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]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/9712790/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/9712790/ Sun, 13 Aug 2006 12:04:51 PDT

STEADY, AS SHE GOES BY THE RACONTEURS
Find yourself a girl, and settle down
Live a simple life, in a quiet town

Steady, as she goes
Steady, as she goes
So steady, that she goes

Your friends have shown a kink in the single life
You've had to much to think, now you need a wife

Steady, as she goes
So steady, that she goes
Well here we go again
You found yourself a friend
That knows you well
But no matter what you do
You always feel as though you tripped and fell
So steady, that she goes

When you have completed what you thought you had to do
And your blood's depleted to the point of stable glue
Then you'll get along
Then you'll get along

Steady, as she goes
So steady, that she goes
Well here we go again
You found yourself a friend
That knows you well
But no matter what you do
You always feel as though you tripped and fell
So steady, that she goes
Steady, that she goes

Settle for a world, neither up or down
Sell it to the crowd that has gathered around
Settle for a girl, neither up or down
Sell it to the crowd that has gathered around

So steady, that she goes
Steady, that she goes
Steady, that she goes
So steady, that she goes
Steady, that she goes
Are you steady now?
Steady, that she goes
Are you steady now?
Steady, that she goes
Are you steady now?
Steady, that she goes
Are you steady now?
Steady, that she goes ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/9450021/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/9450021/ Fri, 21 Jul 2006 15:54:12 PDT Reading: Jack Kerouac On the Road and The Linnet Bird
Listening: Nelly Furtado Maneater and Kasey someone True Colours

Well hello again, thought I'd give a progress report on everything.

Mood wise I'm very happy, having a "Life is GOOOOD!" kinda time, because I'm not stressed about anything, getting on with everybody, chilling kinda way. And all the depression stuff is totally over, life's too busy now! And it's suuuuuuuuuuuuummer which is just an awesome mood upper. I do actually have a tan this year shock horror (I'm legendary for my paleness) but have tan marks which sucks.

Exams were kinda hmmmy, could be better, could be worse. Hopefully better. Thank god they're over though! Just the 14 books I have to do over the summer left then....

Artwise, well kinda can't be bothered at the mo, feel like I wanna do something soon, need to think about it...

In exciting news not only am I a House Prefect but also have arts colours! That's like a recognition of services to arts type thing, mine was for drama.

Done looooads of walking recently so fairly knackered still, need to get fit for gold d of e real next year!

Anyway still hope you're all ok, I fear I deleted like all my other messages cos it was 1,600 and I was never going to get through them, so sorry. See ya!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/9438608/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/9438608/ Thu, 20 Jul 2006 14:35:28 PDT ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/8507046/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/8507046/ Tue, 18 Apr 2006 04:42:36 PDT I miss them all (though I see them at school so it's alright). But still. Life sucks don't it? Haha take the bitter with the sweet I suppose... ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/8330905/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/8330905/ Sat, 01 Apr 2006 14:28:35 PST
The main problem is as much as I love deviant I just don't have the time anymore with all the work and revision, going out, extra curricular stuff I do. Anyone who knows me will know I keep getting home at like half 6, 7pm most nights and then I have homework. And weekendss I'm busy too. So time is a big issue. I just have too much Stuff! And it doesn't help I have other things pressing on my time like all those books I should be reading, programmes and films I haven't seen, room to tidy, housework to do- it's just kinda hard. And that's wiothout even considering how long is takes to do deviations. So from now on I'll be on here sometimes, but not as much in general. I'll put the odd photo or poem up every so often, but yeah.

It's been a hectic week. I've had soooooooooooo much on. But I'm going to Rome in 4 days!!! which is very exciting. But again I have MORE stuff to do. Like packing, finsing everything which I could posssibly need, saying goodbye, having hair cut... It's all go. But I'll try and bring back some nice photos I leave you with the words from this song I'm now in love with:

Panic! At the Disco: I Write Sins, Not Tragedies

Oh, well imagine; as I'm pacing the pews in a church corridor,
and I can't help but to hear, no I can't help but to hear an exchanging of words:
"What a beautiful wedding, what a beautiful wedding!" says a bridesmaid to a waiter.
"Yes, but what a shame, what a shame, the poor groom's bride is a whore."

I'd chime in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.
I'd chime in "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of...

Well in fact I'll look at it this way,
I mean technically our marriage is saved!
Well this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne!
Oh! Well in fact I'll look at it this way,
I mean technically our marriage is saved!
Well this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne,
pour the champagne!

I'd chime in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.
I'd chime in "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.

Again.

I'd chime in "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.
I'd chime in "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.

Again.

yes an original tag!!!!! well here goes...

1. Are you caught in the vicious unending maelstrom of DA surveys? Yes endlessly!!!!!!
2. Why do you keep doing the things then? Erm I have no excuses.
3. OK serious questions now... that isn't a question, you don't have to answer it.
4. When you look at a piece of art, what quality is it that attracts you: beauty, technical skill, perfection, emotion, prettiness, originality? Feel free to use more than one or add your own: beauty, originality, emotion
5. Standing alone on a windswept beach looking at a stormy sea is (pick a term to describe it): dangerously powerfully beautiful
6. Do you believe that it is possible to make a difference in this world? yes.
7. Does success equal making money? no.
8. If not, what is success? succeeding at what is important to you, making a difference to people
9. Are you the same as everyone else? I hope not, I don't think I am.
10. Is that a good thing? yes definitely
11. Do you try to live by a standard? Yes.
12. What is it? I follow a few Bibvle teachings like Love thy neighbour- i try not to hurt people although sometimes i fail
13. What are you interested in? fantasy, language and literature, poetry, books, films, human behaviour, original thinking
14. Where do you most want to travel (places you haven't been): India, Ireland, Iceland, New Zealand, America, Nepal cos loads of my friend are there at the moment
15. When you travel do you eat the local food and... ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/8261632/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/8261632/ Sat, 25 Mar 2006 04:23:34 PST
I have a huuuuge amount of work on and there's trips/birthdays things going on I'm doing, s o life is a tad busy lately.

I'm gonna try answer some messages next week but i have like 200 messages, mostly deviations so could take a while. Also not this wednesday but the one after i am going to Rome for 8 days- excitingness! but also many many more messages. greeeeat...

Anyway luvs ya all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/8203873/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/8203873/ Sun, 19 Mar 2006 04:40:27 PST
That it took me like 5 hours to get ready. Haha oh dear.

Kate and Hana coming round before and much girly chatting and hair fiddling with til we all looked stunning. And Hana taking her bra off of course...

Getting there erm late haha.

Seeing the people!!! It was so exciting it was actually happening. And the secret alcohol stash lol.

Ellen blowing kisses down the table at me was lovely.

Gina with the BEAUTIFUL hair and her mum being so lovely and kissing me and everything. I'm actually moving to Gina's now.

Finally finding Becca and Livi. Livi said it was Becca...

Maddi!!! and the pretty presents. We had much cleavage down our end of the table haha.

Endless pretty photos and kisses, many randomly from Hana which was of course lovely

Our endless trips to the bathroom.

The hen night people! And that bride was so nice and she'd been with her fiance for like 12 years or something.
AWWWWW!

The conga down the street. Oh my goodness so much fun!

The actual food was really good.

Singing happy birthday and my rubbish attempts to hide behind Gina. Apparently I went red.

The scary waiter's dancing....

Having to drink that shot. I was choking for like 5 minutes after, what the hell was it?!

Screaming. It was awesome, we did it loads.

Finally seeing the other end of the table like 3 quarters of the way through the meal. But they were lovely and everyone was so nice with the compliments! I felt so special And thank you Fran for the Smirnoff Ice continuing the girl after my own heart theme...

All the money, was soooo pretty...

Me and Hana rushing off after to give the bride a big hug goodbye.

Mine and Kate being American for ages. "like so totally awesome!!"

Going to the bar which name i have forgotten and having Sex on the Beach drink haha bought by the lovely Fran for me.

Dancing when no one else was. We rocked!!!!

Loads of people leaving. I have never hugged and kissed so many people in my life in such a short space of time!! But it was awesome. And I love you all sooo much! But I still don't get where Ed and Tim went, I know Tim is alive but where the hell is Ed??.... Had a slight panic moment there.... FYI Ed too is alive. He says.

Glittery handness haha with Hana. And Maddi's breasts. Just don't ask...

