choses a poor clip to represent this aspect. Eric kissing Ariel. Gee, how DARE he show affection for the woman he fell in love with! The bastard. SN uses this clip to say that "men should view women as objects of pleasure". Which, if anyone has seen The Little Mermaid, they would know that's exactly what ISN'T happening in that scene. Maybe SN just doesn't know that if you like a girl you kiss her.
He then inserts ANOTHER clip of Gaston. I feel like, at this point, we already know that Gaston is an arrogant asshole and is supposed to be the "bad guy", so any clip involving him is null in void. However, SN then cuts the clip and inserts one from Mulan, when the army boys are singing "A Girl Worth Fighting For", and tries to use this as an example of male superiority, and viewing women as pleasurable objects. The first line says; "I want her paler than the moon, with eyes that shine like stars". I, personally, feel like this doesn't very well represent chauvinism. First of all, pale skin is a sign of beauty in eastern cultures, and you can't tell me that, male or female, you don't care about appearance. Yes, you do. EVERY guy has his idea of a perfect woman (or man, but that's besides the point). Secondly, I'd like you to show me a girl that wouldn't melt at her man telling her that her eyes sparkle like stars. That, to me, is romantic, not chauvinistic.
The second line is Yao, saying that he wants to be able to show off for his gal. ("My girl will marvel at my strength, adore my battle scars"). I still fail to see how this is oppressive. Maybe it's saying women are easily woo'd? I really don't know. Honestly, I expected SN to cut out Chien-Po's line; ("I couldn't care less what she wears, nor what she looks like! It all depends on what she cooks, like beef, pork, chicken!). This, I can kind of understand what his point was. "LOOK THE FAT MAN THAT LOVES FOOD IS SAYING THAT WOMEN ARE ONLY GOOD FOR COOKING". But I still feel like it's invalid. First of all, it's kind of counter-balances when he says he doesn't care about physical appearance. It's not like he says "No fat chicks, and they have to stay in the kitchen." But even then, what guy doesn't love a girl who can cook? Not only that, but Chien-Po is a big boy. It's completely understandable that he'd love a woman who could give him good food.

Chiseled Bodies and Physical Prowess
This section is about the pressure of physical appearance put on boys by Disney movies. Now I'm going to skip right over the part where it's much more extreme for women; that part will come later (Not to say that men aren't pressured at all; I recognize that they are, but it does seem more severe for women. But more on that later).
SN starts out by proclaiming that every guy in every movie is buff and muscular. He backs it up by using a clip of Hercules, w... ]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/26247159/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/26247159/ Wed, 29 Jul 2009 03:44:27 PDT
No scanner.
No photoshop.

...


...no games....*sob*


I move in six days, and the computer is staying here, so I'd lose my games sooner or later anyways. But I figured, if I was there, I could install WoW on my laptop and be semi-entertained until Malick built me my computer (which, we have no idea when it will be).

So I'm fine without my games, but like...it's just weird not having them NOW. While I'm still here. And I am sort of actually going through withdrawls XD I'm up til 5 trying to think of what movie to watch cause my sleep schedule is FUCKED and I'm bored...

I made a comic about it, but.... .__. lul I guess anyone who actually cares will have to wait

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/26138039/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/26138039/ Thu, 23 Jul 2009 20:09:50 PDT


First of all, I find the ‘writing style’ and complete abuse of the written language appauling, it’s an insult to the art of literature as a whole. It reads like a poorly editted internet fanfiction. Secondly the characters are all bland and one-dimensional; Bella, as everyone knows, a Mary Sue. Bland, dull, boring, and clumsy, as if it’s supposed to be cute that she can’t walk on flat surfaces. It’s bad enough that she has absolutely no individuality, but she’s arrogant as fuck, too. How does that work out? When she gets to the school, it’s like everyone there has never seen a girl before. They fawn and swoon over her like she was Angelina Jo-Fucking-lie. What’s there to like about her anyway? The book hardly ever mentions what she looks like, so obviously there’s nothing fascinating about her outter appearance. I don’t know, maybe she has really big tits and since she’s such an air head everyone just wants to bag her....yeah, that works. So not ONLY does EVERY GUY IN THE SCHOOL want her, she turns up her nose at them like she’s way too good for them. Honey, you’re from Phoenix Arizona. Not the Taj Mahal. And seriously...Bella Swan? How transparent can you be? That’s like naming your character...well, fuck, I can’t think of anything that’s more outrageously arrogant and forward than “Beautiful Swan”. Now, Edward. Ohh, Edward. Everyone thinks he’s such a fucking prince. Boy, I wish I had a guy like him...oh, wait, I DID. Edward is controling, possessive, jealous, manipulative, and not to mention a fucking creeper. “I like watching you sleep”. What kinda shit is that? Oh yeah, breaking and entering into my house while I’m asleep and sniffing my underwear is totally sexy. Take me now. So besides the stalking we have a mentally abusive power house. But before we go there, let me talk about the fucking SPARKLES. There are so. many. things. WRONG with Edward calling himself a vampire. Before Twitard, when someone said Vampire, you’d think graveyard, sharp teeth, blood, sex, death, darkness, night...need I go on? Then here comes Edward, prancing through a field of daisies sparkling like a pixie. He doesn’t drink blood, he doesn’t sleep, he doesn’t burn in the sunlight, and HE is the one who supports abstinice! First of all, he’s a 17 year old boy. Bullshit. Secondly, he’s been alive for over a hundred years. No wonder he’s so freaking strong, a century of jerking off will probably really work those biceps. Oh, yeah, and he’s in fucking HIGH SCHOOL. WHAT. THE FUCK. Who wants to go to highschool for ONE HUNDRED AND SEVEN YEARS?! Fuck, man, most people drop out before they finish four. As for his relationship, he is constantly controlling the relationship and abusing Bella’s emotions towards him, which aren’t entirely healthy or sane emotions, but emotions nonetheless. He tells her she needs to stay away from him, that they can’t be friends or be near each other, but then he constantly seeks out her company. He controls her relationships with other people like Jacob, has his family help him kidnap her, hold her under house arrest, etcetera. And her! She’s so unhealthily dependant on Edwards presence she talks about intentionally putting herself in danger just so he’ll come to her rescue. When Edward leaves her, she is so sickeningly depressed that she sits in her room for three months forgetting about the friends she used to have or things she used to enjoy. Whenever one person says “I can’t live without you” that is a surefire sign that they’re FUCKING CRAZY and need to be checked into a psyche ward. What’s worse, Bella’s sickening dependance on Edward, and his manipulative, controling, obsessive behavior is portrayed as “true love”, giving young, impressionable preteenage girls the idea that, THAT kind of behavior is desireable in a life partner. Speaking of “life partner”, I would like to address their marriage. First of all, even before they are married, Bella is constantly bitching and moaning to Edward about how horny she is and how she wants to do him. Yet he, a one hundred and seven year old VAMPIRE, who was turned as a seventeen year old BOY, refuses sex. It would make more sense if HE was begging for sex and Bella would be the one to say “Not until we’re married~! Tee hee!” Then again, I suppose if that were the case, seeing as how Edward would be so powerful, he could just rape her. Oh wait....HE DID! When they finally DID get married, which by the way Bella ONLY did to get into his pants (Way to teach impressionable young minds the importance of marriage), he doesn’t sleep with h... ]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/25830959/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/25830959/ Thu, 09 Jul 2009 03:24:13 PDT
I start packing ._. I move at the end of this month. And days after that, I get my license.

It's kind of weird...it's really surreal and kind of alienating. All of a sudden my life is HAPPENING. First it was Graduation...something I'd thought about my whole life of achieving, but it always seemed like some far away goal...something that would never happen. Not because I wasn't capable, but because..I don't know, since I was a little girl that's what my life was leading up to. That was the point of going to school and doing homework and living my life...was to graduate. So it always seemed like some far off, insurmountable achievement. And then I achieved it and it was really weird. Satisfying, but so bizzare.

And now my LIFE is about to happen...I bitch and moan all the time about not being able to drive or wanting my own place. But once I'm actually in my apartment, by myself, almost completely alone, (my kitten Malick will be there to help me feel more comfortable X3 ) it's going to be really...scary O.o I have never been home alone, like, ever. My grandparents never leave for a long amount of time. My grandpa goes to work and comes home at six, and my grandma occasionally leaves for groceries or doctors appointments or normal things like that. If they're ever gone at the same time, I'm either still asleep, out somewhere else, or even if I'm home they're back before nightfall. And they're always here at night, every night. Even when I was in Oregon with my mom. She might go out drinking with friends and come back the next morning, but she was there every day. I might have been 'home alone' for a day or two. But never for a long amount of time. There's always been someone with me. I guess there still will be, with Malick just a few doors down, but it's still going to be really freaky. I've never spent the night alone in a completely foreign place. Despite all that, I am still REALLY excited.

As for my license...I am SO UNBELIEVABLY excited for that. I'm gonna be scared as hell at first, driving on my own, because I've only had about 8 months of experience as opposed to 3 years if I had gotten it on time (Permit at 15, license at 16 and 17 before being on my own). So, getting my own place AND my own license all at the same time is going to be very earth shaking. I will be completely under my own autonomy. That thought scares me a little.

But excites me more than anything.

I need sleep.

and food.


In that order.



]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/25393328/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/25393328/ Thu, 18 Jun 2009 11:44:24 PDT
I had some really weird dreams last night. Okay, not REALLY weird, but weird enough that I want to type them down so I don't forget them later on.

The first one was, I was at one of our friends parties, and my boyfriend kept ignoring me. He wouldn't talk to me or anything, and when we went to sleep he wouldn't cuddle with me. I don't think that has any relation to the dream, but it annoyed me. Anyway, I forget how it transitions, but basically it turns into some zombie outbreak, but it started out in dogs instead of humans, and is transferred of course by being bitten. So I'm back over at Malick's house, and we're being chased by like 20 dogs. So we get into his car (which was actually different in the dream. It was like, an expensive black sports car with tinted windows) and we drive into the garage and close the door behind us (And somehow there's like 3 or 4 cars in the driveway). It closes down on some of the dogs feet or necks, but they're stuck outside.

Then we run into the house really fast to get provisions; weapons, food, extra clothing, etc. When we're in there, there's this tiny ass dog who somehow got in, and keeps nipping at our feet. So I kicked it across the room. Then something happened to Malick where he was kind of delusional, he kept laughing and he couldn't think straight. So when we got back out to the car, I told him I would drive. (And then I thought, Hey, it's the zombie apocolypse. I can drive all by myself now. Cool.) So we open the garage door, and there's all the dogs still there, but they had fallen asleep. Since the door went up, tho, they started to stir and wake up. I was like "Hell nah" so I turned on the car, rolled up the windows, and ran them over. Backed up, and ran over them again.

Then something extremely epic and super hardcore badass happened, and my friend caused it, and I want to tell her in person and I don't know if she reads my journals. So I'm not going to say what it was.

The other dream; Shorter, but still intense.

I was in the game Zelda OoT, only it was a different game. Same map, but different story line. And I think..I had gone forward in time, to after all the bad shit happened, and I went to Kokiri forest, and there was a girl standing outside in the field. And I went to her and I asked her why she was out (As Kokiri's cannot leave the forest or they'll die). I don't remember what she told me, but then she turned into a twilight imp, kind of like Midna from TP but different in her own way. Then she brought me some books about the history of the world or something that I had to read so I would know what happened and how to fix it. Again, I don't remember what I read, but suddenly the girl died, and I looked over and saw a robed man running into the forest. I ran in after him, and when I got to the forest, it was morbid. There was blood and corpses everywhere. The sky was dark and twisted, and all the tree's were dead and burning. The bodies were covered in blood. I ran back out, disgusted, and out there was a wolf, the robed man, and some of his minions. I didn't have the right stuff to fight them, so I just ran. I ran to this building where there was a giant saw that rotated along the wall (Prince of Persia like) and I jumped over it, through a window and kept climbing and running through the building.

And that's all I can remember of that dream, cause I'm supposed to go to the pool with today, and I dreamt then that I was talking to her on messenger on my laptop which is right next to my bed. She asked if I was awake, and I told her I wasn't even out of bed yet, and she was like "Well...I guess we're not gonna get a chance to do anything today then ._." so my mind was like 'SHIT GETTHEFUCKUPRIGHTNOW"...so I did. And I tried texting and calling her and nothin yet XD Ah well. The day is young.

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/25060929/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/25060929/ Sun, 31 May 2009 22:53:08 PDT
[link]

[link]

[link]

They're angry or scared. Even if that's not the intention, thats REALLY what it fucking looks like. Like these people get on and jack off on rape. It's fucking disgusting.

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/24837045/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/24837045/ Tue, 19 May 2009 10:11:09 PDT
Disney's had a little bit of a racist streak for some time. In fact, in their musical Fantasia, during the centaur run, they had a little black female centaur who was the maid girl for all the grown ones. She would brush and flower their hair, clean their hooves, and pamper them, and then watch from the bushes as the grown pale skinned centaurs frolicked with the ever attractive males.

This scene was cut, due to the racism.

But I just saw a preview for "The Princess and the Frog" and I was really excited...the princess is black! So I watched the preview, and I came to discover that Disney airs their first ethnic princess....and turns her into a frog. -_______-; Admittedly, the animation is BEAUTIFUL and it looks like it might be worth seeing. I was just kind of disappointed that their first non-white princess only gets so much screen time before she's small and green.

I'm hoping they redeem themselves, but hey...baby steps, right?

