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]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/9994226/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/9994226/ Wed, 06 Sep 2006 23:50:55 PDT ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/9336250/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/9336250/ Mon, 10 Jul 2006 19:35:05 PDT
A new local magazine has sprung up around the Greenville, North Carolina area. They have me as a featured writer. I'm very pleased with this. You can find a link to the article below. ^_^

[link]

I've got a new story in the works, somewhat about prison-life. Eventually, the main characters get thrown into a Mortal Kombat-style tournament to the death. Last man standing gets the prize -- freedom. If you're interested in this story, or, hell, if you even bothered to read this, please, leave a comment. ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/7647584/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/7647584/ Thu, 19 Jan 2006 11:20:15 PST Diary of a Madman: "Let it burn."

Probably going to get a bit more active around here, I don't know yet. Only time will tell, I guess, but I usually write when I'm depressed, so now is a lovely time to do it. ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/5235744/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/5235744/ Sun, 01 May 2005 05:41:14 PDT [link]

Other than that, the Playground is getting closer to finished as each day goes by.

We current have forums, availible @ [link] along with the usual updates from [link]

If you have any ideas for either project, Inc or Playground, send me a note. Please, and thanks - Shaft / Naebliss ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/5149249/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/5149249/ Thu, 21 Apr 2005 14:06:30 PDT
Having a party on Friday night, gonna play some pool, prolly some foosball. Invited a bunch of friends. That's gonna be fun.

Decided I'm going to go asexual. I can't be gay, I love women too much but thats my problem -- when I get involved, everything else loses purpose and... well the world can't afford to lose me ^_^;;

Done some work on DOTA-Playground. That site is going to be up soon, and its going to kick ass. If your interested in warcraft, and most importantly, Defense of the Ancients, go to [link] for updates on that.

Anyone miss me? ^_^ ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/4549583/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/4549583/ Thu, 10 Feb 2005 19:58:50 PST [link]


You belong in another of my worlds. The world of
self-destructive tendencies, either through
actual physical destructiveness or emotional
breakdowns that you keep bottled up inside,
thus hurting yourself. You feel that life is
nothing but pain, and you see red in everything
with the memories of the blood you have
bled(literally or figuratively) for your
hurting. You live in a hidden land that few
will ever understand or see in you, because you
keep it to yourself and only let a few rare
people into the truth of your reality. You might be
homicidal, or suicidal.

- - -

What a load of bullshit














]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/4339782/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/4339782/ Mon, 17 Jan 2005 02:28:25 PST ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/4246914/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/4246914/ Wed, 05 Jan 2005 14:42:04 PST ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/4129947/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/4129947/ Wed, 22 Dec 2004 18:00:04 PST
A) First, recommend to me:
1. a movie:
2. a book:
3. a musical artist, song, or album:

(B) I want everyone who reads this to ask me
three questions, no more, no less. Ask me anything you want.

(C) Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends to ask you anything.

---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3950643/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3950643/ Mon, 29 Nov 2004 18:46:05 PST
There are many things I live for, the cliches of love, wealth, and happines are always in my thoughts; I wanted to taste at least one of them, even for a second, but could not. My was the hardest struggle imaginable, but it must be experienced to be understood, hence no one else could understand it. My peers came to ignore me over time, and I was labeled a freak. I didn't care, I only cared about my own struggle, not the opinions of others.

I was the young boy who saw a dollar bill in the gutter, then the wind blew it into the air and away from me. I chased after it, going through every obstacle, overcoming every stumble and hesitation the ground gave me. I crawled through dark forests just to hear its rustle in the wind, dove into the deepest lakes just to get a glimpse of it, and ripped my self through the sharpest barbed wire just to get a smell that grimy old paper. The pursuit sucked the will to live right out of me, and in the end, I never got the dollar bill.

Little did I know that a man two blocks from were I started was giving away twenty dollar bills to careless pedestrians! They simply stuffed them into their pockets, and went on with their lives! How could I witness this and still say "everything is going to be ok"?

I tell those who are suicidal: you are not. You have more than a good chance of being happy again. Your heart is still there to guide you with emotion, and your mind is still there to guide you with reason. I warn them that no matter how bad their situation is, it is still managable.

