http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:SilveRReleasE&section=today deviantART RSS for by:SilveRReleasE en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Wed, 16 Dec 2009 05:42:08 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/28933771/ http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/28933771/ Sun, 13 Dec 2009 23:59:33 PST it's probably all shit anyways.
i'm barely holding it together.

]]> ~SilveRReleasE http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/28844677/ http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/28844677/ Wed, 09 Dec 2009 12:39:59 PST
]]> ~SilveRReleasE http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/28188109/ http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/28188109/ Fri, 06 Nov 2009 21:44:54 PST i made an appointment with the spine specialist, maybe he'll be able to fix me.
if that works, maybe i can start fixing my head, too.
i'm just so fucking tired of hurting.

]]> ~SilveRReleasE http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/26409962/ http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/26409962/ Wed, 05 Aug 2009 19:33:30 PDT there's only so far i can bend backwards.


do you even care?

]]> ~SilveRReleasE http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/23824527/ http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/23824527/ Sun, 22 Mar 2009 02:05:55 PDT God damn this seems to happen a lot.
But in other news I fucked up my back... royally. The doctor said it was a muscle spasm and the only thing I have to say to that is holy shit do vicodin and soma (a muscle relaxer) mix well. And when you add a couple beers to the mix it's a whole different story.
I'm realizing that at this point I only turn to DA when I'm royally screwed up - and that makes me sad, I used to feel like I had something worthwhile to say.
It's kind of unfortunate that my entire life feels like a joke, and I can't convince the world to let me in on it.
I used to look at the sky and see possibilities, and now all I see is smog and destruction. The apocolypse plays out in my mind when I let my vision wander, and if it weren't for random kind words from strangers I would have lost all faith in humanity.
I don't know what I'm doing anymore, except that if the point was for me to feel good then it's not working.
I'm at a loss for words.
Seems to be the pattern for my life as of late.

]]> ~SilveRReleasE http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/21009784/ http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/21009784/ Wed, 15 Oct 2008 22:41:05 PDT without calling you.
Without going through
my saved voice mails
just to hear your voice.
i.
You left me two messages today
nothing cute
that I can listen to and
smile my secret smile,
the one i saved for you.
Already I'm sliding backwards,
falling into the void I'd only just emerged from.
Two hours later
i'm in the car
headed for home
headed toward
the hope of finding sanity, solitude, shelter,
in the house where i've lost it all so many times before.
Three more hours
and i realize
that facing my destination
is far too much to handle
Far too hard to face.
So i stop at coffee
I tell myself in hopes to forget my woes
but I know it's just a cheap excuse
to hide my hopes of running into you.
I know,
and so do they, by the fact that I'm on edge:
looking over my shoulder
at every person walking by.
ii.
I manage
to focus on other things
until i make it home
and the only thoughts that encompass
my mind
are of how much i miss your voice.
iii.
Work today,
checked my phone
five or twelve or forty times
in the hopes that you
called
You didn't.
iv.
I'm sick,
lying in bed,
wanting nothing more
than to hear your voice
tell me you love me,
that you're "sorry, baby"
and you'll hug me next time
you see me.
God knows when that will be.
v.
I made a promise to myself
that I won't be the first
to break this silence
But i'm crumbling,
hoping you'll call,
knowing you won't.
Knowing that if I call you
I won't get the answers
I'm looking for.

~~~~~

That might be a poem. I don't know yet. It hasn't been a week.

I'm forgetting what it's like to smile.

]]> ~SilveRReleasE http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/15870343/ http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/15870343/ Sun, 09 Dec 2007 22:51:50 PST as the girl who was entrusted with holding it up
watched, silenced,
as the world disappeared around her.

i just need someone to be there when i'm falling down. is that too much to ask?

