http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:MissMellonCollie&section=today deviantART RSS for by:MissMellonCollie en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Mon, 07 Dec 2009 13:23:28 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/28121601/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/28121601/ Tue, 03 Nov 2009 09:09:43 PST my emotions get misconstrewed.
And its hard to interpret them.




its a hassle.


I think that word has a t in it.




Why does Daphne from Scooby Doo look like an Asian redhead?



I woke up this morning whining to my roomie about my sheep, whichi believed had fallen off the bed. It was in the blankets.



I hope Lorenzo doesn't get jealous.


Charizard and Gyrados should element/dragon types, instead of flying.

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/27933325/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/27933325/ Sat, 24 Oct 2009 00:59:02 PDT
I miss that sort of innocence seen in little kids.
I miss loving without consequences.




I just want to bring you down so badly, I trip over everything you say. I just want to bring you down so badly in the worst way


even though you're killing yourself slowly, and because I refuse to let go, I'm going down too.










I want to see Brand New so bad.
But even more, i want things to work out, because things are doing well so far
which is a step up from usual.
Sometimes, forgetting is the best.
Especially in this case.

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/27456272/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/27456272/ Sun, 27 Sep 2009 19:23:42 PDT I liked you better when we first met
and you didn't need drugs to get through the day.

I've never been high in my life.
And I had just started to lighten up my views.
But now...
ugh.


Dear marijuana,
I'm really upset with you.
Quit stealing away my friends.

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/27310543/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/27310543/ Sat, 19 Sep 2009 23:43:30 PDT
Well, I suppose there has.

A bit(lot) of personal junk going on...
I'm sure that a good handful of you guys could take a guess.
But before we start talking 'bout whores n whatnot, I'll add to the defense that it's mostly been good stuff...



I've wanted to write about experiences...feelings...experiments...
But I just cant get it all straight. I don't want it to sound immature or sappy.
It seems the best of my work comes from being terribly hurt...
or at least, the ones I like most.
I miss having things to put up here. I'm sorry I'm inactive.
It's not even like I'm busy doing school work. I hardly ever do school work. I do a lot of goofing off and eating and watching adult swim and playing pokemon and sleeping. So...typical college stuff?


I colored my hair a couple weeks ago. It's okay. Probably gonna change it again soon.
I want a new tattoo.

I've been really sick, on and off, for the past week.
I got really drunk last Friday and was sick all Saturday. Perhaps that has a lot to do with it.




hey. folks. buy me stuff.
send me things. I like getting things in the mail.
write me letters.
send me pictures.
draw me something.
send me love.





<3 from G-bo.
jaxxx

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/26722984/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/26722984/ Thu, 20 Aug 2009 21:22:38 PDT I'm 19.
It's not all that excited.
No new priveledges. I had trouble spelling that word and it still looks wrong.

Just moved into my new room Thursday. Excited.

Classes start Monday.
that boy moves in today.
we'll see how this goes.


However, there's also this other guy....who's going to Boone. it's awful and depressing and I really like him, etc etc.

So. We'll see what kind of emotional crisi I can get myself into this year.

So. Anyone wanna send me some awesome art for meh berfday? anything at all? or a subby? thatd be cool.

or a cake. I like cheesecake. A lot.


<3
--Beejaxxx

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/25329956/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/25329956/ Mon, 15 Jun 2009 13:31:36 PDT
I'm tired of looking at that journal.



Update.
Things with boy and I.
Friends.

....?


I've been all super stressed...from what happened with him and then my family has been ill.
My grandmother's been in the hospital since last Sunday...
They don't really know what's up with her...
Stuff in the lungs...etcetc...
So. I've been trying to deal with this as well.
This stress has been messing with my health.
Hardly eating...headaches...sick when I do eat...strikes of tiredness....so.yeah.


I'm feeling better today than I have.
But.



I'm working on making things better.
I go on Thursday to see Taking Back Sunday, Envy on the Coast, and Anberlin in Charlotte. I am HELLa excited.


So. Yeah!

<3

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/24940589/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/24940589/ Mon, 25 May 2009 10:49:38 PDT
Im home. i dont have much access to internet, so I'll be away for a while...

But ALOT, and I mean a lot has happened. Some i'd rather not talk about..
but.
Lets just say--
I am done with that boy who use to always be the topic of pretty much everything I ever wrote in the past 2 years....

I'd rather not get into what happened, but the basics are: he's a liar, his girlfriend is..well. i wont say.



SOO yeah.

Doing the "hey, i boy-less" thing now. but its whatevs.
-------------
Doing the after Animazement hangover today...lol
omg it was great
I danced like maaaad.
I got a bit drunk.
I rocked out at rock band, even though our band placed horribly in the tournament. Not my fault though.
Uhhhmm.....yeah.
this was a good weekend

So, I'll be away for a while...editing when I can...

Leave me lots of love to come back to.

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/24515741/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/24515741/ Thu, 30 Apr 2009 15:02:08 PDT
My life is experiencing change....hmm.