I am just a skeleton. Where is my heart? It was ripped out and squeezed to death by the hands of those I trusted. Where is my mind? It was trampled on by the stampede of mindless beasts of this world. I have nothing.

..:: By bleak_overdose ::..






Titicamara: Someone need some love. Getting a wife will solve all your depression.
Vaulander: From personal experience, it works the other way around. If you weren't depressed and suicidally inclined before, getting married will certainly have you running for a razor in a big hurry. Get a bike instead. ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3818208/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3818208/ Fri, 12 Nov 2004 14:10:17 PST Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be found in silence. As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truths quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant, for they too have their stories.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But do not allow this to blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, love is perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of years, gracefully surrendering those things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings, for many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself; for you are a child of the universe, and no less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive God to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul. With all it's sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Show yourself that beauty, and seek that golden kernel of beauty that lay in all persons and all things; show your God that beauty and understanding and wisdom will surely follow.

Be careful and strive to be happy.

~Unknown Author



                                                  L ^whatever O _that V ^means E ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3728110/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3728110/ Mon, 01 Nov 2004 19:13:00 PST
I get things done with my mind. It's my main tool. I do philosophy, psychology, metaphysics, poetry... all of these things require a lot of introspection. I like being around people and talking with people, but only when I feel like I have something to offer. If I haven't had any time to myself to fucking consider things, I feel like I'm coming to a potluck with a snickers bar.

Which mentality also causes me to be irritated with people a large part of the time. I don't like to gossip. I don't care how your day was.

I only like to talk about the things it's generally considered poor manners to talk about. I only like to speak with passion. I always feel like people enjoy rambling at me a lot more than they like rambling at other people; I sort of think it's because I let them do it. The mindless blathering always starts so innocently: some offhand comment about such-and-such a thing happening to such-and-such a person, so you reply "oh really?" thinking a decent story will ensue. But very soon, you regret having even feigned interest. Now you're locked in to utter mundanity. And, since you have nothing to contribute on the subject, you're obliged to basically keep your mouth shut until you can come up with a reasonable way to change the subject. And people are very, very, extraordinarily long-winded when they have nothing interesting to talk about.

And then, pretty soon, I have nothing interesting to talk about either. My eyes glaze over, my mouth dries up. What do you say to someone who's describing to you, in detail, the minute actions of people you've never met and have no interest in meeting? What do you say when someone stands in front of you and delivers, literally, a blow-by-blow account of a perfectly ordinary day?




Can be found on my personality site:
[link] ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3628052/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3628052/ Tue, 19 Oct 2004 16:01:46 PDT Always I feel it, the passion... I need you"
Tachidomatta kado ni
Asy hemu kau kaze wo kanjiteta
Machi no akari hoshizuzu mitai ni
Futari tsutsumu kedo
Sorezore ni chigau
Kagayaki ga aruka
Warau kimi ga
Ichiban mabushiku mieruyo
Yume wa ryusei no yoko ni
Ame agari no niji no yoni
Kano kangero ni hikari wo tsuretekuru
Mayoi tsuzukeru kotoga
Hitotsu no kotae ni naruyo
goma kashitari shinaito chikau yo
"Always I feel it, the passion... I need you."

"I believe your promise, it's too hard to give me courage
Always I feel it, the passion... I need you
Standing still in the past
Feeling the wind of tomorrow
The lights of the town look like stardust
Enveloping the two of them
Each at a road not yet known, can you see that certain radiance?
Your smile
Is the most dazzling thing I've ever seen
My dream is like a shooting star
Rising from the rain toward that road
This heart that I've brought light to
Continuing to be lost is a fact, becoming a single answer
I swear I won't decieve you any longer
Always I feel it, the passion... I need you."
~"Ryuusei", from the Naruto Soundtrack ( [link])

Love is the most wonderous thing I have ever had an opporunity to experience. It beats sex, drugs, money, murder, or any other passion known to me. It is the one single greatest entity of all. Actually, I'm lying. It's second-best to something it should not be (if you know my story, then you know the irony of this; otherwise ignore it). Fear is greater than love. Remember that -- fear is greater than love. ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3614137/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3614137/ Sun, 17 Oct 2004 20:07:59 PDT
Life doesn't matter, so therefore nothing in life matters. That is why I have to let these things go, and move on. I can only enjoy the small amount of time I have on this planet -- they say good things come to those who wait, but better things come to those who go out and get it themselves.

