http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:NooKiN&section=today deviantART RSS for by:NooKiN en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sun, 20 Dec 2009 20:47:32 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://NooKiN.deviantart.com/journal/27551095/ http://NooKiN.deviantart.com/journal/27551095/ Sat, 03 Oct 2009 03:12:32 PDT








.






-brought to you from the place I called home.



That basically means I am going to move,
today,
in about three hours,
into a faraway world where nothing will be as before,
with faes dancing under streetlamps
and dragons flying upon the sky.


My feelings about moving are mixed,
basically because I've never moved before.
I grew up in this house and the one thing that troubled me the most up to now - concerning living - was that I moved from the room I lived in as child into another, bigger one.

Knowing myself it will take a lot of time to get used to that new environment,
new people
new shops and streets and trees and birds and windows,

not even the rain will be the same anymore.

I have to admit that I'm a bit afraid.



On the other hand I am looking forwards to that new place,
especially because it offers me a whole lot of freedom
that I've never known to that extent up to now.




.




_{There's a lot to do in the new place,
painting walls,
getting the furniture together,
choosing curtains,
putting all the things I have in somehow,
decorating,
things.
end.
I'll take pictures when it's done.}






.




This might be a pretty uninteresting journal,
I just needed a place to leave a goodbye to my old world,
since none of my friends bothered to show up and say a real goodbye yet,
and I doubt that any of the will within the next couple of hours.


It's marvelous when one can't count on friends in such a situation, right?


So,
basically I'm leaving the current reality without any real goodbye
because there's just noone to say bye to.


However.








- The weather sucks pretty much.

]]> ~NooKiN http://NooKiN.deviantart.com/journal/25045061/ http://NooKiN.deviantart.com/journal/25045061/ Sun, 31 May 2009 05:26:06 PDT and at night it starts laughing
until it finally falls asleep.
Snoringly.

At daytime it eats the feathers from my pillow and the dustbunnies that breed in corners.

I'm alright with the dustbunny thing,
it spares me a whole lot of dust-busting,
but my pillow suffers a little.
And I fear it accidentally ate my shoelaces.

Or where would shoelaces go?

I have been looking for new shoes for quite some time,
but the good ones hide whenever I enter a shop,
and so I am still kind of shoe-less. Shoe-lace.
I bought new shoelaces instead, for my vans,
and now I have a shoe-lace-less pair of vans eventually.
I can't remember where I put the shoelaces,
they maybe escaped through an open window
or managed to arrange a meeting with the vacuum cleaner while I was spring-cleaning my place from top to bottom two days ago.
What a pity.
I'm doomed to wear warm winter boots all summer long.



Last week I walked home from the train station,
I had just come back from university,
and the sun was shining and it was incredibly hot,
eventhough a strong wind was blowing.
20 minutes
and
a bottle of water later I got tired of walking and decided to wait for the next bus,
my home is nearly an hour-walk away from the station, so using the bus makes sense after all.
I sat on a particular bus station bench, in the wind,
in the sun,
and next to me sat an old lady with her obese dog and a young asian-looking girl with a tan.

I happened to look at my arm because I feared to get sunburned,
and I realized my skin was sparkling.
Not as in certain movies ofcourse,
not that much,
but there were little shiny, sparkling dots all over,
and I thought maybe the author of Twilight has a point there,
and the sparkling vampires don't seem half as overdone to me anymore as they did before,
because such a thing as skin sparkling in sunlight obviously exists.
I looked at the tanned girl next to me, her skin did not sparkle at all,
so it must be a phenomenon that only appears on very light skin.
_{(People with pale skin check it out please.)}
Fascinating.

Maybe I'm related to vampires or
tooth fairies.
If they sparkled at all.




_{I really would like to try some new creative things these days,
I've been sticking to half-realistic drawings and paintings and a little comic stuff all my life,
and maybe it's time to do something new.
Experiments in terms of art have never really been my friends so far,
I'm not the kind of artist who just does has they please without looking forward to a certain result,
but I hope doing that exactly helps to develop myself and my abilities a little.
I sometimes feel like I am stuck,
and that's terrible.
Development, I'm coming!}




I'm chocolate addicted,
by the way.