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/24464646/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/24464646/ Mon, 27 Apr 2009 14:35:34 PDT

[link]



]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/24455368/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/24455368/ Sun, 26 Apr 2009 23:30:40 PDT
What's really holding me back is that...he HAS been extremely busy. He's always extremely busy. I talked to him a little before about how he never says I love you, and he apologized, saying how he works so much that he can't really focus on anything else. But that was only a fraction of the issue, you know? He doesn't says I love you unless I say it first, he doesn't tells me how much I mean to him, how much he loves me, or why he loves me...I asked him once before, a few years ago, why he loved me. I was just fishing for compliments, really. But it turned into a very serious discussion I didn't really understand at the time. He ended up breaking up with me because I wasn't ready for the relationship. I was very confused and lost...and hurt, at the end of it.

So, I really don't want to ask that again. But basically, he's been UBER fucking busy, and I don't want to stress him out even more or wear him out emotionally by saying he doesn't pay attention to me. And the last thing I want to be is one of those clingy annoying girlfriends who is always bitching because they're not being worshiped around the clock. I know he's busy..so I feel like discussing it anymore would just be selfish.

But what really has been bothering me is that I feel like I do love him more than he loves me. And I do feel like he might find someone else he loves more...like Sachiko from Nana...someone who is shorter and more independent, who doesn't have flat feet and is more ticklish...I digress. Anyway, my point is, is that I feel like I love him more. But what's really got me confused..


..do I really want to know?

I want to talk to him about it because it's been making me really...well....lonely...I've been trying not to tell him I love him or that I miss him because I'm trying to get him to 'remember' that he loves and misses me too...but I don't think he's noticed. I finally gave in and said it tonight. And I want to keep saying it. I want to tell him over and over again how much I adore him and how he's such a huge part of who I am, and how all the words in every language of the universe could never ever come close to describing all the emotion I have for him in me, how it feels like that emotion is bigger than the universe itself and how I could explode at any second with it's entirety...even when I say stuff like that..all he does is smile and "*hug*" me. I tell him things like that, and I tell him "I love you SO FREAKING MUCH" and that I adore him and that I love him more than he even knows...the usual response is "I luff j00 t00! X3" which is cute, and, again, I know he means it and that he does love me I just...don't know how much...and I really don't even know if I want to say all of this because, if he does start to do or say stuff...I don't want it to be just cause I told him to. I want whatever he says and does to come from the heart. I guess I just really want to know is, if he wasn't so busy...would he?


Love...if I ever get up the courage to ask you to read this...I'm really really sorry. I don't mean to be demanding, or selfish or ignorant or misunderstanding or anything. I know you're super hella busy, and I know we've kind of talked about it before, I just feel like I didn't really...say everything I needed to say. And I get really nervous to, because I don't want to make you angry or make you feel bad. I still feel like all of this is making me sound so unbelievably selfish and ignorant, but..I don't know. I'm sorry. I can't help it. I love you more than anything...I don't want to push you away. I'm so sorry >___<



]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/24436788/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/24436788/ Sat, 25 Apr 2009 23:03:06 PDT
Ok, so firstly I'm pissed because one of my really good friends whom I used to hang out with all the time doesn't hang out with me anymore. I'll ask her out, and we'll make plans, and nearly every time she ends up bailing cause of some bullshit excuse. I know it's not just me, she does it to everyone. But it's still annoying because I really liked hanging out with her. But I'm just going to stop asking her out to places. I'm sick of the disappointment.

But the thing that I'm really pissed off about is my boyfriend ~.~ Don't get me wrong...I love him to no end and he makes me happier than anyone ever could...but..I dunno.

Part of it is that he has no concept of 'sexy' whatsoever, so even if I tried extra hard to be especially appealing one evening when we're together...it'd be no big deal.

And then there's something else that's a little more serious. I'm always the one to say "I love you". I'm always the one to say "I miss you". I'm always the one to tell him how much he means to me, what I say to other people about him, how much I adore him and am so madly in love with him.

The only time I hear him say "I love you" or "I miss you" is when I say it first. I haven't said it for the past few days (almost a week) and neither has he. The last time I said it, we were saying goodnight and I said "I love you XPP" and he said it back, and said "Sorry I forget >.<". Which is, again, annoying. And I can't help but wonder...does he forget to say "I love you", or does he just forget that he does? Oh, and I never hear anything about how much he loves me or when/what he thinks about me, what he says to other people if he even talks about me. Nothing. I hate to say it, but it makes me think that I love him more than he loves me. I know he DOES love me, it's just...I don't know how much... I can't help but be a woman. I need reassurance....well, is it a woman thing or a human thing to want to be reminded that you're cared about?

And, again, I know he does love me...I mean, he's spent a ridiculous amount of money on me, but...that's not what I want. I don't want him to 'buy my love'. I don't want him to rely or fall back on a camera or game pad or something to remind me that he loves me. I don't need those things. And I didn't want him to buy them because I didn't want him wasting his money on me. And in his defense, he's extremely busy with work, and when he gets home he works some more. And then he works on things for other people. He's constantly working, so his mind is focused elsewhere, but come on. Can't I get the spotlight for like...*sigh* I don't know. Am I being selfish? Unreasonable?

I'm just being pissy and dramatic...

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/24329135/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/24329135/ Sun, 19 Apr 2009 16:02:49 PDT 1. They are watching TV... What are they watching?
Numb3rs or Criminal Minds
2. You're out to eat. What kind of dressing do they get on their salad?
I don't think he'd GET a salad...but probably ranch.
3. What's one food this person doesn't like?
Tomatoes, chocolate ice cream, potato chips.
4. You go out to the bar. He/she orders......
He doesn't drink. So probably coke.
5. Where did he/she go to high school?
DSA! Same as me!
6. What size shoe do they wear?
I'm thinking...8's?
7. If this person were to collect anything, it would be...
Computer pieces.
8. What is their favorite type of sandwich?
Chicken bacon sub from Domino's :3
9. This person could eat ______ everyday.
Fast food XP
10. Favorite cereal?
All he has is like, Cheerios and frosted flakes.
11. This person wouldn't be caught dead wearing?
Well, he's worn a dress, my bikini, my spaghetti strap tank top...so...uh...;;>__>
12. Favorite sports team?
Broncos!!
13. Who will he/she vote for?
Obama
14. What is their sign?
Leo
15. What is something you do that he/she wishes you didn't?
Sometimes I can be a little clingy.
16. How many states has this person lived in?
I wanna say...3-5
17. What is his/her heritage?
Apache! X3 Sexy ass mothafucka...but he also has some irish/scottish.
18. You bake them a cake for their birthday. What kind do you bake?
I don't think he much cares for cake...but if I don't make him cookies or buy him chocolates or something, it'd probably be white on white.
19. Did he/she play sports in high school?
Yup. He was a football player. Runningback, I think.
20. This person could spend hours...
Playing games.
21. He/She wants a new...
Computer case
22. The CD I would probably find in their vehicle is...
Lots of Christian music.
~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/24300224/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/24300224/ Fri, 17 Apr 2009 23:50:43 PDT
randomly showed up at my house and gave me a "Vampires Don't Sparkle" shirt, and told me about some scenes in Twilight that sounded way to hilarious to actually be true. So we sat down and watched it. And my hand to God, my friends, that is the funniest shit I have ever fucking seen. I was almost crying with laughter.

Except where they bum-fuck ass raped Supermassive Black Hole. That was just a SIN. A downright SIN. Unforgivable. Poor Muse.... D:

But otherwise...it's so damn funny even my grandparents where laughing their asses off. It was fantastic. Haru...I love you.

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/24262914/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/24262914/ Wed, 15 Apr 2009 19:00:52 PDT



]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/24047783/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/24047783/ Fri, 03 Apr 2009 20:20:05 PDT

Anyway, random meme thingy I stole from

[X] You have screamed at an inanimate object for 'hurting you.'
[X] You have ran into a glass/screen door.
[x] You have jumped out of a moving vehicle (it wasn't moving that fast, though)
[X] You have thought of something funny and laughed, and then people gave you weird looks.
[X] You have run into a tree/bush.
[x] You have been called a blonde. (<-- correcting the spelling)

TOTAL: 6

[ ] You know that it IS possible to lick your elbow. [picz or it didn't happen]
[ ] You just tried to lick your elbow.
[ ] You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star had the same melody.
[ ] You just sang them to make sure.
[X] You have tripped on your own feet and fallen. [I trip on my big toe a lot...I'm pigeon toed... ._.]
[X] You have choked on your own spit.

TOTAL: 8

[ ] You have seen the Matrix and still don't get it.
[x] You type with three fingers or less.
[x] You have accidentally caught something on fire.
[x] You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose.
[X] You have caught yourself drooling

TOTAL: 12

[X] You have fallen asleep in class.
[X] Sometimes you just stop thinking.
[X] Sometimes when you are telling a story you forget what you are talking about.
[x] People often shake their heads and walk away from you.
[x] You are often told to use your 'inside voice.' Watch my language

TOTAL: 17

[X] You use your fingers to do simple math. [*just counted 12+5 on her fingers]
[X] You have eaten a bug accidentally.
[X] You are taking this test when you should be doing something more important. [math final alolololololololololol]
[X] You have put your clothes on backwards or/and inside out, and didn't realize it.
[X] You've looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand/pocket the whole time. [OMG just today, I looked in like 4 different rooms for my pencil, but then it fell out from behind my ear when I bent down to look in my backpack]

TOTAL: 22

[ ] You have posted bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen if you don't.
[X] You break a lot of things.
[X] You tilt your head when you're confused. [And say "oro?" thanks to Kenshin ]
[X] You have fallen out of your chair before.
[x] When you're lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture on the ceiling. [The ceiling to the room I had in oregon had a pattern, but this one doesn't... ._.]]
[x] The word "um" "fuck" is used frequently.
[ ] You don't know what "um" means. [How can you not know what it means?]
[x] You say "what" and "huh" a lot.
[X] You plan to use a calculator to multiply your score for this bulletin.

TOTAL: 29

GRAND TOTAL: 29

Now multiply your total number by 4 to get the precent...
I am 116% Mentally Insane (Muehehehehehehehehehe >w> )

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/23899248/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/23899248/ Thu, 26 Mar 2009 12:41:24 PDT
Top 3

#3 is Edward the Sparkly Vampire by [link]
#2 is WIP Twilight Presentation by [link]
#1 is the Anti-Twilight Article by [link]



Honorable Mentions:



Twilight... by [link]
and
Twilight-Party Hard by [link]



More to come :3

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/23633276/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/23633276/ Tue, 10 Mar 2009 19:21:09 PDT
And even then, I'm so limited in what I actually CAN draw. I can draw...female...torsos. I can't draw hands, or feet, or faces, or legs, or arms, or animals, or anything else. And even THEN I can count on one hand (not including thumb) all the angles I can draw. I'm horrible at perspective and proportion, angle, anatomy, how things bend, etc. I've been wanting to take a drawing class for like 2 years now.

So many of the people I know can just pull shit out of their ass that looks like a diamond. First try, it's smooth, proportioned, accurate, etc etc, digital OR traditional.

I know, "practice makes perfect" and even those people I think so highly of "still have a lot to learn" or whatever...but they're still decades better than I am and they're my age, give or take a year. There are so many things I want to draw, so many images I have in my head but can never get down onto paper, and words don't do them justice.

I just wish I could draw better. I keep trying to fix my problems and teach myself where I went wrong, but again, I'm hardly any better than when I was a fucking preteen.

I'm so sick of my "style". I hate the way I draw, I want to burn and delete everything I have it's so disgusting to me. I want to learn more but I can't...even if I could sign up for a class I might start working soon so I wouldn't have any time at all.

I'm just...really frustrated. And pissed. and annoyed. and.....fuck.

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/23561375/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/23561375/ Fri, 06 Mar 2009 17:39:06 PST
1. Fingers: Gabrielle

2. Chin: (oh fuck...) gab ride,l,lde (...not...bad...;;>> )

3. One finger: gabrioelle (nuuu T_T)

4. Elbow: gabn reeriuewllew (...lolwut)

5. Nose: gabrielle (YAY)

6. Palm: gabiellr (aw :c)

1) List five fandoms you have:
-House
-Dollhouse
-Firefly
-Phantom of the Opera
-uhh....
2) Have you ever slept in the back of a car?
Not...that I remember... .___.

3) Have you recently dyed or cut your hair?
Nope.

4) List four people you look up to the most.
-God
-Jesus
-Malick
-uhm....

5) How many pets do you currently own?
2 doggehs

6) Which do you prefer, white or black?
Depends on what I'm wearing. Generally, black.

7) Who is your most played character?
Uh..Malefestra, for right now.

8) Choose one or the other, not both:
-Stuck on an island with your best friend
-Stuck on an island with 5 acquaintances

Stuck with best friend.

9) Write 3 aspects that tell who you are:
-My clothes
-My room
-Me

10) If you could have a power, what would it be?
To be so sexy and/or cute I could persuade anyone to give me whatever I wanted. For free.

11) Who was the last person you talked to:
Malick :3

12) Who was the last person you said "I love you" to?
Allia!

13) Write the first 5 words that pop into your head:
um fuck shit lol what?

14) What's the one thing you wish you could do better?
Sing

15) Do you like the way you are?
I'm such an egotistical prick...

16) Choose Summer or Winter:
Summer

17) Choose Rain or Snow:
Snow. It's soft, beautiful, and the most romantic weather.

18) Choose Water or Ice:
Water o_o T___T

19) List 2 odd things about yourself:
-I am Tenacious Brii
-My expressions say more than words ever could.

