http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:SilverQuill&section=today deviantART RSS for by:SilverQuill en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Mon, 30 Nov 2009 11:21:46 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/28221042/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/28221042/ Sun, 08 Nov 2009 15:18:53 PST Brenna-Ivy... a month ago? Yeah, my internet persona is suffering.

But here it is, finally! Without thumbnails because, sadly, but that'll only add to the surprise.

Welcome, because I like the idea and background. The characters too, but that's self-evident.

Precious because it's so damn cute. I'm not usually the 'eeh, cute' kinda person, but I already know these characters (sorta) and yeah. It really is.

A pic from the Kuroshitsuji photoshoot because I love stained-glass windows. The photography itself is medio-- no, no, I jest. I keep coming back to this photo, for some reason.

Secondly, I'm trying NaNoWriMo this year. I started a week late so this'll be FUN and GIGGLES. But hey, I'm writing again, and I'm writing some of my favourite characters, which is awesome! I might just end up writing a couple different shorter stories about them to get to my 50.000 words. Oof, that's a large number. I've only got 3000~ so far! It almost makes me panic.

Thirdly, I got my hands on an almost-antique suit, some vests and jackets. The suit used to belong to my grandfather, which is simultaneously weird and absolutely awesome. I think it's about... 70 or 80 years old. Whoa. It's in ridiculously good condition, theory is it was his wedding suit and has only been worn a few times. It had the dry-cleaning tags still on them, stapled to the fabric with rusted staples. There also might be some mold in it, so I'm probably taking it to a dry cleaner again to see if they can clean that out carefully. Unfortunately the pants don't fit, but I might try to let them out if I ever feel brave enough. They're really nice pants. The vest and jacket are very nice too, and I can actually wear those. I can tell you I most definitely will.

-Silver

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/27555311/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/27555311/ Sat, 03 Oct 2009 09:43:57 PDT
Everyone has always told me these seemingly meaningless life mantras I knew in my rational mind to be important if only I got it. If only my irrational mind would get it. Well. I have been broken and reforged stronger.

Anger is a powerful thing.

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/26830225/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/26830225/ Wed, 26 Aug 2009 05:18:48 PDT
So why is it that when I ask someone to stop they instead double their efforts? I'm talking about friends here, people I care about and who care about me, my mom does it, my ex did. You'd think it wouldn't be such an effort to not do something, right? It's even spares the trouble of finding a weak spot and poking it repeatedly. But no, they take my plea as an invitation and an indication they're on the right track. Then, when I invariably get upset or ask again, more forcefully, I'm accused of being grumpy, of overreacting, I'm told I need to loosen up and why is it such a big deal, it's just teasing. It's not like it's the end of the world, right? And I'd better toughen up if any little teasing gets me upset like that, right?

No. It's not any little teasing. It's someone I care about and who I trust poking at a nerve despite my asking them not to. In a very concrete example, I'm ticklish and when people find that out, I often tell them very seriously not to go too far with it. A friend disregarded this and set out on finding my most ticklish spot, stopping only when I was crying because I couldn't breathe. Because of the position of trust these things hit harder than if it were a random thing.

I'd think it's a small thing for friends to ask eachother, to not do something frustrating. In itself, it's no big deal, but it would make things easier if there was no need to keep myself shielded against it when among friends. When accidental, or a random occurence, it would also not be such a problem. I just can't grasp why it won't stop.

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/26695489/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/26695489/ Wed, 19 Aug 2009 15:29:54 PDT
The old list:
1. Figure out the next year at university, classes-wise. Seriously. Do that NOW, self. Check!
2. ENLIST FOR THOSE DAMN CLASSES ASAP Check!
3. Write! I'm on a writing-roll! Aiming for 30.000 words.
4. Get sorted for that meetup Sunday. Check!
5. Get new shoes. No check, have not been able to find a nice store.
6. Make a doctor's appointment. No check. I er. I've been... to the moon. Too busy. Yeah.
7. Finish that steampunk project. No check either. Turns out I suck at making gloves.
8. Get a life. But I'm feeling like I'm trying to lead three already!
9. Get a job. No check. Bad me.
10. What the hell, get a hobby too. Possible check! Whoo!

The new (and improved) list:
1. Write. Write! Write!
2. Make a doctor's appointment.
3. Get that possible hobby going.
4. Look into crossdressing.
5. Get a haircut. Damn, split ends.
6. Try to salvage some of that steampunk project.
7. Get ready for the new year.
8. Look into publishing.
9. Keep an eye open for a job.
10. Decide if I want to move out.

And that's all.

-Silver

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/26311339/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/26311339/ Sat, 01 Aug 2009 11:57:26 PDT
P.S. Sarah from Laced Up made it all better. Or a whole lot, at least. She's so awesome, I come close to fangirlism.

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/26302767/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/26302767/ Fri, 31 Jul 2009 17:08:44 PDT Top Ten Things To Do

1. Figure out the next year at university, classes-wise. Seriously. Do that NOW, self.
2. ENLIST FOR THOSE DAMN CLASSES ASAP
3. Write.
4. Get sorted for that meetup Sunday.
5. Get new shoes.
6. Make a doctor's appointment.
7. Finish that steampunk project.
8. Get a life.
9. Get a job.
10. What the hell, get a hobby too.

Top Ten Songs In My Head

1. I Can't Decide - Scissor Sisters
2. 8 Miles Wide - Storm Large
3. Nevermind Me - Maria Mena
4. The theme song from Elfenlied. What the hell? I don't even watch that anime.
5. Elven Lover - Omnia
6. Hotel California - The Eagles
7-10. Repeat.

Top Ten Cheesy Holiday Shots

1. The inside of a glacier. How cool is that! Pun intended.
2. A roof. What? It's a pretty shot.
3. An old bridge over a river. Look at the colour of the river! I still can't wrap my head around the funky colour.
4. A sunken tower. Or drowned, actually.
5. I love mountain streams, so wild.
6. The castle Laudeck, in all its gravity-defying glory.
7. The castle of Berneck, in its unaccesible haughtiness. *mopes*
8. A crazy king's fair tale palace.
9. A cheesy sunset. Cheeeese.
10. Naudersberg, which looks a little plain in comparison to the other castles. Awww.

Top Ten Things I Forget

1. What I was doing.
2. What, sorry? Oh.
3. Birthdays.
4. The time.
5. Replying to peoplr if I don't do it right away.
6. Enlisting for classes. ARGH!
7. The time.
8. My sanity.
9. The lyrics or precise melody of a song.
10. What I was going to write here. My concentration is in shreds.

Sincerely,

Your much distracted, frazzled, Silver.

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/25582333/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/25582333/ Sat, 27 Jun 2009 07:32:47 PDT
Setting: a theater had advertised the sale of old costumes and props, so me and my mom go, only on the wrong day.

My mom: We heard there was a sale here.
Theater woman [to my mom]: Oh, I'm so sorry, that was yesterday.
Mom: Oh, I see.
TW: I'm sure it was on all the ads properly.
Mom nods.
TW: It really was yesterday, you see. Today there are two plays to say goodbye to the old location.
Mom: How nice.
TW: So although it was yesterday, maybe you can come back later today. How strange you thought it was today, I'm sure the right date was on the ads.
Mom nods and walks to me.
TW notices me.
TW: I'm afraid the sale was yesterday.
Me: I heard.
TW: Today there are two plays to say goodbye to this location, but the sale was yesterday.
Me: Yes, I heard. It's our fault, really.
TW: I'm sure the right date was on the advertisements, see? *points at a poster*
Me: ...yes, I saw that. It was our fault.
TW: The poster said it was yesterday, so it couldn't have been that.
Me: I know.
TW: So maybe you can come back later today to have a look, but the sale was yesterday.
Me: I know. Bye.

