What a touching image, really beautiful work by *kidchan


If this is true, then I'm definately NOT renewing my subscription. [link]

`justthorne 's journal. A very good read. [link]

Please answer my poll [link]

My heart goes out to all those affected by the terrorist attacks in London.

Hello everyone, I hope you are all having a good summer.
It is raining and very humid in NYC. I don't mind the rain but I hate high humidity. It's hard enough to breathe already with all the contamination, then you add humidity and you won't want to step away from the ac.

I haven't submitted any artwork in a while. This is because I've been quite busy. My nightside has taken a turn and I am exploring and learning new things about myself. I've also met many new darksouls. It's very refreshing. I'm also re-doing my website. After I was done with the layout I presented it to some people for feedback and decided to re-do it from scratch. The process was much faster this time, the ideas flowed better and quicker; except for the actual portfolio section. I'm doing it in Flash and I'm not very skilled in Flash yet. Other than that it is pretty much ready. It will go live very soon. Probably after my trip. I will be submitting the original layout here so you can see it and maybe give me some feedback as well.

I will be going to Puerto Rico for two weeks. I hope to take some nice pics over there, if the weather doesn't get any worse! I'm excited to see my family.

I finally got Adobe CS2. I haven't had the time to play with everything yet, not until I come back from my trip. But it looks like it will be fun!

]]> ~Oscura http://Oscura.deviantart.com/journal/5436046/ http://Oscura.deviantart.com/journal/5436046/ Mon, 23 May 2005 06:46:29 PDT News from Oscura

End of transmission

Thanks to all who take the time to look and comment.

The webcam image is me and my friend Ophelia at Long Black Veil.




Hi everyone, I hope you are all doing well.

As graduation gets near, there is more work to do. For those of you who didn't know, I graduate from Multimedia Design next month (yay...). I really can't wait to be done with it. Working full time and then going to school afterwards is no joke, it really drains all the energy out of me. I have no time for much and I am tired all the time. So it'll be a relief when it's over.

I can't focus for long periods of time, I feel like I have adult ADD lol. I guess it's all part of the 9am to 10pm days. So I'm slacking off on finishing my online portfolio. I've sketched a few images that I want to do as manipulations, but I started one and don't feel like finishing it at the moment. I'll get to it eventually.

Ok I have a profile at OneModelPlace.com...yes, shame on me I know. I just wanted to see what would happen, I was curious. I've gotten a few emails, that's all. I probably won't keep it up for long. Here it is for your amusement [link]

A quick reminder! Very soon REVOLUTION is coming! It's a graphic novel in which I am one of the characters. Details here [link] Don't forget to get your copy!
Note: Revolution's release date has been pushed back a little. But not to fear, I will let you all know when it's out!

Webcam photo taken by and manipulated by me.
(models: Oscura & FLugaro)

Enough.


"When you want it
It goes away too fast
Times u hate it
It always seems to last..."
-Speed of Pain, by Marilyn Manson

________________________________________ _________

I know that many people are writing journals about this. I'm adding mine to the list. About the terrible news regarding Dimebag Darrell, ex Pantera guitarist, and Damageplan's guitarist. He was shot during a show in Columbus Ohio. You may read the story here [link] It is sad, such a talented individual. I enjoyed his playing many times and will listen to Pantera today in honor of Darrell. This may sound silly to many but it isn't to me.
He will be missed...



June 26 was the chosen date, at 1:00pm at Union Square Park. If it were to rain we would just meet inside the barnes & noble.
Thanks to all who answered the poll, and special thanks to those of you who have taken the time to leave comments/suggestions.
Please be advised. If you had already made plans to attend this DevMeet, you should go to the forums and check out the latest changes for this. [link] People have been making other plans and changes.
I'll be glad to hang out with the small group of cool people who had already answered my poll and posted their comments and ideas.



I want to thank *pdtnc-stock for having the brilliant idea of creating templates for DA prints. This has made it easier for me to deal with the whole aspect ratio problem. So if you're a newbie of DA prints like me, you must download his templates!

