deviantART: by:Scuria

the shattered.

=Scuria — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 16:38:22 PDT

the shattered play on graveyards.

today the funeral for my best friends stepfather took place.
a few days ago he lost his second father (or at least father figure) in his tiny eighteen years of life.
i can't imagine how hard it must be to loose two fathers in only eighteen years, and how hard it must be for his mother. i only feel helpless and deeply sorry, but that's nothing compared to their feelings.
again i've learned that life is precious and that one should not waste it or throw it away so easily, and again i've learned that actually i am the lucky one because my story isn't hardest, though it may destroy.

it pains me so much to see his tears, and lately there's no shine in his eyes and his smile is artificial.
he hardly cries. he's such a brave little sparrow. i promised to visit the grave with him, and i'll keep his fragile soul together and hold his hand. we'll take a walk under the withering trees and play hide-and-seek between the tombstones, and we'll laugh - because graveyards are the playground of us shattered.

i'll try to be there for him as good as i can.

GUESS WHAT.

=Scuria — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 14:16:55 PDT

Capra and me talked to ~Catulus in Skype moments before,
and we hadn't phoned for ages.
And now I feel funny. [ Btw, watch this: [link] ]
I feel delighted. And now I have to go to bed.
I'm happy. I love you all. CATU, she's still sunny! â¡

^{Edit. I finally bought 'City of Glass' by Cassandra Clare.
And i'm so looking forward to reading it!
Jace, Clary.. Luke, Simon.. Isabelle.., Alec and Magnus! Ohhww!! â¡}

to my everlasting beast.

=Scuria — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 14:23:00 PDT

to my everlasting be_{_a}st.

hey, i miss you. i'll hold your hand forever. i want to kiss away your tears and give you everything you wish for because. i can't stand your pain. look at you, little star, you're oh so. beautiful, but you're not glowing. you're not shining anymore. i love you. i have feelings for you. there's cinders in your eyes. i burst when you. scream! and i press my body against yours too hard and i break. your pretty bones. i am there for you though you may not be there for me. you still ask for. someone to hold you. but can't you see there is someone to hold you? i want to share my luck with you but you don't take it. you won't take it. i break your bones i break your bones i break your bones i break. anything i will do. whatever it takes. whatever you take. take it.

title is considered to mean something like "you're the stupid cute child in me that simply won't accept anything". everlasting beast - everlasting best. because i also love him. it was in my mind about my not-quite-best-friend. you know, not the guy i had a crush on but the guy who has the "best-friend"-status but isn't called like this because my ex-crush already has this name.
i know, it's somewhat complicated.. but i don't want to confuse you.
i want to get something out, sort of weep it out. so you actually can stop reading here. (:

my best friend, i'll simply call him like this now, is desperately in love with his "best friend". no, that's not me what actually hurts me a bit, but well.. he's in love with her and i think for this reason he calls her his "best friend". (i also did that, remember?) this gives you kind of satisfaction because if you can't get them as your love you can at least get them as your best friend. having someone as your best friend is directly under or even over the level of having them as your love. so you feel at least a bit better, a tinywhiny little bit. you keep telling yourself that your "best friendship" is much stronger and that you mean much more to them than their love (what's nonsense most times).

i told him once, but he didn't want to hear that. he cried for days. i felt horrible for disturbing his (namely false) hope! if you love someone in this abnormal way then hope is the only thing you can hold on to; and if someone disturbes this hope you are totally down. i know it from my own experience. you act like a naÃ¯ve kid, and you know it, but you don't want to realize it. living in your own little picture book doesn't hurt as much as taking the feelings how they are. keeping doesn't hurt as much as letting go - but it hurts longer.

at the moment he's spamming her with all his feelings and he's crying and shivering. i want to hold him and i tell him i love him as my best friend forever, but it doesn't reach his heart. in his eyes she's the only one to ever help him, but he's not looking left and right. there are his friends waving and smiling and welcoming him. but he doesn't see us. he's just seeing her.

i feel so helpless. i don't know what to do, i can just tell him i am there and cuddle him to death every weekend. i miss him badly and i want to hold him right now, but even if i did it wouldn't help him.
'she is the only way out she is the only way out she is the only way out..'

but what can i do?

touch me too hard.

=Scuria — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 14:41:48 PDT

rip off my wings and touch me too hard.

you kiss my lips whenever i'm half drunken, (bare your teeth and i'll laugh), press your fingers into my tummy until it hurts, make me throw back my head, pull my hair. i count the bruises and the scratches like stars and i bite into your neck to taste you and your smell tells me you'll never be mine. i fill my tears into test tubes and paint our walls with my blood because you mustn't forget me and i mustn't forget the pain you cause. i keep pulling the skin off my chapped lips and i make them bleed because you seem to like the taste of my blood and you said you'd also like the color. believe me, i love you more than one could ever do and it pains me when you fuck the girl next door though we had also started up like this.

the text above was in my head. i had to write it down somewhere but i didn't feel like loading it up here on dA. i mean, it's just ghost letters, isn't it. and btw it's a good introduction to start up with some teenage waste so - d o . n o t . r e a d . a h e a d . â¡

well, there's everything said in the writing above.
i was his doll to play with and he was mine, but love killed it, again.
lulz.

maybe it isn't even as serious as the last two times.
(please don't tell me i'd love another boy every mouthful because that isn't right.
i was in love with two while i felt more like 'addiction' for one of them.
two times in one and a half year, maybe the third time now. not much compared to others, huh?)

gosh, i have issues. anyway.

i'm very good friends with his ex. she still loves him and he still kissed her, sometimes, but then he dumped her finally. it seemed she had got over him so he started a little game with me and i joined. it was fun for a while then we lost control. none of us wanted this to happen but he fell in love with me and, shocked as i was, i rejected him. he desperately asked me not to end the game but i did. for a while it felt right but then i started to miss him more and more. now that he makes out with his ex again i crash,

and i wonder why because actually it mustn't touch me a bit.

machines never sleep. (EDiT)

=Scuria — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 17:08:36 PDT

machines never sleep.

EDiT. no photos fwoa you! i'm sorry, but they just photographed my head. there's not one picture where you can see my dirndl. but i'll go to the Oktoberfest again next saturday, then somebody will take one, i promise. (:

x x x x x x

firstly: thank you all for the kind comments on my last entry (but you told me).
i'm doing much better, probably it was the shock that overcame me. but anyways: â¡ !

today i visited the Oktoberfest with some friends. you may know it. well, we had great fun there though we're down and out now, there's no money left at all! first we got into some rollercoasters, then we spent hours searching for friends in the crowd and when we had just found them i had to go doing my dancing lesson. after that i went right back to the Oktoberfest (or Wies'n what we call it). we planned to enter a marquee (one of those big party tents) but we didn't get in because they all had yet closed (to many people)! so.. it was around 8pm. some of us wanted to get into some rollalercoasters again and the others wanted to get a beer. so we parted for a while and i had great fun at the rollercoasters again. (: we met around 23pm at a bar. there we got drunk so that the way home was kind of the funniest time of my day (though every second was more than enjoyable).

btw: i wore a 'Dirndl', that's what we call the traditional dresses for women. men wear 'Lederhosn'.
sort of funny, i know. but old-fashioned dresses tuned up with modern style look cool, ya really!
wanna see photos? i got some on my camera.. (: this photo above was also taken today.

uhm.. there's much more i want to tell you actually but i'm cold, my room is like iiicey, and i'm oh so tired. and maybe a little bit drunken. ('drunken lullabies' by flogging molly is a great song btw.)

well, more to come tomorrow (i suppose).
hugs 'n kisses, 'n some love!

but you told me.

=Scuria — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 11:39:17 PDT

but you told me the sky was blue.

every inch of my body is aching, i can feel every bone. plus i am hungry, but i feel to sick to eat. yesterday i came home late from dancing, it was fun like always. my stomach was terribly rumbling, so i opened the fridge to get some cheese. when i opened the cheese box the whole room smelled of meat because there was sausage in it by accident.
then everything went too fast. i just took the sausage and ate it, watching my reflection in the window. my inside was screaming from disgust but my body went on eating and eating and eating. i couldn't stop, like a starving animal.

after that i sat on the kitchen floor half an hour - shivering. the meaty taste was still in my mouth and i couldn't get rid of it, because a part of me didn't want to. a part of me enjoyed the smoky aftertaste, another pushed my nails into my hands, screeching 'ugly you, ugly you!' and it felt like being bullied by everyone on the school yard.

i had just eaten a dead animal, a cadaver. i imagined eating fish eyes and tortured squealing babypigs and the tiny arms and legs of little children and i heard them all screaming. i was going mad, and i felt the vomit coming back up right over my legs and hands - again and again.
first it felt disgusting, but then it slowly got pleasurable. i imagined watching myself from above, lying in my own blood and i felt satisfaction.

my mom found me like thirty minutes later, i think she got the shock of her life. when she asked me what happened i had to vomit again so she simply put me to bed and said we'd talk tomorrow. today i told her what was going on and she was glad because she thought of drugs or alcohol or something like that.

but i still run my nails into my hands to suppress the shiver, and i would be glad now if it the reason was alc.

underneeth the moon.

=Scuria — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 13:06:23 PDT

^{underneath the moon, underneath the stars - here's a little heart for you.
up above the world, up above it all - here's a hand to hold on to.}

school started today and i'm yet dying.
they explained to us that we're now on our own, that we must fight for ourselves and not together. we should fight from the first day, because the new system is hard and it won't tolerate any mistakes or lazyness. we should be ready from the first day on. on three days school starts at 9.30am, on the other two days it starts at 8am (yayes, but) - three days end at 15.30pm, two at 16.30pm.
from now on our train tickets won't be paid anymore - they cost around 40Â per month. luckily my mom is going to pay them for me, but i wonder how (if) poorer families are able to afford this.
the teachers i know are totally shitty, the ones i met today seem quite nice. physics will kill me this year. where do i get the time for learning? where do i get the time for living? seriously.. it's madnessss!!

second point is my (still) best friend and crush. i miss him badly. we've met once in the last six weeks because we decided that distance is be better for both of us. he's got a girlfriend and the more he's distracted by me the less he loves her. our plan works fine, it's getting better again with his girlfriend and him. i'm very happy about that, but sad though. in the beginning i felt like i was left for breaking, but a good friend of mine (the one i told of in the last journal) helped me a lot. he made me realize that life is going on even so. he's also sick with heartache, his issues are similar to mine. so we're helping eachother. he is the little sunshine that brightens up my cold heart and i am his personal moon who calms him in sleepless nights. cute, huh? (: i'd call him my best friend if it didn't hurt so much. somehow i feel like i'd betray my crush with that. he had the status as my best friend for a long time. it would be cruel to change that as a sudden, but he doesn't seem like a best friend anymore. one day we'll be able to build all that up again, i'm sure. but though: i miss him.

third (happy) point: dancing lessons will start again this weekend. i won't do them together with my crush but instead with this really good friend of mine. i'm sooo looking forward to them! and i'll see my dance-choach again. he's the funniest, most sarcastic, most relaxed, simply the best teacher you can imagine!

i am so sorry for bothering you with this t0NNNs of journals, but it felt good to get a few things out.
BTW: [link] a piece of glory, painly overwhelming. mere sadness, but mere beauty.
thank you for reading, being there and for all...

we're playing for time.

=Scuria — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 10:52:31 PDT

devious journal entry again. the first part is about my personal ~~computer~~ problem. my computer doesn't like USB-mouses lately, so i can't use my wireless one. D: i hope it'll work again soon, because the mouse i currently have sucks. really! it has its own life. but at least i have a working one.

well.. tomorrow school will start again and i am definitely not ready for the 11th grade! starting from now everything will count for my a-levels. *dies* i am not yet ready!! that i'm sure, but i'm a little bit excited though.

i miss the summer. actually i supposed my winter depressions to start in winter, and not yet in autumn. *sighs* i hardly was at home the last two weeks, and it was wonderful! the relationship to one of my friends got much closer. we spent nearly every day together, and now that school starts we're able only to meet every weekend. i'm going to miss him badly. some weeks ago five days without him were hell, but how will that feel now? i didn't think our friendship could get any stronger, but i was wrong [what exceptionally makes me happy]. (:

the weather-part: it's heavily cold here. the caretaker refuses to put the heatings on because (according to him) autumn starts in november and it isn't yet time for heatings. i don't care when autumn starts, i just know that it's cold and that i want my heating to spend some heat (because it's made for that). okayyy.

the last part is for all my german watchers or for those who understand german. it's not that i would like them better but i'm going to tell of a german band with german lyrics.

so bye for now if you don't read ahead.
thank you for the support!

Ich hab selten so wundervolle Lyrics gelesen, wie die von Eisregen. Oft kann Grausamkeit auch SchÃ¶nheit bedeuten.
Wiki sagt: "Eisregen ist eine 1995 gegrÃ¼ndete deutsche Dark-Metal-Band aus der thÃ¼ringischen Kleinstadt Tambach-Dietharz. Durch ihre morbiden, deutschsprachigen Texte zog die Band nach einiger Zeit die Aufmerksamkeit der BPjM auf sich, was zur Indizierung dreier ihrer Alben fÃ¼hrte."
Ich hab euch also vorgewarnt. Wer kein Metal mag, sollte sich die Lieder vielleicht nicht anhÃ¶ren, sondern lieber nur lesen. Ich persÃ¶nlich hÃ¶re auch nur zwei Lieder, doch die Texte sind Ã¼berwÃ¤ltigend.

