deviantART: by:Nazafar

Things my life seems to revolve around nowadays

~Nazafar — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 11:02:42 PDT

- the English Civil War
- iPod
- UCAS
- Tacitus and his, er, charming account of Nero's incestuous relationship with his mother
- making plans to meet up with people but never getting round to it
- buses (let's face it, I'd be a tad stuck without them)
- remembering to eat when there's no parent around to cook for me
- Oedipus (I swear I'm being bombarded with incest)
- cups of tea
- attempting to stay sane

As you might've guessed, I'm on half term.
On the one hand it means that I can technically sleep in for as long as I wish.
On the other hand I have an awful lot of overdue work to catch up on, and despite not being here my mum does have a tendency to phone me several times a day to a) check I'm awake, b) ask if I'm doing my work, c) ask again and d) tell me to do it, or else.
Since I got back from that trip to Greece my work habits have been steadily sliding into oblivion.
Actually, make that habits in general. I can't remember the last time I brushed my hair (not that I pay much attention to it anyway).

This time of year removes incentives like nothing else.
"Why don't you go out for a walk?" - too cold
"Why don't you meet up with Insert-Name-Of-Person?" - live too far away
"Why don't you make an excursion to Insert-Name-Of-Place?" - too expensive
"Why don't you do some homework, then?" - too boring

Arrrgh. I need to get out more.

PARKEREN BEZOEKERS

~Nazafar — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 05:05:21 PDT

Yes.

Holland was rather good fun after all.
Especially Amsterdam.

"Sex shop, sex shop, sex shop... another sex shop... a sandwich shop? That must be a euphemism for something!"
- one of my friends from choir

Hurrah for suggestively-shaped fluffy toys, cannabiscuits and iced tea that sure as hell wasn't iced tea!

A pox on ye, O Library

~Nazafar — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 01:23:06 PDT

Wherefore art thou shut?

Now I have dropped English Literature, I seem to have too many free periods and not enough work to fill them.
On the plus side it means I can devote extra time to sleeping in the common room, reading and wasting time on dA.

On Friday I shall be making a day trip to Birmingham, to investigate the university with my brother. Then the following day I have a 19 hour coach drive with my school choir across France and northern Italy... at the end of which I will (hopefully) end up in Venice.

As you have probably guessed by now, I can't wait.
This'll probably be my last journal entry before I go, so for the next 11 days or so... farewell!

Devious Journal Entry

~Nazafar — Sat, 02 May 2009 15:45:31 PDT

Yeah, I obviously couldn't be bothered to think of a title.

Well, what can I say? Exams are imminent, and yet I feel as though my life is currently poised on the cusp of two distinct eras; fate is hovering between my past and future on uncertain wings, but seems uncharacteristically drawn towards the future.
This isn't like me at all. The past is where I usually seek refuge.

But, for one reason or another, I feel certain that something about that way of thinking - that way of living, even - is hindering me, obstructing me from reaching the fruit and water (though while Tantalus' temptation was a physical one, mine is anything but that)

There was a Door to which I found no Key
There was a Veil through which I could not see...

On a completely different subject -
I have a concert tomorrow; someone remind me why I agreed to sing a solo?
ego valde, valde, valde stultus sum!

Once again, on a completely different subject -
Is there anything I can say to the parents that will possibly convince them to let me go to the Nakba Day demonstration (well, technically it's on May 16th, but it's close enough) in 2 weeks' time? Because of what happened the last time I attended a demo, they no longer trust me to stay out of trouble (which one has to anticipate at all protests - in a crowd of pacifists, you'll always find one or two militants, whom it is sometimes difficult not to get mixed up with and subsequently mistaken for)

I should probably sleep now, despite my body trying to induce the feverish illusion of hyperactivity that usually keeps me awake.

Well, g'night... -_-

This... is...

~Nazafar — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 13:20:41 PDT

~~SPARTA!~~ ...well, the result of my usual habit of procrastination.
(Thanks for prompting me to waste more valuable time, Nay)

Name:: Amy
Birthdate:: 21st February
Eye Color:: Brown
Hair Color:: Brown
Height:: 5" 5.5
Weight:: 8 stone 4 lbs, generally.
Piercing:: None
Tattoos:: None yet.
Boyfriend/Girlfriend:: Do I have one, you mean? Not exactly.

FAVORITES

Food:: Curry
Candy:: Liquorice
Number:: 8
Color:: Green, or red (depending on my mood)
Animal:: Monkey
Drink:: Spiced tea
Alcohol:: Eurgh.
Bagel:: Don't mind, as long as it's a bagel...
Letter:: Z
Body Part on Opposite sex:: Nose

THIS OR THAT

Pepsi or Coke:: Neither
McDonalds or BurgerKing:: NEITHER
Strawberry or Watermelon:: Hmm, both.
Hot tea or Ice tea:: Hot tea
Chocolate or Vanilla:: Vanilla
Hot Chocolate or Coffee:: Both
Kiss or Hug:: Neither
Dog or Cat:: Cat
Rap or Punk:: Punk, clearly!
Summer or Winter:: Both
Movies or Funny Movies:: Hmm, I think I prefer Movies.
Love or Money:: Er... love?

YOUR...

Bedtime:: What's that?
Most Missed Memory:: Living in London as a child
Best physical feature:: I haven't the foggiest.
First Thought Waking Up:: "Bother. Surely I haven't overslept again?
Goal for this year:: Achieve relatively good results in AS-levels.
Best Friend(s):: My alter-ego
Weakness:: Oh, are we only meant to have one?
Fears:: Losing loved ones; losing self-control; having children; ... and leprechauns...
Heritage:: Mostly English, with a dash of Prussian and Irish
Longest relationship:: About 3 weeks.

HAVE YOU...

Ever Drank:: Once or twice, but didn't enjoy it.
Ever Smoked:: Nope
Pot:: No, but there's someone in my family who does it.
Ever been Drunk:: Yes, and believe me - it was awful
Ever been beaten up:: No
Ever beaten someone up:: No
Ever Shoplifted:: No
Ever Skinny Dipped:: Nope, thank God
Ever Kissed Opposite sex:: Perhaps.
Been Dumped Lately:: Not 'dumped'. Let us say that a relationship was prorogued, due to a certain someone having to leave the country without warning.

RANDOMS

Number of Regrets in the Past:: A few small things.
What country/world do you want to Visit:: Well, seeing as I basically want to do a circumnavigation of the Mediterranean, only listing one country would be a bit silly.
How do you want to Die:: When it is the optimum moment for me to do so.
Been to the Mall Lately:: No
Do you like Thunderstorms:: Love 'em.
Get along with your Parents:: One of them
Health Freak:: In some respects
Do you think you're Attractive:: How should I know?