So if you see a deviation of mine that you had already seen, popping up in your message center once or twice again, I apologize. That is me trying to submit it for print.

So this is my first print available. I'm really sorry about the size (I know it's tiny), but it's a learning process.


Others will be available 'soon'.



I've had a few requests to create a stock account. I'm not comfortable with the idea since I am so picky about my photos and insecure about my image.
However, a friend suggested I take requests. I am willing to do this. If you have an idea of what you need (pose and attire), send me a note and if am able to do it I will let you know. Please, you must consider my limitation in time and equipment. My camera is ok, not professional. And my schedule is tight. So...yes, limitations blah. hehe. But I want to let you know upfront.



Please send some love and support to ` missmisery she really needs it right now. She is sick. I wish for her the best.

Check these clubs out damn it!
<--contest going on right now check it out! <--another contest! http://Oscura.deviantart.com/journal/2469658/ Thu, 20 May 2004 13:18:23 PDT [link]
Lots of good uses for the scrapbook so, use it!

I've started to use my scrapbook; I uploaded some scraps in there if anyone is curious enough or has enough time to waste.

I recently got two new tattoos, if you want to take a look at that, I did a simple collage of photos from that evening Steve from Fun City Tattoo is awesome, I recommend him.

I now have a total of 5. If you haven't seen the ones on my back take a look. That was by Regino of Inkstop Tatto in NYC.



This was posted here in DA, in the News section. The Resident Evil: Apocalypse poster contest. Don't miss out on that, it's very exciting and it's a good challenge. The deadline is June 30 and it is only valid in the USA and Canada. Check it out!
RESIDENT EVIL POSTER CONTEST

Another contest! I just read this today in DA News, Miranda IM logo competition This is another good challenge to take up. Think about it as a way to polish your skills, to grow, learn. Give it a try!

I've been thinking of featuring a DA artist in my journal every now and then. Right now, I want to encourage all of you (the 2 or 3 who read this journal) to visit He deserves more attention than he gets. His poetry is a journey into the deepest, strongest feelings of a human being. It's so real, so heartfelt, and to some it might be a little too real but I think that's positive. He also has some interesting artwork. Check him out!

Ok let me close this by saying thanks to all of you who watch me

This is the way these things begin. You make something that says you are better than you thought, larger, wider, deeper, fuller. And once it happens, you want it again...and again.

Art has one function, which is to change those who make it and those who see it. -Sean Kernan

Check these clubs out!!
]]> ~Oscura http://Oscura.deviantart.com/journal/2379175/ http://Oscura.deviantart.com/journal/2379175/ Sat, 08 May 2004 11:59:22 PDT
I haven't done much lately, I know that. But now I'll have some time in the next couple of weeks and I'll probably get a couple of manipulations done. I have a lot of ideas in mind (just not the time).

My unwanted friend, migrane decided to pay a visit this morning, so I had to stay home. I don't know if any of you have ever suffered from migranes, and if you don't I'm happy for you and if you do, I'm really sorry, I know what you're going through. It feels like there is some kind of mechanical thing expanding my brain from the inside out, and it is about to burst out of my skull. Or in reverse. Isn't that fun! I take Relpax, which is ok it works, but it doesn't work fast enough and it makes me feel numb.

Anyway, changing the subject now. I finally went and got Communication Arts' Interactive Annual 9. Great magazine. I was reading some of the articles and I found them to be very inspiring. So inspiring that I've been annoying some of my classmates and friends, reading some of the articles to them, lol.

I'd like to annoy you people, by quoting some lines from this magazine. This is from a graduation address by Sean Kernan to a photography and film group at commencement.
This is the way these things begin. You make something that says you are better than you thought, larger, wider, deeper, fuller. And once it happens, you want it again...and again.

Art has one function, which is to change those who make it and those who see it.

Think about these things...I do.

----------------------------------

If you haven't done so yet, I suggest you start taking advantage of the new SCRAPBOOK feature! If you don't know what it is, here is a good place to start [link]
Lots of good uses for the scrapbook so, use it!

