http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:PageSpeaker&section=today deviantART RSS for by:PageSpeaker en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Wed, 23 Dec 2009 07:46:04 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/27558997/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/27558997/ Sat, 03 Oct 2009 13:09:31 PDT Also could use a few models for this project. Any volunteers?
So how have you peeps been?

]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/26921593/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/26921593/ Sun, 30 Aug 2009 17:53:09 PDT I'll try to view your deviations soooooooon ;-;

]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/26612170/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/26612170/ Sat, 15 Aug 2009 15:44:20 PDT Just pic a character from the list below and I will give you a discription of that character and kind of what outfit you'll need. Your outfits don't have to match what I have planned exactly, but something close.
Here's the list:

Enk Kane: male (needs to be well built and willing to have no shirt)
Zannor Cyrius: Male (skinny and having a gun and goggles would help)
Mecondra Zekk: female (long hair and sexy lol)
Tig Tealka: Male (skinny girlish features)
Scribe Skean: male (younger with long or spiky hair)
Vendial Skean: male (anything is fine)
Tyme Raink: male (sknny and girlish features)
Carrollyn: Female (darker skin color)
Zinc: male (well built and manly features)
Dar Taka: female (anything is fine)
Vice Sin: male (nice smile and has a long trench coat)
Valnn: male boy (darker skin)

Yeah, most of them are males. Sorry. But plz help me out. You can make this as fun as you want hehe. Cause I know I'ma have fun. Thanks guys for your help. I'll give more details if you're interested in being a model for me 8D
And yes, you will be drawn if you sign up for this and your page will be linked to

]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/26413327/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/26413327/ Wed, 05 Aug 2009 23:07:05 PDT I have news. I'm travelling back down to the states for the weekend tomorrow and won't be back till after the 10th. I'll probably still be able to talk to you guys when I get down there though. So no worries. I'll bring my art with me and try to finish something. I'll even take some pictures Wish me a happy birthday cause it's on the 9th and I won't be able to say hi then. I'll be hanging with old friends on that day. Thank you all for your support.
Next time someone wants to feature my deviations, plz tell me. I really am honored, but I want to be informed when you do. Thank you 8D

]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/26363348/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/26363348/ Mon, 03 Aug 2009 16:22:42 PDT My oldest sister hid one of my fav necklaces in a couch downstairs because she claimed it looked weird. I found it today and when I heard she hid it, I was a bit upset because she's always doing this to me. And my other older sister didn't help when she just laughed at me and agreed with sarah's actions. That just made me angry and my dad told me not to get upset. I just set my plates by the sink and left. I was going to tell my parents later that I'm really sick of the way they're treating me and their stupid gossip about how much of a freak they think I am. But then I decided against it when my mom started yelling at me for not knowing who's underwear belonged to who when I was folding their clothes. I went quiet because I can't talk back and I'm not about to cry like I normally do when someone yells at me. So she yelled at me telling me not to be angry when she tells me to do something. Oh yeah, that's totally the way to go! Yell at me to stop being angry and I'll totally stop! Jeez, I'm really sick of this shit. I'm so sick of being made fun of as the freak child when I just have a different style.
Sarah told me to cut my hair and kept persisting even after I told her it was a defenate no. She gave me that bitch stare and then kept going on why I should. I swear I'ma block anyone on here who tells me to cut my fucking hair, alright? Yes, I know it's fucking long, alright? Ever wonder if I like it long? I'm so sick of stupid people! They make me so ill, I could just rip the flesh off from my bone. But no, I stopped cutting a long time ago.
I'm so sick of idiot canadians who think they know me and are racist against me because I'm american. Well you know what, Canada? YOU'RE ALL FUCKING STUPID RACIST RETARDS and you don't know american politics or anything about anyone around the world! You're anorexic pethetic pacifist weaklings! You wanna fight me on that,go on! I'll be happy to debate you dolts. That's all you want to do with me from what I've seen so far. Gah, what did I ever do to you?
I hate that my proff doesn't like my work because I work in markers and pens. Also doesn't like that I don't edit my photos. Says it wrong to not edit a photo though I think a perfect photo can be taken with simply one shot.
I know this totally sounds emo, but why the fuck am I so misunderstood? I just hate how rejected I am from other people.
nvm, I'm done with this emo rant. I almost didn't submit it actually, but I'm done just keeping to myself about this kind of stuff. I just wanna talk to some nice understanding nonracist people.

]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/25424517/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/25424517/ Fri, 19 Jun 2009 21:31:33 PDT Anyway, one more exam on Tuesday and I'm done with school. Jeez, finally! I feel like I've been in 10th grade for like 2 years lol. We started early in Peru and ending late here. My parents are letting me switch schools next year thankfully. I'm thinking about telling people I'm Sweedish in my next school so people don't make fun of me for being American. It's that bad, seriously.
My English teacher is such a stupid ignorant woman, idk where to even begin. Did I ever tell you guys that she believes in reincarnation? that she thinks that she was once a native that drawned being the reason why she is scared of the color blue? Also, she was trying to give us an example of an oxymoron the other day and put up "military intelligence." I was like wtf, worst example ever, you ignorant pacifist dolt! She's so dumb. So also couldn't think of an example of a paradox so I had to give the class one. She blamed the fumes of the school cause she's alergic to everything aparently... lame.
Anyway, enough about her. you guys dun care about my life stories anyway. I just bought some new clothing, so I'm excited to start modelling it. Clint is also keeping me busy with a few more requests that I have yet to do. So I'll be uploading those when I take them.
I'm still taking requests for modeling. If you have them, probably want to get them in now because once I do Clint's requests, I'm going to want to do all of them. Just makes it easier so you don't have to wait for the day I'm motivated again.
Anyway, Why am I even making this journal? It's basically pointless. I only made it to show you guys that I didn't die or something like that. Sorry I haven't been able to view and comment on everything. Update me now on y'all's lives plz 8D