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF

Want to go to College:: Uni, man!
Do you Smoke:: Nope
Do you Drink:: Nope
Shower Daily:: ...What is "shower"?
Been in Love:: Yes, but I wouldn't recommend it.
Do you Sing:: Loud and clear.
Want to get Married:: At present? God, no. In 10 years... who knows?
Do you want Children:: I don't really want to contribute to overpopulation of the planet.
Have your future kids names planned out?:: Oh, yes! If I have a boy and a girl, I'll name them Agamemnon and Clytemnaestra. Wait, no. That'd be--
Hate someone:: No
If you're in Love, who is it?:: No one

I shan't force any obligation on people to do this...
However, if you happen to be bored out of your wits like me, go ahead!

The things people do...

~Nazafar — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 11:38:32 PST

[link]

This was outside the Israeli Embassy in Kensington last Saturday, after the immense rally in Trafalgar Square.
Flipping madman, that fellow up the lamp-post. I was standing virtually underneath it, somewhere in the righthand corner of the screen. He kept trying desperately to climb to the top, but slid down every time!

Apparently things got out of hand later on that evening, by which time I had left. They were already fairly turbulent as it was, what with Israeli flags being burnt (I couldn't see, but could smell the smoke) and shoes being hurled at the police...
We had helicopters swarming up above us all day. I ended up doing a mini interview for a couple of blokes with a camcorder.

I can't stand listening to the BBC any longer. Why can't we get Al-Jazeera, for crying out loud?

I have three essays to write this evening...

~Nazafar — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 08:48:25 PST

For three different subjects.

...wish me luck!

Oh, happy day...

~Nazafar — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 11:37:25 PST

Today has been very good.
Technically it shouldn't have been, seeing as I forgot to bring most of my stuff to school AND hadn't learnt the Cicero we were supposed to memorize over half-term. It didn't really matter, though.
My Classics teacher forgot she was meant to be teaching us, which added to the slightly dazed yet elated atmosphere. She said she'd been thrown off kilter by staying up all night to hear the US election results.
Everyone at school seemed on a complete high; random outbursts along the lines of "WHOOOO! OMG I'M SO HAPPY-HAPPY-HAPPY..." were frequent among my peers.

I need a holiday.

~Nazafar — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 16:08:15 PDT

...
"Wait a minute, you are on holiday!", I hear you reply.

Hmm, well.
I've been sleeping in far too late each day, getting next to no exercise, and wasting a ridiculous amount of time watching absolute rubbish on television (goodness, how I despise that thing).

Shouldn't holidays normally entail one or two days' recovery/catching up on sleep lost during the preceding weeks, followed by a refreshing week involving a new exercise regime, a new sense of self-motivation, and a new approach to schoolwork?

If this is so... then what sort of a holiday is this...!? >_<
Get me out of here, someone.

Nothing much to say...

~Nazafar — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 14:20:41 PDT

Except...

Latin is hard. It would seem I forgot more than I thought I had over the summer. Really very depressing. Can't even remember simple stuff, let alone what they're teaching me now. Nevertheless, I will persevere!
English is really quite boring. My only source of amusement in lessons is to keep a tally of the number of times the teacher says "OKA-A-A-AY!" in an infuriatingly calm tone (last Friday I counted eighty six in one hour, but I may have missed some).
I have too many books, and too little time to read them. Help?

Necopinatius, etiam necopinatius!

~Nazafar — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 06:09:48 PDT

Why my Latin teacher is making us translate passages from Alicia In Terra Mirabili is beyond me.

I can't believe that Ivanhoe had been sitting on my bookshelf for goodness knows how many years, and never once did I pick it up, until several days ago. I'm jolly glad I did, too. Words cannot express how excellent it is! Much fanart is on the way, methinks...

And d'ja know what else is excellent? Huh? GREEK!
yeh cuz i iz doin greek lesns aftaskl innit
haha im so cool
veni, vidi, habui

...not sure what just happened there.

Pinch punch, 1st of the month and no r-- is shot

~Nazafar — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 05:50:43 PDT

Where did August go? It really doesn't feel like September. Never mind. I'm sure I shall get over it. Somehow.

Sir Francis Drake
Jumped in the lake,
Ate a large cake
With a fork and a rake,
Then sank.

Queen Victoria was a very large queen,
She ate some strawberries with lots of cream...
Then she exploded.

RAMADAN MUBARAK!

Err, that was a bit of a pointless journal.

Here's to the finest crew... in... the Empire!

~Nazafar — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 15:43:32 PDT

ENRAGE!

Err.

I'm not really sure what I was going to write, but I'll try and think of things as I go along.

I have two new CDs... One is klezmer, the other a collection of Ottoman military music.

T. E. Lawrence's 120th birthday was celebrated on Saturday with great gusto. (I sort of... drank lemonade all day long, and subsequently went slightly hyper...)
I did make him a cake, actually. After the realisation that I did not have enough candles - and that my preliminary attempts to pipe the Arabic phrase "Peace be with you" in icing were futile - I settled for a more simplistic approach (that is, a completely plain cake with one candle on top XD). I would have taken a photo, but... it ended up as my Mum's birthday cake, and somehow disappeared.

Also, thought you might like to know: I am once again making a trip to the British Museum in a few days. Have booked tickets for the Hadrian exhibition.

As I don't feel tired in the slightest, methinks I should get a bit more holiday work out of the way.

Not quite on holiday...

~Nazafar — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 11:30:28 PDT

...but not at school, aside from the odd few days. I see this as a chance to replenish my former fervour for all my obsessions!

Upcoming Deviations: -
"Intensify forward firepower, Lorth!" - mild Piett/Needa slash
"The Ten Thousand Cometh" - my appalling attempt to dramatise Xenophon. I really shouldn't have bothered, but will type it up anyway.
"Keffiyeh" - a (still unfinished) short story that probably doesn't deserve to be completed. Nevertheless, complete it I will.

Huzzah!

~Nazafar — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 13:30:54 PDT

After today, I shall never have to do Maths again unwillingly (unless they fail me, and force me to resit the exams... but I'll try not to think about that!)

Newsflash: I think I'm starting to become re-obsessed with Star Wars, amongst other things. Who knows; in a few weeks, you may even see some new deviations!

...the lyrics to this song are beginning to make me feel slightly nauseated, despite it being a very good song.
More meat, more meat, you King Henry, more meat you give to me!
Go kill your greyhounds, King Henry, and bring them here to me!

Am now going to try and have a (reasonably) early night. English Language paper tomorrow...
I really should set myself a practice question to answer in bed, but... Passage to India... too... alluring...

I hath returned...

~Nazafar — Fri, 30 May 2008 15:38:03 PDT

The Isle of Lewis was fun. I nearly smuggled my cousins' dog home, only they searched through my baggage at Glasgow and unfortunately she was confiscated because she contained over 100 millilitres of liquid.