Ok..that's all for now, I have to get ready 'cause I'm going to a show..Vital Remains, The Black Dahlia Murder and Cattle Decapitation. See you later!

R.I.P. ---------------------------------------- ------R.I.P.
Update on last night's show

We had the best view, from upstairs, right in front.
The Black Dahlia Murder opened the show. Those guys are VERY energetic and loud! They put on a good show, fast and insane. The singer stuck around after the show, mingling with the crowd, signing autographs and taking pictures. He was pretty cool.

Cattle Decapitation followed...what an interesting number. The singer reminded us of Jim Bauer the stand up comedian from the movie Half Baked. The guy is INSANE!! He would stick out his tongue twisting it and rolling his eyes back at the same time, and I swear, I was just waiting for him to fall down and pass out. Sometimes the bass player seemed a little concerned about him, hehe. But in all, they put on a good show, very high intensity.

After almost an hour, the main event finally was about to start...Vital Remains. These guys just started walking into the stage and the audience went crazy. Then he appeared....Glenn Benton, the man himself. Chaos errupted. Glen, and the two guitarrists were wearing leather armor, extremely cool, but Glen was also wearing a black leather armor like mask. Then one of the guitars lit up, with 666 red lights!!! Crowd goes nuts. And the music starts. It was insane. I mean, here is a group of 5 incredibly talented, ass kicking guys, and I really mean it! I was absolutely FLOORED by both guitar players, specially the one who was also doing back vocals...wow, he was SUPER fast, precise, etc..but nothing, nothing was better than the drummer. omfg that guy was a drumming GOD!! The drumset was his BITCH!! He would twirl his drumstick, while doing the helicopter with his super long hair, and playing with such ease and confidence it was unbelievable. He was just amazing.
Glen Benton was funny, he would take a bottle of water and baptize the crowd haha!
The quality of the sound, the show, in terms of vocals, guitars, drums, everything was great. Great show. As we were walking out, the guitar player (who did vocals too) was walking out and I just had to tell... ]]> ~Oscura http://Oscura.deviantart.com/journal/2001564/ http://Oscura.deviantart.com/journal/2001564/ Tue, 23 Mar 2004 06:25:36 PST My heart goes out to the people of Madrid for their terrible loss.


Update: I want to congratulate , on getting some of his photos chosen to be displayed on the Webster's online dictionary as part of their digital photo galleries. I'm proud of you bro!! Keep it up! That's only the beginning!

---------------------------------------- --
Well, I was able to finish EmaRah [link] and some of you have seen that piece and commented on it. Thank you VERY much for your support; it really means a lot to me. And thanks to the VERY few who read and reply to my journal (you know who you are!)


I'm really frustrated right now. I can't seem to finish any of my manipulations lately...I stop halfway and just can't even look at them anymore. I have about 4 halfway done. :/
I like it now then I hate it later...I just can't make up my mind right now!!!! I have all these ideas in my head, all these projects I want to do, but I can't even sit down and start, it's too much. This is SO FRUSTRATING!!!

To top it off, my right shoulder is really bothering me...if I don't take constant breaks from the computer it gets kind of bad. I bought myself some heat patches.

On another note...is anyone watching the Sci-Fi channel show "Mad Mad House"? I don't watch much TV, but this is very entertaining to me. I love to watch the "normal" people being freaked out by the "freaks". But that Kelly girl...wow, she needs some professional help. Seriously, I felt bad for her. I really like Art (the modern primitive), he's so nice, well, I pretty much like all the Alts, or "freaks". It's an entertaining show....for now.

Anyway, enough of that. I give up...no submissions for DA tonight...my head is spinning...I can't.

Member of:
]]> ~Oscura http://Oscura.deviantart.com/journal/1901250/ http://Oscura.deviantart.com/journal/1901250/ Thu, 26 Feb 2004 20:39:17 PST CONFINEMENT

Let me hide, oh let me cry
Drink the tears from my eyes
For so long, just let me alone
Want to lock myself inside

The sound of silence will be the voice
The sight of darkness will be the light
To comfort and embrace me
Being lost, ever wandering inside

Deep stillness wraps my entire self
Like a shadow, in muteness I lie
Now I hear the song that only tells
The true sorrow that lives inside

The tears are falling fast
The pain is growing slowly
Time stopped, there's no turning back
This is how I'm meant to be...lonely

I closed the door and missed the key
So you can never find me here
Very soon I will only be
A memory...of a lonely one.




