http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Nyctophobia&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Nyctophobia en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Wed, 09 Dec 2009 00:55:36 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/16458116/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/16458116/ Fri, 18 Jan 2008 11:02:01 PST

That is all there is.
Because, that is all there is.
Really.
And thank you.

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/15692201/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/15692201/ Tue, 27 Nov 2007 11:24:33 PST is out for the year, I'm meant to be g
lad but my whole life is disintegrating
and here I am, making new things. It
's all I can do to keep breathing. All t
hat scares me is that after such a pro
longued period of numbness it's going
to be difficult to regain feeling. The ju
ry's still out on whether or not I want
to. It just feels like you've gone hom
e for the holidays and taken every an
chor that kept me here with you. Giv
e them back. I need them more than
you do.

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/15341824/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/15341824/ Sat, 03 Nov 2007 06:53:00 PDT Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears
My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore
Scraping through my head till I don't want to sleep anymore

You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I'm down to just one thing and I'm starting to scare myself
You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I just want something
I just want something I can never have

You always were the one to show me how
Back then I couldn't do the things that I can do now
This thing is slowly taking me apart
Grey would be the color if I had a heart

Come on tell me
You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I'm down to just one thing and I'm starting to scare myself
You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I just want something
I just want something I can never have

In this place it seems like such a shame
Though it all looks different now, I know it's still the same
Everywhere I look you're all I see
Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be

Come on tell me
You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I'm down to just one thing and I'm starting to scare myself
You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I just want something
I just want something I can never have
I just want something I can never have"

You're the music.

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/15215300/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/15215300/ Thu, 25 Oct 2007 12:25:25 PDT
]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/12023419/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/12023419/ Fri, 02 Mar 2007 07:26:25 PST

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/11524684/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/11524684/ Mon, 22 Jan 2007 00:18:35 PST

<3 <3 I'm happy.

It's been a while.

<3

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/11381413/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/11381413/ Tue, 09 Jan 2007 23:18:55 PST
]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/11239803/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/11239803/ Sat, 30 Dec 2006 00:05:46 PST
And in this time all I can think of is this poem. All I can think of is this poem.


"You did not walk with me

Of late to the hill-top tree

By the gated ways,

As in earlier days;

You were weak and lame,

So you never came,

And I went alone, and I did not mind,

Not thinking of you as left behind.



I walked up there to-day

Just in the former way;

Surveyed around

The familiar ground

By myself again:

What difference, then?

Only that underlying sense

Of the look of a room on returning thence."

- The Walk, by Thomas Hardy

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/11112683/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/11112683/ Tue, 19 Dec 2006 04:26:57 PST
I love you all, and hopefully I'll be back after christmas. What are you all getting? I want a bicycle.. seriously.

Anyway.. have a great festive time everyone. I'm feeling good. Life is good again. I love christmas.

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/10590687/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/10590687/ Thu, 02 Nov 2006 07:47:45 PST

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/10289876/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/10289876/ Thu, 05 Oct 2006 05:19:52 PDT [link]

Lol. Funniest Music Video in months.

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/10108357/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/10108357/ Mon, 18 Sep 2006 05:25:02 PDT ]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/8538150/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/8538150/ Fri, 21 Apr 2006 06:11:02 PDT

My love for you
Is like the square root of a negative number-
Imaginary.



]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/8496107/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/8496107/ Mon, 17 Apr 2006 06:29:24 PDT

Mood: Oh em gee
Listening to: We Are Scientists - Nobody move, nobody get hurt

Oh em gee. I just bought some jeans. Holy crap. They fit so well. I'm going to jump up and down now. In my new jeans. Yes. New jeans. They rule. Omg. Omg. Beautiful. Just like...wow. Yays. Stunning.

I got new jeans.





]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/8495522/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/8495522/ Mon, 17 Apr 2006 02:15:00 PDT

Mood: ffs
Listening to: K's Choice - The Ballad of Lea and Paul

Long weekend is over. Damn. I want it back. As if spending an entire 3 and a half days with someone isn't enough, I still have to wake up without him next to me now. Fsk. It. Suks.

Anyway.. what else can I say. I'm very much into K's Choice atm. Dunno why. They're just amazingly sexy. I would do them. I need new jeans. Gonna go fix that problem a little later. Mine are just too big now. Jeans stretch. Plus nothing feels quite as nice as a pair of new jeans. Maybe a belt too. Hmmmm.



I'm sad. Bah.


Musical Quote of the week

"My body is your body
I won't tell anybody
If you wanna use my body
Go for it!"

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/8447553/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/8447553/ Wed, 12 Apr 2006 10:38:44 PDT

Listening to: K's Choice - Dad

therearenowordsforthis.



First -
- best Friend: Samantha. Grade 1. I still see her around sometimes.
- imaginary Friend: Omg I'm ashamed to admit I never had one.
- pet dog name: Never had my own dog. Not really into Dogs. Had an awsome cat called Pshka. Stellar name, I know.
- piercing: ears
- crush: Dale. Grade 1 - 6. Lol. What a hottie. i dunno what I saw in him. Rofl.
- CD: Savage Garden. Lol. Lol.
- car: Car? Me? Don't even trust me on a 4 wheeler ffs.
- school: beaumont primary
- kiss: Sadly enough I don't even remember. It's one of 3 people though. In grade 5. Or 6. Or something.

Last -
- Time You Smoked: never
- Food You Ate: An apple and some coffee.
- Car Ride: Went for a walk up a hill in a forest earlier. Was nice.
- Movie You Watched: Omg... how must I remember this. Something. Somewhere.
- Phone Call: My ex called me twice earlier. Strange.
- CD You listened to: K's Choice / Puressence
- Bubble Bath You took: It's been too long.. I don't even remember. Seriously. I haven't had a bath in years. I do the shower thing.
- Song You listened to: K's Choice - Almost Happy
- Fight: I had a 1 minute fight with my bf on Monday. Just to clear the air. It was planned. Doesn't count I guess.