]]> ~SilveRReleasE http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/10277159/ http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/10277159/ Tue, 03 Oct 2006 23:11:06 PDT
This vacation's useless
These white pills aren't kind
I've given a lot of thought on this 13-hour drive
I miss the grinding concrete where we sat past 8 or 9
And slowly finished laughing in the glow of our headlights
I've given a lot of thought to the nights we use to have
The days have come and gone
Our lives went by so fast
I faintly remember breathing on your bedroom floor
Where i laid and told you, but you swear you loved me more

Do you care if i don't know what to say
Will you sleep tonight, will you think of me
Will i shake this off pretend its all okay
That there someone out there who feels just like me
There is

Those notes you wrote me
I've kept them all
I've given a lot of thought of how to write you back this fall
With every single letter in every single word
There will be a hidden message about a boy that
loves a girl

Do you care if i don't know what to say
Will you sleep tonight, will you think of me
Will i shake this off, pretend its all okay
that there's someone out there who feels just like me
There is

Do you care if i don't know what to say?
Will you sleep tonight, will you think of me
Will i shake this off, pretend its all okay
That there's someone out there who feels just like me

Do you care if i don't know what to say?
Will you sleep tonight, will you think of me
Will i shake this off, pretend its all okay
That there's someone out there who feels just like me
There is


~*~*~*~*~

"I'm in the middle of a breakdown, watching you scream. In the middle of a breakdown, screaming your name"

What am I doing? Honestly, I have no idea. On the outside, i've got everything in order. Inside I'm fucking losing it, I swear to god. It's hard to get what you want when you have no idea what that is. How do you make yourself happy when you can't figure out what to do with your hands? I make so many promises to myself, plans that I intend to carry out. All these plans have been forgotten come morning, midnight resolutions break like spiderwebs under the weight of the morning dew. It's impossible to fix the mess I've made, I have no idea where to start. Can somebody help me pick up the pieces?

There's four people I want to talk to right now. One's in Virginia, one's in DeWitt, one's in New Zealand, and the other... well I could talk to them but I have no idea what I'd say. I can't get the words out and I can't keep them in.

Can I just crawl into a hole til I'm 20 and not deal with anything/anyone until then? I need a break from life.

]]> ~SilveRReleasE http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/9024346/ http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/9024346/ Sat, 10 Jun 2006 02:51:36 PDT
Honestly, I want to know if I bring this upon myself. Sleepless nights, wrestless thoughts, worrying about shit I don't even understand. Do I scare people off? Am I putting too much into friendships? This has happened so many times, too many to count. I'm sick of getting close to people and having them leave. Do I seem to ask for the torture? What, I radiate signals saying, "hey, fuck with me, it's easy"? Just when I let myself begin to care, I get cut off. Just like that, in an instant everything changes. And there's nothing I can do about it, because I don't even know what's different. What is it about me that makes me so repulsive? Do my friendships have a time limit? Like people can only spend 'x' amount of hours with me, and then they're done, that's it, let me off of this ride?. Am I really that fucked up? Apparently no one can spend more than their predestined amount of time, until I drive them away. But why do I always end up still caring? Why can't I just let go like they do, in an instant change my mind and not care about them. No more memories, no more phone calls, nothing. Just forget everything. Everyone else seems to be able to.



----I'm missing your bed
I never sleep
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak,
And this bottle of beast
Is taking me home

I'm cuddling close
To blankets and sheets
But you're not alone, and you're not discreet
Make sure I know who's taking you home.

I'm reading your note over again
There's not a word that I comprehend,
Except when you signed it
"I will love you always and forever."

Well As for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs
And sit alone and wonder
How you're making out
But as for me, I wish that I was anywhere with anyone
Making out.

I'm missing your laugh
How did it break?
And when did your eyes begin to look fake?
I hope you're as happy as you 're pretending.

I am alone
In my defeat I wish I knew you were safely at home

I'm missing your bed
I never sleep
Avoiding the spots where we'd have speak, and
This bottle of beast is taking me home.

Your hair, it's everywhere.
Screaming infidelities
And taking its wear.----


"So please don't wake me,
Til someone cares.
Now no one cares." ~ the missing frame, A.F.I. ]]> ~SilveRReleasE http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/8526850/ http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/8526850/ Thu, 20 Apr 2006 00:46:57 PDT ... the girl that's sitting in that group
the one with something on her mind.
....the girl with stars in her eyes
and something hidden in her soul.
... the girl who holds her tongue,
it's hard for me to speak my mind.
... the one that never lies.
It may be hard for me to open up,
but once I do, you've got my heart.

I AM
...addicted to coffee and cigarettes
you give me those I’ll give you a kiss.