So, I have to let Kelley go and move on... find something else, not better per se, but something else I can content myself with until reality can find me.

Honestly? I'm not sure. But I have to keep telling myself this because if I didn't force myself to believe it I would waste into a pile of human waste waiting here for her... who has more than likely moved on, who I am almost 100% has. I guess it's time for me to withdraw also, lest I choose to live a lie. ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3542443/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3542443/ Fri, 08 Oct 2004 13:18:58 PDT ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3473238/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3473238/ Wed, 29 Sep 2004 13:26:54 PDT [link]

Kelley used that line on me, and in some part it was genuine but it was also to spare feelings. Wish she'd tell me what happened. Oh well.

It’s someone else. This line has been used by less-than-honest individuals as a way to get out of one relationship and into another. If you have reason to believe that this is the case, it might be best to let it go — you do not want to be in a relationship with a partner who is pining for someone else. Try to put on a brave face and let the end be the end.

Haha. Sadism. Dammit. As usual, ending this with a song that I like and that seems to reflect my feelings. Unlike usual, its two songs.


This Ain't Living -- Tupac Shakur
Nigga - I hear even the smaller G's be dippin Chevy Impalas
while flossin they gold D's, O.G.'s, is who they follow
We (?)swallow tomorrow(?) see, what we leave is hollow
We feed violence and greed, let 'em bleed tomorrow
In time, they grip a nine, sippin wine - hit grass
'til I be starin watch the parents sacrifice they child
The love's gone, a thug's home, with no love
Feelin so strong, make young boys into drug lords
Now one for adolescents, now dos for dose
Keep yo' friends by your side, even close your foes
Now three for Johnny Law tryin to make my chips
I never pulled the trigger, didn't touch that bitch
Throw yo' hands in the air, it's a robbery
.. thinkin 'Pac, would you ride with me
Let's go see what our enemies talkin bout
When G's enter the house nobody's walkin out
This ain't livin, it's similar to prison, we trapped
My homies jealous plus they tell us that the phones is tapped
I watch my back twenty-fo' seven
and never let a busta send a G to ghetto heaven, you know!
This is how it goes when we floss with foes
Before I toss yo' hoe, it'll cost you mo'
I do shows make a lot of dough, murder my foes
But I'd give it all up, if it would help you grow
This ain't livin

Takes a life to make a life (takes a life)
Livin in the world of crime tonight (takes a life)
Can't find a better way to break you
This ain't livin I gotta do what I gotta do

Peep it - gunfire is produced at alarmin rates
Today's youth, grip the shit, get in the car and break
"It Takes a Nation of Millions" if we intend to stop the killin
Just search your feelings, participate in some (?)
They our seeds and when they bleed, we bleed
That's what becomes of lonely children, they turn to G's
Heavenly father can you rescue, my young nation
rest the Lord will protect you, respect due
Not a threat as I step in blue, and check those
that oppose when I froze them fools, and who are you
to watch me fall farther
I disappeared, reappeared as the .. follow me now
Skippin class, and livin fast, will get yo' ass
stuck in the pen, doin life plus ten
Young brother pump yo' brakes for me, before you choke
won't ya soak up some game from yo' big homies
This ain't livin, we givin you jewelsl, use 'em as tools
Explode on they industry and fade them fools
You know the rules, gotta be a rider
You can run the red lights but read the street signs, heyy
This for all of y'all that keep on raisin hell
Put a pistol in your hand and let you fade yourself
It ain't right, what you put your momma through, young G
Gotta change your life, take the game from me
This ain't livin




Wait -- Earshot
Something's wrong,
Trying to conquer these fears i thoghut were gone.
And it's been so long, I'm dying to live in a world i dont belong

I cant wait for someone to hear me,
And wait for someone to touch me.
And wait forever to be told,
I'm forever alone.

