http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Pokki-chan&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Pokki-chan en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Mon, 28 Dec 2009 15:45:56 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/6093875/ http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/6093875/ Sun, 31 Jul 2005 20:56:42 PDT or has it merely been a day or two
yes...
that's it
amazing how it feels like forever
how it feels like weeks
*sigh*

i love the music of jay chou
however...when you feel down
his songs that hurt when you're happy
hurt ever so much more
listening to qi li xiang right now makes me want to scream
and rage
and cry my heart out
i dunno why i feel so strongly about so little

i just do

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http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5906218/ Mon, 11 Jul 2005 16:24:41 PDT i feel like i can't breathe
and i hope soon for some cooler weather
i'm so happy that this summer i'm working tho
it's one way to beat the heat
since i'm air conditioned all day

talking about work
there's this guy at work
he's so adorable
he's a driver
(i work at a car dealership)
and he drives a truck
and he drives fast and slightly reckless
he's gotta be at least 20 *sigh*
and i'm pretty much invisible to him
i think he works for kia cuz he always delivers mail from kia to my mom
(she deals with kia deals)
and he has to walk past my desk
since i sit next to my mom
i guess i'm just invisible to him
but i sit opposite the front entrance
on the second floor
har har
so i get to see that delicious thing walk in everyday
lol

once he asked me where the "funky" envelopes go
and i had no idea
and i blathered like an idiot
and finally told him to ask sandra (my supervisor)
oh ann the talented
lol

aw my DA subscription ran out
i'd like to thank amy (=dualdesigns) once again
cuz she bought me two subscriptions in a row
she's so awesome
and it was her bday recently so go visit her and wish her belated wishes
this view is crummy
*wishes she had pay pal or credit or SMTHG!*

lol
anyways
i have to go do my couple hours of uni prep
yes...she is studying during the summer
but UT is a hard uni and i want to do good
so i gotta study hard in order to do that
but this weather is NASTYYYYYYY!!!!!
with humidex it's 41 or smthg
it's not the heat i mind
it's the humidity

the fan blowing me straight in the face is drying out my eyes and giving me a headache
haha

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http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5883849/ Sat, 09 Jul 2005 07:47:12 PDT it's be two weeks shy of seven months
and it's the first time i could go visit adam again
and think of him again
it's been hard
it's almost like if i kept away
it didn't exist
and i just couldn't take i guess the truth
specially with the things going on in the world lately
i konw adam has some opinions to express up there
lol
and no matter where he is
i know u konw how i feel
so i guess i'm just excusing myself for not visiting you

i wrote a lovely poem (in my opinion) last night at 3smthg AM
but i couldn't post up cuz DA was in read only mode

i find that there are lot of great traditional artists on DA
i especially love the b & w portraits i've been faving lately
i wish i was that good

i have a headache
and do not feel so great
maybe i'll curl up with my book (and yes i gave in and i'm reading a nice sappy romance novel)
with some coffee
--oh no...we're out of milk

smtmes
girls just like to be cuddled
we just wanna cuddle
and hold hands or smthg innocent
and be shown a little affection
they're not really looking for love or anything
and this was just random
lol

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http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5809574/ Fri, 01 Jul 2005 08:07:26 PDT i haven't been here lately
sorry for that
i got a job
a 8-4 job
but i have to get up at 6
and i get home everyday at 5 exhausted
and this weather doesn't promote sitting in front of a comp either

today is canada day!
happy birthday canada!
lol

i am packing today
to bring some stuff to UT for next yr when i'm off to uni
it's kind of sad
i'm saying goodbye to a part of me
but oh well
hello new part
lol

prom is over
it was fun
grad is over
it was boring
and i didn't get the award i wanted to
but liz did
and she deserved it
so congrats and love to her

anyways
my daddy's coming home today
and we have to go pick him up soon
i'll randomnly pop in throughout the summer
but i gotta be making some $$$ for uni
lol

i would like to thank amy (=dualdesigns) so much for the two subscriptions she bought me
i can see this one is running out
thanks so much amy
ur so giving and kind!

see yas folks

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Peeps I Watch:

http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5573943/ Mon, 06 Jun 2005 20:04:59 PDT
The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

But I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find, you and I collide

I'm quiet, you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know
I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
You somehow find, you and I collide

Don't stop here
I've lost my place
I'm close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find, you and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

it's such a beautiful song
i really love it

RL Friends:



Peeps I Watch:

http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5386944/ Tue, 17 May 2005 20:48:00 PDT they have this great new thing similiar to paypal but you can send, receive and earn money there!
so come all and sign up today by clicking here
[link]
and you'd be helping me out too so much obliged


so school's BUSSSYYYY
this is a long weekend coming up so i'm travelling to TO to check out Uni there
i wonder what it'll be like seeing ppl again

and next weekend is prom so argghh
too much to do
i still haven't figured out a make up place yet
that's bad
that's really bad
lol

my bio ISU is this fri *so nervous*
and accounting ISU is next week with a quiz this week and one during next week
eep

so i will be back around beginning of june for a while
then disappearing for exams again
OMG!
high school is almost over
O_O

bye duckies for now


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http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5171053/ Sat, 23 Apr 2005 20:47:06 PDT wow and WHAT a week lo
started out good

mon: won reach in our round! we are the champions! bahaha
and next tues we play gallo's team and ha! he's scared
hopefully we can kick his ass and OMG! be in the in-school reach semis
wow i'm so passionate about this
haha oh well!
i love my reach
the competition...
must beat gallo *mutters*

tues: was kinda shitty since i had to write the euclid math contest
two and a half hours
and so i missed the morning again
and i found out that on wed we had a quiz in bio
made up the quiz i missed in bio on mon

wed: bombed that quiz psht
and found out we have another quiz on thurs OMFG!
and a physics test on thurs too
god i was practically in tears cuz of the space crap we had to learn
CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOT ACCEPTED TO UT THO!!!!!!!!
whhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

thurs: the day i expected to be the shittiest but turned out alright after all
i did ok on the physics test after all
i got the HARDEST (2 marks for making connections only) question on the test
fan-tabi-tabulous
and i kinda killed another ques >< but that's ok! still feel good
i killed that bio quiz
also went to the westin and a yummilicious super expensive meal tho
but it was so nice and we saw the room for prom
and i'm so super duper excited now
WHEEEEEEEEE
i CAN NOT wait but potentially no date tho
cuz mike's backing out
psht
then at night i talked to mike liu who is also going to go to UT and we talked house
cuz he's buying a condo and i can rent and it'll be half the pres of res
OMFG! YAY!
hehe
i'm so excited
that's like one barrier removed to my going to UT

fri: so WEEKEND! can we say hello! lol
and i got my physics ISU figured out and mr. miller and mr. mcColeman both gave it the go
and also i went shopping after school with mike for like mother's day crap
i found a purse (finally) to bring with me to prom
and i found a vase for mama
and bought mike a shirt (he'll pay back tho) lol
and then i came home and got my UT admission package OMFG!
tears of joy lol and i got accepted to trinity college!
whooooottttttt
lol
and mom took me shopping again at night and we went to that designer store where everything is uber cheap
and i found a pair of pink slip on wedgewood sandals by steve madden for...$20!!!!!!!!!
but mom said no cuz they were like actually wood heels and it was slippery so poo on that
and then i found some nine west shoes for like $20 too but they were like fancy ones so i'm like nahhh
and so this general happy dappy super fabby feeling is not gonna fade...

till i have to present my bio seminar ~~
wahhhhhhhhh
but oh well!
i've got UT on my side
AND i've got my jay songs (thanks tian)
AND i've got my physics ISU all written up (just need calc on mon)
and i'm gonna ace life with my fantaby 98% in physics (which i hope to keep) and my 93% average (which i hope to increase!) whoottttt

so now the dilemma is...
UT vs. OU
wahhhhhhhhhhh

Riyo Out

p.s. going to go to wonderland with mike's school maybe i can see him and also maybe i can see tian too! *hopefully*

p.p.s. gotta ace the bio contest on thurs in order to get money from UT so even more reason for me to go!

p.p.s. i learned how to play tornado by jay! yay!

RL Friends:

http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5090030/ Thu, 14 Apr 2005 19:10:11 PDT "thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with love"
running thro my head
it's really driving me insane
the STUPID matters of the heart
i swear i wish for it to go away
*grits teeth*
i want to shake smeone or break smthg
i want to yell and cry and scream and just smash things around
inflict some damage
but i am sane and i'll refrain from doing that externally
i'll just do it internally
bang myself up inside
go on
it doesn't hurt anymore
at least not really

ahh no more of these really depressing entries
i'm sorry everyone
i'll shut up now and stop whining about my life


in other news on monday my school is gonna play in the reach for the top playoffs
it's so exciting
i hope we do good and win smthg!
and tues and thursday i have contests
i hope i do good on both of them since one is for math
my pro subject
and one is for da vinci which gives money for UT where i kinda wanna go
(not so sure anymore)
and thurs we get to go to the westin and try out the food and see the room for prom
it'll be so great
and mikey might take me to prom hehe
it'll be fun and we're only going as friends
next week is gonna be busy busy
but hey busy is good
keeps me occupied

and i think i'm finally out of my art block
FINALLY!
i can draw things now
yay!