Have You Ever
- Dated a Best Friend: Negative
- Been Arrested: Rofl.
- Skinny Dipped: yup
- Been on TV: Yeah, late night porno channels... hahah no.
- Kissed Someone and Regretted It: Story of my life.
- Cheated on Your boyfriend : Before once. And it sucked. Currently... not a chance
- Been on a Blind Date: Yup, a few
- Been out of the Country: Nope


7 Things I am Wearing:
Faded tie-dye t-shirt; red flowy skirt that apparently looks like a curtain but I like it; earrings x 3; navel ring; another piercing thingy; long green socks.

6 Things I've Done Today:
Went to school and wasted air.
Did homework.
Went for a walk.
Sat at the pc and sent an email.
Downloaded an album.
Sms'd my adorable bf.

5 Favorite Things:
kisses
wild flowers
reflections in water
Hawks and moths
Irony


4 people you trust most
Myself
My boyfriend
My best friend
My mom... sometimes.

3 Favourite Words

Ruin; Shimmer; Traverse

2 Things I Want to do Before I Die:

Change someone's life. (Change my own.)

1 Person I Want To See
Are you kidding? *bangs head against wall* I haven't seen him since like 2 sleeps ago. I'm dying.




]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/8406068/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/8406068/ Sat, 08 Apr 2006 08:48:00 PDT

Listening to: In Flames - Metaphor

The Garden Of Love
by William Blake.

I laid me down upon a bank,
Where Love lay sleeping;
I heard among the rushes dank
Weeping, weeping.

Then I went to the heath and the wild,
To the thistles and thorns of the waste;
And they told me how they were beguiled,
Driven out, and compelled to the chaste.

I went to the Garden of Love,
And saw what I never had seen;
A Chapel was built in the midst,
Where I used to play on the green.

And the gates of this Chapel were shut
And "Thou shalt not," writ over the door;
So I turned to the Garden of Love
That so many sweet flowers bore.

And I saw it was filled with graves,
And tombstones where flowers should be;
And priests in black gowns were walking their rounds,
And binding with briars my joys and desires.


He's coming back tomorrow.
I miss him.


]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/8372135/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/8372135/ Wed, 05 Apr 2006 09:22:58 PDT

Listening to: Snow Patrol - An Olive Grove Facing the Sea

My hands shook so much this morning I almost broke something. Doctor says it's time to slow down on the pills. He was quite surprised that I had got as far as I did away from those shores.

Holidays alone leave me quietly in the twilight zone to ponder myself into a stupor. Stupor. Stupor. What an odd word. I feel like I'm alone again. Single. Free. (Free?) No. I feel lost, like I did last year. I wish he would come back, I'm losing myself to this world again. To the turbulent tides and all those things you do that make you feel filthy.

He never makes me feel filthy. And say what you want, that it's just young love and being away from each other is obviously terrible. But it's so much more then that. Negate the word love from that theory entirely. This isn't even about love. He just makes me feel like a somebody. And now that he's not here and I've been remanded to the ranks again I just realised how very desperate and void that part of my life was.

Quite simply, being alone again and seeing old friends after these sweet months makes me remember a time when that was all I did. These people. I ask myself who are these people? and i know that once they were my people. They made me happy, they made me smile.

It's so hard to say that out loud. That was me for all those wasted years. And they're still there where they always were. I got out.

I don't want to see them again. I've got a secure foothold on a real life where I'm somebody and there's no way I'm going back to that.



Selfish stupid little girl.
Stupor. Stupor. Stupor. After enough repitition nothing makes sense anymore.


Keep telling yourself you're happy until one morning you wake up and think define happy.

Define happy.

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/8330708/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/8330708/ Sat, 01 Apr 2006 06:08:14 PST

Had a funny conversation with my boyfriend the other day, it went something like this.
Me: Oh god, I like you so much.
Him: Me too, babe.
Me: No I was actually talking to god. Like, oh god I like you so much.
Him: Yes, and I said "me too, babe."

Lol. I laughed. He is such a joker.

Here's your friggin tag, bitch. This is from `mirrorkills *grrr*

I

spent the night in hospital with terrible tonsillitis and I can't wait for these bitches to be taken out.

can't taste a damn thing(my nose is 100% blocked) so I may or may not have eaten some really dodgy brown hospital soup. I had an epiphany while eating it and feeling disgust. Someone somewhere took hours to make all this food. They may hate their job, but someone put time into this and I was so quick to decline it. I feel very spoilt for not eating it all.

wish I had time to go to the theatre and see a play.

watch people while they are on the phone and insert my own dialogue.

think i am going to make a smoothie after this.

am waiting for people to realize that I don't deserve all the love I have and sometimes I don't know what to do with it all so I hide it under the carpet.

want to die in a blaze of light and tears, but will probably kick it in an old age home where they use adult nappies (highly overrated)

Whoever wants to be tagged, I hereby tag you.

I need more medication.

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/8319787/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/8319787/ Fri, 31 Mar 2006 02:25:30 PST

Listening to: Aerosmith - Jaded

eew... going to check in to hospital now. wish me luck, i'm scared. see ya'll in a couple days

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/8300991/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/8300991/ Wed, 29 Mar 2006 03:09:36 PST

Listening to: Aerosmith - Jaded

I'm sick. Tonsillitis. It's official. Second time in about 6 months I've had it, so this time these babies are coming out. In the holidays probably. Ouchies. My submandibular glands (the ones on my throat just under my jaw) are the size of pingpong balls. Delightful.

Been crying all day. I just hate being sick so much. You know it's funny because I remember when I was small and I used to fake it just to stay home from school and be treated like a baby all day. I used to want to be sick. No more, i can tell you that. I haven't been able to get a breath through my nose in 3 days. I won't go into details. You'll thank me later.

Anyway holidays starting on friday. As I mentioned before, I'm in no hurry for them to start. I can wait. In fact, I can do without the holidays entirely. The term has gone really quickly for me, so I'd be okay with starting the next one already. Atleast then I'd get to see my boyfriend again. God, don't make me talk about this.

Anyway, there was some funny shit on dA the other day with a poetry DD. Lol. I must say I tried to involve myself a bit, I just thought it was one of the worst things I'd read all year and I wondered what kind of brainless idiot it took to favourite that stuff. If you wanna know what I'm talking about go looking at the lastest poetry DD's for the past few days. When you come across it you'll know. Lol.

