http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Miana89&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Miana89 en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Mon, 14 Dec 2009 18:45:11 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://Miana89.deviantart.com/journal/26272173/ http://Miana89.deviantart.com/journal/26272173/ Thu, 30 Jul 2009 08:59:49 PDT
]]> ~Miana89 http://Miana89.deviantart.com/journal/26013228/ http://Miana89.deviantart.com/journal/26013228/ Fri, 17 Jul 2009 19:19:51 PDT
]]> ~Miana89 http://Miana89.deviantart.com/journal/25968760/ http://Miana89.deviantart.com/journal/25968760/ Wed, 15 Jul 2009 16:57:40 PDT Today went to the Gym. Did two hours. ftw!!! And tomoro I'm planning on doing the same because I want to be super fit super toned and less fat more fabulous. And strong. Strangely. I'm on a bit of a flex where I want to be all-powerful and muscular rather than weak and weedy and pale...possibly the death threats I recieved last week fuel this. I also spent three hours cleaning, tidying and generally letting of stress tonight which has proved fruitful only now there's less dirt....less for me to clean...argh! what am I to do. There's something rather rewarding about cleaning. What else have I done? Hm. Oh yeah I wrote a big fat old essay about my artistic brilliance in my sketch book very similar to the one I wrote when pissed last week onnly this one was less airy fairy idealistic and more realistic about my said brilliance. I'm going out tomoro night and I need to remind myself of this or I will end up in a fight/crying my eyes out/stabbed or asleep in a flower bed. Positive Mental Attitude People. Let's go.

]]> ~Miana89 http://Miana89.deviantart.com/journal/25961004/ http://Miana89.deviantart.com/journal/25961004/ Wed, 15 Jul 2009 10:10:05 PDT
]]> ~Miana89 http://Miana89.deviantart.com/journal/25949773/ http://Miana89.deviantart.com/journal/25949773/ Tue, 14 Jul 2009 19:04:07 PDT So. Last night.....I got really drunk. As usual. Made out with my friends ex and one of my best friends. Possibly due to the fact I was still reeling from breaking up with sort-of-booyfriend earlier that day which made me feel like a total idiot. I don't know where my head's at. I don't think it's very happy. But it's too apathetic to take me anywhere. I think I'll just keep drawing, keep painting and stop being hysterical. Bien Plan. Mais Oui..

]]> ~Miana89 http://Miana89.deviantart.com/journal/25936298/ http://Miana89.deviantart.com/journal/25936298/ Tue, 14 Jul 2009 07:06:53 PDT
x Ana x

]]> ~Miana89 http://Miana89.deviantart.com/journal/25864311/ http://Miana89.deviantart.com/journal/25864311/ Fri, 10 Jul 2009 16:23:34 PDT I need you. And you let me know. You’re good without. So I beg and plead and I become uglier still.
I tell you, I scream, I just wanted to love you. Why can’t you just let me love you? And you tell me that I’m being ridiculous. So I cry.
I cry
It doesn’t kill the pain.

There’s a gaping hole in the pit of my stomach screaming screaming screaming, I need I need. I need, despite how long I’ve denied that I do. The years of anorexia. The cold dark tired scared years of anorexia told you I didn’t. Nothing could have been further from the truth. It was a paradox. It always is. I lie here. On my own. Wishing I had arms around me. Wishing I could hear the heartbeat of another human being next to mine. But it’s empty here. I’m alone. I start to cry. And I do it again. I do it again. I eat. And I eat. And then I make myself sick. Because I deserve it. I know it’s damaging me. And it feels good to know that. And I’m asking you. Please. Just love me.