RL Friends:



Peeps I Watch:

~Pokki-chan http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5073102/ http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5073102/ Tue, 12 Apr 2005 20:03:19 PDT then again could also be that i'm really tired
and sad/angry/frustrated/desire to break things

life is so conflicted smtmes
but all we can do is grit our teeth
sit down and bear thro it
and that's what i'll do
thro all the mess and chaos
the love and hate
and heartbreak

so yeah weather's getting better!
whoot!


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Peeps I Watch:

http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5052789/ Sun, 10 Apr 2005 15:52:32 PDT and i want to share

i remember back one day when we were all young
we all had to go to school, we played and had fun
now that we're older, it seems like we are breaking apart
but deep down, each and everyone of you are at the bottom of my heart

see yas

[link]

i love mika and tian says i should draw her
wonder how it'll turn out bahahaha xD

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Peeps I Watch:

~Pokki-chan http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5044114/ http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5044114/ Sat, 09 Apr 2005 15:43:42 PDT i'm freaking 17
but that means jack all here in ontario
cuz to club you have to be 19
and ditto for the buying of booze
and yes loser as i am i wanna do it legally
lol
so yup yup
*cough*
haha
see ya everyones

and amy (=dualdesigns) renewed my subscription
omg
isn't she just the bestest
T-T *gushes*
thanks amie


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Peeps I Watch:

http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5037529/ Fri, 08 Apr 2005 20:08:09 PDT i'm back
sorta...
school's still really busy but i feel so bad about not being on for so long
so hopefully i'll be back more often

looking back my last journal entry was for adam and that makes me sad again
the days pass
it's amazing that they pass so fast
but you know things are still so fresh in my mind
it's still such an empty spot and i really dunno if i will ever really be comfortable with the idea he's gone

but oh well...
no fears
no tears
we must always go on
and on

so how's everyone doing lately?

RL Friends:



Peeps I Watch:

http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/4423687/ Wed, 26 Jan 2005 19:57:06 PST Love lives in this beautiful new world
I like this, this brand new feeling
I see you smiling like an angel
This is the strangeness of true love

I am willing, willing to stand by you
Make my heart beat, it won't grow old
Welcome this, this beautiful new world
Let my dreams, one by one come true

i don't feel like leaving you guys in my glum
so i'll just say see ya to my fav chum
it's done
he's gone
and now i'm in a slump

Goodbye Adam...
you've been waiting to go

RL Friends:



Peeps I Watch:

~Pokki-chan http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/4405045/ http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/4405045/ Mon, 24 Jan 2005 17:32:49 PST Love lives in this beautiful new world
I like this, this brand new feeling
I see you smiling like an angel
This is the strangeness of true love

I am willing, willing to stand by you
Make my heart beat, it won't grow old
Welcome this, this beautiful new world
Let my dreams, one by one come true

love does live in this beautiful world
in those beautiful ppl we meet on the road of life
it's in the kindness of strangers
and the surprising warmth of their heart
and the friendship they have to offer
those few beautiful ppl are so often taken out of this world far too soon
they're too good to belong on earth

i'm very sad right now...
but please
go visit adam and send him your love hm?

thank you
it's all i ask

- much love
[link]

i keep thinking if i ignore it, it'll go away, it won't be true

RL Friends:



Peeps I Watch:

... ]]> ~Pokki-chan http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/4277284/ http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/4277284/ Sun, 09 Jan 2005 11:31:45 PST Love lives in this beautiful new world
I like this, this brand new feeling
I see you smiling like an angel
This is the strangeness of true love

I am willing, willing to stand by you
Make my heart beat, it won't grow old
Welcome this, this beautiful new world
Let my dreams, one by one come true

alias season premiere starts today!
yes!

my net/comp broke
so it's still funny
and kinda erm...
unstable
lol
so ya i'll be slowly going thro all my msgs and stuff
and it's busy too
exam time is rolling around
eep!

*is scared*

RL Friends:



Peeps I Watch:

~Pokki-chan http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/4206621/ http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/4206621/ Fri, 31 Dec 2004 21:17:53 PST Love lives in this beautiful new world
I like this, this brand new feeling
I see you smiling like an angel
This is the strangeness of true love

I am willing, willing to stand by you
Make my heart beat, it won't grow old
Welcome this, this beautiful new world
Let my dreams, one by one come true

happy new year folks
not much to say
it's been an ok year
but life goes on

my dad has the window open for some odd reason
seems nice tho
nice freshiness!

lol

anyways ~disguised-truth has a naruXsasu club!
if you like that thing!
join!

night all!
it's 2005!

RL Friends:



Peeps I Watch:

http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/4188777/ Wed, 29 Dec 2004 20:58:57 PST Love lives in this beautiful new world
I like this, this brand new feeling
I see you smiling like an angel
This is the strangeness of true love

I am willing, willing to stand by you
Make my heart beat, it won't grow old
Welcome this, this beautiful new world
Let my dreams, one by one come true

sooo folks
i'm hyperly nervous
why you say
cuz...
tmr or fri i'm going to go get my G1 (to let me drive)
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
i'm so nervous cuz my vision suckkkkkk and i'm sooo worried of failing that
and i'm hyper cuz i haven't read the damn book yet!!!!
ehehehehehe
i'm like thinking of taking it prbly on fri
mom: why not tmr!
uhhh...suure?
so yeah
i've got erm...like 10 more min before i sleep and i shall go over the traffic signs
they're pretty!!!

and also...*Circleoffriends is doing a holiday contest thingie and the winner gets a 3 mos subscription to DA
i submitted my poem found [link]
feel free to vote for me (it's the purpley/blue one with the stars under poetry) or whoever you think deserves to win

now you may ask why would you want another subscription
well to answer that ques
i want it for either ~disguised-truth she's got some lovely photos
or for ~shimoda7 because he's got such the awesome artwork that i think should be available for ppl to buy!

so those are just a few worthy devs
so ppl
go and vote vote VOTE!!!!

ya...
nights folks!
konbanwa!

RL Friends:



Peeps I Watch:

~Pokki-chan http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/4178284/ http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/4178284/ Tue, 28 Dec 2004 15:10:19 PST Love lives in this beautiful new world
I like this, this brand new feeling
I see you smiling like an angel
This is the strangeness of true love

I am willing, willing to stand by you
Make my heart beat, it won't grow old
Welcome this, this beautiful new world
Let my dreams, one by one come true

so i had the oddest dream last night
if you've ever seen moulin rouge then you'll know sorta what my dream was like
it was a mix btwn naruto and moulin rouge

if you know neither i'll explain...

so basically i dreamt that i was christian (yes i was the guy character...why hey he's the main character) from moulin rouge with satine, his love...but the thing is in the end satine dies...so you kinda know where this is going...

in moulin rouge satine and christian get into a fight and he thinks that she played him and so he gets really mad they get in a fight but then she sings their song and he goes back to her, they dance sing, kiss, make up, she dies...

it's the most beautiful and traigic thing you can ever see

and basically in my dream it was like i was christian and someone was satine and then this is where naruto comes in...

it was like we were on a mission (don't ask lol) and we were fighting these missing nins or smthg like that...not sure but it actually looked like zabuza...and so we fought but i was injured and i was gonna get killed but then satine like jumped in the way and took it for me and died...but i wanted to apologize and ask for her forgiveness but hey! she's dead...

so i held her in my arms and rocked back and forth (from moulin rouge) and cried and cried...and it was so heartbreakingly sad...i actually felt like my heart was breaking...and then i woke up and i had tears streaming down my face!!!!!

it was so odd...i've never had such an emotional dream...

so any of you guys had dreams where you woke up crying?