I cant wait for someone to feel me,
And wait for someone to heal me.
And wait forever to be told,
I'm forever alone..

On my own,
I'll show myself what it means to be alone.
And the tears i cry are washed away.
All the scars are my disguise.

I cant wait for someone to hear me,
And wait for someone to touch me.
And wait forever to be told,
I'm forever alone.

I cant wait for someone to feel me,
And wait for someone to heal me.
And wait forever to be told,
Im fore... ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3458294/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3458294/ Mon, 27 Sep 2004 13:49:01 PDT


Wouldn’t it be nice if we were older
Then we wouldn’t have to wait so long
And wouldn’t it be nice to live together
In the kind of world where we belong

You know it’s gonna make it that much better
When we can say goodnight and stay together

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could wake up
In the morning when the day is new
And after having spent the day together
Hold each other close the whole night through

Happy times together we’ve been spending
I wish that every kiss was neverending
Wouldn’t it be nice

Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true
Baby then there wouldn’t be a single thing we couldn’t do
We could be married
And then we’d be happy

Wouldn’t it be nice

You know it seems the more we talk about it
It only makes it worse to live without it
But lets talk about it
Wouldn’t it be nice ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3342790/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3342790/ Sat, 11 Sep 2004 21:15:49 PDT When things weren't as we know
Back when I was younger and had a hunger
For all the things I didn't know

And I remember the day when
I went out to play
And I bird flew down to my hand
Didn't want to leave and
When I asked to keep
I remember my dad said

Yeah son let it go away
Hope that it comes back
Here to you some day
Just let it go away
And if it comes back
you know it's here to stay

Since then I've gone through changes
Since then I've gone through life
Since then I found me a beautiful woman
I thought could be my wife
She said she really loves me
But she said she couldn't stay
She said I've got to go my love
To find things my own way

So I let her go away
Hope that she comes back
Here to me some day
I let her go away
And if she comes back
I know she's here to stay

There's not always reasons for the things in life
But it's comforting to know within your mind
If you love something enough
And you've done all that you can
If there's one thing I have known and learned first hand
Sometimes you have to just let it go away

Hope that it comes back
Here to you some day
Just let it go away
And if it comes back
You know it's here to stay ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3339111/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3339111/ Sat, 11 Sep 2004 11:17:01 PDT
[link] ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3320383/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3320383/ Wed, 08 Sep 2004 19:07:31 PDT

Angst? That is german for fear. I'm not scared of anything really, but I think many people call this teenage angst regardless it's meaning. I dislike thinking of myself as part of the crowd but if this is typical teenage angst then so be it as long as I can have my baby back. ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3280132/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3280132/ Fri, 03 Sep 2004 18:50:03 PDT The danger is past;
And the lingering illness
Is over at last —
And the fever called "Living"
Is conquered at last.
Sadly, I know, I am
Shorn of my strength,
And no muscle I move,
As I lie at full length: —
But no matter! — I feel
I am better at length.

And I rest so composedly
Now, in my bed,
That any beholder
Might fancy me dead —
Might start at beholding me,
Thinking me dead.

The sickness — the nausea —
The pitiless pain —
Have ceased, with the fever
That maddened my brain —
With the fever called "Living"
That burned in my brain.

The moaning and groaning —
The sighing and sobbing —
Are quieted now; with,
The horrible throbbing
At heart: — oh, that horrible,
Horrible throbbing!

And ah, of all tortures
That torture the worst
Has abated — the terrible
Torture of thirst
For the napthaline river
Of Glory accurst. —
I have drank of a water
That quenches all thirst: —

Of a water that flows,
With a lullaby sound,
From a spring but a very few
Feet under ground —
From a cavern not very far
Down under ground.

And ah! let it never be
foolishly said
That my room it is gloomy
And narrow my bed;
For man never slept
In a different bed —
And, to sleep, you must slumber
In just such a bed.

My tantalized spirit here
Blandly reposes,
Forgetting, or never
Regretting, its roses —
Its old agitations
Of myrtles and roses.

