Well, a lot of shit happened this last little while. Since I'm stuck dealing with everything completely alone I figured I might as well pretend people read this crap and write myself a journal entry.

I have FAE which is short for my mother is irresponsible. Essentially what I deal with is acute neurological damage to small areas of my brain which could mean any number of things ranging from having the shakes to masturbating in public. well I have the shakes, my memory doesn't sequence properly making me look like a pathological liar even though my long term memory has the vividness of being there, amongst other things that don't include masturbating in public or anything of that sort (happily). I have difficulty being able to focus or acknowledge social cues but in return for that I can process certain information like a freak. Oh, right and I can't feel hunger. aside from that I'm either normal or high average to above average. mostly it comes to the latter but it's off and on. I'm also not typical at all of people with FAE.

For myself, it's an invisible disorder making it hard for other people to understand.

Essentially what this does is it makes me a monster. It prevents me from having friends and keeping them, as well as being able to work a job without my conscience getting in the way or my limited capacities causing duress for my managers (but that depends on the job). I have to remind myself that I'm still human and that I still have attributes worth feeling proud about but that doesn't happen very often since I feel like I'm lying to myself and you when I mention them.

That said, my life took a turn for the worse. I moved back to hinton last october after being kicked out of my shitty, hovel which is actually a genuine hovel. It used to be a basement suite until it was rented to some seriously fucked up people who moved out when we moved on. upon moving in with my best friend and his gf (which was a terrible idea but the only one I had) I decided to try to get my life back together. It was failure and after 3 months I was evicted. my friend blames himself for it but it's my fault since I gave him my rent money so he could buy 2 ounces of weed. It wasn't his fault though i can understand why he thought it was.

I then wandered out and in one direction for 3 days until I eventually collapsed. It was a search for god, or at least something worth living for. I had lost the woman I love, my life and my friends because of my inability to act when it was necessary. I thought I was lazy but it turns out that inhibition is another symptom of my disability. when I came to I was on the side of a highway looking at the sky. police and a truck were waiting to take me away. 4 days later my foster parents whom I dejected years earlier came to my side. I owe them everything.

I stayed with them in hinton for a few months until I got my own place and when I finally did I started to pull my life together.

But things weren't so easy. I was alon... ]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/28201206/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/28201206/ Sat, 07 Nov 2009 15:34:46 PST
I go out of my way to write a journal and you don't even bother to tell me it sucks.

Hell, I ask questions that nobody answers.

I make comments that nobody challenges.

I pour my fucking blood out into poem after poem and you don't read a fuckin word of it.

I get nothing out of you. absolutely NOTHING.

Everyone who watches me is either doing it out of obligation, had a crush on me, liked one piece but that's about it or happens to be a guy with rudimentary issues.

so yeah, you people suck.

I don't think you should have me on your watch list. remove me. Fuck off.

bite a dick.

whatever, just go. there's no need to stick around.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

now for those who stuck around. why the fuck don't you read my shit?

Obviously I'm missing something and I deserve the piece of mind to know what.

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/27737529/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/27737529/ Tue, 13 Oct 2009 01:29:24 PDT
Graphics wise

Audio wise

Input wise

User interface wise

all valid places to begin but personally I just want to get to the meat of the issue:

Gameplay wise

I like the detail in story and whatnot, even if a great deal of it is derivative and ridiculous in the truest sense of the word but gameplay is the balls of this bull.

fill me in.

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/27660927/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/27660927/ Fri, 09 Oct 2009 00:41:29 PDT
it's like 3 minutes of tv happens to be the justification for the rest of the show, including adverts.

what the hell?

why not put some meat in that hamburger folks? nobody likes a bun that's 5 times the size of the hamburger patty.

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/27642410/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/27642410/ Wed, 07 Oct 2009 21:49:55 PDT
It seems that as soon as a black/brown/yellow or whatever person mentions race EVERYBODY RUNS AWAY. Their fucking terrified of the idea. So much so that their first response before even considering the seriousness of the situation is to call it "pulling the race card."

black princess on disney, black president, native american subjugation... etc issues whose importance have been negated with the "he's pulling the race card!" misdirection.

the whole issue is just made worse by that complete and UTTER... what's another word for bullshit?

still, it doesn't matter, right? sure. if your white.

it matters to me though and it matters to anybody else who isn't white. the deal isn't going to just go away and it's not going to fix itself.

if any white person accuses me of pulling the race card and disregards me by doing so, i don't care if i go to prison: I intend to beat his soul out of him, at least until he is no longer conscious.

If it's a girl... well I am indoctrinated so I'll probably just mock her and make her feel like shit. That sounds softer than it actually will be.

If a premier does it, I will start a war. I'll start public spectacles to-say-the-least.

Why? Because this matters. This is more important to me than the clothing on my back.

Don't assume instantly that there's nothing wrong and we're all a bunch of angry idiots who can't figure it out. I admit, some of us can't but then again, some of you fuck your cousins and marry them. (actually we both have people like that)

so shut it and listen for once. try and see it from our perspective:

We were born in a pile of crap and we too are trying to figure out who we are and who we're meant to be. When your mothers and fathers are responsible for that pile (or grandmothers and grandfathers) then I can imagine you don't get it but perhaps you should consider who's crap pile your in because our grandmothers and fathers didn't put us here. yours did.

Until you learn to realize the severity of that, don't talk to me about the race card because you don't know jack shit.

Don't accuse anyone, anywhere of pulling the race card.

okay?

do you UNDERSTAND!?

Race card: not to be pulled unless it actually has a pre-existing role in the game at hand.

Race card: not to be accused of usage by a white person.

If you want to be equal, don't pull the race card unless it's already in play.

Don't be an idiot about it either. Stop anyone from abusing it and you'll stop white people from disregarding the issue.

Now to unite us once again:

We are all subjects of the past. some of us are affected worse than others but right now we are all here. We need to realize that color doesn't stand in the way of getting a news paper. It doesn't stand in the way of writing a novel or finding love. It doesn't sand between us and a future we can be proud of. We do. It's no small thing to say that race is still an issue to this very day. it won't always be, despite what you may think. I loved a love that should not be, but that wasn't because she was white. That alone was enough for me to believe. I admit, there are people who will always find something to hate in somebody but i believe we, as a species, can evolve beyond racial segregation and I believe I'll see that day before I die but until then, let's not be idiots about the issue.

some degree of racial sensitivity is crucial if you want to undo the wrongs that our forefathers committed all of us into.

