http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:MetalSpork&section=today deviantART RSS for by:MetalSpork en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Mon, 28 Dec 2009 03:58:21 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/25610907/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/25610907/ Sun, 28 Jun 2009 16:08:50 PDT

So far I have a few things up I've been working on. Take a look if you want.


[link]


PS Lisa, you're my hero for naming that thing 'FlowerFace'. Thanks. Pssstpppsssstt!

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/25585988/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/25585988/ Sat, 27 Jun 2009 11:44:45 PDT


In other news, I just got back from Florida.


Once I stop obsessing over the title of my new website I'll get off my ass and post some artwork...

I just found my pile of paintings that I had put up at a shindig in order to sell them. They're recent, as in a month old or so. And I'm not attached to them. I need to get rid of them fast, or paint over them. If anyone's interested in buying any tell me. Of course I have no pictures of them up right now.


I'm very hostile towards my old art. I'm going to recycle all my sketchbooks that are over 3 years old. I'm cleaning out my room, re-doing everything, and getting a new environment for myself. I just don't care about my old artwork. I feel really restricted right now. I want to go back to school.



I always end up typing more than I mean to. Eeaaah.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/25264530/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/25264530/ Thu, 11 Jun 2009 23:24:16 PDT
Another option I have is Flickr (which I think I had an account on for like 2 days once and then deleted it because I didn't like it... Or was that Photobucket?), which I dunno. I have lots of other photography as well that would make good stock pictures (I'm an animal stalker and have some pretty good ones).

I've also thought about getting a blog for my artwork (I used to do the Weekly Fetus one but I couldn't keep up making them all during school so it died). I don't know if I'd update it much though. If I do that, I have to come up with a name for it also, since blogger accounts have those headings on the top. Just sayin'.


In other news, I'm working on a Flowerface head for my wall. I got an image in my head of one of my Brain creatures on one of those hunting plaques, which I thought would be kind of funny and satirical. Then I remembered there was already a tutorial for something like that (a werewolf that missmonster did a while ago). Although the thing I'm doing is different since I'm not putting fur on it, so we'll see what happens.

I went on a website that sells foam-ish taxidermy molds (Van Dykes, they're really nice, I had to talk to a customer service person because I had to switch something) and bought a coyote one (for Flowerface), a full body fox (because it was cool looking and on sale) and a rabbit (because it was cheap). SO now I have a few unfinished things in my basement...


The rabbit one... I feel a need to make a neon colored rabbit (since I've drawn a neon green one before) and bought a neon orange paint pen. We have a huge box of white faux fur from my brother, who had made a teddy bear for his then-girlfriend (I know, I laughed also, but good effort). And coloring it with the paint marker works quite well... I finished half of it while watching Craig Ferguson tonight, then I ran out of hot glue. If it turns out okay I might try to sell it at my local art gallery where I volunteer, and possibly make more.


Anyway, I've been taking pictures of my progress and I might post them on whatever new home I get for my artwork (once that happens).

'Night.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/25076279/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/25076279/ Mon, 01 Jun 2009 18:37:23 PDT
I woke up at some odd hour of dawn- the sun was coming up and nobody was awake in my house except for me. I remember walking down the hallway by my room and going past the 'bridge' (and being too short to see over the rails). The sunrise must have been a fantastic color because everything seemed pink and purple and gray. As I was wandering around I kept hearing music and choir-like voices. I left my room and walked down the hall to follow the sounds and find their source. There would be a noise and I would echo it by humming or singing something. Then I would hear more, a call-and-response type thing. I don't remember specific melodies, but I do remember it was mostly just interval-sounding "music" with not very many notes. It was really weird, I can only describe it as what someone would imagine angels to sound like. And really, I'm not religious in the slightest, so I have no idea what it was.

I'm wondering if I actually heard music, as in I had a seizure or something, or if it was in my head (maybe my young brain composed some music), and has gotten amplified over time by my memory. When it happened I was a child and didn't think much of it, but I swear I was actually hearing things. The reason I got up was to /follow/ the music and find the source of the singing. I know it was nobody in my house, it sounded completely unlike anything I've ever heard.

--


Whenever I think about it I try to come up with an explanation of what might have happened. I still don't know how to explain it... Maybe something weird happened to my brain when I was little. At the moment I'm kind of afraid of developing seizures, since I read I could be susceptible to them since I have synesthesia (I hope researchers find out that's not true haha). But what I mean to say is that maybe that incident was me having a childhood seizure. Is that possible to get a seizure once and then it goes away? I also get moments where I taste things randomly, which could count as a seizure. Although these aren't full-blown taste things, it's more like the idea of a taste. I discussed the taste issue on a website about synesthesia and nobody really knows what it is, so I don't know what to think. However, some people I talked to experience the same thing.

ANYWAY, that's all I've got for now. I'm doing some paintings for a friend's boyfriend's work party-type-thing, so I'm going to go work on those.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/24846301/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/24846301/ Tue, 19 May 2009 19:42:00 PDT

I'm losing interest a bit in DeviantArt. I guess it's just because I don't really care enough to take the effort to submit things. I dunno. I like looking at peoples' artwork, but not so much about submitting my stuff. Actually, I don't like looking at most peoples' artwork. A lot of people I don't even know why I'm watching them, lol. Harsh.

Anyway. I'll think about it. Also, don't bother saying "don't leeeeaaaave!", because I'm not leaving DA, I just might not submit things anymore.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/24624257/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/24624257/ Wed, 06 May 2009 18:42:14 PDT I took a cab back to the train station and had one of those weird moments while I was sitting there. It was kind of raining outside and it was 11 something at night. It was a perfect temperature outside. The cab window was open but the driver closed it, probably because of the rain. I wished it had stayed open. We headed through some area of Chicago. It's hard for me to describe it. I was just looking out the window at all these people. It was really busy everywhere. There were tons of people walking around, lined up outside, in stores, whatever. Where I had just left from was a really quiet, basically abandoned area. All these people were out partying basically. There was tons of music and lots of neon signs, obviously probably a lot of drunk people but I didn't really notice. It was like watching a movie. I think I was in a really good mood, because I seriously hate anything like what I just described. I hate mass quantities of people, especially drunk partying people, and I hate the city environment. I must have had a really ridiculous 'artsy' moment because I just kept thinking how beautiful everything was. Maybe my brain had just been drained out from how fantastic the concert was, I don't know. It was a feeling like everything was just perfect. I wasn't actively happy/excited, I was actually pretty tired. It's like that Tom Waits song "Nirvana". I'm sure I wouldn't have noticed anything if I was with other people, and I'm sure nobody else I know would have felt the same way. It was just such a random moment.

As I made my way to the train station I still felt really surreal and weird. I wandered upstairs to the waiting room and ate some dark chocolate (which I basically always have in my purse). I was sitting in a room full of people but I didn't even notice anyone else, I was still thinking about that area of town I went through, it was a microcosm. It was like a completely separate existence.

I got onto the train about an hour later with a bunch of drunk sports fans (there was a game or something, pathetic). I went into my default 'train mode' of listening to my iPod and acting like I was asleep. Some lady behind me with a ridiculous cough made me jump every minute or so for an hour and a half to my stop. By then, the feeling was gone. Reality came back and it was annoying.


That's all.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/24222338/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/24222338/ Mon, 13 Apr 2009 14:54:00 PDT
I always try to comment on something that I fave, because it kind of annoys me when I see a picture with a few hundred faves and 4 comments. I've seen it before, and it's stupid. Why can't people just say something little they like about a picture? I'm not saying I don't appreciate it when someone faves something, but I like actually hearing from people. I'd rather have someone say something than just fave it. It's like the "like" option on Facebook- god forbid you actually communicate with someone. They might even reply! How horrible! I don't know. I'm not being bitter.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/24201632/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/24201632/ Sun, 12 Apr 2009 13:10:06 PDT
At the moment my mom is talking about how, just because I said I was really cold yesterday (in the fucking basement, where it IS cold, and all the air vents are closed!) she thinks I'm anemic or have some life-threatening disease. This is really irritating to me. She feels the need to gossip about me to my relatives. She said the last time (in middle school btw, which was like 6 years ago) I had blood work I almost had an iron deficiency. Okay, you know why that happened? I was a dumb fatass who didn't know how to eat food that was decent. And even then I didn't have health problems. PS I could just go get another blood test, but I have major issues with needles and it's not worth me vomiting everywhere for me to prove my mother wrong.

Lets explain something else here. Since I'm basically a vegan, my family thinks this means I'm going to keel over and die. I eat healthier than anyone else in my family. I am not an idiot when it comes to food. I'm actually really picky (by everyone else's standards) about what I eat. I also take fucking vitamins every day. There is no way in hell I can have some deficiency of any kind. I'd like to tell you all to shut the fuck up. I'm tired of ignorant assholes making assumptions about people who are different. It's like, just because the vitamins are labeled "vegan", that must mean they are shittier. FOD.

There is no reason why the entire dinner conversation has to be about me and what I do or don't eat. Find something else to talk about. This does not have to be every conversation with every family gathering and every dinner we attend. I don't take time out of my day to talk about how funny it is that you just cooked a corpse and made the house smell like diarrhea. You shouldn't have to talk about the fact that I happen to be eating pasta or something.

I'm just amazed at people's ignorance. I don't know if people feel guilty or awkward because I'm not eating steak or something? Is that why they mention it? I don't get it. It doesn't help anyone.

I'm obviously having a bitchy day because I took the Myers Briggs test and got INTP (even though it was 1% "T"). I guess I'm just a borderline between the usual "aaaah I have feelings!" (INFP) and "fuck you you're wrong!" (INTP). I love psychology.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/24097679/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/24097679/ Mon, 06 Apr 2009 16:44:14 PDT
So basically what it is, it's the sound of someone rolling something along the bricks outside of my window. Let's explain my backyard. There's a brick path that's a few feet wide. Then far far away from that is a bike path which isn't made out of bricks, it's like a sidewalk, so it wouldn't make the same noise.

My point is that I've never gotten to the window fast enough to see what it was. I have to admit, I only hear this once every week or two. But I blame that on my irregular sleeping habits.

A week or 2 ago I was in another room because some people were re-doing the windows in my room. There were no shades in that guest bedroom, so I could basically see outside. I heard this noise again and once I was done thinking "I'm tired I'm tired AH it's that noise again!" I got up, found my glasses, and went to the window. I couldn't see much because I can't see the brick path as well from the room I was in. So I went back to bed.

Anyway, yesterday night I couldn't sleep... I heard that noise again. It sounds like someone rolling one of those kids' red wagon things along the bumpy bricks. So I get up and run to my window, and again, I don't see anything. This is seriously a crunchy gravel/brick noise, there is nothing else that can make that noise. I just have no idea what it is. I've heard this noise in every weather condition possible. Like yesterday, it was snowing (thanks, April).

Anyway, I'm not saying my house is haunted, or that I'm crazy. I just really want to know if there's a creeper that is going to climb up my into window and kill me.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/24074272/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/24074272/ Sun, 05 Apr 2009 11:28:03 PDT

I'm seeing Robyn Hitchcock in a few weeks at the Epiphany (Chicago). I'm not exactly knowledgeable about all corners of his musical catalogue (I just have a boxed set of his earlier endeavors) but it's ok, he's awesome and I'm looking forward to it.

