http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:MakeThisGoOnForever&section=today deviantART RSS for by:MakeThisGoOnForever en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Fri, 11 Dec 2009 22:33:16 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/28496655/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/28496655/ Sat, 21 Nov 2009 20:28:43 PST [link]

Because I don't know how to link. xD

James (somersetholmes), a friend that I met online here on DA. Created this piece. I'm absolutely in awe. It's so beautiful, and I'm really at a loss for words. (shocking huh?)

I'm honoured, to have a talent like him to come up with something so lovely. I wanted you all to go look and comment on all his work. I love it. =-D

Thank you so much James!

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/28376912/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/28376912/ Sun, 15 Nov 2009 14:23:03 PST 6 days from now my niece turns 3!! YAY!
30 days from now, I'm 21.
40 days from now, Christmas.
46 days from now, we'll be saying goodbye to 2009.
4 weeks this Monday, end of semester and all it's glory.
Roughly 9 months (not including a 5 month summer or breaks) I'll be a graduate.

When did this all happen? Have I been here? It feels like time is in the fast lane and I'm just walking. I can't complain though, I'm happy. For once in my life, I'm happy. I have a beautiful woman, great pets, great people, family that mean the most to me and the air in my lungs to see another day. Blessed? Nah, fortunate.

As some of you may have noticed, I've uploaded some pieces I took while in Niagara over this summer and some pieces I've been working on. I hope you all like and comment.

I've been a busy bee, but I will do my best to keep this thing updated and the like.

Much love and peace and cupcakes.

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/27566286/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/27566286/ Sat, 03 Oct 2009 20:25:31 PDT
I've been working in school like a bastard and I'm currently doing my placement in my Child and Youth practice. It's amazing. The kids are great and I already feel I've learnt so much.

My girlfriend is by far one of the most amazing ladies I know and I am privilaged to love her and have her love. She makes me feel whole, loves and needed; without pity or vunerability. She is brillant, kind, sweet, loving and oh so sexy. I didn't think I could feel this way. It doesn't feel wrong, anywhere, anytime, even when we don't see eye to eye. I don't even know if love totally covers what I feel for her.
I know what you said, I know what I'll do.<3

I'm going to add my work tonight eventually and then I'm going to add some photo's, so feel free to comment and critic. Also, I'm also at 1500 views. So thank you. It might not seem like many for the amount of time I've been on here, but it means a lot to me. Thank you.

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/26629268/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/26629268/ Sun, 16 Aug 2009 13:10:51 PDT I got this from wikipedia dumbass. Read a book. Mutilated and dismembered would be a better title to your chapter. Because that's all you've done.

You see, I'm living in Toronto now, school is right around the corner and I'm sitting here in pain. I'm in pain for a number of reasons, the most constant is her. She had lead along, cheated on and ripped apart the soul of ma douce. But, she still lingers like the fucking plague. I have to be picked, but 'she' did the picking. Now ma belle hurts and I'm left to wondering if it were different, would she really be here?

I can't even write a review for the story which 'she' fucks my girlfriend in fanfiction style. So I'll write it here. Call me mean and cruel, I'm being honest.

"Your story is pretentious. I say that because the emotions are fake, there is no proof otherwise. The dialogue just drags on and on but really, who is following this train wreck? There are more than several spelling errors and grammer errors. The only thing you did manage to do is create a good title. Not because of the flower you speak of, nay. Because all you've really done to ma douce is mutilate and taint her soul. Clearly writing isn't your fortay.

The attempt at erotica does nothing, mainly because there is no passion there.
How can there be? The one you wrote this for is taken, shes happy. She had waited so long for you, but what did you do instead? You cheated on her, treated her like shit, and forgot about her. Now, now that she has someone, moving on from you, you pull this shit? Listen, if she wanted to wait anymore, she wouldn't have said yes to being mine.
She is not yours.

I on the other hand, will fight until my very last breath escapes me. I will cry out to the rest of the world that my heart is hers and that I love her more than the air I breathe.