Moving off somewhere, I think Gaby, Kate and Siobhan were in Leadmill. Sorry I didn't see you guys and say goodbye. Also Kate I have your curlers and your shoes. And I hope you have my makeup.

Singing!!!! On the random street! The Never Ending song and Lucy in the sky with diamonds haha...

Going home really early at like quarter to 11. My party outlasted me oh dear...

My deranged hair this morning. It's quite quite funny.

In total it was a totally amazing night and although not everyone who I wanted to be there was there, it was still good and there were some people who even though I don't know as well like Trudi and Fran, it was still amazing to see you and you're all honourary Birkdalians now haha. I know I've mentioned Fran a lot but I've met her 3 times and she's lovely. New drinking best friends!!!! We have to meet up more often.

All in all thank you all so much for coming, it means so so much to me and I'm sooo honoured and touched you did. I love you all to pieces and I couldn't have funnier, prettier friends in the world than you guys (no offence to my others, you know you're all fabulous anyway). So many love and kisses, I look forward to a happier future with all of you. And photos will follow when I nick them off Hana...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/8189716/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/8189716/ Sat, 18 Mar 2006 02:29:57 PST
Well I've had yet another insanely busy week, fun fun fun of course.... Or not....

Well I'm having little stresses over party, it's so flippin difficult to organise! And I've got like a million things still to do of course. But it'll be worth it. Obviously. Haha.

Work this week has been sooo awful, many an essay and report to do, but next week doesn't look too bad. And had no theatre studies this week which is really bad cos our performance is so near and we have no director sooo a tad bit of trouble.

Argh too tired to think of anything else, I will eventually answer messages I swear...

Bex xxxxxxxxxxxx

P.S. Rich's brother rocks!!!

Hello again part 2....

Well next morning. Highlights of yesterday-

Being put in the awesome crew. And I'm angelic haha!

Biology lesson. Putting glue on leaves and cutting holes in tape. The point eluded me somewhat.

Dinner. I actually went to Broomhill with someone!! in this case Karl.

Playing Barbies with phones was so so hilarious. Especially when Rich's phone joined as a a nerd.

English- Mr Gordon "well Yang that was no use to me at all" and "You end up thinking 'I'm not gonna waste my life reading this, I'm gonna go buy a croissant". A CLASSIC lesson and Jacky missed it!!!

Frees watching Ed write his hilarious work experience report and drawing stars on me with eyeliner.

Going to Refresh with Ellen, seeing the little kid on a date so so cute, "dingo and the french pixies" whatever that was! and getting marshmellows stuck to my face like the sophisticated girl i am lol.

Seeing the picnic feast of Hannah, Hich, Jo and Sayliss. It was HUGE!

History lecture. endless fun. not.

towniness with ellen and rich.

so ends my story. ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/8128767/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/8128767/ Sat, 11 Mar 2006 08:14:22 PST
Arriving (finally lol sorry for the false alarms) and walking in the room and seeing all the people and being sooooo gobsmacked- really so so shocked and honoured you all turned up and actually wanted to see me

My present- OMG that necklace is sooooooooo beautiful, thanks so much guys, especially jack and livi for picking and getting it and thanks to gina and joe and katy and midge for other presents and cards

Getting hugs off everyone and i mean EVERYONE

The alcohol quest haha and then seeing Hess with that bottle of vodka in his pocket all night

Fighting wasn't er good and neither was the throwing up really

Er that, um, moment, I think most people know sadly

Guitar strumming with Rich and Siobhan- so i was playing the same note for 3 hours...

Sleeping in the bed with Joe- how many times did the boy try to feel my arse?!

Rich's rundown of the top ten lines in Pirates of the Carribbean- was just sooo funny

Losing Tay's shoes haha

Going to town with Tay and Becs and nearly getting stuck on the bus lol

Missing that damn tram- it was the alcohol!

Walking round with bags of presents and vodka- sort your life out...

Walking off with Tay's hat- oooops. But it was half 2 in the afternoon in broad daylight why didn't he remind me to give it back?!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/8113521/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/8113521/ Thu, 09 Mar 2006 15:00:24 PST

It's been so amazing, I've just been incredibly happy all day, it's been an awesome birthday, it truly has, and thank you to all those who made it special, beautiful and wonderful-

Kate- for my card organising

All people who signed big card

Hinch- has yelled happy birthday at me an insane amount of times

Everyone who sad happy birthday, even the random people lol

Tim for my incredibly beautiful picture. it means so much to me, i just can't put down in words how touched and stunned i was. thank you so so so much sweetie

Tom for my frankly amazing card, I'm shocked you all spent this much effort on me, I really am so so grateful

Tom Bell- for my birthday kiss lol

just God, the universe and everything for being so damn amazing

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxx ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/8073855/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/8073855/ Sun, 05 Mar 2006 11:44:40 PST
Big thanks to all those who've commented, friended, supported and helped these last couple of months I really appreciate it so much.

With meee, I've been ill and slightly hungover in 3 days. Boooooo Not fun. But I'm better now. But I have the busiest week EVER coming up and sooo much to do it's not even funny, so I may not be able to do much for a while. But birthday on thursday and party a while later so that's fun

Well shattered and busy as I am that about sums it up. I will leave you with this, the letter from the film A Knight's Tale, something that just melts my heart:

“It is strange to think I haven’t seen you since a month. I have seen the new moon, but not you. I have seen sunsets and sunrises, but nothing of your beautiful face. The pieces of my broken heart are so small they can be passed through the eye of a needle. I miss you like the sun misses the flower. Like the sun misses the flower in the depths of winter. Instead of beauty to direct its light to the heart hardens like the frozen world your absence has banished me to. I next compete in the city of Paris and I will find it empty and in the winter if you are not there. Hope guides me. It is what gets me through the day and especially the night. The hope that after you are gone from my sight it will not be the last time I look upon you.”

Much love and bye bye xxxxxxx ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/8038521/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/8038521/ Wed, 01 Mar 2006 14:50:01 PST I've been trying to be where you are,
And I've been secretly falling apart,
I'll see.
To me, you're strange and you're beautiful,
You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see,
You turn every head but you don't see me.

I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep and I'll put a spell on you.
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realise that you love me.

Yeah...
Yeah...

Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,
Sometimes, the first thing you want never comes,
And I know, the waiting is all you can do,
Sometimes...

I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep,
I'll put a spell on you,
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realise that you love me.

I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep 'cos I'll put a spell on you,
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realise that you love me, yeah...

yeah...
yeah...
yeah...
yeah..."

Aqualung, Strange and Beautiful

Mood: Not bad not bad
Reading: haha you think i have time to read?
Watching: Spirited Away. Finally

Argh this is annoying I did this once already and it didn't work so I have to do it again. no fair

well lessons were pretty normal today, though p.e. was pretty awesome as we just played charades for ages congrats to ellen for my (even i didn't get 'my becky' from her hugging me round the head) and Rich's tragically hilarious Narnia attempt . And then sexual driving ... was sooooo funny.

Then I did mapwork teaching to third years... not a bad lot actually, pretty calm even though Jonno's group cheated soooo much but team Rebecca won so it was all groovy.

Then I got another new Ipod mini, third this year which ain't great but it's here so that's good.

Watched Spirited Away- I must apologise unreservedly to Alistair for not only nicking his DVD for like a month or something and then finding contrary to my expectations it is actually rather good .

Erm...

Does half the year do geography?! Loooooads of people were missing!

8 days to my birthday!

I did no homework tonight. oooops....

Last night as a subscriber probs back to normality...

Anywho, luvs ya all and nite nite!

X Bex X

P.S. WEASELS!!!!! ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/8026681/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/8026681/ Tue, 28 Feb 2006 10:39:51 PST I've been trying to be where you are,
And I've been secretly falling apart,
I'll see.
To me, you're strange and you're beautiful,
You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see,
You turn every head but you don't see me.

I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep and I'll put a spell on you.
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realise that you love me.

Yeah...
Yeah...

Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,
Sometimes, the first thing you want never comes,
And I know, the waiting is all you can do,
Sometimes...

I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep,
I'll put a spell on you,
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realise that you love me.

I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep 'cos I'll put a spell on you,
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realise that you love me, yeah...

yeah...
yeah...
yeah...
yeah..."