My...best friend of 10 years or so is 3months(ish) pregnant- Due in October. She's a year below me, and still in high school. I honestly don't know what to think; I haven't seen her much.
Her parents, who've acted like sub parents for me on many occasions andtreated me like their other daughter have split and are getting a divorce.

My sister moved out of the house, with her two children and into her own house--sort of.
Annnnnd I found out today that she's engaged....and plans to be married by the end of the year.....

My roommate and I are having issues, so, it's likely we wont be as close next year...

And. I have never wanted to be home so much in my entire life.

No class tomorrow, Two on Monday, and I'm done-- except for exams.
So..>I'm going home Monday-Thursday
Comign back for my Sculpting critique, writing a paper on a science boook, then taking a Mythology exam on the 13th.. I come home officially for summer on the 14th.


oooooohhhhhhh.
I am so ready. Like, no one knows how much I want to be home.

I'll be working towards Animazement in the week to follow. So.
Yeah...


------------
Also. let's not talk about boys.

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/24326783/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/24326783/ Sun, 19 Apr 2009 13:44:29 PDT


with nothing on it
So. I lost all my files. Its okay though.
at least I got it.

Ive got some photos I want to add, so keep your eyes open.
Poetry...maybe.
things been going on...so...surely there something to inspire me...just, how to put it together?


i love 90s grunge so much.

about 2 more weeks of school left...
then 2 more weeks til Animazement...then one week til vacation at the lake...bleeeh...













_{I keep my fingers crossed, hoping you'll come here and love me like we were kids with nothing on our backs but the sun.}

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/23869074/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/23869074/ Tue, 24 Mar 2009 15:47:32 PDT
my laptop is kind of.....undergoing surgery


My harddrive effed up, so....
idk
My friends are trying to fix it,
so, Im hoping that most of my files will be preserved..


So...idk
but...for now, I have nothing but the lab computers and my roommates.
So.
Dont expect updates.

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/23602692/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/23602692/ Mon, 09 Mar 2009 22:47:52 PDT if you dont know what im talking about, its a surface piercing around where the cleavage is. But, since we all know i dont have cleavage...
But most of the ones ive seen are vertical. I want a horizonatl one.

What do you guys think?
idk all the logistics of it yet--like the costs or the possiblities..etc.
Im gonna talk to Wendi, my piercer, when I go back to school next week, But i really want one!
==============================

I love them.

I've made so many of them.
And theyre all so different.



In no particular order:





If I had a sub, I'd feature every single one of you guys,
<3

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/23509292/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/23509292/ Tue, 03 Mar 2009 15:03:17 PST
remember how i said I was gonna do some visual poetry things involving paint swatches?


Well...
I think that it would be pretty nifty to get others involved..

I havent done any yet, but ive been writing things down...

I almost want to start a new account just for it, but idk how many people would participate....

Give me some feedback and if you know anyone who would be interested.


Basically, the idea of it is to get those things from hardware stores/walmart that have like....3 or 4 different colors on them--y'kno, the ones that people decide what colors they are going to paint their kitchen n shit. And with sharpie or paint or color pencil or whatever, write simple lines of poetry or secrets...or poetic secrets....and fancy them up or just...leave em...
idk.
All feedback is welcome.

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/23469678/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/23469678/ Sun, 01 Mar 2009 12:21:08 PST I recognize this day. Some of you may not know, but I was/am? a cutter/SI-er.
It happens.


I started back in the day, like...a good 5 years ago now...and it was a stupid reason that I started, but it happened and it sucked me in, like addictions usually do...
And it grew and grew...



If you watched my old account, then its likely you knew this about me.
Or, if you knew me during the time, then its likely you know.

But. if you didnt, here's the run down for me.
Junior year was probably the worst time for me, so far as SI and reasons for it go.
-Fell in love--heart smashed, almost instantly.
-Family invasion-- it started my uprooting which seems to be ever more present. However, what I mean is that there were people living in our house because of some other traumatic event and it was like I didnt have a place to call home...and it was far too stressful to live there...and no one would understand when I'd try to say that...
There was literally a good solid week where I didnt know where I was going to be staying, so I took clothes to school with me...

Those two events took up a good portion of my life and it was difficult...like...really hard to deal with. I had a minor eating disorder, I cut, I banged my wrists on sharp edges, i was poppin pills like House....well, maybe not like House...but regardless. It was super difficult and no one in my family really knew or noticed.....

But. I got through it....
I met Basie. I slowed down...

So...yeah. I think for the majority, I have been clean, except for a few incidents where I literally couldnt breathe....and id rather not go into details, because not everyone knows about it...


But. I am proud to say that Ive been relatively clean for about a year.


Ive learned other ways to deal....like sleeping. And i do a lot of that...
And writing....and sleeping...and being around people to make me forget that things suck, even if its just temporary...



So.
Be aware.
It's not a suicide attempt. It's not an attention seeking method(though, sadly, it has become a fad and so its emo-cliched...)
it's like said in her journal, it's a method of coping.

Some people don't understand it, and thats okay. Just don't be a bitch about it.
Instead--help.