You don't know what that love is, you only know obsession. You want her because there is no possiblity of being yours; because the chance you had is gone and you know will never return. All you are is pathetic. So get a girlfriend, and write about fucking someone else.

She is my lady."



I'm moments away to adding this to her page. Where ma douce has written to her. She should know someone else has seen this shit and is moments away of having a little too much fun.

I've also written a monologue called Black Dahlia. Because I'm a cunt and definately not going to lay down and take this. It also says a lot of what has been going on. Its partially fiction and a lot of fact.

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/25566047/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/25566047/ Fri, 26 Jun 2009 12:03:06 PDT Also my girlfriend and I just had our 2 month mark and she got me this beautiful music box. I love it very mucho.
Now we are going to dance our hearts out and celebrate love. Look forward to the art of this weekened in the next few weeks.

Be safe all!

Sah, I miss you.

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/25022365/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/25022365/ Fri, 29 May 2009 20:15:23 PDT
I'm going to fight for all that is and can be for us.

I love you.






[I'll be waiting]

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/24881952/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/24881952/ Thu, 21 May 2009 21:23:15 PDT Where I just pick up whats left and keep walking.
Even if that is only by a sad piece of skin.
[In my case, a beauty I am dared to call my own]
I want to let go, and you're not letting me...


Stupidity is:

Jealousy over nothing.
Doing things that you know will hurt her to yourself.
Punching walls that don't belong to you.
Smoking.


Oh how I've gone mad. When you see me, tell her to come back?

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/24729127/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/24729127/ Tue, 12 May 2009 21:25:32 PDT You see that's too dangerous and I have hurt too many. I'm not allowed to smile.
Not in the public eye.
So I sit here with a stone in my stomache tears in my eyes and for what?
Love.
I feel like I have found something soft, delicate and all too powerful.
She doesn't know how she controls me, brings me to my knees with her smile.
Words slick and knowledged.
My inners and memories plague me and cause me to wonder. I don't want her to know.
She knows me, she reads me with ease and sees through my thick skin I've grown over the years.
Telling me stories of her past loves and losses. The image makes me howl and I want to claim her.
But how can I do this? How can you claim the wind? The eyes of the moon with the depth longer than my void.
If I stay lost in them too long I'll drown...
Or she'll claim my soul.
I look at her in awe. I'm falling faster than gravity and she doesn't feel the same.
'yet' she will tell me.
I was never one for patience.
I've gotten to close and I've shown her too much.

So I sit here, waiting for her; to talk to me again.

[...]

I'm yours for the taking.

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/24610164/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/24610164/ Tue, 05 May 2009 21:49:48 PDT It was a great show I took a lot of photos and BAM they'll be on here as soon as I get to them.
I got my 4.0.
I'm drowning in debt lol
Cris is beside me...and I don't know if we're going to watch movies or what we're going to do at about 15 to midnight and i work in less than 5 hours...
Moo.

<3 Sah

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/24436056/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/24436056/ Sat, 25 Apr 2009 21:55:00 PDT
One day he'll know everything I said was in sincerity, I never meant for it to play out the way it did. My love was true, though never perfect...it was honest. One day, he might be able to talk to me without the break in his voice and resentment in his tone.

I have just passed my first year of three in the CYW program. 4.0 once again. That means something I'm sure.
Pride week was amazing.<3
We (the Sheridan Pride Alliance) got an award and I'm thrilled. Truely.

Oh how this gets better...
I'm going to see Tarja next weekend...

My eyes are on another. In fact as I write this down I'm looking at this beautiful woman with worry on her face. She knows the pain I'm going through. She knows my situation and yet she smiles at me, with full lips gentle hands and soft eyes. How did this happen? I'm not sure? She sits, watching me; waiting for me to run I'm sure. She doesn't know I guess...I can't say much more but it's war and I'm ready. I'm fucking ready.<3

Sah, I miss you and we must be speaking soon.

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/23889066/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/23889066/ Wed, 25 Mar 2009 18:41:14 PDT
SOO, there is about 18 days left in classes. What THE FUCK? When did that happen? It feels like I started the other day. Ah well here comes the crunch. Roleplay after roleplay after assignment after HUGE ASS CULTURES PROJECT on sexual fetishes lol 8) It's been a greast semester excluding the clueless GENED prof. =O)
I have two big weeks coming up and doing all my school work plus all this extra stuff will be interesting.

