http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Red-Berzerker&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Red-Berzerker en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 22 Dec 2009 12:05:49 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/25153318/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/25153318/ Fri, 05 Jun 2009 23:35:00 PDT
Operation: Overlord

The largest amphibious assault ever conducted.

Please keep the flame alive and never forget. Take a moment to pay respect to those who deserve it. Thank you

]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/17684630/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/17684630/ Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:32:36 PDT All of you ignorant bastards who are trying to "free Tibet" are full of shit. You are the scum of the earth and deserve to die in a shallow grave, serving more purpose to feed the maggots.

You people need to understand that Tibet has been part of China for centuries, loyal to Chinese causes with patriotic citizens. Tibet has been part of the building of China, from the Romance of the Three Kingdoms to the fall of the last Emperor. It wasn't until about the 19th century when the expansion of colonialism by European powers seized hold of portions of China including England, France, Germany and the United States, with England having a stranglehold on Tibet. It wasn't until around the 1940s-1950s that European powers started to lose thier grasp on colonies that Tibet was freed and released BACK to China.

Now you people are wondering, why the struggle to separate? Well, after WWII, we all know that the Cold War started. Indirect wars between the Russians and Americans started all over the world with the main issue of Communism vs. Democracy. The United States faced a problem with two of the largest populations on the earth that have gone communist and needed allies. To "remedy" or to atleast slowdown the spread, the US funded the Dalai Lama with money to raise an uprising and try to tear apart China and undermine the authority.

If the Dalai Lama was truely a peaceful person, he would tell his followers and believers to take a peaceful path instead of uprisings that have lead to death and destruction. Look at the current victims, they are all Han(chinese) people, with Han shops and homes being destroyed. Remind you of something? kristallnacht.

Why do people see the situation in Tibet as a dire situation? It's because the Western Media is twisting things and trying to point a finger at someone. Let's take alook at current news sources. All of the reporters are:

White
Western
Only get a small fraction of the details because of the media lockdown in Tibet
Only got to interview (surprise surprise) white and western TOURISTS

If you want to protest anything, it's the way the Chinese government is putting a police-state alert on the region. Instead of grid lockdowns, there should be increased patrols on the streets protecting Tibetians AND Han(chinese) citizens, lift the curfews and allow for media to interview to show that no harm has been done and there will be none in the future.

Don't give me crap about "freedom"
Why doesn't Canada free Quebec?
Why doesn't US free the Pacific Islands?
Why doesn't England free Ireland?

Don't be ignorant. Look at both sides of the story before you open your mouth. Remember what your mother said, If you don't have anything good to say, don't say it.

]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/16294874/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/16294874/ Mon, 07 Jan 2008 00:08:59 PST
]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/14371258/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/14371258/ Mon, 27 Aug 2007 20:13:41 PDT
Anyways, I'd like to thank the people who commented and +fav some of my devs while i was away being emo about my stuff. I'm doing ok for those of you who were wondering. Just been busy doing nothing and trying to rack in some cash for school.
Entering my final year then I'm out there in the world. I'm excited and nervious, but I'm sure everyone else feels that way too. Still contemplating about staying an extra year. I don't want to rush into something unprepared.

Maybe I'll draw again.

]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/14081529/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/14081529/ Wed, 08 Aug 2007 21:09:49 PDT don't hold your breath just yet. I just don't feel like putting effort into this crap(yet).

feel free to flame.

]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/12320182/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/12320182/ Sun, 25 Mar 2007 08:40:50 PDT I haven't made many friends here, or gotten then kind of recognition I was hoping. I haven't been particularily wowed, or overwhelmed.
It saddens me to see how such a great community has transformed from a wealth of inspiration to a never ending pile of very badly done fan art, lifeless creations, preteen angst, horrible stock photos, cam whores, horrible photo manips and last but not least stolen artwork.

Don't get me wrong, I had some ups and I had some downs. There were times I did feel proud to post things up here and share my inner most thoughts. It just seems like it's a popularity issue on DA now. It's to see how many comments or favs you can do before the next schmoe. People can no longer think critically and give honest opinions.

I highly doubt anyone will read this but I still feel that I need to thank those who really did take the time to critique my work. I'll carry those comments with me all the time.

As for me? Well I've pretty much hung up my pencils. I only doodle to pass the time. I no longer feel the passion. Sure it saddens me, but to me it seems like it wasn't meant to be.

]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/11331273/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/11331273/ Fri, 05 Jan 2007 23:11:23 PST
The holiday was a nice break. Went out almost everyday with a different group of friends and got wasted almost each time. Now it's time to get back to work, make money and fill in those holes in my bank account.

Something I'd like to get off my chest. Everyone has been talkin about New Year's resolution (and something no one ever sticks to.) Almost everyone I've talked to set their resolution to losing some weight. Sure that's a nice goal but it seems like EVERYONE wants to loose some weight. I don't think that a resolution like that is very productive. Yes it's a good goal but is it something we as people desperately need? Instead I have decided to SAVE ENERGY as my New Year's resolution. I love this place I live in. I want to hopefully have my children experience the same things I did without any natural disastors or Global warming screwing them over. We as mankind have stepped over the line. It's time to step back and give back for once instead of taking.

]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/10692903/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/10692903/ Sat, 11 Nov 2006 18:02:01 PST I may not have fought in a war, never picked up a gun or killed another person but I still fight a battle. I fight to remember and keep the torch burning, in honour of those who have fallen to defend my country. Please do the same, not for the sake of those who survived but to keep history alive, keep memories alive and to learn from memories.