Anyway, I shouldn't be allowed to crit unless I say good stuff too... so here are some featured thumbs for the week.

Thumbs

My favourite poem on dA (well, possibly my favourite)


An example of really good poetry:


Generally cool photography:


Digitalism:


I'm gonna submit the first draft of the first few chapters of a "novel" type thing I started writing to get some feedback. Some of you may have been recruited to crit it already, for those who haven't... please be kind k? it's very personal and means alot to me. But I'd like to know what you think anyway, if you find the time to read it



]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/8279954/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/8279954/ Sun, 26 Mar 2006 23:38:47 PST

Listening to: Placebo - Drag / MCR - Cemetary Drive

Weekend. Hmmm. Went to the Coca Cola concert thingy. Other than the fact that we spent all day out in the scorching sun it was pretty cool. Even though I felt like an old person and wanted to sit down most of the time. For the record I'm sick Swollen glands the size of tennis balls from this morning. Going to see the doctor at 12. Probably having my tonsils out sometime soon. Yays.

Anyway I saw ~cybermutt =sabie *lycress and about 20 people who I knew at the concert. But there were so many people there...don't get me started. Seether was the best. Has to be said. Not just cause they're homegrown and we love them anyway, they really were amazing. Yays.

The new Placebo CD ("Meds") rocks very muchly. Pwomise. Anyway holidays coming up on friday. Hmmm.... for once I'm not that amped about the holidays... ~zemmiphobia is goin to Namibia for my entire 10 days of freedom.. so I'm all alone. Sob.

What else can I say. Hmmm. I'm tired. In a funny place in my head right now. I guess this damn Placebo music is a bit on the sad side.

Oh well, everyone keep well. And download Placebo, biatches.



]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/8225289/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/8225289/ Tue, 21 Mar 2006 09:19:18 PST

Listening to: Placebo - Because I want you

So I'm between weekends officially. Last weekend I went home with my awesome manwhore to his housie out in the middle of nowhere. OMG NO MALL. No I'm kidding, it was very very cool and just thinking about it puts me in a very gay mood.

This weekend is coca cola massive mix concert effort type thing on saturday. So... yay. Bands and festival type stuff and drunk people. Yays. Have you ever been so happy that you just wanted to elope to the hills and get married and have babies? Ok, maybe it's just me.

I'm gonna go to university. Cause I have to. But I don't really want to. I couldn't really care about that. At all. Strange huh? I guess the excitement of college life is the whole getting-drunk-with-arb-guys-and-waking-up-minus-clothes-in-arb-bushes thing. And if you have someone and don't want the arb guys, kind of defies the point. Does anyone hear me here?

Anyway. to you all.

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/8137952/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/8137952/ Sun, 12 Mar 2006 09:37:39 PST

Camperingismness this past weekend!!!

God it was fun. Now have a look.







Looking super bad-ass.



Ahem, ~zemmiphobia in drag.



]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/8110388/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/8110388/ Thu, 09 Mar 2006 08:25:47 PST

Listening to: Team Sleep for teh win

so i was painting this afternoon, yes without much punctuation. and my eyes were wondering when i saw that on my bottle of linseed oil it said "harmful if swallowed"... i'd like to know who exactly walks into an art shop in search of stuff to eat. really now. either those warning labels are for people who:

a.) can't read the product's name... in which case it's possible to assume they won't read the warning label either so that's a redundant exercise entirely.
b.) walk into art shops and suddenly remember they need oil to make dinner. wtf... its an art shop ffs. no farking food here.

I think warning labels are designed by suicidal people as a subliminal message to other suicidal people as to which products may aid their suicide attempts by causing them "harm".

Yeah.

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/8107408/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/8107408/ Wed, 08 Mar 2006 21:00:54 PST

Listening to: Barry White.... hell yeah!

Ha ha. Camperingness this weekend with the man. Mmmm...can't wait. I'm working so hard to get all my work done before then. You'd all be so proud.

Ok I'll up to the date later. Y'll get some Barry White now. He makes everything pink. And yes, that's a good thing. Mmk?

God why am I so happy today.

Kill me now.

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/8045221/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/8045221/ Thu, 02 Mar 2006 09:33:52 PST

Listening to: The Faint - Glass Danse

My boyfriend is such a hottie. Mmmmph.


~zemmiphobia

Official queen of shameless props

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/8005624/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/8005624/ Sun, 26 Feb 2006 05:41:10 PST

Listening to: Goo Goo Dolls - Better Days

My mother was cleaning up today and found this blank journal that once belonged to my grandfather. It's been almost 10 years since he passed away, and for the first time in a long time I just sat on my bed and thought about him. I started to write in it but my hands shook so much I didn't get very far. It's such a huge thing. Mortality.

I'm crying as I sit here because I wish they'd hurry the fuck up and build a time machine so that I wouldn't have to talk to an empty book. I miss him so much. And you may say that maybe I just miss the idea of him. I was a kid when he died. Double digits or a little less. Maybe I just miss being naive. Maybe I just miss not realising how fragile life is. But whatever the reason, it makes me fragile too.

Today is overcast and everything seems bleak. And it's been almost 10 years, and this is the first time it's actually dawned on me. That long. 3650 days of not counting, and suddenly it's 10 years and I'm submerged in the greatness of it all like a human submarine.

And some people will say 'he knew you loved him, that's what matters'. Really? Is it all about love? I loved him, and suddenly I'm absolved from any kind of guilt. Well I don't have guilt, because I was a kid then and I just didn't know any better. And maybe I didn't love him at all. Every kiss was a chore.

So I'm not content with just thinking that he knew I loved him. I like to think he knows me now. I like to think that somewhere out there he knows me at 17, and that he knew me at 15 and 12 and every single day since his bed lay vacant.

And every page I will write in that diary is a letter to him. And fuck anyone who says different, I like to think he'll receive every one of them. Out there in some cosmic postbox.

Because it's the only thing I want this year.