Week 11-teaching lectures! Woot. Including:

Sex. Orientation
Hetereo/Bi/ Homosexuality
Transexual
Transgender
Queer
Gender identity
Heterosexism, Homophobia, Transphobia

Myths about LGBTTI2QQAP identified persons
Historical differences in how homosexuality has been viewed (Ancient greeks, rome)
Religious Perspectives of homosexuality
Nature vs Nurture debate: where do we stand on this and is it important
Consequences of Heterosexism and homophobia.....discrimination, hate crimes...my story

Legal Context in Canada: what progress has been made with legislation and human rights codes, what still needs to happen

Positive space training
Becoming an ally, how to fight it

And the teacher I'm doing this for is paying me for it! Nuts, and as a +++ she is hot. lol xD

Week 12-PRIDE WEEK!!
Monday-DRAG NIGHT! Can't wait! AND wooo there is a talent show after where poetry, singing and guitar playing will follow. Somebody say HOMO HOP!? 8)
Tuesday-QUEER CINIMA! QAF really. lol Talking about why this show was so big and so important to the (generalized people I know)queer community.
WED-INFO!! Get your definitions and learn how to make dental dams here lol! Just a way to say there is somewhere we all belong. Have a question we'll try and answer it and if we can't we will get you your answer!
Thurs-DAY OF SILENCE. Taking a vow of silence for the day to be loud for those silenced by hate...WE GOT T-SHIRTS=O and we're having a silent protest in front of the student union, from 2-3pm.

AND BECAUSE IM AN IDIOT!!

I forgot that it was good friday and fuck me sideways, christians want a day off to celebrate his death or mourn it or not eat meat? What? Fuck.
So because of my not so christian plagued mind, the pot luck was pulled to Thursday night and we're breaking the silence together. With food. No drinking though...HA. Wine ._. <3

Also I want to note that it is the Vice President(her) and President(moi) making sure everything is cleaned, decorated, setting up shit, balloons, shirts are taken care of. Oh SPA, it's been a good year.

I've been writing a lot lately too so I'll try to add some more poetry soon.

Sah, as always, I heart you like I heart my guitars. 8)

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/23735007/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/23735007/ Mon, 16 Mar 2009 18:12:22 PDT And we dance on, and we dance on...

-This past week was I'm sure some greater force(fill in the blank for me will you?), testing my resilance, my patience and my strength in my body, mind and soul. I hate what this situation has become and I have to hide away for a long time. They teach us to never wear our hearts on our sleeves...but then why live?

[Its like black death, I'm rotting and waiting to die]
]I had to let her go[

Then the cherry on the cake happened on the Friday before my 2 days of work in the CBC building in Toronto. Long weekend of tapes.

Anyways, this is a convo(my parts only) I had on a IM with a friend:
I had a shitty class today. My Understanding Stigma class, the teacher is not very skilled it seems and I left insulted and upset
We were talking about Sexism, Gender and Heterosexism in relation to stigma and I thought finally some interesting stuff for a change.
and the power point was all male female male female etc
and I said what about gender varients? and he said we'll talk about that stuff in a bit
and I asked if staying within a binary gender system(within the powerpoint) was an intentional example of heterosexism?
he asked me what I mean and I told him that he never once said that we're going to use bio male and bio females as examples. Perhapsnot all of us follow the binary constrictions he placed on us. Then
He said I didn't make the power point, and I suggested that maybe he should have looked at it, mention that bio males and females are just examples of gender but not the only genders out there and perhaps have added a thing or two about other genders and other sexisms that do not fall under heterosexism.
and hes like okay we can talk about it, then he brings up transgendered persons
I was like in my head'okay thats a start' and he said
and I fucking quote
"these a people who think they are the opposite gender than what they were born with"
I raised my hand and asked what he meant by 'think' and he said 'its a biological brain issue'
and I then asked "Biological brain function as opposed to a non biological brain? DSM IV TR anyone? Fuck.

