http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Obeadience&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Obeadience en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Thu, 17 Dec 2009 15:14:04 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://Obeadience.deviantart.com/journal/28727657/ http://Obeadience.deviantart.com/journal/28727657/ Thu, 03 Dec 2009 12:45:41 PST
]]> *Obeadience http://Obeadience.deviantart.com/journal/28385098/ http://Obeadience.deviantart.com/journal/28385098/ Sun, 15 Nov 2009 21:25:42 PST
I hope everyone had as great a weekend as I did! Off to make sparklies to replenish my stock!

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]]> *Obeadience http://Obeadience.deviantart.com/journal/27029366/ http://Obeadience.deviantart.com/journal/27029366/ Sat, 05 Sep 2009 06:35:07 PDT
[link]

I am working my butt off trying to make lots and lots of pieces to sell! If you're nearby, please come out and should you happen to buy my stuff - that'd be cool too!

]]> *Obeadience http://Obeadience.deviantart.com/journal/26749606/ http://Obeadience.deviantart.com/journal/26749606/ Sat, 22 Aug 2009 07:45:45 PDT s Challenge. Say hi if you see me!

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]]> *Obeadience http://Obeadience.deviantart.com/journal/25124714/ http://Obeadience.deviantart.com/journal/25124714/ Thu, 04 Jun 2009 12:25:43 PDT
A Psychologist Who has Dealt with the Pain of Many Children Whose Parents Act Irrationally During Divorce Tells It Like It Is!

Lynne Namka, Ed. D. © 2000

It is tough to be a child of divorced parents. It is absolutely terrifying to be the child of divorced parents who are at war with each other! Divorce hurts. It is a terrible thing to have happen to a family. Everyone gets hurt, but children remain scarred for years when parents continue the war. Research shows that negative behaviors from parents act after a divorce can cause more problems to a child than the divorce itself.

There are three ways of acting that divorcing parents can make. These three ways of acting during and after a divorce are (1.) Argumentative, (2.) Disengagement, (3.) Cooperating. The type of arrangement that you engage in, is directly related to the level of your maturity.

People who are getting divorced often try to control the person they are divorcing. Rationally, this makes no sense. If you couldn't change your spouse when you were married to them, there is no way you can force change on them now. You can't win by demanding, yelling or saying bad things about your ex. Anger only escalates the conflict in the situation and then both sides dig their heels in and the child loses.

Patricia Evans in her important book The Verbally Abusive Relationship, says that verbal abusers often have had an insecure childhood that created an unhealthy (sometimes abnormal) need to control others. OR they were spoiled when they were young and continue to think that everything should go their way. Evans says people who yell and scream at others really don't have their own personal power. So the abuser avoids feelings of powerlessness by trying to dominate and control others.

Do not let your child be a witness to your anger at his or her other parent. Belittling your child's mother or father is a form of child abuse that can affect your child's self esteem permanently. Your child is half of the other parent. If you criticize your ex, your child will feel ashamed of half of him or herself. You WILL hurt your child if you habitually yell at your ex, trash talk about them, if you are self righteous in explaining how wrong their point of view is or if you try to evade the legal custody arrangement.

Often, the greater a person's sense of guilt about how they have acted in the marriage or during the divorce, the greater their need to cast blame on others and not take responsibility for their own behavior. So look to your own motives if you act out your anger by blaming your ex.

Screaming, taunting, cursing and calling others names or making threats are all verbal abuse! If you habitually yell, threaten, tell the other that he or she is wrong and call them dumb, stupid, that is abuse! If you twist things around, try to have the last word, pick fights and look for the wrong in everything your ex spouse does to start arguments or threaten to go back to court frequently over small things, guess what? You are a verbal abuser.

In bad mouthing your ex, you add to their stress and parental stress deeply effects the harmony of your child. Being a single parent is hard. If you think of the best interests of your child, you will want to support your ex spouse emotionally, rather than create more stress for them. The more you keep your anger in check, the better off your child will be.

Engaging in inappropriate verbal behavior comes down to being ego invested that you are right. It often is based on the egotistical idea that you are so unique a person that the rules of basic kindness which apply to others shouldn't apply to you, especially where your ex spouse is concerned. The rules of kindness always apply even though your former spouse may be angry, manipulative, or downright mean. Keep your integrity by refusing to stoop to a low level. Find safe outlets for your anger. If you can't control your anger when you talk to your ex about visitation arrangements by yourself, take an anger management class.