Abglanz vom Licht
Lyrics: [link] Lied: [link]
Das kleine Leben
Lyrics: [link] Lied: | konnte aufgrund eines Smileys nichts gepostet werden
Krebskolonie
Lyrics: [link] Lied: [link]
Scharlachrotes Kleid
Lyrics: [link] Lied:

my personal ~~computer~~ problem. okayyy! ARFGG!!! rantrantRANT! my mouse isn't working. none of all the mouses i tried is working! the keyboard does, luckily. but have you got any idea how fucking difficult and complicated it is to work only with a keyboard!? ohmiig000d!! nowaii!! x_X

i am sorry, but i had to get this out. some friends are gonna visit me today and we'll (guess what) watch some DVDs together. (: looking forward to this.

so much for the nonsense part of your day.
i adorez you (*l0ve*)

[ you should NOW hide under your sofa because ME ISN'T ABLE TO CHANGE MY MOOD SMILEY!!!! ARGH!!! i am DYIIING!!! ]

computer: 173563
me myself & i: 0

don't forget to fly.

=Scuria — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 08:31:53 PDT

i just deleted my journal-css from deviantart because i didn't like it anymore. (i still got the code saved on my computer). probably i'll keep this kind of "skin" for a while. doesn't it look beautiful just to insert some pictures? (plus you can feature work you like and you can insert every picture you want, just let your mood decide).

well, actually there's no special reason for this journal. i'm hanging around here and i've just had some tasty ice cream (tasteeyy)! autumn is walking in, it's being cold lately. but i really enjoy this kind of weather. in a few weeks i'll find myself missing the summer, but right now i'm fine with wind and rain. it feels awesome to shiver without blanket at night.

moments ago one of my best buddies told me that he misses me (though we last met on wednesday). aww, isn't this ubercute? (: but i miss him too, that isn't cute acutally. maybe i'll visit him today evening and then both of us will end up in front of the TV again. but i love watching DVD with him, we keep doing that all night long until we fall asleep around eight am. <3 i should call him my best buddie, kind of. but that would be mean, because my best buddie is the asshole i love (L00KiBlAMEMYSElF i should stop that).

[ memo to self: stop blaming self, update portfolio. ]

i'm hungry. 0HMiiG0D! if i go on eating this way i'll roll around in a few weeks. but eating is one of the best things in the world, isn't it? i shouldn't think about food this much, but imagine ciabatta with mozarella and tomatoes. and pesto sauce, ohh.. x_X

okaayy. yesterday i found a song of Lenka on youtube and i immediately fell in love with her music! at the moment my favourite song is [link] while the most popular one should be [link] . really, you have to listen to her songs, they're awesome! Lenka reminds me on Lily Allen a bit and i adore both of them. their music is so delightful and calming, plus they tell stories and the songs of lily allen could be written by my mind, haha. enough to music (music is my life *__*).

school will start on tuesday the fifteenth, ahh! i'm going mad! only two years till i (hopefully) pass my a-levels, that's scary. we all will get our own timetables, we won't have a classroom anymore, we'll walk from one to the other, alone. we will never be class 10a anymore! it hit me hard when everyone cried on the last schoolday. i'm a tiny stupid sixteen year old girl, i don't want to grow up!
but i have to admit that i am also a little excited.. we were allowed to select our subjects for this year, so hopefully school won't go on my nerves as hard as last year. some subjects i hated are simply gone, mwahaha. if maths was also gone i'd be the happiest girl in the world, but we had to take maths. argh! why? i want to study psychology, not algebra! D:

anyway.. i'm fine. there's a little birdie outside.
what about you? tell mee! how are you?

Elfennacht your destiny is forlorn.

=Scuria — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 05:07:02 PDT

hey guys! this entry wonÂt be about me (for once ).
iÂm going to tell you about a book named ÂElfennacht (elven night) Â your destiny is forlornÂ. it is not yet finished, but the author needs every support she can get.
her name is patrizia (called trizi, ~Todesfuchs), sheÂs fifteen years old and a good friend of mine. for half a year sheÂs been writing this book and though i was more than sceptic in the beginning i am now convinced that sheÂll finish it. the story may sound simple first, but she invented tons of characters who will be involved, so that the story will turn highly interesting. probably you know that from other books: they start out as a simple or even boring description of the protagonists life, but as soon as other characters get involved the books get interesting.

trizi will write the book in german because itÂs her native speech.
i just translated what the book is about:

Jillian has been alone as long as she can remember Â no, not alone, lonely. As an orphan she grows up in several orphanages visiting several schools.
She feels that thereÂs something wrong with the boarding school sheÂs sent to at her fifteenth birthday.. and sees her suspicion confirmed as she finds herself in another world!
Her new friends tell her that things donÂt look bright for their country and so she steps into her real life.

trizi created a blog for her book some time ago. even if you donÂt like the book or the story you can support her by visiting: http://elfennacht.blog.de/
every click or comment is a little motivation and support for her. itÂs not useless.

by the way: i support what she does though it may seem ridiculous for you. everyone starts from scratch and if her first book wonÂt be published then maybe her second one will be. sheÂs just fifteen years old, she has years to get successful. so why shouldnÂt we motivate her a bit?

send the link around if you want to, copy and paste it into your journal, blog or onto your website, tell your friends about this idea. you even can leave a comment with a smiley at her blog or her dA-profile (~Todesfuchs) to show that you support her. that would do it completely.

so thanks for reading,
and donÂt forget to support trizi!
woheey!

if. if. where to start?.

=Scuria — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 16:26:54 PDT

- - b r o k e n s o l i t u d e - -

hai. my name is fiona and i come from germany.
once i was living in a virtual world, and i loved life,
because it felt like in a picture book.

i met great people who understood and supported me
whatever i did (as long as it was virtual issues).
and i was thankful, i still am, because they gave
a sense to my life. they were friends.

we had a wonderful time together and i laughed
as much as my little soul could laugh.
i was lucky with what i had found.

we lived together in our little bubble gum world
where the clouds looked like cotton candy
and where the grass was still green and
the sky was still blue.

then i took a step outside of this soap bubble,
the world was gray and full of strangers.
but i was filled with curiousity and
instead of stepping back into the bubble
i took a walk trough this newland.

and the first time in my life i saw that,
compared to the picture book reality,
life could feel so much more
real.

so i came back from the journey to tell the others
but they looked at me with eyes wide open
as if they wouldn't believe me a word.

and i told them that i also once thought
that life outside was way too cruel,
but that it actually was great.

and still
they shook heads.

i didn't care and mixed up lives,
the virtual and the real one.

and whenever i told the friends from the virtual world
how fantastic life outside was, they laughed at me
silently.

but whenever i told the friends from the real world
how fantastic virtual life was, they smiled
and tried to understand, or at least to accept me.

it took a while, but they did accept it
while the virtual life friends still didn't.

so i decide today
for the real life

what doesn't mean that there won't be any virtual life anymore
but please don't wait for me in skype every evening

because i don't have the feeling to belong to you anymore.
everything on me, even or especially my problems,
seem strange to you and i am an alien.

it isn't your fault because i
feel that i can't be myself anymore
without being alienated.

it's not you, it is me
who changed.

but please let me go.
i don't dare leaving without your blessing.
and i won't be out of your world.

thank you undescribably much,
i love you.
still. and forever.

Lucky

hey mister.

=Scuria — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 11:26:29 PDT

- - s h a t t e r e d - -

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
^{x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x}

hey mister ~~twisty~~ pissy you're hurting the missy

s t i l l a l i v e
somehow

.
.
.

^{^{^click}}

dear diary.

=Scuria — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 05:18:53 PDT

'dear diary.'
that's what my blog is named like. i created it because i don't want to bother deviantART with my problems. it's a site for art, not for life stories.

BUT (harhar) i can tell you about my blog on here.
go have a look at it: [link]
i'd appreciate comments if you want to. (:

well.. so from now on you can read about my life on my blog.
it's supposed to be as anonymely as possible because if my "real-life-buddies" would read it that would mean big problems. but here on dA i even have photos of myself and none of my real-life-friends has ever found me. so i am confidently looking forward to writing entries. it helps me very much to get my feelings out somewhere.

that's it. i won't tell you the news, you can read it on my blog.
thank you for your support!

Lucky

portfolio.

=Scuria — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 11:12:04 PDT

dA has a cool new feature - portfolios! read here: [link]
i've just created my first one, it was lots of fun, and here it is: [link]
go visit it! it's cool! cool cool cool!

i didn't find anything to criticize on this feature so far.
it's like a blog for pictures, simple to use.
you don't need any coding or graphic skills - it's awesome!
believe me or not, but go test it!

and visit mine: [link]
thank you! kisses! (:

kidney vetch.

=Scuria — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 07:55:21 PDT

kidney vetch (/'kÉªdnÉª vÄch/).
Â· also known as anthyllis vulneraria or woundwort ;
Â· vulneraria means 'wound healer' ;
Â· foodplant of the small blue butterfly larvae

^_// autumn's epilogue .
i was kind of hoping my next journal would bring good news. i want to tell you unimportant nonsense just to show you i'm still here. but sadly (for me) the following words aren't nonsense. i have to get them out somewhere and my last try for a blog failed badly. i can't express myself in german anymore. it just sounds like dull. well, and it hurts when you notice that you aren't able to express yourself in your native speech. my words were my words, they were my friends - but i lost them somehow and it seems i won't find them anymore. sorry for bothering you like this. don't read ahead if you don't really want to.

_{_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _}

listen to [link] to imagine how i feel.
the first minute isn't metal, i promise. but it will tell enough. if you like metal, listen ahead.
i'm desperate, or better disturbed.
_{_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _}

^_// winter's prologue .

what can hurt more than hate? it's love.
i was hoping to be ok again, now that i got over the boy i was madly obsessed with. for some weeks i had peace & quiet what was really good - but then the next boy appeared. he has actually been there before, but he hadn't given me any signs of love until a few weeks ago. he's been my best buddy for about five months and whenever the others failed to cheer me up he did it somehow.

his way of making me smile is totally different, but it always works.
once he asked me if the other boy (i badly adored) had thanked me for this. i didn't answer but he exactly knew the boy hadn't. this question made me think about my adoration the first time and furthermore i was so touched that i nearly cried.

he is made of mere go(o)dness.
my friends were lovely as they tolerated my obsession with the other boy, but he didn't and for this reason he was (is) wonderful. without him i would still squeak whenever watching a picture of my ex-crush. gosh, it became ridiculous but when the others started to laugh he stayed seriously. he finally made me realize the boy wasn't worth it.

i think he is in love with me -
if he hadn't got a girlfriend it would be so evidently. he's always in fight with her and though he seems to be a hard metalhead he's totally sensitive. sadly he never talks about his feelings - not even to me. at the moment he's in a bad mood whenever he's in contact with his girlfriend. it has to be a terrible pain for him but every try to help him failed so far. it hurts me too, it hurts me badly.

he means so much to me.
he's been flirting with me for a few weeks, even in the presence of his girlfriend. she isn't stupid and immensely jealous. i like her, but when she starts shouting at him i have the desperate need to hit her fair in her face. i really like her. she's such a nice girl. but as a girlfriend she isn't fitting for him. i've been knowing him for only seven months while she's been knowing him for almost two years, but she doesn't understand his inner feelings. honestly, she's far too rude. and he's getting hurt by her more and more.

it's hard to stand this.
he helped me so much and i can do nothing but wait. they don't manage to finish this, they just fight more and more. he keeps giving her chances and she's waisting them, one by one. they're destroying themselves and eachother, and their friendship - or what's left of it. luckily he doesn't see how much i am involved, because otherwise he'd feel even more guilty. but it hurts. and i wish i could do anything. it's not just watching him collapsing -

i have to hurt him too.
i can't respond to his sweet bitchiness which i love or his compliments hidden between common words because i mustn't show him a bit of love. i don't want him to hurt his girlfriend because of me. he'd blame himself forever. but rejecting him hits him badly, and me too. i don't want to! it's not my feelings! but showing him what i really feel is worse.

i'm bursting
because i have to hide it.

but i love him.
that i'm sure.

_{_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _}

^_// winter's epilogue, endzeit .

what can hurt more t...

girl confessions.

=Scuria — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 09:20:23 PDT

Stolen from *Dreamyluff because she faved a piece of my art and by visiting her profile I saw this in her journal. [Thanks for faving if you read this!] (:

1. Do you sleep in your bra?
Â· Nope.

2. Do you enjoy drama?
Â· Well, rarely in real life but in roleplays or PCgames on TV or in books: Yes.

3. Are you a girly girl?
Â· I wouldn't say this. I look like one and I behave like one, but I'm not as shallow-brained as they are. I just love pink and I want to be cute. <3

4. Who was the last person you hugged?
Â· A friend of mine. (:

5. Small or large purses?
Â· I rather take large ones with me but I prefer the small ones.

6. Are you short?
Â· Some say I am. I have really tall friends. My height is 1,65m - but I think there are shorter ones.

7. Do you like somebody?
Â· Too many but there are only some I really like.

8. What would you do if someone smacked your butt?
Â· Well, if someone smacked my butt I would smile and find it sexy but if anyone smacked my butt I'd probably slap him/her. (Rather him?)

9. Do you care if your socks are dirty?
Â· No. But I like wearing clean socks.

10. Do you dress up on Halloween?
Â· Not always, but I love to!

11. Are you double jointed?
Â· Definitely not. D:

12. Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
Â· Haha, in a ditch on the roadside.

13. Has anyone touched/smacked your butt in the past 24 hours?
Â· No.

14. Is there of rumor going around about you?
Â· Too many!

15. Do you call anybody by their last name?
Â· Yes, classmates of mine. I don't know why but everyone does that.

16. How many guys will read this just because it says "Girl Confessions"?
Â· I'd love to know! x)

pansy plant.

