http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Neovolatile&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Neovolatile en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Fri, 11 Dec 2009 11:31:39 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/19778385/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/19778385/ Mon, 04 Aug 2008 19:52:12 PDT

Finally! Another photoshoot, after so many months. I am scheduled to do one this Sunday, August 10th with a very pretty lady, Acacia. First shoot since my heart attack. We shall see how it goes. Keep watching to see what pics come from that.

Ells

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/19065109/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/19065109/ Thu, 26 Jun 2008 21:04:58 PDT

The sonagram and treadmill were interesting and tiring, but showed that my heart is getting the blood supply it needs. Evidently the stents are doing their job, the meds are working, my diet is helping, and by heavens I am here for some reason still.

It was interesting to watch the initial sonagram. I could see my heart valves working in real time. Quite amusing stuff to hear the blood rushing through the arteries. Busy pump! And then up on the treadmill. Three minute increments of stress with my blood pressure taken midway on each, I was walking probably harder than I had in quite a few years. The first three were ok. The second was a bit stressful. The third was a bear! However, I made it through and then we had to hustle me over to the ultrasound again to look at the heart one more time. No pain and no problems. I am good to go.

You know, when I had my heart attack, I was in the dark as far as how close I came. I mean I knew I had had a heart attack but I was awake through the whole thing and in a bit of pain for the first hour or so, but after I got to the hospital I never felt like I was going to die or anything. It took Tim Russert and George Carlin's deaths to finally wake me up to how close I came. About 1.4 million Americans have a heart attack each year and about 350,000 Americans die from one. That is pretty danged big!

The PUMP gives out or the blood supply to the pump gets blocked (more the case). We do not know what exactly causes those fatty plaques to form but we have our suspicions. And they do not just cause heart attacks; they cause strokes and may even be part of the reason for Alzeheimer's.

But anyway, my heart is being supplied pretty well now. Time to continue on with life. Thought I would let anyone who reads this and cares know about the test today.

--Ells

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/19039333/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/19039333/ Wed, 25 Jun 2008 13:15:55 PDT

Going in for a treadmill test tomorrow. Chest is twingey and some problems. Will probably be nothing.

Ells

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/18514393/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/18514393/ Mon, 26 May 2008 16:36:44 PDT

With my blood pressure meds cut in half, I now am no longer at 95/60 but something reasonable. I can stay awake and alert long after 11AM, thank you. My pulse rate is probably a bunch better too.

We went to a San Luis Blues baseball game today. They are a semi-pro league. Most of the players are collegiate and are just finishing the college season. Some of them go from here right into the major leagues. The Blues beat the San Francisco Giants 15 to 1 in the first game of a double header. We did not stay for the second game. It was getting cold and windy. Yes, California coast gets cold and windy in the afternoon. Still it was great to get out to see a game.

This weekend I also saw "Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull" and "Prince Caspian." I enjoyed both movies. Prince Caspian was finely done. OK, they added some flirting between Caspian and Susan that I do not remember from the book but I guess that was for the teen audience. Reepicheep and Trufflehunter were great. Indie was a thrill-a-minute and I recommend it.

Coming soon is "Star Wars: The Clone Wars." Call me a nerd but I will see it. It is all animated. To show you how old I am, I saw the very first (before it was called Episode 4) the night before my PhD qualifying exams. Saw the preview for "The Spirit," "Hellboy 2," "Mummy 3" (with Jet Li), and a couple other things. Probably will see most of those. Ah, it is OK to be alive and divertable.

The Poetry workshop is going well. Several of the members are writing tremendously good work. Me? I am limping along. I hope to improve to their initial level soon. Stop by there if you can.

Back to work at Diablo tomorrow.

Love to all,
Ells

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/18419329/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/18419329/ Tue, 20 May 2008 17:13:51 PDT

Work is hardly what anyone at this board would think of as work. OK, you know the first scene of "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" Nope! Nothing like that. I get in my car at 5:30AM and drive in to the powerplant, turn on a bunch of computers and wait for folks to get in. Then I log them into whatever training they need and I mostly sit on my butt. However, 5 hours later, I am sucking wind. Yeah, not the bouncing badger I used to was. Maybe that comes with time and then again, I have to remember that it is less than a month ago I had my massive heart attack and a week ago I was on the operating table with someone's reach in my heart. Lasers in the jungle, for sure.

I made it 5 hours both days. Got home and absolutely crashed both days. Tomorrow is cardiology day. Taking the day off since the visit is at 10:15AM. No sense going in to work and then coming out to the doctor, then going back out to work.

Will watch some of the returns tonight from the Primaries in Kentucky and Oregon. No surprises expected except if Hillary decides to be gracious and drop now. I weary of the Primaries. It is time to heal the party and go McCain bashing. This country cannot stand another four years of Bush/Cheney war machine. There is a rumor in the wind of Bush attacking Iran before the General Election. I pray that is just an idle threat. We cannot seem to win even small victories against a disperse enemy in Iraq. What the hell do we think we can do against a giant of Iran?

Just in case any hawk is reading this, I am a Vietnam vet, ex E-5 US Army Chem Corps., Bronze Star, Army Commendation Medal, 5 Air Medals, etc. You want to fight wars, you go over there and do it. I say that we are creating veterans with lots of problems and bankrupting the future of America and no one seems to be getting Osama bin Laden. Remember him?

BTW, the Poetry Workshop (Rag-n-Bone-Shop) is open. You might want to go over and learn to write better poetry. HINT HINT HINT

Yes, we can! Obama for President '08

Ells

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/18390468/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/18390468/ Sun, 18 May 2008 21:16:27 PDT

Going to go back to work at least half days starting tomorrow. I admit it: I am a tad nervous in starting back to work, but I am more nervous NOT going back. It is sort of like a first date. You ever have those nerves? And then there was the "well, when should I attempt to kiss her?" or "should I even kiss her?" The best bet, I later found, was to explain it this way, "Look, I am really nervous about this. Would you mind we get this out of the way right now?" And kiss her right as I picked her up for the first date. OK, sometimes that worked. Never got me kneed in the groin. *grin* At least I never had spinach stuck on my tooth at that stage of the date.

So I am heading back to work. Half days. Keep your fingers crossed.

Meanwhile, Raphaela and I have started the Rag-n-Bone-Shop Poetry Workshop. So far we have had some interest in it. Bryn and Milo definitely want to play. I think Echopetal is in too. We shall see. The first challenge is to write a "mote," which is a two line poem metaphor. Hope the folks want to work on becoming better poets. I know that by coming up with ideas and playing along myself, I will become a better poet.

Susie gave me a wonderful three volume set of the poetry of Byron and his times, gold edged and beautiful rotogravure illustrations. I know I will not keep it forever but I plan on reading some of it. When I first looked at it at Leon's, it was priced at $300. A princely gift.

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/18320066/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/18320066/ Wed, 14 May 2008 12:27:33 PDT

Don't get me wrong, the surgery this time was rough. I was very much awake, watched the dye go in - looked like drainage of the Mississippi. I even was asking questions. Midway through though I got the shakes and shivers, also hiccupped some badly. They put hot blankets around my upper body and head and then hit me with some more Versed and Valium, I guess. Mellowed out and then it was over. I thanked the crew as they wheeled me out, told them they were the pros from Dover. They got a grin out of it.

This time it took from 9:30AM when they finished until about 2PM for me to turn the corner to feeling OK. I had to have some lunch and finally be allowed to sit up straighter. You have a four hour time span when you are not allowed to sit up because they go in through your femoral artery so you cannot put any pressure on your groin for a time there to allow that to heal up. Anyway, after 2PM, I was feeling better. That was yesterday. Today I was feeling much better. Dr. Famularo came in and let me go home this morning. Further, I can go back to work on Monday! Got another appointment with him on Wednesday but right now I feel great. I am taking it easy until Monday but I feel better than I have in about a year.

Thought you might want to know.
Ells

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/18227032/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/18227032/ Thu, 08 May 2008 13:15:02 PDT

Saw a kindly heart specialist today, Dr. Fumularo. He took some time with me. He went back over to the hospital and looked at the films of my last catheterization, the echoes and x-rays and all.

There are three major arteries coming off the top one (the aorta) that feed the heart: the right coronary (feeds the side that pumps blood to the lungs), the left descending (feeds the side that pumps the blood from the lungs to the body), and the circumflex (feeds the back side of the heart).

My Right Coronary Artery (RCA) was plugged and that was what caused my heart attack. It was what they shoved three stents (like expandable straws) into. However, my descending has blockage way down below - not worth messing with. And the real bad part is that my circumflex shows 90% blockage. It is why I am not feeling that smurfy still.

Dr. Fumularo wants to go in after it. There is another blockage he wants to explore, as well. Might as well look while he is in there. What the heck! Might as well. We are going to do this next Tuesday. I will be going in at 8AM on Tuesday morning, under the knife and stuff 10AM, probably back home on Wednesday. How is that for Jiffy Lube (or Tube?) In the meantime, I pick up another stent or twa.

Getting to be liquid metal, mon.

Yes, it is a bit dangerous, but not really toward a stroke. I already checked that out.

I like Dr. F. Seems like a nice guy. His nurses seem to like him too.

Keep you posted,
Ells

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/18200126/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/18200126/ Tue, 06 May 2008 16:57:39 PDT

Today I saw my General Practitioner; Thursday I see my new Cardiologist. Seems like April 24th was not enough, perhaps. Maybe they need to do more. How much more in my heart is not specified. Maybe another stent or two. Maybe they just need to run a scrub brush down in the tubes... just kidding on that. How much metal can they put in the coronary arteries? How much blockage can they unblock? More?

Meanwhile, I intend on going back to work part-time next Monday. I am tired of sitting at home, lying at home, sleeping my days away. Let me at least sit there and proctor.

What can I do for the kids in Santa Maria now, I wonder? Sigh.

Ells worth more or less?

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/18042847/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/18042847/ Sat, 26 Apr 2008 18:02:01 PDT

This Thursday morning I had a medium sized myo-cardial infarction, a heart attack. My right coronary artery was blocked. I had sever chest pain which woke me up at about 2AM. I was about to post a poem but found I could not. I thought it was acid indigestion but it was not and did not clear with a bit of antacid. I took three baby aspirins, swept all my meds into a plastic bag, got dressed and head out the door. I drove myself to the emergency room. Not recommended to you folks but I did it.

When I got there the pain was 8 on a scale of 0 to 10. They treated the pain both as acid indigestion and as heart attack. The EKGs were negative. The blood tests did not show anything. It was fast approaching 10AM. I was about ready to go home. The doctor convinced me to stay for another set of blood tests. This set came back saying I was having a heart attack. They rushed me from Arroyo Grande to French Hospital in San Luis Obsipo. There was a cardiac catheter team in place and ready to go. They ran a probe from my femoral artery (in my manly groin) up to my heart. With X-rays and injectable dye, they determined what was giving the problem. They then inserted three stents (like nets that expand) to hold open my artery. These metal devices are coated with special chemicals to stop platelets (blood cell chips that cause clotting) from adhering to the stents. This was Thursday. This morning, Saturday, was OK for me to come home.

