http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:SchizophrenicLullaby&section=today deviantART RSS for by:SchizophrenicLullaby en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Fri, 18 Dec 2009 01:14:51 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/24204444/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/24204444/ Sun, 12 Apr 2009 15:48:16 PDT
So I'll be cleaning out my gallery and moving deviations over to my other deviantart, [link]

Put me on your dA watch if you still like me. I'll re-fave stuff and re-watch all my people.

Love you guys.

Cass

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/24025036/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/24025036/ Thu, 02 Apr 2009 14:46:52 PDT
...by the end I was on social sensory overload. Since then I've been spending a lot of time by myself, and I LOVE IT. It feels so good to curl up with a book or a sketchpad or some writing paper or a canvas (or most recently, a guitar...) and just go to town without worrying whether or not someone else is enjoying themselves.

It's a great feeling to know that you don't need anybody. Want? Now, that's a different story. But it's nice to know that whether I be with someone or by myself, I'm going to be just fine.

Be kind to me, or treat me mean...I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine.

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/23931447/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/23931447/ Sat, 28 Mar 2009 09:51:39 PDT
"One night to be confused
One night to speed up truth
We had a promise made
Four hands and then away

Both under influence
We had divine scent
To know what to say
Mind is a razor blade

To call for hands of above
To lean on
Wouldn't be good enough
For me, no

One night of magic rush
The start a simple touch
One night to push and scream
And then relief

Ten days of perfect tunes
The colors red and blue
We had a promise made
We were in love

To call for hands of above
To lean on
Wouldn't be good enough
For me, no

To call for hands of above
To lean on
Wouldn't be good enough

And you, you knew the hands of the devil
And you, kept us awake with wolf teeth
Sharing different heartbeats
In one night"

-"Heartbeats" by Jose Gonzalez.

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/23830866/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/23830866/ Sun, 22 Mar 2009 12:01:06 PDT
Wow. Wow.

WOW.

It's been a crazy Spring Break. Last Sunday my brother and dad arrived, and they just left yesterday at 3 in the morning to beat the Texas big city traffic, i.e. Austin and Dallas. Especially Dallas.

We had a blast while they were down here, and I'm guaranteeing they had a nice little refresher course for what it feels like to not be frozen the moment you set foot outside. We swam in the river, we did glass bottom boat rides, we took pictures and enjoyed San Martian cuisine and watched Unicycle Football and enjoyed many other delights of the area. I think the easiest way for me to remember why I came here is to guide and explain the place to someone who's never been here. It makes me feel really cozy in my little niche.

It was a great week. I've never really been particularly close to my dad or brother, but after this trip, I think we've gained a new rapport for each other. The trip down here was a good chance for us to bond, and we needed it. I've really been digging the whole family thing lately. It's a lot easier to love and appreciate your family when you don't see them everyday.

And to top off the week, Shae and I went to Auditorium Shores for the final day of South by Southwest...(a huge annual music and art festival in Austin, for those unfamiliar with it)...a free and absolutely A M A Z I N G show. We got there during the day, just as Fastball was finishing up. Beach House played next, followed by Cannabinoids featuring Erykah Badu (!!!) It was an outdoor show, so Shae and I had the freedom and security of toking right in the middle of the crowd. Whoo! But the main reason I was there, the reason we even went at all: Explosions in the Sky.

My God. I mean, my God. It was unlike anything I've ever experienced in my life. I laughed. I cried. I hugged strangers. It was beautiful. It was seamless. It was like a dream, and at the same time, far more real than reality. It was like having birth and death simultaneously juxtaposed in your ears and beating up against your heart. And the grand finale: A fireworks show that could rival the likes of the Fourth of July. That's right. Explosions in the sky...both of them. I am not the same person as I was last night before that performance.

I feel so much better. I finally feel inspired. I'm finally ready for my next creativity spurt. And to help it along I've been working on learning guitar and singing more. I've started with Neutral Milk Hotel's In the Aeroplane Over the Sea, and I'll work my way up to maybe writing my own stuff. In the meantime, I'm just happy to be doing something musical. I've always wanted to get into that and expand my horizons, and now I'm finally motivated to. On top of that...I've got a camera!!!! A pretty decent one too. Not professional grade by any means, but it's good enough to take good pictures on, and that is satisfactory in my book.

I am so grateful for everything that's happened this week. I feel new. I feel like my soul has gotten a chiropractic adjestment, and the spine of my spirit is finally back in place, and not causing me any more pain.

To whatever or whoever is responsible for our existence, I am so grateful.

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/23694232/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/23694232/ Sat, 14 Mar 2009 12:48:04 PDT
Dreams, memories, songs, smells, photographs...


It's salt in an open wound. It's throwing gasoline into a flame.



"You melted me
Until I was just right
Then pressed yourself into the liquid
And made an indent
Like a wax coat of arms
Sealing a love letter away from prying eyes,"




WHY am I feeling this NOW???????????

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/22829381/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/22829381/ Mon, 26 Jan 2009 17:34:53 PST But the actual touch of her lingered, inside his heart. That remained. In all the years of his life ahead, the long years without her, with never seeing her or hearing from her or knowing anything about her, if she was alive or happy or dead or what, that touch stayed locked within him, sealed in himself, and never went away. That one touch of her hand."
-Philip K. Dick
A SCANNER DARKLY

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/22728623/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/22728623/ Thu, 22 Jan 2009 08:55:10 PST
Have to find a new place to put all my stuff.


And sleep.

And watch cartoooons.

Really I only need something to put me over until June, because I'm going on the road then anyway. I'll have a place to live; it'll be a big van. I'm so excited.

The road trip consists of: one to two or even more months, depending on too many variables right now...a Nikon camera, a borrowed videocamera, a pensive, slightly weird girl with a compulsion for writing (yours truly), her roommate, and vast possibilities for changes of the soul as we go across the country checking out National Parks and whatever else strikes our fancy, although it's mostly a nature-based trip.

All this is set to start in June.

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/22452120/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/22452120/ Wed, 07 Jan 2009 13:02:47 PST

I need a change. Of pace, of scenery, of mentality. Nothing really feels solid or stable anymore.

Maybe I just need to cut those final ties that bind and float away into this uncertainty like a birthday balloon that someone let slip from their fingers.

Or maybe I'm just crazy. Or lazy. Or just plain indecisive.

All that I know is that it's time for something drastic.


Much love my friends.

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/22106251/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/22106251/ Sun, 21 Dec 2008 16:10:58 PST
But little bits of debris fall in and keep infecting it.

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/21286085/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/21286085/ Sun, 02 Nov 2008 15:16:36 PST
I've mostly just been working, making art, and trying to write a screenplay with my roommate Taryn. We bounce ideas off of each other quickly and with ease, and we have a great existntial, slightly dark-humored, character-driven outcome so far. No potential titles yet, but we're mostly just working on characters and concepts.

I've been hanging out with some wonderful people lately. Beautiful creative souls that share in like-mindedness and the spoiling of our respective inner children. I love all of them so much. Everyday in this town is proof of inspiration.