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/23101626/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/23101626/ Mon, 09 Feb 2009 12:34:10 PST
As the weather improves and becomes more inviting, the more I've wanted to retain a social life. I want to go out and do things with my friends, every day. Last week, on a friday night at 6:30, I was desperate for a companion to escort me through spontaneous adventures through the night. Unfortunately, I was the only one. Last night I had a dream me and my friends were in college, and one night everyone was getting dressed up and going out somewhere, but no one invited me and I was left home alone at 3 o clock in the morning.

My thirst and desire for an unrestricted social life is almost suffocating. Of my friends that are not in school with me, who have many senior like things to take care of, the rest have jobs and can no longer pass out their time nonchalantly. And any left, have moved away or changed insomuch that I no longer am desireable of their company.

I, without a job nor much work to be done for another month or so yet, long to be in the outdoors, downtown with a mass of friends, parading the streets like we'd been pulled from a TV show.I miss my friends. I miss the time that we had together. I miss the fact that, even tho summer soon approaches, jobs do not have summer vacation. And even I, within months, must retire to a new location, an hour or so away, and start my college education. I will have, seemingly, less time.

And yet, I am anxious. Once I am in college, once I don't have to unwillingly surrender 7 hours of every day, when I can mingle with my schedual, I feel like I'll have even more freedom, and more friends who share my enthusiasm to enjoy my youth as it lasts.

I can't wait to get out of this school. I'm so done with highschool. Whatever I might "learn" in these last few months wont matter at all to me. I'll probably forget it all the moment I pass through the doors for the final time. I'm ready to just get on with my life.

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/23086676/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/23086676/ Sun, 08 Feb 2009 16:16:39 PST w< I love Jayne. Anyone else notice how he totally has the hots for Kaylee? I think it's adorable. Anyways...meme thing

Rules:
Go to urbandictionary.com and type in your answers to the following questions.
Post the first definition it gives you.
Tag 3 people.

1.) Your name? - Gabrielle
"1) derived from the biblical character of a messenger angel gabriel
2) heavenly sweet, strong, and protective
3) heaven sent
4) amazingly attractive and beautiful"

:3

2.) Your age? - 17
When you have more responsibility than at 16, but without all the fun of 18.
"How old are you?"

"17."

"Dude, that sucks..."

[b][i][u]Exactly.[/u][/i][/b]


3.) One of your friends? -Maxine
1.synonym for sexy 2. most crunk individual 3. amazing at everything.

[True enough.]


4.) What should you be doing? - Showering

An excuse to cover up masturbation
MOMINNER!
KID: Not now mom! im taking a shower!

[Not the first option, but the most appropriate...XD]


5.) Favorite color? - Red
Flavor of kool-aid to a black person.
Mom: Ey hunnah! I'm hittin' up the local Safeway. Does yo bitch ass need anythin!?
Son: Yeah git me some kool-aid bitch!
Mom: What flava?!
Son: red!

[XDDDD omg, racism]


6.) Birthplace? - Iowa

A state that quietly grows corn and takes care of its own affairs. Residents think Des Moines compares to New York.
Iowa...Corn Capital and Fun Times of the World

[Well, it IS the corn capital, but New York? No way, man..]


7.) Month of your birth? - August

The idea of perfection. The 8th Month of the year in certain European and Asian cultures signifies greatness in achieving perfection, or something close to it.

[Damn fuckin right.]

8.) Last person you talked to? - Grandma

The only person in the family that knows how to cook.
Person A: Mmmm! This food tastes good!
Person B: Yea, I bet a grandma made it.

[Not...really...;;>>]

9.) One of your nicknames? - Blake

1. Charming, courageous, and stunningly handsome; Blake is cursed with being the object of every woman's affection. He is Known for starting and ending wars. Being the most influential man in history, he is hated by a monority of men, but respected by all.

2. Blake was the name given to Kings of the Persian, Egyptian, Mongolian, Roman, and Zulu Nations.

[If I were a guy, that'd be totally true.]

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/23020020/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/23020020/ Thu, 05 Feb 2009 12:52:10 PST
But that's not the reason I'm here. The reason I'm here is much more serious.

As we had to move the computer, so, too, did we have to move the modem and router. For non-tech-savvy people, in order to have internet, the modem MUST be plugged into a cable connection, and the router must be plugged into both the modem AND the PC. The only available cable port was in the main level living room next to the television. And the computer is through the room, past the kitchen, through the hall, up the stairs, down another hall, and take a left.

So, the connection between the PC and the router is inevitably severed. And thus, in my room and currently throughout the house, there is. no. internet.

*dramatic music*

However, my dearest of darlings, the beat of my heart and sweetest of men, (Malick) is giving me his wireless adapter until he gets his next paycheck and get either himself or me a new one. (He had gotten me one a few years ago for my p.o.s laptop, but I left it in Oregon...).

So, as of NEXT week I'll hopefully have internet access...until then...I mis bid you all a bitter farewell T_____T

Also, I just finished the 6th book of HP and am here at DSA's library to get the 7th. >.>

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/22829089/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/22829089/ Mon, 26 Jan 2009 17:21:50 PST Q: Type in "[your name] looks like" in Google search.
Q: Type in "[your name] says" in Google search.
Q: Type in "[your name] wants" in Google search.
Q:Type in "[your name] does" in Google search.
Q: Type in "[your name] hates" in Google search.
Q: Type in "[your name] asks" in Google search.
Q: Type in "[your name] likes " in Google search.
Q: Type in "[your name] eats " in Google search.
Q: Type in "[your name] wears " in Google search.
Q: Type in "[your name] was arrested for" in Google Search.
Q: Type in "[your name] loves" in Google Search.


ANSWERS:


-Gabrielle needs more practice doing the fireman's carry.
-Apart from her large chest, Gabrielle looks like a post-pubescent boy, or possibly an effeminate man. (....;___; Nuh uh....T_T)
-Gabrielle says thanks. (...)
-Gabrielle Wants To Be A Bounty Hunter (So fucking true)
-Gabrielle does the Monty Q! (The what?)
-Gabrielle hates cars and that they break down (Not that I would know.)
-Gabrielle asks, "Is this the temple of Mnemosyne?" (O___o??)
-Gabrielle likes to hold onto people’s ears while she sucks her thumb (...lolWUT??)
-Gabrielle eats chicken livers [and] cherries (EEEWWWWW XP)
-Gabrielle wears the dress slightly better. (Daaaaamn right ^.~)
-Gabrielle was arrested for corrupting a minor and sent to Les Baumettes penitentiary. (Define 'corrupting' ;;>>
-Gabrielle Love's Pleasing Gentlemen 100 Incall Special. (O_____O....*dies*)

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/22658246/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/22658246/ Mon, 19 Jan 2009 21:16:03 PST EDIT

Okay, I'm going to address this since people don't seem to be listening.

PLEASE do not critisize my religion. I don't appreciate "screw the church" comments or empty, even joking threats. PLEASE understand. I LOVE my religion. I love the things it teaches and the standards that it's given me. I don't know what kind of person I would be without them. And I sustain and respect EVERY leader in the church, that they are where they are for a reason and that their advice is only in my best interest.

It's not a matter of them "finding out" or someone being a "Tattle tale". It's a matter of respect. If a situation is as serious-for lack of a better word- as my church deems this current one, I would never go behind it's back because of a want for immediate gratification. I know and love my church, and I know the standards that it sets, and why. and I respect them. Even if you don't understand, or even care, please respect MY respect of them, and stop critisizing or demeaning it. It's far too important to me.

/EDIT

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING INVOLVES RELIGION. DO NOT READ IF YOU OPPOSE.

So, my bf Malick and I had been planning on moving in together once I graduated. We'd be going to the same community college, and we were gonna go on this health food diet thing, be gym buddies, he was gonna teach me programming, etc etc. We'd looked at some places online, talked about furniture arrangments, stuff like that. We'd been talking aboutit for MONTHS, like, since sometime last year. Until my grandma told me that we'd get into a LOT of trouble with our church if we did move in together. Insomuch that it would compromise our membership. So, I guess we're not anymore.

And before anyone starts critisizing, I value my religion more than anything else. I might not agree with some of the things (as above,) but the way I see it, is it's like the parent that tells you you can't do something that you've been totally stoked about doing since you even had the idea. They tell you no, and you get all pissed off and think they're inconsiderate unjust and that they just don't understand.

But then later, you look back on it and you realize that they really were advising you in your best interest. And, depending on what you did, you're either really glad you took their advice, or you wish you had.

I know that it's not the end of the world, we'll still be going to the same college and I'll be spending practically every day with him anyway, that we'll still be able to go to the gym and everything we'd been planning on, and I know that my church leaders would not advise for or against something unless it was in our best interest...

...but I can't help but be really disappointed.

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/22401303/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/22401303/ Sun, 04 Jan 2009 18:40:34 PST [x] Brown - $100
[ ] Blonde - $50
[ ] Black - $15
[ ] Bald - $5
[ ] Other-$75

Total: 100

Eye Color:
[ ] Brown - $50
[ ] Green - $75
[ ] Blue $150
[ ] Hazel $100
[x] Other - $15

Total so far: 115

Height:
[ ] Over 7′ - $200
[ ] 6′8″ to 7′ - $175
[ ] 6′0″ to 6′7″ - $150
[ ] 5′5″ to 5′11″ - $75
[x] 5′4″ to 5′10″ - $85
[ ] Under 5′4 - $95

Total so far: 200

Age:
[ ] 50 to 56 - $175
[ ] 46 to 50 - $150
[ ] 41 to 45 - $125
[ ] 31 to 40 - $100
[ ] 26 to 30 - $75
[ ] 21 to 25 - $50
[ ] 19 to 20 - $25
[x] 0 to 18 - $100

Total so far: 300

Birth Order:
[ ] Twins or more than twins - $750
[ ] First Born - $320
[ ] Only Child - $250
[ ] second born - $150
[ ] Middle child - $100
[x] Last Born - $100
[ ] third born - $550
[ ] fourth born - $300
[ ] fifth born - $400
[ ] sixth born -$215

Total so far: 400

Drink?
[ ] I did like once - $400
[ ] Only Holidays - $250
[ ] Sometimes - $215
[ ] YES - $200
[ ] only weekends - $300
[ ] Every other day - $50
[ ] Once a day - $15
[ ] I live from the bottle - $Bankrupt$ [[back to $ZERO]]
[x] No - $600

Total so far: 1000

Vision?
[x] perfect vision $400
[ ] need or have glasses/ contacts but dont wear them $200
[ ] No correction $100
[ ] Glasses $50
[ ] contacts $25
[ ] Surgical correction -$100

Total so far: 1400

Shoe Size:
[ ] 13+ - $300
[ ] 12 and a half to 13 - $250
[x] 11 to 12 - $400
[ ] 7 to 10 - $500
[ ] Under 7- $450

Total so far:1800

Favorite Colors (two):
[ ] Green-$750
[x] Red - $600
[x] Black - $100
[ ] Yellow -$475
[ ] Brown - $300
[ ] Purple - $225
[ ] White - $400
[ ] Aqua - $350
[ ] Orange - $300
[ ] Blue - $300
[ ] Pink - $100
[ ] Other - $500

Total: 2500

Did you use a calculator to add it all up?
[ ] Yes $0
[ ] Nope-add $1000
[x] some- $750

Final Total: $3250

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/22356996/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/22356996/ Fri, 02 Jan 2009 15:25:21 PST
The song Far Away by Nickleback

In a nutshell...Basically Malick and I were on a break because we were on different levels...I was a lot younger, so I wasnt really ready for the sort of serious relationship he was. So he said we should wait until I was a little older before we got back together again. So I waited and waited and waited, and nothing ever really happened. I thought that he wasn't interested in me anymore, so I started looking for other guys. And I found one.

It's the most embarassing section of my life thus far. I really hate talking about it. But basically, this guy was a complete and total asshole. An embarassment to society. He really fucked with my head...I became VERY anti social, very bitter and I got into fights with almost everyone around me. I was not myself at all. During this time, he convinced me to stop talking to Malick, because he saw him as a threat. So, reluctantly, I did...for a few weeks. But then he showed up at my house, and I paniced. I didn't want him to be there, I didnt want him throwing a wrench into my already fucked up sense of perception. But secretly, farther down in my heart than I could have realized, I was glad to see him. We spent the rest of the day together, and were friends again. At one point he had told me that, if things didn't work out between me and my ball and chain, he would like to have another chance with me. I told him, "I don't think I could like you that way again."

Until a few months later, when I had gotten an email from Malick. I terribly misinterpreted it. I wasn't going to mention it to my current ball and chain, but through an accidental copy + paste mistake, he saw part of the message and started yelling at me to stop talking to him again.

So. I did.

It lasted a bit longer, but then I saw him at the New Years party my friends always have. (Current ball and chain was not there, because he lived in a different state). I didn't ignore him..I talked to him a little, aknowledged him, etc. But he ended up leaving (for unrelated reasons). That night I ended up making out with someone else, and he was also in a relationship. After that, I had been thinking about Ball and Chain, and I started coming to my senses. For the next month, I tried breaking up with him. But I was manipulated. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I don't know why. That "relationship" was a poison. It nearly killed who I was. A month later, I pulled the final plug. I sat and listened as he called me a whore, a slut, how I wasn't worth anything, how I had no heart, how the only thing guys would ever want from me would be my body, that's all I was worth anyway. This went on for about an hour. Then finally it was over.