=Scuria — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 13:01:46 PDT

viola (/vaÉªËoÊlÉ/) tricolor : pansy.
Â· also known as viola tricolor / heartsease ;
Â· the name pansy is derived from the French word pensÃ©e meaning thought, and was so named because in August it nods forward as if deep in thought ;
Â· Ophelia's often quoted line in Shakespeare's Hamlet: "There's pansies, that's for thoughts"

^_/// WOAH! .
i'm not pregnant! <3
today we were at a tailor for i needed a formal dress. i'm taking 'traditional dancing' lessons (learning waltz, fox-trot, discofox, ..) and there will be a prom in july.
my dress is blue, or even a bit torquise, with a black ribbon around the waist. it's so pretty! well, my bust is much too big for the dress so the dress will be tailored especially for me! awesomeness! ^.^
i'll take some photos. it'll be finished in about four weeks. (:

guys, i feel so happy. simply happy!
life is wonderful somehow.

and i'm lucky.
So Lucky.

lily of the valley.

=Scuria — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 03:28:36 PDT

convallaria majalis (/ËkÉnvÉËleÉªriÉ mÉËdÊeÉªlÉ¨s/).
Â· commonly known as the lily of the valley ;
Â· is also called Our Lady's tears since, according to Christian legend, the lily of the valley came into being from Eve's tears after she was driven with Adam from the Garden of Eden

^_/// HEY GUYS .
the reason for this journal is just to tell you how things are going.
the first week of spring break is over and in about 2 months i'll find myself having summer holidays and (hopefully) having sucessfully finished the 10th grade. time is running away so fast! i feel i can't follow.. and i don't want to follow, but i have to, because otherwise i'll be stuck in this teenage waste! *le sigh* horrible!

well, my spring break has been nice so far. i was a bit drunken one time and ~AsinaMortis visited me here in munich. ^-^ plus i made some party with a few friends. the second week will be much more exciting as everyone comes back from vacation by now. : D
furthermore i had some fun with a guy i really like. well, we had some fun together. i'm not such a maneater! and i know this guy for a while so it's not such a quickie. [i don't want to make you think i'm a bitch. :0] both of us don't want to start a relationship - it's just for fun. but we like eachother, we are both singles and we wanted someone to kiss. so it's ok. sadly he went on an internship for three weeks today.. no fun for Lucky. i'll miss him somehow. not just the fun - i'll miss him! really! he's funny and yeah: i like him. (: [but i'm not in love! don't you dare to think that! xP]

~Nenshali goes on vacation in july for five weeks. when she comes back i'll be on vacation for two weeks. so we won't talk for about seven fckd weeks! D: i'm so sad. and i want to cuddle her! i'm soo sad. BUT she visits ~Lissyfee in her 5th vacation week. i live near ~Lissyfee's and can MAYBE visit both of them. <3 and MAYBEMAYBE ~nintenhorse comes to munich to visit them too. aww, imagine us four freaking around together! wouldn't that be fckn' awesome?! YESHH!! :0

last thing: i finished City of Ashes by Cassandra Clare. it took me so long because i was really afraid to read forward! i was afraid my favourite characters would die and everything would get worse. it did get worse - and it will get worst i suppose. the third book isn't yet released in German and i'm bursting with excitement [though it feels a bit negative..]. but i don't want to read it in English because i bought the other two books in German and blahblah. Oh, Jace! <3 Simon, Maia, Luke! <3 they're all so freakin' awesome!! and Cassandra Clare is a really good author. she writes like awesome! and the story is amazing at all. i'd recommed this books to you. honestly. imho! (:

^_/// TO SUM IT UP .
i'm restless. i need normality. reality. the last weeks had been so exciting and new to me - but i miss the good old days [when i was sweet and innocent.. haha ;D]. really, what has happened to me? i was floating deep in a dream. and now i wake up finding myself with a thousand new friends and a thousand new experiences and a thousand colorful chances. awesomeness! but i fear. i think it's okay to be scared - or sceptic at least. and i feel a bit lost and lonely.
i'm restless. but i think i'll do it. plus i have some lovely mind blowing friends who support me. thank you. <3 i'm optimistic.

loveable you!

=Scuria — Mon, 18 May 2009 11:38:16 PDT

-
header and footer by *Todesfuchs

-

i'll use this code to tell you how adorable she is.
i've rarely met a girl with this ambitions. she's writing a book called Elfennacht (Elvennight), you know. and she yet has over 200 pages! if she'll once finish it (and i'm sure she will) then i'll buy it. i'll read it and i'll be her fan and i'll recommend it to all my friends and to my class and my teachers and to the friends of my friends and i'll buy twenty exemplars of Elfennacht and i'll donate them to others and ..

-

i'll support you as much as i can.
it's only fwoa you huunnn!
you're such a wonderful soul!
i'm so proud to know you. (:

-

bolditaliclinkunderlined

-

^{Why can't we all,
All just be honest,
Admit to ourselves,
That everyone's on it.

From grown politicians,
To young adolescents,
Prescribing themselves,
Anti-depressants.

How can we start to tackle the problem,
If you don't put your hands up,
And admit that you're on them.

The kids are in danger,
They're all getting habits,
Because from what I can see,
Everyone's at it.

So your daughter's depressed,
We'll get her straight on the prozac.
But little do you know,
She already takes crack.

Everyone's at it.}
-

it's been a while.

=Scuria — Sat, 09 May 2009 04:40:50 PDT

it's been a while..
since i've created my last journal!

haha.

there's really nothing new to know right now..
schools alright, i am alright -

and i am going to steal this tag from ~minuxl now!

HAVE YOU EVER

[ ] smoked.
[x] consumed alcohol.
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex.
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex.
[x] kissed someone of the same sex.
[x] had sex.
[x] had someone in your room other than family.
[x] watched porn.
[ ] bought porn.
[ ] tried drugs.

TOTAL: 7

[x] taken painkillers.
[ ] taken someone else's prescription medicine.
[x] lied to your parents.
[x] lied to a friend.
[ ] snuck out of the house.
[x] done something illegal.
[x] felt hurt.
[x] hurt someone.
[ ] wished someone to die.
[ ] seen someone die.

TOTAL: 13

[x] missed curfew.
[x] stayed out all night.
[x] eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself.
[x] been to a therapist.
[x] received a ticket.
[ ] been to rehab.
[ ] dyed your hair.
[ ] been in an accident.
[x] been to a club.
[x] been to a bar.

TOTAL: 20

[x] been to a wild party.
[x] been to a Mardi Gras parade.
[x] drank more than three alcoholic beverages in a night.
[ ] had a spring break in Florida.
[ ] sniffed anything.
[ ] wore black nail polish.
[x] wore arm bands.
[ ] wore t-shirts with band names.
[ ] listened to rap.
[ ] owned a 50 Cent CD.

TOTAL: 24

[ ] dressed gothic.
[x] dressed girly.
[ ] dressed punk.
[ ] dressed grunge.
[x] stole something.
[ ] been too drunk to remember anything.
[ ] blacked out.
[ ] fainted.
[ ] had a crush on a neighbor.

TOTAL: 26

[x] had a crush on a friend.
[x] been to a concert.
[x] dry-humped someone.
[x] been called a slut.
[x] called someone a slut.
[ ] installed speakers in your car.
[ ] broken a mirror.
[x] showered at someone of the opposites sex's house.
[ ] brushed your teeth with someone else's toothbrush.

TOTAL: 32

[ ] considered Ludacris your favorite rapper.
[ ] seen an R-rated movie in theater.
[ ] cruised the mall.
[ ] skipped school.
[ ] had surgery.
[x] had an injury.
[ ] gone to court.
[ ] walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping.
[x] caught something on fire.
[ ] lied about your age.

TOTAL: 34

[ ] owned/rented an apartment/house.
[ ] broke the law in the police's presence.
[x] made out with someone who had a gf/bf.
[ ] got in trouble with the police.
[x] talked to a stranger.
[x] hugged a stranger.
[x] kissed a stranger.
[ ] rode in the car with a stranger.
[ ] been harassed.
[ ] been verbally harassed.

TOTAL: 38

[x] met face-to-face with someone you met online.
[x] stayed online for 5+ hours straight.
[x] talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight.
[x] watched TV for 5 hours straight.
[x] been to a fair.
[ ] been called a bad influence.
[ ] drank and drove.
[x] prank-called someone.
[x] laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex.
[x] cheated on a test.

TOTAL: 46

If You Have Less Than 10.. [I'm a Goody Goody]
If You Have More Than 10.. [I'm still a goody goody]
If You Have more Than 20.. [I'm average]
If You Have More Than 30.. [I'm a bad kid]

If You have more than 40.. [I'm a very bad influence]
If You Have more than 50.. [I'm a horrible person]

If You Have more than 60.. [I should be in jail]
If You Have more than 70.. [I should be dead]

Uhh jah! Very very evil lucky little gurrly!
FEAR! FEEAARR!! MWAHAHAHA!! mwahaha. x)

IMPORTANT!

=Scuria — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 08:06:48 PDT

Go fave this! [link] GO!
I plead for your fave - we need it!

Trizi (~Todesfuchs) is the lovliest, cutest, most motivated girl I've ever known!
It's amazing! She writes a book with yet 174 pages, she tries to get better from day to day to day and she really really deserves your support! The chance for a 14 year old girl to get popular with a book is like zero, but she keeps her head up and believes in herself! She's the toughest little girl I've ever seen and though it seems useless to support her -

we can keep trying. She's worth it and you make her stronger with every fave, every comment, every feature or every whatever you dedicate to her.

So.. Go give her a yes, go give her motivation, go give her your support -
GO FAVE THIS WONDERFUL PIECE OF GLORY!
[link]

[ Trizi, you're wondawfwul! <3 Keep it up! ]

^{plus. UNIMPORTANT FWEND TAG
Stolen from =Sometimes-normal

LIST ANY 10 FRIENDS AND ANSWER THE QUESTIONS
1. ~nintenhorse
2. ~Todesfuchs
3. *Marristia
4. =Sometimes-normal
5. ~Lissyfee
6. ~LupasSoul
7. ~AsinaMortis
8. ~minuxl
9. ~Catulus
10. ~Meridies

How did you meet number 4?
Here on dA (:

Do you love anyone on here?
I love all of them <3 [some in a very uncommon way]

What would you do if you hadn't met number 1?
I'd do nothing anymore. Be dead or something. X3

What would you do if 1 and 2 were going out?
I'd go with them : D

Where did you meet number 8?
Lawl, on neopets.com

What do you think of number 7?
OLIVES!!

What would you do if 3 confessed they love you?
I'd feel honoured and tell her that I love her too - but not in a sexual way.

Where does 5 live?
Germany ^-^

Is number 2 your friend?
NO! NEVER! I totally hate her! That's why I made this Journal for her and that's why I post hearts for her and that's why I'm going to visit her "one day". ;D

Whose 9's best friend?
Jonas. Though I don't know him.

Have you ever eaten around 10?
HOLY SHIT! D: I'd be afraid to eat around 10! [We had that topic in Skype already. xD]

Do you miss number 1?
Yes, desperately. But we're in contact all time. [Skype, dA ..] We don't meet TOO rarely - actually it's fine with me. [And with her too I think <3]

Who's number 1 dating?
Max! [mwahaha]

What do you think about number 4?
She's Oblivion obsessed, very talented in drawing, and just absolutely cute. <3

What would you do if 5 and 9 were going out?
That would be cool. I'd ask them if I can go with them. xD

Who does 6 like?
ME xP [lots too much to list here]

What is 10 to you?
Obsessed with power [but actually she amuses me with that]

Do you have any special thing you do with 1?
Tons of things! Like.. taking 'normal' photos or buying gummy bears or playing Oblivion together or skyping or hanging around at our favourite cafÃ© in Munich or.. laughing. (:

Have you ever been in 9's house?
Nope, but I've met her.

Would you marry 1?
Yes. Definitely. [But I want 1 to marry Max. He'd have to pour juce from tetra packs into champagne glasses. Me wants to see that. x)]

9 baked 1 a cake. Is it tasty?
Definitely! Yes! ^.^

Do you love 3?
Yes, but not in a sexual way [mentioned that before xD].

Ever slept in the same room as any of the numbers?
7 (:

7 becomes ruler of earth. How did that happen?
She played a trick on the humanity. [She's this clever, I swear you!]

Do you trust 4?
I should think so. <3

1 and 2 team up to take down 7 from ruling earth. Do they succeed?
Nope.

1, 2, 3, and 4 go to a theme park. What ride do th...}

five minutes.

=Scuria — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 03:48:40 PDT

Because I have five minutes left before I got to go!
Kay guys.. I'm leaving for my friends to visit because we're going to watch DVD all night. Well, there always has to be someone who buys the sweets and the stuff and prepares everyhing - and yayes! Guess what, it's me and two other girls! So I got to go soon. (But I love preparing so yaaay! <3)

On Saturday Capra will come for a visit and I am soo looking forward to it though I'll be dead afterwards. I'll get no sleep this night and then I have to get up at 8am because we'll meet this early. I don't care, because we have more time then (<3) but I'll be dead afterwards. Well - dead and lucky. ;D

My camera is sold out and it'll be ready for delivery on next Monday. [Argh! *mewantsthecam* Dx] But well..

Oh and.. maybe because Lupa will read this..
I have to write a short text in German.

Huhu Lupsi, falls du das liest..
Wir vermissen dich alle sehr. Es ist schade, dass du nicht mehr on kommst, aber wir hoffen, dass du dadurch mehr RL und bessere Noten hast. Wir machens dir auch gar nicht zum Vorwurf, dass du nicht mehr kommst - das ist bloÃ, um dir zu sagen, dass wir dich lieb haben & hoffen, dass es dir gut geht.

Die Skype-Crew

WOW! And now there are seven minutes gone!
I gotta go guys!