I've been working on so many collages and paintings lately!!! I'd submit them, but I'm still in need of a camera. My other roommate Shae has a camera, so hopefully soon I'll be updating with my latest Traditional Art pieces. Among them are a few watercolor pieces, some collage work, and even some mixed media. One piece in particular is called "Audiorora Borealis" and was painted while my friends Roger and Noah played music; it's a visual recording of their music. I'm pretty satisfied with that one.

Just trying to soak up life. You never know when it'll be over.

I love all of you so much.

Casse

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/19207571/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/19207571/ Fri, 04 Jul 2008 18:39:26 PDT
Mostly I've just been adapting to being single. When Briye and Todd were here, I had a lot to preoccupy me, but now I'm really starting to see what it truly means to not be in a romantic relationship. I've still been going out and hanging out with people; just last night I had an awesome amazing night swim with Hope, Adam, Jon, Walter, and Philip, some good people from Tantra. It's nice not having to answer to anybody and not having to worry about when to be home or anything like that. I've always been a very independent person, and it's great to revert back to that and see where it takes me.

I'm just sort of rediscovering who I am under all this hoopla. I'm sick of drama, I'm sick of confusion and stress and worrying. I'm done with it. I've shed all the exhausting baggage that comes with worrying too much and I've stopped trying to resist life's current. There's no point; you get nowhere and it's much more enjoyable to go with the flow and appreciate the ride for what it is.

In the meantime, I really don't think I could date anybody if I tried. Especially in this transitional state I'm in, it wouldn't be fair to anyone for me to jump back in to romance. I've got some great friends both male and female, and that's good enough for me. I could probably honestly spread non-sexual beautiful platonic love for the rest of my life and be just fine with that. I think we as a society have completely the wrong idea on love and how it's supposed to work and I'm tired of being one of those people.

I'll soon be putting up a lot of pictures, and I also have a few images of new paintings I've been doing. I've definitely been up to alot. The only thing that's really suffering because of it is the cleanliness of my house haha. But as they say, the sign of a clean house is a sign of a wasted life.

So in the future, who knows? Briye and Todd might be coming back for Halloween, and a few other friends have been talking about maybe visiting, so I guess we'll see. In the meantime, I'm loving life, revering all that lives, and trying my best to CARPE DIEM and CARPE NOCTEM!!!

Much, much love-

Cassandra Belle Lien

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/18950163/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/18950163/ Fri, 20 Jun 2008 13:13:53 PDT
My sister and her boyfriend have been in town for exactly a week now. Sorry, I've been far too busy to write about it. It feels as though life is concentrated and condensed right now because so, so much has happened in the past seven days.

They arrived at Tantra while I was working after what felt like an eternity of waiting on a Friday night. We woke up early the next morning and spent all day at the river. Since then we've had a Death Proof photo-taking scavenger hunt in Austin, floated the river on an air mattress with a homemade pirate flag made out of a pillowcase, a bamboo stick, and some acrylic paint. Haha. That one was my favorite...our most recent venture included some magickal fungus. Teehee.

Up next week...the ocean, another trip to Austin....maybe even the Alamo! We shall see. We shall see.

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/18664412/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/18664412/ Wed, 04 Jun 2008 15:04:31 PDT
Yeah. That's me right now. SSS-aaaaagh.

I guess complaining isn't the only thing I can do. A lot of good things have been happening too, but I think the intensity comes from everything, both good and bad, happening at the same time.

First things first...the thing that has the most impact on me and almost everyone around me...Matt and I broke up. We've been at each other's throats for awhile now, and I think we've both mutually come to the conclusion that it's much easier for us as friends. We keep hurting and disappointing each other...it's no one's fault more that someone else's...we just can't get it together and that's okay. I still care about him and vice-versa, but we're both just very tired and I know we both need the solitude to regroup ourselves. Who knows what will happen in the future...

Briye is coming to visit in a few days. I'm really, really excited. I need her so damn bad right now for a plethora of reasons. When me and Briye are together, I feel like we're little kids again playing and exploring the backyard. Only this time it's a much bigger backyard known as Texas.

On the other hand, the family dog died a few days ago. I think now it was a little over a week ago. Her name was Kiba, and she was the coolest German Shepherd ever. We got about a decade of good memories and a litter of puppies out of her; she was a good, good dog. She was suffering pretty bad before she died though, so she's a lot better off. She had some really bad cataracts and diabetes, and looked like skin and bone the last time I saw her. I was surprised she made it as far as she did. She was the cutest little puppy, though. I'm really going to miss her. At least I got to pet her and love her and tell her what a good girl she was one last time before she went, though. That meant a lot. RIP- Kiba Lien...our loyal fuzzy family member.

In other glass-half-full news, I'm participating in a city-wide watergun fight known as the Assassin Game. Everyone is assigned a target, and concurrently, you're someone else's target, so you're constantly trying to kill someone as someone is trying to kill you. This has evoked a mass paranoia wave through San Marcos. No one is to be trusted! You pay 7 bucks to play, and the last assassin standing takes all! People take this game seriously, too...I've been hearing some crazy stories about people camping out on roofs to get their target and whatnot. It's pretty damn extreme and people love getting into character. I know I am! I'm awfully sure that I'm not going to win; I just want to see how far I can get. So far, I'm 2 days in. We shall see. I've got a feeling that someone's going to try and come after me tonight. BUM-BUM-BUMMM!!

Life is so weird, man. It's like, as soon as you get comfortable, you feel like something needs to change. As soon as something changes....well, WAAAY too many things change at the same time, but the adversity makes you more creative and strong. You just don't realize it until the eye of the hurricane. It's so very ironic that change is the only thing that's really certain in our lives, and it's the one thing we're most uncomfortable with. It's how I know that irony is God's sense of humor. It has to be.

So I guess we'll see. We really will. Whatever happens will happen. No sense fighting it. Even if things get heavy, we'll all float on.

Casse

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/18498047/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/18498047/ Sun, 25 May 2008 16:40:02 PDT
In other news, my sister is coming in ELEVEN DAYS!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOO!!!!! I am so excited and I can't wait to take her everywhere and show her everything.

More to come.

Much love.

Cassandra

OH! PS: My mom just started uploading her stuff to her new deviantart. Check her out and make her feel welcome and loved. She's a really good photographer and I am super proud of her! The link is.... [link]

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/18187198/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/18187198/ Mon, 05 May 2008 19:32:15 PDT
My roommate Taryn is taking me to Houston where her family lives for three days. We're going to do bellydance in a Houston studio and I'm finally going to get to see the ocean!!!!!!!! We're driving to the coast, which will be really good for me. I just need a little reminder of how small we all are.

In other news, the artists who were supposed to be featured this month at Tantra bailed. I'm sort of the Art Curator's apprentice right now, and he called me up a few days ago and asked me if he knew anyone who'd be ready to put up a show by Tuesday, and I suggested a Tantra Staff Collaboration, as most of us punching the clock at the Tizzantra are very talented arteests. So I'll be featured in yet another art show, which is very exciting!!! I've got 14 pieces that are going up and we'll see what happens with the rest. So I'll basically set up the art show tomorrow, and bail for Houston. I'm soo excited!!!!