Anyway, I'm chipping away at my paper about comic books that's due sometime in the near future. Hopefully this summer I'll do some more art and actually submit it... Also I'll be able to photograph/scan all of my stuff from the school year. Woot.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/23906156/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/23906156/ Thu, 26 Mar 2009 18:50:55 PDT
I already didn't sleep yesterday because I had to move to a different room (the windows are being replaced in my house and my room is covered in woodchips. Thanks.) and this bed is tiny and somehow tilted and I feel like I'm going to fall off of it. Also, it is way too quiet. I've had a fish tank for years and I'm not used to not hearing that bubbly noise.

Anyway, this person decided to take out the windows in this (meaning the guest room) room now and so not only will I not be able to sleep, but I will get a seizure every time a car drives past my house.

Also, this room is literally about 15 feet away from them. There's a wall, but that doesn't mean anything does it? I can just hear their fucking stupid conversations about how some college is mostly Christians and how my dad is disgusted that there are Obama youth groups. Valuable conversations there. Those sure provoke thought.


Did I mention I have a cold? Whenever I need rest the most I just can't get it.

Of course I asked my parents if they could, I don't know, move to one of the billion other TVs in the house so I could sleep. They gave me a "meh" and I didn't want to argue so I went away. Then I asked again just to make sure and of course my mom bitches at me because basketball and complaining about Obama is more important than me getting better. Thank you. Fucking idiots. I even came home early from school today because I felt so shitty. I think my parents are just unable to understand other people. Whatever, typical flaws.


So now I'm left here to bitch about my problems. I only have about 3 hours until they'll actually go to bed and shut the fuck up.

My family is just so typical. I hate it. I'm actually really jealous of people who can actually, like, share a laugh with their parents.

God that's so fucking depressing.


It's not like I argue with my parents all the time like my brother does. I just let them win because I know it doesn't matter. It just really bothers me.
========



I'm sorry guys. I know I'm appearing like a typical annoying teenager. Disclaimer: some peoples' lives are worse than mine. There. I'm not completely stupid.


PS. It's 's birthday tomorrow! What would I do without Facebook? Actually, facebook didn't tell me until today (fuck you facebook), so I haven't gotten you a present yet.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/23714097/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/23714097/ Sun, 15 Mar 2009 14:50:02 PDT
If I hate this, I can still decide to switch until next year sometime, which is good (I didn't know that before, it would have been useful to know a couple weeks ago).

The images that have been kicking around in my brain for a few years might actually see the light of day. Really, that's how I made my decision. I thought about all those pictures I had sketched out in my crappy half-asleep state when I get my ideas. I haven't been able to make any of them really since I know they'll look bad unless they are a big-ass, colorful painting. I'm not even that fond of painting, and watercolor is actually how I naturally work (building layers light to dark). But I can still take both watercolor and sculpture classes, which I'm looking forward to. And after making a bunch of crap acrylic paintings I've decided it's not so bad. (obviously I haven't really submitted paintings on here much).

By the way, I've had this thing for seagulls for years, and I've never drawn one. Maybe I drew a seagull when I was like 5 and on vacation in Florida. I also have decided I need to live somewhere with either seagulls or cacti as inhabitants (which leaves California or Arizona). Just saying.

When I was volunteering yesterday, I had one of those moments. There was this kid who was basically a clone of me when I was littler. She made some fish with curly tentacles or something. It was freakin awesome. She was kind of quiet and wasn't acting like a hyper idiot like the other kids.

Some guy who is married to one of the artists was volunteering there later in the day (I was there for 2 'shifts'. He talked to me for like 2 hours about California (he had lived there for 12 years, I don't know why the hell he moved back here). It made me really sad that I live here. I'm not trying to say that my life is bad here. I just hate Illinois shit weather. However, I should point out that today is really nice, I'm sitting in my room with the windows open listening to birds and traffic and Syd Barret.

I still don't like Chicago but I've just become used to it. I still don't appreciate it in the winter. It's like the entire outdoors is unfriendly, which isn't surprising, since Chicago is a giant hunk of pollution/buildings. I know they're trying to add some green-ness around, but I'm still waiting. Sure, Grant Park is a big patch of grass, but really, is grass natural? That grass isn't what normally grows there, it should be a prairie with bison.

Anyway, tangent. My laptop is low on batteries and I've reached the stage where I got distracted from this entry for a while, so I'm submitting it.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/23594940/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/23594940/ Sun, 08 Mar 2009 15:40:04 PDT
I want to enter the Design Against Fur competition but I don't think I have enough time to make something in a week and register in a day or two. Plus, I think it involves using a computer to make art, which I'm not capable of doing unless I have time to mess up and get annoyed.

Still want to drop out (not only school, but life *dark turn*) and work in a greenhouse. Yeah.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/23494932/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/23494932/ Mon, 02 Mar 2009 17:40:49 PST
Anyway, whatever, I don't know.

I have this urge to quit school and go work in a greenhouse. I'm having a plant obsession lately. I'm propagating cacti in my room. Go on, judge me!

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/23182472/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/23182472/ Fri, 13 Feb 2009 20:19:23 PST
My dad always bitches about politics. Actually, I fucking hate when anyone talks about politics. You know why? Because nobody is objective enough. Fuck you all. God. I can't even begin to talk about how much I hate that people are too stupid to see other views. It's a reason to go into hiding.


My parents watch the O'Reilly factor and then when anyone has a conversation about anything they just regurgitate whatever they heard on TV. They aren't the only ones either.
Nobody knows anything.
Seriously.



I think normal uninformed people talk about politics to make themselves feel like they know what's happening. They're trying to make themselves feel smarter. You're just as fucking dumb as everyone else. Just because you watch the news doesn't mean shit. Any news network is full of as much shit as everywhere else. PS I just can't stand news reporters.


Anyway, I just feel really annoyed and stupid and confused and tired. Kind of a crappy combination, but I guess I'll go to sleep now.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/22972162/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/22972162/ Mon, 02 Feb 2009 19:35:30 PST
Last year during school I made a few plant pots. They were dog-like animals with big mouths and teeth. Their mouths were open wide and it was designed so there was space for plants inside (it's kind of stupid I never uploaded them. Most of them ended up with friends, though). Anyway, they don't take very long to make, and they're pretty interesting, and I've never really seen anything like them (I hope there isn't really anything like them, that would make me sad) before.

So I'm thinking once the gallery gets its permanent space over the summer, if I can help out some more, I'll be able to use the kiln(s) there for my ceramics. And sell them at the gallery. Of course... I don't really think they'll let me use it for free, but I have my own clay and stuff. We'll see. I guess I'll have to talk to some people about it.

I'll be able to propagate my own plants for the pots, since it's not that hard and we learned how in horticulture last year (this is kind of random but I fucking love plants). I'm excited... If everything goes well I'll be able to make some money over the summer (since I seem incapable of getting hired for a 'real' job. However, working as a volunteer at the gallery kicks a real, paying job's ass).

Right. That's all for now. I'm going to sketch some stuff.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/22948195/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/22948195/ Sun, 01 Feb 2009 16:43:04 PST
Aside from the stupidity of it all, I almost wish I knew how to close myself off from people. That sounds really depressing, but I can't help /not/ listening to people that I really dislike.

I'm not necessarily bad at arguing with people, but I end up not giving a shit anymore and ending the conversation. Arguing just usually isn't worth it, because people DON'T change their opinions. I know this, so why the fuck waste your energy? With my mom, at least I reduce the argument from what my brother usually does for hours into, if it's a good day, about 30 minutes. Like what just happened.

Anyway, I'm emotional. But not in the way that I'll be upset about the things people usually get upset by. If I'm upset, it's for a worthwhile purpose. Instead of "aaah I'm sad! I just got yelled at!" it's like "wow, that's depressing, my mom can't communicate with people". I really can't help that I think that way. I don't think it's a bad thing.

I hate when people like to think they have the ability to analyze people. I do it all the time, but I blame it on the whole INFP thing. I wouldn't be able to be a psychologist because I'd get frustrated with how unstable everyone is.

I don't think my life is bad. I have a good life. I just can't help noticing how fucked up everyone else is. I'm aware of any 'issues' I have, but somehow, nobody else seems to notice how messed up their own selves are. Everyone gets trapped by limitations they put on themselves. I notice it all the time and it really makes my brain hurt. It's so insane.


I wonder why I type all these entries, when I'd never say all this stuff in "real life". Probably because I'm not obnoxious enough.


PS I haven't eaten a real meal today. I had some chocolate chips for breakfast and I really don't think I'll eat dinner. I'm afraid to go downstairs. I don't want my soul to be sucked out by my mother.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/22946977/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/22946977/ Sun, 01 Feb 2009 15:39:12 PST
That's all I have to say.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/22829853/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/22829853/ Mon, 26 Jan 2009 17:56:26 PST

There was this card on the table and it said something like "Womens' Art Gallery". I brought up that the concept of an all-woman's art gallery was, in itself, sexist. This is because it's discriminating against men. My hovering bitch teacher comes up and says "well actually men show art there all the time" and I said, "oh, that's good then" and then, to drag it on, she said "You shouldn't make assumptions like that" and by that point in the conversation I wasn't even talking about that particular gallery anymore, but instead, the concept of having an "all women" show/gallery. A couple people at my table tried to help explain this but she just talked over me. I just gave up because she's a bitch anyway and I didn't care anymore.

Let's talk about how bitter my teacher is about the fact that she has 2 "X" chromosomes. She always will turn a conversation into a "you'll have to work 10 times harder because you're a women" thing. Which is seriously not true in the art field. Really. She's just so stupid. She was talking before about how a philosophy teacher she had in college taught her to be ' proud' of the fact that she was a women and that she could 'be strong but still retain her femininity'. Really? How much bullshit is that?

She also does this annoying (and bitchy) thing where she'll point out how there's dead animals in all these art products. She talked about glazes today and said how there are so many slaughtered animals in it. And stared at me the whole time. Since the vegan in my class disappeared today, she decided to be bitchy to me instead. Well, fuck you. Plus, she claims to be a 'vegetarian' but she always talks about how she uses dead animals in her art. She's one of those hypocritical idiots who shouldn't exist.


So I have a cold and my eyes are realllly dried out so I can't stare at my computer screen any longer. So bye.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/22603955/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/22603955/ Thu, 15 Jan 2009 20:06:17 PST

It's interesting that no new style of music has showed up recently. I guess I mean a musical 'movement' similar to the 60's 'hippies' or 70's ' punk' type. There really aren't any new genres of music happening. There's annoying emo shit that I can't stand. There's also hip-hop/rap which probably had potential 20 years ago but was destroyed by the overwhelmingly shitty people around now. The rap/hip-hop artists now just buy a bunch of fur coats and 'bling' and make music videos with skanky people in them.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the world needs a new genre of music. It's seriously an art form that is getting really repetitive and crappy. A lot of music now can be thrown into the vague generic category of "ROCK". The format of guitar, bass, singer, drummer... Why don't people use other instruments? A lot of music consists of mostly the same elements. Even song structures/chord progressions. It drives me nuts! Even going a super experimental/spaz Trout Mask Replica route wouldn't work, because, well, it happened in 1969.

