http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Slaymaker&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Slaymaker en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sun, 06 Dec 2009 00:53:51 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/25151220/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/25151220/ Fri, 05 Jun 2009 20:44:54 PDT
]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/19774780/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/19774780/ Mon, 04 Aug 2008 16:09:04 PDT
I tried to get Jose to dress up, but he won't

and it's to late for me to make myself something, but who knows? I'm excited

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/16674327/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/16674327/ Fri, 01 Feb 2008 12:47:24 PST I'm just lazy and have no camera. I promise to post them when I get a chance though!!!!

In other news: my classes just started up last week. The homework load is really light though and I find that I have a lot of random time on my hands. So I think I shall finally sit down and draw that rasta man I promised my dear friend shayna. I think the knitting will have to be a time-passer too. Kung fu is pretty busy, we have like 4 boy scout demos we're doing and we're doing a demo tomorrow that's about 90 mins of driving >.<

oh yiis and my dreads are coming along nicely, I washed them last night and didn't lose any hair!!

<3

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/16343256/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/16343256/ Thu, 10 Jan 2008 12:35:36 PST
I've been knitting alot and doodling a bit.
I just felt like updating here because I can. ^___^

Yaup, life is great, Jose is amazing, and I love food<3

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/14563636/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/14563636/ Sun, 09 Sep 2007 15:31:42 PDT

但是，這仍然是不同

我的眼淚是我的秘密.....

I am so happy, mi amor is amazing and I couldn't ask for a better man.
I entered my knitted items in the local faire today. Maybe I'll win something, who knows. I hope Jose can come to the demo, that would rox. Plus I can redo his hair, ay ay, those cornrows
ooo I might start doing African drumming after my Chinese class on Tuesdays ^ ^ but it makes me sad because it would mean no longer visiting Jose at target So I probably will still stop by some weeks, who knows.

anyway, I'm gonna go clean and cook muh dinner.

Zai jian!

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/13718664/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/13718664/ Fri, 13 Jul 2007 09:25:22 PDT
<3 <3 <3

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/13224768/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/13224768/ Tue, 05 Jun 2007 07:46:32 PDT I love the water, I love to drift in it and guide it with cupped hands. I feel at home and comfort those that are not meant to be tamed.


I might go sailing sometime this summer.... No matter how much pain I have here on land, none of it matters when the sea embraces you. For a day, I can forget who I am here, I can forget the emptiness, I can forget the yearning.

I want to get away from this dreaming. It's been days and days and the image never leaves my head. . . -sigh-





sea, come take me home.

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/13135668/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/13135668/ Tue, 29 May 2007 08:38:15 PDT

We're refusing to use A/C in my house for money purposesss, so this summer shall be fun <3

I'll probably live at Jing Ying, since that place is cooler. . . in both ways.


wooooosh


I love Alexis<3 She is amazing and I'm going to spend the rest of my life with her. muuuuah!

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/13041636/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/13041636/ Mon, 21 May 2007 17:34:15 PDT
I guess lies just compliment the broken promises.

"We're married in God's eyes"

I guess we're finally getting a divorce.


If I had one wish, I would wish to not be dealt this pain. Please don't hurt me this much. Please let me believe
Just a little bit longer
that there's still truth in those eyes.

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/13030950/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/13030950/ Sun, 20 May 2007 20:38:47 PDT
so expect a lot of crappy poems tomorrow.

Or expect me to write a lot and share none of it with you.

My words seem pathetic and weak nowadays anyway.

-sigh-

Happiness?

you betcha

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/13026795/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/13026795/ Sun, 20 May 2007 14:18:41 PDT but never the weakdays

you can suffer on the inside
but never the outside

you can forget everything
but remember you heart

You are not allowed
to stop being there
For everything
For everyone


no matter how many times you're left behind

you're stronger than them"


So when are Andy, Leah, Elleh, and me gonna get together and have a DDR party?
Jah knows I need one

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/13025538/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/13025538/ Sun, 20 May 2007 12:27:01 PDT
WO SHI BU SHOU

yinwei

yinwei?!?


Wo zai kou

Wo.............................xiang zou

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12976044/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12976044/ Wed, 16 May 2007 10:21:24 PDT


so now I'll probably invert to my knitting, designing, drawing, kung fuing, hair, cooking, writing person.

...............
...............


that's the space where I would've said what's on my mind.
I'll just pretend the last two summers never existed.



yay, I'm looking forward to all the demos that I've never really done before.
Health and wellness fair? hahahhahahahahahhahahha

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12950262/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12950262/ Mon, 14 May 2007 07:55:29 PDT
My new lover.

I'm over the old one

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12884102/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12884102/ Tue, 08 May 2007 05:18:52 PDT
sooo I was like YES I FIND SOMEONE HOT!!! and then he turn around and I look closer and realize it's Jose

XD


I thought that was funny, lol, seems like I'm destined to only be attracted to Joseness for awhile, haha. XD

He does look good on a bike though ^^

AHHH SPANISH AND SCIENCE FINALS >.<

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12866718/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12866718/ Sun, 06 May 2007 17:41:06 PDT their hands melded
That was so long ago
they kissed under the sea
lips mingled with seaweed
"I love you dearly"
they always say that before. . .
"However, we cannot...."
Say no more! She closed
her mouth, drown under love
"Continue our love"
cold wave, the hyperthermia
she couldn't say, couldn't help
"why?" she slipped further and further
"I cannot, I'm a merman of the sea"
she tugged on his heart, sighed
"then love, please, come drown with me"