For now, while so quietly
Lying, I fancy
A holier odor about me,
of pansy —
A rosemary odor
Commingled with pansies —
With rue and the beautiful
Puritan pansy.

And so I lie happily
Bathing in many
A dream of the love
And the beauty of Annie —
Drowned in a bath
Of the tresses of Annie.

She tenderly kissed me —
She fondly caressed —
And then I fell gently
To sleep on her breast —
Deeply to sleep from the
Heaven of her breast.

When the light was extinguished,
She covered me warm,
And she prayed to the angels
To keep me from harm —
To the queen of the angels
To shield me from harm.

And I lie so composedly
Now, in my bed,
(Knowing her love)
That you fancy me dead —
And I rest so contentedly
Now in my bed,
(With her love at my breast)
That you fancy me dead —
That you shudder to look at me,
Thinking me dead: —

But my heart it is brighter
Than all of the many
Stars of the Heaven —
Sparkles with Annie —
It glows with the thought
Of the love of my Annie —
With the thought of the light
Of the eyes of my Annie. ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3279929/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3279929/ Fri, 03 Sep 2004 18:17:31 PDT ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3198302/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3198302/ Mon, 23 Aug 2004 19:48:31 PDT
[link] ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3174955/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3174955/ Fri, 20 Aug 2004 18:55:50 PDT ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3126555/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3126555/ Sat, 14 Aug 2004 19:07:15 PDT ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3070750/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3070750/ Sun, 08 Aug 2004 00:22:18 PDT ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3061778/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3061778/ Sat, 07 Aug 2004 00:46:33 PDT [link] ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3053289/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3053289/ Thu, 05 Aug 2004 21:32:35 PDT I never believed that love could find me, like an arrow through the heart.
I never believed in miracles, or building castles in the air.
Not until that day I found you, turned around and you were there.
From the day you came, you gave me, a whole new point of view.
I've been touched by an angel, it's impossible, but true.

I believe in you.
I swear that forever from today, no one will ever take your place.
I believe in you.
And I believe our love will last always.

I never believed in fairy tales, tho sometimes I wish I could,
I never believed that golden slippers could ever find the perfect foot.
I never believed in magic, or that wishes could come true,
But your very first kiss changed all this, something only you could do.
You made me a believer, you made me trust again,
You showed there's a pot of gold, at every rainbow's end.

I believe in you.
I swear that forever from today, no one will ever take your place.
I believe in you.
And I believe our love will last always.

Only love, sets you free,
And if you serve to fate, then you're my destiny.
Now I know, now I see.
Anything can happen, if you just believe.

I believe in you.
I swear that forever from today, no one will ever take your place.
I believe in you.
And I believe our love will last always. ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3052932/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/3052932/ Thu, 05 Aug 2004 20:43:13 PDT ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2899508/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2899508/ Fri, 16 Jul 2004 19:46:00 PDT
Screen Shot ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2883381/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2883381/ Wed, 14 Jul 2004 19:31:54 PDT
Murphy's Law: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2834438/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2834438/ Thu, 08 Jul 2004 15:07:13 PDT Some love song sung for a million people
This town telling me I should love someone, anyone
But it's only easy love easy come easy go!

The future's a lot more down to earth than we imagined
Won't be driving cars in the sky for a while
Today I'm back on the subway leaving town with silent
strangers

Lonely, lonely At night I fall apart
Lonely lonely Just keep true love in your heart
Wish I could forget all your
Erogenous zones of the heart

Love me love me Your heart strong yet fragile
Kiss me kiss me Lonely nights you lie awake

That cell phone sure lets you speak clearly
Is that enough for you? Those waves can go anywhere
but...
Force a smile again today, get your timing right

Lonely lonely Drunk on some sweet melody
Lonely lonely Humming some nice story with no pain

Lonely lonely you try to be strong when I give you
The cold shoulder, tears running down your cheeks
Erogenous zones of the heart just memories
But you can't help feeling them... ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2826943/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2826943/ Wed, 07 Jul 2004 16:22:00 PDT ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2782317/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2782317/ Thu, 01 Jul 2004 18:38:38 PDT ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2725628/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2725628/ Wed, 23 Jun 2004 10:47:19 PDT
---

I got rice cooking in the microwave
Got a three day beard I don't plan to shave
And it's a goofy thing but I just gotta say
Hey, I'm doing alright
Yeah I think I'll make me some homemade soup
Feelin' pretty good and that's the truth
It's neither drink nor drug induced
No, I'm just doin' alright

And it's a great day to be alive
I know the sun's still shinin' when I close my eyes
There's some hard times in the neighborhood
But why can't every day be just this good?

