http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:SaCliliad&section=today deviantART RSS for by:SaCliliad en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Thu, 26 Nov 2009 21:58:39 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/24142238/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/24142238/ Thu, 09 Apr 2009 06:57:53 PDT
The Freedom is what I Love So Much.



And we are that free, always.
You and me and the world, and each other.
To love and always.

To love forever.

To slip and slide in and out of meaninglessness until we can't stand it any longer---
We have to Feel ourselves again!

And I feel my freedom in Me.




]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/23876268/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/23876268/ Wed, 25 Mar 2009 00:37:59 PDT in wind she finds
her parallel lives
are running across the universe

skipping and dancing
chaos enhancing
it's rhythm and v i b e and flow

in colours she marks
all the thoughts that she has
with the pieces of sand
all the trust she promotes

and scattered through the land

spread the childen

of a peaceful universe



]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/23774674/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/23774674/ Thu, 19 Mar 2009 04:17:54 PDT
Our truth, is our world. Our truth, is our freedom.

and all they want is the freedom

-- Broken Social Scene

A crazy mind, a quiet mind, a raging mind, a beautiful mind. <3

And that's all she ever has.



The truth, the light, the way. Within us all. Always.


Peace, Love and Prosperity to you All.

<3

]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/23771830/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/23771830/ Wed, 18 Mar 2009 21:28:36 PDT [link] symbols along the bike-ride home through the long strip on Sydney Road, all the way from Melbourne University headed towards Brunswick Rd.

I am happy that I am at peace with this.

I'm stoked to be back on board and to see you all again, all my love to you, always. x x x





~ Sarah Jennifer Dute
xoxo



]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/23181959/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/23181959/ Fri, 13 Feb 2009 19:49:35 PST
On the 17th, (I'm pretty sure, anyway) it will have been exactly 1 year since I've moved to Melbourne. And -what- a year it's been. I know I've been on and off of here, for sure, however each person goes through their own phases and growth patterns, and I guess right now this is one of mine. It may feel like quite a long one, but I am opt to let myself know that it'll be worth it in the end.

I've got my own place, a bed to sleep on, my computer with me. I've got this bohemian little internet cafe down the road from my place, and plenty of things to occupy myself with if I so choose. I can play the guitar a little better, and I enjoy it.

I've started taking photo's again, and that's definitely lifted my spirits.

And I have beautiful friends. That's certainly something precious to me. <3


Hope you're all doing well, and good things to you all. x

Lovelove.

Sarah

]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/23066251/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/23066251/ Sat, 07 Feb 2009 17:15:06 PST


Well, it's been a while, hasn't it.

My pardons to those folk who have been sending me messages and notes- I will get around to these in due time. For me, it's been a bit of an uncertain time at the moment, and I'm having difficulty coming to terms which what this all means.

People say that life doesn't always go to plan, and I guess I really like to think that deep down, even if the waters seem storm-ruffled, that's just the tossing and turning of life in order to reach the calm at the end of the swim.

Perhaps that's what makes the beautiful moments so beautiful. Is feeling the moments of chaos in this life... I just don't ever really like feeling the chaos. I guess that's how it works, hey *chuckles*. The good feels good. The non-good feels non-good. *nods* That seems to make sense.

I'm about to make my way back to my new place closer to Melbourne city with two giant canvases. It's raining in heavy spurts, the wind occassionally tickles my sense of direction and my little room here out in suburbia feels almost part of my memories for good. There are so many more things I have in mind than this move, but at the moment, it seems rather all pervasive. I'm looking forward to the day when I can lie back and finish a book. Y'know, that's what I'll aim to do. I'll finish a book. Seems like a small start, but it's something. And I know I'll feel better for it.

(it's not that I haven't finished books before, it's just that I haven't finished one in a while. And I'd like to. )

So. It's started raining again. I'm about to wrap this up, and carry these giant canvases off into the rain. And out of all the choices I can make today, I'm going to chose to -love- it.

<3


With all of the best wishes until I return,

~ Sarah Jennifer Dute
xxx



... and she wanders through these dark times and the blind, and smiles as she feels her inner light... we're made to burn and shine on bright...

lovelove

]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/22200619/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/22200619/ Thu, 25 Dec 2008 21:48:50 PST
I'm sitting at the front outdoor verandah table with my gorgeous little neighbour, Madison. She's 6! We're both having a blast! Here's what she has to say:

I am going on holiday with my mum and dad and sister and special me and Sophie and Hugh are on holiday. I am going to vaccuum my house.

Woo! Go Madi! <3 She's precious. It took her about 10 minutes to write that, which is pretty good for a 6 year old! *chuckles*

Lots of love to everyone, have a fantastic holidays! Madi wants to say ONE more thing:

I like GOD because he is special and menkdjkfusoewjfo.


Teehee, VERY creative, Madi.

God is good, sweet girl. God is good. Simple as simple. Love to all. Happiness is all around. <3

xxx

Sarah Jennifer Dute
<3 *grins*

]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/21552261/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/21552261/ Tue, 18 Nov 2008 14:46:01 PST

I'll leave the title, just for the sake of the connection. *chuckles*


Well, this morning, things are good. I had my last exams yesterday--- BOOYA! *dances on the spot* So exciting! I celebrated alone. *chuckles* Well, that's not true! I celebrated by speaking to lots of love online. Thanks Jase. Pardon Art, I fell asleep. And pardon Blake, I -was- asleep. *giggles* Hope your birthday night was phenomenal, though. <3

Mmmm, well. Lots going on right now. Things are good, life is sweet. I'm staying strong, I'm -feeling- strong, and -genuinely- strong... I think. *laughs* Haha, no, there's certainly strength in this, and flow as well. It's as though it's whispering that it's all okay, and always has been, and just would like it if I settle down and keep flowing with the good stuff. Mmmm. *nods warmly, eyed closed, smiling*

Poetry time! Yay! Spontaneous poetry time! *grins*


Can I feel your heartbeat a million miles away?
Yes I can, yes I can.
Can I sense your cheekbones touch a grin
and your paintstrokes of words, water, colour love
flow into forms of art life us?
I sure can, I sure can.

Can we be made of this?
Oh we are, yes we are,
How beautifully we are interwined
in the actions and movements and wine-and-dinings of life
that is us, that is us.

I feel your taste
I am next to those sensory little nerves
feeding them the good-stuff.

I am precious with you,
We are crystal that fades and reformes and shines forever
We are gentle and soft and solid and strong
Yes we are, yes we are...

We know each other, yes we do.
We met in spirit high-school,
and we had our special love-affair
a thousand years ago.





Sarah Jennifer Dute
x <3

]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/21508521/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/21508521/ Sat, 15 Nov 2008 21:07:25 PST The sun is shining, lets go play in the supermarket later today
the air-con's on and school is out, I'll change my uniform on the way out

*chuckles*


So, I figure it's time I updated this journal again. Last one was a little melancholic.

It's a good Sunday, today. I haven't done too much, woke up at about 10:30, which isn't too bad for me these days. *laughs* I'd still like to get up earlier, perhaps more like 8:00am. Howeeever, I'll have to make some changes to my lifestyle for this to be possible. Perhaps later on, I'm sure things will swing another way.

Mmmm. Do-bap-bap-de-ba-be-dap. Hehe. In a bit of a bizarre mood, for sure. *giggles* Ahhh well, I'm having fun.

It's interesting, being here on my own. I'm sure I've mentioned this before. I actually feel quite amongst my friends, a lot of the time. I'm just finding friends in different places than I thought. I know I've become a little bit introverted since I've come here as well (feel free to correct my spelling. ), though I'm not sure if that's still as it is. We'll see. I'm sure I'll change as time goes on. I always seem to (and yet always stay the same! *chuckles*). I guess that's the internal core, of us. Mmmm. Heart, heart.

Hey, by the way, thanks for calling me last night, Jase. Sort of a weird place to thank you , but I just figured I'd say it whilst it was fresh on my mind. Yeah, my phone battery died, don't quite know what happened there. *shrugs* Much love, though. Always. x

Mmmm, well. I have exams tomorrow. *nods, shakes head, grins* Ahhh dear. I do love exams. *giggles silently*

Things are looking up up up. Generally. Socially I'm still a bit out-of-whack. Oh well. I'm feeling good, just ... elusive? *looks up elusive with word* ....indefinable, hard to pin down, subtle, intangible, vague, indescribable, mysterious, obscure.... yeah, that'll do.

I guess this is also another way of me keeping in the social loop. *nods*


...Any last comments? Mmmm, no, not really. Aside that I've noticed myself having conversations with myself a lot lately. Interesting stuff. I'm not sure if that bothers the people around me or not, though, because in shopping malls and just walking along, I find that generally (and a lot more as of recently, really) people tend to just start conversation with me, or I can talk to a lot of people behind counters of safeway, coles, muffin break, etc, almost as though we were close friends in that moment. Maybe that's just another coping mechanism. *shrugs* All the same, I like it. There is love, there is love to be found...

Welp. I'm going to go and eat some of those yummy foods I've mentioned in my little side comments/info.

Lots of love to you all! <3 *closes eyes, smiles, dancing with you on sunny hills in my mind*


x
Sarah
<3

]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/21382402/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/21382402/ Sat, 08 Nov 2008 03:26:58 PST I wake up,
it's a bad dream,
no one on my side...