RL Friends:



Peeps I Watch:

<... ]]> ~Pokki-chan http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/4171263/ http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/4171263/ Mon, 27 Dec 2004 17:12:28 PST Love lives in this beautiful new world
I like this, this brand new feeling
I see you smiling like an angel
This is the strangeness of true love

I am willing, willing to stand by you
Make my heart beat, it won't grow old
Welcome this, this beautiful new world
Let my dreams, one by one come true

Aishiteru - Mika Nakashima

aishiteru aishiteru aishiteru anata dake wo
aishiteru aishiteru soba ni ite kimi wo terasou

kumorizora no yoru tsukiakari mo nanimo nakute
anata no egao ga shunkan kieta you na ki ga shite

yokei na koto kangaeru daiji na koto ha anata ga suki de
watashi wo suki ka dou ka ha ii no ima dake ha

aishiteru aishiteru aishiteru anata dake wo
aishiteru aishiteru soba ni ite kimi ni tsugeyou

arifureta kotoba anata ni ha wakaranai kedo
daisuki sa kimi ga nante ureshisugiru tereru ne

futari no koto kangaeru daiji na anata kono saki zutto
watashi wo suki de iretara ii ne kono mama de

aishiteru aishiteru aishiteru anata dake wo
aishiteru aishiteru soba ni ite kimi wo terasou

tsumetai yoru ni kirameku yuki wo egaite
kawaranai haikei no iro wo shiroku shiteyuku

ah kagirareru kazarareru katarareru mukuwareru
uhoo yoru ni naru mata asa ga kuru kara

do it. joy to love. love me. let it snow.
love it's holy night. love me. anata dake wo
do it. fall in love. love me. let it glow. love it's.

holy night always love joy to the love
________________________________________

I love you, I love you, I love you and only you
I love you, I love you, I love you I'll be by you, to light you.

A cloudy night sky, no moonlight, nothing
I thought for a moment your smile disappeared

I overthink things, what's important is that I love you
whether you love me or not doesn't matter, for now

I love you, I love you, I love you and only you
I love you, I love you, I'll be by you to tell you this.

you don't understand these ordinary words but
I love you so much, look at you, so happy you're blushing.

I think about us, my precious one,
what's in store for us, way down the line
I hope you can keep loving me, just like this

I love you, I love you, I love you and only you
I love you, I love you, I love you I'll be by you, to light you.

draw the glimmering snow in the cold night
the stagnant color of the scene goes white
ah limited, adorned, told, rewarded
uhoo because it'll turn to night, and morning will come again.

do it joy to love. love me. let it snow.
love. it's holy night. love me, only you
do it. fall in love. love me. let it glow. love it's

holy night always love joy to the love
________________________________________

the prettiest song! mika has the a v pretty voice...she's rather jazzy so two thumbs up...and her aishiterus are just soo catchy! *hums* aishiteru...

if you'd like to dl this song note me and i'll tell you where!

RL Friends:



Peeps I Watch:

~Pokki-chan http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/4164296/ http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/4164296/ Sun, 26 Dec 2004 19:28:12 PST
and yes i'm listening to a chinese song

and OMFGGGGGGGG
i loves amy!!!!! so effing much
she bought me an account
that is wayyyy awesomeness
thank thank thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
soo sooo sooooo much amy!

i lubs you soo soo soo bloody much
AHHHHHHHHH

________________________________________

Hello Pokki-chan,

dualdesigns has bought you a 3 month deviantART Subscription!

If you have any questions about your subscription, please go to
[link] for support.

--
deviantART
[link]
________________________________________

OMFG AMY!
ya you rock sooo soo sooo much


________________________________________
so folks...what did y'all do today!

RL Friends:



Peeps I Watch:

<... ]]> ~Pokki-chan http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/4140154/ http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/4140154/ Thu, 23 Dec 2004 20:50:46 PST
Life is a Boat - Rie Fu

Nobody knows who I really am
I never felt this empty before
And if I ever need someone to come along
Who's gonna comfort me, and keep me strong

We are all rowing the boat of fate
The waves keep on comin' and we can't escape
But if we ever get lost on our way
The waves would guide you thru another day

tooku de iki wo shiteru toumei ni natta mitai
kurayami ni omoeta kedo mekakushi sareteta dake

inori wo sasagete atarashii hi wo matsu
azayaka ni hikaru umi sono hate made

Nobody knows who I really am
Maybe they just don't give a damn
But if I ever need someone to come along
I know you would follow me, and keep me strong

hito no kokoro wa utsuri yuku nukedashitaku naru
tsuki wa mata atarashii shuuki de fune wo tsureteku

* And every time I see your face
The oceans heave up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars
And soon I can see the shore

I can see the shore
When will I see the shore?
I want you to know who I really am
I never though I'd feel this way towards you
And if you ever need someone to come along
I will follow you, and keep you strong

tabi wa mata tsudzuiteku odayaka na hi mo
tsuki wa mata atarashii shuuki de fune wo terashidasu

inori wo sasagete atarashii hi wo matsu
azayaka ni hikaru umi sono hate made

* And every time I see your face
The oceans heave up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars
And soon I can see the shore

unmei no fune wo kogi
nami wa tsugi kara tsugi e to watashitachi wo osou kedo
sore mo suteki na tabi ne dore mo suteki na tabi ne

now her first full length CD comes out next jan. 19th...you can get it at [link] now someone who loves me a lot...PLZ buy it for me *sniff sniff* it's $35.01 CDN and $28.49 US...cha...expensive... you can find info [link] and her official webby here [link] the pop up that...pops up! are samples...so don't close...open your ears and listen...to decay and life is a boat etc...yes!

RL Friends:



Peeps I Watch:

http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3888384/ Sun, 21 Nov 2004 20:22:36 PST i have some sad news
and i've been sitting here crying for 20 min
adam is...going to...go...away
and for those of you who know adam you'll know how great he is

i can't comprehend this
one minute he was joking with me
and the next...
it's cancer and 6 weeks

though i don't know adam personally
he's just one of those ppl who are so awesome
and kind
and who you don't forget

i wish it wasn't true
and that i could do smthg...
...

drop by folks and leave some love for him


RL Friends:



Peeps I Watch:

http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3827209/ Sat, 13 Nov 2004 17:17:56 PST i was hoping it wouldn't have to come to this
come to me leaving for a break
but i can't keep up with all my devwatches and msgs and COF as well as school
i'm making myself stay up till like 12/1AM trying to finish hmwk and do DA
so alas
i must leave for a lil while
just till this sem cools over
with ISUs and tutoring and tests and quizzes that never end...
ahhhh *gets buried under hmwk*
but i will pop in every so often
and i will try to keep commenting and all but i prbly can't watch you as closely as i did before
lol
and this is not goodbye folks
just see you later
^^

cha...
thanks to everyone and much love to:

: OMG amy who's so sweet and kind and like a second mom to me...i remember the clutzy days where i first got involved with *Circleoffriends (get involved yourself)...thanks for everything mother! gl with the kids

: rachel! lol altho you've left yourself i have a feeling that i'm prbly gonna be on less then you...everyone's leaving *sniff*...thanks for being a good buddy on here!

: sweet sweet sweet ADAM! *sprit fingers* keep it up ok...keep your chin up and life will be good to you...much hugs and love to you and remember always to take care of yourself...you're not home right now *worries/bites lip* but i will watch for a note from you...come back soon!

: sev sev where ya been lately...loved chatting with you abt so many things...those were great convos we had and i wonder where you are...lol...thanks for the talks and the cheering you!

: hey stevey care bear...take care of yourself and don't give up on the female race yet --> thanks for teaching that to me hehe

: omg goodbye Fi...we had good chats...i think i remember yours the most...cha will miss them and good luck with davey/chris...be good to yourself ok! and don't get too down and don't forget to sleep

:hello jenny jen jens...this is it...lol i've decided i must slave my ass off for uni so no more long hours on here chatting with you...i hope you fix things with your mama soon and don't let school/marks/piano/your mom get you down ok! sasu rocks and so does naru! take care lil girl! enjoy life till gr 11 okies

http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3820874/ Fri, 12 Nov 2004 20:20:00 PST