If you ignore the wild, raw beauty of the landscape, the Hebrides really are astonishingly dull. No wonder most of the people that live up there habitually get drunk in the afternoons... My cousins are excluded from this sweeping judgement (though that's not to say they don't drink at all). Lily had me in fits over tales of when her band toured the Uists. I daresay my mother would have been shocked, had she heard some of them.

I didn't get much sleep, though. Maybe I should catch up on it right now, in fact...

Half term at last.

~Nazafar — Thu, 22 May 2008 09:22:18 PDT

Thank Sky - no more exams until 2nd June.

I'm off to Scotland next Monday, so you won't hear anything from me for several days.

Oh, and it's Laurence Olivier's 101st birthday today, so I am currently playing William Walton soundtracks very loudly, and am also planning to draw a portrait in tribute to him (though I expect it'll turn out terrible, as is usually the case when I start copying a photograph and then get bored)

Happy birthday, Larry! Despite your being sort of... dead... *sniff*

Angst, Annoying Teachers and A-Level Options

~Nazafar — Tue, 06 May 2008 11:38:52 PDT

That sounds like the title of a teen fiction novel.

As of now, creative output is at rock bottom, and so it will probably remain for the next month or so. Forgive me. *dodges sudden deluge of sharp stones*

So far as I am concerned, my school seem to have done everything in their power to prevent me from studying the subjects I once had my heart set on taking - along with ten other unfortunate individuals. Little did I know that the subjects would all be categorised and arranged into little columns depending on their popularity. It just so happened that two of my preferences were not popular subjects at all, and so I was forced to exchange one of them for something else from another column.
I thought I might benefit from taking one practical subject - Theatre Studies - to balance out the others, but it soon became apparent that all of the options available to me were academic; and although I am happy with my final choices, the fact that I have been denied the opportunity I had hoped for has made me angry.

I went to the British Museum yesterday... I think I spent about an hour in the Mesopotamian section alone. I also became obsessed with a Greek hoplite helmet that I really, really wanted to try on, but it was in a glass case, so I couldn't.
My three year old cousin almost fell in the fountain at Trafalgar Square thanks to me. How was I supposed to know the lip around the edge was slippery? I'm a little... inept when it comes to childcare, to put it lightly. If I ever have children (God forbid) I fear for their lives.

SPARE ME FROM ICT TEACHERS!

I may take afterschool Greek lessons next year, if it's available, and if I can convince enough people to join me. I wanted to take it as an extra GCSE, but the class was already too large by the time I signed up for it. I even taught myself the alphabet to give myself a head start... Oh, well. Hopefully, I can study it whilst I'm doing my A-Levels.

Mmm, that was a most... cohesive journal entry...
I think I'll go now. I'm starting to bore myself.

Intensive revision required.

~Nazafar — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 10:43:26 PDT

I may not talk for a while, as I have exams coming up fairly soon.
Live long and prosp-- I mean... bye.

Off on a music course...

~Nazafar — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 14:50:05 PDT

I'll be back on Wednesday.

WHAT THE HELL...

~Nazafar — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 05:08:21 PDT

...HAS HAPPENED TO EVERYONE'S AVATARS?

If it's some kind of April Fool's Day joke, it's not very funny.

If anyone is wondering...

~Nazafar — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 03:31:43 PDT

What the blazes I'm doing online at 11:13AM, I will enlighten them now by telling them that I have somehow got tonsilitis and therefore am not attending school today. I've spent most of the weekend swallowing throat sweets and scoffing oranges, but the little blighters are still showing no signs of deflating.
The worrying thing is that I have to go on a course with my choir next week, and my voice is an absolute joke! I feel like an adolescent boy all of a sudden, for it doesn't seem to know whether it's a soprano or baritone.

Target Setting

~Nazafar — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:47:42 PDT

With regards to my drawing, I can think of quite a number of things I feel I need to improve on.

Namely: -

Postures in general, especially sitting
Folds in clothing, and actually making them look convincing hanging on the person.
HANDS. There is nothing more to say.

If you can think of any more, I'd be happy if you'd state them below. I am in urgent need of something non-school-related with which to distract myself...

Yippee!

~Nazafar — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 14:17:00 PDT

I have the next five days off, seeing as our actual Easter holidays aren't for another couple of weeks.

Just watched BotRK for the third time and, as usual, am feeling the strange desire to hit Alec Guinness over the head with a large rubber mallet!
I really need to do some fanart...

Finally, I can relax...

~Nazafar — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 13:56:34 PDT

I did my performance for the Expressive Arts Controlled Test today.
I left my lesson half an hour in advance in order to prepare... only they were running really behind schedule, so I had a wait of just over an hour before I was called in.

Who would think that performing alone on an empty stage, in a huge resonant school hall, in front of a camera set up on a tripod, with a red light glaring out at you from the darkness - it's rather like having a Borg as your audience - could be so nerve-wracking?

My dance was utterly terrible, but I couldn't care less.
I fluffed up a couple of my lines, but I couldn't care less.
I wasn't allowed to wear jazz shoes, and my poor (flat) feet got slightly bruised, but I couldn't care less.

The fact is I've done it. Whoo! *ululates randomly*

EXPRESSIVE ARTS

~Nazafar — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 15:54:13 PDT

PERFORMANCE ON MONDAY

HAVE NO DANCE

NO MUSIC

NO DIALOGUE TO SPEAK OF

...I really need to do some serious work this weekend!

Bloody teachers

~Nazafar — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 15:54:07 PDT

When are they ever going to understand me...?

My Chemistry teacher confiscated my Iliad the other day; I was early for the lesson, and was reading it in the lab before the lesson had properly begun. He knows I hate Chemistry, and thus hates me for that fact. So now my Dad has to collect me from school tomorrow, along with the Iliad.

My ICT teacher always speaks to me as though I have great difficulty hearing and/or understanding her. I think she just enjoys talking very loudly, because she thinks it will intimidate me. Alas, she is sorely mistaken!

My Expressive Arts teacher has been moaning at me incessantly these past few weeks, insisting I that don't do enough practical work in lessons. Does she really think I took Expressive Arts because I wanted to dance? Of course, if I told her that I don't have the slightest intention of doing any dancing in lessons, she'd probably explode; and although that might be quite an amusing sight, I'd rather not be put on trial for killing my teacher.

Nevertheless, I made up a little song that is not merely catchy, but also in an odd way, comforting!

Who do you think you are kidding, Ms StÃ¼cker
If you think I'm going to dance?
I am the girl who will not do as she's told,
I am the girl who's impossible to mould!

So who do you think you are kidding, Ms StÃ¼cker
If you think I'm going to dance?

Rosa Jones, she never moans
When she's told what to do,
But I just can't help thinking
Why should I bow down to you?

So you do you think you are kidding, Ms StÃ¼cker
If you think I'm going to dance!

Yes... I think I'd better go now.