Of course I had to wait for almost 4PM for the cardiologist to come by to release me but I am home. I will be taking it easy for a couple weeks. I am kind of tired today, some twinges. I may still reject the stents, go into cardiac arrest and die or I may outlive everyone. No telling. These stents are only 3 months on the market. No one has had three in before as far as the literature reported.

So that is what I did with the end of this week, fun? No. Interesting? Yes. I was awake during most of the catheterization. Guess you have me to stick around awhile longer, maybe.

Ells

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/17882572/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/17882572/ Wed, 16 Apr 2008 15:11:19 PDT

Christine was 43, an anthropologist, a juggler, a former bookseller. That was how I got to know her: she worked at Leon's in SLO. Susie taught her to juggle. Christine was fascinated with Native Americans and religion and how the Spanish Catholic Missions influenced life here. She was working on that at UCSB. Christine rescued cats that people just abandoned. She gentled them, got them neutered, de-fleaed, fed them, sometimes got them homes.

She also was a recovering alcoholic. She believed in the cult of the 12 Step Program. That cult says that one drink makes you a drunk again. Christine fell off the wagon. She fell hard. That was six months ago. Today we found out she ended her life three days ago. She had given up hope.

I do not blame the 12 Steppers. They cling to that lie pretty hard. Some make it. No more than other ways but they have to have something. I do not blame anyone. Christine was an adult. No one forced her to drink. She did it herself. No one forced her to kill herself. She decided to do that too.

I just wish that those who decide to do this suicide trip would get out of themselves for a bit and look around at what it does to the rest of the world. Or don't they give a crap? It really fucks up the rest of us who are hanging out in the backwash of their lives. I mean it sucks. Proves how petty and little they are and I am sorry that I have to say this but it is true at least to me.

A local high school teacher of religion a week ago just committed suicide. What does that teach the kids? OK kids, remember what I taught you? Well, forget it! It was all bullshit! I mean this was local here in San Luis Obispo, CA.

Now I can see it if you are dying of bone cancer, maybe got a week to live and it is sucking the money out of your family and all. Maybe you have ALS or AIDS of something, but what the hell is this? Two folks, one 27 and one 43, both named Chris, killing themselves within 3 months of each other.

All I gotta say is stop this and stop this now! I have a hole in my chest, it feels like, and I cannot quite get my breath. Quit it!

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/17137250/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/17137250/ Sat, 01 Mar 2008 18:06:25 PST

OK, I was stunned! It is one thing to accuse Sen. Obama of lifting words from his own campaign manager; they talk, kick things around. I understand though Sen. Obama might have creditted the quote (hey, I am a teacher!) But you have to go up to the Daily Kos and check out the YouTube videos posted there.

We all have seen the rather sleezy ad that has been running in Texas by the HRC campaign, the 3AM and who will pick up the Red Phone. Turns out that ad has "borrowed" (to use a polite word) tons o'stuff from a gentleman who is far from friendly to the Democrat cause, Sen. John McCain.

Don't believe me? Load the link below

[link]

Jeez, Sen. Clinton, can't you steal from somebody a bit more creative?

BTW, today I made 70 phone calls to folks in Ohio, Texas and even Rhode Island urging them to get out and vote for Sen. Barack Obama. Kind of cool thing to do. Talked with an 85 year young lady. She has a bad foot. Told her I could get her a ride to the polls. She turned me down! Oh well, so much for my dating skills. She is still undecided. More of an HRC fan. Told her about Caroline Kennedy's heartfelt endorsement. Maybe she will vote with her head and heart. I hope so.

It is just as stupid voting for someone because they are a woman as it is voting against them for the same reason. Same thing as those who will not vote for Sen. Obama because he is half-African or his middle name is Hussein. I want to vote for a woman for president, just this time I am supporting the best PERSON for the job, Sen. Barack Hussein Obama.

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/16936302/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/16936302/ Sun, 17 Feb 2008 20:53:09 PST

A top Hillary Clinton adviser on Saturday boldly predicted his candidate would lock down the nomination before the August convention by definitively winning over party insiders and officials known as superdelegates, claiming the number of state elections won by rival Barack Obama would be "irrelevant" to their decision.

The claims no doubt will escalate the war of words between the campaigns, as Obama continues to argue superdelegates should vote the way of their districts. But the special class of delegates, which make up about 20 percent of the total delegate haul, are not bound to vote the way of their states and districts, as pledged delegates are.

Obama leads handily in the pledged delegate count and has won more states but trails Clinton in superdelegates, making them potential and controversial deadlock-breakers if the race ends up a dead heat come convention time.

Harold Ickes, a 40-year party operative charged with winning over superdelegates for the Clinton campaign, made no apologies on Saturday for the campaign's convention strategy.

"We're going to win this nomination," Ickes said, adding that they would do so soon after the last contest on June 7 in Puerto Rico. "You're not going to see this go to the convention floor."

Ickes predicted Clinton and Obama would run "neck and neck" in the remaining states and that there would be a "minuscule amount of difference" between the two in pledged delegates.

But he said superdelegates would determine the outcome and side in larger numbers for Clinton, as they "have a sense of what it takes to get elected."

Even though averages of head-to-head polls on RealClearPolitics.com show Obama beating presumptive GOP nominee John McCain in a general election and Clinton losing, the Clinton camp is stressing the electability argument.

Ickes said superdelegates must "exercise their best judgment" about who can win the White House.

In essence, he argued the party's 795 superdelegates (Connecticut Independent-Democrat Sen. Joe Lieberman recently was stripped of his superdelegate status) were in a better position to assess electability and suitability for the presidency than party regulars who will attend the national convention in late August as pledged delegates.

He also said Michigan and Florida, which voted for Clinton, should have delegates seated at the convention even though the national party stripped them for holding early primaries.

Obama Campaign Manager David Plouffe on Saturday blasted Clinton for the strategy.

"The Clinton campaign just said they have two options for trying to win the nomination — attempting to have superdelegates overturn the will of the Democratic voters or change the rules they agreed to at the eleventh hour in order to seat non-existent delegates from Florida and Michigan," he said in a statement.

"The Clinton campaign should focus on winning pledged delegates as a result of elections, not these say-or-do-anything-to-win tactics that could undermine Democrats' ability to win the general election."

Many top Democrats, among them House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, have said superdelegates should follow the will of voters expressed through primaries and caucuses and not trump those votes.

The Obama campaign also circulated a Bloomberg story from Friday quoting Pelosi, who said Michigan and Florida should not decide the race since they broke party rules.

Though he predicted the superdelegates basically would turn the election, Ickes in the same phone call Saturday said he objected to the term because it implied they had too much power. He said from here out, he's calling them "automatic delegates."

"The Fourth Estate created the term 'superdelegate,'" Ickes said, though Democrats have used the term widely in the roiling debate of their allegiances and responsibilities in the increasingly competitive and high-stakes battle for the Democratic presidential nomination.

"They don't have super powers," Ickes said. "It's one person, one vote. They have no more power than any other delegate. But they do have a sense of what it takes to get elected."

Superdelegates consist of members of Congress, former presidents, governors and other party officials and insiders. The class was created in 1982 to take power away from activists and hand it to party insiders. Rarely have their votes decided the nominee.

"They are closely in touch with the issues and ideas of the jurisdiction the... ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/16933042/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/16933042/ Sun, 17 Feb 2008 16:56:06 PST

I am now deciding to continue on with my life, to make a difference. In that aspect, I have decided to actively campaign for the nomination and the election of Sen. Barack Obama to become President of the United States. Born in Hawaii of a Kansas mother and a Kenyan father, he later grew up in Indonesia when his mother remarried. He eventually a teacher of Constitutional law at Princeton and then Senator from Illinois (Chicago).

He takes no money from political action committees, only individual contributors. So far, almost 500,000 people have donated money to his primary campaign. He is beholding only to us, his supporters. This is no grassroots, this is a grassfire campaign. I am phoning folks in Texas,asking them to get out and vote.

I want you to vote too. I will vote in the general election for whomever gets the nomination in the Democrat party. But I am so amazed by what I have read by Sen. Obama in his book, The Audacity of Hope. Go out and get a copy.

I shook John Kennedy's hand when he was running for Prez a long time ago. Then it was a lot like this. Do not let this opportunity pass you by. Get involved. Make a change. YES WE CAN!

Sincerely,
J. Ellsworth Weaver

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/16895104/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/16895104/ Fri, 15 Feb 2008 07:54:26 PST

I was ill on St. Valentine's Day but had the Yahoo IM on. I got a message that seemed to come from Chris. He was supposed to be doing a shoot with me and with another model, Lyonesse, today. Had not heard from him in two weeks. Had tried but no response. Models, I had thought crossly. Anyway, the message said, "Do not write to this address or phone anymore. Chris, my brother, is dead."

I was shocked and horrified. I got on the IM immediately and through the conversation with his sister found out that Chris was gone. The world had too many hard things for him, though Chris had gotten a BS and an MS degree (in business graphics and communications). He was stuck in a place he could not get out of. He was a gentle soul who finally just could not cope. He wanted to move back to the Central Coast (of California) and could not figure a way to do it. He was stuck in the Central Valley, which is more like Oklahoma than California.

I think I am mostly over crying. His sister is. I am still in shock though. I wish I had known how close to the edge he was. Sure he could have stayed here just a little while, I guess. If I had known. If... big word for two letters.

His gallery is

[link]

Shit.

That is all I can write.
Ells

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/16855920/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/16855920/ Tue, 12 Feb 2008 21:13:42 PST

I am somewhat deaf. I wear hearing aids. I have upper hearing level loss. Machine guns, bombs, rock and roll. But guess what? Some drugs they give to older men for erectile dysfunction also can do it. No one says take these drugs off the market. No, too much money being made for Bush and his cronies. Bastards!

Here is the report:

FDA Announces Revisions to Labels for Cialis, Levitra and Viagra
Potential risk of sudden hearing loss with ED drugs to be displayed more prominently

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration has approved labeling changes for erectile dysfunction (ED) drugs in the class that includes Cialis, Levitra, and Viagra, to display more prominently the potential risk of sudden hearing loss, and to guide consumers on what to do if they experience sudden problems with their hearing.

In addition, the FDA plans to require the same changes in labeling for the drug Revatio, also a member of this drug class known as phosphodiesterase type 5 (PDE5) inhibitors. Revatio is used to treat pulmonary arterial hypertension (PAH). PAH is a serious medical condition in which continuous high blood pressure in arteries of the lungs weakens the heart muscle and often leads to right heart failure and death.

The FDA asked manufacturers of these drugs to revise product labeling after a very small number of patients taking the PDE5 inhibitors reported sudden hearing loss, sometimes accompanied by ringing in the ears and dizziness.

“Because some level of hearing loss is usually associated with the aging process, patients on these drugs may not think to talk to their doctor about it,” said Janet Woodcock, M.D., FDA’s deputy commissioner for scientific and medical programs, chief medical officer, and acting director of its Center for Drug Evaluation and Research.