There's this book that someone (my mom?) got me. It's about music, mostly rock I think. Anyway, the chapter for the decade starting in 2000 has some title like "Hearing It All Again". How depressing is that? Seriously? There is /nothing/ original. Give me an artist and I'll name someone they took something from.

You could say that we are all a product of our environment, etc and that all other musicians were influenced by somebody else. Which makes sense. Early rock music was often blues-influenced. The thing is, those artists actually did something different with it. People today seem to just put out copies of other things. It's annoying. It happens in art too but that's a whole different ramble.


Some really smart/creative person, or group of people, need to create a new genre of music. I don't see it right now. Maybe someone tried to and the record companies didn't want them. Or they have already and are floating around on the internet somewhere.

I always wonder what kind of amazing art or music that exists/existed and was never discovered. It's depressing. Maybe something really really great happened and nobody noticed.



It usually makes me annoyed to listen to music on the radio. I feel like there is less and less music that I like that I hear places. I mean, nobody I know even listens to anything I listen to. It could just be because I live in Dumbville where people don't know anything. It makes me wonder though. I didn't always hate listening to the radio. I mean, there are a few "classic rock" stations from Chicago that I used to listen to a bit. However, one day the power went out for a while and destroyed my radio presets. I was too lazy to put them back. Now I haven't listened to the radio (for more than 5 minutes) in about 3 years. The only time I'd encounter radio music is when I forget my iPod to plug into the car speakers and I'm forced to listen to it as I drive somewhere. This results in me switching between a bunch of channels since I don't like listening to a lot of the music. Hell, I'd rather listen to the bluegrass station than the 80's shit that permeates every station around here.

Here's what we have on the car's presets:
-70's and 80's- either progressive rock or hair metal. At least 3 stations.
-Some station that plays annoying emo music
-"Oldies", mostly annoying old pop music
-I won't even mention the hip-hop stations (but I just did)
-Pop-Country type stuff


So I guess I just don't listen to the radio much. Maybe I got used to finding music on my own (GOD do I appreciate the internet for that. I wouldn't know fucking anything about music without it) and got used to not listening to all that.

On a different note, I'm finding more artists to listen to all the time (Unfortunately most of them aren't "new" meaning 20-year-olds making interesting music). I could spend hundreds of dollars on music every month... There's a lot to learn about everything.

I feel like there are some genuine people who exist in the current time period who are probably decent. I haven't found them really. I'm not trying to be all super-indie and say I hate mainstream. I hate almost all 'indie' music too! I don't know what to do.


In other news, I'm keeping a blog of completely random thought snippets I have each day, titled "Excerpts From The Brain":
[link]

I might end up including things from my superambitious "My Brain" installation concept. I've thought of including the cruddy, often amusing, sketches of dreams I have, but I don't know if I will yet. Anyway, I'm going to go sleep now.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/22437923/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/22437923/ Tue, 06 Jan 2009 16:36:31 PST
The people on the train who eat Popeye's fried shit every day are disgusting. It actually happens every day. I can smell it a mile away. Disapproval.

I don't know. People are just... Disgusting.



In other news, the SAIC sent me a few emails telling me to apply for my merit scholarship. I hope they don't stalk me and ask me why I'm not going there. Maybe I'll ignore them and they'll go away. Haha.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/22395820/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/22395820/ Sun, 04 Jan 2009 14:09:20 PST
Anyway, I'm not going to the SAIC.


On another note, I was up a couple extra hours yesterday drawing tattoo designs. I've had this recurring dream about getting a tattoo of one of the things I draw (my icon) and I want it. But I feel like if I get that one I also need her opposite on my other arm, but we'll see if I throw up/pass out the first time. Good stuff.

PS, I still have no way of submitting art other than photos, which annoys me. So we'll see.

And my arm really hurts today so I'm not going to type any more.

(EDIT: wow, I forgot to put a title, and I didn't know it automatically put "Devious Journal Entry" there. Nice. I guess.)

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/22358653/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/22358653/ Fri, 02 Jan 2009 17:01:53 PST
Let's start with the person I talked to. He was really awkward and didn't say anything the entire time he looked at my artwork. My mom later said some dumb stuff like "she doesn't want to move away from home" which prompted him to say "you can't live in your parent's basement forever". This shows us a few things. First of all, my mother talks for other people. I'm used to it so I didn't even notice (that's kind of sad). But it shows this person is dumb enough to just listen to her saying random things about me. FYI I don't care about moving away from home, I just hate Chicago and wouldn't want to live there while in college.

ANYway... I told him about 50 times I was interested in sculpture, and he didn't say anything about the sculptures I showed him. He just liked my self portrait, the keith levene picture, and the one with the boob rabbit/pig. So I don't know. He wanted me to just drop out of my school (a decision I'd have to make in the next day basically) and take some gen ed. classes at some local crap place (to save money) and start in the fall. He also said a lot of dumb crap not worth typing. What he didn't talk about was what I wanted to know about, and I asked so many times, and he's stupid. He said I could still transfer by just having one semester of my life drawing/fundamentals classes. He also annoyed me by saying that technical skill didn't matter. I like art where it's balanced between technical skill and randomness. You can be good without being really detailed and technically skilled, you just have to be able to make it not look like crap. But he made it sound like they just don't care about technical skill.

The main thing that pissed me off about this person was that, instead of talking about the school /he/ works at, he just insulted my school the entire fucking time. Like "you'd be better off at Northern" and "I'd never send my kid there" and "Their focus is very narrow" and "The teachers make you draw a certain way". All that crap. It just really annoyed me. Not because I'm defensive, but because I don't respond to people insulting things. It just doesn't work for me and it makes me irritated. He seriously got so many digs in! It was like, rapid fire dumb-ness. Like, even if someone says something that is /true/ in that manner- without even explaining it and just saying random crap about something- it just pisses me off. It's immature. "That sucks" and all that. It's like, fuuuuck yooouuuu. I don't get it. I guess just because you're old doesn't mean you're mature (wow big surprise there... Ugh). He also said most people do 5 years there (wtf).

I took a tour before talking to this person. The school is really huge (well, compared to my school, which is 2 floors in an office building). And they have epic resources for all kinds of art. Especially sculpture. I don't know what to do. They're obviously better for that kind of stuff. They also cost twice as much, and you have to take other crap like Performance and Film classes. And Performance... Ugh... Learning about it is fine but you actually do stuff. But that's not going to make the decision for me, that sentence is actually irrelevant.

I hate how biased people are. It really stresses me out. I'm always looking for objective-ness and it just doesn't show up. I hate when people that that admissions ass I talked to just can't even give you useful information because they're so into themselves.


I KNOW that I can't just take this one idiot as an example of the bajillions of teachers they have there. I'm not stupid enough to base my decision on this person. It just made me more confused, that's all. I learned stuff about the school and then it got messed up when I talked to that idiot. I'm objective about transferring, but I still don't know. I feel like I won't fit in anywhere I go (emo emo emo) but such is life. I wish I didn't need college. So much. Ugh I'm getting emotional again. This has been a really depressing week. I think I just get upset because I don't know how to deal with allll of this stuff. Maybe I'm a weak person, whatever? But that's not really relevant, it's not like it's really a bad thing, it's just inconvenient. I don't know. I'm going to go to my dark corner now.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/22303315/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/22303315/ Wed, 31 Dec 2008 12:36:40 PST
I just want to learn how to do sculpture. I don't want to go through all of this crap. Do I really need to pay like 40,000 dollars a year to learn how to fucking do art? Fuck that. I'm really upset about this. I don't want to PAY to learn things. Look, my family isn't poor. If we were, I would probably feel so bad I wouldn't even go to college. I'm completely serious. I'm considering quitting now. I don't know what to do.

The thing about money is, I'm terrified of spending money. I almost never buy things. I can't stand it. It's not about me wanting to hoard my money or anything. I just have this weird guilt thing about it. It's even worse using someone else's money. How am I going to use my parents' money to go to college? I can't stand it. How do people go to college and have a college loan for the rest of their lives? I'm going to freak out. I really can't do this. My mom made me feel even worse by saying "it's fine I'll just work full time again". Shit now I'm just crying again. I hate this.

I've thought about this before... What does a panic attack feel like? I don't think I've ever had one. Does it just involve crying and being really stressed out?

This isn't a "my life sucks" thing. It's just me being afraid of money. And I really am, no joke. I can't even stand owing someone money. If it's like a dollar then whatever, I don't care. But I can't even fathom borrowing more than, like, 20 bucks from somebody.

Well, I don't know... I have to talk to someone from the SAIC on Friday. I have to whip a portfolio out of my ass by then... Don't know what to do. I don't have many large projects that I've ever done, so I feel stupid just bringing drawings. But the thing is, I don't have the resources/time to do what I want to do art-wise.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/22227609/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/22227609/ Sat, 27 Dec 2008 14:18:28 PST
The one thing I judge people about... Killing things... It's just more common than I thought/hoped. I guess I'm idealistic so I get let down. But I don't really mind being disappointed, it's not 'disappointed' to me, it's just learning that someone's stupid. Which happens a lot.

I might visit the SAIC soon and look at their sculpture department... See if it's worth me transferring. If I have to re-do my first year though, I might not want to go. Especially if their sculpture department isn't ridiculously fantastic. I wish I could do both painting and sculpture, since I have a lot of images I'd like to paint and I don't want them to sit around unused. But I like sculpture more because I like 3D artwork.

Anyway, I'm prompted to look at the SAIC again because I talked to my aunt on Christmas about it. She works at the Museum of Contemporary Art and she's friends with (the president?) of the SAIC. I know that she would be bias about the school but she said if I was more interested in the Fine Arts it'd be better than the school I'm in (where most people major in Illustration... Which I was going to do until I learned it would suck). So I don't know... Hopefully I can go within the next few days.


I hate making potentially life-changing decisions like this. I wish I didn't need school and I could just learn art somewhere random.


PS my scanner still doesn't work. Only way I could load pictures would be photographing them and then putting them up, which I hate doing and am too lazy to.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/22169242/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/22169242/ Wed, 24 Dec 2008 14:50:30 PST
What this means is I can't scan anything, because even though my printer is saying to "check ink", it won't let me scan because it fucking sucks.

Of course the manual doesn't help. It thinks I'm just going to go buy a couple $50 ink cartridges... (we just replaced them by the way! but that's not what is causing the message because it worked for a while)

I hate dealing with technology. I'm a patient person. But once I try every fucking thing there is to fix something, and that fucking error light is still on, it makes me want to skin a baby.

So anyway, no more art for now.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/21905169/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/21905169/ Tue, 09 Dec 2008 19:34:07 PST
Anyhow, I sort of am just getting rid of that other entry. It was really long.

PS Illinois FAIL today... Nice job... I bet I'll see more news people tomorrow.

Isn't it dumb that they have newspeople in Chicago, JUST so they can be like "now we go to so-and-so who is in Chicago with the story..." like you couldn't actually know anything unless you were standing in front of a building somewhere (and said building has nothing to do with what you're talking about...). Like, on CNN they just stand by some street somewhere that is unrelated to anything.


This is random, but I'm going to try to get a chicken to draw this spring. My mom works at a grade-school where they incubate chickens in kindergarten or something (which I think is stupid) but I could potentially borrow one and draw it for a couple days... I love chickens.