It was as if she could only say a total of four thing, "the sale was yesterday", "today there are plays to say goodbye to the location", "the ads had the right date" and "maybe you can come back later" and was making up for that by repeating them over and over. And my mom doesn't think it's annoying, so I'm starting to wonder if there's a glitch in my wiring that makes me hate this.

Guh.

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/25477693/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/25477693/ Mon, 22 Jun 2009 15:47:53 PDT skeledoll made me!

Anyone who reads this, answer the questions. (Or, er, don't. I'm not ordering anyone, not me.)

1. Your Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favorite Film:
5. Favorite Song or Album:
6. Favorite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
9. Do we know each other outside of dA?
10. What's your philosophy on life?
11. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty?
12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
13. What is your favorite memory of us?
14. What is your favorite guilty pleasure?
15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
16. You can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget all the 'world peace etc' malarkey) - what are they?
17. Can we get together and make a cake?
18. Which country is your spiritual home?
19. What is your big weakness?
20. Do you think I'm a good person?
21. What was your best/favorite subject at school?
22. Describe your accent:
23. If you could change anything about me, would you?
24. What do you wear to sleep?
25. Trousers or skirts?
26. Cigarettes or alcohol?
27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together? (If you have no idea, just say something crazy, it'll entertain me!)
28. Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you?

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/25304850/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/25304850/ Sun, 14 Jun 2009 08:19:20 PDT
A paper with notes from years ago. At the bottom, upside-down, and without any sort of context or explanation, it says: "A whole generation of gay ice cubes." I'm... I just, I have no clue.

A letter from the 'Queen of the land of Applepigfood' to the 'Queen of the land of Black Robes' concerning a trade agreement and dated 15th of februari, 2007. I actually have some idea who might've written this, but why? Beats me.

The character sheet of my first D&D character.

Food brought back from Japan. I went to Japan in 2006. *cough* Uhm.

A big school essay of one of my best friends. Why do I have this? I vaguely remember she forgot to pick it up so I did, and then she didn't want it back. Uhm. Or something.

An important letter from the student loan company. Oops.

Update on the Awesome Stuff/Less Awesome Stuff:

- I'm still awesome. And so is my laptop. And you too. Yes, you.
- Going to Amsterdam again for friends and manga/anime/books!
- Pushing myself to do stuff I'm afraid of, and it actually working out okay.
- A friend definitely coming to Scotland this autumn. Double yay!
- Writing. Even if it's silly.
- Fixing the fastenings on my spiffy jacket and even though I made a mistake (wrong colour thread, oops) it still looks spiffy.
- My cat didn't need to be sedated anyway, the goo we have to drip in her ear works so well we'll be doing that another week and that's enough. She hates it, but I bet the sedation would've been worse.
- Exams. ARGH!

-Silver

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/25248383/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/25248383/ Thu, 11 Jun 2009 05:16:38 PDT
- Vampire night meet thing. Definitely awesome. Need to do more things like that.
- Wearing spiffy outfits. On that same note, need to find a dress sort that fits.
- Me. Oh yes, I said it.
- Going to Amsterdam for friends and manga/anime/books.
- People. As long as they're not terrifying. Speaking of...
- Conquering my fear of people. Or at least being able to push through it, even if I'm shaking afterwards.
- My laptop. Did I introduce you to Tisiphone yet? Well, there we go.
- Discovering there's a course to learn to plan daily stuff at a place I'm already going to. Now to see if it's something for me.
- A friend possibly coming to Scotland this autumn. Yay!
- Dried fruit.
- Writing. Even if it's silly.
- This past week. In spite of a few downs, I've managed to keep my head up.

Less awesome stuff:

- My feet hurting. Whine, moan, gripe.
- The fastenings on my spiffy jacket tearing out. Thankfully, I've already found replacements, just need to put them on now, knowing me, that might take a while.
- The ass in the train who didn't even bother using headphones to listen to his crappy loud music and then didn't understand me when I asked him if he could turn it down. The irony.
- My cat needing to get her ear cleaned under sedation.
- Exams. ARGH!

I feel like I've peeled another layer off my issues, I just hope the hyper-high doesn't have an equally extreme down.

-Silver

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/24851886/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/24851886/ Wed, 20 May 2009 06:43:12 PDT Tuco. I can't resist these quiz-ish things, so I won't.

RULES:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense. NO CHEATING!
4. Bold the questions and with the answers, give your own comments on how it relates to the questions.

1. How are you feeling today?
Lughnasadh – Omnia (I'm... not sure what that means? The song does make me happy, for some reason.)

2. Will you get far in life?
My Special Child – Sinead O'conner (I'm gonna be special, then?)

3. How do your friends see you?
Travelin' Soldier – Dixie Chicks (as a hopeless romantic? I do like tragedy.)

4. Will you get married?
Paradise City – Guns n' Roses (...I'll want to? Er... I don't know.)

5. What is your best friend's theme song?
Let's Dance – David Bowie (...what. Well, my friends (and me) are usually a bit... weird? As in, spontaneous singing/dancing and stuff, so I guess.)

6. What is the story of your life?
Forsaken – Within Temptation (...uhm... That's... ominous. I'm not sure I quite like it.)

7. What was high school like?
Bad Day – R.E.M. (...YES! Hells yes.)

8. How can you get ahead in life?
Against the Wind – Maire Brennan (XD I agree, I agree.)

9. What is the best thing about your friends?
Is It Real? – Scott Matthew (They're confusing and unexplainable? Indeed.)

10. What is in store for this weekend?
Two Outta Three Ain't Bad – Meat Loaf (..uh oh. Another ominous one.)

11. To describe your grandparents?
No Reply – Steve Conte (I suppose that's true, since most of them are dead, and I keep meaning to visit my grandmother, but I forget... *cough*)

12. How is your life going?
Daily Growing – Altan (This is true for the title, but er... I'm not having an arranged marriage with a boy half my age who I will grow to love and have a child with before he dies a year later. Thankfully.)

13. What song will they play at your funeral?
Siúil a Rún – Clannad (Huh. I like that idea.)

14. How does the world see you?)
Adiemus – Enya (..huh? As far as I know, that song is just gibberish... Maybe that means the world doesn't understand me. XD)

15. Will you have a happy life?
Fuck You – Lily Allen (I don't know what that means but it's hella funny. XD I think that means no, though. Heh. At least I'll stand up to my ideals?)

16. What do your friends really think of you?
Say Yes – Afternoons (So they think I should get married? Err. That doesn't sound like my friends.)

17. Do people secretly lust after you?
Deceiver of Fools – Within Temptation (Hey waitasec, am I the Deceiver or the Fool? I... I.. am confused. After a look at the lyrics, I comclude the answer is... I don't know. It seems to suggest I lead people on in cruel and unusual ways but... yeah, no. Not true, then.)

18. How can I make myself happy?
Into the West – Annie Lennox (What? Another one? I mean yeah, this song always calms me down but... is this suggesting I should let myself fade away and cross over (=die)? Uhm. Ominous.)

19. What should you do with your life?
Enjoy the Silence – Depeche Mode (*snicker* So I shut quit the whining and have some fun? I agree.)

