deviantART: by:LuneLis

deviantART: by:LuneLis http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:LuneLis&section=today deviantART RSS for by:LuneLis en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sun, 20 Dec 2009 02:38:05 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png Why don't we talk anymore? http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/29020883/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/29020883/ Fri, 18 Dec 2009 14:42:44 PST
Some days I wish that you really were sad, as much as I am, that we don't talk anymore.
But most days I wonder, why people always seem to stop talking to me in the first place.

I'm a very bad friend you know, because I can't maintain a friendship or realtionship of any kind
And because I drift away if I don't claw into your skin

Once very important people
Still, very important people

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RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis Getting it http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28967633/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28967633/ Tue, 15 Dec 2009 18:14:24 PST
You will never, ever, ever understand.

Even if I knew every word, in every language, since the dawn of forever

You'd never get it.

You'll never ever, ever understand how much I love you.

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RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis Flightlessness http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28946528/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28946528/ Mon, 14 Dec 2009 16:45:50 PST
I've gotten lost in the sounds around me before.
Fallen down in a crowd, and not found the strength to pick myself up again.
I've cried for no reason, and didn't care if anyone saw.

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RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis waiting http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28911153/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28911153/ Sat, 12 Dec 2009 21:01:47 PST
to see you once again, and tell you what I couldn't manage to last time.

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RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis Perspecitive http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28888987/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28888987/ Fri, 11 Dec 2009 18:31:14 PST
I forget what it's like to hate.

You see, when I was young, all I did was hate.
My parents
My friends
The boys
The girls
The world
My life
My computer
My drawings
The weather.

I can't remember a time when I wasn't consumed by my rage back then.
I saw the world through a film of red that clouded my eyes.

But, like a fire, my hatred burned all its fuel, and died out.
I feel more cold than angry.
I'm bitter
I'm cynical
But I'm not angry.

I've used it all up, and I can't bring myself to hate anything.
Rather, I have the fear of being hated.
Someone told me she was afraid I'd hate her one day

But on the contrary, even if she came up behind me and stabbed my spine, I couldn't hate her, I'd only hate myself, because I would've done something, even something little to provoke it.

It changed me you know;
Burning all my hate early on, like some stars do
It turned me cold, but it also made me cling desperately to warm things.
These days, I give whatever I do, all my body and soul.
I love with all my heart;
I'm passionate with all my being.

I understand better, how I should cherish things.
Especially the things, that I can't hold in my hands.
Because they're not physical
And because they're too far away.

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RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis Beautiful http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28866093/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28866093/ Thu, 10 Dec 2009 14:39:41 PST Because they've made you what you are today.

I wish to see with eyes cleared of
All the fake ideas of beauty we have.

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RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis 10 things I like. http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28814487/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28814487/ Mon, 07 Dec 2009 20:08:42 PST
1. Bodies.
I love watching people move, I love skin, I love watching muscles move and flew, I love tendons and bones, tracing blue and purple veins with my eyes. I love watching people fidget, and watch their small movements, their large movements.

2. Feeling
I love touching things with my hands. Freshly washed hair, clay, paint, grass, flowers, sheets, wood, glass, paintings....

3. Blurry Eyesight
It dulls the world. Makes it all look so soft and delicate when it's not.

4. Books.
Little golden exits.

5. Paintings.
They feel. They look. They breathe. They're alive.

6. Winter.
I love walking in snow at night in the woods. It's so serene, and calm.

7. Boys that bite back.
I love arguing, so I like hot tempered men that would engage in fits of yelling rage whenever I'm feeling bad.

8. Keyboards.
They're my release, I can always let go of my rage by pounding out my issues into words on it.

9. Hair.
I love hair (on the head) long colorful soft clean hair. I love long hair, it's fun to touch and grab onto, to mess up and style again, to bury your face into, and to watch move.

10. Anshin.
If I was a man, I'd marry her in a heartbeat. Enough said. She's that amazing.

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RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis Forever and ever http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28804937/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28804937/ Mon, 07 Dec 2009 12:32:25 PST
I, am nothing.
_{_{_{_{_{Not a writer
Or an artist
or a human
or a girl
or a person
or a student
or a friend
or a enemy
or an ally
or a sleeper
or a dreamer
or a breather
or a drawer
or a author
or a story teller
or a reader
or a smiler
or a being
or a me.}}}}}
Without you.

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RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis Count down, 10, 9, 8.... http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28708500/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28708500/ Wed, 02 Dec 2009 12:01:17 PST
In 10 days.
I'll only be 10 days older really.
But it'll mark being much much older.

Yes, December 12th is the day I, like many others, was born.

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RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis Bad News http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28658528/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28658528/ Sun, 29 Nov 2009 18:49:52 PST
My computer is acting up again
The fan is making lots of weird noises
And it's freezing during startup
So
I may be out of commission for a while starting soon >3<

If i'm gone for a while, assume my computer is broke/gone/being fixed

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RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis Promise http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28652265/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28652265/ Sun, 29 Nov 2009 13:39:48 PST
I'm sorry
That's a promise I can't keep
No matter how much I may want to

But
I can promise something

I'll always, always, disappoint you.

