http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Raphire&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Raphire en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Thu, 17 Dec 2009 15:14:18 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/27789752/ http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/27789752/ Thu, 15 Oct 2009 22:57:23 PDT the stem of blooming bursts.
Surging urge. Purge?
Should I swerve?
splurge.
submerge. emerge.
ending the deadening dirge.
life of a plain plane among birds

]]> ~Raphire http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/23915905/ http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/23915905/ Fri, 27 Mar 2009 12:04:44 PDT
It is the incarcerated who is the best at running for he runs from running itself. Ran runs ahead of running and stretches the prisoner thin. To be on the run is to slither in the shifting sands and shed your skin to make sin your kin.

Breathe in the breeze that flees to trap freedom in your ribcage. Lunge into the punch that seeks to steal it --escape within its reach-- but the whale is beached.

He who lifts the myth finds a thief beneath it a better grifter than he is.

Infinity is a blind alley.

* * *




Is this prose or poetry or just some flotsam in my head? Been through what I would call a lot, having to do what all males in my country has to do. No matter what I do the conclusion is the same. Both in terms of being unable to escape this ordeal, and also finding this very same dead end in my other pursuits.

Why do I still wait in my puddle of stillness?
Why do i convolute the complicated?
I kNow No one will come. The pivottal moment in life comes only when one realises no one will come.


Fuck.

]]> ~Raphire http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/21368925/ http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/21368925/ Fri, 07 Nov 2008 07:31:51 PST
Figured it should be safe to upload my A level stuff now that the grading is over.

This is a series on:

It all began with a general state of discontentment I had with my parents. I initially recognised the problem as their desperate clinging to restrictions, regulations—quintessentially choosing the more “established” approach of doing things—choosing to save rather than produce. Herein lies the paradox. By containing me they meant to make me a better person, better than them. The confounding thing about this is how they expect to be capable of comprehending thoughts and actions that are supposedly the product of an individual they intend to be better than they were—it was akin to trying to create something new with old methods while denying all new methods—utterly impossible. I initially saw this as their fault.

I saw the irrevocable repercussions what they did had on my identity:

“Our identity is the definition of our existence. Who we are, as individuals, is the prime question between us and the answer to the eternal question of the meaning of life. Many people say existence begins in the womb. What I think is that until one can define oneself, one is merely a collection of chemicals with a humanoid form, nothing more. And so we are all walking foetuses, entrapped in our own little wombs, which are our comfort zones.

Many people live their life in their own cocoons of comfort, unwilling to seek true existence. These are the people who have yet to leave the womb, still unborn. Those who die in this state have wasted their lives, stillborn. This is where our identity begins, within our own self-made wombs.

With the process of birth, of every form of true progress, comes a struggle. As an adolescent,t part of my struggle is with myself, and part of it, with my parents. In the womb we are part of our parents. In the delivery room the umbilical cord is cut, but still, we are part of our parents. Our parents are an integral part of the formation of our identity. In truth, until independence, the umbilical cord is still attached.

Before our identity is formed, we are but extensions of the will of our parents. As our metaphorical birth begins, a painful divergence of parent and child’s paths must be made. As much as the link to our parents gives us nourishment and sustenance, it is a leash. We are not fully human thus fettered. Like a pet we are subordinate to the will of another. The complication arises when there is a conflict of interest between parent and child. What if we become what our parents don’t want us to be? The leash becomes a whip; a noose. It coils round our neck and constricts, becoming the thing that will make us stillborn. Parents guard our interests, but what if they don’t know what our interests are? Some mothers, seeking to protect their child from external threats, fail to see what is within, and so the child is smothered alive.”

I began to consider the nature of the society we live in that allowed this to happen. It was then I decided that the family unit was only a microcosm of the faults in the bigger picture. On the macro-scale the parent was The Establishment (governments, academia, religion, canon, systems in general and how they always inhibited the ascension of newer systems), and the child was the wildcard—the unnamed individuals who are born everyday.

“systems themselves that I see as dangerous. Systematic is a deadly word. Systems originate with human creators, with people who employ them. Systems take over and grind on and on. They are like a flood tide that picks up everything in its path.”—Frank Herbert, author of Dune.