About 5 or 6 months later, the New Years group of friends was having our annual Leo Party. A conjoined birthday party for the 4 or so Leo's that we had in the group, Malick and I included. It started on the 1st of August, and went til the 4th. It took place at Malicks apartment, down in CO Springs. I arrived early on the 1st, because he needed help preparing another table, as 3 others were bringing their computers with them. After my grandma left, it was just me and Malick. And I was comfortable..he didn't mention my ex ball and chain, or anything. He just...things seemed like they were normal again.

Before this time, I had been living in Oregon. I moved to Oregon July 18th, 2007, an moved back July 27th, 2008, with frequent visits to Denver in between. I had seen Malick only a handful of times. I suppose that, after being away from him for so long, physically and mentally, when I saw him again, all my emotions from before, all the way back to 7th and 8th grade, when I fell in love with hm for the first time, came back. So I was closer to him..I would massage his head, follow him around like a lost puppy, sit by him, help him with everything. I was attatched.

That night, as everyone got settled in for sleep, I insisted that I be next to Malick. The lights were off, and everything was quiet. I was laying next to Malick, as I had hoped for. In the darkness, his hand found mine, and I held it. We played with each others fingers for a moment, before he moved closer. And I moved closer. He put an arm around me, and we kissed. He held me so, so tight, and he whispered to me "I love you. I have ALWAYS loved you..."

At the time, I was so afraid of what I was getting myself into. It happened so fast, so suddenly, I was terrified, scared out of my wits that I was going to hurt him yet again. I didn't want to do that. I didn't want to make a promise I couldn't keep. And so I kept silent and simply kissed him again.

I don't remember exactly, but it was a few days/weeks before I was able to say "I Love You" back, and truely mean it more than those words could tel... ]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/22356923/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/22356923/ Fri, 02 Jan 2009 15:20:35 PST

My Boyfriend

~Basic~
First Name::
Malick
Middle Name::
Laohu
Age::
23
Birthday::
August 19, 1985
Older or younger then you::
Older, obviously

~Appearance~
Eye color::
Dark brown
Hair color::
Jet black
Hair length::
Medium short
Skin tone::
Almost caramel..apache :3
heigth::
5'6.5-7"
clothes Style::
Casual
Taller or shorter then you::
Shorter. But not by much! ^^ And I don't really care.

~You and Him~
When did you first meet him (not date him)::
Oh, God...like..halfway through 7th grade. (I'm a senior now).
Where did you first meet him::
School
When did you start dating::
Oh, ffs...I think about either halfway through or towards the end of my 8th grade year. We were on and off for like 2 months, then we were on a break or something and I 'moved on' kinda. Stayed friends and all. But then my spark reignited at one of our parties, on August 1st 2008.
How long ago was this::
First time: Years ago. Second time: 5 months ago.
Where were you when you started dating::
First: At home. Second: At his apt..XD
Who asked who out::
Well, the first time he asked me...and the second time, no one really asked. I kind of..started it, though. I was being more physically fliratious than usual, and that night we kissed. So...*shrug*
Were you scared or excited about dating him::
Scared, at first. I had hurt him a LOT in the past, and I didn't want to do it again. But now, I'm just unbelievably happy :3
Did your first kiss happen before or after you started dating::
First time: After. Second: Uh..before, I guess.
How l... ]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/21939871/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/21939871/ Thu, 11 Dec 2008 22:34:05 PST
is one of the most beautiful things I have ever heard in my life....




[link]


...

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/21849286/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/21849286/ Sat, 06 Dec 2008 14:13:43 PST [ ] during the summer the only shoes i wear are flip flops
[ ] my favorite toys as a child were Barbies
[ ] my favorite color is pink or purple
[ ] I did Gymnastics
[ ] I love skirts
[ ] Hollister is one of my favorite places to shop
[ ] tight jeans are the only jeans I'll wear
[x] I love chocolate (who doesnt?)
[ ] I've never had a real job
[ ] my hair is almost always straightened
[x] I have at least 8 myspace facebook pictures
[ ] I usually go shopping once a week
[x] I love to hang out at the mall downtown with friends
[x] I have a real diamond ring or diamond necklace or earings (I have diamonds IN my ring...does that count? >.> )
[ ] I've gone to a tanning salon
[x] I've gone to the beach to tan - not to swim(I hate cold water, and I hate open water, and I hate salt water...)
[ ] I have at least 10 pairs of shoes
[ ] I watch either the OC or Laguna Beach
[ ] I change my icon weekly
[ ] I wear a shower cap
[ ] I dont shop at Hot Topic (Dude, all my fucking clothes are from Hot Topic)
[x] my cell phone might as well become a part of me (I'm seeing if I can get it surgically attatched)
[ ] I wear mascara everyday
[ ] I've been or am on a diet
[ ] bathing suits are adorable
[ ] I dont know the difference between a sheep and a goat.
[ ] big sunglasses are hot
[ ] I have gotten my nails done before
[ ] MTV is one of my favorite channels
[ ] all I want to do at sleepovers is talk about boys
[x] I love to have girls anyone do my hair
[x] I give and receive hugs from all my friends
[x] I hate bugs
[x] carnivals are so fun!
[ ] Summer is THE best season
[x] my swimsuit has 2 pieces (3 if you count the hip jewlery I wear with it...)
[ ] Im waiting for my knight in shining armor
[ ] musicians are so hot (The only time I've ever gone fan girl over a band was when I liked NSync...in 4th grade.)
[ ] you write me a poem and tell me I'm beautiful and I'm all yours
[ ] I am self-conscious
[ ] I cry often
[ ] my car smells like vanilla or cherry
[ ] my dishes get washed more than once a week
[x] I don't do sports
[ ] I HATE to run (I just run out of energy very easily...)
[x] I squeal when i am surprised or angry
[ ] I eat dried fruit as a snack
[x] I love romance novels (If by 'romance' you mean 'erotica'
[ ] Drew Barrymore is so cute
[x] I dance a lot. (Daft Punk FTW!)
[ ] usually spend an hour or over to get ready to leave my house
[ ] I only have like 5 billion hair products
[x] I love to get dressed up.(I can go from roug&tumble tomboy to elegant goddess in a matter of minutes)
[x] every part of my outfit needs to match (Color coding ftw!)
[ ] I talk on the phone at least once a day to my friends
[x] I would love to have a photo shoot (All I need is my own camera XD)
[ ] I apply lip stuff 50 times a day
[ ] I wish I were a model (Um, I LIKE my self respect, tyvm)
[ ] I wish I could meet Paris Hilton
[ ] I have been something that was semi (...semi...what?)
[ ] I own Uggs (Own what?)
[ ] Hip Hop is the best music
[ ] I pop my collar (I don't even have a collar to pop ;;>_> )
[x] I like to be the center of attention (Hell yeah, I'm the motherfuckin princess )
[] guys with Mohawks are crazy
[x] horses are beautiful
[x] I'd rather not pay attention in school (I'd really rather not be there at all)
[x] Cats are adorable
[ ] I write my own music
[x] I would love to visit Hawaii (Ladies, lock up your sons...and boyfriends...>:3 )
[x] Valentine's day is so cute!
[ ] white is better than black
[ ] I wouldn't be caught dead in all black (Um, hi, have you SEEN the clothes I wear?)
[x] my closet is STOCK FULL of clothes (funnily enough. ~.~)
[ ] hate the grunge look (the who?)
[ ] I love to read magazines
[x] I love to gossip (Depends what about, really)
[x] I had Lisa Frank folders/posters/notebooks as a kid (I LOVED Lisa Frank! >w<~!)
[ ] I love Celine Dion
[x] my bubble baths are 1-2hrs long
[x] My wedding only needs a groom because it's already planned (kind of...about 3 years ago, I....well....it's a long story...)
[ ] My friends and I are in a strict group. We mostly only hang out with each other.
[x] I like little kids (IF they are well behaved.)
[ ] Diet drinks are the best
[ ] I'm all about being vegetarian
[x] I refuse to eat at McDonalds
[x] I check my myspace everyday.
[x] I love life!
[x] I have a lot of jewlery!
[ ] my screen name(s) have x's in t... ]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/21817644/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/21817644/ Thu, 04 Dec 2008 15:13:48 PST [ ] gotten a phone taken away in class
[x] gotten suspended
[x] gotten caught chewing gum
[ ] gotten caught cheating on a test(It's not cheating if you don't get caught...)
Total so far: 3

[x] arrived late to class more than 5 times (lol Psychology...)
[x] didn't do homework over 5 times(You mean people actually do that shit?)
[x] turned at least 3 projects in late
[x] missed school just because you felt like it
[ ] laughed so loud you got kicked out of class
Total so far: 7

[x] got your mom, dad, etc to get you out of school (My mom is awesome...>w< )
[x] text people during class (Who doesn't?)
[x] passed notes(Before I could text XD)
[x] threw stuff across the room
[x] laughed at the teacher
Total so far: 12

[x] been in a fight at school, fist or verbal
[x] took pictures during school hours
[x] called someone during school hours
[x] listened to iPod, CD, etc during school hours
[x] skipped a class period
Total So Far: 17

[x] threw something at the teacher(hilarious)
[x] went outside the classroom without permission
[ ] broke the dress code (We don't really HAVE a dress code besides 'actually be dressed.' )
[x] failed a class (10th grade, straight F's. ~.~)
[x] ate food during class
Total So Far: 21

[x] gotten a call from school
[ ] couldn't go on a field trip cause you behaved badly
[x] didn't take your stuff to school
[x] given a teacher the finger when they weren't looking.
[x] curse during class/school
total so far: 25

[x] faked your parents signature
[x] slept in class
[x] cursed at your teacher (not to his face...)
[x] copied homework
[x] got in trouble with the principal-the vice principal (Vice. I punched a kid, but he deserved it....fucker.)
total: 30

multiply by 3...

90% fucked...hmmm...

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/21731800/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/21731800/ Sat, 29 Nov 2008 13:37:50 PST but I know that he's so much better now. He can run and jump and play with his old buddy Chinook. They were best friends, but he got super super sick and we had to put him down too a few years back.

But now they're back together and they're happy, and I'm happy.

But my grandma started looking for a new dog almost immediatly. I know she loved Cody to all ends of the earth, but she just needed a companion. Pilot is more my dog that he is hers. She found one today, and has already picked out a name and everything.

I don't mind her getting the dog, I'm just not ready for it. I wont throw a fit and lock myself in my room or anything, but I'm just...not going to bond with her nearly as well as I would.

it just takes me a longer time to cope with things than it does my grandma. I know she still loves Cody and misses him, but we're just so different. She needs another dog right away, where as I'd like to wait a few more months.


So, I dunno, guys. :/

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/21493735/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/21493735/ Fri, 14 Nov 2008 23:45:27 PST High school

I am listening to:
Nickelback

Maybe I should:
Sleep. I'm tired as fuck.

I wish:
I could move out & move in

Chocolate is:
delizzius :3

I have lost my respect for:
I think a shorter list is what I still HAVE respect for...

I last ate:
egg nog..does that count? A Burger?

The meaning of my display name is:
That I'm a horny bitch. (Yet still a virgin. Logic flaw?)

Someday:
I'll have something to be proud of.

I will always remember:
The people that made life worth living

Love is:
undescribable

MySpace is:
bullshit

Today:
Is friday. Praise th'LAWD!

Tomorrow:
will be awesome >w< Haru-chan~!

Party:
Yes plz :3


QUESTIONS:

Is your cell phone beside you?
yep. Always.

Are you wearing chap stick?
Yep.Burts bees.

Are you tired?
VERY. Omg I'm gonna pass out within the next HOUR.

Are you wearing pajamas?
Yes. No. I'm not wearing anything. Does that count? (kidding. No...t yet...>.>

Are you mad?
Nope. Too delerious to be

Are you upset?
Er. No. >.>

Last beverage?
Egg nog!

Last phone call?
Maggie! >w< I LOVE MAGGIE.

Last time you cried?
Uhhh *thinks* A little bit ago. Few weeks, I think?

List 2 favorite colors:
Red, black >;3

THIS MONTH HAVE YOU:

Made a new friend?
I...uh..no. >.>?

Fallen out of love?
Nope! :B

Laughed until you almost cried?
YES. Baily. XD It's Baily's fault.

Met someone who changed your life?
Nope. That was 6 years ago.

Have you found out who your true friends and best friends were?
This month? No. In general? Yes.

Wallpaper on your cell phone?
Mah baby :3 Malick

What's the most interesting thing that happened to you today?
I woke up to snow...

What's your favorite number?
uhh...sex?

What is your current mood
Delerious

Last people you hung out with?
ISHY!!! I LOVE ISHY.

What color shirt are you wearing?
Black & white

Who's car were you in last?
My grandma's ~.~ NO! My grandPA's...

What color is your hair?
golden brown.

If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
Malick...in CO Springs T^T

When is your birthday?
August 3rd. LEO FTW.

How do you feel about your hair right now?
it needs a little brushing, but it's AWESOME. It's all wavy and sexy. Like *fwah!*

How is your life?
Better than most ^^

When is the last time you held hands with someone?
Wednesday ^^

You wake up as the opposite gender...what's the one thing you do?
Wank.

u_u

Who did you last hug?
Magg...Fran...Ishy? MAGGIE. It was Maggie. u_u

Have you ever crawled through a window?
Uhh...I don...owait. Yep.

What's a weapon to suit your personality, habits and abilities?
A staff. One end is a scythe, and the other is a sledgehammer. The scythe is on an endless chain that can be waved around like a whip, giving me full control. It can detatch in the middle and become two seperate weapons. Can you tell I've actually thought of this?