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12805772/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12805772/ Tue, 01 May 2007 16:30:19 PDT
I've been broken for 6 months


funny, the first one feels like forever

and the second one feels like just yesterday

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12710903/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12710903/ Mon, 23 Apr 2007 21:17:22 PDT
yay!



one more step towards getting into school and healing the world ^ ^

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12618620/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12618620/ Mon, 16 Apr 2007 12:41:32 PDT [link]

Yeah, they took me about a day and a half. YAY FOR SHARPIES AND REGGAE OBSESSIIIOOON muhaha

I can name every song title and artist too :-p

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12513208/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12513208/ Sun, 08 Apr 2007 16:37:35 PDT

Don't fall in love"

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12448201/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12448201/ Tue, 03 Apr 2007 18:42:15 PDT
That's why I cry at night and I rant here, because I ain't gonna actually talk to other people and I ain't gonna cry to someone. That sorta thing takes a lot of love and trust for me to do. And I guess I thought I had that once, but I guess I was wrong. And I guess that's what I really need, but I know I ain't gonna bitch about what I need, because I'm not going to be given it.
-sigh- but I do need

I wish I didn't care about others so much, that I didn't have so many responsibilities. I guess I'm just the middle man, right? I don't get what I want or need, but I gotta just go and give other people what they want and need, and I can't kill myself either. Just trapped every second.

I try to numb myself as much as I can, but it always comes back at night.


I wonder what people would think of me if they really really knew.

---------
I know that times were hard
I know that you've been feelin' down
If you only knew how I'm feelin'
For you
If I could take your pain
I wish that I could wash it all away
If you only knew how i'm feelin'

Mommy I'm sorry if my first letter made you cry
To be honest with you I don't think that I wanna die
Sometimes I feel like that I'm cancerous in others lives
Thats probably why I drink at night and sleep till 4 or 5
It's kinda hard walking through life with my distorted eyes
When I was younger I was stupid and I thought I thrived
I thought alot about everything I said in the letter
And questioned whether or not if I was dead you'd be better
You think my shorty would be happy if I never met her
It's too late now mommy I could never forget her
Could never forget how she told me to love
Cuz my father and my grandmother is always above
It's glory above you know that daddy taught me to thug
And everytime we was with nanny she'd bombard me with hugs (damn)
I MISS 'EM mommy and it's hard to believe
That I'm grown and I don't understand it - why did they leave

(Better to die and sleep then never wake and sleep)
(Then linger on and dare to live when your souls life is gone)

You've been runnin' around for so long
You've been hurting yourself too much
You keep messin' around with darkness
You're the one who's losin


Mommy I think Im'a that try to stick around a while
I got a niece and my nephews they need me around a while
I think they need me cuz they hittin that age
And they ain't tryin to speak to Lenny cuz they spittin' they rage
And mommy speakin of Lenny I think my brother need me
And we Italian so you know my mother loved to feed me
And it's the little things you do for me that make it worth it
Like when I play a joint that we did and you say it's perfect
And when Jay got knocked you knew that I was hurt
You told me put all of my heart in a song and it worked
I promised him I'd be there when he got out the bing
You ain't raised me to be a liar ma' thats not my thing
I told him that I'd hold him down the whole time that he gone
they kept him locked in a cage but thats cool cuz hes strong
so mommy keep that first letter I wrote you on the low
I think I wanna stay alive and see if I can grow

You've been runnin' around for so long
You've been hurting yourself too much
You keep messin' around with darkness
You're the one who's losing


(you have power and money, but you are mortal, you know you can not escape death, but immortality can be obtained,

the legend is always the same, if others have succeeded conquering death why must we accept it, I know where

immortals live and how to obtain their secret, we too might become wisemen. The elements of chemistry are many, but finite, so are the

techniques of enlightenment..)

I know that times were hard
I know that you've been feelin' down
If you only knew how im feelin'
For you
If I could take your pain
I wish that I could wash it all away
If you only knew how i'm feelin'

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12442086/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12442086/ Tue, 03 Apr 2007 09:05:09 PDT

[link]

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12422943/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12422943/ Sun, 01 Apr 2007 21:04:50 PDT beggers would cry
i'd get passed my pride
you'd be by my side
i wouldnt be holding on to memories
i wouldnt need them cus you would be here with me
i'd be seperate and complete was my confusion
my generousity was my retrobusion
so caught up what i wanted u to be
conviced that perfection meant spot free

boy... look at me now
a shadow of my former glory
and the moral of my story

if i seem like im holdin it down
but if u wanna know the truth
im slowly losing my ground
and if u wanna know the truth
theres no one keepin me warm
but if u wanna know the truth
im only good in your arms
if you wanna know....

i miss the way u used to say i wanna bone ya

but i have to resisit the urge to phone ya
u must of moved on its be ova a year
and it wouldnt be be fair to burin you with my tears
i know i said i didnt need u and i'll be alright
but i got a much different story tonight
i miss u laughter such a beautiful thing
now the silence no noises and ooooh

boy... look at me now
a shadow of my former glory
and the moral of my story

if i seem like im holdin it down
but if u wanna know the truth
im slowly losing my ground
and if u wanna know the truth
theres no one keepin me warm
but if u wanna know the truth
im only good in your arms
if you wanna know....

boy... look at me now
a shadow of my former glory
and the moral of my story

if i seem like im holdin it down
but if u wanna know the truth
im slowly losing my ground
and if u wanna know the truth
theres no one keepin me warm
but if u wanna know the truth
im only good in your arms
if you wanna know....

now keep wishin
and keep prayin ooooh
and keep sayin

boy... look at me now
a shadow of my former glory
and the moral of my story

if i seem like im holdin it down
but if u wanna know the truth
im slowly losing my ground
and if u wanna know the truth
theres no one keepin me warm
but if u wanna know the truth
im only good in your arms
if you wanna know....