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/27637253/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/27637253/ Wed, 07 Oct 2009 16:48:21 PDT
Myself, I miss the feeling I had when I thought about a particular girl. Of course that girl would change with the seasons, but the feeling was no less potent, if not more so.

Of course that too went with age since with age we come to see things pass that challenge even our innocence (and indifference)

I wonder what emotions other people miss from their childhood. The calm, detachment that came with the local fair? The nervous fear evoked by awkward, visiting family members? I wouldn't mind knowing... especially when I never actually had a childhood. Just a government's poor excuse for one.

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/27505858/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/27505858/ Wed, 30 Sep 2009 15:10:47 PDT
]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/27410781/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/27410781/ Fri, 25 Sep 2009 14:20:56 PDT
consider with all honesty and intent the oppositions cause. since they are the opposition, you should have nothing to lose. unless of course your just being ignorant and stupid, in that case don't bother considering your own counter argument because your likely not to really give a shit. leave the dance floor, this is for adults.

Honestly, it's not that complicated. if your willing to believe in something, at least know what you believe in (of course there are exceptions to every rule). Why believe in something without reason, justification, or motivation? Believing for the sake of believing is ridiculous. Mind you, there's a counter argument for that as well!

But for the sake of proving a point, let's pretend that smart people become smart by taking the opportunity to look at all sides of the cube rather than just the one that they saw first. That is, if there is an opportunity.

Why am i bothering with this shit?

Some ass hat moron figured that 10, 000 years ago north American natives slaughtered whatever possible people lived here beforehand. (That being the key to this argument.) Every 10, 000 years people apparently migrated from Serbia to north America using the ice age induced land bridge(not Siberia which is the real location but we'll give him this one). That's a fair number of mass migrations (although it likely only happened 2 or 3 times considering how both continents are moving closer together and were probably too far apart for them to bridge, even with ice for the vast amount of the 250 million years that transpired since pangea)

Basically, the person figured that because of this idiot farce, Native Americans have no right to look in the faces of Caucasians and say "shut up already, you bloody hypocrites. this country was founded on illegal immigration."

that's complete bullshit. whatever dwindling numbers existed in north america after 10,000 years of existence here were most likely dead or dying. to add into that, the north american people remnant from this were more than likely never going to see the modern renditions of aboriginals because they probably were us. both accounts are not just as likely as each other. think neanderthals.

Clearly they didn't come down and murder hundreds of millions of us just for the entertainment. Unlike caucasian folk at the time of north america's white political founding.

They definitely didn't ride through villages shooting, maiming and raping woman and children.
Unlike Caucasian folk at the time of north America's white political founding

They obviously didn't round up an entire generation of an entire race after backing them into their global corners and force that entire generation to suffer the living hell of residential schools, completely destroying the family structure (and the people themselves).
Unlike caucasian folk at the time of north america's white political founding.

They imposed themselves on the aboriginals here in north america with terror and ruthlessness. on my ancestors and forefathers. in fact, my ancestors and forefathers come from both sides.

Compared to that, those few meager travelers who struggled across the icy barren pathway to north america come across as peace protesters on the hunt for tofu.

Honestly. What a fucking asshole. His claim that we don't have a right to call modern day white people hypocrites based on that is complete fucking bullshit.

We have EVERY RIGHT to call them that. In fact, we have EVERY RIGHT IN THE FUCKING BOOK OF RIGHTS to call white people that. what makes things worse is their PATHETIC JOKE they call the fucking treaty card.

HOW THE FUCK IS A TREATY CARD GOING TO UNDO THE UNDOING OF AN ENTIRE FUCKING RACE OF PEOPLE!?

so the next time anyone white, brown, black, yellow, red or pasty white comes to me with shit like "i wouldn't complain, you have that government money" i'm going to fist fuck them in the god damned face a few times, perhaps I'll seriously wound them and when anybody comes up to me to complain that "the white man god me down" i'll just shun them and walk away.

but if you come around here to tell me that we are hypocrites to call you hypocrites for complaining mildly about immigrants from mexico, I'll direct you to this essay.

you fucking idiot.

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/26961873/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/26961873/ Tue, 01 Sep 2009 16:36:01 PDT THE TOP 9 THINGS: I want to see in the next Elder Scrolls video game

In no Particular Order, here are the top 9 things I want to see in the next ELDER SCROLLS video game. Not things I expect... just stuff I would like to see.

1. A Dating Simulator

One that happens to be deep and doesn't resemble a Seventh Heaven Episode. It must be both relatively simple and yet thoroughly paced.

meet person, get person to like you, go on date, stay together for a month, get married, have kid after 1 year, have kid grow up, have kid die of debilitating spinal disease... jk)

It'd also be cool to have somebody meet you. not everyone, just somebody. and fame? make it big and hard to get.

2. Have Realistic Events

Monthly Events/Cultural Events/Annual Events

(rent, pilgrimage, passing of a star, holidays, ceremonial events, monster hunting events, patrol events)

Owning a farm? Not so much an event as it would be a possibility. Perhaps it wont be as elaborate as harvest moon but just picking out the seeds and harvesting them once a month would make sense. This could be followed by a visit to the local market to distribute to retailers or a farmers guild which could serve the purpose of buying seeds, selling produce, buying help, getting a job/farm. Making deals with certain shops to whom you distribute would be an epic economic contribution, especially if your a farmer. This will be revisited later though...

With that said: A Harvest Festival with music, dancing and mead. lots and lots of mead.

Birthdays could be cool (not much to say there) Sales aren't really necessary. In fact, they're probably a bad idea because they're pretty ineffectual and bland. Monster hunts and other visible changes would be better for weekly events. Visible events like harvest get togethers would be epic but understandable if not in the game... i know i'm asking a lot here.

I'm throwing this out there: please introduce a Generic Musician NPC into the game. I know, seems random when you consider the banner it's placed under.

3. Less CPU intensive graphics/A more expansive environment with a creative emphasis on extremes. - This is a big one.

I want to fall off a cliff that looks like a cliff. To do that you need less intensive graphics and more creative game environments. The environmental scales should be tilted toward the big side of things. This could easily be done in a separate area...

Essentially, what I'm saying is the last game (oblivion) had really small shitty hamlets to pose for towns. Consider all the clutter, character models, audio and shit... we need to spread out a little. It was too much in too little space which forced them to abandon town size for town clutter. We need to lower the cpu intensive graphics but widen the plains, plateaus, mountain sides, cities. This would allow for easier rendering in the wild but city rendering might be an issue...