Uhm. there are some communities here on dA that focus on helping and letting each other know that, y'know, theyre not alone...
One, I started and run
and another which is much more active
and I'm sure there are quite a few more, but those are the ones that I know of directly.
Go look at those.

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/23347765/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/23347765/ Sun, 22 Feb 2009 16:28:11 PST not like new
That kind of used that leaves things broken for a bit.



Yep. thats me.
*raises hands*


broken.
shattered.
That kind of broken that music can't even fix because its deeper than heart....its...below the belt.


Me again.



Dont force me into postitions I really dont want to be in.
Dont. just dont.








If I could start a fanclub for how much I hate you, I would.
But I'm not sure how many people would join. Or if it could even be called a "fanclub".





No I will not smoke a bowl with you.
No I will not.
No I will never.
Ever. Talk to you again.

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/23129499/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/23129499/ Tue, 10 Feb 2009 20:38:21 PST Ive got some projects on my hands.

There is a gallery thing opening up at the local coffee shop by campus....
Gonna be conjuring something up dealing with coffeee......mmmmmm I love Coffee btw.
OMG it is like Jesus. Only better.


Then, I'm also going try and get something up for another gallery on Tate street--basically a community gallery that starts March 6th or so...



And then, my (super adorkabley nerdy) friend wants me to draw up this big wedding scene with Link and Zelda and a bunch of other random nerdy characters in there...
he wants it as a tattoo, but i advised against it. Lol hes so funny. <3

Speaking of tattoos, I am getting one soon I hope. I am super excited. Getting "just breathe" on my wrist..so yeah.


Also.
I got a new camera a couple weeks ago, for those who may not have noticed.
I love it. I named her Susan.
She's nothing big and fancy, but it definitely has my other one beat by like...a mile and a half. So...yeah. I'm working on some photography things...
Going to try and get something up for (anti)Valentine's day.

Got a project in mind for some visual poetry--paint swab sheet things...and junk.

So

!
I hope to be rather productive!
Things are okay--as far as my relationship/social life goes....
But...y'know...lets keep our fingers crossed.



Alright. So. I need to go do some reading for my classes tomorrow.
Much love to all, keep your eyes peeled for new things in your inbox and get your faving fingers ready!

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/22992478/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/22992478/ Tue, 03 Feb 2009 20:39:00 PST

Idk.
I feel weird putting lots of details on here...
Everyone's getting a dA nowadays.

But so much goes on.

I guess I should state that first off, my fin aid went through--I'm still in school.
I was at 18 hours/6 classes..>I dropped one that was at 8...then I dropped my Latin class ysterday because I missed 2 days...
So...Im down to 4...



Things with Basie and I are alright...
I guess wishing on stars...well...
y'know.



I..currently should be writing a 5 page paper on transcendentalism...but...I'm procrastinating every way possible. its due tomorrow. at 11.


I started knitting a bee hat.
Im excited.
Ive been sleeping a lot more than usual again. Woo for undiagnosed chronic fatigue! woo for my therapist to not give me prozac or actually do anything to make me better!





sleeeeeeeeeepy.....

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/22714221/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/22714221/ Sun, 25 Jan 2009 08:59:50 PST
--------------------------------------------


UPDATE
So...the update of this situation isnt much better.
Basie told me on Thursday that he didnt want to talk to me anymore.
He said it was "for my sake".
And then he sort of started yelling at me, and basically told me to grow up and get over him. I told him I didnt want to grow up without him, that I didnt want to get over him....

I feel wretched.
He was still talking to me on Thursday.. I begged him to stay basically.


Friday is when everything happened.
I'd been irritable all day...kay, maybe all week. And I was sort of...out of it. I had to drive my roomie back to Raleigh. I was in a daze the entire time...Like...it was kind of dangerous...
But. did okay.
So...On the way home, I called a friend whom i hadnt talked to in a while, and the lasttime I had, it was....well. it was bad. But. I was trying to find somewhere to crash for the night..because I had planned on not going to ROcky.
And he told me that he couldnt have anyone over...so...yeah.
I was left with nowhere to go.

So, when I got back into Hillsborough, it was like..8, so I went to see Basie at Magic, like I do most Fridays I'm in town...
I waited outside the door, I made sure he knew I was there...I waited...and I watched him finish the round, put his cards up...and thats usually when he comes out and says hey or something...But...instead...He looks over at me and so, I figure thats what hes doing...but he gets up and walks around...and just...occupies himself with other things...The round is still going on for like...10 minutes. He comes to the door, and I think hes going to come out..or at least pop his head out and say he cant or something....But he doesnt. He just sort of stands there, back to the door, and starts talking to people...he does the door thing twice....twice before I leave in tears....