I was fighting,
but I just feel too tired to be fighting,
g u e s s I'm not the f i g h t i n g kind...



I am free.





x
Sarah Jennifer Dute
<3

]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/21352544/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/21352544/ Thu, 06 Nov 2008 06:01:37 PST
I have a lot on my mind, that's for sure. But not a lot that really needs to come out. That's something new for me, I think. I feel more certain now, if that helps.


I think I understand you more than I gave you credit for, before, Kat.


I'm not sure entirely what's going on. But I do know what when I just do things, things just happen. *nods* *giggles*

To be caught up in a diamond life,
Freedom and sparkle dust
Sensations of the core of us
From dirt to dust to solid trust
And we are glistening on.


Ahhh dear. Wow. Life, life. Life.



x

Sarah Jennifer
<3

]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/21346184/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/21346184/ Wed, 05 Nov 2008 18:06:45 PST
I'm not sure.

I feel a little strange.

How do I project this right?


Let me try again.


There is love,
there is love,
within us all I see it shine,
within us all are stars so bright
a super me and super you
to bring a world so super new
inside us,
love and light.


This is what I mean.


]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/21276442/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/21276442/ Sun, 02 Nov 2008 03:42:03 PST Only I will know what I mean in these purest of moments.

*must find 'cheeky' mood*


Today, as I was walking through the numerous shopping malls that lead the way from Flinders St. to Melbourne Central, I had a random tangent of thought float through my head. (or perhaps it wasn't so random at all) It was just a movie-clip voice over, one of many that I get on common occurence. As I was walking through the halls, looking at the stalls and feeling my own footsteps slow down and be recorded in my own mind, the me-voiceover I heard was something along these lines:


There are some of us in this world who are superhuman. Who understand something, and who feel it within themselves. A superhuman is a real thing. They may come across as crazy, strange, surreal, unusual, or even twisted. They exhalt traits such as that of empowerment, they can be cheeky, and they are free. A superhuman is not so rare as we may think. A superhuman is merely a human who has decided to live their dream.

Grinning, tossing a sprouting onion up and down in my hand, I stepped out into the daylight.



Just know that I love you. x


]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/21228514/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/21228514/ Thu, 30 Oct 2008 07:25:22 PDT I may not have much to give
but I have got a purpose
and I am gonna live it


She's a gambler, spinning wheels... -- Elusive, Scott Matthews



I feel all over the place. Very mentally. Physically I feel all, well... just... in a constant adaptation to how I live, how I breathe and my feeding patterns. They really are just that. Feeding patterns. They're just lacking much pattern, really, aside from random.

Mentally, though. That's what I'm going to talk about. Tonight, (or this morning, rather) I'm feeling the bizarre mentalness. I've been away from my love, and things have already started to happen. Do I really care more about romance than my dreams? Isn't romance -part- of my over all whole-dream? I'm sure it is. I guess maybe this will hurt a little more than I've let on. All the same, we'll see. I still feel strangely strong, and strangely transitioning.

I love the text of these journal entrys when you type them. They're so typewriter. <3

I feel like pasts are floating back to me and futures are making way, all at the same time. I feel incredibly creative, ...and... driven. I feel organised, but I don't think I am. I don't quite understand it all, but there's quite a calmness about it... and quite an up-beatness about it at times, too. Am I just describing life? Parts of life? *chuckles* Ahhh, good ole answerable questions.

Also, I've been going through my photography tonight and I'm going to start updating series images. Not just one-offs anymore. I've been on an adventure (which hasn't ended yet, mind you) and there's not just one photo that sums it up. The many work a lot better.

I suppose that'll do for tonight.

Just know that I love you.



Sarah
x

]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/20580270/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/20580270/ Sat, 20 Sep 2008 06:51:05 PDT Rough [un-text-stylised] version of a new poem.
Thoughts of Melbourne, futures, truths, and knowing myself.
With love. xx


To feel a world inside piano notes playing,
Sitting on your lap on the tram into the city,
And thinking,

What if I hadn’t done this?
What if I had stayed?
I can’t predict my temperament,
My choices from day to day,
Though you smile and I feel,
What am I doing here when you’ll soon be so far away?

I dance along the street to Placebo,
And find myself laughing,
For all of the things that have happened so far
Are so bewildering, yet calming, to me.
I am here,
And stuck,
And free
And running over and over the things in my head
These decisions.

I had made movies all in my mind,
Love scenes and hair-raging winds,
Epic corridors of blue
And eyes that feel each others truth.

God, if I could make those real with you I’d die right now,
I’d spread my arms and take flight down the street, singing
IF ever a girl I could be, it was me
It’s why I chose to fall onto this place
Where I am bounded by gravity
And I would be glad that I don’t float off into the oblivion
When my arms wrap around you.

I have strange feelings and thoughts,
And bizarre crazy patterns, I know
It can be hard to keep up with the cheeky chaos that I conceive.

But I have these dreams.
And I am straining and laughing and tugging and striving
To make them a very real reality.
I can only begin to put myself in my elders shoes
To feel them walking amongst a world
Both shaped and inspired by me.
And right now, that’s letting me constantly breathe.

Blood pumping that we all share
You say it’s only objective air
And I have to walk beside you
Hands held tight
And do my best to not convince you
That I, and all of my counterparts,
Are not blank bullets in some playgun.
---that we ARE making an impact,
Exploding perspectives
Engulfing this planet like it were a snack
To nibble on gradually
And fulfill these strange self-made prophecies without return.

I must change this.
For so many reasons;
We are perfect,
And effortless, and growing
And I still feel my blood pulse through me
In times when we make love.
I must support these dreams, these truths
Forever locked into my ever-changing essence.
My matter seems to lighten when I do,
So follow I will and hope that you’ll stay,
That be part of this too, you may…

The more I say it, the more I know it.
I am my own messiah.
And I truly am free to be the very best version of me.

]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/20400201/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/20400201/ Mon, 08 Sep 2008 23:22:12 PDT "Take away all the lonely moments, give me full communication with you..."

Journal 30 - The Melbourne Chronicles
Day 2
3:43pm
Tuesday
9-09-2008

" 'and I built a home,
for you...for me...
until we dissapeared...

...and now it's time to leave again...'

[I'm not sure those lyrics are entirely accurate, just for the record. ]

Today is a bit melancholic for me. I've been so docile, and pensive. Thinking about life, the meaning, and everything, so to speak.

'I climbed a tree to see the world.'

Sometimes I feel so silly, I chose to come here, to make an extended life for myself, and I don't feel I've really made much progress at all. All I know is that my happiest memories, my most precious moments, are in Sydney. Where my heart is. I came here and I near destroyed myself, my hopes and dreams. Maybe I wasn't strong enough, *blinks tears away to write clearly* I feel like I'm quitting so much! ...But you know, I think, when it comes down to it, I'll be happier in Sydney. Happier with the people I love. Happier, with my connections. Sydney is my heaven on earth, the place where all of the people who I love are, bar a couple, of course. Such as Lane and Natalie Smith and even Jase, Linsie & Katie, Alex & Miles... all of these beautiful souls so far away...

What did I really draw to myself by coming here? I found out things that I never intended to know... Y'know, maybe I did find out something very valuable--- that human love is the most precious and important love for any living thing to recieve. All of my friends, there love literally keeps my soul alive. And I guess it's kind of funny that it took me moving all the way to a city, away from all of these precious people, to discover that. I know now where I feel I belong. I know now where my most beautiful version lies. It lies not just in my dreams, but in the love, care, and support of the people who surround and are there for me. You have always been there for me, and I am telling you now with all of what makes up me that I am alive because you chose to believe in me, too. You chose to invision me for the greatest version I was, and gave me your strength unconditionally. Well, maybe I am weak, but I know I want to be back there with all of you. Maybe I shouldn't be so afraid of this lengthy separation--- it's really not that long in comparison. But my heart needs your love more than its ever been able to confess up 'til now, and has become smaller without anyone to give its love to. I really understand the importance of learning interdependency.

Well, I feel that's all for now.

I have never felt so low in my integrity account as I do now.

I wish that one day I could be the hero for you and me that I dream to be.


~ With love, always,

Sarah Jennifer
xoxo


]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/19283770/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/19283770/ Tue, 08 Jul 2008 23:57:19 PDT "People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them."
-- George Bernard Shaw

I think I'm so used to starting off these entry's with the similar stuff I've written before--- just constantly refreshing my memory of how everything is so different yet so the same. Well. I don't feel like doing that right now.

This has been the most hectic, adventurous, neurotic, incredible, etc, etc, etc time. Okay, I certainly HAVE said that before, but for goodness sake it's lasted a long time! Or perhaps it just feels that way.

Y'know, I don't think it's a matter of which path I'm taking very much anymore; I think it's got a lot more to do with the place I'm headed. And I know direction is important for that, it's just that that's where I've always had my issues--- I've always been so indecisive about how I'm going to get where I want to be; it's been SO broad, and it's been like that since I was yey high *indicates with hand measuring close to ground*. I've wanted to be an actress to a filmer and director, to a drawer and painter, to a photographer, to a graphic designer, to a teacher, a hand model, a writer, and etc etc etc. I've wanted to stay at Uni and I've wanted to drop out. I mean, 'actress', 'writer' and 'artist' may seem like end goals, but are they really? Aren't they just ways that I can shape myself, or other paths that I can choose to be where I really want to be? I really want to be in the most constant happiness available for someone on this planet, and I know these are really all ways of serving that purpose.