It's been fifteen years since I left home
Said good luck to every seed I'd sown
Give it my best and then I left it alone
Oh I hope they're doin' alright
Now I look in the mirror and what do I see?
A lone wolf there starin' back at me
Long in the tooth but harmless as can be
Lord, I guess he's doin' alright

And it's a great day to be alive
I know the sun's still shinin' when I close my eyes
There's some hard times in the neighborhood
But why can't every day be just this good?

Sometimes its lonely
Sometimes its only me and
The shadows that fill this room
Sometimes I'm fallin', desperately callin'
Howlin' at the moon

Well I might go get me a new tatoo or
Take my old Harley for a three day cruise
Might even grow me a fu man chu

And it's a great day to be alive
I know the sun's still shinin' when I close my eyes
There's some hard times in the neighborhood
But why can't every day be just this good?

And it's a great day to be alive
I know the sun's still shinin' when I close my eyes
There's some hard times in the neighborhood
But why can't every day be just this good? ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2721711/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2721711/ Tue, 22 Jun 2004 18:36:22 PDT ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2688620/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2688620/ Fri, 18 Jun 2004 08:26:44 PDT ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2614032/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2614032/ Tue, 08 Jun 2004 15:38:31 PDT
yeah, I'm in a very good mood. This is probably the greatest day of my life. No details, thats for me to know. 'Tis a great day to be alive ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2599471/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2599471/ Sun, 06 Jun 2004 19:27:33 PDT
I have two people left that are really important to me... it used to be my grandparents, but then my grandfather died. Then Kelley came a long, and Holly. I had three important people in my life then. Holly moved away recently, and now I can't see Kelley. I'm down to two people, Kelley and my grandma, and Kelley I cannot see. My grandmother's deadline is rapidly approaching. Five months ago, she was told she had six months to live.

Life isn't worth living if you don't have someone that needs you, or a dream to follow. Life isn't worth it, if you can't accomplish that dream, or help the one thats important to you achieve their dreams. My grandma, I'm not sure what her dreams are, and the same is with Kelley. But my Mammie (grandma) has lived a long time, and I hope she has accomplished something to be proud of, and I know she has whether she realises it or not. She has been a great and dear friend and.. well, mother. She more or less raised me until I was about nine-years old. My mom worked constantly trying to survive. She had herself to feed, and her bastard child. So she dropped me off with my grandma during the day and picked me up at night. And now, after all those years of being with my Mammie (and Papa, er grandfather; used to think the old fart was invinicble that I'd die before he did, but I was wrong), she's slowly, and sufferingly dying. I can't do anything about that, and I can't do anything about Kelley. But I have to do something. "If you are a man, live it the way you won't regret. Protect whatever is important to you with these two arms no matter how tough or sad it is, even if it costs you your life." I have to do something to help Kelley... apparently her parents are being even bigger jerks than usual. But what can I do? Nothing. I'm not afraid of them, or of them looking down upon me or thinking worse of me, the latter is not possible. But what is there that I can do? I hate this feeling of being able to do nothing. I feel worthless. I don't know what to do. There is no where to turn, no where I can go, and nothing I can do. Watch it, because an animal, when backed into a corner, can turn dangerous. Very dangerous. And I'm in one helluva corner. ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2598778/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2598778/ Sun, 06 Jun 2004 17:46:42 PDT ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2437919/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2437919/ Sat, 15 May 2004 23:39:32 PDT It's been said a thousand times if not more. But her wide-open pussy reminded me exactly of a tight rose bud. At that moment, I wanted to do nothing more than sprinkle it with my own version of Miracle Grow and watch it bloom. -Anonymous. ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2433267/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2433267/ Sat, 15 May 2004 08:58:33 PDT ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2423221/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2423221/ Thu, 13 May 2004 18:32:51 PDT ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2387886/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2387886/ Sat, 08 May 2004 19:28:29 PDT Everywhere I turn, I hurt someone
But there's nothing I can say
to change the things I've done
I'd do anything within my power
I'd give everything I've got
But the path I seek is hidden
from me now