I'm the girl who'll cry in her room at night
but show you smiles come morning.
If I cry for you, I'll care forever
but if you make me cry I'll guard my heart.
I'm the girl that wears your clothes
but returns them clean and smelling nice.
I'm the one that loves to dress up
on random days for no purpose.
I'm a hippie
I'm a rocker
I'm a grunge crack-baby
"of a darker nature."
I'm the one that's always got
a notebook
a pen
and a novel.
Sometimes I have cash
more rarely I'll have smokes.
I'm the one that walks at night for hours
with music in one ear
and the sound of my steps in the other.

I WANT…

I want to do something great
I want to fill the pages of my scrapbooks, so I can show them to my grandkids,
and prove I wasn't a total fuck-up.
I want to look back on my life and smile.
I want to love myself and others
to give back to the world.
I want people to stare at me and wonder
what exactly's going through my mind.
I want to be ignored but
I want to be famous
for something I don't deserve.
I want to disappoint you but
I need to make you proud.
I want to live in silence,
and shove it in their faces.
I want to be loud but
I want to disappear for months.
I want to be wanted and missed.
I want to be the one they wait for.
I want to own my soul and control your heart.
I want to take a drink
but I want to give up bad habits.
I want to write the great American novel. About Canada.
I want to be free but
I want to be incarcerated.
I want to be the fuck-up and
to live with no regrets.
I want to understand.
I want to be the one that people question
I want to be a role model but
I want to be corruption.
I want to be revolution.
I want to live forever and
to die before my time.
I want to hide behind your lies
and believe them for a while.
I want to feel the music and
I want to seize the day.
I want to live in darkness and
forget everything.
I want to know it all.
I want to
be
that girl
but I want to
kill
that girl.
I want to walk forever.
I want to lie in the rain.
I want to laugh but
I want to make people cry.
I want to be forgotten and
I want to leave.
I want to "live it up."
I want to punch a cop and
I want to spit in their faces.
I want to offer my hand to those who've fallen
but I want to kick them while they're down.
I want to write forever.
I want to be the name on people's lips.
I want to do a lot of things
but I know I probably won't.
I'm the girl that dreams of far away places.
I'm the one that'll give away her heart.
I'm the girl that cares too much.
I'm the one that makes up nicknames.
I'm the one that will bring you soup when you're sick.
I'm the one that'll agree to a road trip in 30 seconds, and drive for 11 hours straight.
If I say I love you
I mean it.
But I rarely mean it
when I say I hate you.
If I give you my heart you could shatter my world.
My friends mean more to me than my life.

I AM…
… the girl that'll drive for hours to see you for 20 minutes.
I'm guilty of lust
yet terrified of love.
… the one that will wake you up in the morning
with smiles and the promise of coffee.

I will bite
but if you say it hurts I'll kiss it to make it better.
I might be a stoner
but I'm willing to hook it up or match.
I'm going to get out of here one day, just wait.
I can drink you under the table - if it's coffee.
I'm a lush
but at least I'm a cheap drunk.

I AM
… the one that'll make faces at you in the rear-view mirror,
and love you if you make them back.
… the one that will cry if a song reminds me of someone,
but I'll play it over and over.

I have my own language,
but don't worry, I don't understand it either.
If I show up at your house randomly,
please just give me a hug first.
I can't sing that well
but my lyrics will knock you on your ass.
I'm the type of girl t... ]]> ~SilveRReleasE http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/8250129/ http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/8250129/ Thu, 23 Mar 2006 20:22:27 PST
W0ULD Y0U...
[] go out with me?
[] give me your number?
[] call me?
[] screw me?
[] kiss me?
[] let me kiss you?
[] hurt/rape me?
[] lie to me?
[] watch a movie with me?
[] take me out to dinner?
[] drive me somewhere
[] cut some rug with me?
[] take a shower with me?
[] be my bf/gf?
[] have a fling with me?
[] buy me a drink?
[] take me shopping?
[] give me a good massage?
[] take me home for the night?
[] Would you let me sleep in your bed?
[] go to a concert with me and get our asses kicked together?
[] serenade me?
[] sit in the doctors office with me because I didn't want to go alone?
[] re-post this for me to answer your questions?
[] travel with me?
[] Come pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere


D0 Y0U...