I guess it's about being decisive about the path to take and the ways to express it. *sigh* Jeeze. Y'know. It's when I get wrapped up in my own head and my own "Oh-god-where-am-I-going-and-who-am-I-affecting-and-why-isn't-this-working" mental pattern that I just forget to do what it is that DOES make me happy, and DOES serve my purpose. And I do want to serve that purpose...

Do I really have the strength and the courage to become a servant to my cause to help the world? Right now I know I'm selfish, and I know it's what's holding me back. But then again, I just can't always seem to find the balance. Between little things, even, like what food is healthy and what isn't, and if I really 'need' that Amethyst cave or not. Does it really come down to doing what makes me feel good?

I reckon it does. I tend to always do things that don't make me feel good. I mean, for some bizarre reason, I think they do initially, and they I just get all ... ugh. I do some weed thinking (for some bizarre reason, even though it's been proved contrary to me many other times) that I'll have a good time, and 9 times out of 10 I'll end up becoming incredibly paranoid, even of my own family who I love and trust immesurably, and I'll just feel like I'm 'growing old'. I have alcohol, and I don't even like the tipsy effect anymore. I think I spend more time CONVINCING myself that I do than really actually stopping and registering what's going on. Maybe it's a coping mechanism for doing what I'm doing at the time. But I know, I do know. I have no idea why I haven't been able to completely break the habit yet--- maybe I haven't yet completely accepted that I have been addicted to both of them before. Maybe it's the same with all of my 'bad habits'. Some kind of quick-fix, urgency addiction I've got going on. But why? =S I just don't understand. Sometimes I can think so much more clearly than that. But so much of the time I just don't seem to. It's about right actions too, Sarah. Right action is important.

I really do need to get to the core of this. YES, it's a need of mine. I want to discover the true principles of this world, and then align my values towards them, so that I find it far more easy to live for them than living for whatever other paradigms are ruling my head right now.

That'll do, I'd better head off to work now--- Walkers Doughnuts!
And see? Even there, I don't feel as though selling doughnuts to individuals and society is a healthy, forward, progressive notion for our development. That may sound silly and small, but maybe there really ARE no small things. It's just how we 'rate' them. I reckon everything is a big thing, if it impacts people in some way or another.

Right, heading off.

Lots of love, yet again, and always so, to all of you in existance here with me.

I love you. <3

~ Sarah

]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/18473951/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/18473951/ Sat, 24 May 2008 05:08:13 PDT -- quote modified from Blake Arius xx

It's funny how easy it is. All I had to do to be creative was, to, well, be creative. Funny that, indeed.
"Easier said than done"... not... true! I know we are all capable of DOING, it's just laziness that stops us. The doing itself isn't hard to me, it's the starting. Big difference. Why have I believed that for so long? ...Have I? *frowns*

Well, I know I'm enjoying this. That's what matters. That's what matters...

Love,

~ Sarah

]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/18436565/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/18436565/ Wed, 21 May 2008 18:40:32 PDT
For one, I've figured out a dandy plan that if I get two of my assessments done by Monday (pretending that one of them is due a week early) then I get -3- weeks of creative activity before my exams. Worth putting all aside to do that now? Definitely.

Two. I'm getting much better at pool. It's fantastic, I love the game. It's a more constant thing to get at least three shots pocketed in a row during one game. Woo! Still got a lot of learning to do--- my -patience- is the real thing I'm focusing on improving with that game.

Three. Creative activities! I know my photo's have been minimal (and my creative activity in general) lately, however, I want you all to know that good and wonderful things are on their way, and that is all for now. No more of me speaking of shaving my hair, and then not going through with it. No more me speaking of wonderful creative projects that seem to just get put on hold, or not heard of again. I do have them all in my mind still. It's just a matter of practical application. Tangibility. You understand. *thumbs up*

So, now for a bit of a rant on how I am right now. *grins* Ahhh I do love these things. Well, there's been a lot going through my head lately, and I have been doing my best to be strong about the choices that lie up ahead that will affect me and others greatly, I'm sure. In recent events, life with my Aunt has been pretty dandy. I'm really enjoying my work at the coffee and doughnut shop on Flinders St *giggles*, it can be busy but they're always playing this oldies swing music which is fun to dance to in little bursts.

You get the most interesting people that come into the store, too. There's always this same old guy who always gives us a dollar for a bread roll--- you can tell he's homeless, and he's such a bizarre, oblivious character to the world, really. When I say he can have a bread roll for a dollar (which is how much they are), he always asks with about 10 times more enthusiasm straight afterwards "Can I have two???".

*chuckles, ahhh* I've been making a fair few friends that I feel closer to now, finally. Like -genuinely- closer to. We all tend to hang out at the Eagle Bar playing pool, eating wedges and chips and the works and just enjoying our time. It's great going there, walking into the pool corner, and there's the usual gang just hanging there either quietly observing the shot being taken or all heatedly debating the meaning of life or something else or just all laughing or what not. There's always something interesting happening there. And classes of course are lots of fun. I do love my course, but I'm contemplating transferring to fine arts at the end of the year--- we'll have to see how things go, really. I'm all over the place about it.

It's funny, that, having my head so undecisive about where I want to be at Uni. I think that's because I'm so undecided about whether or not Uni is the right place for me to be at all. I'm undecisive about a lot lately, probably more than I'd like, except for one thing. Where I'm headed creatively. I've dulled it down a bit, though. I've discovered my ultimate happiness doesn't rely on being world-known this lifetime. I don't even thing I'm maturely ready enough for that, the way I've been so -aggressively- determined to get there. I understand now that just to be inpspiring, healthy, wealthy, loving and loved will do it for me. I know that's very attainable. So, Sarah, let's do this.

Alright wonderfuls. Thank you for listening, and loving, and the works. I hope your dreams are unfolding as you'd like them to.

All my love,

~ Sarah Jennifer Dute
xoxo
<... ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/18360456/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/18360456/ Sat, 17 May 2008 01:10:36 PDT
I'm back on track. That's as much as I can tell you for now. Less talking, more action, basically. Why is it that it takes me as much time as it does to learn these lessons?

So, with Uni life--- not quite sure about it at the moment. I'm feeling really mixed things towards it. For one, I do love the social network I've developed down there, and I DO enjoy my subjects; they're really interesting. Also, the campus is incredibly beautiful, and playing pool at the Eagle Bar rocks. *grins, chuckles* HOWEVER, I -know- that this isn't the road to where I want to end up. It's a road to a different lifestyle, really, and although it'll be beneficial in SOME ways, I'm not sure if it will be beneficial in the ways that I want it to be. I'll think a bit more on this one and fill you in later.

Then there's arty such stuff! *grins* Like I said, I'm back on track.

I'll be hearing more from -you- later, lovely folks!

xx

~ Sarah


]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/18284257/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/18284257/ Mon, 12 May 2008 05:36:37 PDT
It's about time I updated this, I figure, and I've decided to make it as free-flowing and diary-entree-ish as possible, instead of getting up to all of that psychological jargon that I usually put out there.

So yeah, feeling good!

It's been a while since I've made progress on this. I've been thinking a lot about it, I guess. Just how I haven't been on dA so much, I haven't been as actively creative as I used to be and the works. I claim I've always been a dreamer, but I don't really think that's true at all now. I've had my times of creative energy without any set goal in mind aside from 'creation for pure creations sake', and then I've also had my times of the 'big goal' in mind--- as in, lots of dreaming and no tangible creation.

See, thing is, I would like to change that, starting now. Y'know. Combine the two--- dream, and create. Have a goal, and actively move towards it. I suppose I can start that by updating this site, even if it is only a small step. Sooo yes. That's my conclusion up to this point in my life. *grins*

Also, on more personal news. I saw Blake lovely this weekend from Friday to Monday, and it was wonderful. It was so good to see him again, and I had a fantastic weekend and I feel all energised and inspired and selffull again and it's just great. THank you, Blake. I love you.

It also made me realise ---even though I'm loving Melbourne and my new set of fantastic friends down here--- how much I truly love and miss (just a LITTLE bit... ) all of my wonderful friends up in Sydney. On a specific note to the few I've wanted to give a big hug to and cry on the shoulder of lately during my more emotional times , I miss you Natalie, I miss you Kat, and I miss you Kelsey. Natalie, I'd love to just give you a big hug and a kiss and have a huge gossip about life and the ups and the downs and etc. I love you heaps and hope you're well! Kat, I'm really stoked that you're coming down and I'm so in the mood for a big hug and an awesome Melbourne photoshoot outting and the works. I'm so excited about your career progress, too! And Kelsey, you know you're such a beautiful angel to me and I'm really looking forward to the day when we can go wandering around the neighbourhood speaking about life in general again. You have the most wonderful way of showing me how to rediscover the beautiful little pieces of life.

*grins*

Aaaalright, I think that just about does it for now. I know there's only bits and pieces out there right now, though I tend to expand on these greatly, so that'll do for now, I hope I write again soon, and so so so so sososososo SOSOSOSOSOSOSO -SO- much love to you all!

We make the world a beautiful, inspiring, perfect place.