Lunar eclipse

~Nazafar — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 17:28:58 PST

Is anyone else watching it...? I know my parents aren't. They're dead to the world from the sound of those snores...
During the totality phase, I'll be using my grandfather's brilliant fifty-year-old binoculars that haven't been taken out of their leather case for about five years. ^^ It's so exciting...

- ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~

And now for something completely different.

20 Ways to Know When YouÂre Obsessed with Lawrence of Arabia

You find yourself whistling excerpts from the film score constantly, without even realizing it (at least, until you are told to put a sock in it).
You adamantly insist upon wearing your cap in the mess/classroom/general workplace.
If you are not blessed with naturally blue eyes, youÂve recently taken to wearing blue contact lenses (and not to mention a tad too much mascara).
YouÂve developed an obsession with fire, particularly with extinguishing matches with your fingers.
Whenever anyone asks you a question, you reply with a reckless cry of: ÂMoses did!Â
You would rather die than admit that you are in pain.
You have a morbid horror of being touched.
You always refer to Omar Sharif as ÂEgyptian FredÂ or simply ÂFredÂ.
Whenever you mount a bicycle, you feel the compulsion to give it a whack on the crossbar with a large stick, and shout: ÂHut-hut-hut!Â (Note: This is not particularly harmful, although it may gain you a few odd stares from passers-by. However, riding a bicycle with one foot tucked in the crook of the other leg is not a good idea, as it may lead to a loss of balance, and subsequently a rather nasty accident.)
After having a bath or shower, youÂve become accustomed to draping a towel around your head like a kufiyya; in fact, you usually forget that you are wearing it.
Whenever you're losing an argument and can't think of any more logical statements to make, you simply growl: ÂThy mother mated with a scorpion.Â
YouÂve started employing a pair of handsome adolescent boys to be your ÂservantsÂ.
Not only have you somehow forced your best friend to grow a curling black moustache, but youÂve also got them to speak in an accent that sounds suspiciously similar to Omar SharifÂs.
You unthinkingly incorporate random quotes from the film into everyday conversation.
When you think you're alone or out of earshot (although you don't mind audiences too much) you love nothing better than to make an exhibition of yourself; for instance, you may unexpectedly burst into song, or run around wearing white silk robes, flapping your arms like some maniacal bird.
You write down a list of all the continuity errors you notice when watching the film, and laugh loudly to yourself every time you spot one; this should mystify any other (less observant) viewers who are within range.

About time for another Journal, I think.

~Nazafar — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 05:44:15 PST

I'm feeling exceedingly proud of myself at the moment.

Why? Well, I was issued with my first ever afterschool detention yesterday.
My crime? Three incidents of lateness last term.
Was the punishment befitting to the crime? No! I could understand it if I had been late three times consecutively... Unfortunately the system doesn't work like that.

Anyway... as I hadn't actually done anything wrong pertaining to my schoolwork, I didn't have anything to do. So... I wrote three and a half page-long essay on How I Believe Schools Ought to Be Run
I only wish I'd handed it in at the end; though I somehow doubt it would have much effect...

I know, the suspense must be killing you all by now... Expect new Gallery updates soon, including The Foal of Evening, some of the better products of playing Consequences with ~myrmidon-mage and a handful of silly little T. E. Lawrence doodles that will undoubtedly end up as Scraps.

Hurrah! Exams are over!

~Nazafar — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 05:10:33 PST

At least, for another few months.

Now, at last, I can focus on some of my little dA targets, which are:

Scan in The Foal of Evening
Finish that Edge-meme
Actually produce some good T. E. Lawrence fanart, because he deserves it.

I'm flaaaah-ying!

~Nazafar — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 15:28:46 PST

I'm going to attempt to stay awake all night again. Deliberate sleep deprivation is fun! I shall go to sleep at 7:00AM tomorrow morning... Then I will have been awake for 24 hours.

I have plenty of things to keep me occupied... like that Edge-meme I'm meant to be doing...

Thy mother mated with a scorpion.

~Nazafar — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 14:50:33 PST

Well, ever since I unwittingly came across Seven Pillars in the autobiography section of the school library earlier this week, then went to town the other evening and - at long, long last - found the DVD for which I have been scouring countless HMVs for the last... ooh, five months or so... I think I can safely say that I am now well and truly obsessed; in such a way that I know, from now on, that every time I have a bath, I will be filled with the uncontrollable compulsion to run around with my arms outstretched, and a towel draped around my head.

Damn it. Just when I thought I was becoming well and truly re-obsessed with the Edge Chronicles...

*beats self with a birch branch*

All I want at the moment...

~Nazafar — Thu, 22 Nov 2007 13:29:33 PST

Is to curl up in my sleeping bag - with my Indian spiced tea in one hand, the Claudius Novels in the other - and be left in complete solitude for a very long time.
I'm sick of my school and everyone in it. I'm sick of my parents. Most of all I'm sick of myself. If only I could step out of myself for a while and be rid of all the tension and negative material I'm carrying around...
The closest thing to doing that is losing myself in a book - but then I can't even do that, because I don't have enough time. I never have enough time for anything nowadays...

'Procrastination' really ought to be my

~Nazafar — Sun, 18 Nov 2007 11:09:35 PST

...middle name.

I did want to say something earlier... but now I can't think what it was.

Happy Birthday to Vivien!

~Nazafar — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 10:21:50 PST

94 years ago, in the foothills of the Himalayas, a star was born. The mother of this star believed that if she faced in the direction of Mount Kanchenjunga whilst giving birth, her child would be blessed with a perfect face.
I think we can all safely say that this belief was not in vain.

Vivien Leigh.

Larry's darling pussycat.
The porcelain doll of Darjeeling.
The green-eyed queen of stage and screen...

She left this world far too early.

------------

Oh, hang about. I also wanted to just warn people of possible gallery and scrap additions within the next week... or two... maybe... -_-
I'll do my best to make time for it.

Half term nearly over.

~Nazafar — Sun, 28 Oct 2007 06:49:52 PDT

A brief overview of things I have done over the past week:

Relentlessly exercising, because I can. I've been walking up the hill every day, cycling along the canal bank in as short a time as possible, and running (well, attempting to run) along the seafront, especially in chilly weather, when the sea is rough. Slowly but surely, I am transforming into an adrenaline junkie... and I like it!

Drawing again! It's a miracle. For the first time in I-don't-know-how-many months, my fingers have been genuinely itching to pick up pencils and draw properly. Expect gallery updates at some point!

Just about recovered from a nasty bout of sinusitis. I still feel a little under the weather, and my cough still hasn't quite dissolved completely, but at least I no longer sound like Kenneth Williams with a clothes peg on his nose.