[] know me?
[] want to get to know me?
[] think im cute?
[] want to kiss me?
[] want to cuddle wit me?
[] want to hook up with me?



ARE WE...
[] aquintences?
[] friends?
[] friends w/ benefits?
[] in a relationship?
[] gonna have kids?


AM i...
[] smart?
[] cute?
[] funny?
[] cool?
[] weird?
[] a dick?


HAVE Y0U EVER...
[] thought about me?
[] thought there might be an "us"?
[] thought about hookin up with me?
[] found yourself wanting a kiss from me?
[] wished i were there?


ARE Y0U...
[] going to repost this so that i will return the favor?
[] happy you know me?
[] mad at me?
[] thinkin bout me?
[] done with this survey? ]]> ~SilveRReleasE http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/7948335/ http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/7948335/ Sun, 19 Feb 2006 23:39:25 PST so shoot me


1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that i've always wondered about you.
8. If i do this for you, you must post this on your journal ]]> ~SilveRReleasE http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/7776045/ http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/7776045/ Wed, 01 Feb 2006 22:12:04 PST i'm hella digging my friends and family right now
<3
i love you all, even if you don't deserve it (haha, don't worry, you all do) ]]> ~SilveRReleasE http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/7745293/ http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/7745293/ Sun, 29 Jan 2006 19:42:27 PST i'll write more about it later, because i've got a lot to say, just not enough time to say it

and my birthday is on wednesday! ]]> ~SilveRReleasE http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/7559830/ http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/7559830/ Mon, 09 Jan 2006 23:26:37 PST about everything

and i don't really have much to say besides that

love to those deserving of it



and uhh... yeah, evanescence is again on my playlists

"Exodus"

My black backpack's stuffed with broken dreams
20 bucks should get me through the week
Never said a word of discontentment
Fought it a thousand times but now
I'm leaving home

Here in the shadows
I'm safe
I'm free
I've nowhere else to go but
I cannot stay where I don't belong

Two months pass by and it's getting cold
I know I'm not lost
I am just alone
But I won't cry
I won't give up
I can't go back now
Waking up is knowing who you really are

Here in the shadows
I'm safe
I'm free
I've nowhere else to go but
I cannot stay where I don't belong

Here in the shadows
I'm safe
I'm free
I've nowhere else to go but
I cannot stay where I don't belong

Show me the shadow where true meaning lies
So much more dismay in empty eyes ]]> ~SilveRReleasE http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/7494182/ http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/7494182/ Mon, 02 Jan 2006 23:36:13 PST but i'm not going to.
i'm actually liking the way things are going at the current moment, so i'm going to hold my breath with what i've got for now.
christmas news - i got car speakers that are crap, no better than what i replaced, but i won't tell my padre that... he actually seemed to think that the twenty he spent on my present would work. oh well... that just means we'll all sing louder than the stereo... nothing new =}
but i did, in fact, get a video ipod. i just have to figure out how to put videos onto it, so as soon as i figure that out, my new ipod will rock harder than yours
thank god i'm home, we made it on the 30th, i think, and just in time for me to grasp at the shreds of sanity i was left with. i promptly locked myself in my room for the next twenty-four hours... and then became sick. that's an entirely other story... let's just say new years eve was entirely sober and entirely... blah. i do not recomend being sick on holidays... it takes out all the fun.
but currently, i'm listening to the spill canvas, talking to a boy , and enjoying a nice bottle of water.
much love to you all, as always, some more than others, (this time lizzi is on the top of this list... 'cos she's cool like that ) and yay i'm home let's hang out! ]]> ~SilveRReleasE http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/7444452/ http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/7444452/ Wed, 28 Dec 2005 23:25:09 PST dear god we were supposed to leave tomorrow at 6:00 in the morning. to be honest with you, i'm not entirely thrilled about that idea. waking up early is not typically my thing... i'm much obliged to sleeping til noon. but to go home, i would willingly wake up but ass early, to get back to my damn house.
but no. today i was informed that infact i will not be going home tomorrow. and my cell phone battery is dying, i didn't think i'd be here for more than two days. the battery lasts for two days. not for four!
ohh shiittttt
i've lost it. ]]> ~SilveRReleasE http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/7433995/ http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/7433995/ Tue, 27 Dec 2005 18:43:09 PST (can you feeeeel the sarcasm?) but yeah, i'm in LA, going crazy, surrounded by 6 kids under the age of 6. it's really cute when you get woken up by four of them poking you, (at 6 am, mind you) saying "katieeeeeee are you going to get up yet?????" and when you say no, please go away, i only went to sleep maybe two hours ago, i'm really not in the mood to babysit, they go downstairs for about five minutes, then their parents send them up because OF COURSE i want to babysit for them, that's what family is for.