Sparse need not equate to crap, however. The clutter would still be there but less is more. Remember to think geo-location not need-to-make-town. Oh and visit valley towns and cliff side shanties for inspiration

Basically you're giving up the super high rez texture and intense polygon count for vast but visually stunning environments coupled with overhangs, environmental extremes, a land from under the ice and/or other creative stuff. large farms and cities with shanties that have more than 10 houses. Think of Fallout's "The Pitt" as the poor district of the city with slightly more manageable graphics and perhaps not quite as huge. I'm thinking the poor part o' town could be like the slaver's residential area that's in the Pitt. Imagine vast plains or isolated mountain sides similar to those on the Operation Anchorage (Fallout)

While graphics are low, it would allow for cinematic battles between the player and beast. One on one could then be pretty elaborate without much interference or frame rate drops. With smoother, fluid animation or perhaps the body part targeting system that fallout had, you could attack a minotaur at it's weak points. (Achilles heel) Smoother gameplay with attacks that lead into combos dynamically would be much more appreciated. more room for crazy shit, you know?


4. Change from Level oriented Monsters to Area Oriented Monsters, but Not Entirely

Wandering minotaur lords that bump uglies with about 10 other minotaurs in an itsy bitsy grove seems a little over the top. Rationalize it. Keep the high level monsters in the wilderness to a bare minimum, no matter what your level is. Having a troll staking out a plot of land in some near-inaccessible valley is cool, but wandering megamonsters that wander in a tiny area is actually pretty stupid. Oh and I... ]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/26349641/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/26349641/ Mon, 03 Aug 2009 00:35:53 PDT
HERE'S THE LIST:

1: PLAN AHEAD EFFECTIVELY: can be done, not impossible but indescribably unlikely.

2: EFFECTIVELY accomplishing whatever else that might have been a good idea or VERY NOT.

3: Hand Eye Co-ordination: i.e. don't drink and drive homies. holy fuck... that is so obviously a bad idea. if it's not... stop. just stop. even if by some absurd chance that your drinking as I am and taking a piss at the same time, which i was when i decided this would be good to add: STOP.

4: Being entirely Pro-Active: I say this entirely and with purpose. You can figure that out if your lucky/smrt or sober...

i missed the a cuz i am drunk and find it clever.

Is that enough for you to reconsider a few things...?

if not, go to school homie. you have A LOT LEFT TO LEARN. or just watch the Simpson's for that reference alone...

5: Considering the entirety of the 5 senses:

THE MOST IMPORTANT FACT!

(^{this is provided that you COMPLETELY believe in the 5 senses or in the event that you believe the 6th (for whatever reason) is independent from the 5, SENSES})

Sometimes, not all 5 senses work accordingly to what you expect.

Be it...

EYE: Combo's (Hand-eye: ^driving Recognition, SpEEling... so many other things you can't even imagine having relation whilst being sober)

Smell: (alcohol has a smell that may overlap others) note to self: smell argument may may need room for improvement.

Taste: (Same shiznattamadeuplanguagea for smell) smelling and taste share enough qualities to say that one is more than just an acute sense of smell and remains applicable to many of the qualities taste is. be it OVERLAPPING flavors.

Feeling: Of course this is how hand eye co-ordination normally comes in handy...

However, new/dangerous ideas tend to find it easier to interject at this point with entirely unrelated or very-and-nearly-ineffectually-remote ideas.

probably why so many people are going to clubs whilst being increasingly vulnerable... must re-consider before dying...

among the ideas that FAE/FASD and other acute/obtuse neurological damage sets might apply this remains at least a little applicable.

Being drunk as I so obviously am, it is obvious that deviating-feeling happens... (I might be aware of how) somehow, in a clearly delayed fashion, when transferred eventually to a responding/interjectional response.

Where the delay is I might be aware... but when planning ahead am left wondering.

This said, other aspects-of-feeling remain unexpressed.

pressure/heat and cold...

It is quite clearly delayed. enough to deter future planning, intuition and expectations regarding plotted events upon learned behavioral training.

(driving lessons, policing, teaching, military training)

definitely NOT

(consumerism, Revolution in the event that you stepped too far... etc)

so... things i cannot do... write a COHESIVE LETTER REGARDING THINGS I CAN'T DO WHILST DRUNK, unless otherwise unexpectedly actualized.





the end result: a list of things i cannot do effectively.

Judge Me...

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/26349238/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/26349238/ Sun, 02 Aug 2009 23:59:57 PDT possible websites (code of ethics, practice and implement process.)

[link]
[link]

I do not wonder why... if you do:

maybe you should consider the likelihood that you apply to your neighborhood's average.

If you do:
I don't know if it's a good idea or not but, with obvious certainty, you should consider the likelihood that a survey agency from across the world got your neighborhood's average even remotely accurate (i.e. no/yes).

It is thought:
It's naught but certainty that this not an option (That I am like the average of my neighborhood)

And in the opposite:
(if you are not like your neighborhood)

Than it is suggested:
The opting out after considering the relationship to ab(normality) and your neighborhood. You should ALWAYS consider the possibility that due to some unforeseen factor, you think differently to the advice given, but always and according to what you personally believe, think well.


I give this advice to all people, big or small:

Never short-change yourself. you are you. If that includes the world, so be it.

Personally, I think it does include all. but if doesn't, so be it.

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/25999299/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/25999299/ Fri, 17 Jul 2009 04:36:07 PDT
it's called plot-o-matic and the film it created was...

Megaflop
an original screenplay concept
by Desmond
Action: An antisocial loner teams up with a well-built female cyborg to find the true meaning of love. In the process they accidentally kill four British men on welfare. By the end of the movie they poison 1111 trains and end up winning the admiration of their universe, living happily ever after.

Think Waterworld meets Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.