I will not give up.

]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/10448615/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/10448615/ Thu, 19 Oct 2006 18:34:13 PDT At 7:55pm, all the strength I had tried to muster, all the courage I had sumed up and all of my bright hopes died along with her.

Goodbye Grandma. I'm always going to miss you.

9:24pm - I arrived back from the hospital after saying my farewells. I didn't feel like staying inside, I just ended up sitting in my backyard breathing in the cool night air. I had never noticed how bright the stars were tonight.

]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/10343338/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/10343338/ Tue, 10 Oct 2006 01:45:29 PDT
It's been a rough couple of months. Ever since the begining of summer, I've attended 7 funerals (and was suppose to attend 9 but I just broke down) I've had to burry family and friends and watch those who I care about the most leave me behind.

Now that school's started, things haven't really gotten any better. I'm still waiting for financial aid and this damn cold won't go away.

The other day someone said I should get a girlfriend. I laughed and just shrugged it off. It's almost 5 am. I still can't get any sleep over that. Thanks alot you douche (Justin).

I know I know. This is a whiney emo journal but I figure I might as well post something. I sort of miss posting things on dA even though no one looks at my stuff. (atleast I still have Mary haha)

***Last Minute Addition***

So I just realized I got tagged by my wonderful friend (fiend) Mary.

SIX QUIRKY/INTERESTING/WIERD THINGS/HABBITS ABOUT ME.

1. I have a very small attention span. I wouldn't quite say ADD but some time when...man it's nice outside today.

2. I'm addicted to FFXI. Always a hoot when you bump in to ignorant people.

3. I hate it when people mix up words, such as "Thier, There, they're" or "your, you're"
haha. Classic. "your stupid!"

4. I'd like to go out with a girl smarter than me. I don't mean like just book smart but also aware of what's going on in the world. I guess I would say more enlightened than most of the bimbos/chits out there.

5. I still believe in chivalry and honour. These days it's just a sad scene.

6. I'm one of the last few suckers who like buying/collecting cds. What? So I like supporting my artists!

Boy how I wish I could have more than six points.

]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/9659910/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/9659910/ Wed, 09 Aug 2006 06:44:22 PDT
It seems as if I'm just sitting at my drawing table staring at a blank page for hours. When I finally do lift up my pencil, I don't feel the excitement anymore. It's more of a chore to draw these days.

Now I'm wondering "Why do I feel like that? I've never felt like that about drawing before" Then it hit me. It seems like I'm trying to draw to impress others. I forgot the whole entire time, before I came on DA, when I was still ignorant, I was drawing for me and myself alone. I didn't need to impress anyone but myself. Ever since I got the naive idea of trying to improve through other people's critism, I felt the need to push myself to impress THEM and not me anymore. I forgot WHY I draw.

Then on the other hand, there was the need to be seen. Art was meant to be shared, but now I feel that it's too hard to share. There's so many artists that it's impossible to be seen.

Things are going too fast for me now. I hope I land on my feet soon. I miss drawing and having fun at the same time. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/9219022/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/9219022/ Thu, 29 Jun 2006 08:57:54 PDT
Friends have been falling around me. Family issues that cannot be controlled are just tearing things apart. Work is brutal and I've been pegged down for being insubordinate because I was thinking ethically instead of by the book. My mind has turned to mush and I'm pretty sure I failed misserably in my summer course. I'm pretty sure I've been unproductive this year, and I get a gut feeling that it's going downhill more. Boy do I hate being pessimistic, but I don't want to set myself up for an even bigger fall.

I've been trying to keep my head up lately, trying to find the silver linings of things but I don't think I can anymore. I can't kid myself anymore. All my life I've tried to use logic to explain things to myself or to solve problems, but I can't anymore. I think perhaps now's the time to hand things over to faith. I really don't want to turn to religion, but I don't know what else to turn to. So now I've got to ask myself this, "I've relied on myself for the past 20 years, so why can't I do it again now?" Am I being too hard on myself?

The more I type this journal entry out, the more it seems like I'm turning emo. I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling sorry for myself, drowning in sorrow and cutting myself off from the wonderful fruits of life.

Is this comforting? I don't know. Will my questions be answered? Hopefully. And for the cliche question, Will I ever see the light? I want to. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/8930810/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/8930810/ Wed, 31 May 2006 13:33:02 PDT
So there was a pretty bad storm that swept through town and ripped the tree infront of our house apart. It collapsed, hitting our house and taking down some other trees around with it. Good thing there was very VERY little damage to the house. The only thing that was damaged was the telephone wire. It was fixed within the day. After that, I was in a serious studying lockdown. Studied day and night for my accounting midterm. I tototally blew it. After getting destroyed in my accounting midterm, I decided to indulge myself in FFXI. Been having lots of fun then moving on to BF2. Now that I'm past all those phases, I'm back to DA(yay)

I'd like to thank those who have commented on my stuff while I was gone and I'll be sure to get onto commenting on works soon(especially my workgroup)
No worries. I'm not dead yet. I've got some ideas brewing again. I've already started drawing so rejoice(or not)! ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/8731271/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/8731271/ Wed, 10 May 2006 14:37:49 PDT
Don't really celebrate my birthday as huge as other people. not the greatest deal. I don't feel 1 year older, 1 year wiser, 1 year stronger. I feel like i did yesterday. Just looking forward for tomorow.