Patients taking Cialis, Levitra, or Viagra who experience sudden hearing loss should immediately stop taking the drug and seek prompt medical attention. Those using Revatio should continue taking their medication but should contact their health care provider for further evaluation. Because Revatio is used to treat a potentially life-threatening condition, the FDA does not recommend patients abruptly stop taking this medication but should consult their physician if they experience sudden problems with their hearing.

A case report in the April 2007 issue of the Journal of Laryngology & Otology involving sudden hearing loss in a man taking Viagra prompted the FDA to search the FDA’s Adverse Events Reporting System for instances of hearing loss and PDE5 inhibitors. The FDA found a total of 29 postmarketing reports of sudden hearing loss, both with and without accompanying ringing in the ears, vertigo, or dizziness. In most of the cases, the hearing loss involved one ear. The hearing loss was either a partial or complete loss of usual hearing. In approximately one third of cases, the event was temporary. In the remainder, the hearing loss was ongoing at the time of the report or the final outcome was not described.

Although no causal relationship has been demonstrated, the strong relationship between the use of these drugs and sudden hearing loss in these cases warrants revisions to the product labeling for this drug class.

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/16840719/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/16840719/ Mon, 11 Feb 2008 21:51:21 PST

I have been hanging out online with a guy who first chatted me up because I answered a question on Yahoo Answers. The question was posed by some New Age guru, Deepak Chopra. Never had heard of him before but I guess he is pretty famous amongst the Santa Fe to Santa Cruz crowd. Seems pretty nice. The question was "What do you think happens to your soul when you die?" I answered it and so did 27,852 other folks. Deepak Chopra chose my answer as the best. No kidding. So this other guy from India started chatting me up. Very nice guy too.

About a month ago I was saying that I was getting discouraged about my photography and was thinking of stopping doing it. I had not sold a print in quite some time. Who was I fooling with these, anyway? I was just a GWC (guy with a camera) who was taking pics of naked women. The Indian fellow, Mr. Z, said that I should not do that. I replied that I had stopped writing poetry (no market and most poetry belonged in a sock drawer anyway.) I also had stopped trying to get my novels published and thus had not finished my fourth novel. Mr. Z asked me about the novels. Yeah, I replied, I have written 3 1/2 erotic horror novels, a series, with a gal who is a werewolf as my heroine.

He got all excited. Told me he was a publisher. I knew he had some other businesses (banking and some telecom stuff) but did not know about publishing. So he asked to read the novels. He read the first in one day! The second (which is even better IMNSHO) in a day. Then the third. He loved them. Sent the first out to a friend of his in Australia. She thought the person writing it was a woman. I took that as a compliment. He also said he wanted to make the books into movies in India. Yes, he knew how to make movies and wanted these as movies.

Early morning conversations and evenings by IM. I was in a dream state. But no contract, no documents. He then wanted to chat with my gf who is a published author (written books on marbles - kind you play with). Finally Saturday I confronted him online and asked him outright what was really really happening. Mr Z, are you a publisher or do you just want to be a publisher? "Oh, Ellsworth, I am really your friend and I think we can really do wonderful things." Yes, but have you ever published anything?

silence

Finally, "I publish my newsletters and newspapers every week." So, he has not published a book before. Does not know how to publish, distribute, sell, market... books. But bless his heart, he does want to try. And he is not asking me for money. That is nice. Mr. Z and I are kind of at a parting of the ways. I do not trust that he can deliver what he seems to offer now.

I need to start really looking for a publisher for real, someone who will publish erotic horror fantasy. Think Poppy Z Brite meets Tom Robbins with maybe a little Laurell K. Hamilton thrown in.

Anybody know a publisher I can approach?

Thanks,
Ellsworth Weaver
Author of
Amanda in the Hood
Amanda in the Circle
Amanda in the Dunes
Amanda in the Choir

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/16566339/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/16566339/ Fri, 25 Jan 2008 13:13:07 PST

Dig this:

I was approached online by a supposed buyer. She had a yahoo addy from UK. Said she loved my work and wanted to buy five of my prints. Asked me for a quote. She then agreed to $150 a piece.

She said she was in transit and would need for me to package them and her husband would send me a cashiers' check for the amount and the shipping (never telling me where to) and he would have figured how much shipping was. I was to give their shippers the amount of difference between the $750 and what I got.

OK, small alarm bells going off there.

Next, I reread the order. Five pieces, but only four have names corresponding to pieces I have online. One "Guardian" may be one of three pictures. I write back and no reply.

Now the check comes. It is $1300 and is made out to J. Ellsworht Weaver III. Wrong spelling of name. Too large of money for any shipping. I write back and still no reply.

I deposit the check. Today I call my bank. They suggest I call the place that supposedly issued the check. Yep, fraud.

Whether or not they actually wanted my art is one thing but the cash they wanted for the shipping in return, $550, is real.

Not sure anybody else has been scammed this way but I thought I would tell you that checks from SECU in Maryland are being kited and should be investigated before sending out anything.

I was not harmed -- outside of printing up some large and beautiful prints that I should be able to display here at home.

Sigh. Could have used that $750.

Thought they had good taste, too,
J. Ellsworth Weaver
Ars Neovolatile Studio

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/16473591/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/16473591/ Sat, 19 Jan 2008 11:06:11 PST

John Stewart 1939 - 2008

John came to the country's notice first with the Kingston Trio where his warm tenor tremolo gave such depth and dimension to all the songs they did. "Early Morning Rain" was the one I first remember. He later went on to write songs like "California Gold," "Daydream Believer" (the Monkees recorded), "July, You're a Woman," "Pirates of Stone County Road," "California Bloodlines," "Mother Country," "No Wild Horses" and zillions of other sweet and tender ballads.

We learned earlier this morning of John's passing. He suffered a major stroke
of Thursday night around midnight and passed this morning at approximately 7:40
am PST.

We don't have any details on funeral arrangements at this time.

Buffy (his wife of so many years) and John's children were with him. Dave Batti, John Hoke and Chuck McDermott were all able to get to the hospital yesterday to be with the family. As
far as we know, John never regained consciousness.

Please keep Buffy and the family in your prayers. They need all of our support
at this time.

This is paraphrased from the Bloodlines Digest and added to by me. I loved John Stewart and his music will live forever in my heart.

Ellsworth Weaver who has California Bloodlines in my Heart (thanks to John)

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/16407649/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/16407649/ Mon, 14 Jan 2008 18:21:15 PST

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs are people who have come alive." -- Harold Whitman

Just a thought. Thought I would share it.

Meanwhile, a publisher in India is reading my Amanda books to see if he wants to publish them. Those are erotic horror stories that have werewolves as heroes.

Ells

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/16370435/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/16370435/ Sat, 12 Jan 2008 10:20:53 PST

A patron of the arts has placed an order for five of my works! These are 12X18 inch pieces, printed on thick (65lb) watercolor paper, unmatted, unframed, but still... signed works directly from me. This comes at a time when I have been considering selling my cameras and giving up photography entirely.

The pieces are:

Bathsheba
Carnival
Guardian (still trying to find out which one she means here)
We are Mirrors in the Sun and We Brightly Shine
Guardian of the Portal

Anyway, this is something. Right?

Ells

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/16352627/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/16352627/ Fri, 11 Jan 2008 03:35:16 PST

Hips and legs. This new job assignment has me doing thing, moving more, running around to cover classes, folding clothes, separating bins of discarded clothing... and yes, I am arthritic. So shoot me. I woke up in the middle of the night with throbbing pain up and down my hips and back. So I am awake to let the drugs kick in. Wondering now if all of this, if any of this is worth it.

I got a nice request for five of my prints. Lady wants to buy them to take with her to London. Very sweet. Not sure yet if she truly wants them the size I quoted them at, but 12X18 inches is really where they shine. We will see.

Got a shoot today with a new (to me and to herself) model, Vanessa. Asian American. Long delicate fingers. Hope she works out but hard to know. No experience. I will give her some direction, choice in masks, we will have some fun for two hours. I will pay her and maybe get three shots I can use.

Meanwhile, I am at least still hearing from Lyonesse, the fired model's friend. Lyonesse still likes me ok. Some relief. Seriously bothered me more than I would like to admit. I hate saying goodbye under any circumstances, but when it was like firing someone, well that was bad.

Back to bed. Will post some of the new model shoot when I can. May start tapering off doing nude shoots. Have a lot and haven't processed many of them. What am I looking for?

Ells

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/16309860/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/16309860/ Tue, 08 Jan 2008 01:10:25 PST

I have had to actually fire a model. I got an email titled "trust" from her. The gist of the letter was that she did not know where all the galleries at PBase were wherein I had posted pictures of her and did not know all their passwords. She found that, in her words, deceitful. Further, she said that she acknowledged that while they were my photos (I pay my models and they sign over all rights), she thought she should know where every photo was posted or not know at all.

I found that last very strange but I tried my best to hold things together. I called several times. No answer. Found out her phone was not charged. Finally wrote her a letter asking her to clarify. Then I talked to her friend, who also models for me. Friend was mystified by it but said that if I sent a list of all the Pbase galleries and passwords, that should mollify the model. I did that. I got a phone call from the model. That seemed to be what she wanted. Next day I get another email with same sort of words: trust (as in lack of) and deceitful. Plus that "all or nothing at all" phrase in it.

I do my very very best to be up front with my models. Nothing deceitful or shabby. My reputation rides on me being a gentleman and a gentle man. I paid this model between $50 and $100 an hour (depending on what kind of modeling we were doing.) I also gave her Christmas gifts of expensive Urban Decay makeup, went and picked her up to give her rides to shoots, etc. My conscience is clear. BUT, I feel sad about losing her. Because I changed the passwords on her galleries and I will not give them to her. Likewise I will not hire her again. I think she is skating on some thin ice in her life and probably has had those words thrown at her of late. But if she is not trusting and feels folks are deceptive, how is she going to act?

Meanwhile, I am doing my best to teach in my new job. Tiring. Repetitive. Still as Susie reminds me, it can be thought of like Freemasonry. There too we do the same ritual over and over. And there too we may be doing another initiation but it will be the first initiation and the only one for the candidate, so we will do our best to make it a great one. We try to do that for dressout class where we challenge the student with mislabel door sign (they really should not go through), a simulated boric acid spill, ask them to violate a high rad boundary to pick up a tool, and then watch them get their protective clothing off without getting themselves contaminated (if there were contamination in the room.) Yesterday I did this for about 3 groups of 7 folks. It takes awhile and it hurts to stand that long but it was a good series of classes.

I found out my company had let my qualification to teach Information Mapping lapse. Sigh. I am doing my best to get my certification back on that. Everything at once, it seems.

Got a really nice letter from a model, Arie, who has invited me to come visit her and her guy down in the LA area. I could come down before a Lodge meeting and maybe do a shoot too. She is a splendid model, a fantastic chef, and a vegetarian. I have some pictures posted of her. I could use to take more now that I am a better photog. Got to look at the sunshine when it is partly cloudy. Angels come in all guises.

