http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:NeoWhitewind&section=today deviantART RSS for by:NeoWhitewind en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Mon, 07 Dec 2009 20:49:40 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/14158268/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/14158268/ Tue, 14 Aug 2007 00:41:57 PDT
Currently it is 1.40-ish and 1.30-ish on my workplace's computer. Yups. I'm currently in a studio working. Whee! XD

It has been a while since I last updated. Just how much time gets into the crevices of my life and fills in the gaps of it. Before you know it, suddenly so much time has passed since the last post.

Life has been a helluva bz as of late. My final project has officiallly been done. Now it is just a matter of waiting for the screening period.

Looking back I get a slight shock as I realised just how long it took to actually get it done. I believe it took my batch nearly 1 year to get it completed. How time flies.

- now listening to the songs of AKB48 -

A word of note to all out there who don't know about animation. Animation ain't a walk in the park. It requires alotta time and manpower. My team was a team of 4 cum 3 working on a 10 minute short film. It took us 1 year, from pre production to post production to get it completed. And even then it ain't exactly pass a TV series standard. So here's a hard factoid for those who don't know.

Well, I bring this up cos of how many ppl wave the phrase "just animate it" around so freely. Sometimes I get an animation request that seems highly amusing or just plain out of the question. First things first : funding, time and manpower.

A Maya license goes by the K's. And that's just one license for computer. So you can imagine the budget that is needed for making an animated feature.

Well, that slight rant aside, I've started working. It's interesting how I got here actually.

I have a few colleagues here who I talk to rather well with, 2 of whom have pretty good deep philosophies in life. We usually talk about life. one of them spoke of how there's more to life than money. Life to her, is all about relationships with people. It isn't about making money as it is about the ties and connections we have with people we mix and interact with.

I did state that in the end, as we lie to rest in the grave, we can't bring the money or material possessions with us. But the impressions and impacts we leave on the lives of others will carry on. Your name lives on even after you've left. That is immortality indeed.

But anyways, back to how I got here. Relationships with people indeed did bless me with this position I am in. I got the direction from a junior of mine who just offered a freelance opportunity. An interview and well, here I am.

It is amazing indeed how connections can branch out so far and wide. Indeed no man is an island. Without the help of others life is quite hard. We are all connected to each other, one way or another, directly or indirectly and whether we like it or not. XD

- now listening to the songs of Kanjani8 -

Well, the studio I'm currently in is quite a nice environment. To say that it is a pure animation studio, or editing studio, or advertising and whatever not is to wrongly label it. Basically this studio, at best I would describe it, is a creative studio. As in a studio that has the essence of creativity. We're talking ideas, concepts and all things self expression. Of course the studio does industry works to support itself but aside from that it's aims are purely that or artistry. Qutie an interesting studio, being that it is so hard to find a studio such as this in this region. Either that or my scope of the industry is at best pin-point minimalisitc.

Well, I'm only a week old worker here. So slow and steady does it I guess. Still trying to let the feel of the studio enter into my system. Currently as a pet project for the studio, while absorbing and getting the feel of the essence of the studio I'm designing a character that represents it. Still in the rough stages of it.

That aside, family is okay, life goes on.

Time spent with a special someone has made life more brighter. ^_^

Altho I must say there're times when I don't get her, nor do I understand the way her crazy mind works. She's whack in that sense. >_>"

She's made out of randomnity I must say. Like she was born from that concept itself or something man. Her mind I tell you... =.="

But she brings smiles and laughs to my life. Although I must say she sometimes gets insecured easily so I'm trying to help her up her confidence. She's has so much she deserves and that I believe.

Altho the way she treats her family and me remains to be questioned. She treats me okay. But the way she treats her family is so different, as different as how black and white are. But then again, her family interactions are quite different and interesting in itself... ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/10878659/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/10878659/ Tue, 28 Nov 2006 12:03:04 PST
- now listening to 'Melodies' by GAM -

Currently 3.30 in the morning. Time for bed, and much earlier than my usual time I must add. Oh well, I'm trying to change my sleep pattern. My current setting is as I would put it, unhealthy.

Well, I had a thought bugging and as they say, the best way to get rid of the pest of a mental bug is to let it out.

Anyway, how many of you had received statements that bugged the life out of you? That pissed you off?

Well, I had many (as do all of us) but there was one that I feel needs a little light shining on it.

Well, not too long ago I received a statement by a certain someone in a childish attempt to shoot back at me. A little 'conference' we had, and just cause that person didn't get what he wanted he shot me back with a statement out of desperation.

- now listening to 'Issai Gassai Anata ni Ageru' by Biyuden / V-u-den -

Now, I'm not one to be bothered by such small talk. But for some reason this statement remained in my head. And then I thought, why not share it with others? Let them figure out the answer for it.

Hmmm...

How to start it?

Okay, here goes.

'Is it a sin for one not to produce a piece of artwork?'

'Is it a sin for one not to want to share his/her ideas to others?'

Quite obvious the answers are, unless you have a fanaticism equal to the person who made such statements.

Now I brought this up because this person here gives me the impression from his words used that he has bragging rights just because he posts more artworks up on the net in comparison to me.

Okay, so maybe he has a bad way with words. But when you have a repeated bombardment of the same thing and annoying requests for new works, it tends to make you think whether he really has a bad dictionary at hand or that he really means what he says.

- now listening to 'Some Boys Touch' by Maki Goto -

We all have our reasons for doing certain things. Busy, family, business, personal matters to attend.

To who it may concern, not everyone has the free time and luxury such as you to keep coming up with new things. It's not as if I don't wish to come up with new things. I have my own problems to deal with unlike you. And yes, I do try to find the time if there is such space available for such luxuries. You have a passion for it I give you applause for it. But don't shove such enthusiasms up someone's ass man.

Ever heard the saying : “I share your enthusiasm”

Notice the keyword 'share' there. It's share. Not I want to be a sadist and have that good dose of enthusiasm you have in my body, preferably administered to me anally and with a lot of force too! Oh yes please! No, it's share.

So why is it that you have to shove it my up little rear hole? Things are meant to come out of it, not go in. And sides, it isn't really my preference to have it being an entrance, enough said.

I have my reasons that causes the inability to come up with new things. So does that give you bragging rights and the license to be all nose-up bout it? To go around thinking you own the world just cause you can produce something because you have been blessed with such an ability to do so? In comparison to others? Well, you are technically the God of the world, that little world of yours that is.

There's a bigger world out there, and that world involves people and feelings and this thing called 'a person's patience'. There's a limit to the patience, and I hope you know what the meaning of 'limit' is cause if you don't check it up on a dictionary. If you still don't get it you could test it out by bugging a person with really little patience. Consequences resulting from such actions will be a good reference for you on your journey in finding the meaning of 'limit to patience'. Yes doctor! We shall have the Nobel Prize for discovering that! Whoop dee doo!

- now listening to 'Aa Ii Na!' by W -

And now, comes to the part about ideas.

Ideas are everywhere. We all have ideas and such. And as artists, ideas are our forte, our trump card, our ticket to earn a living.

To who it may concern...again...is it a sin if someone doesn't want to share their ideas?

Everyone is born with a right to do what they want with what lies in their heads, just as long as it doesn't hurt others. And I believe keeping ideas, artist ideas, in one's head is their right and not a sin. It don't hurt nobody right?

So why is it that you rant about people not wanting to share that es... ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/10503784/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/10503784/ Wed, 25 Oct 2006 06:33:46 PDT
- now listening to "Ohiru No Kyuukei no Jikan" by Berryz Koubou -

Tis now nearing 2 am in the morning. U hu hu hu...

Ok...I'm currently hooked to this word. "U hu hu hu".

A new way to laugh, taught to me by someone from me forum. >_>"

Neways, life I feel as of late has turned rather monotonous, scripted, ordered...routine even. Tis been this flat line of events.

Well, of cos save for the occasional ups and downs here and there and most perhaps almost everywhere. More downs though, what with me dad being highly volatile as of late. >_>"

- now listening to "Seishun Amigo" by Yamashita Tomohisa and Kazuya Kamenashi and "Captain Nemo" by Sarah Brightman -

Currently I've been having heavy assignments on my hands. The commencement of the final project has started and I've got so much to do.

Oh well, on the brighter side, me and the wife and kids are doing fine. XD

Ha ha ha. Well, my hopefully-to-be wife and want-to-adopt kids.

Everyday, the more I see em the more the heart gets melted and me gut having this fuzzy feeling. Lol. XD

- now listening to "Ai No Tane" by Morning Musume -

Me bro currently is playing FF12. The game looks good, with its new concept of combining many elements from previous FF's. And the design, my gawd the design. Pure visual pleasure.

I've yet to start on Okami too. Another example of beautiful and pleasing eye candy. The visuals are just beautiful and it's a game brimming with Japanese traditional culture. The visuals, the elements...and the MUSIC! GAWD THE MUSIC!

Such spleandour pleasures for the ears. I can just relax listening to the beautiful sounds.

I've yet to embark on the beautiful journey. DoTA as of the current moment has dominated my mind, heart and soul. Tis like this one creature that consumes me. A game per day makes the doctor go away for me. Lol.

Chatting as normal, discussions for the well being of the forum going ok.

Tis amazing being in a forum going dynamic for the moment. So many kinds of people, so many kinds of personas, so many kinds of things going on beyond your current horizons. Tis like a collective of personalities, waiting to be tapped and to educate on so many types of cultures and beliefs and practices and what-not.

- now listening to "Shiroi Tokyo" by ZYX -

Tis amazing to see how people can be united and diplomatic when all have one destination and one way to go.

Although some seem to go overboard and some have neither a drop nor a shred of clue of their very actions.

You know tis like you walk down this corridor filled with people and everyone's staring daggers at you so intensely you'd think you're gushing blood all over. But these kinda people as mentioned above, they are oblivious to those kind of daggers. Tis amazing really considering how old they are.

Then of course you've got the wild, and the uberly crappy (crappy being funny) and uberly genki. So much energy contained in youth.

And tis amazing to see how open and yet closed sum mindsets are. Open on some points and closed on others.

- now listening to “Last Christmas” by Beatles and “Falling Angel” by Chris Phillips -

To dwell within a fantasy. And to fall down that Rabbit Hole so so deeply. To go so deep you can't even see the light from the top where you came in.

Why is it that I fall into a fantasy? Why is it that I want to dance on the fields of flowers coloured on a fantasy book? Why is it that I want to lie cuddled in the floating cradle in space?

Why is it that I dwell within the unreal...and yet want to stay there?

I do have a strong grasp of reality, so strong it hurts just holding it. Maybe perhaps that's the reason why. Reality hurts for reality is truth, what it is and what you see is what you get...or should I rephrase it? What you don't want to see is nevertheless what you'll get.

Fantasy, a realm of yearn and desires and where all things are possible. The intangible becomes the tangible, the untouchable touchable, the ethereal material and the impossible possible.

A place of happiness, a place only found in the infinite human playground that is the mind.

Sometimes, no wait...most of the time, I've always wondered about those who are deranged / crazy / delusional. What do they see that we don't? What do they feel that we don't? What do they hear that we don't?

What is is that they experience that we are unable to?

It is not real for us but for them, it is as real as pain itself. Sometimes I wonder whether they see not only what their mind projects but also what it is that is truly there but... ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/9663935/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/9663935/ Wed, 09 Aug 2006 12:26:11 PDT
Ar...tis been a while since I last updated me bloggy. Tis currently now a little pass 1am in the morning and in the midst of multitasking (typing this entry while handling bout 2 or 3 forums at a go XD).

Hmmm...

Many things have happened as of late, some interesting, some hmmm...and some annoying in a blatant way.

Well, college has actually been quite a burden. Strange how one is kept really busy even with lessened subs. Oh well.

But I guess I learned something, even though as always at the last minute, bout certain things.

Have you ever been in a situation where sometimes you placed your loyalty in something you believe is worth following? Only to find out it was a choice that brings you nothing but a whole lotta bad mojo?

- now listening to 'From The Inside' by Linkin Park -

Well, I sorta walked down that path again. Tis scary how these paths always seem to be as hidden as your best kept secret. How you don't realise it until the very last minute.

Well, I had the opportunity to see a person in action. Two to be exact. One a sorta butt kisser type person and the other a blind floating person that has little to no sense of direction in choices and personality. Where to begin?

Tis amazing sometimes the closer you are to someone you are given the front-row-seat opportunity to see some people in action. I had such good seats at seeing such a person. Tis amazing how that person can smile at you and talk to you just so that person can get a favour from you.

From something as minor to getting a ride to something as major as manipulation, tis amazing how one can blatantly do it. Perhaps tis in that person's nature cos sometimes I think this person doesn't even know his/her action. But then again, perhaps it was intentional.

- now listening to 'Kiss From A Rose' by Seal -

Tis been a while since I heard this song. Neways...

When you are of no use to such a person you are literally discarded. Not to mention this person actually says it in your face.

Sure, you know he/she is joking but when you consider his/her words and notice the actions following the speech, you realise that those said words have much more truth than you could imagine.

I've felt used and manipulated but I guess I was just nice enough to keep it to myself. But I guess after a certain incident that person threw away my niceness. Sorta refreshing and a good dose of awakening. I somehow actually felt more freedom as I started to initiate my plan, to step away from such a person.

Well, you're a power hungry person. I'm not giving you the luxury of gaining power over me.

But I pity your victim. Which brings me to the second archetype, the blind floating person that has little to no sense of direction in choices and personality.

Well, this person for one has very little to no respect towards me. Well, tis normal I guess since I'm not one to be such a butt kisser or manipulator but a truthful and perhaps blunt in a majority of times kinda person.

- now listening to 'Barbarian' by Dagda -

Strange how some songs take the right words out of your mouth? Well, I would say this blind floating person is quite barbaric. Well he is rather. Kinda short on the manners and sometimes I must say intelligence.

The lamest of comments and worse of all, when couple with a manipulator persona, makes for the best combination of master and slave.

I'm thinking scrawny scrooge type person with a big burly tick ridden dog on a spike leash. How's that for imagery?

It sometimes amazes me how this blind floater is so rude and disrespectful to me but so sweet talking to the manipulator cos the manipulator pulls the right strings. I sometimes wonder am I the only one who can see this?

- now listening to 'Christmas Pittari Shitai' by Ogawa Makoto, Koharu Kusumi and Yurina Kumai from H!P Wonderful Hearts Concert OST -

I'm like thinking, erm, silly floater, you do know the manipulator's playing you around to get favours from you?

It can even be seen in some other aspects. So so so much blatant that tis nauseating.

I'd say more, but I don't wanna give away identities now do I? A erm, secrecy must be kept you know.

But annoying it is. Oh well. Neways, events have indeed opened my eyes. I'm sorta feeling a sense of freedom. Tis strange how there was a certain amount of dependancy but once you stepped out of the shadows you feel so much freedom. Sure, there're difficulties handling the new situation. But I believe I can manage.

I wanna start anew again. I'm always on the lookout for a fresh start. Never ending. Each start... ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/9176727/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/9176727/ Sun, 25 Jun 2006 08:51:29 PDT
It's now 5.26 am. Once again, I'm back to my nocturnal roots. Lol.

This period of time between this post and the previous has been quite a period of many things. So many things happening.

For one, Maya is hard to handle for me. I still haven't had the right mindset to solve most of the technical problems within. Gah, I'm really starting to miss 2D. >_<”

Aside from that, still on a Hello Project high and prolly will remain that way for a long time to come. XD I just finished collecting a whole bunch of pics and some vids. More vids still in the process of being d/l'ed. Can't wait for the arrival of it. X3

- now listening to 'Complicated' by Avril Lavigne -

And speaking of Hello Project, I'm proud to announce that I'm a proud owner of two official Hello Project merchandise. X3

They are two photobooks (PB for short). One is Takahashi Ai's Wata-ame and the other is Berryz Koubou's Switch On! Concert PB.

These are the pics :

Berryz Koubou's :

[link]

[link]

Takahashi Ai's

[link]

[link]

And of course, the price tag XD :
[link]

Also, I’m currently in the process of writing a fanfic featuring Berryz Koubou's captain Saki chan. Still a work in progress so hontoni gomen to the one who's waiting for its arrival. >_<”

I'll try to finish it ASAP.

Well, all in all, life's been pretty so so and normal. Waking up early to send my sis around, catching up with college assignments, trying to complete my Hello Project projects. XD

As I sit and type my sis works hard on her project as well. Hopefully she gets to finish her final project.

- now listening to 'Anata Nashi De Wa Ikite Yukenai' by Berryz Koubou -

I shake my head to this funky beat and what a beat it is.

Lately I feel as though time is running shorter and shorter. I actually have this very theory that the earth is spinning faster and faster, accelerating the time flow that our vessels are chosen to go with.

Well, it is a pretty far fetched idea, but I just feel that the day flies by too fast. Tis like I can never seem to find enough time to really finish doing or completing something. Either that or our time is normal but just taken up by so many other things.

Kind of restricting and definitely imposing on one's time, consuming it. It's quite an ironic thing isn't it? Paradoxical even.

We are beings that are community based. We live in a life where we rely upon each other in a community (except for those who decide to de-attach from such a system). And yet we want our freedom as well, and when one depends and is being depended upon, there will be the problem of time consumption. One will consume another's time and vice versa. And yet we want the freedom and the time to do what we please. But when we do so, we do it at the expense of another's source of time to do what he or she pleases.

It feels like a chain reaction gone extreme when one things of how this act of time consumption spreads out from one source. It's an exponential result. And now we have our society, rarely or barely having ample time for one's self unless he or she manages his or her time to the fullest. Kind of tiring.

Won't it be nice to be within an existence where such a freedom and ample amount of time is there without any use of energy just to maintain it?

- now listening to 'Lay Your Hands' by Simon Webbe -

Time is so precious. It's amazing how it is like a cocoon and we're the little being inside it. Or a jar and we're the tiny fish inside it. It has us within its grasp, we're in a cage that can affect us and we can't even touch or see it but instead only begin to imagine what it is and how it might be shaped like if put in a tangible form. Not a watch that you wear, but its purest form.

Ever wondered how time would actually look like if it were to be given a form and shape? What manner of bizarre existence would it be? It's so powerful because it can determine life and death itself. And perhaps choose to put us on a standstill to either admire us or laugh at how our lives are.

I wonder what it would be like to come into contact with time? Would it be like touching God?

There's a saying by many spiritual people that touching G... ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/8927074/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/8927074/ Wed, 31 May 2006 04:55:09 PDT
Well tis been a while. And surprisingly as a first I'm typing this entry at 7.06 in the evening. Quite a first considering I'm the nocturnal bugger.

Well, this is now the third week of college going on. Everything's pretty much settled.

I've got back me car last week. But that is one horrid horror that makes me burn. Sorta brings within me that burning desire to make that 17 year old kid's life a living hell.

Well, hmmm where to start. First of, he's already given me 2 weeks and 6 days worth of inconvenience. Normally, I'd be cool cos as they say, shit happens. But this guy had not a single courtesy to say sorry or admit he was wrong.

And now, the day I get my car back, I find out 2 of my windows and my back wiper are busted. And my radio was freaking ass stolen! >_<"

- now listening to 'Jiriri Kiteru' by Berryz Koubou -

Gawd!

And a stupid fat ass of the person in charge of my car didn't help either. Once a vulture always fat fucking vulture. He was like a damn vulture when my car was busted during that faithful day (coming in out of nowhere and shoving his damn business card up my nose) and the same fat ass that can't get his ass of his seat (as though his butt was glued to his seat) and take responsibility for my car radio being stolen when my car was under his supervision for repairs.

Well, after much pushing and complaining he did replace my radio, for a more shitty ones. A gawdy neon light 'analogue' (I repeat ANALOGUE) tuner radio. Gawd, my old radio was digital man and he gave me this piece of shit. Oh well, at least it had an audio jack so on the bright side I'm now listening to Hello! Project songs in me car through me MP3 player plugged into it.

- now listening to 'Neboru Desu Date Nanoni' by Morning Musume -

And I just had to pay half of the intended price for such MP3 playing capability. If my original radio was there (and this radio I still love mind you and am still missing it XP), I had to spend RM30 something to listen to MP3. Well, now with a cable, I get to listen for a mere RM14.

At least there's some good I guess. But crap man. I sent my car to fix my windows, I was forced to sit there like a dumbass for 2 hours I reckon cos the damn mechanic didn't tell me he was taking my car to the damn wiring shop for repairs. Fine. It came back, my windows work but my back wiper is still busted, my car can't spray water for the front wipers and my lights, when turned on, emitted a buzzing sound louder than a damn dildo energised with a power plant.

I actually had to go by myself back to the damn shop to get this shitty prob rectified. Fine. Went there, they did sum jackshit of workmanship and now my air cond can't shut off. Sheez.

Talk bout horrid workmanship.

An advice to all, don't ever let insurance companies do the payments for repairs. Apparently, and I know for sure, my windows were busted after that accident. Sadly, the damn insurance bastards ain't gonna issue money as long as they don't see a damn crack on the window even though they are gone due to the crash. Fucktards.

Gah...well, that over...