Pictures and new art pieces coming soon.

Oh, and whoever wants to hang out while I'm up for the wedding, let me know. Message me or give me a call and we'll work something out.

Much love.

Cassamajuh of the Coffee Beans.

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/18119022/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/18119022/ Thu, 01 May 2008 14:46:16 PDT
I set up early in the morning. We thought it was going to rain so we brought a tent. Everyone else had their fancy little canopies; we rocked a bona fide art hut. I sold one of my watercolor paintings; the piece based on my first mushroom trip called Destination:Unknown. I also got a sunburn out of the deal. Unfortunately I didn't have time to make prints of all my photography, so no one got to see any of that.

In addition to that, I've made three new pieces which I'm hoping to put up soon. One is a pen and ink drawing of Shiva the Karma Goddess fucking a businessman in the ass. It's called "Bad Karma". The second one is a watercolor piece of a personified lava lamp creature melting to death inside his lava lamp. It's called "Nuclear Lava". And the last one is the one I'm most proud of. It's a mixed media piece with watercolor, acrylic, acetate paper, graphite, and collage. It's called "This Film is Not Yet Rated". Hopefully I'll be able to put those up pretty soon. I just need to find a camera and upload them to the computer.

Other than that, not much is up. Just been working and living and trying to figure out a way to get up north cheap and quick for the wedding.

Soo until then, paz y amor y hasta luego!

Cassandra Belle

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/17839459/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/17839459/ Sun, 13 Apr 2008 20:37:23 PDT
May 15, 16, 17, and 18. The wedding is the 17th...I look forward to seeing everyone up North!! We're not going to have a lot of time to hang out, but just give us a heads up if you want to spend some time. I'm sure we're going to try and catch a show while we're up.

Rock.

Also, a bunch of birthdays coming up...Taryn Raddohl's was yesterday, Jordan's is tomorrow, and George's is coming up before 4/20...and we've also got...

CAKE playing just outside of Austin in a town called Georgetown (funny, KayCee?) for 15 dollars!!! I am soo hitting that up.

and
ART ON THE SQUARE on the 26th!!! Like Fine Arts Day for downtown San Marcos!!!! It's soo nice to live in a town where art is so appreciated!!!

LVE you all!!!

Cassandra Belle

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/17575240/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/17575240/ Sat, 29 Mar 2008 14:51:22 PDT
I am mostly using our house as a headquarters for now; after painting the house, we'll be having Society-driven art shows in our art studio room. I'm also coming up with all sorts of ideas for activities that will keep us busy as a group. We're also getting local businesses to sponsor and support us, so this will be quite pleasant. It'll also be made a lot easier when I'm finished learning all that I need to about coordinating the art here at Tantra. So if anyone from San Marcos, Texas or Fargo, ND are interested, check out the myspace:

[link]

We'll be starting sometime around early to mid-summer.

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/17500602/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/17500602/ Mon, 24 Mar 2008 21:15:32 PDT
I don't know what to make of it. Sounds pretty fuckin good, but I think I'll see a contract first.

Still pretty cool though.

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/17411751/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/17411751/ Wed, 19 Mar 2008 14:29:50 PDT
I'm pretty busy submitting a photographic recount of the Commotion in the Lotus Patch show to my gallery, but in the meantime, I'd like to give a verbal recount.

I had sooo much friggin fun!!!! I got plenty of shots of the art pieces and even more of the bellydancers, but I completely gapped out on snapping a few for Trippin Out West, a really badass band that graced us with their presence on the night of the show. But I'll get to that in a minute.

So the day of the concert started with me picking up my newly framed collage from this awesome local custom framing business called the Eyes of Texas Gallery, where they also show their fair share of awesome art. The lady there was so sweet...we were having some trouble hanging some of the pieces by wire, and she gave me some free screws and wire to support the renegade paintings. After that I spent most of the day typing up captions for the art pieces and mini-Bio's for all the artists, which incidentally went over very well. Around three I started to hang up the remainder of the paintings, which I had never done by myself before. I had Sean, the current curator helping me the past two days, and he wasn't available on the day of the show, so I had to go it alone.

I had forgotten about one thing in my pursuit of curating...I'm terribly afraid of heights. And Tantra happens to have very, VERY high ceilings. So here's me, clutching the hook and wire in one hand and hanging on to the ladder for dear life with the other...all the while praying to the God of Curators not to let me fall down. And the saddest part was, I was probably only about 5 feet off the ground. Yeah, I know. I'm ridiculous. I'm going to make one hell of a weird curator when Sean passes me the torch. Lawl.

So at eight I made my opening statement, just giving everyone a little background of why we did this and how it started. Then I handed it over to the poets, who articulated the theme very elegantly. They gave me exactly what I was looking for. Matt read a poem, and I read two as well. The poem he read was meant for me, and we sorta had a moment when he was reading it. It was very elaborate and no matter how many times I'd heard it or heard him read, I just couldn't take my eyes off him. He read it with such conviction; it was absolutely beautiful.

After the poets, we had about a twenty minute wait before the belly dancers went on, and they were marvelous. After their performances, they had an open song where they encouraged everyone to go up and dance. We all went up and had a great time. Trippin Out West played directly after, and carried us through the rest of the night. Then we smoked in the parking lot and went home to the after party. All things considered, it was a great night. Aside from a few...mishaps, the night was exactly what I wanted from it. I guess I can carry myself on my own two feet in the art world. That's very good to know. Who needs to go to college when you can just build yourself a hefty resume?

Woot.

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/17319792/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/17319792/ Thu, 13 Mar 2008 17:07:59 PDT
This show is my baby...the first show I've ever organized, and it's starting to look very promising. Sean is teaching me how to curate, which will be an extremely valued skill, and I helped hang my first art piece to ever be in a legit art show. The lucky piece is a collage called Decontamination of Delicacy. ([link]) Tomorrow is the big day. We start off with the opening statement and the poets who will be reading their own anecdotes. We'll then move on to the drum circle and the troupe of bellydancers, followed by the psychedelic rock band called Trippin' Out West. I'm trying very hard to mask my enthusiasm, because I'm about ready to have an epileptic fit of glee!

On some other frontiers, we're almost completely moved into 513 Moore. I love our new house!!! I love waking up surrounded by sunlight protruding through the string of windows that wrap around our wall. I love having a whole room just for an art studio! I LOVE having a kitchen bigger than the size of a small child! Life is good.

So...I'll post plenty of pictures from the show's opening. Until then....

Cassandra Belle Lien aka Cassamajuh of the Coffee Beans

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/16666376/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/16666376/ Thu, 31 Jan 2008 21:41:28 PST
Nothing too new.

Been hanging out with my bunch of Tantra pals...just trying to get ready for the art show. There are a few things I've been procrastinating, but I'm getting on track...just making fliers n such.