.





]]> ~NooKiN http://NooKiN.deviantart.com/journal/24088484/ http://NooKiN.deviantart.com/journal/24088484/ Mon, 06 Apr 2009 06:41:42 PDT ++++++++++++++++++ADVERTISING++++++++++++++++++++++++

has started her "When you're evil" contest,
would anyone want to participate?
It's not about winning,
in my opinion,
just
about participating, having some fun and doing what we're all here for: arts.
The more people join, the funnier it will be!

You find the contest and the rules
here
if you're interested


END



There's nothing much to say apart from the above at the moment.
Vacations are over soon.
Weather is nice.

So what?

]]> ~NooKiN http://NooKiN.deviantart.com/journal/23360130/ http://NooKiN.deviantart.com/journal/23360130/ Mon, 23 Feb 2009 10:17:11 PST


Or did.



Of becoming an artist one day.

Of being able to do arts that makes people drop their jaws.

Of being contend with my own works some day, standing infront and saying "I think it turned out quite good."




But the dream passed away before it really started, it seems.
I gave up on it.



I quit studying arts, officially, byebye arts school. There's no turning back anymore.
Maybe its better like that,
arts school was really not what I had expected, I didn't learn anything new, I didn't even get the chance.
They, in their arrogance and ignroance, see themselves just as a place for artists to share their work, not as school, yet they give you a mark at the end of the 2nd semester and tell you you suck when you do something wrong.
But learning you don't do nothing at all.
I really don't need that.
I thought I might be able to improve that way, but it seems it was the wrong choice and way to go and the logical consequences for me were, are to quit and walk another path.
Not arts.




I am thinking about to quit from the arts field completely.
To put the pencil down, never ever taking it up again.
I have the feeling I am stuck and I also have the feeling what I do, here, there, wherever, is for nothing and nobody really knows to appreciate when someone has no such cool, useful talent as science stuff, computers, whatever. When you're good in arts they all just smile and leave. They may find the picture pretty ...but really interested? Not them. Not anyone.
I have been doing arts just for myself for a long time, but it's as senseless as writing a novel and locking it in a drawer, as doing sports on a high level for a century and never taking part in any competition eventhough you could.
The motivation just fades.
And mine is gone.
And I am not forcing it back.
I am sick of it.
Sick of people.
And sick of dA as well these days
for even here nobody really cares much,
just when you're doing yaoi crap, anthro wolves and nude photos with anorexic wannabe-models.
I may quit dA completely, I cannot say that yet, but at the moment I really don't wanna put any effort into something that has always just been a disappointment. Why upload something to the internet when nobody's interested in it anyways. I can as well just hang the pictures on my wall.
Sure,
you may say now " it's art, it's a hobby, it's for ones self, not for others."
Yea, good, and? Why are all the people here then and upload pics?
Surely their only motivation is that they would like to mingle with other artists just for the sake of it....
Ofcourse. Who believes that nowadays?
However, nobody ever reads these journals so why bother to write.
And in case one happend to read it, which is rare, peope are too lazy to leave a goddamn comment. Thanks. I love you, too.
This will be the last one, tho, no further bothering, no further need to read, no further energy wasted on putting letters together to words and sentences.




Whatever.




That's it.

]]> ~NooKiN http://NooKiN.deviantart.com/journal/22699684/ http://NooKiN.deviantart.com/journal/22699684/ Tue, 20 Jan 2009 17:30:54 PST It keeps following me everywhere.

mental pressure does the description of the word stress say.
And that's what it is indeed.




My semester exams are coming in a few weeks and the amount of work is incredible, I have trouble with where to start and what to do first, next, and so on.
I always just picked out small bits of the whole, like trying to get done with a puzzle when you just take out 1 or two pieces out of the box a day. My puzzle is a big one and I hope to find more time to concentrate on it soon.
I would really enjoy to do something else instead, something that I like, love,
Like drawing, going out, cinema, anything,
But whenever there's a bit of time left it's necessary to study.