Another small plague: fruit flies. Mostly in my bathroom. Got rid of the plants in there. Put up sticky pads. Bought an electric zapper hand thingee like a tennis racket. The last may not work too well on things that small but at least it is active. I wave them toward the sticky tape.

Back to bed. Just thought I would let folks know. Thanks for the encouragement, those of you who wrote.

I still believe,
Ells

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/16260780/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/16260780/ Fri, 04 Jan 2008 19:35:33 PST

A dear friend asked me what was wrong with my leg. Thought I would post my answer here just in case folks wondered. This is how we treat our own. No, I was not waterboarded.

Once upon a long time ago, I was playing Army. I wore the green uniform, carried a real rifle, that sort of thing. Before they sent me to Viet Nam, the guys in charge thought it a good thing to put me and my fellow troops through a course called "Survival, Escape, and Evasion." During the day portion of the course, they lectured us on our duty to resist giving in to the enemy's interrogation (name, rank, serial number, date of birth was all we were compelled to give.) We were also told how eating grubs (beetle larva) and other delightful things might save our lives if we were on the run in the jungle. Some of us actually got to kill a chicken (a first for many).

At night, they lined us along a road and pointed. Two miles that way, they said, was another road. When we made it to that road, we would be picked up and taken back home to our barracks, warm and dry. However, do not let yourselves get captured by the "enemy forces" who had guns (we did not for this exercise.)

We were in four man teams. My team made it right to the other road where we walked into an ambush. We were captured. We were driven back to a prisoner of war camp that was staffed by folks from South Korea. These were very hard core Republic of Korea troops who did not much give a shit.

What my interrogator wanted was for me to sign my name on the bottom of a blank piece of paper. I refused. I mean, he could have written anything above my name (and would have) and then it would have looked like I had confessed to it. The interrogator got really ugly but I still refused. Only name, rank, date of birth (March 21st, BTW) and serial number.

They marched me out to a fence pole set in the ground. Sat me down in front of it. Wrapped my legs around it, locking one behind the other. Then they pushed me back on my back. One guy stood on my chest, holding onto the pole. The other guy held onto the pole and jumped on my up thrust knees. It was painful, very, VERY. I still would not sign. Finally, my right knee gave way. I later found that my medial collateral and my anterior cruciate ligament broke.

The prisoner of war camp lights dimmed at irregular intervals and we were supposed to escape. I could hardly walk but was assisted by some other guys in the camp. I hobbled the two miles out to where the busses were waiting. The next day the medics who were giving us shots (got a lot of those in the Army) noticed my leg was pulling up funny. I spent six weeks in the hospital rehabbing the leg. Not replacing the ligaments (we did not do that in those days.) Then had to do that training again. I did not get caught the second time.

Thirty years of wear and tear and instability had then led to arthritis setting in in the joint and below. I have had a total knee replacement. However, the leg below the knee feels like it is on fire lots of the time. Not much they can do. I thought about amputation but I like to drive a car and it is my right leg. So, I live with it. Plus, when it is going to rain or something, the leg and knee are worse.

Plus, when I am stressed, the leg bothers me more. I lost my job yesterday. Fortunately, I got transfered to a different department, still teaching, but to have just been dismissed from a position after teaching it for 23 years was quite a shock.

Dealing with stuff,
Ells

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/16131040/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/16131040/ Thu, 27 Dec 2007 22:17:06 PST

Ash just got word from the owner of the board. Seems the keepers of the hardward nuked all the database, lost it all, irretrievable. At least five years of history gone. An online community will reform but it has had a major RESET button pushed. The board owner is looking to sue the hardware people but that will not regain the written memories or the connections made.
**********************************************************
Here is the board manager's communication:

Last night I was on the phone with my host's technical support. I was calling because I needed to get phpMyAdmin to work so that I could backup the database. I was on the phone with them for over an hour. The technical support person got back on the phone and told me that they had accidentally erased my database. They told me that they would have it restored from backup by today. Today they told me that they cannot restore it because they did not backup my database.

It is gone. All of it. Forever. I will put back up a message board and try to rebuild, but the history is all gone. Thank you all for your time over the years. My hands are shaking as I type this and I feel like I'm going to throw up. I hope you all will rejoin when I put up the new message board.
**********************************************************

Virtual communities are a real thing now. How many people do we meet here? How many do we suddenly miss if they stop logging in? Right now I await one person to NOTE me back. It is like watching scar tissue get all crinkly.

Keep in touch folks. And while you are at it, remember there is a real life with non-virtual people out there to touch, comfort, tickle, stroke, make love with, share peanut butter smoothies with, photograph.

Ash and I had some Czechoslovakian absinthe we had been saving. We drank to Necrotic Obsession and to absent friends.

I share Ash's grief. NO was a wicked smart group of Goths. May a new Rome rise again.

Ells

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/16117075/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/16117075/ Wed, 26 Dec 2007 23:46:46 PST

Just wrote all over someone's post as to what we did. So I thought I would post it here:

I am not a Christian and neither are the folks around me, but we gave each other gifts. You know. I mostly gave Ash, my daughter, warm clothes since she is going to move to Boston in January. I gave Susie big compendiums of origami. She is wicked good with that. I sent just PayPal money to my elder daughter in WVA. She promised to buy useless things with it.

I got a leatherbound first edition of Vonnegut's _Slapstick_ from Susie. Great gift. I love the book, though not many Vonnegut fans do. Ash gave me a gift certificate to Aaron Bros. where I can buy frames for my work.

Susie and Karen O'Neil (another Lodge Bro) and I went to an elder hotel and took a grunch of candy (good chocolates) and popcorn (both popped and microwaveable). We went in unannounced on Sunday. Met some folks. It was nicer than I thought it would be. Some of the folks even hugged us. One guy said he was sorry when I said I brought chocolate covered cherries because they *used* to be my mother's favorite. He picked up on my mom being gone.

Ash and I did the Salvation Army Secret Santa bit again this year. Was cool. I bought eight Brian Jacques' Red Wall series books and one on how to do sleight of hand magic. Ash got a DVD, animation with David Bowie doing one of the voices. The gifts were for a 10 year old girl who wanted books or maybe a DVD. What is cool is that the gifts "come" from the parents or Santa. We never know who gets them and it should be that way.

Susie and I got Karen O'Neil leather bound editions of two Harry Potter books. She and we are big fans. She was touched. They are special editions. Karen got me a copy of _The Builders_ which is a classic book about the history of Freemasonry. Susie made all the Brothers in the Lodge tree ornaments out of origami. All of them were really fine geometric figures.

Oh, I bought a membership to DA for a lady.

I sold a print of one of my pics. I was kind of late getting it delivered. It was on time but I wanted to get it there quicker. And there was a small edge of blue over on the white part on the edge. I printed two copies 13X19 but both had it. So I gave them both to the buyer and knocked $80 off the sale price; swore her to secrecy about it. She was giving one as a gift. Now she has two. What the heck, it is Christmas.

I gave Urban Decay makeup (eye shadow) kits to three of my models: Jayde, Lyonesse, and Hope. Plus, Ash gave me a whole bag of makeup she wanted to get rid of so we had a round robin of "you take first choice, then you go, then you..." until all of that was gone. I think the three ladies made out well. Plus, I do pay my models.

Must have missed something but we did see "Sweeny Todd" today. Had Indian food last night since it was Christmas and nothing much was open.

That was our Christmas. Ells

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/15834575/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/15834575/ Fri, 07 Dec 2007 13:09:29 PST

A model wrote to the boards on Model Mayhem asking how she could cope with rejection and trying to decide why she was doing what she was doing... Age old questions, really. Many of the answers were not really answers, just playful slaps. I decided to give her a little help, not maybe what she was expecting, but help. You can feel free to comment upon it if you would like.

Ells
==================================================

Why do I do what I do when I put up my art on a wall and people do not look and do not buy? Because I am compelled as an artist to do it. Why do I pitch getting a show, when most places are overbooked and I have to show it to folks who do not even get that what I am showing them starts as a photo? Because my Muse pulls at my heart, guts and balls and says, "Do or Die, Badger Boy!"

Then when I am not accepted, or do not sell, or no one looks...

I go out and do something totally unrelated for someone who needs help. I am going on Dec 23rd to deliver baskets to old folks. Going shopping today for Secret Santa project for a 10 year old who wants books. Lots of things do not need money. If you are a model, go read to some old folks or go visit some veterans in a hospital.

When you turn away from what you want, the Great Architect sees fit to put what you really need in front of you. This I have experienced. We are only 6 people away from anyone in the world. Only 6. So someone you help, unbeknownst to you may turn that around. Even if they do not, you will help the world get better. A healthy world is worth some time. And healthy world will more likely want more beauty.

I donate some of my art to silent auctions and other projects. I feel I am at least accepted there. And it is a tax write off. You donating your time, well, that is good for your soul. It will show on your face, too.

So get out of the dumps by helping shovel, not sitting on your hands.

Much love and caring,
Ellsworth Weaver
Ars Neovolatile Studio
Grover Beach, CA

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/15487059/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/15487059/ Mon, 12 Nov 2007 23:38:28 PST

It is Veterans' Day (Observed). For most it is a meaningless holiday from work, a pre-Thanksgiving Monday holiday. Nothing much to get excited about. Mail does not come on this day; the banks are closed. No one much has decorations up like Halloween or Christmas.

Some politicians who did their very damned best to avoid becoming a veteran got up and said how we all owed veterans our very best. Everyone felt good about that. Tomorrow we can start shopping for Christmas. That was enough talk about veterans and their day.

Fact is about half the homeless in America right now are veterans. We are making more veterans all the time. Lots of them are wounded in one way or another. Being a veteran means you survived a war, probably fought in one. Those that never did either think that there is something glorious in it, something we should all thank veterans (once a year) for. Thank you, veteran, for what you did for our grand country.

Excuse me, but I am a veteran. Served over in Viet Nam. Was a Spec. 5, sort of a technician kind of sergeant. Made and dropped napalm (jellied gasoline) on crops and people, sprayed defoliant like Agent Orange (did Agents White and Blue too). I loaded flame weapons and flew sniffer missions to detect people moving on the ground.

I served in a trumped up war. There was no "Gulf of Tonkein Incident." That was a lie. Fighting in Viet Nam did nothing to make the world freer or safer or more democratic. It did not halt the spread of communism. It did make some international companies much richer, and banks too. War, you see, is a scam. It is a circus to sell weapons. The sawdust in this circus are the poor folks who get blown up by the bombs, poisoned by the chemical weapons, crippled by the land mines.

Now we are in another scam, Iraq. There is no war there. I mean if there is and we want to declare a victory, who will hand over their sword in defeat? There is a civil war, to be sure, a constant sniping between the Sunnis and the Shiites. The Sunnis are sponsored by our Arab allies and the Shiites by the Iranians. Meanwhile the Kurds are being bombed by our allies the Turks. What is it the Book of Proverbs says? "Better to take up a mad dog by both ears than to involve yourself in other people's quarrels." Yep.