( ) = No
(X) = Yes
(~) = Not telling


(X) I have been drunk
(X) I have kissed a member of the opposite sex
( ) I have kissed a member of the same sex
( ) I crashed a friend's car
( ) I have been to Japan
(X) I rode in a taxi
(X) I have been in love
(X) I've shoplifted
(X) I have been fired (haha long story)
(X) I have been in a fist fight
( ) I've snuck out of my parent's house
( ) I have been tied up
( ) I have been caught masturbating
( ) I have been arrested
( ) I've made out with a stranger
( ) I've stolen something from my job
( ) I've celebrated New Year's in Time Square
( ) I've gone on a blind date
( ) I've had a crush on a teacher
( ) I've celebrated Mardi-Gras in Sydney
(X) I have been to Europe
(X) I've skipped school
( ) I've slept with a co-worker
( ) I have thrown up in a bar
( ) I have purposely set myself on fire
(X) I have eaten sushi
( ) I have been snowboarding
(X) I have been snow skiing
(X) I have made a snow angel
(X) I have been happy with myself
( ) I have met a movie star
( ) I had sex in a pool
( ) I went to a prom (not yet)
( ) I've bungee jumped/slingshotted
( ) I have been to a concert (rock, punk, etc)
( ) I have dated someone for over a year
( ) I sold naked pictures of myself
(X) I have been in a car accident
( ) I have slept in the nude
(X) I've eaten cheesecake
( ) I've had jury duty (i want to tho)
(X) I've hated someone without knowing them
( ) I have been to Maine
( ) I've shot a real gun
( ) I've ran around with my trousers around my ankles
( ) I've had sex with someone within a week of meeting them
( ) I've done ecstasy
( ) I've gotten my ass kicked
( ) I've been caught smoking
( ) I've milked a cow
( ) I've got in a verbal fight with a teacher
( ) I've cheated on someone
( ) Lied one time in this survey
( ) Lied more then once in this survey
( ) Threw a party at a friends house when they were gone
( ) Partied every weekend for the last month
(X) Sniffed markers to get high (lmao me and morgan i think were trying that...didn't work and we just laughed a lot and got marker on our noses...wait that was a highlighter)
( ) Slept for more than 15 hours at a time
( ) Petted a live tiger
( ) Kissed someone in the snow
( ) Found a four leaf clover
(X) Gave your parents the finger behind a closed door (yay! go door and behind their back!)
( ) Gotten drunk in Germany
(X) Cried in public (on someone's lawn)
(X) Cried in public in the last 5 days (stupid marks! f***! f***! f***! f***!)
( ) Been hit on by a member of the same sex
( ) Been asked to perform oral sex by a complete stranger
( ) Have unknowingly been the other man/woman in a relationship
( ) Have knowingly been the other man/woman in a relationship
( ) Hates the SuicideGirls.com banner (erm?)

RL Friends:



Peeps I Watch:

http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3797049/ Tue, 09 Nov 2004 20:06:26 PST but tis not true
true i'm bit of a mess
a lil bit of a bitch
and a lil bit nice
and a lil bit nasty
but hey!
c'est la vie

i've been reading other ppl's journals
and there's a lotta ppl who have trouble dealing with prbs
so they resort to things like cutting themselves or killing themselves
i just wanted to say smthgs

cutting:
heck i don't blame you
a lotta the time i feel like that too
just think
one lil swipe and the pain inside doesn't hurt anymore
in the words of gaara's aunt/uncle
pain on the outside heals quickly
pain on the inside doesn't
*sigh*
but cutting is a temp solution
it doesn't sovle anything and can put your life at risk
when it's really bad
i just don't even let me think about it
(so tempting tho)
but i don't
because it's not effective
and why not put that effort into fixing the prob
i go to ppl who know what to do with the mess that's me

or i snap an elastic band
lol

Suicide:
it's so tempting eh
just to stop your problems
your pain
your suffering
did you get that
YOURS!
that's right
i know it's tempting
but it doesn't work either
it's just selfish
tho i admit ppl who are suicidal are pretty brave
it's hard to overcome your basic instinct to survive
but why overcome it
it's a basic instinct
it's programmed in you
don't just leave this world to stop your pain
and leave others with the aftermass
if you have a bad time now
you/others can reflect back later and think gosh that was a bad time
but hey we came thro it yay ^^
but if you kill yourself
others will just remember that
the one yr everything fell apart and was ruined
they'll feel like failures for not having been able to help you
don't inflict your pain on others tenfold
that is true selfishness

i'm sorry for lecturing and sounding like a prude
i'm not saying i'm innocent either
cuz i'm not
i know how tempting it is to want to cut yourself
but don't
all the reasons i've listed and more
don't do it
there are so many other better ways
why resort to that when it isn't even a real solution

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don?t belong
And no one understands you

Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don?t know what it?s like
When nothing feels alright
You don?t know what it?s like to be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you?re down
To feel like you?ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one?s there to save you
No you don?t know what it?s like

Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
But deep inside you?re bleeding

No you don?t know what it?s like
When nothing feels alright
You don?t know what it?s like to be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you?re down
To feel like you?ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one?s there to save you
No you don?t know what it?s like

Welcome to my life

No one ever lies straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I?m happy
But I?m not gonna be ok

Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don?t know what it?s like
What it?s like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you?re down
To feel like you?ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one?s there to save you
No you don?t know what it?s like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you?re down
To feel like you?ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one?s there to save you
No you don?t know what it?s like

Welcome to my life

Welcome to my life

Welcome to m... ]]> ~Pokki-chan http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3785184/ http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3785184/ Mon, 08 Nov 2004 13:29:54 PST i thought i was gonna fail my chem test
i did it
was ok
then to find out that i messed up on a ques
so that's like
max 6 pts lost from k/u (50%)
max 5-8 points lost from Inquiry
max no pts for Application (because ann is a dumbass)

got my calc test back
it gets worse and worse
and for all of you who go o well 70s/80s
may i'd be thankful for those
well i'm sorry
don't judge me on your standards
90s are what i get and that's that
they're what i'm used to
they're what i hold myself up to the world with
and w/o those 90s my parents are gonna like kick me out or smthg
no uni's gonna want me
i'm a failure this yr
unis...damn
i feel like killing myself or smthg
not literally
but god...

i'm so stupid
i knew delta H was equal to the sum of the delta H of formation for the products - delta H of formation for the reactants
yet i put the opposite
there goes 2 easy marks
...
god will this yr ever be over
i think i'm gonna go cry now
trying not to all day
you know snapping an elastic doesn't work after a while
*sigh*
trying seems to just bring my marks down

i'm sorry if this was a sad/pathetic/pitiful entry
just ignore it then
but i feel like i'm spent all i can
with no results
what's wrong with me this yr
who knows...

RL Friends:



Peeps I Watch:

~Pokki-chan http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3775950/ http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3775950/ Sun, 07 Nov 2004 11:46:27 PST are you making or buying or a combo
and what are you going to make/buy

suggest smthg for me!
T_T
xmas pressies are hard
and i procrastinate

RL Friends:



Peeps I Watch:

http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3771195/ Sat, 06 Nov 2004 19:41:56 PST oct 26th
feel utter shite
*sigh*
just busy
uni etc
life never gives ya a break eh
endless yrs of hmwk/work
o well should be inetersting
maybe it'll teach me to better manage my time
instead of being on here
oops 46min wasted
damn

RL Friends:



Peeps I Watch:

~Pokki-chan http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3768491/ http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3768491/ Sat, 06 Nov 2004 13:01:22 PST *so excited*
i really like these shoes
wow this was like a pointless journal entry
lol

RL Friends:



Peeps I Watch:

http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3761113/ Fri, 05 Nov 2004 14:20:51 PST tick tock
sniff snuff
sob sob
time passes by
pull this way
pull that way
the sound of wheels turning
the sound of my heart breaking

what to do?
choice to make
choice got to make
can't just sweep the stuff you rather not deal with under the carpet
(i blame feng and his stupid bottles)
lol

but yeah i'm fine
don't worry
^^
just...things to decide?

i love ayu!!!!

RL Friends:



Peeps I Watch:

http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3755658/ Thu, 04 Nov 2004 20:01:55 PST it was nice
i always like their's

it's so nice
i dunno
when i go to merviale i'm so envious and jealous of tian yi
i was thinking
mama was right
i shoulda gone gifted
or at least stayed at merivale
but...you know
last four yrs of my life has been
ok?
good ppl
bad ppl
learn lessons of life blah blah blah
...
but yeah i dunno
i kinda regret
it's just it's so a great school
when i go there and i see the talent, amibtion, programs, involvement etc teeming over
i look at mt and think...wow
are we underpopulated
and lack of school spirit etc
i guess i don't really help either but i dunno
i wish we had more things that merivale has
things i'd actually like to join
like debate! hehe
but yeah i dunno
i feel like this is where i should belong
and where i'd so like to
but i don't

and so many ppl there that i know...
hmm well
don't complain i guess

and i think the one that stuck the most
was what tian yi said
she said that gifted tho may not give you the best marks
challenges you and creates thinkers
and tho to me marks are so imp
i can't agree with her
altho it's in my nature to strive for recognition
but still
like i said once
what use are those lil medals gonna be when you're in the real world
so you're a genius but you can't work
ok great princess
great

just go on
i have a headache and i'm in a funny mood
smthg's wrong with me i think
lately i've been getting these killer headaches and i feel like i'm going to pass out
and i'm always so pale
no amount of make up fixed me this time...

btw i love ayumi hamasaki
[link]
so pretty/talented
wish i could get her cd's
gah

RL Friends:



Peeps I Watch:

http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3743219/ Wed, 03 Nov 2004 13:11:57 PST
2.) For all you j pop fans - Angel Song by Ayu(mi) Hamasaki is soo good! i insist you dl it now here [link]
Yay! Go Ayu!!!!

3.) OMFG!!! OC STARTS TMR! *runs in wild circles screaming her head off* *sigh* ooh yes!