I cry in my car. For like..45 minutes. I called my best friend who was currently in Atlanta on a band trip...He told me to call Basie's best friend Myles and tell him to get my key...(p.s. I gave Basie my key because I was sure that how I felt was mutual)
...Myles was at a party, and I was in hysterics, I couldnt breathe. I never got to tell him on the phone that i needed him to get my key...He was all "stop crying and I'll do your favor" but it wasnt meanly. And I told him what happened and he said he'd talk to Basie...but idk if he has. And at first I didnt want him to because if he told Basie I came to him in hysterics, it could only end well. Everyone knows Basie doesn't have much of a heart.
So....
I decided I had to go to Rocky because if not, I would have found a garage somewhere and left my car running.
I got my check, got it cashed, 10 mins. before 10... went and got some gas and coffee then went and got Elizabeth...
After Rocky, we ended up sleeping in the car in the Home Depot parking lot...
It was alright. Im sure I'll be doing that more in the future.
But it sucked, because as tired as i was and as much as my eyes hurt from crying, I couldnt do instant sleep like I thought I would....It was a few hours of thinking and hurting until I pulled the blankets over my head and made myself sleep...


So...I woke up...drove Lizzy to Robotics, then went home...
I ended up going to lunch with my sister...but...i didnt want to...I suppose it was good that I did because if I'm alone it just ends badly......


I havent really ate.
I mean, I ate lunch...even though I wasnt hungry...
But it made me sick.
So...i got rid of it.
I havent ate much this entire week. I havent had the appetite.
And when I think/talk about it...it makes me sick...

So...idk what to do.


=================================================================

jan 21




So....
I.
Feel.
Like.
Shit.
My situation with this guy Basie, whom I've been madly in love with and fully involved with for....hmm...nearing a 2 years now...has...
lied to me...yet again...
_{or so I am led to think}

I was gonna put it all on here...but there some poetry I'm bout to post..and I will go all into details in my xanga.
I kind of really just can't...
keep going this way.



Xanga is now up to date.


_{www.xanga.com/thedolliellama}

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/21972691/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/21972691/ Sat, 13 Dec 2008 23:49:57 PST




Okay. So. life sucks.


extended version:
[link]

if you're a spy for the enemy or the gov't...keep it secret. Or...turn me in...It might be better.

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/21673967/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/21673967/ Wed, 26 Nov 2008 01:27:18 PST
Let me explain in depth.
Kids who only draw (crappy) fan art--and by fan art, i mean simply drawing a copy of a character. Not using characters from whatever and putting them into some new form or environment or scene. No. simply, drawing that character. If you're gonnado that, dont post it. It sucks.

Also. Those kids(and even older people) who take icons or motivation posters or whatever that they clearly did not make and put them into their gallery. wtf? Deviantart is not a photobucket!
This is not a place to add things to just to have a host site for your stuff! GO TO ONE OF THOSE RIDICULOUS PHOTO HOSTING SITES! not an art community site.

Then...and this is what really bugs me
there's those kids--mostly those girls-- who write shitty poetry about being in love and oh-woe-is-me-ill-never-love-again things at 12 and 13. WTSHIT?! I mean, your litte friends may think its pretty rad, but it sucks. Keep writing, go ahead. just quit posting it and expecting all these amazing comments in awe and like 5mil. favs! Grow up, live a little, learn some grammar and rhetoric and language skills. Have sex. GO TO HIGH SCHOOL! HIT PUBERTY! just quit abusing the word "love".
Also, when the kids write about how tragic life is and how horrid it is. Seriously. GROW UP! Life gets a helluva lot worse. I know.
And the little teenyboppers that are cutting andwriting about it? trying to sell it? trying to "let others feel their pain". No. thats fucking attentionseeking.Ex-cutter. Been there-done that. If you're gonna write about it, make it poetic. not shitty. not whiney. not ridiculous. And again. GROW UP!


so.
yeah.
that is my rant.
I am tired of kids thinking they are fan-fucking-tastic artists and poets just cuz theyre apart of this amazing community of real artists.
grow up. have sex. reach puberty. learn what it means to be an artist. and quit makin us look bad!!!!




thank you. that is all.
If i offended anyone, I am sorry. it had to be said.

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/21614396/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/21614396/ Sat, 22 Nov 2008 13:01:27 PST I was again, lied to by the opposite sex...

had the guy talk about literally behind my back...or perhaps by my side.


But hey...
I did something right...
I learned how to say when...
and my clothes stayed on...
and hands stayed above the waist...





but somehow...
I'm still deeply affected and hurt...




so...for all I care, he can keep my goddamn blanket.
I'd rather not see his fratboy face again.

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/21430050/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/21430050/ Mon, 10 Nov 2008 22:21:06 PST Monday, I was unable to sleep, so the love came and got me and at 3 am we went to Sheetz and had nomnomgoodness and then watched David Bowie until we fell asleep.
Obama won--I voted.
I pierced my face the next day--in celebration(it was a good excuse).I got a Monroe and I ish sexay.

I also got a new awesome Waldo hat at this amazing vintage store and a new llama--his name is Rico(Suave).

btw(all this is in chronological order)

Thursday, i went to all my classes--one which i didnt have to go to because I went Tuesday.
Then there was a musical marathon with Rent, Across the Universe, and Moulin Rouge.
And then enters new boy...new..mega super cute boy...Though...i find it best to not indulge(unless you really wanna know--in which case, there is noting,myspacing,or facebooking)
Then, Rocky was fun--I was Magenta.
Saturday, I got to see Rachel and Charles-we went to the playground at my old elementary school. it was hella fun. then the mall..where Nick met us later...I love my friends.