But the death toll and the veteran count keeps climbing. We are making more American poor dead or PTSD or traumatic brain injured, vacant-stared, homeless, hopeless.

I have a Bronze Star, an Army Commendation, Five Air Medals, 2 Good Conduct Ribbons, Vietnam Campaign, Vietnam Service, etc. I served. Honorable discharge. I am 90% disabled by the VA's standards. Some days I can hardly walk, but I make it in to work. Some nights I wake up with nightmares about burning people. But I cope. I am damned lucky. I am a veteran.

Want to know about veterans? I wrote a poem about veterans when a punk of a poet told me he was tired of "professional veterans." In Viet Nam we lost about 50,000 US troops. So far, we have lost over three times that number of Viet Nam vets to suicide of one sort or another. Here is my poem. Mature subject matter but I think you can handle it.

BTW, my advice: do not enlist or allow them to draft you into the military. Avoid it at all costs. From my heart this is what I advise.

Veterans

(for my brothers and sisters who made it back but never returned)

-- J. Ellsworth Weaver

Veterans of the red-blooded-sand shift.

Sifting into crevasses in our souls:

the grit that grinds in the gears,

putting scratches in the plate glass mirrors

we put up in front of our lives.

BB gun holes --

minuscule on the outside

yawning open on the inside --

punctuate our faces.

Our guts held in too widely splayed fingers,

we apologize,

cleft palates lisping,

urine soaking through our already dirty jeans,

collar-button minds popping,

dropping cheap muscatel

on the white carpet of your world.

Now and again we parade our deformities

where you can gawk and then turn away.

We can pretend we are proud of those scars

so raggedly sewn together with barbed wire.

Savage clowns who ravage ourselves --

faces dead white,

noses bright neon --

we are so chilling because we are too like you:... ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/15431720/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/15431720/ Fri, 09 Nov 2007 09:01:39 PST

Somewhat. OK, I am dealing with the knee thing. The pain the second day after is a tad worse, but I am OK. I took the big sleeping pill last night at about 9PM and was felled within 10 minutes. Susie called me at 20 minutes after and was talking to a zombie. Still, I slept until 7:30 this morning. So, the pain is manageable.

I have a shoot today with Kymberly Jane. That is a 4PM till 7ish. She is a very professional model. Should be some good work with her. I hope so. Have to get over to the studio by three and make sure the backdrops are ready. I get really full of adrenaline just before a shoot. Got worried last time (with Felicity) that I wasn't.

I have started experimenting with fractal overlays on my pictures. Fractal patterns are not new but I am finding figures that appear like dragons (at least to me) and those are aesthetically pleasing. Maybe that is the direction I need to go. Not sure about anything in my art right now. I have been gathering pictures, ammunition, grist for the mill, yarn for the loom. Where is the direction? I must be patient, although that has not been my nature I admit, and see. I am more like the alpha particle that bangs against the strong nuclear forces and suddenly is free.

So, Kymberly Jane today. This coming week sometime, Erin. Then Thursday is Sylvia, next Friday is Fedora. Quite a lineup.

That knee best be quiet. Yeah, right.

Last night, Ash (my daughter) and I watched some AFI videos. Quite something to know most of their music like I do now and then to see the videos made from them! Great group of guys. I can see why they are popular. The videos are incredibly moving, astounding.

BTW, does anyone know how to remove someone I have listed as a friend at MySpace? I really have nothing in common with them and do not want them on my friends list. Thanks in advance if you can tell me.

Peace, love, and smash the dominant paradigms,
Ells

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/15415940/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/15415940/ Thu, 08 Nov 2007 05:30:29 PST

I was listening to Ministry of Magic (highly recommend them) when my daughter Ash knocked on my bedroom door. I went to answer it and tripped on my own two feet and something I had left lying there. I fell, hard. Landed on my right knee.

My right knee is not my own; it is artificial, transplanted, a work of metal and plastic. I have that because about forty years ago, I was caught by some nice Asian gentlemen and tortured. These gentlemen just wanted me to give them a small bit of information and to sign my name on a blank sheet of paper. I did not do that. I didn't like the way they asked. I was stubborn. They wrapped my legs around a pole. One of them stood on my chest and the other, holding onto that pole, jumped onto my knees. My right knee gave way. The medial colatteral and the anterior cruciate ligaments snapped. It was quite painful.

After that, the leg always had some instability to it. It was long before ligament and tendon transplantation. Arthritus set in. Eventually I had orthoscopic surgery and then total knee replacement. Now I know some folks have had grandmothers who have had arthritus and then had a knee or hip replaced and suddenly grandma is doing handstands, ice skating, rhumbaing. Not me. The arthritus has spread to my lower leg and the bone surrounding the knee. That bone has not been taken out. It is painful, especially if I kneel or the weather changes. I had not fallen on it before.

Just by itself, it has been so painful I have considered having the lower leg amputated. The doctors have discouraged me there. Seems it would make walking kind of chancey and driving even more so. Plus, phantom limb pain is still possible. Like I said, I had not fallen before.

Gravity still works. Badger puts feet together and Young's Modulus dictates that badger is unstable. Whoopsy! Knee is very sore. I think next week's vacation will be interesting.

Oh well.

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/15247110/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/15247110/ Sat, 27 Oct 2007 17:38:44 PDT

I am tired of the Congress and the lies, the corporations who bathe in blood to get their bottom line. I am tired of the hypocrisy of the candidates, even the Democrats, who refuse to pledge that they will bring back the men and women from Iraq and Afghanistan in the next FOUR years. You read that right, four stinking years! What are they afraid of, that the corporations like Black Water will gun them down if they say they will? Guess that is what happened to Bobby Kennedy, isn't it?

I am tired of the killing of women and children, innocents who are not carrying weapons. I am tired of the image of Americans as those who spray ammunition into villages, of the Dominique de Guzman philosophy of "kill them all and God will know his own." Dominique was the pious founder of the Inquisition, the founder of the Catholic order of monks named the Dominicans (Canus Dominae: Dogs of God). I am tired of the former children of ours coming back home, when they do come home, with the vacant stare I know so well. We called it "battle fatigue," "shell shock," "PTSD." Call it what you will but it kills the soul to be killing others.

I am tired of the nightmares. The smell of smoke pervades all of California now. That smoke reminds me of what I did in the war in Vietnam. Like the "firemen" in Bradbury's _Fahrenheit 451_, I set fires not put them out. Napalm, jellied gasoline, designed to stick and burn to targets. Target, a nice euphemism for crops that people were depending on, a nice euphemism for people that other people loved and hugged and cradled. You cannot cradle or hold or make love to someone who has been burned by napalm. Their skin gets all missing and the layers underneath are all oozing and red. Not a pretty picture. When you see it, you want to turn away immediately; you want to tear your eyes out; you want to yell at the top of your lungs "Who did this horrible thing? Bring them here and make them witness this!"

But of course, no one who drops it witnesses it. That would make them stop it, you see. No one would ever burn a child or a pretty girl or an old grandmother. What kind of monster would do that? How could they? I mean... But the young men in the helicopters and in the jet planes, they are only dropping their "loads" upon "targets" and then going back to their barracks and writing loving letters to their sweethearts at home. Maybe tonight they will watch a movie or play a game with one of their buddies. They are very nice people from very nice families. They are. Meanwhile, in the burn wards and the make shift emergency rooms, the survivors cannot even much whimper. Morphine and death are too far away.

Every burn something on yourself? Maybe your hand or your leg? Hurts! Nothing much hurts worse. And even air going over it is too much. You get the idea.

Napalm and white phosphorus, burning munitions made here in America are still being used in the Middle East. Weapons of Mass Destruction. Chemical Warfare.

And yes, I did this to other human beings and I wish to God I never ever did. I cannot undo that. And at night the smell of smoke has triggered these horrible memories. Look at the picture called A Wall of Bones I just put up. I will make it my main picture for awhile. Look at it burning. Look at Kate standing guard. Look but do not touch!

I am so tired. So sick and tired. Please, please, please, stop this!

Former SP5 J. Ellsworth Weaver (US Army Chem Corps)

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/15135980/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/15135980/ Fri, 19 Oct 2007 22:04:53 PDT

Today I went to visit Terri and Bernard Duque (Doo-Kay) today. They had been pretty important from about five years ago in my life. Then chaos happened.

Three years ago in Sept 2004, Bernard and Terri were riding their motorcycle (they own a custom motorcycle shop in Oceano, CA) outside of Reno NV. Pappa (Bernard) missed on a turnoff and they went down. Pappa was pretty banged up, broke some ribs, but Terri was knocked unconscious. Deeply unconscious, comatose. She stayed that way for almost a year.

Miracles sorta happen. Terri woke up. This is the first time I have seen her. Yes, I admit it, I have been a coward. I have had reports of Terri, you see. I knew a different Terri, a Terri who had been a beauty queen, a Terri who had been our motorcycle club's organizer, just turned 50 but still beautiful, vital, persuasive, able to talk down a 7 foot tall biker or cradle a newborn baby probably at the same time. I was in distant love with her, we all were.

I had reports of a Terri who was angry that she had been let live. Terri who was no longer Terri. That was quite awhile ago. Lately the reports were different. So I went.

Bernard had left a phone message that he needed help with his website that I had set up five years ago. I went to his shop. I looked in at the shop. I could have left without going upstairs. Then I stopped. I asked Terri's daughter if Terri was seeing visitors. Don't know why. Guess this Masonry stuff finally does change one. She went up and called for me.

Terri makes some hand gestures that her daughter can interpret. She really cannot speak words much. She has her hair fully back, though she has a gray streak. She was always thin, but now she is very very thin, especially in her face. I still could see Terri in there.

Terri can communicate thru a small white board with markers. I could mostly read it. She has a sense of humor. Still bets on football games. We talked about Co-Masonry. She used to be Worthy Matron of the Rainbow Girls. I didn't know that. She was also the Demolay Queen one year. I can believe that. She is proud she can now move her feet. We take what we can get.

When I left, Bernard walked me out to the car. I told him that it was kind of hard for me to see Terri and that I apologized for staying away. He said, "I know. It has been three years for me, Bro. It is hard but it is what God has given me to bear, too."

Shit! I love the guy! Told him that in Masonry we talk about things that polish our stone, make us smoother. Kind of the same metaphor. I will help him get his webpage back where he wants it. You understand, that at one point Bernard was really heading down the tubes in life and Terri turned him around, maybe saved his life. Now maybe he is learning other lessons, I don't know. I know she is. Maybe we all are. I feel still like crying. I don't know why.

This is a pic of Terri before the accident [link]

This is his website right now (yeah, I set it up along time ago) but if you are in need of service on any kind of motorcycle and you are in the Central Coast of California, he is the guy to fix it
[link] (mention Ellsworth)

And as the Girl Scouts (of which I was once a Leader, for real) sing: "Make new friends but keep the old, One is silver, the other is gold..."