]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/25058900/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/25058900/ Sun, 31 May 2009 20:08:38 PDT is used for my art that I use the model pics for. And this "new" account is for the pics I take randomly because I love to take them, I take a lot of them, and I take some pretty good ones. there you go, plz watch both my accounts if you like my work. Comments are always apreciated.
Yes, I'm still taking modeling requests and will be til I say otherwise. My work can also be used for stock or photo manipulating as long as you ask me first. It's free of course. I'm not good or famous enough to charge people anything lol.
Anyway, hope you guys enjoy. As most of you should know, I am a novel writer. I've written a lot of books. I have one uploaded now that is finished. If you want the link so you can read, ask me and I will provide. I'ma also in the middle of writing a book with a friend. If you want to read what we have so far (trust me, it's amazingly good and awesome) ask for a link for that story as well.
Thanks for your support guys^^

]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/24686050/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/24686050/ Sun, 10 May 2009 12:19:18 PDT which is my main account. I’m happy to do just about anything though you do have to take into account that I don’t have anyone to take pics for me, so my locations are limited and I’m stuck to just my room and bathroom. I can try other places when possible, but yeah. And I’m also limited to the clothes in my closet, and though I have a LOT, don’t always have what I need. But yeah, I’m happy to do certain topics in posing for you guys or rp as someone. You pick.
I do have rules and standards though. I love modeling, but I refuse to do any nudity in any way, shape, or form. I don’t want to hear from people who just watch me because they think I take sexy pics of myself. That’s not what I’m about. I appreciate compliments and I don’t mind being called pretty or anything like that, but I don’t want anything nasty, understand? If it gets out of hand, I’m going to put a stop to the whole thing and keep my reference pictures to myself. So please be respectful to me and others.
Thanks guys for all your support! You guys are awesome!

]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/24574213/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/24574213/ Sun, 03 May 2009 20:42:12 PDT Lot been going on lately with school and stuff. Started taking new anti depressants and they’re working very well on making me happy, but they make me really tired and I’ve stopped eating almost completely. I stopped eating breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks for the past week or so. I’m not trying to be anorexic, I swear, I’m just not hungry. I’m sure it’ll pass though and I’ll be back to eating normally in no time.
Been getting really bad nose bleeds also lately which is weird. I’m sure that’ll pass as well in time.
School has been quite something. Canadians are SO racist against America, like I can’t even laugh about it anymore. Honestly, what’s wrong with you Canadians? I never knew how racist they were against us before. Every chance they get in history class, they’re bashing us. And I asked the teacher if she could get the students to stop hating on us cause I’M American, and she’s like, “They’re just frustrated with the Americans because we know all about them and they don’t know anything about us in history.” I felt like saying “Gee, I wonder why. Maybe it’s because you didn’t DO anything in history!” Jeez, honestly, they need to get over it.
Sorry, now I’m bashing them and I probably have Canadian friends. Sorry guys, this is just what I and my family has experienced with them, not saying all y’all are like this. I’m just trying to get out my frustration.
They’d ask me if I liked America or Canada better, and then they’d get all in my face to defend Canada if I didn’t like the schooling system they had but liked everything else. It’s like, “Goodness gracious, sweet heart, you’re not perfect.”
Anyway, kids have way too much freedom in my school and it’s driving me insane. My parents are writing a note to the school about a group of guys that cornered me in class and started sexually harassing me, touching me, saying they wanted to bang me, describing their penises to me, and drawing penises on my school papers. They also stabbed my papers with broken pens and started grabbing my hair. If the school doesn’t do anything, my parents are going to the police about it.
Wish I had friends in school who could get me out of corners like that. Gah, they had me against the wall and I didn’t know what to do other than ignore them and say nothing, trying to do my work. Guys scare me a lot. Guess it’s basically because I’m totally defenseless compared to them and there’s nothing I can do.
And my English Teacher is a psycho, but that’s nothing new. I got A’s in all my classes but her where I got an F. I have NEVER gotten an F on a report card in my whole life and only ONE D aaaaaall the way back in the 6th grade. Teachers left all good comments saying I was excellent except for her. That says something about her, does it not? Gah, if I go to summer school because of her, I’ma be so pissed off.
Going to an art class outside of public school, for those that don’t know. Went on a fieldtrip the other day with them and took pics around the town as a project. I have a few really cool ones that I may post if you don’t mind at all. I also have poems that I’ll type when I feel like it.
Ugh, so many stories and things to catch you guys up on. Also have a lot of deviations to go through. Sorry guys again for not getting on. Plz forgive

]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/23323588/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/23323588/ Sat, 21 Feb 2009 12:00:39 PST [link] on like half of my work, but he’s just one person and I know I’m not THAT ugly. But still, it was a bit rude and unnecessary. I mean, if he thought I was so ugly and horrible at poetry, why did he view and comment on half my stuff? Just kind of disappointing if you ask me and before he would have made me cry. But I don’t really care about people like him anymore thankfully.
Anyway, finally in school. It’s kind of fun. Only have 4 classes every day and lunch is like a freaking hour long lol. Got the study hall I wanted. But I’m disappointed in the art class I got. My teacher is really boring and I usually expect those teachers to be a tad more out of the box. And my English teacher is a bit on the psycho side lol. She goes on rants about the most random things that get us no where. But yeah, I’m making a whole lot of friends. They’re all really nice unlike in the states when they don’t make the new person feel welcome at all.
Yeah, got that sick feeling in my stomach now. I guess what that guy said did hurt after all. Damn it, I hate that. It must have been the things he said about me compared to Nerissa. I’ll just put him on that list so he can’t comment on my work anymore. Dang, I’ve never put anyone on that thing before.
But yeah, still not too much going on for me besides school. I’ll give you more better stories about that later lol.