Also, if the eggs don't hatch (BTW... Why don't you just candle them and see if there's a chicken in it? Idiots, shows how smart people around here are.) they just take some fully grown chickens and stick them in the cage and act like they hatched. I'm sure the kindergartners aren't fooled... Adults can be so fucking dumb sometimes.

Another thing on that subject... Last year one of the chickens was born all gimpy or something, and the principal of the school snapped its neck. He didn't take it to a vet or have it put to sleep, he decided to be a fucking hillbilly ass idiot. Fuck you, I hate you. There are some things that are beyond my understanding, and that's one of them. I don't know what else to say.

Anyway, I'm going to bed.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/21735175/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/21735175/ Sat, 29 Nov 2008 17:16:04 PST
Since my school doesn't have a major I really want to do... At all... I started looking around at other schools. Now, I walk past SAIC every day, and I get spam stalker mail from them about transferring to their college (since I 'requested information' on their website about bailing out of my school). The thing is, their school is way bigger than the one I'm in right now, and (this is really judgmental) the people I see outside of there everyday just look so fucking stupid. They look like the people who try really hard to be artsy and they all dress the same and they all stand around in the middle of the sidewalk and smoke at me every day. However, people do that outside of my school (just way less because we have like 2 people in my entire school) and I might think similarly if I saw them. However, there are less people in my school that try to put on a fake image of themselves. Maybe I'm just getting a skewered statistic of idiots. My point is, I don't think I'll fit in anywhere. But, without trying to sound dumb and depressing, I'm used to it.

Anyway, the thing about SAIC is that they have a Sculpture major. If I had known this while looking for colleges, I might have gone there. But, when they send me stuff in the mail and it has 'current student artwork' in it, it's all the biggest load of shit I've ever seen. I've noticed that I have major aesthetic issues with just about all kinds of 'modern' art, I can't help it, but it gives me this cold, annoying feeling. They seriously sent me a package of booklets (I thought we had an amazon.com package or something, it was in a box) in some case and one of the things was full of art. A lot of it was just... I don't even fucking remember what it was, that's how much I didn't pay attention to it. It didn't hold my interest.

So what is my point about this? I might be able to tolerate being around idiots who make art that I hate (maybe.) but I really hope that's not the entire school. I get the impression it is, but I don't really know. I've never visited it (even though I'm right by that building every day) so I'm going to be objective for now...

When considering leaving my school, the a thought crossed my mind, which consisted of "fuck chicago." This is because I hate cities and cold weather. So, I look around a little online and I find the San Francisco Art Institute, which has a sculpture major, and appears to be awesome. So for a day or so I'm like "hell yes, I should go there". So I go to bed at night and I have one of my freak outs and I remember that I'd have to leave my dog here. (Yeah, I care about my dog more than my family and friends) So I really can't leave. I would be completely crushed if I'm away and school and she dies (I mean, she's 8, which isn't really old, but I know my family has a history of being completely stupid when concerned with the health of my dog, like putting off bringing her to the vet about things I've noticed weeks or months earlier. This is actually because my dad is cheap and stupid and doesn't want to spend money on vet visits). So, as a result, I can't go away to college. I love my dog. I would choose my dog over a baby if I had to run over one or the other. (that's supposed to be funny, but it's true.)

Getting homesick doesn't happen to me. At least in terms of people. I never care if I don't see someone for a while. That sounds harsh but that's just what I've noticed. Maybe I'm not selfish enough to want other people to hang out with me all the time. Or I just don't care about the particular people I know at this stage in my life. This all just sounds awful but to me it's not really that bad. I'm not hostile towards people, I'm just neutral and don't think much of a... ]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/21205645/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/21205645/ Tue, 28 Oct 2008 16:52:00 PDT
I feel like I need to censor myself all the time (I don't necessarily mean online or anything, just in general) and I really hate it. I'm just going to waste less time online because I find it stupid and frustrating. I'm also just feeling disconnected from everyone I know. Maybe I'm just being depressed but I'm not really concerned with that at the moment.

Anyhow, I'll be around.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/21115313/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/21115313/ Wed, 22 Oct 2008 18:05:28 PDT
Anyway, just getting that other crap off my page.

I can't wait until I can move somewhere else. Rarg.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/20711818/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/20711818/ Sat, 27 Sep 2008 19:47:59 PDT
I have a cold or some crap.
I've slept for forever today and I just feel like crap all the time anyway. Such is life. But at least I can breathe today

So I haven't really submitted 'art' in a while, besides the fetuses, which end up in my scraps section. I'm doing lots of stuff at college, but I never bring them home so I don't get the chance to scan anything. And I don't really draw at home because I have no time. Whatever.

My schedule is such that I get home from school, am up for 4 more hours, and then go to bed. It's sort of crap.

I wonder if, after a few more months, I won't want to commute to school for an hour + every day. I think I'm honestly just too sensitive or something. I really hate being outside in Chicago. It's fucking disgusting and dirty. I hate cities. I don't think I'll get used to my face feeling all greasy every time I go outside. I mean, I like school so far. I just don't know if eventually I'll not be able to be part of the crowd of uptight business-idiots every day.

I'm not saying this in a complaining way... I'm just thinking about things. Now, I know you'd think "just live there, then" but that's completely out of the question for me. I'd never live there. That'd be putting me in the middle of something I hate. 24 hours a day. I. Hate. Chicago.

Maybe I'm OCD. I can't stand breathing in all the shit in the air. I remember in grade-school they were showing us propaganda about how smoking was bad. They had a regular person's lung and a smoker's lung. The thing was, the lung of the non-smoker also had black spots and shit in it. The kids were like "wtf" and the person showing us said "now this person has some spots on their lungs because he lived in Chicago his whole life". Let's talk about how disgusting that is. The air there is shit. It bothers me.

Now, if this will outweigh my college education, I don't know. But I see the potential for it to. However, if that happens, I don't know what I'll do instead. I'd basically have to go to college in a different state (far away). Which I wouldn't care about at all if it didn't make me feel gross every day.

Ugh, this wouldn't be a problem if people weren't so fucking gross and polluted everything.

I can see how people would be like "suck it up", but the problem is, I don't think I can. I know myself and I know that I'm super over-sensitive to everything. Some people think that's a problem. I don't really think it's anything. It's just how things are. Unfortunately, in cases like this, the best solution I can think of is to block myself off from whatever it is that is causing me to be distressed. I don't really think that's the 'right'/'best' way out, but whenever I think about it, it always ends up going back to that solution. That might seem cowardly or whatever, but to me, that doesn't matter in the end. At least I won't freak out and go crazy.


Anyway, we'll see what happens. If I survive the whole Chicago thing, I'll have to never come back again. I want to live in the middle of nowhere. Or at least somewhere that isn't so disgusting.

I can't understand how people get inspiration from cities. It's dirty and unfriendly and fake and it just doesn't seem 'right'. To me, cities are just one gigantic hunk of pollution constructed by humans. I mean, houses are basically a large hunk of litter. Even if people live in them, houses have nothing to do with being integrated with the places around them- they destroy nature and everything about it. Sure, you might have a front yard, but that grass wasn't always there- it was planted down as sod and all that shit. Those flowers you planted would never grow there normally. You bought those trees from Home Depot.

Anyway, tangent. I'm tired so I'm going to bed. Isn't it great having a rant on your front page?

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/20508943/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/20508943/ Mon, 15 Sep 2008 16:18:50 PDT [link]
It's a cow. With some gold. Come on. That's not even creative. I could have pulled that out of my ass (or a slaughterhouse- heyo!).

Whoever buys that is shameful. I hope it doesn't sell. And I'm sad that people even care about it.

I was on wikipedia when I heard about that preserved-shark-in-a-tank-thing. I'm going to go find it for you. (there was an exhibit called a "a dead shark isn't art"... Good!)

[link]


Oh hey! I found out the same idiot, Damien Hirst, did both preserved pieces of shit. I thought they looked familiar (AKA something dead in a container). Well.... Good job there, Damien. You're stupid enough to make me write a journal entry about you!
[link]

Anyway...

To me, the only 'controversial art' is art that has to do with stupidity like harming/killing anything. Most art is physically harmless. It gets harmful once you over-embrace the "I'm artsy!" label and decide to make something you think is philosophical.


You might say "but he's trying to make you angry, that's the message in the art". I don't think he makes his preserved crap just to make a few people like me angry. It's obviously just because he is one of many people who don't give a crap about killing animals without thinking. Maybe he /did/ think about it and is just more incredibly stupid than I thought. Like people who hunt.

PS I like how they mention that he's selling some dead things passed as "art" for charity money... I find it ironic to make it seem like he remotely cares about anything, when he obviously doesn't.




Once you kill something for your art's (or anything's) 'message', you don't have one.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/20492027/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/20492027/ Sun, 14 Sep 2008 15:28:54 PDT
One of my friend's dad recently did some FBI training or something. The thing is, my friend was talking to me about how his dad was telling him every single little thing politicians do is planned. Politicians practice smiling or laughing and everything. At first I thought "oh, that's sort of funny and awkward", but then I thought about it and I became depressed. I mean, they aren't their own person. I just can't believe how completely planned out everything is. It's ridiculous. If I were going to go all Drawing On The Right Side Of The Brain on you, I'd say it's about as Left-oriented as you can get. However, it's probably like that because the majority of people are Left-brained and all that shit.

I really wish politics didn't have to exist.

PS, am I the only person bothered by how Palin is a nazi bitch? She's probably the dumbest person I've heard about recently. It has nothing to do with her "I ran some random small town and aren't qualified" thing. I have issues with how she's a dumb-ass and wants to kill all the animals on the planet and wants to set women's rights back another bajillion years. Anyhow... That's just how I judge people. Deal.


Anyway, this journal entry has been sitting on my computer for a few hours and I just came back, so I'll just submit it now.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/20261482/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/20261482/ Sun, 31 Aug 2008 22:14:11 PDT
I was just attempting to outline a picture on GIMP and I really just can't do it because my arm gets too tensed up and it hurts. My wrist, elbow, and my entire fucking shoulder kill me whenever I use my tablet. I don't know what to do about it. Plus, my tablet doesn't really work. It becomes disconnected and is held together with duct tape. But I honestly don't care that much because I don't really like drawing on a computer.

It takes like, 10 minutes for that to happen when I use a tablet. For some reason, my arm doesn't hurt much at all if I draw with a paintbrush, or do a sketch or something. If I outline something closely though, it fucking hurts. And this isn't the pain goes away afterwards. It usually takes about 4 hours! I'm going to go to sleep tonight with my arm killing me.

My point is that I'm pretty much going to destroy my arm and need surgery at some point. When I went to the doctor last year about it my doctor said at some point I would have to get surgery... The problem I have with this involves some gross story.

I was at this place by my relatives' house called 'the fish stand' (it's literally some shack that sells fried mercury to people who want to die) and this guy showed up. He knew my uncle and started talking to him. The thing is, he had some epic cast on his arm, and a fucking plastic container of his own blood hanging off of the cast. It was all out in the open and it sloshed around when he walked and everything. There was also some kind of IV or something. wtf? I wanted to puke but I laughed instead. It made my insides scared, much like the side effects on those commercials for prescription medicine.

The thing is, I learned that he had just had the kind of surgery I would have to eventually get. That's pretty epic and makes me scared, just because I'll have to have a thing of my own blood draining into some plastic container. Really, wtf? I just think it's funny because that would be something ironic that would happen to me because I'm super 'squeamish'.