Copyright © LM, 2004

I wrote this years ago...

Member of:
]]> ~Oscura http://Oscura.deviantart.com/journal/1884010/ http://Oscura.deviantart.com/journal/1884010/ Sat, 21 Feb 2004 15:12:44 PST
Why you might ask? I don't know her (personally); is not like we're friends. I'm just a person who likes her artwork, and admires her. But there is more....

Missmisery is an artist who pours her very soul into her work, and not only that, she pours her life into her journals that many of us read. She gives us a window into her life, her good days and bad days. Her comedy and tragedy. Not many of us have the guts to do that, to open up that way.

She inspires me, makes me think about many things that I sometimes take for granted. Last night after reading her journal I felt like listening to Mazzy Star. Actually, the song Halah reminds me of her.

Halah

Well I think I see another side
Maybe just another light that shines
And I look over now through the door
And I still belong to no one else
Maybe I hold you to blame for all the reasons that you left.
And close my eyes 'till I see your surprise
And you're leaving before my time.
Baby won't you change your mind?
 Surely don't stay long I'm missing you now.
It's like I told you I'm over you somehow
Before I close the door
I need to hear you say goodbye.
Baby won't you change your mind?
 I guess that hasn't changed someone
Maybe nobody else could understand
I guess that you believe you are a woman
And that I am someone else's man
But just before I see that you leave
I want you to hold on to things that you said
Baby I wish I were dead.
 Surely don't stay long I'm missing you now.
It's like I told you I'm over you somehow
Before I close the door
I need to hear you say goodbye
Baby won't you change your mind?

Though you may sometimes question many things in your life and feel like you are cursed, you are blessed Alix. You really are.

And please don't take this the wrong way, I'm not a psychotic stalker. lol.

Member of:
]]> ~Oscura http://Oscura.deviantart.com/journal/1853352/ http://Oscura.deviantart.com/journal/1853352/ Mon, 16 Feb 2004 02:33:02 PST The dark sight - the night sky

Blackness embraces the deepest light
The last veins ran red, but now
The clouds have taken them away

The dark sight, the silver tears
Wept through all the years and years
It is coming down to here, and now

I never want to leave it
I breathe and feel the touch
That heals a soul in need so much

The drink from the deepest light
...And blackness embraces the deepest light
I walk within, embraces by night.

GIZA, 1995

I have a small book where I wrote many poems. I used to write a lot of poetry when I was in college. I don't write that much anymore, but I do like to read these old poems. It's like reading a journal because I can remember what I was going through when I wrote each one. When I wrote "The dark sight - the night sky" I remember, I was standing in the balcony of the house I lived in with two other girls while I was in college. It was a gorgeous view of a red sky...and I was very emotional, and sad. I'm glad I kept it.

Member of:
]]> ~Oscura http://Oscura.deviantart.com/journal/1753444/ http://Oscura.deviantart.com/journal/1753444/ Tue, 03 Feb 2004 06:17:59 PST Stars fade like memory the instant before dawn. Low in the east, the sun appears golden as an opening eye.
That which can be named must exist.
That which is named can be written.
That which is written shall be remembered.
That which is remembered lives.


We shall be remembered...

I want to thank my dear friend for offering his constant support and words of encouragement. You are an extremely talented artist and I'm glad to have you as a friend. Thanks sweetie.

Also, please check out the clubs I belong to, they are all a bunch of great people, with lots of talent and great humor too! Puerto Rico lo hace mejor!

-----------------------------
I've recently received terrible news...I've lost a long time friend, a childhood friend...
My friend was sweet, funny, talented, handsome, and he had so much to live still...
...but sometimes, a soul can be fragile, can be so fragile, so hurt, and people don't even know, or even when they do they can't really help. It's that misery, that loneliness that clings to you, that rips your insides apart with no mercy at all...
...and you just can't take it anymore...you just can't live like that anymore...