My friend Taryn (Briggs, not Raddohl. Although I miss you miss Tarynsquee!) got me into bellydancing. We go every Tuesday at the activities center. This town just keeps getting better and better. When the weather gets nicer, we're going to go down to Houston and out to the ocean. I can't wait to finally see it!

I got a great new book at Hastings (the Media Play of San Marcos) for $3 out of the Clearance section. It's called Following Our Bliss and it's about the diverse spiritualism of the Sixties. It's really fascinating. It called out to me at the store, and I'm glad I found it.

I've also been hanging out with Lorena a lot, which is nice. It's awesome to see the original people we knew when we came down here. Also been meeting a lot of new people, which is nice.

That's pretty much it for now. Just took a bunch of new pictures at the River Hymn show. I hope y'all like it. We had a great time there.

Love you guys!!!

Casse

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/16389255/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/16389255/ Sun, 13 Jan 2008 14:20:18 PST
This has been the first week back from Fargo, and aside from a few shaky changes, it feels damn good to be home. The weather is absolutely beautiful; it feels like spring already. I really do wish someone would come and visit me, though! *COUGHKayCeeDanTarynBriyeToddCOUGH*

I came back to face the new Tantra renovations as well...it's much more efficient and the place looks great! Pictures to come.

Mostly just been catching up with people. I still have a few deviations to post, and I've already posted a few; the ones I'll be using for Tantra's sexuality art show. We're calling it Commotion in the Lotus Patch. The actual medley of pictures I'm submitting for my art piece will be posted soon, but I must warn you- don't take the filter off if nudity offends you. The pic itself is tastefully done, but keep in mind it is for a show on sexuality. If you do decide to look at any of the Tete-a-Tete pictures, all I ask is that you look at them the way an art critic would. I also have a few pictures from the trip I'm going to submit.

All in all, I jumped right back into my life in Texas full speed ahead! I have some crazy Greyhound Bus stories among other things...but ta-ta for now!

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/16048147/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/16048147/ Sat, 22 Dec 2007 18:21:05 PST
We had a hell of a crazy bus ride; we got delayed in Dallas for about five hours. There was both a car/bus accident and a crazy crackhead that hopped a barbed wire fence and got all his junk ripped off. You meet some interesting people on the bus, but some of them are just...a little too interesting. Needless to say, unless the trip back is more agreeable, I am never riding Greyhound again. Then again, it seems every time we travel to San Marcos, everything works in our favo; but every single time we've gone back to Fargo, it's been a Murphy's Law buffet of fiascos.

Hung out with some people and met up with the crowd at the Red Raven. Today we're hanging out and all us couples are having a gathering at Donna's. It feels just like old times.

Tomorrow begins the first wave of Christmas festivities. I'm going to Joe's family's place, and then out to the lake cabin at Matt's grandparents'. I'm really looking forward to that.

And Guy should be getting into town soon, and that's when things are really going to start to get interesting. We've got quite a few things planned, and I am really psyched to be reunited with everyone.

The cold is driving me nuts. I remember why I left. If it wasn't for all my friends I wouldn't even come back at all...

..but I love you guys, so it's worth it.

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/15864931/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/15864931/ Sun, 09 Dec 2007 15:18:13 PST I'm coordinating my first art show; it's a collaborative show centralized around a theme that has finally been chosen together by the Tantra staff. Our theme is Sexuality, and it seems to be grasping a lot of attentions. We wanted something edgy and slightly controversial that would inspire curiosity in onlookers. So all the artists have until mid-February to get a piece in based on that theme.

The show will be opening in March with a badass gallery opening show with bands and awards and honorable mentions. I'm so excited. I'm also going to make a piece for the show....I'm thinking I'm going to bust out a collage; I've had an itch for collage making for awhile now. Tantra has been so good to me.

So be prepared to party, Fargo-Moorhead. I'll be around pretty soon and I can't wait to see y'all!

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/15549519/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/15549519/ Sat, 17 Nov 2007 14:31:51 PST Anyways, they had me paint a picture for one of the awards and do some detailing on another, and I just dropped it off at the store. We also created a new word:

ASSASSININJANATE!

Don't worry though. I'm still a pirate!

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/15428204/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/15428204/ Fri, 09 Nov 2007 00:15:58 PST

Anyway, we had some band called the Can Kickers from Connecticut, and they kinda sounded like a bluegrass version of Flogging Molly. Then there was the band my co-worker is in called This Way To Infinity. A really sweet chick rock band with quite an edge. KayCee, these guys sound like what Toxic Rainbow should have sounded like lol. Then....check this: we had this guy come up called John Schooley....and he was a one-man band! It was some of the coolest shit I've ever seen, from what I did see; I could hear the show all night with the window open, but if I wanted to see something I had to poke my head out the window, which isn't bad really. Anyways, I'm covering a shift tomorrow, so I have to be up at the asscrack of dawn, but despite the fact that I didn't drink anything with caffeine in it tonight, I can't go to sleep. I probably will in a little bit, but hell...I know I'm going to regret not sleeping right away in the morning. Luckily, I've got bottomless coffee so it really doesn't matter, it's just getting up's the hardest part.

Oh....now pay close attention to this:

MY MOMMY GOT A DEVIANTART!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And she is one of the coolest ladies in the whole world...she's a music manager for her fiancee; a blind blues musician named Blind Joe, who incidentally, also rocks.

Recently, and with much prompting from me and my little sister, she discovered she had a knack for photography...which is just as well because she L O V E S pictures...always has. Anyways, she doesn't have much up right now but be sure to add her and check up on her and make her feel welcome!

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/15422244/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/15422244/ Thu, 08 Nov 2007 15:20:51 PST We watched Garden State and Eternal Sunshine, read some Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, drank some wine, smoked a bit, and well, just loved each other.

I got some awesome news from work as well...the guy who used to arrange and organize all the art for the art shows at Tantra recently quit, and they've had to manage with what they've got, which unfortunately isn't a whole lot right now in this transitional period; they're getting new management, but luckily the new manager is positively badass...this really chill dude named Jared. Anyways, he asked me if I wanted to fill in for the guy that quit, so now in addition to working as a barista, I'm Tantra's go-to art lady! I'm organizing all the shows and such! I'm working on a proposal for a collaborative art show right now that centers on a chosen theme, where many artists base a piece on said theme. We might call it the Tantric Harmony Show, but I'm still playing around with ideas.

I'm soo fuckin excited!!!!

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/15364156/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/15364156/ Sun, 04 Nov 2007 15:15:10 PST
I decided to say to hell with waiting for screenwriting software. While I'm waiting for some expensive computercandy, I could be typing it myself seeing as I know all the fundamentals of script format; it's just tedious. But it'll get done faster this way.

I've been thinking up all kinds of stuff to do lately, but it always seems like finding the time is easier said than done. Maybe I'm just making excuses, or maybe I think too fast for the rest of me to keep up with. Blaaaaaaaah!!!

