http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Malkavius&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Malkavius en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sat, 05 Dec 2009 18:40:59 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/10266390/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/10266390/ Tue, 03 Oct 2006 00:19:29 PDT
According to the DSM-IV, the disorder begins by early adulthood and is indicated by the subject exhibiting at least five of the following:
1. An exaggerated sense of self-importance (CHECK!)
2. Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or
ideal love (How about preoccupation with fantasies of being morally and/or intellectually superior to the rest of the rabble as well as being "loved" by France.)
3. Believes he is "special" and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (CHECK!)
4. Requires excessive admiration (Translates into requires high poll numbers and approval ratings...and to be loved by the French.)
5. Has a sense of entitlement (CHECK!)
6. Selfishly takes advantage of others to achieve his own ends (Translates to selfishly takes advantage of his occupation (college professor, NYT reporter, etc.) to achieve his own ends.)
7. Lacks empathy (A human fetus is equivalent to a parasite you say? CHECK!)
8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him (HELL YEAH CHECK)
9. Shows arrogant, haughty, patronizing, or contemptuous behaviors or attitudes (BIG TIME CHECK!)

I shall be writing an essay on the implications soon.

]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9916363/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9916363/ Thu, 31 Aug 2006 08:12:38 PDT
[link] ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9596953/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9596953/ Fri, 04 Aug 2006 10:49:56 PDT [link] an announcement was made of my banning and in two days it has accrued 810 views and 36 replies. Not the usual response to a troll banning. A pity I can't see it or even re-register since the admin has shut down new registrations to keep trolls out (I suspect that in actuality he creates sockpuppets on occasion to provide a pretext).

This suggests that the community there acknowledges that a significant precendent has occured (ie. the banning of Jews instead of hatemongers) and it has caused something of a stink.

Even more interesting is the subject of a more recent thread authored by a longtime, respected member:
conduct unbecoming mods

If he wasn't a mod himself I'd expect him to be the next to go. ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9528649/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9528649/ Fri, 28 Jul 2006 23:46:53 PDT
[link]

In case it vanishes into the ether, here's the text:
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Judging from what the Islamofascists can get away with...

...if there was actually a Jewish conspiracy to rule the world, it would be hidden IN PLAIN SIGHT with the apologist mainstream media spinning and rationalizing such megalomaniacal motivations to high heaven.

Just imagine what would happen if PM Olmert made a live broadcast calling for all Jews around the world to fight Christians and Muslims in concert. What if he delivered passionate speeches boasting that he would wipe Lebanon off the map and Iran would be next?

@ the irony

You bleeding hearts can go ahead and dismiss this as a troll post. The writing's on the wall you spineless weenies!
----------------------------------------------------------------

Commentary gentleman? ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9505198/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9505198/ Wed, 26 Jul 2006 20:21:48 PDT
[link] ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9358552/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9358552/ Wed, 12 Jul 2006 20:47:38 PDT
[link]

Amazing... ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9249884/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9249884/ Sun, 02 Jul 2006 10:09:29 PDT
[link]

Looking at the subjects of my previous journal entries.

7th sign of the Apocalypse on May 10, 2005. Oh the depths I've sunk to ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9173281/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9173281/ Sat, 24 Jun 2006 21:40:12 PDT ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/5708202/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/5708202/ Mon, 20 Jun 2005 20:35:59 PDT Speaking of which, some of you may or may not have gotten the impression that I've been avoiding you on messenger.
I have. :nods:
None of you specifically though and it's not a personal thing. I'm just going through an indefinite period where I don't feel like chatting with anyone. I really don't know why. Maybe it's a hormonal thing...

Aren't I a good friend? :rolleyes:

BTW: I downloaded an ISO of Halo 1 today. This game is seriously overhyped. I like the original Doom way better.