20. Will you ever have children?
I'm Gonna Be – The Proclaimers (Another unclear one. It seems to suggest so... *whimper*)

21. What song would you strip to?
I Surrender – Saybia (Naw, that's not a good song to strip to. Not that I would know. Unless it's a very emotional stripping...)

22. If a man in a van offered you candy, what would you do?
Kenesai Tsumi – Susumu Nishikawa & Nana Kitade (As is the case with most Japanese lyrics, it's all a bit vague when translated. But this suggests I would take my chances. Uhm. No.)

23. What does your mom think of you?
When I'm Gone – 3 Doors Down (She has support in me and doesn't want me to forget her when she's gone? That actually fits very well.)

24. What is your deep dark secret?
Science Fiction Double Feature – Richard O'brien (From the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear oh dear. My somewhat geek-being and sci-fi loving isn't a secret, so it must be... *drumroll* Yeah right, it's my darkest secret, like I'm gonna tell you!)

25. What is your mortal enemy's theme song?
Ready Steady Go – L'Arc en Ciel (Ha! Nice one. But that does mean they'll never give up... hum.)

26. What's yo... ]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/24679205/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/24679205/ Sun, 10 May 2009 02:44:57 PDT
Today? There's seven family members here, running around, making music, doing family-y stuff.

The irony!

-Silver

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/24525654/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/24525654/ Fri, 01 May 2009 05:49:46 PDT
But I don't want that, noooo. I want wings that FLAP. Flapity flap.

I'm thinking about a costume for the Elf Fantasy Fair next year, and I might just try to build movable wings this summer. If I can figure it out. ...then I'd need to figure out the rest of that costume.

Okay, maybe this will get stuck in the designing phase.

-Silver

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/24480633/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/24480633/ Tue, 28 Apr 2009 13:30:42 PDT
Please stop glaring at me, honking your horn at me, yelling at me, sneering at me (in front of your kid, even, very smooth), accusing me, insulting me, or ignoring me when you're not busy with any of the above. What did I do for all that hostility?

-Silver

P.S.

EFF was awesome, one pic up in the gallery. I'm still beat, I think those two days drained my energy supply for the next two months, but that's okay. Being in costume like that makes me react all differently sometimes, for example, I wasn't too much a coward to yell out a battlecry, which I'm proud of even though it's silly.

Got a new necklace there, it's very awesome. Also got a book thrown at me, turns out it's part of this... thing where you read a book and leave it somewhere and someone else picks it up and reads it etc. Pretty damn awesome. Will read it right after The Truth and some of the Metamorphoses.

Didn't meet many new people at the EFF, guess a costume isn't enough to change that part of me, so I'll just need to keep working on it. Still feeling lonely, need to work on that as well. In fact, I can work on EVERYTHING. XD I might as well try to have fun and not worry so much. Now if only I had enough courage to randomly talk to random people who seem cool... If you'll forgive the sappiness, world, I could use someone closer, if you know what I mean.

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/24345521/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/24345521/ Mon, 20 Apr 2009 15:15:41 PDT
I'm sorta missing having someone to do some srs romance RP with. Unfortunately that kinda thing gets awkward with close RL friends or the problem would be solved. (I'm looking at you, you know who you are. ) My tendencies for angst, tragedy, and fluff have no outlet but my solo-writings and imaginings. Which would be fine, except when I write some of these stories down, they DIE. Which is not so fine. And gives me even less motivation to finish writing my current project.

Artsy project in the future which is soopar secret (not really) and might be exhibited somewhere, if I'm lucky.

Need to stop sabotaging myself, but it's hard. Sometimes I know I'm doing it but can't figure out what else to do so I do it anyway... and of course, it then all crashes down around me. Also need to get rid of my vampire complex.

Overall, optimistic. Looking forward to the Elf Fantasy Fair, gonna be there both days! I'll be pretty recognisable, but I've been sworn to silence, so you'll either have to find out there or wait for the pictures.

That was all,

-Silver

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/24107563/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/24107563/ Tue, 07 Apr 2009 07:46:53 PDT
Sigh.

He's set a date he wants me to visit, less than two weeks away. Fat chance I'll have things sorted out by then.

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/24070113/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/24070113/ Sun, 05 Apr 2009 06:25:52 PDT Ech0plex, so I will annoy you with a list of random things about myself! And there will be eight of them. So here we go!

1) My fingers bend backwards. Well, not all the way but far enough to make a straight angle. It's fun to annoy people with.

2) I like canned fruit. Sometimes I just really really want some canned peaches, or cherries. Hmmmm.

3) I've recently started swearing out loud a lot more. It might be a sign I'm getting some more self confidence. Or that I'm getting meaner. Hah!

4) I've got a box of miniature icicles lying on my desk. They're about 2 cm long, and I have... 36. I'm not telling why, you'll find out in a month or so if all goes well.

5) I can't estimate lengths/height/etc. And when I say can't, I mean it. It's not that I'll be off by a bit, I just.. have no clue. When I got the icicles, for example, I asked the person selling them how big they were, then had to get a measuring thingy to see how big 2 cm actually is. XD I still only realised how big they were when I had them in from of me.

6) My artistic aunt told me I should try getting my stuff into a gallery (the real life kind). I think she's only saying that because I'm family, but it's fun to hope.

7) I really fucking love tragic songs. And stories. Everyone dies at the end after suffering through buckets of angst? Awesome. At the same time, I also love happy endings.

8) I want a tattoo, and I have the design, but I'm going to wait, oh... a year or so. I have to decide where to put it, anyway, and the place I'd probably go to has a waiting list of over half a year. No rush!

And that certainly was random. You did ask for it! Now, by clicking back from *Ech0plex's journal I found the rules for this... thing. Boo at you for not passing them on, Ech0! Anyway, here they are:

THE RULES

1. Post these rules.
2. Each person tagged must put random facts about themselves.
3. Tagged ones should write a journal about these facts.
4. At the end of the post tag eight some more deviants (I don't even know eight people to tag, so no way.)
5. Go to their page telling them they're tagged.
6. No tagging back.

Okay, the formula commands me to tag some people.


Tag, you're it.

-Silver

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/23953331/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/23953331/ Sun, 29 Mar 2009 14:59:51 PDT Sword Umbrella. Screw the har-har-mens-only attitude, that's too awesome to be contained in one gender. (Apart from the fact that gendering things makes no sense anyway.)

Seriously though, an umbrella, with a sword handle. The only way that gets better is if it actually contained a sword.

...okay, now I want that.

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/23743307/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/23743307/ Tue, 17 Mar 2009 08:57:42 PDT Winged-Vayla made me (and well yes, I do wonder what people think of me):

The 'what do you think of me' quiz. If you want to fill it in about me, post it in a comment.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF:

» I lived next door to you:
» I was hospitalized:
» I ran away from home:

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:

» Personality:
» Art:
» Character Designs:

WHAT ABOUT US:

» When and how did we meet?
» How have I affected you?
» What's the fondest memory you have of me?
» Would you hug me?
» Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
» Describe me in one word.
» What was your first impression?
» Do you still think that way about me now?
» What do you think my weakness is?
» What about me makes you happy?
» What about me makes you sad?
» What reminds you of me?

» Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?

