Thanks to I have a new avatar!! Thank you!!

In other news I feel the need to get some words off my chest. If you're not interested in hearing them then turn around now. Shall we begin...?

Deciding to take a year off before I started college was my way to sort out in my head what I want to do with my life...career wise. I have always been an artist from the first time a wrapped my fingers around a pencil. Therefore, I have always had an urge from within to create art, be it through painting, drawing or taking pictures. It's something I can't control. Most people say it's a God given talent, but sometimes I feel it's a curse.

Why do I say this? Well, because of this, I will never be able to have a "real" job. I would be terribly unhappy if the creative parts of my brain went unstimulated. I have realized that perhaps this is the reason I was unhappy during most of my schooling. I was happy when I was practicing with my dance team, in choir or in art class. Why? Simply because I could express myself and I was being creative.

Once highschool ended I was left with the decision to start college or figure out what I wanted to do for a year and then begin college. A small percentage of me doesn't even want to go...I don't want to do math, I don't want to do science. But I have to...It's my only way to get a real education in art. I want to be taught, badly.

Since I chose to wait a year, I had to get a job. Within a couple of months I got a job, it was fun. I met some amazing people. But I quickly became bored, and started to crack under the pressure. Working behind a register all day took it's toll on my psyche, and I had to quit. I can't even hold a job because of this "talent"...it's there within my being every minute of everyday. I will never be able to work in an office...it would be like caging a wild animal. My fear is that someday I will be a starving artist, yet it is also my dream. I know it doesn't make any sense but for those of you who are just like me you will know what I am talking about.

But I fear for my future, will I ever have the means to buy a home? Support a family? I am at a loss...I feel my curse can bring me happiness, but it will never support me financially. People have told me to do art on the side...but I just can't, I just can't.



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