I let you down
You trusted me, believed in me
and I let you down
Of all the things I hid from you
I cannot hide the shame
And I pray someone, something will
come, to take away the pain

There's no way out of this dark place
No hope, no future
I know I can't be free
But I can't see another way
I can't face another day

Well that kinda says it all (those are lyrics from Brother Bear, (c) to Phil Collins) but... I feel so empty. Haven't seen Kelley in a few days. I don't know what I'm gonna do this summer. Used to think Devart and Warcraft could keep out the pain but they don't even numb it as they used to. I feel so sad inside now... so empty, so alone. The worst part is I did this to myself. And to her... would it not have been better just to stay away from her, to avoid giving her all this pain?

Cheesy as it sounds I can identify with that movie in that the main character is characterised by love, and yet he hurts people no matter what he does. I am almost exactly like him. I can't kill a fly without feeling remorse and regret. It really bothers me. I know some people that can stare into your eyes while killing you, even laughing. I know because I've seen them do it, if only to dogs and such... but there was no regret there, just malice. I wish I could do that. I wish I could block out this pain... the pain of knowing how much I'm hurting Kelley, and hurting her relationship with her parents. And knowing there is nothing I can do about it, no way out, without hurting her alot more. Knowing that even if there was a way out, would I really take it? ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2309485/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2309485/ Tue, 27 Apr 2004 12:24:15 PDT
To: bringerofdeath@crapmail.com
Subject: HEy
Date: Tue 04/27/04 07:49 AM

sorry sorry sorry but my mum is really mad about hte bit of convo she heard.
You shouldn't call here for a while, i'll talk to you at school but DON'T call until I tell you it's okay. I probably won't be able to call tonight.
I'm sorry. I love you. I miss you.

---

From: Dia Drium < bringerofdeath@crapmail.com>
To: "kelley carter" < kelleycarter_98@hotmail.com>
Subject: Re: HEy
Date: Tue 04/27/04 12:13 PM

Hey. Me, again. Called your mom. Maybe she's right... if you really care
for something, you have to let it go, and if it comes back again... you
know the old saying. She says you have to 'get back in the game', that
you have lost focus on school, on extracurricular activities, and that
you have to focus yourself on Kelley, and not Malcolm. As for the last
part, I agree. So... let's respect their wishes. I will always love you...
and I will always respect you -- so, how about we wait a little while,
until we're older (as your mother requested -- "you're too young to be
this inovlved") to continue this. I'll still be here, I promise.

Love, Malcolm.




---
As you can see, things between Kelley and I (or more accurately, between Kelley's parents and I). I really do think maybe they are right in letting it go for awhile, but that doesn't mean I actually have to like it. I can still see her in school, that hasn't changed... and other than a few occasions, I don't think you could really say we were "going-out". Wait, who am I trying to bull-shit here? I love her and I can't have her anymore... life is hell -_- ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2285345/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2285345/ Fri, 23 Apr 2004 21:36:03 PDT ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2257985/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2257985/ Mon, 19 Apr 2004 17:39:50 PDT ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2219375/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2219375/ Wed, 14 Apr 2004 03:05:59 PDT ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2051185/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2051185/ Sat, 20 Mar 2004 18:44:46 PST
He has a point, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. Was in a regional spelling bee today. Got second place -_- Shoulda had first but I fucked up and the judes were asses -- "No, you have already said 'A' you cannot change it back." Fucking assholes. They won't be waking tomorrow. Maybe then I'll be happy. Doubt it. ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2013702/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/2013702/ Sun, 14 Mar 2004 20:42:13 PST ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/1918330/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/1918330/ Fri, 27 Feb 2004 21:34:51 PST here, otherwise continue reading.

