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]]> ~Narristic http://Narristic.deviantart.com/journal/14007710/ http://Narristic.deviantart.com/journal/14007710/ Fri, 03 Aug 2007 21:22:50 PDT
We lust to desire and desire to lust!

I'm working. No, i'm not a photographer. I'm a chef. Well then... that was that.

I must admit, this is a most fortunate and unexpected event, I understand little of it's purpose, as well as awaken new hope for something better it brings up old memories that's gotten in the way. Same as always, I shall employ a monkey to experiance the tradegies in my life, but life will make me a monkey of my own tradegies. Such is the wager and balance of everything in life! I am no better than a monkey who knows the name of my family and friends.

I've also noticed that people might appear diffrent but are familiar in the same time, as a russian old man struggling in his store, trying to sell off the old gardage he's dragged along during his remarkable long survival, the suit and tie prancies to make something remarkable about himself. Those who has lived, earn the right to wisdom and knowledge as those young, doesn't always need to seek wisdom, but sometimes need a goal to earn it.
We're all superb in diffrent way, only few can match the determinator of those who can rise above the flesh, as some are pervese and tear inwards for selfish profit and success in your own endevours.
Any experiance in life will be payed by your own expense, how will you pay yours? In blood? Words or confessions?




One thing i can reasure you all off, you will always miss the emotions you had, not the thing that gave them to you. Behind every man stands a woman sighing to his force of action. I must admit, I am really beginning to miss the warm embrace of a womans chest, the loving experiance of waking up with another being, devoted to you as you are to her, to have be able to taste and feel skin and soul.

Bleh, i need to get a new girlfriend. I'm just not the type for short relationships.


The future awaits!

]]> ~Narristic http://Narristic.deviantart.com/journal/10505134/ http://Narristic.deviantart.com/journal/10505134/ Wed, 25 Oct 2006 09:55:31 PDT
Why, oh why...

I can easily say that i do not feel the same self hatred as i used to. If i before had the time or the energy just to sink down in the irrelevant loathness of myself i certainly don't now. I can't even see that happening. Yesturday i came home after spending some quality time with friends, on the way i couldn't help realizing the hardened complex behind the stupidiy of todays "normal" citizens.

How would it be to see the world in black and white? To always have someone else to make the hard decissions for you and when it comes to them to make a hard decission there is always someone there to back them up or tell them that no matter what you choose it will end up fine. To not feel a endless stress, a looping question always crossing your mind but never finding the answer.

I'm so tierd of it all. One point of success to make it all go away, seems to bold even to dream about.

The last month has somehow turned obnoxious and simply horrible to withstand. Doing whatever you can just not to rip your own head off screaming.
I've been trying new things to cheer myself up. I've been trying old thing, new things, tips, tools and what so ever but nothing works. Something in the darkest corner of my mind keeps intervening and stopping me from taking the lost rest i selfishly claim deserved. There's something you so easily can fix but you seriously don't have the heart to do it. Somehow a piece of you has left your body and you don't know what.

And when you speak about it to someone, they either ignore you, tell you that "its life", some give the idiotic response "deal with it."

But life is not supposed to be lived within a cage. Life is not supposed to be seen from a window where the viewer slowly feel the lust to watch die away...

There's a problem inside my head that no one can fix, because the simple fact that im not the main character in this film.





caio.

]]> ~Narristic http://Narristic.deviantart.com/journal/9550911/ http://Narristic.deviantart.com/journal/9550911/ Mon, 31 Jul 2006 06:39:24 PDT
Well, i've gotten myself a new girlfriend. Or i don't know if i can call it new since its been for more than a month now... ish. Im bad with DATES!!! I love her. ._. So how much does the rest matter? Some of you have heard of her, Wintersouls is the lucky, some to say, unlucky girl who i've gotten together with. I couldn't feel more happier than now, i would probably turn into one of those annoying pop up smilys that shout "LOOK AT ME!!!" "HEY THERE!" "IM STOPEDD!!!1"

.-.

I don't like smilys.