Ellsworth (who is glad he does not have a traumatic brain injury)

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/15126321/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/15126321/ Fri, 19 Oct 2007 08:53:12 PDT

From the House debate on the override vote on Bush's veto of SCHIP, Rep. Pete Stark (California) kicks Bush's ass:


First of all, I'm just amazed they can't figure out, the Republicans are worried we can't pay for insuring an additional 10 million children. They sure don't care about finding $200 billion to fight the illegal war in Iraq. Where ya gonna get that money? You going to tell us lies like you're telling us today? Is that how you're going to fund the war? You don't have money to fund the war or children. But you're going to spend it to blow up innocent people if we can get enough kids to grow old enough for you to send to Iraq to get their heads blown off for the President's amusement. This bill would provide healthcare for 10 million children and unlike the President's own kids, these children can't see a doctor or receive necessary care. [...]

But President Bush's statements about children's health shouldn't be taken any more seriously than his lies about the war in Iraq. The truth is that Bush just likes to blow things up. In Iraq, in the United States and in Congress.

=====================================================

Forty-four brave Republicans stood with the Democrats to override Bush's veto (he had only vetoed a few other bills - one to sponsor research using stem cells to combat things like Alzheimer's, one to put a limit on the war in Iraq). Unfortunately, it was not enough to insure that our children have the health-care they need. You see, to the Neocons, women must produce babies but then they must let them get sick and die or maybe bring them into their lawyer run insurance scam hospitals where the American taxpayers will pay quadruple the amount for emergency room services instead of normal medical care, like most civilized nations have.

Ooooh, socialized medicine? You mean like our state run schools? OMG! You mean rich people take their kids to public schools when they could send them to private ones? Sometimes. Not always. Right to life should extend to children beyond birth. That is my Ells-worth!

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/15045356/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/15045356/ Sat, 13 Oct 2007 14:34:27 PDT

October 12, 2007 saw the last of the mortal breath of Toni Moore, a photographer and member of Pbase. A gentle and humor-filled spirit, she was quick to play and help. Her MuteSwan site here was a base from which many aspiring photographers, myself VERY MUCH included, learned and grew. Jeanne Newman told me last week that Toni was hospitalized with lung cancer. I never had a chance to say goodbye.

Toni loved the New Jersey pine barrens, the wildlife, and especially the birds. She is free now to fly with them south to see the colorful jungles beyond the snow and ice that will seem somehow colder this year without her.

Susan O'Neill contacted me today and asked me to post something. This is what I posted at Pbase.

We photographers know it is all the Ineffable Light. Toni waits for us at the speed of light and the color of the rainbow sparkling off the dew on a swan's wing feathers.

These are Toni Moore's pictures [link] go and see and laugh and gasp in wonder.

Do not rest in peace, Toni. Dance!
Ellsworth Weaver (who loved you from 3000 miles away)

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/15028022/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/15028022/ Fri, 12 Oct 2007 11:21:41 PDT

Oct 11-12

Did the long anticipated shoot with Kate Crash. OMG, I thought I had taken fabulous pictures of her before! Do you know Beethoven's 9th Symphony where he starts with the words in German that translate "No, no, not these sounds!" In other words, what he is putting down are not quite the sounds that he hears in his head. You the listener must imagine that what the composer internalizes are sweeter still but he cannot quite get them down so musicians can play them.

The images that I am going to slowly manipulate and post both here and to my Kate Crash gallery at Pbase, then manipulate into something Faery Fae-ish, are almost what Kate is, almost. No matter how many pictures I show you of her, you will not understand. Just glancing at her and you will think: oh, she is too tall, or oh, she is too skinny, or she is not that pretty. Then she gets in front of the camera and magick happens.

Chuck DeCola, the guy who has the studio where I shoot, said, "I can see why you are so taken with her."

I replied, "Well, yeah, Chuck, she is a professional model."

He said, "Not just that; she is an actress."

I think all good models are. They put on faces, they create stories. Kate would say, "Wait, I am going to tell a story!" And then she would wrap up in a ball and slowly unwind. Sometimes it would be to spring at me. Quite remarkable. Yes, it is a bargain what I paid for her and yes, it was at least 3 times what I pay other models. So what if I eat hot dogs for the rest of the month?

Processing photos and catching a nap,
Ells

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/14977286/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/14977286/ Mon, 08 Oct 2007 20:20:33 PDT

Some editor must have nothing better to do. They keep relocating my pictures to SCRAPS, which means some editor has decided that they have disagreed with where I have put my pictures. Now, why they have disagreed or where they THINK I should put my picture they never say. They just throw my pictures into SCRAPS. Knock the S off both ends and that is what it is. Arbitrary and capricious garbage.

If they wish me to move my material and tell me where, I will; however, none of my hard work is a SCRAP. How dare they!

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/14929197/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/14929197/ Fri, 05 Oct 2007 15:44:45 PDT

Tomorrow instead of being Junior Deacon (a position of guide, a carrier of a wand with the Moon on top), I am going to be Junior Warden (one of three MAJOR officers). We are making a person, a man in this case, a Master Co-Mason. It is a singular moment in the Lodge. Master Masons are "grownups." They vote, hold office, have a say in what is happening in Lodge. It takes at least a year to become a Master Mason in Co-Masonry. That I am going to be the Jr. Warden for this ceremony is quite an honor and quite daunting. Lots to memorize. I am going back to the studies in a sec.

Just thought I would let you folk know.

Great stuff, Co-Masonry. It was formed for women's rights, and that of minorities. As long as you believe in a Higher Power and wish to improve yourself and the world, there may well be a place in Lodge for you.

Ordo ab chao
(Order from Chaos),
Ells

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/14833095/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/14833095/ Fri, 28 Sep 2007 20:48:07 PDT

This was with Kelsey from Goleta. She was ontime. Interesting. Did not know or anticipate that she had extensive braces. She might should have said something. She also had skin problems. I think that came from almost a month and a half without solid food - extensive jaw surgery for dental work. You know what? She was wonderful. Very pretty and petite. Just got into the shoot and we did great.

I had to do somethings to get her to the state I wanted. She was not really into understanding using a magic wand. I told her to hold onto the Elder wand with both hands and point it at me. I then said, "I am coming at you. That wand is all that can save you. I am big and bad and going to get you." She held the wand out. Then I screamed and came slightly toward her. She held onto that wand and her eyes got big as saucers. We got the shot.

Another set of shots I put Wally, the coyote, on her back. I told her "This is the end of civilization. You are going hunting. If you do not get something, your tribe starves tonight. You are standing on sacred ground." She got it.

I taught her how to hold her hands. You cup your hand as though you were palming a cantaloupe. Put your middle and ring finger together. Separate your index and little finger from the group but keep the same curve. Separate the thumb. There. that is a good hand pose. Michaelangelo used that hand pose.

She has pierced nipples, bellybutton and lady parts. Had her take out the bellybutton.

Big fetish shoot tomorrow. Will see how much Nikki truly likes fetish.

Think TENS!
Ells

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/14743268/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/14743268/ Sat, 22 Sep 2007 12:19:19 PDT

Last night was a real bust. First my model, Ms Amanda Duckett called and said she would be late. This was 5 minutes after she was supposed to be there. OK. It started raining a little. It is a 12 minute drive from where she is to where I am. Never worked with her before. It gets to be a half hour. I call her cell. No pickup. I am getting worried. It is not raining anymore, but sirens off in the distance. You know the feeling.

Finally over an hour late she shows up, her hair in rollers, heavy makeup. Much more than I wanted. But she is tall and long legs, wearing cork heels and really short denim skirt. Yeah, I was prepared to forgive a lot. She gets inside the shop/studio and sniffs a bit. Then goes and wants to see the shots that Chuck had taken of her on Weds downtown SLO. Strictly G rated, cute outdoor things. I mean we are running now 1 hour and 20 min. late. I finally say we need to get moving. I ask her for her drivers license. She goes out to the truck. I give her the waiver. She takes it back with her friend, a MUA all tatted out and they read it, and they read it, and they read it. Amanda comes back with her hair out of rollers, looking like a million dollars, eyes flashing. She says, "I don't think I can handle this whole set up." And she walks out.

Wow! Well, f#ck me! An hour and change late, not ready for the shoot and now she is not handling what set up? Meanwhile Chuck says, "I will send you the pics I took." Thanks, Chuck. Go ahead. Personally, I took her off my friends list on Model Mayhem. I did not post the scathing post I thought of leaving. What a ditz! Being gorgeous does not mean she can be late and then pull off like that. I think Chuck may have nailed it that it was her first nude shoot. Hard to know. Better then than a day later getting cold feet. That is why I have those words and clauses in my release. Those images belong to J. Ellsworth Weaver III. No one else has a right to them.

Gack! I sure hope Ms Hope shows up today. Next Friday I have a shoot with a lady named Kelsey, she is coming up from Goleta. Looks like a Faery princess, I am sure you will agree.

Tomorrow I have Lodge in Santa Cruz.

BTW, finally found a sleep med that knocks me out, restirol, I think it is called. Like an ax! Wow. First full night's sleep I have had in months.

Check out my two submissions to the Blaqk Audio contest.

Hugs to all and kisses to most,
Ells

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/14533147/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/14533147/ Fri, 07 Sep 2007 16:17:36 PDT

Will everybody lighten up on the poor girl? Having not seen the picture but having heard that what it showed was her breasts and a bit of pubic area, I think we can all agree that everyone has mammary glands (functional or none) and some pubic area. Right? In fact, I spend a great deal of time taking such pictures and people spend a great deal of time looking at them. Great artists have painted them. Hurray! Daniel Radcliffe (plays Harry Potter, in case you have been living under a rock) did a play called Equus where he appeared with his boy parts totally exposed! On stage. On the Internet. Can tell you, unlike Zac, Daniel is NOT Jewish.

So supposedly Vanessa took a pic of herself privately and someone got ahold of it and sent it out everywhere. If Vanessa were under 18 when it was taken, in the US of A that makes the picture illegal to own, download and view I think. I am not a lawyer. Maybe not. I think that whoever grabbed and forwarded it is a cad and a thief.

In any case, I think High School Musical 1 and 2 are nice and harmless musical movies. I love the messages. I cannot think that Vanessa did anything wrong or criminal. Inadvisable, perhaps, but not anything that should be getting her shunned or worse. I hope the rest of the world does stand up for her. Let he who has not f#cked up throw the first stone.

Just my take on a sweet bunch of kids.

Ellsworth Weaver

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/14480141/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/14480141/ Mon, 03 Sep 2007 23:16:31 PDT

Did a meet and greet with a new model, Hope, this evening. Hope, in a literal sense, is what I need right now. When what you pin your hopes upon, when what you think is your island of sanity and calm turns into a place of chaos and money changing, then it becomes pretty close of a time to check out of this plane of existence. Boy, that sounds EMO! Pretty sick for a guy as old as I am to be EMO. Next I will be listening to Panic in the Disco and wearing one false eyelash or something. Oh gag me with a Green Day teeshirt, someone.