Just gonna fire up the good old grill, sit back, relax and listen to the birds. Kick back and have a beer with the old man. Man, it sounds so.....cliche but i don't care. It's simple and it works. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/8568173/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/8568173/ Mon, 24 Apr 2006 06:18:57 PDT THAT'S HAPPYNESS IN THE PANTS!
The single most smartest thing Billy ever did since SP broke up.

ROFL....zwan.... ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/8337803/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/8337803/ Sat, 01 Apr 2006 21:03:21 PST
I learned yesterday that nice guys are always going to finish last. What am I going to do? Well I guess I'll just keep being the nice guy. Why can't karma serve me better?

Damn all of this. Damn you. Damnit. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/8173140/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/8173140/ Wed, 15 Mar 2006 21:11:52 PST
If could just go back.... ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/8142922/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/8142922/ Sun, 12 Mar 2006 19:17:50 PST ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/8053946/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/8053946/ Fri, 03 Mar 2006 07:32:20 PST
So here I am sitting at home in the morning waiting for my afternoon class to start.

This new project I was talking about, was started by a couple of good buddies in highschool. They wanted to start a manga set in a fantasy like area where ancient ways clash with futuristic technology. I was given a couple of character profiles and so far I'm very impressed with the depth and description. I really hope that my really "western" style of art doesn't clash with the anime style my friends are use to.

Hopefully I can post up some rough sketches of some characters. I don't want to give it away already!

Speaking of posting, I just realized I haven't posted up anything for February. Well to say the least, I was burried alive in work and it's just now I have a slight breather. Recently my friend from school had to do a portrait of herself. I thought it was pretty good but the problem was that it didn't look much like her. Me being very nosy looked at it and gave some pointers (haha, i know, me of all people. I can't even do a proper portrait myself) then one thing lead to another, somehow I ended up asking for one of her pictures and I drew her a portrait. Didn't turn out as well as I liked, so I'm going to redo it again. Providing I don't drink again during the weekend(which probably will happen) I should post up some stuff.

Me and my broken promises. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/7892246/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/7892246/ Tue, 14 Feb 2006 07:41:17 PST
Another year goes by, and this day just reminds me how empty and stale my love life has been. Well atleast I have my pencils right?......RIGHT???

*goes to check pencil case*

Ok. they still love me. But yeah, I've done no drawing for a while and dropped FFXI for a bit because of massive amounts of school work and studying. I'm amazed that I can still type this journal without my eyes falling out from reading so much. Things might get alittle exciting in the next couple of weeks. Been doing some talking with some friends and I've jumped aboard a really neat project. More details later!

Providing I survive the next barrage of tests, I'll update you on this new project! ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/7707944/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/7707944/ Wed, 25 Jan 2006 19:39:47 PST
I feel like just packing up my bags and moving to another country. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/7559520/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/7559520/ Mon, 09 Jan 2006 22:18:39 PST
Anyways, just to let you people know, I'm going to try to keep the FFXI stuff to a minimum and concentrating more on school(and hopefully some art). I did a couple of drawings a few days ago but not satisfied with any of them. I might post them up. Maybe I'll feel inspired to finish them off later on. Until then, keep your eyes peeled for my infrequent postings. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/7281122/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/7281122/ Sun, 11 Dec 2005 09:10:05 PST ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/7013105/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/7013105/ Thu, 10 Nov 2005 20:34:40 PST
I was on the subway last week and a little girl asked her dad what the poppy was for. The father was sitting there trying to think of something appropriate to tell her daughter and that's when I stepped in

"The poppy is to help us remember those who we've lost yesterday, that helped us get where we are today"

It was at that point everyone on the cart smiled and nodded. At that point, we all shed a tear. At that point, silence was all that we could give back.

I know I was ranting about this before on D-day but I feel that I should bring this up again. I've never seen so little public awareness on Rememberance day. Today's youth just doesn't care do they? Well I give a damn. I want tomorow's kids to give a damn. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I hope that this message is my first step to that goal. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/6848641/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/6848641/ Sun, 23 Oct 2005 18:50:27 PDT Her: Excuse me who are you?
Me: Oh I'm...
Her: Sorry, I'm not your type
Me: Well I just wanted to say h...
Her: Ok, nice talking to you, BYE

It's nice to know that women are just as shallow as men. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/6778060/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/6778060/ Sat, 15 Oct 2005 20:23:00 PDT
Ok, where to begin. School has been hell. I've had 2 midterms already and I'm totally burnt out. Guess what? I have 4 more to go. Let's just say that after this month, I'm going to be trying to avoid numbers for a long time (providing I survive).

Thanksgiving weekend sucked. Spent the long weekend studying and shit. We didn't even have turkey. I was pretty disapointed. We never missed thanksgiving dinner. I guess it's because of some family issues going on right now, no one's in the mood to.

I'm starting to rethink my goal to continue in the accounting field. It's very very hard and it's not like I go to sleep every night dreaming of balance sheets and waking up the next morning with a positive net income. I still want to stay in the business field but maybe not in accounting anymore. I'll try to tough out this semester and see what my options are by then.

Hopefully by the end of this month, I'll be able to get my life back on track and do the things I usually do, like sleeping for more than 6 hours a night, eating 3 meals a day and seeing friends again. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/6621053/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/6621053/ Tue, 27 Sep 2005 22:00:46 PDT
So after much debate, I figured that maybe I should take a stab at getting a tablet. I've seen these things in action and they made me piss my pants. Problem is that I have no idea where to start so I figured that you folks out there can help give me a shove in the right direction. I'd really like to know what kind of model I should be looking for and what kind of price range i'm looking at.