"And you ask me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
Cuz I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
And desire and love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days"

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7951469/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7951469/ Mon, 20 Feb 2006 10:14:14 PST

Listening to: The Cardigans - In the Round
Reading: Pride and Prejudice

Stuff I'm currently listening to:



Insert homo song quote here:

"With a sampled heartbeat and a stolen soul
I sold my songs to have my fortune told
And it said
You should know that love will never die
But see how it kills you in the blink of an eye

I know love is a hot white light
It knocks you down and then leaves you dry
Oh how can it be sweet mama tell me why
Why all loves disciples have to wither and die

Please sister, help me come on do what you should
Please give me something I’m not doing so good
I’m gone, done wrong is there nothing you can say
Please sister help me I’m not feeling ok

Give me belief that my time will come
And a toll free helpline if I find someone
But she said
You gave away what you never really had
And now your purse is empty I can see why you’re sad.

Quote I can't get out of my head:

"The dead know only one thing: it is better to be alive." - Full Metal Jacket

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7941509/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7941509/ Sun, 19 Feb 2006 09:16:51 PST

Mood: Quirky
Listening to: Oh Ok - A million ways
Reading: Pride and Prejudice

Stolen from *lycress

name = Confi-friggen-dential
fav. nickname =
piercings = 6
tattoos = none
height = 1.73m
shoe size = 8
eye color = dark brown
hair color = dark brown... boring eh
hair length = kindof long
siblings = 2 brothers

The last....
movie you rented = Girl, interrupted
movie you bought = Bought? What's that?
song you listened to = The Cardigans - Please Sister
song that was stuck in your head = Coheed & Cambria - Ten Speed
song you've downloaded = The new story of the year cd. Well 2005. I guess it's old now.
cd you bought = Just Jinger greatest hits
cd you listened to = Coheed & Cambria - Good Apollo, I'm Burning Star
person you called = My best friend Caitlin
person that has called you = My ex
tv show you've watched = For a minute there I almost forgot what tv was I dunno...
last movie you've watched = Pride and Prejudice
person you were thinking of = my man (mmmmm)

do...
you have a bf or gf = bf
you have a crush on someone = Chuck Norris?
you wish you could live somewhere else = nope
you think about suicide = not lately
you believe in online dating = rofl rofl ahem
others find you attractive = who knows who cares
you want more piercings = yup
you want more tattoos = nah
you do drugs = not really
you smoke = nopers
you like cleaning = cleaning what? Like showering? Then yes.. cleaning my room? negative.
you like roller coasters = Yup
you write in cursive or print = Pretty printy letters
you have your drivers liscense = Wow thanks for the reminder. I almost forgot to book.
you carry a donor card = As in 'if I die you have permission to take my ears and grind them up to help some chinese guy get wood'? Um...sure

for or against:
long distance relationships = a-friggen-gainst
using someone = against
suicide = It's your life. If you don't want it anymore, I guess that's for you to say.
killing people = Certain American Presidents...ahem yes.
teenage smoking = stoopid wannabes
doing drugs = Whatever floats your boat
premarital sex = have to agree with *lycress here. Waaaay overrated
driving drunk = fuck all these opinions. I try not to have opinions
gay/lesbian relationships = Whatever gets you through the day
soap operas = Hahaha...for

favorite...
food = I dunno. I like chocolate milk? And fruit juice. not so partial to food on a whole.
song = Oh god here we go.
Mindless Self Indulgence - Powerkiss
Counting Crows - Round Here
Gary Jules - Mad World
Chevelle - Until You're Reformed
Ram Jam - Black Betty
Death Cab for Cutie - Tiny Vessels and loads more...
thing to do = lie on my stomach in the shade
thing to talk about = the past
sports = I dunno. Does couch rugby count?
drinks = Chocolate Milk, any fruit juice
clothes = Tie dye
movies = The Jacket rocks. I like way too many. Rules of Attraction. Donnie Darko. Requiem for a Dream.
band = Don't go there. Deat... ]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7930398/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7930398/ Sat, 18 Feb 2006 00:01:49 PST

What would you tell yourself if you could go back in time? What knowledge would you take from what you have now and give to who you were then?

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7890118/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7890118/ Tue, 14 Feb 2006 02:26:01 PST



I want to scream your name back into the past,
To my old self,
The self that didn't believe in you.
I want to tell her to just wait it out.
I want to hug her
And tell her
That today was her last lonely Valentines.



]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7767223/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7767223/ Wed, 01 Feb 2006 02:13:14 PST

Mood: Tired omg again
Listening to: Deftones - Digital Bath (I want to shag this song)
Reading: Do texts count?

Omg. I'm so gay. My friends hate me when I like a guy. I'm a totally different person.

*bangs head against table*
*and again*
*and again*

Ok. Breathe. I hate that I have this fucking fatalistic attitude that always makes me expect the worst. I suck.

And I need my ego stroked alot. It's like a fucking pet or something.

And I'm crabby.

And generally annoyed.

And tired.

And bored.

*bitch bitch bitch bitch*

And I'd like to have a man for valentines. Just once. Someone who cares enough to take me out to dinner. He can even get me drunk. i don't care.

Fuck being alone. It sucks.

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7701019/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7701019/ Wed, 25 Jan 2006 03:22:50 PST

Mood: Tired omg
Listening to: Effing hip hop R&B wiggah crap
Reading: The Guide

So I've been pretty absent lately. Mainly because a.) school started and b.) the little joystick thingy on the back of my camera broke... so it's only being replaced on monday. Waiting is hell.

School has been hell. Did some 5km walk yesterday. I was so tired when I got home. I went straight to sleep. And I dunno why. It's strange. It's not like I was exhausted or anything... anyway. What else can I say.

Met this guy. Well, sortof. But then again I always say that and it never seems to turn into anything. I used to think it was just coz I was unreasonably fussy... but maybe it's that I just don't care. Could be that. I just don't want anyone.

Anyway, I kind of dig this oke. He doesn't know it... but I think he's incredible. Ooh. That was so gay.

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7620287/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7620287/ Mon, 16 Jan 2006 12:20:22 PST

Listening to: JEW - Work

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
"That didn't stop your father."