Not much else is new. Just the old grind. The real world is kind of a bummer; no wonder people do drugs. It's eat, do stuff, pay bills, work, learn, sleep, fuck, et cetera et cetera. If I made a list of all the things I wanted to get done in a day, it'd probably reach the border. I guess this is what it is...or is it?

You know what else? In 3 days Matt and I will have been going out for a year.


QuoTe oF THe DaY:
"I don't do drugs, I am drugs." - Salvador Dali


Cassandra Belle

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/15315220/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/15315220/ Thu, 01 Nov 2007 11:43:33 PDT
I had to work, but work never even feels like work. I was basically serving drinks and cracking open beers all night, and made some badass tips. Last Saturday I went into work in costume, and a lady from out of town passing through San Marcos really liked my mask and wanted to hire me to make her one. She wanted it by Halloween, and on the morning of I was just putting all the finishing touches on it. I payed, like, three dollars for the cheap-ass mask from the Paper Bear (it's a really sweet gift shop down here.) and she pays me twenty dollars for this mask! Incidentally, I just posted pictures of them, as well as a few others I've been meaning to do for awhile in a photographic deviantart binge!

Anyways, it really wasn't too much of a fuss that I was working on Halloween this year. We turned the whole coffee shop into a haunted house; as the coffee shop itself is an old renovated house, and I know it's at least a hundred years old. There was an interactive showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, a costume contest, and this badass tribal-sounding jam band. It was quite a night. Afterwards I went to Taco Bell to visit Matt for a bit, then went home to drink with Janice, and passed out.

Today, for those of you who don't know, is All Hallow's Day. It is known in Pagan and Celtic lore as Samhain, and it is known is Mexican culture as Dia De Los Muertos, or Day of the Dead. This is when the veil between our world and the spirit world is said to be at its thinnest, which is where all the spooky decorations and traditions come from. Americans know it as simply as All Saint's Day, the Celtic have elaborate rituals on what is their most sacred time of year to pay tribute to lost loved ones, and the Mexicans share similiar traditions.

And that's Halloween in a nutshell.

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/15210404/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/15210404/ Thu, 25 Oct 2007 02:21:43 PDT
I closed the shop alone tonight...well, almost alone. Adam helped me. He's this kooky bearded stoner dude that works at the library, but used to work at Tantra. There's a lot of kooky bearded stoner dudes around here, I love it. Even Matt is growing a beard, kinda. And he's already a kooky stoner, so I guess it works out.

Man, I wonder if I'm even coherent at this hour.

We got our faces rocked off at this show last night; a band consisting of people that either work at or come into Tantra called the River Hymn....they were fucking amazing. I urge each and every one of you to check out [link] . This girl I work with, Morgan, has an amazing voice...and she's even better live; she's like a siren. She's got a phenomenal band to help her out, too...Miles on drums who also works at Tantra, Colin on guitar who works at the record store Sundance, which also rocks, and my coworker Christina's boyfriend Dan on bass. They came in my earpussies something fierce. Anyways, afterwards we chilled with a few band members and some other friends at their pad and roasted one...it was great. It's nice to be meeting like-minded people down here, although I still really miss everyone.

We've been playing with YouTube all night...I still haven't got over that initial newfound pleasure of owning a laptop. Miles recommended me a really sweet little something to check out--a collab that Walt Disney and Salvador Dali did together called Destino. I only got to see some short clips as that was all that I could find...but it was absolutely amazing. It was a so very Disney and yet so Dali...a seamless blend of surrealistic art and animation. Look it up; it's definitely worth watching even the little clips that are out there, and incidentally, if anyone finds Destino in its entirety, please let me know.

I wonder when Matt's going to be home...could be any minute now. He's got so much talent; he has no business working at Taco Bell. I think I'm going to try and help him find a better job, because he's miserable and he rarely has spare time.

Anyways, I'm getting super psyched for Halloween. I'm going to be working, but it's not as bad as it sounds. We're doing an interactive showing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show along with some sort of haunted house theme, and I'm painting a badass mask for my masquerade costume. We were going to go to an actual masquerade music festival called Oxblood, but it's not in the cards. We have no ride and I told someone I'd cover a shift for them on that day. But it's all good. Me and Janice are making a point of catching the after party!

But yeah....don't think I'll be sleeping anytime soon. I gotsta stop drinking coffee so much after 10. >.<


I love this laptop so much, I think I'm going to name it.

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/15149447/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/15149447/ Sat, 20 Oct 2007 21:33:00 PDT Then Tuesday is jazz night, Wednesday is movie night...they have a projector and a screen and they show movies outside. Thursday is open mic, and they always have bands on the weekends. I've always wanted to work in a coffee shop...a REAL coffee shop; not the bullshit I was working at the college. If you wanna see some groovy pictures, check out [link] and go to their pics. It rocks.

In other news, I've been painting and drawing a lot more lately, and will finally be able to show people what I've been up to, seeing as I have access now to a computer that isn't public. It's fuckin MINE!!! (But I don't mind sharing...Matt and Janice and Travis live here too. ) But yeah. I'm effing psyched. And we're ready to move into a two bedroom and get out of this little efficiency. I'll miss my awesome address...(420 North Street.) but at least I'll be able to say that 420 was my first apartment. Rock.

Anyways, I'm sposed to go down to the coffee shop and listen to Muchos Backflips in a little bit. The music scene down here is fucking orgasmic. Quite a few bands have came in my earpussies almost effortlessly, and the diversity is astonishing. Plus I keep meeting more and more filmmakers everyday; getting inside opinions and networking...I might have found a hookup to use some professional film and editing equipment...I've just got to go down to Media Design and cash in on it. Plus I found a rockin special effects dude and quite a few bands that are willing to do a song for the soundtrack. It's all coming together....

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/14729113/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/14729113/ Fri, 21 Sep 2007 13:45:51 PDT
Casse

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/13578547/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/13578547/ Mon, 02 Jul 2007 13:20:21 PDT Well, I do, but he's usually sleeping.
We're a bit tight on money now, it's going to take us some time to settle in, but I'm really loving this. As soon as we get ahead, I'm going to raid the Hobby Lobby for some canvas and paint thinner, but until then I've just been sticking with colored pencils. Really, I can't wait to show y'all what I've been coming up with. But....time is of the essence and I must make haste, so this is what I leave you with.....


....TACOS RULE! ]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/13316452/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/13316452/ Tue, 12 Jun 2007 12:41:30 PDT
Time is quickly running out. I'm running around trying to take care of all these things, and there just isn't enough time. I'm going to do my best to make sure I get to see everyone at least once more before we leave...I'm also planning one last Gio's party, seeing as the going-away party at the All Star Bowl didn't work out. Which totally bums me out, but...whatever.

We're going camping today..out in D.L. Should be a joyous shindig. We had a party at Matt's last night which proved to be full of adventurous drunken stupors...among other things. As of now I am sleep deprived and slightly irritated, but once the festivities take off, I'll be right as rain.

TiredTiredTiredTiredTiredTiredTired.