]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/5339732/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/5339732/ Thu, 12 May 2005 14:51:14 PDT Why haven't I done this before at such an advanced age, you might ask? Frankly, I'm quite embarrassed about it. Chalk it up to a neurotic father with codependancy issues (fucking loser) and me being too complacent to do anything about it. Sitting down with him and talking about it won't help; I'll have to stack my chips up and disappear with no warning.
Sorry for the lack of any new deviations. I was getting tired of doing the same thing and I just couldn't come up with anything good. Hope I get over this block soon.
A big thanks for all of you that were supportive

]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/5316149/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/5316149/ Mon, 09 May 2005 22:53:17 PDT
[link]

]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/5272020/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/5272020/ Thu, 05 May 2005 06:50:27 PDT The thing is, what a person can do in PS is determined more by imagination then technical or artistic acumen. Easy to fall into cliche.

]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/5248647/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/5248647/ Mon, 02 May 2005 16:12:22 PDT
Been making too many journal postings too

Need to take a breather before I start submitting crap.

Next deviation will hopefully be a pencil sketch.

]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/5225715/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/5225715/ Fri, 29 Apr 2005 22:30:37 PDT Definitely will try out some more crazy stuff with PS.
Exploring stock accounts and textures.


]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/5214459/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/5214459/ Thu, 28 Apr 2005 16:19:24 PDT
BTW, my HotorNot score is dropping

]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/5156149/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/5156149/ Fri, 22 Apr 2005 08:00:16 PDT
Also, much thanks to the admin/mod/whoever gave me this spiffy week's subscription. These features are wonderful and I definitely intend to buy a subscription soon.

]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/5135648/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/5135648/ Wed, 20 Apr 2005 03:25:29 PDT
[link] ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/5118441/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/5118441/ Mon, 18 Apr 2005 07:06:40 PDT

]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/5109856/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/5109856/ Sun, 17 Apr 2005 08:18:21 PDT I'm going to limit my interactions to comments until the balance is restored. ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/5094772/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/5094772/ Fri, 15 Apr 2005 11:24:38 PDT

“Dead as dead can be,” my doctor tells me
But I just can’t believe him, ever the optimistic one
I’m sure of your ability to become my perfect enemy
Wake up and face me, don’t play dead cause maybe
Someday I will walk away and say, “You disappoint me,”
Maybe you’re better off this way

Leaning over you here, cold and catatonic
I catch a brief reflection of what you could and might have been
It's your right and your ability
To become…my perfect enemy…

Wake up (we'll catch you) and face me (come one now),
Don’t play dead (don't play dead)
Cause maybe (because maybe)
Someday I’ll (someday I'll) walk away and say, “You disappoint me,”
Maybe you’re better off this way

Maybe you’re better off this way
Maybe you’re better off this way
Maybe you’re better off this way
You’re better of this; you’re better off this;
Maybe you’re better off!

Wake up (can't you) and face me (come on now),
Don’t play dead (don't play dead)
Cause maybe (because maybe)
Someday I’ll (someday I'll) walk away and say, “You fucking disappoint me!”
Maybe you’re better off this way

Go ahead and play dead
I know that you can hear this
Go ahead and play dead
Why can't you turn and face me?
Why can't you turn and face me?
Why can't you turn and face me?
Why can't you turn and face me?
You fucking disappoint me!

Passive aggressive bullshit ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/5075118/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/5075118/ Wed, 13 Apr 2005 03:34:56 PDT

gun:____________
me________________fate



I need a ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/5067135/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/5067135/ Tue, 12 Apr 2005 06:23:19 PDT
:icondeviantFilmsicon: ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/5052975/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/5052975/ Sun, 10 Apr 2005 16:14:29 PDT



I started another flame war in the politics forum today. Oh dear...


Right wing commies.
Leftist Nazis.
Point their fingers.
Rumours linger.

We don't care what you think.

Branded sexist.
Labelled racist.
Want it clearer?
Check the mirror.

We don't care what you think.

Lies and slander in vain try to shame us.
Riots, protests, violence just makes us famous.
TV interviews, free publicity.
Increase record sales dramatically

The left they say I'm a facist.
The right calling me a communist.
Hate hate hate hatred for all - one and all.
No matter what you believe.
Don't believe in you - and that's true.

Some would say that we're biased.
Accusations that we are racist.
Well, shit comes in all hues.
Now this means you.
Cause things ain't always like they seem.
Like they seem.

We hate everyone.