I saw how the Establishment became an entity in itself and how leaders and followers formed a fugal relationship that none had any control over—even the leaders. It was borne ironically from a desire to regulate everything, which was impossible, hence the creation of the messianic complex in people, how

"people tend[ed] to give over every decision-making capacity to any leader who can wrap himself in the myth fabric of the society. Hitler did it. Churchill did it. Franklin Roosevelt did it. Stalin did it. Mussolini did it.

The delusional urge to control, predict and contain led lesser(or rather less confident) people to seek out those who could accomplish this insurmountable task—the leaders. But who said they could? They themselves did.

It is demonstrable that power structures tend to attract people who want power for the sake of power and that a significant proportion of such people are imbalanced-in a word, insane."
–Frank Herbert

A system was fine, only if it was what it claims to be—the one true way, to hell with all the others. However, we cannot know the “one true way”.

Society became a train on which everyone wa... ]]> ~Raphire http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/20819623/ http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/20819623/ Sat, 04 Oct 2008 05:00:30 PDT
Long time since I organised my thoughts this way, by voicing them. Wish I recorded them. Always did and still do, graah.

It was about Infinitarian Paralysis, and titled very vaguely and discombobulatingly, "Are we FROM, or OF the System?" For those who wanna know, drop me a message. Not as if anyone actually reads this journal anyway haha, this is more of a kind of reminder so I wouldn't forget what I'd wanna bring up in a conversation. I"m not gonna write it down in full, as it will be undergoing constant metamorphosis. Man, my mind is disorganised on a massive scale and in a murky manner. Messed up. Insight from insanity. Whatever.

Well, my biggest exam ever, the A levels, is exactly four weeks away, and I'm still failing many of my subjects. Oh. Most of them.

Got lots to say. Fuck. Can't get myself to settle on something. Study like shit, or continue as I am? Infinitarian Paralysis here. Some people'd call it Nihilism of sorts. Or Bad Faith. Or more simply but no less comprehendably, not in the zone. I'd update this if I feel like it. Got lots and lots to say but no one to say it to. Not even myself. Into parkour lately. Addicted. Check this out if you wanna join us in training. [link]
Well we're kinda noob at it though.

Down with the flu. Crap.

]]> ~Raphire http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/19871582/ http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/19871582/ Sun, 10 Aug 2008 00:19:47 PDT
will update when im over and done with this fucking academic shit. I'm not me as i am when I'm in fucking school.

]]> ~Raphire http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/14644767/ http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/14644767/ Sat, 15 Sep 2007 12:58:21 PDT
Well, I've never touched any kind of paint medium before... except this acrylic piece that I screwed up.
The result of painting with coffee is much like water colours, only monochrome.
A good way to start out I suppose.
I've more success at it than pencils anyway. Im just not a detail guy, though I do try.

]]> ~Raphire http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/14513320/ http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/14513320/ Sat, 08 Sep 2007 11:55:31 PDT
Damn I still suck, ahah.

Argh. and i had a lot to say a day ago.
nothing.
Read nausea by Satre and you'll know how i feel now. His character's diary entries perfectly mirror my own thoughts.
My thoughts are ever so amorphous, nebulous and ephemeral.



edit. I have been tagged. I am excited.

1. Post these rules.
2. Each person tagged must post eight random facts about themselves.
3. Must make a blog/journal about this.
4. Tag eight or more peoples.
5. Go to their page and leave a comment notifying them of their tagging.

I was tagged by ~forbiddenist.

ha, i shall omit rule five considering she didnt inform me ahahhaha

I love being a cookie cutter.( does this count as a fact..)

1. People think I look like Ryuuku from death note. (wow!)
2. I am a nihilist deep down inside.
3. I like melon milk.
4. I don't know much about myself that isn't heavily biased in some way or another.
5. I can put my legs behind my head and walk on my hands at the same time without any prior training
6. I eat an average of 10-13 meals in seven days
7. My second favourite place in the house is the toilet.
8. I am bored

i shall tag the following:
~fkcsantaclaus reamgirll ~BrieZee ~Number1Fanfp ~ironoyume ~killer-eye =theartistscorner ~Deathrog ~newepoch ~thenumber42 ~princesscornpop

]]> ~Raphire http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/13114891/ http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/13114891/ Sun, 27 May 2007 16:30:56 PDT I feel normal. Alive. I actually DON'T FEEL LETHARGIC.