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12381804/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12381804/ Thu, 29 Mar 2007 21:10:07 PDT
After my logical though battles with myself, after my tears, smiles, pain, agony, blood

it's always the same dream every night.

Make it go away please. I just want my dreams to finally face reality.

But it's always the same one. And I use to think it was more than just a dream after the 50th time.




But it's just a nuisance. Keeping me from getting any real sleep.

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12353404/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12353404/ Tue, 27 Mar 2007 17:33:40 PDT And I think that this whole part of my life is a lot scarier than I want to think it is. I think that this, all of it, is about me facing myself. I wish I didn't have to, not now. I wish I didn't have to face myself in this way.

But I've been put in a place that I can't run from, even though that's what I keep doing. I just keep pushing it back, because I don't know what to say to myself, I'm just trying to buy time.

That's why I've been so insane, because things are out of whack for me. I can't face the way I live by a black-and-white bases. Because, the truth is, either way I look, I can't live.

If I remember Jose, I can't live without him. And if I forget Jose, I can't live with myself.

I don't know why I want to say this, but I want people to know that I'm not happy. All that I have felt these past months that have been expressed in the form of smiles isn't joy, perhaps relief, maybe I've been lifted of my sorrows for a moment, but there hasn't been any joy. I want people to know that in my heart of all hearts, I'm terrified.

I guess this is lifes way of telling me that I need to get my act together. That I have to get my fucking act together and finally be strong and face my self hate and face my loss and face the world without Jose and the world of being with myself.

Other people can make you feel beautiful. They can tell you how beautiful and wonderful you are, and you feel good and you start to think that maybe they're right and that maybe you are. But, how much of that image of yourself do you base on that person's opinion of you? And once you lose that person, are you strong enough to not lose yourself?

Truth is, I hate myself, truth is, I don't think he'll ever be back, truth is, I don't think I'll ever get over him, truth is, I'm afraid of facing myself.

I know I have to eventually, because I keep flip floping. Some days it seems like me and Jose are still together, and it's weird training outside in the summer without him.

And then the next moment it's like it never happened. Ever. Like the memories are fake and the Jose I knew never existed.

I just train and run and try to go numb, because I don't want to face the emotions.

But i have to, because I cut up real bad, and I know if I don't have the courage to be a stronger person. . . . I know I won't be around much longer.



. .. it's just frightening to be alone and pretend it's alright .. . . but it has to be done, I guess life is just teaching me to be able to stand up to myself, not through the eye's of a blind lover, but through the eyes that I make for myself.



I'm so damn scared

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12324061/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12324061/ Sun, 25 Mar 2007 14:02:59 PDT
]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12247676/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12247676/ Mon, 19 Mar 2007 16:25:01 PDT
This is the machine I think i might buy. . . >[link]RODID=130736


Does anyone know any other machines that they really love that are a good deal? My pice range is about $200-250

I just want to fracking sewwww and then I can reconstruct my shirts faster and and I can make my JAMAICAN pants. hah

okay, I'm done.

And so is my monehh

ooo and I made really good Ital food today, it was all num num and stuff.

I've been really tired and depressed lately, oh well, probably just the lack of sewing

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12165229/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12165229/ Tue, 13 Mar 2007 05:28:15 PDT


That's what it's like. And I wish I could sleep. I guess that's why I sleep so much. . . just so I don't have to think about my need for sleep. Hah



meh I am so tired of this though -sigh- but what can I do? I can't bring my sleep back. So I just pretend to be awake.

I hope at least some people feel rested.

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12145621/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12145621/ Sun, 11 Mar 2007 15:15:35 PDT I made it through the night, but only because she didn't leave my side. Everyone leaves my side, and that's why I don't like talking, because it doesn't make me feel better because you always leave, you always leave me after opening it up, after making me bleed. Maybe it'll scab up and stop, but it rarely does.. But she doesn't leave, she stays until it scabs, she makes sure it stops bleeding, she waiting forever for me. You just left.

I love words, I've always loved words.



They slip and spill, it's like they mean the world and yet. . . they mean nothing. Words are meaningless and pointless without intention and thought behind them. Sometimes I think that there are bad authors because they just don't know how to use words. But then I stop and think, maybe I just don't know how to read them like the author knew how to think them.

So I start over and I put my mind in that place, and the words don't really matter anymore. The words just connect me to the person's thoughts, to their intentions. I'm not reading a story; I'm reading an idea, a person, a thought. So I realized that no one can write if they can't think.

I have a need to write, a desire, a pure heart driven addiction. I don't think I could survive if I couldn't write, if I couldn't think like this. My thoughts run like words on paper. I haven't changed much since I was younger, in ways I have changed completely, but I have always pretended, I've always daydreamed. I find myself still talking to myself, I find myself still looking in the mirror and discussing things with myself, figuring things out. Because that's the only one I really have.



All I ever seem to do know-a-days is cry. Hours and hours and hours I drive myself mad and near to insanity, near to destroying myself. But I cry and cry and I pretend I'm telling someone the way I feel, I pretend I'm writing down my hurt, my love, my heart. I do it so much, I know it so well, that it doesn't change much. But I feel closer to something, closer, like when you have a friend or a lover or a mother.