[link]

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/25717816/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/25717816/ Fri, 03 Jul 2009 14:33:31 PDT
they just chuck shit around like it's nothing. not to mention, i didn't really want goku to win. i wanted every character but piccolo to die.

in fact, the guy had 4 minutes on screen (it seemed...) which makes it hard for me not to want him to die.

still, i expected it to be worse.

that said... oh well. i believe they will try again. they'd be stupid not to. the movie is so easy to make and make well. they messed up the first time in ways that can be corrected. it's easy to imagine suitable solutions. i mean there are three elements that can make the movie exponentially better.

element 1: start off from reality.

have the characters begin from zero rather than 90 and go to a hundred. have them grounded. have everything grounded. don't start throwing magic shit around and expect people to give a damn. the main character has to retain some level of naivety as well. every single scene doesn't require someone getting their ass kicked. the characters can talk less too. Shooting ki is all fun and stuff but it doesn't need to be so friggen easy. there's no challenge. the events unfold with too much ease. you don't just squeeze a rock and get water. in fact, that's impossible. how do you make the impossible plausible? not by shoving it down someone's throat haphazardly. don't short cut it by having someone say "how is that even possible!?" and then have someone explain it.

element 2: take a breather.

save money by not using all that cgi every fucking frame. make up for it by progressing the story and plot. delving into a bit of back story or perhaps just have the character grounded by the environment. like having him living in a realistic world. have him get dirty. shoot it documentary-style realism. no need for hand held steady cams or shaky frame work, mind you. just lighting and composition. that'd be fine. it'd help the viewer feel like time is passing slower. the way it was filmed, every detailed and important element was presented with the same scale as every other in a single frame but all this does is act as a power point presentation. there's not visceral sense. no connection drawn between the viewer and the events on screen. don't be afraid to light it naturally. transformers 2 (as bad as it was according to some) was capable of capturing the natural lighting of the environment. this drew a connection between the viewer and the screen.

it's okay to make it believable, it doesn't make it any less applicable to children. it is a family film anyway but just because it would be shot as realistically as possible doesn't mean it can't still be fun and entertaining. for examples view films like the princes bride and the first 3 star wars. the visual tone is what we're aiming at.


element 3: return to the inspiration: [link]

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/22414360/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/22414360/ Mon, 05 Jan 2009 13:05:35 PST
~ The Bhagavad Gita



Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

~ Albert Einstein




People are not lazy. They simply have goals that do not inspire them. Remember to follow you heart. What inspires you?

~ Unknown




What you get by reaching your destination is not nearly as important as what you will become by reaching your destination.

~ Zig Ziglar

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/22015191/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/22015191/ Mon, 05 Jan 2009 13:08:17 PST
what the fuck is with the hate for cgi?

maybe we should consider using hand puppets you worthless consumers. you can't even bother to try anymore. totally forgetting that MOVIES ARE FUCKING HARD TO MAKE.

jesus christ. i get criticism like "I am Legend" has a crappy ending. that's writing, but dissing the cgi is like dissing the earth for being inconveniently round.

cgi is fucking hard. why do people hate cgi? what is it with cgi that convinces you people to hate it so much? i really, really don't get it.

perhaps this is like that time when everyone was like "hey, lets all be emo." and were lead right into the storm of corporate indoctrination.

[link]

[link]

[link]

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/21887568/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/21887568/ Mon, 08 Dec 2008 18:30:06 PST

let's just hope i can germinate them.

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/21672461/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/21672461/ Tue, 25 Nov 2008 21:59:44 PST [link]

not quite what you were thinking, perv.

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/21666100/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/21666100/ Tue, 25 Nov 2008 15:14:53 PST
[link]

this is from the page:

A remote-controlled underwater vehicle exploring the area around an oil platform off the coast of Mexico met this strange giant sea creature about a mile and a half below the surface. With ten legs dangling from what look like elbow joints, it was a pretty shocking sight to the vehicle operators. They captured this footage about a week and a half ago, and passed it around via e-mail until somebody finally explained what it was.

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/21639406/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/21639406/ Sun, 23 Nov 2008 21:52:45 PST
i'm not even into football.

that said, check this out!

[link]

from the page:

"Dr. Aubrey Levin (the head of the study) is now Clinical Professor in the Department of Psychiatry (Forensic Division) at the University of Calgary’s Medical School."

what the fuck? this guy is in my province? exactly how fucked up is alberta anyway? oh, right! i know. horribly fucked up.


he also tried that psychotic shit on the mentally retarded here in alberta as well.

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/21631090/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/21631090/ Sun, 23 Nov 2008 12:47:18 PST [link]

[link]

[link]

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/21622750/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/21622750/ Sat, 22 Nov 2008 23:01:33 PST Irish-born British playwright and a founder of the Fabian Society
The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one. The happiness of credulity is a cheap and dangerous quality.
-- Preface to Androcles and the Lion

this is why I struggled with you... though you may not be religious, you are no different.


[link]

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/21587545/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/21587545/ Thu, 20 Nov 2008 18:57:54 PST
alien crash landing? not likely but who knows?

[link]

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/21540567/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/21540567/ Mon, 17 Nov 2008 18:57:07 PST
[link]


this isn't really restricted to America. it applies to Canada as well.

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/21516887/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/21516887/ Sun, 16 Nov 2008 11:18:54 PST
- still, that site has some awesome shit.

check it!

[link]

vampire hunting tools, real.

3 random links too:

[link]

[link]

[link]

oh and one more!

[link]

Better make that two.

[link]

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/21456821/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/21456821/ Sat, 15 Nov 2008 20:23:55 PST [link]


dude, wtf. hahaha.

[link]

aww...

[link]

hehehe...

[link]

lmao

[link]

3 movies i have seen and 2 I haven't.

[link]

BATMAN!!! crappy lighting mind you, but cool as shit no less. frank millar = awesome as shit.

[link]

Movie sequels, some you don't want, few you do.

[link]

very, very, very cool mermaids.

repeating any word is a functional expression of excess unless your a self righteous, arrogant literalistic perfectionist/asshole.

[link]

documentaries. i haven't seen any, i was hoping you would and tell me about it.

[link]

cool hubcap creatures

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/21445144/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/21445144/ Tue, 11 Nov 2008 19:38:47 PST [link]

this is disturbingly messed up in an obscure and somehow captivating way.

This is just disturbingly sad

[link]

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/21428972/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/21428972/ Tue, 11 Nov 2008 18:39:49 PST
shut your mouth and get nekid! - West Side Connection

hehehe... aight, here's a list of some new, awesome quotes!

"We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light." - Plato

"A person desperately searching for love is like a fish desperately searching for water." - Deepak Chopra

"An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex." - Aldous Huxley

"All gods are homemade, and it is we who pull their strings, and so, give them the power to pull ours."
Aldous Huxley

"Ambition is like love, impatient both of delays and rivals."
Buddha

"My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness."
Dalai Lama

"Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values."
Dalai Lama

oo... I'll get a tattoo of that one!

"Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck."

Dalai Lama

“Time is a factory where everyone slaves away earning enough love to break their own chains.” - Hafiz of Persia

If everyone demanded peace instead of a new television set, then, we'd have world peace - John Lennon

thanks to autumn-nightingale for that one.

if you have any quotes, lemme know

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/21200369/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/21200369/ Tue, 28 Oct 2008 11:16:42 PDT
lemme try linking to andy's awesome God of Decay piece.