So far, my car's 2 windows are okay, but the back wiper and water spray and air cond switch is still busted. Shithead service. Sheez. At least the MP3-playing radio helps put a smile.

- now listening to 'Hare Ame Nochi Suki' by Morning Musume Sakura Gumi -

And that MP3 radio is just the tool. The real source for the smile is Hello! Project itself. Arigato ne. *bows*

Well, that aside and speaking of Hello! Project I am still on a high for it. Listening to a good dose of their music everyday. Watched their 2006 Winter Wonderful Hearts Concert bout twice. Might watch it again when I have the mood for it.

One half of Berryz Koubou's 2005 Autumn Switch On! Concert has been completed. Saw the first 2 songs. Gawd they are so cute. >_<"

*hugs em* lol!

- now listening to 'Suggoi Nakama' by Morning Musume -

Well, that aside, college has been another trip of adjustment. I'm now currently taking 3 subs. Life's been pretty hectic still though, what with all the business and stuffz to quickly settle asap.

Soon, everything will calm down.

I've got to thank a special person in me college for intro'ing me to a Goddess. Hontoni arigato ne. *big hugs*

Gawd, she's so knowledgable. Gomen for the request. We just keep talking bout the topic everytime we speak. Hontoni gomen. XD

I'll pass her the request asap. Rofl. Hontoni arigato again. X3 *bows*

Lol. XD XD XD

Hopefully to finish my project as well so I can send to her for reading. I sorta had inspiration to write fanfics. XD

- now listening to 'Daite Hold On Me! (N.Y. Mix)'... ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/8720324/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/8720324/ Tue, 09 May 2006 12:24:38 PDT
Tis now 2.30 in the morning. I sit back and type this entry and at the same time, dwell within the emotions that surface in my heart born from this song.

I don't understand how a song can be so beautiful and so powerful and so strong in emotion invoking.

The lyrics of the song speaks of a person caught in between, between the love she misses and the new love found. To be caught in between.

I ponder as I sit and stare at the ceiling.

To be caught in between. I have been in quite a lot of in between situations. Most of the time, a path that I chose to tread upon.

It's so strange. Cos life now seems so surreal. So mixed. So hybrid. So coin-like, two-sided melded into one. That sorta feeling.

At one point life feels so shitty and yet it feels just right. It feels so empty, and yet so fulfilled. It feels so lonely, and yet so complacent and full. I miss a past, and yet I'm happy for the way things turn out.

A paradoxical maelstrome of emotions. And invoked by a song. So beautiful is the song. The tune so melodic and strumming on the strings of emotions.

Tis like you're naked, floating in an ocean, lulled by the sway of gentle currents, asleep, letting the flows carry you around to places unknown.

- now listening to Berryz Koubou Live Tour 2005 album song titled 'Piriri to Yukou' -

Now this song is a total difference in tempo. So upbeat.

I can only smile. Oh well.

I've been hooked up with all things Berryz Koubou and Momusu. Well not surprising since I've just managed to get a hear of Berryz Koubou's Live Tour 2005 as stated above plus several songs that I've been dying to get. Lol.

Tis strange how I'm okay with their songs. Considering how alot of people cringe at their upbeatness, I'm actually pretty at home with it. Heck, I actually welcome it with open hands.

It sorta brings a light to a world gone pessimistic. Or just a world where there is so little meaning to it. Lol.

I am pessimistic you know. Lol. Maybe a little psycho at the sides as well. Who knows? XD

- now listening to Berryz Koubou Live Tour 2005 album song titled 'Yume de Do-Up' -

A slightly easy listening tune this one. Very nice mood.

Hmmm. Life without a car has indeed been highly a b*tch. Damn, I missed the freedom of an automobile. Stranded at home ain't good man.

As a person once told me, I need to get out more often. Well, I would if I had the damn car. XD

Stupid 17 year old kid. -______-

- now listening to Berryz Koubou Live Tour 2005 album song titled 'Anshinkan' -

To be stuck in the middle. Neither this nor that. Here nor there. One has two hands, but chose to center the soul in between, to be at the heart.

Surreal isn't it when one thinks about it.

Damn paradoxical mayhem. There's peace within neutrality and yet chaos within the heart in all this blissful peacefulness.

The human is so interesting no?

- now listening to Berryz Koubou Live Tour 2005 album song titled 'Anata nashi de wa ikite yukenai' -

What do you want?!

We've always heard this phrase shouted, asked, brought up, yelled, commented, whispered and many other voice types in movies, real life and all things related to our lives.

I look now at the human that is me. I picture my inner soul stepping out of this vessel, out of this shell, out of this mortal ship of protein, and look at it through the eyes of the soul.

What is it that you truly want? I ask the human that is me.

I just realised just how hard it is to answer that question. Isn't it hard to answer it? Don't you think?

I know what I want! One would say. But is that what you truly want? Will you be complacent with just that? Will you be satisfied? Will you dwell till the end of your days with just that? Will you be able to stay still at that spot and not move an inch? Will you be able to bear seeing it forever till the darkness of death envelopes you?

Wow...I really have no true answer come to think of it now.

- now listening to Berryz Koubou Live Tour 2005 album song titled 'Koi no Jubaku' -

But does one truly have the answer to those questions? Can they dare say the ultimate 'yes' and live up to their word and face whatever the consequences? Do they have the guts to carry such a burden promised by words uttered by their mouths? Do they have the stomach to swallow such a huge challenge?

Thinking about this actually brought to mind some interesting personas. Sayin... ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/8612786/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/8612786/ Fri, 28 Apr 2006 14:55:18 PDT
First and formost I would like to say how much I love this song. The tune is wonderful at strumming at the emotional strings within my soul.

Neways, as my title says, there're firsts for everything. I've been exposed to a couple of firsts.

For one, Warhammer 40k is a first time aspect that kicks ass. With its intricacy in story detail and history, it is candy for a new idea, concept and civilisation. A sort of Harry Potter way of revelation, to take one to a whole new world, although in Warhammer, things aren't so much as magical but more on way-exaggerated-proportions.

When they say 'size matters', hell yeah it does in 40k!

- now listening to 'Namida ga tomaranai houkago' by Morning Musume -

I love this song as well. Bubbly and cute. Lol. Ha ha.

Neways...

I've also had my first on jotting down details of a short skirmish match for Warhammer. I've then written it in a short story from. Sanity and Quiz, just wait a little while more. I've just gotta check it out for 'cleanup' and then the story will be out for you to read. =3

That aside hmmm, there was a first in realising how much I've clinged myself to Hello! Project songs as well. Currently damn hooked up with Momusu and Berryz Koubou for sum weird reason or another. Alotta people can't exactly stand their songs but I dunno why I find them interesting. Lol.

Perhaps I need that jump in hype or sumthing? I dunno. I actually start my day with a good dose of H!P songs. Seriously I do. Think listening to genki songs in the morning through me MP3 player, songs that somehow alotta ppl find trouble swallowing.

Oh well.

DoTA of course the hot topic of the moment. Lol.

- now listening to 'Piriri to Yukou' by Berryz Koubou -

Yes Quiz, I will incorporate the new strategies that you talk about.

Well, in terms of gaming I've just sorta started on Lara Croft Tomb Raider Legend. The latest installment is actually kinda cool I must say.

Choreography wise, vast improvements plus tis highly cinematic. Tis like playing an interactive movie. =3

Lol.

As the title states, a first for many things, a first for a crash report.

Indeed it was a first for me to step into a police station to make a report on a car crash.

Yep, I've been involved in a car accident. But this time though, it wasn't my fault but the fault of quite a crazy fellow. This smart fellow came out of a turning, was on the left lane and me on the right. He then made a U-Turn without warning and boom, everything went all cinematic. -_-"

- now listening to 'Timpul Trece' by O-Zone -

Totally unexpected is how things usually work in this life. Here we are, me and 3 people in a car, driving home from quite an ok game of DOD. And suddenly sumthing like this happens. Talk about the ups and downs of life. Oh well. As long as I don't have to fork out any cash or anything.

Me and my passengers were okay, although I couldn't say much for the person who caused the accident. I'm sure he's gonna get quite a hefty scar. Ow.

Anyways, the real experience was actually making a report. There was quite a lot of paper work to do. And there was a CSI moment when I was actually sort of interrogated by the Sergeant there. Man, was he giving the impression of wanting to chew me out for breakfast man. O_O"

But all's well that ends well. A slight ache on me chest. But aside from that there wasn't much more hastle. Although I hafta go to the mechanics tomorrow to check me car out and settle the paperworks with the insurance dept. -_-"

Man, the troubles of going for something I didn't cause. And Quiz was going all about safe driving. Well yeah, I believe the four of us are now gonna drive slower for the sake of keeping ourselves safe from psychos.

- now listening to 'Ai Araba It's All Right' by Momusu -

That kid was a 17 year old dood that just got his damn license man. The saddest part was that all four of us were being nice enough to him not to press extra charges. I actually went to him to ask if he was alright or not. That guy didn't even say sorry and in the police station he even denied what happened.

But investigations went on and he was found guilty. Hurrah. Bad thing though is that I ain't got no car for 3 weeks as it's being repaired. Ai yai yai... -_-"

Oh well, that means staying at home to spend time with Momusu and Lara Croft. XD

- now listening to 'Go Girl! Koi No Victory!' by... ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/8417010/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/8417010/ Sun, 09 Apr 2006 11:16:10 PDT XD

Yerr...why you tag me cos o a small laugh wan. T___T

Ha ha, lemme jes see how fate plays with me then. Rofl. XD

Quiz

- Put your iTunes/Winamp/WMP on shuffle.
- Say the following questions aloud, and press play.
- Use the song title as the answer to the question.
- NO cheating

1. How does the world see you?
Nickelback - Too bad

Whoa! DAMN! HA HA HA! I mean, ppl say I look like samseng / gangsta, but damn! Lol!

2. Will I have a happy life?
Castle In The Sky OST - Sheeta's Decision

ZOMG! Me life hangs in the balance by a person's decision? T_T or then again, my life would be like a castle in the sky? =3 depends on how you wanna look at it. XD

3. What do my friends think of me?
The Crystal Method - Busy Child

Whoa! I'm a busy child! XD WOO HOO! XD ha ha...busy doing what I wonder? >=3 *searches for cuties* LOL! XD *squeezes and hugs a pikachu* lol!

4. Do people secretly lust after me?
Adiemus - Rain Dance

OMG! It's raining men! Halelujah! XD OMG!

Do I really have that affect on ppl? XD LOL! I make ppl dance! XD ha ha ha!

5. How can I make myself happy?
Orito Shinji - Tori No Uta (Piano Arrange Ver.)

Hmmm...lemme check the dictionary...

Wow...this does bring emotions to my heart. A song of the bird. Indeed it coincides with me. The winamp is synonymus with my bio rhythms in a scary way I guess.

I do seek freedom, to be free to go at my pace and rate. I wanna be free with wings of a bird.

6. What should I do with my life?
Fluke - Zion

WHOA! DAMN! To Zion! Neo! OMG! XD

This is scarily funny. I love Matrix and the playlist bids me to search for Zion. LOL! XD ha ha ha!

7. Will I ever have children?
Ronan Keating - When You Say Nothing At All

OMG! Nothing! No kids! HA HA HA! This is scary!

I did wanted not to have kids for various reasons. But hmmm...

To put it on another perspective, I sorta picture meself carrying me sleeping child. And I stare into his peaceful face and smile gently at the angelic child. Beautiful without saying a word.

8. What is some good advice for me?
Final Fantasy X-2 - 1000 No Kotoba

Checking translation...

WHOA! A thousand words to advice me! XD ha ha ha. Well, I have always been a philosopher in search of answers and truths. Lol.

But then again...it means I'm so problematic I need a thousand words. T_T

9. How will I be remembered?
Kenji Kawaii - Kugutsuuta Kagirohi Ha Yomi Ni

Whoa, a song from Ghost In The Shell - Innocence O.o

Translation...

Can't find it. But tis this very chantlike music. I'll be remembered as a cultured and holy person. Woo hoo! XD XD XD

10. What's my signature dancing song?
Enrique Iglesias - Not In Love

Ohhhhh...mahhh...gaaauuuwd...

HA HA HA! I can't stop laughing dammit! HA HA HA!!! XD XD XD

I'm in denial of my feelings! XD HA HA HA!

11. What's my current theme song?
Nishida Masara - Fuunmei na Sora

Omg...so freaky and creepy music. Very frantic song. XD

12. What do others think is my current themesong?
Outcast - The way you move

OMG! Ppl staring at the way I move... woooooo... lol!

13. What shall they play at my funeral?
Eric Clapton - Wonderful Tonight (Live)

OMG! So cham! Ppl, celebrating man... T_T LOL!

14. What type of women do I like?
Star Ocean OST - Invasion

O_O omg! An invasion?! WHOA! OoO

Invasion of women! XD DAMN!

15. How's my love life?
Witch Hunter Robin OST - Shadow

Wah, my love life in the shadows... cham T_T...

But it oso sounds so mysterious and cool... 8D i'm jes being optimistic. Lol! XD

------------------------------------
6 weird things about me

Write 6 weird things about yourself. and tag others...

1. I have this high knack for speeding. Gawd knows why I love speed. Lol. Especially obsessed with perfect lines on the road, so that means actually cutting lanes to get that F1 cornering. Lol.

2. I can do various voices. Some examples would be Stitch from Lilo and Stitch, 1 or 2 words from Donald Duck, Goofy and definitely the people that I meet like lecturers and friends. Lol. XD

3. I have an uber obsession with cute and innocen... ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/8416661/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/8416661/ Sun, 09 Apr 2006 10:36:41 PDT

Nyuuu, lol. XD

Neways...

Rules : The 1st player of this "game" starts with the topic "6 weird habits/things about yourself" and people who get tagged need to write a journal about their 6 weird habits/things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "you are tagged" in their devpage comments and tell them to read yours....

1. I have this high knack for speeding. Gawd knows why I love speed. Lol. Especially obsessed with perfect lines on the road, so that means actually cutting lanes to get that F1 cornering. Lol.

2. I can do various voices. Some examples would be Stitch from Lilo and Stitch, 1 or 2 words from Donald Duck, Goofy and definitely the people that I meet like lecturers and friends. Lol. XD

3. I have an uber obsession with cute and innocent. I'm a melter for em cuties out there. The more cute and innocent, the more I'm like omg!!!! But of course, I do like other girls as well, as long as they are good at heart, good in personality and have feelings for me. Lol.

4. Erm, I don't have hairy legs, hell I don't have hair on me legs at all. Every girl has gone "Damn!" when they look at it. Dun ask me! I oso dunno why. I jes grew up like this. XD

5. Did I mention I have an obsession with cute? Yes, and tell you, it doesn't just fall on the opposite gender. Anything that's cute I'm a sucker. Think Pikachu's, round chubby doll things, soft toys, tiny stuffz and etc. I'm weird. Lol... XD

6. Can't think of anymore...hmmm. I like the smell of petrol? XD kinda nice actually. Lol.

Now for da tagging o ppl. Bua ha ha. XD

]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/8364735/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/8364735/ Tue, 04 Apr 2006 14:45:09 PDT
I shake my head slightly to the beat as I type this entry at a time close to 5 in the morning. Still wondering how to settle a college assignment that's pretty much due for inspection. I know and sense I'm gonna get screwed.

But...I don't have the right tools. And I just troubled a friend again. Gah...the karma repercussions that are to come. -_-"

Oh well.

Life's been rather shitty and hectic as of late. There're just so many factors, not just work. Peers, home, time, lack of freedom and personal space, etc....

Doesn't it sorta suck when one makes a comment about a complication you have without even understanding just how complex your complication is?

Sure...say something that's based on your POV. Life ain't how you view it. We have this thing called "seeing things from a different POV or perspective". A different POV for a different individual. Sighs...

Oh well, that person is a nice person so I won't say much. Just that I do hope one day enlightenment will dawn upon that person.

Hmmm...

I've been currently hooked to Momusu again. The new generation which currently is the 7th gen if not mistaken is nothing but a bundle-load of cuties. XD

Ha ha, eye candy...but not just the visual mind you. They sing songs of good quality as well.

It was nifty listening to Joshi Kashimashi Monogatari. Ingenious and total cuteness. Plus new faces to see. Cuteness those faces are too.

- now listening to "Renai Revolution 21" by Morning Musume -

Renai Revolution is pretty old, and was sung by the 5th gen I think. But regardless, the sounds are way past funky. Disconess mixed with a pretty good dose of genki. Nice to me ears. =3

Well, on the topic of Momusu, Joshi Kashimashi Monogatari sorta opened my eyes to the cuteness that is Taka Ai.

Tis amazing how her name fits in so many things to do with the heart. XD ha ha. Ai, wo ai ni! Ai, aishiteru!!! XD ha ha.

Well, tis just a lil side detour. Back to life as a whole, seen in the perspective of eyes outside the crystal ball that when turned upside down and right side up, snow falls upon the mini city within...

I just came back home from dinner not long ago. During the dinner me and Sanity had quite a discussion about cars, with the occasional big teddy making funny comments.

It was quite interesting actually how the flow of convo had moved. I noticed I was turning more and more Top Gear by the day. LOL. XD

I sorta feel so proud...

How we've changed.

Many things have indeed changed in life. Dad's like the tide, sometimes calm, most of the time a raging storm. Sis is off to college, hectic slowly consuming her. Me and bro talking more DOTA than the amount of clouds there are in the sky.

Sighs...

I'm looking for a different pace of life. Actually, I think I've partially achieved it. Sorta taken things a lil more slower. I'm also going to a state I used to be before, following an advice from a wise person.

Tis an irony, paradoxical situation actually.

That person told me not to listen to anyone but instead, do what I wanted to do, listen to my heart. And to go at my own pace. But hmmm, his first sentence sorta contradicted the whole scene in totality.

Should I listen to him? Or not? I did have my doubts bout the words he said, and to tell you the truth, I can't help but get lost in thought many a time figuring out what message truly lies behind the curtains, what lesson in life is there for me to learn and intergrate into myself. So far, Momusu has dragged me out for a relief of the mental faculty.

Thanks Taka Ai... =3 and thank you Sayu Michi and thank you Koha Kusumi (you're damn cute in Sexy Boy! ZOMG!)

Speaking of Taka Ai, it's pretty amazing watching her in Futarigoto. I mean, she didn't know what else to say after 70% of the segment, but what she had said did sorta put my POV about her in a different perspective. I used to think she was just cute and all. But watching her, from listening to her voice to observing her facial expression, she was a person immersed in memory and I don't know how to describe it but with just the word...divine.

Maturity comes out of her, an aura that showers upon you so gently it warms you with profoundness, as that of a good warm cup of drink on a cold day, how the liquid goes down your throat, warms your stomach from the inside and lets the warmth spreads througout the body.

At a point I felt love for her...I don't know how to describe. Just a strong emotion for her. Not lust or anything but instead,... ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/8102126/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/8102126/ Wed, 08 Mar 2006 10:57:46 PST
Tis the middle of the exploration week as of the moment.

But first and foremost before anything, I wanna wish once again to a friend of mine Happy Birthday! A year older, a year wiser, but the heart, a kid you shall remain.

Hmmm, neways, back to the exploration week. The drive to finish assignments hasn't actually surfaced itself. Apparently motivation is a little child that is afraid of the bloody monster that is assignments.

I've lately been feeling very tired and fatigued beyond the description of words. I guess the only words that describe this phase, as a lecturer would put it :

"Burn out"

I have indeed been so badly burned inside out and outside in and whatever beyond and within. Life has been depleted of its many motivations in my world. World seems...empty to me...

I actually am shocked and at an awe at what has happened to me. I surprised and shocked really I am.

What happened to me? Really, what happened?

Lately, I've been so highly volatile, and highly tempremental, so highly on the edge, ready to pounce. I want to hurt idiots who just mess my life, I want to make em suffer so badly it scares me. I feel like a million spikes jutted out of me skin, like a sign that screams "Get The Fuck Away From Me".

Lately things have started to easily tick me off, from the smallest of words to the smallest of gestures to the smallest of actions.

What the fuck has indeed happened to me?

I used to be cool bout most things. I'm not saying it in a bragging way, but in a sort of way that meant that I was okay with alotta things. I was rather cool headed and calm and okay. But now, things have gotten out of hand so much.

Maybe it's because of the suppressions? Suppressions that come with being too nice? You keep a smiling facade. And then you let and allow people to walk all over you. People take advantage of you, play you like a toy.

But most people have recently shut up when it came to repetition of taunts. Repeated taunts were of the kind that really flared my inner flame. And once again, I used to be able to take more before. What happened man? Now tis like my limit has grown smaller.

I've told so many people off, severed the chain of taunts from repeating itself too much.

I'm scared of myself actually. What am I going to turn out to be? I can't let this go on...

It's freaking me out...

I spoke to a friend about my condition. There came a theory throughout our discussion that sorta stated it was perhaps the lack of feeling that you are in a place where you can belong. Hmmm, perhaps?

I don't know. To me, the world has seemed colder by the day...