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.
Ow. F*ck. Connected with the window.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Las Vegas like 1 minute ago, baby.

4. Without looking, guess what time it is:
10. But I just looked. I mean, I must be psychic.

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
10. Surprise surprise.

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
The guineafowls making a noise to wake the fucking dead.

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
An hour ago. Watered the garden a bit. It was peaceful.

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
the reflection of my light in the tilted window.

9. What are you wearing?
A skirt and a top from the man section. The top that is, not the skirt. That would just be wierd. Pffsh.

10. Did you dream last night?
Nah. Couldn't get to sleep till after 3. Was so restless. I'm just glad I slept at all.

11. When did you last laugh?
Reading bash.org a few hours ago.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
A poster of Marthinus from the NNP. election poster from 2004. With his front teeth missing. Sex.

13. Seen anything weird lately?
There's a snail on my roof. Does that count? I think the light is drying it out.

14. What do you think of this quiz?
What's that? Can you eat it?

15. What is the last film you saw?
Does late night etv porn count?

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
My own island, biatches.

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know:
I miss my ex. Alot.

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
Educate the youth. Peace and love, baby.

19. Do you like to dance?
With enough cheap beer in me, I like alot of things.

20. George Bush:
Should come and mow my lawn.

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Persephone. Something Roman or Greek god-ish.

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Seth. Same as above maybe.

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
I'm not sure. I love this place. But I guess I'd consider anything in the right circumstances.

24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
"Hey..you over there...help an old man keep his bong upright?"

25. 4 people who must also do this meme in THEIR journal:
wtf sort of question is this.

Going to the Coca-Cola Colab Concert thingy. Cool huh? Golden circle, baby.

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7572125/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7572125/ Wed, 11 Jan 2006 09:10:54 PST

Listening to: DCFC - A Lack of Color
Reading: Andre Brink - Before I Forget

Of time slipping past.

Spent a lot of time out of the house lately. Let my thoughts mutate into what they wanted to be. Let my mind loose. It was good for me and bad for me at the same time. The mind is a dangerous thing.

I'm changing gyms. Mines just too damn expensive. Moving my pc out in a few days, then I won't be online during the week. School comes first. And to be honest I haven't met a guy who really impressed fir months. Guys aren't even on the list of things I'm thinking about.

Friends, of course. Always taking applications. But by friends I do mean friends. I have some friends who always try moves on me. I don't really want to hang out with them cause of that. I dunno why they can't take the damn hint.

Anyway... will write more at a later date.

Night guys.



]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7532773/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7532773/ Sat, 07 Jan 2006 05:24:35 PST

Listening to: Pete Yorn - Lose you

You win some, you lose some.

Then you lose a few more.

Some people just get used to losing.

And if you're predisposed to lose, why try at all.

In fact, why do anything.

Why exist.



Because of that feeling. That feeling that wells up inside you until you think you're going to burst. Because tomorrow you might win. You might win one. Because you can't give up until you know what tomorrow holds. And all your days you will never know what tomorrow holds. So you keep on going.


You keep on going.

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7495639/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7495639/ Tue, 03 Jan 2006 23:35:44 PST

Listening to: Robbie Williams - Your Gay Friend

So whats new people. Been submitting some stuff that I'm rather proud of lately. So be kind, kay? As I was explaining to a friend today, dA is all about being emo. You know I'm right. Bloody this, knife that, tears here, death there. If your work is dark and emotional, you're a winner!

Long live emo. No, kidding. I'm like the anti-goth at the moment. Some people can pull the goth thing off... others just...well...can't?

So the holidays are almost over. Was good while it lasted. Got a goodly amount of holiday nookie, made a few really nice friends. Gonna hijack some Cape Town deviants and go on a photohunt sometime soon.

Life is stable. Life is normal. My eyes are going square. Ow. I'm actually glad to be single for once. Like, really glad. I don't want anyone and I'm fine that way. I'm just glad to have friends. Ok gonna leave ya'll before I actually put on my happy face It's terrifying....mwuahahhaha!

Remember to be emo: lots of contrast, dark colours, dark borders, blood splatter brushes if you need to fake it.

Emo is the new black.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Get it?Ok. I'm crazy. It's official.



K, so here's the update.

Went to spur with caitlin last night, and this guy we later dubbed the guy with 'crazy chameleon eyes' kept staring at her. Got so much I had to switch places with her. Lucky I had my camera on me.



Me with a spoon. I mean...don't ask. Bottomless coffee does that to people. And yes, my t shirt does say "Fashion Police" on it.


]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7489095/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7489095/ Mon, 02 Jan 2006 13:15:07 PST

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7462673/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7462673/ Sat, 31 Dec 2005 02:29:34 PST

Listening to: Rob Dougan - Nothing At All

Another year *wave goodbye* and hello future, as fucking uncomfortable and scary as it may seem. Try to think back at all the good things that happened to you in 2005. I can't think of one. And that's not me being a whiney biatch...well, maybe a little.

But it's been a bad year. And hopefully 06 will be better. But you never know hey. I just hope it's good to all of us. And if it isn't, I hope we at least learn something new.

The most important resolution of all? And take fucking heed here, kids. I'm gonna teach you summin reeeeal important.

Take time out every once in a while to sit the fuck back and laugh at yourself.

Same shit, different day. It never gets any easier, we just get better at coping with it. So excuse yourself every few minutes and stick in a subtle 'lol rofl rofl lmao'. Mmmk?

you all. And may you become masters at coping with everything.

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7452741/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7452741/ Fri, 30 Dec 2005 01:18:25 PST

Listening to: Anna Nalick - 2am

I'm starting to think I may have actually royally fucked it up this time. Strangely not such a shocking thought, as though everything was building up to this. This song is really cool. And there I go changing the subject.

I just don't know how to get back onto the tracks. I'm a doormat. Everyone walks all over me, and I let them with no complaints. It's just the person I've become. And everyone's gonna read this and say 'no you're not' and 'stop feeling sorry for yourself.'