Well i don't really have to tell you how beautiful she is, you can check out her gallery and see for yourself.

Yeah somehow i got a girlfriend and now it suddenly turned cold in hell. And my bestfriend went to America a couple of weeks ago so i guess pigs can fly?


In shorter words. Ive started to do more photographic manipulations instead of illustrating on the computer. I can tell when i need a new scanner and i do. So sue me or send me money. For... i think the first time in many many years i can actully say that i wouldnt want life to change, i love it and uh... erhm...


..screw you i dont have to do this. xD ]]> ~Narristic http://Narristic.deviantart.com/journal/8739399/ http://Narristic.deviantart.com/journal/8739399/ Thu, 11 May 2006 11:51:08 PDT
Somehow out of the blank i managed to win the lucky price of a free subscription. Hooray!
Things has been turning around lately. I've basicly been hanging out everyday with Wintersouls lately. I haven't been so busy and enjoying it ever before.
Lately i haven't been drawing that much, the little i've been drawing i've either decided to put up on the wall or give away as gifts.

On another front i've started getting more into photographing. Mostly of the pictures i've taken has been with Wintersouls and a few other friends. I haven't been home to make any adjustments to them, or the time i have been home i've been busy with otherthings, such as sitting in my chair while hugging my legs and leaning back and forth. It's a great occupation.

To get back on the photographing subject, i've now been a part of two photosessions, alright the first one i was just sitting and watching, basicly. But on the second one i was even able to squeeze out a few ideas and take a few shots. Next time i'd to be sure to do atleast a little bit more. The previous photosession was rather big, contacted two proffessional firms, one about hair and styling, then a costume firm. Turned out pretty well dispite the fact that i subconsiously hated one of the models. Not sure why, but, eh who cares. Next time i hope it will be more with just the closer friends. Sort of speak. I got a few ideas in mind, but, then getting them down on paper and sharing it with others is plainly to much to do. Open your mouth and speak... bah! I'm tierd already. ._.

As i meantioned earlier; i've been hanging out a great load of time with Wintersouls. I'll link to her site later, since i'm to much of a newbie when it comes to internet. Anyway, she's really a terrific girl. Great at photo manipulation, splendid creativity but most of all a great friend. Winning in Soulcalibur has it's consequenses, she poked my nose.
<3 you ^^'

To get all serious and boring again; then i've screwed this school semester. I'll have to redo it. But, it's not that bad, that way i can work up the grades i truely deserve. To follow up on that, I was talking tomy old friend Xzion on the phone, and his first comment to that was "Oh you're working for an F? Well don't forget that we're all behind you.^^' " Wonder if thats a sign that he doesn't like me. Oh well. On the work front i haven't even begun searching, i'm far to lazy so i think i might search for something in the summer, i'll probably be spending it with Wintersouls so, screw work. Not like i got any use for the money anyway.

Somehow life still pushes forward and remarkably going well. I guess company beats solitude afterall.

And towards the person who randomly gave me a free subscription, thank you. ^^'

Signing out. ]]> ~Narristic http://Narristic.deviantart.com/journal/8284466/ http://Narristic.deviantart.com/journal/8284466/ Mon, 27 Mar 2006 12:33:15 PST
You'l never gain any profit from the method, i can do it later. I've been using it for about 4 years now and hell if you whanna call me slow i'll beg you to keep on going. Tomorrow i'm going to a meeting to see how it went, either i'll be recomended to a new school or i'll just redo the semester. My teachers has been very enthusiastic with me changing school, somehow it seems like they'l be happy to get rid of me.... wonder why... well no i don't.

Besides from this i finally went to see a shrink who where really happy to see me, i hate her already. After a few tests and gallons of blood they've found out that i have a Major Depression Disorder, i'm AntiSocial(noshit!), a Sociopath with Homicidial and Suicidal thoughts. I'm a true nut case, just like the other kids in school. Was actully rather fun to see the expression of the "doctors" (please, i'm more of a doctor!), eitherway they're face's where priceless, i just wished i brought a camera.

