http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Omnywrench&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Omnywrench en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Thu, 31 Dec 2009 08:34:02 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/29274950/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/29274950/ Tue, 29 Dec 2009 08:29:45 PST
As most of you are no doubt aware, there has been a failed terrorist attack last Christmas on Flight 253, where a man with explosive powder sewn into the crotch of his underwear was apprehended by the passengers when his undie-bomb failed to explode.

Read that again: the PASSENGERS apprehended the terrorist, not government officials. Isn't that a hoot? All that TSA airport security that we've been dumping billions of dollars into hasn't done jack shit to stop some guy with a bomb in his pants? In fact, in every single instance of would-be terrorists being thwarted, its always the people they're trying to blow up that stop them, not any government official.

Now, I'm not one of those people who think the government is evil and trying to kill us all by putting fluoride in the water, but sometimes I think that a lot of people in our government are pretty damn stupid. In all the articles I've read, they go on and on about updating airport security (as if it doesn't waste enough time for everyone already), but very rarely, if ever, do they mention the efforts of the people who actually stopped him. Come on, even the people on flight 93 got a movie made of them.

Can't they see the pattern here? It's the PEOPLE, not the government, that stopped terrorism. If you want to stop terror, stop being terrified, stand up against your foes and beat them so hard even Allah won't recognize them.

Speaking of which, you gotta wonder just how fucking insane a guy has to be to want to blow up his own nards in the name of his religion.


For another awesome example of vigilante justice, watch this video of a guy hitting a thief in the face with a bicycle.

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CLICK HERE ]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/29181052/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/29181052/ Fri, 25 Dec 2009 05:01:45 PST
Well, its pretty early in the morning so my family and I haven't opened presents yet, so until then I'll ask y'all a question regarding Santa.

Now, like all Christmas traditions, Santa Claus is different depending on who you ask. So I'm asking: how is Santa Claus depicted where you live? I ask because I know I have a very diverse audience from all over the world, so please share your local Santa!

Oh, and this other question goes out specifically to my Aussie watchers: is it true that in Australia, Santa is depicted in a red bathing suit riding a jet ski?

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CLICK HERE ]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/29112351/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/29112351/ Tue, 22 Dec 2009 17:18:13 PST But Cthulhu, who lived in the city of R'lyeh, did NOT!
To Cthulhu, Christmas just gave him a migraine!
Don’t ask me why, those who know are all dead or insane.
It could be, perhaps, that the stars were not right.
Or maybe his head wasn’t screwed on too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been he thought humans were all stupid and small.
But whatever the reason, the stars or his hate,
He sat in his throne room annoyed and irate.
Staring up from the abyss with a dark, Ctulhluin frown
At the dank, dirty windows in dark Innsmouth town.
For he knew every fishman In Innsmouth above
Were thinking of partridges and two turtledoves.
“And they’re hanging their stockings!”
He snarled with a sneer.
“Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”
Then he growled with his tentacles nervously drumming,
“I must find some way to keep Christmas from coming!”

So he devoured everyone and went back to sleep.
THE END.

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CLICK HERE ]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/29027692/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/29027692/ Fri, 18 Dec 2009 20:23:26 PST
Last week was my last days of classes for college for the year. I had all my classes finished for the day, and was extremely stressed out in every class. After a long day of hard work and meeting deadlines, I was feeling really depressed- not even the big christmas dinner with pizza, wings and nachos cheered me up (though I was glad my friends were there). Having no iPod and thus no 2 Sense to cheer me up, I decided to do the next best thing and draw something.

After a while of sitting down and not being able to draw anything, I noticed this little girl about six or seven standing in front of me, looking at my blank sketchbook. If you're wondering what a six-year-old was doing on a college campus, we were having a christmas toy drive where kids got free presents. That's when I noticed that she didn't have a toy.

"What's, uh..." I mumbled. "What's your favorite animal?"

"Dolphins!" She said with a smile.

So I drew her a dolphin, and she ran off to join her mother.

Now, I don't get along with kids very well, but seeing her smile at the drawing I made reminded me why I draw in the first place.

Merry Christmas, everybody.

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CLICK HERE ]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/28969286/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/28969286/ Tue, 15 Dec 2009 19:36:45 PST
But what if that voice had a body accompanying it? What if it was a spirit of some sort: an angel, a demon, a genie, a fairy, the ghost of a dead person (someone you once knew even)? Would you listen to what it had to say? If they told you to do something, would you do it without question? Or perhaps try and compromise with the spirit if what it suggested is either illegal or immoral? Failing at that, would you tell them to fuck off?

To recap: If some sort of supernatural entity of any sort suddenly appeared before you and told you to do something- anything at all- what would you do?

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CLICK HERE ]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/28938116/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/28938116/ Mon, 14 Dec 2009 09:05:06 PST
After coming back, I picked it up and read it through again.

My god, this book is fucking BORING! I don't know how I missed it the first time. I could go on about several OTHER flaws this book has, especially with the characters and how they act, but the one thing that really chaps my chops are the fucking descriptions! It takes sooooo fucking loooong just to describe ANYthing! Paolini just goes on and on and on and on about every little detail on everything new introduced, right down to precise measurements.

I don't give a fuck how many inches the fur on that werewolf elf-guy's shoulder blades are, Chris. Just say he's furry and leave it at that. Nobody needs to know the exact shape of the hilt of some fancy sword; just say its ornate and leave it at that. I read books to strengthen my imagination Chris; I don't need YOU to hold its hand along the way.

So to Christopher Pierogi and all other would-be writers, keep descriptions as short and as practical as possible. Tell just enough to give us an IDEA of what someone looks like rather than describe every single little tiny detail. If you want to add specifics, add it in later, don't clutter up the page with some laundry list of traits and clothes and body parts, because otherwise it looks more like some medical report that a story.

Shakespeare once said, "Brevity is the soul of wit". Unfortunately, since nobody knows what the word "brevity" means, this lesson tends to fall on deaf ears.
Also, before you ask, I'm NOT going to tell you what brevity means. YOU HAVE THE INTERNET. LOOK IT UP.

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CLICK HERE ]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/28852032/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/28852032/ Wed, 09 Dec 2009 18:26:40 PST
What do I mean by this? Well, take for instance the word "nerd" or "geek". These words used to be insulting and embarrassing towards the intellectual and the socially awkward. Nowadays its become an entire subculture, with books, games, movies, toys, shirts, electronics and TV shows dedicated to nerds everywhere. Nerds loudly and proudly proclaim their nerdiness. Nerds have even become sexy these days (I particularly find girls with glasses attractive). There's even music and songs dedicated to nerdiness- its how Johnathan Coulton got his start, after all.

Or, to dig into more dodgy territory, the word "nigger". Now obviously the word has a lot more hatred in its origins than "nerd" could ever have, and even today its pretty insulting to call a black person a nigger. Unless of course, you yourself are black. I remember back in high school I'd walk through the hallways and pass by several small groups of black kids just chatting, and almost all of them used the word "nigga" more often than most people use commas. Even at my college, I see this happening. The black people of my generation have turned the word "nigger", a derogatory insult, into "nigga", a multipurpose, mostly harmless slang term. Hell, I've been called a nigga myself, and I'm whiter than the Pope.