Felix, from the bottom of my heart, I hope that you are now free from all that pain. I love you. And I'll see you later.


Member of:
]]> ~Oscura http://Oscura.deviantart.com/journal/1547482/ http://Oscura.deviantart.com/journal/1547482/ Sat, 10 Jan 2004 19:30:40 PST
"What a journey I have made, the things I have seen. I am but one of you. In my hand I grasp the sailing mast, while my left hand trails in the water. The trees are heavy with figs and olives. A coconut drops to the ground. I have separated myself from myself to sail again on the green Nile waters. I sail to the temple where the gods have gathered to gaze at their faces in deep pools. In my boat the souls of the years sail with me. The hair stands on my head in the wind. I hear the splashing of oars like the cracking of a thin blue shell. Horus keeps one hand on the rudder. What a journey I have made, the things I have seen. We glide to the middle of the lake. Give me a cup of milk and cake or bread. Give me a jug of water and human flesh. Give me air to breathe and a strong sailing wind when I rise from the underworld."

This is an excerpt from Normandi Ellis' translation of the Egyptian Book of the Dead. This is by far my favorite book of all time. It is the one book that I have re-read many times, the one book that I have marked, tagged, underlined.

I find comfort and inspiration like no other in the words of these ancient egyptian texts. If only I could draw the pictures that come to me when I read this book...if only I could express that somehow, but I don't think I can. And you may not find anything special about this particular book, and that is perfectly ok.

But to me it is a deep, spiritual, emotional experience. And these days when I feel no inspiration at all, when I feel like I'm back in that little dark room in the dungeon of my mind, this book is that 'something' you need to see, or feel or hear, to keep you going.

"Be quieter still, and listen to the Gods inside you.."

Member of:
]]> ~Oscura http://Oscura.deviantart.com/journal/1434571/ http://Oscura.deviantart.com/journal/1434571/ Fri, 21 Nov 2003 22:13:29 PST for lending me one of his photos to use in a Stockphotography manipulation challenge at ...
If you want to see the result, please go to [link] to view. Please leave comments if you wish to. Wakoo, I hope you like it!

So many times I feel like I wish I didn't have to work for a living so I could just be on the computer all day creating, just letting all these ideas in my head flow out. I always think, if only I had more time....

Time, it seems to go faster and faster, well you know what they say those scientists, the universe is speeding up. I think they are right. Everything is speeding up! Pollution, murder, poisoning, hunger, anger, fighting, pain, suffering, it's all speeding up into a frenzy!! When will it end? How will it end? We always think, I won't be here when it ends! I'll be long dead....

But what if it ends tomorrow? What if it ends tonight? What if you all of a sudden, are facing the end of this world as you know it...right there, in front of you...and there is nothing you can do but welcome it. It could happen.

Usually, the things you wish would happen are not very likely to happen...only the ones you wish never happened, or the ones you don't even think about. And sometimes the things you say "nah, it won't happen", those too happen. Anything can happen...just give it time...that means anything can happen soon because the universe is speeding up!

Yup, I'm babbling and I better stop soon. Ok how about now.

Member of:
]]> ~Oscura http://Oscura.deviantart.com/journal/1390573/ http://Oscura.deviantart.com/journal/1390573/ Wed, 19 Nov 2003 12:30:48 PST
Inspiration is outside of my window, staring back at me, waiting for me to grab it. Sometimes I see it, I recognize it, but my brain can not put it together.

What is inspiring to me may be nothing to others, that is so weird, yet makes perfect sense. What is beautiful to me is to others the same shit. I'm glad about that.

What I create today I won't like tomorrow. You won't like it today, or tomorrow, or ever, and it doesn't matter anyway.

We create....beauty, ugliness, sadness, happiness. We create dreams, nightmares, hopefulness..we are Gods in our own personal worlds.

Is your world better than your reality? Mine is still in the process...of what I don't know, but it is taking shape I think...

Member of:
]]> ~Oscura