I guess image linking is only for people who pay money to be able to do something that costs nothing.

that or you can rationalize it by saying all these updates and crap cost money so we take it by limiting how much of the stuff you get to use for free. sounds like a fucking good, very american idea.

possibly there is an alternative, like uh... i dunno. using the money to add features to accounts that you can't get for free at other sites.

sounds like an idea? huh?

man... how stupid. gyar.


~aurelstein

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/20791342/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/20791342/ Thu, 02 Oct 2008 10:50:29 PDT
I don't really k now how to tell you this but your a pervert. I think I realized it last year under a bus and I saw you sit on bill clinton. I'm sure your Ashamed enough to understand that I'm open. I'm returning to you your ring but I'll keep the oil stocks as a memory. you should also know that I will never forget a new life as a clone.

Go burn,

Dezmond.

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/20218335/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/20218335/ Fri, 29 Aug 2008 12:29:39 PDT
RULES
Step 1: Put your playlist on random.
Step 2: Post the first line from the first 25 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing.
Step 3: Let people guess what the song is, then mark them when they have been guessed correctly.
Step 4: Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING!
Step 5: Post this to your own journal, and see who has the same taste in music as you do.

GOOD LUCK!


1) "Her body is a difficult sister, and she loves her"

2) "Everybody says that they're looking for a shelter"

3) "Searching on the wire for a wire for a piece of mind"

4) "There I knew you once, didn't I?"

5) n/a, doesn't count since it's an instrumental.

6) "Tell me that you know another way to get it done"

7) "I want to hold the hand inside you"

8) "Coming up beyond belief, On this coronary thief"

9) "Sleep will come in the morning"

10)"Heard you today, that isn't my name, you were fast asleep"

11)"They say its me, that makes you do things you might not have done, If I was away"

12)"I hurt myself today"

13)"If I can, I will be here for you"

14)"See the animal in his cage that you built" - Right Where it Belongs by NIN

15)"I've made it my dear, face it, I still kiss the darkness"

16)"I don't care what you do, I'm getting out"

17)"A soft breeze with the slippery concrete black and full of muddy slush"

18)"feel the vapor pressure drop as the dark"

19)"You are my perfect obligation, I didn’t spend a lifetime waiting"

20)"I talk to you as to a friend"

21)"Dark, you can't come soon enough for me"

22)"No hope in the mirror breaking you up"

23)"A silhouette turning over, I'll wait for you here"

24)"Oh I had a lot to say Was thinking on my time away"

25)"It's messing me up, I'm out of my head"


Some of these I sincerely doubt you'll get.



]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/19692311/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/19692311/ Thu, 31 Jul 2008 02:23:25 PDT
i'm opted to move to the street.

i get to say goodbye to everything my life has ever summed up to, materially.

all my art, all my writings. even this computer here sits at risk of becoming somebody elses. someone who doesn't deserve them, someone who hasn't lost everything they ever loved just to be able to wake up the next morning.

someone who doesn't know the meaning of suffering with sacrifice.

why? because i relied on somebody who's in my recent years made a habit of letting me down.

i depended on their assistance and now i get nothing. i'm worse off now than i was when i left.

i swear to you, i'd rather die than end up living like my biological parents.

there's a difference between existing and living.

to live you must feel alive, even if briefly, it must be there and worth working for. without it you'll become null, devoid and empty. it'll kill you.

you may wake up every morning but you'll be as dead as any other walking cadaver. it doesn't matter if you feed out of a carbage can or sit behind a monitor with a suit and tie selling your soul for food. you're still dead. working 8 hours a day to maintain your deadness just so you work 8 more hours the next day. pretending your alive through a plastic box just to make it through the week isn't living. neither is struggling each minute to make enough change so you can feed yourself for the first time this week.

i refuse to die. if i am forced to, i'll make sure that it's a real death. not one i have to maintain just to appease others. i'll be resting for the first time 6 feet underground.

that's a fact. if there is no hope of change.

all in all, that's my news.

horrible and dark. disappointing and sad. however i've not reached that yet. there is still hope. this is only if worse comes to worse.

other than that, i have this awesome news!

[link]

check that out.

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/19662114/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/19662114/ Tue, 29 Jul 2008 13:31:38 PDT
it's going to be an amazing experience. some people take moving out for granted. i'm lucky to have this service. without it i wouldn't have anything left to live for.

some people have a skewed perspective of social services because the american system is rather shameful.

here in canada it can be treated that way as well because america is such a close neighbor. however my situation is rare in comparison to the family alternative. i went to college, graduated highschool with honors and am very capable but life had a cruel turn. most people have family to fall back on but i had nothing. the family i did have wasn't willing nor capable of offering me help.

so i had only one option or homelessness.

now i have a second chance. i am enthralled with this because without it i have nothing.

i'll do my best.

but that's my news.

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/19656706/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/19656706/ Tue, 29 Jul 2008 08:21:50 PDT
[link]

it's hard to imagine something like that could happen. she looks so serene and at peace but the circumstance tells otherwise.

frankly this disturbs me a little. it kinda off sets my composure just a bit. that said, it's a beautiful picture in a dark sort of way.

i want to die with that kind of elegance lol. i couldn't imagine how devastated her fiance would've felt, it must've been pretty tragic though...

an equally obscure photo: [link]

it's damn near surreal. stuff like this really makes you wonder what kind of times we live in now...

I found all this using stumble upon.

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/19583263/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/19583263/ Fri, 25 Jul 2008 01:39:55 PDT Most ignorance is vincible ignorance. We don’t know because we don’t want to know.

Lets start at the basics then get random...

After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.
~ in Music at Night

Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him.
~ in Texts and Pretexts

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

At least two-thirds of our miseries spring from human stupidity, human malice and those great motivators and justifiers of malice and stupidity: idealism, dogmatism and proselytizing zeal on behalf of religious or political ideas.

oh... was that too much for you? oh well, gotta learn some day. these are all quotes from aldous huxley, unless stated otherwise.

A child-like man is not a man whose development has been arrested; on the contrary, he is a man who has given himself a chance of continuing to develop long after most adults have muffled themselves in the cocoon of middle-aged habit and convention.

A fanatic is a man who consciously over compensates a secret doubt.

here's a lesson in humility and for some, true isolation.

Every man’s memory is his private literature.

Hell isn’t merely paved with good intentions; it’s walled and roofed with them. Yes, and furnished too.