I think I'm closer to words, closer to ideas, closer to knowledge, closer to myself.





































I'm alone

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12136368/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12136368/ Sat, 10 Mar 2007 20:46:32 PST


-sigh-

I give up

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12129397/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12129397/ Sat, 10 Mar 2007 10:12:20 PST

[link] <-- awesome beats from people at home and THEY'RE FREE TO DOWNLOAD

muhaha

>_< I want to get good at music and do reggae, after all, I do share Bob Marley's birthday

Sooooooo I really want to spar or punch the hell out of a punching bag or just RUN ergggggggg too many emotions too much too fast.

I wanna pound it out of my system before I hurt myself or go insane.

fweeeee

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12116286/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12116286/ Fri, 09 Mar 2007 09:35:49 PST
oooooooh so much work is ahead of me.

if only my mac would've networked. . oh well. :/

I feel sick too, sick in body and soul.

weeeeeee

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12111692/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12111692/ Thu, 08 Mar 2007 21:09:09 PST
I've been putting reggae cds on my iPod so now I have like 1000 reggae songs

thanks to Jose's wonderful contribution ^^

and now I dug out the other 93 cds I have in my room that I want to put on my iPod. . since my Mac doesn't want to network

grrrrr that means no Nuclear Rabbit. At least I get me Tristania, Nightwish, and VNVnation though

I got to clean up throw up today. And the mom was so sweet she finnished cleaning it up after saying I shouldn't because it wasn't my kid. So she gave me cupcakes and chocolate covered pretzels because I was so sweet to clean up the goopy messy mushy part.

And Shifu was all like "hahhaaa Yeah, since you have no problem with cleaning throw up, you'll make a great mom. You get the joy of the diapers, the crying, the spit up, ooooo joys of motherhood"

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12013824/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/12013824/ Thu, 01 Mar 2007 13:19:20 PST


--------------

we come a long way what a sweet love story
member the days when you use to adore me
all the loving and the time you gave me
a weh mi ago get that from now baby
three months now mi caan believe that you gone
is like yuh leave mi pon di great china wall
cann believe she bad man like me all a bawl
a every night a your name mi call



do you know how to miss someone
if you're in love you'll understand
cause when you love someone
and you lost that one it's hard to carry on
so hard to carry on
i say do you know to miss someone
if you're in love you'll understand
cause when you love someone
and you lost that one it hard to carry on


so mi come home from work and the house fell empty
not even the scent a di food fi greet mi
mi shoulda pick up the message yuh a send mi
from the day that yuh stop do mi laundry
three months now mi caan believe that yuh gone
mi house empty like when gadaffi keep dance
my sound a play and yuh nuh deh in a di lawn
woman tell mi which part yuh gone

do you know how to miss someone
if you're in love you'll understand
cause when you love someone
and you lost that one it's hard to carry on
so hard to carry on
i say do you know to miss someone
if you're in love you'll understand
cause when you love someone
and you lost that one it hard to carry on

do you know how to miss someone
if you're in love you'll understand
cause when you love someone
and you lost that one it's hard to carry on
so hard to carry on
i say do you know to miss someone
if you're in love you'll understand
cause when you love someone
and you lost that one it hard to carry on

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11997693/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11997693/ Wed, 28 Feb 2007 08:20:35 PST
-sighs-

I mean, don't get me wrong, I love doing demos, but with the whole week of workshops and then two demos the following week? It gets a little stressful, so although it's enjoyable, I like to have some resting too.


mehehe, I put the little TV in my room and Glen hooked up his Gamecube. . . I AM GOING TO FINALLY PICK UP METROID AGAIN AND BEAAAAATTTTTT IT!!!!!!
woohoo

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11978241/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11978241/ Mon, 26 Feb 2007 17:54:47 PST
then you think of all the wrong doings you've made and continue to do


memories are just never the same.

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11976850/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11976850/ Mon, 26 Feb 2007 16:19:37 PST
it was windy outside, but I had to stop in front of the sign because it is sooooo true

[link]

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11960552/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11960552/ Sun, 25 Feb 2007 12:05:36 PST
Anyway, so I finally went through a reorganized my bookshelf. . I was happy to find that I have about 40 books that I never read. YAY! Not to mention I found the only two things that I was missing from stuff that "someone" gave me. I got rid of about 300 magazines, and have found a person to give all my Young Rider and Horse Illustrated mags to already, now I just need to get rid of my science and literature mags. . . . anyway, so the top of my bookshelf is finally cleared so I put my french magazines (they are, in fact, in french ^ ^ and from france ^ ^), old pottery, and my re-organized (so now stuff finally actually fits in it) box of stuff that "someone" gave me. Anyway, so since I reorganized I found a lot of stuff that I sorta forgot about. Mostly religious books I stole from downstairs, so as you can guess, I'll probably be reading my 40 something fantasy/mystery/history books along with religious stuff. Yay for diversity

I also found my calligraphy stash. . muhahaha. Now that I have the paper, ink, and brushes again I might have to draw something and post it ^ ^;; although I'll admit right now, my calligraphy isn't so good.


AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT (how many people actually get that qoute? >_>


It was my friend's nineteenth birthday last Friday, so we went up to the museum of natural history (where I got this kick ass rasta arrowhead necklace), after we covered all the lands we went to the museum of art. . . gwah, it left me really wanting to draw. I really like art, even though it's not my strong point, there's just something about forming an image from scratch. It's an expression of self-visualization as well as how much you understand how the world works. -shrugs- anyway, so I really wanted to go home and draw but I was way to tired by the time I got home (plus Leah loaned me her Fruits Basket manga, so I had to read five books before I saw her the next day). Then, on Saturday, one of the kung fu students was showing another guy his anatomical art, which was really friggin sweet looking. Though I really don't have patience for the pen and ink . . so. . many. . dots O_O -hugs charcoal-

So as you can guess

I wanted to go home and draw. XD

but when I did finally get home, I was dead tired and not really upbeat, so I sorta crashed and knit and then fell asleep.

So now I have homework and a really strong want of doing about five different things - read, draw, write, play guitar, or knit. . . and I feel like my head is going to explode because I want to do all of them >.< but I can't decide.

So I'm just doing my homework until one of the wishes overcomes the other.



Anyway, so about the whole chinese herb stuff. I am definatley getting into chinese medicine in some way or another. I know quite a few people that also know a lot about herbs anyway, so I can pick up stuff from them. Plus I can use some of my knowledge of chinese langauge (which I really need to pick up again and finally just be like AHH okay I'm learning this) and culture. I've always been a little, you know, crazy about chinese stuff in general. The medicine will also tie in nicely to martial arts as well as culture, history, and science to a certain extent. And we all know Lane is a whore for all of those subjects. >.< So yes, I'll probably start doing more anyway with chinese stuff, like reading all those religious books I found, buhaha. >_> Oh yeah, and my chinese teacher's sisters are both acupuncturists and chinese herbalists ^ ^ So I'm sure I could ask them stuff via my teacher if ever needed. (Like what schools they might reccommend in the US). So yeah, that's pretty much it.

oooh and one of my friends made YUMMEH pear, walnut, muffins. And guess what? They were completely vegan/Ital. So I'm asking her to write me up a recipe (since she just made them up on the spot) YAY. ^ ^

. . .I really hope I can network my Mac today -hugs ipod- I need more reggaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11951067/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11951067/ Sat, 24 Feb 2007 17:37:16 PST
I will admit that my spirits aren't really up, but shifu gave me the new Jah Works cd, so at least I have something to pass the time with.

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11927053/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11927053/ Thu, 22 Feb 2007 20:03:19 PST
"You were born with the right to be happy. You were born with the right to love, to enjoy and to share your love. You are alive, so take your life and enjoy it. Don't resist life passing through you, because that is God passing through you. Just your existence proves the existence of God. Your existence proves the existence of life and energy.
We don't need to know or prove anything. Just to be, to take a risk and enjoy your life, is all that matters. Say no when you want to say no, and yes when you want to say yes. You have the right to be you. You can only be you when you do your best. When you don't do your best you are denying yourself the right to be you. That's a seed that you should really nurture in your mind. You don't need knowledge or great philosophical concepts. You don't need the acceptance of others. You express your own divinity by being alive and by loving yourself and others."


anyway, it might sound airy fairy on a superficial level, but the more pain and the more things that I have lived through, the words mean more than just an idea. And you can really live them on a different level.

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11901465/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11901465/ Tue, 20 Feb 2007 21:23:11 PST
>_>

not to mention I sorta like dancing like that hahahha, okay, so what if I like to freak dance sometimes.

anyway, it showed how people had the choice of being gangbangers or crumpers. I thought it was really beautiful the way people expressed themselves, their anger, love, passion, through this dance. It just was really moving showing how strong people are and how strong they can be even through the pain and sorrow.

It just reminded me why I love life and the people that are in it.

so yeah

recommended

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11874289/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11874289/ Sun, 18 Feb 2007 21:29:16 PST
Today was


cold.

>.< we went in the chinese new year parade and WERE FROZEN TO DEATH the snow was insane and and the whether was insane XD outside for 4 hours in that whether was NOT cool.

But I did get some free buddhist books they were giving away in a chinese shop, one is english but the other one is all in chinese. w00t!!

So my mom is all pysched about doing this Ital diet and I'm gonna make pancakes and goodness tomorrow and spring rolls I need to put together a shopping list 'cause she's going out Wed. for food.

So I made a few promises to myself, needless to say, no one will hear me bitch anymore. As to those feelings? I doubt they will fade, but at least I can find peace in denying them the harm they would cause.

Sooooooooooooooooo I've realized a few things about what I love most. I seriously love the idea of understanding stuff. I mean, indepth. I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to get into chinese medicine. I mean, c'mon?! that's so awesome, you get to understand herbs and effects on the body and it's understanding how life works.


theeeeeeeeennn I have a serious facination in understanding the emotions and feelings of people around me. I also love love love any sort of pattern or indepth sort of understanding. . like science. . .anatomy. . .art. . .computerss.

I mean .. I guess what I found out that i love is the whole understanding of a system or person's base system. Like computers have codes and people have lots of stuff >_>

I like understanding life, I mean, you should see me XD I have way too much fun blabing about geeky junk or spiritual junk or artsy stuff.

so yes

anyway, I'm being kicked off

so later! hopefully I'll thaw out.

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11857621/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11857621/ Sat, 17 Feb 2007 16:38:43 PST
I would Sunday, but we're going out to CHinatown with the Wong people so I dunno if there will be any Ital stuff in the restaurant XD but I will be vegetarian anyway

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11840297/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11840297/ Fri, 16 Feb 2007 09:30:55 PST
other than that, I seem sadder. Oh well ^ ^ Life goes as life goes and I just have to drift along.