Aqualung, Strange and Beautiful

Mood: Alrightish I spose
Listening to: Er. many.
Reading: haha you think i have time to read?
Watching: Wallace and Gromit :D

I am shattered. I've just looked through like 70 deviations in about 20 minutes so sorry if I kinda skipped some I had to make quick decisions about what I liked and what I didn't

Busy week again. I've worked out from now on I'm staying 4 nights a week after school... i mean what?! when am i gonna work??? sigh.

Too much schoolwork to do at the moment I just want to sleep sooo badly and I seem to have loads to do even though it's less than usual. i think I need a holiday

In better news, nearly my birthday!!!!!!!!! Next thursday, 9th March, which is about 9 days! Very exciting and it'll be fun to have some special day. When where party is is still in debate though. Won't be the 11th, it'll be one of the 2 weekends after that, so we could feature in other birthdays like Rich and Tim as a thought...

Well I need to go find food/work/fall asleep so I'll go. I'll do a diary tomoz as it might be my last as a subscriber so yeah.

Finally to those geography trip going people have lots of fun and try not to fall in a lake or something equally daft. I would prefer it if you all came back alive. But it's good anyway as half my biology class is gone so we can't do coursework mua ha ha...

X Bex X ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/8007678/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/8007678/ Sun, 26 Feb 2006 11:01:09 PST In the end we walk close to the edge and are so close to losing
In the end we are just blindly stumbling in the dark
Hoping against hope to do something right.

In the end darkness will overcome
In the end we all break down
In the end nothing is sacred
In the end we can never truly be found.

In the end destruction is welcome
In the end we can never see our path
In the end beauty withers
In the end can we ever really see the light?

Nice and cheerful for ya ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7979799/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7979799/ Thu, 23 Feb 2006 15:03:53 PST I'm gonna be on here all the time for the next week.

Mood: Happy!!!!!!!!!!!!
Listening to: Vow by Garbage
Reading: The ones I'm doing for exams haha
Watching: Erm. I think the Crucible. Later will be anyway.

EXAMness. Oh deary me. Got my biology mocks.. one was 56%, a c, the other 19% a u. haha oh dear oh dear. never mind. only mocks anyhow .

Done my last in lesson exams today, got to do one for mrs daly at home tonight but other than that finished! which is obviously very exciting. Today has not been good in terms of free time, i mean a drama exam, general studies exam, dinner doing my lunch duties ahem aka sitting around, biology lesson and another general studies exam and then rehearsals! fun fun fun. but i have to say that general studies exam was the funniest one EVER guys i mean we just talked through the whole thing so so funny and all the lovely drawings and finding a room.... classic exam, classic. bloody hard though i mean it made nooooooooo sense AT ALL. i mean it was just rubbish basically. but anyway.

Today we need to look after Karl and Liviberry who is ill. Miss you honey! but you're back tomoz so it's all good

Anyhow, luvs ya all loads and cya later! xxxxxxxxxxx

Some awesome pictures by lovely people:









I'm doing these daily to show how many wonderful people are out there!

]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7951944/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7951944/ Mon, 20 Feb 2006 11:11:12 PST let's hope he's back soon.

Exams!! Joy of joys. How much fun are we gonna have this week... Well none probably. English and Classics weren't too bad today, didn't exactly know anything but then again who did. Biology (oh dear God i need help...) and Classics The odyssey await me tomorrow. The only good thing is i don't have biology til 7th period so revising time through the day methinks. Not that I know what to revise, I must go hassle people. Thing is I would ask Karl (not much chance there) or Maddi who I couldn't find. Usmaan and Sayliss proved totally useless. Sorting my biology folder (again.......) cos it broke. That's like the third one or something it's just so not funny at all cos i'm gonna lose work at this rate. And that is baaaaaaaad. And got my new bus pass (see Rich I knew where the photo thing was) so that stops the massive bus fare. £2.20 this morning i was like oh dear me.

Well I don't know what else to say. I'm tired and my brain has gone to jelly thinking about Greek temples, so I think I will wander off and do some folder tidying. Farewells xxxxxxxx ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7904905/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7904905/ Wed, 15 Feb 2006 09:32:26 PST
MESSAGES

I'm sorry I am trying to answer them, I'm down to 55 so hopefully will all be done in the next few days with any luck. Sorry if I haven't commented, but I have to prioritise and if I don't instantly love it I tend to skip it sorry.

PHONE

Only applies to Birkdale people but do NOT text or call me, I lost my phone Email me or talk to me on messenger until I get a new one.

VALENTINE'S DAY

Some people will already have heard... It involved tequila, lots of walking in the rain, falling over and snogging and phone losing. That covers it really.

CAMERA!!!

How excited I'm getting my own camera for my birthday, which means I can finally stop nicking my dad's hooray.

DECISION

Question is do I want a new phone (with photos and video and MP3) or do I want my hair permanently straightening. Argh too hard to choose...

REVISION

I have done NONE. Oh dear. This is NOT good. I must attempt some tomorrow or at least read the end of the Great Gatsby. Do something useful anyway.

PHYSICAL CONDITION

Good, hair is somewhat deranged and I have hurt my foot somehow and have got the cold back again, but otherwise fine.

EMOTIONAL CONDITION

That's good too, feeling quite mellow and happy still, with occasional worrying over people (you know who you are) but I'm fine really. It's been a good few days and I'm enjoying life. As it is.

DEVIATIONS

Please look at my new photos and comment I'm really pleased with them.

WAY FORWARD...

Well I want to write and have a I Capture the Castle type storyline currently buzzing, so maybe I'll write that. Then photos... I dunno really. I want some nature ones, that would be cool.

People of the week: Thomas Bell. Sweetie you rock!!! And leave such cute comments that make me smile. But I don't think he watches me so someone else might have to tell him... And Hess, Maddi and Hatty. The girls are fab kissers. Haha. And Hess brings lots of tequila. S'all good. ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7883004/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7883004/ Mon, 13 Feb 2006 12:19:05 PST
Losing my bus pass was a bad start. Where the HELL is it I'm gonna have to spend a fortune on bus fares. I really hope I haven't lost it.

Wearing new school jumper. It's soooo gorgeous!

Being late. So I don't know where oakholme road is iles ok?!

Bus station parking. OMG sooo funny that we couldn't walk across the tarmac 20 foot to the bus. I mean wtf was going ont there.

SWANSSSSSSSSS

Big hill. Was indeed big.

Cathedral was very nice, freezing cold, but nice and interesting. And fake Da vinci code blocks around, so cool!

Castle- magna carta was fairly boring, but walking round the walls was good and Charlotte "There is no way in hell I'm going down there!" to the dungeon was hillllarious.

Random bridge well things

Having a photo in a road lol. So nearly died haha

Finallllly having dinner at like 3.30/4 pm. OMG we were all like starving, but it was nice pizza and the squealer/grunter thing was er interesting....

SWEETIE SHOP! How totally amazing is that place, I love it!!

Everyone losing everyone else on the way back to the bus. People kept missing each other...

Trip home and the big fight, olly blagden vs everyone else, and nicking photos off iles phone, finally i've seen the christmas lunch ones!

I think that pretty much covers it. Was a good day actually, lots of fun. See my other site for photos... ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7873123/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7873123/ Sun, 12 Feb 2006 11:32:52 PST
LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE

Name: Rebecca Claire Miller
Birthplace: Sheffield, England
Current Location: Sheffield still
Eye Colour: Dark brown
Hair Colour: Brownish but dyed reddy/brown
Righty or Lefty: Righty
Zodiac Sign: Pisces. Do you know how hard that is to spell when you're young...
LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE

Your heritage: Mum's from Rotherham, Dad from London
What Shoes Did You Wear Today: My plimsolly/conversy trainer things which i adore to pieces.
Your weakness: chocolate and compliments
Your fears: loneliness
Your perfect pizza: pepperoni and ham
Goal you'd like to achieve: Family, actress job, happiness, peace and love
LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW

Your most overused phrase: I'll be there in a minute...
Your thoughts first waking up: Argh no it's too early...
Your best physical features: eyeeees
Your bedtime: 1-3am
Your most missed memory: Being content and happy with the simplest things and not caring what i looked like

LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK

Pepsi or CokE: Diet Coke
McDonald's or Burger King: McDonalds
Single or group dates: Errrr... Single for a romantic date, group just for going out
Adidas or Nike: Neither
Lipton Tea or Nestea: nope neither
Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
Cappuccino or coffee: neither!