THEN THE KICKER

he gets me to explain what the definiton of transgendered is, I do it and he says that he is not familiar to this subject.
I thought that it was big of him to admit that to the class, but HE CONTINUES TALKING ABOUT IT like he knows what he was talking about to the point of offensive discrimination. He says AFTER I EXPLAINED TRANSGENDERED!!! that transgendered is a lot like bi-sexuality.
and I didn't even put up my hand, I just said very loud and interrupted him saying that ORIENTATION and GENDER are very DIFFFERENT subjects with similar undertones but for you to say Bi sexuals are like transgendered persons tells me you have no idea what the fuck you're talking about.
The lesson kids today is: if you don't know what the hell you're talking about, do us the all the favour and STFU. You're probably being offensive and discriminatory.
Sure I could have said all of that with more manners and professionally, but if it wasn't rocked by passion; what would be the point of saying anything?

Annoying? Well thats one word for it.

Be safe Sah<3

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/23576375/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/23576375/ Sat, 07 Mar 2009 14:41:48 PST Every second
Every tear
Every word
Screams your name.

"I'm in love with you, I just can't take the hurt and pain. Believe me when I say its hard being near you and I know I shouldn't kiss you. I want to kiss you. I know you want it to. Not having you hard, but being near you and not having you hurts more. I miss you beautiful. I hate you too. I know I'm fucked up. Just give me time, I'll find my way back I promise..."

-so long.

[give it to me right, or don't give it to me at all]

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/23491378/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/23491378/ Mon, 02 Mar 2009 14:43:39 PST
Side note: Amanda Fucking Palmer Lives! Unlike the WKAP album suggests!=3

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/23475888/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/23475888/ Sun, 01 Mar 2009 17:50:49 PST There has been a lot of beer, liqure and interesting dancing.
There has been 2 arguments and one ended up in my moving out.
There has been a lot of good grades and the assumption that a teacher wants in my pants...its okay, shes hot.
There has been a truck, 5 great people and one new home.
After all this what else can there be to say?

I miss my friends I don't get to see everyday.
I miss my nieces running around and making sounds.
I miss the full house.
I can't wait to begin.

I'm Privileged to be surrounded by the people I am with!<3

=3

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/22700602/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/22700602/ Tue, 20 Jan 2009 18:12:13 PST I trust him. I love him. That's all that should matter.

I miss my Sah I must say.

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/22357635/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/22357635/ Fri, 02 Jan 2009 16:01:14 PST
He catches himself talking in future tense with me and stops, changes the subject like its a bad thing. That hurts me.

Though he says things that contradict getting better, wanting me and this relationship. But at night, the man I love, loves me and craves me like I do him. It isn't fair.

>I'm nervous, I'm scared and I don't know how much longer I can keep this going<

I have had 5 offers since he's been gone. He's been gone since the 27th, on 'break' since the 21st and I've had 5 offers that I remember.

Drugs are bad.
Alcohol on the other hand is not.

[By this I mean that one is still illegal]

I'm not hurting less, but more. I'm just a better liar. Walking sucks when its cold but the temperature is easy to ignore when you're a empty forgotten hole.

Fuck you 2008.

2009, lets truely be about change, love, hope and moving forward.

To those who matter, you have my love.

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/22109472/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/22109472/ Sun, 21 Dec 2008 19:26:10 PST I hate my life.
Im going to destroy hers.



I'm not going to be here for a while...

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/21557375/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/21557375/ Tue, 18 Nov 2008 19:41:43 PST I came to this conclusion today. I see most of my class mates more than my partner, I spend more time at school then anywhere else and when I dream, its about school.
Whore.
But school is going great and my over all average right now is 92.3% from what I understand. I haven't receive a mark lower than 83% and I have a perfect score in one class. Figure that.
I want to be free of this plague.
I can't seem to do what any 'normal' human being would.
I'm a bad person for not caring that a drunk driver who was in an accident might die.
Maybe not.
I'm thinking of my Sah right now and wish she were with me.
I can write the missing of my Timbit here and know she won't see those words. I love you, and I know that hurts.
I miss the days that mattered.
Over and out.