We don't care what you think. ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/5016286/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/5016286/ Wed, 06 Apr 2005 12:58:29 PDT


Song of the day: La Mer by Nine Inch Nails


and when the day arrives
I'll become the sky
and I'll become the sea

and the sea will come to kiss me
for I am going home

nothing can stop me now ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4990188/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4990188/ Sun, 03 Apr 2005 17:04:00 PDT
Slow-paced. Too talky. Predictable.

And Jimmy Stewart WAS too old for the part. Just a creepy old man.

While on the subject, I just discovered that one can make a very comfortable living by rewriting OTHER writers' scripts. Not a very respectable profession, but it's something for me to ponder... ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4955654/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4955654/ Wed, 30 Mar 2005 19:54:09 PST Now it lingers in my memory like a ghost.
The last time, the stench was so overwhelming, I had to scream out my window to remind myself that I was not trapped in a tomb.
It's something very old and very rotten. Worse than raw sewage, rancid meat, and shit combined and multiplied a sevenfold.

It has to be what it smells like down in Hades.

Song of the day: Into the Void, Nine Inch Nails, The Fragile

Tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

Talking to myself all the way to the station
Pictures in my head of the final destination
All lined up
(All the one's that aren't allowed to stay)
Tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

Tried to save a place from the cuts and the scratches
Tried to overcome the complications and the catches
Nothing ever grows and the sun doesn't shine all day
Tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

Tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4932231/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4932231/ Mon, 28 Mar 2005 08:44:44 PST
Tagline: Love is a verb

Synopsis: A jailed man reflects on the abusive relationship that brought him to where he is.

Characters:

Teddy~The protagonist and narrator. Despite being in jail, he's actually a nice guy. His flaw is that he gets to tolerant of the bullshit of others.

Beatrice~The antagonist. She apparently suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder. Teddy falls in love with her and she steadily makes his life worse.

I'm going to be doing exercises to flesh out more characters as well as the world of the story. I plan this to be feature length. ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4904795/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4904795/ Thu, 24 Mar 2005 22:02:30 PST

BUt seriously, I'm jaded. I was gripped with so much awe and wonder on Judgement Night. So many delusions and sublime coincidences to encourage them.

I encountered the lamb [link] and it anointed me as the Horseman of Death [link] and I rode together with Famine [link]
I encountered the one who bore the mark of the ANti-Christ [link] and spared him to avoid vengeance 777-fold.
This was the same night the Great Rabbi passed away and the funeral WAS ELECTRIC. I returned home satisfied that the Writ had been completed.
That was only two days ago and the snow is entirely gone.
At least the circus is coming to town...

Song of the day: The Day the World Went Away, by Nine Inch Nails, The Fragile

I'd listen to the words he'd say
but in his voice I heard decay
the plastic face forced to portray
all the insides left cold and gray
there is a place that still remains
it eats the fear it eats the pain
the sweetest price he'll have to pay
the day the whole world went away ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4895208/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4895208/ Wed, 23 Mar 2005 21:18:12 PST
I attended a funeral procession today. The Admor of Bobov passed on and I stood with my father for a couple of hours in the slushy snow. Man, it was freezing.

Mood:

Song of the day: The Noose by A Perfect Circle

This one's for all my new and old friends.


So glad to see you well
Overcome and completely silent now
With heaven's help
You cast your demons out
And not to pull your halo down
Around your neck and tug you off your cloud
But I'm more than just a little curious
How you're planning to go about
Making your amends to the dead
To the dead

Recall the deeds as if
They're all someone else's
Atrocious stories
Now you stand reborn before us all
So glad to see you well

And not to pull your halo down
Around your neck and tug you to the ground
But I'm more than just a little curious
How you're planning to go about
Making your amends to the dead
To the dead

With your halo slipping down
Your halo slipping
Your halo slipping down
Your halo slipping down
Your halo slipping down

Your halo slipping down to choke you now ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4888949/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4888949/ Wed, 23 Mar 2005 08:44:07 PST
I'm making more friends on DA. You guys rock. Forgive me that I don't submit more art; hard for me to sit still.

Weather Report: Unseasonable precipitation in my area.