In fact, look at most subcultures whose names double or used to double as insults: goths, emos, furries, cheeseheads, yankees, otakus- most people in these groups will loudly and proudly call themselves by that name (except maybe the emos; they'll probably just sit in a corner and sulk about it).

Why? Because these words are nothing but what they are. Words, just words. Words can't hurt you unless you allow them to hurt you, or if the person talking is shouting so loud your ears explode, but that's a completely different problem entirely.


Going off-topic... what's with the stereotype that black people like fried chicken? Of course all black people love fried chicken- EVERYONE loves fried chicken! The only people who don't like fried chicken are zombies and penguins.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/28796927/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/28796927/ Sun, 06 Dec 2009 22:05:52 PST
The thing is, as I've grown older, my taste in scariness has matured, and its gotten harder for me to get scared at anything, mostly because I'm so used to all the different horror tropes today's media parade out. When that happens, its no longer scary as I find myself placing bets just what exactly is going to jump out at me from the end of that dark and spooky corridor.

Speaking of which, that's one thing I want to touch on: jump scares. You know, the kind that every haunted house ride, FPS game and flash cartoon toss around like blood-soaked confetti these days. They're startling, but not really scary. In fact, its pretty amateur; a nine-year-old wearing a bedsheet hiding in the closet can do the job.

Its only strength is that these scares appear suddenly and then vanish to let your imagination fill any gaps with the most terrifying things you can think of. If they lingered too long, they lose their scariness quickly, because most of them are just plain silly if you actually looked at them.

That brings up another point I find important in making something scary: the viewer's imagination. Sometimes its better to conceal than to reveal, and by that I mean if you show the whole thing in detail, its not going to be as scary than if you only suggested what just happened.

For instance, one nightmare-inducing scene I recall is that from Pink Floyd's "The Wall", wherein a bunch of schoolchildren are turned into putty-faced zombies and they all march right into the hopper of a giant meat grinder. Now, they could have very well actually shown the children being ground up between the gears, blood spurting and bones cracking as they are pulverized into mush, but they didn't. They just showed the grisly outcome, letting the horror of what you just witnessed sink in.

Speaking of grinding up children, I just want to personally say to all would-be horror artists- don't rely on blood and gore so much. Granted, gore is a key element in horror, but by itself its not so much scary as it is just disgusting. That's one of the problems I have with the Saw films; they make me want to run, but not screaming in fright, but rather in search of a bucket to puke in. Its like the icing on a cake- a cake with a good, even layer of icing is tasty, but a cake that is nothing but a giant pile of icing is just gonna make people sick.

That's my two cents on the whole horror thing. What about you? What are some of the things you look for in horror?

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/28775486/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/28775486/ Sat, 05 Dec 2009 21:06:10 PST
]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/28708454/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/28708454/ Wed, 02 Dec 2009 11:58:25 PST
Also, I forgot to mention another symptom of my game's little hiccup: Every time I either crash out or simply close down TF2, or sometimes even my other steam games like Half-Life 2, Garry's Mod or Left 4 Dead, my computer screen's resolution drops to its lowest settings, making everything on my screen big, bunched up and fuzzy.

I have to manually switch it back to normal, but even if I select "keep these settings" it still keeps going on. Any ideas?

*EDIT* Well, thanks to the suggestions of , my resolution problems are over, though there's still the matter of the crashes. I've already sent out an e-mail to Valve, but any help you offer in the meantime is still appreciated.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/28707221/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/28707221/ Wed, 02 Dec 2009 10:28:22 PST
]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/28588190/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/28588190/ Thu, 26 Nov 2009 11:04:38 PST
For the past few days, every time I get on TF2, it crashes. That is to say, for a few minutes I'll be playing normally and everything's going smooth and nice, then all of a sudden the game freezes, the sound stops, stutters for a few seconds, stops again, then the whole thing dies and goes back to my desktop with a little window that says "HL2.EXE has stopped working" (yeah, no shit).

Every other steam game I have on my laptop works just fine; TF2 is the only one I really have a problem with.

I've tried everything I could think of- I've lowered the video settings to their lowest levels, put in all sorts of launch options, turned off every other running system, disabled my firewalls, defragged my computer at least three times, verified my game cache ... I don't know what else to do.

I think the problem might be my video drivers, but I wouldn't know how to check. Does anyone have any idea how to do that, or any suggestions?

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/28505983/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/28505983/ Sun, 22 Nov 2009 10:22:54 PST Fifth grader protests for gay rights.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/28342254/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/28342254/ Fri, 13 Nov 2009 21:22:09 PST water on the moon. Like, lots of it.

This is, without a doubt, awesome. This means we are just one step closer to a permanent Moon Base, which is yet another step in our quest for extraterrestrial exploration.

"Exciting" is too much of an understatement. We won't just be able to walk on the moon; we can live on it! We can till the lunar soil and grow food there! Who knows- maybe someday people will be BORN on the moon. The sky is no longer the limit here.

Now, I love the Moon. I think its the most beautiful thing in the whole sky, and I look forward to a full moon every month just so I can sit down and stare at its shining white face for hours at a time. Sometimes I even howl at it for giggles. And with this new discovery, I just might go there someday. I'll be sure to save you guys a seat.


Godspeed, NASA. Godspeed.


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]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/28324136/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/28324136/ Thu, 12 Nov 2009 23:00:22 PST
Anyway, during the discussion, of the leaders; a person who I had seen working at my college (though I don't think he was a teacher), openly asked, where does racism really come from? Many people suggested it came from upbringing, or from society, which are big factors, but didn't really get to the origins of the whole thing.

Finally, I stood up and gave my two cents on the origins of racism: Instinct. We are, by our very nature, scared of that which is unfamiliar or different (I even admitted myself when I first met a black person I was freaked out), and will take measures to either get away from it or else destroy it. Its a deeply rooted survival instinct, since such unfamiliar things might be dangerous. It's a natural thing.

HOWEVER, just because something is natural doesn't mean its good or healthy. Xenophobia may be natural, but so is cancer, and both are deadly to mankind. Because we have the ability to recognize our instincts, we have the ability to overcome them and replace them with something good and truthful, like understanding, and acceptance.


On an unrelated note, you know what tastes really good? Toast a whole wheat bagel, slap on some cream cheese, add some jalapeño slices, and put the two slices together. Its like a jalapeño popper sandwich. Damn that shit be tight.

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CLICK HERE

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/28205404/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/28205404/ Sat, 07 Nov 2009 19:37:58 PST
But not to worry, peepers! This is the holiday season, with more holidays and traditions then you or your grandma can handle! And next up is my favorite holiday next to Halloween: Shanksgiving!

That's right, Shanksgiving! Where everyone carves their own personal shiv out of a chicken bone or a bar of soap, then run into the streets stabbing everyone they see!
There's something about cooking a bird in there too; duck I think. Or a platypus.

Let us give shanks!

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/28156081/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/28156081/ Thu, 05 Nov 2009 07:07:56 PST
For my first act of business, I will take the 100 sketch challenge!

The rules:

100 people will sent a private message to me for a sketch commission. These commissions will be done in pencil and neither inked nor colored.

Each sketch will cost $5 for one character; two dollars for every additional character.

Once all 100 slots are filled, no more commissions will be taken until further notice.

Once everything is settled, all payments are to be made up front before receiving commission.