In other news, I've been talking about one of my dream worlds lately (the one with the Red Goddess <3), and I realised that I really should write this down. I don't have any ideas for a central storyline, though. Anyone have any idea about a kind of story they'd want to read? I could also write it down as a collection of fairytales, linked together with a little narrative from Neki of the Red Goddess. Or Alexei. I've always wanted to do that, actually. *ponder*

-Silver

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/23647735/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/23647735/ Wed, 11 Mar 2009 17:19:03 PDT
Thursday:
Unable to say no, (dream-only) friend starts making advances. Not going into the rest of the dream. (It was a nightmare.)
Friday:
On vacation with my family (and my cat), my mom falls into a hole (with my cat), triggering a nuclear bomb. My father convinces me to get on the last train away from the blast, but stays behind to try and get my mom out. The train stops, we all get off, there's a big white flash and a shockwave and I realise my parents (and my cat) were still in there and might still be alive (dream logic). I run back, but the further in I run, the slower I go, because my legs are starting to suffer and my skin starts melting off. I look around and there are corpses everywhere, their faces melted.
Saturday:
I'm dropped in a strange city, I have no clue what's going on but immediately people start pointing at me and following me. I try to get away from them and get pulled off the streets (and roofs) by some revel organisation and get told the army is after us. We flee, and the army does come after us, chasing us through deserted shops and cellars. They have guns. I don't know if we ever managed to escape.
Sunday:
I start working at a creepy theatre, with an equally creepy owner. My family yells at me for accepting the job, then yells at me for telling them I can always quit it. I start my work night, the owner disappears in the back and customers start flooding in. I barely know how the tickets work. The customers have fancy clothing, masks, distorted faces, or no face at all.
Monday:
I don't remember the nightmare, but it woke me up at five in the morning obsessing about things in the darkness.
Tuesday:
No nightmares, but a brief visit from the Red Goddess, she just smiles at me.

Seems like it's nightmare season around here, maybe I should double-check my dream catcher.

Let's see what Wednesday brings!

-Silver

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/23622909/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/23622909/ Tue, 10 Mar 2009 08:35:27 PDT
I had two phonecalls to make today and I just gathered the courage to actually do it, only to find out both people/organisations are only available tomorrow between nine and eleven, and nine thirty and ten thirty respectively.

I wanted to sleep late tomorrow! Now I get to get out early (ish. I know, I shouldn't complain.) to the stress of making those phonecalls again.

Also, I hung up the last call with the Dutch equivalent of 'buh-bye!'. Real smooth, Silver.

-Silver

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/23473367/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/23473367/ Sun, 01 Mar 2009 15:29:55 PST buttons. It makes me feel so useful and productive to have something to do, which is generally good for my mood. But bad for my watchers. I apologise for the weird, weird writing today.

Also, I need to stop reading wikipedia articles about (mental) illnesses. The checklists are... interesting. Don't worry, I'm not self-diagnosing myself, I just think it's fun to read. 'sides, I already know I have issues.

That's all. Ten buttons left.

-Silver

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/23199414/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/23199414/ Sat, 14 Feb 2009 15:47:11 PST
I admit, I'm a horrible person. I get annoyed at people who have their grief/pain/drama out in the open in a way that suggests they're using it to get attention.

What brings this on? The drama-RP of "Oh goodness, I'm such a pure/gentle/fragile/beautiful thing, torn apart by a series of bizarrely unrealistic things and have now gone crazy. Look at me."

Now, I'm messed up. At one point I managed to convince myself I was not to show any negative emotion ever, or there would be consequences. Feeling down is not allowed. Might have something to do with being constant cheerful support to my dad. So sadness and stuff became this... taboo, and when I did get sad I'd turn into a passive-aggressive horrible person. Who am I kidding, I still do. So I guess for that reason, just telling people you're down and need attention seems, well, cheating. Not proper.

Of course, I'm really just jealous like hell people can actually do that.

(End introspective.)

Also, I've come up with the strange idea I might have a mild form of dyscalculia, and now my mom, her therapist and a bunch of other people say I should take a test to find out for sure. I feel bad for wanting special explanation why I suck at math/clocks/names/routes/dates/money/numbers.

Any comments on requesting a test or not?

-Silver

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/23018752/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/23018752/ Thu, 05 Feb 2009 11:22:17 PST
And guess what I found RIGHT IN THE BIT OF THE BIKE-PARKING I KNEW I PUT IT AND SEARCHED A BAZILLION TIMES (more like eight, but y'know.)

Yeah.

Welcome back, Swift! Nevermind the fact I sprained my arms hauling two bikes back home at the same time, it's all worth it. I wish I knew how the hell I missed it though... It's probably been moved around by people, or someone dropped their One Ring onto the frame. Or maybe Swift's taken a little vacation, to some tropical bike paradise. I'll ask him how it was tomorrow.

Yeah, so. That's it.

-Silver

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/22959163/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/22959163/ Mon, 02 Feb 2009 07:39:39 PST
This is to the loss of my dear bike, Swift, who was taken from us cruelly somewhere between today and last wednesday. I will always remember him, his permanently underinflated tires, the two rusty thingamies attached to his frame, I used those to find him in the crowded bike parking at the station, and the way he could be pretty damn fast.

Bye, Swift.

Yeah, bike got stolen. It's the bike I've had forever (since we moved here, I think), so I guess I'm lucky I've managed to hang onto it for so long. It's still sad, I was attached to the thing. Better go gather info (make, type, serial number, geez, I wonder if we even have that anywhere?) so I can officially report it.

-Silver

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/22836895/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/22836895/ Tue, 27 Jan 2009 04:43:56 PST Here goes!

[X] You have screamed at an inanimate object for 'hurting you.' (Those damn walls keep attacking...)
[ ] You have ran into a glass/screen door.
[ ] You have jumped out of a moving vehicle.
[X] You have thought of something funny and laughed, and then people gave you weird looks.
[X] You have run into a tree/bush.
[ ] You have been called a blond.

TOTAL: 3

[ ] You know that it IS possible to lick your elbow.
[ ] You just tried to lick your elbow.
[X] You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star had the same melody.
[X] You just sang them to make sure.
[X] You have tripped on your own feet and fallen. (Once so spectacularly it launched my bag over my head.)
[X]You have choked on your own spit.

TOTAL: 4

[ ] You have seen the Matrix and still don't get it.
[ ] You type with three fingers or less. (five! *grin*)
[ ] You have accidentally caught something on fire.
[ ] You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose.
[X] You have caught yourself drooling

TOTAL: 1

[X] You have fallen asleep in class. (I, er, uhm. Just once.)
[X] Sometimes you just stop thinking.
[X] Sometimes when you are telling a story you forget what you are talking about.
[X] People often shake their heads and walk away from you. (Not sure about 'often', but it does happen.)
[ ] You are often told to use your 'inside voice.'

TOTAL: 4

[X] You use your fingers to do simple math. (I... numbers... it's.. meh. How does that make me crazy?)
[X] You have eaten a bug accidentally... (It was in a bag of crisps!)
[ ] You are taking this test when you should be doing something more important. (For once, no! I have nothing important to do! Glorious, glorious free time!)
[X] You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn't realize it.
[X] You've looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand/pocket the whole time. (My phone. *nods*)

TOTAL: 4

[ ] You have posted bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen if you don't. (I refuse to do those, they can't scare me!)
[X] You break a lot of things. (I once broke a bed by sitting on it. >_< )
[X] You tilt your head when you're confused.
[X] You have fallen out of your chair before.
[X] When you're lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture on the ceiling. (I like my room pitch-dark, which makes seeing the ceiling hard. I do it in other rooms, though.)
[X] The word "um" is used frequently.
[ ] You don't know what "um" means. (What it means? Nothing. It signifies hesitation.)
[ ] You say "what" and "huh" a lot.
[X] You plan to use a calculator to multiply your score for this bulletin. (Remember what I said about numbers and me? Not friends.)