There is no place to rest a weary head anymore, no place that would accept you with open arms, no place where you can feel you are needed...

What am I saying? Me, being sappy and weak? What am I now?

I laugh at my weakness. I have indeed crumbled, I have indeed fallen, I have indeed have my eyes half closed, ready for hibernation of the mind, wishing actually never to awaken.

Fatigue in the cold world isn't good.

Everyone is moving at a pace that I can't keep up. No hand reaching out for me to grab along the ride...I'm just left behind.

Or perhaps there's a demand life has placed that you have no one you can rely on but yourself? But that's harsh ain't it? Aren't we humans supposed to be united for we are social beings?

Life, one of the hardest thing to grasp and comprehend and understand. What is one's purpose in life? I feel like I'm walking without a purpose. No meaning, no goal, no ending, not a horizon to look at...

And a thought just came to my mind...

How is it that people who deserve so much suffering for causing the pain upon others live on a happy life? Karma can't be that biased right? Or is it altogether just a whole load of bullshit? This judgement system, is it a pile of worthless horseshit, created by men with power in means of controlling the minds of the majority through the sneakiest of ways that easily render them nothing more than caniving bastards and sons of bitches?

Maybe I'm being overly cruel or sadistic, but I feel that people who cause pain to others need to get their just deserves in a horrible and violent way. Tis like the pain must be 20 fold just to justify the pain they caused in the first place. Lately I've been having too many run ins with idiots who I feel need pain or perhaps a death penalty by some divine power just to redeem themselves. Fucking fucktards. Gah...

Man, what the fuck has indeed happened to me. I'm so angsty...

Geez!

Gah, perhaps tis the fatigue? My body screams for freedom... ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/7843071/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/7843071/ Thu, 09 Feb 2006 02:15:24 PST
Happy Chinese New Year first of all.

Though the one week holiday given for this occasion be over, the many things that the tide which is this festive holiday has brought is indeed plentiful. So many changes, so many thoughts spawning amidst all the chaos.

Life to me, hmmm...chaotic.

Well, at least I've cleared two of my debts. I still think I have a couple more to clear up. But for now, we'll leave it at that.

The holidays were pretty enlightening. I've sorta learned many things regarding the conflicts I had within my father's family. The family seems rather separated as of late. Things aren't as they used to be. We seemed to have drifted further and further away from each other as time goes by.

And the arguments between my youngest uncle and my dad. Gawd, that sucked. Just being in the same house together with the two was nauseating. The tension was so thick in the air I had to step out.

Talk about one's family tree.

The leaves are turning dry and one by one they fall and soon the branches may crack. How can one look highly upon such a tree?

Sigh...

College has been sapping me of energy. As I stare and look I realised just how much I'm falling behind. I feel catching up becomes quite the chore. Should I once again take a break to catch up?

And then speaking of catching up, I stare into space on many occassions, wondering and thinking the same thoughts that kept repeating in my mind.

Am I doing the right thing? Am I on the right path? Will I regret taking this path? Time eats into me as I speak. Am I wasting time and not to mention the cash used to support this learning journey?

I look at the person who supports me. The burden he has to carry on his back. I feel saddened to see him in such a state. No person deserves such a burden. I don't want to disappoint him.

On another note, just recovered from sickness. I'm still feeling light headed, but well enough to at least update.

I'm surprised how alive I am, considering that I thought I was gonna die. It was a horrible sickness indeed. My mind was actually in a state of duality during that peak of sickness point. On one hand, I felt I wasn't ready to die. Perhaps tis cos I didn't want my father who was the only pillar of support for my sibs to break down and thus loose all connections of the family. But another part of me was ready for death. To me the thought of death being part of nature popped up. If I were to die, if it was my time, then I would let go.

But oh well, I guess I'm not dead yet. Lol.

Hmmm, there're so many things I wish to say, or moreover rant about but I guess I'll keep it at here for now.

Well, I guess my entry ends here for now. May all be happy always. ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/7638596/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/7638596/ Wed, 18 Jan 2006 11:32:17 PST
Tis now 3 in the morning. Damn, I should definitely be asleep cos I gotta get up early for class the next day.

But oh well.

There has been nothing but a lot of assignments lately. Been trying to adjust myself to the new environment.

Sis has started her term in the college of her choice. So far, she's a great inspiration and role model to me. She has this inner fire of motivation that doesn't seem to qwell easily even under the harshest of conditions.

Respect I have for her and to follow her I will.

It seems as well that this term brought upon a new change. The environment and people seemed to have changed somehow. Things are sorta...different.

Tis amazing how people can have a sudden change. One moment they are this ppl, and the next another.

Speaking of this statement, I smile as I recalled the talk that I had with a person I knew from a past. We were talking bout things and how we were. I now see as I saw at that moment of conversation, just how much I myself have changed.

She has changed as well, but I think I'm the one who underwent the big change if compared between us two.

Time time time...playing funny games.

Well, on another note, tis amazing to see someone sorta angry at me. I'm not sure whether that person is truly angry at me. Just that at moments, freeze frames within the timeline, I catch that person staring at me, but with an angry look as that person looks away.

Sometimes I wonder really what's going on. Hmmm...

I put a finger to my mouth and think...nope...didn't do nothing wrong at all. Heck, if there was indeed someone to be blamed it would be that person actually. After all, it was that person who started the problems. I tried making peace before but ah well, unfortunately that person doesn't see it as a peace action.

I did try to reconnect and recreate the connection. But oh well, I guess some people just push it away. I hope that person ain't mad at me for whatever reason cos that person's wasting some good old energy getting all worked up. After all, that person is the one at fault.

Aiming the daggers at the wrong place mate. Should aim at the person in the mirror ye know.

On a side note, hmmm, life's also taken a different turn.

How do I put it?

Among the many vegetation,
There are so many things to see,
But what caught my eye,
Is the image of flowers blossoming,
Beautiful flowers they were,
One though blown away by the wind,
A fleeting image.

Fortunately,
There remain the others,
But they are beauty to the eye,
But for the heart I'm sure not.

Only to do,
Is to take,
And sniff,
And figure out,
Whether it is right,
Right is the fragrance,
That is sweet,
From the inside,
To calm a thousand sorrows,
Within my one heart.

So far, the cold wind blows this way. But who knows? Seasons may change, and the warm winds may come.

So for now, as a Wanderer, just to wait and see what the weather may offer. I'm in no rush, in no hurry. Sit back, do a little bit to change the factors, but all in all, see what the tides of fate bring forth.

- now listening to the ending theme from Now and Then, Here and There OST -

Time, an abstract thing that binds us to the fabric of existance.

Lately I've been feeling life lacks time. Time seems to fly faster than the eye can catch and that's bad...

The days seem shorter, and I seem to be lacking the time to do things. Tis hard to balance things out it seems. Everything consumes time as time consumes everything. The paradoxical statement, as with all other paradoxes that seems to add up and equal the workings of our existance. The imbalances creating the balance.

I feel the tiny little voice inside me saying sleep...

Not cause I'm tired, but just that I can wake up the next day. -_-"

Sighs...

Having so little time...it sucks.

Can't seem to do what is needed and still have equal time to fulfil one's urges and needs for personal space, privacy and needs and wants.

Well, neways, my entry ends here for now. May all have happiness and time in their lives. ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/7532493/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/7532493/ Sat, 07 Jan 2006 04:10:51 PST
Tis a beautiful 7.42 pm evening. As I sit typing this I can't help but feel more and more enlightened.

I have just finished reading Dan Brown's "The Da Vinci Code". Great story it is indeed and a recommendation to all. Tis a good book, for it brings the reader to the roots of what one holds strongly as faith.

It was actually quite amazing and enlightening to see how many of my self principals connected with the contents of the book. Not entirely in a religious point but just a self principal point of view.

The book circled around the sacred feminine. It's somehow the materialisation of my observation, this book's contents here. For a long time after much pondering and observation of how civilisation and society as it is works, it has dawned upon me that women have been oppressed.

I've always believed that women should be protected, respected and supported. The male can't live without the female and the female is always there for the male she chooses. Sounds like a perfect fairy tale but I still believe in it. I'm sorta glad and honoured my beliefs coincided with the book's contents.

Most females these days have played at men's hearts. But then again, who's the blame them if it was the oppression caused by men themselves that brought upon such turn of events? Women have been used, manipulated and hurt by the greed of men who do not understand the sacredness and honour that has been bestowed upon them by the women who love them.

How can one take advantage of a woman who is willing to give her all because she believes that the one she chose is the one?

I've heard sad stories of how a guy states to a girl :

"If you want to be with me, you must sleep with me."

Has anyone heard such a statement? The absurdity of it all. I pray that the female facing this situation will turn and walk away. He's not worth it at all.

Perhaps maybe I am living in a true fantasy. But having read and heard of such pagan beliefs in the past, it makes me proud to strive hard for the protection of the feminine.

Lol. It brings many memories of the past. I used to be a knight in shining armour for one who believed in me. But unfortunate, it was the first time and I was naive indeed. I threw it away and has indeed been one regret in my life.

Times have changed though. Her mindset is of different as that of before. I missed the days back then once in a while. To be a knight for someone and to know someone is there for you always.

It was rather funny how it all started. How we met. I felt I was indeed a knight back then when we first connected as two strangers. How as time went by it developed. It was indeed like a fairy tale come true.

Sighs...the memories of a fairy tale in actuality coming to life.

But tis not to say it was magical as well. There had to be some reality in it. I guess I couldn't handle the reality back then.

Life has indeed garnered and polished me to be more...cautious.

Sometimes I felt it was more of being jaded and cold than cautious. Tis sad how one loses trust. The innocence has faded like the sands on a slab of stone, revealing only the cold harsh truth underneath.

Innocence is such a beautiful thing. Because you see with the glasses of wonder. Everything is the world is full of hope and dreams and possibilities.

Being in the state of jadedness brings about the gloom and darkness of the world.

There was a saying in Jostein Gaarder's book that stated that we humans are luckier than angels because we are given the gift of creation. To be able to see what the Almighty has created so hard.

Unfortunate that with innocence gone, the world seems more a dark and dangerous place instead of the wonder that it is.

I wish to regain back that aspect, searching for the inner child that has crouched and hid itself within me.

Take my hand child, do not be afraid. Once again, we both walk hand in hand to see the world and what it has to offer.

Neways, my entry ends here for now. May all have happiness and truth and the connection to their inner child. ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/7448638/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/7448638/ Thu, 29 Dec 2005 13:08:51 PST
Tis now 4.24 am in the morning. A silent early morning, my favourite moment, for there's indeed a peace of mind in all the chaos that happens around.

Tis a wonderful song isn't it by James Blunt? Tis a song many can relate to. We've all been through it in our lifetime.

Tis indeed something I can sorta feel. Well, not entirely but the concept is there. I watched "Fireflies : River of Light" or "Hotaru no Hoshi" and one of me fave idols was there. She's so cute and her expression sorta invoked an emotion from within.

Tis amazing how behind a face that serves as a good mask, there are so many secrets, so many doors leading to pasts and events that is best kept secret. It was like I wanted to be there, to be able to allow her to open the door and share the burden that she carried so much upon her shoulders, to show that she is indeed loved and cared for. To just be there for her. <3

And the music was emotion invoking as well, great sounds that I would indeed love to get a hold of.

But back to masks we wear, which sort of brings me to what I'm about to jot down.

I spoke to a fellow colleague of mine. We had a long talk bout our lives. Indeed the concept of masks holds true for him. For what is on the exterior is definitely not what is on the inside. As I spoke to him, he opened the door into his past for me to see. I was amazed indeed by what he had gone through, the path in which he walked upon. It was rough sailing for him, emotionally and mentally. How he changed and all.

It was indeed an enlightening experience and lesson. He taught me many things by telling me his principles in life and such.

It was something I could relate to as well. To lose something so precious and never be able to get it back. And how that invoked the transformation of the persona that is now me from who I used to be. Of course the interactions with other people served as supplements to the change as well.

We were once worms who went through the cocoon stage, braving the elements to become butterflies.

- now listening to "God is a Girl" by Groove Coverage -

Lately I've been busy adjusting myself to a new change in my life. I have involved myself in a part time business and at the same time currently doing a free lance job.

Bout the business, more details along the river of time. The boat is still sailing so more to see along the way. Tis not all scenery I can tell you. There're many obstacles and perhaps a big waterfall along the way, but there're people who are helping me keep afloat until I reach the vast ocean where everything is all beautiful.

Neways, hence the lack of update. Been also playing Dota. Yes, I'm bloody hooked to it. Dammit! >.<"

Tis jes so addictive man. But oh well.

Finished the LOTR saga, FINALLY. Now started on Dan Brown's "Da Vinci Code".

Character design still in the works. Got only 2 sketches of it so far. More to develope, both on the visual and on the written parts.

- now listening to "Hidden Forest" by Tony O'Connor -

I look at my hands and look into myself. Am I such a bad person?

I was involved in an argument with someone a few days back. That person got so mad that he held me by my neck, threatening to strangle me. But I stared at him in the face, unafraid, embracing death. If he wanted to kill me, so be it. I rather die than to live a life with such a person as him. For he was the fire starter, and he was also the fuel pourer. For he for so long had bugged me like a turd that won't flush, which is the fuel pouring into me. And finally, one comment was the spark that ignited the collected fuel within, turning on not a fire but a blaze.

I defied him. He demanded respect from me and I shall by all means, give no such thing to him for he didn't deserve it at all. Bullshit was all I can say in my heart.

There're more details into the argument but I shall keep it hush, because the very next day he spoke to me again as though nothing happen. But what has been done has been done. You can't just erase something you have said or done. You think that you with power can do whatever you want? The scar has been inflicted and it shall remain there in my mind till the end of my days, and if things go better, perhaps for a long time.

You want respect? Sure I'll salute you. Here's a one finger salute jackass.

He said I was a bad person. But am I really a bad person? I defied him and defended myself against the accusations thrown upon me that were false. And not once has this accusation been thrown upon me but a thousand times already.

Am I a bad person? I wondered and pondered about this.

I hate conflicts, especially conflicts where t... ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/7400515/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/7400515/ Sat, 24 Dec 2005 08:14:47 PST ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/7088064/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/7088064/ Sat, 19 Nov 2005 10:34:02 PST
Tis now 1.30 in the morning. And here I am wide awake. Although I should be sleeping but...what the heck. XD

Tis after all, been a while since I managed to enter in a new entry. Days of late have been highly cruel to the rare commodity that is free time. Have been highly weighed down by assignment after assignment after assignment after assignment. Did I forget assignments?

Neways, days have been hectic. Maya assignments are killers on the loose. Marketing project and short film shooting. You'd think that a robot can break down handling all these, let alone a human being such as me. But I ain't no human being come to think of it. I believe I was a human being. I'm now instead a zombie.

The flows of life have changed recently.

Things seem...surreal and empty and cold. I guess tis the stress perhaps?

Things have changed. More things have been learned. How one can see so many happenings before the eyes. People aren't what they used to be and people aren't what they seem. Appearance is indeed evolving into an actual mask, and everyone is wearing a pretty good one.

I have learned recently from a friend of mine bout many things life. The way to go through life as he sees. Though some of his principles are not what I would agree with, he does have experience nonetheless and the rationale and reasons he gives to support his statements are indeed convincing and logical. I learned quite many things.

What to strive for, what to aim for, the fact that sometimes nobility, honour and honesty can't be used for chivalry has indeed vanished into quite the thin air. Either that or chivalry has been a fabricated aspect in human life and indeed does not exist.

- now listening to "A Thing About You" by Roxette -

Is it a truth that is seen with eyes closed by the majority that the human race is getting more and more complex and that it is headed towards a downward spiral of development?

Oh well...

On the good news I have installed a new TV (which is the ol TV that was in its box collecting dust) (finally!). So now I get to play consoles or watch movies. Woo pee!

Have also been playing DOTA and Serious Sam 2. Great multiplayer games and parrots are cute. XD

But aside from that, life has been pretty much...routine, robotic and bland. There is more spark to life than this right? The wonder of life can't possibly be just this? I'm sure God didn't spend 6 days just to create something that wasn't filled with so many possible things to discover.

Perhaps there is indeed something to this life of the mundane, a life of the system we're in. But well, so far I have indeed been drained out to see it. So far the only thing I see is assignments and nothing more. -_-" Whoa...scary...

Sleep has been rare and the opportunity of some private time with the com even rarer. Tis as rare as finding the right one who will fill up the gap within the heart. Gap...life has been rather an empty journey. I dunno. Just feels...empty...

Stand upon the empty land before thee,
Tell me what is it that you can see,
Nothing isn't that the answer?
The land seems to stretch on forever.

A barren land a barren place,
Not a soul not a face,
The journey continues on and on,
A tired soul I am, dull and forlorn.

The wanderer seeks for something,
No words to describe, just a concept to hold,
Something to heal the empty heart and soul within,
It will come, so he was told.

But it has not,
And the will thus rot,
He has no strength to go the lot
Of distance before him to reach what he sought.

I lie and wonder just what it is,
That will in time bring me peace,
To quench the thirst of this soul,
That has wandered distances several fold.

Random words that pop into my head I decide to write it out. And perhaps will upload it as a deviation.

Neways, I guess my entry ends here for now. I think me bro wants me to play with him Halo. -.-"

Till next time, may all have happiness. ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/6952020/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/6952020/ Fri, 04 Nov 2005 08:56:29 PST
1. I think alot 24/7. Mostly of things beyond the veil of the mundane. I'll be finding fun in disecting things with the mind, asking questions and such and seeking answers. Such e.g. include : What's beyond space? What lies beyond existance? What is God?

2. I'm a sucker for cute girls. Innocent looking girls. <3 Age matters not (of course dun make it too bombastic a number).

3. Regarding the question above, though looks do attract the eye, in the end the heart counts. There's no point in having someone good on the outside but as rotten as a rotting corpse on the inside.

4. And also, regarding question 2, I have this strong drive to protect cute and innocent girls. I'm highly protective as well of those whom I love. I can get pretty heated up when someone whom I care about gets hurt emotionally, physically or mentally. Most times me sis would be the one asking me to calm down when I'm fired up.

5. I write poetry based on my mood. I do have mood swings, but most of the time I try to keep it cool. Cos I dun exactly like losing my head. I'm emotional but I do not like being consumed by the excess of it. And I do write poetry as well based on imageries and philosophical thoughts that happen to visit the mind.

6. I'm a sucker for Japanese cars and especially drifiting. Tis like heaven on the inside and outside of the car. Outside it looks like a dance. Inside tis as though you're flying and you have control of every second of the movement. currently loves the Toyota Supra, AE86 Trueno and Honda S2000.

7. I have a bad temper in which I have analysed to actually being that I have a bad reaction to most things.

8. I've sorta wore the shoes of one who has had something wonderful, but have lost it and can't get it back. Tis a painful feeling.

9. My sis is an angel to me. She's an important person in my life. She's like this one star in the sky, a torch in the dark, a guide for the lost. Love her very much.

10. My bro too is important to me. Can't imagine life without him. Although most times we tend to disagree but I guess we're still pretty much connected. Love him too.

11. I believe that females are amazing. They should be protected, respected and not taken advantage of. No man stands high among the Gods without a woman behind him, that woman of course being a person who truly loves him and supports him to the end.

12. The Matrix Saga rawks to my opinion. I'm a Matrix fan and feel that the Wachowski bros are amazing people to have created this trilogy. Instilling among all the SFX and action alotta philosophy and messages is amazing and the type of work that I wish to produce. I wanna write a story of such level as the one they have created.

13. Star Wars saga and LOTR rawks as well! Amazing choreography and concepts and the grandeur of a large army. It doesn't get better than these movies as well!

14. Being a person stuck in the middle generation, a generation between the old generation and the new, I try to indeed be middle and combine the best of both worlds. Not easy being in the middle path for there are many aspects to conquer.

15. I dun like roaches and hell no I hate worms. But I dun kill em for I believe tis cruel and that they too deserve a right to live as well.

16. Aside from cute girls I'm also a sucker for all things cute. I love Disney's Stitch (although I've only watched the movie) and Pikachu is cute and adorable too. Any other cuteness ish also the factors that bring about the urge to squeeze it and hug it. X3

17. I need a damn new car... -.-"

18. I've been asking questions bout life and how it should be. Whether the lifestyle going on is truly justified or not. Lately, I've been scared of the world and its workings. I feel tis going against our true human nature.

19. I'm exposed to many forms of religion, and have followed under some of them as well thanks to me dad, but I've always considered and still consider myself a philosopher at heart.

20. I hate troublemakers. The world is pretty much a crazy place to be in. We don't need the extra crap to deal with. If only those who cause trouble would use their God-given brains to think of their actions and consequences, the world would have more smiles.

That's about it I guess. There's more to me but so far these are the things that popped into me mind so here they are. ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/6879049/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/6879049/ Thu, 27 Oct 2005 04:01:55 PDT
A beautiful cool evening it is as I sit and type this here new entry. Tis been quite a while since an update of the journal.

Life's been pretty hectic, and alotta things have happened in college assignment context.