Rules about commissions:

-Nothing that violates DA submission rules (nothing racist, pornographic, or just plain naughty)

-As previously stated, all commissions are pencil sketches without ink or color. If you wish to have ink and/or color picture, it will cost an additional $5 for ink and $10 for coloring.

-Commissions are done on a first come, first serve basis. The sooner you commission me, the sooner it'll be done.

-You are not required to tip me, but if you feel so obliged be my guest.

-SEND ME A PRIVATE MESSAGE IF YOU WANT A COMMISSION. IF YOU LEAVE YOUR COMMISSION INFORMATION IN THE COMMENTS SECTION BELOW. IT WILL JUST BE IGNORED.

-If you really, really, really want a commission from me but don't have the money, don't complain about it to me in the comments, and especially not in PM form. They will also be ignored.

-Last but not least, if you don't want to commission me and simply want to donate money for me as a token of good will or an attempt to seduce me, my Paypal e-mail address is omny87@yahoo.com. I would put a donate button below, but deviantart's code thingy just doesn't want to cooperate.


Alright, that's it! Just send me a private message and I'll get to work as soon as I can.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/28103545/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/28103545/ Mon, 02 Nov 2009 10:08:26 PST
It was large and squat, like a typical warehouse, but with windows around one corner of the building with a pair of double doors going inside. Through those windows I could see these large, bright, and colorful machines- popcorn machines, to be exact, the same kind featured at carnivals and parties everywhere. There were also cotton candy machines, pretzel machines and every other kind of carnival food available.

At long last, I have found the source of these devices.

Our patience has paid of, ladies and gentlemen. You all know what to do.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/27823481/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/27823481/ Sat, 17 Oct 2009 20:05:38 PDT
It was, without a doubt, amazing. The pacing, the atmosphere, the effects... breathtaking. The Wild Things were all so lifelike and loveable, and the seamless meshing of digital and traditional effects made it all the more magical. All the feelings I had when I read the book with my father as a kid were all in equal measure and more with this film. There were a few parts, especially near the end that really caught me by surprise, but it didn't deviate so much as to tear up the experience. Not only that, but all the morals and lessons they told were spoken purely by how the characters acted and reacted, instead of just shouting out some fortune-cookie line like most other films do.

I won't spoil anything, but I will tell you ahead of time that it would be wise to approach this film with a very critical mind, because there's a lot of neat and clever symbolism in this film.

Also, Alexander is such a fucking woobie it makes me sick with awww. I want to wrap the poor bastard up in a blanket and pour him some hot chocolate.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/27690472/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/27690472/ Sat, 10 Oct 2009 15:45:19 PDT
I mean, it not in my top ten, but it was a pretty good movie. The effects were really good and the cartoony style was appealing (though the main character's flipper-like hands were weird as hell), and the various jokes and visual gags, while corny, obvious or long-winded at times, were actually very funny. What original material was in there was pretty creative, and they even had a lot of great shout-outs to the book, so I can't say it wasn't entirely unfaithful.

So overall, I liked both the book and the movie, but for different reasons. The book is nostalgic, funny, mysterious, and even pretty scary at times. The film is funny, eye-catching, exciting, and fun to watch.

There's just one big thing that disappointed me about the film: it didn't make me hungry. I know that seems a bit silly, but if you're watching a movie full of giant food, you'd expect to feel a bit hungry after watching it. Pixar's Ratatouille made me hungry, and and even Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit made me crave salad, and all the food there was made of plasticine.

And alas, the character voiced by Andy Samberg did NOT eat a hotdog as I had hoped. Though he did pose as one near the end, so I guess I'll take that.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/27637508/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/27637508/ Wed, 07 Oct 2009 17:00:04 PDT
Think about it: what person, sane or otherwise, would ever voluntarily allow any number of sharp metal objects to pierce the most sensitive parts of their body? It goes against every survival instinct we have. You see, genital piercings are not jewelry. They are a disease. Specifically, the Robosymplex 2 virus, more commonly known as "Robot Herpes". As the name suggests, it is spread via sexual intercourse with robots.

Sure, everyone may think its "cool" to have sex with robots, with their glowing LED eyes, tank treads and whirring buzzsaw hands, but getting robot herpes isn't cool at all. In fact, 85% of all sexual encounters with robots result in infection. In fact, further studies conclude that over half of all robots that carry robot herpes know they are infected even before intercourse, and will purposely infect innocent humans for kicks. Some will even threaten with violence towards those who might seek medical help, and thus this tragic disease goes unchecked.

So I employ thee, never have sex with a robot! Do not let their metallic exteriors or hissing hydraulics seduce you! If you are or know something who is infected, seek medical attention immediately. This disease must be culled for the better of humanity and society as we know it!

Paid for by the Society of People Who Don't Want to Have Sex With Robots. Seriously, that's fucked up, yo.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/27512405/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/27512405/ Wed, 30 Sep 2009 21:15:14 PDT
Now, I'm well aware of the tragedy that is breast cancer; my grandmother had it in her last years. I give whenever I can, and try to make donations larger than just loose change. But what really pisses me off is the false notion of charity printed on food labels. You see them in the stores, the little pink ribbons proudly displayed on the lids of yogurt cups proclaiming, "Every cup you buy brings in 10 cents for breast cancer research!".

Now to me, that seems almost like blackmail. Want to make sure your friend gets breast cancer treatment? Well then, buy our yogurt first! What's that? You don't like yogurt? Guess your lady friend is shit out of luck then. Why do I have to give these people money in order for them to give a little bit of that money to breast cancer research? IT'S NOT CHARITY IF YOU'RE GETTING PAID FOR IT. The point of charity is to give without expecting anything in return, and especially not demanding anything in return. And why ten cents? Why not twenty? Or fifty? Or hell, a whole dollar? You're only a multi-billion dollar company, I think you can handle it.

It's like that retarded "Box Tops For Education" bullshit: why should I offer a sacrifice of cereal boxes on the alter of the Charity Gods to appease them into giving my school money? Why don't they just give them the money? Same thing with walk-a-thons. You don't have to walk five miles to donate a couple bucks, just send them a fiver and sit on your ass all day. Giving doesn't take that much effort, people.

It's like nobody can just be charitable for charity's sake anymore. You have to bribe people with candy and t-shirts and carnival rides so they can prance about thinking, "oh, look at how CHARITABLE I am!" No you're not, you're a twink in a cheap t-shirt that you'll only wear for one day and stuff in the back in the closet and never touch again unless you either run out of toilet paper or misplace your ShamWow. I know such events are fun, but are they really NECESSARY?

I guess all I'm really trying to say is that if you want to give, then just give. You shouldn't need incentive to give to the needy. I'm probably going to get a lot of shit for this, but frankly, I could use some discussion in my journals.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/27319848/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/27319848/ Sun, 20 Sep 2009 12:42:38 PDT
[link]

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/27163605/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/27163605/ Sat, 12 Sep 2009 05:32:49 PDT

Preview the first is Tim Burton's "Alice in Wonderland", starring Mia Wasikowska and Johnny Depp!