Spent Wednesday evening in London on the Southbank. It was cloudy, with a chilly wind, as though it were just on the verge of snowing - my favourite kind of weather. Unfortunately, my companion Ben didn't find it so favourable, and complained about everything from the weather, to the speed at which I walked, and threatened to throw me in the river if I didn't slow down.
Anyway, we walked along the river, down past the Globe, (and waved at it too) had a quick meal at Pizza Express, then walked briskly back in the direction of the Festival Hall. I was in a pretty good mood until I started being tormented by Ben's incessant shouts of "Look, Laurence Olivier!" all the way up to the National Theatre.
Then as we were walking past it, I spotted the life-size statue that had been placed outside the entrance only a month ago, and I couldn't resist nudging Ben and saying: "Oh, yes. There he is."
It was supposed to be Olivier in Hamlet, as he followed the ghost up a flight of steps to a rampart, with his sword held out before him. I didn't think it resembled him very much, though the actual pose was spot-on. And the legs... *slaps self*
I reached up and touched the edge of the statue's boot, though I barely felt worthy to do so. ~~I couldn't reach up any further, either.~~ *slaps self again*
Then Ben and I went to the Festival Hall to hear Tchaikovsky's Piano Concerto No. 1 and Mahler's 1st Symphony, played by the London Philharmonic. We were sitting in the choir stalls, right behind the orchestra, and only several feet away from the bells of the horns. XD It was great fun, but it was only after the concert had finished that I realised how tense I'd been. My shoulders had been right up beneath my ears since about the second half, and I hardly noticed at all. Mahler does strange things to me... >_>

That is just about all I've done, aside from trying to read about ten book at once, drinking too much tea and worrying about school next week.
I'm afraid I must go now, I have to finish choreographing a dance. One that I can learn quickly, and perform reasonably well. Somehow. Nureyev knows how.
Help me-e-e...

WHEE.

~Nazafar — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 13:22:57 PDT

-Everywhere grime in America
Organized crime in America,
Terrible time in America!
-You forget I'm in America!

I did get into West Side Story after all!
I was given the role of... *drum roll* ... a random nameless Shark.
They were pretty underwhelmed by my ...er, singing, I'm guessing.
Well, I suppose being in the chorus won't be too bad... I had six lines altogether in last year's production (XD) in which I had to wave a heavy lantern around on the end of a stick for about half an hour, run around shouting "Away, masters! Away!" whilst throwing things at the newly-transformed Bottom, and perform a Morris dance very badly.

This'll probably be much more strenuous, seeing as all I'll be doing will be dancing, under the direction of the infamous Ms Stucker. Yay.

Ever so slightly cocked up audition

~Nazafar — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 12:53:09 PDT

I had a singing audition for West Side Story this afternoon, after school. Compared to other auditions I've done, I didn't find it too nerve-racking, but my diaphragm would not stop quivering the whole way through, which kind of restricted my voice to a thin nasal whine, with a persistent cough constantly threatening to erupt at any moment from the back of my throat.
My heart sank last week when I discovered that each auditionee had to sing the same song...

'I Feel Pretty.'

Quite positively the most nausea-inducing song ever written for the stage (aside from countless Andrew Lloyd Webber numbers).
I don't understand why they didn't give us a choice of songs to do. I wasn't auditioning for the part of Maria, anyway. I'm a bloody mezzo.

It was too high for me, that was partly it.
In the final verse, I tried to hit the top A, rather than singing it down the octave (which would have been fine, I'm sure!)
BAD IDEA. The sound that ripped from my mouth was comparable to that made by a distressed jackdaw. I felt so embarrassed, even though the auditioners were lovely and seemed to understand that it was 'a bit of a strain'.

...*cough*... Understatement of the Millennium!

Oh, well. It was worth a try.

There's always the WSS dance audition next week, but I don't think I'll be any better at that. I've got flat feet and no limb-coordination to speak of.
Even so. We can but try...

-----

I'm finally reading Rebecca. I got it out of the school library the other day, and have been reading it pretty much nonstop since I passed my eyes over the first sentence. I'm still not sure why I like it so much. I think that can only be worked out when I finish it.
In fact, I was so involved with it this morning that I was reading it during registration...

"Once more, I glanced up at her and once more I met her eyes, dark and sombre, in that white face of hers, instilling into me, I knew not why, a strange feeling of disquiet, of foreboding. I tried to smile, and could not; I found myself held by those eyes, that had no light, no flicker of sympathy towards me."

Then: "Would you mind not reading during registration?"

I looked up from the pages, and there was a perfect epitome of the description I had just been reading. My form tutor.
I was so shocked, that I nearly said "Sorry, Mrs Danvers."

I think we have the Hitchcock film of "Rebecca" somewhere, in a little paper case; probably given away for free with an issue of The Times ...Only I mustn't watch it until I've read it first, desperate as I am to see Laurence Olivier on-screen once more.

I want to go to bed now and dream of Manderley, but I still have a ton of homework to do.
Ah, well. C'est la vie.

Eurgh...

~Nazafar — Sat, 15 Sep 2007 14:15:15 PDT

I cannot believe how unhealthy I've been today. I ate a cone of fat-drenched chips around one o'clock this afternoon, and THEN I was persuaded by a certain person to go to Hotel Chocolat, and ended up spending a fortune on naughty chocolates, most of which I have been absent-mindedly consuming over the course of the evening.
I don't feel physically sick... just sick at the thought of my having been... so unlike my usual resilient temptation-proof self.

I feel so gluttonous. I never want to eat chips or chocolate again.

*reaches for an orange and begins to peel it neurotically*

Mar sin leibh an dràsda!

~Nazafar — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 14:31:33 PDT

O he doth teach the torches to burn bright...

Ahem.

Right! It's time for me to snap out of this Olivier-induced stupor and return to reality.

I'm off to the Isle of Lewis tomorrow, for a week of wet, windy weather, midges, mountains and moors; a land of harsh, untamed beauty situated almost at the very tip of the British Isles. I haven't been up there for two years, and am really looking forward to it, especially the flight to the island (which will, no doubt, be ridiculously turbulent!) and seeing my aunt, uncle and cousins once again.
As to getting up at seven tomorrow... I have no idea how I'm going to manage it!

Is it that time of year again? I can scarely believe it.
Tomorrow will be the 63rd birthday of the brilliant actor Ian McDiarmid... who I still haven't been able to see on stage! I wanted to earlier this year when John Gabriel Borkman was still running at the Donmar in London, but in the end I never got the chance. Aah, well. Perhaps later this year, or next year, the opportunity to do so will once more arise... and if not, then the year after that...

It will also be the 31st birthday of my half-brother Christian, to whom - it has been said - I am becoming far too similar; it was probably intended to be an admonition, though I don't have the slightest intention of becoming a smoker like him. Some day I shall have to use my half-sisterly wiles to convince him to give it up. He's been doing it ever since he was my age, though, so it certainly won't be an easy job. Fortunately, it seems I have inherited one of his slightly less health-endangering - but no less powerful - interests. No prises for guessing what that is!

Anyway, to both of the aforementioned people... Happy Birthday!

And to all of you lot out there that I shan't be talking to for the next week: Have faith in the Force (whichever side you support) ~~live long and~~ prosper, and submit lots of new Deviations!