ARG i need sleep. i need my bed. i need a room with a lock. i need my AIM (or MSN) (i think you know who that applies to). i need my phone to work and my iPod to charge. i need my car. and i think i'd be set. oh yeah, i need a drink.

but other than that i'm good. i'm not really complaining, because in all honesty, these kids are cute... when the painkillers are working... but really, caroline is all of a year old, she's a doll, i always love seeing her, and the others, well, they can take care of themselves.

i love you all (some more than others ) leave me messages and i'll write back...
and that's pretty much it. ]]> ~SilveRReleasE http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/7284921/ http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/7284921/ Sun, 11 Dec 2005 17:02:02 PST
I found fountains of imagery that are passing
Through me like a knife
From a group of friends that prefer to attack from the back
I'm trying to grasp concepts of your dimensions
While my universe is laced around your wrist
I am the bracelet you sport
I am everything that you have ever missed, and more

I was hoping I could tell you this with two feet on the ground
But I don't think I can talk, because I'm not very stable right now

In this dream that I had....
You can't kill heroes-that's what we said to them
You can't kill us
With our instruments broken before us
And the boys in the line they begin to count to five
And the trigger pulls
The bullets pepper the brick wall behind our heads
And the smoke, it fills the air
The captain yells to cease fire
And the squad begins to wait and stare
As the dust clears the air, but we're still standing
With smiles on both our faces
We spit their faulty ammo to the ground
And remind them once again
With smiles on both our faces
We spit their faulty ammo to the ground
And remind them once again that you can't kill heroes

I was hoping I could tell you this with two feet on the ground
But I don't think I can talk, because I'm not very stable right now
No, I'm not very stable right now
No, I'm not very stable right now ]]> ~SilveRReleasE http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/7151520/ http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/7151520/ Sat, 26 Nov 2005 17:32:25 PST
is swollen
but doesn't hurt anymore.
so that's good


annnd that's all i have to say today ]]> ~SilveRReleasE http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/7127840/ http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/7127840/ Wed, 23 Nov 2005 22:37:25 PST even the vicadin isn't making it stop
don't expect many comments or posts from me for the next couple of days... i'm staying in a vertical position until i look less chipmunk-ish

now i'm going to go fall asleep with icepacks attached to my face


oweeeee ]]> ~SilveRReleasE http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/6895251/ http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/6895251/ Fri, 28 Oct 2005 22:25:05 PDT 1. Had sex: no
2. Bought something: no
3. Gotten sick: no
4. Sang: err yeah
5. Been kissed: on the cheek
6. ate something: yup
7. Felt stupid: not really
8. Talked to an ex: actually, yeah
9. Missed someone: yes
10. Hugged someone: yeah

Last person who....

1. Slept in your bed: me
2. Saw you cry : awe fuck. shawn
3. Made you cry: not a person, just having to say goodbye
4. You went to the movies with: oh lord... last time i went to a movie was lords of dogtown, with James. but the last movie i saw was X2, with eric
5. You went to the mall with: James, Claire, Lies, and I went to the parking lot of the mall
6. One thing you could take back: there's alot, but i try not to focus on them

Have You Ever...

1. Said "I Love You" and meant it: yes
2. Got in a fight with your pet: yeah, my dog never listens
3. Been to California: errr... kinda live here
4. Been to Mexico: yup!
5. Been to China: nope, don't really want to go either
6. Been to Canada: yes i have
7. Been to Europe: no, but i want to go soo bad
8. Wished you were the opposite sex: haha nope

Random...