I am and never have been someone who studied and learned a lot.
I never saw the necessity.
I was never longing for the very best grades, why get an A when a B gets you everywhere as well?
I think I am a bit lazy.
I could be better in many things when I would just put more effort into them, but the bad side, the sloth side keeps winning.
I have goals that I want to acchieve,
dreams and plans, ofcourse,
everyone has them.
But I keep losing interest in reaklly going for them easily as soon as difficulties appear on my way.
It's like trying climbing up the Mount Everest and already turning round and going back home as soon as your flight ( to the Mount Everest) is late.



I am not a very good example to the world, I fear.
I know it, and I told myself to make it better, but I recognize it didn't really happen yet.
My interests are just not congruent with what one needs to do.
And with what is required for the moment.

I'm looking for a way out of misery.




Back to mental pressure.
I have it since a couple of weeks already,
and it doesn't do me very good.
It causes nighmares, at the most.
I couldn't sleep for over two weeks
because at nights I woke up from dreams that were so real and yet so very strange, they would never happen like that in reality.
They scared me.
They still do, and it always takes a couple of days until I can leave them behind.

The first row of nightmares stopped when I was done with an important project and finally presented it, the pressure, stress, was gone and I was relieved.

The second row started a few days ago.
I am a little afraid of tonight,
maybe I will just not go to sleep before sunrise,
to avoid being in a dark room with a nightmare sitting under my bed, watching and waiting until I closed my eyes.
Sleeping at daytime seems safer for now.



The pressure comes and goes.


In a few weeks



it will be over.



Hopefully.






<sub>I couldn't do much concerning arts recently,
but there's soemthing new to come for sure.
I just bought copic markers

(god, they are so expensive!)

but still need some more colours.
I started a picture, just to try them, and up to now it looks acceptable, but it isnt even half finished, so who know swhat will happen when I mess around with more colours and tries and effects.
It took me quite some time to figure out the right technique, eventhough I've had copic markers years ago.
But I was young then.. and my style nowadays is a different one.

Sometimes it's fun to look at really old pieces of artwork that I did in 2000 or even before.
They were very dark,
not because I was much into dark things ( oh I was, but that's another story), but because one day I found out that people like to look at such things, more than looking at a drawing/painting that may show something great but without the atmosphere of something terrifying, cruel or melancholic.
It was "in" back in those days.


My arts teacher at middle school thought he was a great psychologist and tried to analyze my pictures and look into my soul.
It was funny, he talked about family and childhood and how I see myself
and none of it was true.

I think it left a very strange impression on his side, based on pure guessing and wrong interpretation,
but people are like that.
They see something,
hear soemthing,
don't bother to ask any further questions
or to think about reasons and what's behind
and just take it for granted.


Will they ever learn?</sub>




Last night I thought about aliens, after I woke up from a nightmare.
I don't know how, but it just came to my mind.
I wondered what may happen to... ]]> ~NooKiN http://NooKiN.deviantart.com/journal/22065380/ http://NooKiN.deviantart.com/journal/22065380/ Fri, 19 Dec 2008 11:24:44 PST It seems that
Time flies,
I remember the beginning of the semester as if it was yesterday and each single week,
each day,
all the ups and downs I had.

And it makes me wonder why I am doing all that, if it wouldn't be better to just find a job, avoid all the test-trouble, the homework, mean teachers/professors and the four hours of travelling each day, two in the morning, another two in the evening back home.
I am just a fraid, I think.
University, eventhough it's hard and timeconsuming,leaves a certain kind of personal freedom. You don't have to fit in. You can dress as you like, behave as you like, talk, sing, learn.
As you please.
And that's what makes it attractive to me.

But in the end it's just a matter of time until all that will be over, one day there's no studying, no freedom as I have it now, anymore.
I will have to fit in and be like all the others who work.
I am just postponing it for maybe 5 years.


Time flies.


And reality chases us and catches all of us one day.



.



I hope it's not a fast runner.





------------------------------

Christmas has bacome stressful, finally.
I would have never imagined that it can be so so hard to find a couple of presents.
I still need something for my mom..
She wished for something but it's not available any longer.
C'est la vie.