Where is your mom?
Oregon.

Morning or night person?
NIGHT. omg night. Morning should not exist unless you haven't gone to bed yet.

What is the last movie you watched?
007, Quantum of Solace

Any cool scars?
Yush :3 one between my left pinky & ring finger from when I got my hang caught in the lathe. It's a great story.

Things about the opposite sex that you first notice?
Face, hair, body, eyes, hands, neck, back, ass. u_u. THEN I get to know them, and thats where the personality judgements come in.

Who's your favorite person to drunk dial?
Uh. What if I don't drink?

Would you ever dye your hair red?
*looks at pics in gallery*


...

no. -.-

Last text says?
From Mama, about some book she is reading.

Whats your worst personality flaw?
Pride. Too much pride. ~.~

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/21491886/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/21491886/ Fri, 14 Nov 2008 20:45:41 PST week when I went to Iowa, but all my teachers knew about it. I told them each like 3 times.

I don't know what these absences are. I swear to God I have not ditched a single class this entire year. I almost ditched chem yesterday, and I've been tempted to ditch Environmental Science a few times, but I never did.

My grandfather asked me [in that authoratative raised voice] "Have you been ditching classes?" I told him no and pleaded my case, tho I didn't tell him about wanting to, but I did say that I honestly did not ditch a single class the whole year. He said, slightly more aggitated, "Well, that's not what it says here."

I put my hand over my heart and swore to God that I had not missed a single class. My grandfather didn't look at me. He turned and left. I said "I'm telling the truth!". No responce. "Do you believe me?" He closed the door.

>___< I may be slow but I'm not fucking stupid. I already feel like I'm not going to graduate with my class, why would I make it worse by ditching my last-chance-classes? I'm not that stupid.......though they probably wouldn't put it past me to do something like that ><;

This is aggrivating. I want to know where those absences came from!

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/21476517/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/21476517/ Thu, 13 Nov 2008 20:29:26 PST





Today is the day in which everyone should be writing the word "LOVE" on their arms. This is a movement which was started by TWLOHA, better known as To Write Love On Her Arms.

For anyone who has ever known someone who has attempted suicide or was successful, has ever thought about suicide, who has known someone who has injured themselves, if you have done so yourself, or wish for these atrosities to stop, write the word LOVE on your arms.

At some point in time, we all encounter suicide, depression, or self-mutilation. Whether it be personally, or through someone close to us. These things are not like poison ivy, where if you give it a few days it will go away.

Suicide, depression, and mutilation takes the person who is suffering from it, and the people around them, on a long, hard journey toward recovery, and self actualization. Having been a person who has experienced these things both through my personal experiences and from others around me throughout my life, I want to thank all of those who made the decision to stand by me when life was dark and were my eyes when I couldn't see.

In return, I ask that all of you, if you know someone who is struggling with these things, be there for them. Do not judge. It is a hard journey, but you WILL make a difference in their life if you decide to be a TRUE friend, and not someone who just sits on the sidelines when your friend needs you more than anything.

Write love on your arms.

You have all heard it before, but I'm going to state the facts about suicide, self-mutilation, and depression. These are, as stated, from TWLOHA.


121 million people worldwide suffer from depression
Between 20% and 50% of children and teens struggling with depression have a family history of this struggle and the offspring of depressed parents are more than three times as likely to suffer from depression
Depression often co-occurs with anxiety disorders and substance abuse, with 30 percent of teens with depression also developing a substance abuse problem
2/3 of those suffering from depression never seek treatment
Untreated depression is the number one cause of suicide
Self-injury is also termed self-mutilation, self-harm, or self-abuse. It can be defined as the deliberate, repetitive, impulsive, non-lethal harming of one’s self, including but not limited to: 1.) Cutting 2.) Burning 3.) Picking wounds and not allowing them to heal 4.) Punching/hitting oneself or objects 5.) Inserting objects into the skin 6.) Infecting onself 7.) Bruising even breaking bones 8.) Hair pulling
Experts estimate that 4% of the population struggle with self-injury. It has the same occurrence between males and females, even though in popular culture it can appear to be more prevalent among girls.
Self-injury, like many addictions, is often a coping mechanism to deal with some manner of internal pain, many who struggle with it also struggle with other issues such as eating disorders and alcohol and drug abuse. While self-injury may be someone’s way to cope with or relieve painful or hard-to-express feelings and is generally NOT a suicide attempt, relief is always temporary, and usually only perpetuates a destructive cycle that continues the struggle. This cycle often means that those who do not get help can become more depressed and shameful, adding to the pain and need for relief, thus perpetuating the cycle.
In the last 45 years suicide rates have increased by 60% worldwide. Suicide is now among the three leading causes of death among those aged 15-44 (male and female). Suicide attempts are up to 20 times more frequent than completed suicides.
Males are four times more likely to die from suicide than are females. However, females are more likely to attempt suicide than are males



Make a difference in someone's life.
Make a difference in your own.

If you are struggling, go here to find help [link]

And if you know someone who needs you, help them, no matter how irritating, heartbreaking, or hard it may be. They will thank you for the rest of their lives.

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/21323256/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/21323256/ Tue, 04 Nov 2008 17:44:59 PST


Have you ever had a sleep​over with a membe​r of the oppos​ite sex?
Several times XD Ahh, Forums parties <3<3<3<3

Relat​ionsh​ip statu​s:​ Singl​e,​ Taken​,​ Compl​icate​d?​
Taken >w<

Is your last ex still​ someo​ne you care about​?
Fuuuuuuuuuuuck no.

What was going​ throu​gh your mind durin​g your last kiss?​
"Please don't go..."

Have you ever kisse​d someo​ne whose​ name start​ed with a B?
No sir.

What'​s the bigge​st annoy​ance in your life right​ now?
School. ~.~

Is it easy for other​s to make you feel awkwa​rd?​
Not...really.>>

When was the last time you wante​d to punch​ someo​ne in?
Couple of weeks ago. Still do ~_~ Wish I had >_>

How many hours​ did you sleep​ last night​?​
Uhhm...*counts on fingers* 4-5. Methinks.

When will your next kiss be?
Depends when he's in town next. Probably this weekend ^_^

Do you belie​ve that you can chang​e for someo​ne?​
Nope. They're gonna like me for who I am, flaws and all. If they don't, they can suck it up or they can step.

Is there​ someo​ne you want to keep in your life?​
Oh aye, lots of people. ^^

Is there​ someo​ne you want out of your life for good?​
Eh...kinda...yea..

How old is your best frien​d?​
Hmm...18...17/18...and 23. XD

Are you happy​?​
Mmm...yeah, I'd say so ^^

Do you think​ you can love someo​ne witho​ut trust​ing them?​
No.

Where​ did you get your last bruis​e from?​
Heh heh heh heh. Define 'bruise' and THEN decide if you really wanna hear the story

Have you ever thoug​ht you were gonna​ die?
Uhh...I feel like I have a few times, but I don't remember them XD

How many TRUE frien​ds do you have that you can tell anyth​ing to?
One. Only one who I trust absolutely and completely with every thing.

What'​s one actio​n you do when you're reall​y nervo​us?​ ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/21114348/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/21114348/ Wed, 22 Oct 2008 17:09:33 PDT [x] You love hoodies
[x] You love jeans.
[ ] Dogs are better than cats. (I love them both equally XP)
[x] It’s hilarious when people get hurt.
[x] Shopping is torture
[x] Sad movies stink.
[x] You own a car racing game.
[x] You played with Hot Wheels cars as a kid.
[x] At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
[x] You owned a DS, PS2, N64,or Sega. (And an xbox and a gamecube and a computer and a...)
[x] You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers. (I was the red one for halloween one year)
[x] You have watched sports on TV (GO BRONCOS! Even tho they sucked ass this week)
[ ] Gory movies are cool. (Sorry, can't do em XD)
[ ] You go to your dad for advice. (Fuck no)
[ ] You own like a trillion baseball caps.
[ ] You used to collect hockey cards.
[x]Baggy sweats are cool to wear.
[ ]It’s kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
[x] Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
[x] You love to go crazy and not care what people think. (What makes this a guy specific thing?)
[x] Sports are fun
[x]You talk with food in your mouth.
[x]You sleep with your socks on at night.(If it's cold)
[x] You have fished at least once

—-YOUR GIRL SIDE—-
[ ] You love to shop. (HATE shopping)
[ ] You wear eyeliner
[ ] You wear the color pink.
[x] You go to your mom to talk.(Sometimes)
[ ] You consider cheerleading a sport.
[ ] You hate wearing the color black.
[ ] You like going to the mall. (eeeeew...)
[ ] You like getting manicures and/or pedicures
[x] You like wearing jewelry.
[ ] You cried watching The Notebook.
[ ]Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
[ ]Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
[ ] You don’t like the movie Star Wars
[ ] You are/were in gymnastics
[x-ish]It takes you around one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up but not always....(just to shower...it takes me like 5 minutes to get dressed, and I don't wear makeup)
[x]You smile a lot more than you should. (There's no such thing as smiling too much. What makes that a girly thing anyway?
[ ] You have more than 10 pairs of shoes. (2. 1 for everything except church, 1 for church)
[ ] You care about what you look like.
[ ] You like wearing dresses when you can.
[ ] You like wearing high heel shoes. (I LIKE my feet, thank you very much.)
[ ] You used to play with dolls as little kid. (They're called ACTION FIGURES)
[ ] You like putting make-up on others.
[x] You like being the star of everything. (I AM a fan of attention, I must admit.)
[ ] Pink is one of your favorite colors. (HIIISSS)

Appearance •

[ ] I am shorter than 5′5″.
[ ] I have many scars.
[ ] I tan/ burn easily.
[ ] I wish my hair was a different colour.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair colour.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[ ] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[ ] I’ve had/have braces.
[x] I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.
[ ] I have more than two piercings.
[ ] I have / had piercings in places besides my ears. (I want one on my belly button)


• Embarrassment •

[x] I’ve slipped out a “lol” in a spoken conversation. (on purpose, tho...)
[ ] Disney movies still make me cry. (Never have.)
[ ] I’ve snorted while laughing.
[ ] I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried. (I can't wait til I do, tho)
[x] I’ve glued my hand to something. (Ahh, middle school. The days of the Hot Glue Guns...)
[ ] I’ve laughed ’til some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
[ ] I’ve had my pants rip in public.

• Health •

[ ] I’ve gotten stitches.
[ ] Broken a bone.
[ ] I’ve had my tonsils removed
[x] I’ve sat in a doctor’s office with a friend.
[ ] I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
[ ] I’ve had serious surgery.
[x] I’ve had chicken pox.

• Traveling •

[x] I’ve driven / riden over 200 miles in one day.
[x] I’ve been on a plane.
[ ] I’ve been to Canada.
[ ] I’ve been to Cuba.
[ ] I’ve been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] I’ve been to Ottawa.
[ ] I’ve gone to Sudbury.
[ ] I’ve been to the Caribbean.
[x] I’ve been to Europe.
[x] I’ve been to Florida.

• Experiences •

[x] I’ve gotten lost in my city.
[x] I’ve seen a shooting star.
[x] I’ve wished on a shooting star.
[ ] I’ve seen a meteor shower.
[x] I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
[x] I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[x] I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts. (I'm just sad I didn't have my boots at the time.)
[ ] I’ve been to a casino.
[ ] I’ve been s... ]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/20572863/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/20572863/ Fri, 19 Sep 2008 17:50:25 PDT One.

2. Honestly, what color is your underwear?
*checks* Black with white flowers and lace :3

3. Honestly, what's on your mind?
The steak I smell cooking upstairs...mmmm...

4. Honestly, what are you doing right now?
Looking at shirts online, playing Fable, watching Firefly, texting...

6. Honestly, have you done something bad today?
Uhh...not that I'm aware of. But the day is young.

7. Honestly, do you watch Wild n' 0ut?
Who?

8. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?
*thinks*

...nope...can't say that I am.

9. Honestly, who makes you happy most of the time?
Lao >w<

11. Honestly, do you want to see someone this very minute?
Yes..T_T

12. Honestly, do you have a deep dark secret?
Uhhh...no. Not really. If do even I don't know it. O_O;

13. Honestly, when is the last time you have been to taco bell?
Uhh. August?

14. Honestly, are you mean?
Always.

16. Honestly, where would you rather be right now?
In CO Springs....

17. Honestly, do you like someone?
I wouldn't say 'like'. "Love' is more appropriate.

19. Honestly, what was the last thing someone said to you on the phone?
...uhh...*doesn't remember the last time she actually used the phone for anything besides text*

21. Honestly, have you gone out of your way to make a new friend?
Kind..of..? I talk with people every day, even if I don't know them. Does that count?

22. Honestly, do you shower?
NO. NEVER. ¬.¬ Yes I fucking shower.

24. Honestly, what's the worst thing you've done when you were mad?
Broke something, or told someone I couldn't wait til they/I left.

25. Honestly, ever made anyone cry when you were mad?
Yeah...;;>____>

26. Honestly, do you swear when you're mad?
Man, I swear when I'm NOT mad.

27. Honestly, when was the last time you REALLY cried your heart out?
Cried my heart out? Well I cried last week but I wasn't like...bawling. I don't remember.