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RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis That feeling http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28597999/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28597999/ Thu, 26 Nov 2009 19:39:58 PST
That paranoid feeling, that you'll never really move forward...
Any of you ever feel that?

Like you're staying the same old you, while everything and everyone around you is changing faster than the speed of light?

I feel that way
I've been the exact same way for a long time... a tall tomboy who wishes she were as invisible as she felt.
I watch as everyone else changes, and all I see change in myself is how I type, the emoticons I use, and how i draw and color.

And i wonder, if that's why I feel such sadness and emptiness.
In a lot of dramas, people change after they fall in love, but I wonder if I'm even capable of that... but then again, I'll never really know, because there's no one stupid enough in the world to want to break through all my barricades and masks.
If I bring myself unhappiness
What is it that I must bring other people too?

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RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis movies plz http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28587360/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28587360/ Thu, 26 Nov 2009 10:27:01 PST
Suggest me some grood movies
Please and thank you.

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RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis Shush http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28575468/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28575468/ Wed, 25 Nov 2009 19:07:41 PST
It's a secret I tell you all the time
But it's one you'll never know
Because you aren't hearing what I mean.

But it's okay you know
I'm happy you know it
even if you don't.

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RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis Box of Wonder http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28527543/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28527543/ Mon, 23 Nov 2009 12:13:02 PST
Any day, is very good, whenever I know a box of magic is waiting for me, right by my computer.

Ahahah, chinese stuff is cool.
She knows me liek a book
The hairpin?
It's fucking gorgeous.
The money?
Dude.
CHINESE MONEY
I have 16 Yuan bitch >3
And the other stuff?
I feel rich.
Like a billion dollars fresh off the printer.

Lawl, but now my dad believes I know a pedophile.

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RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis Devious Journal Entry http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28473026/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28473026/ Fri, 20 Nov 2009 17:01:44 PST
What if I ended up clinging to you so tightly
That you began to shatter in my arms
And the moment I loosened my grip
You turned into stardust
in my hands?

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RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis Heng Bok Heh http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28402707/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28402707/ Mon, 16 Nov 2009 19:24:08 PST
I want to change.

I want to experience all life has to offer.
The good
The bad

I want to live.

Instead of let everything pass over me
While I cling vainly to the earth around me

There's a sky don't you know!
I wanna touch a cloud
Reach a star
And be able to die after going very, very far.

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RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis Minor Surgery http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28327621/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28327621/ Fri, 13 Nov 2009 07:02:34 PST
The shots hurt.
A.
Lot.

I didn't get to watch, and all I felt was some tugging and heard some snipping.
It's very, very numb right now
And the bandage around it is red.
My foot is yellow with iodine
And I am stuffed with cookies.

Life could be worse.

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RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis Devious Journal Entry http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28293069/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28293069/ Wed, 11 Nov 2009 13:10:09 PST
Would I still be worth more than 350 dollars?

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RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis Shattering http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28254628/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28254628/ Mon, 09 Nov 2009 19:49:16 PST
It's painful, to realize that everything you hold in your hands, breaks and shatters, while not only forever being broken into dust and slipping away forever, but also cutting your hands so deeply, you'll never be rid of the scars.

I'm losing my grip,
on them
on her
on that
on this

It's too frightening to imagine losing these things.
But it's reality, that everything will change, and everyone will leave me.
Even the people I've never had the chance to meet or know they exist.

she see's a mirror of herself, an image she wants to sell, to anyone willing to buy...

_{_{_{_{It's breaking
It's broken
I'm sad... I feel so alone.
I may reach her through wires, but I would give the ability to walk, to be able to cry while holding onto her hand for the life of me.

And you know, I'd willingly give up everything I have, if I had proof that somewhere in the world, there was somebody who could love me, a person with no looks and a bittersweet personality, that many people don't ever wish to see through.
As much of a cold stone that I am
I am still human
and I still feel that desire, to be wanted, and needed, and loved.}

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RMD [link]}}} ]]> =LuneLis Life, is good. http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28217933/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28217933/ Sun, 08 Nov 2009 12:37:20 PST
Hopefully I don't jinx it.

1. Got myself some replacement headphones.
2. Got my scanner back (and scanned a bunch of new things)
3. Took my quiz; and even if I go poorly, 1 more point will push me to a B- or better.
4. Saved up $14

But there is some bad

1. I have an infection on my toe because the nail got ripped off ~__~ painful.
2. My ears are raw in a few places
3. I still have homework to do and it's Sunday afternoon

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RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis Venting http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28161534/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28161534/ Thu, 05 Nov 2009 13:44:33 PST I really wish I had someone to hug and bleed my heart out to.