The last two days and today though were spent staying at home recuperating from a sickness. Dengue I think it is although I have yet to see a doctor to confirm it. Yes, I haven't seen a doctor. Was supposed to go but me dad in the end din bring me there. >.>"

The sickness was pretty killer. Headache, aching in the eyes, aching muscles, fever, cough, an upset stomach and hmmm, that's bout it I guess. Oh yes, extreme fatigue and the need to just pop to sleep (not to mention I was so dizzy jes standing, as though my head had weights in em that shifted dangerously to an extreme side with a slight tilt, sending my brain juices a-hurling, rendering me close to throwing up).

Yeah, the sick of sick. X.x

But I'm okay as of today, just a little of an itchy throat and cough. And it was bad mojo for not just me but me bro and sis as well. Stayed at home today for the extra rest and to take care of me sis. Bro though is doing fine and in fact has gone off on a field trip. All pain does go away when you're having fun I guess. Talk bout power of the mind.

Neways, thanks Ms Yellow Black Stripes for the sms. XD

Well, at least the days off gave me some much needed rest from the hectic that is TOA. Been thinking alot about my college. Seriously, it is a killer battleground. You ain't known what killer is until you stepped into it. The compressions of time and everything in the system is enough to make your brains explode. I know mine nearly did and worse of all, I'm going for more brain torment.

Oh well. X_x"

Also, yesterday was a good day spent reading the whole book titled "Wisdom For The New Millennium" by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. A great book for it contained many wise words from the great spiritual leader himself.

Tis amazing what a smile can do. Whenever I look at Sri Sri Ravi Shankar's face I can't help but feel comfort and love towards this spiritual man. The "Guru of Joy" as many around the world call him, he goes around with a smile. And there're many reasons why there's such a facial expression that he keeps so well. Just reading his words brought to light many important things.

The amazing thing about his words is that he sees things from a very humanistic and back-to-nature sort of point of view. Words that people of all walks can heed for he emphasised on human values, the very basic down-to-the-self, down to the very source.

It was also very enlightening how the enlightened ones and the wise had so much wisdom, so much so that they knew how to play their pieces.

As a saying I've said goes : "Know your pieces, what each of them do, then you play on the chessboard."

That's what these great ones have done. They knew just what to do. It was just pure ingenious. The right actions for the right situations. And when one started to sit down and ponder about it, I'm left with wonder and amazement and a "wow" on my forehead. I just can't believe the amount of connections leading from this to that to here to there. It all made so much sense.

There's a saying : "There's a reason for everything that happens."

And yes there was, and with so much common sense it slapped me over so hard I lay on the floor laughing "whoa" and "damn!". It was just an amazing experience.

Okay, you might think I'm nutz but oh well. It's just the book. It was amazing. I guess it was wise words coupled with a warm smile from a Guru of Joy on the front cover that gave quite an effect. Of course there were other words as well that were heartfelt.

"Knowledge is power"

A famous phrase we all hear too often but take for granted. Of course knowledge, make sure it is useful and relevant knowledge. You can't find the meaning of a word if you read in another book aside from the dictionary. Likewise in this context.

He brought the issue of death. And the words he spoke of death was amazing. Usually I'm not one to fear death so easily for I always sort of believed that death is something that happens naturally. Whatever happens just happens. But in his book, he stated my belief and so much more. A glimpse into how death does feel like and how reincarnation works. There was so much common sense with all his rationale. And always, smiling he was. XD

I guess I'll stop here, I don't want to spoil the magic of the book. I reccommend reading the book. It gets twenty thumbs ups from me, and if I had twenty thumbs, I'd rai... ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/6664001/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/6664001/ Sun, 02 Oct 2005 21:45:54 PDT
Time is now 11.30 in the late morning. And what a hot morning it is, as hot as last Saturday. Saturday was quite the day for it was a day of reunion after 3 months.

YES! My sis has returned from NS and with a helluva lotta stories to tell. The journey back from KLIA was one that was like an audio storybook as I sat behind the wheel listening and chatting with her.

Gawd it was so good to see her. Same ol her, the only thing changed is her skin complexion. Ok, perhaps more experiences when it comes to dealings with ppl. But otherwise still the same.

She left with a divine matured mind and came back the same but with supplementary experiences. It was amazing the things she told me, and even more amazing how she mentioned that the principles, philosophies and ideals both me and my bro share with her helped her tons.

*grins with pride* XD

The wonderful peaceful drive from college to the airport was filled with excitement and anticipation. I wanted to see her so badly. Missed her so much.

Gawd, was the hug the most beautiful thing in the world. To be able to hold her close again. Felt like my heart was filled once again. As if I got back something so precious to me.

Unfortunately, my nose has been giving problem. A little miserable. Thanks to Shirua for pointing out to me and Akihoshi that it was due to lack o sleep. And I have to say I agree. I have been lacking sleep even though my body screams for it. Gotta get more sleep in me head. X.x

- now listening "Pekopon Shinryaku Ondo" from Keroro Gunso OST -

NeoWhitewind has posted his second journal entry by demand from a fan. He thanks his fans for supporting and will continue to document the workings of his world.

Hmmm...

The week so far has been pretty hectic. A need for more research where my group's marketing questionnare is concerned. And also more work on the story for storyboarding as well. Back to the drawing board. Touchups on Concept Art. Gah...*suffers*

Lately, have been seeing a fren in the dumps due to the flying of wild rumours.

Hope you are okay. Try not to think so much about it. The truth will come out sooner or later and then those who do the wrong will indeed suffer 10 fold. Hang in there. You know who you are. If you need someone to talk to you can talk to me. If you're venting your anger you can do so. But o cos, do give me a warning when you're venting out. ^^"

Life has been seen in a different perspective for my part lately. I have been witnessing the ups and downs of people and how they react to it. Another person I know also fall into this context. Tis amazing just how much we know little of people. It takes quite the long period to see what a person really is. Sometimes the intentions behind a reaction is an intention of no harm. It is just the way that person reacts. Unfortunately, the reactions can sometimes be quite extreme, up to a point misinterpretations happen 24/7. Wow...complexity for the mind.

Compromise, talk and understanding are key important elements in maintaining connections and creating deeper peaceful relationships.

I have indeed changed. Going through incidents and events has made me different even though it was within a short span of time. An eye opener to say the least. Observation now is key when coming to dealings. Observe and yet step out into the open. Not hide within the shadows. For hiding within the shadows while observing does no good. You can see but you can't reach out and feel the experience.

- now listening to "Liquid Sky" by Solar Quest -

What sets an individual apart?

Individuality born from a unique personality. I have been thinking alot bout this aspect as I looked into myself, the way I do things and also at other people and the way they do things. When one does these kinds of observations tis indeed amazing how the answer is so simple to make oneself stand out among a crowd and yet there're many who do not see this.

And expectation was also rampant among people in this aspect as I observed. Expectation as it has come to my understanding is a big killer in everyone. The anticipation kills more than the actual event and is a cause for many things unwanted. I've been trying to rid myself of expectation in many aspex. The rewards are pretty amazing. Calmer mindsets, more tolerance and patience.

In another context, tis kinda sad when ppl have no strong principles of their own but want so much to fit in that they would sway like a leaf blown by the... ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/6541119/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/6541119/ Sun, 18 Sep 2005 21:15:46 PDT
A song for the mood after reading the news. An accident...a moment of silence...

The earth is indeed in an unrest. Too many happenings for words to say. May the song bring peace to the soul, to return back to the time before, to return back to the source. A returning and parting song for the soul.

Neways, sorry to bring upon such a mood...

Tis a beautiful morning here. It has just rained and the sky is as clear as crystals and polished glass. The weather lately has been a blazing hell and the rain does good to cool the heated souls of today's society.

As said above the earth has been in an unrest. Speaking of this, so has another realm as well, the realm of Final Fantasy 7.

I've watched Final Fantasy 7 : Advent Children. One of the most hottest and most prolly, the most talked-about topic now.

It was one awesome movie, although the creators claim it not to be a movie. The effects were mind blowing, the execution rendering me breathless. The hair! The hair! Lookit the hair and you'll see what I mean. I think everyone drools at Cloud Strife's hair.

- now listening to "Heart of Air" by KISS ME SUNLIGHTS and "Free Bird, Mahiru no Tsuki e To (Toward the Midday Moon)" by Seinaru Doukei from Haibane Renmei OST -

I somehow loved Cloud's personality alot. It sorta reminded me of myself. Struggling with an inner conflict and sometimes indeed wanting to turn my back and run away from it, but somehow still haunting and never leaving. Of course my current inner demons isn't exactly like his, but the pain he goes through is about the same. No bragging of course, just making comparisons.

And Cloud! I respect thee for your awesome moves! OMG! The air you have as you fly high in the sky fighting the baddies witcha big-ass sword. Damn you can swing that thang! XD

Tetsuya Nomura has once again blown minds away with the revamping of all the charas from the original game. Such a change, not just in facials but also in the clothes. And Clouds weapon and bike! OMFG! The concept and the powah!!!! POWAH I TELL YE! POWAH!!!!

Everyone now wants to get either the weapon, or the bike, or Cloud himself or all three. XD

And yes I'm into drifting, and Cloud drifts way better...with a bike! O.O OMFG! And he kicks ass while at it!

Breathless I am...you can't help it if you were basking under the radiant light of God-liness and goodness. X.X

Aside from Cloud; Tifa, Marlene and Yuffie are SUPAH CUTE! Yes, dun mind me... -.-" I'm going into a cute frenzy once again. Me suckah for cute.

Tifa is hot, Yuffie is cute and Marlene is so adorable. T^T nyu...da cuteness overwhelms me.

What bout Aeris? All I have to say is beautiful and gorgeous. But I won't say anymore than that. =X

And oh yes, Sephiroth now has a more J-Rock look to him. And still as mysterious and powerful as ever. XP

And Reno rawks mah sawks! He's so cool with his gestures, facial expression and slackishness! X3 Mraor! One of me most fave chara. Plus he's silly. XD

- now listening to "Paradox" by W-Inds -

Neways, I won't say nemore bout AC. I shall leave it to you viewers to watch it for yourself. Don't miss it! XD

I've got a questionnaire from a fren and here it is :

[五個怪癖]5 Odd Habits

1. The need to oogle at cute girls? XD

2. Dance around or move to the groove in public.

3. Act silly I guess. But worth it when I see laughter and smiles. I like to see and make people happy.

4. Immitate people? Apparently I've been told I do pretty good imitations of a majority of people. X3

5. Speed? XD I lub speed! Mua ha ha!


[五個萌問] 5 Moe Questions

Btw, as my fren explains, Moe is :

"Moe (萌え means something like "love" or "like" or "cute" in japanese sometimes can refer as "fetish" also..."

１。請誠實告白自己所萌的屬性： What element a person you moe should have?:
Innocence utmost importance, shy, soft spoken, understanding, matured in thought, CUTE! XD (well, looks not so important I guess but it does serve as a plus XD), sweet smiling! Mraor! XD, has a deep mindset, one who needs protection because I have this strong drive to be there by her side and protect her, one who speaks out her problems and any flaws she sees in me cos I believe in both supporting each other and motivating each other to improve, one who needs me cos I need her so much.

"To liv... ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/6493443/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/6493443/ Tue, 13 Sep 2005 11:00:32 PDT
Tis now 1am. I sit here typing, thinking back of the previous week.

Tis now the second week of college term. The first week was pretty much the same as all 1st weeks, thawing from the deep freeze.

Although I have to say the months prior to this term was quite the long time for soul searching and knowledge gathering. And these are still going on even until now.

For one, peaceful tidings wash upon the shores. I'm glad things are okay once again. You know who you are. Things have cooled down and pretty much gone back to normal, but with changes. New focus on college. The previous term showed some pretty scary results and I believe bucking up is uber important if I don't wanna risk getting sucked up away into the oblivion. X.X

Aside from that, been seeing true sides of some grown ups. Tis amazing how the past persona within them arises due to various circumstances. And even more scary is how upbringing can bring out the worst in someone.

Well, on more recent news, just came back not long ago after quite a small adventure. To start with, I had bear witness to a dying car battery during drive. Was driving, saw the batt light lit up. Then noticed me lights and dashboard meters were getting dimmer by the second. Was thinking, Oh Crap.

Luckily managed to pull over in a safe roadside. Phew. Then called me dad and he came to the rescue.

I'm thankful to you dad for coming to my aid. For one, you were indeed a parent that all his offspring look up to at that moment. Not cause you just came, but because of the confidence you brought with you. You bring a light to a grim situation of one who isn't too experienced in these such circumstances. Tis my second time my car batt failed on me, and this being the 1st time it died while I was driving. O.o

- now listening to "Kai Bu Liao Ko" by Jay Chou -

Tis strange how too often me dad had made me so mad, but one act of such that was light-bringing brought upon me renewed light. Thank you once again and I will thank you personally.

Well, aside from that, today was pretty quite the day of crazy events. For one, uber honoured to have me new lecturer teaching me 3D modelling. He's a lecturer experienced in gaming and has in fact involvement in several famous games. I'm like, OMFG! God has stepped from the virtual to reality and has touched me with the touch of inspiration.

- now listening to "Exceeding Love" from Suikoden 3 OST -

For two, Sandcastle was really moody with alotta pent up frustration and thoughts let out. Tis pretty hard to keep things all bottled up for so long. Patience can only last so long. So took him out for a drive around KL, talking and sharing things along the way. Philosophy, personal experiences and the likes were normal. Not to forget analogies, synonyms, symbolisms, comparisons and plain ol ranting to boot. He's been having a tough time, affected by so many factors.

I'm glad that the drive did you good mein fren. Take care, and if there's anything wrong do speak. I'm all ears. And yeah, do remind me of that special drive session I promised. You deserve some freedom too. Too long have you had your wings tied down. Have a spoon of freedom.

- now listening to "DUVET" by BOA from Serial Experiments LAIN OST -

Well, catching up with college a tough job indeed. So many things to think about when it comes to the group based work. Heavy on immediate decisions and rapid but productive brainstorming. Easy TNT for the brain. X.X

Well, I guess today my entry ends here. I should write more but for now me brains are as dead as the dead car batt that now lies in the garage that opens like prolly 24 hours. Awesomeness that garage is.

Specialising in Honda cars you could see Civics in there together with a Hatchback, an EK9 if not mistaken. Dang... da powah cars... *_*

Neways, me entry ends here. May all have happiness always. ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/6346596/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/6346596/ Sat, 27 Aug 2005 22:49:09 PDT
- now listening to "He Mele No Lilo" from Lilo and Stitch OST -

An afternoon with the sun hiding behind the clouds.

I woke up today with my heart wrenched and squeezed tight and a thought that lingered in my mind.

It was quite a weird dream, a dream manifested most probably by the input that I had the day before.

I dreamt about my mom, again. Like all dreams involving her this one felt real as well. In this dream all of my family except my dad was in it. Things were normal as they were before she left. Doing everyday things.

Until something strange happened. My vision was turned away from my mom and when I got to her again, she was suddenly replaced by a robot. My mom had became the robot, metal and circuitry replacing flesh and bone.

- now listening to "Rain Dance" by Adiemus -

Strangely, it wasn't so shocking. A secondary thought came into my mind that it was normal for the robot's presence, prolly cause of the fact that I know my mom had already passed away and someone put the robot there to replace her.

Now the heart wrenching part came. My bro and sis couldn't accept the robot, even though she was a metallic shell with my mother's soul in it. The robot did things and spoke in manner of my mother. Same personality, different body. Many questions had flooded my mind even within my dream. Was it truly her soul infused into the robot? Or was it a program programmed by someone just to emulate my mother? I didn't know.

But whatever it was, my bro showed very strong rejection towards the robot. Up to a point the robot got hurt. I think it even cried.

And then I hugged it. The reason for this I still wonder up until now even as I type this entry out. At one side of my mind, I felt pity for it. On the other side of my mind, I hugged it to comfort it and make it feel welcomed and not shunned by my family.

I felt pity cos I sort of understood how it was like to have been loved / liked by people you trusted, know and love and suddenly rejected and shoved aside because of differences and conflicts.

And the other aspect which was to hug it for comfort, well it was just me to make everyone feel happy. I didn't want the robot to be hurt. Regardless of how different it was from the original, I wanted it to feel it belonged somewhere and not an outcast. After all, it had done no wrong, and simulating my late mother was not wrong to my opinion. If there was anyone to be blamed for this it would be the person responsible for putting her soul or inputting the data into the robot. To solve the problem find the source, not the problem itself. And if my mother did infuse her soul out of her will, wouldn't it be an even more reason to accept her back?

But as I hugged the robot I not only felt the close connection but the immense sorrow as well. Everything felt so real, the hardness of the body, the cold of the metal, the gentle pressure of the metallic arm wrapped around me as we embraced.

And then I left the robot and went to my room, and it was then my turn to cry. Strangely my eyes didn't shed a tear in real life but in the dream, the tears kept flowing. But the one thing both the dream and real life shared was the heart wrenching. I felt my heart hurt and ache way badly and even felt a lil difficulty in breathing. I couldn't stop crying.

So many questions were in my head. Disbelief of what had happened to my mother. How could she turn into this? Would I be able to accept her new form? Is it really her or just a program with input? Have I been given another chance to be with her? Has she ressurected? Is she really back? Would I be able to interact with her again? Can I truly love a robot with a human soul?

Soon I awoke, both with a painful heart and aching bladder. Going into the toilet and emerging out again, I sat on my bed, buried my face in my hands, and wondered. Thinking.

What happened if something like that was possible in the near future? To ressurect my mother but in a different body? Would I accept her as the way she is? I believed I would after getting used to it. Cause I wanted her person, not her body. The body served as tangibility material but her personality was the most important.

But it was heart wrenching. To have a second chance with someone you love so much. It was truly unbearable. Her departure left a gap that was hard to fill in. Imagine when you got back something you lost and knew for a fact that you could never get it back. That feeling. And when you wake up to find out it wasn't real.

Weird dream is it not? Not surprising though for the day before I was doing research on The Wachowski Brothers' The Matrix. Dream manifestations of the day's experiences is common.
~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/6266085/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/6266085/ Thu, 18 Aug 2005 21:49:08 PDT
Hmmm, I finally sit back and relax. I stare as the warrior is sent back home to where he belonged and my mind lies back where it belongs. He lays his sword to rest as I lay my head and control to rest.

Yes, I've finished Samurai Legend Musashi and man was it mind blowing with its art and settings.

Gameplay was only one aspect of what astounded me about the game.

Dammit Nomura you psycho! You have me hooked to your art! T.T

Nomura's designs are indeed amazing, with his fashion sense and Picasso approach on trying out new paths in his line. His new style in Samurai Legend Musashi incorporates highly angular and blockish approach and cel-shading.

His details are one to not leave the eyes unnoticed. Amazing they are and alot to boot too. I know...I was in a maniac rush of drawing fanart of his work. Wasn't the easiest thing on earth too. -.-"

I was that inspired by the works born from his hand of God and visioned in his mind of God.

- now listening to "Jupiter Driving" from DJMAX OST and "Obsessions" by Bee Gees -

In comparison to the old art style Nomura took a new approach in his new design for Musashi by incorporating the new fashion sense this time as well. There're alotta elements within that many of us can relate to in terms of our wardrobe. The old designs in Brave Fencer Musashi had a more industrial, classical and fantasy feel instead. Both are btw, designed by this great man himself.

Thinking bout his work left me quite breathless. I don't know where else to go on. The sword designs are amazing and yes, I'm still quite speechless about the Great Oar (which to my opinion kicks some serious ass). Although I have to say they should have had a better voice actor for Musashi like how Haley Joel Osment did Sora for Kingdom Hearts English Version cause I feel Musashi here sounds too kiddish or...how to describe it? Just unsatisfactory. I mean, the voice actor for Musashi prolly suited the characters personality but personally I would have preferred someone with more attitude and kick in voice. I dunno...lol. Just my opinion. XD

Aside from that, other characters are great when it comes to design aspects and personalities as well.

And I shall say it and say it again! I'm a fan of Fontina, Burrini and Maribo! X3 nya ha ha! XD

Fontina is cute with her outlook, glasses that accentuate her cuteness and her accent! OMG! That voice! Sweetness! <3

Burrini is cute too and sweet and soft spoken. Nyao...protecting material! X3

And Maribo, cute also (-.-" dun mind me, I'm a cute freak), and has this certain matured and demure personality for someone her age. And of course her design is ingenious! Awesome with the hairdo! O.o

- now playing "One The Love" from DJMAX OST and "Wasureru Mizu (Water of Lethe) Thème de Kana" from Haibane Renmei OST -

Well, aside from a date with the legendary hero from another world, life has been pretty much...hmmm...rotty? As in bad for the brain juices. Thank goodness for Musashi cos it kick started me back into track and got my hand moving left and right up and down and at least, well, moving!

So far done line arts for two pieces of fan art. Plan to be coloured. Prolly will do fanart of me fave other charas as well. X3

And yes, I'm hooked to Battle Gear dammit. >.> Yes, Jeebus, you can go all Santa over it. Dammit!