When I first saw the picture of Johnny in his Hatter's garb, I was at first a bit put off. He looked like a clown that stepped on a landmine in a wrapping paper store. When I saw him in action, along with the multitude of CGI hellspawn that littered Burton's Wonderland, I was even more put off because of how unreal it looked. But after a few more viewings, I came to a sudden realization: none of it is real. It's all a dream, just like in the book.
Like most everyone else, I grew up with the classic Disney version of Alice in Wonderland, but it wasn't until a few years later that I actually got my hands on the book (okay, so it was really a website with the entire book on it; eat me). Reading it, I found it absolutely stunning how very much like a dream the whole story was- things popping in and out of nowhere, characters saying and doing stupid and impossible things, the very laws of reality and sanity being shattered and ground into the dirt, all the while the dreamer doesn't bat an eyelash at it.
So yeah; definitely gonna go see it in theaters. Besides, I wanna see how much nudity is in that shrinking scene.

Next up: Disney's "A Christmas Carol", starring Jim Carrey!

I have a love-hate relationship when it comes to Jim Carrey. While I find his wacky antics and silly voices hilarious when he dons the role of a cartoon character, such as Ace Ventura or Horton the elephant, when he plays a human character that cartoonyness seems to linger and ends up making him more annoying and obnoxious than funny. It's the same feeling I have with Adam Sandler, in almost all his roles he plays the same character with different clothes.
In this one, it's a bit of a mixed bag. When I saw the posters and the pictures of Jim Carrey as Scrooge, I just thought he was wearing an assload of makeup. But, much like Beowulf, it turns out these characters are done all in CGI. Also like Beowulf, they look stunningly realistic... until you actually see them move. Not only do their limbs and faces move with creepy robotic precision, but their hair is just really un-hairlike. It just hangs stiffly from their heads like uncooked spaghetti.
Also, it comes out in November. A Christmas movie. Coming out. In November. That's just bad timing.
I'll probably rent it.

And last but probably not least, it's Touchstone Pictures' Surrogates!
Once again, Hollywood's mind-reading spy vans have stolen yet ANOTHER awesome idea that I've had buzzing in my head for a while. Apparently this movie is set in the not-too-distant future (next Sunday A.D.), where people everywhere are sit in these little beds controlling these humanoid robots so they can go out into the world and fuck around without fear of getting hurt or arrested.
While I like the concept, the way its presented doesn't seem very realistic: for one, all the "real" humans look too healthy for people who squat in mechanical beds all day. I'm not saying they should be a bunch of emaciated blobs of flesh and bone, but they could at least make them look a bit paler.
Also, I know they say you can "be anyone you want to be", but what they showed examples, they were rather disappointing. A guy with three eyes? Some chick with spikes on her face? Where are all the people who have two heads? With five-foot prehensile dicks? Where are the robots who look like celebrities like Clint Eastwood and Mega Man?
But most importantly (and I'm sure a LOT of you are thinking this right now), WHERE ARE ALL THE FURRIES? I mean, come ON! This things' like the ultimate fursuit! Hell, you can do away with all of the anthropomorphism and just be a dog! Where are the Dog Surrogates?
I'm sure they'll go into more detail in the film, but I'm probably just gonna rent it anyway.

Well, that's it for now. I'm off to sell my soul to Wal-Mart.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/27099552/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/27099552/ Tue, 08 Sep 2009 16:58:57 PDT

After a human is first conceived, the first single cell divides into a multitude of cells, forming a minuscule, three-layered blob called a "blastocyst". At this point, all the cells are exactly the same, but can differentiate (that is, become different cells).

During differentiation, the blastocyst forms a dent called a blastopore (imagine poking a tennis ball with your finger; that's what it looks like). In a lot of invertebrates such as bugs and shellfish, this dent normally becomes the mouth. However, in vertebrates such as birds, reptiles and humans, this becomes the anus. In other words, our anus develops before our mouth.

Explains a lot, doesn't it?

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/27076965/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/27076965/ Mon, 07 Sep 2009 14:37:19 PDT
Why? Short answer: I'm sick of them.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/27022471/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/27022471/ Fri, 04 Sep 2009 19:38:02 PDT [link]

My second gMod video! Holy crap!

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/26983080/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/26983080/ Wed, 02 Sep 2009 18:00:04 PDT
However, with LEGOs now over fifty years old, they've branched out into other non-brick products such as t-shirts and backpacks and the like. You know, staple merchandising stuff. Later on they started selling things like containers to organize your LEGOs with. A good step, I thought, kids lose LEGOs all the time.

But one day I opened up a LEGO catalogue and saw something that left me both distressed and disturbed: LEGO-themed kitchen products. Ice cube trays, cookie cutters, and even a damn cake mold.

Look, dear LEGO company, I love your toys and I know you just want to appeal to a larger crowd, but are you TRYING to make kids eat LEGOs? Your toys already look like candy with their bright colors and shiny, shellac-like exteriors; I'm beginning to worry that you have some sort of psychopathic grudge against your core demographic. It's worse than all those Play-Doh sets that let kids make ice cream and hamburgers out of modeling clay. This is just further proof that all toy companies want to kill your children.


And now I leave you with this silly phrase:

LEGOS
THE OFFICIAL SNACK FOOD OF AUTISM

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/26815645/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/26815645/ Tue, 25 Aug 2009 11:54:33 PDT
Okay, I was waiting in line at the Financial Aid office at my college when I notice these two grossly obese women chatting in front of me. The taller of the two was pear-shaped and wore a yellow shirt. The shorter one was very round and wore a red shirt.

The only thing I could think of? M&Ms. In fact, I'm beginning to think that these ladies have eaten so many M&Ms that they have become one with the candy and will eventually turn into giant M&Ms. In fact, I think that's how the official mascots came to be.

Speaking of M&Ms, the other week I was at the store and saw some of those huge bags of M&Ms with new labels promoting Transformers 2: Revenge of the Computer-Melting Freakshows. Not only did they have a new flavor (Strawberry-Peanut Butter), but the two classic flavors were re-labeled: the Chocolate M&Ms were now "Chocl-Bots" and the Peanut M&Ms were the "Delect-O-Cons". Now, I don't even like Peanut M&Ms, but I'd buy them anyway on the simple fact that their new name is less of a chore to pronounce.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/26618598/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/26618598/ Sat, 15 Aug 2009 22:09:44 PDT
I LOVED this movie. Every moment made my eyes bulge, my mouth water, and my pants tighten. The characters were realistic and lovable (or hateable- I'll elaborate on that later), the plot was solid and didn't wander, the story was gripping, the effects were jaw-dropping and often frighteningly real, the action made me cheer out loud in excitement, the camera work was creative without being distracting or confusing, and overall, it was good.

The one thing I really liked about this movie? The bad guys. Why? Because unlike most other huge, powerful bad guys like in Disney films or comic books, I wanted them to lose. I didn't necessarily wanted them to die(though I wouldn't have minded), I just didn't want them to win. I often end up rooting for the bad guys because they're the ones that kick off the story by stealing a giant nuke or unleashing an army of nuckalavees. They're big, they're flashy, and they have the best lines and best songs. Because of this, the good guys become mere obstacles for the villain to try (and almost always fail) to overcome.

But here, the roles are reversed: the good guys kick off the story; whereas the bad guys are an obstacle for them to overcome. The villains are recognizable and stand out from the crowd, but they're not flashy, show-offy supervillains. No; these guys are absolute bastards who don't give two shits whether you live or die. These are the kinds of people you know can and do exist in real life. And that's why I loved them. They made me think, "You are a horrible, frightening, absolute heartless monster, and you will NOT win." If a movie can make me cheer with all my heart when the villain is defeated, it has definitely done its job.