1. Do you have a crush on someone: yeahh
2. What book are you reading now: Kerosene
3. Worst feeling in the world: feeling like a fuck-up
4. Future KIDS names: kids? i don't want to think of these things!
5. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: there's one on my bed that's probably been there for 8 years... it's a bear called reeses hehe
6. What's under your bed: boxes of stuff
7. Favorite sport to watch: soccer or water polo
8. Location: california
9. Piercing/Tattoos: just my ears... for now
10. Do you drink: err maybe... =]
11. What are you most scared of right now: being the fuck up again
12. Where do you want to get married: i don't knowww
13. Who do you really hate: being treated like shit
14. Do you have a job: not right now, but i'm applying for one right now
15. Do you like being around people: sometimes, depends
16. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with? oh have i ever
17. Have you ever cried: yeah
18. Are you lonely right now: yes
19. Song that's stuck in your head a lot: my best defense, by single file

1. Been in love: no, i don't think so
2. Played strip poker: nope
3. Gotten beaten up: yeah
4. Done an all-nighter? yeah
5. Been on radio/TV: nope
6. Been in a mosh-pit: oh yeahhhh
7. Do you have any gay/lesbian friends: yup, and i love 'em
8. Skinny dipped: yeah, actually ]]> ~SilveRReleasE http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/6841466/ http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/6841466/ Sat, 22 Oct 2005 23:59:16 PDT
i don't even do anything wrong, and i get thrown out like a used tissue. and of course, everything is my fault, and i'm the one that started all the drama.

and now i feel like all my friends have gone running, and i'm not welcome in any of the things i introduced them to in the first place.

i'm sick of being treated like shit ]]> ~SilveRReleasE http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/6725872/ http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/6725872/ Sun, 09 Oct 2005 23:40:44 PDT maybe tomorrow will be better
that's all i can hope for right now







and this is not about any boy, so please don't take it that way ]]> ~SilveRReleasE http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/6173814/ http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/6173814/ Mon, 08 Aug 2005 23:02:34 PDT
what's new in my life? i went to san diego, had a BLAST. I kid you not, it was bloody insanity, every day.

but i'll write about that later.

the most important/ huge thing right now, is that on saturday, i got hit. in my car. and now i can't drive my jeep. the dammage is 3,500 dollars, and the guy ran off after he yelled at me for a bit. i reported it though, because i got his liscence plate, and the police said it's a hit & run, which means if they catch him, it's a felony. The officer said it was probable that the guy didn't have a liscence or insurance either one, so it's all on him. But hit & runs mean jail time, so i guess that's a good thing. he was really creepy though, all chollo type, not the kind of guy you'd want to mess with on the street.
so now i'm sad. no jeep for me.

depressing. now i'm going to go be like james and sit in a corner. ]]> ~SilveRReleasE http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/6152283/ http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/6152283/ Sat, 06 Aug 2005 18:20:17 PDT
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I
wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn?t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love. ]]> ~SilveRReleasE http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/6029257/ http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/6029257/ Mon, 25 Jul 2005 10:31:46 PDT Its about time
That I came clean with you
No longer fine
I?m no longer running smooth
I thought that i
Found myself on to something new
Just one more line
I repeat over and over again till I?m blue in the face
With a choking regret
Cuz I talked in circles around you on my bed
Can?t say I blame you one bit when you kept it all inside
When you left that night

Its about time
That you got sick of me
No longer fun
And so far from interesting
I thought that i
Found me a cure for feeling old
Just one more line
To keep me sleeping loudly and cold
In disgrace with a shameful regret
As I talk in tongues to myself in my bed
Can?t say I blame you one bit when you kept it all inside
When you left that night

And all that followed fell
Like mercury to hell
So now we lost our heads for the last time
And all that followed fell
Like mercury to hell
So now we lost our heads for the last time

And I don?t dream
Since I quit sleeping
And I havent slept
Since I met you
And you can?t breathe
Without coughing in daytime
Neither can i
So what do you say?
Your coffin or mine?


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

right now... i need a damn hug
i'm so ready to go home, it's been fun while it lasted but i miss my bed! and sleeping in a room that's dark! good lord the damn lights!

oh yeah... and the first day, i woke up with my roommate staring at me. at 6:00 in the morning. holy shit is that a way to start off the day.
ahhh soooo anyways


right now i'm in class, supposed to be writing a paper that's due on thursday, i haven't even started it. i'm spending my time on here and doing other things online. a much more worthy task, i consider.