O that this too too solid flesh would melt...

~Nazafar — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 12:04:25 PDT

LARRY LARRY LARRY LARRY LARRY

...... I'm not obsessed...

This very minute I could easily launch into an impassioned ramble, but I think I'll spare you the trouble by not doing so.

For Sky's sake!

~Nazafar — Sun, 22 Jul 2007 08:18:01 PDT

I cannot believe my school.

What is the point in making us go in for three more days, when every other school within a twenty-mile radius has already broken up for the summer holidays? Why not end the term on a nice, rounded-off, end-of-the-week note? We never do anything worthwhile during the last few days of school, and most of the students (and teachers) have gone off on holiday already!
Which is why I have resolved not to go in next week. I don't care if they make a fuss; I'll just make a bigger fuss. Even if men in uniforms turn up outside my bedroom window tomorrow morning in a helicopter, drag me out of my house and frogmarch me onto the school premises, I'll still refuse to conform to their orders.
So THERE. *pouts*

CAN'T SLEEP.

~Nazafar — Thu, 19 Jul 2007 14:32:46 PDT

Expressive Arts performance tomorrow!

In three simple words...

SCREWED

>_<

~Nazafar — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 12:14:32 PDT

Damn it. I'm currently writing an essay on Journey's End. Unfortunately, my mind keeps getting distracted by the way in which I imagine all the protagonists to be replaced by characters from Blackadder Goes Forth, which subsequently means I end up laughing. Which really isn't very helpful when you're trying to write about the emotional strain of trench-warfare, and describe the tragic futility of the First World War, et cetera, et cetera.

My hyperactive imagination is starting to get on my nerves.

THIS IS SO TYPICAL.

~Nazafar — Tue, 19 Jun 2007 03:10:43 PDT

On the week that I manage to get myself a singing teacher and arrange a lesson... would you believe it, I just happen to go down with a cold!

My lesson's on Friday. Must ... get better...

Exams are over!

~Nazafar — Sun, 17 Jun 2007 09:48:07 PDT

Yes, it's been quite a while since I've posted a journal...
I really haven't anything much to say, but I'm sure I'll think of some stuff if I carry on typing...

My Internet like went funny over half-term, and we like had to like get like a man in to like connect me to like a different network, or sumfin'. Like.
...yes.

Ooh, I saw 'The Marriage of Figaro' last week; my Mum was playing first violin in the pit, and she managed to get me a great seat! ^^

Calla came to visit me over half-term... which was certainly a productive five days, during which time we managed to:
-Actually get up fairly early most mornings.
-Film most of the outdoor scenes for the second part of Remnants
-Spend quite a substantial amount of money on Doctor Who DVDS
-Get stranded in town with hardly any money, and nothing to eat, drink or do, as ALL THE SHOPS WERE SHUT!
-Went to Dungeness on the model railway, and tried to find a way into the nuclear power station to see if we could possibly film anything there, only we didn't, and just ended up wandering around in the wilderness and eating Haribo. XD

I had my end-of-year exams last week, WHICH ARE COMPLETELY POINTLESS AND INCONSEQUENTIAL AND BORING. Luckily they're all finished now.

I have also had my hair cut short, which means: a) I don't need to brush it in the mornings! XD I only ever spent 15 seconds or so on it every morning, when it was shoulder-length, and b) I can no longer headbang effectively. Oh well.

I'm running out of things to say, I'm afraid, so I think I'll go now.

First glory, then ecstasy - now sadness.

~Nazafar — Sun, 25 Mar 2007 06:03:14 PDT

I simply can't believe... It's all over.

The play which has almost become my life, over the past several months... finished, never to be performed in the same brilliant way again, by the same brilliant people.
I'm dreading school this week. It's all going to seem so empty; there'll be nothing to look forward to, after most other people have gone home. No routine of going to rehearsals, no lunchtime meetings, no nothing.
And three performances really doesn't seem like enough. After devoting hours of our time nearly every evening for the past several months, I think we deserve to do a few more performances, a few matinees, perhaps.
I think... most of all, I'm going to miss working with the rest of the cast. For once, I wasn't constantly competing with that obnoxious girl for a position in the limelight, or feeling 'left out'. The entire cast has my love and admiration; I only hope that I'll still interact with them around the school from now on... It'd be awful if my now much wider, stronger social circle lapsed back into its narrow former self.

My only comforting thought at the moment, is the circulating rumour that next year's production - which has been confirmed to be a musical - will be West Side Story. Hurray for Leonard Bernstein!

Huzzah! Another random quiz.

~Nazafar — Sat, 17 Mar 2007 11:22:41 PDT

Taken from

How are you feeling today?
Lute Duet: My Lord Chamberlain's Galliard - The Morley Consort & David Munrow

Will you get far in life?
Bohemian Like You - Dandy Warhols

How do your friends see you?
Fortuna Imperatrix Mundi: O Fortuna - Carl Orff

Will you get married?
Help! - The Beatles

What is your best friend's theme song?
Venetian Gondola Song in A minor, Op. 62 #5 - Mendelssohn

What is the story of your life?
A Shakespeare Scenario: V. The Question - 'To be or not to be' - William Walton

What was high school like?
The Battle of Endor III, ROTJ soundtrack - John Williams

How can you get ahead in life?
Eight Days A Week - The Beatles

What is the best thing about your friends?
Bachelors' Hall - Steeleye Span

What is in store for this weekend?
Act 1 Scene 2: Juliet as a young girl - Sergei Prokofiev

To describe your grandparents?
Hard Times of Old England - Steeleye Span

How is your life going?
Prophecy Theme from Dune - Brian Eno

What song will they play at your funeral?
Passe Et Medio & Reprinse Le Pingue - The Early Music Consort of London

How does the world see you?
Act 1 Scene 2: Mercutio - Sergei Prokofiev

Will you have a happy life?
Symphony No. 6: Allegro Ma Non Troppo - Beethoven

What do your friends really think of you?
II. Moonlight - William Walton

Do people secretly lust after you?
Polythene Pam - The Beatles

How can I make myself happy?
Paperback Writer - The Beatles

What should you do with your life?
Masquerade - Andrew Lloyd Webber

Will you ever have children?
L'Autunno Concerto No. 3: III Allegro - Antonio Vivaldi

That was odd.

The play's the thing!

~Nazafar — Sat, 03 Mar 2007 10:56:46 PST

It's now beginning to feel as though my entire life revolves around A Midsummer Night's Dream and when it's all over, I shall probably go into a state of extreme depression, and feel as though I have been shouldered into a gulf of dark forgetfulness and deep oblivion. >_> Aagh. I still remember that line from Richard III...
I remember how I felt after Romeo and Juliet had finished... That was three years ago... Goodness me.