Love, peace, wealth,

~ Sarah
xoxo

]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/16985569/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/16985569/ Wed, 20 Feb 2008 22:08:31 PST *giggles* And I'm pretty stoked. Things have been fantastic so far, and I've started Uni which is turning out to be more and more incredible by the day. So fantastic! We're on a roll! I've just got to get myself a fairly decently paying job and I'll be estatic! (I've done a bit of research on what I want to do--- I think I'll need to turn 18 to do the things I've found that I'm keen on...)

So, that is also one of the excuses I'm about to use for my lack of recent activity and future activity on this wonderful website. I'm settling in with my Aunty currently and even though everything's worked out well so far, there's still a lot to sort, including my head and where I want to go from here. I'm feeling confident. Very confident. However, there is a lot to do before I'll be -completely- settled down--- I'll be making another move in a few months when my parents finally sell the house and move down as well. Goodie! For now, it's -over- 2 hours each way of travel to Uni from here, and I'm looking at that as a fabulous reading time, music appreciation time and to do some editing work to make me a few more dollars! Thank ye sir! All is good!

Anywho, my internet time and download isn't as abundant here as it is living with my folks, so I won't be checking on your works as often as I would usually and I doubt I'll be updating anything in a fair chunk of time--- However! Know that I've got a few projects building up in my head (and on paper AND in my camera card) and I'm looking forward to getting more stuff up a.s.a.p...!

Until next time, I wish you all the best in happiness, health, weath (as well as the other stuff ) and I shall look forward to having more freedom and access in exploring what you're all up to. (*hopes that sentence made sense*)

Love, love. Keep dreaming.

~ SaCliliad
Sarah Jennifer Dute
xoxo

]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/16465073/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/16465073/ Fri, 18 Jan 2008 19:30:54 PST
It feels like I've been away for quite a while and a lot of things have changed--- the interest has shifted and I'm always ever curious as to why some artists are so increasingly popular and others don't quite seem to get it up there, no matter how phenomenal their work is.

Maybe I'm a little miss-guided.

I suppose really, I'd just like to make more of an effort on here, certainly more than I've been doing, and actually expand my dA network in the community and such. I would really like to learn more about how the people which have made it for themselves on here have done it, and maintained it. Perhaps I'm just lazy.

I just know I could get more from this... *sigh*

I'll have to think over it a bit more, really.


Anywho, I hope you're all well out there and taking care of yourselves. Keep up the positivity, life is sweet, baby.

~ Sarah Jennifer Dute
xoxo

]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/16408283/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/16408283/ Mon, 14 Jan 2008 19:00:46 PST

It is high time that I entered another entry--- I used to do these all the time and I want to get back into the habit of constantly updating this site! So! Let's begin.

Well, about life;
Things are absolutely fantastic right now. I've entered a bundle of photography competitions thanks to Kat for sending me a bunch of different competitions and websites leading to -further- competitions! *grins* Also, thanks to my parents for their support and helping me select my images, and a big thanks to myself for launching me off and actually uploading and submitting my images! Fantastic! I'm currently working on a painting portrait for the Moran competition which is lots of fun, *grins* so we'll see how that goes. I have also FINALLY completed collecting my images for my art folio, so I'm going to print off a stack of them and e-mail a number of copies out to get peoples personal top 20 favourites in order to COMPLETE my folio! WHOA!!! It's taken so much longer than I thought it would, though! *sigh* However, I'm almost there! Just wanting some of your awesome guidance, baby! *grins*

Today, I checked the VTAC website and I have been accepted into my first preference course for La Trobe University in Melbourne! I am so stoked! I originally really wanted to go to Melbourne University (it just sounds really cool, and it is 'the best', however, La Trobe is pretty fantastic in itself from rumour of reputation that I've picked up on -and- I had a look at the courses to see the difference--- the La Trobe course in Arts gives me all of the options that I would have considered at Melbourne Uni, AND offers Peace Studies! I think that'll be really quite fascinating, and will give me a bit more knowledge when pursuing with my artistic goals. Weeee!

Family life = fantastic--- we're all a bit stressed out lately as of the soon-to-happen move down to Melbourne, what with all the organising to do as well as the house being renovated and yet to be put on the market and we're yet to buy a house and sort out me moving down a little earlier and etc, etc, etc...! It's a bit hectic! And a little snappy on all of our parts--- I really want to develop a stronger self control to do with just snapping at little things that irritate me in the family. It's absolutely pointless and there are so many other productive ways I can change the situation. *nods*

Yeah, I'd say that's a good life update for now! There's mountains more, however another time will suffice for it all.

Now, to do with dA = I'm strongly considering making a lot more of my images prints, as I think if I want to actually take advantage of this site and the fact that I have a print account to the full, I've gotta do something about it. *nods* And I will. I -know- I'm going to add more prints and a LOT of them, the question is just when I will start. Hopefully it'll be closer to the recentish future scheme of things rather than half a year down the track. So I think I'll begin to organise that, before Uni starts, especially! Any suggestions, you fabulous folk? I'll start with the most favourited, though if any of you KNOW that you want to buy a print of mine, let me know and I'll get it up instantaneously! *tee hee!*

Alrighty, that's it for now! I love you all, keep up the fantastic artworks and smile on!
Keep dreaming, keep striving, keep achieving.

~ SaCliliad
Sarah Jennifer
xoxo

]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/15963537/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/15963537/ Sun, 16 Dec 2007 17:59:51 PST
Yes, I know. It's been absolutely ages since I've taken my wonderful dA account seriously, and I can name a thousand excuses including how the HSC was my main focus for a while and how I've currently been getting everything ready to go down to Melbourne and been seeing my friends and the works. They're all included and true. However, my priorities have begun to shift again lately ever since I've begun to organise my Art Folio (which I intend to hand into the Melbourne art gallery, or the Victoria National Art Museum or whatever it's called (gotta look that up! *giggles*). I've been there before, anywho, and it's where I want to get myself known. Right!

So, yes. It's inspired me to submit things again and I've been going on photoshoots again (thank'ye Kelsey, Dad, and Blake! ), which makes me -incredibly- happy as I can't stand not being creatively active around this time--- I'd been telling myself all through the HSC period that after it was all over, I could finally get down to organising my Artworks and starting to get my art career in order, and it feels like everything's been happening so quickly and I've been going so slowly! *sigh* All of a sudden Christmas has rushed up upon us all and I'm not even half-way through all of the cards and presents I'm supposed to have completed by the 19th which is the day before we're going down to Melbourne for Christmas for a week ( andwhich is also when I get my HSC results which will determine whether or not I go to Uni! Hoooly shit!). I constantly feel like I have so much to get done and I'm not sure if I'm just panicking for no reason or if I actually AM behind where I want to be! It's very confusing--- my emotions are a bit of a bundle of everything right now, and it's happy and sad and wonderful and melancholic and exciting and nerve-wracking and all the works at once. I really want to get on top of all of these muddled feelings so I can just view the scene a bit more objectively and feel as though I'm being more productive with my time...!

I actually have done quite a bit, though, in terms of my art. I have quite a few fresh ideas for artworks that I'm really keen on creating and all of my influences and ideas are going straight into a new process diary I've started to fill up. I've also just today completed sorting through my PHOTO'S for my folio (though that's photo's ALONE and I've still got 355 left (down from 1,219 or something, though!) so I want to minimise that further, down to MY top 100, and those fabulous people out there who support me and my work, I would love to (if you are local) give you a copy of the thumbnails of the top 100 images for you to tick your top 20 (or this is my plan so far!), or (if you are on dA or we communicate via the internet alone) please leave me a deviantart note with the links to your favourite images of mine--- this can be up to 20 images... (though that is a bit of a hassle, quite frankly!)... but if that only ends up being 1 or 2 or 3, that's quite fine. I'm quite keen on your opinion of my images and if you'd also like to give me any ideas or suggestions that you might have involving what direction I could head towards to achieve this goal of mine, please let me know and leave a contact adress that I can respond to! *grins*

I think that was the biggest pour out of whatever was in my head that I've had in quite a while on deviantART, and I'm glad to be back! Anywho, I hope the the past couple of months have been very wonderful for you all and you've all been headed in good directions. Stay happy, laugh lots, life is sweet! You all inspire me bundles.

Love, love to you all, thank you so much for all of your support, you are all fantastic peopel and artists, keep touch!

~ Sarah Jennifer,
-The- SaCliliad

xxoxoo ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/14251032/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/14251032/ Mon, 20 Aug 2007 05:58:57 PDT a n d then there was b l u e ~ * ~


- - - - - - -

I know this place...