Sunday, I went to the movies with Chelsea. I love Chelsea.
and Today, Faye bought me the most impractical dress ever! i was so excited. I will wear it around campus and be like a floating shimmery goddess.
And then, tonite--I hung out with said boy from above..which simply complicated things, but regardless---nom nom nom.
And then, Josh Bray invited me to Waffle House! and we had a wonderful Waffle House experience with Faye n Jessica...lawlz

So..
heres where the bad parts come in...
I pretty much never want to stay at my "home" again for multiple reasons.
a) I dont really have aroom anymore. They destroyed my bathroom, messed with my sheets and then stole my good mattress!!
b) my sister is a mega bitch and a bad mother which led to the destruction of my Sailor Venus action figure(or at least the box) which I have had since the 2nd grade(i own all five, still in the box)
c) my grandmother was a bitch about my piercing, and when I told her I wasnt gonna take it out and that there were worse things I could be doing(hence my sisters...), she was just all "I cant believe you're gonna choose that over me" in reference to my piercing.
It was infuriating.
So, i left and went to my mothers...
Where my other sister had scabies, and now im all paranoid nn shit.
And..now, I am likely to fail the test I have later today--at 11, because I missed like..3 of the 5 lectures for the class...so..I do not know what is going on, and I hate art history.
Oh. yeah. and the issue with new boy is current boy whom im involved with. I have yet to tell him...but its not a big deal because I am technically single...so.



So.
Yeah.

I'm still not letting all that crap get me down(at least, not yet)

Now. Sleep must occur so i can try to awake early to cram before 11.

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/21282300/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/21282300/ Sun, 02 Nov 2008 11:41:44 PST everything is falling apart....

I don't want to be at school anymore.
I'm really tired. all the time.

Im getting sick.
I feel wretched.
this boy is frustrating me...and i honestly dont know what to do..
Half of me wants to just quit talking to him in general...but that same half knows that it would hurt far too much to stop...
And now it's moved to Fridays...instead of Tuesdays....

I hate feeling used...
I hate being ignored.
I hate when he doesnt reply to my messages when I can clearly see he's read them....


I hate not having my phone--my sister ran the bill up like crazy.
I dont want to be here...but i dont want to be "home"...
I need a job....otherwise I just feel useless right now.
ergh.

please.
just.
kill me.

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/21072851/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/21072851/ Mon, 20 Oct 2008 00:54:29 PDT
though, I think confused is not quite the correct word...

So, i've narrowed down my love interests to only one...for the first time in ages...

My reasoning for doing so?
I am utterly, magnificently, unfortunately, in love with him...
Every moment spent with him is amazing...

except he has a gf..
whom he's only dating out of pity, though he wont admit it.

So....the turning point was tonite...
His best friend told me that it was obvious to him that said love is getting really annoyed by her...and his reasoning for this belief was that after girl leaves boy is all "finally!" or some remark as such...however, when around the girl, he is all nice and boyfriend-like...

So...in my glee, I was rather excited, and began to think that perhaps my thinkings were right that he may be falling for me or something of the nature....
But then, it made me think of other things...
I began to notice similarities...

He's an amazing person around me...and I generally only see him when it's just he and I...
So, i never really get the other sides..and the only person that is close to him that knows about "us" is the aforementioned friend...So...i asked this friend what boy said about me...and...he said that sometimes he was in favor of me...but other times--around larger groups--he was oppose to me......

So....it makes me really frustrated...because this boy, while i love him dearly, he is also one of my really good friends, and he feels mutually towards me, and has expressed this..the friend deal, at least. He has told me a few times that he genuinely values my friendship, etc, etc...
And thus, I wonder why he would be such a jerk and say other things to his friends? It's almost as though he is ashamed of knowing or associating with me...or perhaps that he is such a shallow person that he feels he has to be a dick around his friends to impress them, as oppose to standing up for people whose friendship he "values"....



I've mentioned things similar before...such as what he tells his friends..or what do his friends say about me...
Tis true that only a few of his friends actually know me..well--really, only like...3 or 4 know me well enough to perhaps form a slight opinion...so idk.
I shall confront him when the chance comes upon me...
Because I simply am not the kind of person to be...trashed behind my back and then perhaps tricked and frisked in my presence....I will not stand for such disrespect....




_help?

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/20560754/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/20560754/ Thu, 18 Sep 2008 21:47:59 PDT
So.

idr if i have posted or not. If so, i may repost.

So, i dislike my roommate. she is hella-obnoxious and thus why I am often out.
My classes suck. I am considering changing my major because i am so sick of still life.

Ive made quite a few friends
Found myself a crush.
Been to a couple parties
Been to a show...
Colored some hair...
Uhm..Did ridiculous things with a stolen pillow
Watched the Rocky...several times.
Uhm...many things.
Now to divulge.