Love you!

we never say goodbye.

=Scuria — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 16:18:53 PDT

IT'S TECHNO! [link] Na na na na! BAM BAM!
Techno is filling my heart right now and it feels like bursting!
Press play and I swear you you'll DANCE! DANCE all your probs away! :'D
In the middle of the night.. X3

Gosh, I'm like dead or so. It's 1am in the morning and I'm tired. And my head aches.
But I feel fine because I chatted with this guy I'm in love with. He's so cool. Harhar! We listened to Technobase FM the last two hours and it was so cool. It's mad! He's so funny! xD Listening to techno with him is like being freaks and tards and cools and alloverthaplace! And then we imagine eachother freakin around to the beats in our rooms.

On Friday we're gonna watch DVD's with some friends. Maybe we'll freak around together then.. Would be cool.

holy days.

=Scuria — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 10:10:50 PDT

OH NOES.
Guys, I am so sorry for the last Journal entry! My fingers pressed the ENTER-button somehow. Throw rocks on these fingers!
So, I promised you a Journal with the latest news and here it is! Well, I had to add an Oblivion related part, because there's a new Luna (again) and there were so many important I had to tell you!
Aww, how I love writing Journals! (:

LATEST.
My holidays started on Monday, but now even Capras have started! That means skype-ing and laughing and Oblivion-playing all day! Two weeks of freedo0m and insanity! I am so glad guys. And at the end of the holidays we'll meet! WOHA, that's fantastic! I love the world! <3
Well, I called at the doctors' on Monday and Tuesday, but guess what? Noone was there. I feel much better, actually I'm not ill anymore - so I don't think I have the kissing disease. I think the doctor took some days off, lol.
On Monday I bought my camera and I am now waiting for it to be delivered. Aww! (: I'm also waiting for a new pullover, here it is: [link] The logo is here: [link]
When I saw it I immediately had to think of myself so I decided to ask my mom for it. She said she'd buy it for easter. Yayes!
Well, I think that's it for the moment. Now let's come to the Oblivion related part of this Journal!

OBLIVION RELATED.
I created Luna the fourth time (I think, lol), but now I am really satisfied with her. I transferred some saves onto my USB-stick what means that I can't loose her anymore, even if my PC crashes Oblivion again. (Harhar!) I uploaded two screens of her and there are more to come! ^.^ Furthermore I started the MQ on the Shivering Isles and I love it already! Sheo is a genious (well, I knew that before) and Haskill is the cutest buttler I've ever seen! <3
Instead of doing the MQ in Cyrodiil I am on the SI with Luna all the time. She's more like Mania, but I adore both so much! I don't like the Golden Saints aka 'Aureals' as they're nasty egoists. The Dark Seducers are huns! Huuunns! <3
Well, Oblivion had never been this GORGEOUS before!

BYE FOR NOW.
Thanks for the support. I love you (like always).

the dragon waits.

=Scuria — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 15:15:18 PDT

TO ALL OF YOU.
This Journal is Oblivion related. You don't have to read it.
I think it's nothing special for people who don't play Oblivion.
I'll create another Journal (for the latest non-Oblivion news) tomorrow.

THE DRAGON WAITS. (mq spoiler)
Do you remember this? Martin says it some moments before his ascension.
Yes, I finally finished the main quest. It was so touching in the end. For months I wanted to complete it finally, but when the last sequence appeared, I wished it to last forever. It's so sad. I already miss Martin, though he's just gone for a few days. I know, he's still there (living further in Akatoshs big dragon statue and our hearts), but I do miss him so much.
Remember his speech in front of the gate near Bruma? Lol, I cried. Elina was standing next to Burd, bursting with pride, adrenaline and pure fear. And so was I. I didn't cheat in the big gate and I didn't cheat in the battle, but Baurus and Burd survived though! (Okay, I scriptet around a bit.. *cough*) Well, as I knew both of them were save I could concentrate on closing the gate. I hate this gates with bridges and caves and argh! D:
But I did it. And somehow it feels good. But I am so sad guys, I swear you. We've lost some of our closest friends. Martin. I miss him so much. But I don't want to install a mod to bring him back. That would be cheated somehow. Not the original mainquest anymore - I wouldn't appreciate that. But I miss him so much.
Me and Elina feel like.. useless. We don't know what to do as we can't fight for the dragon anymore. Right now we're in completing the fighters guild and we finished the Arena a few days ago. (Lol, whut that fock? The grey prince is a pussy!) Well, we're on the way to Anvil because of a fighters guild quest and because of KotN. I'm so looking forward to KotN! Never played it. Maybe it's a chance for us to fight for the dragon (or for Cyrodiil at least) again! I really hope so.
I also installed Kvatch Rebuild. It's a mod that rebuilds Kvatch stone for stone, adds new quests and some NPC's. Some of my fwendsbuddieshuns said it isn't good but as Kvatch is Elinas hometown and as we can't stand to see it burned down we installed the mod. Maybe it will make things a little better - I hope so.
AH! What to do with the big machine near Bruma? It'll be there forever! I don't know if I should leave it there. AND! Should I remove Martins desk in cloudruler? It can't be there forever, can it? What do you think? Aren't the closed gates everywhere ugly? I don't like them in fact. And there still are some Daedra! O.O YesH! There are some around the closed gates. *can not stand that*
I have to admit that I don't like it how the mq ends. It's sad, depressing and somehow not finished. *sigh* I'm sad right now. It'll take us (Elina + me) a while to get over Martin and all the friends we've lost. It'll take us a while to get over 'the big end'.
Everything started in a prison, a place we never wanted to come back to.
But now we honestly miss these days.

Martin.

kissing disease.

=Scuria — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 09:20:58 PDT

I am dead!

It's like 39.6Â° temperature, everything hurts!
Vegetating in my bed, I feel like clinically dead!
Thanks to the pain killers, without them I'd be probably dead.
Dead, dead, dead.

Maybe I have the 'kissing disease'. Lulz.
Like Pfeiffersches DrÃ¼senfieber in German.

Haha. I am dead.

winters kept you.

=Scuria — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 14:38:05 PDT

HAII GUYS! (:
It's time to get a couple of things cleared..

One. I didn't want anyone to take my last Journal entry THIS seriously!
Nahnaah. I had enough controll while being drunken. Furthermore I have some gorgeous friends I can rely on and they brought me home savely. (Btw they are huns. <3) I didn't have a hangover the next morning and I remember most of the evening. Seriously, I don't want to drink myself into a coma! I just wanted the experience of being hard drunken. Now I know myself it's nothing special. Funny in fact, but not as special as everyone says. I feel fine with myself right now - I don't regret anything. That's it. =3

Two. Latest stuff guys!! My old cam is finally broken so I decided to buy myself a new one. Here it is: [link] <- amazon.de | Don't worry!
I don't know.. Isn't it cute? It's pink and I want to eat it. <3 What do you think? I know my old cam was sort of BIG with much more features, but it was TOO big to take it anywhere. A tiny (cute <3) one would be much better for an amateur photographer like me. I mean, I don't take lots of special photos, do I. So wouldn't a small (cute <3) one be much better?

Three. Well, there (still) is the thing with this sort of guy.. He's not worth it. Everyone says that and at least I believe it too. You know, he dumped one of his girlfriends on their anniversary (I mean it!) and then he told her something like: 'We aren't in love anymore but we can still fuck.' Another of his girlfriends he fucked after a few days. I don't need this kind of stuff right now, though the thing with the 'no love but sex' is cool. XD But I don't need this stuff right now. It's finally time for love. Sadly it's difficult to forget this guy because he's still awesome. I told him that I loved him but that this is now over and that I feel happy for him and his girlfriend. Actually I feel sort of sorry for his girlfriend because she is described as nice, cute, bright.. Well, she even looks like this! Just cute & sexy & beautiful & bright &&. He's been acting strange since I told him that I loved him. And damnit! It fuckin hurts that he acts like this! Below there is no icon for my mood so I'll pick tired. I am tired of this shit. I am tattered. I really need someone to fix me again..

Four. What do you think of my new CSS? Like it like it? Me likes it! (: I'm very satisfied because actually I am in a creative hole these times! x_x
I started playing Oblivion again. <3
Journal title is random. Offspring lyrics (song: Kristy, are you doing ok) actually. Offspring is gorgeous! I picked the title because I feel like the winter kept me. I want spring to come now! I want to live! I want to feel LUCKY again! ^.^

Five.

Awesomeness

You guys are great! Thanks for reading & for your support!
I know I've said that a hundret times before but seriously..

Lucky

this shit is fucked.

=Scuria — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 15:21:48 PDT

Yesterday I was as drunken as I had never been in my life.
I wanted to try being really drunken and it was quite funny.
But I'll never do it again out of pure boredoom. It's not worth it.
Afterwards I saw videos and felt uncomfortable with it.
Though it was funny! Really! xD
Edit One: I am not one of these ALK ALK bitches.
I just wanted to try it and it was fine with me.
Being hard drunken one time doesn't mean getting drunk every weekend.
And I don't fuck any guys I don't know. That's it.
Sorry guys, but a few moments ago I got a note that really pissed me off.

Bleh. To be honest I just wanted to try out this CSS.
I like it. Will add some scrollboxes & stuff tomorrow.
Edit Two: Thanks 1280x1024px for that the header and the footer are too small.
I'll change that tomorrow. Promised. (:
Because now I have to sleep. It's 1am and I must go to school tomorrow. *dead*

School sucks. Life sucks.
AND BTW!! I still have to tell you something!
But it's too long for doing it right now.
I'll do it tomorrow.

I miss Capra. She wasn't on the whole day.
And just so: *Marristia plus ~FrescaFrostbringer is AWESOME.
Because they seem to be very lovely fwends together! : D
Like Capra & me. & Asina I guess.

Love you!
You'll hear from me~

Lucky

Trist

=Scuria — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 09:10:48 PDT

This is my Journal CSS for *Marristia.
I`m really sorry it took me so long!

^{Btw.: I`ll soon create another CSS for myself. *chrhr*
And then I`ll inform you about some very interesting things from my life.
And then you have to read them. They are about love! Â°.Â°}

Credits:
The Header is totally created by the awesome *Marristia herself! (:
I took pieces from the header for the footer.
CSS is by me.
Font: Verdana, 11px
bold italic underlined link

Tristess:

Wenn ich noch irgendwas Ã¤ndern soll, sags mir einfach! ^.^
Ich versuch es umzusetzen, und sobald das Journal ganz deinen WÃ¼nschen entspricht, schick ich dir dann den Code.
Ach ja: Du musst mich nicht verlinken. Bitte verlink mich nicht! xD

Wenn du noch irgendwelche anderen WÃ¼nsche hast, wie zB extra Abschnitte fÃ¼r Gallery etc, dann kann ich das auch noch irgendwie einbauen.. Auch wenn ich`s noch nie wirklich versucht hab. O_o Aber einmal ist immer das erste Mal! ^-^

Das Journal passt sich Ã¼brigens immer genau den LÃ¼cken an, in die es kommt. Also, zB auf deinem Profil ist es ganz klein, wÃ¤hrend es im 'Journal-Bereich' grÃ¶Ãer ist. Wenn du allerdings willst, dass es immer eine einheitlich feste GrÃ¶Ãe hat, sags einfach. =3

Ansonsten.. *nom*
Danke fÃ¼r die vielen Bilder, die du mir schon gemalt hast!
Und danke fÃ¼r die All Creatures Great and Small - Fanart! <3
Und danke, dass du Ã¼berhaupt malst. Deine Bilder sind soo schÃ¶n!

Merci, dass es dich gibt.
*lieb hab*

Annotation!

=Scuria — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 14:24:13 PDT

^{Hey there.. (:

I`m doing well, please don`t worry.
I created the last Journal out of despair -
without thinking about the consequences.

I hope you didn`t worry too much.
I didn`t want to cause trouble.

Recently it seems that all my friends are in trouble.
Today a friend of mine told me that a classmate has a heavy pneumonia (her left lung is affected). She is in the hospital right now, but she`s infective.
Because of the heavy cough and the pain she got placed into an artificial coma. I`m afraid some other classmates are infected too.
Wow, I`m so worried.

Life is full of bad luck recently..
22:22 pm. Haha.

Btw: The Journal-CSS sucked. I`ll create a new one soon.

Thanks to you all!
Lucky}

Ok guys..

=Scuria — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 14:42:49 PDT

^{Things are crashing.
There`s poetry in despair.}

As we explode

=Scuria — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 14:01:32 PDT

Dear fate -

iÂ´m wondering how you do it to appear
as luck and as doom at the same time.
shell i thank you for your irony or
shell i be shocked?

(i donÂ´t know.
i just know i am sad.)

we didnÂ´t even know the people we lost
and nevertheless -
we lost them.

maybe some of them had
beautiful eyes or
beautiful skin and
they were all just beautiful in their own way.

but iÂ´m sure they all had
beautiful dreams.

Dear fate -

we didnÂ´t know them strangers.
we wonÂ´t even notice theyÂ´re gone.
and so weÂ´ll laugh again

and mourn.

- - - -

rampage in stuttgart, germany.
please inform yourself if you want to know more.

i am so sad
but itÂ´s not justified to cry for sympathy
because these time there are people
who need it more than me.

today i mourn for all the people involved of course.
i mourn for them who have died and mind you:
fifteen people were killed - but sixteen are gone now.

itÂ´s not always only the doers fault.

Deepest sympathy.

Tag on a Sunday..

=Scuria — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 11:32:11 PDT

Because it's another boring Sunday.
Too much work but too lazy.

R U L E S

Go here and type in your answers to the following questions.
Post the first definition it gives you.