Denial of Your Immature Behavior Only Perpetuates the Problem

If you think you aren't hurting your child when you rag about their other parent, you are in denial. Keep a check on how you deny your inappropriate behavior. Denial distorts reality by seeing all the wrong your ex does, while telling yourself that your behavior is impeccable. You may minimize and ignore the damage that your actions cause your child. You may rationalize actions and make excuses for your bad behavior. Rationalizing is always lying to yourself. Energy is put in to justifying your behavior instead of seeking solutions to help your child deal with one of the greatest losses he or she will ever face--the intact family.

Any time you blame anyone other than yourself for your anger, that is... ]]> *Obeadience http://Obeadience.deviantart.com/journal/23947697/ http://Obeadience.deviantart.com/journal/23947697/ Sun, 29 Mar 2009 09:07:58 PDT
]]> *Obeadience http://Obeadience.deviantart.com/journal/22186270/ http://Obeadience.deviantart.com/journal/22186270/ Thu, 25 Dec 2008 09:26:47 PST
Love,

Holly

]]> *Obeadience http://Obeadience.deviantart.com/journal/21953418/ http://Obeadience.deviantart.com/journal/21953418/ Fri, 12 Dec 2008 19:33:10 PST
[link]ageId=1.1.1&sflg=1

]]> *Obeadience http://Obeadience.deviantart.com/journal/21014690/ http://Obeadience.deviantart.com/journal/21014690/ Thu, 16 Oct 2008 10:26:37 PDT
Personal parking space is just plain nifty. I gotta cheer it! There is something about that 8 by 10 rectangle of asphalt that gives me a magical twinge of joy every single time I park the car. It's one of life's little perks. I totally get now why people like getting the special spots at work or whatever. Not that I'm not a big fan of good parking in all situations, I totally am! I even invented the God of Good Parking Spots: Asphaltus. My daughter and I made him up, it's like an in-joke for us. Isn't that cute?

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]]> *Obeadience http://Obeadience.deviantart.com/journal/20291931/ http://Obeadience.deviantart.com/journal/20291931/ Tue, 02 Sep 2008 14:45:07 PDT
*dance dance dance*

]]> *Obeadience http://Obeadience.deviantart.com/journal/19453808/ http://Obeadience.deviantart.com/journal/19453808/ Thu, 17 Jul 2008 20:40:49 PDT
Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog.

SO the love.

]]> *Obeadience http://Obeadience.deviantart.com/journal/18303564/ http://Obeadience.deviantart.com/journal/18303564/ Tue, 13 May 2008 11:11:48 PDT
*does Snoopy Dance**

UPDATE: I got my kit today - I'm so psyched to get working with this gorgeous material. Look for my name in the October/November issue!! Woohoo!

]]> *Obeadience http://Obeadience.deviantart.com/journal/17801930/ http://Obeadience.deviantart.com/journal/17801930/ Fri, 11 Apr 2008 20:09:59 PDT
*grumbles*

]]> *Obeadience http://Obeadience.deviantart.com/journal/17783018/ http://Obeadience.deviantart.com/journal/17783018/ Thu, 10 Apr 2008 16:33:46 PDT

Anyone read Russian?

]]> *Obeadience http://Obeadience.deviantart.com/journal/17464227/ http://Obeadience.deviantart.com/journal/17464227/ Sat, 22 Mar 2008 19:41:36 PDT
Want book. *whine*

If anyone has one, a "bead" on one, or a notion of where I can find one, please tell me.

]]> *Obeadience http://Obeadience.deviantart.com/journal/13836684/ http://Obeadience.deviantart.com/journal/13836684/ Sun, 22 Jul 2007 18:20:55 PDT
How can Harry Potter be definitive? Harry is, I think, so popular in part because he's an actual Hero. There aren't as many of those as there used to be, and because he's an "everyman" to boot, he fills in a cultural gap that's been growing since Watergate. This world needs Heroes. We live in a myth-rich world and yet are so often achingly deprived of the function of myth - that is, to explain the inexplicable in our world; the massive contradictions that are inherent to the human experience. Love turns to hate, right to wrong, kindness to vengence, health to illness, faith to despair. . .and while we as humans talk about this endlessly, so few answers come to us!

We have help. We have our faiths, our beliefs, our stories, myths - and blessedly, our Heroes. I have Heroes to get me through when I need that extra boost, and Harry is among them. He (well, JK!) is another method of refining my own values; my rights and wrongs, my truths. I think Harry Potter has done that for a great many people. This is why we love him. This is why the world has reached for him in one great grasp.

Blessings on JK Rowling for this generation's hero.

]]> *Obeadience