LAYER FIVE: DO/DID/ARE YOU

Smoke: nope
Cuss: yeah too much probably
Have a crush: oh hell yes
Think you've been in love: i think so
Like(d) high school: i hated secondary school, love sixth form
Believe in yourself: no
Get motion sickness: occasionally
Think you're a health freak: nope
Get along with your parents: practically never
Like thunderstorms: yes, beautiful and dangerous
Play an instrument: I used to play the clarinet, now just sing

LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH


Been to the mall: yeah
Been on stage: oh yes- adrian mole
Eaten Sushi: nope
Gone skating: i hope so
Gone skinny dipping: really no
Dyed your hair: yeah
Stolen anything: probably but only as a joke

LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER

Played a game that required removal of clothing: don't believe so
Gotten beaten up: Yes but in a jokey way
Changed who you were to fit IN: probably to some extent


LAYER EIGHT: GETTING OLDER

Age you hope to be married: 25
Numbers of Children: 5 definitely
Describe your dream wedding: just romantic and beautiful
How do you want to die: peacefully
What do you want to be when you grow up: actress, writer, something with english anyway
What country would you most like to visit: India, Ireland, Iceland, Russia, Cambodia

LAYER NINE: IN A GAL/GUY

Best eye color?: can be any
Best hair color?: any but preferably natural looking
Short or long hair: in between and curls are cuuuute
Best first date location: somewhwere where we can just talk and be together

LAYER TEN: IN THE NUMBERS

Number of people I can trust: quite a lot
Number of friends I have: loads- and you're all amazing!
Number of cd's i own: far too many
Number of piercings: 2 - both my ears
Number of tattoos: none, wouldn't mind one though
Number of times been on T.V.: probably none i think
Number of scars on my body: oh god. Over 70 probably.

Again i'm sorry. Thank u for reading ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7856150/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7856150/ Fri, 10 Feb 2006 13:57:16 PST
HOLIDAYSSS!!!!!! How exciting?! Alright so not that good but it's still abreak, a chance to do other stuff. So this week, I'm going to see my friend Tracy tomorrow, sunday dog looking after (oh how exciting) Monday going to Lincoln with school (muahaha I'm like Mr Clarkes most enthusiastic student without actually doing history...) but me and Iles will prob be the only people from L6 again (I could be wrong, correct me if I'm wrong, it's just York didn't have a huge turnout), Tuesday Valentine's Day!! And I have my maddi! Haha casual lesbian over here (just kidding...) Wednesday Thursday and Friday nowt (trip to the cinema people?) Saturday mine and Kate's party (twill be awesome) and Sunday revising probs. So a nice rest haha i think not. And then there's that damned revising to do.... Ah well I'll fit it in somewhere.

Today has been a weird kinda day, I've been up since 5.30 WORKING but I've done my drama essays and my english chapter summary so that's something i suppose. Then first lesson I had biology coursework. Bloody marvellous. I knew NOTHING. Literally. And neither did anyone else. Sooooo screwed. Then Classics where I was making up party invitations, Then lunch where I drew a stage and did my wandering to Broomhill alone thing (I like it) And then English (being rather relaxed drinking hot chocolate lol) and drama where we get to act the Crucible. Absolutely awesome though my over the top flirting (I'm playing something of a slut) and threatening and slapping everyone else is just so funny. Then after school getting the keys from behind the cupboard was just so funny and random and you all looked very glammed up disco running people!

Emotionally wise I'm doing alright I think. Feeling fairly stableish this week and i think having a week to chill a bit more will be really good, just a chance to destress and sort out work and tidy and stuff. Plus stuff is going well with people, I've hugged so many people today it's silly, i was just having one of those days where i needed to hug EVERYONE (apologies if i missed you it was mainly girls. And Tim. haha) so it's been awesome and I feel all loved even though everyone is off doing something except me. Humph. Ah well early night and sleep it is. I love you all very much and have a good few days xxx mwah xxxx

Oh yeah funniness- people who do Geography I think, you know you wave at Classics people in the break thing? Mr Dean thought you were my fan club haha so funny!

Person of the Week: Tom. For being smiley and positive

TAGGED
*** 7 Things that scare you...

+ Mrs Linford, my biology teacher. She just unnerves me.
+ Being alone in life
+ Not getting married or having kids. I really want a family
+ mashed potato. damned scary
+ late homework. will it be done won't it...
+ people saying stuff about me behind my back. I heard i was a lesbian because i was of "lesbian build" the other day. how fucking stupid...
+just what happens when i can't cope anymore

*** 7 Things you like the most...

+ dreaming, day or night
+ listening to music
+ laughing
+ mythology and fairy tale stories
+ that tingling feeling when everything is just lovely
+ being with my lovely friends and just being so happy around them
+ being in love, unrequited or otherwise. it's just incredible the way you fall for people

*** 7 Important things in your room...

+ bed. this is CRUCIAL
+ tv
+ laptop
+ posters and pics from Paris and of friends
+ my old cuddly toys. remind me of my childhood
+ books. i lurve my books
+ just all the random but important stuff

*** 7 Random facts about you...

+ Hopelessly, pathetically, completely overromantic. But that's GOOOOD!!!
+ I have a wicked side hehehe
+ I have moments where I'm completely lost in my own little world. I'm just a kid really
+ I'm practically unshockable. I've seen it all before...
+ I've no sense of direction at all
+ I'm too easily affected by little things and think small things mean something huge and terrible when they don't
+ I really think I'm ugly. Not trying to get sympathy but I don't see anything really nice about myself. One day, one day.

*** 7 Things you plan to do before you die...

+ fall in love with someone who is just amazing (ha did that really http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7827733/ Tue, 07 Feb 2006 11:30:16 PST I'm sure you've all noticed by now anyway... But I do have an insane amount of work. And the fact I never start til about 8 means I never have time to do it all. EVER. And I'm getting this huge backlog and stuff being added all the time... And no time to do anything. Great. It's gonna be a fun few weeks with hols and revision and exams. Oh yeah we need an end of term celebration people. Fountains anyone? Cos lets face it revision will SUCK, not that I've got time to do any ahem...

Today was alrightish. Classics was dull, break nice , english funny (my best attribute is reading in class. oh dear...), lunch baaaad, drama was ok (still screaming I sell myself to Lucifer...) and biology was awesome... ok I got a D+ but I was on time (and made Mrs Linford's day haha) and did an excellent presentation which was waaay better than the other groups apparently... so it's all good. Boring but fine.

Emotional wise, it's been... emotional. ahahaha. But it has. And I'm trying to sort stuff out and everyone is falling apaaaart.... So it's not been brilliant. People fighting, people upset... and I'm really not sure what to do about some things. So argh. SO stressed. But I see it as an essential part of being a friend to comfort and help people, so I want to try be strong for others and help them in my own way as best i can. Even if that's hard. But yeah. I'm here if anyone wants to talk (and you probably all know that anyway). So yeah. Life goes on. ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7809987/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7809987/ Sun, 05 Feb 2006 14:19:30 PST
1) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
"taken up in an unexpected way" From the Great Gatsby. Line 5 "Civilisation's going to pieces" is a much better line.


2) Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.
I've hit a cabinet full of interesting books since this is the office and has none of my stuff in it.


3) What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Some Agatha Christie my parents were watching.

4) Without looking, guess what time it is
10pm


5) Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
9.59pm. How good???

6) With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
"Right Here, Right Now" by Fatboy Slim. It's the music on the end of The Virgin Suicides trailer so it's suddenly quite meaningful. And now Supervixen by Garbage.

7) When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Walking the dog. Before that walking from West End to town cos I was too lazy to find a bus from the drama studio.


8) Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
emerald apples diary about strange cooking. my kind of diary.


9)What are you wearing?
Pyjamas cos I just had a bath. I was wearing a white vest top and jeans with brown paint on.


11) Did you dream last night?
I don't believe so no. That's disappointing. I get weird premonition dreams they are sooo cool.


12) When did you last laugh?
A hour ago or so at my dog sleeping weirdly.

13)What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Lots of uninteresting pictures. In my room however I have posters and pictures from Paris ( the place not a person) and pictures of my friends, A noticeboard with little on it, a little picture of horses, a picture of a teddybear and a toy parrot. Don't ask me why.


14)Seen anything weird lately?
Yes. My leg. Veeeery strange.


15) What do you think of this quiz?
Love writing random stuff about myself.


16) What is the last film you saw?
Half of Spirited Away, The Virgin Suicides or American Beauty on DVD, can't remember which. Fun with Dick and Jane at the cinema. Indited was sooo funny....