Mood:

Song of the day: Four Horsemen by Metallica

By the last breath of the fourth winds blow
Better raise your ears
The sound of hooves knocks at your door
Lock up your wife and children now
It's time to wield the blade
For now you have got some company

The Horsemen are drawing nearer
On the leather steeds they ride
They have come to take your life
On through the dead of night
With the four Horsemen ride
or choose your fate and die

You have been dying since the day
You were born
You know it has all been planned
The quartet of deliverance rides
A sinner once a sinner twice
No need for confession now
Cause now you have got the fight of your life

The Horsemen are drawing nearer
On the leather steeds they ride
They have come to take your life
On through the dead of night
With the four Horsemen ride
or choose your fate and die

Time
has taken its toll on you
The lines that crack your face
Famine
Your body it has torn through
Withered in every place
Pestilence
For what you have had to endure
And what you have put others through
Death
Deliverance for you for sure
There is nothing you can do

So gather round young warriors now
and saddle up your steeds
Killing scores with demon swords
Now is the death of doers of wrong
Swing the judgment hammer down
Safely inside armor blood guts and sweat

The Horsemen are drawing nearer
On the leather steeds they ride
They have come to take your life
On through the dead of night
With the four Horsemen ride
or choose your fate and die ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4878077/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4878077/ Tue, 22 Mar 2005 02:17:31 PST Got a new drug that keeps me from pacing the house and holds my mind steady. I love it. I'll keep the name for myself
Wednesday, I'm going to a have nice, civil converstation with the teacher who caused my relapse. I promise I'll behave myself

Mood: :meditate

Song of the day: This one is dedicated to a friend of mine I know she'll like it.

Skeletons of Society, by Slayer, Seasons of the Abyss.


Minutes seems like days
Since the fire ruled the sky
The rich became the beggar
And the fool became the wise
Memories linger in my brain

Of burning from the acid rain
A pain I never have won

Nothing here remains
No future and no past
No one could foresee
The end that came so fast
Hear the prophet make his guess
That paradise lies in the west
So join his quest for the sun

Shades of death are all I see
Fragments of what used to be

The world slowly decays
Destruction fills my eyes
Harboring the image
Of a spiraling demise
Burning winds release their fury
Simulating judge and jury
Drifting flurries of pain

Deafening silence reigns
As twilight fills the sky
Eventual supremacy
[as] daylight waits to die
Darkness always calls my name
A pawn in this recurring game
Humanity going insane

Shades of death are all I see
[skeletons of society

shades of death are all I see]
Fragments of what used to be
[fragments of what used to be
skeletons of society]

Minutes seem like days
Corrosion fills the sky
Morbid dreams of anarchy
Brought judgment in disguise

Memories linger in my brain
Life with nothing more to gain
Perpetual madness remains

Shades of death are all I see
Skeletons of society
[shades of death are all I see]
Fragments of what used to be
[fragments of what used to be]
Skeletons of society ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4869443/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4869443/ Mon, 21 Mar 2005 06:21:56 PST
Mood:

Song of the day: AENIMA by Tool



Some say the end is near.
Some say we'll see armageddon soon.
I certainly hope we will.
I sure could use a vacation from this

Bullshit three ring circus sideshow of
Freaks

Here in this hopeless f**king hole we call LA
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away.
Any f**king time. Any f**king day.
Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay.

Fret for your figure and
Fret for your latte and
Fret for your hairpiece and
Fret for your lawsuit and
Fret for your prozac and
Fret for your pilot and
Fret for your contract and
Fret for your car.

It's a
Bullshit three ring circus sideshow of
Freaks

Here in this hopeless f**king hole we call LA
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away.
Any f**king time. Any f**king day.
Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay.

Some say a comet will fall from the sky.
Followed by meteor showers and tidal waves.
Followed by faultlines that cannot sit still.
Followed by millions of dumbfounded dipshits.

Some say the end is near.
Some say we'll see armageddon soon.
I certainly hope we will cuz
I sure could use a vacation from this

Silly shit, stupid shit...

One great big festering neon distraction,
I've a suggestion to keep you all occupied.

Learn to swim.

Mom's gonna fix it all soon.
Mom's comin' round to put it back the way it ought to be.

Learn to swim.

F**k L Ron Hubbard and
F**k all his clones.
F**k all those gun-toting
Hip gangster wannabes.

Learn to swim.

F**k retro anything.
F**k your tattoos.
F**k all you junkies and
F**k your short memory.