I'm really glad I have someone who understands,
even if she's a million miles northeast of here.

Ne ne, if I became a stone, would it hurt anyless?
Or would it hurt more, because I would be stuck forever in the same place, unable to move, while the whole word eroded me to dust?

_{_{_{_{_{It's very hard for me to talk. I can't get out the words, and I feel like such a fool whenever I stutter or slip on a word. It's better to remain silent.
Even when the noises around me are driving me to insanity; like a drill locking a screw into a block of wood.

I can't help but think, "if i say something, they'll call me a liar, or that i whine too much." As long as I'm silent, no one can say I'm lying right?
Like my grades, if I mention my C more than once, they'll give me a look that says "ungrateful bitch, you have other a's, be content!" It doesn't seem like they'd care even if they knew, that that C on my report card, makes me feel like such a failure. I don't have that much, even if people think I do. They look at my computer and married parents and lunch money, and grades, and drawings, and think I am very blessed.

But, if I could, I would trade it away for something else.
I only have those grades, those A's, they're my future. They're what people at colleges and workplaces will see and think, "my, what a smart girl!" that C... they will see that grade, and think badly.
I feel like I've failed.
And what makes it worse, is no matter what grades I get, I'm called out for. I'm either too smart or suddenly a center of ridicule because i didn't get top score. They abuse me, but then beg for my help, my papers, for their own selfishness.

People are so two-faced.
Whenever I wish for silence, for solitude, for peace, there's someone with a passion to destroy it. But when I want someone to pick me to be their partner for something in class, I am left to make an odd group, or forced to work by myself.
It's so noisy, little noises, big noises, voices and sounds everywhere. They never shut up, never quiet down, like it's impossible for them to stop moving their bodies, their hands, their vocal cords.
And it makes my head throb in so much pain, I have to fight back tears.
but if i say something to make the noise quit, they call me a liar.
Any injury, suddenly is a lie.
Like I can't feel pain unless I'm bleeding and screaming.

Then with this, comes that feeling of being so selfish.
I don't care what people think, but still, if they think something, they definitely won't let me be alone.

I wish I were stardust
Brilliant, beautiful, small, and forever fleeting, but always the same, because dust is what is left of something else.

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RMD [link]}}}}} ]]> =LuneLis The Social Workers are coming http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28128867/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28128867/ Tue, 03 Nov 2009 16:24:46 PST
You know how my brother is a psycho right?
Because he manages to get police, doctors, psychologists, and many other people involved, we all knew it was only a matter of time before he got child protective services and the social workers involved in this entire mess.

My sister and brother are both adults, so they really can't touch either of them.
So who do they target next?

Me of course, because I am technically not an adult.
Though I'm sure I'm fully grown at this point ~___~

It's weird because, it's my chance to finally leave this house and these people, but at the same time, that means abandoning my lifestyle, my comfort zones, even the things in my room, because god knows those people wouldn't let me have my things.

So, in advance, if I am to vanish suddenly, please assume one of the following

1. I've been placed in foster care
2. My brother snapped and I got stabbed or my head crushed
3. All and all I became fed up and ran away to canada

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RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis Unhealthy http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28090583/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28090583/ Sun, 01 Nov 2009 15:35:55 PST
At this rate I won't make it into my thirties.

I've been having a lot of aches; mainly in my stomach and head.
In started myself on a whole range of vitamins and daily medications
But the end effect isn't very great.
Plus, I'm incredibly tired all the time.

I should go see a doctor.

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RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis End of the world http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28034039/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28034039/ Thu, 29 Oct 2009 17:47:44 PDT
This is such a drama queen type thing
but
...
I have a C+ in English.

My life... is over.

It is all that fucking quizzes fault and the mono.
That fucking, fucking, MONO, that made me miss the days.

And the marking period is ending in a week.

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RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis Free Sketches http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28028559/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/28028559/ Thu, 29 Oct 2009 12:43:41 PDT
Because I'm bored I'll draw a few.
Personally I prefer to draw girls, but whatever is fine.

1.
2.
3.
etc...

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RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis The after effects of illness http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27965547/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27965547/ Sun, 25 Oct 2009 17:54:48 PDT
For the most part I believed my mono had run it's course.
Turns out for the next month or so I'll be incredibly tired all the time due to my body fighting off the infection.
>3< Not in my best interests but, oh well. At least that means I'll have less insomnia in November.

I'm planning a few new drawings, and will try to work on the ideas for the next couple of weeks. Hopefully in my last few major pieces you've noticed my attempts at painting digitally.
Have i been improving at all lately? >3<

Oh, look at this video
the stop motion is amazing
[link]

And ne-ne, be sure to check out my youtube channel to look at my subbed videos. Sound Horizon is an amazing band, the stories behind the songs are simply amazing, a tad sinister, but still amazing;
This is the link to 'yield' the instuments in this are gorgeous seriously, take 4 minutes to listen to this
[link]

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RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis A hundred million stars. http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27929411/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27929411/ Fri, 23 Oct 2009 19:28:16 PDT _{I will race you to the waterside
And from the edge of Ireland shout out loud
So they could hear it in America
It's all for you...