]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/23129458/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/23129458/ Tue, 10 Feb 2009 20:36:06 PST Never mind. I could go on with examples just as bad, but that’s just something of the present age. Just letting you people know, I love Lewis Carroll’s work and have before. I have been a true fan.
Am I overreacting to this? Probably. Actually, I know I am, but I figured I’d just say it now before it irritates me in the future when people think I just randomly joined a bandwagon.
Ok, I get obsessed with things and Alice in Wonderland is one of them, but at least I’m not so fucking annoying about it. You don’t hear me prattling on about my favorite shows, movies, anime characters, or whatever we people like today. Yes, I do talk about it, but I’m not a spazz about it! I am now, but you don’t see me this way too often.
If I offended anyone, sorry about that. Just my way of thinking and I hardly ever update this account anymore. I don’t know, I’m sure the new movie will be good, but I’m almost disappointed. I just feel like the whole mood of liking it is going to be ruined by other people who see it and decide to become fangirls and fanboys about it. The number of those people is just going to increase when it comes out. Does anyone understand what I’m trying to say?
Anyway, I’m horrible at expressing myself the way I want to in these rants. Nothing ever comes out right. So I’ll move on. So, yeah, Canada eh? Lol no.
Instead of writing poetry, I’ve been helping my friend in Peru with a few issues in both love and depression and I can totally relate to all her problems. I just hope she’s alright.
I’ve also been writing a whole lot. My stories have been uploaded on FictionPress for anyone to read. I’ll send you a link if you want to read. I’m also taking requests on FanFiction.net. I’ll send you a link to that to read the rules if you’re interested in that too.
Yeah, still not in school yet. Jeez, taking forever. Debbie finally got my dad to buy a Guitar Hero and Sarah has the PS2 with her and she’ll be here with Lydia by Friday. Seriously, I’ve wanted to play that fucking play station for a half a year now and now I’m never going to get a hold on it! Bash someone’s head in!
I did something to my back getting two queen size beds into the house, up the stairs, and into the rooms with only the help of my dad. I’m not a dude and I haven’t a lot of muscles, so it really hurt. Where’s Apparition when you need him? Lol jk
Oh, just remembered. I need a list of normal guy names. I’m really horrible of thinking of normal names. Normal girl names are easy, but not dudes. Give me a list of all the ones you can think of please. It’d be much appreciated. I tried looking up some names, but all I ever get are weirdo ones that only people across the globe use if even them.
Anyway, I could say more about my boring life, but besides helping the move, I haven’t done any except watch anime. If you guys want a list of good anime to watch, I’ve got some good suggestions from all the hundreds of shows I’ve had time to watch lately haha. Trust me, there’s a lot.

]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/22575778/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/22575778/ Wed, 14 Jan 2009 10:39:38 PST We got the house we wanted and I’m glad. We also found a small school for me that’s big on art and drama. So I figured that’s the right school for me.
But I’ve been really depressed lately. My mom took my medication and is using it herself now, so I guess I’m off my anti depressants lol. We’ll see now if they’re working or not. I don’t think they did at all, but oh well.
Anyway, yeah, I really don’t like how things are right now. Canada is cold and I hate the cold with all my heart and soul. I miss my friends in Peru and especially Amy. My sister is so freaking annoying and her snoring keeps me up every single night. My mom is still a psycho and my dad is just trying to keep us going.
Gah, I’d write more, but I suddenly don’t feel like expressing myself at the moment. Might write a poem or something later

]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/22231653/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/22231653/ Sat, 27 Dec 2008 18:53:43 PST I’m so depressed and no one cares. I hate that I had to leave Peru because I was surrounded by people who did actually care about me for once in my entire life (except for Amy who is amazing). I know I sound completely emo right now and I shouldn’t because I just came from a place like South America that’s full of people with way worse lives than me, but gah, I just wish they’d care about me for once. I’ve been crying myself to sleep every night since I got here. Last night I didn’t even get to sleep, so I just cried the whole night. I’ve been having so many stupid nightmares that put me in a temporary shock every time I get up the next day, but of course no one notices. Sarah and Debbie won’t stop telling me how ugly my style is and laugh when my dad says he likes it and that he’s glad I’m trying to change. I tell them I don’t want to read or watch Twilight because I know I’ll get obsessed and my obsessions lead to drastic depression and they laugh more and call me stupid and say I don’t know what I’m talking about. They really do think I’m just a big sick joke, don’t they.
I was thinking to myself last night how easy it would be to just be bulimic. I’ve done it a few times before. Maybe then they’ll stop telling me how ugly I am each day. When my dad sticks up for me, I know the whole world has turned on me and that he’s the only one left. When my dad has to compliment me, I know I look ugly that day.
I thought I was at least decent looking, but I guess I was completely wrong. It just sucks because I wish I was pretty. I’m just good for nothing. Everything I’ve considered being when I grow up has been shot down. They just tell me I can’t do any of that because I don’t have the talent. They said I’m not good enough to be a writer, art teacher, movie producer, or anything else I thought of and I’ve come up with a lot. Well, I’m not good at anything else. I thought I was at least half decent at those things and that I could make it if I took classes and moved on from teaching myself for so many years. I taught myself everything I know about drawing and writing. I’m serious, I learned it all myself, but I still have no chance according to them. Sarah says my art will go no where and Lydia says I’ll never make it as a writer though she’s never read any of my books or stories.
They say I’m never going to drive because I’ll never be any good. My parents aren’t even considering me. I just stopped bringing it up.
Ugh, there are just so many things going on right now that’s making me so freaking depressed. I wish those pills worked so I could be happy for once in my life. But no, I’m going to be on them because my mom “sees a difference.” She’s blinder than a bat if you ask me. I could scream in her face that I’m depressed and she wouldn’t get it. Actually, I’ve done that before like 5 times, and still I got nothing.
I just want to scream and cry as loud as I can and have all the panic attacks I want and bleed all my misery out. I would give anything to have someone who loved me wrap their arms around me and tell me it’s all going to be alright.
I feel like I just lost my mom in a car accident and my dad just married an evil witch. If I grow up and make it no where and I die, it would be their fault and I wouldn’t mind. Dude, now I’m sounding like someone I use to know. Sorry I’m being so emo lately and that I keep updating journals with all my crap. I just have no where else to go