17) If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
Help the poor people. Corny but it's so stupid they don't even have basics like water.


18) Tell me something about you that I don't know:
My dad dropped me on my head when I was a baby. And didn't even take me to a hospital. My mum hit me with a frying pan once. Thankfully not over the head. I once stuck a pencil in my hand without knowing how. I could go on...


19) If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
World peace and everyone equal. Just everyone well and no more fighting.

20) Do you like to dance?
In clubs I love it cos I feel powerful. On my own yes. In fact yes I do full stop actually. I look like an idiot but what the hell.

21) George Bush:
Is a tosser. Full stop.


22) Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Skye. And the other 3 girls will be called Ayla, Malenko and Erin. Girls plan these things you know.


23) Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Ben. Cos I've met lots of nice people called Ben.


24) Would you ever consider living abroad?
Yes I would. Probably not forever. But I'd like to try.


25) What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
"Fancy being an angel?" or seriously "You've made something of your life and helped people."

26) 4 people who must also do this meme in THEIR journal:
1) Tom. Has already done it so no work for him.
2) Wonnie. Cos I don't know her that well.
3) Tim. If you want to dear.
4) Ellen or Livi. Whoever's online first.


27) Did you totally screw up the numbering system of this quiz?
What? I'm confused. Did I miss something?

Life, life, life. Fun, fun, fun. Friday night went to Gina's for a girly sleepover. That was nice and cosy and fun and I had a really good time. Trainspotting was awesome (or the bits I saw) and Titanic and 28 Days and The Devil's Advocate. And such secrets... But anyway. Saturday went to the pics to see Fun with Dick and Jane. Indited was hilarious cos no one knew what it meant and Joe actually rang up his mum to find out... was funny to me anyway. and then today went set building, got COVERED in paint, and walked to town from west end... why who knows. And did a little work, Bout to more so luvs ya and bye bye xxxx ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7779980/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7779980/ Thu, 02 Feb 2006 11:04:52 PST
Person of the WeeK:Erm it's Ellen again sorry. But she has been totally adorable and supportive and calm. So that's good. If I have to pick someone new, it would be Hess for the same reasons as Ellen. ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7772398/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7772398/ Wed, 01 Feb 2006 15:16:59 PST
Mood is a bit up and down today, the parents are driving me insane!!!! but I'm trying to be positive. Trying.

Firstly, messages. I'm sorry I seem to be taking a few days to get back to everyone but I keep coming on and having insane amounts of messages and it's taking me a while to work through them all. So be patient. Just wait til I go to Rome for a week now that will be a silly amount. Plus I am trying to do stuff on my other site as I haven't been there for ages.

Today has been good actually, Damn easy lessons first 3 periods due to non-appearing teachers. English was a it harder but only cos we had a test, it wasn't that hard but it required some sort of thought which was a challenge... Then P.E. which was damn cool, not only was there LOADS of chocolate on the way there, but me and Ellen did really well on that tough features wall (ellen got to the top yay!!!) and we are climbing goddesses. It's official. Then after school went with Elz to Vittles and had some AWESOME hot chocolate and marshmellows for like 2 hours or so it must have been and we just had a great talk about everything. Which was so good. Really needed it I think. I felt a bit happier after and it's gonna be a weekly thing so it's damn cool.

Emotional wise if you wanna know ask me. Otherwise leave it. You really don't wanna go there. ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7733195/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7733195/ Sat, 28 Jan 2006 15:24:40 PST
Watching: The Virgin Suicides

Mood: weird. and ill.

Hi I've managed to resist writing a blog for a few days so it's catch up.

Had a goodish week this week, it's been stressful with biology tests (no one knew ANYTHING. seriously), history debates (I lost but Leo Wan won so Birkdale still goes through hooray!!) and auditions for the Canterbury Tales. All 5 people at mine got parts. I want Alison or the Wife of Bath I think. But we'll see. So it's been hectic and tomorrow I am going Youth group/Bible service thinging with Elz, Livs and Becca. So that will be fun methinks. Though people aren't exactly convinced I'm er suited to religion. Well I don't either to be honest but it's worth a go.

Health wise i'm dying of a cold. Honestly I HATE colds you feel so rotten. I've been sleeping all day cos I've got no energy. Or dancing sexily when I do (it's good to practice these things ) so it's been odd. And I won't go into other stuff. It's too hard anymore. Leave me to think. And we'll see what happens.

I am now addicted to The Virgin Suicides, which is an awesome film. And the trailer is just as good. Not only have I been inspired to keep a diary, Lux Lisbon, troublemaker and slut extraordinare has become my new heroine. I kid you not. But not so much in the slut way as to be daring and sexy and rebellious and see that I don't have to and shouldn't be perfect. It's your faults people love you for rather than your perfection. And let's face I'm never gonna be perfect. I fully expect to be deeply neurotic, paranoid and insane for a while yet. I just haven't decided whether to embrace it and love that or try to be good and moral. Neither seems good to me really. Sigh. It's all so hard. But anyway I'll think a while. Maybe I'm too young to pigeonhole myself. I don't feel like I've lived yet, I mean I've done some rites of passage stuff like drinking, clubbing and so on but not much of it. So it continues.

Person of the Week: Elz. Just randomly said "You have gorgeous eyes you know and it goes so well with your hair." I actually forgot how to talk I was so startled. So thank you sweetie, it was much appreciated and made me smile. ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7713971/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7713971/ Thu, 26 Jan 2006 13:41:58 PST
And for those who don't like my lack of faith in anything, I'm going to a prayer meeting thing. Honestly. Having a talk on religion and faith and stuff with Elz, I said I was thinking of going to church one time to see how I felt. And Elz said I could go to her prayer thing at her church. So that'll be interesting. My parent thought I'd gone quite quite mad but nevermind. It'll be an experience. Though even if I find God I don't plan to lead a moral life, I don't want to miss some experiences so I won't suddenly change but it'd be nice to have faith in something for once. It mainly came from that disconnected feeling I've been having, like I didn't really belong. I want to belong to something. And not feel alone any more. so yeah. Here goes. ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7685115/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7685115/ Mon, 23 Jan 2006 12:45:11 PST
Another day at school. I might do weekly updates from now on rather than daily to save on all the journals. But the weekend, on sat, i was meant to go out with the gang to the cinema but parents wouldn't let me. Cue hysterical tears from me, discovery of (more) scars by mother and father trying to make me see a pyschiatrist and failing. But we had a nice make up and fun bowling (though it's hard when you're tipsy...) but fun nonetheless. And sunday shopping with bezzie mate Lauren, and my nice new green top. Which i shall try to wear a lot.

Many exciting trips coming up and things to pay for. I am getting my hair permanently straightened which should in theory stop it being so damn irritating and big. But I already have it dyed so I can't have a radical makeover sadly. And then there is LONDON, our big group trip even if i can only do half of it with nooo money... But i couldn't miss it, it sounds awesome. And then MY BIRTHDAY!!!! 9th March and I want a PARTY! Not a huge do but moderate so I'll need money for alcohol for 30 ish people i think and hopefully not too rowdy people. Though where i'm having it is undecided still. Anywho, laters and much love and !!! ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7658678/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7658678/ Fri, 20 Jan 2006 15:03:39 PST
~Bynsa- she's so nice and sweet, and has damn awesome pictures too!

*Daytha- another adorable person whith some utterly amazing drawing skills.

~nonart- just weird abstract incredible stuff.

~Velarian- great guy (with great hair) and great pics too.

So there you go. Visit these people. And everyone on my contact list you're awesome too.

Soooo. Got to registration. ON TIME. And was the only girl. Humph. Thrilling as Delapo, Xiyang and Sam are Elz you are much better company. This i discover sadly today. But anyway. Biology was sooo much fun, mainly cos I was sat next to Maddi and Usmaan and Usmaan kept making me laugh with the sellotape, trust me it was hilarious. Classics was boring, then dinner with Joe. We were just on our own for ages messing around doing silly photos and stuff, it was awesome. That boy can make me laugh so much! And plus he's sweet too. The brother i never had haha. Then english, mr g getting steadily more insane, and drama doing the Crucible and getting the Adrian Mole dvd! So weird watching yourself. Then home and not to the party because i thought i was too tired but was bored out of mind by half 9 so i wish i had gone now. But anyways. Farewell and adieu to anybody who gives a damn and is actually still reading by this point. ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7647497/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7647497/ Thu, 19 Jan 2006 11:05:11 PST
Jarhead! a way awesome trip. Go see it's very cool. Even though Joe was distracting me throwing jelly beans down my top. Ah well.