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11835633/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11835633/ Thu, 15 Feb 2007 21:03:23 PST

looky looky

--------> [link]



[link]


mmmm tongue [link]

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11827751/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11827751/ Thu, 15 Feb 2007 10:14:03 PST
so I realized that maybe I should go vent on paper instead of online stuff that people can read >_>

<_<

'cause no one really needs to know anyway XD

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11819181/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11819181/ Wed, 14 Feb 2007 17:18:27 PST
My calfs hurt because I played DDR for 8 hours straight yesterday. I can finally play some songs on the difficult level XD (I know, I don't have much DDR skills but oh well, deal with it)


anyway

so good news, bad news, and so-so news.

Let's start with bad:

I seem like I'm getting the opposit person more and more, I basically staid up all night in a pathetic state of being.

so-so news:

I am about a zipper and 1" away from my Mariah hoodie being finnished and I have to say it is GORGEOUS

good news:

I THINK MY BOOBs ARE SHRINKING! -squeels-

YAYYAYA of course, I haven't measured myself, so maybe it's just my imagination looking for some good news

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11788662/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11788662/ Mon, 12 Feb 2007 16:59:06 PST I don't know who I am anymore, outside I smile and laugh, I love and use that love to express it in all of life. I'm genuinly happy and determined. But as soon as that bedroom door closes, the tears are hotter than ever, the pain greater, the yearning unbearable.
So am I the girl that finds beauty in my loss? Or the girl that can only feel pain?
It's like Lao Tzu's dream. Which is reality? I think that maybe part him was a butterfly, his heart. But his body was human. I think all of us has a room where we have a butterfly behind the door. But I don't know which side of the door is my true self. Both of them seem so real and logical, when I'm in that state it seems as though it will last forever, but it always changes to the other eventually. Is my heart sad or happy? Is my butterfly alive?
Maybe I'm neither
Perhaps I'm just a catapiller.

I keep saying nothing is holding me back. But I can see myself changing all the time because I can't be who I am, I always have my heart in check. All of my joy and emotions of everything wrap around my base emotions, which contain that one that I cannot show. Maybe that's why I cry, because I'm not allowed to express love, so I express the pain.

I don't know what to plan for my future because all I can think of is how I don't know anymore. I don't know if my future will be the same one I dreamed up last year, or if it will be different.


But. . . Behind or infront, of that door my heart misses wode ai, and that missing grows through my smiles, tears, and confusion.

Heh, what's funny is that my mind still hasn't stopped since last Tues. XD not for a second. It's sort of amusing -sighs-

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11746529/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11746529/ Fri, 09 Feb 2007 11:46:06 PST
"Living Ital is more than just eating Ital, however. Living Ital is a philosophy of nature; it is natural and simplistic, almost like roots reggae. Living Ital is striving to be at one with nature, at peace with oneself and with all things surrounding."

Listening to Damian Marley's "Stuck in between" song I heard one like where he was saying something like "One can not cook it Of mi ital cuisine" so I decided to find out what this Ital thing was, it so happens that Jose also had been looking at it XD


anyway, this is a really good site [link]


I guess it really is time to move on, to move past the pain to a certain level. I'm not going to reject it, or even be burdened. I cry and I let myself cry and let those tears purify my soul. This time I spend alone will be filled with rewriting myself. I will fix all my faults, I will shed all my sins and I will live an ideal.

I am even surprised at the way my attitude has changed, the way I think and the way I lived. I no longer fear the rejection or the judgement. My life is my own, I love and I live and I dream. Maybe I love someone I will never be with, but that love is purer than I have ever known and that is something I have no fear, no shame, or regret for; it is beautiful and unsinful, I would have it no other way. I live, alone and lost, but I will live and fight and be strong because I am alive. I will live a life with purity and strength and kindness and acceptance. And I dream, of all the people and all the pain and I feel it in everyone, I feel the pain and the love and the confusion and the frustration. I dream of helping and living and fighting and striving and succeeding. I dream of making it through, with pain, love, sadness, or fear.

These aren't promises I'm making myself, these aren't outlooks I'm trying to put in my head and say "I should believe these things, 'cause they might help me"

These are things that my soul has believed in, and maybe the strength of my soul that is filled with love, will be able to comfort my heart that is filled with need.

The tears won't stop, I don't despair. Every second I see the memories, growing and growing, every second there is no escape from desire. I just let the tears go and the smiles grow and fight to comfort.

This is my chance to purge my soul of everything that I never wanted there. I realize that I don't need to wait for someone to heal me, because I already have someone that has. There is no waiting left, because I know I have been given the chance to grow and spread my wings, I have been handed the power to control myself. I remember having to write my happiest moment in my Grammar class, I wrote about the most amazing blessing I was given. I was taught, by the most amazing person ever, how to love. That love is something that don't fade, that don't despair. And it's not how to love romantically, it's not how to love friendshipwise. It opened my soul and that love is something that I can carry through all happy moments in all of my life. That is why my mind never forgets, never leaves, because all joy, all happiness is love. That love is what was given to me, and I cannot forget the person that gave me that gift of unconditional love.

The tears, the pain, the lonliness are all suffocated by this purity of love and it fades until I'm only left with strength and warmth in my heart.

I've decided that I don't have to wait for someone's aprooval, what I chose will always be my choice. I know I'm not wrong, and even if I can't have it. I know I am right, and that surity is all I need.
I don't need to wait for other people to live the life I wanna lead, I'ma take this into my own hands and mold it into something beautiful. And even in pain and sorrow there lies something beautiful to behold and I will spend my life seeing this in all eyes. Because I have already started to.
this feeling has been fluxuating, but has been there and now is the time to let it grow and flurish. It doesn't matter who I love, or how i love, but by God. . Allah. .. Ras Tafari. .. I love.