TOTAL: 6

GRAND TOTAL: 22

NOW, take your total, and multiply it by 4.

Only 88%. I'm disappointed, me.

I'm disappointed too, I expected 110%, at least.

I know, better luck next time!

-Silver & SQ

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/22557787/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/22557787/ Tue, 13 Jan 2009 08:40:13 PST
I like eating, damnit. Food is good for you and stuff. Plus, tasty. But everything in my mouth hurts and it's just not with the effort to try and chew say... a sandwich. Even mashed potatoes can get the better of me. My mom's been awesome, running everything through the blender, but even with food reduced to pulp, I take ages to eat the stuff. Take a bite, ow, swallow, pain, drink some water, wait for the pain to go away, take a bite, ow.

Mouth-pains suck. Maybe it's karmic retribution for writing about yelling at my dad?

-Silver

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/22434873/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/22434873/ Tue, 06 Jan 2009 14:07:46 PST
I also came back to a 'happy new year' card. It's was a nifty white on blue home-printed card, from my father. Uh oh. But hey, it's a nice gesture. Especially the message inside, oh yes. There were demands.

I haven't had contact with my father for a while and he writes me to inform me it's been quite long enough, thank you very much, I will find the time to call him these coming weeks, and if not, I will tell him why. He has the right to know, at least. Does he?

I'm sure he'll appreciate the reasons I've refused contact. The anger, especially. I'm angry at him, and his depression. I'm angry at him for his and it's strain on my mother and me, her repeated burnouts. I'm angry at him for being conditioned to always mind others first, no exception. I'm angry at him for feeling I'm lesser than anyone else, not as worthy and valuable, and see a partial cause at least in living with him. I'm angry at him because he told me both that his disease was all my fault in one of his spiteful moods, and that I'm the only reason he hadn't killed himself. How's that for weighing down a 17-year old's shoulder, telling them the only reason their father is alive is you, when you're realising you're not happy yourself, but have to hide it because you father's life depends on it. I'm angry at him for not understanding why it was hard to live with him, with a constant unreliable presence upstairs and never being sure what he'll be like when he come down. I'm angry at him for his moodswings making me terrified of angry people. At the least sign of anger, I have this overwhelming urge to shut up and crawl into a dark corner, before they lash out. I'm angry at him for believing my mother's sister in law over her, his wife, and believing it was all her fault in the first place. I'm angry at him for not reacting to all our attempts to make him happy, no matter how hard we tried. I'm angry at him for feeling helpless as I could hear his sobbing upstairs, knowing nothing I can do will help him, nothing. I'm angry at him for realising I'd never heard my father laugh.

I'm angry at him and his medicines for forgetting everything, from hitting me and dumping water over my head, to his father's (my grandfather's) funeral, and even the fact he died at all. I'm angry at the doctors for figuring he has a family so he'll be fine staying at home, making my mother work a full-time job while still caring for him, with me, and burning out several times. I'm angry he later told her her breaks away from him were lazy and hurtful, when she needed them so much, even though they barely helped. I'm so very angry.

I know none of this is his fault, but anger is not reasonable, I don't intend to take it out on him or even tell him, and he or at least the disease is at the cause of this anger. I'm afraid it will find it's way out when I talk to him. That, or I'll return to the pathetic non-person I was in the years I barely remember myself, when he lived with us. I feel like I've lived more fully in the two (?) years since he moved out, or as he believes we threw him out. I don't want to lose myself again, and I don't want to yell at him for everything he was a cause but not at fault for, and which he doesn't remember.

I don't know what to tell him, and I feel miserable and selfish for even thinking this.

-Silver.

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/20629286/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/20629286/ Tue, 23 Sep 2008 02:07:17 PDT
We picked all the grapes Sunday, we've got a huge grapevine in the backyard, and cleaned em, washed em, all that. It was about seven kilos, not including branches and bugs. My mom's trying to make jam out of it, but her first five jars turned into juice. Whoops. More sugar! Really though, that's the solution, re-boil, add more sugar-pectin mix.

Not much going on around here, people annoy me but I try to ignore them. Been reading some great books (Temeraire by Naomi Novik, a mix of fantasy and historical, oh yeah.), doing my study thing, trying to exercise. Looking forward to Christmas.

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/20152879/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/20152879/ Mon, 25 Aug 2008 17:00:59 PDT
People.

Stop it.

It makes me want to... y'know, grab them by the shoulders and shake them. It also makes me more self-conscious than I already am and er. That is impressive.

Speaking about social awkwardness, I realised the other day someone I know online lied to me. To be fair, it was just her saying she doesn't use msn when I asked her, and then it turns out she does. Not what you'd call a life-threatening lie. Still, if she doesn't want to talk to me, just... say so. I hate people lying to me, even if they claim it's for my own good. All the scenarios I make up when I realise what happened are undoubtedly so much worse than what it was all actually about.

So yeah. Lies R bad. Uhm. Honestly, if there is something I could ask from humanity, except maybe respect and tolerance (Oh, and world peace! *cliche'd*), it would be complete honesty. I'm not kidding. I know there's people who believe that'd destroy someone, but I'm serious. Mostly because honesty does not equal being impolite. It'd be nice if everyone could be honest, and nice about it, oh, to live in a perfect world.

Also. Not much of anything on here lately, that's because I'm having a, er... not so much a writer's block as a lack of finished work. I'm doing some short stuff somewhere else, if you don't know where already, you're not supposed to.

-Silver

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/20042923/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/20042923/ Tue, 19 Aug 2008 14:13:36 PDT
Sadly though, returning is not so great. Empty house, the ceilings are too high, the keyboard makes so much noise, my room is too bright and empty.

Well, I still have my cookies. *noms*

...

They do not fill the emptiness D: *flail*

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/18396134/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/18396134/ Mon, 19 May 2008 09:31:31 PDT
My computer has been named, meet the fearsome Megaira. Yes, Greek mythology. It's one of my classes this period and I still love it. Note to self, read Edda.
Anyway, Megaira. In mythology it (she?) is one of the furies, the Erinyes, the avenging wraths, and there were (are?) three of them. They are often called Eumenides, the 'well-disposed', which is a kind name to placate them. You'd want them on your side, believe me. They have plenty other cool titles like Meilikhioi (gentle ones), and Dasplêthai (horrid ones). They more a force than an anthropomorfic enbodiment of a concept. They're all about cursing, avenging, and bringing justice on people. Not the nicest girls, and that's what I named my PC after. Pray I don't anger it.

Also, a friend of mine's disappeared a few days. Worriiiied. Not been going to great with her and now, poof. Nrgh. I hope she's alright.

*twirls tag and disappears into a puff of smoke*

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/17677787/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/17677787/ Fri, 04 Apr 2008 04:25:20 PDT
No worries, I still have some vaguely artistic things going on. I've been busy with my study lately, all looking good, I've passed everything so far. Whoo! Also, social things, and then certain online things *cough*WoW*cough*. I've been good lately.

But now, the real reason I'm making a new journalthing, I need to name my computer. My previous one was Hughes, but like his anime namesake, it's... started dying on me. Poor thing, I've abused it so. Anyway. Any suggestions are welcome, just want to brainstorm!

Yea, that was it, more or less.

-Silver

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/16972266/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/16972266/ Wed, 20 Feb 2008 05:25:30 PST
Been up to stuff, writing again, drawing again, acting again. Still, as they say in Japanese, life is maa-maa.