The sea filled in the silence
Before you said those words
And now even in the darkness
I can see how happy you are...

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RMD [link]} ]]> =LuneLis Straight lives always have curves. http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27909556/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27909556/ Thu, 22 Oct 2009 16:37:43 PDT
No one see's that I'm a person anymore.
That the reasons I'm like this, is because it's the only way to cope.
I'm antisocial because my hands have been bitten over and over by people I thought of as friends.
Why are they all so blind?
I'm a human don't you see that I'm not stone?
That I still cry and feel pain?
That I do feel lonely?
That your words sting? I'd invite you, but I know you wouldn't come so I'm not gonna bother
Do i really need to know that?
Is that all you think of me?
Because of what you've done to me, I'm like this, and thus I am no longer even worthy of courtesy?
You make me this way, but still call me out for being that way. That's like leaving an uneducated man without food, allowing him to go steal it not knowing it's wrong, and then punish him for it!
They all wonder why I don't ever talk.
It's because no one ever hears me.
It's because no cares about what I say.
It's because everyone would call me out for it.
Am I really so worthless a person, that I can be trampled over? That you can just ignore me, cast me out, and than one day you can go and pick me up again like a childhood toy you abandoned in your closet?
They made me afraid of the telephone.
Afraid to speak up
Afraid to talk back
Afraid to show my weaknesses.
Afraid to trust anybody.

But they still expect so much out of me.
Why doesn't anyone see that?
Can you tell me? Is this how all people treat each other?
Is it?
Do I deserve to be treated that way too?
Do I?

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RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis Escaping http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27873942/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27873942/ Tue, 20 Oct 2009 15:12:43 PDT
I wish I had the money and courage to leave this place I hate so much. To go be someplace where I'm not so angry and tired. I'm sick of their yelling and fights, their problems and their rage. How they take it out on me, how I'm a problem. I'd rather be someplace else, far away, if even just for a day. I don't want to be apart of them anymore. But it's so unfair, all the rules and restrictions that bind me to this place.

Home isn't where you live, it's the place where everything is okay, and where everything bad is shut out. If you don't live in a place like that, you aren't home yet.

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RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis Mono http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27777175/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27777175/ Thu, 15 Oct 2009 09:27:39 PDT
So... I have mono.
Or the doctors all think so.
I just watched my blood squirt into five vials.
Fun day.

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RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis Could be bad.... http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27761817/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27761817/ Wed, 14 Oct 2009 12:20:38 PDT
Nasty black and yellow... scabs? have formed on my tonsils and they're all bloody and swollen looking. They hurt hurt like a bitch and I'm afraid it's something serious.

But my family doesn't really give a damn about me so, they'll let it go until I'm running a 103 fever and have stopped breathing before they take me anywhere.

On another note, today sucked as much as yesterday, my cat isn't allowed in the house anymore, and I ruined my art project. I don't care anymore, I hate everyone around me today.
I hope they all die painfully in a fire.

I wish I had a place all to myself to go and cry without anyone telling me to shut up or be quiet.

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RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis tired http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27733765/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27733765/ Mon, 12 Oct 2009 19:27:01 PDT
I can't believe how tired I am.
Not physically.
But mentally. I don't want to do anything anymore.
I want to bow my head and leave realty.
Allow my stories and thoughts to consume me.

And these days, I feel lonely.
I wish people wanted to listen to me talk.
Wanted me to read them my stories.
I never use my voice, and I wish I did. I wish I used just enough so that I didn't stumble on words, or say the wrong word when I didn't mean it. Or at the very least, that my voice was pretty or I could sing.

Because no one really wants to use their eyes anymore, or their brains.

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RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis Decisions http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27686082/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27686082/ Sat, 10 Oct 2009 11:26:25 PDT
I've decided that...

My chest is abnormally shaped
The camera hates me
My fish needs anger management
I don't hear quite as well as I used to
The headphones are broken beyond repair
It's cool to drink soda from a wine/brandy glass
Incense sticks give me headaches
My best friend and I are on the same mental wavelengths
Skin is still my favorite canvas
I'm not that bad at realism
I really don't care about people anymore
Math is still a challenge when it comes to 12x+(-1)=X/12x+1
My English teacher did in fact see down my shirt that one time
Scented hairspray is better air freshener than Glade.
Random trivia knowledge is very useful.

And that there is no one quite as perfect as Anshin.

Btw, she'll slap me hard upside the head with a book for this later, but go see

and marvel at it whilst drooling on your keyboard.
Sunny is amazing
Like, she knocks off your socks and pants.

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Youtube [link]

Gaia [link]

Mangabullet [link]

RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis The me, before me. http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27637389/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27637389/ Wed, 07 Oct 2009 16:54:32 PDT
I used to be so different.
A week ago.
A month ago.
A year ago.
A decade ago.