But in comparison to Initial D, Battle Gear is amazing cos to my opinion I find it quite close to an actual drift engine. Not that I've drifted in real life (though I plan to! >D) but studying the methods involved like initiating the drift and countersteering, sterring control, pedal control, micro managing of gears, perfect line and timing, angles, power and weight involved, turning radius and the lot, I'd say tis pretty amazing!

There're alotta mechanics involved in drifting and those who think that they perfected Initial D, I advise not to try any of the techniques learned on the actual road cos driving with that technique will lead you straight to hell definitely.

And speaking of driving, aside from Yuu Takakiri (whom I still adore >3), Misaki Saya rawks. She's me new fave race queen btw. Saya suka Saya! XD XD XD

- now listening to the tunes of "Snow Angel" by KOTOKO and "Land of Dreams" by Chris Phillips -

That aside, someone I know has seen the sleeping beast. And I thank that person for seeing it, facing it, listening to it and yet still talk to me. And I'm also astounded as well as that person can point out with usage of perfect words to describe this beast. After such an act I feel so much more free. Thank you I say to you.

This event, among a few others during the period of taking leave from 1 c... ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/6077576/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/6077576/ Sat, 30 Jul 2005 12:32:53 PDT
Hello everyone.

Tis been a while since I last updated.

Hmmm, I've noticed quite a transformation in myself. I'm now a hermit, being occupied by quite an obsession.

What obsession be that, you wonder?

He he, video gaming it be. XD

Been playing vid games like there's no tomorrow. Gawd, dunno why I find these few games so particularly addictive... -.-" dang!

I tell you tis gonna be the death of me.

But now, to a different perspective.

As I sit back and type I pour out a new feeling and thought that has entered my mind just recently. I realised that being at home I feel like a different person.

I feel...like an empty shell...

I do. Literally. I feel as though my soul has sort of left my body and all that is left within this vessel of flesh and bone is the little bit of remainder sentience / consciousness.

Is this death of a mind? Painless, but noticeable...feels like I'm heading towards oblivion.

And what's more scary, is the fact that it happens so slowly and obviously. And yet there's nothing I can do. I feel like a person staring at this object which is representing my current fading state and my hands try to grasp it, heck even touch it. But there can't seem to be no contact and I feel nothing.

Tis like grasping air.

Strange huh?

Prolly tis the rotting of the brain. Too much of the same scenery everyday.

Change is important. When something stays the same, stagnancy happens. Evolution is change. Evolution is survival. I gotta evolve. I gotta change. Gotta have new things coming in, the juices of the brain processing or churning or moving or whirling, and then new things out.

Or...

Maybe tis just the fear?

Yeah, fear...

I have indeed been looking out into the horizons, or peering into the realm of inner thought.

Questions pop up...

What exactly is my purpose? What is my potential? What is my talent? What is my true calling? What is it that I'm supposed to do?

I have this theory that everyone has a specific talent that they can contribute for the good of all living things. Just that the society and the way the world revolves today sort of, majority of the times, supress such a powerful potential.

I mean as an example, there're people who can write well and they can contribute in ways of ideas, philosophies and thoughts with the medium of words. There're people who can draw and contribute in ways of concepts, self expression and possibilities with the medium of visuals. There're people who can sing and can also express, help people find the right words, sooth souls and touch hearts with the medium of voice. Just some of the examples and many more of course, some even being mixtures of the above mentioned.

But I haven't found what is my talent, my potential, my contributive power. Sometimes I felt the best I could do is to support people. But is that really my potential? Or am I just being a nice person?

I feel I have this knack of pointing out flaws within people after observations, nicely of course at first, more harshly if the mistakes are repeated a second time and again for the following times. To be able to tell out exactly the problem and try to help the person change for the better. But is that really my potential? Or am I just being judgemental?

I feel I have this strong urge to protect the innocent. But is that really my potential? Or am I just being over protective?

I feel I have this need to make things balanced. To make both sides as happy as possible. But is that really my potential? Or am I just being a peacemaker?

I feel all I have to do in life is to just serve the ones I love. But is that really my potential? Or am I just being insecured, doing so in hopes that I'll get the same love as I give out back?

Tis scary when you sit and think, and realising you're at this age but you haven't found your true potential yet. You haven't found your purpose yet. I'm not old in terms of age but I feel I have ran out of time. Many people have said that I'm still young and still have alot of time, although some said otherwise and I sort of agree with the latter. In this day and age of today's society, life demands so much from you at this age. You don't exactly have the luxury of time to sit back and learn and find out new things. No time for exploration, trial and errors. The only time left is the time to make up your mind NOW with ONE choice and move on. But what if that choice made is not a right choice? What if all this while, I have stepped and walked down the wrong path? I'm talking about career of course in this sense.

I've always told myself... ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/5995242/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/5995242/ Thu, 21 Jul 2005 12:27:54 PDT
Tis now 10.10 pm.

Planned to actually post up yesterday's events earlier but unfortunately I couldn't get hold of the com. So oh well.

Neways, yesterday was one mad crazy day.

Spent the day out with Noix, Ceph and Sue. We had a blast hanging out in the arcades. Tis was good to have a smile on all our faces again.

Recent days have been days of horrible events, enough to not only wipe the smiles but bring tears a-flowing and one to his / her knees.

Initial D was o cos the main topic of interest. And apparently Sue is mad with her fingers cos she plays one hell of a basher in Rumble Fish 2. Gawd, how does she do it... >.>

Neways, after the arcades hung out at Carrefour for a short meal where we came up with a short story based on our names.

To put it simple tis bout a peaceful scholar who reads a corral book. He then goes to the beautiful mountain to dig good gold.

Dammit Noix and Ceph. If you're reading this part I think you're practically laughing ur brains out. -.-"""

Neways, come to today. Dropped by college for a while to hang out. Home isn't exactly a place I'd enjoy. My brain is practically rotting. I really gotta step outta the house more often.

But then again, home does provide the bathroom and thus the free flowing waters that I use during my bath. And thus from there came several inspirations and imageries to be turned into poetry.

I'll be posting them up.

And I also realised something recently as I thought about many rituals involving traditional beliefs. If I were to ask the reasons for why things were done this way and that, the reasons given are something pretty amazing.

Amazing because when I look and analyze it, there're alotta symbolisms behind everything. I could say everything almost had a certain poetic-ness to it. It was amazing indeed.

Tis hard to come up with an example now because the thought came to me spontaneously while experiencing or having encounters of such a topic.

Oh well.

Neways, I guess my entry ends here for today. May all have happiness. ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/5968409/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/5968409/ Mon, 18 Jul 2005 13:03:56 PDT
Tis now 2.53am on my watch as I type out this entry.

It has been quite a weekend with alotta things happening.

For one, I shall lower my head in silence for a friend who suffered a lost. Do not be sad for tis a rest from a world of such suffering. Such a rest is a freedom, not a painful departure.

Side' from that, went to Sandcastle's place and stayed there for two nights. We had many talks and art practice.

Saturday was the day of Bon Odori.

Well, I din go for it in respects to my sis. My sis had wanted to go for it badly but alas, NS stole her away by force. So, since she can't go I didn't go. At first I thought maybe I might, cause my sis herself told me tis ok if I went w/out her, but I guess more factors made me change my mind.

After all, there's always next year. no rush and no hurry. After all, experienced it already so tis okay.

Well, aside from that, learned more bout another friend.

And had a long talk with a certain panda. XD Listened to the story told and all the suffering that had been felt.

I do hope you will be okay. Take care ok? And do call me if you need someone to talk to. I'll do my best to help you.

Side' from that, busy with a new art piece. Planning to make this one a complete artpiece. Hope I do finish it... T^T

Btw, to Sandcastle, tell your mom thanks for the generous hospitality. *bows*

Hontoni arigato!

Also, practicing how to write my Chinese name and went for a short walk in the park today.

I sorta felt something as I did these two. I felt as though a certain soul entered my body. A soul of my roots and true self. I felt as though I've connected back to my self, an old self that I had lost before?

Tis strange. I just feel, somehow fulfilled or complete or at least filled up within the soul chamber inside me. Hmmm...

Nature I guess does wonders and knowledge of history does magic on you.

But tis strange. Cos I've never always liked what I am. The heritage I was borned into. I always felt that I belonged in another place. I've chosen what I wished to be. But somehow I sort of learned to accept and respect this heritage of mine. But that doesn't mean I've let go of my choices. I still hold on to it. Still seeking.

- now listening to 'You're In Love' by Wilson Phillips -

Also, I guess I'm beginning to lower the shield, or open the door a little to let my father come into my world. I did realise, as I spoke to him today, that we sort of created some connection. I was never close to my dad but lately I realised the coldness between us has grown warmer.

O cos, there are definitely the days when I can't stand or bear with him at all. But I did realise the other times when we talked have indeed been rather enjoyable and educational.

Tis strange indeed. Perhaps tis the situation that led us to this.

Aside from that, haven't heard from my sis. Prolly bz. Miss seeing her smiling face.

And oh yes, I'm da killer assassin! XD XD XD

A few ppl will understand this statement. BUA HA HA!

And yes, it seemed as though the event timelines have gone parallel for certain ppl. Some things of similar sort seem to be happening at the same time for two individuals.

An example was Sandcastle's meeting with his old friend and mine with an old lecturer who used to teach me. Another would be his talk with his dad and me with mine. Either happening at the same time or one after the other.

Strange happenings or coincidences indeed. Parallel happenings.

- now listening to 'The Primal Gods' -

Connections between two people...a thought that came to my mind.

I've realised just how important it is to not step in when two parties are connecting, whatever the situation and whoever it is that's involved.

The more the two parties are left alone with no 3rd party, the better the connection. For tis pure since only the two involved create the connection.

When a connection needs to be done the two parties involved need to be left alone. Any in betweens can either serve as a catalyst to completing the connection or making the situation turn out for the worst, the latter being the result that happens a majority of the time. I've seen with my own two eyes.

Gah, thinking of such matters brings an anger to my soul. The many positive possibilities if a 3rd party wasn't involved. So what if things turned out bad or conflicts arise between the two parties involved? Understanding that is pure is achieved between them if they are left... ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/5902707/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/5902707/ Mon, 11 Jul 2005 09:23:40 PDT
Today was a day where an important piece of my heart leaves to cross the sea.

My sis has left for National Service on a plane.

But first things first.

The management of this program really sucks! We've been told to get up early and meet up at a bus parking area at 7 bloody 30. And when we got there we waited until 9 in the morning before we could finally leave for the airport.

If that wasn't enough, we waited as well in the airport as the program officials tried to organise. Notice the word 'tried' cos they really can't do nuts at all when it comes to managing ppl. Sheez. >.>

And later, after much awaiting we find out that the actual flight is 5 bloody 25. -.-"

And since me dad had meeting we had no choice but to leave earlier. So after giving my sis alotta hugs we left.

Came home and saw my tyres flat...again... -.-"

Sheez, bad tyre day. But all things fixed so things are cool with the car. After that went to send my car to the washers and hanged out in college and sunway pyramid.

I sit now thinking of my sis. My sis has already touched down but she's busy with alotta things to do where she is.

Me and my bro already had our dinner but it sorta feels a lil lonely w/out my sis. Strangely, I didn't cry a goodbye even though I thought I would. Strange indeed.

My sis is someone important in my life. She's like the place I hang on to when the tides come crashing upon me. She tries her best to be there for me as I her. I hope I can go on for the next 2 months plus w/out her.

Miss her, not the point of tears, but I feel the emptiness of the house. Sorta like how things were when my mom passed away. But I know instead that I can still see her while I can never see my mom ever again.

Ouch...sorta brought pain upon myself as I got hit hard by thoughts of my mom. To go on in life after losing someone so important. It leaves a scar that hides itself but can easily resurface anytime if something brings it up.

I wonder how my sis is. Tis kinda strange when you're used to something and suddenly go through an abrupt change. I mean, I've been there. But it still hits me. Guess fate / life / destiny can always catch u off guard or sweep you off your feet.

Another note :

Some NS candidates are cute! XD And there were some cute people in the airport as well. XD XD XD

Ahem ahem.

But wow...quite a short entry. I'm not sure what else to say for now. I mean, there were happenings as well the night before. But I won't elaborate on that.

Well, I guess my entry ends here then for today.

May all have happiness. ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/5881478/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/5881478/ Fri, 08 Jul 2005 22:10:24 PDT
An afternoon, bathed with hot sun and alotta dust due to construction happening nearby my place.

Yesterday was a day that was amazing and heart wrenching in a way, more of the latter.

The heart wrenching came first as I went to the 2dlab. It was there that I saw an old face that I haven't seen for quite a while. Still quite the same person that I had liked before. Same ol same ol.

I didn't know why it was heart wrenching. I told myself time and again I would smile as long as I knew that person was okay, but to see that person in real life crushed my heart. Probably cause I was hit by nostalgia perhaps? Or tis cause reality and tangibility caught up and slapped me in the face.

I wanted to talk to that person but I guess the situation and things didn't allow it. Perhaps I will never talk to that person ever again since the situation is seemingly always against me. Tis so hard to catch that person online, what more in real life. All I ever wanted was to have a normal conversation so that things will be cool. But I guess that would never happen. God knows why.

Is it something wrong that I did? If so then why not tell me? Why keep it a secret? I rather hear the truth than to be deluded, than to be kept in the shadows.

But I did say what I wanted to say even though it wasn't the whole thing.

I told that person :

Take care.

And I mean it. I just hope that person will always be okay. Maybe this is just another way to let go? Not exactly what I preferred but I guess that's the only option for now, or perhaps the only option that I will ever have.

Neways, the amazing event took place after at 6.30 when me, Ken, Ram and Reuben went to watch a drifting event.

Boy was it amazing! Pity the track was so small to minimalistic that the full power of the drifters couldn't be shown. But they were good!

To be able to stop a drift halfway is amazing. I wonder how they did it.

But the joy wasn't fully felt for it just served as a soothing balm for the heart wrenching that was in healing. It did got me thinking alot though.

I wished I had a lot of cash. Cash so that I can buy a car and drift away or speed to my heart's content to take my mind off things that were so painful. I realised more about myself and made tangible even more my passions in life.

These thoughts were made even more clearer after dinner and a short funny session in the 2dlab when we all departed. I headed off to a friends place and spoke to him.

I told him about how I felt and such. And we had a talk.

What he said was enlightening to me and it did help me stand back a little on two wobbly legs. But as I spoke I got even more insight on myself and got me to thinking a lot more and I found a way to express myself in words better.

- now listening to 'Eyes On Me' by Faye Wong from FF8 OST -

I'm a person who was brought up in a family where I'm constantly pressured mentally and having to balance my emotions and my care for my whole family. I have lost the one person who I could hold on to for my emotional shelter and support. I have practically no one to care for me like how that person did. I realised that it is due to this that I search for that special someone to fill in the gaps within me.

I asked :

Is it wrong for me to seek someone who can care for me?

I cared and am very protective of my family (yes, my dad included >.>. I care so much but there's no one who could care for me as much as I did for them except the one I lost. My sis cares for me, but not as much as that lost person because unlike the lost one, my sis has a world of her own and her own space and her own needs. I understand that aspect and I told her that myself and she agreed.

But now thinking about it I feel maybe I am selfish, to wish for everything for myself. Is it justified selfishness then? Or not?

A question still yet to be answered with solid answers.

Maybe I'm weak. I smile at the thought. I know I am. I can't stand on my own two feet when it came to this subject. Always made me weak.

My friend told me I was insecured and I totally agreed. If you were to picture me as an expressive art piece I'd say I'm a little child sitting in the corner hugging his legs hoping for something that probably would never come.

Mind you I did do my best to search for the things to fill up that missing gap but to no avail as of yet. Tis a journey of the self many told me and yes, I tried and am still trying to fill in the holes.

I did realise th... ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/5855139/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/5855139/ Wed, 06 Jul 2005 09:06:03 PDT
I sit once again to type on my new experience after going through two movies.

Number 1 = Initial D

Number 2 = War of The Worlds

Let's see with number 1. Initial D was a cool movie with cool car drifting action but with a storyline and characters that were sorta disappointing to my opinion.

Hmmm, how to state my opinion w/out spoiling the story.

Basically the characters, some stuck true to the original but many others went through character revamping and some even a combination of several into one.

There were 'repositioning' of character, watch the original and movie and you'll get what I mean. And the cramping of several seasons worth into one movie. But I guess all in all it was okay and the director did well in directing it so that the pieces fitted quite ok for a 2 hour time frame.

- now listening to Ending Theme from Niea_7 OST -

Number 2 was War Of The Worlds. Now in comparison to Initial D I loved War of The Worlds more. For one there was great actor Tom Cruise (d>o
Although, like Initial D, I felt Steve too was trying to cramp alotta things into movie. I feel there's more to the movie that could have been explained. I guess I might get the book to read more on it.

But nonetheless, Steve did well in the directing and his camera trix were awesome. Planning to rewatch the movie again to study the film more. Plus with both talents of Tom Cruise and Dakota Fanning, the fear and chaos effect was well shown and instilled within the audience. And the suspense... >.< gawd was it good. Kept me jumping. XD

Concept design was great and visual effects amazing.

- now listening to Fields of Hope by Rie Tanaka from Gundam SEED OST -

That aside, GSC 1 Utama was awesome! The interior had an awesome contemporary design and they used the new slanted sink. The interior of the actual cinema screen was HUGE with special design lights to give a 'hyperspace' and 'deep space' effect. And the seats! Sweet comfortable bliss! <3

From now on, this new cinema is my destination for movie entertainment. X3

There were some things learnt from the movies, especially War Of The Worlds.

Like other Steve Spielberg movies, War of The Worlds showed the importance of family ties. And he also potrayed the chaos effect very effectively.

As Tommy Lee Jones from MIB said :

" A man is smart. People are stupid. " - hope tis correct, if not tis something similar to this.

A group of people in a chaotic situation isn't a pretty thing with a spark causing a chain reaction of panic and screams.

Steve did well to immerse the fellow audience into the world of this movie. Suspense and fear could easily be felt. I felt as though I was there and I definitely had uncertaintity of every moment filled within me to the very brim. That's Steve for you I guess, with his wonderful vision, cinematography and directorship. Respect to the man himself!

*respect*

All in all, good and great movie. War Of The Worlds I feel a much watch for a great viewing experience that'll send one's heart rushing.

My entry ends here for today. May all have happiness and the great opportunity to catch the movie. ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/5842251/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/5842251/ Mon, 04 Jul 2005 22:22:16 PDT
Tis a hot afternoon as I sit here typing out my latest entry.

Life so far has been filled with alotta happenings.

Spent the weekend with Sandcastle going to a religious ceremony. We also had many a talk about deep issues regarding jobs and life itself. Very highly intellectual indeed my friend. I thank you for sharing those thoughts.

Also went to Chubby's school for her open day. Nice to her again. =3

Not everyday I can see her in person but always nice to see her for can PINCHU! XD

Gomen cos I have to leave early... T.T Nyuu...

Also, I'm happy to be able to see Shibahara online yesterday. I dropped a message but she was away. Though I didn't catch her when I played a game I was glad to get her reply. Happy to hear her voice again though only online and know she's quite okay.

Take care ne my friend.

Yesterday was a day by which I came up with the motivation and inspiration to write a new story.

Looking at a previous story I decided I would take its title and some of its characters and revamp the whole storyline all over again.

This time though I decided to add in philosophical issues that I hope will get the message across indirectly.

Halfway through though I had an argument with my sis so instead of continuing on with the story developement I decided to read LOTR instead. Can't write and think when my mind is not at ease or cooling down.

Hmmm, had a run in with an old memory who has seemed to have forgotten me. Tis kinda sad, for that person has said many things but I guess in the end, those words were forgotten. Sad that one does not mean what one says nowadays. Sighs...

Well, neways my entry ends here for now. Happiness to all. ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/5789850/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/5789850/ Wed, 29 Jun 2005 09:48:08 PDT
I sit and type again, spilling my thoughts...

I had a dream the night before, a dream that many probably have gone through many times in their lifetime.

I dreamt I was with a celebrity, and that we were together in love with each other. A dream that felt real, real until I woke up to reality itself.

But instead of feeling down as a majority would feel I felt happy and complete instead.

For it wasn't the celeb that brought the joy but the feeling felt when we were together. It was that feeling, and a feeling that lingered, that brought light into a heart so empty and searching for someone to fill up the holes.

I wrote a poetry piece about it. You know where to find it.

And then it came to me as I pondered about it along with my experiences gained from working my part time job.

Dreams...

Many meanings...

Hopes? Ambition? Another world only accessed by sleep?

Well, ambition is the keyword here in my mind. We all have dreams. We want to make a reality what we desire.

I realised that in this day and age, a majority of us live two lives.

One life is for our dreams. To live what we want and how we want to live.

And the other life is to sustain ourselves and work towards achieving the dream.

Which brought a thought to my mind. Kind of sad that we have to live two lives.

I aspire to be a writer, thinker, ponderer and philosopher but I have to consider about my career that will support me and thus I have placed my foot in the pool of art, animation to be precise.