I went without sleep.

And yet.

This is the fountain of youth, my friends!
Excercise! I went jogging with a friend and did some basic kendo with him-- Magic.
I feel so implacable.
The moment my parents woke up to my silent drum practice on my makeshift drum pad they started giving me the classic negativity crap. They fill my ears with all manner of discouraging crap.

But it didnt matter!
I was alive!
They were shambling shadows, the rustle in the night.

Ghosts.
haha I'm born!

REINCARNATED.

NOT EVEN sure how long this will last. DAMN.
ok so i never excercise. not often anyway.

]]> ~Raphire http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/12951022/ http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/12951022/ Mon, 14 May 2007 09:11:40 PDT
I must say I am deflated-- here on deviantart it was easy enough to think, 'these people come from more stimulating environments, hence their better art". well. I cant delude myself any longer.

I suck.
+
Im lazy.
= im screwed.

time to change.
how many times have i told myself that. Crap.

Liquid Tension Experiment. Just amazing.

]]> ~Raphire http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/12628101/ http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/12628101/ Tue, 17 Apr 2007 05:10:47 PDT
made a joint blog with couple friends from school, it's pretty cool.
we post poetry and random stuff up there.
check it out at [link]
love the song on it! (the song is no longer on...)


its scary how a little praise shoots me to the sky.

]]> ~Raphire http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/12308189/ http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/12308189/ Sat, 24 Mar 2007 10:22:17 PDT
I seriously need critique as, well, im just not improving enough. With no basics and experience with other mediums, im gonna die in my college as i was so audacious as to take art as a subject, not that i regret it. I need someone to tell me where im going wrong with no iota of prejudice, no matter with good intentions or not. I need to be more objective.

Well. Any one dropping by, i certainly will very much appreciate it if you can help me by giving me some critique. Don't be afraid to tell me things that may be offensive, but please keep things constructive.

EDIT-- im just lazy. damn gotta do something

--2nd edit!





okay things seem to have improved, but i still don't know if its a delusion of mine. whoohoo.

]]> ~Raphire http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/12252614/ http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/12252614/ Mon, 19 Mar 2007 23:38:41 PDT i suck. i suck.
I SUCK. NO I DONT SUCK THAT MUCH BUT I SUCK. NO I DO SUCK A LOT. YES EVEN THAT MUCH. HELP. IM GONNA SUCK MYSELF TO DEATH AND DISAPPEAR. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I SUCK.
i suck.


i rock at sucking.

]]> ~Raphire http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/12114048/ http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/12114048/ Fri, 09 Mar 2007 04:27:58 PST I NEED TO SUSTAIN MY OVERDRIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NEED TO BE HARDWORKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ART AND DRUMMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AREGGRHGghGHGhGhGhGH!!!!!

]]> ~Raphire http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/12049944/ http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/12049944/ Sun, 04 Mar 2007 06:33:42 PST
]]> ~Raphire http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/11982071/ http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/11982071/ Tue, 27 Feb 2007 00:40:44 PST
]]> ~Raphire http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/11772490/ http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/11772490/ Sun, 11 Feb 2007 11:45:53 PST
done a shit load of sketches-- all of too sketchy aquality to be in the gallery. probably throwing them in scraps, if im not feeling too lazy.

man its so seldom im in such a mood!
can't get any piece past the conceptual stage though.
in the fire mode, not yet the forging. arg.

]]> ~Raphire http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/11570578/ http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/11570578/ Thu, 25 Jan 2007 22:01:56 PST
]]> ~Raphire http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/9403538/ http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/9403538/ Mon, 17 Jul 2006 09:16:44 PDT ~Raphire http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/8776584/ http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/8776584/ Mon, 15 May 2006 09:16:41 PDT ~Raphire http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/8205098/ http://Raphire.deviantart.com/journal/8205098/ Sun, 19 Mar 2006 08:36:14 PST ~Raphire