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/21080483/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/21080483/ Mon, 20 Oct 2008 14:09:36 PDT Sorry for not have writing sooner, my life is in the fast lane and hasn't seemed to slow down for a while.
School is going really well and I couldn't be happier. Well no, thats a lie. I'm just happy to be in the program surrounded by so many great people.
I'm trying to make a plan to go to Quebec, but so far it looks like I'm only going to get there in December.
I'm pretty poor.
I've written a few pieces, I'll type one or two up and add them but I admit they're not the most cheerful. Hell, they're not even well structured. But who is listneing anyways?
This month I've lost 7 people and agonized with the dates of 3 others. October has become the month of death this year.
My niece was born on the 4th at 11:25pm. She is beautiful. Her name is Melissa. My other niece Chelsea of not even 2years plays the big sister well. I love them both.
I push, and I can't figure out why.
Sah, you need to come this way soon.
That is all.

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/20338392/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/20338392/ Fri, 05 Sep 2008 10:47:57 PDT
Hoping all is well and a delayed but never the less HUGE Happy Birthday to my big sis Sah! I <3 you.

Slipknot's new album "All Hope Is Gone" is fucking amazing! #1 in the USA(first time ever!8x) I remember why I say I'm a maggot\m/

Oh and yes, new poem.

That is all.

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/19988508/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/19988508/ Sat, 16 Aug 2008 13:44:36 PDT
Of course they do. Things change in seconds right? So to hope for things to remind one way in 31 days is pretty stupid. Like me.

I go back to school September 2nd.
Alex and I are.
I miss Sarah...
I saw a friend from CEGEP the other day. It was nice.
I gots some candy and a cat.

That is all...or until I feel like saying more.

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/19224235/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/19224235/ Sat, 05 Jul 2008 19:18:26 PDT razor blades
Jack and I
few sad memories
and a lot of reasons not to.


Pride was fucking ace.
Too bad the aftermath wasn't.
Work is work.
College in Ontario is a fucking joke. I'm paying more for what? Nothing.
Meh.
I made a few choices.
Lets see how that goes.


Oh, Muhammad killed Odin, took his shell. I thought Mumu had died but it was Odin. Then yesterday he killed Buddha and took his shell. No he has his own tank. What a jerk. lol

Alex and I just had our 2 years on the 30th of June.<3

That is all.

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/18841735/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/18841735/ Sat, 14 Jun 2008 16:58:05 PDT Sadly, my crab Mumu has seemed to pass. I say this because he could be moulting but I don't think so..I found him yesterday on his back completely out of his shell. It really sucked because he is the first crab I lost and the second one I got. Lets hope he is at peace anyways.<3
I'm going to Sudbury tomorrow for a week on the money of my company. I'm doing a move out there so YAY for hotel and car trip BOO for not seeing Alex for like a whole week.=[
500 page views!!!! Not bad for someone who is only on this site every so often. I'm good with that. Thanks for the faves and comments all.=]
Sarah and Tophe are doing great so YAY!<3
Er, Pride is coming and so am I and so is Uh Huh Her, Mel C LOL and a few other dykes. Staying at the Hilton too

Katy Perry is fucking hot.
Penis.
That is all.

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/18677309/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/18677309/ Thu, 05 Jun 2008 10:26:58 PDT I'm waiting on people's choices.
I'm waiting on figuring out my own.
I'm waiting to be loved.
I'm waiting to cheat.
...and most of all I'm waiting to die.

Trust me it's not as morbid as it sounds.

New hair. Woot.