I used to laugh and love the sun.
I used to have friends and talk on the phone.
I used to feel wanted and needed.
I used to be so full of energy.
I used to be so healthy in my body and mind.

I don't really recognize myself anymore. It's like an identity crisis.
I'm already regretting now, before I even have time to regret it.

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Mangabullet [link]

RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis My baby; my blizzard http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27623812/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27623812/ Tue, 06 Oct 2009 20:44:48 PDT
I think he has cancer.
There's a lump on his chest.

He's like my son
I spent sleepless nights when he was a kitten
Watching him
Feeding him
Taking him to the vet
Preventing illnesses
Cleaning
Teaching
Learning

Why my cat? Why?
He means so much, he was my only source of company for so long.
Why is gods treatment of him so cruel?

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Gaia [link]

Mangabullet [link]

RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis Selfish necessity http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27529861/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27529861/ Thu, 01 Oct 2009 20:45:08 PDT
I have looked bitterly at other people around me in real life
Because they didn't praise me for my art.
"I am the best," I think, "In this place, this class, this school, I am the best! How dare you tell someone else they're good, when I am the best when I am better! How dare you not look at my drawing and not envy me!"
It's selfish, I know.
But can you blame me?
Whereas everyone around me has what I lack
Friends
Looks
Laughs
Carefree-ness
A free, dumb mind
No plan for the future
The ability to play a childish game, and still enjoy it
Stupid, but so meaningful things, things I don't have, things i can't have
Can't everyone at least let me have that praise? That superiority that i am the best at this? That feeling that I am still worth something, if only just that?
Those words, "Wow, that's really good" "you're amazing!" "How can you draw so well?"
These little words, and sentences.
Why won't the people around me let me have that if they won't let me have anything else?
I need it, I can't live without it
I'd breakdown
I'd lose my mind
It's a need
Like water to a dying man
It's not just a want anymore, it's a necessity of mine.
Feed my void
Feed it, help me to fill it.
Where my hands are forcibly shoved back from people; where no one would want me to touch their shoulder when they're down, where no one would hug me out of joy or love, where no one would want my hand to be the one to save them from falling down the stairs;
The pencil and paper warmly welcome me
"Hello again, what are you drawing with us today?"
Where I am called out for a flaw, or because someone misread my actions or words, because I'm different, so very different from everyone else. Where, because I am different, I am surely evil to their eyes;
I am praised and loved for my art, my talents.
Proud family
Proud teachers
Proud self.
It's a selfish need, I feed off of it.
Like a drug, it's my high.
That's right, love me, praise me. For my drawings, my writing, my grades, my good behavior. Praise me, tell me how good I am, envy me. Envy my bright future, envy my skill, my passion, all I have that you don't. Love me, admire me, think so highly of me. Give it to me, give me your praise and admiration. Feed my need, my voids...
My talent, it's what makes me better, and what makes me worse.
Isn't it so selfish of me?
Don't you think I'm such a bad person now? Because I am so selfish, and needy.
It's why my friends left me right?
Because I wanted their attention, their words, because I just wanted them to want to follow me down the hall, to call me, to want to hear me talk and listen to what i had to say, instead of the other way around, they left me... because I was selfish, and didn't even appreciate that they permitted me their presence.
Because I wanted more than they wanted to give me, they all abandoned me right?

Should I ever be reborn. I hope I'm a tree, or a flower, or a butterfly.
Something that everyone loves and admires, but that can't be selfish ever.
Because it has no mind, no sense, no conscious.
Only a soul.
Only a pure soul
Un-blackened by all that makes humans, humans.
Only pure and white like clouds
like fresh snow
like flower petals

like a sheet of paper
before the drawing.
--
And what makes things even worse, is I know this rant only makes me seem more petty and whine-y, like I'm craving your pity and attention. Don't think bad of me, because you all understand what it's like to need to vent out your emotions in order to make it through to the sunlight of tomorrow;

...right?

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=LuneLis German http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27491683/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27491683/ Tue, 29 Sep 2009 17:55:34 PDT
So know, I can say, I know around 100 or so words.
=___= and am supposed to know 80k by the end of the year.
What have I gotten myself into.
--
just finished translating the gayest story ever (that we made in class while half slept)
and i really never want to see another ostrich as long as I live.
Or buy shoes that are purple/blue/or green.

But, looking on the brightside, it's better than spanish class.

Twitter [link]

Youtube [link]

Gaia [link]

Mangabullet [link]

RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis Korean Cookies http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27466662/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27466662/ Mon, 28 Sep 2009 12:10:24 PDT
Even my worst days are cured, whenever I take a look at all the gorgeous things anshin's sent me.