Your name?
Fiona

a common girls name, it is of Irish and Gaelic origin, and its meaning is "fair, pale, white, beautiful". It's Latin origin means "wine"
"we are going to name our baby fiona"
"fiona! behave yourself!"

I like this definition somehow. It suits me.
Your age?
16

Legal age for fucking in the UK.
1. Woohoo! I'm 16! Now I can go and get my brains fucked even more by some guy.
2. Shit, now I can't fuck guys over threatening statutory rape after they fuck my brains out.
3. Woohoo! My girlfriend turned 16 today. Now I can fuck her brains out in front of the cop shop! and give them the finger at the same time! ...Next day: *knock at door* "I'm afraid we're going to have to take you to the station for indecent public behaviour, and for having sex with a minor - she turned 15 yesterday, not 16" ... "Shit, the fucking bitch slut!"

Wait.. Nevermind.
One of your friends?
Charlie

the beloved unicorn who goes to candy mountain and gets his kidney stolen.
"Charlie...Charlie...Charlie..."
"What?! I'm right here!"
"We're on a bridge Charlie!"

CANDYMOUNTAIN CHARLIE!!
Oh, Asina, I'm so sorry. xD
What should you be doing?
Studying

To go over to the opposite sex's house not to study, but to "study." "Studying" usually involves fooling around without any pants on.
"I'm going over to Amanda's house to 'study'"

And as a sudden I get a very strange kind of wish: studying.
HARD studying! x'D
Favourite Color?
Pink

slang reference to the vagina
im gonna get me some pink

WHAT THA FUCK??!
Birthplace?
Germany

Great cars, great beer, great guns (Heckler und Koch ring a bell?) Great ally of the United States. Defeated in two world wars, but due to a few mistakes. Was divided in half, with Berlin (which was in East Germany) also divided in half. Used to be Nazi Germany, before that the Weimar Republic, before that the German Empire, before that the Holy Roman Empire, before that the German Confederation... etc.
Germany kicks ass with its badass guns.

Shame on Germany.. O_o
Month of your birth?
January

Everyones favorite month!!
playing in the snow
snuggling by the fire,
and having excuse for ur penis looking so small.
January: Cold weather shrinks ur junk.

I just don't have a Penis. -^.^-
Last person you talked to?
Capra

Italian definition of dumb,moron,ignorant or a very smelly person.
(Goat in english)
1)Ita-Puzzi come una capra!
Eng-You stink so bad,how long since your last shower?yuck!
2)Read a newspaper for once, Capra!

Woha! I'm so sorry!
One of your nicknames?
Lucky

the first cigarette you take out of a new box. this "lucky" cigarette is then turned upside-down and placed back in the box and saved to be the last cigarette in the box smoked.
"can i bum a cig?"
"um...well, all i have left is my lucky"
"oh okay, that's cool dude. i'll ask someone else."

Aww, that's cute man!

Help a Deviant in need!

=holyfox6894 is in a tight situation. She is expecting a baby, and her family has opted not to support her even though she is very much in need. The only thing her father said he would help her out with is an abortion-- and she does not want that!
Please check out the commissions she has open, and give her your support. In life, shit happens- and we all need some help getting through sometimes. She has a tough road ahead, and we can help her out by spreading some love and comfort.
Remember, if you cannot donate or comission her, you can always spread the word!

This text above is from...

Little Lucky, Big Berlin

=Scuria — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 15:09:26 PST

Hey you guys!
I'm back from Berlin you see. It was a great week. (:

The trip helped me a lot with the God stuff. My friends kept telling me that we're to similar to have a relationship and that we are more like soulmates. Maybe they are right, but I just couldn't.. not love him. That's impossible!
However..

He isn't online right now because he does dancing. Kind of latin dancing, like standart dancing, like rumba and samba and waltz and this stuff. I am also doing dancing lessons very soon. Looking forward to it! ^-^
Anyways..

In Berlin I saw *Marristia all the time! She lives there and well, I imagined meeting her. Actually the girls I saw weren't her (I think O.o) but I thought they were her and.. It was weird!

My friends took photos, coming soon. Berlin is kinda ugly, but it's totally fascinating! Little Lucky in Big Berlin -- it was like WOHA!
The graffity and the trash and the bad air and the THIS IS A CITY feeling were kinda awesome! <3 Everything was so big and evil and cold and smelly and junked and.. it totally amazed me. It wasn't like in Munich where life is peaceful and sweet - it was like LIFE! Like street, like ghetto, like sex and drugs, like Berlin. I love it. I miss it. I want it!
I think.

Lots of love and hugs!

~Lucky

Girly-Tag

I am 37% girly (and proud of it)!!
Stolen from ~nintenhorse

[x] my fingernails/toenails are almost always painted (toenails)
[ ] during the summer the only shoes I wear are flip flops
[ ] my favorite toys as a child were Barbies
[x] my favorite colour is pink or purple (PINK! <3)
[ ] I did gymnastics
[ ] I love skirts
[ ] Hollister is one of my favorite places to shop
[x] tight jeans are the only jeans IÂll wear
[x] I love chocolate
[x] I've never had a real job

TOTAL: 5

[ ] my hair is almost always straightened
[x] I have at least 8 myspace pictures
[ ] I usually go shopping once a week
[x] I love to hang out at the mall with friends
[x] I have a real diamond ring or diamond necklace or earrings (present from aunt, never wear it actually xD)
[ ] I've gone to a tanning salon
[ ] I've gone to the beach to tan - not to swim
[ ] I have at least 10 pairs of shoes
[ ] I watch either the OC or Laguna Beach
[x] I change my icon weekly
[ ] I wear a shower cap

TOTAL: 4

[x] I don't shop at Hot Topic (hot topic?)
[ ] my cell phone might as well become a part of me
[x] I wear mascara everyday
[x] I've been on or am on a diet
[ ] bathing suits are adorable
[ ] I donÂt know the difference between a sheep and a goat
[x] big sunglasses are hot (they're more like mega but hot also does it ;D)
[ ] I have gotten my nails done before
[ ] MTV is one of my favorite channels

TOTAL: 4

[ ] all I want to do at sleepovers is talk about boys
[ ] I love to have girls do my hair
[x] I give and receive hugs from all my friends (Laawww! <3)
[ ] I hate bugs
[x] carnivals are so fun
[ ] Summer is THE best season
[x] my swimsuit has 2 pieces
[ ] IÂm waiting for my knight in shining armor (i've already found him but he doesn't want to be my knight i think)
[x] IÂd write him a poem and tell him heÂs beautiful and iÂm all his
[ ] musicians are so hot

TOTAL: 4

[x] I am self-conscious
[x] I cry often
[ ] my car smells like vanilla or cherry (i don't have a car.)
[ ] my dishes get washed more than once a week (i don't own own dishes.)
[x] I donÂt do sports
[ ] I HATE to run
[x] I squeal when I am surprised or angry
[ ] I eat dried fruit as a snack
[ ] I love romance novels
[ ] Drew Barrymore is so cute (naah. she's maybe more natural than others but not CUTE.)

TOTAL: 4

[x] I dance a lot (because dancing is haawwwt! <3)
[ ] I usually spend an hour or over to get ready to leave my house
[ ] I only have like 5 billion hair products
[ ] I love to get dressed up
[ ] every part of my outfit needs to match
[x] I talk on the phone at least once a day to my friends
[x] I would love to have a photo...

Goodbye | Update II

=Scuria — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 10:24:15 PST

March 1st, 2009:

I'm going on a trip to Berlin with my school tomorrow.
We'll stay there about one week, until next Saturday or some.

However.. There's news about God and stuff.
For many girls he is something like a boyfriend to show off with. I don't know if he does it on purpose, but many girls want him because he's so pretty awesome. I think he also wants to have a girlfriend to show off with. Something like a 'show off girl friend, a sogf'.

But well, I'm not one. Definitely not. And I think that's the problem. I don't want to be a show of girl friend, but one who is really loved by her boyfriend. Because of her character and her natural beauty and stuff.. Whatever.
Of course it would be great to have a boyfriend to show off with, but I never thought about this aspect before. Because I love him because of his character and his ingeniousness. And not just because he's pretty awesome.

Many girls need a show off boy friend to cast a better light on theirselves. They want to seem cool and grown up to their friends. So they turn into show off girl friends to get show off boy friends like him. And show off boy friends like him respond to this 'offer'. I mean.. Of course it's fun to have a sogf, but this is not true love!

Maybe he doesn't get that. Maybe he doesn't believe in true love or real love, maybe he considers his show off girl friends as his true loves. Maybe he thinks it is real love to have a girlfriend that is perfect at all points. I dunno..

It's weird.

But I love him and I think I'd make him happy. Maybe it's naiv to think that or maybe it's just a 'self-confidence-push' - for sure it is - but at the moment I think it's not me who makes it worse.

I don't know how to show him what real love is. Or that I really love him deeply and truely. I have no experience with that.

I'm desperate.
Edit. He wasn't there on Friday.

Feb 25th, 2009:

Sorry for the stupidity I did.
My mom made a wodka-mint-cocktail and she wasn't at home yesterday evening. I couldn't resist.
Later she asked me why the bottle was empty and I told her I spilled the cocktail. She believed me.
Thanks to spearmint but I lied to her. It felt sick.

I was looking forward to meeting him on Friday. A friend of mine gives a birthday party and we could have talked a bit.
But the puplic transport is on strike on Friday and furthermore I don't know how I'd react to him..
I still more than WANT to see him but 12856U"Z2123u34ndvfduzf!!! FUCK!!
HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! LIFE MORE THAN SUCKS!!!!1!
Shit.

Anyways -- I'm doing an internship at the moment. Working from 8am to 5pm with 1h work break. This 1h is far the worst hour of the day. He's online at the moment and I want to talk to him but.. I can't. It would be to.. No. Impossible.

It's hard to smile, it's hard to be nice, especially to my family. I want to hide my problem, just not talking, I want to sleep. But break is ending in about 10 minutes and I have to go back to work.

He once said children are like angels and he was right. Nobody notices my sadness expect of Lisha. She's a blonde little girl, always talking to herself or to her imaginary friends, the parakeets. Nobody understands her eighter (expect of me). She touched my cheeks with her tiny perfect fingers today and smiled so holy innocent I nearly had to cry. Lisha is the only one who notices how I feel. She drew something for me.. It was her and me in her bed, we both crying. This girl is a forsaken angel I think.
I don't know why God forsakes some angels. Maybe it's the insanity, I don't know.
God is a Murderer. A fucking heartbreaking soulcollecting loveable Murderer.

Well. I was naiv. I saw pics of his girlfriend. She's just 15 and far more beautiful than I am. Really, she's gorgeous. Sexy, nice, open, freaky.. Totally great.
Well, I hope he's happy right now. But I should think so..
I also would be happy with this girlfriend if I was a man.

Anyways.. I have to go in about 5 minutes. It was good to get it out.
Thanks to you all. I'll try to stay alive.

Love

Feb 24th, 2009:

He has a girlfriend since yesterday.
Getting drunk at the moment. Not very effective yet.
If he'd know what for a fucking bastard he is. I love him..
I'm cold.

[link] It's awesome!

Suddenly Heaven Shall Burn has become really important to me. I listen to it whenever I find the time (but my iPod has broken! D: I'll soon buy a new 'old Nano' in pink ^-^).
Anyways: Heaven Shall Burn is an ingenious band, such as Caliban is. It's exactly the kind of music I need at the moment. I knew HSB for ages, but I somehow 'forgot' them. As started listening to them again it was kinda like.. WOW! So yah. Heaven Shall Burn are more than awesome. I just can recommend them to you. <3

Numbing the Pain

Guys, I've madly fallen in love. Well, I had a boyfriend a few months ago and we were a cute couple I think, but we didn't love eachother. Maybe we were in love at the beginning of our relationship, but I'm not sure if it was love or just the longing for fun and a bit of cuddeling.. Well, maybe he loved me in the beginning and I also thought I'd love him - but it seems that I didn't know what love was by then. We broke up one or two months ago. Anyways..

This guy I've fallen in love with is God. I never believed in God because I couldn't imagine him, but I think I've found him by now.
He told me he doesn't like iPods and the next day mine was broken. Then he told me he doesn't like wireless mouses and mine got broken. Yesterday he told me he likes big cameras like mine (that was defected) and suddenly it worked again. ZomGh! I'm going mad with him!!

He is my reflection. His sense for humor is a bit kinky and just like mine, I have to write one word on MSN (WLM actually) and he understands me, he's kinda crazy, he loves Death/Dark Metal (like me) & listens to the same bands, he's the tea type of man and I am the tea type of woman, he just looks like walking awesomeness and nearly no situation is embarassing or awkward to him! Yeah, he's perfect. He's God, you know. <3

The only problem: I don't think he's that into me. I'm not the kind of girl he'd fall in love with, more the kind of best friend / cute buddy. For me he's a soulmate and exactly the kind of boy I'd fall in love with.
Let's take the appearance: He is walking awesomeness (you'd have to see the fan girls) - and I'm, well.. nobody at all. I like me, but I don't think he does (from the appearance). He really deserves a sexy, good looking girl.
(And please don't tell me that everyone is beautiful in his own way. I know that but I'm sure he doesn't like my kind of beauty, ok? Kay.)

Well, I'm sad. It's not just sadness, it's violance!
Everytime I see a picture of him (in my head, on the computer) I know that he won't fall in love with me. And at the same time I get a feeling like.. It's craving for a hug of him, for looking into his eyes, for smiling with him, for cuddeling him, for.. It's craving!! And it's damn violence. It hurts so much I want to cry hard but I can't. It's like crying all my pain out on the pillow! But I want everyone to hear it and to see it, it's like.. !!!
It's violance.