Only wish i could tell you exactly what I'm talking about. But I can't. I can't even write it down without lying to myself. I'm so ashamed I'm gonna curl up into a ball and die.

When I looked into the future this is not what I saw.

Regret is such a bitter word.

It's not your fault for thinking no meant yes. I was asking for it.

I'm killing myself.

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7436249/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7436249/ Wed, 28 Dec 2005 00:37:13 PST

Listening to: Bright Eyes - Take It Easy (Love Nothing)
Reading: Fuckall.
Watching: The Jacket

That song is my ring tone, pure irony hey?

So I got my D600, finally. Beautiful little phone. Just wanna shag it. That's healhty, right? Had a date the other nite... ooh. Was really nice actually.

Let me tell you something about me. I have the alcohol tolerance a small fish. I am a cheap date, as my friend put it. So subtle

Anyway. all you people. I'm feeling good at the moment. Everything's going good. Any ideas for new years? No? Yes?



The Hoff is a sick f*ck. I mean...puppies? Really now. Have a good one And have a drink for me. Damn I never understood that phrase. Have a drink on me... now THAT I understand. Blah. I love never having to pay for anything.

Being a chick is excellent.

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7403749/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7403749/ Sat, 24 Dec 2005 13:48:35 PST

Listening to: Angela Ammons - Always getting over you
Reading: Fuckall.

Howdy all. Got sufficient holiday nookie. Xmas in a few minutes, so merry effing xmas to everyone I hope you all get horribly hammered and wake up in a bush. It's my plan, at least.

Seriously, it's been an amazing year. And I wasn't joking about the getting hammered part.



]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7343409/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7343409/ Sun, 18 Dec 2005 08:32:25 PST

Listening to: The Arcade Fire - Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)
Reading: Mo Hayder - "Tokyo"
Watching: L4yer Cake

So that's the song of the week. A very very spiffy quote, if I do say so myself.


It's only a few days till christmas is upon us...and you all know what that means. Chaos. Obviously a family lunch which always ends up being hosted at my house. Possibly children under 12 who I will have to babysit. Lots of leftover food. And lets not forget the customary forgetting of at least 2 important gifts for two important people who will end up making your life miserable in future.

Nice positive outlook, eh? Now here are some random emoticons and what they mean to me over the festive season.

Um, lets just add to this medley that I will end up doing something to embarrass myself. It's like a tradition.

Obviously relating to hot holiday nookie. I.e. couch rugby.

Completely unrelated to holidays, but lemme just make a statement. Mini donuts are bagel seeds.

Aaah screw that idea, we don't even grow that stuff in our country. I'll just have to get some action the conventional way - SHOW SOME LEG!$#!$@#%^!

Anyway my week's been a blast. Went to the beach a bit. Just chilled. Was good. been submitting loads lately. So no damn complaints. Hear me? I hurt someone actually. He likes me (I think?!?! Man, some guys are so complex) and so when I didn't sms him for like 2 days he had a bit of a break down. Go figure, as if I am worthy of being that important to anyone.

Gonna have a bit of a dA gang bang next week. You know who you are No, I'm kidding. Just gonna hijack some fellows from the CT area and make them take me for lunch. It rocks being a chick. Lemme post some proud moments for you.

Me with my hair mustache, lying on the ground with Caitlin, on my lawn


Caitlin with her tree-penis. Us messing around. The usual


Number friggen 9 on 5fm dating top 20. Thank you, thank you very much.


Caitlin on the day we had breakfast at the mall in our pajamas. Bwuahahaha.


With my friend Tracy, practising our pouts.



On location with ~Nicksta where we picked up this random homie. He was a funny one.


So that's been the past few weeks. Yay! Was fun

... ]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7270854/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7270854/ Sat, 10 Dec 2005 04:07:20 PST When you woke up your lids were glued shut.

Your life was just a walk in the park
Until the trees disrobed in unison
And stark they stood -
Like air traffic controllers
Ushering in the night.
And as you walked
With solid stride
The world became winter,
And it seemed the most beautiful transformation.
But when you turned around
The breath caught in your throat
And the earth was a white mass
And you did not know how to get back.

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7243232/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7243232/ Tue, 06 Dec 2005 23:46:56 PST Mood: Holidays...ffs
Listening to: Death Cab for Cutie - Tiny Vessels

Hmmm. So long time no journal entry. I guess most of you must be glad. I mean, I haven't exactly been laying on the polls. Lots of stuff has been up with me lately. Relationship stuff. It kills me every time. I keep telling myself I'm just not made for relationships. And I seriously believe it. Hmmph.

Won't be attending the Cape Town meet, simply cause I've been out of dA lately and I just don't feel I'm close enough to anyone to actually enjoy sitting around with a bunch of strangers. Then again, I may surprise you. The future is murky and unpredictable.

So it's holidays. Yippee. Tie dyed some shirts with my buddy yesterday. Uber uber uber cool. I love them. Can't wait to whip out the camera. Yay! Ok, nuff about me. Was gonna say some other stuff, but to be honest I got side-tracked and now I'm too tired to try and remember.

Later, peeps. Be good

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7068540/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/7068540/ Wed, 16 Nov 2005 23:23:28 PST

Mood: Tired
Listening to: Pulley - Reality

So...um...it's been ages. I know. I just couldn't bring myself to come back and sort through 120 deviations I need to comment on. It's a killah. What can I say...hmm... Exams. Yeah. I'll blame exams. It seems like the appropriate thing to do.

So here's the deal..I liked this guys, then I liked this other guy, then the first guy liked me, then the second guy liked me, then there was this third guy I totally loved. Then the third guy was hung up on his ex. Then the first guy said something stupid. So I dunno. Guys are too much hard work for me. Singledom it is. I have so much work to do I may or may not be submitting something in the near future.

But you can always count on the presence of some horrible and crappy polls. You know me. I need to get drunk this weekend. Very badly. I'm going to take a drive to the beach (with someone - obviously - cause I don't drive) and get wasted and run around in my pajamas.