By the way, the surgery they'd do involves moving a nerve or something so my arm doesn't go numb... But I don't know if it would do anything about it hurting every 2 seconds.

Also, getting my wisdom teeth out is going to really make me upset. I just hate surgery. I honestly can't think about it.


Going back to the subject of school, I have no concerns at all except for the fact that I'll kill my arm. I'm going to have to draw so much. I love drawing, but I don't love pain and suffering. I'm seriously not exaggerating, it's really bad and I don't know what to do about it and it really upsets me. I know I'm just having a self-pity extravaganza right now but I'm actually concerned because I need to be able to use my arm.

If I end up getting the surgery sometime when I'm in college, I know there will be some kind of time period when I can't use my arm, and I'm afraid that I'll have to either quit the semester or something. I feel like people would think I was making an excuse or something.

Well... I don't really know what to do now. I guess I'll just be everyone else and take everything day by day (which I think is a very stupid philosophy, people should be aware that the future does actually exist.). Anyway, I'm obviously not in the correct mood to write a journal entry (but I just did, my bad).

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/20176938/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/20176938/ Wed, 27 Aug 2008 00:28:17 PDT
I don't know if I'm prone to some kind of thought-induced-vegetarian depression or something, but whenever I think of any kind of farm animal I get really depressed. On the wiki entry it said that in 2004 8.9 billion chickens were slaughtered in the US. For my own depression sake I was going to enter that on my computer's calculator and figure out how many that was per second. The most depressing part about it is that the calculator on the Dashboard application only goes up to the hundred-million place. So basically a regular calculator can't handle a number that large. I think that means a bit too many chickens.

I'm still going to be editing the journal entry before this, once I feel like typing more stuff. I'm not in the mood to write things that often, because I get distracted easily...

I started painting something today that was inspired by Nick Drake's "Black Eyed Dog" song. I thought of it while trying to sleep earlier this month and I sketched it. Anyway, I wouldn't consider it done because I'm not happy with it yet... And it looks sort of like bad abstract-y stuff right now. Plus, you can see the pencil of something I was going to paint before but decided not to. So I need to go over it some more. Even though it looks pretty close to how I saw it in my head, I feel like it's not as good as it could be. I also feel like it's unoriginal but I don't know why. I guess I'm having a rare low confidence day.

The majority of my only worthwhile ideas come into my brain while I'm trying to sleep at night. Because of this, I have a small sketchbook full of random stuff like notes, phrases/words, and really bad sketches. I use a pen for these because I don't want to focus on making them actually look okay. If I'm reminded of an idea I can usually recall it pretty well in my mind.


Anyway, I should go sleep. One week until school. Gah.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/20112362/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/20112362/ Sat, 23 Aug 2008 11:42:55 PDT
Basically I have this ridiculously ambitious project that I would like to eventually put up in an art museum somewhere. I've had it in mind for a while now, and only sketched it a month or so ago. In short, I'm going to make an exhibit of my brain as a sort of 'modern-art' type thing. Except it'll have nothing to do with a 'real' looking brain. It'll be an interactive-type exhibit, with animatronics and drawings and film and music and whatnot.

I'd like to have people be able to interact with the exhibit as much as possible. Obviously there'd have to be some person standing around to see that nobody dumb breaks anything (but those stalker security people are around every art museum/exhibit anyway). The animatronics should be able to see (with the exception of Charles, but he would need some sort of way to navigate around.) and interact with people. Ideally visitors could look at stuff and touch whatever they wanted. The exception I'll make is babies and children, because they are evil and I do not trust them. Plus, you'll get sworn at by the Left brain animatronic so it'd be 'inappropriate' to bring kids in. The only animatronics that may get broken by careless people are insect-like ones and the Right animatronic due to small size.


Obviously, I have no clue how to go about any of this. I'm just getting my ideas typed out so I'll remember everything once I actually can organize this (hopefully in about 10 years, I want to actually accomplish something in my life).

Anyway, I'm going to start listing elements to this 'exhibit'.


Animatronics
I would like the animatronics to be the absolute latest most advanced technology to make these as realistic as possible. Almost all of them would undoubtedly need artificial intelligence and things like cameras and touch and motion sensors. The motion and touch sensors would be more for the animatronic's own use, so it would know to avoid or approach or even recognize visitors. As a side note, they may not be made with anything that uses animal products. No gelatin-made rubber type materials, no real fur, etc.

Functional Character Animatronics:
[link]
Appearance: A bright green dog-looking animal. Has black or very dark brown eyes. A peach colored X-shaped marking is noticeable on this creature's stomach. There is no fur over the X-shaped area. If narrowed down to a dog breed, this would look closer to a labrador or golden retriever puppy, although the fur would be very short.
Function: Wanders around, usually by the Autumn areas. Mostly just looks and acts depressed.
Interactions: Isn't particularly timid, but mostly ignores people or somewhat avoids them.
Size: Would be the size of a labrador puppy. About 1 foot and 1/2 tall.
--
[link]
Appearance: A skinny, black, insect/lizard-like creature. The skeletal structure is similar to a cat in terms of proportion, although this animal has no fur. The actual skin on this creature is more like human skin or a very smooth reptilian skin. She possesses antennae like most insects, and also has white compound eyes. This character also has opposable thumbs and is able to handle objects like a human would. She also has ears similar to a bat's, but smaller.
Function: The Right half of the brain. Observes people, in charge of various 'creative' outlets. Stays around the 'main' Left/Right area, occasionally wanders around by the music/film/memory areas.
Interactions: Twitchy and shy. Will stare at people from afar. Usually would not hide but instead mostly stay around the Right half. Ideally would be able to fly like an insect, but for animatronics, that may not be realistically possible.
Size: About the size of a domestic cat at the largest.
--
[link]
Appearance: This animal is similar in structure to a bulldog or some kind of stockier mammal. He is dark green and peach-colored. His nose is somewhat scarred up and unsymmetrical. The actual nasal openings are similar to a sheep, but more squished. The teeth are generally pointed and uneven, with some (notably a few front 'incisor'-like teeth) missing. He has yellow eyes with slit pupils. The ears are generally long and skinny, and sometimes are curled. While he cannot actively move his ears, it seems that the cartilage sometimes changes based on mood or temperature. The ears also have some rips in the outside cartilage. He has 2 spikes on each heel-- one comes out of the 'heel' bone, while the other comes out of the end of the 'fibula'. The build of this an... ]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/19805855/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/19805855/ Wed, 06 Aug 2008 09:42:19 PDT
My brain also told me to draw some creatures (notably Chuppy and the circus dog) commandeering an ice cream truck. Which entertains me. I really don't know how my brain comes up with things like that, but I welcome the random suggestions.

I still haven't finished one of the paintings for Beatlefest, which is in 2 days. I finished Paul a few days ago but he looks like Dr. Freeze because I made it tinted blue. But I like Dr. Freeze. Just not Paul McCartney as Dr. Freeze.

There was some animated Batman movie on a couple days ago, and it was obviously from the same people who made the Animated Series. I didn't see all of it but it has some bad-ass polar bears and Dr. Freeze in it. I remember feeling bad for him when I was little, because it seemed like his wife was dying all the time.

I've wanted to draw superheroes for a while but I'm lazy. Or not good enough. But I'm looking forward to my 'fantasy/comic book illustration' college class. Alex Ross' fault, no doubt.

Which reminds me, I have orientation Monday (I think). Chicago blows (no pun intended, har har), but I'm looking forward to learning more art... Stuff...

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/19632431/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/19632431/ Sun, 27 Jul 2008 22:56:46 PDT
I wish people weren't so approval-seeking.

In other news, I have random concerns about how things will turn out. It's not really a control-freak thing, it's more of an idealistic hope of stuff. For example, I have an image of what kind of house I want to live in when I'm older, what I want my art to be like, etc. Things I want to do. It's weird, because I haven't really reached any of the points in my life yet that I've thought about that way, so I don't know what happens if it doesn't turn out. The power of positive thought. I wonder if that works.

I have lots of ideas about pretty much anything. It's not just art. Maybe I just think differently, I don't know.

It's weird. It seems like whenever I type something like this, it takes on an almost depressing tone to me. When I think about stuff, it's often really humorous and amusing. It's almost like I could write for a comedy show. But then when I end up thinking about serious things, it's really just upsetting.

---

On another note, a friend and i came up with a sweet idea. The IMAX movie theater near my house sometimes shows movies that pretty much nobody sees, like "Sea Monsters 3D" and stuff. We thought it'd be funny to all dress up like the Joker from Batman and go to the theater and then just ask to see one of the random IMAX movies. It'd be really misplaced and awesome. And we'd drive there, all looking the same, with all the windows down. Good fun. Of course already some people are too stupid to want to go, but it's their loss and I don't care.

---


I remember watching the animated Batman series as a kid. I was under 7 years old (I only remember this because it said 'Y7' as the rating in the corner, and my brother would be stupid and tattle on me for watching it. not like my parents cared, because it was a freakin cartoon) and it's weird... It's one of those things that I don't remember much of. I think I was sort of creeped out by the Penguin, and I think I used to get the Joker and the Riddler mixed up (early evidence of synesthesia, they're both green so I got confused). But one (or both of them probably) frustrated me (probably because they were just randomly evil awesome). Anyway, I guess they don't really show it on TV anymore. I wonder if it is as good as I thought when I watched it that long ago.

I didn't really ever watch many cartoons as a kid. Besides Batman, I was sort of bothered by everything else. It might have been because I was too sympathetic. Like, I didn't like Loony Toons because, not only were they annoying, they were really one-sided. Like the coyote and the roadrunner. I'd get annoyed that the coyote never won. That wasn't as bad, though, because I liked birds. I used to watch Tom and Jerry sometimes and I'd get really annoyed. Maybe it was just repetitive. I was really annoyed by Daffy Duck and Porky Pig and all that.

Actually, the Flintstones were okay. I forgot about them. I liked the Flintstones. For some reason I remember it being really bright and colorful. Maybe it was just Dino being all purple or pink or whatever. I used to watch that a lot when I was little. I loved (and still do love) dinosaurs...

Mickey Mouse and most Disney stuff... I just didn't like it. I liked the Lion King, but again, it was mostly because of the bird/hornbill Zazu, and the hyenas. I really just wasn't interested in the lions, and the monkey, Rafik, really sort of creeped me out. I don't know why. I did end up seeing the Lion King play in 2003 though, and it was really cool.

I never even saw (or remember watching) stuff like Beauty and the Beast or Cinderella or the Little Mermaid or whatever. Maybe I just really didn't care about them at all to an extent that I don't remember seeing them.

As a really really little kid, I remember my brother used to watch Power Rangers, which I would just end up watching pretty much all of. But, I distinctly remember being scared of Muppets and Sesame Street. It was their mouths, and they had creepy eyelids.

Anyway, now we've gone into my cartoon issues. I think I just don't like the majority of cartoon styles for some reason. I especially am bothered by the things from the (50's?) or whatever. Everything had eyelashes and shiny eyelids and was really curvy. Like the old school Mickey Mouse.

We have this VHS called "Tubby the Tuba" that has that and some other animated things. One of which was called "Balloonland". I just entered it on Wikipedia and learned it was made in 1935. I would have estimated a lot later than that.