4.) Jerry Bruckheimer is amazing! i love everything he does (which is like EVERYTHING!)

5.) Jolly Ranchers are good

6.) Desperate Housewives is a v good show! me and my mom watch it together w/o fail! lol

7.) Alias returns in Jan T_T (weeps)

RL Friends:



Peeps I Watch:

<... ]]> ~Pokki-chan http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3716200/ http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3716200/ Sun, 31 Oct 2004 11:42:11 PST silly me
anyways
have a killer headache
my ears are infected
made allie her bunny costume
ooh she's so cute i'd eat her! lol
and got my cat costume
i couldn't get a tail so i'm just rolling up my scarf and shoving it down my pants lol
and yea
should go finish hmwk despite this godawful headache

maybe another tylenol
*wonders off*

RL Friends:



Peeps I Watch:

~Pokki-chan http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3697230/ http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3697230/ Thu, 28 Oct 2004 19:56:23 PDT i knew i loved you before i met you...

maybe it's intuition
but smthgs you just don't question
like in your eyes
i see my future in an instant
and there it goes
i think i've found my best friend
- I knew i loved you- Savage Garden

oo i used to love them...i dug up their old CD affimation and good memories from this song...of gr 7 and JB and yet ties to the new...everything's so lovely and fresh again

i think i've healed some of that inner crap...like...i moved on from JB cept i don't forget...how can you forget your first best guy friend/first love (?)

and as for brent...in my heart i've sorta resolved stuff...it's not always fair to blame him...but it's not fair to always blame me either...it's fairer just not to blame anyone and move on...and today...looking into his eyes...i see what i used to like...cept there's no more tingly special feeling...just warmth and friendship...too bad we lost it...maybe i can just be nicer now...*feels awful*...i apologized to him...*is proud* and i think we get it...i can leave it behind now...but he still tugs my heart strings...thro so much...as wally can attest to...it was crazy and as tian yi said it went to fast and burned out too fast and i threw myself too much in there...and lost myself...and the bestest and frehest part of myself for a while...but...you know you slowly heal i guess

and as for...i did the right thing i did the right thing i did the right thing i did the right thing i did the right thing i did the right thing i did the right thing i did the right thing i did the right thing i did the right thing i did the right thing i did the right thing...if i say it enough times maybe i'll believe...I DID THE RIGHT THING! oh i dunno but...i dunno...i think i did the right thing...

sorry i haven't been so responsive lately...teach's are trying to kill us with overload of hmwk...and i'm trying oh so hard to raise my 72% in chem...i'm a 90 student and i have a 97 in that class last yr...to go to that 72 is shocking but oh so amusing...so this is what it feels like to be average...hehe i kinda like it

right...night ppl...back to eng i go!

RL Friends:



Peeps I Watch:

http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3682264/ Tue, 26 Oct 2004 19:50:14 PDT
love is for the insane

well if that's the way...i'm with insanity

RL Friends:



Peeps I Watch:

http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3665890/ Sun, 24 Oct 2004 19:03:51 PDT nooooooooooooooooooooo

i keep going select all and deleting unread msgs by accident...

dammit!!! *shakes fist*
my ears are infected
they're bleeding and throbbing...bahhh
and i haven't even done half of my hmwk and it's 10.07PM

shhittteeee (pardon my profanity)

RL Friends:



Peeps I Watch:

~Pokki-chan http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3662836/ http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3662836/ Sun, 24 Oct 2004 12:21:26 PDT it's to no avail
assign the blame
justify the reasons
the results the same

i hurt you
and i hurt me
i don't think you can believe me
but i wish you could
bet you think i'm playing a game

but it's not an act i hold
it's not a mask i wear
i'm trying to make you see it
i'm trying my best
trying to make this fair

but you don't care
and you brush me off
if that's how you want to be fine
no amount of my tears will take it all back
so i'll pinch myself to stop crying

i'm sorry i destroyed your dreams
i'm sorry you can't go back
i'm sorry that she isn't what you want anymore
but don't make me feel like it's all my fault
because that isn't fair

if you really care for me like you said you did
pleae try to understand
frienship isn't so bad
and i'd never leave you alone
but the way you are now really hurts me!

so unfair
is this the end of us
is this goodbye
as i sit here with my angry tears
and as i sit and cry

what do you want to do?
don't keep asking me
i don't have the answers
i don't have a clue
what do you want from me?

pause
rewind
stop
start
over again ]]> ~Pokki-chan http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3661435/ http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3661435/ Sun, 24 Oct 2004 08:25:54 PDT
back to school and sanity? hopefully
tutor on monday tho...hmm tis always interesting with john
kid tries hard and cracks a couple jokes
you need patience with him tho
and then on sunday i gotta tutor jen
THAT will be interesting
physics and math (yuck)
ah gotta flip thro my notes
specially for phsyics hehe

i hate briteny spears's voice now
it's very annoying
she sounds so nasally in my perrgative
i used to think she had a good voice
but bah! i stick with christina aguilera
she always had the better voice

RL Friends:



Peeps I Watch:

~Pokki-chan http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3651946/ http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3651946/ Fri, 22 Oct 2004 21:24:01 PDT i don't have a name on msn right now
la la la
not much to say
cuz what should be said
is said
and what shall happen
shall happen

i'm going to fly high and solo from now on
a life of me and my cats for me
cats...

anyways
went to ottawa u day
it kicked ass
specially when Prof. Bennett came to talk about biochem
she talked about life and death and the diff
she talked about helping this "frigging world"
she talked of the sad things happening
she talked of sudan
she talked of all i believed in but lost in an attempt to please others
she talked of all i want to do now
i felt alive for once
and i felt my passion again
to help this world to ease the suffering it's what i want to do
and i can please my parents still yet complete my goals
i'm starting research as soon as i graduate from high school
it'll be great
i'm going to the cancer research center at the general hospital
me and sal
i can't wait
it'll be awesome
the cure for cancer
mine and sally's dream

*sigh* life...*shrugs*

w/e...it'll be a long weekend
so much hmwk, tests, etc

uni can't wait for you

AWWW CRAP! i accidentally marked all my msg as read...i dunno wth everyone said...oh crap i'm stupid...

could ppl tell me what they said again? thanks! greatly appreciated

RL Friends:



Peeps I Watch:

http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3622446/ Mon, 18 Oct 2004 20:15:35 PDT busy busy
went to morgan's house (:iconirishicesube:
played DDR
was awesome
getting better
beginnig to get the pattern/rhythm of things
like fast ones tho!
the jumping ones too
but you gotta keep me moving
anyways
had a nice chat with bob...
*sigh* life is...a lemon
it's good
it's useful
it's beautiful and colourful
it's also sour
lol
but take it or leave it i guess
ahh anyways...my chem lab calls me

toodles for now

RL Friends:



Peeps I Watch:

~Pokki-chan http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3609085/ http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3609085/ Sun, 17 Oct 2004 07:57:06 PDT
my dad reformatted both our comps this weekend...he tried putting XP on mine only to find for some odd reason it won't allow me an internet connection now *dar! piss off! jumps and up* and so he had to put back on 98 then 2000 because for some odd reason the comp won't let him into bios (or how ever you spell it) so he has to put on 98 then 00...bahh!! and now he's like updating stuff and blah

this comp is almost fully functional...just gotta dl some other stuff...like a newer v of internet explorer...i have version 5 and it's too old for things like my gmail so i can't check it! *is pissed off even more* now i have to like spend 2 hrs dling a newer version but thanks for matt for finding that for me cuz i couldn't even find it

i've had a bad weekend...wandered around aimlessly debating over life...and well i guess in the end my optimistic side always wins over because even tho i am still rather hopeless i at least believe for the future...hmm improvements dare i say? i fall into these inky blacks too much...watch i'll prbly be on prozac in future yrs...lmao

and i went to gatineau again on sat...it's so gorgeous...there you can bask in the beauty of nature and forget everything else in life...with all the reds and yellows and this weekend the leaves were falling so it seemed even more like fall...just breathtaking...i took lotsa pics on the digital cam as well as the camcorder...there was a dear and there was like 10 hikers all trying to take a pic of it...i got a shot of its butt haha! now i just have to zoom around to try to find it lol...love the trails...i wish i could go higher and higher and higher and never have to come down...

b>RL Friends:



Peeps I Watch:

http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3597006/ Fri, 15 Oct 2004 21:15:43 PDT
FINGERS: ann
CHIN: ann (omfg i god it!!! then again it's 3 letters...-.-)
ONE FINGER WITH EYES CLOSED: ann
CHEEK: 3aesb b (wow i need some cheekbones too)
ELBOW: qan bn (well they're somewhere in there)
LIPS: ann
PALM: anmn
BACK OF HAND: wAnmmnj (haha i hit caps lock)
NOSE: qajjh (wtf...ow that hurt my nose)
TONGUE: ann (yuck! disinfects tongue)