I’m afraid of losing my obscurity. Genuineness only thrives in the dark. Like celery.

Man approaches the unattainable truth through a succession of errors

Dream in a pragmatic way.


and finally, for the sake of rest, here's the sign out.

Proverbs are always platitudes until you have personally experienced the truth of them.

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/19490573/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/19490573/ Sat, 19 Jul 2008 21:38:40 PDT
i earned mine. i acted like a fool and frankly i'm getting quite sick of this shit. suicide is tempting but not quite good enough for me. i guess i'm forced to resort to some rough shit. maybe i'll take up smoking crack.

fucking hell. i'm so tired of shit going from bad to worse, over and over and over again. it's this kind of repetition that gets incredibly frustrating.

though i don't have an affinity for crack or suicide, it appears that those are two extremes that i am getting dangerously close to. not that i would choose them knowingly but my life has seriously deviated from my intended course.

that said, here are my current standings. i am homeless and without any real hope of regaining the path i fought so hard to attain.

for one thing, my sister (a woman with afflictions far greater and far more intense than my own) is a crack addict and happens to be the only person capable of offering me refuge until i can get back the life i lost.

a second thing, my life so far offers nothing in the lines of direction. i know where i want to be and no possible way of getting there, due to the corruption and insatiable of the management company which rented my previous home.

i am in a massive amount of debt (at least for when it comes to what i can afford. to some, my debt would be meaningless but it's become blatantly apparent what it means to be oppressed)

i have everything to lose and it's happening one by one at increasingly rapid speeds. no home, no direction. my own afflictions are quite personal however. my family drove me to suicide once and though it was blindingly unsuccessful, i fear the second time around might not be so easy to avoid.

with a lack of security and integrity, my siblings could drive me down another path, if this one does not occur. a path involving some very serious drugs. i don't normally put myself in situations that expose me to such risks but it appears that it's the only choice. when it comes to the two massive risks, it's not simply a matter of choice. knowing the outcome of both and the consequences does nothing, especially when, by the time i get there, i will also have nothing left to lose and mere memories to fight for.

think of it as a very dark detour that costs me everything and my only sense of hope is based on something that exists entirely on faith. a work around to an obstruction that i can't avoid could prove even more so dangerous than facing the only other option. it is an incredibly low chance of success compared to no chance at all.

i thought maybe it would be okay but it isn't and it's incredibly stressing. danger like this is not the kind that i can easily face. i've faced it before and it was a horrible world. this is what brought me here, to where i am today. i fought so hard to escape and i never want to go back but it seems now that i've failed.

hope is all i have now.

i survived well after some time but at the cost of more than i could afford. my life was forever stunted as a result and my dreams stretched further from my grasp. i certainly hope this doesn't happen again. i know how these events come about and it's not foreseeable. i can't predict what will happen, i just know it's extremely likely. i can't explain it, to do so would provide much more to read and this is actually too much already.

i don't expect many to understand. it appears that i've always been alone with this.

i don't want to go back...

but i have to.

- Dezz



whatever.

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/19206601/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/19206601/ Fri, 04 Jul 2008 17:17:17 PDT [link]

hahaha... that's hilarious.

[link]

[link]

[link]

[link]

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/19157240/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/19157240/ Wed, 02 Jul 2008 00:28:40 PDT [link]



[link]

[link]

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/19151086/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/19151086/ Tue, 01 Jul 2008 16:55:46 PDT [link]

haha

Saturday morning breakfast cereal = hilarious.

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/19093574/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/19093574/ Sat, 28 Jun 2008 13:37:05 PDT
[link]

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/19066980/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/19066980/ Thu, 26 Jun 2008 23:49:04 PDT
check it out!

[link]

enjoy.

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/18981183/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/18981183/ Sun, 22 Jun 2008 10:31:40 PDT
so here's a quick update. i got a job. i like it. it's at a fas gas, i'm a sales associate. i figure this'll tie me down until i can gain enough moolah to fuck off this god damn plain. i wanna try my cards up east, or maybe in Victoria. possibly see if i can bridge this gap between me and my old friend, though i doubt it. sometimes it's just not worth it.

anyway, my job's cool. i get to see lots of different kinds of people. some of them are pretty cool. you'd be surprised how pissy people get over cigarettes. other than that we've got the usual crack heads, meth addicts, stoners, white collar folk, blue collar folk, thieving chilren, prostitutes, good kids, foreigners an the good ol' neurotics. i figure my job's pretty awesome.
i saw this incredibly attractive girl, like indescribably so. likely the most beautiful i've ever seen, but on that note it turns out she's just 16 and about as shallow as a dry creek.

so yea. tragic how beauty is wasted on the ignorant.

lets forget about that. i have some further news, i was evicted. i was under the impression that life was gunna be easier now that i had a job but due to a communication error i guess it didn't work. i notice how people never go into details to streamline the conversations, so tried it out. i tend to elaborate on everything because something always FUCKS up when i don't, and guess what? i'm homeless.

fucking hell. why do people ask me questions if they don't want teh fucking answer? honestly. if i'm gunna answer i'm gunna answer. don't tell me to hurry shit up, cuz i don't know what you know.

anyway, that said, my neighbor chad is letting me crash at his place while i empty out mine and clean it. the management company was nice enough to extend my stay until i can clean the place out.

which is awesome. so kudos you guys.

anyway, i'll ttyl. maybe something more eventful will happen.

who knows.

oh right, and here's a list of my favorite poems, one's which i doubt any of you have read.

they're all the older ones so check it out:

[link]


lemme know what you think of em, here.

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/18686740/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/18686740/ Thu, 05 Jun 2008 20:02:21 PDT
WHAT'S UP!?

man every day is getting pretty uneventful. lookin for a job. getting scared that i'm lookin like a jobless bum. plus i mean, who likes jobless bums?

i'm thinking of taking up professional theivery. jk. that's hard shit. i'd probably have to tap into some weird ninja ki to do that.

tommorrow i'm doing some AWESOME 48 hour film fest thing where we have 48 hours to make a 10 minute film.

i joined a winning team so lets hope i don't bring them down.



lol anyway, i'll get back at you for what it turns out like.