How I did wish that we could just step into what we truly want to do without worrying about its prospects and having to think of working other jobs to support ourselves.

Of course, there're some of us who have reached that state and I'm happy for them.

May they always be happy.

Just a thought cause I did realise as I looked around me that many people do do that. Some want to do paintings but because tis hard to earn money to self-support they have to do other things such as selling stuffz in the shopping complex.

I've been working part time in a place where the two managers in charge were art trained. One was trained in graphic designing and the other fine arts. It was both great courses to have studied. But due to economical circumstances they had no choice but to do sales in the shopping complex.

Kind of sad actually.

Speaking of work, I'm sorta stopping it. Cos I feel the working conditions are a killer and not quite human-friendly. I'll prolly find a new job or practice my art.

But I'm not leaving without many things learned, one being a lesson teaching that respect is important between any of us regardless of social status and race. I have served people and it pains me to see how cold they can be when being served. This certain high level of arrogance towards people serving them for they feel as though the ones serving is of lower rank in the hierarchy of the social pyramid / ladder.

How bout being rid of your riches and put in their shoes? Then having to face cold treatments filled with arrogance? How would you feel? Sheez.

We are all humans, regardless of our social status and race.

Even a simple "thank you" is so hard to say. Sheez. And the amount of people with attitude problems, my gawd. And the lies, just to sell a product. Talk bout desperate measures.

Neways, got myself a souvenier from that place as a memory token. X3

Well, for the time being my entry ends here.

May all have happiness always and also based on today's entry, respect. ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/5666293/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/5666293/ Thu, 16 Jun 2005 12:25:15 PDT Mood: Thoughful
Listening to: Halo from HALO OST
Reading: LOTR The Two Towers

- now listening to A by -45 from RDM Online OST -

Tis now 2.53 am and I'm still pretty wide awake, typing away my mind and heart's content.

The day before I was putting sum stuffz into my drawer when I stumbled upon several books that tugged at my curiousity. As I picked them up I realised they were my diary, dating back to late 1998.

I sat down and started reading them and I was hooked for an easy two hours.

Many events I have read brought a smile to my face. Not because of how good or bad the day was but of how my personality was back then and how different my way of thought was.

I marked a few pages though that I felt were important, like how I felt about my crushes during hi-school time. I looked at the person I was back then and I looked at myself now. There was this huge vast difference and yet several similarities.

So many fears that I had as a youngling I had overcome, my confidence and way of handling things improved from before. But at the same time I lost alotta things, like seeing the world as a wonderful place, and that the hardships of life can be quite forgotten with simple pleasures like video games and TV.

Many friends I have made and lost as we parted ways.

The diary entries ended at mid 2000.

- now listening to Skywriting from Last Exile OST -

As Morpheus and Niobe said.

" Things change " and " Some things never change ".

I realised that my journey to find the right angel still has not change. And yes, I still dream and look upon the horizon, hoping to spend my life together with that special someone wherever I went, especially on holiday trips where tis just the two of us.

Hopeless romantic? Deluded casanova? A Romeo seeking his Juliet who is yet to be found perhaps? I don't know.

The eyes of an emotional poet still looks on.

Also, I stumbled across my old writings and went , " DAMN! ".

For back then the ideas were wonderful and so many due to innocence and wonderment of a young mind untainted by the evils of the world. Looking at myself now I realised the reason for the lack of ideas was due to so many wandering thoughts in my head as I tried to find answers to questions and to fight back the conflicting monsters and ghosts within my heart, mind and soul.

I hope to regain that better if not wonderful sense of writing and creativity and work on an old tale nearly lost in the annals of time.

Neways, fast forward to today.

Today was a whack day as I spent time with Hwa Xiong and Mel. Tis was good indeed to be with em again after so long an absence from the animation lab. Life has been pretty quiet at home and due to gears in motion behind the scenes which I'm quite sure are happening. Just haven't been able to pin point things out.

Followed Hwa Xiong and Mel to sum Muzeum of Islamic Art. Beautiful place, and quite a nice time spent talking out things with an old fren.

After that came back to the 2d lab where we had a blast killing each other with crappiness. Gawd, was it good to have a laugh, a light in a gloomy day.

Even planned something crazy as to have a match and see who can survive. XD XD XD

Basically madness overflow.

- now listening to Wishing for an Eternal Sky from Sky Gunner OST -

Also met good ol Amanda today. She had a new haircut which made her look WAAAAAY different. XD

Look much older perhaps? Hope she doesn't kill me. Cute, but now more older looking. XD

Miyuki was as usual, psychotic and insane. -.-" Underneath em clothes ish prolly some damn nuclear reactor churning out uber tons of energy and madness. *shakes head*

I now sit and think back, my thoughts now dwelling to the development of the self once again. I did realise I've sorta have a style in my writings. I dunno how to describe. Just a certain style that involves romance and the intimacy between two lovers. Always a must in all my stories.

Starting to sound like Nicholas Sparks? XD Lol. Not so great as such a God.

His work cum movie " The Notebook " is one that has left me at awe and with his name etched into my brain. A romantic bitter sweet story.

Not at first appealed by mushiness, I sorta watched with my sis and realised indeed what I woulda have missed out had I not watched it. Thanx sis. X3

A wonderful story. Cliche perhaps but the way it was portrayed was beautiful. A tale of everlasting love, on... ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/5641248/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/5641248/ Mon, 13 Jun 2005 21:55:53 PDT
Mood: Breathless
Listening to: Pure Snow by Yuko Sasaki
Reading: LOTR The Two Towers

Got a free subscription. O.o

Never thought I'd get it at this time. XD XD XD

I'd always thought I woulda gotten WAY l8r. Neways, hmmm. Let's see what this baby has to offer. X3

]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/5604825/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/5604825/ Thu, 09 Jun 2005 23:42:38 PDT
A warm morning with a gentle breeze blows.

Yesterday was out with my sibs. We watched " Mr. And Mrs. Smith " and I gotta tell you, it was one of the sweetest and rawkish movies I've ever watched.

The concept was good, the comedy not bad as well and the action (though not much to my opinion) cool.

Tis a strange and yet very unique concept indeed. To have two assassins wed to each other and hired to kill each other. There's alotta professional moves inside and yet, the basic working structure of any normal relationship that anyone can relate to.

Tis a beautiful sight to see how those two compete and battle out and at the same time, emerge from the strange odds that they have been placed in.

Watching the movie sorta taught me alotta things : honesty and trust being the most important aspect among many other important aspects.

- now listening to Song of Trinity by Adiemus -

Won't want to say much more. I leave to you to watch the movie and make it out for yourselves.

Altho I have to say, you get into fights with your special someone sometimes. While in the movie, tis literally a fight, with guns a-blazing and punches a-flying. XD

Neways, after watching the movie me and my sibs were walking towards the car. As I passed by a video game shop I peered inside and saw this cute girl.

What's so special bout her?

Nothing much, aside from the fact that as I stared at her she stared at me. And we locked eyes with each other for quite a while. She had such intense eyes and yet a spark of curiousity and maybe interest? I dunno. All I knew was that her eyes had been in my mind ever since.

I was inspired so I wrote a poetry piece bout it.

Tis titled " Your Intense Eyes ". You can check it out if you want.

Aside from that, today's the day where I'm gonna head to my part-time job workplace for sum training. Wish me luck. XD

Also, been in touch with several vid games and finished Suiko 4. Unfortunately I missed out on the last SoD in Suiko 4 and thus I'm replaying it again. Damn it sucks, jes by one damn star! >.<

Life has been so so lately. Been missing college life like hell and I feel I'm lacking talks with Bean on all things life. Need more talks and discussions with him bout the mentioned subject and brainstorming of art ideas.

Well, time doesn't allow for me to stay long so my entry ends here for today.

Ja ne minna san. May all have happiness always. ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/5489709/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/5489709/ Sat, 28 May 2005 23:24:01 PDT
Feeling the cool air...nice indeed.

I've sorta decided to repost any new works that I have. But only for a very limited amount of time, say...one week? Or mebbe lesser depending on how I feel.

This is due to this :

[link]

I really need the CnC and also to sorta fulfil the very reason why I write my works.

So neways, gonna post my latest work.

Hope you enjoy it and may all have happiness. ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/5461863/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/5461863/ Wed, 25 May 2005 21:50:07 PDT
And thus I sit here once again typing out this entry.

Been spending nearly the whole morning making a new playlist for my player, a collection of easy listening and some personal faves.

This few weeks have been busy, not with work but to try and recollect the pieces of my life and reconnect several loose ends and finish...unfinished business.

I've taken a term off my college for several reasons.

1 - Financial probs (big mucho prob)

2 - To end up in a better environment in the coming future term (definito importanto)

3 - To clear my mind, heart and soul

Number 3 seems to be one that is the most important of the two. Lately I've been living a double-edged sword of a life. Everything that has a sweet side has its bitter or worm-crawling rotten side.

I've been happy and stabbed in the heart at the same time as well.

I've been in the dumps and have happiness again.

Talk bout ur everyday yin and yang.

Keane's "Somewhere Only We Know" is one example. Tis a beautiful song, one that is entrancing and most definitely guaranteed to bring emotions to my heart, both good and bad. For tied to that song are many sweet memories and the painful heartbreaking silent moments and the big departure, a departure w/out a voice but words. Cruel isn't it?

Then there's a tale of a certain someone else who did the same exact thing as the person mentioned in the paragraph above did to me. Just to leave without a voice.

- now listening to "Pure Shore" by All Saints -

Which brings me to the question.

Why is it that people can do such a cruel thing as to just walk away without saying a word but to just leave a note of goodbye? In a relationship where both have to open and share their problems? Why can't things be talked over? Why can't people have a 1 to 1, face to face talk and come to a compromise? Tis not as if I'm so unreasonable that I wouldn't listen.

Dun mind this ranting. Tis jes something that came to my mind and one that I have to say out.

But I feel better. Why keep it inside? Cos the people concerned can't handle the truth? The truth hurts doesn't it?

If one is so afraid of the consequences why put urself in the trouble in the 1st place? Why do something that you might regret or fear the consequence?

No offence to those concerned. Tis just something that I keep wondering about.

Is it in a human's nature to take all and not give back? To just want to receive?

- now listening to "Theme of Rena (Music Box ver.)" from Star Ocean OST -

God gave us a mouth and the ability to think for a reason. So why not utilise it?

A simple thing as talking things over can't even be done.

Oh well. Best to end here. When the juices of anger and frustration run a-wild, the tongue becomes sharper than daggers.

I am a person who tries to filter my words as much as possible so as not to hurt certain individuals. But there're times when things get so overboard and I'm being pushed around so much that I lower the filter barrier and just let loose. And come to think of it actually, I did filter quite alot. No filter would have equalled direct cursing and swearing and usage of specific names.

Oh well, better change the subject...

Neways, I actually for once am thankful that life has allowed me to still be alive so that I can catch the final connection of a long going saga of greatness.

What am I talking bout?

STAR WARS EPISODE 3 : REVENGE OF THE SITH

Tis a brilliant movie, not cos of the action, but of the story and how all things puzzle pieces come together to create a beautiful final picture.

And watching Anakin sorta made me realise a few things. To know what's on my mind do come to me and we'll talk although I think you'll be bored outta ur brains. XD

Cinematography is good as always and concept designs rawked! d>o
And Anakin's with Obi-Wan's and Padme's relationship is one that left me filled with emotion. Such strong ties and so powerful. To have something like that is rare indeed and must be cherished.

- now listening to a Sonic The Hedgehog remix -

Well, the journey to find a part time job is still on. Kinda hard trying to balance so many things out. *rolls eyes*

Art practice hasn't been that good either. Must practice more! >o<

And yeah, I have a new pet sis apparently. >.>

She self-declared me as her bro, quite in a similar manner as someone I know who self-declared me as something as well. Talk b... ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/5238967/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/5238967/ Sun, 01 May 2005 14:13:46 PDT
I sit once again in front of the computer at the wee hours of the morning.

MSN on with only one person whom I'm talkin to.

Life these one week of true holiday has been an okay okay experience. The normal works - eat, sleep and play vid games - but with an addition. The drive to draw. Unfortunately I realised just what kind of artist I am.

I'm a community-type artist. One who needs to work in a community to get the juices of the mind flowing.

Sorry I say to those who have been waiting for my updates. Haven't had any drive to update and definitely lack on time. Been bz with artworks tied to the big project, goin out and such.

Speaking of going out, went out with two insane ppl the other day. Quite an interesting understanding we came to. The beauties and wonders of just hours of talk.

On another note, finished playin Ace Combat 5 : The Unsung War. And I must say, it was one of the most beautiful games I've played in terms of drama, character development, storyline and story flow.

The director musta been sum movie director for the cinematography and storyboarding was one that was excellent. FMV's were of excellent execution n presentation levels. And the story just drags you right in. You actually feel like the character that you play in that game. Wonderful game indeed and a definite recommendation.

It was a game with an intro that left me motivated to play the game and a story which left me filled to the brim with morale.

- now listening to " Take Me Higher " from Initial D OST -

Also, the last few weeks of the previous term has left me tired and also ticked off.

Idiocy runs rampant around the campus corridors and I had the 'pleasure' of basking in the radiant aura of a person who thinks highly of oneself and has one motormouth to boot. Actually come to think of it, tis 2 ppl. One who is blind to one's own weaknesses and lets the mouth run. The other who is not blind and lets the mouth run.

Both different and yet the same, just plain f*cked up pains in the asses. Talk bout idiocy. Gah...just sets the fires of anger a-blazing.

But let's not let that thought turn a day bad.

Hmmm, also been in the process of reclaiming my memories. Sounds bombastic but tis true. I've been going to places my feet once stepped on at some point in time before. How things have changed...how I've changed.

Nostalgia filled me at every sight as I tried to find the little child that was me that was once there. Some memories may have been lost, but I did try to cherish those that I managed to get my hands on.

Memories show the path of our developement. The past and all our experiences are that which make us what we are today. Tis good to cherish those memories. Of course, choose those that are worth keeping.

I chose my happy moments that I used to share with someone who isn't here with me anymore. I may have lost that person and the child who used to stand where I used to, but they will never fade away from existance for they remain within my mind.

- now listening to " Paradox " by W-Inds -

Well, I now have one more week for my holidays. I hope to spend it as well as possible. Do more artworks, play more games to get more ideas and progress to the development of self.

I guess my entry ends here for now. May all have happiness always, as I'm trying to find mine as well. These few days haven't exactly been fulfilling in terms of happiness and security, but I have talks with a certain bunny that have indeed put a smile on my face. Arigato ne bun-chan.

Ja ne minna san.

Btw, I have stopped posting works on DA for this reason :

[link]

I'll still check up on DA for updates once in a while, put up journals and if time permits, comment of deviations and journal entries (God knows why time has not been on my side l8ly, feels like I'm always running out of it somehow rather).

To others, I do not know what your choice will be. But I wish all out there good luck with your works. ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4980018/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4980018/ Sat, 02 Apr 2005 13:54:43 PST
A morning to all.

Tis 5 am. God knows why I'm up at this wee hour typing out my entry.

Neways, been having a sudden change of thought and mindset.

Dunno why. Just wrote several testimonials for several college mates in Friendster. That is indeed a rare sight for the likes of me. XD

Days gone by, not the easiest of days though. For they were sorta unfortunate days. Photography cancelled, rushed assigments, the dying of my car battery and the passing of the Pope.

*moment of silence*

Neways, at least the thought of seeing a northern star keeps my days brighter when times are dark. Which is one of the factors for the changed personality. For ever since the day fate placed its gift for my eye to see as I constantly stared at the sky of infinite possibilities, my life sorta changed. It was hard at first to concentrate but now things have gotten easier maybe. Not too sure, just feels like it. Tis like when my soul is lost all I need to do is look towards the direction of the star. But where will it lead to? I dunno. Tis that lil uncertaintity that leaves me a lil worried at times. But when I see the star again those thoughts disappear. I gues all I have to do is sit back and see what the horizon has to offer.

Then again, maybe it was Tatsun's speech for his words left me leaving the auditorium feeling mighty inspired. And Eric Foo is a Godfather that I hope to have! XD He he, he's a nice guy and speaking to him the other day really left me feeling better and having lesser worries bout the future. Thanks very much sir.

Well, that aside sent me car to wash today. Shiny car. Ooh...the pleasures.

Maybe it was the testimonial thing? I dunno. Just feel so anew.

- now listening to Blue Flow from Haibane Renmei OST -

Also, dad is away with my sis at his hometown for Cheng Beng (wonders if tis spelled correctly). Me and my bro stayed behind in KL cos we had stuffz to do. Gawd, college assignments are a killer and a constant worry. I hope I can make it.

I now stare and think. I've sorta lost touch of my philosophical side. I guess I have to regain that connection back. There's just so many things going on within the mind that I guess some things get pushed aside.

- now listening to Under Cover of Night from HALO OST -

Listening to the song playing now, I do feel that lost of connection somehow. Feels like I'm waving my hands in the dark, hoping to feel that familiar feeling.

Then again, come to think of it, have I really steered that far? For before it was a pursue of answers to questions that dealt with the system of mankind and existance itself. I realised now that I'm headed instead for answers to questions of the self.

I'm am indeed wondering who am I and what am I. What my purpose in this life is. What are my truest of true desires. What do I really want? Questions of that sort.

Maybe tis cos of the scars still left behind? Of experiences where the wonderment of the world was ripped away by selfishness and confused feelings of others.

I'm trying to regain back the memories before the incidents, to relive those days, days of possibilities, of days that were brighter and hopeful. The days where you search for you knew there was something to look forward to. That when you turn around the corner you find something so amazing it bewilders you.

- now listening to Ethereal Remains from Haibane Renmei OST -

Does my MP3 player have a way of putting the right songs for the right words. The tune playing now leaves me with indeed an imagery of wonderment and mystery. Of the unknown. I feel now like a child standing in a large expence of grassy plain, wind blowing causing the grass to dance, a singular tree in the distance, the child staring at the horizon. So many possibilities indeed.

Emotional ain't I? Sighs...oh well. A weakness? Maybe. I'd like to look at it as a double edged sword though.

Makes you weak at times but it opens your heart and mind. It gives you the ability to put words out well and express yourself. Also stirs sensitivity and thus opens your senses to the extra language, body language. You sorta have an instinct or intuition when you open urself to that language. Reading that extra language sorta allows you to dive a level deeper into the person you're speaking to. Words are said and reading body language gives you better clarity somehow.

Wow, this entry is indeed a long one. And I'm happy I've inserted a philosophical point of view. http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4894751/ Wed, 23 Mar 2005 20:19:36 PST
Konichiwa minna san.

And it is indeed once in a lifetime that I'm feeling what I'm feeling now during a college term.

I dunno...feels...calm, relaxed and free.

Maybe tis jes me or the weather. Or maybe just the fact I finally got rid of the man with sack / weight and recoil animation assignment off my shoulders... -_-" I think it's that.

But hmmm. No class today but gonna head over to college to do my assignment. Man, time sure flies. I've got bout 3-4 more weeks till the term ends.

Hopefully, with time grows more understanding as this meteorologist continues to study the northern star. And in return may the northern star surparss the darkness of shyness and insecurity that shrouds its light.

Hmmm...

- now listening to Allay Pain from Witch Hunter Robin OST -

Trying to catch up on Initial D Stage 2.

Things with the Rashingi as always, a learning ground. Tis interesting talking to Seibu bout her life. Always a mind opener to more worlds, experiences and practically another side and perspective of life and yet where one can relate to somehow rather. I'm happy the two of us have that, the sharing of thoughts. And I'm also happy if any of my words have and can help you. I enjoy speakin my opinions as well to you. Of course, sorry if any of my words are offensive or anything. Thank you Seibu, for being a speaker and listener. *bows*

And also, I have to thank a torch carrier as well. For he who bears the torch of the concept of universe has shown me the path in my darkness of the artist block. Thanks Reub for opening my eyes. The creative juices have never been so everflowing. I'm quite sure that there will be a time when an obstacle drops and hinders the flow aka assignments. But having our trio discussions; me, you and Sandcastle; has indeed allowed for the flows to still move on. And thanks to Sandcastle too for bringing up the concept of "What if?" by a famous writer. Indeed it has put my mind in a more creative perspective as well.

Well, the need for speed is always there but the car doesn't exactly fit the profile. Still hanging on to dreams of a better vehicle.... T^T

He he. Thoughts of my future also have been clear after being with the discussion trio. I've now got a better path to follow aside from the main path.

Hmmm, Sandcastle did ask me to aim high. Hmmm. Guess that's his method. I guess my method is the same as well, only instead I use a step by step basis. 1st, to be in par with him and Reuben, then the Furuba Dysfunctional. Then move forward to my Art Gods and Goddesses... X3

I hope I can comprehend so many facts and influences. There're just so many great artists out there. If only the world would pay more attention to the art world aside from the technological and scientific side of life. We have potential. He he.

No offence to the scientific world, but the scientific may have created ways to better this world, but artists have ways to open doors to more worlds, not just this. XD

Of course, tangibility becomes the strong point for the scientifics but then again, I feel the artistics help place a foundation stone to lay the first step. Concept first before reality they always say.