-----------------DESCRIBE--------------- ---

-- YOUR HERITAGE: Chinese
-- THE SHOES YOU WORE TODAY: my fav fila running shoes
YOUR EYES: brown
-- YOUR WEAKNESS: my naivity/innocent/trust
-- YOUR FEARS: lighting bolts
-- ONE THING YOU'D LIKE TO ACHIEVE: discover the cure for cancer with sally

-----------------WHAT IS------------------

-- YOUR THOUGHTS FIRST WAKING UP: last convo i had with bob/how damn tired i am
-- THE FIRST FEATURE YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX: eyes
-- YOUR BEST PHYSICAL FEATURE: erm...i like my lips! i dunno...
-- YOUR BEDTIME: 12-12.30AM...bah i'm a night person
-- YOUR GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT: hehe beating evil e
-- YOUR MOST MISSED MEMORY: england and being in love/that old friend

-----------------YOU PREFER------------------

-- PEPSI OR COKE: pepsi
-- MCDONALD'S OR BURGER KING: dunno...prbly mcd's
-- SINGLE OR GROUP DATES: erm...both can be fun but i've always been the 3rd or the 5th wheel so how the hell am i suppossed to know? lol
-- ADIDAS OR NIKE: addidas cuz their shoes last longer
-- CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA: choco
-- CAPPUCCINO OR COFFEE: coffee (mine)

-----------------DO YOU------------------

-- SMOKE: no
-- CUSS: pfft hell ya!
-- TAKE A SHOWER EVERYDAY: naw my hair turns brown (it's black)
-- HAVE A CRUSH(ES): hm yeah crush...
-- WHO ARE THEY: by bf *rolls eyes*
-- DO YOU THINK YOU'VE BEEN IN LOVE?: hm!
-- WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE: uni
-- LIKE HIGH SCHOOL: heh somedays
-- WANT TO GET MARRIED: someday
-- TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS: most times
-- GET MOTION SICKNESS: not really...only if i'm hungry
-- THINK YOU'RE ATTRACTIVE: hm i think i'm plain
-- THINK YOU'RE A HEALTH FREAK: not really
-- GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS: mom yeah dad not really
-- LIKE THUNDERSTORMS: love them cept lightning blots
-- PLAY AN INSTRUMENT: a couple

------------IN THE PAST MONTH DID:/:HAVE YOU--------------

-- DRANK ALCOHOL: no
-- SMOKE(D): no
-- DONE A DRUG: no
-- HAVE SEX: no
-- MADE OUT: not really lol
-- GO ON A DATE: hm kinda
-- GO TO THE MALL: YES I LOVE IT THERE!
-- BEEN ON STAGE: mm hmm (sat)
-- BEEN DUMPED: no
-- GONE SKATING: love it but not yet...it's not winter!
-- MADE HOMEMADE COOKIES: mm hmm (they burned cuz i forgot about them)
-- BEEN IN LOVE: i guess
-- DYED YOUR HAIR: will streak it after grad pics
-- STOLEN ANYTHING: no

-----------------HAVE YOU EVER------------------

-- FLOWN ON A PLANE: love them
-- MISSED SCHOOL BECAUSE IT WAS RAINING?: no
-- TOLD A GUY/GIRL THAT YOU LIKED THEM?: erm *counts* lol i'm a firm believer of telling them
-- CRIED DURING A MOVIE?: yeah a couple...
-- EVER THOUGHT AN ANIMATED CHARACTER WAS HOT?: LMFAO *nudge* jen!
-- HAD AN IMAGINARY FRIEND: lol used to
-- BEEN ON STAGE?: yup
-- CUT YOUR HAIR: me cut yes just bangs tho
-- HAD CRUSH ON A TEACHER?: ew! no
-- PLAYED A GAME THAT REQUIRED REMOVAL OF CLOTHING? i removed my bracelets! lol
-- BEEN TRASHED OR EXTREMELY INTOXICATED: not THAT much
-- BEEN CAUGHT "DOING SOMETHING": no *halo glows*
-- BEEN CALLED A TEASE: no
-- GOTTEN BEATEN UP?: not really...i got a snowball shoved down my shirt...i was usually the one doing the beating
-- BEEN IN A FIGHT: kinda...
-- SHOPLIFTED: yeah

-----------------THE FUTURE------------------

-- AGE YOU HOPE TO BE MARRIED: 28+
-- NUMBERS AND NAMES OF CHILDREN: none but i dunno...i like heather and juliette and katie and scarlett and for guys i like carson
-- DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM WEDDING:in a castle on a beach wherever
-- HOW DO YOU WANT TO DIE?: in my sleep
-- WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?: pfft rich
--WHAT COUNTRY WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO VISIT?: england (home!!!!)

-----------------OPPOSITE/SAME SEX------------------

-- BEST EYE COLOR: green!
-- BEST HAIR COLOR: brown
-- SHORT OR LONG HAIR: medium
-- BEST HEIGHT: taller then me but so i can reach
-- BEST WEIGHT: healthy
-- BEST FIRST DATE LOCATION: with them
-- BEST FIRST KISS LOC... ]]> ~Pokki-chan http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3592036/ http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3592036/ Thu, 14 Oct 2004 20:24:35 PDT blah
want to run away
and stop it all
stop the feelings
to be ignorant
ignorance is bliss

went to awards ceremony
kicked ass
rescued awards from the evil E
won the best overall avg
v surprised/happy
it's late
and i gotta finish my chem lab
the coffee wafts to me
it'll be a long night

Thoughts for today:

1.) history repeats itself and i am right...there's not point to it at all...that's it
2.) "could you see i want you by the way i push you away" - Tangled up in you by skye sweetnam

yeah so w/e...

p.s. doing an art trade with jenny should be cool
done in like a mil yrs with amount of hmwk
die hmwk
die

and do you ever wonder why you try so hard?
what do lil metal disks mean
and the lil plaques
and what will they mean in 10 yrs? 20 yrs?

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~Pokki-chan http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3576212/ http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3576212/ Tue, 12 Oct 2004 19:20:55 PDT
lol chatting with kevin...give me the thoughts for today

Kevin: i love art, just never much bother to look at it
Me: same with the rest of the world

Kevin: *name says do you have a woonis*
Me: no i don't
Kevin: do you know what it is?
Me: no i don't
Kevin: i said it's a mailbox superglued to your ass
Me: lol...well i don't...haha
Kevin: aww...i do *looks at backside*
aww shit where'd it go
Me: really...got any mail lately?
Kevin: no *tear*

lol...anyways!!! gotta study
i'm so like productive it's amazing
awards ceremony on thurs
me and sally are gonna dish up some revenge if the cow wins...

p.s. if you were the 1000th person plz lemme know ^^

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http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3564371/ Mon, 11 Oct 2004 20:10:31 PDT enjoy hapiness though
and love
and all that good stuff
just do not expect it to last forever
things will always be thrown across your path to deter you
fight against them
and things will be resolved
i just wish the voices arguing in my head would stop
leave me alone
and let me enjoy life
enjoy happiness
but they won't
and i'm a burden
and i'm a pain
i mess things up
and i just have to pick at things that are fine
it's just me
and my head
messing up

i'm sorry...
i know you must be in a crappy mood
cuz i am so much
it feels like a huge barrier has fallen between us
and though we are so close
somehow i can't reach you anymore
i can't seem to find you
you're so far yet so close
there's smthg between us now
stopping me
i hate it
and i can foresee the day that i hurt you
i'm crazy and i mess up ppl's lives
i'll mess up yours
drag you in this soap opera
i told C2 the same thing
to stay away for his own good
maybe...you should stay away from me now...
i hate self pitying *loathes self*
i almost hate myself
i should cry but i can't because i feel this insane calmness
this blankness
i dunno
it's just me being crazy i guess
i'm a crazy person
anyways...

msn still messed up...DA fixed now
studied all week...did too much homework
i have no life...
well at least i'll get scholarships! *is sarcastic*
i'm just in a bad mood
want to go to gatineau but dad is non stop chatting with mike's dad...bahhh

*falls out of chair and dies of boredom/frustration/whatever*

hate this all so much...

went to gatineau park for a bit
was beautiful
was lovely
so many colours
took lotsa pics...breathtaking glory
i think beauty lifts the heart and cheers the soul
i was happy for a while
went on a hike with rents and sis
was awesome...i love her so
mini me
hiked 3km...
wish i could capture that feeling and use it now
went to the top of a lookout point
could see the whole city...
gorgeous

p.s. if ur the 1000th person plz lemme know!

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http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3560351/ Sun, 10 Oct 2004 21:10:51 PDT
lotsa talks...hopefully things are good

this is a confusing entry but that's ok...nothing important...

msn is messed up and da is still not really showing pics v well...bah...