But the one thing- the ONLY thing that I did NOT like in this film were the guns. Specifically, these chunky white plastic-looking things that these troopers in white combat armor carried around. They looked like they were going off to play paintball.
Oh, and sometimes its hard to tell what some people are saying due to it being set in South Africa with all the accents, but most of the time they weren't saying anything detrimental to the plot.


Overall, awesome movie, thumbs up, pants down. When it comes out on DVD I'm gonna buy nine, just in case I lose eight.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/26603527/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/26603527/ Sat, 15 Aug 2009 05:50:20 PDT
...Motor oil was made from a black motor oil fruit.

...All dogs were boys and all cats were girls, and that they gave birth to each other.

...Flamethrowers were some kind of ridiculous slingshot-like device that flung little fireballs.

...White eggs come from white chickens and brown eggs came from brown chickens (which I later found out to be true).

...If I stood behind an electric fan, it would suck me in and shred me to pieces. I had a phobia of fans until I was six.

...Tumbleweeds hatched from eggs.


What kind of stuff did you use to believe when you were a kid?

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/26397409/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/26397409/ Wed, 05 Aug 2009 08:21:21 PDT A little video I made in Garry's Mod.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/26356504/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/26356504/ Mon, 03 Aug 2009 10:38:02 PDT
The trailer de jour for today is Moon, Directed by Duncan Jones and starring Sam Rockwell as astronaut Sam Bell and Kevin Spacey as the voice of Gerty the computer.

At first I didn't have much to say about this movie. It seems like your typical "guy trapped alone and going crazy" story, but set in space. The setting also seemed rather unrealistic- why would NASA have an entire moon station be controlled by a single person? Of all people, NASA would know about what isolation of that magnitude does to a person. Not to mention how Gerty's Myspace emoticon face is just plain silly-looking.

But, after doing a little more research into the film, I have decided to go and see it anyway. Why? Because Matt Berry, better known on the thingerwebs as George the Volcano, is going to be playing a part in it. Once that bit of information comes out, I expect to see Moon-related Youtube Poops in the near future.

And now, I leave you with one of my favorite Youtube Poops: Dr. Rabbit is a Racist

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/26155210/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/26155210/ Fri, 24 Jul 2009 16:47:27 PDT
Lowe's

Home Depot

Upon seeing these two competing hardware stores right across from one another, I noticed their similarity to a typical Team Fortress 2 map. In fact if I recall right, "BLU" stands for "Builders League United", and Lowe's motto is "Let's build something together".


Now everytime I grab a shopping trolley at either of these stores, I feel compelled to shout, "WE MUST POOSH LEETLE CART!"

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/26059577/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/26059577/ Mon, 20 Jul 2009 06:43:08 PDT
I can honestly see where they stand with that idea, although its' incredibly over-generalized, which I really don't dig. After much mental debate, soul-searching, and frantic dishwashing, I've personally come to conclude that religion, as a whole, is neither good nor evil- People are good or evil.

Now, certainly a religion can have some very evil practices, but without anyone to carry them out they have no power in this world. There could be a religion that states all children must have their legs painfully sawed off at age 11, but without anyone doing the sawing, the religion simply fades away. Likewise if a religion stated that people should go forth and give food to the hungry, it has no power without anyone to actually practice such things.

On a related note, I don't think religion makes people good or bad, but rather it attracts those who are already good or bad and aids them in expressing those feelings. A good person can be inspired by ancient texts and help others, or a bad person can twist old verses to further their own agenda. Politicians do it all the time.

A hammer can build a house or smash it down, but not without a hand to grip it.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/25948232/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/25948232/ Tue, 14 Jul 2009 17:38:05 PDT
A couple nights ago I had a dream where I met Michael Jackson before he died (after running from angry farmhands by hopping a train and jumping into a river, but that's not important). He asked me, "Do you know the future? What's going to happen to me?"

I gave it to him straight. "Michael, I'm afraid you're going to die at age 50. Of a heart attack."

At first he was shocked and pretty scared, and even looked on the verge of tears. Seeing that I told him, "Look, I'm really sorry about all this, but look at this way- you've done so much stuff in fifty years what most people couldn't accomplish in a hundred. You've entertained and inspired millions of people all over the world with your music and dancing, and they're still going to remember you long after you're gone."

With that, Michael smiled. "Thanks- even though I'm gonna die, that made me feel so much better."

After that, I woke up.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/25816292/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/25816292/ Wed, 08 Jul 2009 11:35:47 PDT paper shredders, missile launchers, pregnancy tests, turntables, humping dogs, mini-fridges, and even dildos. It makes you wonder just how many USB ports some companies think the average computer user has.

But all of that pales in comparison to the iSaw, a USB-powered chainsaw.

While I don't doubt so much that it’s real (the demonstrations in the video look pretty fishy), I seriously doubt in its practicality. I mean, does it have a rechargeable battery, or do you have to keep it plugged in like other electric chainsaws? If that's the case, you'll have to lug around your computer like a proton pack if you want to use it outdoors, and unless you have a laptop with a battery, you'll have to plug that in too.

It also says its for "home and office use", though it doesn't say how long the cord actually is. You don't know if you can go and chop down that potted plant at the end of the hallway or just tear your cubicle walls to shit. Of course I don't think you'll have a job for long after lugging a fucking chainsaw to work, USB-powered or not.

Although it is, for lack of a better word, cute. I mean, besides the retarded power source, it looks very compact and durable without sacrificing utility, and it's at a pretty reasonable price. I don't think you'll be logging redwoods with it, but it looks useful for cutting down branches and smaller trees.

Overall, I can see the novelty in it, but if it actually exists I doubt it'll have any use other than slicing the shit out of your computer desk.


Now, I'd like to end this journal with GEISHA CHAINSAW

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/25758891/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/25758891/ Sun, 05 Jul 2009 17:59:00 PDT
The best part? The song I was listening to was "The Devil Went Down To Georgia". I shit you not.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/25544395/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/25544395/ Thu, 25 Jun 2009 15:50:33 PDT
It was certainly bizarre, but then again so was Michael Jackson. He was pretty eccentric (understatement of the year, I know) but you can't say he really left an impression on the world. He was a very talented and creative man, and its sad to see such talent go away so suddenly.

What's really disenchanting is how absolutely anticlimactic his death was. With such a long history of strangeness, dying comatose in a hospital bed seems, for lack of a better word, unfitting. It's sort of the same feeling I had when I found out that Steve Irwin died. You'd think a man with such a wild life would go out with more of a bang.

But I digress. We'll miss you, Michael. You were Bad.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/25390522/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/25390522/ Thu, 18 Jun 2009 09:24:18 PDT Ico and Shadow of the Colossus comes the E3 debut trailer for their latest game, The Last Guardian.

Holy mashed potatoes this looks so fucking epic. PS3 games have failed to impress me for a while, but this is just... WOW. The graphics, the music, the scale, the design, the camera movement- it's like if Guillermo del Toro and Jim Henson gangbanged Peter Jackson while the Chronicles of Narnia soundtrack played in the... okay I kinda forgot where I was going with that.