Stuff, also. Some new stuff up. thinking of scanning my series of 'challenge' sketches.

Still alive.

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/16207368/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/16207368/ Tue, 01 Jan 2008 13:20:46 PST
For starters, try playing a cardgame you've never played before with a bunch of Finns (the people, not the appendage), one of which drunk and not fluent at either Dutch or English in the first place. After a short, and to be honest, rather unclear, explanation, you're sitting there at a shiny table with three other players, cards all dealt and ready to start. Now imagine this rather drunk Finn forgetting about said Dutch or English alltogether, and starting an argument about the game's rules, remember, you are not getting this game yet and are relying on help from your fellow players, all in Finnish, and the other two players replying in Finnish.

Oi.

I was just sitting there, minding my own cards, and not understanding a single word of what was said. It sounded nice though, and because I didn't know what the hell they were talking about I could just sit back and relax, gradually losing at cards and listening to their talking. It was hilarious.

I've also had apple pie, and a sauna plus massage thing. I'm starting to like these Finns, even though I'm not so fond of saunas (I'll admit it's relaxing, in a way).

Also, also, much more. The main part of it, my sweater smells odd and I had a great few days with some crazy people. Take that, world, one point to me. Or maybe I should claim two points...

Silver out.

P.S. New sketches/drawings up.

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/15983539/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/15983539/ Tue, 18 Dec 2007 08:01:22 PST
Also! I'm visiting an internet person this new year. It's all very spontaneous and adventurous. And terrifying, absolutely terrifying. *shudder* I'm looking forward to it.

Also, a quiz from *HaylieNowak :

Three Things You Want To Do Before You Die:
1.) Get a life XD (if you want to hear the sappy version, love)
2.) Write a book, and publish it too!
3.) Overcome my fear of People.


Three Names You Go By:
1.) Silver
2.) Sophie
3.) Mayday

Three Screen Names You Have Had:
1.) Silver
2.) Silverquill
3.) Ljindali

Three Physical Things You Like About Yourself:
1.) My hair, it's my pride
2.) My hands
3.) Hrm. Jaw?


Three Parts Of Your Heritage:
1.) Errr... basically different parts of Holland, don't know it well enough to trace it bck further.
2.) ^
3.) ^

Three Things That Scare You:
1.) People.
2.) And people, and.. No, kidding. First impressions.
3.) Doing things wrong (illogical fears XD)

Three Of Your Everyday Essentials:
1.) My computer. (games, internet, talking to people)
2.) Sleep
3.) Chocolate

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1.) Knee high socks
2.) One ring on each hand
3.) Uhm... pants. (No, this is not all I'm wearing, obviously.)

Three Of Your Favorite Bands/Musical Artists:
1.) I'm very random at music, I like specific songs, not so much as bands, so I'm gonna leave this open.
2.)
3.)

Three Of Your Favorite Songs:
1.) Into the West, LotR soundtrack
2.) Space Lion, Cowboy Bebop soundtrack
3.) Durr. Dunno.

Three Things You Want In A Relationship:
1.) An other? I'd need a relationship in the first place XD
2.) Honesty would be nice, I suppose.
3.) Understanding. Ooooh, deep.

Two Truths And A Lie (in no particular order):
1.) One of these days I'm going to snap, and go on killing spree.
2.) I've already got a weapon.
3.) And I've also got a blacklist.

Three Physical Things About The Preferred Sex That Appeal To You:
1.) Not looking too old, that's intimidating.
2.) Long hair.
3.) I'd either say intelligent or sensitive here. Hmm.

Three Of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1.) Reading
2.) Writing
3.) Drawing. Easy one.

Three Things You Want To Do Really Badly Right Now:
1.) I want to be warm.
2.) Talk to people online, they're not responding *poke*
3.) Aaaand... Either sleep, or figure out something fun to do.

Three Careers You're Considering/You've Considered:
1.) Archeologist
2.) Writer
3.) Translator

Three Places You Want To Go On Vacation:
1.) Ireland
2.) New Zealand
3.) Somewhere norther Europe

Three Names You Like:
1.) Morgan
2.) Erm. Serena..
3.) And... Let's say... Alistair.

Three Ways That You Are Stereotypically A Girl:
1.) I have long hair.
2.) I... own... a corset? No wait, that's not normal. I own a skirt?
3.) I am addicted to chocolate.

Three Ways That You Are Stereotypically A Boy:
1.) I'll agree with Haylie here, I hate pink, and also those sappy love things, can't stand em, but I won't steal two things XD I do love blue, however much that is stereotypical I don't know.
2.) I don't like shopping for clothes, at all.
3.) I er... like wearing pants and loose shirts. ...I'm outta ideas

Three People That I Would Like To See Take This Quiz Now:
1.) I'm not gonna point out people, they won't do it anyway XD
2.) But feel free to do it, I promise I'll read it. If you leave a comment or something.
3.) Or... don't... that's good too XD


That was all today, signing off. Figuratively.

-Silver

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/15774642/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/15774642/ Mon, 03 Dec 2007 05:22:55 PST
So yea, been quiet lately. Trying to forget someone, but it's not easy. I won't claim I'm depressed or anything (I never have) but I'm not the happiest person around. I've been obsessing about some things, and my train ride is exactly long enough for me to start brooding every single time. I'm working on it, but trying to change is about as difficult as forgetting.

I've been planning to scan some sketches and throw em all in one submission here, but eh. I'm lazy.

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/15550984/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/15550984/ Sat, 17 Nov 2007 16:38:32 PST
]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/15153827/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/15153827/ Sun, 21 Oct 2007 07:22:29 PDT
]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/15032138/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/15032138/ Fri, 12 Oct 2007 16:25:33 PDT
-Black and white thinking; Judging situations in extremes, either good or bad and nothing inbetween. Often use of words like always, never, everyone, everything.

-Predicting disaster; Being absolutely sure something will go wrong, not even giving alternative scenarios a chance.

-Emotional reasoning; Feelings used to justify thoughts.

-Labeling; Quickly making a negative judgement about the self, without seeing it's not the only possible conclusion.

-Reading thoughts; Filling in other's thoughts without considering more positive alternatives.

-Generalising; Making excessively negative conclusions based on one or a few experiences.

-Personalise; Taking events or behavious of others as personal guilt.

-Have to-thinking; Making strict rules for the self and/or others, where failing these rules is interpreted as horrible.

-Overestimating a chance; Overestimating the chance of a feared event happening.

-Negative thinking; Interpreting neutral or even positive events as negative.

-Low frustration tolerance; Believing a certain situation is unbearable.

-Double standard; Having a set of rigid, strict rules for the self, that aren't applied to others.

- Maximalising and minimalising; Giving relatively little to positive events, and a lot to negative ones.

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/14894669/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/14894669/ Wed, 03 Oct 2007 05:21:11 PDT DementedDarkelf waiting for me and it made my day. So no rant. She even sent me a little bracelet ^^

And yea, no more subscription for me *sigh* I tried renewing it, but there are problems with the credit card or something. Oh well.

And lastly, yes I know I've been mean lately. ... Nope, no excuse for that.

-Silver

]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/14771588/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/14771588/ Mon, 24 Sep 2007 12:02:55 PDT
No updates dA wise, I am drawing but it's just sketches, and I'mthinking of rewriting an old story, but that's just plans at the moment.

-Silver

..
]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/13884505/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/13884505/ Thu, 26 Jul 2007 07:38:31 PDT Picked a study-thing to do next year.

Also remembered why I hate reading journals here.