*is frustrated*

p.s. if you are the 1000th person! pls note me! i would love to know who it is and i'll...dedicate my next dev to you! lol

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... ]]> ~Pokki-chan http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3559593/ http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3559593/ Sun, 10 Oct 2004 18:29:51 PDT
does anybody find the pictures are not showing up? cuz i keep getting a black square that says DA in the back ground with a lil red x in the corner...obviously the pics aren't loading...

and my msn isn't working either...good god!!!

*is frustrated*

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Peeps I Watch:

... ]]> ~Pokki-chan http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3543749/ http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3543749/ Fri, 08 Oct 2004 16:11:50 PDT
gah it's like fecking make up your whole freaking mind up here...it's like you got good marks you can get scholarships/money well i'm like wtf! yeah ok i might be the big fish here at school but out there i'm nothing...i may have marks but i'm not smart...it all comes from doing hmwk and listening in class...in reality i'm just dumb! i'm just a dumb mule with good work ethics! ok!

and it's like be a doctor...or anything that will gaurantee you success/money...like wtf is this...it's their stupid chinese ideas fashioned by stupid chinese society and stupid ex commie gov telling you to be the best and make big bucks! well hello this is canada...the land of opportunity for all! hell all i want to do is find a cure for cancer (with sally my friend) and lead a good life...with someone to love me and two siamese cats...in my medium sized house and my comfortable life

i'm not asking to be rich to have a mansion or like a freaking jag or smthg...all i want is happiness and love and comfort and good friends and nights just to sit back and relax...for my parents who have sacrificed so much it's their dream to see their baby girl fly away and make money so they can prbly flaunt it in the faces of their friends...honestly that's prbly what all chinese parents do...

my parents wanted me to be gifted once upon a time...and i was very anti it...i told them it was cuz i didn't want to leave my friends etc but in all honesty...to tell you the truth all i ever felt was scared that i would screw up and fail and then my parents could not have smthg to be proud of...smthg to tell their friends...it's like everybody else's kids (feng, mike, jack, tian yi...hell like all my chinese friends) got in...what the hell happened to you...why didn't you get in...so all i ever felt was fear that i would mess up and be smthg my parents could not be proud of...

you know with my parents there was so much subtle unspoken pressure to be smart, and talented, the kid who knew like 5 languages and calculus at the age of 10 and be able to like play the piano and violin and still play competitive soccer...there's so much pressure to be the best and it's so hard...cuz i feel like i'm never good enough for them...and that's sad...i felt like everything i did...every mark i earned...every award i got was for them...if only they'd be proud and say i'm proud or i love you...and so maybe that's why i am so insecure of myself all the time...i'm so afraid they'll find out i'm not so smart and i'm not what they expected/wanted...

i hate this but i don't care...went to them for help for uni and got lectured to be a doctor because it's a.) stable and b.) pays a lot...i know everyone says do what you want but i dunno what i want to do...so i'm pushed and pulled and brainwashed into applying for med school...i'm just a puppet controlled by my parents...i wonder if i'll ever be free

i remember telling them what if i hate being a doctor so much...what if i become really depressed...ppl have killed themselves over that depression...and my parents are like wtf? a job killing you...that's just stupid and shows that you haven't put that much effort into doing it...and anyways you're so naive and innocent you think everyone who has a job likes their job? and i'm like yes and they're like yeah w/e...

so mom, dad...i hope that when the day comes when you receive a phone call from the hospital telling you that your eldest daughter is dead because she OD'd on aspirin i hope you're happy...you owned my life and now i'm dead...just the way you wanted...

at least then i won't have to worry about dissappointing you and bringing the family shame

i hope you spare allie...i love her so much and i can't bear to see her being taken apart and remodelled like you've done with me...i couldn't bear that for her...maybe if i'm still alive i'll save her and take her away from you guys...

w/e...

RL Friends:

~Pokki-chan http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3530258/ http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3530258/ Wed, 06 Oct 2004 20:38:35 PDT White Houses - Vanessa Carleton

Crashed on the floor when I moved in
This little bungalow with some strange new friends
Stay up too late, and I'm too thin
We promise each other it's 'til the end
Now we're spinning empty bottles
Just the five of us
With pretty-eyed boys, girls die to trust
I can't resist the day
No, I can't resist the day

Jenny screams out and it's no pose
'Cause when she dances, she goes and goes
Beer through the nose on an inside joke
I'm so excited, I haven't spoken
And she's so pretty, and she's so sure
Maybe I'm more clever than a girl like her
Well summer's all in bloom
Summer is ending soon

It's alright, and it's nice not to be so alone
But I hold onto secrets in white houses

Maybe I'm a little bit over my head
I come undone at the things he said
And he's so funny in his bright red shirt
We were all in love and we all got hurt
I sneak into his car's cracked leather seat
The smell of gasoline in the summer heat
Boy, we're going way too fast
It's all too sweet to last

It's alright
And I put myself in his hands
But I hold on to secrets in white houses
Love, or something ignites in my veins
And I pray it never fades in white houses

My first time, hard to explain
Rush of blood, oh, and a little bit of pain
On a cloudy day, it's more common than you think
He's my first mistake

Maybe you were all faster than me
We gave each other up so easily
These silly little wounds will never mend
I feel so far from where I've been

So I go, and I will not be back here again
I'm gone as the day is fading on white houses
I lie, put my injuries all in the dust
In my heart is the five of us
In white houses

And you, maybe you'll remember me
What I gave is yours to keep
In white houses
In white houses
In white houses

a beautiful song with such true words

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Peeps I Watch:

~Pokki-chan http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3522545/ http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3522545/ Tue, 05 Oct 2004 20:36:56 PDT
i do feel like some ppl just can't go thro it whether psychologically or physically...and also it's unfair to some...

but then again it's also not fair to the unborn child...it lived from the beginning...cells are living things...and it never got a chance...to speak or to fight for itself or anything

so let's all forget about this subject and continue on a cheery-ier note...

recently got engaged! go congratulate her...

and my daddy comes home for a visit on thurs (he works somewhere else) so must likely i'm gonna be cutting back on the hours spent here...

and now i leave you with some final thoughts

1.) the greatest thing, you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return
2.) love is a many splendored thing
3.) love lifts us up where we belong

lol had a nice chat with too...

bye guys! to everyone!

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Peeps I Watch:

http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3514508/ Mon, 04 Oct 2004 20:19:08 PDT ...i adore you lol) and june (who gosh if only i were cupid...) lol

i've been busy/preoccupied all night so i haven't gotten around to answering comments etc...

so i guess that's just all for now...

[link]
[link]

disturbing plz view at your choice but it must be known and if they have no voices then we must speak for them...it's so heartbreaking

RL Friends:



Peeps I Watch:

~Pokki-chan http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3494294/ http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3494294/ Sat, 02 Oct 2004 10:07:02 PDT
but the things i truly love about that are the wonderfully choreographed fight scenes...so flowy and fast moving it's awesome

and the emphasis on love...the scenes are so beautiful and so much is expressed un spoken with just a few meaningful looks...awesome filmography

but the black mask was so bad it was so funny! and there's this one part where jet li's friend is chasing him and the cameraman is actually running with the camera so it was like *bounce bounce bounce* lol

and also it's hilarious in the dubbed versions how they're the voice over is still talking but they're not...lmao...i'd much rather prefer it in chinese...i can understand it altho i miss the beauty of the language...so that's why i have eng subs! lol

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Peeps I Watch:

~Pokki-chan http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3491361/ http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3491361/ Fri, 01 Oct 2004 21:44:59 PDT i'm in love i'm in love
i'm in love, love, love

yeah i jacked it off i'm in love by erm that band...(i remembered...counting crows)

i'm in looveee!

have a damn good night everyone!

and btw adam...

99. I'm happy as of this moment


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http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3482333/ Thu, 30 Sep 2004 20:22:40 PDT The best ones of the day
I never count the gloomy hours
I let them slip away

well chosen words for zac's msn and i thought i'd share it with you all

well it's been good lately...heard some cheery news and life's perking up...could it be...dare i hope lol...nahh anyways

everyone stop by 's page and send your condolences or love or prayers or whatever you would like to say to adam...he lost his other half today to breast cancer and is very sore...adam's a great guy! avid participant of and spreads his kind words all over...sometimes it's so unfair how tragedy strikes good people...

anyways just a few words today...

got a job tutoring a kid...$8/hr...and prbly 2 hrs a week...good deal...

anyways finally remembered the switchfoot song i'm in love with right now...Dare you to move...enjoy!

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?
What happens next?