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/18500553/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/18500553/ Sun, 25 May 2008 19:46:53 PDT
Vague? Vulgar? Who the hell cares. I'm done with caring...my parents are moving away. Er, my mother and a man who claims to love us. I'm hurt to say the least. Mainly because I know he doesn't give a shit about me or my sisters and nor does he like her being around us. Shes a fool to be controled by him and for what? To feel like she'll be safe when she can't fend for herself? I wish I were green and smoke-able...because maybe she'd be around more. My mother did her best with my sisters and I, but when you grow up you see everything you didn't understand then.
I'm not rich nor am I poor, but I don't drive a car. I don't live pay check to pay check but sometimes I come really close. I'm just so tired of the same excuses.
I feel like everytime I end up writing poems or anything for that matter...hell even these fucking journals its about shit I can't change and shit I hate and moan about.
I wish one day I could write something and it not be upset while doing so.
Fuck.

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/18296879/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/18296879/ Mon, 12 May 2008 20:55:11 PDT "–noun 1. an act or instance of placing close together or side by side, esp. for comparison or contrast.
2. the state of being close together or side by side."
According to Dictionary.com

With all the situations that have been going on in my life I want to take a vacation. Though because I don't make the income I'd like, I have to continue working. I also realize that I'm going to be choosing from MTL or Owen Sound for my summer 3 day run away. I want Sah to come here but as the days continue that hope fades. It's there just fading. Thus I decided on a spiritual journey. It sounds odd to some but I've been reading a lot lately and I'm planning on a trip. I won't continue with that, but its a 24 hour physcodellic(that looks like a spelling mistake) fall out. I can't wait. I go to a very peaceful and often awing layered place. Its not always rainbows and music, it's sometimes scary. Though as we all know, most roads have turns and like the mind...you never know where you end up.
I feel like an addict.

I've fallen back in love with my old friend Tool. Revolver has a special edition on just them and all their albums. So go buy it. Yes.

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/18218845/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/18218845/ Wed, 07 May 2008 20:54:39 PDT I want to say here, if I could change it all I'd not change meeting him. I just wish sometimes he'd understand. He wants to be able to talk about this issue, with his friends. Friends who would then look at me like he does her. I don't know how to explain that too him. His reassurances aren't enough in this case. I suppose just like the word 'sorry' from me means to him. It's an overwhelming sadness I can't escape.
He wants me to read, yet is annoyed with me asking to send it to me. I want to make this better, you're just not giving me the way out. Not really. I know it's asking a lot, but can't he just...he lets me read it. I read and I hurt in a silent pain I doubt he believes I'm in.
I'm not standing at his side he says, he says he doesn't love like he once did...does that mean his love changed for me? He thinks this year was shit? So I've read, it has.
He wants me to quit smoking, what he doesn't see is how much I want to quit either. He says that I once quit for him because our love abled me...has that changed; he asks. My love hasn't faded and has only grown. Though I wonder if he realizes how much he's changed...I mean...he's a he right? Before SHE was here, before cancer found it's way back to me...he was changing. I wasn't his lady, it hasn't felt that way. He never looks at me like he once did, he doesn' touch me like he once craved...has the flavour of my love died and he's just waiting? Has he letter of acceptance to York come in and he's just not going to take it because Guelph is the ticket away from me? There is so much more...so much more. Personal? Dare I get into this on an open blog, to let the world read and walk on? Why not right? I miss the old days where "I love you" scared me and he said it often. I miss the days where I could say he will always be there. I miss the days where he didn't make me cry myself to sleep...and this folks, was before she came along and my vice controled me.
It could be worse? Traintracks are a memory I don' wish to visit again and everyday is another reason to remind myself I feel...because there is only a void that I need to fill...and I wish it was full of yesterday.

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/18140063/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/18140063/ Fri, 02 May 2008 21:01:52 PDT And I can't fall.
Funny how life can be sometimes.
Steal kisses.
Wreck minds.
Play.

[Because that's how its raining in my head]





Sah,
I hope Tophe and you are okay<33

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/17998721/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/17998721/ Wed, 23 Apr 2008 20:40:05 PDT Weeeeeeeeeee.

I also got a handmedown laptop. I won't complain. Ever.
I have to work.
Taxes aren't that bad. Not at all. Too bad it all went away to make me richer in the long run. I could have got a few things with it all.
Oh well.