]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/22150361/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/22150361/ Tue, 23 Dec 2008 20:08:31 PST But yeah, they’re thinking it’s a lot of stress. I’ll give that one a big DUH. I also cried a little bit when I heard Sarah telling my parents the full story of when and how our cats were found dead back in Pennsylvania. Idk, I knew they’ve been dead for a while now, but I really just wanted to forget and not think about it. Gah, I loved those little fuzzy things so much. There are some things I’d rather not overhear, and that story was one of them.
We went shopping a little bit today and I bought like 4 books so I’d have something to do. Yeah, that was around $50 of my Christmas money right there. I used the rest on buying jewelry and makeup for myself. It was money well spent in my opinion. Usually I’m never satisfied with what I pay my own money for. I bought the Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland book though and I’m kind of excited to read it again. I didn’t think I’d find it.
Anyway, like the dork I am, I got a facebook because I really needed my friends in Peru to talk to and there was no other way of going about it. It’s so nice to talk to them again. I hate going places without friends. Amy, I hope you’re prepared for me when we come to Pennsylvania, because I’m more than likely to bust out into tears when we hug and give you every horrific detail on what I’ve been through just so I can get it off my chest. You’re my best and favorite form of therapy lol. Oh, and we have to gossip about everyone and anything. I haven’t gossiped in like 5 months, no joke. Haha wow, that sounds so weird and messed up.
I think I might go back and start typing up my stories on my dad’s lap top again so I’ll be occupied with something. I’m seriously going insane and I’m not sure if it’s entirely my mom. Idk, something is really haunting me and I’m feeling this sense of fear hover around me. I wish it’d go away. I’m going to pray tonight because I haven’t in the last few days being as upset as I have been lately. But yeah, I think that might help. Thank you guys for reading though you really don’t have to. This really is my account only used to get out a little of what’s on my mind

]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/22128999/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/22128999/ Mon, 22 Dec 2008 19:30:14 PST
]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/22071214/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/22071214/ Fri, 19 Dec 2008 16:54:06 PST My last day at school with my friends was really awesome. Ben gave me an ornament of an angel so I wouldn’t forget him and Caleb gave me a really nice back massage. Yong let me hug him for the first time and I got many hugs and kisses from even the teachers. They prayed for me after every class. It was just so sweet and thoughtful of them. They’re just such great people.
After school, I went with Jason, Angela, Marry, Kelly, Ilan, and Michelle to McDonalds and we hung out there for a few hours. I took a lot of awesome pictures of everyone hehe. Afterwards when everyone left and I had to say bye to Jason, I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. Yep, first time I ever kissed someone because I liked them. But I know it’s not that big of a deal because we didn’t like make out or anything real big like that. But it was still funny to see his big smile and face go red. I’m going to really miss him and the other many friends I made in Peru. Such amazing people. I’m going to get a facebook when I get a lap top so I can keep in touch with them and my teachers hehe. It’s been such a blessing moving to Lima for 5 months and meeting everyone I did.
Then on my way back to the hotel, I found that my ipod was stolen at McDonalds. So that was rather annoying, but my dad had an extra of the same size, but white and with some scratches. I’m content with it though. I won’t complain with what I’m given. I packed everything and went to bed though Debbie kept waking me up with her clanging around and snoring.
We got up early next morning at around 2am and got ready to go to the airport though Debbie kept not doing what she was supposed to and slept in too late. My mom wasn’t all too thrilled about that.
The airport was far, but all was well at the time. I thought about Jason, the trip, and how my stay would be in Canada the whole way. We got there and waited a long while till we got on our first flight. The seats felt like rocks (stupid Avianca) but they did have tv in the seats, so I was entertained for the few hours on the plane watching Hellboy 2 though I’ve already seen it.
We landed in Columbia and things were going pretty well for us. Little did we know that hell was wait for us around the corner. We went through a load of security and them checking each and every one of our bags. We boarded the plane quick. It was to be a 5 hour trip (with Avianca again). So yeah, we got on with their rock hard seats and nothing happened. They told us to wait 10 mins so they could fix a small problem. Yeah, those 10 minutes on the plane turned into 2 hours of waiting. But I’m not done yet. After they decided it’d take a while longer, they got everyone off the plane an back into the waiting room. They said to wait in there for 30 mins till they could let us board again and no one was allowed to go outside the waiting room. Yep, those 30 mins turned into a good long 2 and ½ hours of doing nothing but sitting around. Then they told us to get back on the same plane. Again, we waited another 30 mins doing nothing on this freaking plane. Oh, here’s the best part. They didn’t fix their problem yet. They decided they’d take off without fixing it. It gets better. The big huge freaking problem they had was not being able to play a movie on the plane. Yep yep, everyone one that plane including us missed our next flights by far because of the unexpected 5 hour layover.
The plane ride was painful and my mom was so pissed. She was next to me the whole time. She’s annoying when she rants, ok? She’s freaking annoying because she just doesn’t stop even after I completely and utterly agree with her. I had to take this for 5 hours in the freezing cold plane. I asked for a blanket like 50 times and they said to wait and they’d come give me one. I never got one. The person behind me kept kicking and tapping my seat and Debbie, who was in the seat in front of me, leaned her seat all the way back as far as she could. My back, my knees, my fucking ass hurt like hell the whole way and even after we got off.
I was taking pictures of the Florida lights outside the plane window with my camera. My mom was complaining to my dad to get her camera so she could take pictures too, but they were not allowed to get up. So she started insulting every picture I took, saying she could take it better and that she was a much better photographer (and trust me, she SUCKS at taking pictures). Dude, usually I’m pretty humble and modest about my talents, but I’m very good at taking pictures. Gah, I just ignored her as Debbie laughed at my mother’s downright rudeness.
We got off in Florida and we were su... ]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/21685501/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/21685501/ Wed, 26 Nov 2008 17:35:32 PST [link] some of you said you wanted to read my stories, so there they are. I plan to upload a few more stories and chapter when I have the chance. Enjoy what you have now and please read. It’d mean the world to me if people would read my work and offer friendly advice on how to make it better. No one ever does, so pretty please read O.O
I’m kind of sad. I’m excited about moving to Canada, but I really don’t want to leave Jason Y-Y I really do love him. I hope I can find another like him or at least have him contact me daily.
I’m starting to push past my physical and mental pain now and work out and involve myself more in activities and whatnot. I feel a bit better about myself, but I still feel like I can be better. It probably wouldn’t be so bad if I wasn’t so badly abused in my past about not being the perfect model size and not having a flawless face by people I can’t really consider friends. But I suppose that’s normal for a girl my age.
At the moment, I just feel like crap to be completely honest. I’d really like a hug from someone would can tell me everything is going to be alright Y-Y I know my friends here would do that if they knew I was struggling, but I don’t want them to know. It’s like a cross between depression and anger. Oh well, I’ll get over it.
I’m just dealing, that’s all. So forgive me. Sorry I haven’t been on to read and look at all your work or at least comment on the ones I have viewed. I just haven’t had the time at all lately. So much to worry about. But when I move, I’m getting a mac lap top for Christmas and there’ll be a long break, so I’ll catch up on all I’ve missed