Btw....
Clear tape to tape your presents

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Gaia [link]

Mangabullet [link]

RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis Hey mom http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27449726/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27449726/ Sun, 27 Sep 2009 13:39:10 PDT and all the issues I have, and the ones that come with every kid
Until I'm into my 20's or 40's or until I finally leave you and all the bad things in my life that you caused.
You, as an adult with a fully devolved brain and thinking skills back around the time you conceived me (a supposed gift from above)
Shouldve thought ahead to the future, and thought, "What if this kid ends up as a problematic thing and I suffer?"
AND KEPT YOUR FUCKING KNEES CLOSED AND SAVED YOURSELF THE MISERY.
But guess what?
YOU DIDN'T SO SHUT UP SUCK IT UP AND GET OVER YOURSELF.

-Your daughter
(who was one of your many, many mistakes)

You may have given a cell to make me, but you're no mom to me.
When I have a life and you're rotting away in this house thirty years from now, I won't do a goddamn thing except tell you once and only once, "This is what you did to yourself."

--
Just a venting journal because I'm so pissed off.
Adults suck, especially moms.
I don't care if she says she loves me, she only says that because I'm her kid and she thinks she does, that because she's a mom she has to say that and believe it or else she'll be a bad mom.
I swear, if i wasn't her kid she'd look at me with 10 times more disdain than now.
And this, i swear to god, is the truth she's proven to me over and over again, ever since I was a little kid.

Twitter [link]

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Mangabullet [link]

RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis Scare http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27416397/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27416397/ Fri, 25 Sep 2009 19:32:03 PDT
I restarted.
And oh
GUESS WHAT.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The computer
.
.
.
broke. =__=
It gave me tears, rapid heart rate, spinning mind, and hyperventilation.
So, after letting it run it's 'errorerrorerror' restart gig, I pressed the power button and turned it on again. To my relief, the computer restarted and the welcome screen happily greeted me with cyan gradient and my lovely background.
But really, I hate when my computer does this kind of thing. I think I should start turning it off and letting it cool down more often >3<;;;;

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Mangabullet [link]

RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis Weight of water http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27396043/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27396043/ Thu, 24 Sep 2009 16:41:55 PDT
It strikes me as odd, that I've become afraid of drowning, and have thus began taking in even less food and drink than normal.
In no time I'll be even paler than now, and ten times less healthy.
The doctor said I'm borderline anemic.
I'm so unhealthy, it'll be the death of me, I swear.
I need to eat some fruit or something.

On a lighter note, one week left before my mangas arrive >3< I am so excited.
Plus I'm doing well in school, aside from my B- in health.
Speaking of which I should study a little for my test tomorrow, the teacher is a real bitch, and doesn't let us use notes to help. What a pain.

I should have two more pictures done and up by Sunday night.
There's nothing to do aside from draw, and I can polish off some dramas and a book maybe. I still have to get to that gorgeous copy of Through the Looking Glass that anshin sent me.

Twitter [link]

Youtube [link]

Gaia [link]

Mangabullet [link]

RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis Long-Lasting http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27375118/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27375118/ Wed, 23 Sep 2009 13:30:07 PDT the last reason to make this last for as long as I could
First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything
The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I have ever learned
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love...

Twitter [link]

Youtube [link]

Gaia [link]

Mangabullet [link]

RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis Odd one out http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27339017/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27339017/ Mon, 21 Sep 2009 13:36:05 PDT
Different is hard.
A lot of the time, I wish I was the same.
Like a puzzle piece that fit in its place.

Being yourself is hard.
A lot of the time, I wish I was you.
Why be me, when it's so much better being you?

Twitter [link]

Youtube [link]

Gaia [link]

Mangabullet [link]

RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis Get Away http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27319560/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27319560/ Sun, 20 Sep 2009 12:29:45 PDT
Get up, get out
Get away from these liars
Cause they don't get your soul
Or your fire.

Twitter [link]

Youtube [link]

Gaia [link]

Mangabullet [link]

RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis Twit http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27306691/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27306691/ Sat, 19 Sep 2009 19:12:41 PDT
I have such issues with hypocrisy... it's madness I tell you.

Look to the link below to find my twitter ;w;
*bows* please treat me kindly.

Twitter [link]

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Mangabullet [link]

RMD [link] ]]> =LuneLis Healing Up http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27297205/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27297205/ Sat, 19 Sep 2009 10:05:27 PDT
Idk if I told you or not but;
I've been sick since Tuesday.
I'm better, all that Lupin has helped me out. Throat kinda aches, but it's all good.
Speaking of which, after this journal I'm gonna go get pop and take my morning dosage.

I changed my journal CSS and avatar >3<
It was time for a change, don't you agree?

This Journal Skin was designed by =Night-Beast

]]> =LuneLis Change http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27262540/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27262540/ Thu, 17 Sep 2009 13:07:54 PDT

I could change you know.
Let me change!
If only you'd let me, I could do that.