Thanks, I hope that you guys will reply! ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/6445466/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/6445466/ Wed, 07 Sep 2005 20:44:19 PDT
Well, atleast I get to see some friends.

Anyways, wish me luck in this year of hell. I'll try to keep drawing. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/6311420/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/6311420/ Tue, 23 Aug 2005 23:22:54 PDT
Alright. So now that I've taken care of that part, onto what's the deal with me. Well, me being the lazy douchebag(as mentioned earlier) I haven't gotten much done, and with whatever I have done, it is scanned but I don't feel like posting up. In a couple of days I should be posting up some stuff. I've been thinking about entering some contests, but quite frankly, I'm not sure if I feel motivated to do anything. So until I post my next piece up, go blow up something, or something along the lines of that. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/6085834/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/6085834/ Wed, 03 Aug 2005 08:00:07 PDT
I can't say anything because well, I'm not intertwined that deeply in this community. Sure I may not be deeply cut by this matter but the point is that it just didn't settle well with me how things were handled. Now that my eyes have been slightly opened, I can't sit back and just watch this train d-rail.

This journal entry helped explain alot of things with very nice links along with it.

[link]

Now I'm tempted to clear all of my art, pack my bags and move along. There's no room here for art anymore. I'm sure that no one will miss me but if we all do this, we can really hurt big time. It's time to put the power back into the hands of the people.

Aug 03 - I've put all my stuff in storage until things clear up(not that anyone's noticed or anything) I will still try to stay on dA and comment but I'm not sure if I will share my art anymore. If you guys really want to bother me, probably the best way is through MSN(which my email addess is neatly posted up above right by my status) ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/5841345/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/5841345/ Mon, 04 Jul 2005 20:24:46 PDT
Well, i'm doing work, for the few of you that care. working like crazy. I've put in some sketching at work but i don't like doing it there for a couple of reasons. I hate it when people watch me do my work and usually water near paper doesn't work out too well(I work at a pool if you people don't know) and also i don't want to make it look like i'm showing off. I hate show offs and i don't want to give off that impression. too bad it's the only time i can get any work done.

my stuff is still sitting on my desk, still gathering dust. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/5786431/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/5786431/ Tue, 28 Jun 2005 22:51:42 PDT
So on Sunday I was at the most rad concert ever. Modest Mouse, Broken Social Scene and Metric were headlining. Enough said.
I also discovered(and so did my other friends who went along with me) Most Serene Republic. Totally awesome music. Nice fresh stuff that keeps you on the edge of your seat.

Anyways, on to the art that I can really do. I'd like to thank the people who took the time to critique my Kristin Kruek compare and on my way to making it better. It was shaping up nicely but the hair was totoally destroying my brain. I ended up overdoing some things on the face and then totally scrapped everything. I'm now starting from scratch again. I think that it's for the better. I'm also starting another portrait for my friend Linda but I'm waiting for the real shots she wants to be done. For now I just have a picture of her holding her camera, which I found to be in an interesting pose. I'll give that a crack just to keep myself busy until the real deal comes along. Until then, I'm working like a crazed maniac trying to scramble and make enough money to cover next year's tuition fees. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/5660228/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/5660228/ Wed, 15 Jun 2005 21:15:25 PDT
Everytime I post something up, it takes like 2 days for my stuff to apear.

I hope that this isn't just me because honestly, that would suck so much ass... ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/5568151/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/5568151/ Mon, 06 Jun 2005 08:33:44 PDT
I know that today's generation doesn't care much about what you've done for us, but I hope to keep your light alive and pass on the torch to keep your memory alive. I don't want anyone to forget the horrors. Without you, there would be no today. Without you, there would be no me. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/5525023/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/5525023/ Wed, 01 Jun 2005 19:41:28 PDT
Just to let you know, we removed the carpet and replaced them with slick new tiles. Soooo totally sweet. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/5476564/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/5476564/ Fri, 27 May 2005 11:41:33 PDT
A couple of days ago, the pipes around the boiler room just decided to blow and flood half of my room. I instinctively and selfishly saved my computer at the expense of my nice comfy clean pjs. So now I have to clean out my whole entire room and hope to fix up the sewage problem. For now the cocmputer sits right in front of the couch and I have been forced out of my room. Being forced out of my room means no drawing table or using my own computer. I hate this flood. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/5315514/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/5315514/ Mon, 09 May 2005 21:07:08 PDT
Also happy birthday to my coolest co-worker Sarah and the greatest man ever....

PAUL HEWSON! aka BONO from U2.

]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/5282433/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/5282433/ Fri, 06 May 2005 07:34:39 PDT
So I woke up this morning and BAM, it hit me. I was suddenly awarded a one week trial subscription. I thought, "Okay score, let's see what's so cool about this status anyways" So here I am trying to see what the big deal is but I'm not too impressed. Okay maybe alittle with the message system but that's nothing too fancy. Ah well. Gonna try to abuse the power as much as possible.

]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/5251647/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/5251647/ Mon, 02 May 2005 22:00:14 PDT
Anyways, Spring classes started. This sucks. One week after exams then I'm back in the class room. Ah well, I guess this will keep my brain from totally rotting and busy with something productive to do. I won't have as much time as I would like to have to draw and finish up this cool project I have in the works (which is turning out pretty good so far) Only has seen it so far and thinks it looks pretty good so I'm glad.

I REALLY need to go out and buy new pencils. They are almost all really short(let's just say now my pinky finger is longer than most of my pencils). I only have my F pencil that I don't use regularly that's still fairly new.