Anyway, I recently watched this again at a friend's house (for some reason we decided to use her VHS player and watch my random movies) and it was... ]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/19574849/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/19574849/ Thu, 24 Jul 2008 14:45:35 PDT
I don't miss drawing on paper. I guess I've been doing that since I could hold a pencil. I've been fiddling with some watercolors recently, and I enjoy doing them, but nowadays I'm just being lazy and drawing little fetuses that take a half hour. Plus I've never had any instruction about using watercolors (well, I haven't had any instruction at all with art basically).

So I basically don't know what to do with myself. I want to make more sculptures. The ones I've made already are sort of looking worse every day. My art looks bad to me after a few months usually... Argh.

Beatlefest is soon and I still only have half of the paintings done. Whoo hoo. I don't even want to work on the others, but I suppose I will eventually. Or I just won't enter the contest...

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/19556994/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/19556994/ Wed, 23 Jul 2008 14:28:54 PDT
Let's set this up first. I wake up and she is gossiping to one of her gossip correspondents about how there are kids on drugs that go/went to my school. She says something stupid like "well i heard it from so-and-so and her daughter knows all that kind of stuff but Julie's just clueless". Let's just establish that I could frankly care the fuck /less/ what people are doing. It doesn't matter to me if people have used drugs. Plus, most of the gossip shit isn't even true because it's... Gossip. Fuck you. I can emphasize how enraged i get when I hear dumbasses gossip about stuff.

I really, really don't forgive or forget if I ever hear people gossip or talk about crap they know nothing about. It just makes me really really angry. I just can't ever think you're a good person if I hear anything that qualifies as gossip. Unfortunately a lot of my friends have slipped past this line, but that's another rant for another time...

Anyway, back to the vet's office... Dogs are really perceptive and they can tell how people are feeling. I knew what Mille had wasn't life-threatening so I was just whatever about going to the vet. However, my dog freaks out and whines and cries and drools and runs around when she goes there. EVERY TIME i go there, my mom says stuff like "it's okay blahblahblah" to try to make Mille not nervous, but it's the /way/ she says it. She really says it like it's /not/ going to be okay and that she is actually really nervous. This really annoys me because she makes my dog more nervous. Dogs can tell in your voice how you're feeling. I don't know if my mom is actually freaking out for some stupid reason or if she is using her stupid-ass fake voice acting like everything is okay. Either way, I hate it because it is fake/dumb/and makes the situation worse. And the situation isn't bad to begin with.

So my dog has 2 pills to take every day and 2 different ear treatments. My mom was being a bumbling idiot and looking like she had no idea what was happening with the different medications (which made me nervous and sort of pissed me off because I don't want her to hurt Mille). I told her what the vet said again (even though she was there too wtf) and she was just so dumb and called the vet's office because, you know, I couldn't possibly be right. So then my mom tries to act all superior by acting like I couldn't /possibly/ know how to give Mille pills or medicine. Mille isn't supposed to chew the pills she has, so my mom was being a bitch and saying that I would know how to make her swallow a pill. She takes one out and hands it to me because everything just /has/ to be a competition with her. I didn't want to do it because she was being such a bitch and I don't want to subconsciously tell her she's "won" or anything stupid like that. But I do know that my mom is horrible with animals and really doesn't care about them at all, so I'm thinking I could do it better anyway. So anyway I got Mille to swallow her meds with no problem. I don't know what this was supposed to be proving but whatever. I don't feel accomplished because I know it's not challenging to put a pill in a dog's mouth and keep it closed so she swallows it.

I guess my point is that I hate thinking about my mother because it seems like everything she does is just wrong and opposite and stupid. I honestly think that some people just don't, and won't ever, get along. I do believe that some people have good families, but some peoples' families also suck. I mean, I know I'm not living in a ghetto or anything, and I'm not taking anything for granted here. I just analyze people (too much?) a lot, constantly. I think this often makes me upset... But I don't regret thinking about anything, because that would be stupid.

Anyway... It's sad (well, it actually isn't if you think about it) but I guess some people just don't get along because their thinking is so different.

I wonder if the reason it seems like 'teenagers rebel' and argue with their parents and crap is that they notice that adults are all fake, and then it eventually goes away because they turn into those fake adults.

By the way, arguing is overrated. For me, it just ends in frustration and depression.

---

As a side note, I'm uploading The Weekly Fetus pictures to my scraps and I'll put them in a folder of their own...

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/19510369/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/19510369/ Mon, 21 Jul 2008 01:17:30 PDT
[link]

It might end up being more than weekly, but I'm just putting that out so I don't feel like I have to draw one every day. Anyway, take a look

I saw The Dark Knight today by the way... And it was fabulous...

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/19436426/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/19436426/ Wed, 16 Jul 2008 21:52:41 PDT
I've only seen a few people in my life that look uninteresting. I mean, plenty of people have uninteresting, stupid personalities. But i could probably just look at pictures of random peoples' faces for a long time. It's interesting that such small differences can make a person look so different. Just think about it... Everyone (well... most people) has 2 eyes, a nose, a mouth, 2 ears, etc... And really, there isn't much of a difference between people, but since you /are/ a human, /you/ can tell the difference.

I wonder if animals can do that. I mean, I'm assuming dogs can tell the difference between people based on faces because if my dog sees me walking to the house from outside (meaning she can't hear/smell me or whatever) she won't bark at me...

If someone put 2 dogs in front of you, the same breed/colors, do you think you could tell them apart based on their facial features? I don't think many people could. I'm not sure if anyone could... But if they were humans, the same age/race/height/whatever, it'd be easy to immediately distinguish them from one another and be able to look at them again a few minutes (or months or years) later and just remember who is who based on their faces.

Maybe it's because people really aren't around a lot of animals. If you think about it, people mostly just see other people. There are lots of people, and they just flock together and block out everything else, i.e. nature. Maybe people just aren't as connected to it as prehistoric humans were? Or it's just because they're a different species and it's not really evolutionarily valuable to recognize different animals.

I'm assuming it's because humans are all the same species and there's some magical instinct that lets us tell each other apart based on facial features...

Anyway, just thought I'd put that out there.

By the way, there are a lot of people that are on my watch list that I really just don't like. I probably liked one picture of theirs a long time ago and added them, but now it's all... Gah... Stupid dumb identical art. So I'm going to start deleting people. That's not a threat, just an observation. Or more like, it's a threat, make more interesting art.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/19340387/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/19340387/ Fri, 11 Jul 2008 17:38:02 PDT
Anyway, I want to draw more people. I've actually drawn the Beatles 8 times so far. Argh. It's not challenging anymore really... And I'd rather draw other people that aren't drawn so often. I'll have drawn each of them at least twice by the time I finish the other paintings...

I would like to make more paintings or watercolor drawings. I guess I just have to practice, since nobody has ever told me how to paint or watercolor or whatever (but nobody taught me to draw, so...). I guess I just have to practice. And waste a lot of canvases.

I guess I've really only had one epic mass failure at painting so far. And it was pretty bad. But I guess I don't really care. I just don't know what to do with it, since it's so ugly and just sitting in The Room Nobody Uses.


By the way. I'm planning on drawing My Brain. I'm not planning on actually painting it until college or after that... I need a /huge/ canvas to fit everything in. However, I'm sort of doing separate drawings of each section. As in... The Left and Right halves, the Censorship Bureau, and all the other stuff that hangs around in my brain. It'll be fun and interesting...


I got some model cat skeleton in the mail yesterday. It's pretty cool. I wish it was posable but I guess those kinds of things don't really exist for under thousands of dollars. Blah. And a lot of them are real dead cat, which I don't want... But mine's plastic. Yay for plastic!


Also, I have a couple of sculptures that I haven't bothered to take good photos of... They're sitting in my house accumulating stuff like glasses and dog bandanas and necklaces. Nice. So one day soon I'll take all the crap off and bring them somewhere and take photos. And I'll put them up once I do...

It's hard to take a bunch of pictures of sculptures. I always feel like they're angled weird and make them look distorted... Hmm.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/19316993/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/19316993/ Thu, 10 Jul 2008 19:15:58 PDT
she called me while i was on the phone with my college. my college called asking if i was going to a (lame) orientation where they take people on a double decker bus tour of chicago (which i don't need, since i go there all the time) and then have a picnic and then go do 'activities' back at the school. this is basically the same as the other (optional) one i went to where we just played pictionary.

so they called me and asked if i was going. i said i thought i was busy, which is pretty much an excuse. the lady said that it was no big deal and it was optional.

long story short, i got yelled at for a solid hour by my parents. apparently now i have to find a job, go to the orientation, and i can't go to the concert.

honestly, i don't care that much about those things. it's disappointing because i know my friend really wanted to go to the concert, and because of my bitch mom now nobody can go. it's not so much that i'm upset i can't go, i'm upset that i let someone down and i can't do shit about it.

the other thing i really hate is that my parents think i waste my time. i really don't waste time doing useless shit like going on facebook and watching tv. i'm always working on things... i'm either reading or drawing. i like learning about things...

i'm not complaining as if i'm a stereotypical frustrated teenager. however, dumb little things end up turning into big things for my parents. they can't accept the fact that i don't give a flying shit what other people think about me. other peoples' opinions don't matter to me. at all. today, in that fucking yell-fest, i was told that i would actually get kicked out of college for 'not fitting in'. first of all, that's illegal. second, it's a fucking art college.


the other thing is, i'm not weird. i actually don't even view anything as 'weird'.


i really, really hope i don't get raped in the face by society like my parents.


my dad is really passive. i should clear up the fact that he rarely yells at me or anyone. however, he literally sits there when my mom bitches about nothing. that could be taken the other way and be bad...



i never feel bad about myself. i have no problems with my self-confidence or self-esteem or whatever. the only times i get depressed are when i think about how the world works. it gets worse when my mother tells me to act a certain way in order to fit in with everything else. (as a side note, what the fuck do i even do that is THAT ridiculously different or offensive to her way of life?) today i was told that i knew 'nothing about human nature' and that i was 'narrow minded' and all that shit.

the point is that i'm so bothered by people that i know just don't know what they're talking about.

i think that all smart people know they're smart. however, a lot of fucking idiots think they're smart.

i've always thought differently from other people. being different isn't bad in itself. my mom just happens to be in the group of o'reilly factor-watching people who can't look at anything in more than one way.


i was planning on finishing one of the other Beatle paintings today. all of my paint, water, canvas, whatever was and still is set up. i was 5 seconds away from starting to paint today when i got the art school phone call.


it's interesting if you think about the lady who called me. i've never talked to her before, and probably will never meet her. but she indirectly flipped the switch to destroy my day.

i wonder (but don't regret...) that i could have just said the school was calling about financial stuff that was in the mail or something. i could have just made something up. the conversation wouldn't have gone anywhere... maybe the concert conversation would have gone better and nothing would have happened. maybe it would have been worse.


the other thing is that i'm not particularly bad at arguing. i think i used to be much worse at making my point in a conversation. but the thing about it is that even though i know what i'm talking about and my mom doesn't (her arguments make as much sense as saying that hispanics can fly) it doesn't make me feel any better. i still just get a headache like i have right now.

i just can't deal with negative human interaction. it really really bothers me. conflict is horrible. i don't confront people about things unless it is something really awful... i'm not afraid of arguing because i don't care enough to be intimidated. my brain just doesn't work after i get told every single thing that is the opposite of what i think.



you'd think that i shouldn't get upset about this. bu... ]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/19293941/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/19293941/ Wed, 09 Jul 2008 14:23:39 PDT
Anyway. This is one of those songs where it sounds exactly like something you've envisioned in your brain. Like a picture that I'm not good enough to draw yet.