That's just how life is. The end

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/6903240/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/6903240/ Sun, 30 Oct 2005 03:33:40 PST

Mood: Amped
Listening to: Nickelback - Animals

God this song is porno. I'd love to see the music video, only I think it would do well to have a heavy age restriction. Either way, it makes me want to ^%!^$^!$$^%$!#$#!. You know what I mean.

So anyway. What can I say. Sorry I've been so absent and all. Just had a lot on my mind. This guy I liked for aaaages asked me out. Yay. Haven't given him an answer yet, I have other people to factor into the equation still.

Life's good. I'm still sick - and apparently will be for the next few weeks - but it's eased up a bit. Been reading a lot of Red Meat... [link] which really isn't healthy. I'm sure of it.

Post Secret [link] is updated. (Every sunday) so go have a look.

I'm just chilling. Painting. Every time I get to messenger there are like 12 windows up and half the people are now offline. Luck just isn't on my side.

That's about all for now. Ok ok, I'll do a featured artist. Just cause you asked nicely.



And today we're featuring:



He's cool. is name is Jay. I like him. He's also an admin. Which really means nothing, and if I suck up to him enough then all my policy violations mysteriously disappear. Kidding Me? Violate? I think not.

Anyway ©mirrorkills is still young and stuff, but daaa-am, he can dish out advice like a war vet. The guy knows lots. He makes me feel really dumb. But every now and then I talk to him about stupid stuff that bothers me, and he manages to make me feel better about it.

Thanks Jay. you man.

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/6864500/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/6864500/ Tue, 25 Oct 2005 13:34:00 PDT

Mood: Nostalgic
Listening to: Joshua Radin - Closer
Reading: Stephen King - Hearts in Atlantis

So I guess I should update. Thanks to ~EvilCow for catching my 10 000. And thanks to everyone for the support. I know I haven't submitted in a while. And I'm a submission whore...so it may strike you as quite unusual. I guess I just have too much on my mind lately.

Life's complicated. I can't help but tell myself it wasn't meant to be this complicated; that somehow somewhere along the way I got mixed up with someone else. This isn't my life.

Feelings are bullshit. Half the time I wish they didn't exist; that we were just blank. Life would be so easy, so uncomplicated. They say that the pleasure is worth the pain. I'm not so sure I can hold out for that anymore.

It's like we've been screwed from the start. Everything they ever told us about life is crap. Love is overrated. I don't think I'll ever date again (and you guys know me, the eternally single one) simply because I know I'd hurt the guy. And I can't help it.

I think I could deal with the lies; with love and the great hereafter if memory wasn't such an issue. If I had a 3 hour memory I'd be set. But I don't. 'Let go', 'forget'? Those words mean nothing to me. They don't even sound right in my head anymore.

I never forget anything. I never move on. I never get over.

I'm just one big lump of suckage at the moment

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/6796754/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/6796754/ Mon, 17 Oct 2005 22:34:20 PDT

Mood: Toes

Someone catch my 10,000 please? I'll give you 3 free sexual favour coupons. Seriously, that's quite a deal.

I'd like to say thanks to for his fantastic work on a character he did for me. I simply love it. If I could super-fave it, I would. There should be a super fave option, shouldn't there? It's radness.



The new Nickelback cd is completely rocking. Ok. I really like this guy. *contemplative sigh* And there is no better music to dance to then Kanye West. I'm sorry. That Gold Digger song... *addict*

And headbanger song is Black Betty by Ram Jam. That scene in 'Blow' when Johnny Depp walks through the airport with that song playing is my favourite scene from a movie ever.

Ok. That's it. Thank's again Kevs, ~Gibbo18.

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/6781821/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/6781821/ Sun, 16 Oct 2005 09:26:40 PDT

Mood: Lemming Jam

Decided to go for top 3 in the Lame Joke competition:

1st with:

"I have a sex life." WAHAHAHAHAHA.

2nd with:

"I bet the butcher he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf...

...but he said the steaks were too high."

3rd with:

"Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple?

The holocaust."

Those jokes were terrible, just for the record.
Everyone gets a print of their choice, 1st place gets 2. There are no rules, screw the rules.

Just let me know what you guys want. If you live in Bush Country - I.e. the USA or somewhere equally far off, chances are you didn't win cause I don't have a credit card and I'm biased... but I your participation anyway.





]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/6738854/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/6738854/ Tue, 11 Oct 2005 11:55:14 PDT

Mood: Tortles; turtoises

So had a comp for pageviews, which of course I won. Kidding. But anyway, gonna copy him.

Task:
Most lame joke wins a print of whatever you'd like from my gallery.

Rules:
What the f*ck are rules? No more then 2 paragraphs please, just post them as comments. Competition closes on Sunday. With your joke just say which print you'd like



]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/6676814/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/6676814/ Tue, 04 Oct 2005 10:15:51 PDT

Mood: hats!!!

No player of the week this fine tuesday evening, I'm too lazy to go find that image again. I'm in the academic prize giving at school on thursday night...and I wonder why. I mean, I'm not dumb, but I'm not exactly Top Ten material...

Anyway. I won't complain. Back to school and everything, so the deviations will dry up a bit. This term is gonna be uber hectic cause these are the marks I'll have to use to apply for varsity... So I have to work like superwoman.

Anyway hope everyone's good. I've been alerted to the fact that my pimp has yet to pimp me out, so I'm considering hiring a second...just to be safe. Applications will now be taken. My back is sore.

I hate you, gym.

Yes you, you dirty bastard.

I mean it, eff off.

Going to the mall tomorrow with my best buddie to have breakfast in our pj's. Sexy, huh? Who's all coming?





]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/6630613/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/6630613/ Thu, 29 Sep 2005 01:53:10 PDT

Mood: knuckle cake
Listening to: Razorlight - Golden Touch

This song is sexy.

Ok so watsup people? I know you've all been looking at mah 'artistic newds' thinking 'wtf is wrong with her now...oh lets just think of something nice to say.' Well thank you for the nice comments, must have been hard. Anyway I've gotten a pimp now. His name's D. He's a good pimp, or so I hear. We'll find out soon enough.

I've just decided that I have horrible luck with men, so the pimp can have a go. I'm too lazy. Anyway it's so funny... I have done like traditional art, digital art, poetry, prose, visual poetry, photography... have I missed anything? I wouldn't have it any other way. I love doing everything.