But seriously, this trailer looks awesome. The child looks like a living painting the way he's rendered, and he moves so fluidly and realistically. Also, it's interesting to see that the enemies in this game are apparently more numerous and around your size, as opposed to the fifty-foot piles of fur and architecture from SOTC.

Not to mention the creature Trico is SO FUCKING CUTE. Like, the cutest thing I've ever seen. It's like a cross between a corgi, a goat and a gryphon, it's that fucking cute! When reading more about this game, I learned that the creator wanted to avoid making Trico appear "cute". WELL YOU FAILED, DIDN'T YA? AAAAAAWWWWWWWWW.

But there's just ONE criticism I have: this needs to be a movie. I mean, look at it. The rich level of detail, the transitions and camera angles, the epic-sounding music- it looks more like a movie trailer than a video game trailer. Even the title, "The Last Guardian", sounds like a movie title more than anything. One thing I greatly dislike in video games is when they're little more than animated cartoons with a bit of shooting and jumping in between long cutscenes, like Kingdom Hearts or Ratchet and Clank. Hopefully this game will play as good as it looks.

And if not... AWWWWWWWWWWWWW SO FUCKING CUTE AWWWWWW

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/25367892/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/25367892/ Wed, 17 Jun 2009 07:38:29 PDT
However, because vampires can't go out in the sun, they end up having extremely pale skin, which makes their vampirical form all the more noticeable. Thus, they need a way to darken their skin without exposing themselves to sunlight. So they invented tanning booths; artificial suns that would allow them to tan without actually going into sunlight.

Of course, not everyone who uses tanning booths is a vampire- they allow normal humans to use their booths in order to keep suspicion down. Hiding in plain sight, just like a vampire.

Bear in mind, though: people who use spray-on tans are not vampires. They're just douchebags.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/25180334/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/25180334/ Sun, 07 Jun 2009 13:41:54 PDT
Anyway, without the music being pumped into my skull my mind started to wander, and I began thinking about whatever I could. Since there were signs everywhere stating "YMCA", I began thinking about the name.

For those who don't know, YMCA stands for Young Men's Christian Association. With a name like that, one would assume that it was an organization exclusively for young christian men.

However, as I looked around I realized that was not the case- very few people here would qualify as "young" (some of the patrons were old enough to be my grandparents), less than half of of them were men, and though I couldn't tell right away, I'm probably safe in assuming that not all of them were christian, either.

I suppose they could just change the name, but then again, if they did, we wouldn't have that fabulous dance.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/24790671/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/24790671/ Sat, 16 May 2009 16:40:39 PDT
A couple years ago I was at a Halloween party at a friend's house. I met a girl who was into the Wicca religion, and she even showed me a book of spells she brought over.

I skimmed through it, finding that it had several sections for all the different "colors" of magic (or magick, or majjiq or however you spell it). There was Red Magic, Blue Magic, Black and White Magic, and even Brown Magic. Sadly, Ocarine was never mentioned. I stopped on a random page and looked over this one spell's ingredient list. I don't recall the whole thing, but there was one ingredient that stood out from the rest: "Wood Nymph Oil".

It really raised my eyebrow, as I have never heard of such a thing. I queried the girl about it, asking what it was. She just shrugged- apparently she hadn't read that far into the book. "Oil from a Wood Nymph, I guess."

That just raised even more questions. What is a Wood Nymph, and how does one aquire such a creature? How do you get oil out of it? Where does it come out? Should you tickle the creature, or milk it like a cow? Do you wring it out like a towel, squeeze it like a grape, or crush it in a garlic press? Perhaps nymphs will give it to you if you ask politely, or offer it some honey or a tasteful throw rug. It baffles the mind.

Any Wiccans out there, please discuss.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/24461169/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/24461169/ Mon, 27 Apr 2009 11:16:03 PDT
Now, back to "what I draws now"!

The ideas so far:

- draw his characters.

- JOKER

- SHIN MEGAMI TENSAI

- birds

- some animals

- A drawing of a drawing. and then add a gratuitous product placement.

That's six so far, but I'd like an even ten. So post up your ideas and I'll pick whichever interests me the most! Try and be creative now.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/24426988/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/24426988/ Sat, 25 Apr 2009 11:53:29 PDT
My laptop isn't the problem since it detects all my other flash drives without any problems. I even tried plugging the problematic drive into a different computer and it didn't work.

I tried looking up the problem at the SanDisk website, but I can't find anything there. So if any of you out there have any idea on what to do, please tell me. I've got a lot of things on that drive that I really like- pictures, drawings, stories, every single page in my webcomic, and even a couple schoolwork assignments that I have yet to finish, and I do not plan on losing all the stuff I've got on there.

Does anyone here know anything about such a problem?

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/24407040/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/24407040/ Fri, 24 Apr 2009 08:06:23 PDT
Everyone in the comments section, give me suggestions on what to draw! Anything, and I mean ANYthing goes. The only thing I ask is that if you want me to draw a specific character, please provide a link to a picture of said character.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/24286828/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/24286828/ Fri, 17 Apr 2009 07:33:50 PDT
It's my way of saying "fuck you" to the Coriolis effect.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/24189721/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/24189721/ Sat, 11 Apr 2009 20:45:23 PDT
On the one hand, if an artist doesn't enjoy their own artwork, they seldom enjoy anything at all and will most likely give up art altogether. On the other hand, if the audience doesn't enjoy the artist's work, not only will the artist probably be disappointed, the audience will be unimpressed or even insulted.

Of course if an artist only made art for themselves, they'd have complete and total reign over what they made, though they'd probably turn off a lot of people depending on what they choose to make (then again if an artist is really only in it for themselves, they'd keep their art from everyone else). And of course if an artist is all about their audience, their creativity is limited to what their fans want, and you can't please everyone. But they do please a lot of people and for some, that's all they need.

This brings up a conflict in human nature: we are social creatures and yet we are also selfish creatures. Alone we can only do so much but our greatest strength is in numbers, and by working together we've conquered every corner of the globe as well as outer space. We like to help others and make people happy. But we also desire things for ourselves. We want something out of our work- money, food, praise, pleasure, love- and we don't want to share it with anyone else.

This conflict is ground into the human psyche, and it's definitely not going away. Shifting to one side or the other is destructive either way- the selfish will hurt others while the selfless hurt themselves. What we need is to find a way to balance these conflicting feelings in ourselves.

In fact, we need to find a way to balance a lot of things about ourselves- after all, if you tip a scale too far to one side it'll eventually break.

What are your thoughts? discuss.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/24047743/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/24047743/ Fri, 03 Apr 2009 20:17:43 PDT I Just got back from seeing "Monsters Vs. Aliens". It was a lot better than I expected (and it was in Real-3D, which was a first for me) and was very enjoyable and rather funny, though there were some parts that were just stupid. Still, I give it an 8. Out of what other number I will never reveal. I like to mess with your heads, you see.
Since I’m in such a cinematic mood, I thought I’d review not one, but three movie trailers, all for the same movie: Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs! Onto the trailers:

The first trailer here features Scrat, that huggable, buggable little rodent who has been relentlessly trying to keep his nuts to himself. But wait! It seems there's some female competition for his nuts: a lovely red saber-toothed whatthefuck named Scrattè! Their fight for domination over the nuts is fierce, and at first it seems that Scrat comes on top of her in holding onto his nuts. But with her feminine charms and devilish trickery, Scrattè rips Scrat's nuts from his clutches, keeping them all to herself and leaving poor Scrat nutless and screaming.