28. Honestly, have you cried yourself to sleep?
Who hasn't?

29. Honestly, do you still cry when you get an injury?
Heheheh. Nah. I get excited. >:3

30. Honestly, do certain songs make you cry?
Eh. One song used to make me kinda sad but it didn't make me cry.

31. Honestly, do you like crying?
Kind of. It feels good, it's a good release.

32. Honestly, Are you normally a happy person?
I like to think so.

33. Honestly, who was your last text from?
Lao. ^w^

35. Honestly, do you believe in yourself?
Depends.

36. Honestly, Ever kissed anyone with the name starting with a B?
uhh....no.

37. Honestly, Are you watching TV?
Does internet TV count?

38. Honestly, Say you were given a drug test right now. Would you pass?
With flying colors. Flying cause they were HIGH. No, jk. I'd pass.

39. Honestly, Do you know anyone in jail/prison?
Uh. No. Don't think so. ;;>.>

40. Honestly, Do you like the color green?
Yup ^^

41. Honestly, Last restaurant you went to?
Aw man, Lao took me to this awesome italian place like last weekend. It was soo good.

42. Honestly, Last voicemail you received?
Uhhh...

43. Honestly, What did you do yesterday?
School...?

45. Honestly, Have you ever been on your school's track team?
Track sucks!

46. Honestly, Do you have any piercings?
Ears. I want a belly button piercing.

47. Honestly, If all of your friends were going on a road trip, would you?
Depends which friends where going and where.

48. Honestly, Do you swear at your parents?
HAH! They would have my head.

49. Honestly, Is your phone right beside you?
Yup. Right there.

50. Honestly, Have you cried today?
Nope ^^

51. Honestly, Who was the last person to come to your house?
Uh.M..Maxine?

52. Honestly, Is someone thinking about you right now?
I think so. >w<

53. Honestly, What kind of bedsheets do you have?
My grandmothers ~.~ They suck.

54. Honestly, Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yup.

56. Honestly, What do you spend most of your money on?
Food. ;;

57. Honestly, Do you have a tattoo?
No, but I want one. Well, two.

58. Honestly, Is there a secret you've never told any of your... ]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/20511678/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/20511678/ Mon, 15 Sep 2008 18:55:07 PDT ; Sorry I couldn't respond to them all. But I did read them! So thanks much ^^ I've been doing much better. Thanks to my lovey >w< Issohappy. I just had the best weekend evar. I am kinda sad tho, cause he wont be down next weekend I'll live, I just miss him like crazy ><; I guess I'm a little too clingy. All the same...thanks for all the support ^^ Luff j00 all!



]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/20415533/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/20415533/ Tue, 09 Sep 2008 22:47:56 PDT _< JSJHDFJKSHJKSDGVDJKKJS

Fuck school.

I feel like I'm being strangled. I'm crying myself to sleep almost every night, I need to start online classes but I can barely handle the full schedual I have right now. I have an essay due that I've no fucking clue how to write, I'm in fucking 9th grade math and still not understanding some of it, I feel like a fucking retard, like I don't know anything at all. For fucks sake, I can't even do shit right during my major. My first damn project of the year I already fucked up cause I got the fucking measurements wrong. I feel like I can't do a damn fucking thing right lately and it's driving me insane. I'm so scared for graduation, just thinknig about it makes me want to scream, cry, or both. I don't know if I'll make it on time, and if I do, what then? Will I even get into community college? My grades in 10th were so bad, I took the same fucking math class THRICE. They're gonna look at that and think that I'm some low life slacker who wont amount to the stick on a McDonalds floor. That's what my grandparents always used to tell me...they would ask me why I kept failing my classes, and I'd be so scared all I could tell them is 'I don't know.' I wasn't going to say 'Cause I don't do the fucking work' and risk being smacked across the room.

"I don't know, I don't know" They would mock. "Don't you know anything?! When you drop out of school and end up working at taco bell, you'll still just be saying 'I don't know, I don't know'."

I have little to no faith in myself. I know other people do, but...I just feel so damn useless. Even in Stagecraft...I'm the only fucking senior who's in the shop with the fuckin freshman. I was supposed to help out the set designers, but kept getting pulled into the shop. All of a fuckin sudden, one of the freshmen ends up being their assistant. I feel so worthless, like it doesn't matter if I'm there or not. Apparently they all consider me a 'new kid' since I wasn't there last year, which is just fucking bullshit. I'm gonna be in the @#$damn shop all fucking year while the fucking freshman get to go play with the rest of the seniors.

I feel like I don't matter at all. I'm just dead weight. They could replace me with some other brainless grunt who couldn't speak human language and it wouldn't make a @#$damn difference.

I'm falling behind in my lit class cause I don't understand a @#$damn thing. I'm constantly shown up by the freshman in my fucking math class, in which I'm the only senior. I'm altogether useless in stagecraft. If not for the credits, this year doesn't mean a @#$damn thing. I might as well not even be there.

I just feel so...hopeless.

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/20361419/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/20361419/ Sat, 06 Sep 2008 16:50:44 PDT _< First she dyed it the wrong color...orange-ish rather than red. So then I pointed to that brush thing they use to brush off the seats, and it was a really vibrant bright red. I pointed to it, she saw it, and I said "Something like that."

So then she dyes it maroon....? During that process she got dye all over my face. And then when she went to trim it, I told her I wanted a soft, gradual feathery-fray around my face, like a nice frame. She asked if I wanted bangs and I said no. So she gives me bangs, and then does the front in chunks rather than gradually. So it's feathery above my eye...by by nose...and at the bottom. And I'm like...what the fuck woman, did you not listen to me at ALL?

And then when she dyed the back, instead of going down and across the sides and bottom of the hair, she just went straight across, so it looks like I bunched up my hair and dipped it in dark red paint.

>_____<

It doesn't look bad. On anyone else it would look cool. But it's not what I asked for at. all. She completely got it wrong, in every way.

So I'm just gonna go back to having my friends mom do it. She charges a little more I think but at least she fucking did it right.

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/20192326/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/20192326/ Wed, 27 Aug 2008 20:54:56 PDT No matter how crazy, inappropriate, or random they are.
I will answer 100% truthfully. (or as close to the truth as I can)

Now here's the dare:
Put this in your journal and see what other people will ask you.

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/20152769/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/20152769/ Mon, 25 Aug 2008 16:55:00 PDT I don't really know how to tell you this, but you're a pervert. I think I realized it when I saw the shrunken head under the bus and I saw you sit on my best friend. I'm sure you're scarred enough to understand how awful I've felt. I'm returning your darth vader poster to you, but I'll keep my virginity as a memory. You should also know that I told in my confession today about my eggplant-fetishism.
You everlasting enemy,
Gabrielle





....JAY-KAY! Jk jk XD I luff you. Iz da letter meme!




Rules: Do the "Letter MEME". Tag no less than 5 other people, and leave them a comment, informing them that they have been tagged. Then copy the "How-to" Letter Meme, and finish your Journal entry.

-> How you do the Letter Meme:

Dear (the last person who left a comment on your last Journal).
I don't really know how to tell you this, but ___1___. I think I realized it ___2___ ___3___ and I saw you ___4___ ___5___. I'm sure you're ___6___ enough to understand ___7___. I'm returning ___8___ to you, but I'll keep ___9___ as a memory. You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___.
___12___,
-Your name-


1. What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I'm joining the monastery
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn't match
Grey - You're a pervert
Yellow - I'm selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're a loser
Other - I'm in love with your sister


2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - When you shoved me in a fed-ex box
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the shrunken head
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes


3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women's clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
None of the above - With George Bush and his wife


4. What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive out


5. What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United's goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk


6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs - Man
O.C. - Emotional
One Tree Hill - Open
Heroes - Frostbitten
Lost - High
House - Scarred
Simpsons - Cowardly
The news - Mongolic
Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Senile
Top Model - Middle-class
None of the above - Ashamed


7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I've felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn't exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we're cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this.
Nervous - The middle-east
Worried - That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I had a sex-change
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous - That I'm open
Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks


8. What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader-poster
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your memories from the military service


9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F - Your neighbour Martin
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of your blood-s... ]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/19709625/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/19709625/ Thu, 31 Jul 2008 23:19:22 PDT "GBI"...'HOld it! It's the GBI!"

2. Are you single?
Damn right!.....no..

3. Whats your favorite number[s]?
I HATE THIS QUESTION.

4. Whats your favorite color[s]?
Red, Blue, Green, Black, silver

5. Least favorite color[s]?
Yellow, Orange, Pink.

6. What are you listening to?
A moooovie.

7. Are you happy with your life right now?
Fairly.

8. Are you involved with anyone?
No.

9. What was/is your favorite subject in school?
Social Studies. History, geography, etc.

10. Do you shop at hollister/abercrombie?
FUCK.
NO.

13. Are you outgoing?
Very >: )

15. Where do you wish you were right now?
in CO springs.

16. Do you know someone named Casey?
lolwut? Yeah...used to.

17. Do you know anyone named Dave?
I do.

18. Ever kissed anyone with a name starting with j?
Heh. Yerp.

19. Do you have any siblings?
1 older sister.

20. Do you look alike?
HAH. We're like complete opposites.

21. What color are the walls in your bedroom?
Green..I'ma change em tho. To Red n Black.

22. Who did you see in person today?
Mike & Ashly.

24. Are you a heavy sleeper?
Depends on the bed.

25. who did you last hug?
....Lao? Haru? No..Shiloh!

26. Are you taller than 5'3"?
Yup. ^w^

27. Eaten a bug before?
I think I ate an ant once....

28. Ever see a dead body other than at a funeral?
Does TV count?

29. Do you like the color green?
See above.

30. Who was the last person to send you a text message?
Lao.

31. Who did you last call?
UYhh...*checks.* MAMA!
32. Ever drove into the ghetto to buy drugs?
...

oh yeah, man, all the time. Being the cocaine addict that I am.

33. Last restaurant you went to?
The Old Mill. My theo Phisili's resteraunt :3

34. What made you smile today?
My friends

35. What did you do yesterday?
Worked....

36. What's the first thing you would do with a million dollars?
Cry.
And then buy car, cintiq, new mp3 player, 360, games, furniture for my room, and then donae the rest to charity. No, that's a lie. I'm a selfish, greedy prick.

37. How many hours did you sleep for last night?
Bout 9. WAS NOT ENOUGH.

38. Last time you were sick?
Tuesday morning at 2:30 AM!

39. Who’s the last person that you felt was stalking you?
Uhhhh....

40. Do you like your school?
SO MUCH!

41. What jewelery are you wearing?
some earrings, a necklace, and the ring I always wear.

42. Anything fun happen today?
XD oh man, you don't even KNOW.

43. Anything bad happen today?
Um...not really.

44. Do you wanna fight anyone?
Sometimes.

45. What's the last thing you bought?
Uhhh..pizza?

46. Have you cried today?
Nope!

47. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
HAH. Right. Not likely.

48. Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off?
Yep.

49. What is the color of your bedsheets?
White...-__-

50. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yep.

52. Do you like to draw?
Yep ^^

54. What should you be doing right now?
Sleeping...or packing.

55. Do you have a tattoo?
No

57. Is there a secret you've never told your best friend?
Um. I think so.

58. Have you ever told someone you hated them?
Not that I remember.

59. Have you ever changed your clothes in the car?
Uhhhh...no

60. What are you doing in 2008?
*looks around*

...n..nothing...?

61. What is your ringtone?
BEETLEJUICE!

62. What were you doing at 2am last night?
Sleeping...

63. What are you doing tomorrow?
Getting my hair done and going to CO Springs.

64. Who did you last message on Myspace?
Myspace SUCKS.

65. Does it annoy you when someone says they'll call but never do?
I generally hate talking on the phone, but yes.

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/19709396/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/19709396/ Thu, 31 Jul 2008 22:59:31 PDT ~I like to think so no, not really. Far from it.

2. Tall?
~Kin...da?

3. In your pajamas?
Yush. >w<

4. Left handed?
I wish. No, I really do.

LAST:

1. Friend you saw:
Uhh...Ma..no...yeah, Marisol.

2. Talked to on the phone:
Cipriano!

3. Person to text you:
Um. Ashly, I think. No, Lao.

4. Was today better than yesterday?
Yeah. Yesterday I had to work with Charlie, and he's kind of an asshole.

FAVORITES:

1. Number:
uhm...3? 6!...42? I know this one...

2. Color(s):
Red, Blue, Green, Black, Silver.

3. Fruit:
Apples! No, grapes! NO WAIT! Oranges!

4. Places:
Park/nature place, on a rooftop at night

QUESTIONS & ANSWERS:

Q: What was the first thing you did this morning when you got up?
A: "UUUGH, it's morning already? T___T"

Q: Do you have anything bothering you?
A: I have to go to bed soon...T_T

Q: What's the last movie you saw?
A: In the theater? THE DARK NIGHT. On TV? Batman Begins...lol

Q: Where is the last place you went?
A: Work...~.~

Q. Do you smile a lot?
A: All the time!

Q: Do you wish upon stars?
A: Not much anymore.

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: Very :3

Q: Where did you sleep last night?
A: in your MOMS BED ALOLOLOLOLOLOL......sorry...;;>_>

Q: When was the last time you cried?
A: Uhhhmm...I think...like 3 or 4 days ago.

Q: What was your last thought before going to sleep last night?
A: Uhhh...Hell, I don't remember.

Q: Rate life as of right now one being bad ten being great?
A: hmm...9. ^^

Q: What do you hear right now?
A: the preview for SONS OF ANARCHY (*dun dun duuuunnnnn*)

Q: Does anything hurt right now?
A: Ueh...not really.