- - - - - - -


~ * ~g r e e n came along t o o ~ * ~ ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/14250919/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/14250919/ Mon, 20 Aug 2007 05:44:19 PDT a n d then there was b l u e ~ * ~


- - - - - - -

I feel crumpled tissues
ink playing amongst my fingertips
and the thought of you
Pitter-patters of memories and aftermath
My conscious choice to gather

I feel Mother sitting on the couch
Father at the desk and me inside my room
Repetition of past nights we lie blinded behind
and I smell at the stale and grimace
The door too thick to hug through
My thoughts
too loud to mention
too much not to accumulate
and our lives too stable to re-do

I feel you and your hands that I’ve never touched
Each book you read as it tickles the corners of my limitations
spreading each paint stroke further
towards the hangings of your room
And the afternoon skitzofrenia
that plagues my decisions from going home
to walking past the smell of coffee beans and creativity
as your fingertips feed
and your notepad consumes

I feel echoes of this song
on the bus home reading into things
as I crossed the road
whilst every car had somewhere else to go
And I watched the leaves as they started to re-grow
just like my spin on things

I feel like when I remember
that I’ve still got an extra hour to sleep in
and dream away
Like I feel when I run my hands
through soft warm water
and splash it gently over my face
And that tingle that you get
when your messages magically enter the room

I feel August, September, October…
…December
and a new move pulling my feet away soon
I feel unsubtle and delicate and true
Like the movie-script mindset emanating
From beneath this skeletal casing
Editing-in snippets of pretty tunes
To moments of being with you
Where night or day
Sun or rainy afternoon could bloom
My socks could grow holes
That reveal my soul through and through
And your memory reminds me of
23 macdonalds straws
train stations with coffee cups
and cigarettes that perfume our fingers
photographs
and many hats and shoes
of youth.

I feel like my feet
And my arms and my legs
And my head and my hands
And my heart as it types this to you.

I feel like the truth.

- - - - - - -


~ * ~g r e e n came along t o o ~ * ~ ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/13519122/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/13519122/ Wed, 27 Jun 2007 23:52:18 PDT headlines: ~ * ~


- - - - - - -

The joy
Of the now
In self

Is one with the wind.
Is one with the boat.

The smile
The ocean
The trout
They all have no doubt

That the rapture
Of the self
Is now.

- - - - - - -


~ * ~smile with me ~ * ~ ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/13467225/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/13467225/ Sun, 24 Jun 2007 03:11:02 PDT wake up and smell the future ~ * ~


- - - - - - -

EDIT--- I will probably end up actually doing this after year 12--- basically when I move to Melbourne. HOWEVER! To Melbourne Devfriends and the people I know when I get down there... yeah. This is for you. AND anyone who wants to contribute to this before I move!

Also. This is to help me support myself! This money's for ME. Don't want any confusion about that at all. Help give me an awesome kick start to pay for my future! *grins* Support me so I can support you!

L i v e y o u r d r e a m . . .

.
.
.
.
.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
________________________________________ _____________________


I intent to shave all of my hair off.
I won’t be doing this until I get 5,000 dollars!

Restatement…

$5,000!!!!!!

That’s a heck of a lot of money! So please, help me out! Just LOOK at the length of my hair. Not only is it super long, BUT ALSO… I’m a female. This isn’t a common occurrence among our gender...! *giggles* So support me and I’ll be able to do it by the end of this year! Once I get 5,000 dollars, I’ll shave. For those of you who don't happen to be in Melbourne when this occurs, I’ll sent you a picture (if you leave me your e-mail) of my shaved head! Please sponsor me! A helping hand, even a few cents, would be absolutely AWESOME!!

I’m an unpredictable girl on a mission to accomplish her dreams. And I believe in YOU…!

All my love,

~ Sarah Jennifer xxooxoxooo


Feel free to pay me a.s.a.p towards the cause,
Or sms me at 0424072792
OR send me an e-mail at lost_my_prophets@hotmail.com

I AM GOING TO DO THIS!
But only after I get $5,000!! I'll be collecting ALL money in CASH, so yeah. Give me a hoy and sponsor! Once I have the whole $5,000 in cash I'll shave! Weeeeee!

I love you! Support me so I can achieve the life I want to teach you about the life YOU can achieve! Xoxoxoooxoxoo!

~ Love, love.
Always!

- - - - - - -


~ * ~this is just an understatement of the life we're waiting for ~ * ~ ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/13466618/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/13466618/ Sun, 24 Jun 2007 00:44:54 PDT look at me ~ * ~


- - - - - - -

God reminds me of childhood memories.








.... what changed?

.

.
...
......
-----------

- - - - - - -


~ * ~in your dreams you've seen it all
through a window so far off
remember watching while your
lighting blue eyes reflected sunlight ~ * ~ ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/13389405/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/13389405/ Mon, 18 Jun 2007 04:45:04 PDT beautiful day
This is a new day
We are unified ~ * ~


- - - - - - -

- - - - - - -







I love absolutely everything about You.





. . . . . .

- - - - - - -


~ * ~ Because together we've got power
yes together we've got powah! ~ * ~ ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/13284815/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/13284815/ Sun, 10 Jun 2007 00:48:49 PDT ~ * ~


- - - - - - -

I like to smile at the mirror.

I don't mind the way I've shaped myself.




be wary of the girl who answers her questions
who figures her riddles
that plague in those thoughts
|
|
What a universal mind of yours and mine.


And how I love you.
And how you know it.
|
Because we share this universal mind of yours and mine.
|
|
when time flies out the window
it's just so easy for you and me to find


*giggles and walks off into the opposite end of everything*
|
|
|
|
-----------------------------

- - - - - - -


~ * ~ ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/12985704/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/12985704/ Thu, 17 May 2007 04:32:17 PDT everybody's wishing for no more mistakes
and all that I can think about is you... ~ * ~


- - - - - - -

.
.
.
“I release the need for injustice and tragedy.” Said Eve,
and she suddenly noticed how pretty the scales on the snake shone
when the sunlight touched them.
.
.
.
.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
.
.
. . . . . it's slowly swaying over my head now . . . . .

- - - - - - -


~ * ~ too scared to sail away,
but one of these days...
...I'll grow old and
I'll grow grey
and I'll go...

...one of these days ~ * ~

l a d a . . . d e d a . . . d e d a . . . l a d a . . . l a d a . . . ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/12907030/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/12907030/ Thu, 10 May 2007 03:01:11 PDT the trapdoor came undone ~ * ~


- - - - - - -

Music.
It really DOES distract me from the world.
It really is my soul-drug.

Grabs my mindset like it's clay
and melds it into barren shapes.

It's all that love and happy stuff.


--

and though they were sad
they rescued everyone
they lifted up the sun
a spoonful weighs a ton

giving more than they had
the process had begun
a million came from one
the limits now are none

being drunk on their plan
they lifted up the sun

--



The hole I chose to fall in.

- - - - - - -


~ * ~ do you think they know what's coming? ~ * ~

b l a c k e y e d a n g e l s
swamwithme ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/12871502/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/12871502/ Mon, 07 May 2007 03:44:07 PDT chk chk chk the stereo clicks ~ * ~


- - - - - - -

Changed my idea for my art major work--- and my teacher immediately dissaproved.
She said; every year there's one student who lags behind the rest.
She said; this year that's me.

Well alright. I'm giving you a hard time.

But just have a little bit more faith in my ideas and me.

That way, when I come out of this with the best outcome I can get,
you won't be dissapointed that I didn't fail.

And a poem I wrote yesterday, just to conclude.

--

Your words are made of love.
When people play hopscotch, they think your name.
And after lunch and dinner, your existence makes us smile
and you're pretty
full of colour everywhere.
Delicate and tender.
Like fresh flowers from the bunch
gently cut and exemplified,
so greatly your petals touch the sky.

You whisper nothing.
And yet the world will stop its squawking
Prick their ears up just to hear you
whisper nothing to the wind.
Every car would stop its honking.
Every bee would settle down and go to sleep.
The rain would even stop its falling.
Just to hear you walking down the street.

You make good reason out of dust and dirty air.
You make the earthworms rollover underneath their flower beds.
They wriggle out into the sunlight
and snuggle up to friendly grass blades
just because you make this life
the perfect thing to live and share.
You turn mountains back into mole hills
just like they were destined to become again.
And all with the tick of a watch.
With the slip of a pen.

Your words are made of ashes.
They flow in perfect trails
making music as they glint and slip
in and out of cloudy shadows and sunny rays.
You remind us of forever
and at the same time, make us laugh.
Because we realise that it's now that means the world
as long as we can play together.
And if forever never came
we'd still be feeling much the same.
We'd simply remember your words made of love,
while we laugh and play hopscotch.

--

~ Sarah jennifer

thisnevercouldhaveendedupso p e r f e c t l y

- - - - - - -


~ * ~ give your greatest speech to me ~ * ~

b l a c k e y e d a n g e l s
swamwithme ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/12855024/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/12855024/ Sat, 05 May 2007 17:44:22 PDT you're not obliged ~ * ~


- - - - - - -

Your words are not tomorrow
Said she with the gun to her head
She cradled her arms with her wristwatch in sight
And let the pulse grow from the inside

And what’s in a name?
She wondered with bacon and eggs in her stomach
As the ambience rolled over the floor boards
And into her hair
But her eyes weren’t aware of its colour

One day we’ll hit rock bottom
Said she with the wings of time
Each button that she pushed came with a consequence
It made her laugh
The thought of an important past
Like how driving at 100 miles per hours means nothing
When you’re looking in the rear-view mirror
The entire time

They hadn’t danced like that since January, 2004
When autumn was the new spring
And togetherness was an option rather than a prison cell
My god you look cute in your Mario suit
She thought with stilettos sinking into the street
While each grass blade reflected
Her shattered recollection
Of things that were and are to come

Then it came
The waking up of Sunday
Each second you relive will make no difference
Just a mirror to look back on
And the ambience rolled over the walls
And into her fears
While her eyes closed and her smile appeared
She knew all that she feared was a dream.