Since we're on the camera subject, i've been starting to go towards a new line of perspective. I'm not saying that i'm gonna quit drawing, i love drawing, i hate the computer, but i do enjoy editing photos. If i have the right software that is. I've taken a few photos that i haven't shown anyone yet, so far i still feel like a newbie in the area so once i've mastered that area i might start uploading them here. I'm not saying that they're bad, but perfection is always better than decent. Got a few themes cooked up that i only need a crew to carry out. So if there's anyone in sweden who's up for a photo-shoot then, don't bother.-.

Now we can start talking about the good parts.

During the week... perhaps weeks i haven't been able to keep track; my days has been remarkably short lately; anyway during the last weeks i've been spending more time with some friends, gotten a few new ones, well atleast from my part. I've also met this girl who i think i'm beginning to fancy, she's continously tormenting my head, keeping me from eating, sleeping and simply doing anything. Mostly, now'a'days that i'm alone then i just spend them staring blank into the wall, sleeping or scaring kids on public parks. - Offencive clothing ftw! -... I actully can't decide if i want this disturbing behavior, known as a crush, to go away or if i whanna evolve with it. Thing is, i don't know if i dare risk the friendship to the chance that this romance is one sided. I'm such a pussy. I've though of a few ideas on how i might find out if she's intressted in me as i'm in her, not to brag but i can be pretty slick. Stupid emotions, why did god create them? I know! He has humor T.T

Well, perhaps i should let this one slide... although she's me with boobs, thats rather rare... i think. Haven't met anyone with almost exactly the same intressts and... well mental disorders. I think this counts as bad news since with this on my head as well then i'm just stepping closer to a restraining jacket.

Lately i've been beginning to think that; perhaps everything doesn't suck after all.
HAH i'm lying, of course it does.

Ciao. ]]> ~Narristic http://Narristic.deviantart.com/journal/7802254/ http://Narristic.deviantart.com/journal/7802254/ Sat, 04 Feb 2006 18:11:46 PST
I know i've done a lot of mistakes in my life. I've been lying... alot. Fortunately these recent times i've learned that perhaps simply being myself i'll get myself out of this state of mind and get my bum ass back on track. When i arrive at class i can be mask less for about 5 minutes before people get on my bad and starts nagging about that i'm under the water and boring. Well fuck that i'm sick of have to make fucked up jokes that suck anyway, i just whanna be left alone, left in peace...


Sorry i guess i had to make a rant... even if it's a light version, im on a diet. >.> I guess i've just realized it's time to live down here instead of up there and aint all to happy about it. Nothing have really gone planned lately.

Sorry. ]]> ~Narristic http://Narristic.deviantart.com/journal/7761403/ http://Narristic.deviantart.com/journal/7761403/ Tue, 31 Jan 2006 13:15:50 PST Mood: BLEH!
Comment: pweeze help me... D:


Todays fantastic class who broke my intress meter by going below zero was film theory. Thanks to my puny balld proffessor in this todays devation will be delayed. I'm still curious why the hell i choose film theory. >_> For you who don't know what film theory is; then it's about watching 'observing' the in depth concepts of a movie. Why they choose that angle for that scene, why the chicks cloths was wet and transparent for the huge dramatic kiss scene... bla bla and further on bla. Basicly, 9 hours of listening to a old film freak who probably lives in a cat filled van, talk about how many times he's seen starwars.

... yay...

Besides from that i wanted to try something new, so i for the first time put on make up and managed to scare three people. Yay, im gonna do it again tomorrow

I got a big pile of ideas for drawings, now all i need the time, patience, devotion or simply coffe to make them.
------------------------

See you next time. ]]> ~Narristic http://Narristic.deviantart.com/journal/7751515/ http://Narristic.deviantart.com/journal/7751515/ Mon, 30 Jan 2006 13:14:28 PST
Besides from the boredom i noticed i "discover" most of my drawings ideas in the shower.
I advice you not to ask why. o.o ]]> ~Narristic