blah i've got a week left. hopefully i can hold out.

and i have to put it in writing, no questions asked, i'm most likely more psycho than LG. period. you see that <- Period.

stupid ass essay. I'm not going to do it. i just decided that i don't care. at least right now.

so what's new with me? i feel like i haven't updated in millions of years. i've been at UCSD for 2, going on 3 weeks, and it's been fun. unfortunately they have this so called "zero-tolerance" policy, and that's proving to be a bit tedious. they pretend it's all so structured, even though we learned on the first day that it is nowhere near the sort.
hmm yeah... the program director knows me on a first name basis... i suppose i shouldn't have pierced kimmie's nose. in my dorm room. without her parent's permission. but it wasn't my fault! she said she'd asked, and been told it was okay. we found out the day after that it wasn't.
oops?

ahh yes. crystal gyser is wonderful, when passed around a circle.
shawn is a penguin.
my cousin wishes he were younger.
tim can't clean houses
matt's gonna be a ho, and he's gonna look hawt.
downtown san diego is awesome, it's like the san francisco of southern california
bikini kill rocks my socks
so do scruffy guys
joven's new name is stevo, and that's final.
james and claire miss me more
i love not making sense
parks are amazing, i found one here
and i should probably be writing the damn paper.
shit.

I LOVE EVERYBODY

leave me comments cuz i'm losing my mind.


peace, love, rock 'n roll ]]> ~SilveRReleasE http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/5884042/ http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/5884042/ Sat, 09 Jul 2005 08:19:01 PDT don't let anything huge happen while i'm gone... like somebody getting banned (*ahem*) i won't name any names... but you know who i'm talking about.
err yeah... i meant to write a long message, but i'm out of time so i'll leave you with a poem by Jeffrey Mc Daniel



THE QUIET WORLD

In an effort to get people to look
into each other's eyes more,
and also to appease the mutes,
the government has decided
to allot each person exactly one hundred
and sixty-seven words, per day.

When the phone rings, I put it in to my ear
Without saying hello. In the restaurant
I point at chicken noodle soup.
I am adjusting well to the new way.

Late at night, I call my long distance lover,
proudly say I only used fifty-nine today.
I saved the rest for you.

When she doesn't respond,
I know she's used up all her words,
so I slowly whisper I love you
thirty-two and a third times.
After that, we just sit on the line
and listen to each other breathe.



disclaimer, i did not write this.


peace, love, rock 'n roll

]]> ~SilveRReleasE http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/4928930/ http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/4928930/ Sun, 27 Mar 2005 21:30:54 PST ~SilveRReleasE http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/4789918/ http://SilveRReleasE.deviantart.com/journal/4789918/ Fri, 11 Mar 2005 22:11:22 PST
FILL IT OUT, FOOLS!!! (i know where you live... all of you!)

WOULD YOU...
[] give me your number?
[] kiss me?
[] let me kiss you?
[] watch a movie with me?
[] take me out to dinner?
[] drive me somewhere
[] cut some rug with me?
[] take a shower with me?
[] be my bf/gf?
[] have a fling with me?
[] buy me a drink?
[] take me home for the night?
[] Would you let me sleep in your bed?
[] Sing car karaoke w/ me?
[] sit in the doctors office with me because I didn't want to go alone?
[] re-post this for me to answer your questions?
[] give me a piggyback ride?
[] Come pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere


D0 Y0U...
[] think im cute?
[] want to kiss me?
[] want to cuddle wit me?
[] want to hook up with me?


ARE WE...
[] aquintences?
[] friends?
[] in a relationship?
[] gonna have kids?


AM i...
[] smart?
[] cute?
[] funny?
[] cool?


HAVE Y0U EVER...
[] thought about me?
[] thought there might be an "us"?
[] thought about hookin up with me?
[] found yourself wanting a kiss from me?
[] wished i were there?


ARE Y0U...
[] done with this survey?
[] happy you know me?
[] mad at me?
[] thinkin bout me?
[] going to repost this so that i will return the favor ]]> ~SilveRReleasE