On another note my gym pants have a hole in an inappropriate place, think I got them caught on the bench. So I'm going to buy some more today. Gym pants that is, not benches. *Not that you thought I meant benches*

On tuesday night we went to Spur and sat around and coloured in little Indians and got hats and balloons and generally acted like kids. Maybe I'll stick some pictures of the ordeal in my scraps sometime.

Anyway my pimp happens to be friends with today's artist of the week. Notice how 'a week' only lasts for like 3 days. Tragedy of being a woman. We have no sense of time. Oops.



This week's artist is Andy.

Andy is a funny kid. He can speak lots of languages. He also lives near me. I may pimp him out in future. He doesn't know this yet. He soon will. Anyway, he's a brilliant artist. And his friend D is an excellent pimp.

So support him, cause I say so. He's a hottie too. But you didn't hear it from me.



]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/6613195/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/6613195/ Tue, 27 Sep 2005 01:19:03 PDT

Mood: hats
Listening to: David Gray - Alibi

So, you're asking yourself... a journal of note? What the eff is she on about? Well as you can see my journal is lewking B-eautiful. I've been spanking it pretty harshly lately... it's got into shape in no time.

Hmmm note to self, still need to shower and brush teeth. Oh, by the way, if you're looking for a serious journal entry this is not it. I've decided to open up a featured artist slot. For circus folk or anyone who likes hats. Hats being the main theme of course, and sock cake. But we'll get into that later.

Ok so first for some meaningless lyrics of the day, then onto the artist of the week.

Lyrics of the day

"Long ago
Just like the hearse, you die to get in again
We are so far from you

Burning on, just like a match you strike to incinerate
The lives of everyone you know
And what’s the worst you take (worst you take)
From every heart you break (heart you break)
And like a blade you stain (blade you stain)
Well, I've been holding on tonight"

My Chemical Romance - Helena



This week's artist is

His name is Pete. He likes hats and has been known to wear socks in bed. It's a disgusting habit. Support him and his hat addiction. He likes David Bowie, so probably has a strange affinity for tight pants too. This may be dangerous, but we'll let it slide this once.

Pete is a rather nice guy. He writes strange stories and poems and lives far enough away so that I can safely write about him without having to fear for my life.

Either way, talented writer and hat-lover. We love you Pete.

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/6604469/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/6604469/ Tue, 27 Sep 2005 00:41:06 PDT

Listening to: Stereophonics - Devil

Ok. So now that the weekend is officially over, and I have absolutely eff-all to keep me busy, I might start up that brothel I've been wanting to. Do something constructive. Community-building. Ya'know?

Hospitals are depressing in ways you can't imagine till just after you've walked out. They get up and follow you. I kind of miss the smell, now that it's gone there's a strange finality and it too has it's own smell. Knowing it's too far and too late to go back and secretly wishing I could. Just to postpose the moment for a day when I could really appreciate it.

I feel like this is supposed to be an incredible meaningful moment, and it's completely wasted on me because I can't get my head around it. I wish I could save this experience for when I was older. Unfortunately no one has yet built a working time machine. So forgive me for not being able to say goodbye properly. I know it's pathetic.

I just don't know how yet, and no one can teach you that.



"Stone blind alibi
I will eat the lie
Find the word
Could break any spell that binds you
Prayers like ammonites
Curl beneath the lights
How I long to
Bite any hand that feeds you more
Where d'it all go wrong"

David Gray - Alibi




]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/6595641/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/6595641/ Sun, 25 Sep 2005 04:27:45 PDT

Mood: *falls off chair*
Listening to: Black Eyed Peas - Don't Lie

Ooh. SO last night was the meet. What can I say... I still don't know who half the people were. Started collecting jackets (it was really cold) ended up being pretty merry(amstel is NOT your friend) joked around with some strange guys... almost took a very cute waiter by surprise... (I miss him so bad)

Anyway me being me and all, I left early and hitched a lift with this guy. Gosh, don't know what else to say really. He's fantastic...so what if he has custom license plates and wears a white gangsta beanie and gravitates to his pc to check torrents every 5 minutes?






]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/6572075/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/6572075/ Thu, 22 Sep 2005 11:24:32 PDT Mood: Uhu yeah uhu

So everyone's like f*ck f*ck f*ck what's wrong with you and all these creepy depressing photographs. Well, you were warned. The new camera is beautiful. And I just seem to run into the best situations.

Just yesterday I went walking round the block with my buddie and we found this empty house and we snuck into the garden and climbed in the trees and stuff. It was amazing. The whole house is like set in this thick overgrown forest.

I love her. She's amazing. The best friend a girl could ask for, even though she has more boyfriend troubles then I have tissues.

Everyone have a fab weekend and an amazing holiday.



]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/6553644/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/6553644/ Tue, 20 Sep 2005 10:17:23 PDT Rotten in places
Where a fresh face lingered
And got the better of me.

The eventual crust I will break off
Only to find it; a hasty return
On the last flight home.

In theatres we fight the dead
And mourn the living
We stare at faces that don't stare back,
And wonder
If anyone else
Can smell


The rot.

]]> ~Nyctophobia http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/6527633/ http://Nyctophobia.deviantart.com/journal/6527633/ Sat, 17 Sep 2005 09:59:38 PDT Listening to: James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover

Went on a really nice long drive this afternoon with ha ha. He's so funny. But I think I talked enough for both of us. I need to learn to shut up. It's so hard...

Anyway took some cool pictures, almost got attacked by baboons (okay, that's a lie, they just scare me.) Drank some milk, and stuff.

Considered pushing Henk off a cliff at one stage just cause it meant I'd have to hitch a lift with a 50 something truck driver who smelt strangely of cabbage. And you know how I like my older men

So here are some pictures of the afternoon. Resized so you don't have to waste your time. Note how I'm not in any of them.... damn, I'm so clever.

*pats herself on the back*








xxx WHERE IS THE :SEX: EMOTE!$#!#@#!$

]]> ~Nyctophobia