]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/21473561/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/21473561/ Thu, 13 Nov 2008 17:22:56 PST
]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/20694333/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/20694333/ Fri, 26 Sep 2008 20:17:02 PDT Sorry I’m giving you boring details of my life. I want to ramble on about Jason and how much I love him because I can’t to anyone else, but I’m not. Ugh, guys, I’ve had crushes before, but I’m just completely in love, I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. Gah, I’m so going to get a broken heart over this.I kind of opened up to my mom about it all and the family is starting to see how it’s not just one of my small crushes that not even I care about. He’s the first guy my dad has actually completely approved of me dating which is awesome lol. My older sister says to stay friends as long as I can. My mom is happy because I said to her I want to be more Godly for him and she thinks he likes me back. Debbie is like trying to do something with us I don’t even know and Lydia doesn’t care too much.Darn, I said I wouldn’t carry on in this subject. OK, dropping it now because no one wants to hear of my love life.I have some poems I want to write, but I’m not in the mood to write them… so I’ll see what I’ll do with that predicament lol. I’m out, laters

]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/20377591/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/20377591/ Sun, 07 Sep 2008 15:11:24 PDT I've had a few break downs in the past month, but it all seems to be solving itself. I'm taking a new anti depressant and I think it's working because I'm pretty happy. I mean, I actually like school and I'm having a good attitude about it.
I'm finally catching myself and not gossipping about anything or anyone anymore. I also completely stopped swearing. Dude, my whole life is changing here. haha, sorry if my emo self is suddenly changing into something happy that you don't like. I do appoligize for that.
I kind of like this guy in school and now we're like... the top couple of all the grades. Everyone is asking everyone if we're together yet and if I like him and saying he likes me back. I'm just like whoa, where did all this come from? One girl asked me and now everyone seems to be in on it O.O idk if that's good or bad. But I don't want to make any moves on the subject. If he likes me, I'll let him do something about it lol. He did give me his number and asked for mine so we could hang out soon
He's such a great guy. I always got red flags for every other guy I've had a crush on in the past, but not with him for some reason. Ok, I won't ramble unless you care and ask me to give you the details.
Anyway, I'm writing a short story for english class and it's turning out REALLY well. Do you guys want to read it? if so, I can post it. If not, I'll just leave it as it is.
Have more poems to post later when I feel like it and I really want to post some new pics. The printer works now, so I'll be sure to get to work on my drawings and poses. Yeah, I'll leave you to your lives now. laters

]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/20100061/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/20100061/ Fri, 22 Aug 2008 17:10:19 PDT All of us had 2 check ins and 2 carry on bags going to the airport. We had stuffed all we could into every bag because they were all we were going to have when we got to Peru, the rest put in boxes and coming in 6 weeks. It was all fine and dandy till we got off the plane in Florida. They told us 2 carry ons and ONE check in, no acceptations. Yep, that’s right, all 5 of us had to get rid of one of our bags including just about everything else we had in them. I was surprised my mother didn’t totally freak out.
Getting to Peru and walking into our new house at like 5 in the morning without sleeping for forever, we were pretty tired, but we had no beds to sleep on besides Lydia. Debbie and Sarah got a couch, Madre and Padre had a blow up mattress, and of course I got the floor. Lucky me right? We didn’t have a fridge and the washing machine was located on the roof because it never rains here.
We went shopping for beds the first day of being here but they didn’t come in till like a week after. Gloria *the owner of the house* had this stupid little demonic looking Cherub thing dangling from the ceiling over the stairs, staring at everyone when they came up. It was ugly too, but Gloria loved it, calling it her little Gabriel… yeah, we used the bed excuse to cut it down.
The house looked pretty nice when Gloria had all her furniture and paintings here, but when they were all taken out when we got here… well, it looked like someone threw up on all the walls *mostly mine* and the emptiness just wasn’t that nice. We have all wood floors which I’m really not use to at all and my feet get dirty fast. We also don’t have a ventilation system and it’s winter here. It’s kind of cold. Oh, and the door knob to my room doesn’t work, so you have to shove it open and closed lol. I really hate that.
Anyway, went shopping a whole lot the first week being here because we had next to nothing in our home. The fashion here is like amazing. It’s completely my style. Bought a few new things for my Birthday everyone missed.
We’re going to an English speaking church and I met a lot of cool people there. I made friends instantly, it was so cool. My parents also agreed to be our youth group leaders. Going to be weird having them teach at church again.
Started school about 2 weeks ago and made even more friends. There are people from ALL around the world there. 10th grade seems to have a lot of Japanese kids like my awesome friend, Wateru, but that’s not all. Pricilla is from India, and… I didn’t ask my other friends where they’re from. Rachel, Erin, and Cody are all from the states, but I’m not sure where Jason is from. I’ll ask him because he’s cool enough for me to find out. I have like 5 other friends, but I haven’t the slightest clue on how to spell their names lol. The people here are just so incredibly nice, not at all like peeps in the states. The teachers are amazing too. Though I’m not so use to wearing a uniform and taking Bible class during school hours. But yeah, this school is just amazing and 20 times better than my old one, no joke.
But when I’m not at school or home, it’s all in Spanish and I’m having a hard time with that. We also don’t have a car, so we’re taking taxies everywhere we go. It’s really different the scenery as well. I have pictures that I’ll post a bit later.
It’s weird, but a few days of being here, I’ve really been turning more towards God. It’s cool hehe.
Wow, so many stories, I can’t remember them all right now sadly. I guess I’ll tell them another time. That’s just a small summary of my time here. I love it all, I really do.
I’m going to go play games now hehe. Bye-byez