]]> ~Miana89 http://Miana89.deviantart.com/journal/25047099/ http://Miana89.deviantart.com/journal/25047099/ Sun, 31 May 2009 08:42:53 PDT
]]> ~Miana89 http://Miana89.deviantart.com/journal/25035990/ http://Miana89.deviantart.com/journal/25035990/ Sat, 30 May 2009 15:51:58 PDT So mate mooches off. I wait for a wee while longer. I've been stood up. And I need my phone. Pay phone box - so fucking 1980's. Not cool. Track down mate outside ex-workplace where geeky freaky fool of a manager is working. She did not like me oh no she did not. So we mooch. On search of mars ice creams while walking past fag-hag-slag shouting at ex-lover. God I really hope that isn't me in ten years. Bad feeling it will be. God I just want a fella to give lots of love to and who will willingly recive it. Is this too much to ask? Shhhh everything is so complex these days. So yeh. We jam in the vale eating ice cream and subsequently feelin a big sugared up. Coz im sweet sweet sweet like candy. Nd we cht and chill and it's all good. Now there are lots of options but they've all fallen through part because I have not phone. Partly because I was waiting around for mr-no-show. Shabba. Now I know I can meet up with a guy I have some "history" with and get mashup. But it's a bad idea. And said-mate warns me. So we depart. Alas. Chillin afternnoon despite my endless ranting. Then I have a friendly family meal and rinse the alcohol. Only I'm not really drunk. Just briefly randy and then a bit angry. Discover mr-no show online with an explanation. Im just confused. I think he wants me. But why so inconsistent. I dont kno. My gut feeling tells me something is up. And every time I've ignored that I've got hurt. God Knows. I want to cry. But that's irrelevant. GAY. And I will probably die from heat exhaustion soon. So its all gravy.

]]> ~Miana89 http://Miana89.deviantart.com/journal/24884429/ http://Miana89.deviantart.com/journal/24884429/ Fri, 22 May 2009 03:02:01 PDT
]]> ~Miana89 http://Miana89.deviantart.com/journal/24671828/ http://Miana89.deviantart.com/journal/24671828/ Sat, 09 May 2009 16:02:38 PDT I exhale. Restricted. Longing to rid myself of this primal lifeblood pulsing through my body. My heart. Stop gap. Jumps. Flutters. Wrenches. Syncopated. Berating me yet again like the way they look at me and the way they talk to me and what they pretend, I conclude or they decided to think of me. It’s never long until that estimation falls again. It’s 2 pm. I need to move get up get up get out of bed just do something anything. No one. Therefore. No point. No make up not dressed shut up. And leave me alone. But there’s no one here anyway.

]]> ~Miana89 http://Miana89.deviantart.com/journal/24565869/ http://Miana89.deviantart.com/journal/24565869/ Sun, 03 May 2009 12:36:35 PDT
]]> ~Miana89 http://Miana89.deviantart.com/journal/24473881/ http://Miana89.deviantart.com/journal/24473881/ Tue, 28 Apr 2009 01:57:17 PDT A precious jewel to which I was sold
But I just can't justify your love
It hurts to see you walk away
And I'd like to ask you back to stay
To hold you in my arms just one more time

For a thousand years, here I could stand
Your precious stone held in my hand
But I just can't justify your love, your love
Justify your love"

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]]> ~Miana89 http://Miana89.deviantart.com/journal/21402642/ http://Miana89.deviantart.com/journal/21402642/ Sun, 09 Nov 2008 10:30:51 PST Friday night i got stupid drunk after resolving that I would not. My arrogant, slutty alter-ego, Nami, came out and caused some issues. I woke up from total lucid dreaming feeling awful. The dreams were horrible, the night was pretty bad, though I wonder whether this is because my head is in a pretty bad place atm. Why is it? I never let myself get over a 7 month long abusive relationship, where I believed myself to be in love. Love. I hardly trust myself to believe in it. Love for fellow humans yes. Romantic love. I Love You. Hardly at all. I broke up with him and wanted to move on quickly quickly. I didn't want to think that I had been so weak as to allow it to happen. I found an amazing guy who I thought I had a chance with I didn't. I slutted around I got in shit. I made things even worse with the guy I liked. And here I am. Everythings a mess. But I know I have the strength to sort this out. And I will.

p.s there are some saving graces in all of this. My close friends, my passion and desire to be an artist which I have great belief in. I'm not the best. But I want it a lot and I'm willing to work my arse off. My ability to change and pick myself up again. Things have been worse than this. A lot worse. I'm just preparing myself to kick the shit out of life and bring myself back up to the person I want to be and know I can be. Peace.x

]]> ~Miana89 http://Miana89.deviantart.com/journal/21321429/ http://Miana89.deviantart.com/journal/21321429/ Tue, 04 Nov 2008 16:10:15 PST Anyway. I went home early. Was told to stay but I didn't have my work with me so hello? Don't waste my time. I'm not wasting yours. Teachers. Chip. On. Shoulder. Screw it.I got a little bit of work done at home. Then shleeeeeped. Oh yeah. A goood sleep. Got up and went to the pub to meet Chris. Which is a maybe-yes, maybe-no. Maybe indeed. Wasn't that interested to start but actually, he's definatley got something about him. Whatever happens I could see it being very interesting. In a good way. Totally on a level. We'll see.

]]> ~Miana89