I have truly seen and caused death, kids. It smells bad. No one tells you about that. No one tells you about how all those nice polite muscles you have, those sphincters that mom and dad taught you to keep closed, well, when you are dead you have no control over those. Death smells not like roses. And those who are dead for a little while smell worse. Really bad when the heat gets hotter. Decay is not just decadent, it is rapid and very organic with things like putrecine and cadaverine. No one will want to kiss your rotting lips when you are gone. Dead is just gross. And bullet trauma is very bloody. First impression, you would not believe how much blood a person has in them. So if you are going to do something final to yourself, do it somewhere meant to be easy to clean up, like a bathtub. Or maybe save everyone the mess and do it somewhere outdoors where the dirt and the worms and vultures can help. I mean the world may suck, but some poor smuck will have to clean up after you and it probably won't be the person you are mad at.

I once knew a poet who wrote a poem about cleaning up after a suicide in a bathroom at K-mart. Those were the days when K-mart sold shotguns. He was a janitor and a poet. As poets normally wind up becoming something very high powered like janitors or sandwich makers, he was on track. Anyway, it was not that great of a poem, but it made a lasting impression on me.

What does this have to do with a new model? Her name is Hope. Pretty damned good name for a model. Hope is what you don't have when you decide to kill yourself. You don't necessarily think things will get worse, just don't have a hope that things will change. Take it from an old fart who has been 60 times around the wheel of the year, life is change. Damnedest things happen in a heartbeat. Funniest, strangest things. Stick around and fuck with those who are messing with you now. Death is not romantic. Thoughts of it are. The afterlife may be pretty cool. I have had two life after life experiences. Those were great. But they may be just the brain shutting down. Hard to know. Right now, I got this cute model, Hope, with some pierced nipples and great chin and she is going to pose for me on Saturday. So I guess I am going to try to live until then.

Tell you what, if you stick around until then and a little later, I will let you see the pictures. Here, for free, pierced nipples and all. Hope you do.

Ells

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/14417962/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/14417962/ Thu, 30 Aug 2007 22:12:28 PDT

Reserved the tub at the Sycamore Hot Springs, bought an outfit for her, even printed out a picture of her that she had requested, and got there a little early. This was a rescheduled time from last week. Waited. Called. Called again. Fifteen minutes past the time she was supposed to be there. Nothing. Her answering machine again. I left the third message. Again, I left my phone number. Still no call back.

This is the model that my friend Chuck has refused to work with. I asked him why and he said he had been stood up twice by her. I had worked with her once before. Never had been stood up. Now I know. I do not take kindly to being stood up. OK, if she had called and canceled, I would have been somewhat mollified, but to have to wait there and not known. No phone call. Nope, I don't do well with that at all.

If you are a model or know one, know that photographers are professional people, too. We have lives and schedules. We expect courtesy and phone calls. We spend money on props, studio time, gas, and other niceties. At least let us know when you are going to be late or not going to make it at all. You have cell phones for lots of other things. Jeeesh! There, it is out of my system.

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/14377203/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/14377203/ Tue, 28 Aug 2007 08:19:54 PDT

Last Friday evening, my daughter's last remaining cat Armand (named for the vampire, of course) went off to where ever it is that cats go when they no longer inhabit this world. He had been pining since Catkin (fellow cat) had passed on. Althogh they had fought, Catkin was a companion. They were both neutered. Catkin was female, Armand male.

Armand was strictly Ash (my daughter)'s cat. No one else stood a chance. He was in her lap, her bed, whatever. Friday night his body waited faithfully by the door. She found him when she came home from work.

What does that mean to me? It means that Ash no longer feels like she is tied to staying here in California. She now is talking about moving to Boston. Amber, her best friend, has moved to Newton, Mass. and found a job and an apartment. Ash wants to go. I say that she should go for it. I say that on the outside, at least. On the outside. Yep. She should go. Very rational. She should go outthere. Big place, that Boston. She can make il. I did. I used to live in Plymouth. Made lots of money writing procedures. She should try it out.

She is my baby girl. But likewise, I don't want her coming home some Friday night to find my body by the door.

Crap, I am getting all teary eyed now. Gotta go write a test. Bye.

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/14324505/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/14324505/ Fri, 24 Aug 2007 19:33:59 PDT

Well, a couple weeks ago I had to give up my vacation, my week at Grand Lodge in Larkspur, CO to write a lesson guide on human performance tools and safety. I lost my plane fare and everything. I did this even though I told the management that the class would not teach what they wanted. The technicians already KNEW how to do those behaviors; they just sometimes did not do them. Anyway, my boss' boss sat in on a dry run of the class for about 10-15 minutes and decided that it was lousy. I redid the introduction to the exercise and reran it. But he did not sit in on that. As a consequence he has decided that we will not show this class to the people who are going to inspect us for reaccreditation. This is even though it was on human performance and safety that they said we were lacking.

I raised my hand to my head, said in a soft voice to my boss, "Oh dear, I guess I should feel wounded, but I don't." My boss was upset on my behalf but you know, it even rains on the ocean. Some good may come out of it. I don't know. In the meanwhile, I am making art. Heck with anger. I have people who like, love, and lust after me.

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/14262828/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/14262828/ Mon, 20 Aug 2007 20:11:38 PDT

Del, rightly it seems, pointed out that I quoted entire critiques from Photosig for the readers of my Journal here at DA. That is not kosher. I do hereby repent of that. It was not right. It was not even amusing. When someone is right, they are right.

I have not a bit of desire to go back to Photosig because of the issues I have with the administration, not the way the site is set up. It has merit. You get to post pictures in proportion to the number critiques you give that are deemed helpful by other users. That rocks. It really does. It forces you to be introspective of your work and that of someone else's. I shall miss that. I gave good and gentle critiques. Helped a few and was helped by many.

That said, I was sniped at by an admin who considered all my attempts at getting clarification as being rude and sarcastic. When that happens there is little to do, I found out, but to leave. I am not one to take insults lightly.

I wiped the emails off between us because it just keeps irritating me to be reminded losing such a site. The money that I paid to join it was minimal. I pay more than that for a tip on a night out. It also was requested by Photosig. I am not going to press that. Why wrestle with folks I no longer want to hear from?

Del did not accuse me of pirating art work. With that, I charge him to release my art work. Erase it from his site. I cannot check it but others can. I am no longer a member of Photosig. I have art to make.

John Ellsworth Weaver III

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/14065790/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/14065790/ Tue, 07 Aug 2007 20:14:02 PDT

Deathly Hallows You Tube Video

Spoilers Warning
Do Not Watch IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THE LAST BOOK



Just amazing and yeah, I am sobbing a bit.

Ells

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. Member of ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/13826923/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/13826923/ Sat, 21 Jul 2007 22:26:04 PDT

Went to a party last night at an independent bookstore. We took all the wands we had. Must have been about 12 wands. Also 11 chocolate frog cards for the party, made butterbeer, had trivia quizzes, I did dark marks on kids' arms in Sharpies. What fun.

We bought our books (each one of us bought one) and we had one deluxe edition for a contest prize between the four of us. One point for each predicted death and one point off for each one predicted death who did not die. No spoilers in this journal of course. Just to say that I am keeping the deluxe edition. I won. Sigh.

Book seven is the best yet. Go buy one at an independent book seller. Do not let Amazon, B&N or Borders take over the world! Yeah, I hear you whining, it is so haaaard! Pussies! We bought ours at Novel Experience. Friends don't let friends shop at Amazon!

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. Member of ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/13438348/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/13438348/ Thu, 21 Jun 2007 20:30:25 PDT

Just sent off to BuyDig dot Com and bought a Canon 5D. It is a full-frame 12.6 megapixel DSLR. A full-frame means that the sensor is the same size as a piece of 35mm film. Most sensors, even on the better cameras are about 5/8th's the size of a 35 mm film. Thus they talk about 1.6 crop factor (1 and 6/10 is 16/10, turn that over and it is 10/16 or 5/8). Anyway, the Canon 5D has more room for its pixel array, lusher colors and more sensitivity with lower noise in low light. I am not selling my 30D. Not yet. Just having two cameras.

Tomorrow is Kate and Rose. I am very pleased about these two. Kate tonight is in the recording studio down in Hollywood.

Been posting to Photosig. Getting responses from Islamic gentlemen regarding my pictures of Pixie. They believe I am just posting naked women shots to be posting naked women. Ah, excuse me?

Meanwhile, this week has been the reaccreditation visit from the team from the Institute for Nuclear Power Operations. This is sort of like 10 Dolores Umbrages looking at your training programs. Harry Potter reference, sorry. Been tough. Not sure how badly we did overall. I taught for them. I did ok. Wore a sportscoat and a raw silk shirt, new shoes, braces (suspenders that button). Was a natty dred badger.

So, comment on the pictures folk!
Ells

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. Member of ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/13399168/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/13399168/ Mon, 18 Jun 2007 20:31:20 PDT

So this coming Friday I have two beautiful models, Kate and Rose, coming up from Hollywood. Here is what I sent them by email today:

Dear Kate and Rose,

Here are my few thoughts about Friday (no particular order):

I do not want any blue eye shadow, punk makeup. I want this soft and gentle, gorgeously you, timeless, pretty, delicate,

I want you to think more David Hamilton than high fashion. We are going for gauzy, curves, touch, peeks at peaks, touches and light kissing through masks.

I have tried using harsh lighting and I hate it. I want soapbubbles and fairy lights. Yes, I want you to be truly women but still that little fairy princess inside. I want you to arouse and for us to feel just a touch uneasy, as though we might be stuck forever beneath this faery mound should we taste your lips.

I want to shoot you eating fruit with juice running down over your bodies. Tempt the camera. Show the viewer what he and she cannot have but desire so much of. Give them a heart attack, but let me live to push the button.

I want nothing that is mundane. I am so tired of mundane. I have spend so much on mundane models -- not their fault. It has been mine. I did not direct them. I did not know how to tell them what I wanted.

You and I, Rose and Kate and I, may all die tomorrow or Saturday after the shoot. Do we want our memory to be that we photographed some mundane shots? Hardly! Think Dead Can Dance, think Peter Gabriel, think David Bowie, think Stevie Nicks at her faery faeist. Think Charles de Lint. We want Charles de Lint or Neil Gaiman to look at these pictures and say "I want this
as a cover on my next book!" I want some gallery in LA to say that they want to put out a book of our work.

Now, how is that? Tell me you feel that? We are going to photograph all parts and parcels. We are going to pose you as you have not posed before. I say "WE" because I need your help. I am counting on you as professional models to make this happen with me.

Make love to my lenses. Fry my CF cards. Lick the sweat off each other's passion. WE have a small space but I know WE can do something fine.