I almost have my costume now; it consists of: a pair of insanely large trousers pulled up high with braces, heavy black boots, white shirt and bow-tie, and a flat-cap. We were going to wear bowler hats, but they seemed a little incongruous.
The only props I really need to get are a lantern, a thorn-bush and a dog (preferably a wooden toy on wheels, not a live one). The rest are being made by the stage managers, or the D&T/Textiles department.

It's a very comforting thought to have, that after a tiring day at school, there's something equally tiring, but a thousand times more enjoyable waiting for you after most other people have gone home. Rehearsals and meetings are always kept very hushed and sheltered - but nonetheless conducted with great enthusiasm by all! - until production week starts... Then enormous posters are plastered over every classroom noticeboard and grand announcements are made on the tannoy, encouraging everyone to buy tickets!

Well... 'Tis just over two weeks till production week... and I feel Shakespearerific!
I think I'll go now... Who knows - I may give away something I shouldn't!

---Robin Starveling, signing off. *waves lantern*

Well, this last week has certainly been interestin

~Nazafar — Sun, 18 Feb 2007 05:09:29 PST

-g. XD
In the space of seven days, I have :

Seen Spamalot at the West End.

Been sent a Valentine's card for the first time in my life, by one of my good friends. ...

Stayed in Bath for two nights, and visited the Jane Austen museum and the Roman baths in the pouring rain.

Got a very stiff neck and shoulder from sleeping on my friend's carpet without a pillow; nevertheless, I'm in the highest of spirits!

Become re-obsessed with Star Wars, with all its original strength and splendour!

---

My holiday is almost over, but I don't really mind.
I know I will when it's over completely, though!

I... am... so...

~Nazafar — Sun, 04 Feb 2007 13:25:34 PST

BORED.

I'm bored with my own thoughts, my own ideals and emotions... I need a change of perspective, some enormous epiphany to give my brain a shake and a stir.
I should be trying to look on the bright side, really... I've got things to look forward to in the fairly near future... Just not for the next week. I've got to endure one more week of getting up early, sitting through humdrum lessons, dealing with insufferable teachers (and classmates, for that matter) in as good-natured a manner as I can manage.
Hopefully I shall have more rehearsals for my play this week. That seems to be the only glimmer of hope I can perceive; it's also the only thing I care about at the moment. If it weren't for that, I wouldn't care about school nearly so much. It's a comfort to think that there is something fun and absorbing for you to do at the end of a long tiresome day.

I've had 'Here Comes the Sun' stuck on repeat inside my head all day, and it's driving me to the brink of self-destruction.

But, then again... that would be merely the wanton wastage of a brilliant mind, wouldn't it?
Even so.
...
I need to stab something.

is no longer having a coursework crisis!

~Nazafar — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 10:21:17 PST

Goodness.

I... I feel a sudden sense of elation sweeping over me... I haven't felt this optimistic in a long while. Some of the reasons for this, I presume, are:

I got my Expressive Arts in on time after all. The amount of stress the completion of that little portfolio put me through was so phenomenal, now that it's all out of the way, I feel as though I could jump over the Death Star! ^^

I don't have any more outstanding work to deal with. My first evening off in ages, this will be. ()

My Drama teacher, Force bless her, has offered to take me and my classmates to the Marlowe to see The Woman in Black after school. On the day of my birthday! Can't wait.

D'you know what I'm going to do a bit later?...
I'm going to kick off my boots, make myself a hot chocolate, and watch West Side Story from beginning to end!
Well, when you take into account the amount of in-depth analyses I've been having to write on it over the last couple of weeks - and the fact that I haven't actually seen the whole thing, just a handful of certain scenes ... I think I deserve to watch it properly and enjoy myself, don't you think? XD

Please excuse me for not replying to your comments, everyone! I just don't seem to have gotten around to doing it.

is having a coursework crisis

~Nazafar — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 01:31:29 PST

Yes, I appear to have left it all to the last minute, as you've probably guessed! So therefore, I am going into school late today, as I couldn't abide missing a whole day just for the sake of finishing work. I shall catch a bus around lunchtime.
May the Force be with me. :S

Aargh!

~Nazafar — Mon, 22 Jan 2007 13:04:11 PST

I am sick of this weather. It's been dark, windy and rainy for weeks; I need another holiday! >_<
The only thing that could possibly brighten my mood would be a spot of snow, but I know there's little chance of us getting much of that, no matter what the weather man might say.

I had to stay in school until 6:00 this evening to rehearse my play, by which time I was completely knackered, and too hungry to even speak audibly, let alone act. What's more, there was an episode of Morse on at 5:00PM, and that had Ian in it... And I missed it!
I handed in my Maths coursework this morning, but I never quite finished it. So... Double .

I've been slamming my head on desks an awful lot at the minute. My forehead may begin to bruise before long...

*reaches for Crime and Punishment*
I've become slightly obsessed with Raskolnikov. I realized this when he turned up in the dream I had last night.

Yeah, I think I'll just go now.

Eldrad MUST live.

~Nazafar — Sun, 21 Jan 2007 07:50:29 PST

...Yeah, I really desperately need to get in touch with reality some time in the very near future, seeing as I shall get absolutely no work done whatsoever in my present state of mind. I'm meant to hand in my Maths coursework tomorrow morning (and it still requires a considerable amount of work...) and my first proper big chunk of Expressive Arts coursework needs to be in later this week, and I don't think I've even made a start on that yet. >_<
It's a really interesting project, and I want to do as well as I possibly can on it. I can't procrastinate any longer, damn it!

Happy birthday to Tom Baker! (yesterday, that is)

Well, I'm getting bored by the sound of my own voice already, so I think I shall go now.

-_-

Rain, mundaneness and incessant tiredness...

~Nazafar — Tue, 09 Jan 2007 12:42:20 PST

So... it is now January 2007.

Eek.

That felt weird, typing 2007. I'm still going around thinking it's 2006... either that, or 2005...

Oh well. I hope everyone enjoyed Christmas and New Year...? I did! XD

...

I've run out of things to say, I'm afraid. That nearly always happens when I update my Journal. There are things I'd like to say, but don't wish to air them here.

So now I will leave you.
Goodbye.

Gaudete, Gaudete, Christus est natus!

~Nazafar — Mon, 25 Dec 2006 03:31:04 PST

...Ex Maria virgine, Gaudete!

Mornin', all!

...

Ack, everyone seems to be annoyingly flat and unenthusiastic this morning. My parents are bickering already! My father keeps making caustic remarks about every gift he opens, and my mother sounds like Marge Simpson due to a nasty chesty cough.
My grandparents and aunt, uncle and baby cousin are all coming for dinner later this afternoon, so it's as though we're saving all the festivities until they arrive.
We've put on some lively renaissance music and got a fire going in the lounge, and I've sent cheerful text messages to everyone in my contacts list...
But it still seems like a wet weekend down here.