]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/20066913/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/20066913/ Wed, 20 Aug 2008 19:43:28 PDT Love you guys a lot. byez

]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/19593985/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/19593985/ Fri, 25 Jul 2008 16:33:34 PDT Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanywho, let’s move on with our lives here. Got nothing to do but mess around with Gimp on the computer, read, and basically pack everything I own into only 3 small suit cases… it’s kind of hard haha. So yeah, kinda bored here. No one interesting is logged in AIM or MSN. Where are my non boring people when I need them? Lol nvm.
I’m trying to get all the music I own on my stupid mp3, but it’s being a jerk and wants to make the whole process complicated. *kills it* I want it all on there before I have to move across the world!! Eh, I’m rambling again about nothing.
Got a poem to write for the Amazing Amy and Clintykun. Wish I felt like writing them… I just feel like being emo right now in my writing haha. Maybe you guys have some ideas to get all my emoness out on paper so I can write for them. What’s weird is I’m feeling happy. Ever have one of those days when you’re feeling fine, but you want to feel worse than fine and be angry or sad at something? No? I’m just retarded then.
Story time. Update me on all your lives. How has living been for y’all? Any fun or exciting stories or experiences you peeps have to share? Do tell me.

]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/19556759/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/19556759/ Wed, 23 Jul 2008 14:13:45 PDT But yeah, leaving computer behind as well, so there might be a month here where I won’t be on at all or very very little.
My birthday will be in that time of me not being on, so wish me a happy birthday before I go hehe 8D going to be 16.
Sorry about the many updates, was bored and felt like writing a lot. Would have written more, but decided against it because I hate to over update things.
I’ve been doing pretty well… up and down a bit, but still good. I have a lot I want to write about, so I’ll see where that takes me.
You guys aren’t going to believe this next part. You all know about my “little” fight with that Nerissa girl a while back. I basically forgot about her for the long while. She wrote a lot of mean things about me here and there and is still telling others how much of a bitch she thinks I am, but it didn’t really bother me and I never acted upon it because it’d just make her keep going. Keeps telling others I’d come “crawling back” to her. I don’t think Amy and I ever laughed so freaking hard after she said that. I could understand her pride saying everything else she did, but gah, that was just… yeah, nvm, don’t want to make her mad when she reads this. And I know she will.
Anyway, point is, there’s this new person watching my account. In all pics taken of herself, she looks like Nerissa. Every word she said to me was the same as how Nerissa would talk to me. Her every problem was a problem Nerissa had. She liked everything thing Nerissa did. Her poetry and plots were the exact same as hers as well. She says she found me looking up “anime.” Ok, as good as I may be, there are like a million other pics out there that are a thousand times better than my work she’d have to go through and there’s no way it was in most popular or even in newest because she found me when it had been weeks since I updated. And not even a day later, she was friends with who other than… Nerissa! She said she had no idea we even knew each other. What a coincidence!
I asked my two of my friends and my other two sisters and they right away said, “that person is Nerissa” without me having to bring up the woman’s name. Like it’s ridiculous, seriously.
It’s totally her, but my question is… why the hell would she want to watch and talk to me?! One of my friends that wasn’t Amy surprisingly, said that she probably wants to come back to me but can’t let me know because she said I’d be the one to come to her. As true as that may be, I still don’t see her doing so. I really thought she hated me and never wanted to see me again. I thought she was like… well, you know, stronger and at least smarter than that to make it that obvious, you know? It’s weird. Sorry about giving that whole story, but like, idk what to do about it. Should I let her come back into my life like this? Should I keep playing along like I haven’t a clue?
Bleh, the subject just bugs me

]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/19453271/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/19453271/ Thu, 17 Jul 2008 20:03:59 PDT Bleh, anyway, got to hang out with amazing amy the other day which was awesome. We spoke of Transformers and Hellboy... lol and also some other things like how my old friend is an idiot. She wrote something about me today and for the first time... it actually didn't bother me at all. Amazing right? She made me care WAY too much, but now that I'm closing all those doors she opened and tryed to get into, I've been feeling better about letting her go and telling all her friends how weak she thinks I am and pathetic.
Enough of that. Finally able to draw a few things and write, but like... idk, the joy of it is gone. I loved the feeling of drawing and typing, but now my whole body is aching in pain. I feel like an old lady lol. Least my parents know physical tharapy and just tharapy in general, doesn't help me, so they're not making me go to them anymore.
Moving on the 31st of July. That's right, bitches! Less than 2 weeks and I'm out of this fucking hellhole! lol excuse my language. I found it necessary.
But hey, just my luck, my ear is now infected! That means the plane rides are going to be hell for it! Fun fun fun. It's bleeding and making my killer head ache worse. Isn't reading my complaints just such a good way to spend your time?
Ugh, I'm going to go draw a unicorn and write a death scene now... haha, wow, those two put together sounds funny.