What's there to do in such a situation?

I've been shopping in three big cities and found absolutely nothing,
and in my desperation I even went to IKEA!
Ah, but ofcourse it was in vain.


Good ideas - especially for presents - are rare in my world.


And
Time flies.



It's not that presents are the important thing when it comes to christmas, they do not have to be big or wrapped into pretty paper, they don't have to be expensive,
the main point is that they come from the heart.
Or so people say.
But many people nowadays value the presents much more, the worth of the presents. They're happy about the very expensive things,
a cellphone or computer or ipod.
And when they get something that's not super exclusive and super in and super expensive they say it's alright and pretend to like it, but you can see their corners of the mouth sink to the floor, even when they fake a smile.




If I could have anything for christmas, no matter what it was, what would I want?


It wouldn't be money.

It wouldn't be things.

It wouldn't be love.

It wouldn't be freedom.


Because all these you can get without a wasting a wish.




I don't know what I'd wish for.
For a pair of wings, possibly.





We shall see.

]]> ~NooKiN http://NooKiN.deviantart.com/journal/21841376/ http://NooKiN.deviantart.com/journal/21841376/ Sat, 06 Dec 2008 02:11:00 PST ...and served upon golden platters set with rubies and
diamonds.
(H.P. Lovecraft, Necronomicon)


2.Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you reach?

CK deodorant which is on my desk, don't ask me what it's
doing there, probably it was curious about what the world
looks like sitting_(standing) on a wooden desk.


3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?

Skiing,I suppose.


4. Without looking, guess what time it is:

Round about 11 am


5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?

11:26 I am not that bad, but time is flying.


6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?

Crows gathering near the forest, a car driving down the
street, foosteps on pavement - two pair of feet - , a voice
in the distance,
my heartbeat and the steady sound of breathing coming from
the left.


7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?

Yesterday, around noon. I was looking for a pair of candles
at a store.


8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?

A half-finished drawing taped to my desk with duct tape.


9. What are you wearing?

Bed clothes. Still. Black boxorz and some too big grey
t-shirt.


10. Did you dream last night?

Yes, and I am thankful that I got back my ability to dream,
and to remember them, because during the last years I didn't
dream. And nights without dreams are sad nights.


11. When did you last laugh?

The day before yesterday. I don't laugh that much, I rather
smile about things.


12. What are on the walls of the room you are in?

Three framed photographs of mist over the sea, some lonely
spiderwebs in a corner that always manage to survive
cleaning attacks, a calendar and garland made from fir
branches and christmas decoration.


13. Seen anything weird lately?

Myself, reflected in the mirror this morning.


14. What do you think of this quiz?

This is a quiz? What will I win if I get all the answers
right?


15. What is the last film you saw?

Krabat


16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?

I wouldn't know what to do with so much money, but I guess
I'd travel and meet friends all over the world in the very
first place.


17. Tell me something about you that I don't know about.

I am not myself most of the time.


18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?

I'd sell unlimited freedom to everybody who pays with a
smile.


19. Do you like to dance?

Yes, I love it, bust standard ballroom dancing rather than
the kind you do in clubs.


20. George Bush:

Is out.


21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?

I'll never have children, but if I had a pet that got babies
I'd name the first girl Satu. It means "fairytale".


22. Imagine your first is a boy, what do you call him?

Same as above, and I'd name him ...Aragorn! Hah. No. Freyr
maybe.


23. Would you ever consider living abroad?

Yes, and I already did (consider, but up to now it stayed a
consideration and nothing more.


24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?

I don't believe in God in particular, but if there is
something like heaven with an eternal being sitting on a
throne who create humanity and the universe
I'd ask why humans weren't created nocturnal.


25.Tag atleast six people who must also do this in THEIR journal.

1:
2:
3:
4:
5:
6:
_{(Insert your names at any position you like)}

----------------------------------------------------------

>I am in a hurry.
I shouldn't be here, writing and staring at the screen.
A friend will be here in, I don't know, hours? and I still look as if I just fell out of bed.

I'll take my time nevertheless.