BOO YEA!

and i'm not gunna fill this crap up with shameless self promotion cuz frankly i get tired of seeing 90 journals with the same crap.

oh yea and a little bit on bro-hawk.

if any of you know who this is i'm sure you'll connect to his talented-ness.

this is the little bit i wanted to add: PEOPLE STOP WITH THE FUCKING MAN HUNTS!

jesus. i mean, the guy's black. the least he could do is tap into his history and know the totally absurd nature of such things

seriously. if someone crosses you, deal with it like a fucking adult.

honestly.

like "gents" if that catches your attention.

i'm just getting tired of this manhunt crap. eventually i might end up having to sort some organized petition to put out.


aight?

btw, the guy's talented. if you're mature enough to enjoy his art without beign washed up in his weird manunt crap, then you might wanna shoot over there to check out his batman stuff.

but whatever, i mean. i've got no real beef wit the guy. i haven't even seen what he's said about me.

let's hope it's not full of shit.

but id oubt it. he's probably not that messed up.

HAVE FUN OND EV ART!!

ttyl gangstas.

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/18081590/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/18081590/ Tue, 29 Apr 2008 05:46:40 PDT
full story here:

[link]

freaky eh?

on a side note, check out this awesome media player.

i like it cuz it bitch slaps Itunes.

personally i think Itunes and apple are no better than microsoft now that they've sold out.

but oh well.

check it out!

[link]

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/18080612/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/18080612/ Tue, 29 Apr 2008 03:02:35 PDT
i tried posting this once before but it didn't work.

so lemmme try again.

here,

you might enjoy this. if you do lemme know what you think.

[link]

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/18017912/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/18017912/ Fri, 25 Apr 2008 05:56:12 PDT [link]

look. it's pretty.

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/17988195/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/17988195/ Wed, 23 Apr 2008 07:54:06 PDT
[link]

it's a nintendo powered car.

and this,

[link]

my dream pool.


and this, an unbelievable set of images.

ones that actually leave me with a weird resonance...

[link]

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/17950053/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/17950053/ Wed, 23 Apr 2008 03:37:47 PDT Blasphemy!

I've just finished watching a series of animated DC TV shows, such as Legion of Super Heroes, Justice League Unlimited and a few others.

I've come to the conclusion that america and it's expansive media/money/influence has failed miserably to do their job and for what? to keep the christian family child worship lobbyists at bay? seriously, that is retarded and i mean that with full intent.

the kind of intent that fully acknowledges the total ease of disregard that comes with a statement such as anything that uses words like hate and retarded.

The kind of intent that will defend these statements to the death but obviously doesn't even need to.

Contemplative high school honor role intent.

Comprende?

I'm not just rebelling against the norm like a good little soldier.

Lemme express my hatred with a bit more finesse, but not too much, and explain my utter hatred for this shit.

In place of quality Sunday morning entertainment (entertainment being the key word here), the warner brothers decided it was best to fund some of the lamest, goody two shoes, fluff ball bullshit to ever grace the small screen.

This crap doesn't even preach functional belief structures, or even relevant world views. Hence the defensible use of the word crap.

instead, we have these gum ball fuck ups that inspires an incredible loss of faith in the growth of north american animation.

These shows rely entirely on the world perspective of a 12 year old who has never ever ventured outside the bounds of an over protective box shaped house. It appeals to the kind of people who have never even left to speak to another human being. not even to go to highschool. not even junior high.

This 12 year old perspective on reality targets pre-teens and younger. kids in highschool are surrounded by drugs, alcohol and sex. lots and lots of sex. (have you seen transformers? what about any magazine in the world? what about television commercials? it all screams sex. hell the commercials are more entertaining than half the shit you see in between)

these shows claim to target these kids. in fact a great deal of the fan art is generated by 15 year old kids. my issue is with the way these shows target the same audience that transformers targeted. Even terminator toys targeted these kids.

They could show stuff that has some relevance to these kids lives, possibly play on the same level of maturity.

instead, these shows are all happy go lucky fun-parties that happen no different than the 60's intensely racist super friends. of course these shows are with a healthy minus of racist bigotry, but they more than make up with obliterating-ly insane crap plot lines.

Example?

I just watched an series, one of the MANY with 12 year old super heroes that claim to be graduates of highschool but manage to have absolutely NO grasp on the gravity of life and death.

A series with plot devices which rely entirely on the happy-go-fucky, lollipop-sucking, utterly bullshit lifestyle that middle america is lead to believe they're supposed to lead.

A series that screams "this is normal!!" even though it's fucking insane.

A series that desperately tries to appeal to the emo kids THEY CREATED.

A show that could be any cartoon on television right now with about 10 exceptions.

that's a shitty number when you have over 100 cartoons that all contribute to this pool of stupid shit that doesn't even leave a foot print in human history beyond the absurdity they preach.

What show is this? LEGION OF SUPERHEROES!

amongst many others. like that crap show teen titans and hell, even the ninja turtles suck now that they've been censored.

hell, dragon ball Z has been crazy uber re-censored. yea, that's right. censored twice.

once when the original episodes aired way back when, before they were released on vhs or dvd and again when they were replayed. every time a character blows up a building he has to mention that the building is empty. people don't die and blood is removed or painted another color.

golly gee!

Personally I'm just sick of this shit. Utterly sick and on the verge of killing some corporate exec.

These people are so bent on making money that they can't even figure out how to make money, only that they want to.

they have to appeal to the lobbyists and the funniest part is the psychotic lobbyists main reason is to avoid desensitizing these kids and turning them into mindless killer robots.

the best part is they have absolutely no evidence supporting that this is even possible. most of this censorship crap dates back to when blacks couldn't take the bus, vote or even drink clean water.

back when the... ]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/17888890/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/17888890/ Wed, 16 Apr 2008 22:20:39 PDT [link]

This is interesting.

so is this:

[link]

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/17886634/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/17886634/ Wed, 16 Apr 2008 19:18:05 PDT
so I know most people don't like drama. That's aight, I'm like that too.

drama can really get you dying.


That said, I'm in a pretty rough place right now. I'm sure this is of no interest to many of you. i mean, life's great right?

i agree. don't let other shit get you down.

Sometimes things are just unavoidable though. Eventualities come to rise. people end up hurt and things just never go back to normal.

some cuts can't be healed.

That said, I broke up with my gf today. I know, it's not something that interests you right?

right.

so stop reading.

For those of you who didn't stop there, I'd like to break it all down.

My girlfriend, after I asked her to be more active so we can do things decided to inform me that she didn't feel anything more between us.

which is funny because the other day she told me she loved me, like she meant it for hte first time in a long time.

But today she decided this because I was disturbed by the vague undertones of her statements.

I guess I was right in those undertones.

The other day she told me that she had a crush on a really nice guy. I agree, he's a nice guy and crushes aren't right in a relationship but I cared about her so I let it pass. Little did I know that this crush was the reason we were growing distant.