*pulls on eyepatch* Ha ha! Multiple Entendre!

Now that that's out of the way, let's get on with the next one. I know it's older than the first, but I'm doing them in the order that I found them. This one also stars Scrat, but without his nut-gobbling girlfriend (okay I swear the nut jokes stop here). Here he plummets through a hole in the ice and happens upon a subterranean land where dinosaurs rule. Gee, doesn't that sound familiar? At first my sole complaint was going to be the historical inaccuracy, but I realized a long time ago that Blue Sky pretty much kicked historical accuracy in the head around the time vultures started singing to a talking mammoth.

And finally there's this trailer, which actually stars more of the cast and delves a little deeper into the plot, or rather plots, plural. We've got Sid being a surrogate mom to a bunch of baby Giganotosauruses, Manny and his lady friend having a tiff, and Diego... just kinda being Diego. Not much of him in there, which is disappointing since I like him. But hey, more Scrat-Scrattè tomfoolery! What fun! Now I know I wasn't going to make any nut jokes, but I will say this: The trailer does include Scrat trapped in bondage and all sticky, when Scrattè suddenly tears away at his coverings and exposes his tender nipples. See, the truth is MUCH funnier than fiction! I honestly can't make this stuff up.

Overall, it looks like a half-decent film, and given my newfound discovery of 3D Cinima, I think I'll go see it.

By the way, am I the only one who thinks that Scrat looks like Gonzo from the Muppet Show?

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/24020102/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/24020102/ Thu, 02 Apr 2009 09:03:51 PDT
Everything I've said and done: every picture; every comment; every reply and favorite I've done, was not my choice. Some of the things I've said and done I would never say with any amount of truth. Everything I've done, here and everywhere else, has been in accordance with the Prophecy.

I was charged with fulfilling the Prophecy when I was just three years old and just starting to comprehend the human language. Since then the Prophecy has governed who I talk to, what I say, who I befriend, who I reject, what I eat, what schools I go to, who I will eventually marry and have a family with, and even what websites I check. Even now as I write this and confess to you all, it has been in accordance with the Prophecy. It's a difficult burden, but its one I must bear with dignity and respect, for the outcome of completely fulfilling the Prophecy outweighs all of mankind's greatest accomplishments combined.

Don't believe me? I already know that- According to the Prophecy, I will be rejected by many of my friends and followers for this confession. You will laugh at me, and even threaten to kill me for lying to you all these years. Which reminds me: tonight, one of you will die at my hand. I will not say who, but when the time comes I beg you to forgive me when that happens. It is for the good of humanity- no, for the good of all existence.

And so, in accordance with the Prophecy, I end on these words:

Septour Venato Rembuja.

These words will become clear to you all in time. I pray that you will heed to them.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/23938619/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/23938619/ Sat, 28 Mar 2009 17:51:41 PDT Chick Tracts, the badly-drawn fundamentalist Evangelism comics.

I love them for how they're so easy to make fun of (seriously, it's like throwing eggs at the backside of Galactus), but at the same time I hate them for their mind-bogglingly bigoted, hateful, and overall stupid messages. The worst part is, though most people who read them are in the same "love to hate 'em" boat as me, there are a lot of people who actually believe this shit.

What do I mean by, "this shit"? No, not Evangelism itself. You can go believe whatever you want to believe. But it's one thing to believe in something that can't be proven either way (heck, I myself believe in spirits), and another to believe in something that has been proven to be completely false. Like how being gay is an evil lifestyle choice. Or the Freemasons worship Baphomet. Or that Mohammad was buried at death. Or that evolution is a religion. Or that condoms are useless against STDs. Or pretty much everything that Chick and his motley crew of fundies have pledged with these tracts.

The only thing keeping me from sinking into an inescapable mire of depression a la that horse from "The Neverending Story" is the thought that the only people who do believe anything Slick Chick says (at least according to his comics) are extremely gullible, easily led sheep-like morons. I'm pretty sure he and his ilk are the reason secularism is on the rise in America.

In fact, sometimes I wonder if Chick really believes in what he's babbling about, or he's doing this to show the world what a prick you become when you take scripture too seriously (have you seen the protagonists in his comics? You could grease a jet turbine with their smug grins). He's like a real-life straw man fallacy, encompassing every stereotype surrounding fundamentalism.

I'm praying that some day in the near future he's going to finally emerge from his reclusive life and appear on Youtube saying "Man, you guys actually believed me? LOL you suck". I doubt it will, but the thought of it makes me laugh. Heck, if I was just a couple decades older I'd pose as Jack Chick online and say that myself. Who knows, it might actually make him come out and say it himself.


On an unrelated note: I think every church choir could be improved with this: [link]

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/23888590/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/23888590/ Thu, 26 Mar 2009 11:54:57 PDT
In case you haven't heard, Warner Bros. Studios is making a film adaptation of Where the Wild Things Are.

Now, I love this book. My dad used to read it to me all the time before bed, to the point where we both had the book memorized from start to finish. Best of all, he'd have just as much fun reading it as we had listening to it. It's a wonderfully written, beautifully illustrated book that captures the wonders of childhood, imagination, and the escapist fantasies that everyone has when we're sent to our rooms without any supper.

Looking at the trailer, I have to say I am immediately sold. They've managed to capture the feel of the original book and illustrations, and all the things they've added (like that miniature Venice beaver lodge thing) actually seem to fit with the style of the movie. And best of all, they're using actual puppets for the monsters! Not CGI, actual puppets! Okay, they do have some CGI bits, but it's still more realistic.

Although I'm still pretty skeptical about how they'll be able to stretch a ten-minute book into a full-length movie and still make it enjoyable. Even so, I'm definitely going to see it in theaters.


Now, for the next trailer... oy vay... Sony Entertainment presents Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs.

This too, was a dear favorite of mine when I was younger. It was funny, weird, and a little dark too. Which is why this trailer really gets my gall bladder in a twist.

First of all, compare the original illustrations of the book with the goofy CGI style of the trailer.

THEY LOOK NOTHING ALIKE! The entire cast look like a bunch of plastic squeaky toys! If it weren't for the title of the movie, I wouldn't have thought it was based on the book at all. I really hate it when film adaptations pull this kind of shit; using a famous book or toy or something to draw a crowd, scrape maybe a few names and minor concepts from the source material, and then toss out the rest and slap what little they got onto some generic story that has nothing to do with the original source. Seriously, this looks more like a Jimmy Neutron cartoon, with about the same plot.

Speaking of which- the book is about a grandfather telling his two grandkids about the fictional town of Chewandswallow, where food rains from the sky three meals a day. It's never explained why, which makes it all the more mysterious and amazing. But good ol' Sony decided to get rid of the mystery, and even better, reveal the mystery RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE TRAILER! Apparently in the movie, all the food-related weather is caused by a machine that turns water into food. Gee thanks Sony, I was almost intrigued.

You know, if you just changed the title to something like "Dr. Wacky's and the Cheeseburger Storm", it might actually pass as an okay semi-original film. You might get flak for plagiarizing, but hey, stealing ain't as bad as murder, right?



Even if both these movies totally blow, at least there's Pixar's Up. Pixar hasn't disappointed me yet. Because if they ever do, I'll probably kill everything the universe.