..
]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/13442546/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/13442546/ Fri, 22 Jun 2007 06:12:17 PDT Well, I've been having some slight trouble in figuring out what to actually write. A couple times now, I've strated something, then before I even thought up a proper ending for sort of bored with it and started something new. Now I'm not sure if I should finish them.. wait, I am pretty sure I should finish at least one of them. Even though I still don't know how to end it. Drat.
Let's see, 'they all die' I've done before... how about 'everyone realises what they're doing and goes back home'? Hee hee. Oh I know, 'main vharacter gets stuck in the middle of nowhere and lives happily ever after'. This is so much fun.

Seriously, though, I'm back to writing.

-Silver

..
]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/13121575/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/13121575/ Mon, 28 May 2007 06:03:19 PDT
..
]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/12712825/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/12712825/ Tue, 24 Apr 2007 03:07:15 PDT
Al my life, I've tried to be careful of others. I've kept secrets when I should've told them because it might hurt someone. I always think of others first, and it's become a second nature. Well, I've been an idiot. And now I'm stuck, because if I start talking now, it'll be too much. I guess it's not so much of a problem, because no one will listen. I don't think anyone realises what I've been doing anyway, and I don't know if that's because I'm so good at hiding, or if no one's been looking.

Oh no, don't worry about me.

..
]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/12562582/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/12562582/ Thu, 12 Apr 2007 04:20:24 PDT "REPORTS OF SHOELESSNESS UNCONFIRMED"

"INCREASING PERCENTAGE SHOELESSNESS IN CITIES"

"SHOES, RULE OR GUIDELINE?"

"MAN FOUND DELIRIOUS IN LEIDEN
claims to have seen shoeless girl"


Ah yes, my fifteen minutes of fame. Actually, I did get a few stares, but no one said anything.

Here's the full story. I got new shoes. I like them very much, they're black with this kind of print on the sides and kind of high, more like boots. But they're new, so I still had to get used to them. So I thought I'd wear them today, to my class. To get there, I have to ride my bike to the trainstation, sit in a train for an hour and then walk about ten to fifteen minutes through Leiden, which could be called a big city. But smaller.
In any case, that was a really bad idea, because by the time I got to the classroom, my feet were crying in pain at every step. And even two hours of sitting still couldn't cure that. I was just cursing my stupidity when I realised I still had to go back home... especially the fifteen minute walk. That was going to be slow and painful.
I sat there in the bench and decided to see if I could wear my shoes again, I'd just walk very slowly. After two tries I gave up, and decided I would NOT wear those shoes again today. But how, then, was I to get home?
...with my shoes in my hand, showing off my nice red socks. There I was, walking through a city, to the train station, on my socks. And they stand out, being the only things not black. I then sat in the train for over an hour, with no shoes on, and awkwardly took the bike home. Don't worry, I've washed my feet by now. They were black where a hole in my sock was.

Now what amazes me the most about this whole thing is that, although people did look at me like I was completely out of my mind (which I am), walking the filthy streets on my socks with a perfectly good pair of shoes in my hand... but... I got no comment whatsoever. Nobody said anything about it. They just looked at me, and decided to forget they'd ever seen something so strange.
What an interesting social experiment. Maybe I'll do this again next week... just to see if I make the papers.

Silver

P.S. My feet are fine now, but I think they and the shoes should take a break from eachother now.

..
]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/12364323/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/12364323/ Fri, 30 Mar 2007 07:05:31 PDT
(I should really get out more. I'm getting jealous and that only creates awkward situations. Forgetting gets harder now I don't have anywhere to retreat to. And as things fail, they become painful, but I can't avoid the whole world.
In the end, I'm too scared to get straight to the point, and hope someone will make sense of the hints.

Yea, try to make sense of that *chuckles*

S

P.S. Forgot to say I'm guilty too.)

..
]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/12107564/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/12107564/ Thu, 08 Mar 2007 15:30:01 PST Either way, sometimes it's better not to think too much. Usually after you've thought a lot out.

I should do more things, get a sort of rhythm to my days, because I'm starting to really forget all kinds of stuff. I forgot I was going to the other side of the country (small country, but still) this weekend and accidentally said I was free so now I hope the social network will work fast enough to notify everyone that if they come to my place after say four... I'll not be home.

This week has been rather strange so far, starting with sunday, but I think I'm all good to last a while again now. I've really changed a lot since... last year. I'm not sure which person I like better, as long as I've found nothing worthwhile to waste my time on, I'll have to keep changing.
Still, other things stay the same.

I think it's time to do some drawing for a change.

-Silver (still me)

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]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/11876925/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/11876925/ Mon, 19 Feb 2007 04:36:23 PST
So, er, hi everyone *waves*
Will try to do something for here soon.

-Silver

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]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/11607121/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/11607121/ Mon, 29 Jan 2007 03:54:06 PST
First there are a few statements,

1) I want people to like me (hey, who doesn't?)

2) I believe I should be able to do that.

3) People are paying attention to me, watching me. (nope, not logical, but this is subconscious.)

3b) If I make a mistake, people will notice it. ('mistake' not only being doing something wrong, but also cutting in where my subconscious thinks I shouldn't, saying things no one want to hear, not being nice or supportive, burdoning other people, and the list goes on)

4) If I make a mistake, people will hate me for it.

Because of this, I decide that to avoid making mistakes, I rather do nothing. You can't screw up doing nothing, right? Actually, it's impossible to do nothing. I will always be doing something, but when risks get high, I sometimes freak out and run. That means I disappoint people, and they'll still end up hating me. (Something else I've done in the past is just giving up caring, but this meant I've lost my motivation for pretty much everything.) Example?

I had a retake today. I haven't learned, so I was afraid I'd screw it up and everyone (teacher, fellow students, etc) would hate me for it if I did. but it I didn't go I'd leave the teacher waiting, I'd lose the respect of others by being a lazy coward, etc. The only way out is to take the test (oral, which makes everything worse) and make it well. But to do that, I'd have to go past the fear and very real possibility I'd fail and just do it. In the end, I spent so much time thinking about it I missed my train.

The human mind is a strange thing.

Now I'm sure no one really wanted or needed to know this, so please don't hate me if I put it up anyway.

-Silver

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]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/11537135/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/11537135/ Tue, 23 Jan 2007 03:34:23 PST
Yet dentists STILL do their job by sticking sharp instruments under and in the patients gums. My mouth was bleeding quite badly, I'll tell you. *grumbles*

Well anyway, I'm getting settled on a new computer (thanks to Eltha) Still got a few things to install and stuff like that... I've started on chapter two of the Big Project, aaaand... I guess that's it.

-Silver

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]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/11389214/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/11389214/ Wed, 10 Jan 2007 16:52:19 PST
In other news, I suck at hinting. You don't know what I mean? Hah! there's your proof.

So, erm... errm.... I'm tired? Yes, I am, all the time. Sooo I'll go to sleep now, bye.

-Silver

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]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/11289152/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/11289152/ Tue, 02 Jan 2007 13:54:34 PST DementedDarkelf because I felt like it. Goodie!

1) How old do you wish you were?
I wish...? Er... I hardly notice how old I actually am O.o


2) Where were you when 9/11 happened?
I... don't quite remember... at school?


3) What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
I don't use vending machines that often. But kicking seems to help... at least for the frustration part.

4) Do you consider yourself kind?
I'm more polite than kind.


5) If you HAD to get a tattoo, where would it be?
On my stomach or wrist.

6) If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
Japanese, then I could stop this study.