Q: What's your favorite month ?
A: Hmmm...October. ^w^

Q: What did you do last night?
A: Played WoW...slept...;;>.>

EIGHT EMOTIONS:

1. Are you missing someone right now:
A: Not really.

2. Are you happy?:
A: For the most part.

3. Are you sad?:
A: Just a lil'.

4. Are you bored?:
A: Kinda sorta.

6. Are you nervous?:
A: YES OMG D:

8. Are you tired?:
A: Yeah...

ABOUT YOU:

001. Real name?
Grab-I-elle, as Mama calls me ^w^

002. Nick names?
Gabby, Brii, Tsuki, Special Mouse, Baka, uhm..I think I'm missing one.

003. Eye color?
It changes...grey/blue/geen

004. Zodiac sign?
LEOFTW >:3

005. Male or female?
I've got a uterus that could kick your ass all over the place.

008. Slut?
only according to some...>: )

009. Smart?
Can be.

010. Hair color?
Brown w/red tips.

011. Long or short?
Long ^^

013. Sweats or Jeans?
Hmm..Depends on the situation.

014. Phone or Camera?
Camera.

016. Drink or Smoke?
Niether ^^

020. Tattoos?
Not a one.

021. Righty or lefty?
Righty. (didn't I answer that question earlier?)

FIRSTS:

024. First best friend?
Carrie...forget her last name.

025. First crush?
Ian Bartholomew.

027. First pet?
Argus/Grey Grey/Azland

028. First big vacation?
I..owa...? Or Montana...?

CURRENTLY:

049. Eating?
Nope. But I CAN BE

050. Drinking?
Vitamin water..

052. I'm about to:
play WoW

053. Listening to?
Sappy love music in Batman.

054. Plans for today?
Today is almost over...tomorrow...IM GOIN TO CO SPRINGS!

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE PREFERRED SEX?

070. Shorter or taller?
TALLER PLEASE OMG T____________T

072. Romantic or spontaneous?
Spontaneously romantic

074. Sensitive or loud?
Loud when we're in a group, sensitive when we're....alone....

075. Hook-up or relationship?
...feh, hook up. Relationships are over rated.

HAVE YOU EVER:

079. Drank bubbles?
O_O; no...

080. Lost glasses/contacts?
Course.

081. Ran away from home?
No.

084. Broken some... ]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/19633776/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/19633776/ Mon, 28 Jul 2008 01:22:28 PDT

I'm back in Denver with my grandparents. We've already gotten into 3 fights, and the 4th night I'm ripping out my hair and grinding my teeth in frustration. I can't stand it here. They're SO high strung and conventional, and I'm so...not. It's always my fault if my grandpa stays up too late or if I get home later than usual. Because obviously I have complete and total control over every one else's decisions and dictate what they do and when. Because I never "plan ahead" like a good responsible 17 year old should do. Because I'm the troublemaking bothersome teen who rebels against their parents in meer spite of they're existance.

I miss mom! I miss how she would respect me and trust me, and know that I'm always with who I say I'm with, doing what I say I'm doing. And even if I don't know when I'll be home, she knows that I'll return at some point, and that I would call if something went wrong. I wouldn't betray her or lie to her or keep her in the dark. And I wouldn't do that for my grandparents either. I just want the respect and trust that mom showed me. I haven't done anything to not deserve it. Well, in their eyes I have.

I just...GAR D:< Already I'm going insane. I want to climb out my window and leave, I hate every room in this house. I can't even find comfort in my own room. There is no where here where I feel solitude and comfort. I always feel like I can be heard and observed. I have no privacy, no place of my own.

I want to leave!!! I can't stand a-whole-nother year here! I'll go INSANE. Only the fourth night and I'm already trying to think of places I can go AWAY from here. This doesn't feel like a home and it hasn't for a long, long time.

I need to get out of here. Badly.

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/19530618/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/19530618/ Tue, 22 Jul 2008 04:24:07 PDT
So, dibs on Zuko.






;;>.>

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/19520809/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/19520809/ Mon, 21 Jul 2008 15:04:14 PDT

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY?" YOU SAY?
There's a Reason These Tables Are Numbered, Honey, You Just Haven't Thought of it Yet.
(~Panic! At the Disco)

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Stricken
(~Disturbed)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Accidentally In Love (O_o)
(~Smash Mouth)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Dead Gardens
(~Nightwish)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Assassin
(~Muse)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Harder Better Faster Stronger (Hell yea)
(~Daft Punk)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Fantasmic (Heheh. I know, I'm freaking fabulous)
(~Nightwish)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Wild Child (LOL! So true.)
(~Enya)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN?
Vampire Heart
(~Him)

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Time is Running Out
(~Muse)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
I Constantly Thank God For Esteban (...erm? ;;>_> )
(~Panic! At The Disco)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Twin (...but I don't like anyone...)
(~Muse)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
That Green Gentleman (True, actually)
(~Panic! At the Disco)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Psycho (XD!! I'm well on my way)
(~Disturbed)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Romanticide (LOL!)
(~Nightwish)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Evening Falls (^w^ pretty song!)
(~Enya)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Dead To The World (LOL! XD)
(~Nightwish)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Chop Suey!
(~System of a Down)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Nightvision
(~Daft Punk)

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/19336167/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/19336167/ Fri, 11 Jul 2008 13:50:56 PDT want to stay in contact. That's not to say that everyone should love me forever, but just that an established mutual friendship would last more than a few separated months. After all, 'true friendship is not being inseparable. It's being separated and nothing changes.'
Perhaps I haven't gotten to know everyone here quiet well enough to build a close enough bond as I have with the people in Denver. I feel like I haven't really 'left my mark.'


For those of you who don't know, between my 9th and 10th grade years, I had a summers internship at the Aurora Fox Theater in Colorado for about 3 months. (A production theater.) I hit the ground running, being accepted for the internship 2 years younger than the standard requirement. I continued to impress them with my knowledge, the fact that they would give me a job and I would do it, they wouldn't have to explain the process or how to use a power drill. I left there with 2 letters of recommendation, and a looming possibility of being welcomed back with open arms for a paid position once I came of age.

I came of age.

I got a call from Mike, my boss, a few months ago, asking if I was still interested in a job. I, of course, was.

This morning, I got another call from Mike. It was probably the best phone call of my life so far.

"Me: Hello?
Mike: BRII! When are you coming home? D:
Me: *chuckle* In about a week, actually. The 18th."
Mike: Oh, good. I've been telling all the interns here about how much of a total badass you are, and how you're going to kill them all when you get back.
Me: *laughter* Awww, Mike! You flatter me!
Mike: *also laughter* Yeah, they're already afraid of you.
Me: I couldn't ask for more "



It seems that I leave much more of a mark than I originally thought. >:]

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/19258419/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/19258419/ Mon, 07 Jul 2008 16:22:59 PDT w<

LOVE THIS MOVIE. I saw it two days in a row. If anyone hasn't seen it yet, go, RIGHT NAO. It's...fucking amazing. Will Smith is SUCH A GOOD ACTOR!!!!

The way he can change his emotions in under 5 seconds, is just...there's this one scene where it shows him, and his eyes a bright and happy and he's kind of smiling...shows another person..goes back to him and the look in his eyes is just TRAGIC. The expression alone made me want to cry.

He also has a really nice ass.

And like, there's sooo many parts where all my heartstrings were nearly ripped from my chest. And it's also funny, and cute, and just like...

GAH. I LOVE THIS MOVIE.


I'm also WAY super pyched for The Dark Night. I keep watching the preview and every time I do I just want to like...run around and jump off of/over things. It looks SO BADASS. And the Joker is just awesome. His makeup is soooo good, and Heath Ledger is just...he does it perfectly.

SAHKDJHDJFGSD. DO WANT DO WANT.

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/19213409/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/19213409/ Sat, 05 Jul 2008 04:39:05 PDT _<. I'm depressed. You can totally skip right the fuck over this and I wont give a damn. I just need to rant.

I miss Joe. We were really, really good friends for a while. I wont say 'a long time', cause we'd only known each other a few months, but we'd hang out a lot and always have a lot of fun.

About a month or so ago he stopped hanging out with me, and talking to me altogether. I asked him why, and he said that we just kind of fell out of hanging out with each other, that we hung out a bunch and he needed a break, got distracted and hung with other people instead. Which is fine, I totally understand. I need breaks from people too. I'm just sad that..he doesn't really seem to miss me at all. He talked to me again, though, about a week ago. For a few minutes. I was so excited. I haven't heard from him since, though. I asked if we could hang out, and he said 'sure'. Whether he really wants to or not, I can't help but get my hopes up. I know right now he's in Mexico, so that's totally reasonable. I just hope he gets back before I leave...

...in two weeks. I'm...not scared, not nervous, just...I don't know. I'm gonna miss everyone here so fucking much. I mean, I'll be so glad to see all my Denver friends again, but there are so many friendships here that were...ARE great..Marcus, Aaron, Briget, Joe, Coe, Emmett...and so many that had potential...Jeff, Andrew, Michael, Belle, Spin, Sam, Warren, Baily...What makes me sad about these wasted potentials is I doubt they'll miss me as much as I miss them. I hardly know them at all, but they seem like such fun people...I wish I had gotten to know them. :/

It's not quite the same as when I left Denver. When I left Denver, I was coming back. I had known everyone there for years. Here...well, I'll definitely be coming back fa sho, but...I don't know..>__< fucking depression.

It just leaks out sometimes, for no good reason at all. I've barely eaten anything the past few days. I mean, I HAVE eaten, but not as much as I probably should. I have no appetite. I hardly slept at all last night, and not cause I was on a couch. I usually slip right into a coma, bed couch or floor. And tonight I've been awake 3 hours past when I usually sleep. I'm afraid to sleep. Not that I could. But I feel that as soon as I slip under my sheets I'm going to start crying. And that's REALLY embarrassing to admit >_< I hate crying.

I just couldn't keep it in this time. As always, you don't have to comment or anything. I just needed to spill. I hate spilling. >_<.

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/19038559/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/19038559/ Wed, 25 Jun 2008 12:29:58 PDT
Anyways, on with the madness;

What's your ring tone?
~The best freaking ring tone EVER. The Beetlejuice Theme >w<

Have you ever dated someone longer than a year, if so who?
~*sigh*. YES, and it was my worst fucking relationship ever >_<;

Where are you right now?
~At home..;;>_>

Did you go anywhere today?
~Not yet, I just woke up.

Did you do anything last night?
~Ehh. No. Not really. Watched Firefly with Mum! : D

When was the last time you cried?
Uhh..Saturday, I think?

Ever liked someone who treated you like crap?
~Eh heh, see above ~.~ Worst ever, man, don't know why I was with him for so damn long.

What is the latest you've stayed up in the past week?
~8:30 AM. Took a nap and woke up at 1.

What is the last thing you said aloud?
~'Son of a bitch'.

Who's the 1st person on your missed calls list?
~Mama :3

Plans for tomorrow?
~Make it up as I go?

Story behind your MySpace song?
~Don't got a Myspace, friend.

What's bothering you right now?
~A good friend of mine stopped hanging out with me about a month ago. I miss him : /

Wallet?
~Black leather with the Death Proof logo on one side, and a chain :3

What is your Favorite color?
~Red

Background on your cell phone?
~A weirdly contrasted picture of un-bloomed poppies.

Jewelery worn daily?
~My ring (significant/sentimental value), and a necklace with a dragon pendant (no meaning, but it's a damn cool necklace.)

Eyes:
~Blueish grey.

Life:
~is life. Relatively calm, relaxing, enjoyable, hectic, stressful, confusing, aggravating, exhausting, etc etc.

House:
~Adorable :3 I love our little apartment.

WHAT ARE YOU...

Doing this weekend?
~Not a friggin clue. Whatever I want, I s' pose.

Wearing?
~Perv...my pj's XP Grey plaid pants (WITH POCKETS! : D) and... ]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/18975367/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/18975367/ Sat, 21 Jun 2008 23:46:45 PDT
]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/18932473/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/18932473/ Thu, 19 Jun 2008 14:55:21 PDT
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Who was the last person you went to the movies with?
~Emmett

Single or Taken?
~Single and LOVIN IT

Siblings?
~1 Older sister
~1 set of younger twins >w< (boy & girl)
~1 Sister-like-friend
~1 Brother-like-friend

Eye color?
~Blue/Grey

Shoe size?
~Mens: 11
~Womens: 12-13 (luff mah big feet >w< )

Height?
5'9"

What are you wearing right now?
~Ohh, you pervert Blue jeans and a white tank top that says 'I'm not A bitch, I'm THE Bitch, and it's Miss Bitch to you.'

***FAVORITES***

Kind of pants:
~Big fuck-off baggy pants (with chains )

Number:
~Er..uhm...8? ;;>>

Animal:
~(In no particular order) Shark, Bald Eagle, Wolf, Bear, Cheetah, Tiger

Drink(non alcoholic):
~Hmm...Sierra Mist, Juice, Smoothies, Milk-shakes

Drink(ALCOHOLIC):
~I wouldn't know XP

Sport:
Parkour (it's a fucking sport, dammit)

Month:
~August & October

Juice:
~Hmm..prooobably apple. u_u

Favorite cartoon/anime character:
~Gir, Scar, Ryuuk!!!!, The Beast

***HAVE YOU EVER...?***

Given anyone a bath?
~Um...do animals count?

Bungee Jumped?
No, but want to SO BAD. x_x

Made yourself throw-up?
~Once when I was younger. Had a wretched stomach ache and my grandma told me to throw up. So I stuck my finger down my throat and up it came. Felt a lot better, tell you what.