- - - - - - -


~ * ~ don't lie, said she as she tried ~ * ~

b l a c k e y e d a n g e l s
swamwithme ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/12769793/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/12769793/ Sat, 28 Apr 2007 18:20:33 PDT your words are not tomorrow ~ * ~


- - - - - - -

I wish I was one to cut through the shit more often.

- - - - - - -


~ * ~ just relax, he said she said ~ * ~ ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/12676249/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/12676249/ Sat, 21 Apr 2007 05:31:57 PDT Say hello. ~ * ~


- - - - - - -

It just occurred to me...

We're never just about to die... but we're always just about to live forever.


Went house hunting in Melbourne, which is why I've been absent lately. However, here we are and I have a bit of a story to tell.
Even though I had a lovely time with family, and even though house hunting was absolutely awesome (hello, Atticus, if you got my letter. )...
...I think the -best- part of that holiday was when I was getting ready one morning before house hunting...and I just spoke to myself for a good 30 minutes. While getting ready. About the stupidest stuff. And I completely forgot at one point that I was talking to myself, it was quite bizzare. But it was awesome. I don't think I've ever had a conversation with -me-. I'm usually too busy talking to other people.

So yeah. Was good.


to make a mountain of your life is just a choice


I started my Art Major work tonight. It felt really, really good. Satisfaction of putting MY own ideas into reality, instead of ideas that she signs the contract for. I'm on my way. Fantastic!

Also, all the best to you all, on this lovely night, in this wonderful life, always.

I love you all.

Cheers!

~ Sarah Jennifer

- - - - - - -


~ * ~ don't be scared. ~ * ~ ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/12394868/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/12394868/ Fri, 30 Mar 2007 21:27:53 PDT those unrepenting buzzards want your life ~ * ~


- - - - - - -

see that i do what i do
because the o l d g u a r d s t i l l o f f e n d . . .



Once you discover that you're destined to be doomed,
everything falls into place.


Once you discover that you can never fail
everything falls into place.




you're not obliged to swallow anything you despise

- - - - - - -


~ * ~ they got no right ...-as sure as you have eyes-... they got no right ~ * ~ ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/12318918/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/12318918/ Sun, 25 Mar 2007 06:12:30 PDT ~ * ~


- - - - - - -

She had it coming.

- - - - - - -


~ * ~ ~ * ~ ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/12279168/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/12279168/ Thu, 22 Mar 2007 02:25:35 PDT there was nothing to fear... ~ * ~


- - - - - - -

About a month ago I would have been saying

"Welcome to Earth, enjoy your stay."

and now I'm saying,

"Welcome to Heaven."




THIS IS YOUR LIFE.

I love you and want the best for you all.

- - - - - - -


~ * ~ and nothing to doubt. ~ * ~

whoarewetryingtobecome? ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/12253795/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/12253795/ Tue, 20 Mar 2007 03:54:52 PDT w h e r e do you e x p e c t us to g o ? ~ * ~


- - - - - - -

"You are not searching for a million answers, but rather one or two unanswerable questions."



We've already got out names in the history books. 20 years from now, we're well and truly embedded in the textbooks. The albums. Our art hung up in the galleries. A past model for a potential future collection. I know it. This is who we are.

We can't supress it.

I won't.


My whole life is building, constantly. It feels so fresh. So real. So old. So unexplanitory with singular words or paragraphs or novels or libraries. Just thoughts and pictures.

"YOU GAVE YOUR LIFE TO BECOME THE PERSON YOU ARE RIGHT NOW.

Was it worth it?"

Abso-fucking-lutely, Richard Bach.





I have an art essay due tomorrow on Modernism. 2,500 words. Only written 150 words. And couldn't be less worried. I know it'll get done.


When you know that no matter what happens, everything's going to work out just the way it was meant to, you start to understand what's important.

- - - - - - -

DON'T you drink.
DON'T you smoke.
DON'T have fun with your life.

~ * ~ who are we trying to become? ~ * ~ ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/12213327/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/12213327/ Fri, 16 Mar 2007 23:28:43 PDT all this time lingers undefined ~ * ~


- - - - - - -

"Live enough

of what you've always dreamed of doing,

and there's no room left for feeling bad."

-- Richard Bach

- - - - - - -

~ * ~ i'll try not to wonder where you are ~ * ~ ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/12165140/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/12165140/ Tue, 13 Mar 2007 05:12:03 PDT ... ~ * ~


- - - - - - -

There's a man.... no, an artist who got someone to shoot his arm with a shotgun for audience reaction.

I'm starting to wonder...

What point was he trying to make about the pain that they suffer?
Did the audience see that?

I'm starting to wonder...



Was their reaction more positive than negative?



Instead of anti-promotion,
they take your gunshot to mean a world of blissful chaos.


And the lady who got people to do what they wished,
ended up naked with cuts and bruises
and a gun placed in her mouth.
"...they placed it there and encouraged her to shoot herself..."

It's all art, she says.

So that makes it okay, now?
they say...?

An expectation that we'd never go through with it.




("...the performance had to be stopped for saftely of the artists life...")






... and I splatter the walls with paint
while they splatter each others anonymous face.




But I'm only a hypocrite.
I kill myself slowly, everyday.

- - - - - - -

~ * ~ ... ~ * ~ ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/12152389/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/12152389/ Mon, 12 Mar 2007 05:19:33 PDT oooOOOoooOOoooOOOooo... ~ * ~
inspired by [link]
one of those beautiful souls who reminds you why art rocks your world.

- - - - - - -

Hanging out with myself at midnight
Getting high and laughing at the concept of life

And you’ll be begging me to stop
Sitting me down and telling me to wake up

Thoughts scrambled here and there
Stuck onto canvas and flecked in my hair
Question how green, red and blue makes white

A cancer to fight for.

And you’ll be falling to your knees
Pullling me down just to slap me around

Don’t forget that she’s gonna regret this

Don’t forget that she’s not everyone

Don’t forget that she’ll never expand this

Don’t you forget what you’ve done.

My red notes of money gone to words
Gone to waste
Getting wasted in meaningful time
By placing my thoughts into photo’s and paint.

You’ll never live a stress-free life

You’ll never succeed at what you believe

You’ll never be on top of the world

You’ll always be stuck underneath

Ooooh, I say.
Music fills me in and helps me play.

Ooooh,
It’s all up to you.
Paint the black and the blue under our eyes.

With your critic and numbers
You make believe that you can still act relieved
Disguised in surprise.

It’s only when the clock breaks
That the tests we take are fake.

It’s only in that moment that we lose the time of day.

- - - - - - -

~ * ~ oooOOOoooOOoooOOOooo... ~ * ~ ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/12123598/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/12123598/ Fri, 09 Mar 2007 20:49:38 PST all this space and mystery ~ * ~

- - - - - - -

There sits an ordinary girl.
Placed inside an ordinary life.
Living in an ordinary world.

There sits a fascinating girl
Placed inside a fascinating life.
Living in a fascinating world.


I can't even read my own mind.

How do you expect me to read yours?

- - - - - - -

~ * ~ at the edge of the ocean, we can start over again ~ * ~ ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/12032688/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/12032688/ Fri, 02 Mar 2007 21:08:00 PST exactly that. ~ * ~

- - - - - - -

Not entirely sure who wrote it, but when I woke up this morning, after reading the thousands of writings on my arm, my favourite was this:

"If I were a rat I'd be small and furry."



Life is sweet.







.

- - - - - - -

~ * ~ it's never enough. ~ * ~ ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/12007523/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/12007523/ Wed, 28 Feb 2007 22:58:39 PST my world is perfect but that makes me so unhappy ~ * ~

- - - - - - -

It's an easy choice we're given,
when we're told that love'll answer all our problems.

But we all say stuck here to our limiting beliefs of what we can't achieve

and take the hard road all over again.




* - * - * - *

Everything is going to be fine. You know this.




when can we start over?

- - - - - - -

~ * ~ nothing breaks enough here. nothing fades enough. ~ * ~ ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/11902928/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/11902928/ Wed, 21 Feb 2007 01:09:11 PST Gotta be the one to get this right.

- - - - - - -

"To love someone unconditionally
is not to care who they are or what they do.

Unconditional love, on the surface,
looks the same as indifference."

-- Richard Bach



- - - - - - -

~ * ~ The Beautiful Possibility ~ * ~ ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/11856121/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/11856121/ Sat, 17 Feb 2007 14:21:27 PST I thought of you, and where you'd gone, let the world spin madly on...

- - - - - - -

I just tried to copy my friend Nadia's quiz to complete in one of my own journals, but I pushed some strange (UNECESSARY, ANNOYING, SHIZEN) button on my mouse and the whole thing went 'backpage' and deleted everything I'd conjured up. Great.

Oh well, life's too short.

I'm just going to say that I wasn't meant to complete it, and if I really DID need to answer all of it's questions I'll come across doing that in my own way, at the right time, when I really need to.

It's 9:10, I really should be getting onto my mountain of work.

- Haven't read the book
- Haven't done the mindmaps
- Haven't written the paragraphs
- Haven't started the composition(s)
- Have been missing you...

Been doing 1 our of 5, non-stop.
Now that's committment to my top priorities.

"Ohhh, it's what you do to me...
Oh, it's what you do to me."



I'm going to miss you so much.
I already do.