7) Do you know your neighbours?
Er... sure *cough*no*cough*

8) What do you consider a holiday?
When I can sleep late.

9) Do you follow your horoscope?
Hahah, no.

10) Would you move for the person you loved?
I don't know really...

11) Are you touchy feely?
Heck no.

12) Do you believe that opposites attract?
Well, magnets do XD

13) Dream job?
Writer.

14) Favorite channel(s)?
It's all horrible around here.

15) Favorite place to go on weekends?
The internet is real nice.

16) Showers or Baths?
I usually don't have time for a bath.

17) Do you paint your nails?
Nope.

18) Do you trust people easily?
Err... I suppose... why do you ask, eh ¬¬?

19) What are your phobias?
Pink. People. Pink. German teachers. Pink.

20) Do you want kids?
Nah...

21) Do you keep a handwritten journal?
I could never keep up with it.

22) Where would you rather be right now?
I'm fine here.

23) Heavy or light sleeper?
Let's put it this way, I won't notice a thunderstorm, but I will notice my door opening.

24) Are you paranoid?
Ahahah, no, of course not... *checks for bugs*

25) Are you impatient?
I'm quite patient...

26) Who can you relate to?
Everyone and no one.

27) How do you feel about interracial couples?
Now what kinda question is that? People should just do whatever they want...

28) Have you been burned by love?
Burned? Eheh, no. Not enough happens in that area for me to get burned.

29) What's your main ring tone on your cell?
My dad has my phone right now, so it's not exactly mine anymore. Wouldn't know.

30) What were you doing after midnight last night?
I was on the internet, reading webcomics and rp-ing.

31) What did the last text on your mobile phone say?
No clue.

32) Whose bed did you sleep in last night?
My own.

33) What color shirt are you wearing?
Black. Need you ask?

34) Not here… Who needs 34 anyway?

35) Name three things you have on you at all times:
1. A silver colored right,
2. a black ring,
3. and a silver amulet.


36) What color are your bed sheets?
White.

37) How much cash do you have on you right now?
*pats head* On me? No money tree growing in my hair, sadly.

38) What is your favorite part of the chicken?
Errr... wings? I want wings too *nods*

39) What's your favorite town/city?
I don't generally like cities...

40) I can't wait till:
I get a reply in that rp XD

41) Who got you to join myspace?
Hah! No one did, I decided all by myself not to.

42) What did you have for dinner last night?
Pasta.

43) How tall are you barefoot?
1.65 last time I checked... *smallish*

44) Have you ever smoked heroin?
Eh, no.

45) Do you own a gun?:
Guns are too easy, any idiot could pull a trigger. That's why I have blades.

46) What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Orange juice ^^

47) What is your favourite weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
Why, that would be my sacrificial dagger *grins*

48) Do you have A.D.D.?
Nah, just concentration issues.

49) What time did you wake up today?
I forgot O.o Probably around noon

50) Current worry?
Kicking my dad out again.

51) Current hate?
Apar... ]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/11026148/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/11026148/ Mon, 11 Dec 2006 08:51:32 PST
-Silver

P.S. joined a writer's club thingy. With cats. I like cats.

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]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/10857999/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/10857999/ Sun, 26 Nov 2006 15:05:32 PST
It's a question of motivation, why do people do things, and maybe even, can people even be selfless? When, for example, a man has more than enough money, and decides to give part of it to a charity foundation for little children in Africa who have no clean drinking water and so on, surely that's selfless. It's a good thing to do in any way. But is he really doing it to be nice, and to do something good, or is he doing it for knowing he did something good, and so he can feel good about it. "I saved someone life today, ain't that something." Things like that appease our conscience, it's a good thing, and we feel happy we did it. So is in in fact the feeling of happiness that is caused by a good act that will drive that man to donate money? Is he selfishly donating money for his own peace of mind? Can someone be selfless? Do you yourself know where your 'selfishness' ends and when it's honest sacrifice? Even when someone sacrifices him or herself for the good of others, is it in fact the feeling of being greater than life, knowing people will be better because of it and feeling important because of it that motivates them?

Then again, that whole feeling is a good thing in itself, and is worthy motivation. Except when I think in small scale. Do I smile when I'm not happy so others won't worry, or so others won't worry and I'll feel good not to have ruined their day, feeling whether they know it or not, I've bettered them. Do I get angry at myself because I should think of others, or because thinking of others will give me that satisfying feeling of doing good, one could say, being superior.

Deep thoughts indeed. Don't let it trouble you too much, but think about it maybe? Even though I might be just rambling along.

In other news, I'm a complete bitch. Is that even news? Who knows.

-Silver

.. ]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/10775607/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/10775607/ Sun, 19 Nov 2006 09:13:56 PST I seem to get another fave for this worthless piece of shit every few weeks, and nobody's ever taken the time to even comment.
I'm starting to think I should just delete it, this is pathetic.

.. ]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/10730264/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/10730264/ Wed, 15 Nov 2006 04:23:31 PST
I went to Ringcon again, no pictures this time but hey, it was fun and all. Now I'm back, and spamming you with another journal. I am in Leiden right now, and my next class is in... little less than two hours. I don't think I ever woke up today. I did have some interesting dream, but I don't remember, so instead I will tell you about another dream I had last week somewhere.

It started with a cat. It was in a house, with me. i think it had been catching birds, because there were dead birds of all sizes and shapes lying around the place, some decomposing, some still kicking, some covered in blood. I had to either clean them up, or eat them, bit of a hole in my memory. Afterwards I wanted to wash my hands badly so I went to the bathroom. I hadn't taken away the birds yet, though, they were still all over the bath, shower, floor and most importantly, sink. There were two sinks and both were flooded and covered in birds and feathers, blood and dirt in the water. I turned on the tap but there wasn't enough place to fit my hands under the water without touching the stagnant bird infested water that was already there. I had no choice but to reach in and pull the plug. I then washed my hands as the water drained, but as I scrubbed I noticed a lagre hole in my right hand. All the tissue was eaten away by four fat white maggots. I got a pair of tweezers to pluck them out but it turned out they had leech-like teeth, the circle kind, and were biting into my flesh. I had to rip them out. As I was pulling at the first maggot I woke up. I was relieved to see there was no maggot-infested hole in my hand. I did check about four times before I could go back to sleep.

Sometimes, a detailed dream is... unconvenient. I wonder if it means anything.

-Silver

.. ]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/10656317/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/10656317/ Wed, 08 Nov 2006 08:14:57 PST
As you might have guessed (the fancy words), I've sort of started writing again. Hey, I need something to keep my mind off the real world. But don't worry about me, not like I don't get enough attention, although my inner emo side is trying to convince me just that.

Sooo.... I've been editing plotlines, scrapping the edits, symplifying the whole thing and wondering how the hell I'm ever going to get anything published. I'll have to actually have something written first, but what then? I'm sure finding someone who'll even consider english fantasy will take quite a while, and then erm, shutting up now. Big chance it'll stay a dream, but there's always escape options.

That's it for today, not sure if you'll see much new from me soon.

-Silver

P.S. Ow, ok, maybe too much ice cream >_< stomach ache

.. ]]> ~SilverQuill http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/10518630/ http://SilverQuill.deviantart.com/journal/10518630/ Thu, 26 Oct 2006 15:40:26 PDT
Other than that? Er... I felt like that old journal had to get off my front page, shoo. Enough of that already.

And last but not least, I'm tired. Night everyone.

-Silver

.. ]]> ~SilverQuill