[Mushroom, Mushroom]

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/17863015/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/17863015/ Tue, 15 Apr 2008 11:01:47 PDT The shake the walls to my room.
And I'm reminded of all the things I'd rather forget.
I don't work today and I'm suppose to do laundry but I doubt that is going to happen because the person who is supposed to go with me hasn't come out of their room*sigh*
I don't like going alone around here. People are cold.
In the last week there has been 5 stabbings(including a guy from work, RIP)
I'm sick of the city and I want to go back to my french town.

Thank you Sah.

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/17847488/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/17847488/ Mon, 14 Apr 2008 11:57:51 PDT She means a lot to me? What does that mean?
"Okay Nevermind"
I work like a dog and often feel that way.
I'm tired.
I miss a lot of things.
I'm tired.

Sah? Save me please. I'll do anything...just save me.

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/17768338/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/17768338/ Wed, 09 Apr 2008 17:40:32 PDT
I've been working a lot. Which is good because it keeps me out of trouble. Heh, I feel like I'm 12 again. Though with working a lot there are bound to be times where I'm alone in silence. Silence is a bliss most of the time, but with fatigue; its a plague.
I wish I were simple. I was told my needs are and that I 'seem' simple. Which to an extent, it's true. I don't need much to be happy. I'm content working instead of having it handed to me on a plate. I like the small things that form the big picture. Thunder storms made me feel good and I love taking pictures of snails. I hate plastic music, and I love bad films. Among many things, does that say simple?
Not really, I just take enjoyment from things that most don't. Or at least, I don't think many do; or it's not genuine. Perhaps its me who lacks authenticity? I'm babbling.
I don't have a real fear, or not that I have found. I don't fear what can't be stopped. I mean I don't want my loved ones to die but that is merely me not wanting things to change. I don't fear the elements, I don't fear the unknown...I don't fear death. Which makes me stupid at times I'll admit. Though I worry.
I worry that I won't make a good mother(if I should have kids). I worry that I'll never have the job I want. Worry that I'll never see the things I've always dreamed of seeing. Worry that I'll never truely be able to settle with what I have. I'm greedy and want more than what I'm able to chew. I want the big roles but I'm unsure if I'll be able to do them.
Writing all of that didn't help any, but I like seeing the buzz written down. Perhaps it will silence momentarily.

-and I smoke like a chimney; yes-

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/17706805/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/17706805/ Sat, 05 Apr 2008 22:12:29 PDT A close friend of mine tried killing herself two nights ago. Needless to say I'm shattered. I was up all night and the walls started staring at me. They think she'll be fine, but who knows right? Once you converse with death, its all too easy to fall back in the void.
I want to smoke my lungs to an early grave. There has been this numb feeling in my soul that I haven't been able to shake for about a week.
The one thing I love most I'm pushing away it seems...because I am a cunt and most definately stupid. Disagree? Who else would do such a thing? End point.
My sister Sarah has been wonderful to me, and I don't deserve to have such a kind soul taking me for what I am. Thanks, I don't know if I've thanked you enough; so thanks.<3
I am doing a whole lot of nothing. I just have no will to try. I want to sleep, but its all so hollow.
I know traintracks would save me...but for how long?

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/17579598/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/17579598/ Sat, 29 Mar 2008 20:00:21 PDT lol.
<3 Mr. J Star.

I wrote a new poem.
My arms glow some nights, when its cold.
"Your beauty seems so far away I'd have to write a thousand songs to make you comprehend how beautiful you are"
I want to do 1000 things and can't manage to do one.
I work tomorrow...hurray.
Everyone in my house is sick, and I was the poor sod who got over it the quickest...AKA I'm stuck cleaning everything. I don't mind for Alex but really...everyone else?
I'm tired.
My Ipod stopped working today...and then I got home and threw it. It is working again. Violence solves nothing, unless its against a defenseless tool. Then, by all means. Take that as you will.

Secondhand smoke is great.
Secondhand Serenade is better.(If you like acoustic bands, you might like them; regardless of how emo they might be.)

'Lonely, but never alone'
For a moment, I might have believed that.

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/17538201/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/17538201/ Thu, 27 Mar 2008 09:07:39 PDT
Anyway, sorry for that getting so heavy there.