Gone skinny dipping?
~No ;;>__> Don't plan to...unless it's my own private pool.

Eaten a dog?
~O____________O.....;____________;....;^;...T______T

http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/18811574/ Fri, 13 Jun 2008 16:46:34 PDT RIGHT NOW and go rent and watch it. Seriously. I'm not kidding. Go. Right now.

....[Edit at bottom]

Welcome back. Okay, so, moving on. For those of you cool peeps out there who have seen it, you know that when V meets Evee, his introductory monologue is a characteristic rant with words that start with the letter V.

Just as a note, it's not just gibberish. It actually means something. But I don't care enough to explain right now. What I've brought you fine readers here for, is to tell you that I've had it memorized for the past few years, and tonight I decided to take it to the next level.

I wrote it...

...in 1337. Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

\/0!14, !|\| \/!3\/\/, 4 |-||_||\/|813 \/4|_||)3\/!11!4|\| \/373R4|\|, (457 \/!(|-|4R!0|_|51Y 45 807|-| \/!(7!|\/| & \/!114!|\| 8Y 73|-| \/!(!55!7|_||)35 0|= |=473. 7|-|!5 \/!5463, |\|0 |\/|3R3 \/3|\|!3r 0|= \/4|\|!7y, !5 4 \/357!63 70 73|-| \/0x P0P|_|1!, |\|0\/\/ \/4(4|\|7, \/4|\|15|-|3|). |-|0\/\/3\/3R, 7|-|!5 \/413R0|_|5 \/!5!747!0|\| 0|= 4 8Y-60|\|3 \/3><47!0|\|, 574|\||)5 \/!\/!|=!3|), & |-|45 \/0\/\/3|) 2 \/4|\|Q|_|!5|-| 7|-|353 \/3|\|41 & \/3R|_|13|\|7 \/3R|\/|!|\|, \/4|\|6|_|4R|)!|\|6 \/!(3 & \/0|_|(|-|354|= |=!|\|6 73|-| \/!013|\|71Y \/!(!0|_|5 & \/0R47!0|_|5 \/!0147!0|\| 0|= \/01!7!0|\|! 73|-| 0|\|1Y \/3R|)!(7 !5 \/3|\|64|\|(3 !5 \/3|\|64|\|(3, 4 \/3|\||)3774, |-|31|) 45 4 \/07!\/3 |\|07 !|\| \/4!|\|, |=0R 73|-| \/41|_|3 & \/3R4(!7Y 0|= 5|_|(|-| 5|-|411 0|\|3 |)4Y \/!|\||)!(473 73|-| \/!6!l4|\|7 & 73|-| \/!R7|_|0|_|5. \/3R!1Y 7|-|!5 \/!(|-|Y550!53 0|= \/3R8!463 \/33R5 |\/|057 \/3R8053, 50 137 |\/|3 4|)|) 7|-|47 !7 !5 |\/|Y \/3RY 600|) |-|0|\|0R 2 |\/|337 Y0|_| & Y0|_| |\/|4Y (411 |\/|3 \/.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh yeah. You WISH you were as cool as me.

EDIT: Also, I was gonna make this a deviation, but I didn't want to get Ka-Banned for posting copyright shit or whatever. So nyah.


EDIT EDIT:

I has been tagged.

Here are the rules: IT'S BAD TO BREAK RULES! Rules were meant to be broken.
1. Each person tagged must post 8 random facts about themselves.
2. Tags should write a journal/ blog of these facts.
3. At the end of the post 8 more persons are tagged and named
4. Go to their page and leave a comment telling them they're tagged. Or just sit there and be lazy.


1. I'm pigeon toed.
2. I'm addicted to Gummy Bears
3. I don't need my titanium toed boots to kick some ass.
4. I don't do 'small', in any way.
5. I plan to become the Next Gen. MacGuyver.
6. I'm terrified of birds.
7. I act drunk when I'm tired.
8. I reeeaaaallly wanna learn how to play the drums.

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/18792362/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/18792362/ Wed, 11 Jun 2008 21:14:05 PDT
Moving right along;

1. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME (mother's & father's middle names)

Michelle Peter

2. NASCAR NAME: (first name of your mother's dad, father's dad)

Thomas Chuck...(sounds like a redneck name...oh wait, it's for nascar. Perfect!)

3. STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name)

Nicga (O_o oh dear, that's borderline inappropriate.)

4. DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)

Red Wolf (yesssss...)

5. SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)

Michelle Burlington (Not my actual middle name. No one knows what my middle name is >w<

6. SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd fav color, fav drink, add "THE" to the beginning)

"THE" Green Monster. (It's just a coincidence that the Monster label is green. I swear.)

7. FLY NAME: (first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name)

Gaas. (oh yeah, you wish your name was as cool as that.)

8. GANGSTA NAME: (fav ice cream flavor, fav cookie)

Chocolate Oreo...(HA! I CUT'CHOO BITCH! All shall ph34r teh Chocolate Oreo...)

9. ROCK STAR NAME: (current pets name, current street name)

Pilot Adams. (Not bad...)

10. STRIPPER NAME: (name of your fav perfume/cologne, fav candy)

Juicy Couture Gummy Bear...(oh yeah, that's hot.)

11. PORN NAME: (1st pet, street you grew up on)

Azland Poplar. (that sounds like a dudes name...)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, yeah, I just got back from a hike. My legs feel like noodles. Made of lead. And cement. I'm gonna go die now, k?

kthxbai

HURGH.......bleeeeeeeeggggggghhhhhhh

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/18723438/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/18723438/ Sun, 08 Jun 2008 01:06:07 PDT
[ ] I am shorter than 5'4.
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[ ] I have many scars.
[ ] I tan easily
[ ] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[ ] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[ ] I have/I've had braces.
[ ] I wear glasses
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[ ] I have more than 2 piercing.
[ ] I have piercing in places besides my ears.
[ ] I have freckles.

Family/Home Life
[ ] I've sworn at my parents.
[ ] I've run away from home.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[ ] My biological parents are together.
[x] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I've lost a child.

School/Work
[x] I'm in school
[x] I have a job (Soon enough ;>_>
[x] I've fallen asleep at work/school.
[ ] I almost always do my homework.
[ ] I've missed a week or more of school.
[ ] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years
[x] I failed more than 1 class last year (More like all of them...~.~)
[ ] I've stolen something from my job
[ ] I've been fired

Embarrassment
[x] I've slipped out an "lol" in a spoken conversation. (On purpose XD)
[ ] Disney movies still make me cry.
[ ] I've peed from laughing.
[ ] I've snorted while laughing.
[ ] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[x] I've glued my hand to something.
[ ] I've had my pants rip in public.

Health
[ ] I was born with a disease/impairment
[ ] I've gotten stitches/staples.
[ ] I've broken a bone
[ ] I've had my tonsils removed.
[ ] I've sat in a doctor’s office/emergency room with a friend.
[ ] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[ ] I had a serious surgery.
[x] I've had chicken pox.

Traveling
[x] I've driven over 200 miles in one day. (Well, my grandparents did...)
[x] I've been on a plane.
[ ] I've been to Canada.
[ ] I've been to Mexico.
[ ] I've been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[ ] I've celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[x] I've been to Europe.
[ ] I've been to Africa.

Experiences
[x] I've gotten lost in my city.
[x] I've seen a shooting star.
[x] I've wished on a shooting star
[ ] I've seen a meteor shower.
[x] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[x] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[x] I've kicked a guy where it hurts. (With my boots, it hurts EVERYWHERE)
[ ] I've been to a casino.
[ ] I've been skydiving.
[ ] I've gone skinny dipping.
[x] I've played spin the bottle.
[ ] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[ ] I've crashed a car.
[ ] I've been Skiing.
[ ] I've been in a play.
[ ] I've met someone in person from myspace.
[x] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ] I've seen the Northern lights.
[x] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[ ] I've played chicken.
[x] I've played a prank on someone.
[x] I've ridden in a taxi.
[ ] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[x] I've eaten sushi.
[ ] I've been snowboarding.

Relationships
[x] I'm single
[ ] I'm in a relationship
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[ ] I've been the dumped more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've gotten divorced.
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[x] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[ ] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[x] I've kept something from a past relationship.

Sexuality
[ ] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[ ] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[x] I am a cuddler.
[ ] I've been kissed in the rain. (God I wish...)
[x] I've hugged a stranger.
[ ] I have kissed a stranger

Honesty/Crime
[ ] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.
[ ] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[ ] I've snuck out of my house.
[ ] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[x] I've cheated on a test.
[ ] I've run a red light.
[x] I've been suspended from school. (Great story XD_
[x] I've witnessed a crime. (I think...)
[x] I've been in a fist fight.
[ ] I've been arrested.

Drugs/Alcohol
[ ] I've... ]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/18503073/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/18503073/ Sun, 25 May 2008 23:23:36 PDT
I was kicked out of DSA because of my low GPA. Fine. I only had a low GPA cause I never did my homework. I never did my homework, NOT because I didn't understand, but because my free time was my free time. Bastards.

I understood everything perfectly. I could have easily done the homework. (Save for math, but thats just cause it was IMP. DSA-ers will know what I mean.) But now, I'm losing sleep over whether or not I'll be able to get into college. For example, I'm failing, and might not even pass my psychology class. But at the same time, I'm 99% sure that I'm going to pursue a career in Stagecraft and Technical Theater Design. Psychology probably isn't going to help me much there, will it? But since I'm not passing the class, I'm not getting the credits, so I might not graduate on time, which might end up making me get rejected from the colleges that would propel me further in my career path.

Is it just me, or does that seem a little not-fair?

I can see it from this view; "some kids don't know what they want to do as a profession, so we offer them all classes in case they stumble upon something they like."

Alright, that's fair, but they shouldn't have to take every single subject to find that. People have pre-set interests. Someone who's shown interest in Newtons Law is presented with several class choices. Amongst them being, World History, Psychology, Anatomy, Painting, German, and Physics. Which class do you think they are going to choose? I mean, even if someone doesn't know exactly what they want to do for a living, they do know what they are interested in. So present them with classes that relate to those interests and see how well they do.

Is this making sense to everyone?

The argument can be made that I said I'm only 99% certain, leaving a 1% chance of me changing my mind. If I do change my mind, what if the career I chose next is related to the classes I neglected during my high school years?

It's a valid argument, but if I were to change my career choice, and I've thought about this, it would go somewhere along the lines or Archeology. If that were the case, then the required classes would probably consist of World History, or Mythology even, and probably some sort of science class, like environmental studies. Not psychology.

Yes, there's a possibility that we might change our minds. But our pre-set interests is the glue that holds our possibilities together. I know, how does Stage Tech and Archeology relate, right? I've thought about it this way; I'm interested in Stagecraft, because it's using my hands and my mind, studying architecture, and how I can make something work in a certain amount of time and space. Archeology is somewhere along the same lines. Using my hands for excavation and my mind for the studies. Studying architecture, how they made their living style work. And in both instances, I'd have to really know my geometry.

Can you see the connection, or am I just trying too hard?

I guess basically all I'm saying is that, I really do appreciate public schools and the education I get. I just feel like some of it is over rated and unneeded, depending on the subject and person. For me, psychology seems relatively useless in regards to my future career. However, it might be exactly what someone else needs to get their fire going.

]]> ~Lucious-Lust http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/18412853/ http://Lucious-Lust.deviantart.com/journal/18412853/ Tue, 20 May 2008 10:07:54 PDT
I feel like...kind of worthless, in a sense. Yesterday we had this like..Award Nomination thing in Tech. I didn't expect to get nominated for anything, seeing as I've only been here for a year and no one knows me very well. But everyone that was nominated, several people spoke of their dedication and reliability, their integrity and how they're always there or always get the job done, etc etc. These things will follow them through their careers and they will continue to be recognized for it.

But even at my old school, the most I've ever been nominated for is 'Most likely to fall down the orchestra pit' or something.

Even at DSA, where people knew me, I was never recognized for devotion or passion or anything. Which is reasonable. I would skip out on Saturday calls and slack off all the time in after school calls and even in class. On run crew I'd do the least amount of work, I barely had a job. All I am is a grunt. Which is in a way all I really want to be.

I love putting the sets together, I love working behind the scenes, I love being a part of it. I'm TERRIFIED of responsibility like set designer/manager or technical director...the positions that WOULD get me recognition, scare the bajeebus out of me, because I'll expect myself to screw up or come short, and let everyone else down.

So even in my area of work I feel like I wont really amount to much of anything.

And on top of that, my 'brother' (hypothetical, hence the quotation marks) got a near $5,000 credit card debt paid off in under 3 months, and his other credit card will be paid off by the first two weeks of next month.

He's doing amazingly well, is getting job offers left and right, getting an awesome paycheck, going to college, etc etc etc. And here I am, planning to live off of Monsters and Rock Stars my senior year, because if I want to Graduate on time, I'll have to attend Night School as well as regular, and I'll also have a job. (Which is good and i'm very grateful), but I'm gonna have to work my ass off in order to just be able to graduate high school on time. Even if it does work out, I'll have barely passed with minimum credits, in the bottom of the class. It'll be a miracle that I get into the University I want, even WITH 2 or 3 years of Community College.

I'm constantly seeing everyone around me succeeding beyond their set expectations, and I... *shrug* I can't even live up to the low expectations I've set for myself.

To sum up, I guess I just feel like I'll never amount to anything.

Again, you don't have to comment, I'm just...ranting...~.~; Don't mind me x_x

]]> ~Lucious-Lust