It started with a dream that I had. It must have been over a year ago, because I didn't write it down in the notebook that I usually write dreams in...

Anyway, on the street that I live in, there had been a few houses taken out and replaced with what seemed like some ballroom from the Renaissance era. As in, uptight fake people in frilly dresses and wigs.

The main two doors were large and open, and there were many windows. Most of them seemed relatively small and vertically shaped with some kind of design on them...

I'm not sure how to describe how large the place was. It wasn't really that big of a space. It seemed almost like a wooden floor where bumper cars were supposed to go (but still not that large) and then some kind of railing looking thing that has gaps in it. There might be a step. This part of the room/house is 1/3 to 1/2 the size of the 'ballroom' part. There might be a kitchen or something but I'm not sure. When it was in my dream, there were small tables and benches with people sitting around them. These people, again, weren't from this time period... In my dream, there were also some tables in the ballroom part...

I also should mention... Even though I call the area a 'ballroom', there wasn't anyone dancing or anything. There were also no lights. One of the windows had a red tint as well. It was by the front windows (on the left side if you were inside the house). Even though there were no lights, it wasn't that dark because there were so many windows. However, if I visualize the area at night, it would seem like it was lit up, although dimly.

When I had this dream, I don't remember why I was there. It almost seemed like some kind of lame party that I had to go to where there would be awkward interactions with relatives I didn't like. I don't remember talking to anyone, though...

Anyway. The reason I bring up the song "Rainbirds" is because when I heard this song, this same setting came up. The difference was that it was completely abandoned. The chairs and tables seemed to be gone. It was still daytime, and I either didn't notice or the red stained glass window was missing. Actually, there is one table and a chair. Some lady is sitting there in a big white dress, and there is a circus dog (about the size of a German Shepherd) standing next to her.

I just randomly got that image listening to that song. Now, I've owned the "swordfishtrombones' CD for a really long time. For some reason, I either didn't /listen/ to that song that much (it's the last one...) or didn't think much of it. But 2 days ago I was listening to a playlist I made of instrumental songs, and I noticed how wonderful it was. Then yesterday I was listening to it again and my brain chucked this image my way.

Whoever the lady is, I have no idea. I can't see a face or anything. It's almost like a giant blurry white cardboard cutout.

The circus dog is different, though.

I never scanned this drawing... But I had drawn this white dog with a white and red frilly thing around its neck. I can't remember how old it is, but it's a few years old. The oldest it could be is from 2005 (because that's when I bought all the gel pens. Why do I know this?). But anyway. I only used that dog in one picture. I don't know why my brain decided to bring (his sorry ass) up again and demand this complicated drawing.

My brain had suggested another (painting) of the circus dog a month or so ago. It was another thing when I'm almost asleep and my brain sends me pictures. I sketched it in my notebook and haven't drawn in yet. I was planning on it, but I really just don't like painting. But anyway, maybe that's why he came up again. But it's Tom Waits' fault this time.


I wish I could just transfer what was in my head directly onto paper or whatever. It takes a long time to draw floorboards.


I don't know when I'll draw this image. It goes in the file of things I /have/ to draw at some point, because they just look too good in my head to ignore them. There are 3 (epic!) images I can think of right now that I have to draw that have sat around in my brain for a long time, just waiting around for me to draw them...

At least they're patient...

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/19259154/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/19259154/ Mon, 07 Jul 2008 17:09:20 PDT
It goes past just the 'this website looks dumb' aspect. It's something about it that makes me feel weird and there's something about it that I don't like. This isn't only websites, it happens with artwork, music, probably even people...

I don't know if this is unusual or not. I also think this sort of related to the whole synesthesia thing. This sort of thing happens to me with music. It usually has to do with whatever the album artwork is. Whatever colors are in the album cover, usually ends up imprinting themselves on the words. Like song titles, and album titles will end up mostly the same color, the same as the album art. Because of this, I can usually remember what album something is on and even what year it came out, all because of what colors things are.

However, the downside of this is that certain kinds of music trigger some weird associations. I was listening to something the other day that somehow reminded me of being in a city at night, which is creepy to me. So I couldn't really listen to it. The music itself definitely wasn't weird or anything (at least by my standards, since I can listen to just about anything) or even supposed to be creepy. It was as if I was thinking about some weird uncomfortable apartment building that was dirty and cold and scary. I have /no/ idea why I thought of this. The music was pretty much electronic, which, to a random 'normal' person, wouldn't seem to have any relation to what I described. I mean, the cover of said album was mostly black. I don't really think that had anything to do with it.


Anyhow.... I think my point is that sometimes I'm randomly bothered by things by some unidentifiable 'subconscious'-like thing that I can't explain. I'm not sure if 'aesthetics' have anything to do with it. But it really can be annoying.


Synesthesia and aesthetics are different, but I'm thinking that they could be related a bit, depending on the individual...

There should be more research about this kind of stuff. Hmm.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/19010889/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/19010889/ Mon, 23 Jun 2008 22:22:28 PDT
Now that I think of it a bit, I did once see an animatronic pig on a table at the Museum of Contemporary Art (where my aunt works...). I think it was motion-sensored as well, because it sort of moved it's legs and its mouth. It was creepy and wonderful. It was lying on this table looking like it was dead or asleep or something.

(Edit: I found a link with an article about the artist, Paul McCarthy, and a photo of the pig I was talking about.)
[link]



But anyway. It'd be cool to have an art gallery full of animatronics. Most of the ones (like at Disney world for their exhibits) serve some kind of function, even if it is entertainment. I think they should make them just for arts sake. I think it'd make sense.

If you think about it technically, there could be some issues. Like, it's basically like a robot, so there would have to be some big-ass team of people working on how the mechanics would work. Blah. That's probably why ((starving)) artists haven't really used that idea.

I mean, how awesome would it be if you walk into an art gallery, and some creature is sitting there, judgmentally staring at you as you walk past, and it's all animatronic and awesome. I mean, you could make some BS symbolism story about it, too. Like "it's supposed to show how technology is eerie and lifelike blahblahblah".

I'm a genius. I want to do animatronic sculpture. I'll invent my own genre.

Blah, another life ambition thing to add. But it'd be sweet.


(by the way, lets start a revolution and ask for more space on the "listening to:" bar. I usually struggle to fit songs names and whatnot in that section. Grr.)

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/18953583/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/18953583/ Fri, 20 Jun 2008 16:38:33 PDT
So basically, since I made that painting I haven't done any art since. The actual painting is some obnoxious orange color with these shitty looking little dog like animals on the bottom. They look like modern art mixed with some little kid drawings. Which would be okay if it WAS a little kid painting, because artwork by little children is often awesome. But this looks like shit.

Anyway, I haven't drawn anything since. And I want to. But I don't know. I would say that it's like I'm afraid to paint anything, but I'm not 'afraid'. It's more like 'discouraged' or something.

If anything is to come out of those first 3 paragraphs, it's that I feel ridiculously /limited/. I don't have the resources to do what I want to do with my art. So I'm not making any. That's the conclusion I've come to. I'm not sure there's anything I can do about it.

I never thought I'd lose interest in art. I'm not sure that I have. I just can't do it right now.


It's probably got nothing to do with art. I've been having a bad few weeks. I really can't do anything. Some people might say that this is a sign of depression. Well, maybe it is. But I don't feel depressed. So...

I can't really listen to music either. The right side of my brain is either broken, dead, or asleep.

I'll figure it out. But don't expect to hear much from me soon.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/18863461/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/18863461/ Sun, 15 Jun 2008 22:01:06 PDT
There's some big stupid debate circulating through my friends over Facebook right now. It's about religion. Gasp. Lots of people are getting offended. Surprise. It's like, nobody has a right to express their opinion. Like, I think religion sucks but you're allowed to tell me that you don't agree with me. I mean, I won't be that direct, because saying "you suck" is stupid and unsupported. Make an educated statement. Not just "agh! I'm offended and frustrated! I'm Christian!" or "I'm not Christian! I hate you!" Shut the fuck up!


If you take away the opinions, people just all act the same. Pretty much everyone is dumb and fake and doesn't know what the hell they're talking about. This isn't okay. But it happens. And I just don't care. I'll just isolate myself from it because that's the easy solution. I don't /want/ to help these people. I'd rather have them be ignorant the rest of their lives, because then they have a diminished quality of life and they don't even know it...

So I bought like 5 CDs a little more than a week ago and I've only listened to one of them for more than a few minutes (Beck's "One Foot In The Grave"). It's not possible that I made, like, 5 bad choices. I think for some reason I'm just extremely unable to right now. Maybe it's because I still have good music that I haven't destroyed from overplaying yet. I don't know.

I usually really /listen/ to music once I put in my headphones and draw or paint somewhere quiet. That's when I can hear and pay attention to everything in the music. When I'm on the computer, like right now, I have to listen to something I like that I basically know all of already. I'm not sure why...

I'm waiting 2 more days, then the Spore creature creator is going to come out. It's like, the only game I'll own or probably ever play... I hated The Sims and I didn't really like committing hours to stupid crap I didn't care about. I have better things to do I guess. I used to play Age Of Empires II when I was really little, though. I was pretty good at it. Weird... Anyway, I have to know about these games. Maybe I'll work on one some day.


The point of this note was that I'm uninspired and bored. Mmmmhm. I need to get out more maybe.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/18722119/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/18722119/ Sat, 07 Jun 2008 22:19:13 PDT

Anyway, I saw it on a table by our couch and I picked up this book and read some of it. Nobody was around distracting me, and I read almost all of the book in 1 sitting (I guess it's not that long of a book)... The last person I remember reading about was the 3rd person he meets in heaven (according to wikipedia). Then I didn't finish it.


My point is that this book made me have issues.

It wasn't anything having to do with the whole 'you die and meet people' thing. It was the first person in the book, the Blue Man.

In short, there was this guy at a carnival freak-show thing who had blue-ish skin. He was driving past this kid (the main character, who dies) and the kid runs into the street in front of him... This causes the blue man to get scared and his heart freaks out because he has some kind of problem and so after a minute, he pulls over his car and dies.

The reason this bothered me is that when the main character, who was a child at the time, ran in front of that car like a stupid little kid, he didn't know that he just killed someone.

I think this fermented in my brain for a few years, because now I have an almost OCD-like condition where I'm paranoid about things like that.

What happened to me was that I always (over) think stuff. I think that if I have to tie my shoes, I might delay something for a few seconds and then end up getting in a car accident. Because, in my mind, if I hadn't (or had) delayed, I might have gotten in a car accident. Or caused someone else to.

Have you ever thought about that? What if you taking the time to say "goodbye" or mention "don't forget to buy some spinach" might save someone's life by making them talk to you for a second? Or it might cause someone to die? Or, maybe it wouldn't directly effect the person you talked to, but maybe it would cause someone's train of thought to go differently than if you hadn't talked to them, and then they ended up calling someone, which delayed that person's regular activities....