Schooool!! We're back!! Hurrah!! I was getting so bored, i mean really, bored out of my mind. So I'm really happy to be back and seeing the lively people. And I started the term with 2 people angry at me but i think i've made it with both so that's awesome. It's just bizarre seeing people, I've missed gina and maddi and kate and katy and hannah and ellen and livs and joe and midge and etc, etc, etc. I missed loads of people basically. Lessons are taking some getting used to. Argh homework is not good, but I'm going to FINISH it. I swear. And there are many other exciting things happening, but i shall blog them as they happen.

First Birkdalian meeting today veeery exciting. Though I have no idea who that Gavin kid I'm meant to find it. I shall find someone help me no doubt.

It's been so busy today. I was late. AGAIN. 9.05 so that's erm pretty bad. Drama was fun reading the Crucible which we are performing next term. Scaaary. Then break, then the final General Studies lesson with Mr Kenyon. I swear that man makes my head spin. Then lunch with Birkdalian, laughing with Livi over silly Biology work, and my non- existent lunch duties. oops. ah well. Then biology which was FUN shock horror. And i answered a question and got it RIGHT!! haha wonders will never cease. Mrs Linford was like "excellent Rebecca" i was so proud. Then singing lesson. I will pay the bill ellen. I swear. Monday hopefully. Then freeeee where I did not mess up maddi's biology, tried not to fall asleep and gave a tim a hug cos he looked sad but a little bit happier afterwards i hope. And another fun girly chat with gina livi and me. SOOO funny I was actually really crying. And then shopping, got my new foundation (£11! argh. but worth it hopefully) and home. So busy, but fun. Anyway laters!!!! ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7629111/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7629111/ Tue, 17 Jan 2006 11:16:36 PST
Mood: random
Listening to: American Beauty soundtrack. So shoot me.
Watching: Spirited Away in a minute

Well back to school and all that jazz! So far it's been... not brilliant really. No actually it's been ok and nice to see people I've not seen in aaaages (I missed Gina and Elz so much!!) It's just kinda weird to be back and in that environment. and being stressed over stuff. People. And my hair. Grr it's annoying. But anyway.

Work is pretty goddamn awful, though I freely admit it is my own fault for doing nothing over the holidays. It's been mentally busy the last few days and I've been back at school for two. So not fair. And it doesn't help I'm kinda scatterbrained and i managed to lose 2 drama essays earlier (i think they're with my english coursework but i'm not sure) so obviously one of my sophisticated and mature days.

So life in general isn't too bad. I mean work is driving me crazy (i got up and was working by 6.30 this morning) and you know the whole general sleeping/healthy living plan has gone off the rails as per usual, but I'm having so much fun seeing people and being back in lessons (I'm not so bored anymore, hooray!) so it's all groovy. I think.

P.S. Thank you so much to those viewing and commenting, I will try and get back to you quickly but I have loads of work so it may take a few days but i will reply! ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7579461/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7579461/ Thu, 12 Jan 2006 11:19:59 PST
I hate my hair.
I hate my skin because its so awful.
I hate being overweight.
I hate that my mind doesn't seem to work like anyone elses.
I hate cutting my arms and legs.
I hate being suicical.
I hate not being able to see.
I hate that I lie.
I hate that I steal.
I hate that I'm awful at planning and working.
I hate that I'm lonely.
I hate it when I'm don't get what I want.
I hate that I can't deal with rejection.
I hate that I hurt people.
I hate that I'm miserable.
I hate being me.

I love my eyes because they're so dark.
I love my lips.
I kinda love my smile. Reluctantly.
I love my curves.
I love being drenched in the rain.
I love watching sunrises.
I love being on my own in my own little world.
I love it when everything is dark and I don't have to pretend to be anything I'm not.
I love it when I make people laugh.
I love it when I can help people.
I love fantasy worlds where anything is possible.
I love being in love, when your heart soars when you see that person.
I love being with my friends because they're so wonderful.
I love my family for not giving up on me.
I love music becuase it's so incredibly beautiful.
I love roses.
I love being different and utterly unique.
I love being me!

Someone made me realise something last night. And it kinda dawned on me what people were saying all along. It's kinda rubbish, but the best way to say it is a line from a film "That there was ths incredibly benevolent force who wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever". I'm not saying I've gone religious, but I just kinda feel this is it y'know. Life and all that. And I'm wasting it. So badly. On things that don't really matter. There's so many beautiful wonderful things in the world and I'm destroying the very thing that keeps me here to see them. So here I am. You may judge me if you like, you may lecture me, tell me off or praise me. But here I am. Let the living begin. ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7570534/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7570534/ Wed, 11 Jan 2006 03:54:15 PST hehehe
Listening: The soundtrack of that anime series about the robots. More Stamina Rose now though.
Watching: American Beauty. Still.

Alright so spanking isn't exactly a mood, but I feel naughty and dangerous so it'll do. Bizarre has clearly affected my brain before I've even read it. Seriously though it looks a bit strange a 16 year old girl buying a magazine with naked women on the front... Ah well, it's for the articles. Really. Honest.

But I'm also bored at work. This table is not immensely entertaining. Mr G just came to see me- I'm doing well and being useful you know- and this afternoon, get this, I'm going to the Calendar TV studios for a tour!!! OMG I'm soooo excited. *falls off chair with excitement* But I have a meeting in the middle of lunch which is slightly less exciting. Someone called Toby in marketing apparently. Whoever he is.

The debate on my last journal is closed and nobody really won, we all just go very confused. You may carry on but I'm not as bothered. I won't change my beliefs anyway and it's hard to understand others which seem the opposite to mine. But I respect them (losers!!) and will try to stop putting subtle opposition in my writing.

But this week has been quite cool actually. Mainly cos me and Timothy have been hanging out at lunch (how long did we spend in Virgin Megastores??) and he walked me to my building yesterday. All together now a big AWWW! So sweet. And I have done work too and it's been fairly interesting (I'm very good at writing press releases hehehe obviously have career lined up now) and it's been fuuuun. And I feel happy! Yippee ai ay! *rolls around on floor laughing* ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7563770/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7563770/ Tue, 10 Jan 2006 11:59:35 PST
Is it better to love a person with allconsuming passion and adoration and see them as pefect, or to love humanity but see their faults?

In the blue corner, we have me as the born romantic who'd rather be in love anyway no matter what the consequences are and loves everyone and doesn't see their faults as much.

In the red corner we have Alistair, in his owns words "heartless" and a "cynic" who sees everyone's faults but helps people when something bad happens.

Let the debate commence. ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7553853/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7553853/ Mon, 09 Jan 2006 12:29:44 PST No really I am.
Listening to: That damn Inner Universe song. For 3 days. ALISTAIR!!!
Watching: Still American Beauty. It's awesome it really is.

Ah work experience... Well mine wasn't exactly thrilling today. It could be worse, I mean it's warm and interesting at times but I had so much free time where nobody gave me anything to do, I was like sooo bored. Therefore I'm taking work tomorrow. Need to fill up my time. But lunch was fun wandering and seeing Timothy, and the afternoon doing research for press packs was fun. But need more to do... I'm going on a photoshoot thing tomorrow I think, possibly with a frozen rat... ah the weirdness.

Today has been quite boring actually, I'm trying to sort out stuff for the theatre company I might be joining and emailing random people. I might actually work. Dear me it's come to this...

Serious I need to do something. So I write journals about nonsense. So I'm sorry, there's been so many lately I'm just bored and I'll write less when I'm back at school promise. But my thoughts look ahead... Another full weekend of seeing Kate friday, bowling at some point and work and ahh I don't know... stuff anyway. And then there's school hip hip hooray, then it's exactly 2 months to my birthday today. As if you cared. But yeah anyway.