So yeah, don't expect much from me for the next two months except doodles I will occasionally do during lectures I guess. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/5143192/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/5143192/ Wed, 20 Apr 2005 21:00:52 PDT
Art has never been on my side. It's always been an uphill battle for me. Coming from a family that doesn't support my art doesn't help much either. Although my mother was in college for art use to be a very good artist(and still is but even she admits she's really out of touch), she tells me that art has died these days and it's no point trying to pursue a career in art. It's either you make it or you don't, and very few people do make it. My father who is really opposed to my art told me that art was a waste of time and that I should try to pursue a real job. I some how feel that I'm like the whipping boy.

To let you know why, my family comes from a long generation of fighters. My ancestors use to be soldiers and imperial guards for the last emperor of China. Their sons became soldiers for the Red revolution under General Mao, my grandfather and his brothers fought in WWII agains the Japanese. My father and my uncle use to be in the HK police force. My father left the police force because of all the corruption and came to Canada and get a better life. My uncle decided to stay with the force and was eventually promoted as a Special Defence Units officer. He came to Canada and joined the Toronto Police force. He passed away from Lung cancer 12 years ago. My father was always jealous of my uncle beccause he stayed in the job that he liked doing while he did an office job. It's never really been fair for me because he's always expecting me to be what he wants to be. I don't blame him. I probably would have done the same.

Not only does my family not support me but I've already been rejected from an Art school because they said that my art didn't have enough 'life' in it. I didn't have the vision that they said was required to be a real 'artist'. Never had my father rubbed in something at my face. "I told you son, there's no point" Those words burned in my brain forever.

Honestly, this isn't the first time I've submitted in contests. Each time a spectacular failure. I'm not really after the prize, I'm out to prove something to myself. Out to prove something to my father and tell him "Hey, I can make it." Sure it's selfish of me to do so but it's something I need to do and I don't want any pity from any one or any unfair advantages in future contests. I need to do this on my own.

Again, I really didn't want to open up old wounds but it's the only way I was hoping some of you can understand why I'm like this. I need to be hard on myself. I need a drive, and if it means constantly putting myself down to give me incentive to prove myself wrong, I'll do it. I've got a goal to reach. I don't know when i'll reach it, I don't know how i'll reach it. It's something I have to do. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/5135930/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/5135930/ Wed, 20 Apr 2005 04:41:07 PDT daggerpoint's contest. This is so depressing. I lost at what I do best. I was so friggin hyped that I might have had a chance. As the days passed by and more entries piled in, I started to realize "Oh damn, I was wrong, I totally suck!" Guess this proves I'm not good enough and I need to keep on working.

Ugh, I think i'm never gonna enter in a contest again. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/5124477/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/5124477/ Mon, 18 Apr 2005 19:52:21 PDT
I have two more exams. I'm just updating this journal to remind you guys to vote for me in 's sexy female character contest [link] if I ever make it to the top 10 finalists. Cross your fingers for me!

Here are my entries:

Squeeze - [link]

Elvish Ranger - [link]

PLEASE! and thankyou. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/5029060/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/5029060/ Thu, 07 Apr 2005 20:05:14 PDT
That aside, April friggin sucks. That's because exams are just around the corner. I've fallen deeper and deeper into solitude because I'm being overwhelmed by projects and studying for exams, so deep that I have yet to notice that the weather is finnally letting up and it's getting warm. I only realized when I looked out the window of my room when taking a break of absorbing over 10 chapters of Business Management. Feeling pretty miserable at school since i'm not achieving the marks I was hoping to, but I can always upgrade them later.

Hmm...I haven't done anything in a while. Probably because my pencils are shorter than my index finger and should stock up again soon. I really want to get some nice pens but not sure which brand to get. Once I'm done my exams, I don't know if I'll be able to continue drawing at a constant basis. I'm already schedueled for about 40 hours of work and on top of some summer courses I want to take to upgrade my marks and I'm so short on cash I don't know if I can buy my textbooks anymore. This means cutting into my leisure funds(buying video games, food and ART SUPPLIES) in order to stay afloat.

Ah well, not like anyone reads this journal and cares.

lalalalalalalalala.....

Oh yeah, totally forgot. I'm getting my ass kicked really hard in ;daggerpoint 's contest. VOTE FOR ME BECAUSE I SUCK! ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/4904176/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/4904176/ Thu, 24 Mar 2005 20:40:49 PST daggerpoint 's contest since I still have a few ideas brewing, but I might scrap them and use them for later, haven't decided yet. After I completed the Helghast piece, my workload seemed to have just vanished and just realized that I've finished all my unifinished projects I haven't decided to scrap. Looks like I'll be searching for some new projects to work on now. Again, I have a few in mind but haven't really considered it something permanent.

As for the personal life, things aren't as bright. Haven't been of the cheery mood as of late because I'm still trying to get over the hump during Christmas time but I try to overcome it each day and try to put on a smile for others because it would be unfair of me to spread some bad karma. Hopefully this long weekend will give me the opprotunity to see some long time friends from highschool and cheer me up.
In the love department, ugh. Empty as usual. Maybe I'm just trying too hard to get her to notice me. I try so many times to just see her face once but it's always some sort of excuse. What the hell does she want? What does she think of me? What can I do? Maybe I'm just over reacting and encountering too many coincidences that just play tricks on my mind. Maybe I'm just letting this get at me because I'm not being myself. I don't know, usually being myself doesn't work.

