http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:NeonPrimaBallerina&section=today deviantART RSS for by:NeonPrimaBallerina en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Mon, 21 Dec 2009 11:58:05 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/24636096/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/24636096/ Thu, 07 May 2009 14:06:27 PDT

]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/24303375/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/24303375/ Sat, 18 Apr 2009 07:23:32 PDT
hahaha.

]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/24158861/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/24158861/ Fri, 10 Apr 2009 05:01:13 PDT do you know what it's like to truly have a broken heart?
I do..

but I suppose life must go on..
if that's what you wanna call it..

]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/24072785/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/24072785/ Sun, 05 Apr 2009 09:53:09 PDT I guess my phase of pouring my heart out via DA is over..
so..
I know how life's been for me..

how's it been for you..

]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/21139437/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/21139437/ Fri, 24 Oct 2008 11:53:43 PDT I'm sooooooooooooooooooo sick of it.

]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/19672593/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/19672593/ Wed, 30 Jul 2008 01:15:25 PDT I couldn't stop it..


they took her..
they took her away..
it wasn't a dream..




now who do I have to love???


oh god..

]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/19368339/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/19368339/ Sun, 13 Jul 2008 08:34:31 PDT duh.
it made me barf.
and I usually don't..
icky..


haha so later that day I got slim fast, lean cuisines and activia.
just because I like them better!
haha.
and they don't make me puke!


haha wow I'm really out of it..

]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/19157041/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/19157041/ Wed, 02 Jul 2008 00:03:10 PDT
sooooooo...
might take a while.
but it's some good shit.
heh.





wow I'm cool.


-----



gee...
I really feel good...

]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/18589742/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/18589742/ Sat, 31 May 2008 08:10:11 PDT

I did something so bad..
but I don't know..





why can't I feel anything for anyone other than you?
_{I know you well enough to know you never loved me.}

I just need to keep you in mind as something larger than life..

]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/18380030/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/18380030/ Sun, 18 May 2008 09:38:53 PDT was I afraid?
just annoyed?
on CRACK?!?!

well the truth is I don't really know.
all I know now is that I'm finally just content with what I have.
a lover.
a friend.
an everything.
a girl.
yes. I am in love with a girl.
I suppose it was just inevitable.
but yet I am not a lesbian, so PLEASE don't classify me as one.

She was right in front of me all that time..
I guess I took that for granted..
we were lovers for so long, but I wouldn't call her my "girlfriend"
to me it's stupid, pointless, and cheap.
but I realized it was what she wanted. so in turn, what I wanted.
I'd do anything to keep her happy.




so I just thought I'd share this new piece of news with people who won't even read it.
oh well.
I said it.

]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/17365595/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/17365595/ Sun, 16 Mar 2008 15:23:38 PDT

love is the strongest of addictions.



I think I loved you.
why would you throw that away?









I don't know what I want.
I don't know what I was expecting to happen.
just.. anything but this.



----
Substantial equality is not equality. Substantial progress is not progress.

----

In the middle of a chic drug binge, filled with models, cigarettes, and bad habits, you sneak off from the group to take a picture.


That's what it looks like, at least.

]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/17176692/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/17176692/ Tue, 04 Mar 2008 08:23:08 PST perfect boy
perfect boy

perfect person.
perfect union.
unfortunate circumstances.

I can't deny my feelings.
I know it's not right.
but I don't care.
there's something inside me making me want this.
I want him.
Perfect boy.



damn you, Fate....

]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/16325612/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/16325612/ Wed, 09 Jan 2008 06:01:27 PST Turn her over
A candle is lit, I see through her
Blow it out and save all her ashes for me
Curse me sold her
The poison that runs it's course through her
Pale white skin with strawberry gashes all over all over
Watch me fault her
You're living like a disaster
She said kill me faster
with strawberry gashes all over
Called her over
and asked her if she was improving
She said "feels fine" it's wonderful wonderful here
Hex me told her
I dreamt of a devil that knew her
Pale white skin with strawberry gashes all over all over
I lay quiet
waiting for her voice to say
"Some things you lose and some things you just give away"
Scold me failed her
If only I'd held on tighter to her
Pale white skin that twisted and withered away from me away from me
Watch me lose her
It's almost like losing myself
Give her my soul
and let them take somebody else get away from me


how it says it all...
I try no to be sad..
I try not to think about it..
it's just..

how can I give up what was once the most important thing in my life?
and in some ways still is?

]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/16311628/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/16311628/ Tue, 08 Jan 2008 06:27:39 PST In a wave.
rolling and rocking me.
softly, slowly.
not comforting.
not dramatic.
just.. soft.

it's a strange euphoria of insomnia and ill health.
and yet.
at this moment.
I am tranquil.
I am solid.
and yet liquid.

wow fancy way to say I've been sick for a month and can't sleep at night.
and on an extremely potent caffeine high.
haha. weird way to describe it.

anyway.
a day ago I was literally planning my suicide.
I almost fainted in the shower.
I would have died if I could.
Oddly enough.
I had an uplifting experience.
fucking crazy shit.



just thought I'd share since I had access to a computer.
I love you all and I love warm weather.
<3

]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/15817274/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/15817274/ Thu, 06 Dec 2007 06:27:22 PST I need to talk to them.
I need them to listen to me.
I don't even need that.
I just need them to be next to me.