Okay, to first understand why I am confused you must first understand me. I used to be a christian, then I became atheist and generally degraded to a point of uncaringness, i.e., agnosticism. Well, tonight I went to see the Passions of Christ and though it did not convert me to Christianity as so many people have clamed or what-not, it has got me thinking; I have always believed in the existence of Jesus Christ -- the man atleast. History proves that. I also do not understand how this world was made, I have no miracle solution for it and I very well believe some "God" may have made it, whether the Christian God or someone else, and as to how "God" got here, I have no clue either, but this is mere trivialities. What I have been thinking about is death; Death is something I know first-hand, having quite a few near-death experiences myself, and constantly dreaming of dying (each time the same feeling; panic, hysteria and then a calming, a nothingness that is oddly pleasing; pleasureful even) not to mention causing a few deaths, something I don't like to speak on and am not proud of. Well, I have now been contemplating this and it scares me -- eventually we all die, we have to. I want to believe in a God, but I want to believe the Truth, something I am now searching for. It's out there, it has to be. I want to find it, and whether I like it or not, I want to know the Truth. If there is a "God", I am sure he doesn't like me, and if there isn't then I guess we're all up shit-creek, but either way, does it really matter? Would life after death be better than just death itself? Some people long for death, for an ending, and while I used to do this, now I do not, and I do not want to die, I do not wish for it all to end. I want to spend for ever and ever with Kelley, past the days of death, but living in a white world where nothing never goes wrong? That is not heaven, that is HELL! If there is a heaven I imagine it quite like Earth, except with good-natured people, not too high of a level of crime rate and no murder or such things, no real meterialism, but no antimaterialism either, a world where you are allowed to be yourself and express your oppinions without being labeled an outcast, or being considered a joke, where you can be with those you love in peace, or as peaceful as humans can be.

I am sure my description of heaven is far off, but it has to be closer than that White-World theory. ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/1828021/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/1828021/ Wed, 11 Feb 2004 12:27:59 PST ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/1799519/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/1799519/ Thu, 05 Feb 2004 16:23:29 PST Do you love her, or are you using her? At first, thrown off-guard by her question, I asked her, What would I be using her for?, and Julie's response was, I think you know. Yes, I do know what she means... and I never did answer her question. Contemplating this, at first I thought it was a waste of time but the more I think about it the more I realize maybe she is right -- Kelely and I have a relationship built almost entirely on sex -- or sexually-related activities. Yes, I love her, but is it love or is it lust, I can not tell. Jason told me you just know, so i guess I'll use that as my standard, and assuming that as my standard, then my answer is: Yes, Julie. I love Kelley. ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/1794374/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/1794374/ Wed, 04 Feb 2004 16:52:03 PST ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/1783581/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/1783581/ Mon, 02 Feb 2004 15:26:21 PST
She's taking the itnrnet away from me because she was threatening to and I told her she might as well because I didn't really care; it didn't mean as much to me as she seems to think it did (the only thing I really care about is Kelley, and she can't take that from me, though if she knew I'm sure she'd try). So, now I'm gone, won't be updating semi-regularly anymore, just whren I can, and I'm laughing all the way. ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/1748100/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/1748100/ Tue, 27 Jan 2004 00:09:10 PST ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/1668754/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/1668754/ Mon, 12 Jan 2004 14:32:15 PST
I can't believe I'm saying this. I never thought I would really truly love anyone and now Ive been proven wrong by the last person I had ever thought of as ... well, as a lover. I dont know why I had never thought of her like that, but I hadnt. Haha, things change. In some cases, they change alot! Like me for instance... I cant write. The only thing I can write is how I feel and Im not going to write some lame haooy go lucky shit. Its amazing. Damn, I love her!

(sorry for this rant, but I couldnt help it) ]]> ~Naebliss http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/1295307/ http://Naebliss.deviantart.com/journal/1295307/ Sun, 19 Oct 2003 01:19:11 PDT ~Naebliss