Learn to swim.

F**k smiley glad-hands
With hidden agendas.
F**k these dysfunctional,
Insecure actresses.

Learn to swim.

Cuz I'm praying for rain
And I'm praying for tidal waves
I wanna see the ground give way.
I wanna watch it all go down.
Mom please flush it all away.
I wanna watch it go right in and down.
I wanna watch it go right in.
Watch you flush it all away.

Time to bring it down again.
Don't just call me pessimist.
Try and read between the lines.

I can't imagine why you wouldn't
Welcome any change, my friend.

I wanna see it all come down.
suck it down.
flush it down. ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4864447/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4864447/ Sun, 20 Mar 2005 15:41:13 PST
The puzzle is making sense but I fear of making a grave mistake. ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4860319/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4860319/ Sun, 20 Mar 2005 05:48:28 PST



Song of the day: Christian Woman from Type O-

A cross upon her bedroom wall.
From grace she will fall.
An image burning in her mind.
And between her thighs.

A dying God-man full of pain.
When will you cum again?
Before him beg to serve or please.
On your back or knees.
There's no forgiveness for her sins.
Prefers punishment?
Would you suffer eternally.
Or internally?

For her lust.
She'll burn in hell.
Her soul done medium well.
All through mass manual stimulation.
Salvation.

Body of Christ.
She needs.
The body of Christ.

She'd like to know God.
Ooh love God.
Feel her God.
Inside of her - deep inside of her.

Jesus Christ looks like me ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4856131/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4856131/ Sat, 19 Mar 2005 16:56:25 PST
Things are...starting to make sense.

I see the association with colors, numbers, and forms.

I'm seeing the world through the eyes of a child.

Mood:

Song of the day: Schism from Tool, Lateralus



I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them fall away
Mildewed and smoldering. Fundamental differing.
Pure intention juxtaposed will set two lovers souls in motion
Disintegrating as it goes testing our communication
The light that fueled our fire then has burned a hole between us so
We cannot see to reach an end crippling our communication.

I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them tumble down
No fault, none to blame it doesn't mean I don't desire to
Point the finger, blame the other, watch the temple topple over.
To bring the pieces back together, rediscover communication

The poetry that comes from the squaring off between,
And the circling is worth it.
Finding beauty in the dissonance.

There was a time that the pieces fit, but I watched them fall away.
Mildewed and smoldering, strangled by our coveting
I've done the math enough to know the dangers of our second guessing
Doomed to crumble unless we grow, and strengthen our communication.

Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any
Sense of compassion
Between supposed lovers/brothers ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4845483/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4845483/ Fri, 18 Mar 2005 12:03:20 PST


Oh well.

Mood:

Song of the day: Tainted Love

Sometimes I feel I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
From the pain that you drive into the heart of me
The love we share
Seems to go nowhere
And I've lost my light
For I toss and turn I can't sleep at night

(chorus)
Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all
Oh...tainted love
Tainted love

Now I know I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
You don't really want IT any more from me
To make things right
You need someone to hold you tight
And you'LL think love is to pray
But I'm sorry I don't pray that way

(chorus...)

Don't touch me please
I cannot stand the way you tease
I love you though you hurt me so
Now I'm going to pack my things and go
Tainted love, tainted love (x2)
Touch me baby, tainted love (x2)
Tainted love (x3)


I'll spare myself the icons. I make too many journal entries ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4839900/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4839900/ Thu, 17 Mar 2005 18:15:42 PST
I wish I was back in school.

I'm playing the original Doom on PC again.

Mood:

Song of the day:

"Vermillion, Pt. 2" By Slipknot

She seemed dressed in all of me, stretched across my shame.
All the torment and the pain
Leaked through and covered me
I'd do anything to have her to myself
Just to have her for myself
Now I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do when she makes me sad.

She is everything to me
The unrequited dream
A song that no one sings
The unattainable, Shes a myth that I have to believe in
All I need to make it real is one more reason
I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do when she makes me sad.

But I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me

A catch in my throat choke
Torn into pieces
I won't, nO!
I don't wanna be this...

But I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me

She isn't real
I can't make her real
She isn't real
I can't make her real ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4827365/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4827365/ Wed, 16 Mar 2005 10:24:50 PST
I was getting sick of that cocky bastard.