So, I think pretty much all of my friends are in Mary Foust(except for my Asian Faye, but she should be in Foust, like me).
There's Felix, Jessica, Nicholas(whom i knew before from orientation), Emily(from JCL), uhm..Djak,Libby,Renee, etc, etc...oh. and Of course, Matthew.
Which brings me to my next story.
Matthew as intrigued me from the beginning.
So, it's kind of a long story. I'll tell the simple things about him.
So, he's pretty hilarious, a bit awkward, and deviously charming. While he isnt dead sexy n handsome as other people I have(am) been interested in, he makes up for it.
He is generally a really nice guy. SO, heres where it all got weird.So like, I found an "imposter" of him on facebook a couple weeks ago and the imposter's b-day was August 13th, which would have made him a Leo.....which wouldnt work because I too am a Leo..So...yea. I got a bit down and began to conclude that his awkward quietness was a form of silent egotism. So i got a bit angry n such. So, then one night, i ask him when his birthday was, and, to my great relief, it is April 12th. Thus, the imposter is revealed. Not only, but it means he is an Aries, which is one of the few celestial signs compatible with me! So. anyway.
He smokes....but pretty much everyone does, and I deal with it.
He does things so strangely and is often very animated. He smokes like a british guy kinda...its quite hilarious.. So. Yea.
I told him I liked him and asked him not to be awkward around me...but i guess it was pretty obvious. Ha! So...yea. Im getting well ahead of my list tho! Still, he is very funny, and I find that I like him more n more as I observe his actions(not in a stalker way!) n such...so yea.


Kay, Parties. Alright, so the first, i didnt like, so i left ...within like 10 minutes. It was a house show with crappy musicians, one was Emotron who apparently is notorious for setting his dick on fire....but the cops came and he only shat on a table....gaaaay.
So, the next party was actually just Monday.
it was Libby's birthday, i dont really know her, but I went with Matthew and Nicholas just cuz. It was really...nice.
One experience I must describe...
So, there are people drinking cocktails/beer and smoking cigs/cigars all around, and I go in the house/kitchen and Champagne Supernova by Oasis is playing. In the kitchen, everyone is chill, its almost as though it were spinning slowly, but everyone was singing along....And i sang...And as i went out the back door to the porch, people were singing,...and around the porch people were singing. it was this amazing sense of unity and peacefulness....Like...everyone seemed happy....it reminded me deeply of The Perks of Being a Wallflower. In fact, the entire party sort of reminded me of that...I was a bit of a Wallflower...awkward and observant...and there to throw in my commentary and listen...
So, later, this girl whom i rather dislike, named Anna Harris, came up and began talking shit about my friend Emily...and while other people around me I knew were friends with her, I was the only one who seemed even remotely appalled at the shit she was saying...Anna Harris was screaming bitch at the top of her lungs in my eyes.
So...yea. Then, in my observances, I notice that Matthew is madly in love with her....which, i had kind of already guessed it...they went to high school together and as we ladies know, you cant just have guy friends...So.Yea..
So...Nicholas got drunk, Matthew was slightly buzzed, and I...well. I felt little from the few sips of martinis and half a screwdriver I had...We three walked home pretty much just in time, because apparently the cops showed up.

So...yea.
The next day, at the smoking table(outside of Foust...where everyone chills, smoking or not), Anna Harris is telling that Matthew apparently equivalently expressed his feelings for her in his buzzed state via text. Well, she is suddenly telling everyone at the table that she doesnt feel like that towards him and then "let's it slip" that he's a virgin...bitch.
So...yea. I really do not like her..Not to mention, at some point, she gave me the stink eye like crazy.


Kay, so I saw Straylight Run Wednesday at Greene St...it was amazing. Enough said.

I colored Nick's hair and Emily's hair...then my hair...l... ]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/20242095/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/20242095/ Sat, 30 Aug 2008 19:48:55 PDT I survived my first week in college.

It was RAINY all week.
I determined it was because I left Jesus at home.
And guess who didnt have an umbrella.


Im on my second room mate.
I'm not fond of her. She gets really obnoxious
And, while there are things in common, theyre not the kind of things to build healthy friendships around. Like, for instance, she is very not into good music or movies..or tv...or anything. So..yea.
Also, she has an uncanny resemblence to my old neighbor...which is not good.

Ive determined I want to live in Mary Foust..which is where all the nerds are.
Most of the other people everywhere else are stuck up n unfriendly...it makes me very unhappy.
So. I spend an increasing amount of time there. Not to mention, there are at least 3 boys of interest there...so.
Yea.

My classes, apart from being all the way across campus, are, so far, relatively tolerable. Mostly art courses.


I am hella tired.


I was in the Rocky last nite. I played a very sexy, very improvised Dr. Scott.
It was fun. I anticipate more shows in the future.


Oh. btw.
My birthday sucked.
My mother is ridiculous, beyond all means.
I went shopping. By myself.
the only sort of cake of celebration were 2 Zebra Cakes.

But, Rocky was fun, being that i was 18.teehee

Oh. Lovey, I think we should engage in some of that mad e-rape again. I rather enjoyed it.