I went into music store after music store. Alex had already planned what he was getting with his tax return and I hadn't. So again I was looking around and said "I'd love to have a bass, I've always wanted to learn." I saw a black 4 string electric Yamaha and she was a beauty but I was like a bit too expensive.
So on the way home I stopped into another store and saw a semi hollow, cherry brown looking bass and was like=O! Mainly at the price they were selling it for and the fact it was an acoustic/electric bass. I sorta fell in love and sorta brought home...lol.

So yes, I hvae a new addition to my family of guitars...she is a lovely bass with a great sound. I can play a few songs already but I'm taking my time to learn all the notes this time too lol.

I work tonight...I'm not happy about that.

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/17476477/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/17476477/ Sun, 23 Mar 2008 14:28:33 PDT
I have a new ID! I like it so that is why I am bothering to mention anything lol.
Happy Easter to all you Christians and Happy Bunny day to all you pagans lol. Haha...I was told that could be offensive...*shrug*

Everyone should go find out who The Agonist is. They'er from Montreal Canada and they kick the poo out of your mom. Yeah, mom.


"You cannot know the sweetness of victory without first dwelling in the agony of defeat"-The Agonist.

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/17246620/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/17246620/ Sat, 08 Mar 2008 20:34:27 PST I don't know if that made me feel better or worse. Both probably.
I'm so tired, and yet fatigueed.
Sociopathy is a theme you can look forward to in 'Vacant Utopia'.
I'm restless.
I'm sore.
My stomach is in knots.
I want peace.

"OH THE PLACES WE'LL GO!"

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/17183843/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/17183843/ Tue, 04 Mar 2008 17:16:25 PST [Service=Army]
"I'm so lonely and depressed that death is a welcomed guest"
Prehaps not death, but something to remove this veil of shadows. I'm down and I feel like I can't get up. I feel like an alcoholic. Mainly because I have had more then 2 drinks tonight. Is it because there is nothing cheaper to take me away?
"I'm not an addict baby, thats a lie"
I'm tired and my legs resemble traintracks. Or is that how I should say they feel? No, resemble. (she never meant to)
Though, I am working on the chapter 1 ending of "Vacant Utopia". Saying this, I might not even post it...

I might play the guitar later on.
Singing something sad, soft and delicate.

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/17108049/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/17108049/ Thu, 28 Feb 2008 18:49:59 PST So I sit here, smoking a cigg and breathing in its cancers thinking about the next 5 years of my life.

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/16983570/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/16983570/ Wed, 20 Feb 2008 19:25:49 PST Though I need to rant...
I think I put too much time and effort into my work, I mean; I haven't fucked anyone there nor do I have any relations to the higher up's. I'm just a number. That doesn't bother me, what bothers me is that because I'm not the skinny cute little girl that everyone seems to enjoy looking at, I am treated differently.
Let me explain this before I'm called a drama queen.
I'm a professional mover, I have seen it all.
I don't feel as if I'm anywhere near as good looking to the other ladies who work with me. I find that all the dudes treat them very different from the way they treat me. "But Lace, you're a lesbo, isn't that a good thing?!" Well, I don't want the guys all over me, however I'm sick of picking up slack from where the other broads I work with don't do it. Because they're cute they get the easy job, whereas this cunt does what the guys do. I like being seen as 'able' as the men(it is a moving company and physical strength is nice to show off) but I thought as we got older people mature. There goes the dream eh?
Two, I hate when people know nothing; act like they do. Then they pretend like they didn't hear you when you add to what they said. Not being a smart ass, but if you don't know what you're talking about, shut the fuck up.
Three, ignorance. I don't have to say anything more then that.
Conclusion, I hate people.

Lunar eclipse tonight...

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/15810565/ http://MakeThisGoOnForever.deviantart.com/journal/15810565/ Wed, 05 Dec 2007 16:43:39 PST Anyways, I continue on this sight and have made the choice to up load more photos and poetry.
[I want to be laughed at]
-She always screams-
Pretentious isn't it?

]]> ~MakeThisGoOnForever