This Journal Skin was designed by =Night-Beast

]]> =LuneLis Lollipop http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27160448/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27160448/ Fri, 11 Sep 2009 22:30:25 PDT
Mama told me what I should know
Too much candy gonna rot your soul~

This Journal Skin was designed by =Night-Beast

]]> =LuneLis NaeGaeRoWa http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27064205/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27064205/ Sun, 06 Sep 2009 22:45:01 PDT
A shooting star will lead my night to yours
And you're gonna have so much charm
A shooting start will show the way to your heart
Just to make through your--
Come to me
Come to me, baby
Come to me
I'm waiting for me the lucky chance...
--
You know, I think that even if I never find someone that loves me for exactly what I am
I won't mind that much
Because I have an endless supply of IM chats, memories, and love songs to go through
Enough to last me my lifetime over.

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]]> =LuneLis Message to a friend http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27040454/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27040454/ Sat, 05 Sep 2009 18:01:54 PDT
It's hurts inside and out
To know that you too, are hurting.

Out of all the people in the world, even my psycho brother
I wish I could cure you of all the illnesses that plague your life.
I'm sorry for your troubles
Why is (fate, god, whatever you wanna call it)'s treatment so cruel?
Out of anyone else, you matter most, and I hope things get better, I wanna know that you're smiling, that you're alright, and that, you still wanna go travel the world, buy a house, and live like nana and hachi.

You could happy, I hope you are
You've made me happier, than I've been by far

Wherever you end up tomorrow or today or in the future, I hope you're okay and doing well.

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]]> =LuneLis Sickness+updates http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27026146/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/27026146/ Fri, 04 Sep 2009 23:53:00 PDT
We all have a sickness
That cleverly attaches and multiplies
No matter how hard we try
So when sickness turns my ego up
I know you'll act as a clever medicine
--
So, I have a sneezing issue lately. It's either me getting sinus problems, or my house is just a breeding ground for things like dust and flea-killing powder.

School starting this Tuesday I'm not at all thrilled.

I really enjoy watching myself type in the mirror, it's kinda cool like that you know? But if I watch the mirror too much I end up typing backwards and stuff >3< not fun. I hate typos, and all day today my typing was really baaaad. Maybe it was just today, who knows.

Anyways, new picture will be up in a few days, maybe, idk. I'm getting so slow, plus my scanner got stolen back by my brother and the one I have now refuses to work so. Which, Nate has gone back to college and my family is thus sapped of money for now. Fuck, why couldn't I have an acne ridden loser for a brother instead of a mental psycho that's studying to be a chemical engineer?

Writing is also on halt because I need to sort out my ideas better so another 'red honey' doesn't happen where it's all, 'write what pops into the head and edit things in to make it flow'
God I need to take some writing classes or something.

Ne, has anyone else noticed how tiny and vague all my journals have been lately? I used to do these mega long things that went into every single detail of my life and now... wow, time changes a lot, like me, it changed me.

Btw, this is my new favorite manga.
[link]
Tamao is pretty like cherry pie *w*
Seinen=

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]]> =LuneLis *slams head on desk* http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/26986478/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/26986478/ Wed, 02 Sep 2009 21:07:38 PDT
Okay, so gym isn't as bad as i first thought. >3<

But I have to go *deep breath*
Upstairs
downstairs down to near end of hallway
down to gym
back to near end of hallway
upstairs

And somtime during those times I have to go downstairs/down near gym again for lunch =__=

Oh and, my locker is near the end of the one hallway downstairs, and it's a bottom one once again. Fuck my life.
--
I have five days of freedom left. I feel my time being limited.
You know what, I'm just gonna go drown myself in Korean =__=
Drown myself in sketching. Drown my mind in dramas.
Maybe if I drown my mind enough I'll slip into a coma.

Btw, Digimon kicks ass.

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]]> =LuneLis Ache http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/26918824/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/26918824/ Sun, 30 Aug 2009 15:27:47 PDT
I'm tired of being so hungry
I'm tired of my eyes burning
I'm sick of my numbness
Of my own sadness and anger.
I'm sick of knowing the world hurts someone I love
I'm tired of my thoughts.
I'm sick of my art
My stories
My poems
My drawings
My sketches.
They're reminders of myself, which I something I wish I could very well forget.

And I'm sick of my endless aches.
The ones I feel in my chest, my throat, my head, my hands, my soul, my heart.
More than anything at this very moment
I want to go to sleep and not wake up for a very long time.
Because I can't shield anyone from the world as much as I wish I could.
Let everything be okay
Alright;
Good;
perfectly fine;
When I open my eyes next time.

Today feels like a 'eat an orange' and 'claw your skin' kind of day.

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]]> =LuneLis Fleas http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/26882289/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/26882289/ Fri, 28 Aug 2009 19:01:15 PDT
I went to wash my face and ended up washing the cats.
They have fleas.
Lots of fleas, and bloody wounds, and flea shit.
I had to put this nasty nail-polish smelling stuff on them and it bleached my finger tip.
Plus, my face is still not washed -__-
And my clothes got sopping wet.