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/20013191/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/20013191/ Sun, 17 Aug 2008 22:15:22 PDT 4 days til i turn 18.
6 days til i move in.
7 days til i start classes.

life is coming fast.
and it hurts.


im tired of falling in love and it not being returned.


So.
In all my depression,
I'm most likely going to be doing some creating...in some form.
When, in all actuality, i should be cleaning my room.
If anyone wants to come do it for me, id be more than happy...ill give u....sex? idk.

I get paid on Thursday. i plan to go shopping and get my some pants.
I also intend on buying some new chalk pastels...and prolly some new brushes.


i hurt all over.

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/20013180/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/20013180/ Sun, 17 Aug 2008 22:14:11 PDT
]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/19827323/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/19827323/ Tue, 12 Aug 2008 01:53:48 PDT EDITTTT
So...i have been passing the time(that could easily be spent cleaning or what have you...) watching Sailor Moon on Youtube.
it is amazing.
I absolutely adore it and it is all so much better with the subtitles.
i miss my childhood
I am getting old.
I now turn 18 in...9ish days....that is ever so..sad i think.ish.
Lets see..
uhm
ive been doing all my music downloading before i leave for college, since its hella-illegal there.
Which, btw, if you have any suggestions, i am all open. I hate rap, so keep that in mind.
Also, my move-in date is now the 24th, so. ..that gives me a bit more time...

OMG i almost forgot.
Kay, so, first, i must announce, for those who dont know,
The Dresden Dolls have a new, amazing album out.
Second. Amanda Palmer is teh sex! and I want eyebrows like her.
Basie and I got into an argument about shaving my eyebrows to draw them on similar to hers, but it was mostly because he finds the idea of shaving them off absurd. idk. It all depends on how bored i get and how broke i am. Usually, when i get bored of my look, i color my hair. but seeing as that can be pricey and i will be short on cash for a bit in college, i will be taking what is available...So.
But...for now...i have regular colored eye-brows...'
sigh
idk what ima do about that boy...
but aside.
I am tired.
I have been watching Sailor Moon all night, flipping through episodes and seasons...Ive seen all of the original and im pretty sure all of R...so, im working my way through S, because i know ive only seen them once(where as the others ive seen a few times b/c i was obsessed[and still am!] as a child). I am currently about 3 episodes out of about 30 into the season where the secret is about to be revealed about Uranus n such. so. ima watch it...then go to bed.


ahhh i am rambling!

-----------------------------
alright. so, i gots a laptop.

w00t!

i can have hi-speed on the occasion.

w00t!

i start college in...13-ish days.
Actually, no. I am suppose to move in in 13days.
I start classes in 18 days...if i can count right.
Which means,
I turn 18 in exactly a fortnight.

w00t!
only kinda
that means no more sex/beatings with people under the age of 16
which makes a very sad Bee-Jaxxx
only kidding.
....all my people are at least 16 lol
And the only person is 4 days younger than I. So.
Yes.

uhm

Lots of stuff coming
Rocky(of course)
i think Im doing this thing with Lizzy n Nick tonite in Chapel Hill/Carrboro
There arent any good shows til like..September...
Except Journey! which idk if im going or not.
My last day at el Subway is next thursday.


i have teh major cramps. which make me angry!

I have Sailor Mercury hair....
yay paleness!
(there was blue EVERYWHERE no joke.)


So.
seeing as i have only a couple weeks left in the OC,
someone hit me up so we can chill!! as long as its very cheap b/c i am muchos poor-o.


Oh.
did i mention, i was in Ohio for JCL Nationals? it was teh shit!
except Ohio n everything in between was hella-boring.

I made some amazing friends.. ..etc etc.
Theres prolly some crazy footage of karaoke on youtube somewhere.
i beasted that mess.
ahhhh OVARIES ARE ANGRY!


yea.
But hey.
At least I'm not pregnant, right?





btw. I hope to post a bit of things that have been well overdue for posting, now that i have a slightly faster internet. So...expect things.
now
i must shower
prepare for Rocky tomorrow
Get money
and see whats up with Lizzy n Nick.
tootles
leave me love.

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/19495970/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/19495970/ Sun, 20 Jul 2008 07:49:10 PDT gotta make this quick.


past few weeks have been eventful.
Lots of crazy things.
Saw the Rocky(twice)
Saw the Dark Knight(twice)
Saw Tom Petty(once)
Ventured to Charlotte for Warped(once)

send theloveto thecell thisweek
919-698-8108

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/19193815/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/19193815/ Thu, 03 Jul 2008 23:46:55 PDT

oh wait.

I think thats my heart falling into my stomach and then up through my esophagus.


But nothing serious....right?

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/18567916/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/18567916/ Fri, 06 Jun 2008 11:29:03 PDT
Exams are finished,

Graduation is Tuesday...
its crazy.
im excited
and upset all at once.


Boys are, as per usual, ridiculous.
Brian really was a cunt.
Go figure, he'd be the one to douche out on me b/c ive got some self-respect n morals.
But whatever...

I think ive kinda broken my little freshman's heart....
accidentally....idk


So,
on a sidenote.