HOpe he gets the chair.

Mood: Exuberant

People I adore:



Clubs:

:iconbuffyverse : ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4823905/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4823905/ Tue, 15 Mar 2005 20:40:32 PST
I just don't have the discipline to work with all the codes and sluggish load times.

I have better, more meaningful things to devote my creativity on.

My computer is too slow.

Life is too short. ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4822508/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4822508/ Tue, 15 Mar 2005 18:01:40 PST
I need to rebuild my life soon.

I need to clean up after myself. ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4809191/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4809191/ Mon, 14 Mar 2005 09:15:31 PST
Say hello to the rug's topography
It holds quite a lot of interest with your face down on it
Say hello to the shrinking in your head
You can't see it but you know its there so don't neglect it

I'm taking her home with me all dressed in white
She's got everything I need pharmacy keys
She's falling hard for me I can see it in her eyes
She acts just like a nurse with all the other guys

Say hello to all the apples on the ground
They were once in your eyes but you sneezed them out while sleeping
Say hello to everything you've left behind
It's even more a part of your life now that you can't touch it

I'm taking her home with me all dressed in white
She's got everything I need some pills in a little cup
She's falling hard for me I can see it in her eyes
She acts just like a nurse with all the other guys

Say hello to the rugs topography...

]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4808946/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4808946/ Mon, 14 Mar 2005 08:37:30 PST See, they misdiagnosed and treated me for mad cow disease. THe gave me antibiotics instead of meds.
It wasn't until I ran away (I just changed my clothes and walked out) that they realized I was psychotic (as opposed to diseased).
The kicker is that they're trying to cover up it all up by saying I took LSD.

This will be fun. ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4804472/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4804472/ Sun, 13 Mar 2005 17:54:54 PST
I just have this FASCINATION with nurses.

~glitternurse ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4804134/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4804134/ Sun, 13 Mar 2005 17:06:23 PST My self-esteem...
A dollar at a time...
FOr one chance...
One kiss...
One taste of you my Magdelena"

And she continues to fill me with equal amounts of torment and wonder.

I don't want it to stop. ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4799322/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4799322/ Sun, 13 Mar 2005 04:41:41 PST
Apparently, someone has been very frustrated that I've never been able to recognize her.

We have crossed paths many times.

Got to take meds now. ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4752418/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4752418/ Mon, 07 Mar 2005 14:53:50 PST
Pops helpfully dropped my classes and now I have to wait till fall to finish my degree.

I'm still amazed by the suddenness of the whole thing. ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4131406/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/4131406/ Wed, 22 Dec 2004 21:11:56 PST ---------------------------------------- --------------------
The struggle for dominance is a natural and normal part of human sexuality. There was this very funny joke on Star Trek the Next Generation, where Worf makes a comment that Klingon women like to throw heavy objects (with this introverted, lustful expression). What makes this joke funny is both men and women in lust, yell, hit each other, throw things around and say nasty things to each other. Passion tends to leap out at odd times into unpredictable behavior. This is the animal part of us refusing to be caged anymore. People in love, fight, ALOT.

But abuse is something different. It is a weak, evil person attempting to make themselves feel better by inflicting suffering on another. It has sadistic and masochistic qualities. The people who do it will ONLY do it if it is safe to do so. Men who do this tend to get drunk/high and then make up an excuse to beat their wives (substance abuse is a big, BIG part of abuse). Women tend to engage in protracted campaigns to get their partner to abuse them. The most common form of this is to be as disrespectful of the man as possible, especially in public. Physical abuse of the man is also very common. They keep it up until the man hits them. Then, they try to condition the man to hit them on a regular basis. Most importantly, they actively select ONLY men that will beat them. They are very good at this. If they accidentally choose a man who won't ever beat them, they will make his life MISERABLE and then abandon him.

The best, most effective way to handle abuse, for both men and women is to nip it in the bud. Absolutely, refuse to even give the time of day to anyone who even gives you the slightest possible suspicioun they are abusive. At even the slightest hint of abuse, break things off immediately and refuse to ever talk to that person again.....no exceptions. This is important because abusers will test the waters with you by seeing if you will take them back. Make sure they find out that you won't.