Christmas is coming soon, and this year it feels great to me. Walking through the city seeing all the lights and decoration creates excitement and I am really looking forward to Christmas Eve. For the first year... ]]> ~NooKiN http://NooKiN.deviantart.com/journal/20503496/ http://NooKiN.deviantart.com/journal/20503496/ Mon, 15 Sep 2008 10:17:17 PDT I'm not a very constant person in most things I do, I fear.




University will start soon,
or not so soon,
which means the end of next month, and I cannot really say whether I am excited or a little scared.

Maybe it is a twisted mixture of both, which would just be natural, I think.




I went through so much trouble for this university year to start, so I should be

happy

and

glad

and

proud of myself

that I managed everything right in time and without any long-time consequences on a mental base, which usually happens to me quite often,
for my mind isn't one of the most robust ones.
Therefore it's quite free and has it's own way of being.






I had to pass,
after my arts qualification test,
an english exam.
It was required to start studying what I dreamed of, but caused a lot of trouble, because I could not take the exam right in time.
The testing center would excuse itself and tell me they are sorry, but they have too many applications at the moment and they would be already fully booked.
So the final date got postponed and postponed,
until it reached the end of august.
Which was too late, for university wanted me to hand in the result earlier.


I did the test, nevertheless, though.. eventhough it was for nothing anymore, because I had to choose some other possibilities to study now.. just because my test was 5(!! ) hours too late. Or it's result.


..




The result turned out to be very good.



..


I struggled with myself for a long time, doubting it would, because it wasn't easy at all and I was nervous... my heart felt like an insect on a window's glass, trying to get out and it got worse with every second in the "classroom" where the test took part.
It was noisy and the other people taking the test were at least as nervous as I was.




_{There was a nice woman, and english teacher who worked in that business for twenty years already, a clever person. Even she was really excited and a little afraid. I would have loved to get to know her result too, I hope she did it well. But I will never see or meet her again.}









Autumn is on the way.
Autumn for me means changing, not only of weather but of the world.
It's like preparation for something new or unknown,
in a most positive way rather than a dark or depressed way.



Though many people seem to suffer from autumn depression.



They fail to see
the colour that autumn spreads over the world


and the beauty it waves in dew-covered cobwebs in early mornings,


the veils of shimmery fog rising from the meadows, turning the world into some mystic place for a while.







Autumn would be lovely...
if there weren't those creepy spiders all over.
I am sort of an animal lover, but I am in a constant fight with an arachnophobia that lives on my back and in my mind, especially at night.

That unfortunately turns autumn-walks through the woods into trips through hell from time to time.
Spiderwebs are fine, but with a spider inside they turn out to be scary to me.

And they maybe just wanna be nice, but they keep visiting me at home as well.. which gives me sleepless nights in rows, these days.
Lovely.








I am in a creativity-low at the moment.
I have some pieces on my desk, good ones, I think, but they are waiting for colours.
I thought about just to upload the lineart,
but..





The colour will come...
With love and passion.








Love you

]]> ~NooKiN http://NooKiN.deviantart.com/journal/18982508/ http://NooKiN.deviantart.com/journal/18982508/ Sun, 22 Jun 2008 11:59:38 PDT I'm finally done with most things.
I'm on vacations.
It's great.

But there's still work left, and other things..
working on one's self,
which seems to be the hardest part.

I'm changing pretty much at the moment, I had the impression I cannot go on like I did before.
So... I hope changing some habits and things will help.


.


I had to pass an arts qualification test.
it was hard!
out of more than 200 people who applied they just took about 50, and not even half of them passed the test in the end.
I did!
I got my result on friday and, surprisingly, it was really good.




It's a gorgeous feling somehow.
I seldomly have those.

I hope it will last for some time, it helps getting done with other things.
_{( dieting..... it's a torture, but not doing it is, as well. )}

.............................................

I wish everybody a nice summer, eventhough it may rain from time to time.

]]> ~NooKiN http://NooKiN.deviantart.com/journal/18209571/ http://NooKiN.deviantart.com/journal/18209571/ Wed, 07 May 2008 10:09:48 PDT
like me.