Today I got to explain why it's a bad thing for teenage girls to be mothers, and I started to work on another picture. Hopefully I'll have something up very soon.
I'm afraid I'm gonna be alone all my life.
All the choices of guys have problems that complicate me even having a chance.
God, I wish I was pretty.

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]]> =LuneLis 10 free sketches + Long Life http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/26830022/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/26830022/ Wed, 26 Aug 2009 05:35:10 PDT
The first 10 people that comment in this journal get a free sketch of anything they want! But in return you have to post the offer of 10 free sketches in YOUR journal. ~~If you've already done this, just link to that journal entry in your comment here!~~ (you don't have to btw)

1-
2-
3-
4-
5-
6-
7-
8-
9-
10-

--
I have so much regret, and so much I've promised to do.
I don't wanna die before I have the chance to fall for a guy, meet my best friend, visit some far off place, strike it rich, repent for all my wrongs, and mend all I've broken.
If possible, I wanna live til I'm ripe and old
So I can have an excuse to be bitter in the very least.
And say to my grandchildren, maybe even my great-grandchildren
"Life's what you make of it, you build your own cages, and you can tear them back down."

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]]> =LuneLis Update http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/26801388/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/26801388/ Mon, 24 Aug 2009 17:06:37 PDT
My bones ache, my skin feels cold
And I'm getting so tired, and so old.

More than anything, I want to never go back.
I wish I could run away,
And go someplace where I can see the sun shining through unclouded eyes.
I wish I could bring her along too.

Look at my pretty commission

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]]> =LuneLis Happy http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/26725062/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/26725062/ Fri, 21 Aug 2009 00:12:02 PDT
You could be happy, I hope you are.
You made me happier than I'd been by far.

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]]> =LuneLis Complaints http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/26635483/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/26635483/ Sun, 16 Aug 2009 18:47:55 PDT
I hate people who complain, because they remind me of me, who complains about everything all the time. It makes me feel like such a hypocrite, but whatever, no one's perfect.

So, I am here, to, express some updates, complaints, comments, rambles, and such because I feel twitter is a waste of internet.
*****
Two of the kittens got adopted yesterday

All we have left is Ren and Vixy and we're hoping Vixy get's a home real soon. -__- my sister wants to change Ren's name, but I'm putting my foot down cause that's my kitten. Oh well, my Blizzard is still so much better. He has GREEN eyes not brown, and a BOBTAIL not a normal tail. And Blizzard is cuddly and likes me, and Ren is just an ass with a foot complex.
*****
I, downed three glasses of chocolate milk in a row today, and my stomach feels so full. I'm paying dearly for drinking so much... uhh, I can just see myself as an alcoholic in my later years ;n; sad to imagine huh?
*cries*
I wish I couldn't eaten food today and not filled out my stomach with half a gallon of cow juice, oh well
*****
My biggest fear
What really makes my heart pump
My breathing turn into hyperventilating'
My mind go blank and My hands shake
is
Viruses/Malware
These things that make my icons and the bar at the bottom vanish. That make my computer freeze, and work wrong, and show me black/blue/etc screens on death, are my biggest fear. All that goes through my mind when I see these things on my webroot scanner are, "Oh fuck. I'm dead, I'm dead, oh god, it's broken it's ruined, oh god."

And what also scares me is when I click on an ad by accident and it takes me to a sight where the green "<3 this site is safe" circle at the top is red and it screams "DEATH". I've done this twice and I swear I hyperventilate and click exit and cancel and X until i'm off and then I run webroot twice.
The internet and viruses and all this will be the death of me. I know it.
*****
I'm busily working my ass off on a Gothic Lolita picture, yeah, it's a pain to do all those ruffles and the lace and curly hair... *sigh* I need air conditioning, a foot rest, a better place for my tablet, an ice pack for my shoulder, and music.

Speaking of music.
My headphones broke. yeah, the left phone broke off, the wires are still attached so they work, they just don't fit on my head anymore -___-
I need a calculator for schoool
and some duct tape and pencils and erasers and sketchpads and other things. *sigh* you can just feel summer ending.
But at least in a few more weeks i'll be able to wear hoodies -u- ahh, the safe feeling of having a hoodie.
****
Yeah, I'm gonna get back to work and stuff...

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]]> =LuneLis Pretty ;w; http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/26614064/ http://LuneLis.deviantart.com/journal/26614064/ Sat, 15 Aug 2009 17:42:48 PDT
I wonder why we can't all have pretty faces, and why I always feel ill or injured.
I wonder why no matter how much I sleep, I'm still so tired,
I wonder why whenever I wanna cry, the sky is shining with sunlight, and when I'm happy, the sky is stormy and gray.
But I know why stars shine, even though they're watching us, and see ugly things.
An
d to take everyone's mind off things, some features of some pretty things I like.

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]]> =LuneLis