I have a million things that I could type to you right now. More. *sigh*

I really do wish a world of happiness for you.
The best for you, always.
Every single second of your existence.



I'd better get onto my work.

Love, love.

~ Sarah Jennifer
xx

- - - - - - -

~ * ~ the night is here, the day is gone, and the world spins madly on...~ * ~ ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/11793502/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/11793502/ Tue, 13 Feb 2007 01:58:02 PST wake up call, coffee and juice, remembering you...

- - - - - - -

I swear. The whole way home, walking down that wild main road of cars and frantic early autumn leaves....

... I did not stop smiling.

I swear.

On the first bus trip, playing my music for company and let it flood me... I didn't stop thinking.... "He's so gorgeous." "He's so precious." "He's so lovely."
Just sitting and blinking and utterly loving the whole way home...


...It glitters so beautifully just under my neck and I touch it and miss you.


snapping photos
stealing phones
reading cards and pretty quotes


Myyyy god....


doors wide shut
please lock me up
six o-clock is way too soon
I'd really rather stay in this room
missing my dinner with you




I'd buy you a heart of gold, too, if you didn't already have one permanently embedded in your chest.



~ Sarah Jennifer
xx

- - - - - - -

~ * ~ I don't know where we are going now...~ * ~ ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/11768157/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/11768157/ Sun, 11 Feb 2007 03:31:40 PST
- - - - - - -

I keep feeling like I said too much.

I always say too much.
I say too much and I lose people.

But what do I expect, really?


...and yes. I'm being over dramatic.
But when things like that get mentioned and I'm sitting there realising how much the situation is going to drive me mad and I let that carry me to the bathroom and splash water on my face and pretend that only fresh water touched my cheeks in that room...

Well, if we're letting it all out now, we're letting out me. Which has been obvious from the beginning to you, but I guess _I've_ been trying to shut it out. So here I go admitting to myself, everything.

I am volatile, emotional. Yes, this does upset me.
And I am honestly trying my hardest to look at it from the viewpoint of
"You're going to have such a wonderful time"
and
"You're going to meet such awesome people"
and
"It's such a fantastic opportunity for your future"

...because, trust me. That is all true. ... and I really -am- happy for you and all of that wicked potential that 2 and a half hours away for so long promises...
And at the start of things I really DID hold that viewpoint the highest in my thoughts... I don't know if that was because it was so far away, and seemed so surreal at the time. You know all of this. You already know how I feel about this.

...but timespace likes to challenge us like that.

And I AM up for this challenge... but I have no idea how you're feeling anymore. You told me not to dwell and I KNOW that everything you said was meant with the best intentions for everybody involved. I do understand that, and I appreciate that so much, and love you so so much. I do. I love you so, so, so much.

But that's just the thing.
I love you. so. so. so. much...

That's what makes this a lot more 'emotional' and 'volatile' for me.

Because while my higher self sits back and understands that your happiness and wishes and wants are by far top priority... it just really makes me sad, because I already know you'll be the one letting me go.

And no. I love you anyway. That'll never change. Ever.
Never fear that. You're too beautiful in spirit not to love forever.

I've been so ignorant, you see. I've viewed myself in a stupid way, and made stupid judgement calls, and everyday I just hit these realisations that show me how silly and foolish I've been.
I just keep getting deeper into this.

I know. I hate the 'complications', too. It would be so much easier without this, in a way.

But I don't want to be without this.

...what I'm really saying is. I don't want to be without you.


*sigh*...



...So, yes. Your happiness does come first. It always will. You will have fun. You will meet new people. You'll probably meet people who right now I really _don't_ want you to meet and I am telling you that because even though I'd like to say that I'd be able to be cool and calm and collected about that, tonight I just can't be. Because I am in love with you. And I mean it when I say I love everything about you. And right now, the thought of you meeting those charismatic people 2 and a half hours away really gets me down. So, let me be 'emotional' and 'volatile' tonight. You'll never read this anyway...

(I guess I DO hope that you'll accidentally stumble across this page...)

Yet again. I've said too much.
But that's just me. That's what I do, for crissake, Sarah. That's what you DO. You say too much, Sarah, and you let yourself get thrown about.
But fuck it, I'll do it because that's what I do. No stopping me. I'll come crashing down and I'll smile again. I'll let myself grow. I'll let myself be over dramatic. Let me do it, world. I need this.

Just like everyone else, I'm learning one step at a time. I really am doing the best I know how...

Now I'm going to play this song one more time and relate to the lyrics and stare at lovely pictures in pretty frames or attached to the back of my door or in the pages of my diary and just sort of... yeah, get lost in the maze of my mind. Again. As usual.

Sleep sweet, you.
I miss you already, if you couldn't quite tell.

~ Sarah Jennifer
x x

- - - - - - -

~ * ~ I think we should try.~ * ~ ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/11705085/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/11705085/ Tue, 06 Feb 2007 02:39:37 PST I'll be doing my best, I'll see you soon...

- - - - - - -

I suppose it's safe to submit a few more of those pretty pictures I love... Even though I'd like to say I could wait until after the 14th. It's not much longer, but when you're soon to be away, I guess I'm not as phased about showing the world what I'm going to miss and love so much.

I hope you've all been having really good days, weeks, weekends, lives.
I really do.

You are such a sweet world, and a sweet, perfect bundle of people. I could never want otherwise.

There is one really precious person I'd love to give thanks to in this entry.

Kelsey Baye.

Just thank you, for being such a dear lately. I mean, you're always a dear. To everyone, not just me. But you've just been there for me so much, lately. I really appreciate that. I love you so much. So thank you, always.

To the rest of you lovely people out there:

Rock on. You're awesome.


... Sweet dreams, sweet world.
~ Love

Sarah Jennifer
xx


...so here I lay
in my mind-cluttered maze
in my moments and school clothes
and I find myself caught up in you

living with smiles
on half hour bus-rides
with five-dollar notes
and socks that never stay put.

living in hugs
in half-abandoned extensions
with your neck and heart beside me
and a canvas back at home.

living in the present
with a happiness for doing so
with three words always pushing at the tip of my tongue
and my want for you to know.

loving you.

- - - - - - -

~ * ~ oh and don't lose your trust...~ * ~ ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/11595762/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/11595762/ Sun, 28 Jan 2007 05:35:43 PST
Goodevening.

Or goodmorning, rather.
The whole 00:22 minutes into the morning that we are.
(And I should be going to bed, but we've already covered that all I'll do is toss and turn and miss you, so that's fine.)

...can anybody stop this thing...?

Coldplay in the morning. Love, love.

Oh. Wow. I just realised. Today is the last day of my holidays. *nods* Already getting myself stressed about my workload--- but really, how can I deny that I've only myself to blame? I'm sitting here, not getting a healthy society-based sleep pattern back in order. I'm sitting here, typing away endless ramblings of my thoughts of artistically scaled volume into this little box-of-a-journal inside this lovely website.
I'm sitting here, writing a bundle of illogical nonsense.
I'm sitting here, not doing my work.

And it's awesome, really.

... my stomach is still full from the street party this evening.

All I did was run around with about half a dozen children chasing me. We were cheetah's, in some anonymous jungle. Only those 12 young eyes and I could see the black bitchumen for what it really was--- a maze of forest leaves and other exciting and magical things. Who cares if cheetah's don't live in the forest? Only you logical people. Of course it's possible--- we made it so!

...so...

....sleep, aye?

Dreaming about you again, right? Alright. I'm happy with that.

Goodnight you perfect world.
you perfect soul.
you perfect boy and perfect girl.

Goodnight.

~ * ~ confidence in you... is confidence in me...
is confidence in hiiiigh speeeed...~ * ~ ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/11537217/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/11537217/ Tue, 23 Jan 2007 03:50:39 PST falling in and out and through ~ * ~

I have nothing different to say.

Just more of the same lessons learnt.
More getting burnt and what it's taught me.

More feeling passions, and writing more rhymes.
More life epiphanies, more thoughts evolving, more life delay...

Sense me, love me, want me to love you.
Know that I love you anyway,
just the same,
just the same.

Let my own eyes lead the way...

Let my own mind yearn to never find the needle in the haystack.

let me bye the bad and live the perfect life I've always had.

~ * ~ finding fears and thoughts and shoes and fish and other irrelevancy ~ * ~ ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/11263067/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/11263067/ Sun, 31 Dec 2006 18:32:10 PST Happiness is limitless when you step into your challenges and conquer them.

Alright. This is the second time this month I've accidentally closed a huge chunk of new journal entry. It's quite frustrating.

But moving on! It's not hard to retype something new.

Well, I originally had a bit of a short story written, but I think I'll just create a list of stuff now, because that's still satisfying and cuts through the unecessary details, even if they are interesting (to me).

* Trying to over come a few nerves lately. Trying to relax and accept that everything is as it is and will be as it will be.