]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/19315882/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/19315882/ Thu, 10 Jul 2008 18:06:53 PDT Nothing I ever say or do comes out right in words or talk. There was always something missing or it just wasn't said well enough. Gah, I can never do anything right. Not sure what I'm going to do with myself anymore. There's so much I want to say that's true, but I know I never can. Maybe I'm just too afraid of offending even one person. I'm weak, is that it? Should I stand stronger in what I believe in and shout it out no matter who I offend? I don't think that's the answer because it seriously bugs me when I look at others doing it, even if they stand for the same things I do.I don't want to be a jerk about it all because then my message will never get out there. It's one to encurage, not rile everyone up.
Oi, nvm. Done with that. Honestly, I've been going down hill with my life lately. I'm getting more and more depressed and still I haven't cried since even after the day I dropped my friend.
I keep thinking and telling myself that I'm doing better and it'll be even more great when it comes time to move, but I'm starting to think I've been lying all along. My depression is getting worse but I have no one to go to. Like, I have you guys, but it's not the same, you know what I mean. I've tried to stop complaining because great things are happening lately, but this stupid depression is getting the best of me. And I feel like such an ass talking about it all the time on here to you guys! I know you tell me it's ok and that you're here for me and that it's good to let it all out, but I don't feel like it's ok.
My little sis is upset with me again and I know I didn't do anything wrong. It usually never is me, but I'm always apoligizing anyway. I always apoligize first. always. Never once has anyone come up to me and said that they were sorry for the bad things they've done to me. instead they expect me every single time to go to them first and give them the story they want to hear about them being right and I was wrong and I give it to them every time!
The only person who didn't do that was Amy, and that's why I respect her so much. She has no idea how happy that made me feel. I forgave and comepletely forgot about every bad thing she might have said or done to me after she said she was sorry. And I hope she's done the same with me.
Sorry, getting off track here... bleh, I'm just tired of people stepping on top of me all the time, even my little sister. Ugh, she brings me down so far, I can't even begin.
I'm heading for a break down soon. once it hits and is all over with, I'll be "good" again. Promise I will. You'll never see a journal like this again. I'll be just like everyone else out there who just smiles and nods when they stomp on what's left of my pride and tell me I don't understand a fucking word of it and don't know what the fucking hell pain is or the darker things of life. I'll let them carry on and I'll play their stupid little games and they'll never know who I really am. None of them will till the day I meet someone who cares enough to go deeper into my life and break through all my chains against my will. That's when they'll get to find out.
Haha, I seriously qustion if I'm still sane lol. Sorry, I'm just ranting again. I know you guys say not to apoligize for it, but I feel I need to.
I'm out because my cat is doing weird things...

]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/19171524/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/19171524/ Wed, 02 Jul 2008 18:46:13 PDT But hey, we're going there soon now in like less than 3 weeks. I'm kind of nervous now that I think about it. My little sis and I being total blond hair americans are going to be popular down there fast and I really hope I don't turn into a jerk and let it all go to my head. If I do so... you all got to slap me or something.
I've been doing good lately. It's nice 8D but every once and a while something will hit me wrong and I just get all depressed again. idk, I have this whatever feeling in me that things just aren't the same here anymore, but nothing drastic has changed. I almost feel like I'm not even here, but I don't feel ignored or alone. Eh nvm. At least my mind has been more clear lately. Just wish I could finish the million picture sketches I started -.-
And I hardly ever post poems anymore. I do have some awesome pose pics I really need to get up and print out so I can use them, but my computer is being stupid and won't let me... I'll figuare something out. I'm out peeps. laters

]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/19096658/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/19096658/ Sat, 28 Jun 2008 17:22:24 PDT

Rules:
1: Post these rules.
2: People tagged must post 8 things each about themselves in their journals.
3: Tag six people and post their icons on the same journal.
4: Go to their pages and send a message saying you tagged them.
5: No tag-backs.

1. Open doors bug the heck out of me
2. I have a secret obession with vampires
3. My whole life is like a movie
4. I'm moving to Peru and I'm NOT sad about it
5. My weakness is small cute and very fuzzy animals
6. I'm a proud follower of Jesus and God
7. I'm really bad at filling these things out
8. I hate it when emo people get a hold on these quizzes and take every chance they have to spill their hearts on on them because then they're no fun at all... lol nvm

I will tag...
and...

]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/19006715/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/19006715/ Mon, 23 Jun 2008 17:42:04 PDT Anywho, my oldest sis is leaving tomorrow to move there. My younger sis is in freaking disney world, so my other older sis and I are totally going to go on a anime geek out for those three days when it's just us. In about a week from now, my parents are going to Peru to pick out a house for us. So we'll be gone in like a month. I'm hardly believing it and probably won't till I'm in that plane flying there.
My parents were talking to me about how my dad's uncle commited suicide and how sins were usually passed down to the 3rd, 4th, or 10th generation. They're kinda thinking that's one reason why everything that has happened and happening to me. Idk about that, but all those memories and bad things are going away now. Well, they were away before till a certain SOMEONE let them out. Good times. I'm happy the personalities and voices are gone. When we move, I can live a normal life like the girl I always wanted to be, never again to be the emo porn drawer!! Effing church and school... lol
I'll be going to a private school, only 8 kids in each class. 150 kids TOTAL in school from pre k to 10th grade! That'll be nice.
Anywho, I'll stop talking about my life right now lol. I'll rant all about it when I finally move.
Can't change the mood on the journals anymore, so I'll be neglected for a while now till my computer stops acting up haha

]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/18897843/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/18897843/ Tue, 17 Jun 2008 17:30:50 PDT I feel like ranting, but I have no freaking clue where to start on how you guys need to talk to me lol. I should be ranting about this on my main account... but I'm not. It's like all of a sudden, EVERYONE stopped looking at my writing and drawing works O.O idk how else to say or put it. What's up? Did I become annoying? if so, I'm terribly sorry.
ugh, johnny is depressed, clinty isn't talking and is moping around, Debbie is worried about johnny, Amy disappeared, I lost Kelli's phone number, lot of my kewl friends on here are like else where and stopped talking to me besides like... I got sumo and the other neat dude with the L avatar... I'm horrible, I can't remember his username or real name. wait... actually, those are the only two people talking to me. jeez, oh well. I'll live on with those two cool dudes without the rest of you.