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12897888/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12897888/ Wed, 09 May 2007 09:37:21 PDT
]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12826764/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12826764/ Thu, 03 May 2007 10:58:57 PDT
We arrived in San Marcos on April 18th after a catnap in Dallas where we said goodbye to Josh. It took us a record 17 hours to get from Fargo to Dallas...the trip down couldn't have ran more smooth. Honestly, though....I can't believe how many porn shops and adult theatres we saw on the way there and back...bunch of pervy truckers, hey. As soon as we crossed the border between Oklahoma and Texas, we fired up a joint. We hit Texas high as a kite. I couldn't believe how crazy the drivers were down there, though. For a bit there, going through Oklahoma when Taryn was driving, I was almost certain we were going to crash. By the time we got to San Marcos, Janice was still at work. We smoked with Guy and walked to Mr. Gatti's Pizza to pick up Janice, then did again when we got home. It didn't take long for us to fall asleep.

In the morning we went exploring. Sundance Records, the Hemp Store, the Paper Bear...each place got more and more unique. Eventually Guy had to go to work for a few hours and we took a nap, but then Guy returned and the festivities commenced.

4/20. Yes, wake and bake. Yes, blunts. Yes, Texas herb is the bomb. Afterwards we went for a long walk through town. We wound up at the river until at least five and spontaneously swam with all our clothes on. The river is clean, warm, and crystal-clear. It was amazing. Everywhere people were filled with green cheer. A passerby tubing shouted out, "May all your bowls be full," as we explored a small island accessable by a small bridge in the middle of the river. Zooka's Burritos posted a sign saying "Skip the roll, load a bowl," as we walked back to Janice and Guy's place soaking wet, drying in the sun. By the time we got to the Smootie Factory to try some of the best smoothies I've ever had...we had already dried. I love Texas. We got back, smoked some more, ordered pizzas, and chilled on some movies.

The next day we were supposed to go to Austin for Bob Marley Fest, but right before we were about to hit the interstate, we ate Sonic and ended up getting really sick. We passed out for the rest of the day and got up at night to watch more movies and smoke. Janice's co-worker George was supposed to swing by, but didn't. The day after consisted of basically movies and more exploring. The town is so beautiful. It felt like it should be home.

We were supposed to leave the day after, but when I called the apartment place, we got a lead on the apartment downstairs, so we stayed to get the deposit and application in. The same day we looked for jobs, and got interviewed at Mr. Gatti's and hired almost on the spot. Didn't even have to fill out an app. So now we're moving into the same building as Janice and Guy, and we have jobs waiting for us when we get down there. I'm hopefully going to try and get a job at the Coffee Bean, though. It's a nice little coffee shop they're hiring at now...I'm really fed up with the fast food industry, and I've always wanted to work at a coffee shop. While we were out job searching while Janice and Guy were at work, we got to try out another coffee house I think we'll be going to frequently. It's sort of like a mixture between Selah and the Red Raven...but it's called Tantra and they're coffee is all organic. Sooooo good.....and they serve it in a glass mug that resembles a beer stein. I can't wait to drink some more of that sweet sweet caffeine. *twitch*

So now we're leaving June 19th, about. Our lease begins on June 21st...exactly one year after our camping trip. We've already got an address and a place of work. I couldn't be more excited.

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12745139/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12745139/ Thu, 26 Apr 2007 16:39:09 PDT and


Cassamajuh

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12618162/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12618162/ Mon, 16 Apr 2007 12:01:45 PDT
On the blechy side, the seasons are changing....and therefore, I've just gotten a coldsore. Nothing that can't be cured in a few days by hot organic tea bags...(no jokes, perverts.) A home remedy my grandma taught me, but they still SUCK!!!

Briye's welcome back party rocked face, except I really hate having to deal with shadies....and there seemed to be quite a few there. It gets increasingly awkward to go to Donna's sometimes when there are people there that I really would care not to see again, like, ever. Rah.

But ANYwhooooooo.....I've got a shitload of errands to run..soooo....

lots of love. See you when I get back.

Cassamajuh
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THOSE I'D GO CRAZY WITHOUT


]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12596331/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12596331/ Sat, 14 Apr 2007 18:29:05 PDT




Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay my Briiiiiye's coming back tonight!!!!!!

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12542959/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12542959/ Tue, 10 Apr 2007 17:18:02 PDT
I miss my best friend. I miss my little sister. Most of all I really miss my mom and who she used to be. I really feel expendable and completely unimportant to her. I don't fucking know, and I'm sick to death of trying. I just needed someone to talk to, and I thought it could be her. But instead of getting things solved, she just created more issues. And now I still need someone to talk to. I miss Janice so fucking bad right now.

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12507863/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12507863/ Sun, 08 Apr 2007 09:36:19 PDT
Now, I have nothing at all against Christians. I believe in some of their teachings as much as I believe in the teachings of Paganism. However, I think it is important for people to know, regardless of controversy or prejudice, where the lore of the holiday they are celebrating comes from. Don't believe me? Well, then what the hell does eggs and bunnies have to do with Jesus, and why are we still celebrating?

Happy holidays, wherever you are and whatever you believe. I've already had my Easter, but there's nothing malicious in genuine celebration. and

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THOSE I'D GO CRAZY WITHOUT


]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12481874/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12481874/ Fri, 06 Apr 2007 09:53:45 PDT

My grandparents on my dad's side are back from Florida....and check this out.....she got me a friggin Bob Marley tshirt, which is crazy considering she's the type that would first get me a What Would Jesus Do tshirt. Sometimes even people you've known your whole life can throw you for a loop. Nevertheless, I'm glad they're back. They must have really hated the depressing-ass April up here then...I wish it would warm up already so I can walk to E&G at night and visit Mattrick. Rawr.

I gained a day at work. With my shitty 22 hours, Laura asked me to work for her tomorrow morning. She needs a day off, I desperately need the hours. Mmmyep. Me and Taryn chilled with her for a decent portion of the night last night. I prank called Blimpie beforehand...Sam answered and I ordered 15 footlongs.....I couldn't hold back the laughter for very long, though....especially after her reaction. I dunno....the people at my job rock face, but there's just a few key things in that environment that just really really don't belong there.

I'm getting so excited for this trip....we've got like, 12 days until we take off. I'm beside myself already....trouble is, I have so friggin much packing and laundry to do! Janice isn't even here and she's giving me a run for my money lol. I'm ecstatic to be seeing those guys. I don't have words enough for how much I miss them.

Mood: improving. Friends: life-savers. Sleep: rare. Excitement: increasing.


And that's me journal entry.
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THOSE I'D GO STARK RAVING MAD WITHOUT (wait....too late! )


]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12427973/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12427973/ Mon, 02 Apr 2007 08:40:46 PDT


.....please please please let something decent happen today. I am excruciatingly sick of getting disappointed and/or driven to temporary madness. Rawr.