Painly beautiful this guy. God. I love you.-
I love him and I want to tell him, but we don't know eachother this well and.. It wouldn't work. He deserves more than me. He needs a goddess for him and I'm not one at all.
Well, longing for God is the most stupid thing you can do - but I have to.

God isn't almighty, God isn't immortal, God isn't wise. God is someone, who is able to make you Lucky with one word, one glance, one smile. Even if I imagine his voice I have to cry sometimes. But mostly I smile. It's a melancholic feeling and like when you can't breath on a sticky day. It's surreal, artificial, but true. It's amazing and frightening at the same time. It's so much though it is nothing. It's undescribable.

You can not save me.
I've vainly, madly fallen in love with God.

Help a Deviant in need!

Help a Deviant in need!

=Scuria — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 14:02:36 PST

is in a tight situation. She is expecting a baby, and her family has opted not to support her even though she is very much in need. The only thing her father said he would help her out with is an abortion-- and she does not want that
Please check out the commissions she has open, and give her your support. In life, shit happens- and we all need some help getting through sometimes. She has a tough road ahead, and we can help her out by spreading some love and comfort

Remember, if you cannot donate or comission her, you can always spread the word!

Yah. Firstly.. Hello there & thanks for reading!
This text above is from one of ^gucken's latest Journals and I really beg you to spread the word or even to donate. Though I don't know the girl I feel really sorry for her and I ask everyone to help. It's not more than a little Journal Entry - just copy and paste to spread it around.
And maybe it will encourage some of you to donate - or maybe some of you will encourage other Deviants to donate, because maybe it'll help a desperate woman and her baby. It's all just a may be, but it's definitely worth it.

I'll soon create another Journal Entry to inform you about the latest stuff, but this isn't as important as the issue above, so please support =holyfox6894 because she needs all help she can get - even if it's not much.

If you have any questions about this, please feel free to leave a comment or a note. I promise to answer you as soon as possible!

Thanks.

Gallery

100 Themes

I'm doing the 100-Themes-Challenge by ~Akikorossella at the moment. The Journal about it is here.

Thank You!

Thank you for reading, watching & faving!
You're awesome! dA wouldn't be the same without you! <3

50 Facts about Elina

=Scuria — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 12:18:50 PST
Stolen from

What is your character's name?
Elina Finley

What is your character's name in another language?
Well, Elina is Irish and means something like 'The white/pure One' and Finley is Irish/Scottish for 'Fionnlay' what means 'cold/fair Warrior'.

How old is she?
Depends. In the beginning of her story she's 16, in the end she is (probably) 18.

What is your character's race/species?
Human; Breton (for the TES's)

Do they have a crush?
Oh, many.. X3 Elina isn't the kind of girl who has many lovers, but she feels for many.
Burd, Berich Inian and Savlian Matius for the TES's - but actually only Burd. Oh and! All three are younger! We're talking of former times here.

Do they have many friends?
Definitely. Elina isn't the kind of person who makes friends very fast, but somehow people like her.

What planet is your character from?
Mundus

Does your character like to eat?
Yep, of course. ^-^ As a warrior she has to!

What's her favourite food?
Cheese, meat and sweet cake.

What's her favourite drink?
Bitter, fruity wine.

Is your character annoying?
Maybe, but she tries not to bother people.

Is your character loved?
Many people like her because of her cute character, but actually she isn't this nice.
Berich loves her deeply, but sadly he dies. And Burd loves her, but he doesn't want to - and Elina neighter.

Is your character hated?
Rarely. Well, many like her, but maybe some envy her or something.

Is she emo/goth?
No! She's a warrior. (Did I mention? xD)

Is she straight, bisexual, or gay?
She doesn't think about this very much, but mostly straight.

Is she a virgin?
16-17 years: Yes.
18 years: Nope.

Name 3 hobbies
Well, Elina hasn't many hobbies. Fighting is her life, what hobbies should she have..
Things she likes maybe:
. Fighting
. Battles
. Winter skies
. Bruma
. Mornings
. Open fire
. Overexercising

Is your character normal?
I should say so.
For TES's: She was sixteen and one of the survivors when Kvatch was attacked. Kvatch was her hometown.

Is your character attractive?
I wouldn't call her appearence attractive, but some people like her rude, bitter (but friendly) character.

How does your character handle emotions?
She keeps them private and lives them out in battles. That's why she likes them so much.

Does your character have other forms?
No.

Does your character overreact?
Rarely.

Is your character a criminal?
Not at all! She is a warrior, but not a murderer. ;3

What is your characters idea of a romantic night?
Elina doesn't think about this. But if I was her I would say..
A cloudless, dark winter night with stars and snow. They would sit on a mountain looking down to a valley while the only light was coming from the full moon above. No kisses, no touch. Silence.
They would feel the cold and it would hurt, but they wouldn't care.
Give them hurt or give them pain, but let them their pride and let them their weapon.

What's her IQ?
Elina is intelligent. She can be spontaneous and also considered. She knows much about human nature and the love to fight, but nothing about human love.

Does your character have a disease/curse?
No. Not that I would know..

Is your character dead?
She was, but I reloaded the game. Elina is THIS ugly as a vampire! xD

Does your character have a family?
She had wonderful parents, but (for TES's) they died when Kvatch was attacked. After that she falls in love with Berich Inian, but she looses him either what causes her decision never to love again. It doesn't really work this way, but Elina keeps telling herself that this is life.

Has she encountered any tragic times in life?
She saw the deformed corps of her parents, her hometown being burried with ash, she saw death and she saw Oblivion. So - yes.

What's the best time in your character's life?
The first 15 years of life. Elina had a beautiful childhood and lovely parents.

If you could name 1 friend, which would you relate to your character?
Well, I'd pick myself I think. Capra would be too happy-go-lucky and Asina wouldn't understand her love for fighting.

Is your character single?
Yes.

Has...

Fact Tag

=Scuria — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 04:25:54 PST
How to do it:
Post these rules.
Each tagged person should post 8 facts of themselves.
Tagged people should write a journal\blog about these facts.
In the end tag and name 8 people.
Go to their dA pages and comment saying that they are tagged. (Actually.. No. u_u)

Let's go!

My dA-nick is Scuria because of my plushie-squirrel named Scuria. (Scuria means 'squirrel' in Latin.)

Secretly I want to marry a rich man and become his housewife. Because he'd be always away on business I could do what I want with the money. Then I'd buy a Cottage in Ireland and open my own kindergarten.

I'm not me without a computer.

I always have to help, even if I don't want to.

I adore n00bs!

School means nothing to me and I've never cried because of bad grades. I want to work in a kindergarten and for this I don't need the a-levels.

I'm a little perfectionist. Capra will tell you.

I'm kinda like schizophrenic. My virtual character (Lucky) is part of me.
If I have to tell about myself I always wonder whom to take. Lucky or Fiona.

I tag:

I tagged 4. Enough.

Gallery

100 Themes

I'm doing the 100-Themes-Challenge by ~Akikorossella at the moment. The Journal about it is here.

Thank You!

Thank you for reading, watching & faving!
You're awesome! dA wouldn't be the same without you! <3

...

100 Themes

=Scuria — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 12:31:12 PST

// J O U R N A L . H E R E //

I'm doing the 100-Themes-Challenge by ~Akikorossella at the moment.
Instead of doing it with pictures I do it with poetry.
Oh, I was inspired by *spiritualrocket btw. He's an awesome poet.

I changed Nb 9 from Sakura into Coffee, because I totally don't know Sakura.

Well, I felt to mention that I'll do the Challenge in English and in German.
I won't do two Challenges, but the Poetry will change from English to German.
Furthermore I will not do the challenge sequential.
Both will depend on my feelings. C=

1. Stardust
2. Power
3. Dawn
4. Waterlilies
5. Pregnancy
6. Books
7. Old
8. Circle
9. Coffee
10. Geisha
11. Nation
12. Home
13. Fear
14. Life
15. Trees
16. Fairy
17. Elf
18. Story
19. Animals
20. Emperor
21. Alice in Wonderland
22. Queen of hearts
23. Inspiration
24. Doll
25. Unicorn
26. Witch
27. Hate
28. Cry
29. Brothers and sisters
30. Parents
31. Runaway
32. Travel
33. School
34. Friendship
35. Missing you
36. Soul
37. Universe
38. War
39. Kawaii
40. Forbidden love
41. Fantasy
42. Clouds
43. Fashion
44. Plushies
45. Goodbye
46. Drawing
47. Mystery
48. Joke
49. Separate
50. Sing
51. Cooking
52. God
53. Forgiveness
54. Dangerous
55. Braveness
56. Searching
57. With or without you
58. Imagine Yesterday
59. Tomorrow
60. Dusk
61. Tonight
62. Believe
63. Why?
64. Because of you
65. Me myself and I
66. Wizard
67. Butterflies
68. Sea
69. Mermaid
70. Dearest
71. Flying
72. Fireworks
73. Trapped
74. Chasing pavements
75. Breathing
76. Snow
77. Leaves
78. Past days
79. Teenager
80. Suicide
81. Lust
82. Angry
83. Candlelight
84. Moonlight
85. Sunlight
86. Fame
87. Decora
88. Tea
89. Angel
90. Vampire
91. Centaur
92. Pity
93. Devil
94. Hurt
95. Answer
96. Fate
97. Secret garden
98. Furry
99. Luck
100. Ghost

Our first Mistake

=Scuria — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 12:07:05 PST
Our first mistake is love.
Asina & me decided this yesterday.
I'll do a poetry with this topic soon, but ohwellz..

*spiritualrocket (who is a great poet btw <3) is doing the
100-Themes-Challenge with literature at the moment.
I've never thought about doing one,
but it seems nice and it'd be fun for sure.
So I'll do one too, I think.

Have a nice day!

~Lucky

Gallery

100 Themes

I'm doing the 100-Themes-Challenge by ~Akikorossella at the moment. The Journal about it is here.

Thank You!

Thank you for reading, watching & faving!
You're awesome! dA wouldn't be the same without you! <3

2 o o 9 . i n g e n i o u s n e s s

=Scuria — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 06:34:45 PST
Look, it's kinda like.. WOW!
The year didn't begin yet here in Germany and yah.. I think 2009 will be a good year. Dunno why, but it starts better than the last one.
The fact that the new year didn't start yet makes me happy. I'm kinda like in between 2008 and 2009. I'm the - between 2008-2009. I like being the - ! <3

Kay, sorry for this nonsense. I'm at 's and it's kinda like awesome. ^-^

Have a good new year, have party & fun & stuff & luff, and all zhe other kinds of thingies!

Thanks for your support, you're magical! *.*

T H A N K S ! !
~Lucky

Don't be this sad.

* t e h . v i s i t

=Scuria — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 13:38:09 PST
Haii! I'm gonna visit Asina tomorrow. Will be back on 5th of Jan.
Edit: I have to change the link-colours.

Yah, just wanted to let you know.
Sorry for the weird English.
I felt like wickedenglishblahthingiemood.

You know what I mean.
See you on the 5th~

Lucky

B T W ! !

is awesome <3
Just because.

Subscribed!

=Scuria — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 09:52:56 PST
Hello tharr!
Yah, I'm officially subscribed now! ^-^
My Mum paid it for me. =3

Well.. I'm sorry for the two empty Journals.
I just didn't get this CSS-thingies here, but now I'm quite happy with my layout.

Gonna create a poll about it!
Subscriptions are AWESOME!! <33

I think I will add boxes for a little gallery, features and other kind of stuff later.

Feel free to SHOUT at my Shoutbox. Me luffz it!
Thanks for Watching & Stuff anyway! -^.^-

~Lucky

J o l l y !

=Scuria — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 05:51:20 PST
^{_{MERRY X-MAS TO YOU ALL!
THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT!

(BTW: WE HAVE X-MAS IN GERMANY TODAY SO..)

HAVE MUCH FUN (AND PRESENTS) TODAY / TOMORROW! JOLLY!

SPECIAL THANKS & GREETINGS TO:

YOU'RE AWESOME! ^-^

KEEP THIS!
~Lucky}}

Just relode it.

=Scuria — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 09:09:05 PST
^{I'm not a partygirl. I'm not stupid or too bad at school. I actually do my work.
I don't want to have the life of a richgirl. I just want to have a working computer, a family that can think itsself and a bit of privacy.
I want to have a normal life, like all my classmates. Like my friends. Like everyone!

THAT'S NOT MUCH!!

But well. I am the one to be punished. I dunno why but it seems that I am the one.
My mind is breaking. It's totally fuckin breaking into pieces!

Is it too much to wish for a working computer?
The new one I've bought a few weeks ago still isn't really working.
I waited for 9 damn months! Nine!! And now I bought a new one and it's defect.
Yes! I have to restart the PC every 30 minutes. The internet is breaking every 5 minutes.
And today all my Oblivion-Saves crashed. Luna, Joker! I have to start again. Again again again! SHIT!!!

Is it too much to wish for a self-consistent family?
I always have to tell them what to do! They can't do ANYTHING theirselves!!
They come in every 10 minutes to ask me something!
My brother and my mother aren't even knocking on my roomdoor!!
I feel like they created me for being their brain or something!
I HAVE MY OWN LIFE! GET IT!!
I want to escape. Now. Immediately. NOW! I can't stand it anymore!!
Am I doomed for the rest of my poor life or what the heck?

I want to have my own flat. I want to have my own life. I want to flee.
It's just 2 years left. 2 years! Then I'll be gone.
I know, they won't survive without me. But I don't care.
Let them die. I don't care. Let them drown in their own dirt. It's not my problem.
It's not my problem by now and it had never been my problem and it will never be my problem.

They didn't care about one of my problems. My whole life I was fuckin alone!
I don't owe them anything. Whenever I asked for help they looked away. They were ashamed.
Because of their insane daughter. Oh my, why can't she be like all the others?