He's a great guy. She's not. She decides to justify our gap with... nothing. nothing at all. she won't even talk about the fact that this gap, this distance was her attempt to free up more space for him.

so I wanted to know and her explanation was to say that this gap was because she couldn't feel anything for me.

That's a paradox. I asked her why she doesn't feel anything because there's just nothing there.

well how can anything be there if she spends her whole day with her crush? That's when I got sick of it. She obviously wants to break up so I edged her on. turns out she does.

and now were' no longer together.

This is the worst kind of break up ever and the brutal part is I've done this twice now.

I'm really not in the mood for happiness and lolly pops.

too often do relationships end like this.

I mean... If you knew what I invested in it...

But that's life right? You win some you lose some.

I can't really blame her either.

I can make her think I blame her but I cant.

It's just too hard.

So I pushed her away. Is that right? Should I have pushed her away?

Keep in mind that I wasn't innocent at all during this. I may not have done all the right things, maybe more so than she, but I loved her and I think it had to end but I couldn't just let it end like that.

It didn't have closure.

Plus, she was pretty sure I was simple.

hell she couldn't even get half the shit that came out of my mouth, how can I stay with a girl like that?

that said, sometimes one's attachment and emotions can dictate over that.

But it had to happen.

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/17841109/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/17841109/ Sun, 13 Apr 2008 23:24:08 PDT
What might save Red Shirts' lives?

Besides not getting involved in fights, which usually proved fatal, the crewmen could avoid beaming down to the planet's surface, which is inherent to their end. However, that could result in a court-martial for failure to obey orders.

Besides not beaming down, another factor that showed to increase the survival rate of the Red Shirts was the nature of the relationship between the alien life and Captain Kirk. When Captain Kirk meets an alien woman and "makes contact" the survival rate of the red-shirted crewmen increases by 84%. In fact, out of Captain Kirk's 24 "relationships" there were only three instances of Red-Shirt vaporization.

check it out after the link: [link]

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/17807704/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/17807704/ Sat, 12 Apr 2008 06:22:41 PDT IMPORTANT!

This news article talks about an orphaned work bill that is currently in congress.

This bill will mean the very heart of your rights, as an american artist or otherwise.

If anything remember that what happens to a first world country as influential as the united states will spell a total change in the rest of the world. Do not think this a little thing, even if you aren't into politics.

You will be affected by this, regardless of your nationality.

Think about how many of the things in your life are inherently American. Things from Vehicles to Post it notes have all been American influences. Even the phrase "what's up" that people use on a daily basis.

Things as small as a phrase are influenced by the american Economy.

Now imagine your art, something you created with your own hands, your fingers or just your voice as the vessel for a corporate conglomerate, regardless of your will.

Macdonald's using your sketch of a dream you had as a child to head their new ad campaign, without you getting a cent. nothing. nada. absolutely shit all, not even the credit.

your name won't even appear on the art.

because your art will be orphaned, according to this new bill. your given copyrights at the point of conception to your art will be forfeit to be eaten alive by corporate conglomerates.

don't let the term orphan fool you. this is no fantasy orphan annie story. this undermines the entire reason copyrights were created in the first place.


htt p://m ag.a wn.co m/?ltype= pageone&article_no=3605

don't add the spaces, if you wanna see the full article by a person who gets the point across alot better.

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/17693213/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/17693213/ Sat, 05 Apr 2008 03:45:03 PDT
alot of you don't know about my passion for music. I always loved melodic, heavy tunes.

songs that have kind of a melancholy tone to them. that said, here's my favorite band.

Dead can Dance: Cantara

tis a Youtube Video

[link]


that should ease you in.

I'll show you a better one later on, though it's pretty obscure.

you'd need to keep an open mind.

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/17673395/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/17673395/ Thu, 03 Apr 2008 19:21:55 PDT
so, here's my idea.

now it's difficult to explain so bare with me.

um...

imagine that your screen resolution is 800px by 1280

and you have a BEAUTIFUL stunning image that is nearly twice that in one direction but only 1.3 times the size in the other.

i want to be able to have a desktop that, instead of having a full motion picture in the background, would just take this image and pan it slowly. so slowly that in 12 hours it moves from being at the top lef, to being at the bottom right of that image.

respectively an image that is the same height but is 6 times the width. i want the wallpaper to move from the boy in the green orchard on the left to the girl onside the cliff on the right, in a days time.

that would be an amazing desktop.

now i know something like it can be done as i've seen desktops with supermario in the background leaping around, where you can click on a block and have it explode and the coin pop out.

i want a similar thing, only customizable pictures. it seems like a heavy scripting job but i wanna know if it can be done and if anyone would like this too.

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/17661696/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/17661696/ Thu, 03 Apr 2008 04:02:17 PDT
Lyrics again right?

These lyrics strung a chord with me so i figured I'd share them.

well this happens to be from a seriously horrible song but if you were to see it as anything I would hope you saw it as an inflection to the darker parts of my personality.

as strange as that may seem...


Freckles - Yuki english version

I brushed against those freckles that I hated so,
Life goes on and I heave a little sigh for you.
It's heavy, the love that I would share for you,
But it dissolves like it was just a sugarcube.
Now the little pain sitting in my heart
Has shrunk in a bit, but it really does hurt me now.
Those silly horoscopes, I
Guess I can't trust them after all.

If we could get further away,
I wonder what it would be like... ?
Yay!
I'd be so happy
Inside my heart.

All the memories I have are beautiful in my mind,
But they don't feed the hunger deep inside my soul.
And tonight I thought,
I'd be just sitting in my sorrow.
And now I must wonder wonder why.
What did it really mean to you?
I just can't see it anymore!
I just can't see it anymore......

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/17637544/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/17637544/ Tue, 01 Apr 2008 16:22:28 PDT
so unless you've lived in a cage your whole life, you would've heard at least once of the game the legend of zelda.

if you liked it than feast your eyes on this!!


[link]


IT'S A MOVIE!! LEGEND OF ZELDA IS NOW A MOVIE!!

oh em gee!!

you neeeeed to watch this!

UPDATE!

okokok, I admit.

it was an april fools joke.

but it was good one don't you think?

]]> ~ONIsauce http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/17594487/ http://ONIsauce.deviantart.com/journal/17594487/ Sun, 30 Mar 2008 17:50:37 PDT
like. man.

wtf.

seriously.

[link]

you have to check it out.

]]> ~ONIsauce