So I'll probably start exploring my vegetarian roots more and my reggae roots and my spiritual roots, and I will probably still shed tears for myself and for others, but I will use my hands too.





There is nothing to stop me from being who I am.

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11744920/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11744920/ Fri, 09 Feb 2007 08:35:07 PST
I guess it's because I don't really talk to anyone 'cept myself now, 'cause that's what I do. . . and my beliefs are interesting. I dunno, i guess I'm trying to figure out the answer to the world and the answer to the pain.

And I realize that I believe in everything, I believe in fate, destiny, salvation, love. but I believe that people drive the world and that's what destiny is. . . people's ideals, people's beliefs, people's actions. and that fate is the path that we walk, and every time we meet a fork we choose what fate that'll be. N' sometimes we walk on and realize we don't want this fate and that's the choice we make and we can cut through the clearing and find the other path, we can retrace our steps and start over. So many people give up or let things go because it's fate, destiny, but that's just their point of view. Fate and destiny are the dreams we write, the stories we believe. And when we wake up everyday we write our fate, every step we take we build our life.

Sometimes what we need most is to walk where we wanna go, where we feel like we need to go, where there seems to be something worth walking for.

There isn't a path, there isn't an absolute. Destiny is a dream, an ideal. Fate is what we strive for, a goal, a love.

People's beliefs are what happen and what you believe in is how you will live. That is your fate, no one can tell you your fate because it doesn't exist in their heart.

Things happen for a reason, they happen so that one can find themselves and find their heart. Things happen so one can find out what path they chose at the fork in the road, and there are right paths and wrong paths and we have to find out on our own.

Destiny is free will.



]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11727773/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11727773/ Wed, 07 Feb 2007 20:10:31 PST
sleep without dreams.


I know I can't have what I want. I know that, I ACCEPT THAT, why does my mind have to laugh at me and torture me and never stop?!?! WHY?!?! what is it that I can confess? That I will "break" into telling?!?!

WHAT WHAT WHAT?!?!

I know I can't have my comfort, but can I at least live with some peace? even for a moment?

Perhaps I am too selfish, but I am so weak.


So tired

there is no rest -sigh-

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11713316/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11713316/ Tue, 06 Feb 2007 17:20:44 PST
I'm destined to be a rastaman's queen

I got yarn and a new knitting book from parents, plus the half-paid ipod

recantours cd from brother

and a rasta-headband, rasta wristband, carved box thing, and hand made bell from my teacher's son

and some reggae cd stuffsss from Jose

WOOOOOOOOO reggaee!! Haha, I am so getting my reggae onto my ipod tonight!! I WANT IT SO BAD!

Bob Marley!! Yous muh brotha! XD

WOOOOOOOOOOOOeeeeeeeeEEEEEEE

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11702813/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11702813/ Mon, 05 Feb 2007 20:01:46 PST
I just want to do art stuff and play music and do kung fu and style my hair up and play reggae and bellydance.

I have so many interesting componations of interests, hehe.


Drawing
Painting
Writing, prose/poetry
bellydancing
kung fu
knitting
crocheting
designing
guitar
piano
cooking
reading
sparring
stretching
hair styling. . like braiding and pinning up and junk



mmm

I even feel like playing metroid prime again.

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11689477/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11689477/ Sun, 04 Feb 2007 20:03:56 PST
so now I can put ol' faithful away and listen to reggae without changing between 50 different cds

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11674126/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11674126/ Sat, 03 Feb 2007 16:52:54 PST

There is no escape. Everday I say it gets better, or that it will be, but it's not. It gets worse and worse and worse and worse, sometimes only a little, sometimes a hella-lot

Sleeping = dreams, lots of realistic dreams, even just dream-memories.

Awake = thoughts, thoughts. . .

Kung fu = memories every inch, every corner, every blade, every stance

Being Lazy = depression ( which wouldn't be connected to the main problem, but would totally suck if I went suicidal again or whatever and depressing little girls are just bah)

Homework = thoughts thoughts thoughts

So basically everything that I use to do to get away is just choking me now. So? So what is going to happen? nothing

Bloody nothing

this feeling will grow and I will forever feel like smashing something over my head and screaming SHUT UP

so yippy diddy day life goes on.

I guess it goes on.

Maybe it goes off.

like a bomb

FWEEEEEEEEE

Meh, I might not be dying my hair this weekend, oh well -sighs- I have so much homework and so much work to do in general -sigh sigh sigh sigh-

I'll be gone from 9 until probably 9

FKLJDSFKLJHDSJFHLJKHDSFJKHDK

I don't like to cuss, unless either expressing extreme forms of love or extreme forms of hatred

but


FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11665322/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11665322/ Fri, 02 Feb 2007 22:24:51 PST
I dunno why I write here, I guess it's because I don't have anyone to talk to.

But then again, all the people that read these journals never talk to me, yet they read what I say.

So you want to hear me bitch and make an image of me without actually finding out who I am on the upside of life.

-sighs-

I really need to learn how to control my want of comfort and my want of talking to people.

gwahhh it's so annoying.

just shut up Lane.

I have to tell myself that all the time, because anything that slips from my lips I know I will regret later -sighs-

I just feel so trapped and so tired and so heavy.