This happens everytime I got a long time without seeing them.
I start to go a little crazy.
This is what happens when you have no form of communication.
I do now.
but few have answered me when I tried to contact them.
I feel really hurt..
I feel like I'm being ignored.
and I don't know why.
I don't know what I did wrong..
thats the worst feeling..

I'm sorry to complain..
but there is a small chance that some of the people I am talking about may read this..

-------


As it turns out, most of them do no have working phones.
that made me feel so much better.
but still, there is one whos yet to reply..

]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/15313663/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/15313663/ Thu, 01 Nov 2007 09:12:16 PDT not only have I been sick for several weeks, probably mentally as well as physically, but I got another fucking knock in the head.
and this is not just my concussion..
the expression "falls from heaven" comes to mind..
only this one fell right on top of me.
again.
I hate that I can't hate him. but it doesn't matter what I do..
there's a block in my head.
and in my heart.

but I really shouldn't hate him.. I mean, he's a really sweet person. honestly he's one of the most gentle people I know..
I just wish I could.
there's no middle ground for this.
if I don't hate him, I am head over heels in love with him..
it pains me to look at him.
my naive eyes always seem to sense that glint in his.
but I know in my mind that it is simply not there.

I just wish I could love him as a friend. like I do everyone else.
to me everyone else is basically my family. in a weird kind of way..
I can't stop calling him "lover" when I think about him.
it hurts.




and what hurts more is that I don't only feel for him.
when I thought that he had found something better, I panicked.
for some reason we can be as one, but still function as two.
the confusion is like a screwdriver to the mouth.
I feel for someone just as good as him, if not better.
but it's still not the same.
I don't know why.

and whats ever WORSE?
I feel for even another.
a tormented soul like myself.
someone who cannot be happy because of the lingering hatred known as "myself"
she deserves more than this.
more than someone who cannot choose.


I said years ago that I fall easy..
well.
does this prove it?

I wish I knew what was the right thing to do.
I have two lovers and a torturer..
I can't let any of them go.
I need them with all my being.




I just have to know..
if this is wrong..


-----------


more madness.
I didn't finish my rant yesterday..


one taunts and teases.
one is open but blocked off.
one is willing and terrified.

what am I?
am I willing to risk 3 hearts? including my own?
what am I doing?

I really don't know.
I don't think I'm really doing anything. but yet I still feel as though I'm being untrue. to whom? I am not sure. it's all a blur.
I can't do one thing without it having a consequence.
is that a good thing?
it's pain and joy wrapped in the same red bow.
I can't lie to myself.
but am I lying to someone else?
I can't be sure.
I can't be sure.


I just hope I can manage to hold onto everything I have while reaching for someone that could be new and fantastic..

]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/15242932/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/15242932/ Sat, 27 Oct 2007 14:15:50 PDT



------




I really just feel like dying..
like coma dying..


I think I'll make a really sad CD and sit in my room for a few hours and sulk..

]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/14903263/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/14903263/ Wed, 03 Oct 2007 18:06:58 PDT

lame.

]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/14216501/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/14216501/ Fri, 17 Aug 2007 19:38:47 PDT not judged for who I'm not.



















I guess this world just isn't ready for me..

]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/14103644/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/14103644/ Fri, 10 Aug 2007 10:17:07 PDT I want to be him.
I want to be them.
I want to crawl out of my skin.

Beat me to death.
Burn my remains.
Sing me a song.
Steal everything I had.
Build me a shrine.
Praise my memory.
Forget and go on with forever.

You can't resurrect what was never alive to begin with.










now I'm just fucked up.

]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/14064342/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/14064342/ Tue, 07 Aug 2007 18:22:36 PDT
]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/13966870/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/13966870/ Wed, 01 Aug 2007 06:39:12 PDT
I'm unhappy with my size.
I'm unhappy with my actions.
I'm unhappy with my timing.
I'm unhappy with my friends.
I'm unhappy with my life.
I'm unhappy with myself.




I get jealous even when someone I care about even talks to someone else.
when I put it that way it sounds bad, but..
it's more like.. I get jealous when people who haven't talked to me in a long time talk to someone else they haven't talked to in a long time.
petty, yes.
but it hurts my feelings.


I feel like I used to be liked, but now everyone's just sick of me.
not everyone, just by people I once considered very close to my heart.
I feel so unloved.
literally.
no stupid bullshit.
it's really taking it's toll on my already diminished self esteem.






I guess I've used up all my sympathy,
drained all my empathy.


maybe I asked for this.











that doesn't stop it from hurting..

]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/13906173/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/13906173/ Fri, 27 Jul 2007 19:49:35 PDT no matter how many people I'm around.
it hurts.