No offence once again, just a wanderer speaking his thoughts. *bows*

But all in all, a balance and equality is what I hope for. A balance of the scientifics, artistics, economics, sociology and more. All balanced out and helping each other. Wow, feels like a fairy tale. But it can come true, no? Lol.

Oh well, neways my entry ends here for now. May all always have love and peace. Ja ne minna san. ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4793911/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4793911/ Sat, 12 Mar 2005 12:31:15 PST
Konichiwa minna san.

Tis now 4 am in the morning. Here I am typing out my entry.

Current mood : Ok ok. But in the mood to bring up something that happened during dinner earlier.

My dad brought up problems of his financial stability. Along the way he said things that really scared the bloody shit outta me, left me in rage and a mindset that this world is a damn fucked up place.

So many thoughts were in my mind as he spoke his Goddamn speech. I was there clenching my fork and spoon, fury in my veins and the urge to drive my fork into someone's eyes a strong voice in the back of my head.

Me dad was really insensitive, saying things as though it was me and my siblings' fault. He made us feel once again as though we're nothing but a burden to his life. U think us as such a way, you should have done the abortion procedure while u had the chance damn bitch.

Sheez man.

Whatever befalls upon you regarding financial stability is your responsibility old fart! We're ur children who are still studying and our job is to focus on our studies. Geez, we've offered to help you but no...you didn't want to accept our help. And when fucking shit happens you throw the blame on us and make us feel like a piece of burdening shit on the sidewalk burning under the hot sun and thus letting out a horrid stench that you find pretty disturbing. We're your children dammit, the fucking result of you planting your damn seed. Treat us like human beings carrying ur fucking genetic code old fuck!

- now listening to Liquid Sky by Solar Quest -

The words that me dad uses are that of hurt, pure mental torture and designed to bring you down and make him God. Geez.

Exaggeration in his words? I dunno. But it really left me with a feeling that my heart was in my throat and a sickness was growing within my gut. I feared for my siblings' safety. He mentioned kidnappers and how they would nab one of us for the sake of demanding he pay back his debts.

Gah. I told my sis in the car on the way back.

If I were to be kidnapped, I asked her not to care anymore bout me. For I was going to kill the kidnappers along with them killing me. I was curled up, dwelling within the realms of suicide and death.

I felt as though life had no meaning and no hope. Felt as though life just revolved around money and there was no more safe ground to step on. I felt that my decision not to have kids was further strengthened with the fact that I didn't want my children to suffer for the mistakes that were of my doing. Tis horrible how people would be so cowardly as to take a person's child as a hostage for payment. How horrible it is. Go die in hell you cowardly fuckers!

Gah...

Well, came home and talked to my sis some more in her room. After quite the talk I felt much much much better. Phew...

Well, exploration week is nearing its end. And my workload has dwindled only so little. So much more to worry about. Sheez.... -_-"

Life with the Rashingi has been that of a dynamic roller coaster ride. So many things to learn, mind-paths to open and possibilities to be discovered.

Kei had her hair cut in quite a way that resembled one of her pet bros. Her old hairstyle to my opinion was better cos it retained her innocence and cuteness somehow. Her new style filled her wit a certain air of seduction and mystery. And yes Kei, roundabouts are everywhere... oooh. XD

Hmmm, Hoku rode in my car today. She claimed that I was as scary as hell on the road. XD But I was so slow dechu...I go faster than this... O.o *innocent look*

And me dropped Kei at her doorstep and both of us met our teacher from our school who shared something in common and that was a name. Long time no see Pn. Ting! X3 He he.

Hmmm, spoke to Li Yen too. Good to be in touch with her again. Altho tis rare, hope to chat with you more. Long time din talk to u.

And Amanda, hope u get better. Nice talking to you too.

Well, I guess my entry here ends for now. May all be happy always. Ja ne minna! ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4758499/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4758499/ Tue, 08 Mar 2005 08:35:59 PST
Konichiwa minna san.

Tis been a while. And to mention quite late for tis olredi Wednesday, half of the exploration week gone.

And not even a start on my assignments yet. I'm so dead meat man. Gawd...

- now playing As For One Day by Morning Musume -

Oh well. These few days have been quite an adventure. Many things had to be solved, many tangled webs untangled, knots freed and such.

So many things to handle...

- now tuning in to the sounds of Second Reality by Purple Motion (Future Crew) -

But I'm glad all are settled and if not, most of it handled.

Well, today was ok ok. Supposed to do work but ended hanging out at the arcades with the Rashingi. -_-"

Rahoku is scary wit killer strength man. Had quite a showdown playing air-hockey with her. She hits hard and fast and we even sent the disc suddenly flying outta the table. Kowaii ne. XD

But fun. XD

Then went back to college and chatted wit Toukei bout stuff and how we help ppl. Such different ways and approaches. XD

One by invoking the smile withing while the other by walking the path of truth.

After that came home and watched good ol Stargate. Concept design was nice but the movie felt empty. The flow was just weird and alotta loop holes. Makes u feel duh...

But the design sense was awesome tho. Loved it. X3

Strangely my mind is a blank for now so my entry ends here.

Till next time. And may all be happy always. ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4681179/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4681179/ Sat, 26 Feb 2005 21:07:05 PST
Konichiwa minna san.

I yawn as I type this entry. Life has been quite bz wit all em college assignments. A Tuesday - Wednesday wit no sleep at all and coffee doin assignments, Thursday - Friday and Friday - Saturday with only 5 and 4 hours o sleep. Not good.

So I think I overslept today. Damn, my bio clock is really screwed up.

Well, things are ok ok in my life. Heart is slowly healing, not fast but steady. It woulda been slow if it weren't for 2 junior friends o mine.

You know who you are.

2 crazy people can indeed heat up a frozen heart. -_-"

But I hafta admit that Aaron and Vincent offer quite the interesting story. And stories o Aki's past really open my eyes and put my views on life on another different level and perspective. X3

Hmmm, sometimes I wonder just how bad my life is. My life and my mental torture compared to one of physical torture and mental scarring. Hmmm...

Also, to alwizhyper :

Tell dat dood to go get a life n f*ckin let go olredi! Dat pussified guy sux! Aiyooh! Tis ppl like him who make girls suffer. Go blow urself d*ckhead. Sheez, can't take a damn hint also. Hyper, you must thank the heavens and he better do so cos you din tell me where he stay or else he'll prolly be in deep shit, literally! *takes truck full o healthy dung, ready to dump* X3

Neways, Rachel Foo ish sensei sama! XD

Sighs, if she ever reads this entry then I'll say to her again :

-_- yes you do look good in glasses. You look more...matured and teacher like. *praises sensei...* I dun think anyone including me ish complaining. XD

- now listening to She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5 -

Yup, sensei sama will be loved even wit glasses. XD

Neways, what happens when you put 2 super hyper ppl in a chatroom who keep inviting other ppl in to accentuate the chaos and madness? U pretty much get the picture.

An orgy o words. XD

And I was involved in that orgy yesterday. Still wondering where one section of my brain is. Did I leave it in that chat window or another chat window? O.o

Neways, I guess this is where my entry ends here for today.

May all always have love. ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4622030/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4622030/ Sat, 19 Feb 2005 12:40:35 PST
Just when you think your life is in the ditch it gets worse.

Overslept today, got l8 to class. Gawd...din know why I was so damn bloody tired.

After class met Akihoshi, Xiong, Zen, Rowen and Su Feng upstairs. Loved Su Feng's doll, it was so cute and sweet looking. It made my heart melt so much.

Akihoshi was commenting on how most guys liked girls who looked innocent and cute and therefore wanted to protect them.

It sorta hit me a lil cos I felt a lil insulted to be related to 'most guys'. I guess I felt I was diff from many guys. I believed that when I said I wanted to protect someone it had a very deep profound meaning. To protect someone with feelings of my heart involved, not just using physicality. To protect, the protection embroided and laced with feelings of love. To protect something so precious with your all and as best as you can.

O cos, there're guys who are sensitive and good natured and only want to love their loved ones as best they can. Jes dat tis a pity when they had to be related to idiots, players and ppl who jes wanna quick bang becos they belong in the same gender.

I mean I'm not mad at Akihoshi. Tis just a thought cos she's not the only one who said such a thing. My ex-darling also said something of dat sort to me in her last email.

"...yes im gonna say a sentence almost every guy hates to hear..."

I'm not every guy. I'm someone who loves as best as he can. I'm one of the few males who strives to make the people he loves and basically everyone else happy always, a rare dying breed that the world needs more of. Men these days are insensitive. I know. I have a dad just like that and seen so many more of his kind. Hurts me and makes me feel ashamed to be a male sometimes. And tis scary when sometimes I realise I'm just like him in many ways. Thank goodness I had a mother who was a Goddess who taught me ways to care and love with so much compassion. If not I would have been doomed to be a stain in the human race, a person who lives with eyes in the dark and never seem to see the light cos he does not rely on the guidance of deep thought and sensitivity.

How could anyone mistreat a female? I wonder.

Neways, l8r went to Summit and Initial D didn't help either.

Then went home and took a nap. Woke up and had dinner at 11 something to 12. Argued a lil with my sis and then went out for a drive to clear my mind.

Tried to head towards ne-san's house using the Kepong way. As I drove into a housing area I bumped into a cat. Yes. I turned into the road and suddenly that damn cat ran across the road into my path. I couldn't even react in time although that moment felt like it went slo-mo. Thank goodness I was driving at low speed, bout 60km/h (if I'm not mistaken) so the cat got away with a broken leg.

What was scary though wasn't just the fact I hit the cat, but also that I was pretty calm, driving on after the hit as though nothing happened with the thought that things like this happened all the time. O cos later panic started to seep in and guilt was gushing in my guts. I sorta circled the spot bout 2 times to make sure the cat was ok. I didn't know what to do. But the second time round it was gone.

But it really got me thinking. Am I monster to be so calm? Maybe I am...

Well, came back, heard a Final Fantasy 10 song that created an imagery in my head, an imagery of snuggling into the embrace of the one you loved. Not exactly a good thought for me being in my current state but it was comforting though when I pictured Yuna and Tidus together. It was a pleasant image to see two people in love and being able to be together. Wanted to write poetry but in the end the drive died.

Talk bout a bad day. Damn...

My mind so filled with thoughts, and suddenly a blank. What's up with it man? Geez...

Mood swings I think. Hit by anger, fatigue, the need to get out, loneliness...basically alotta things negative. Thus the title of the entry. I have to be in touch with my self again, the self I lost when the sword of sadness stabbed my heart.

Guess that's about all for this moment.

Tis really hard to speak your mind and at the same time filter words as best as possible to make them the least poisionous. I hope none of my words hurt anyone, especially Akishoshi cos her name was mentioned. If it does gomene. Didn't mean to. *bows many times*

Tired I am...

"I stare out into space, wondering now what the horizon has to offer for me, my confidence to face the world gone..."

"I clenched my fist and with all my strength tried to elbow the entity called 'lonelines... ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4605843/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4605843/ Thu, 17 Feb 2005 10:55:56 PST
Konichiwa minna.

And quite the great song to be playing now.

Sighs...

Where to begin?

Neways, I jes came back from a yum cha session wit ne-san and Ts Neko. Thx both of you for accompanying me at my time of need.

Sighs...

Well, most of you are prolly wondering wassup with my l8st deviation titled "Collage of Pain".

Well, me and my sweetheart have ended. Apparently she came to realise after much thought that she wasn't the person I was looking for. I received her email on the 16th where she told me together with her reasons for ending our relationship.

Right now things are healing, but they aren't easy. Tis just so sudden and so harsh. I loved her alot. Sure I was demanding but that was cos I felt something was wrong. And I did my best to give her her space, apologising to her if I pressured her and told her I still loved her even though she changed to a person who was like a total stranger to me.

And yes I loved her. I was already beginning to accept the new her as long I lived with the fact that she loved me. But I guess timing was wrong. Too many questions asked until she came to that point of thought.

And now here I am. I feel empty, heart aching, nearly on the verge of tears now n then. Anger too for the hurt caused but thx to ne-san she helped calm me down.

*hugs ne-san* thx so much for putting my mind back in perspective.

- now listening to Pieces of a Dream (old school remix) by CHEMISTRY -

Mad as I am I can't be too mad at her. She did love me. Just that it feels so unfair. And so painful. Though it was only for a month plus (to many it's short) but during that period I felt like I was living with her for eternity.

I loved her that much. I did. Even when she changed her personality I did my best to accept her.

Too deep I dove, my heart given so much. Healing now takes more time. Sighs...

Feel like I'm living in darkness. I lost my motivation to do things. And I have so many deadlines to fulfil. Damn...

Things weren't meant to be? Maybe. But I did try my best to make things work out. I did my best. I wished she did. Maybe she did? I dunno. Didn't feel much like it.

Trust is important. And I trusted her. I trusted her loyalty and trusted her that I told her what's on my mind. I wished she could trust me enough to tell me what's on her mind instead of trying to solve her probs single-handedly. I offered myself to help, I wish you would have done the same.

Sighs...does love have to hurt so much? Such a crime to give someone you love your all and heart? Sighs....

Well, I dun wanna sound like I'm putting the blame on her. She is after all a complex-minded person.

- now listening to Son Of Man by Phil Collins from Tarzan OST -

Well, there's more to say. But I don't want to continue. Cos I might make many look at her as a bad person which she really isn't.

She was just confused about her feelings. I don't want anyone including myself to hate her or get mad at her.

Sometimes I feel as though this was all a bad dream n I'd wake up from it. Sometimes I feel that the email sent to me was not from her but a hacker who hacked into her account and came wit BS to ruin things btwn us. But then again, I have to face reality and that what's happening now is a 99.9% chance that it is real and not sum fake illusion created as though I were asleep in the Matrix.

I can't say "I L**E you" anymore. It hurts just thinking that I can't say it anymore to her. I loved saying that to her and hearing her say it back to me. It's so beautiful to feel a two-sided feeling.

Sighs...

- now listening to You'll Be In My Heart by Phil Collins from Tarzan OST -

Driving today also hurt just listening to the radio when a song with a tune that gave an imagery of being on a journey with someone special played. It was so bad. Linkin Park had to be played to have some anger, some lil negative energy to give me strength to move on.

Gawd it hurts...now not so bad...but the pain is a lingering pain that doesn't seem to go away...

Sighs...

Neways, that's bout all I have to say. My entry ends here for now.

"An angel with black wings stands on the edge of the roof of a building, rain pouring down heavily on him. He stares into his hands, not being able to imagine that moments ago there lay an angel with white wings whom he loved so much."

To her :

You do have white wings. They were stained. But you never gave people a chance to help you clean th... ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4565151/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4565151/ Sat, 12 Feb 2005 20:11:28 PST
Ohayo minna.

Tis the morning on a beautiful cool Sunday morning. The sun's hidden behind the clouds.

Unfortunately it also marks the end of the holidays and i'll be heading back to college. Dang. >_<

Mraor...

Hmmm...

Basically this week was meant to be a week when I caught up with my work but I guess it didn't exactly work out. My assignments are still left bhind.

Shat... >_<

Well, visiting fren's places. Went to ne-san's place. Woo hoo! Wat fun wit KFC chicken and oranges. Also got to see her new Kelisa. OMFG! Da bass ish sho nice! T^T beats my 12 yr old hunko junko. XP

But hmmm, me 12 year old hunk o junk got its oil change, loosened power steering and four tyre change. XD so not so bad. Quite an ok ride.

Also been spending time in Summit. I realised I'm getting bored wit my Impreza. -_-" I'm planning to quickly finish its full tune and then transfer my Altezza over. Nya... can't wait. XP

- now listening to Gatekeeper's Ending Theme -

Well, hmmm. Yet to write those poetry pieces out too. Nya... >_<

Oh yeah. Yesterday went to Ken's house but din exactly do work cos Ram was dragged home. Planning to go again today after lunch. Neways, was heading back home and did one of the biggest challenges in me life that was so hard. To keep the car moving at below 3000rpm. -_-" That meant a top speed of 80 km/h. On a road that I coulda taken at 120-150 km/h. It was torture i tell ya! XD

But I've been thinkin I gotta do dat. For the sake o fuel economy. >_< nyaaaaa....

And wondering when and how and whether to tune me 12 yr old car o not. So tempted. XP

Hmmm....V-day. I'm plannin a surprise. Slightly ol-skool but I dun think I can find one more item to give it a more 'dramatic' effect. Mraor...XD might hafta improvise.

Sighs...speaking o V-day haven't been talkin to my angel for a few days. Her hp apparently broke and ish bein a b*tch. So no calls and sms's. Da torture. >_< Nyaaa... I'd kick the hp but I leave it to her cos tis her phone. XD altho I wished she did give me a miss call from her house phone once in a while. But then maybe I'm asking too much? Dunno. All I can say ish I'm missing her like mad. Haven't seen her for so long. I'm hoping maybe I can see her on V-day or Thursday for lunch.

To her :

I still love you darling. I may have been paranoid, worried, asking alot and trying to probe deep into your problems that you keep to yourself. But that's cos I'm jes worried for you and care for you and like I said, wanna do anything to bring a smile back on your face. I'm sorry if anything I did made u sad or pressured but I did it cos I care for you. I'm doing my best to understand and let facts sink in. Slowly by slowly. Guess I'm a slow learner? Sighs... But I do love you k? No matter what. It just hurts me cos it feels as though you've been cold to me. Could be jes me, a person who can't bear to go through the day w/out at least hearing from you or seeing you. But like I said b4, I ain't gonna die or commit suicide like a certain someone. Ahem. XP Neways, I love u lots. Just wanna see you and be with you that's all. An insecured overgrown baby I am if you wanna call me dat. But I'm your baby and I need your care and love as much as I care n love for you. Aiks, hope I'm not sounding like I'm placing pressure on ye. >_< Anyways, main point, I love u. *hugs*

Oh well, anyways, I guess me entry ends here for now. Ja ne minna san!

And may all find love on V-day. ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4536692/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4536692/ Wed, 09 Feb 2005 09:40:44 PST
Konichiwa minna.

And Happy Chinese New Year to all! X3

Well, Tis now 1.30 a.m.. And me jes reached home from my granparent's place in Sitiawan, Perak.

Well, aside from all the comments from my relatives on how we've grown so tall, how they can't recognise me wit my long hair XD, horrible hp signal that made me couldn't send sms's to anyone and several fireworks that pratically rendered me deaf, nothing much.

No time to do work which means I might jes stay at home instead o going to my maternal grandparent's place. >_< damn...feel so bad... *curses at college work*

Well, aside also from a slight pain in me head...which i feel is due to the fact that i ate food that sent my blood rushing through my veins after i jes woke up in a state where i felt half my soul was in slumber limbo...i feel da pain o not seeing my hun bun.

Missed u darling...sho much. T^T nyu... > _<

Well, went to Teluk Rubiah beach, beautiful place that gave me inspiration to come up with a new poetry piece which i will put up soon.

Also, the drive down the lanes with nothing but estates on both sides also rendered me inspired for another poetry piece.

Yowza. Well, ang paus are always a heart pleaser. Lol. Mooney! X3

Aside from that, nothing else muchies. Caught my angel on msn but she wasn't feeling well, so i asked her to get some rest. Hope she'll be okie dokie. Mraor...

*hugs me darling* hope ur ok sweetie... T^T

Well, my entry ends here for now. Once again to all :

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR! MAY ALL HAVE PROSPERITY AND HAPPINESS ALWAYZ! X3 ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4431577/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4431577/ Thu, 27 Jan 2005 18:52:23 PST
Here I am typing in the morning with minutes to spare before my class starts. But I'm at home. Well, heck class. XD

There're more important things to be said now that I want to take out of my mind.

I woke up today after having a dream. It was sorta sweet and weird and sad. I dreamt I was sorta transported back in time into the past. Back to my home years ago. It was then that I was able to see my old toys, my old things, basically everything old.

- now listening to Refrain Of Memory from Haibane Renmei OST - (see?! memory! -_-" omg...XD)

I started to collect my old things, toys mainly, that at present time have been thrown away or that I couldn't find anymore. I felt so much joy to be reunited once again with my childhood, with the old me that I used to be. My whole family was there, including my mom. I then went to my mom to ask for something specific.

And then I woke up. When I sat in bed I realised then just how suddenly sad it was. I spoke to my mother, heard her voice, heard her personality, a personality that I'll never hear ever again. It was so sad...

I was so close to talkin to her again. Dreams are indeed just intangible images played to tease you. Sighs...

Tears were in my heart, and my eyes nearly spilled them equally. But oh well, I'm dragged back into reality, and placed into my college-student-self, a self that has no room for old memories but constant moving on and change.

- now listening to Jupiter Driving by xxdbxx from DJMax OST -

But I was so close to her. Why didn't I hug her? Even if it was just a dream, at least I could dream a memory of her touch. I guess that's why touch is so important to me when it comes to people I love. A voice is a sound our ears can pick up, our eyes a tool to see them. But to touch them is to truly know that they are there, to know they still exist and can be there for you when you need them.