EDIT: I just recently learned that the main character in the CWACOM movie is Adam Samberg, the same guy responsible for this: [link]

Knowing that, I'll probably see the movie just to see if the main character eats a hot dog.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/23783662/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/23783662/ Thu, 19 Mar 2009 16:31:51 PDT
But there's something that all fast food restaurants, in fact, almost all restaurants have in common: the soda selection. Coca Cola, Pepsi, Sprite, and orange soda- it varies slightly, but overall it's all the same.

My question is: why hasn't there been a restaurant that tried to make its own soda? Every restaurant has its own sandwich, salad, and side dishes, but no soda to call their own. And I'm not talking about mixed drinks like cocktails, I mean a made-from-scratch, put-it-on-a-t-shirt-and-sell-it signature soda. Where are the McColas? Or the Kentucky Fried Orange Soda? Money definitely goes into the equation, though I can't imagine sparkling water and flavored syrup costs a lot.

Given how there are so many competing brands Burger King could just take some sparkling water, make it taste like ketchup, and call it "Crystal King". Kinda like Crystal Pepsi, only successful. Though to be honest that sounds more like some Japanese RPG villain than a soft drink. That, and ketchup-flavored soda sounds really friggin' gross.

And if I may go off on a semi-related segway here... If you ever played in those McDonald's Playplaces, didn't you hate it when your constant crawling and rubbing against the plastic tubes built up so much static electricity that when you touched one of the metal rivets, not only would you get zapped you'd hear this loud "BANG" like you just got shot? Damn that was annoying. But I digress.

To not stray too far off the soda topic: Mountain Dew Baja Blast is by far the best damn soda ever. I swear that shit is radioactive, its so green. And it's sold in Taco Bell! You mean I can eat my favorite food with my favorite drink too? Oh lawd I is in heaven.


So yeah, discuss soda here.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/23668757/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/23668757/ Thu, 12 Mar 2009 22:35:28 PDT


With that in mind, I'd like to take the liberty to say the following:







FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK

FUCKFUCK........FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK........FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK........FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK........FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK........FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK........FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK........FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK........FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK........FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK........FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK........FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK........FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

FUCKFUCK.......FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK.......FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK.......FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK.......FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK.....FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK...FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK...FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK....FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK......FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK.......FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK.......FUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCK.......FUCKFUCK


That should completely desensitize you to cursing, I think.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/23506944/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/23506944/ Tue, 03 Mar 2009 12:56:47 PST SCP Foundation, a Men-in-Black-like wiki site dedicated to protecting the world from the strange and unknown. I loved the site immediately and even decided to contribute to it under the guise of "ProfSnider".

Here's all the pages I've written so far. Feel free to rate and comment on them on both that site and this one!


The Jack-In-The-Box
Many-Winged Angel
The Wardrobe
Five Fur Coats
Tickle Monster
The Official SCP Sales Catalogue

I have a few other ideas that have yet to be written down, but I'll be sure to inform the rabble once I do.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/23461596/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/23461596/ Sun, 01 Mar 2009 01:03:25 PST
So far I'm about halfway through Genesis, and it's been a pretty interesting romp through the fields of Christian mythology (especially when you add your own MST3K-style commentary). I've learned quite a bit about stuff I had been wondering before about the Bible. For instance, apparently circumcision is the convonant between man and God; I did not known that. I had always assumed God was just into body modification or something. Do they allow Prince Alberts in Heaven, I wonder?

But then I came across a most interesting tale. It's pretty short and doesn't come up a lot, since it's basically just describing where a particular race of people originated from. See, about the last third of Genesis describes how Abraham and his descendants basically fathered every nation on Earth. Because back then, when God tells you to be fruitful and multiply, you don't screw around (or rather, you do. BOW-CHICKA-WOW-WOW!).

Anyway, Genesis 25 ends with the tale of Esau and Jacob, twin brothers. Here's how it goes down:

"(24)When the time came for her to give birth, there were twin boys in her womb. (25) The first to come out was red, and his whole body was like a hairy garment; so they named him Esau. (26) After this, his brother came out, with his hand grasping Esau's heel; so he was named Jacob."

Did you catch that second part? About Esau being red and "like a hairy garment"? Either this hit puberty in his second trimester, or this lady's giving birth to some freaky wolfman. Or, given the fact he's described as "red", she just gave birth to Elmo.

And then there's some thing about him being a hunter and trading his birthright to his brother for some lentil soup. You drive a hard bargain there, Esau.

I don't know. Read it yourself and see what you think: [link]

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/23366696/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/23366696/ Mon, 23 Feb 2009 16:04:21 PST
Now, I could go on for days about how this idea is completely unscientific, like how watches and living things are completely different objects, or complexity is a matter of perspective and thus unmeasurable, or the fact that because it has no solid proof it's more of a hypothesis than a theory, but I won't.

Instead, let me ask you this- isn't trying to prove God's existence, through science or other means, against his word and thus a sin? After all, twice in the Bible it is stated: "You shall not put the Lord, your God, to the test" (Deuteronomy 6:16/Matthew 4:7). So if you think you're doing God a favor by proving his existence, think again.

Besides- pocket watches are actually quite simple, really.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/23308062/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/23308062/ Fri, 20 Feb 2009 14:53:10 PST
In the back of the bar is a selection of pre-made sandwiches, wraps, and salads in neat plastic boxes. For my lunch I chose a BLT (Bacon, Lettuce and Tomato, in case you didn't know) as well as a Sobe drink.

As I was waiting in line to purchase said BLT, I got bored and started to read the packaging. Right on the front are the following words:

BLT SANDWICH

INGREDIENTS: BACON, LETTUCE, AND TOMATO

Now, I'm not gonna rag on the needlessly obvious list of ingredients. Rather, I was more perplexed to realize that it left out one very important ingredient; an ingredient that, if not included, spelled the difference between sandwich and non-sandwich: the bread.

This seems a little trivial, but aren't ingredient lists supposed to list every single thing that went into the food, no matter how small? And bread is a pretty broad umbrella- it could have been white bread, or wheat, or pumpernickel for all I knew (it was toasted, in case you were wondering). What if I was allergic to say, rye bread? If I was, this sandwich could have been my undoing and I wouldn't realize it until it was too late, all because they forgot to list it.

Or perhaps they didn't have to- maybe the bread doesn't really exist. Maybe it is an illusionary bread; a quantum bread that exists only in the mind of the beholder. It could exist in multiple dimensions, or not at all. It's a mystery that neither I nor perhaps the world will ever answer.

Whatever it is, it needs ketchup.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/23146282/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/23146282/ Wed, 11 Feb 2009 19:55:04 PST
You probably never had any of that happen to you, if you're lucky. But even if you didn't, chances are at least once in your life, you've uttered those infamous eight words, give or take a few swears:

"This is the worst day of my life!"

If you ever find yourself saying that, or have said it in the past, think about this: if today is truly the worst day of your life... than it can only get better from there.

]]> *Omnywrench http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/22926068/ http://Omnywrench.deviantart.com/journal/22926068/ Sat, 31 Jan 2009 15:38:06 PST "Homo Sapiens". In latin the term literally means "Thinking Man".

If you're a man who doesn't think, are you a man at all?

]]> *Omnywrench