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THOSE I'D GO CRAZY WITHOUT


]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12422058/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12422058/ Sun, 01 Apr 2007 19:51:26 PDT
I am seriously putting in my two weeks soon. Probably right after my trip if I can find a job in time. I'm probably going to go over to Minnesota Relay. I've had it with this Blimpie bullshit. This guy I work with....Sean, he's a total fuck-off...doesn't do a damn thing when you work with him, right? Devin was going to fire him, but he's still on the schedule, and what's this? My hours have gone down from 35 or so hours a week to 22 hours....and guess who else has 22 hours? The guy that Devin himself deemed worthless has the same amount of hours as me...and if that's not enough, I'm putting up with more and more bullshit every day to the point where I just don't care anymore. He says I'm an asset to the company and I'm probably one of his most reliable workers....well then why the FUCK does the girl that's been working there for a MONTH get more hours than me??? It's like....I thought you made me assistant manager for a reason...but it seems now like the only reason he told me that is so I'd take my job more seriously for very little extra cash. I've got the duties of putting up with shit and having to deal with idiots all day....but none of the perks. So I'm done.

GodDAMN it I just really wanted to see some people tonight. But Taryn's sick so that pretty much rules that out. So looks like I'm facing yet another night in a dead-end boring-ass town in a frosty basement with nothing to keep me occupied but the voice of Jim Morrison and a notebook, so I can wake up in the morning, bend over and get raped in the ass by my dead-end job. Hoo-ray.

I want to cry, but what good would it do? I want to run in one direction until my lungs feel like fire and nothing around me looks familiar, but then where would I be? I want to scream until I'm deaf, but then I'd just be worse off.

I wish I could just wake up and be in Texas.

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12417165/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12417165/ Sun, 01 Apr 2007 13:43:31 PDT
"Who'd have know ice
Could grow in April..."

rock on, girlie. Toxic fucking Rainbow.

Days off are boring when you're by yourself. Maybe I should have gone to the show last night...but it's no fun with that same old crowd. They all just feel so......temporary. So I watched three movies in a row and drank coffee until I got twitchy.

And now I'm facing another night closing...no big deal anymore, but I keep having these crazy stressy Blimpie dreams where I somehow always end up in the hot seat. Oh well. The only nights I do have dreams that are mildly relaxing are quite rare anyways. These days, that is. At least we're road tripping soon; that's keeping me happy. And sane.


Ugh....I feel icky. Definitely need a pick-me-up. Maybe after work...if I'm lucky. I just want some human interaction. Yeargh.

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THOSE I'D GO CRAZY WITHOUT


]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12386640/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12386640/ Fri, 30 Mar 2007 09:16:24 PDT
As for right now....boredboredbored. It's a bummer when schedules don't synchronize, but whatever. It will surely be worth it in the longrun. I just really miss our mornings.

Finally wrote a new poem WOOO!!!

Bleargh, I have to close tonight. I wonder how Sam's Explosions in the Sky concert went last night.

I've been working on a new film, too. It's really underdeveloped right now and I'm having some difficulty with it, but I've had some serious writer's block since Guy left and we couldn't work on Handguns for Hearts, so it's nice to finally be breaking the mold. For those of my wonderful friends who are curiositymongerers, details will come with a fully-developed plot. lewoot. Or at least one or two fully developed aspects...I already have the premise for the opening scene and credits.


OK I'm done.

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THOSE I'D GO CRAZY WITHOUT


]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12361417/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12361417/ Wed, 28 Mar 2007 11:08:37 PDT
I brought a plastic bag with me and fulfilled some treehugger litter cleaning duties as well. Felt very gratifying. I was just walking along, filling up my little bag with trash, and people were staring at me like I was crazy, but we all know those are nothing more than ignorant stares of apathy. Well, our Mother Earth is hurting...the least we can do is put a few bandaids on...I mean, even the dirt has become a billboard these days...full of scattered brand names of cigarettes and soft drinks and mascots of corporate powerhouses. It's fucking disgusting. But hey- if it pisses you off too, then stop bitching and start a revolution.

So afterwards, I hung out with Matt() and we had us quite a time going through a bunch of his old stuff from childhood. We definitely found some gems haha. Did you guys know he's actually a superhero by night? He is.....Mattman!!

Anywhoo...went to Tae Kwan Do after that little adventure. I'm still getting my ass kicked, but my stamina is drastically improving. Wootwoot. I just needs to practice at home n such. After TKD me and him and Taryn and Dan all hung out...worked some more on our character sheets and watched Grandma's Boy. Twas quite the day.

Shooby doot doot doot do-doot-dooo!!!

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THOSE I'D GO CRAZY WITHOUT


]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12347615/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12347615/ Tue, 27 Mar 2007 09:13:50 PDT
I don't know. Too many questions and not enough answers, but I guess I'm not the only one.


On a happier note, it's my day off. I'm probably going to take a walk while it's still nice out, but someone should give me a call. Anytime. I'll be around.

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12287590/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12287590/ Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:48:12 PDT
Sunday night I observed and contemplated a deep and spiritual conversation. I realized I still have a long way to go...but since then and the nights that followed, I feel much more ambitious. Everything that's happened in the last few days feels like it's happening for the exact reason it should...everything is starting to click again. We faced a presence in Taryn's house Sunday night as well. Always contemplative days, Sundays. And I'm not even Christian, really.

Monday....what can I say about Monday??? MODEST FUCKING MOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Absolutely amazing. We grabbed Taryn at the last second, and it's a good thing, too. Happened for a reason. After we dropped Briye off at home, we went to chill at a gathering with a bunch of people from high school I haven't seen in forever. It's so eerie to think that soon I'll never see those people again. But at the same time, I'm slowly starting to break away from this little Fargo/Moorhead world. Every day, I'm becoming more and more detached to it as people continue to either betray us or lose interest. And at the same time, it helps to realize the real friends...the ones that will be sticking around for awhile. It's so easy to differentiate between the genuine and the two-faced when you're leaving. The ones that are worth it, I am so grateful for.

Tuesday we went to the poetry slam at the Red Raven. I've never been to a Raven slam; the only one I went to was at the Fargo Public Library with KayCee and Ashley Somphet (an awesome little Asian girl that REALLY REALLY NEEDS TO GET A DEVIANTAAAAAART!!!) but this one...kind of offended me.
For the most part it was really cool. I got to hear a bunch of pretty talented people recite some good works...it was kind of like deviantArt live...hehe. It was Matt's first time at a poetry slam, and he read a really good poem of his ( [link])and delivered it well. I read a long time favorite of mine, Coffee Break ([link]). But there was this guy there that basically read a recipe for tomato soup, and threw in some comedy that pretty much parodied poetry. Granted, it was funny...but the judges were giving me and Matt 4s and 5s, and they gave this clown 7s and 9s across the board...we didn't even make it to the second round. I don't know...like I said...for the most part it was really cool. But everyone there said the judges were ridiculous. Oh well. There's always next time. Afterwards we watched Mallratz at my mom's house and I took a bunch of pictures. I really need to get my camera back so I can put them up. Mwrawr!

Then last night...hell yeah. We went over to Taryn's place after work, and it wasn't long before Dan showed up. We end up playing Mancala at Perkins' all night drinking coffee and munching on whatever we pleased. Good times.

wOOOOOOOOOOOt Matt got a job!
wOOOOOOOOOOOt Taryn's going to prom with Steve!
wOOOOOOOOOOOt I've got an idea for a new painting!