]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/18857712/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/18857712/ Sun, 15 Jun 2008 15:40:03 PDT Life has been good to me lately. Well, mostly just my moods staying happy, but same thing I suppose. I just feel really beautiful and not like an ugly freak right now for some reason beyond me and it just really makes my day.
I'm at a point now where I want to write a book, have my mother read and edit it, and then finally get it published. That's always been one of my biggest dreams, so I'm going to give it a shot. I've got some great ideas.
Happy Daddy's Day everyone!! And if you don't have a daddy, God is your father as well, so do something for him. Idk what else to tell y'all lol. My father got back from Peru yesterday and I love having him around again.
My sis got this new hair cut and let me tell ya... It is freaking kick ass!! I told her that she has to model for some of my new pics some time and she didn't seem to have a problem with that. I can hardly reconize her now though lol.
Well, you guys have a wonderful day. I'm off to play runescape like the dork I am or type something up. Idk, but it's one of them. I'm out. Peace!

]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/18764171/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/18764171/ Tue, 10 Jun 2008 10:19:22 PDT I have new art pics, but you peeps don't care because you don't look at those lol. Well, Amy and Clint do, but that's about it. I've had some many ideas for my poetry writing, but I really haven't felt like writing it all down lately, so idk where I'm going to go with that.
I think things are going better for us now. The personalities are gone though I could feel them coming up a bit last night... well, guess that means they aren't gone, but at least they're not here like before. Maybe it was just my stupid mood swings being stupid again lol.
Nvm, I iz gunna go. laters peeps

]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/18732602/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/18732602/ Sun, 08 Jun 2008 14:38:41 PDT Anywho!... This morning I told my parents that I gave my life to God completely like not even a month ago and they just got all really happy for me. It was nice to finally have my whole family proud of me. I know I've been acting a bit immature sometimes between then and now, but hey, can't be perfect now can I. I'm going to tell my leader some time, but I know she'll probably really want me to share my testemony when I do. I think I'm ready for that now if she asks, but youth is just about over, so idk. I hope we have it tonight at least or I'm going to be disapointed.
I'm really going to try harder now to live more for God because I really find I'm more happy there than anywhere else. And I know God probably doesn't aprove of this account, so idk what I'm going to do there. Don't worry, I'm not leaving you peeps.
Sorry I'm talking about God on here if you don't like it. I don't do it a lot. It's just important to me.
But yeah, in some other news, we're getting some money! And a lot of it 8D My parents are going to let me buy some new cloths because all I have are ugly skirts and boy shirts... they just don't mix no matter how you look at it lol. So lately, I've been going out of the house looking like I'm going to church or just simply looking like a stupid idiot dork. haha, some change in that will be nice.
Getting hair done next saturday. Gunna have some more purple put in woot!
Even though we're not allowd to watch or do anything with anime, Lydia is still watching it on her computer lol. She of all people haha. She wants me to get into some of the shows she is, so idk.
Well there's a boring update on my boring life haha. Sorry again about my ranting before. I know some of you actually like it, which I do love reading it as well with other peeps, but yeah. I really do try not to act when depressed or pissed off. People say I should stop apoligizing for everything... should I? lol nvm...

]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/18712586/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/18712586/ Sat, 07 Jun 2008 10:57:21 PDT Then se started insulting me as a "joke" with the family. My dad was trying to get her to stop the whole time and was trying to cheer me up. If it wasn't for him, I probably would have stormed up the stairs to my room and make a drama scene for my mother to cry over.
Then when I was working around the house like I do every day for her without complaints or any needs for a reward or a simple thank you, ugh, she just pissed me off.
I really hate it when she's depressed. She's off her meds and it's been fucking hell. She's so mean, controling, and emotional. When something doesn't go her way or if we say something to her, she breaks down and cries to my dad and he's forced to take her side and punish us.
She's always yelling at me, making fun of me, and gossiping about me to everyone! She thinks I'm lazy when I'm in bed after 12 sleeping because I'm fucking depressed about life! I hardly ever do that and she does it for months! She doesn't take care of herself or us and we've been doing all the work... well, Lydia and I have at least. But Lydia is our protogy child, so god forbid they talk bad about her -.-
Gah, she makes me miserable and wonders why I don't smile at her when walking by. Is it a sin that she doesn't bring joy to me and I don't smile about it? Is it a sin that I don't grin when I'm not fucking happy? Does she want me to go back to fucking pretending for all my life?
I swear, if it weren't for my dad, I wouldn't give a damn if she told me not to cut myself. Jeez, last time I did that was on my birthday... almost been a year. She says that scares her. My scars scare her. If I gave her a second to look and see my world, I'd give her something to be scared about. I know she cares, but she sure as hell doesn't act like it now days.
I know she's depressed, but if she's that miserable, she should just get back on her meds like she's supposed to. They're free! I don't see her logic in things. I mean, I know parents usually have reasons that kids usually wouldn't understand, but what's she's doing I understand very well and I don't aprove. gah, nvm. I'm done ranting about her. She just keeps disapointing me and pissing me off, that's all.

]]> ~PageSpeaker http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/18704236/ http://PageSpeaker.deviantart.com/journal/18704236/ Fri, 06 Jun 2008 20:23:26 PDT Bleh, nvm, I'm just a bit depressed right now and I don't know why... guess that's what depression does. Figuares...
What's kind of annoying is that there is no food in the house... it's been about a month sense anyone has gone out to buy food now. I'd do it myself, but I can't. It's hard to do anything without anything to eat for so long. Before, I was like anorexic by choice, still am a bit, but not really. Anywho, it's harder when you don't want to be, but it's like you're almost forced to.
It bugged me a bit because the other day I was in bed the whole day sleeping because I was depressed. I thought I was over this now. We're heading to a greater life and all the voices are gone.
Still haven't talked to my parents yet about spilling all my sectrets to my little sis. I swear, if they told her that one thing, I'm going to punch hole in the wall because she's going to tell everyone even after we move. I hate those stupid problems. I mean, with cutting, Its like "aww, your poor person" but with some of these other things, it'll just ruin me if others find out outside the family. I mean, these are things not even Nerissa knows and I told her a lot. Amy knows a bit because she's awesome and I can tell her anything. Ugh, never should have told my parents anything. I was better off on my own.
I wish that wasn't all eating me up inside. Sorry, I'm like rambling and ranting though you have no idea what I'm talking about lol. I'll stop now

]]> ~PageSpeaker