Sorry brain's dying so I'll give up here. At my current rate I'll have 3 journals tomorrow if I'm this bored. Pray for me... ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7534176/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7534176/ Sat, 07 Jan 2006 09:38:13 PST
I want to apologise to you guys and girls. I realise over the last half term and so on I have been an utterly miserable idiot burdening you with my every mood and misery when you don't need or want to hear them. So I'm sorry I put you through all that, I am by no means recovered in any way, shape or form but I'm starting to realise some things are better kept to myself and I'm already worried I may have lost one of my friends because of this. This week is particualr has been fairly dreadful, I've been in tears every night and my sense of isolation has gone through the roof despite going out most days. So this is my proposal: if you actually want to know how I am and don't mind me delving into the dark, twisted, deranged corners of my mind then I will gladly tell you. If you don't, just say so and I won't go into details as I feel guilty for hurting people who don't deserve it. If I feel true despair and must talk or I fear I will do something really stupid then I will, but otherwise remain respectful of your choices.

Anyway I will move on now and everyone may rejoin.

Mood: Worried about friends and homework and fairly depressed about life in general.
Reading: Brave New World sort of.
Listening to: Kooks/Oasis
Watching: The Virgin Suicides and American Beauty.

Well yesterday was fun, went shopping to Leeds, got a dress and the dvds I'm watching in the sale. And I completely disagre with Al, American Beauty is inspired genius, it actually made me go from near-suicidal to reasonably happy and at peace with the world. An impressive piece of work therefore.

I'm getting worried about work, I have done NOTHING over this holiday and so I must do lots tomorrow and over this week. Sigh. But people have promised to go see Memoirs of a Geisha next weekend (or should do for missing other excursions) and there's bowling too, so it should be fun.

Work experience is not worrying me terribly I have to say. Having done it before a few years back, I don't mind as much and I ahev seen and done too many scary things since then to be alarmed. I am all shocked out as it were.

As for tonight, I request everyone watch Sea of Souls, it is a great programme and should be watched if you have nothing else to do with your time like rescuing kittens or climbing Mount Everest blindfolded, I don't know how people spend their spare time.

I shall leave people with this utterly depressing thought: "Suicide is a way to introduce the absolute and incontrivertible to a world of inner chaos and doubt." Makes sense to me anyway. ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7518707/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7518707/ Thu, 05 Jan 2006 15:17:10 PST
Jan- entrance exams- argh!!! But I met Ellen, she was sitting next to me I recall and Maddi and Xiyang, it was a strange sort of day.

Getting into Birkdale- OMG so happy!

Feb- who knows?

March- My BIRTHDAY!!!! And the awesome sleepover with Loz, Bec, Kirsty, Tracy and Helena, it was a great night, I've never known so much fun with a mattress as sliding down my stairs on it- mental, painful when you fell off (only me that one) but veeeery cool nonetheless.

Erm April- god knows.

Business thing- damn you Mr Vicars!!! But praise MR Dunning and Miss Jackson, lovely people.

May- nooo idea.

June/ July- all the exam hysteria, GCSES were stressful but fun in an odd sort of way though it being boiling hot and sunny is veeery annoying when you're trying to do exams but I kinda enjoyed it weirdly despite panic revision as always- and even more panicing from maths from tracy turning up at my house when i was trying to revise- somewhat alaming!

Birkdale induction week- bizarre frankly. We weren't at school but were. Confused me no end. But I got to know Kate which was good and I remember Charlie and the Chocolate factory, that was so much fun but we talked loads it was great.

August- freeeedom!!! Noooo more work. I got bored kinda though cos there was nothing to do, i was actually wanting work- always bad when you get to that stage! But it was sunny it was good.

GCSEs results- sooo exciting but so annoyed I was away and getting texts from people about theirs was irritating though you guys did awesome Los and Oli. I wasn't nervous bout opening mine til I got home (my dad kept saying I was waaay too relaxed, I should be more nervous) but then I got them and screamed my head off, I was SO happy bout mine, I was on such a high it was amazing .

September- beginning Birkdale, school of dreams- nerve wracking but was such a good thing, I totally fell in love with the place and getting to know people was awesome, even if not everyone was talkative in the first term (mentioning no names Tim!) But Becca Wagstaffe's party- drunken throwing up from me but still a highlight strangely even if all I did was laugh drunkenly- very funny just talking that night!

October- anyone remember that? Holidays were boring I think.

Joe's party- can't remember what month, around this time, was just the best party, it was so much fun and I loved hanging round with Gina and Siobhan that night- I was too drunk to type Siobhan's name into my phone and we could not get up those damn stairs, it was hilarious. But loooads of fun, even if I did sleep on the floor, the beans on toast with Hanabanana, Hinch and Joe the next day made up for it!

Our random picnic in the peace gardens at 9pm on a friday night, with LEMON races with Becca, Hinch and Han, just so much fun and the weird guy Aso, "I find you alluring" was the funniest thing ever! So glad Frost and Lucas came to our rescue!

November- exams were pretty awful, I did badly on most of them, thought the drama one was just funny!

December- ooh Katy's parties, both weird and bizarre, upsetting and traumatic, hilarious and mad- all in 2 days! Such a weekend...

Play!!! It rocked, we were awesome, it was great. Such a strange but cool few days.

Hanabanana's party was veeery cool, a chocolate fountain! but was freezing, me, frost and lucas nearly died though talking about ceiling heights in the early hours of the morning was just so funny.

Nearly setting a pub on fire New Year's Eve- utterly hilarious to me and my cousin Thomas, not to everone else...


Going out with Joe, Kate and Gaby to Gatecrasher and Leadmill- it rocked guys, it rocked.

Meeting people- no far to many to name, but I love all you guys, you're awesome and you make my life so much more fun and happy and SPARKLY (the last one's mainly Hannah) but seriously you're all great.

All the other things I've forgotten, good memeories no doubt and some bad ones, but postitive thinking (on Ed's orders) and next year's gonna be even better! ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7498122/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7498122/ Tue, 03 Jan 2006 11:13:41 PST
On the emotional front, last night was pretty miserable, sitting around in my room in the dark crying at 2.30am is a pretty miserable experience and I actually scared myself with the stuff I wrote down, it was so awful and I sound suicidal which is bad. I just don't really have self-esteem. Sigh. But I'm ok today, so it's good. Anywho, I'll catch you soon, loves ya and bye bye xxx ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7464975/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7464975/ Sat, 31 Dec 2005 09:10:27 PST Hair Color: Light brown naturally, dyed dark red/brown
Righty or Lefty: right
Zodiac Sign: Pisces

------Personal stuff:
Past Time: erm movies, ice skating, reading, hanging out with friends
Your fears: loneliness, erm that's pretty much it
Goal: find someone who i love and loves me back, travel, go to uni, get maaried, get a job, have kids... all the usual shebang
Your most overused phrase on MSN: "awesome!"
Your thoughts first waking up: "5 more minutes..." I'm not a morning person
Your best physical feature: My dark eyes definitely
Your bedtime: Mostly around the 1,2 area or even later
Your most missed memory: School now it's holidays...

------Likes, Dislikes and so on:
Pepsi or Coke: coke
McDonalds or Burger king: McDonalds
Adidas or Nike: neither
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or coffee: neither
Sing: Constantly, everything, non stop
Take a shower everyday: more baths really but everyday yes
Do you think youve been in love: yes, usually unrequited
Want to go to college: well I'm at sixth form now
Want to get married: yes absolutely
Believe in yourself: occasionally but not much
Get motion sickness: on boats usually and occasionally planes
Think youre attractive: nope not really
Think youre a health freak: nooooo
Get along with your parent(s): every so often but not usually
Like Thunderstorms?: yes they're beautiful and dramatic and dangerous- awesome
Play an instrument: used to play clarinet, now i just sing

------ In the past Year:
Drank alcohol: oh dear me yes
Smoked: nope nothing
Done a drug: no
Gone on a date: not a date, just random club flirting
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: no
Eaten sushi: No
Been on stage: yes in le school play
Been dumped: well turned down
Gone skating: yes i think so. i hope so.
Made homemade cookies: possibly
Gone skinny dipping: no
Stolen anything: erm nicked money off my dad

---------Ever:
Been caught "doing something": no
Gotten beaten up: No
Shoplifted: No
Changed who you were to fit in: probably a bit yes but i'm trying not to
Age you hope to be married: in the 20's
Numbers and Names of Children: 4 or 5- Skye, Malenko, Ben, Erin and Eleanor
How do you want to die: depends on my mood: if i'm happy it'll be with family painlessly, if unhappy it's wrist slitting time
What country(s) would you most like to visit: India, Ireland, Iceland, New Zealand, USA...

---------Other:
# of drugs taken illegally: 0
# of people I could trust with my life: family and friends
# of CDs that I own: a looot
# of piercings: 2 in my ears
# of scars on my body: many many many from accidents and deliberate harm
# of things in my past that I regret: again many i fear

Well there you are. Not terribly in depth but have a go it's fun.