Sighs...

Well, speaking of touch, yesterday was tiring but fun. Spent the damn morning going to KLCC for photography session alone. -_-" Apparently my fren FFK on me last minute. KLCC in the morning was beautiful, the LRT wasn't cos it was packed. Damn... >.<

After that came back home and went out to lunch with my sweetheart. Gawd I miss her... myao! ><

Had a lil bump into a tree while driving and both of us had a fun time laughing it out. XD It was sorta weird cos we bumped, my darling was scared and yet we both were laughing at the same time. And dun worry, slight lil bump. The tree didn't even move an inch. XD i think...

Had a fun time. Followed my angel to an artshop to browse through stuff.

I spoke about touch. Well, it's important. Hugging my darling closeby, feeling her there next to me was important. She was there, there with me and that was all that mattered to me. To know she was there was comforting and securing to my heart and soul. Plus like I said before for countless times to her; she's so nice to hug. X3

Myao...after that...nya ha ha...XD

- now listening to The Girl Who Fell From The Sky from Castle In The Sky OST -

Well, also had alot of thinkin done during the evening yesterday when I was at home and me hun was at tuition. Had a dead-end-brain-block and felt really shitty. So many questions and worries.

It was like when Belldandy got hit by Urd's love potion and went all lusty and horny and jes went to Keiichi all seductive-like. And when Keiichi was scared and said "no" Belldandy asked whether he loved her or not.

I was sorta at Keiichi's state. Was asking questions.

My angel was like a Goddess, someone so important. What happened if I did something wrong? Something that would hurt her? Something that can never be repaired, fixed, remedied or when taken can never gain back? The consequences.

I spoke to me sweetie bout it. We had a discussion that in the end, rendered my heart at ease and I could rest easy. And we ended up playing games on the phone. Man, I miss you so much darling, so so much. Love you lots.

The truth and understanding does set one's soul free. *lays back and closes eyes, now worried bout class* >_<

Well, I guess that's all for now, quite long but tis good to let alotta wind outta me chest. Phew...

Now class beckons and I'm so gonna be late man... -_-" damn...

But heck oh well.

Anyways, entry endeth here! Once again, love you angel, so much. And to the rest of the world, may all have love always. ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4366640/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4366640/ Thu, 20 Jan 2005 07:15:00 PST
Nyao...wat a day it was 2day. Went out wit me hunny, jes the 2 o us.

Best time o me life. X3

Nyao...I miss her so much...T^T

Picked her up n then went to KLCC to get stuff for her mom's b'day. Had a fun time makin her laugh n seeing her smile.

Omg...she's so cute when she's smiling and happy. Love her...nyuuu...>o<

Anyways, after that went to Times Square to hang out at the arcade. Nyao...

She learns da basic o PIU!!! XD

Woo hoo! XD

Nyao...played a couple o Initial D games. Once again, DC2 users suck arse. I was bout to finish a match wit a com in Irohazaka. Damn bugger put in a coin when I was reachin d finish line. I was like wtf.

Fine...DC2, sheeet! Fine...Happogahara?! Boost on?! Now that was a lil too much. Was damn pissed.

Oh well. But now ok. After all, speaking to my darling. Love u sweetheart. Muaks.

- now listening to Exodus from Maxim -

And oh yesh. My 1st time in me life. Kena saman for, not speeding, but parking in a non-parkin zone. But strange. Cos tis like I've parked at that spot for countless times and suddenly I got hit. Hmmm...oh well, guess there's a 1st time for everything.

Now the wonder ish how to break the news to me dad...>.> *scared o getting arse screwed* damn.... >_<

Oh well, neways, today was quite alotta experience for me. Learned more things. Realised that Times Square ain't a bad place for there are many 'quiet' areas. Nya ha ha. XD

Oh well, anyways, me entry ends here for today. Love to all and especially my bro, sis n angel. Love u sweetheart. Muaks! ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4343379/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4343379/ Mon, 17 Jan 2005 13:45:30 PST
Scorpio Man

A man with a foggy cloud over him. He is sensitive and easily hurt and always feels lonely. He does not trust anyone but himself. Sounds so negative, but he has an amazing charisma. He is a compassionate man. He absorbs other people’s sentimental feeling and pain.

He is a good psychiatrist and can understand complex and confused feelings. He has a hidden power that he could use it to make things happen and do things well. He does not like people who never try to help themselves before asking other people for favours. He is the type of guy who mostly achieves his goal in life. Once he sets his mind on something, he will put all his energy and effort into it, whether or not it is a small matter or a big project. One of the most successful men in the Zodiac.

He is a very patient man and can wait for years to reach his goal. He hates thin feelings and weak determinations. He cannot retreat or rest for long, for he thinks life has more questions and answers to be searched.

If he is in love, you will get plenty of love from him, sometimes too much than what you have asked for. He is serious about love and relationships and will not waste time with someone he does not love no matter how pretty she is.

He hardly makes mistakes. He could tell if you have any bad characteristics, and will not hesitate to tell you so. If you do not like straight forward sincere men, then pack your bag now. If you are an over sensitive person, try not to ask for his comments. He will tell you the truth; even you might not be able to take it. Example, if you ask him if you are fat (and you are fat), he will say "yes, as big as a balloon". He makes such comments because he cares for you, so do something about your weight and do not get upset with him.

If he says "you look pretty today", you can be proud because he will not say such things just to please you if he does not really mean it. There will be two kinds of people, those who like him and those who hate him. If you are in love with this guy, be strong and believe in your decision, do not be vulnerable. He remembers all his anger and will wait for his payback time.

He is very serious about your promises. Do not promise something you can’t keep. He loves his friends and will do anything for his close friends. He likes you to take care of him, but not in front of his friends. He is a complex man and you will never understand what he means if you do not really know him. He is happy to know he is a complex figure. When he is thinking or when he needs his privacy, you should give him some space.

He memorises everything well. You may say something that you have already forgotten, but he will remember every word. He wants to be respected and admired and at the same time he does not like people to have power over him.

When he falls in love, he really falls deep. A man in this Zodiac once in love, he will be sweeter than sugar. He does not like a plain and simple woman. A complex woman's mind is his venture. Always be interesting and able to talk to him about everything in any subjects. He does not like a woman who sits around waiting for his call. ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4333018/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4333018/ Sun, 16 Jan 2005 08:25:53 PST
Nyao...wat a day it was today. X3

Went out today for a b'day outting wit me darling. Nyao!!! X3

*hugs my darling*

Nyao...it wash nice to meet her. Missed her soooooo much.... T^T

She's nice to hug too. X3 nyao... *hugs her* miss u... T^T

Well, it was held at Pyramid. Played a game o PIU, then went to have lunch. Being vegetarian ain't ez when it comes to eating jap food. -_-" Had to be uber picky bout wat i ate.

But had quite a wild blast while eating lunch. Made ne-san, neko n my angel laugh till their boobs n ballz drop off. XD XD XD sorry, but yeah. They were laughing that much. Ppl woulda thought we were crazy o sumthin.

To my angel. You shine when I see you smile, and you radiate like the rays of hope that you've given my heart when I made you laugh. I'm happy that I put not only smile but laughter on your face. Love you so much sweetheart. *hugs*

Well, watched Meet The Fockers and it was mother Focking good! OMG! And da baby's is cute! AAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSS - HOOOOOOOOOOOLEEEEEEE. XD XD XD omg! *pinches baby* XD

Nyao. Had a game o Initial D as well. Actually, spent 4 bucks. But had several more games. Cos me won the challenges received. *hugs card* luv me car! X3 nyao! XD

Finally lost to a dood dat was kick ass good. No regrets. A lil on the sore loser in me kickin in, but it sorta dissipated cos o respect. He was jes too power altho I was bhind him quite close.

Demo, that was nothing compared to seeing my hunny. Love u darling. You help me calm down.

Played archery after that. Had a bullseye on my last arrow. Yay! XD

Nyuu, was supposed to send me darling home but her mom came so cudn't. Sob n sniff. T^T i miss u... nyooo...

Hope to see u soon hun. Love u lots.

Well, wat a day it was. XD quite exciting. Altho me palms hurt due to the 2nd game o PIU. >.<

Well, got home n spoke to me hun on the phone. Gawd I miss her sooo much. Then had dinner that me dad cooked. For a pain in the ass his cooking was actually a relieve on the stomach and a tease to the tongue. X3

Well, quite a long entry but it ends here. Phew!

Ja ne minna san! All have happiness always and love u as long as time itself angel. *hugs* ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4276427/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4276427/ Sun, 09 Jan 2005 09:25:55 PST
A week over, damn tis fast.

So many assignments... >_< nyao!

Well, aside from that tis been bliss and torture for me.

Bliss cos... Love you darling! X3

Torture cos... work... and that I can't see my angel... T^T nyuu, miss her tons...

Had sum troubles here and there. And also, found out jes how blind sum ppl can really be man. Sheez. >.>

Had a loooooooong talk wit that person on9. My gawd, he's so full o himself. He thinks he's like some damn God o sumthing. Really, God created life but He made a mistake creating this ding.

Oh well, my angel told me to jes let him be cos God will do something bout it.

Thanks sweetheart. You help calm me down. Love u so much. *hugz*

Well, anyways, hmmm. College work ok ok and Initial D great! XD

Nya ha ha! Me want vrroooom! XD

Well, anyways, me entry ends here for today.

Plan to upload sum poetry. Still need to think o haikus ( gomene ne-san!!! >_< ) and wanna write a poetry piece based on the Matrix and me life (not sure whether that'll come true or remain within a world of slumber plugged into the machines XD).

Ja ne minna! And love you tons angel. Muaks! ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4249694/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4249694/ Wed, 05 Jan 2005 20:50:11 PST
Tis now a nice-toned afternoon on a lovely Thursday.

College term started. So far tis ok. A lil on the holiday effects so a lil lazy. But hafta start doin assignments soon. >_<

No class for today. But later heading over to Ram's to do animation work.

- now listening to Running In The 90's from Initial D OST -

Tis was a mad few days.

Initial D in the arcades was one. XD

But another madness was when one's heart was involved. Negative emotions abound and a heated argument. Sighs...

Anyways, things are slowly cooling down.

Tis good.

I now stand on the path of my life, being led by a new ray of hope.

This ray of hope brings warmth to my heart and happiness. For once, when I shower my love and care it actually comes back. Things are slow for now, still got alotta patching up to do on both sides. But I hope to be able to reach the source of light.

An angel I believe I will find at the end of my journey. Although this angel contains a touch of madness. Lol. You know who you are. XD

But for now, I bathe within that ray of hope, filled with warmth and somewhere I can belong.

- now listening to Once In A Lifetime by Sarah Brightman -

Well, anyways, for now nothing else much. To my new ray of hope. I miss you...T^T

Well, my entry ends here for today. May all be happy. ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4201669/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4201669/ Fri, 31 Dec 2004 11:21:28 PST
Nyao. Happy New Year one and all! And may all have happiness found and abound! ^_^

Tis been quite a year hasn't it?

2004, what a year. And now tis 2005.

And my term is gonna start. Damn party pooper. -_-"

Ha ha. Oh well, the holidays have been quite an experience. Went thru lots during the holidays. Learned alotta lessons, some so hard the impact still remains.

Sighs...

There's still emptiness remaining. And I still do miss someone. But what had to be had to be I guess. Oh well.

Well, today was a sorta a day of healing. Alotta ppl were really depressed. Had bout the whole day cheering em up. Spoke to em on MSN. And I'm glad I did.

Tis good to know that they are now in their beds smiling. Maybe not much but at least still smiling nonetheless. They should always be happy and smiling especially on New Years Day. May they always have smiles on both their faces and hearts.

Hmmm, aside from that been watching Haibane Renmei. Yoshitoshi Abe's works rawks. Nyao...

They are so cute...XD

Nyao...XD

- now listening to Kiss Me Sunlights from ZOE OST -

Hmmm, tis good I guess to actually catch up with the past. Had great times talking to my ex and her fren. They've sorta helped me too during my depression.

You could say they gave me a better clarity of mind of things to do as well and helped me.

Well, anyways, this wanderer here still continues on his journey to search for his one true angel.

I've learned quite alotta things. I've learned that everyone is an angel. Some tainted and some not. And some are indeed perfect. But there're cases when there're perfect angels but the feelings are not mutual aka two-sided. It can be one-sided as well.

I've sorta went through that. Hard as it was I had to do the hardest thing and that is to let go. It was sorta one-sided. She couldn't let go. Oh well.

Well, anyways, here I am still on my journey. I might have met a few potential ones. There were some that tickled my fancy. Not sure. I could be in a state of confusion. So I can't say anything. But anyways, for now yeah. A few potential ones.

And I dunno, I still hope she might change her mind. But then again, even if she does tis gonna be hard again for me to really feel wat I felt for her before. Cos as time passed I slowly let go of her more.

Ha ha. Talk bout alotta confusion. The human heart and mind is something so complex.

- now listening to Hemisphere by Sakamoto Maaya -

Well, as of now life I guess is heading towards a brighter path. The road is still bumpy mind you. But I guess I will go on slowly. Dun wanna damage my Honda S2000 skirts and bumpers. XD

Oh well. Love is such a complex emotion isn't it? Leaves you with so much happiness and sadness at the same time.

Sighs...oh well. Anyways, my entry ends here for now.

Once again a Happy New Year to all. And as the name says, all be HAPPY! That's an order! XD lol.

C ye all. ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4149259/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4149259/ Fri, 24 Dec 2004 20:42:10 PST
Here I am sitting and typing out my journal entry on this glorious Christmas morning.

Once again I say :

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!

May everyone have good cheer.

May everyone have happiness.

May everyone be free from suffering and sadness.

- now listening to Sung In Shik by Park Ji Yoon -

Hmmm. Wondering wat to do today.

Prolly hang out in the arcades to play Initial D. XD

But I'll hang out wit me bro. XD

Hmmm, dats all for now.

Once again, merry xmas all! XD ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4136586/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4136586/ Thu, 23 Dec 2004 13:22:41 PST
Wow...tis 5 in the morn. Wow...

Ha ha.

Life has been a sudden change. O_O

Can't believe life turns and changes like my mood.

Was talking with someone special. I decided to forgive her and give her another chance. And I'm glad I did.

Cos I sorta realised jes how imporant she was. I guess I really missed WAY lot more than I could possibly imagine. Plus, had I not do the forgiving I woulda risked losing her for good.

Well, had a long talk. Good times and alot more in depth understanding btwn the two o us.

I'd say more details but I guess for now we'll leave it at that.

On a side note, I realised jes how DAMN small the whole world can be. SO SMALL.

Met up with ppl from my past which I haven't heard from for slightly above half a year. How time flies and how we get connected once again. Wow. Talk bout small world.

Ha ha.

Oh well, hmmm. So far life's ok ok. The future remains uncertain and for a certain thing, still quite blurry and bleak due to problems o letting go.

Aside from dat, me dad ish an uber contradicting person who I'd love to knock some sense into his head, litterally. Baka otosan! >=E

Oh well, guess dats bout it for now.

Hope for more good days to come. All be happy and merry christmas! ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4124466/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4124466/ Wed, 22 Dec 2004 02:29:54 PST
Phew, jes came back from Summit. Had an insane day playing Initial D. Learned a couple o new tips from Kevin. Thx dood!

Sorta learned my new rev point for me Honda S2000. Omg, S2000. *kisses car*

Nyao, also received a lil assignment from Jyezze ne-san. Hope I can accomplish it! Yow! Gotta sit and think.

Sighs...

Though that fateful day of anger showering happened so recently I'm in a state of floatsom. There's part of anger within me and yet, I feel so empty. God I actually miss her. I'm so lost and confused now.

I jes dun get it. I mean, she did hurt me so much. She did sumthing so bad. And I've only known her for such a short time. Yet I asked both my sis (my real sis and Jyezze ne-san).

Wth am I so attached to her? So attached as though I knew her for years. Yowza...

Sighs, wonder if she realised her mistake and changed? Wonder...

Y do I wonder bout someone who had hurt me?

Does she deserve a 2nd chance? I mean, it was the 1st time she did it. But I feel that it was so unforgivable and yet, still somewhere in my heart, I feel the need to.

I miss...the moments we had. Though stupid but...gah...maybe I am stupid?

Confused I am.

- now listening to Treasures of Time by Chris Phillips -

Anyways, I jes feel I need to say it out somehow. That I'm now stuck and caught in the middle.

Actually had an argument wit me sis cos o her. Me sis said she was bad news. Many do. And yet l8r in my room my sis came and sorta apologised to me. She said that if this one person could drive me and my sis to an argument then she must really mean sumthing to me.

But I did learn sumthing tho. I found out one o my weaknesses. I'm too weak cos I give my heart out too easily. Maybe I trust ppl too easily that they take advantage of me. Hmmm. I dunno.

God bless you sincere ppl! Sincerity is gold!

Grrr...still stuck in square one tho. Miss her yet still mad at her. I dunno man. Really I dun. Now so lost.

My gawd...

Oh well, enuf rantings from a lost person for one day.

Initial D ish insanely addictive. Dun play it unless you wanna get hooked to sumthing! You have been warned! XD

Well, that's all for now. May all have happiness always. ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4108586/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4108586/ Mon, 20 Dec 2004 06:40:31 PST
I realised how caniving and shitty sum idiots can be.

First of all, FUCK YOU LIERS!

You know who you are. People who dun mean what they say, and dun do what they claim to do.

CUT YOUR BULLSHIT!

You promised you would do it. Promised you would tell me. But you didn't. Out of the selfishness of your God damn mother fucking low down piss of shit corroded heart!

You think I'm a damn fuckin tool? You think I'm a toy?

I'm a human for God's sakes! Humans are beings with feelings you God damn fucker!

You wanna toy with my feelings?! Go fuck yourself! And take that pathetic beggar asking for a 2nd chance with you to hell or sumthing.

You're scared of wat other ppl think of your actions if you dun give that beggar the chance?

Okay. You know what ppl think of you?

You thought that ppl would think you're cruel? Now ppl think of you as an idiot! Cos you give a sunovabitch a 2nd chance and hurt yourself. And then you hurt other ppl! YOU CRUEL!

I'd say more, but if I say anymore I'd probably be kicked out of DA for cursing so much.

Hmph. For now gotta take several deep breaths.

The worst things more foul than shit on the roadside are selfish liers.

You suffer the wrath of truth and pay the fine of consequences.

Coward to run away from problems. You cause and bring problems upon yourself and you run away from the cost it brings.

A life like that brings more suffering than hell can offer. You made your own hell.

Though it is sad and hard, but what has to be has to be. I can't waste my life and time anymore on angels with filthy souls.

You want forgiveness? You want redemption?

You pray to God and hope that I give you that. Cos for now you overstepped the line. You're lucky my words do the hurting but then again I guess that's quite strong an affect.

Cos I speak the truth and the truth hurts. And together with my words it's double hit.

Run to that bastard. Run to him. He's there for you isn't he? He's there for a reason. To spoil you and taint a learning soul.

So much hatred I have for the likes of you that God has to calm me down to forgive you. Time has to soothe my mind to give you another chance.

Lies...I gave you the truth and sincerity I could give. And you break my trust.

And yet...deep down inside I'm hurt. You hurt me so much. Apologies can't even take the pain away. Only time can.

For now, you're a bane in my eyes. In due time, if God can convince me, I might look at you again. For now, I hate you. ]]> ~NeoWhitewind http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4070828/ http://NeoWhitewind.deviantart.com/journal/4070828/ Wed, 15 Dec 2004 04:46:16 PST
Nyao...me sis b'day has past. It wasn't really spectacular but was special nonetheless. Special cause of not what was done during the day, but the smile on her face.

It was that moment that made the day turn bright. <3

Nyao...anyways, earlier during that day went out with ne-san. Arigato for accompanying me and gomen for making you wait so long. Nyooo...T^T

Anyways, played a game o PIU and Initial D at TimeSquare. Then later went to Sg Wang to search for jeans and sum com stuffz.

L8r ate at a Teppanyaki Restaurant and had a blast talking with her for bout 2 hours. Identical scorpios are kinda fun, plus it was ne-san so I got to see a mirror of me but as a person of the opposite gender.

Nyao, ne-san. I hope dat bloke realises how important you are to him! XD

May you return back to the place in his heart that is reserved only for you desu.

Anyways, while window shopping at Sg Wang bought xtras for me real sis.

L8r dat night she was screaming up and down holding her present. Put a smile on my face as a person who is so strong smiles and feels happiness even if only for a short moment.

- now listening to Melissa from FMA -

Well, aside from that...I've hurt a singing bird by saying the wrong things. I feel so guilty and worried and sad and bad and though I feel I'm innocent but still...I feel like crap. Sighs...

Feels empty, as a part of me was suddenly and forcefully yanked out.

To you, free flying singing bird, I apologise.

Well, sighs, dats bout it for today. Take care yall! And yeah, though I've said it in my recent poetry piece but...Merry Christmas.

Dunno why I keep saying it but if tis to make everyone smile then I'll say it another million times more.

Keep smiling everyone! ]]> ~NeoWhitewind