For all of you ladies out there trying to give advice, cut the crap about just being yourself because it never works. Being the nice guy doesn't help either. It's just another ploy to give the guys who are really nice some glimmer of hope, a false one I might add. Stop beating aroud the bush and really tell us what you want! I can't stand it. You women always say men don't understand you, that we aren't SENSITIVE enough. hah. How do you know? Who are you to judge who has enough feelings or not? Guys have feelings too, that's why we fall in love with you, that's why we would move the sun and moon for you if we could but we just can't make you happy can we? The more I think of it, the more I feel like I would be happier single because I don't want to change for anyone, and to tell you the truth, I don't think there's anyone for me anymore. Don't even try to flame me because I've been there, done that.
Women, you've riped my heart out and stomped on it too many times for me to even listen to your side of the argument. Good day to you. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/4789156/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/4789156/ Fri, 11 Mar 2005 20:15:17 PST If father time was a physical being, I'd also bitch slap him, because he doesn't give enough time and he rusts my drawing table, just enough to break it. I try to adjust it and then the handle breaks off. Great. Now I have to buy a new one.

Put those two together, who knows what will happen.

Anyways, just felt that I needed to rant again. I'm very glad I finished the Linda and Mike drawing(though disapointed how the faces turned out) before my table decided to break on me(now it's in two pieces, the table surface and the stand) Now all I have to do is spruce it up and put a nice boarder on it. As soon as I do that(probably this weekend the latest) I post it up.
WHOO. One down, several more WIPs to go. Helghast is next. Trying to figure out how to do the swamps. I might just skip that altogether. Something else I was contemplating was entering the PencilClub contest. Hmm...we'll see how much time I have after I fix my table. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/4706775/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/4706775/ Tue, 01 Mar 2005 21:37:32 PST
Anyways, for some queer reason, mother nature thought "Oh yeah, now's a good time to shit on people"

Ta-da! 20 cm of snow!

So for my whole entire reading week(which i was suppose to spend sleeping in and drawing) I was shoveling snow, freezing, grumbling and hungry. Luckily I was able to cram in some drawing, so it wasn't so bad.
I have become awfully peppery as of late. I've bounced back(not entirely)and after a long time, I've actually smiled. I've become alittle more social and outgoing, though still deep in the woods, I have some hope as I see some light. Perhaps the change of mood is because I've gotten some fairly good marks in school, which was a much needed morale boost.

Not that any of you care, I'm still looking for love. Can anyone share some with me? ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/4641603/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/4641603/ Mon, 21 Feb 2005 22:19:23 PST
I've come to realize that life isn't so bad. I am fortunate to be here, to have what I have. After I told myself that, I just woke up one day totally refreshed. I breathed a new breath of air, though I am still not totally out of the mists.

As usual, school shit on me. I had 3 midterms and 4 quizes. THEN I have reading week, which is retarded. Ah well, one week to catch up and re-aquiant myself with pencils. Expect some WIPs to progress a bit and perhaps I'll post them in a week or two.

Don't worry, I haven't forgotten.

The Helghast soldiers is progressing really slowly. I've come close to finishing the second soldier but not nearly as close as I want when it comes to detail. Still thinking of how to incorporate a background

The Mike and Linda sketch screeched at a halt but I'm going to pump more effort into it. I've improved the faces slightly, still disapointed. Going to resume that in a day or two.

The Sisay piece I said I would complete was a total lie. I just added in some detail and slightly darkened it. I'll upload it later.

That's all for now. I've got some more ideas churning in my head and I'm really considering entering the new Pencil Club contest. Not exactly sure how I'll do it but i'll manage. Until then, play safe kids. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/4481163/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/4481163/ Wed, 02 Feb 2005 15:46:42 PST
Incase if you've been living under a rock for your whole life or completely oblivious to the calender, it's that time of the year again, the saddest time in the whole year for all single people. Yes it's that cursed Valentine's day. The dreaded day where lovers all around the world share their love with the world. How I hate it so much.

Even as a child, I found Valentine's day so over rated and probably one of the most useless holidays ever created. Sure it's symbolic to some of you but hear me if you may, my reasonings.

First of all, why must you express an extra amount of love to your significant other on just ONE day of the year when you should be giving all your love each and every single day? What makes this day exceptionally "loveable"? Is it that there is a full moon? The stars allign? I don't get it.
Second, if it is a holiday, why don't we get a day off? We all need alittle love in life, so why not take the time off to find some?
For you lovers out there, note that when the stores say "Valentine's sale" they mean "Prices are being marked up 300%" You poor saps spending money on a card worth $10 for one week of the year that says "I love you".

Why am I so bitter? Maybe because love has never knocked at my door.

- I've never had a valentine, never got a valentine's card as a child and probably never will

- I don't know anyone who could love me as much as I would love that person back. Been trying to "just stay friends" with several girls. Those friends don't last for ever.

- Perhaps every single being of the opposite sex either repulses me or doesn't even know I exist. Good to know i'm popular with the crowd.

Joy. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/4397832/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/4397832/ Sun, 23 Jan 2005 20:50:14 PST
Hmmm...perhaps things have gotten worse or maybe better in some cases. I've isolated myself for quite some time. I've isolated myself to think about what's going on. I've isolated myself to give myself and other some space. Maybe I still need some more time, or it's just that I'm too stubborn to realize the truth.

My friend who was in the car accident is still in critical condition. I still don't have any more updates since well, I've been living like a hermit.

My other friend who has gone for psychiatric because of her tragic loss from the tsunami still hasn't gotten better. I visited her a couple of days ago. She's become so pale and lost significant body mass. Her long, flowing jet black hair is no more. The twinkle in her eyes have disapeared. It pained me to just see an empty shell.