I JUST WANT TO BE LIKE THEM!
IT'S NOT FUNNY TO BE ME!!
But I can't change. Impossible. I tried but.. Impossible.

I'm going to move to Erlangen as fast as possible.
NÃ¼rnberg is awesome.

And if I have to live on the street I don't care.
Would be funny for sure. Mwahaha! No.
But it's better to be lost than to be here. Fact, guys.

If I wasn't here it would be better for everyone.
If noone knew me. If even I didn't know that I existed.
It would be awesome.

I want to die. I want to commit suicide. But I don't do because of the few friends I have.
I think they would be sad. And I don't want them to be sad.
I'm not living for myself at the moment. I didn't live for myself anymore since my 13th Birthday. For three years.
Maybe this will change. I hope so.

What would I give for a restart?
Just relode my life.}

c a n d y h e a r t s

=Scuria — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 11:53:26 PST
^{_{MEH HAS SOME!
Scene man! Soon holidays will start. <3

Well, I wanted to do something taggy again cuz..
Nah, dunno. I always wanted to do this one.

Stolen from

[ ] You have a significant other.
[ ] You have your own place.
[ ] You pay rent.
[ ] You pay your own bills.
[x] You own a cell phone.
[x] You have an iPod/ mp3 player.
[ ] Your parents are still married.
[x] You have more than 2 best friends.
[ ] There is a swimming pool in your backyard.
[x] You own at least 20 DvDs.
[x] You dress how you want to.
[x] You hang out with friends more than once a week.
[ ] You love your job.
[x] There is a computer/ laptop in your room.
[ ] You have never been beaten up.
[ ] You never cry more than twice a month.
[x] You are allowed to listen to the music you want to.
[x] Your room is big enough for you.
[ ] People don't use you for something you have.
[ ] You have been to a concert that you've liked.
[ ] You collect something normal.
[x] You don't wish you were someone else.
[ ] You play a sport.
[ ] You know what your purpose is.
[ ] You own a car.
[ ] You usually don't fight with your parents.
[x] You are happy with your appearance.
[ ] You aren't self-conscious at all.
[x] You have friends.
[x] You know what is going on in the world.
[ ] You care about many people.
[ ] You are happy with your life.
[x] You know more than one language.
[x] You have a screen name.
[x] You own a pet.
[ ] You have children.
[x] You know the words to 5 songs.
[ ] You don't have any enemies.
[ ] You love everyone.
[x] You've helped dozens of people in crisis.
[x] You are a good person.

Means that I'm happy to 46%.
Hmpf. Not bad at all.
But ohwellz.. If the questions weren't that shit it would maybe just be 20% or some.
Wellz.

Luffz jah for Watching & stuff.}}

|~ t a g g y _

=Scuria — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 11:49:43 PST
Stolen!

- Choose a singer/band/group
- Answer using ONLY titles of songs by that singer/band/group
- Tag 6 more people (let them know they've been tagged)

I choose Vanessa Carlton

1. Are you male or female?
She Floats
;3

2. Describe yourself.
Little Mary [link]

^{Just listen. It's me.}

3. What do people feel when they're around you?
All is Well
^{People always tell me that I give them the feeling to be ok. They say I spread my good mood.
If only they knew it is just disguise..}

4. How would you describe your previous relationship?
More than Wanted
^{I have wandered far and wide
for something real,
something to die for,
but I have found you.
And you do not see
all that is me, all that is true.

And I am more than your kisssexysexyonthebed,
and i am more than you will need,
and i am more than you will see,
more than wanted.}

5. Describe your current relationship.
Twilight
^{And I will never see the Sky
the same way and
I will learn to say goodbye
to yesterday and I
I will never cease to fly if held down and
I will always reach too high
cause I've seen
Twilight.}

6. Where would you want to be now?
Last Fall
^{Last Fall I discovered Skype.
With a working computer.
And the dream began.}

7. How do you feel about love?
Dark Carnival
^{You never thought it'd hurt so bad.
Bring me your remedy.
You never thought it'd hurt so bad.
You never thought it'd feel so right
bringing you to your knees.
You never thought it'd feel so right.}

8. What's your life like?
Paradise
^{As darkness quickly steals the light
That shined within her eyes
She slowly swallows all her fear
And soothes her mind with lies
Well, all she wants and all she needs
Are reasons to survive
A day in which the sun will take her artificial light
Her light

And it's one more day in paradise
One last chance to feel alright
Alright}

9. What would you ask for if you had only one wish?
Home
^{Even now when I'm alone
I've always known with you
I am home

For me it's a glance and the smile on your face
the touch of your hands ...}

10. Say something wise.
Paint it Black

^{Otherwise you'll be disappointed.}

I tag..
no.

* b 0 0 t s .

=Scuria — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 13:53:51 PST
_{GUYS, I HAVE TO GET SOMETHING OUT.
IT'S ABOUT MY "EX"BOYFRIEND SO YOU NEEDN'T READ IT.
IT'S JUST THAT I WANT TO WRITE IT DOWN HERE.

WHY?
OH WELL, BECAUSE..
I WANT TO BOTHER THE WORLD.

WITH LOVE!
~LUCKY

Let's get started..
My "ex"boyfriend dumped me 3 weeks ago.
He was the lovliest and cutest boy I've ever had.
And I had much cute boys before, so I know what I'm talking about.

You know, I was totally a maneater. Believe me or not - it's true.
But this boy, my ex, changed everything. He changed me.
It was the first time I was afraid of touching a boy.
My mind just freaked out whenever he hugged me or some.
I had never felt this way before! Yah, and after a while I realized that it wasn't just fun.
It was love, wow. I was in love. And I was so Lucky!

But then 3 weeks ago he told me as a sudden that he doesn't want more than just friendship.
I didn't believe what he said at first.
He left through my roomdoor, I opened a book and started reading on a random page. I was.. shocked.
After a while the reality reached my mind again and it hurted bad. Ouch.
I cried and cried and cried myself out whenever I wasn't distracted by something.
Now I know what it means. Falling in love with a boy. It's not the kinda love.. Hm. How can I explain it?
I think it would be much easier if it was the kind of love I lost when I lost my best friend once.
I can tell you it was heavy to loose my friend. Much more heavy than this. But I would know how to handle with feelings I had before.
And the kinda feelings I have now are totally new to me.
Jep. So I don't know how to handle my situation.

I tried to bleed it out but I just felt worse instead of feeling better.
Then I started to talk to him on the phone and my mood went up everytime I heard his voice.
We got friends again like we were some months ago. But I knew I love him.
And that made it more difficult. He also let me know that we are just friends everytime we meet.
And it damn hurted. But ohwellz.. I amused myself with unfunny things just to forget this fact for a moment.
I went shopping and on partys with some guys - I normally hate partys and shopping and guys.
But I was sad whenever the school had finished because I didn't know what to do by then. I was going mad!
So I had to distract myself with stupid things. Things like the Caipi-party on Friday.

He was there too and he brought his new girlfriend with him. I felt like crashing.
Maybe he didn't even notice because I ran to the toilet some moments after he arrived.
I was inthere for about 30 minutes, crying.
Then there was this actually cute friend of my ex who noticed I was away.
I think he was interested in me.
He searched me and asked me if I wanted to talk. I knew it would be good so I said I would come in a few minutes.

The room where we sat down was very narrow. The sofa was full of people but that was exactly what I needed.
Noise ment that noone would hear us. I sat down next or better onto the guy, because there was no room.
We talked about 20 minutes I think; I painted patterns onto his legs because.. Just because I did.
My ex watched us and I was quite happy about this. I wanted him to see me talking.
I wanted him to realize that I didn't need him. (But I needed (and need) him of course.)
And then suddenly the boy I was talking to kissed me.
I didn't know what was going on, I just felt sick. It was so ugly!
The kiss took about 5 seconds or so but it was enough time for my ex to see us.
He got off as fast as possible. I think he cried.
His girlfriend wasn't the only one who wondered.

Why did he cry though he doesn't love me? Because he loves me.
I'm sure! And I don't get it!! I don't get this boy!! ARGH!!

I ran away too and then I talked to Asina. Luckily she was on.
It was good to talk to her. And after this I realized something.
My ex destroys me. Totally. I don't want me to break.
And for sure he doesn't want me to break too.

But there's only one way not to break:
I have to let him go. I even know how.
I have to become a maneater again. That means fun and freedom.

But because of my ex it also means egoism and sadly I can't be egoistic.
I would hurt him to make me happy again. And I can't do this.
So what the hell can I do?
I'm...}

meh luffz [...]

=Scuria — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 12:48:11 PST
... my PC! It's defected - yay!
^{Means: I'm not checking Messages, Deviations & Journals plus I'm not online very often.}

... Capra and Asina, as they are great!
^{Dunno why, they're just awesome fwends. <3}

... Marristia and Todesfuchs for their gorgeous art!
^{Because their art is gorgeous. Did I mention? :3}

... Sometimes-Normal cuz she is soo cute and kind.
^{I'm addicted to her ultradepressive Journals that give me the feeling I was helpful and her extrasuperkiwakkiew Screenies. ^-^}

... your Support!
^{Oh, thank you! *.*}

... meh.
^{Get over it!}

~Lucky

Lucky(s) Characters

=Scuria — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 04:45:16 PST
Wow. Aren't the unreal characters lucky with their lives?
They live in a perfect world and I play them so..
They can't feel bad at all! Theh.
I hate life.

Tired. Boredoom.
I looked around in Capras Journals to find a.. thingiewhatever that I want to do. Kay.

^{________________________Let's start the thing________________________

Rules
1. Choose a few of your own characters. Five at the most.
2. Make them answer the following questions
3. Then tag three people.

Characters Chosen:
My Oblivion-chars:
. Elina
. Luna
. Joker
(No, I don't count Liney to my Oblivion-chars. :K)

_________________________Luckys Characters_________________________

How old are you?
Elina: 17
Luna: 16
Joker: 19

Height?
Elina: 1,65m
Luna: 1,72m
Joker: 1,79m

You got any bad habits?
Elina: My proud. I don't want to speak about it.
Luna: Everyone says I'm evil. But I'm not! ^-^
Joker: Yes. Of course. You fools. Pff.

Are you a virgin?
Elina: *chrm, blush* I'm not going to answer..
Luna: Huh? :3
Joker: Definitely no.

Who's your Mate?
Elina: There is a mate, but it's difficult with him.
Luna: Lairja and Liney! And the Dark Brotherhood! <3
Joker: I'm on my own.

Have any kids?
Elina: Kids.. Never thought about that. But no.
Luna: Lairja says I'm my own kid. =3
Joker: NO! u.u

Favourite food?
Elina: Meat & Cheese.
Luna: This milk buns.. Meh luffz them!! <3
Joker: Wine.

Favourite Ice Cream flavour?
Elina: Strawberry
Luna: Coco x3
Joker: Ice Cream? Juck.

In love?
Elina: Yes. Sadly.
Luna: Farwil Indaris tells me to love him. But I love.. hm.. Sweets! ^-^
Joker: I hate love. I hate feelings.

Ever slept in all day?
Elina: Sometimes, yes.. x3
Luna: Oh yah! When I.. *chrm* ..lost my way in Jerall Mountains.
Joker: No. Never. When is this over? T_T *sighs*

Favourite show?
Elina: The Arena!
Luna: Shows are boring.. I want action! ^-^
Joker: Hm. I sometimes watch tortures, but that isn't a show, right?

Favourite Movie?
Elina: Read a book instead!
Luna: Movie? Ã³.o
Joker: I hate movies. Do you know that we (in Tamriel) actually don't know what movies are? I don't think so..

Favorite band?
Elina: The Blades! <3
Luna: Lucien singing under the shower. x3
Joker: I hate music.

Eye colours?
Elina: Deep green.
Luna: Icey blue.
Joker: Red, gold or sometimes black. *bored*

Skin?
Elina: Not as pale as Lunas, but pale.
Luna: Pale white.
Joker: Blue. u_u

Fat/Average/Slim?
Elina: I think I'm averaged. Maybe a bit more muscular that other girls.
Luna: Too slim ._.
Joker: I look good. *yawns* I hate these questions.

Rain or sunshine?
Elina: Sunshine C=
Luna: Rain <3
Joker: I hate both.

Pool or beach?
Elina: Beach
Luna: Beach! ^-^
Joker: Not one of it. I hate water.

Camping or staying home?
Elina: Staying at home. x3
Luna: Caaampiing!! =3
Joker: Staying at home, the Dark Brotherhood Quarters are very comfortable.

Dog or cat?
Elina: A cat! :3
Luna: Cats! Much of them! <3
Joker: Both is tasty.

Believe in aliens?
Elina: No! xD
Luna: Uhm.. Eer..
Joker: You are bothering me.

Natural born or clone?
Elina: Natural born of course.. o.O
Luna: Natural born! What a funny question! ^-^
Joker: Gosh! You. are. bothering. MEE.

Car or Ship?
Elina: Ship <3
Luna: Ship x3
Joker: I'd take the horse.

Ever destroyed something out of Blind Rage?
Elina: .__. Mhm.
Luna: Yes. =3
Joker: Of course I destroyed something. But I've never felt blind rage or such kinda shit. >_>

Any unusual things about you?
Elina: Uhm.. I don't think so. I'm boring. x3 Well, born in Kvatch and survived. Maybe that.
Luna: Everyone says that I'm evil and morbid, but I'm nice. ^-^
Joker: Joker is not my real name. [...] No. I'm not going to tell you my real name. Moreover my mother was a Dark Seducer that killed my father, a Golden Saint. But this is nothing unusual, is it?