I wish I had the ones I love back.
they're too far gone for me to reach at this point.
I miss them.


No, I miss how we were.


Need new body.
All the things she says.. makes me cry.

]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/13835000/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/13835000/ Sun, 22 Jul 2007 15:39:48 PDT Maybe from pepsi.
Maybe from rancid Burger King.
Maybe from lack of sleep.
Maybe from sheer and utter disillusionment.

All I know is that I am in pain.
Every sort and level.

I'm happy for them, but it still hurts.
I'm glad they had fun, but I still feel awful.
I'm glad that it's not as bad, but it's still horrible and my fault.

I can't seem to get any of it off my mind.
My eyes are burning as much as my stomach from the effort.

Make it all go away.
Believe it or not, you have the power.
It's not difficult.
I'm not a hard person to please.
Even the slightest bit of effort will help.

]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/13806711/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/13806711/ Fri, 20 Jul 2007 09:56:36 PDT all the stuff I wanted from psycopath is now on this one...

I said I would do it once I got my internet back.
and I did.

I think I should go to sleep for a little while now...




Laters lovlies.

]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/12732800/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/12732800/ Wed, 25 Apr 2007 16:25:16 PDT
Seriously.
Just being in the prescence of such beautiful (as in creative) people was mind boggling.

I <3 hardcore.
I <3 The Number 12 Looks Like You.
I <3 Horse the Band.

]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/12508186/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/12508186/ Sun, 08 Apr 2007 10:04:14 PDT

I want my pants back!!

]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/12268770/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/12268770/ Wed, 21 Mar 2007 08:32:08 PDT Yesterday I was watching a movie with my mom where Viagra was mentioned. Then suddenly, I began to think, "What would Viagra do to a woman?". I asked my mother this question. She gave her usual have-cocked opinion, so I decided I was going to look it up the next day. During typing class [now] I typed "effects of Viagra on women" into the google box one the top left corner of the screen. I scrolled past the sponsored links to the second website. Apparently, this has only been tested recently. But what I found out is that Viagra actually does help a woman. It can even help her recieve more pleasure and achieve climax.

So. Here lingers the question:
ANYONE HAVE SOME VIAGRA I CAN BUY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!


Oh. And I also found out what might be wrong with me..
Female Sexual Arousal Disorder (or FSAD).
Look it up.
I think it's an old lady disorder...
goddamn it.
I didn't even get to experience life before I started falling apart..

Pretty good story though, eh?
haha.

]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/12242413/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/12242413/ Mon, 19 Mar 2007 08:13:12 PDT It's hard to say whether I believe in anything or not.
I do believe in a few choice things:
I believe in equality. No one should be put down for who they are, it's just not fair.
I believe in pansexuality. This is my own personal belief that I don't expect everyone to share [unlike equality]. But I believe in it all the same.
I believe in truth. Honesty is so important..
I believe in free will vs. comformation. Why conform when you can be unique?
I believe in free religion. To be honest, I think that organized religions are cults. You don't have to be part of a group to have faith. Although I see nothing wrong with wanting to be in a group for support, the preaching and scolding I get for not wanting to be a part of it has made me lose respect for it.

All these things I believe in. There might even be more.
But as far as everything else goes.. I just don't know.

I don't want to do drugs, but I'm always being tempted and I'm having a hard time remembering why I don't do them.
I know I shouldn't drink, but I don't care enough to stop.
I don't like dating, but I've hardly had any experience.
I'm a total slut, I don't like being that way, but I can't help but want to wander and explore.

These condtradictions plague me.
Keep me up at night.
I don't know if I should change anything, or try as hard as possible to keep it the same.
I don't know which road to take, so I've taken them all.
But not nearly enough to get me where I want to be.
And the problem is.. I don't know where I want to be.

I try to have morals, but for some things, the peer pressure is unbearable.
I don't want to end up like my family, but I'm being left out of half my own childhood.

I just need to remember why I do things I do, and why I don't do the things I don't.
But it's hard...
it's so hard.


[[Girls give sex to get love.
Guys give love to get sex.
I'm the one who does neither]]

]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/12178012/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/12178012/ Wed, 14 Mar 2007 07:43:57 PDT You can hide underneath me and come out at night.
When I turn jet black and you show off your light, I live to let you shine.
I live to let you shine.
But you can skyrocket away from me and never come back if you find another galaxy far from here with more room to fly.
Just leave me your stardust to remember you by...


School... is... hetero...

Lame.

]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/12137281/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/12137281/ Sat, 10 Mar 2007 22:24:48 PST
]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/12064077/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/12064077/ Mon, 05 Mar 2007 07:24:41 PST
]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/11892118/ http://NeonPrimaBallerina.deviantart.com/journal/11892118/ Tue, 20 Feb 2007 08:44:14 PST
Wow.. my first.
Quite different from the last time I had a first.
Stupid little girl..


Well..
Welcome to all my old faithful watchers.
Hope you enjoy the new account.


I love you all!

]]> ~NeonPrimaBallerina