* Been focusing on what I REALLY think is important lately, or rather... letting go of negative feelings for things that, well.... that I just don't really give a shit about. ... and I'm not sure why I ever held onto them for so long.
--- example of this:
~ I was painting a canvas some nights ago to cheer myself up, and realised that I just really wanted to paint my desk instead. So I did. Mum was upset about it, because she just happens to like things neat and unblemished, but Dad simply said "it's your table" when I asked him if he was angry about it. And I'm glad he thought that. I mean, c'mon. It's a piece of wood. A piece of varnished and designed wood, true, but it really shouldn't matter if I paint it, if it makes me happy. Why did I ever care? *shrugs*

ALSO:
~ Strange conventions of society that I just _don't_ agree with... or just don't care about!
They all sound silly, but things that are 'unacceptable', such as:
- eating dessert before dinner, and other little cultural conventions... they're fun to follow, but they shouldn't determine if you're polite or impolite. It's a meal. It doesn't have an order to be eaten in--- that's an illusion. Why do people care about that kind of thing?
- everyone caring so much about what gives you cancer and what's healthy for you, and I'm sure some scientist has proved that banana's can cause a heart attack. Honestly--- fuck it. Everybody's gotta die of something. And banana's are tasty. If you truly love and enjoy whatever it is that you're doing from the bottom of your heart and spirit, does it really matter if it kills you? You'd die doing what you love, and carry that with you forever.
- the RIGHT way to behave. The POPULAR music. The anti-genre brigades that are plaguing the streets and cities and world. The FEAR that people seem to have of just accepting that people are the way they are. Acceptance. God, I don't understand why it's such a challenge. I know it is, though. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't, even I'm trying to fight my way through that tangle of vines. Hypocracy is a pretty large thing in my life, which I really don't like, so I guess that's one thing I'm focusing on, most of all. Actually FOLLOWING my morals, my true beliefs. As much as I possibly can.

I'm trying to focus on improving my views and letting go of things that just really aren't important to me.

And what is important to me? Love, love, love. I love love. I'll never be afraid to say it. That is what I believe in.

A perfect, unblemished, reality. There are many things I'm afraid of, even trying to change who I am, yet again, but I'm not afraid of believing in a perfect reality, unbrushed by spacetime. I'm ready to take on every challenge thrown at me.

I'll never deny this perfect world.


...I guess that turned into a bit more of a novel than expected.

I think I'll go back to admiring the agapanthas...

Happy New Year, everyone.
You are so loved.

~ * ~ love, love ~ * ~ ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/11250651/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/11250651/ Sat, 30 Dec 2006 21:31:27 PST Listen to what you know instead of what you fear.

...Don't tell me there's a reason for this.

Not today.


Just let me just feel you.
Let me feel your thoughts,
let me feel this thousand miles away.

Swimming through the ocean just won't do.
And I can't dial far enough to make me be there
Stuck in the moment and wrapped around you.

To admire your eyes and your lips
and feel the pressing of your gentle kiss...
and remember the shape of your neck
and the tone of your cheeks and the flow of your hair...

It's seems I can be anywhere but with you...


But. I don't want read into this.

Not today.




I'll just let in this distance
Every mountain,
every wave...

I'll let them come and save me
and take me and my thoughts of you one thousand extra miles away
Where I'll be here in my room
while I dance and sing and paint and play.

And think of you.



And I'll remember that as strange as I'm feeling,
I don't want a reason for this.

Not today.



And I know tomorrow's not going to be the same.

~ * ~ la... la la laa... la la laa... ~ * ~ ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/11218071/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/11218071/ Thu, 28 Dec 2006 02:05:32 PST
I am so incredibly happy. I cannot express it enough.

I have had the best time down in Melbourne.
We headed down straight after I finnished my last exam for the year as well, oh god did it feel good--- stepping straight into a holiday as soon as I got into the car. Mp3 charged, parents in the front, rellies on the way, and Christmas!--- oh it was a damn good feeling.

Long car trips are fantastic, in my opinion. Your options of entertainment are: to admire the scenery, listen to music, read a book, write in a diary (or meditate, I suppose), appreciate your fellow travellers company and give the dog a love on occassion (if you have a dog, which I do. ). And I'm happy doing all of these. Oh, and daydream, of course. I did heaps of that the whole time I was on holidays, really...

It was really good to catch up with the family again. As I'm getting older now, I'm feeling more included, too. My cousins are a good 8 and 10 years older than me, but I'm starting to be included in their outings as well, which feels awesome. And I was just so happy when I got a huge hug and a kiss from all of them. God I love family.
Christmas was fantastic, as well... though I had to buy 5 presents with $40, and --typical me-- I forgot to get my auntie a present! So I had $3 left to get her something! Haha, the ironic thing is that she was the one who appreciated her present the most (I think it was because she kind of knew that I hadn't bought her anything and wasn't expecting anything... argh! ).

So aside from my family, there are a few of you wonderful people out there that I'd like to thank, just for making my holidays that much more awesome:

Kelsey Baye: Thank you for your beautiful cd. Been listening to it on and off the whole time along with Camille--- I need to burn you her cd, it's so interesting and it's just got this precious quality to it! So yes, Dad was able to copy it onto his laptop and I transferred the songs onto my Mp3--- I love ALL of the songs. In their order. It's a perfect cd. So thank you so much! Love, love!

Jared and Nadia ( and your whole family, infact!): As much as I was enjoying myself down there, you two were in my thoughts and I missed you and the whole family heaps. NADIA I ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOUR PRESENT!!! OH MY GOD I LOVE IT! YOU ARE AN ANGEL!! Thanks Jared for helping pick it out! You two are fantastic!

Lauren and Elliot: Awww I missed you guys! It was good to hear from you, even if it was only a brief call or an sms. You two are so loved! Looking forward to catching up these holidays!

Infact, EVERYONE who sent me a text or gave me a call: You are all wonderful, recieving those messages for happy holidays and merry christmas and etc. I hope you all had a really wicked holidays and got everything that you wished for! Good luck with everyone's New Year Resolutions, if you have them!

Sara!!!! Your texts were very loved indeed! You treat me way too well, you're one of the sweetest girls I know!

And last (but most certainly not least),

Ryan: You made this Christmas just so wonderful. It still would have been fantastic with everyone else and my family and all of the wonderful happenings of the holiday... but you just made it perfect. Even though there's only a very small probability that you'll end up reading this, I just wanted to thank you anyway!



....And all I want to say now is that You are all really awesome. You all make my life, so, so, SO good! Have a fantastic holidays all of you, with lots and lot... ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/11046046/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/11046046/ Tue, 12 Dec 2006 23:20:29 PST
Everybody and everyone,
James just grabbed me a year subcription!! OH MY LORD HOW I LOVE YOU!!!!!
His deviant art is ~vashj2k4 GO AND VISIT HIM NOW!

This is a very very very Merry Chrismas!

James, I just want you to know that you are an absolutely awesome guy. Even without the subscription, lol. I always enjoy visiting you at work and I really hope you have a fantastic Christmas and an excellent holidays. I love you! You are so awesome! Thank you again!!!! <<< (god, I love that last emoticon)

And to make the rest of you feel super special as well...!

YOU ALL ROCK MY SOCKS OFF!!

Thank you so much for watching me this whole time, you're all legends. I'm sorry for being such a slack ass and not always keeping track of the deviations--- but DON'T YOU WORRY! I have not deleted ANY of them. There are 2,422 deviations sitting up there waiting to be looked at right now (some from months ago, no doubt! And some I've already had a look at, I'm sure), and I'm not going to neglect a single one! They'll all be seen! (perhaps not all commented on, but NOT ignored!!!) And with this awesome subcription (THANK YOU JAMES YOU ROCK MY SOCKS AROUND THE WORLD AND BACK!) it'll make doing that a lot easier!

I love you all so much! You are all so fantabulicious!

Now, hurry up and fill up those 10 places in my other journal entry so I can put all of your deviations up! I'm not going to do it until I have 10 people!!! NOW GET TO IT!!! RAAAAHHH! *pounces*

Alright, I'm off.

Love, love!!

~ Sarah Jennifer
xoxo

*eats your shoes* ]]> ~SaCliliad http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/10943654/ http://SaCliliad.deviantart.com/journal/10943654/ Thu, 21 Dec 2006 14:50:12 PST EDIT: Aaaaaalrighty tighty! I've only had 8 people want to be awesome enough to spread the love, and I still WANT two more... but for NOW, I'm going to start doing the whole deviation thingy, like I promised! So lets get to it! It might take a while, because there's a lot of gallery to browse between you all! But I LOVE YOU AND YOU'RE ALL WORTH IT! Alright, seee ya! Two more spots on this open, remember!

Yup. Copied right out of ~profaine 's little journal entry. YAY! Gosh this is exciting. Woo!

The first 10 people who post in this journal will be featured. I will go though your gallery and choose Four of your deviations I like most and post them in my journal for everyone to see! It's pretty much to show you off. Who doesn't want that? The catch? You gotta put this in your journal as well if you posted. And I will leave this part up for a long time. And remember, if you don't post this in your journal, I'm not going to put your art up. Also when you comment tell me what number you are in the posting ranking please.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lets Go!

1: ~profaine - will get the deviations a.s.a.p! Going to bed now!

2: *cburton - will get the deviations a.s.a.p!

3:

4: ~the-nameless-one - thankies!!! a.s.a.p. I promise!

5: ~Sophieluva a.s.a.p.!!! PROMISE!

6: =shattered-reflection - you requested the number 6, here you go! Dev's will be up a.s.a.p!

7: ~conundrum66 - a.s.a.p!!!! PROMISE TO THE MAX!!! (yeah I'm pretty lazy, aye. )

8: ~Gabdawgz - teee heeee!

9: =BlackScarletLove - just because I love you.

10:

]]> ~SaCliliad