How much food/drink do you need a day?
Elina: I'm a cormorant. x)
Luna: I eat/drink whenever I feel like.
Joker: I have to answer this, right Lucky? Okaay.. I eat when I'm hungry and drink when I'm thirsdy. You are so.. stupid.

Favourite place?
Elina: Leyawiin and well.. Bruma. Sadly.
Luna: Bravil and Skingrad! <3
Joker: The Dark Brotherhood Quarters.

Do as you would be done by.
=Scuria — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 12:56:49 PDT
^{Actually I don't want to bother you with my bad mood, but I have to bother someone. Sorry..

I feel shitty. I don't know why but I feel shitty.
Maybe it's because I have to go to the dentist again. I was there three weeks ago and he did some shit with my teeth. I wasn't able to eat for nearly one week and sometimes my teeth still hurt.
Maybe I have a bad mood because I have to go to school again tomorrow. I was ill now for one week and missed so much - and now I feel overstrained with all this stuff. Tomorrow will kill me for sure..

Everyone is uploading screens and talking about Oblivion. I see my CD lying next to me and every little thing remembers me on my characters and that makes me furious!
I don't know if I can save Luna and Elina, because if the CD broke my computer, it's maybe the Saves' foult too. And if it's the Saves' fault I can't put them onto my new computer, that was actually planned to be here on Friday. I don't want the new PC to break! And altough Luna and Elina mean really much to me - the risk is to high.
Delete them? Delete them not? I'm completely down with my nerves.

I just feel like shouting and crying and it would be great to not-exist now. You can't imagine what I would give for being the little duck plushie lying in front of me.

Crises..
Oh! And there is a wisdom of the day!

Do as you would be done by.
Was du nicht willst, was man dir tu, das fÃ¼g auch keinem anderen zu.

Every member of "Mito sa no tani" that wants to tell me about character stealing and idea copying should really think about this saying.

The Farm will never be rebuilded again.
The Farm was not your idea.
You simply can't replace it.

We are able to kill you with just one word.
And we don't do because the more intelligent gives way.

But if just one of you really tries to immitate me I don't care about the more intelligent way anymore.
I swear you.

Lucky}

Lucky without Oblivion
=Scuria — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 13:11:43 PDT
^{Hey there!

Today without
p o i n t s . b e t w e e n . t h e . w o r d s

It looks stylish though.
But let's get to the point, huh?

My PC was wonderfull breaking while I was phoning with Capra and playing Oblivion.
After laughing a bit and starting the shittrash up again and again, it worked indeed.
I clicked on the Oblivion button, the menu opened, I pressed PLAY, I got to the main menu.
And guess what? Yes, all saves were broken! ^-^
I put some older ones on a USB before playing today and I was full of hope that it was just the Saves. So I put the older ones into the Saves-Folder, reloded and - it didn't work! Soo..
Either my PC has broken my Oblivion-CD (for what I'll kill it somehow) or my PC has just broken again. What a news..

Btw.: The Song Lyra by Kate Bush is shit. I bet she hasn't read the His Dark Materials and I bet she hasn't even thought about what she sings there.
So - why is she allowed to sing about Lyra?
She doesn't even know her!
But I guess nobody of you will understand that so..
Nevermind.

Have a good day, or night.
Or whatever.

~Lucky}

One Year DeviantAddiction
=Scuria — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 04:31:19 PDT
^{D E V I A N T . A R T
W H E R E . A R T . M E E T S . A P P L I C A T I O N

Today it's my one years here on dA!
One year and 14 days ago I joined Skype and found my two best friends there.
They supported me day for day and they even stood my.. morbid phases.

I'm really Lucky to having them here.

Then there are some people, who regularely commented, faved and read all my Deviations. They made me come further what I'm really glad about. <3
Thank you all!

Mind you! There are much more Deviants who have to be featured!

The theacher gave me 25 minutes, I gave her two (!!) papers back.
I'm the best pupil in English together with Michi, a very nice girl. She gave 3 papers to the teacher.
And guess what we got..
C!
Because our free writing was too long!

"I can understand you're upset, but it really was too long."
"The exercise said 1 page. Not only 1 page!"
"Please, come down to the class level. Others aren't as talented as you. I can't give you an A."
"No, but maybe a B?"
"Sorry ... Tschuliaa!! Could you blahblah???"

She always feels SOOOO cool when she talks in English! Ahh.. With her nails and her humps and her this and that and uuuhhww!
She's a biAtch! A bitchy biAtch!

I-mean-what-is-thuss???
The heck, the heck, fuck fuckin FUCK!!

Uh, and you know what??
The whole class told me that they are better or as good as me.
THEY TOLD ME!
"Fiooona!! I'm better than you, because I have a B! I can't believe it! Hahaha!
Michi, look at this! OMGH! I'm as good as Michaela.."

FUCK YOU ALL YOU LITTLE ASHES!!
YOU . MAKE . ME . SICK !
ANSGT!

I don't feel like telling you that the techincan is a looser, because he bought m...}

w i t h . o l i v e s . i n . y o u r . n o s e
=Scuria — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 11:01:39 PDT
^{C E L E B R A T E . A S I N A S . B I R T H D A Y . W I T H . U S !!

Yay! <3 Guess what? Asina is 15 now!
And this Journal is dedicted to her and us.}

I don't know what to write here, just..
It's awesome that we all know eachother and it's a miracle that we meet because..
How much people meet their soulmates with the age of 14? Huh? ;3
The mess with my Computer, broken promises, betrayers, tears and all that stuff..
It's unbelieveable that we kept our friendship though.
Yah, I'm getting kitchy, and I shouldn't because Asina is evuuhl! FEAR!! o.o

Fact is that this day is a Lucky day.
It's filled with orange leaves and much much morbid sarcasm.
Great, huh? x)

So let's all thank AsinaMortis for being here -
as she's an awesome person and friend.

Woha, kitchy alarm!!
I'm gonna stop that now.

Congratz Asinalein!

Luckys Summer
=Scuria — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 14:31:47 PDT
^{H E L L O . T H E R E . E V E R Y O N E

Summer is over now and I decided to (finally) do a Journal about it and start with uploading my holiday-photos. First I thought of just loading them up and writing a bit of my holidays in this Journal, but then I had a better idea! :3
Tomorrow (when all pics will have been uploaded) you'll find something like a diary of the Summer Holidays 2008 in my gallery.
I'll pick a photo for each day and tell you about it in the description. Means: I can write even more and you can decide if you're interested by looking at the pictures. I'm a Genious! ^-^

But that's not all I want to tell you.
Jah, I'm boring and evil. x)
Computer-News
School has started
The Summers Conclusion
Thank you, Marristia!
Oblivion-Character: Luna

I'd say: Don't waste time.
Let's get stared! Yay!

C O M P U T E R . N E W S

Soow, my old new PC is working again at the moment. (Just: For how long?)
I'm sharing my old new PC with my brother as it's my mothers computer now. My mother promised me a new PC on the condition to get my old new PC. And as the old new PC is hers now I have to share it, because it's not mine anymore. But it's quite ok - better than no PC. x3

S C H O O L . H A S . S T A R T E D

And again.. I'm now in the 10th class out of 12. When having passed this year I'll have automatically passed my O-levels, or Mittlere Reife what we call it here in Germany. So it's two years until I will (hopefully) pass my A-levels - wow. o_O If I look down to the last years time seems going by really fast.
I'm a bit nervous what the next years will bring, but we'll see..
Oh, btw I think that Capra (nintenhorse here on dA) and me are telephoning much more since school has started - and I'm very glad about this. Having my friends around me and as a reason of that having no time made me missing her. But now I'm back again and that's.. yay! C= Sadly you can't say the same for Asina (AsinaMortis on dA). She has so much schoolwork to do that she's overstrained and totally stressed very often. In order to this she hardly finds the time to telephone or chat with Capra / meh of course. I have to say that I'm worried, but now she is in Ireland for one week. I think she will be good after that - no, I'm sure she'll get well as soon as having a bit of free time. Jah, little stressed Asina. <3
Uhm.. I hope this schoolyear will get better than the schoolyear before. And I'll try to work for it. =3

T H E . S U M M E R S . C O N C L U S I O N

Summer has finished now and autumn is coming in. I love the autumn, it's my favourite time of the year. There are days filled with strong coloured falling leaves and orange sunshine - and there are days filled with wind, rain and a cold grey sky. I'm addicted to both very much, but I love the grey ones more. They're restless, tired and beautiful from deeply of my heart. It's my weather, my rain, my wind and my melancholy for something I miss, but don't really know. Jah.. I would describe them like that (as far as I can find words for it).
But now I'll come to the conclusion, I'm sorry for this.. Jah. x3
Visiting Asina: At the beginning of my and at the end of Asinas summer holidays I visited her in DÃ¼sseldorf. We had great fun there laying around, watching junk TV, eating ice cream or doing some wicked things in a lake. xD
I'm so looking forward to seeing her again and I hope that someone will be with us next time.. *pokes Capra* :3
Amsterdam & Vlieland: That was where I spent my vacation 2008. It was awesome there, but as I told you at the beginning of this Journal you can soon read about it in my diary.
Luckys Boyfriend: Four weeks before summer holidays started I came together with a guy I really addicted (and still addict). I wasn't sure if he felt that way too, but actually it was clear. He once asked me if I fell in love and instead of asking back I went red and shouted: No! out of control. He didn't even ask me if I fell in love with him - just if I fell in love, oh! xD Jah, but now we go great together and our rare arguments are great fun (as they are that rare). At the beginning we both had a perfect idea of eachother, but now we see, that we aren't that perfect.
Perfect people don't fit together. If you want to be good together you have to have the same mistakes. And if you want to be perfect you have to be inperfect. We always say that. ^-^
Conclusion --> best Summer ever? I planned this to be the best...}

Oh Yay - PC defected!
=Scuria — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 02:54:08 PDT
^{Hey Guys!
Today morning I tried to start my Computer, but it didn't do. Means: It's defected again. Yay.
I stopped counting the defects, but I think it's the 5th one (in about 6 months).
See my small Font? Marristia showed me how to code it, but I can't be happy now. Anyways, thank you.

Jah, what comes out of a defected PC?
Much work.
At Neopets I was doing Pet-LookUps for all my Pets and an application for two lovely Gelerts. But now I can't do the LookUp's and a Layout for the app anymore. Moreover it took me two hours to resize my holiday photos and I planned to upload them here today. It seems that I also have lost my Oblivion-Savegames and the story for Trizis competition. --> I'm in shit.

You should really listen to San Francisco by Vanessa Carlton. It's an awesome song: [link]

That's all.
Thanks for reading.
~ (un)Lucky}

Yayes! ^-^
=Scuria — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 14:53:06 PDT
My old new PC is working again!
It's as worse as a few weeks ago, but I don't care because I'll soon get a new new one and at the moment I have Photoshop, Internet, Music and Oblivion. <3

I promise you to upload my holiday-pics soon, because I now have the possibility to do.

Hopefully I'll also find time to check my Messages and watch the 172 Deviations I have. x3

Warning:
Some Oblivion-Screens will be uploaded.
Hey! I stole the warning from

who is an absolutely gorgeous
drawer and Oblivion-screener! :3

Oblivion:
I decided to take my Oblivion-character Elina with me when I'm moving to my new PC. She's the lovely one, and Luna will be my evil morbid char. Yeah.. =3
Oh, and you heard right: Luna doesn't exist in Oblivion yet, but she will do when the new PC arrives. ;3
OH YEAH!
It's amazing to play it again!

Munich:
Capra was here today and it was awesome, like always.

We visited a really nice and ultrasweet CafÃ© where we sat for around 1-2 hours. I drank a vanilla milkshake and Capra took an iced coffie. The CafÃ© somehow remembered me on Lucky's CafÃ©, my Personas CafÃ© (you can read about it further below). Uhm, and we went around and talked. I bought some supertasty raspberry-bonbons and got gummybears with chilly in it from Capras mother. She's THAT kind! ^-^ Because of construction we got no train and nearly weren't at the mainstation in time.
All in all it was a really exciting and great day which I totally loved. x3
But we missed someone..
Hugs and Kisses to you, Dear!
You're awesome and someday we'll meet for sure.
We belong together, hum? ;3
Anyways: I'm so looking forward to meeting Capra / Asina again! <3

Luckys CafÃ©:
That will be difficult to understand for people who don't know our Personas Capra, Asina and Lucky.
We're doing a roleplay soon. It'll play in a little street that is very less visited. There live totally freaked-out people with donkeyears and goathooves, but nobody knows, because the street is totally unknown. It's at the edge of a big city in the middle of nowhere.
All who live there meet in Lucky's CafÃ© (what is managed by Lucky herself of course) and talk about the newest news of the street. Asina for example is nearly always away, but if you see her, she is mysterious and evil. She lives in an old warehouse. Sometimes you can hear whispers out of the gully. x)

With Love!
Thanks for reading, watching, faving and commenting guys!

You're awesome!

Hugs~
Lucky}

deviantART: by:Scuria

the shattered.

GUESS WHAT.

to my everlasting beast.

touch me too hard.

machines never sleep. (EDiT)

but you told me.

underneeth the moon.

we're playing for time.

don't forget to fly.

Elfennacht  your destiny is forlorn.

if. if. where to start?.

hey mister.

dear diary.

portfolio.

kidney vetch.

girl confessions.

pansy plant.

lily of the valley.

loveable you!

it's been a while.

IMPORTANT!

five minutes.

we never say goodbye.

holy days.

the dragon waits.

kissing disease.

winters kept you.

this shit is fucked.

Trist

Annotation!

Ok guys..

As we explode

Tag on a Sunday..

Little Lucky, Big Berlin

Goodbye | Update II

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Luckys Summer

Oh Yay - PC defected!

Yayes! ^-^

Elfennacht your destiny is forlorn.