Your photographer, your diarist, your digital extreme painter,
Let us make immortality,
Ellsworth
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

And Kate wrote back:

YES!!!
SOUNDS WONDERFUL!!
It will be just Rose and I
the boy hooked a pilot and can't leave!
but i can help you set up, if you like
i majored in photo and media so should be able to help
a bit!
i will forward to rose...
believe me. i will give you your most sellable images
i think it would be divine, too, when we break for
dinner if we could break somewhere cool that would let
you take pics and we can put on goddess gowns and you
get some extra shots if you like
i will bring accessories, but if there is anything you
like, go ahead!
sooo excited!!!
Xx me
==============================================

So, you tell me? Am I doing ok? Ells

********************************

Today was the start of re-accreditation. For those of you NOT in the education biz but who read Harry Potter, imagine a force of maybe 15 Dolores Umbrages descending upon you, pulling metaphoric strings to see if you are doing what you are supposed to be doing, training to improve performance, if everyone (including the Draco Malfoys) is happy with your training, if you have kept excellent records, and surveys and tested every objective... it is a week of hell. If we lose our re-accreditation, it is approximately $2.5million for each program. Right now we have 8 programs going up. Sigh.

I had felt like I should just go on vacation. One of our lead instructors treats me as though I were the senile uncle who drools and urinates in company. Despite the fact I have taught for 27 years, he is the bean counter. Anyway, today they could not find a record of us doing a post-training evaluation after we had complete the last initial class. I went to lunch, ask a friend of mine, he suggested another guy might have done one, I checked with him and sure enough there it was. My boss was happy but then wondered what the date of it was. Was it recent enough to count? Turns out the fellow had electronic records of it and it was within the last 4 years. Exactly right time! Now the lead instructor, Ed, had come up completely... ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/13377991/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/13377991/ Sun, 17 Jun 2007 07:22:22 PDT

A rather unpleasant boy from Canada, ~sock-o-matic, left a horrid piece of feces smeared on one of my model pics, Daisy in Red. He said something to the effect "Put those zaggers away you *expletive deleted* old skank." Firstly, Daisy is hardly old, at 24. Secondly, I doubt that anyone would find her "skanky" by any definition. But the really weird thing is I have yet to find the etymology of the word zagger. I assume he meant to refer to her breasts. Is that current Canadian slang? Not very nice, in any case.

Of course I reported the little boy. I think we should get such juveniles off this board as soon as they show up. People who cannot behave should be shown the door. Don't you agree? When I got to his site I saw that others had registered their disapproval, as well. Good. Do not put up with bullies.

Zaggers? Right. Someone maybe needed to be breast fed a little longer.

Ells

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. Member of ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/13245034/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/13245034/ Wed, 06 Jun 2007 21:05:44 PDT

When it rains...but it never rains in Southern California. It pours, Baby, it pours.

This Saturday I have a shoot with Daisy and Alex, two young aspiring models. Both over 18, of course. Artistic nude, too. Maybe we can do some fetish.

June 22nd, Friday, I have a very established model, Kate Crash, and her friend Rose coming up from Hollywood to do a shoot. Artistic nude. They rarely do nudes but like my Faery Fae work. Goddess, Bless such darlings!

July 13, Friday, I have Iona coming down from Freemont to do artistic nude and fetish shoot. Iona has her own studio up in Freemont and I plan to go up there soon to learn. She is quite flexible and very fun to talk with. I met her here at DA.

So, guess I will decide to live awhile longer to shoot these lovely ladies.

Stop back by and look when you can.

Just this badger,
Ells

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. Member of ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/13165786/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/13165786/ Thu, 31 May 2007 15:35:08 PDT

I have been asked how to get that dreamy sort of glow. There are at least two ways (with alternatives inside). How you do it will depend on what you like.

If you want a dreamy effect, duplicate the background layer and do this:

* add gaussian blur
* change the blend mode to "Overlay" (turns skin gold)
* alternatively change the blend mode to "Soft light" (keeps skin pink)
* decrease opacity until it's pleasant (probably between 35% and 65%)
* add layer mask and paint in black the parts you want to remain sharp (like eyes, for instance)
* alternatively you can erase over the duplicate layer with a soft edged eraser.



If you want to try another option for a dreamy effect, duplicate the background layer and do this:

* add gaussian blur
* add filter-distort-diffuse glow
* change blend mode to "luminosity"
* decrease opacity until it's pleasant (probably between 35% and 65%)
* add layer mask and paint in black the parts you want to remain sharp (like eyes, for instance)
* again, you could erase the portions you do not want to blur.

Hope this helps,
Ells

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. Member of ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/13132241/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/13132241/ Mon, 28 May 2007 23:17:01 PDT

I decided to try one more site. That is PhotoSig [link]
There is my ID and all. I am going to be doing very careful critiques of others pics and hoping to get the same on mine. The folks there are very thorough on critiquing. I urge you to look at it and see what you think. There are filters there so you can decide how much or how little you wish to view. My filters are all the way open. I was shocked to find that some of the pictures pushed some negative buttons in me. How about that?!

Got an x-ray appointment tomorrow. Gave blood and urine on Saturday. Still worried about the heart. Silly stuff but well, Doc has to make boat payments somehow.

Regards,
Ells

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. Member of ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/13116906/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/13116906/ Sun, 27 May 2007 19:36:49 PDT

That Leg Pose [link]
is "too x-rated for our site. I am not sure that even Playboy goes that far." So the owner of the site nuked
Bathing Pool [link]
She Hung Her Skin on the Oak & Ran Off to Play with the Coyotes [link]
Undine [link]

As well as Leg Pose.

Wow, I go further than Playboy! Who would've thunk?! My Goddess! You might see that this lady has lady parts. Shudder! Such views might turn men into beasts and women into stone. In no way do I see that picture as pornographic.

And then I get a response from one other member who said that he had things taken down, and that I should read the rules and post within them. I do read the rules.

Tell you this, though, I get pissed if a gallery owner IRL moves my pics around and hangs them strangely without consulting me. I do not have to do this for a living! This is my Art (note the capital A).

Am I wrong to feel this way? I really don't care. It is how I feel about my Art. I choose to be very disappointed in a supposed mature community.

Xin loi, minoi - so sorry, my love!
Ellsworth

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. Member of ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/13110453/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/13110453/ Sun, 27 May 2007 07:57:33 PDT

I joined Community Zoe which is supposed to be artistic nudes only. I put up ten of my things, four of which had photoshop effects in them. No rules against it. The moderator pulled four of them saying that they were photoshopped and were now digital art. I took down the other six figuring things like Leg Pose and Mauve Mood would sooner or later offend them, too. Sigh. Anyone know where there is an adult online community where I can get comments and critiques on my work? I do not mean to belittle anime copiests or angst-ridden poets, but I was hoping for somewhere where serious photographers could look at a nude in all its beauty and make constructive criticism.

So, please let me know if you know of any such place.

Regards,
Ells

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. Member of ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/13092792/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/13092792/ Fri, 25 May 2007 19:15:16 PDT

Did everyone else know that? The pyramids were not chiseled out of limestone blocks, but actually made of concrete.

Here is the link The pyramids at Giza were not chiseled away, they were poured concrete [link] go read.

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. Member of ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/13081613/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/13081613/ Thu, 24 May 2007 20:55:33 PDT

Both had to cancel. Next weekend is my drive to LA and then home, then to Santa Cruz and then home, and then work a half day, and then take my daughter and friend to see Within Temptation. Sure hope I can hold up.

Sonigram came back negative on clots in my legs. Just need compression, I guess. Not fun but am forcing myself to walk more.

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. Member of ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/13057908/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/13057908/ Wed, 23 May 2007 00:32:14 PDT

Despite my legs looking like I am suffering elephantiasis and the bottoms of my feet feeling like The Little Mermaid (not the Disney version, please), I went on a local meet-and-greet.

I had placed an ad in a local Craigslist. One young lady (Krystal) answered it and asked if her good friend "Kat" might model also. I told her to bring Kat along to the meet and greet. I am so glad I did. They are both lovely. Krystal has been a model since she was 12. She has a great smile, thin, almost tiny. Kat is buxomy, taller, very much a Renfaire lady. They are both in their 20s. We should have our first shoot (Krystal) on this coming Saturday. We will see how tired I am after that. If Kat wants to pose right after, I think I can accommodate that.

I am paying them $50 an hour, 2 hours minimum, cash. I am also paying Krystal a $50 bonus if Kat poses nude for me, as well. Word of mouth is a great thing. I told them that and that we are a small community, if I act sleazy, it will get around pretty quickly. Likewise, if I asked them to do stuff they did not feel comfortable doing, they should say so. No harm, no foul. I did establish they would be ok with some apparent bondage type pics. Good.

I always am glad about a meet-and-greet. In 15 minutes or so, you can tell if the model will be ok or someone hard to work with. Of course, even after you have been doing shoots, the models can get very flaky about getting there or understanding the Model Release they signed makes the photos mine. I gave Krystal and Kat a copy of the Model Release so they could read it at their leisure. Trying to learn as I go.

Vincent Van Gogh painted only a very very few nudes. That was because he was broke. He would have painted more. Vincent is a tragic hero, but I try to learn to use what I can.

Will post a few pics when we do a shoot.

Think good thoughts about my legs. Today (9:30AM) I get a sonigram of them to see if I have a blood clot in them. Tired of staying at home. Time to go back to work.

Much love to you and yours,
Ells

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. Member of ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/13014795/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/13014795/ Sat, 19 May 2007 15:10:51 PDT

My mature subject pictures are now watermarked on the large view. Sorry, but word comes that someone here is downloading the large views and reloading them on his porn site. Not acceptable. Thus, the pictures are now a tad more protected. Yes, I know I could defeat watermarking if I wanted to but this at least makes it harder for the scumball.

And life goes on. Must elevate legs.

TTFN,
Ells

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. Member of ]]> *Neovolatile http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/13011625/ http://Neovolatile.deviantart.com/journal/13011625/ Sat, 19 May 2007 09:54:22 PDT

I guess it beats the alternatives...

Yesterday the weirdest thing, my lower legs were all swollen. I mean I did not have a foot on my left leg. There was a lump with toes sticking out. So I went to work. Those five words are keys to my life: So I Went to Work. Right. And in the afternoon I got to see a doctor, actually a physician's assistant named - gotta love this - Greenman. Who better to treat an old pagan like me? Anyway she brought in a doctor to poke and prod said elephant man legs. Put me on restriction to either bed with feet over my head or a little walking. Now, those who know me, know that most every other weekend I am driving to Lodge (Santa Cruz this weekend). Nope, could throw a blood clot. Not as emo-ific as it might sound. Could have a stroke or heart attack. So, three Masons are not going to Santa Cruz (me, Bro. Mike C. and Bro. Susie M) since two of them have no cars. Like I said, sucks.

Meanwhile I have had two nibbles from my ads on Craigslist. Hope to at least shoot the gal in Santa Maria. Seems though she is very interested in her parties and not so much in just a meet and greet. Who can blame her? Guess I should pay for a meet and greet, too.

Lots of ladies advertising on Craigslist. They are mostly ads for going to another site. Now I do not care if they offer "other services" as long as 1) they will pose for me, and 2) they do not expect to perform those other services on me. Contrary to what some think, photographers are not having sex with their models. At least I am not.

OK, back with my legs up. Working on a new treatment of that headshot I have as my sig.

Hugs to you all. Go look at my art when you can.
Ells

All the work here is my own. Do not copy it. It is not for loan. Respect the models who graciously have let me take their pictures. None of that is their fault. Member of ]]> *Neovolatile