Speaking of the weather... It's really weird this morning! It's completely un-anything (though I doubt that makes much sense). It's not frosty, or snowy (but then again it never is...) or rainy, or sunny; very strange indeed.

I'm really trying to get in the festive spirit today, but it doesn't seem to be working. I've opened two presents already: a beautiful gold-etched notebook from my mother, and a tea-tray from my father (O_o) and I'm very pleased, but neither of them seem to be paying any attention to the lumpy glittery mountain underneath the Christmas tree that has been slowly spreading out all over the floor, over the last few days. I had to physically force my father to open one single present!

C'mon, everyone! It's only 25th December once a year, innit?
Make the most of it.

Whatever you might be celebrating at the moment... Enjoy it while it lasts.

All is calm, all is bright.

~Nazafar — Sun, 24 Dec 2006 05:53:55 PST

For once, I am in a strangely neutral mood. Really most unusual...

I went into Folkestone yesterday with a few friends to do last-minute Christmas shopping. We didn't buy much in the end, and finished up wandering along the beach, throwing pebbles at the sea, and exploring the abandoned fair-ground that used to be on the seafront. Someone died on the big dipper, and the place had to be shut down. It had a really unhinging atmosphere yesterday... It was quite misty by the sea, the fish-market was open, and the smell of fresh seafood mingled with the tang of salt from the seashore. There didn't appear to be another person in sight.
It was rather like Spirited Away, actually...

I bought myself a large bag of liquorice yesterday from the 'healthy treats' shop, which is still surprisingly full. Not to mention a small bar of Green and Blacks' Organic.

My mum and I have been cooking constantly so far this Christmas break. We made a Scottish whisky Dundee cake yesterday, and gingerbread on Friday, and our Christmas pudding a few weeks ago... It's our pride and joy. She might let me make rum truffles this evening too. ^^

I must be off now. I shall probably update this journal later; I'm going down to my step-grandmother's house now, for our little annual family get-together.

Look, mate. I know a dead God when I see one...

~Nazafar — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 11:48:59 PST

I haven't scanned anything in for ages, I know. I hate myself for it; I feel so lazy.

I've rather taken to hating myself recently, which is understandable, seeing as I'm ugly, short-tempered and awkward in every aspect...
I've turned into Richard III. (Not literally)

People never tell me I'm ugly; what difference will that ever make when I honestly feel like the most repugnant being ever to inhabit the universe?
Some may think that I am incredibly placid and temperate, but my brain can warp even the slightest disagreement into a jarring discord. One moment I'll be smiling calmly, the next I'll be storming around, shouting like a harridan. I've never been able to control my temper, even since I was very young.
Not only this, but I feel constantly guilty about everything I do. I feel as though I don't deserve anything from the world. Thinking about Christmas, I now feel that I don't want any gifts. Material things always make me feel overwhelmed by guilt- spending money, for instance. Buying things on impulse. Even throwing away remains of sandwich bags makes me feel terrible, when I think about how I throw away at least one every day; in the long term, it seems like a lot of plastic going to waste, and that truly makes me feel unworthy of the things that are given to and provided for me. I hate wastefulness and wantonness.
Eating chocolate often brings tears to my eyes after the initial "Ooh, chocolate- lovely!" sensation, when I realise that I truly don't want it.
I should be grateful for what I do have, but instead it just makes me sad.

I'm also feeling rather mixed up at the minute, artistically and emotionally.

Artistically- Every time I try and write something, my mind conjures up something to contradict it. I can never make up my mind or decide on a subject to write or draw. Unlike Richard III, I deceive not others, but rather myself.

Emotionally- My passions seem to be dying. My stream of love for such things as the Edge Chronicles and Star Wars has dwindled to a lukewarm trickle; music I once loved seems dreary, and I find I cannot summon up any feelings at all for people I once adored and revered.
Emptiness is devouring me, bit by bit.

...Right. Selfish talk ends here.

To keep me active, why not state some kind of Christmas deviation you'd like me to draw/write for you? I'd be more than happy to do so.
I don't mind what it is... Fire away, people!

I might as well...

~Nazafar — Wed, 22 Nov 2006 12:31:24 PST

Taggage! Well, alright. I know I haven't responded to this for ages, but I don't have anything else to do at present, so... Huzzah,

The "Your Life as a Superhero" Quiz:

1. How did you get your powers?

Batchelors' Hall- Steeleye Span
Whoo.

2. What, exactly, *are* your super powers?

Barbie Girl- Aqua
...Indeed.

3. What does your costume look like?

The Bridge of Khazad Dum- Howard Shore
My costume is a bridge.

4. Do you use any sort of weapons, gadgets, or magical objects?

Troika- Lieutenant Kije Suite, Prokofiev
A sleigh?

5. Where is your secret, super hero lair located?

Snow (Hey Oh)- Red Hot Chili Peppers
Huzzah?

6. What is your theme song?
Dance of the Knights- Prokofiev's Romeo and Juliet

7. What evil do you fight against?
Let It Be- The Beatles
The Virgin Mary!?

8. What is your sidekick like?

King Henry- Steeleye Span
...

9. As a superhero, what is your preferred method of travel?
The Long and Winding Road- The Beatles
Of course.

10. What is your one weakness?
Romance- Lieutenant Kije Suite, Prokofiev
What the Hell...

11. Oh no! Someone's in trouble! Your initial reaction?
Kije's Wedding- Prokofiev
...I get married.

12. Oh dear...you've just realized that you've gotten the wrong person, and have just beaten up an innocent civilian instead of the bad guy...now what're you gonna do...?
The Infernal Dance of King Kastchei- The Firebird Suite, Igor Stravinsky
...
Aagh.

13. Wonderful, now people hate you. How do you go about trying to redeem yourself with the general public?
Bohemian Rhapsody- Queen
I try to gain their sympathy by crying "I'M JUST A POOR BOY!"

14. Look, it's the REAL bad guy from earlier! He's getting away! How are you going to stop him?
We Are The Champions- Queen
...Join sides with him!?

15. Now that that's over with, what do you do in your free time, when you're not fighting evil? As in, what's your "real", "normal" job, your secret identity?
Rasputin- Boney M.

16. Your arch-enemy has just captured your best friend and is going to execute them within 24 hours if you don't surrender to the evil side! What ever will you do!?
Gamble Gold- Steeleye Span
I go and gamble all my money, yes, that'll make everything alright!

17. Ok, it's the final battle with your arch enemy. Where is the battle taking place?
Eleanor Rigby- The Beatles
In a church, of course!

18. What's song plays during the final battle?
Inno A Satana- Emperor
"SHHHEEEAADUP!"

19. What's the outcome of the final battle?
Curiosity About Death- Witchhammer
I commit suicide.

20. Ok, now you've either saved the world, died trying, or else just goofed off and didn't do a f-cking thing. What song plays as the ending theme?
Gaudete- Steeleye Span
Because I'm Jesus. Yeah.