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself
Lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened before

bold what's true and leave the rest if they're false

01. I miss somebody right now
02. I don't watch much TV these days
03. I love olives
04. I love sleeping
05. I own lots of books
06. I wear glasses or contact lenses (glasses)
07. I love to play video games
08. I've tried marijuana
09. I've watched porn movies
10. I have been in a threesome
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy (but lil white lies help)
13. I have acne free skin
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton (who?)
15. I curse frequently
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year (better i think)
17. I have a hobby
18. I've been told I: (women) have an applebottom, (men) am packing. (what?)
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me
20. I'm really, really smart
21. I've never broken someone's bones
22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal
23. I hate the rain
24. I'm paranoid at times
25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe and free of cost. (laser eye!)
26. I need money right now!
27. I love Sushi
28. I talk really, really fast (all the time and faster when mad/sador w/e)
29. I have fresh breath in the morning
30. I have semi-long hair
31. I have lost money in Las Vegas
32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
34. I shave my legs (females) or face (males) on a regular basis
35. I have a twin
36. I have worn fake hair/nails/eyelashes in the past (I used to wear wigs on Halloween)
37. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
38. I like the way that I look a lot of the time
39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months
40. I know how to do cornrows
41. I am usually pessimistic
42. I have a lot of mood swings
43. I think prostitution should be legalized
44. I think B... ]]> ~Pokki-chan http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3466495/ http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3466495/ Wed, 29 Sep 2004 19:03:34 PDT look how they shine for you...and all the things that you do

well so life's up and down and topsy turvy...it's busy and it's bad and it's life...lol what can i say...i'm pretty thankful cuz reading some of the journals from the ppl who need support from *Circleoffriends i'm pretty lucky i guess...

last night was good...my mama and dady were talking on msn with each other and through the mic so i could hear and i was doing chem in the room...mama was telling stories about her older and slightly erm fuzzy doctor and imitating...it was so funny and we laughed so hard...felt good...kinda left all the probs of life behind you know...

and then after that i talked with ~ sc4ever who i absolutely adore ( )...you're too good to me and i'm so glad that i'm not just "the girl that matt likes" anymore...and that i'm your friend...so anyways we were talking about his party and about how his parents thought we were...lol but we're not! and it was hilarious cuz there's this one pic of the whole b day bunch and i'm on the outer edge cuz i was taking a pic before and bob was in middle...so i'm looking at bob and smiling and he's looking at me and talking to me and then hao (this guy on the outside) was looking at bob and so it's like this weird love triangle thingie...and as funny as it sounds wait till you see the pic! it's even more funny...but i dunno if i should post it cuz i dunno how the other ppl would feel bout it...ahh well...and yeah...

was happy but now i'm on the verge of falling...two tests...one in calc which i think i'll do ok on and one in chem which i think i'll barely pass...barely passed all the other quizes in this unit...gahhh...and trent uni came to talk to us today...made me stressed out...realized must pick uni...move on out of adolence and grow up...and queen's in coming fri morn...am kinda nervous since...well queen's is big...why most this happen...that's right...life moves on...go with the flow right...bah


well w/e...doesn't really matter what i think anyways cuz i'm too busy to even take time to think! lol...but yeah...dinner time...mama made one of my favs...spaghetti!...yum yum...we're on such good terms lately...i really love my mama...*splucy lost her mum recently and reading her journals is heartbreak for me...cuz sometimes i feel so ungrateful and horrid and that my mama's underappreciated...

in all honesty...i am rather horrid...i'm such a bad person...i'm selfish and jealous and bitter and angry and i'm sure i've broken all the 7 sins...bah...i guess i have real low confidence about myself sometimes...i doubt myself too much...i really wish i could believe but you know it's so easy to hide the problems then fix them...takes too much time

and you know for you i'd bleed myself dry...for you i'd bleed myself dry

been listening to too much coldplay...coldplay is my mellow/sad music...

p.s. recently my fav jpop mp3 rotation site closed down *tear* but i found some new good ones and so if anyone's interested not me or w/e and i'll give u the urls...it's only jpop/anime/game site tho

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~Pokki-chan http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3442911/ http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3442911/ Sat, 25 Sep 2004 11:07:52 PDT
i really hope the toothpaste can work since i could not be bothered to go out and buy crap to try to get rid of it! plus i dun really believe all that stuff about astringents and etc...the only think i use is a toner! so bahh o well!!!!!

having a good day today!!! hehe...i went to the comic book shoppe and that place is like heaven...i had to get bob his b day present...it's a (don't read this bob!) naruto wall scroll and it's got kakashi and sakura and sasuke and course...NARUTO! lol it's gorgey!

and there was a gundum wing one (AHHHH!!!) that i wanted sooo much and a final fantasy one of cloud that i wanted too...and then there were 2 ddr cds of just the songs that i wanted too...it was the 5th mix and the 7th or smthg like that...and there was the inu yasha sdtrk! but the good one with like all the singers and such and i wanted this other inu yasha one and the naruto one too!!! but everything i've listed so far was $20 and that would have been a lotta money for me to spend lol...but ya

the coolest thing i saw there was the official art book for gundum wing *shrieks* which was $26.99...gahhh Pokki is low on funds *hangs head* and the official art book for hayao miyazaki (the man behind spirited away and castle in the sky and kiki's delivery service)...this book was for tonari no totoro...my neighbour totoro...and this man...i bow down to him he's....amazing!!!! gah i wish i could be like him!!!! *bursts into happy tears* and yeah i wanted those books so much but too pricey hehe! maybe i'll splurge and treat myself to that inu yasha wall scroll i wanted...or the gudum wing one or maybe i will splurge and buy that miyazaki book...lol...

anyways toothpaste nose has to catch up on hmwk in order to go to 's b day party...

everyone go wish a happy b day (he's turning 17 on mon) and this guy...is the nicest, bestest, my selfless and caring person ever...he's my goody good friend

and i wish everyone a happy safe and sunny saturday! thanks for your kind words friends are awesome aren't they!

p.s. my friend joe just joined...and he's so clueless...and i'm not that ept either lol so everyone go say hi and maybe offer some tips/welcomes etc...bye everyone!

RL Friends:



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~Pokki-chan http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3438533/ http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3438533/ Fri, 24 Sep 2004 19:43:02 PDT
etc etc...

to love you to love me oh what a thing to do
o what hopes
what dreams
so high so low
turn into something beautiful
and for you i'd bleed myself dry
to bleed to love you
you you to love you
to bleed to love you
see the stars
see how they shine
to fly high to fly there
to fly to the sky
to reach my dreams to see my dreams
no you've stolen my dreams
no dreams, lost dreams
dreams that must die before they flourish
before they exist
before the words have left my mouth
you won't let me say it
i still believe in us though
let's go back
don't go back
can't go back
no turning back
must go on

"Love is blind, love is true, love is pain, love is deceiving, love is fullfilling, love is rage, love is bless"
-~ceah

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Peeps I Watch:

http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3424349/ Wed, 22 Sep 2004 19:20:46 PDT
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- show that you care http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3424344/ Wed, 22 Sep 2004 19:20:10 PDT ~Pokki-chan http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3397245/ http://Pokki-chan.deviantart.com/journal/3397245/ Sun, 19 Sep 2004 11:09:02 PDT
...

and i had a dream last night...i dun really remember it but i do remember the smell part of my senses...and his smell just filled the air completely and it's like floating on a cloud on a sunny day with a pink and blue sky...it was gorgeous and i had such a good sleep only to wake sad...and he always smelt so good...and it's not so much that i like him cuz i really definitely don't anymore but...i miss him and i miss our friendship...cuz he made me laugh and he made me cry and he made me feel special and he made me so happy and why oh why can't we be friends...

tho it's like i said to him...it'll never be the same again...never...ever...ever...ever...

...

in my dreams you were with me once again
i could see you smiling
trace your smile with my fingers
the curve of your lips

sat down and played our song today
each noted i played for you
the words have hidden meanings
the music bound with memories

with each rising melody
i poured out my heart and soul
to my trusty old piano
who knows it all

this is our song
a gift from me to you
hold me in your memories well
as i play this song for you

and remember sunny days long ago
and we sat together in the warmth
amid a field of daisies, your smile, my smile, our joy
but now it's all gone

and now it's cold
and my fingers are stiff
but i sat down at my piano
and wrote this song for you

and with each lingering refrian
your sweet memory breathes into me
and you appear beside me
faded like an old sepia photograph

and our emotions like a ghost
weave in and out of reality
and i question my belief and sanity
but then i hear our song

a thousand words have never been spoken...they'll fly to you...

listening to the scientist...and just realized that this is what i wish i could do...i love coldplay so much...

The Scientist

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets
And ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start

Running in circles
Coming up tails
Heads on a silence apart

Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing
At numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart

Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start

Running in circles
Chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard

I'm going back to the start

can we go back to the start...o god...stop thinking about this...

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