I started to work out two and a half weeks ago... it's kind of interesting.
It gives you the chance to create yourself as you like, to get every possible form or shape, with some limits.

But I sometimes wonder why people do such things.
It must be a hidden kind of masochism that makes you go on running when you cannot breath anymore, what makes you keep on working out even when your muscles are aching. _{( if you have muscles at all which few kinds of people - I am one of them - do not have for sure. )}
A strong will is necessairy.

And the right motivation ofcourse.
Support is devine.


_{I would like to have more time to do stuff like that, but work is present everywhere and every second, giving no chance to take a break from everything for a single, comfortable day and leave everyday life behind for something new and possibly interesting.}

But summer will come soon and with it more time, less work. ~


~~

]]> ~NooKiN http://NooKiN.deviantart.com/journal/17553097/ http://NooKiN.deviantart.com/journal/17553097/ Fri, 28 Mar 2008 07:18:05 PDT nothing important, nor anything unimportant.

I was creative...
recently.

.......................................................................

Endless cold, she's all alone
reflects herself in cobbled stone.
The rain is turning streets to silence,
long and cold the nights of violence.
Just rascals that surround her tight
to protect her from the night.


And she's not crying 'cause it's raining,
no,
it's raining 'cause she cries.

Came from heaven, moved to mud,
tears that turn to drops of blood.


Warm tears roll down frozen cheeks..

treetlights, that exposure her...

Unknown people, who don't see...

Puddles, that show empathy...

Just drops that take away the pain
and cover all the wounds with rain.


And she's not crying cause it's raining,
still
it's raining 'cause she cries.

Sits alone
on cobbled stone...


Waiting for the world to drown.

..................................................................................

]]> ~NooKiN http://NooKiN.deviantart.com/journal/17394325/ http://NooKiN.deviantart.com/journal/17394325/ Tue, 18 Mar 2008 12:15:56 PDT

I'm so lazy these days... I should draw something but whenever I start I lose interest after some minutes.
But I don't know where to put my creativity instead.
( Dreams would be a good sollution in my opinion, but usually you cannot choose what to dream at night.)

Anyways, I've been to a museum today, arts museum. Two, actually.
It was interesting but I wasn't ( and I'm still not ) very impressed by what I saw. Some pieces were great, but honestly I saw better ones already on deviantart. ( DA people, this is a compliment! I hope you got that ^.~ )

//// get an own museum..? ////


So far...


]]> ~NooKiN http://NooKiN.deviantart.com/journal/17310713/ http://NooKiN.deviantart.com/journal/17310713/ Thu, 13 Mar 2008 02:57:25 PDT
A storm is coming...


I'm nearly done with my exams.
Life goes on.

I'm on diet.


People are disappointing, some of them at least.
And little children are scary.....


]]> ~NooKiN http://NooKiN.deviantart.com/journal/17073772/ http://NooKiN.deviantart.com/journal/17073772/ Tue, 26 Feb 2008 13:18:18 PST


I don't really know what's wrong with me these days.
I neither feel good nor do I feel really bad since some weeks. I always feel like in a state of an upcoming illness, as if something bad was growing deep inside and just didn't find it's way to the surface yet.


I feel lonely sometimes,isolated, since most of my - few- friends are busy with their exams at the moment, like me, and I often have the feeling that I can't cope with the extra pressure of them. The exams, I mean.


On top of all that I recently met some person I hoped I'd never have to see again in my life because this person really managed to make my life a misery a long time ago..
But I can't always avoid to see or meet this person since it's living in the same city.
That doesn't really make anything better and I hope I'll learn to manage those problems one day... most people will think these are no real problems - and compared to other things happening in the world they ay be right - but that's not the point.

No matter what kind of problem it is, you suffer from it. You feel helpless even when you're strong. You can pretend that it doesn't toch you in any way,like mist appearing infront of you and when you walk through you can watch it fade, but does that really help?
The mist still remains, you just don't see it next to you.




Hopefully the mist will be gone one day so I can see the end of the path I follow.



]]> ~NooKiN