With regards to New Year's Resolutions, I decided at half 3 last night that this year I will be:
a)positive
b)happy
c)not self harming or binge eating or any of that crap
d)alive to all opportunities and possibilites
e)daring to try new things
f)helpful both at home and to friends when they are upset
g)lose weight
h) find nice boyfriend who likes me (always a good idea)
i)live by my saying "My heart is as open as the sky"
j)work hard!!!
k)get job- i need money
l)all the above- just be happy!!!

So that's mine and you all should write down yours too. Bring it on 2006!!!! ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7423469/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7423469/ Mon, 26 Dec 2005 14:40:40 PST
Well onto Christmas. Not a religious occasion for me: neither me or my family are enthusiastic Christians and besides I have always maintained if I were to become religious I would be a Hindu, so not remotely religious. However I like the sentiments expressed at Christmas. I tend to fight with my family marginally less than usual, and the peace and goodwill to all men is just the kind of idea we should be expressing all year round. I fear my presents tend to be of the greedy, I want type rather than anything charitable or helpful, but at least I have gone for a few books this year to somewhat raise the tone: I finally have 1984 which I have been meaning to read for a very long time and now I have the text I might actually read it, and Brave New World, recommended to be by Alistair a while back, so I plan to blame him if I get addicted or befuddled, both are equally likely. Anyway, since it's late and I'm tired, I'll stop here. Adios! ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7389345/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7389345/ Fri, 23 Dec 2005 06:22:30 PST Reading: Memoirs of a Geisha. Along with 17 other books. I really wanna see the film!
Watching: Erm. Kong at cinema. Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels on video.

Well I feel I ought to bring you up to speed on this
week's events. The first 3 days of holidays were really boring as I couldn't be bothered to do anything.

Monday night I went to Kate's house, then went out to a few bars and the club Gatecrasher with her, Gaby and Joe. It was a good night, great fun dancing especially with Kate on a box in front of the whole club, and many a snog was had that night (only one snog and one kiss by me I should stress) ( and I was slightly drunk so) (and the kiss was Kate anyway) it was a good night even with the creepy man who followed me round the club trying to kiss me- he was somewhat alarming, I was mouthing help at people!

Anyway got home Tuesday morning. Nothing much Tuesday.

Wednesday afternoon went bowling with Andy, Trudi, Rich, Livi, Becca, Cull, Frost, Ben, Ali, Drup, and someone else... who was it?! that's really gonna annoy me now. Somebody tell me!!

Then wednesday night I went to Hannah Flyn's party with Hannah Flynn, Issy, Hannah Raine, Dan Sayliss, Joe, Ali, Jo Parker, Sarah K, Lucas, Frost, Livi, Becca, Kate, Hinch, Cullen, Lambers, Wilson, Ankur (the last four briefly), Andy, Trudi, and I think that's it. It was a cool party (chocolate fountains!) even though we nearly froze to death in the early hours of the morning thought talking about celing heights with Frost and Lucas at 3 in the morning made up for it (trust me it was hilarious, and with that endless JCB song...) so it was a wicked party and thank you to the lovely Hanabanana for throwing it!

So Thursday afternoon, after I'd finally gone home and got changed, I went to the cinema with Livi, Becca, Tim, Hess, Hatty, Al, Ed (I think that's it... wasn't it?) (where was the lovely Ellen though, Livi has her Christmas present now and it's NOT an apple is it Livs) and we went to see Kong which was wicked, very sad and very long, but I liked it, even if it did have slightly too many monsters. So it's been a fun but busy week, now I must fly to go Christmas shopping as I NEED presents for people, so farewell and Merry Christmas to one and all if I don't journal again for a few days!!!

P.S. LET IT SNOW!!! ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7319804/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7319804/ Fri, 16 Dec 2005 09:40:08 PST
WATCHING: Just seen Narnia. More below...
LISTENING TO: Elegia by New Order

Well today has been amazing which is great after a really awful week.

I've been so stressed this week with the biology coursework which was finally finished last night (although it's total utter rubbish but nevermind) and I've had many an emotional conversation online this week and my arms are not looking good at the moment ( I believe it's 15 scars in a week- yes it really has been that bad).

However today was good. Gave in my coursework, then had two lessons of drama watching a video. Then at break I had a talk with Tim and I promised to stop hurting myself and he's gonna help me (He's so sweet ) and we had a big hug so that cheered me up no end and i also got some lovely pressies from livs, becca and katy. then i had form period and Oli Blagden and Amandeep proved themselves to be complete lunatics in the monkey face off which ended up with a table being kicked over much to Mr Gordon's alarm. Then the loong assembly then we were free!!!! So a big group of us went off to town and i fell off a bus seat (clumsiness is my middle name) and then we went to the peace gradens where tim, rich and i ran though the fountains... it was soooo much fun but i was bloody freezing for the rest of the day. However i got lots of hugs and dry clothes off other people (namely rich, hess, tim, jack, becca and tom) so it was all groovy and damn good fun (we are sooo doing that every term). Then we went to see narnia, we as in al, ed, hess, tom, tim, livs, jack, me, becca, elena and rich. it was really good even tho i spent half the damn film crying at aslan's death when i knew he was coming back ( i know i'm daft i was just going oh it's so nice and crying by the end it was weird). Then we all packed off home or to town then home with lots more hugs goodbye (i'm not quite sure why i had to hug all 5 ppl goodbye i nearly missed the tram but what the hell i'd rather say a proper goodbye). Then i came home and messed around and slept so it's been groovy. So i'll see you tomorrow!

P.S. The title was Hess brainwashing me and it damn well worked! It's meant to say memory card rather than me at the end but it's too long. ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7281673/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7281673/ Sun, 11 Dec 2005 10:30:04 PST ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7264288/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7264288/ Fri, 09 Dec 2005 11:22:21 PST ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7202913/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7202913/ Fri, 02 Dec 2005 11:39:50 PST ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7193660/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7193660/ Thu, 01 Dec 2005 11:01:04 PST
Today has been cool, very arty. Triple drama this morning, in which I got my costume for the play (I shall put a photo of me wearing it, it's... interesting) which is good, then meeting to do Gold D of E (I have to do bronze with the third years, kill me now- but Andy and Cull have offered to do it with me- lovely boys!) then double General Studies- I think Mr Kenyon was trying to persuade us paedophilia wasn't neccessarily a bad thing- it didn't work. Then it was Biology (oh dear covers it) then Singing lesson in the Octagon no less, doing my song for le school play, then a free in which Usmaan flounced round with my hat on and we tried to get Livi's phone off Andy. Then I went and had my hair done (God I hate rain when you've just had your hair done but my hair's dark browny-reddy again). So it's all good. That's it so far, I will no doubt add to this if anything exciting happens. Not terribly likely but you never know... ]]> ~Maelstromgirl http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7186985/ http://Maelstromgirl.deviantart.com/journal/7186985/ Wed, 30 Nov 2005 15:42:52 PST
1) I remember obscure facts about useless things (i know the latin names for the northern and southern lights) but have no memory of what i did last lesson or a few days earlier or in fact anything useful

2) I'm obsessed with fairytale creatures like dragons and fairies.

3) I'm obsessed with old books that no-one else my age has ever read like famous five and goodnight mr tom. I'm actually 75...

4) I hate mashed potatoes with a vengeance and I love tomato sauce but hate tomatoes.

5) I adore singing with passion. I love it. I really do.

6) I look lame in hats. Every kind.

7) I have serious issues with food and overeating to the point of obsession and have done for years. It was my way of coping with shit and i still can't really cope well with it but i'm getting better.

8) I used to be a goth. Honest. In yr 7. Everyone thought i was weird and then they all became punks and goths in yr 10. Hypocrites.

9) I think about self harm way too much... When i feel sad or down that's what I always want to do (but i've only tried it once and it didn't really work)

10) I have a terrible temper and drive my parents to distraction cos I hate being ordered around. I've nearly trashed rooms and scream a lot. Really.

P.S. I know this all is a bit deep but a lot of the stuff is things i did a while back and i'm much better at dealing with feelings and stuff now. I've changed a lot since going to Birkdale and I'm much happier now, mainly due to the lovely ppl there! So don't be alarmed, i'm better now. If ur freaked out, stick with the hats thing... ]]> ~Maelstromgirl