Well, the girl I told whom I liked has just disapeared. I really don't care anymore. I've over it. It's not like this is the first time I've been shot down.

Test results have come back from the hospital. My apparent vomiting of blood is due to the fact that I have been coughing way too much. The protective layer of mucus in the throat has thinned out and I must take anti-biotics until things are up to par.

Well, turns out my father's cholesterol level was a false alarm. It isn't as bad as it was predicted and work has resumed, though we are still in financial problems. My biggest concern as of now is that my sister may not be able to get the fundings to continue her education. She really wants to go to New York and study at the University of Columbia, and well to be frank, we can barely afford MY first year tuitions.

The school shit on me again by rejecting my request to transfer into afternoon classes even though they were full. So that means I am stuck with classes that can run from 8am to as late as 1pm non stop. 2 lectures in a row that last 3 hours each. Goodie.

Turns out my financial problems got worse. Apparently there are more books to buy. Me being the complete moron decided to buy lunch instead of starving myself until I get home. Total cash in bank:$42.94CDN Total amount needed to buy books: $435.00 CDN and $78.00 USD.
Luckily my manager was able to bitch at my supervisors and convinced them to squeeze in about 15 hours of work for me this week.

Johnny Carson, probably one of the funniest and charming people in the world died today. He was 79. He was my hero.

Managed to drag my ass to the nearest art store and bought a new 4B pencil with a quarter I found on the ground. Whoop dee do.
Haven't drawn anything in ages.

Thanks to my friend Helen for submitting in something for me. Although I wasn't too pleased to begin with, I am greatful for a friend who do something lik that for me. Apologies to all of those who I watch and my workgroup. I haven't been commenting at all or submitting in anything. Maybe next week when my mind isn't as clouded. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/4290782/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/4290782/ Mon, 10 Jan 2005 23:12:33 PST
Not only is my personal life in shambles but my social life is destroyed.

A friend I knew in highschool is in the hospital after suffering a car accident when he ran over a patch of black ice. He is in a coma and in critical condition. His brother has a broken cheek bone and 4 broken ribs. His friend has many bruises and is lucky.

Another friend has gone for mental help after suffering a massive depression in emotion after finding out that 23 of her family members died in the tsunami in Thailand. She is also seeking physical help after starving herself for over a week. She is currently pulled out of school and I haven't spoken to her since the disaster.

I finally told the girl I fell in love with how I truely felt about her. She told me that she didn't want to believe it and said that we could never be since I'm just not her "type". She also said that she didn't know me, which really hurt me because, how can you know I'm not her "type" if she doesn't know me. I haven't spoken to her in 3 days.

My sickness has taken a turn for the worst as I have vomited blood. No test results yet from the hospital. Sleep is a luxury now.

My father's cholesterol skyrocketed for some reason forcing him into early retirement and our financial woes have piled up because of rising insurance costs. We are now selling our car, which means we are only moving by means of one car(next to impossible since we really need 3 cars for the family to operate properly)

School has never shit on me so much by loading me up with courses that are way too demanding and a scheduel that asks for me to show up at class at 8am, which means I have to wake up at 6am for the 2 hour commute from my ghetto neighborhood to the heart of downtown.

To add onto my financial woes, I have been laid off and have no income anymore since the city no longer needs anymore employees as of now. I am currently living on $53.26 CDN to pay for my books. Estimated cost of my books for this semester : $350.00CDN

My favorite pencil 4B decided to blow up on me and no longer have the motivation or heart to do what I love.

How was your day today? ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/4257905/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/4257905/ Thu, 06 Jan 2005 21:23:02 PST
The school year resumed on wed. It sucked. Long. Boring. It was also something that slaped me in the face. I looked at the course outline and from what is expected in this course, I'm so scared that I might not make it. I might not be able to do what I want to do. But it also gives me hope because I have competant professors this time around. From what I hear from second year students, these professors are really good and were in the same situation as I. So perhaps alittle confidence was gained from hearing that.
But it wasn't just about the classes. It was about seeing the few friends I made in my University. It was good seeing them again, considering how my school is full of steriotypes from all of the same master mold. It makes me sick to go to school and sit in the same seats as those freaks. Perhaps i'm the freak but it's just that I can't take it anymore. I've never seen so much mainstream media driven stuff before in my life! The males are dressed like "gangsters" and the females are dressed like skanks. It's quite hard for me to respect them if they can't even give me a good first impression, let alone understand their jabbering.

I guess to say that things aren't that bad is pretty much a lie. Today I found out that the girl I like had a day off the next day. I tried jumping on the opprotunity by asking her VIA MSN Messenger to meet up for like a coffee or something since my classes were cancelled too. She agreed but didn't seem very interested, like it was just hot air. I would ask her where she wanted to go or what she would want to do but she would just keep saying that she didn't know. I felt alittle discouraged, so I tried changing to subject so that I didn't seem like I was forcing her to go(well that's what i'm assuming from the way she replied). Just the usual about asking how her schooling was but she just eventually drifted off. She just brushed me off and she left abrubtly. I highly doubt we'll meet up tomorow. I bet she won't even call me, like last time I tried to ask her out.

Am I acting like an ass? Am I too annoying? I don't know. I just wish I knew what she was thinking. I wish I could find out if I was wasting my time or not. I've been left high and dry too many times to think it's just a phase or out of pure coincidence. Maybe this won't work out and I'm just wasting my time and effort on a lost cause, or maybe I'm taking this the wrong way. Either way, I just wish I had a definate answer so that I can get on with my life, so that I'm not left behind. I wish... ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/4208198/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/4208198/ Sat, 01 Jan 2005 00:32:52 PST
Still sick. Still miserable. Still struggling to become a better artist. Still alone.