I don't have anything to complain about, so why do I? I don't want to complain, I realize that there is no need or no end-reward for complaining. Yet I do it anyway, what am I trying to achieve here? Guilt? Nah, I don't want guilt, I don't want any of that. I guess i just complain because I hurt, but what is it?

I think I complain and do stupid things because I feel so trapped and helpless and I need to learn to calm down, to shut my eyes and sit back, to just wait and wait and do what needs to be done 'cause no one else is doing it.

I have to be strong for so many damn people, I hate it in so many ways, but in a way, I like it. I like being behind the scenes, unappreciated, unknown. I want to be unselfish, I want to be good, I want to be true and pure

so I will be.

I just shake off the hurt and I let myself be selfish at night and in the morning, but I shake off the tears and straighten my back and tell myself I have to be this way. I have to live trapped and confused and blind because I want others to see.

And I know this isn't how it will always be, I know that it's just how it is now.

Maybe it'll always be like this, maybe it won't, maybe the whole world will fall apart, maybe it'll get better.

-sighs-

okay, so I think things out everyday to convince myself to push on, because I can't really fall back either.


Lane is going to bed and waking up early to have a full day and then to go back to bed and then wake up and have another full day

and then Lane is going to try and finnish her insane amount of homework

and then Lane will be 15 and Lane will think about her last birthday and will cry and then will sit up straight and be numb and then go on and on and on and on and on like a drone

I'm sleepy

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11665177/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11665177/ Fri, 02 Feb 2007 22:07:29 PST
I am a fighter

fighter

fighter

don't cry

don't feel don't feel don't feel don't feel

fight fight fight fight fight

I am a fighter dammit

I do not feel


-wraps arms around knees-

I feel better now

wait

i don't feel

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11664918/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11664918/ Fri, 02 Feb 2007 21:36:36 PST
Reggae is fighting music, a fight you can never lose.

Fantan Mojah - Will I See You Again?

"Farr so long

when I'm gonna see you again?
You've been gone far so long
when I'm gonna see you again?
my love for you is so strong
when I'm gonna see you again?
a love courageous and fair
when I'm gonna see you again?

This is not like Romeo and Juliet
this love don't face off of no death
so baby don't you fret
love is comin at you
(comin at you comin at you)

wherever you are
my shining star (shining star)
come home to me
cause I'm so lonely


when I'm gonna see you again?
You've been gone far so long
when I'm gonna see you again?
this love for you is so strong
when I'm gonna see you again?
a love courageous and fair
when I'm gonna see you again?

if I could only see your face
this very dayyyy
right awayyy
oooooooohhhhh

tossin a turnin in my sleep
the vow I have made I will always keep
you are my sooouuullmaatee

when I'm gonna see you again?
You've been gone far so long
when I'm gonna see you again?
my love for you is so strong
when I'm gonna see you again?
a love courageous and fair
when I'm gonna see you again?

This is not like Romeo and Juliet
this love don't face off no death
so baby don't you fret
love is comin at you
(comin at you comin at you)

wherever you are
my shining star (shining star)
come home to me
cause I'm so lonely

when I'm gonna see you again?
You've been gone far so long
when I'm gonna see you again?
my love for you is so strong
when I'm gonna see you again?
a love courageous and fair
when I'm gonna see you again?"

(I translated it, so it might be wrong )

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11658563/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11658563/ Fri, 02 Feb 2007 11:30:15 PST
So this month sucks

I mean seriously, seriously sucks.

lemme list the reasons:

Today is the 2nd

Two-hour workshops on sabado y domingo

My 15th birthday is on martes.

Valentine's day is coming up.

we have a crap load of stuff going on at my kung fu school starting the 17th and ending the 24th

We have like 2 or so demos to do

and yeah, the usual Lane-is-a-wimpy-weepy-baby-shithead.

So, okay, the workshops and the crap load of stuff is okay, sure, it's even cool. But there's so much and I know I'm going to be working on them and I also know that I'm not going to be in a good mood to enjoy them, because seriously when am I ever in a good mood? and I never get any breaks anymore, there's no stress relief or anything and I guess it's sorta all emo to say stuff like this, but there's just nothing to look forward to anymore except an occasional hug once a week that I don't even hope for anymore.

So shoot me, but Lane is becoming more pessimistic everyday and I'm becoming less and less Lane.

oh yeah I also hurt my shoulder while sparring last night, I reversed a take down on Reeree and I landed on it weird. So now it pops everytime I try and rotate it.


YAY

less than three to y'all


"A rose, with any other name would smell just as sweet.

but nothing would smell as sweet if just given the name of a rose."

]]> ~Slaymaker http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11627753/ http://Slaymaker.deviantart.com/journal/11627753/ Tue, 30 Jan 2007 19:23:07 PST
Sometimes I close my eyes and wish I could write something beautiful, like I've seen so many other people write. I want to write about love, the silliness, the heart break, the strength it gives, the emotions it causes, the confusion, the pain, the joy. I want to write about the future, the past, the present. I wish I could write something beautiful, like I've read so many times. I want to write one powerful sentence, one lyrical stanza, one beautiful chapter, just to brush the surface of the beauty that lies in this world.

But there are no words.

It's something that no one can explain, sometimes I close my eyes. . . and I see it. I see a little of it in everyone's eyes-- when they cry, when they laugh, and when they're numb.


But sometimes I see it in your eyes; the world.






and I think you see it in mine too.


Sometimes the past is the future.


at least, in memory -- it seems just as distant

]]> ~Slaymaker