If you're stupid, you might read that and go "you have problems" or "you're on drugs". However... No.

Now, I do realize there is no possible way you can prove or disprove anything like that happens. But it does. You just never know it does until it actually does happen. Maybe it wouldn't effect something right away, but maybe it would effect if the person lives or dies in a year or so. Or 20 years.

Random happenings could effect life-changing situations or decisions.




In other news, I just watched some show on TV about how scientists are going to somehow go back in time and learn about when matter first existed, with the Big Bang and everything. My mind sort of exploded. There were Fermilab people there! That's like, 10 minutes away from my house! Magic.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/18684553/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/18684553/ Thu, 05 Jun 2008 17:42:53 PDT
I'd like to do sculpture but now that I'm not in school I have no means of doing that (there's no way I'm using Sculpey, I hate that shit now).

When I think about painting, I have no way to decide what I want to do. Nothing sounds interesting to me. If something does sound interesting, I'll try to draw it, and then it won't turn out the way it looks in my head, and I'll give up and get pissed off.

I've had some picture ideas in my head for as many as 3 years that I've tried to make many times and they just never look right. This makes me so frustrated it's ridiculous. I have about 5 images like this. It kind of sucks.

Honestly, maybe it's because I'm home all the time now and my house isn't exactly the most peaceful place to be. I just hole myself up in the basement because I can't talk to anyone.




Basically, I don't know how to motivate myself. I think I'll just get off the computer and make myself draw and see what happens. Probably crap.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/18625624/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/18625624/ Mon, 02 Jun 2008 11:11:11 PDT
I'm sort of upset about this. Honestly, I've been losing interest in playing flute for a long time. I don't remember the last time I just played flute because I felt like it. That means it's not fun any more, right? It might be because I was in band during middle/high school and I had to play flute basically every day. However, over the summer, I still don't think I really practiced ever. I just would the day of my lesson because I didn't want to sound like shit.

I definitely wasn't the 'best' flute player at our school or anything, but I think I was just content with where I was. It doesn't bother me that I wasn't ridiculously skilled. I think I just lost interest. I don't know.

When we did that personality test in psychology class again this year, I got the same thing I always do (INFP). But this time, we got some ginormous packet and it said that people like me would rather learn a new skill than actually use it.

I thought about this, and it's absolutely true. It also really annoys me and concerns me. I love learning about random things, but I never actually use any skills I have except art-related things.

With flute-playing, I never performed a solo or anything when my teacher had student recitals. I'm thankful that she never forced me to do it, because I never could. I think part of the reason is that I wouldn't practice it. I would practice it the day before so that it sounded okay.

The whole practicing thing... I think maybe I didn't practice because I didn't feel challenged. But that might not be accurate, because if someone gave me something hard to do, like a legitimate piece of music to learn, I wouldn't practice it, because I wasn't motivated (because I don't /use/ crap that I learn. Agh.).


The reason this makes me feel guilty is because I feel like I'm wasting peoples' time. My time, my teacher's time, my parents' money. I just feel really awful.

My mom just got home and I had to talk to her about this because my flute teacher called earlier and I had to discuss if I wanted to take lessons still. I'm just crying now, because I feel so crappy about this.

I'm not going to play flute in college, and I don't even know if I'll ever play flute again. I feel really guilty about this, and I don't know why. Actually, I do know why. It's because I wasted all of the time and effort of my flute teacher over all of these years, because I won't play flute any more. I mean, I'll still use my knowledge of music that she taught me, but I still feel guilty.

It's just bad because my flute teacher is one of the most awesome people I know. She's the best teacher I've ever had for anything, ever. Also, she basically has a waiting list of people that want to take lessons from her. I feel worse about this because I just took up a space.


I don't know if I 'regret' playing flute or taking lessons. I just feel weird about it now. I think it's just because I have to let go of something I've been used to for a long time. The worst part about it is that I never /really/ liked playing flute. I probably did when I FIRST started out, probably for a few months, because I remember that I would just play flute for fun, without going through and practicing specific things. I was just learning, and that's what was fun about it.

My point is that I was apathetic for a really long time. This sort of bothers me. I think I just sort of accepted playing flute and didn't think about it.

I decided to play flute in 5th grade. They showed us some video (was it Peter and the Wolf? Animals had 'voices' of certain instruments...) and I wanted to play oboe. My grade-school didn't have oboes, so for some reason I picked flute. It could have been because a few of my friends were trying flute. I don't know. But anyway, 7th grade comes around, and I decide I'm going to play oboe. I did for about a year, and I played it for one of our concerts, but my parents wouldn't let me play it and not take private lessons. I had private flute and oboe lessons, and I didn't like my oboe teacher. She just didn't seem nice. So I quit lessons, and therefore, quit oboe.


Now I'm in high school, sort of realizing that I hate marching band. My friends convinced me to stay in marching band, but I really don't have fond memories of it. It seems like they (the band teachers/school) took it a little too seriously. But somehow, I was in marching band 3 out of my 4 high school years.


This is what pisses me off. The AP S... ]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/18561710/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/18561710/ Thu, 29 May 2008 14:41:33 PDT
I'm a bit depressed right now. I know why, but I don't feel like typing the specific things.

Basically I want to go away and stop talking to basically everyone I know. It's not a "I don't need you!" type thing, but I am tired dealing with people and their hang-ups. There's always some stupid SHIT drama happening. It doesn't even have to involve me. This is why it's a problem. I'm too sympathetic to people and I actually think about things that people tell me. You don't even know how much I think about every single conversation I have with anyone.

I think I psychologist everyone. It's sort of annoying because then my brain never shuts up, and it just shows me that everyone really just sucks. Maybe I just physically haven't met enough people in my life yet, because I haven't found any people that I would sacrifice anything for. Maybe a little harsh, but I don't think it is.

I normally can deal with it because I can usually just accept that people are bad and get on with it. But, occasionally, I just get upset about it because I can't DO anything about it.

Well, I don't know what else to say about it. I'm trying not to sound cliche-teenager-dumb.

A lot of people feel sorry for themselves and type crap. I feel sorry for other people, because they will float around life like fucking idiots and never learn anything.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/18446927/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/18446927/ Thu, 22 May 2008 12:39:34 PDT
Anywhoooo... I'll go back to my Neil Young drawing...

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/18437324/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/18437324/ Wed, 21 May 2008 19:27:19 PDT
That being said, I HATE people who discriminate based on religion. Looking at those 2 sentences, you may think this is a hypocritical statement. It isn't. My opinion is that religion is bad, however, I won't treat you less or anything because of it. Even though I think religion is dumb. I have to admit, I don't really like the idea, and it does sort of make my brain hurt when I think about some of my friends who are religious or anything.

I guess some people could try to justify being slightly more judgmental about religion because it's basically a choice. Also, no matter how you look at it, you just subscribed to a set of beliefs that you didn't even think up yourself. However, I still think that's sort of mean. I guess if you genuinely believe in your religion, then fine, whatever. I just have a hard time believing that people wholeheartedly actually believe in everything their religion says to. And if you don't believe in all of the crap your religion does, then why are you a part of it? I think that people are supposed to decide all that by themselves.

Most people (like my family) seem like they just go to church because they feel like they're supposed to or something. Like they are obligated to.

I sort of went on a tangent there. Basically you're an asshole if you make comments like "blahblahblah crazy muslim people" when you go to an evangelical church every week. Who's crazy now? Really, it's either you make fun of everyone, or nobody at all. It's not about political correctness. It's about you sounding like a dumb-ass.


I'm posting this because I saw someone say that they were offended that a performer at a concert said "god bless" to the crowd at the end of the show. Uh... People can say whatever they want. Plus, even saying that doesn't mean you're a crazy religious person! I mean, he could have just said it without even putting thought into it. Also... What the hell... If you like a band's music, why would you care about that? I mean, AGH. I heard someone in my math class 2 years ago say "I'm starting to really like Beck, but I heard he's a scientologist." What the fuck? Let's think about that sentence a minute. Done yet? It's exactly the point I made before in this paragraph. Fucking idiot.



In conclusion, religion causes unnecessary problems.


Tolerance, people. I know it's a bit complicated for some of you. *rolls eyes*




Oh by the way. Last day of school today. I don't feel like I'm done yet though. I haven't graduated yet. Ugh.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/18420275/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/18420275/ Tue, 20 May 2008 18:12:44 PDT
I think 'fake' names help people remember and recognize a particular person's work. This is helpful when a person isn't well known and he/she is trying to get noticed (or at least not forgotten.)


Anyway... I have 1 day of school left. Tomorrow. Then that's it.

I have to finish a Neil Young drawing (which usually takes a month of work) in 6 hours today/tomorrow. So I should get off my laptop.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/18387777/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/18387777/ Sun, 18 May 2008 18:01:38 PDT
I've had lots of different insects in my dreams. Dragonflies, ants, beetles, flies, millipede-type-things, spiders, and random things that don't seem to actually exist in the 'real world'.

I looked around on some dream interpretation websites just for the hell of it. The one I went to says that cats mean you want to be independent. Which I guess could be true.

However, the whole thing about bugs... They're always like "it's something negative". I don't agree with this. I think it is something negative for the majority of people (who happen to hate bugs). What if I don't think bugs are bad? I think these interpretations are based off of the normal attitudes people have towards insects. I'm mostly talking about spiders, since that seems to be common on websites about dreams...


Anyhow. I try to keep track of all of my dreams. I draw pictures of the animals in them in a smaller sketchbook just in case I want to go back to them later.

2 days ago (Friday night i think) I had a dream that (go with me on this) any african american lawyer who wore a shirt that was lighter than a certain color would be considered a homosexual and would be either fined or pernalized by law. After that, I had another dream that I was discussing it with one of my friends, saying that was ridiculous and that it must have been a dream. Ironic. Then I woke up.

The interesting thing about that is that I walked downstairs, thinking about how weird that dream was, and I saw the newspapers about how gay couples in California could marry. Which made me happier, because I hate dumb people who don't "believe in" gay marriage.

Anyway.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/18310274/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/18310274/ Tue, 13 May 2008 18:20:40 PDT
]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/18234121/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/18234121/ Thu, 08 May 2008 21:06:01 PDT

Anyway, I also don't know what to charge. My art teacher told me to set myself an hourly wage, but if I did that, I wouldn't be able to tell the person how much until after I finish the design.


Also, if I'm expected to finish the design on a computer, that's kind of bad. I still need to load PSP7 onto here, which is the only program I have that is close to anything "professional", and I kind of need to brush up (wow, no pun intended. Brush.) on my Paint Shop skills. And it would take me FOREVER if they liked more than 1 of my designs...


So yeah. But I'm glad I'll be making potential money off of my art for basically the first time ever. Wh00t.

]]> ~MetalSpork http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/18146676/ http://MetalSpork.deviantart.com/journal/18146676/ Sat, 03 May 2008 10:06:28 PDT
Anyway. I'm doomed to be an old crazy cat lady. I don't even have any cats, or particularly want one. Daaa.


If I were Weird Al, I would make a song called "While My Banjo Forcefully Rejoices" instead of "While My Guitar Gently Weeps". Good idea, huh? Yeah it is. I came up with that 2 nights ago trying to sleep. Right.

]]> ~MetalSpork