This doesn't mean you break up immediately with someone, just because you had a fight, though. You WILL fight bitterly all the time with anyone you have passion with. It's the sadistic and masochistic qualities you are looking out for. Drug/alchohol use is a big red flag, as is any sort of criminal past. Especially look for any sort of past abusive relationships. Women that have been beaten by partners and/or raped, are big no-no's. It's extremely un-PC to say so, but most women who have been raped by someone they know went out of their way to be with a high-risk man. Again, drugs and alcohol are a big factor. You definitely don't want a woman like that. She will torture you incessantly for not being a rapist scumbag, yourself.

It should go without saying that women who engage in child abuse/neglect deserve to be pariahs....accomadate them. They are completely unsuitable for even the most casual sexual fling.

Any woman that is any way involved with the sex for money industry (stripping, porn, prostitution, politics) has 90% of her screws loose. This industry is all about letting someone beat them in exchange for cocaine, meth and other speedy drugs. Run very fast, in the opposite direction.

Warning......the cycle of abuse tends to make both partners obsessed with each other. Obsession is caused by all situations where pain and pleasure are randomly doled out (just look at gambling, lol). If you fail to nip these relationships in the bud, don't be surprised if you discover you can't later give them up, no matter how bad it gets. Also, don't be surprised if your partner leaps out at you with a butcher knife, from the bushes, some dark night. Having evil people obsessed with you, is a very bad thing.
---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- ------------------
Men and women are two sides of the same coin. Without each other, there can be no fulfillment and no peace of mind. Together, there is LIFE. This is the way it has been since the very beginning. It is an active thing, not a passive one. It's not enough for the people to just show up, in each others lives. Each of you needs to actively love the other.

Many american men are willing to do this. Almost ALL american women are NOT. To make matters worse, these women do not value the men who are willing to love them. Instead, they value the men who could give a shit about anything. He gets laid constantly and gives nothing to anyone (even himself). Since this type of man is good for nothing and is often a criminal, the last thing he is interested in or capable of, is taking care of a woman or a family. Women are also like this themselves, but preten... ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/3171353/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/3171353/ Fri, 20 Aug 2004 09:06:26 PDT ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/3044052/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/3044052/ Wed, 04 Aug 2004 18:48:45 PDT
I'm in politically-incorrect heaven... ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/2792067/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/2792067/ Fri, 02 Jul 2004 23:42:54 PDT ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/1578165/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/1578165/ Wed, 24 Dec 2003 14:24:19 PST
At least I didn't get her pregnant ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/1491519/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/1491519/ Thu, 04 Dec 2003 20:10:50 PST ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/1443182/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/1443182/ Sun, 23 Nov 2003 21:24:14 PST Now I just have to pray everything was exposed right. ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/1343481/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/1343481/ Thu, 30 Oct 2003 22:07:54 PST


And on a related note: Kasumi thinks I'm a misogynistic jackass for my gender views. Well, my definition of a misogynist is a man who hates women as much as women hate eachother. Describes me perfectly. If she prefers passive-aggression over discussion, she needs to find a new line of work. ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/1308574/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/1308574/ Wed, 22 Oct 2003 07:39:52 PDT [link]

And in unrelated news, Shayna is the lowest maintenance girl I've been with in years. I just love it when I'm not expected to follow some stupid unwritten code of conduct when I am with a woman.
However, I don't appreciate people spreading rumors about us.

Nga was friendly at the Film Society yesterday, but I suspect she bestowed Creep status on me. :sigh: I've just never seen an Asian with such a figure before.
Guess I'll know for sure next week when she shows Battle Royale.