Mmmhmmm. And we're road tripping to Texas next month!!!!


THOSE I'D GO CRAZY WITHOUT
http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12129287/ Sat, 10 Mar 2007 10:04:00 PST
Thursday night, after making some purchases and seeing a bunch of good people, me, Taryn, and Matt cruised over to his nearly-empty house and worked in some festivities. We stayed up all night just talking until the sun came up. It's amazing how something so ordinary as a sunrise can be such a miracle when you look at it right. It was just another reminder of how badly we need to join the rest of our growing family in Texas. I miss Janice and Guy like crazy. But that night, just thinking about all of us.....all our talents and beliefs and the good times that we've had and even the ones yet to come made me so happy I cried. We really are blessed to have this tribe.

Here's to the Great Mystery of Life. It springs up and lets itself be known at the best moments once in awhile.

Don't worry
About the morning.
We'll wash ourselves in sun
And once again
The night can be our playground.
-"Boom"

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THOSE I'D GO CRAZY WITHOUT


]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12037827/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/12037827/ Sat, 03 Mar 2007 09:36:00 PST
Not much else to do around here besides go to work and write in my notebook...I wish it were Tuesday again so I could at least get a good workout. I friggin love being back in Tae Kwan Do!!! I'm going to work my ass off the next couple of months to make sure I've got the skills to defend myself in unexplored territory.

I keep having these crazy crazy dreams; probably because I've been sleeping for 10 to 12 hours at a time...not even really because I'm that tired, but because the dreams have been far too intense to wake up from. I kind of like it, but at the same time, it weirds me out.

I wanna hang out with Taryn and Dan again. Mrawr! Someone give me a call after nine tonight. I need peoples. Last night was too effing boring.

THOSE I'D GO CRAZY WITHOUT


THOSE I AM GOING CRAZY WITHOUT


]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/11999787/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/11999787/ Wed, 28 Feb 2007 12:09:41 PST
Matt left for Colorado yesterday as well. Crazy too--the quarter I found in the tip jar yesterday was a Colorado quarter. Kooky. I love it when weird stuff like that happens. They're just like little road signs letting you know that everything is happening for a reason. Kinda like deja vus.

Planning on doing some more painting very shortly here. I'm trying to get more stuff posted...(I wish Dan would help and get my watercolor and wood/wire/clay sculpture pictures mrrawr! ) But...yeah. Been going through a creative dry spell as of late, but I'm more lacking in motivation than anything else. Dammitdammit.


THOSE I'D GO CRAZY WITHOUT


]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/11920077/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/11920077/ Thu, 22 Feb 2007 11:05:16 PST
Today's my only day off for like, a week. I don't mind. I could use the money.

Josh/Gordo/DevilBoy leaves tonight. It's just crazy to me...everyone's leaving...and this feeling gets closer and more intense every day- the fact that we're next. It's both exciting and scary. So in order to save money and do some psychedelic housecleaning, I'm giving up the ganj until I get to Texas.

More and more it seems people are beginning to reveal their true colors. Or maybe it's just that we're finally starting to see them for who they really are. Time is the truest test of character; and I know exactly who my real friends are. I'll be with them in no time, and the ones left behind will shortly follow. We really are blessed to have such a family bound by spirit rather than blood who are willing to travel somewhere they have no connection to; save that of our tribe.

Yet another transitional period. They're usually marked by rough patches, but I really am beginning to enjoy them and the enlightenment that follows.

So here's to a new day, a clean slate, a fresh outlook. I've got love, and I've got faith. I'm ready to go.

Love you guys.

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THOSE I'D GO CRAZY WITHOUT


]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/11720625/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/11720625/ Wed, 07 Feb 2007 09:53:19 PST
THOSE I'D GO CRAZY WITHOUT


]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/11600003/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/11600003/ Sun, 28 Jan 2007 13:26:27 PST
I'm trying hard not to be sad, because I am very happy for her. She's finally gotten out of this bullshit town, and we're next. It's now just the matter of all that's left in between. That and I'm looking forward to the road trip in April. That, and no matter what, we'll always have Harvestfest.


This is going to take some getting used to.

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/11422718/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/11422718/ Sat, 13 Jan 2007 13:34:13 PST
Things have been going well...as well as they can be in the present time, that is. Just been spending the remainder of Janice's time in town with her and Matt and various others. In fact, there are some people I've got to get ahold of so we can go out for coffee!!! COUGHMarisaKayCeeTarynCOUGH.

The mural at Blimpie is starting to really look cool. I'll be sure to take some pictures when I reunite with my camera. It's at my mommeh's and I miss it terribly. Le sigh.

Bought a bunch o' movies with my Christmas flow. Reservoir Dogs and Requiem for a Dream are some of them. I wanna have a movie marathon/caffeineathon sometime soon. That would be groovy.

I'm going back to Tae Kwan Do soon. I'm beside myself with ecstasy...and knuckle pushups.

I heart you guys.

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/11384587/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/11384587/ Wed, 10 Jan 2007 09:20:05 PST


And my artistic insides have been tickled. I received notice that one of my drawings was featured in a dA article for IndigoChildren.
([link]) Scroll down and catch a glimpse of Infinity. Yaaay!

But things aren't as simple as all that. I feel like I'm being tested by the fates. My limits, my convictions, my strengths, and especially my weaknesses. But everything happens for a reason, and I've got a lot of things to find comfort in, whenever I'm not scared to death of them going away.

Janice put in her two weeks notice a few days ago. She's leaving for San Marcos on the 25th. It's so weird trying to imagine this place without her. But that's what I said about Guy, and about Pat and Lorena when they left. But she'll be happy, and that's what's important. Besides, it's only a matter of time before I join her.

I'll be getting a cell phone soon as well, so the people that I enjoy will soon have my number and be able to actually get ahold of me which is just as well because I am rarely at home to answer the phone.

But yeah we could really use some luck right now. Or some enlightenment. Either of which would be wholly preferable.

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/11334465/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/11334465/ Sat, 06 Jan 2007 08:23:46 PST
So if anyone knows of anywhere to repair VHS tapes, let me know.


Coffee Break was my baby. It feels like someone killed my child.


RIP COFFEE BREAK

Fuckin' a.

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/11311599/ http://SchizophrenicLullaby.deviantart.com/journal/11311599/ Thu, 04 Jan 2007 10:04:54 PST
New situations, new problems...parents, finances, getting out of this town. Trying to be as calm as possible while the microscope glass we seem to be under starts cracking under pressure. But things will be okay. I know it. Have even dreamed it.

Am missing a lot of close friends I haven't been in contact with. I'm sorry, guys, it's been too long. Love and miss the lot of you.

Things always get the darkest just before dawn.

---------------------------------

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATT!!!






-------------------------------

Partners In Crime


People I am JONESING for...


HAPPY 2007

]]> ~SchizophrenicLullaby