I love these bands:
MGMT
Be Your Own PET
Manchester Orchestra


you all should download them b/c they are the shiz

Also, anyone who wants to email me these two songs would be lovely:
Crank Dat
and
Get Low
by the Calvary Kids.
and it has to be by them, b/c thats the only way ill listen to rap...
and i wanna drive thru the ghetto blaring it, in hopes to get shot..

oh.

AZ.
uhm...Hippie Circles...Gay Kids...Erotic Strawberry eating...Jesus...that was pretty much it lol


comment me...

love.
Bee-Jaxxx

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/17821661/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/17821661/ Sat, 12 Apr 2008 21:05:54 PDT

I'ma be agood deviant and friend and feature the first 10 people to comment on this journal.
I'll go through ur gallery n pick a few that i like n BAM.

But...it might take me awhile b/c im allbusy n such.


So...go!



1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.



----------------------------------------------

As far as life goes...
its pretty shitty.
So, I'vefinally cometo terms that i am in love with this guy...and im almost positive he feels pretty muchthe same...but, he just...has a g/f that lookslike a man.
So...yea.
it...really sucks...b/c there isnt much i can do...but sit back n watch

Then, ona happier note.
I met the kid ima marry at the Say Anything show Apr. 2.
He's awesome, his name is Phillip, and hes a bisexual hippie n remindsme of Bob Ross.
And he painted me happy trees in MS Paint.
So yea. And he goes to AZ which is awesometoo.

So yea.


but...other thanthat....its pretty much the same...except for all the drama with people talkin shit n such. it saddens me.
but whatever.
They'll get whats coming.

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/17033359/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/17033359/ Sun, 27 Apr 2008 18:24:01 PDT We were robbed in several areas.
Our banner kicked ass in so many ways, and it met all the criteria.
We got 2nd.
The 1st place was someone whose looked professionally sewn and didnt have everything required.
It was a bit ridiculous.
Scrapbook
We worked our fucking asses off.
Sure, itwas the night before.
But.
It is fuckign awesome.
And we placed 2nd to Masters Academy.
Because they have money to spend on a scrapbook and proper materials.
So. yea.
As for art, i placed 2nd.
Which is really bullshit b/c my pic was AMAZINGand the 1st place pic was too, but only in the sense that itwas colored n drawn well. But it had nothing to do with the classicsof Rome n such. it was two birds sitting on a branch entitled "Two exotic birds in Rome" or some shit.
I was pissed.


Thomas was being a douche.
Because of him, I missed the brigade's show.

---------------
Prom was last weekend.
it sucked.
The Used was the night before.
That didnt suck.
In fact, it was the shit.
I loved it. Iwas so excited.
So. yea.
I also saw Straylight Run for the second time.
I love them.
I then stayed with Thomas..yea same douche as above.
But he wasnt a douche then.
so. yea.
I got to sleep with him in that non-sexual way. it was nice.
spooning is fun.
--------------

So...yea...
the guy ive been in persuance of for a while likes me...but is still with mangirl out of pity...or out of a selfless act to help herget better...but its not so selfless...
it upsets me...
....


My car died Wednesday. Poor Clementine. She needs a new alternator.
ive been driving this Piece of Shit thats got a messed up muffler n such. its really loud and definitely not a hippie.

i hate it.
so. I probably wont be going to the Less Than Jake show thursday b/c i need to pay for the part.
it sucks.

Senioritis sucks.
Boys suck...
yet....sigh.

So..yea. Makenzie is still talkin shit.
Ima punch her in the face.

i feel stressed.
and i ache all over.






_{i want to have sex.}

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/16884649/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/16884649/ Thu, 14 Feb 2008 15:47:34 PST I surrender.

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/16758568/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/16758568/ Wed, 06 Feb 2008 17:26:48 PST for all you ladies out there with masculine problems.

Lets all band together on Valentine's Day and ladycott men.

We the single(and maybe not so single, but just fed-up) are sick of men being retarded and hormonal all over the place.

Let us dress in revealing, dashingly sexy, and dare I say,risque clothing, and FLAUNT our goodies all up in their face!
Dont let them have it
Dont give in,
Because we, strong females, dont need those weak minded creatures.


Lets play Lysistrata.
Ladycott with us on February 14th.
Send fellow ladycotters flowers and (heavens yes!) chocolates!
Then, join together in dinner at anice resturant.
And to complete thenight,
Go back tosomeone's place.


Ladycott Valentine's Day with us!
Tell your friends!
and byall means, do tell meif you doso.
Myfriend Elizabeth and I startedthis movement.

]]> ~MissMellonCollie http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/15366745/ http://MissMellonCollie.deviantart.com/journal/15366745/ Wed, 30 Jan 2008 12:03:08 PST its official
there's something wrong with me
I'm never good enough.


so what made you think that he couldnt find the door in the morning
when he found the bed so easily in the dark...
CIWWAF

story of my life. sorta.
blah.
I dont think Ian likes me.
again.
something's gotta be wrong


----------------
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-----------
my old account:

]]> ~MissMellonCollie