So far, so crap!

I just hope that the new semester for school will be better(which I highly doubt)

Anyways, have a good one. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/4143328/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/4143328/ Fri, 24 Dec 2004 07:46:48 PST
Why am I never in the mood really? I guess it's because I don't believe in all of this mush. The only good thing is an excuse to have a party. Couple of days ago I hosted my annual "Xmas" party and boy was it fun. Massive video game playing along with countless hours of "chilling". In the end we spent about $90 on pizza and I still have left overs.

Because the majority of my friends are Christian and strongly believe in the occasion, I felt perhaps I should go christmas shopping for them. It was nice to see their faces light up when I gave them my gifts. I haven't felt good in a long time.
It would have been better to spend the holidays with someone special though. I feel so discouraged now. I tried asking her out several times but each time it's some excuse or she just won't respond. She always says we should meet up to catch up on old times(we use to go to the same highschool) but I think it's just some superfical answer to lead me on then just totally destroy my moral when I'm left high and dry. I feel I should just give up on her. There's no point since I already know she likes someone else. Maybe I should just move on, meet some new people. Yeah, maybe I just need to take a break from all of this sad boy crap and just take life head on. No point grumbling on what cannot be changed.

Now excuse me as I go feast on some cold pizza and talk to my friend Mr. Alcohol. He's a pretty good therapist, I recommend him to you. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/4063622/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/4063622/ Tue, 14 Dec 2004 06:43:05 PST ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/4022916/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/4022916/ Wed, 08 Dec 2004 21:20:11 PST
After looking at all of the "graphite fraud" crap that's been floating around, I'm getting pretty sick of it. Just drop it will you people? So what if there are people who think they can get away with it? I couldn't care less. I can't stop them. You can't stop them, unless if you are holding a gun to their head, then MAYBE. There's always going to be some douche who's going to ruin the fun for the rest of you people, so unless you're going to start a crusade to eliminate all frauds, then good luck.
If anything, I'd like to know how the "real" artists get so damned good. Wanna switch hands and eyes for a day or two? Because I'd really like to know what it's like to be a good artist. I'd like to know what it's like to be praised everyday and have people actually look at your stuff thousands of times. I'd like to know what it's like to have something of mine deemed as a "daily deviation". I'd like to know how it's possible to have so many people look at your amazing art and still have the same people come back day in, day out. I'd like to know how you good artists out there got into such a tightly knit community that you guys only praise each other. I'd like to know why your only friends are those who are good as, if not better than you.
Can someone please tell me how that feels? Because you know, the rest of us amatures and sub-par artists out there just can't handle the truth.

Arg. I need some yogurt. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/3912021/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/3912021/ Wed, 24 Nov 2004 19:49:31 PST
You know what really irritates me? When I try drawing a girl and someone comes up to me and says "Oh who's that? Your dream girl?" It seems automatic to people that I'll never get a girl and that it's all in my dreams. I wish I could just stab them with my pencils. So I just shoot back at them and say that I didn't draw it to shut them up.

I need a hug. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/3834888/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/3834888/ Sun, 14 Nov 2004 16:34:20 PST
I've had my ups and downs with all of the crazy projects/midterms. I just wish I could spend more time with friends and drawing. It's never a real good balance. I usually do too much of one thing and end up paying for it later on. I've recently bought several CDs. Interpol, Hope of the States, Peter Katz and got a CD from my friend Broken Social Scene. Whoo. That's alot of music to listen to. I hope things turn out better soon.

In other news, I submitted my piece to * kristyvictoria's Android contest. It's pretty crusty and don't expect to win by a long shot unless if everyone else decides to withdraw at the last minute! which won't happen at all.
My next piece I hope to actually acomplish unlike the rest of my other failed projects is a piece that has been inspired from travelling on the public transit almost everyday to go to school. It's amazing the things you see that goes on when you're in a crowded cart. No, i don't mean big boobies(okay, sorta) but more like human behavior. You'll see(I hope)
I've also started to conjure up another piece inspired from that carnival attraction, House of Mirrors mixed in with my Non-existant Love life. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/3729246/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/3729246/ Mon, 01 Nov 2004 21:32:35 PST
On friday was commencement for me. I got my diploma, took some pictures with old friends and saw her. My hands trembled and my body turned to stone. I was sitting at the end of the aisle and there she was, walking elegantly towards me. She had a smile bright enough to light up the room and she said hello to me. I lowered my head and pretended not to hear her. She walked away. I died in my seat. When the cermony ended. I rushed to the cafeteria to get another glimpse at her. She was surrounded by other admirers. I had lost again. I pulled out my drawing of her and looked at her. I couldn't do it. I couldn't just walk up to her and just say "Hi". My mind exploded and I crumbled before her. I was scared, not of rejection but of being hated. I couldn't bear to know that she hated me. I caved in and asked my best friend to give it to her. He didn't tell her it was me who did the portrait. I don't know why I'm glad she doesn't know I did it. I drank away the nights with friends after that. I died. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/3614926/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/3614926/ Sun, 17 Oct 2004 22:19:12 PDT
I envy the blind, only seeing the true beauty of mankind. ]]> ~Red-Berzerker http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/3544685/ http://Red-Berzerker.deviantart.com/journal/3544685/ Fri, 08 Oct 2004 18:40:02 PDT ~Red-Berzerker