Oh. . .and I've been brainstorming for my zombie film: Two drug-addled bikers take a wrong turn on their way to Mardi Gras and end up trapped in a hell dimension. I got some folks at college excited about this idea, so getting resources won't be so hard when the script is complete. It's Easy Rider meets Hellraiser! Hahaha

G2G ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/1243909/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/1243909/ Mon, 06 Oct 2003 18:20:47 PDT Anyway, I'm eating again and continuing to whittle away my lifespan.
I hope Cory's not mad at me. *shrugs* Nothing I can do about it now. ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/1228058/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/1228058/ Thu, 02 Oct 2003 13:04:00 PDT ________________________________________ ___________________
By Ann Marlowe

Oct. 1, 2003 | It was after seeing " Thirteen" and noticing the display rack of handcuffs at Sam Goody on Sixth Avenue that it hit me: The polymorphously perverse, gender-is-just-a-construct future that radical feminists and academics used to dream of has actually arrived. Men no longer have any authority, either in their own eyes or in women's, the genders are distinguished socially mainly by stuff they buy, and eroticism has fled from the bedroom to the store. It's sexier for most of us to go shopping than to make love, and so we do. As a friend said when I told her I'd spent much of the weekend in bed with a man, "Who has time for that? The weekend is the only chance I have to do my shopping."

And handcuffs -- well, seeing them at Sam Goody made me wistful. Once upon a time, you could still shock a guy by pulling them out. I suspect that there's a connection between the collapse of masculine authority and the mainstreaming of S/M; neither gender is too good at distinguishing power and authority, and nostalgia for male authority can translate into fetishizing symbols of power. Women secretly want men with authority, but they fall for insecure passive-aggressive guys who view every aspect of life as a power struggle, or for cranky killjoys or petty sadists.

The collapse of the patriarchy was supposed to make women happy -- we were supposed to get more sex, freer sex, better sex, more loving sex and better relations between men and women. If you went to an Ivy League college in the last 20 years or had a professor who did, you probably heard something about this.

But instead men treat women worse than ever, women are retreating to 1950s notions that sex is something men like, and the nearly successful effort to stamp out gender contrast has made upper-middle-class American sex miserably dull, with or without handcuffs. Men and women are just too much alike stylistically now for much erotic energy to arise from their conjunction.

This is especially true of those in their 20s. Here's a relevant confession: Ever since I've been in my early 30s I've tended to date younger men. I'm now 45, and in the last five years I haven't been able to get interested in men in their 20s, no matter how cute or buff. Men in their 20s -- well, the Ivy League, professional sorts I meet, with their yoga classes and exquisite sensitivity about treating a woman any differently from a man -- just aren't masculine enough to be bedable.

Thus the legacy of two decades of feminism in academia. Younger people have bought into the idea that your lover or spouse is a friend of the opposite sex -- although one who will exhibit bad manners you wouldn't expect from your friends' pets, much less your friends. The bad manners and androgyny go hand in hand; along with the erotic aura, tenderness and respect have disappeared. These young guys feel free to admit to physical fears, grooming preoccupations and social anxieties their fathers had the good sense to conceal, if they had them. They dress like overgrown toddlers, in oversize T-shirts and baggy pants, clothing that begs you not to take them seriously as grown-ups. They're *****-whipped and tamed by 30, but just below the surface they seethe with hostility and resentment at women, because they're quite aware that their girlfriends or wives treat sex as a commodity to be doled out in return for something better. Neither the young men nor the young women enjoy it as much as they were told they would. Maybe the situation is worse for the women because, after all, it's the men who are more like women, not the women who are more like men.

The women have won, if you've won when you have worse sex than your grandmother did. Secretly they don't find these men very exciting, either. And they don't feel feminine when they're with them. What does "feminine" mean anyway, besides the result of a lot of grooming rituals drag queens can do too? Maybe it means having a baby. Sex is for corralling a man long enough to secure a "commitment" and then a baby.

The new joylessness: Talk with someone in their 20s about marriage and they bring in the word "work" in the first three minutes. I didn't think like that when I was with a man for seven years in my 20s, and I don't recall that my friends did either. This "work" goes along with the ubiquitous use of the word "relationship" in the romantic sphere, a word first used for a sexual connection in 1944, according to the OED; before that it was only used in a business context. And now that the patriarchy's gone, everything isn't pleasure, as radical t... ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/1181674/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/1181674/ Fri, 19 Sep 2003 21:39:21 PDT Feels soothing too. . . ]]> ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/1178052/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/1178052/ Thu, 18 Sep 2003 21:33:47 PDT ~Malkavius http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/1132014/ http://Malkavius.deviantart.com/journal/1132014/ Fri, 05 Sep 2003 19:18:13 PDT ~Malkavius