http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Slippers13&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Slippers13 en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Wed, 25 Nov 2009 03:00:36 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/28092823/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/28092823/ Sun, 01 Nov 2009 17:24:17 PST & legal now. lmao. *coughs* anywho....
So, I'm getting a job at Subway. I'm super nervous. My first job. Well, not really, my second "first" job. Lol, if that makes any sense. ^^

So, I've got a song here on DA called, "Chains" that got eleven favourites. I figured since a couple of people liked it so much, I'd give a shot to putting a tune to it....so I did just that. It's now posted on myspace. lol.

Don't ask to hear it 'cause it sounds like a dying animal. ^_^' but I tried. lmao.
I really do like to sing & write the music, I just don't really know how to, ya know? It's not easy for me. Though, to some, it might be.

Anywho, I'm IN LOVE with Savage Garden. God, I want to have sex to their music.
lol. Sooo...you didn't need to know that.
*cough, cough* uhm, aside from the job thingy and the song, I'm playing WoW (World of Warcraft) on Private Servers (ps) which is pretty fun. Would be funner if I had more friends playing with meh. oh well.

I got a new microphone & headset. Costed me $35 bucks though. Quality is good, so, it was totally worth it.

I plan on writing some more...I have a couple of poem I haven't posted yet and may do so later on. I just don't think they're very good.

Anyways, how are ya'll???

If you ever get bored you should totally join me in WoW. I'd love that, really. But, I'm sure you all have lives. lmao.

Cheers,
-Slippers

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/27030248/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/27030248/ Sat, 05 Sep 2009 07:47:18 PDT My father was suppose to follow along with me, but i caught him sneaking a grape in the kitchen last night. Dumb mother fucker. Can't believe his ass. lol. Anyways, how is everyone? I'm off restriction for the weekend, obviously.
I gotta work today, though. Which should be fun. If I faint from lack of energy I might scare a few people, but, eh, they'll get over it. lol.

Anyways, I'm completely obsessed with A Perfect Circle. They're flat out amazing ♥.

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/26683912/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/26683912/ Wed, 19 Aug 2009 01:35:20 PDT
Anywho, I am absolutely dreading school. I wish so badly my summer was a bit longer. All my teachers i have my sister tells me are shitty. Which, i can't afford to have bad teachers at this point. I'm so behind it's not even funny. Anywho,
I haven't writtten anything decent in what seems ages!!! It's driving me insane. Maybe when I get back I'll have something to throw up here on DA.
Hmmm, I have to say I'm in love with Wheat Thins. THese salty low calorie crackers are freakin' amazing.
Anyways, I guess I should head to bed. Prepare my ass for school in three hours.

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/26534703/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/26534703/ Tue, 11 Aug 2009 19:22:14 PDT She decides to up and tell me that she was still quote, "madly in love" with her ex and never wants to have anything to do with me again AND THEN! sends me some lame poem about how happy she is.
Now...i tell you, i am NOT a nice person when you continue to stir drama with me. I hate drama. I hate it. I hate it. It's imature. Well, she continues to send messages on how she hates me and doesn't want me and blah blah blah. So, me ignoring all her shit, i get fed up and send her a nice rude mail and block her off of my Myspace.
It's sad, really. We could've ended this in a civil manner and still been decent with eachother. But she had to go and stir the water. Typical of her, really. I'm bitter about it now. And damn well pissed.
Why can't people just grow the fuck up? I mean damn, 16 years old and acts like a ten year old that lost her sucker.
I can't say i loved her, really. All she ever did was tear me down and redicule me. I'm sick, honestly. I'm so sick of being treated like my existence is just to be used.
Because, i tell you, it is not.

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/26517383/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/26517383/ Mon, 10 Aug 2009 23:57:47 PDT The first day i met you i didn't realize you'd tear me apart.
Stomp on me till i bled and do it all over again.
The first day i met you you were just a cute choir girl with a bad attitude.
The first day i met you you were what i defined as, "too good to be true."
Has that all changed since we've been through what we have? Never.

Even though you've tore me apart time and time again, and I've been stupid enough to take you back, I can't say I hate you. despise you, I fucking love you.

It's hard to let you go on such bad terms, but what has to be done, has to be done. You never did complete me. Or make me feel better. It was always a hurt hurt relationship unless there was foreplay. I shared myself with you and you tore that away. I shared my heart with you, and you threw it away.

It sucks to be alone and feel so empty. What sucks even more,though, is being with you and feeling nothing.
I hate to say it, but you were right, we just can't make it outta the 3 times we've tried.

You were my girl, my baby girl, You've always had me. You always will.

To the girl who knows your weakest spots and hardest walls to break,
Jenn

-Slippers13

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/26413410/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/26413410/ Wed, 05 Aug 2009 23:14:06 PDT I'm so young yet so depressed. I've almost lost my way again. Wouldn't that be something..."pack her bags back to rehab" That's how we do it now. when we can't handle me we throw my ass in rehab.
Grrreat. I can't seem to gain control of myself anymore. It's like a whirlwind that strikes and never releases. Tearing and nawing at my very existence.
My body is weak and in pain. I feel like an old woman. Only times 2. Can't seem to breathe, either. Anxiety attack.
So many medications...so many issues...gat...squish.

I dunno. Just rambling here. Love is a cruel prank played by evolution. You're only "in deep desire love" for like three years then it fades. It's terrible, really.

"I can't remember. But it's alright, it's alright. Just dance."

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/26309167/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/26309167/ Fri, 31 Jul 2009 23:43:29 PDT I wish I could have a decent relationship. I must be doing something wrong or picking the wrong people because all of them seem to go sour. And those who are perfect for me and love me unconditionally, I just look over. Isn't that fucked up?
I'm probably going to get a rough life lesson from this hook up again... like i did last time.
A close friend of mine is torn up because of this "get together" and I'm being eaten alive inside with guilt over it. She doesn't deserve to be treated the way I have treated her. She deserves far better.
Anyways, who the fuck cares. i'll be hurt again. Repeat cycle. Same old bullshit.
If this doesn't work,i've got the rest of my life to figure out why. I'm just young and dumb.
young and dumb...
-slippers13

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/26287905/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/26287905/ Thu, 30 Jul 2009 23:52:09 PDT If you seriously wanted to kill yourself, wouldn't you have already done it? Why bang around for the attention? It just gets under my skin...it's imaturity.
I didn't and don't take suicide lightly. No one should. Maybe I've just become "uncensored" from it.I don't know. Just ranting here.
On a happier note, school starts Aug 18th and I bought a cute pink dress to wear. I'm not a colorful person at all, but as of lately, I have become a colorful person. My favourite color is yellow and I like to where nice none-scare-the-shit-out-of-people clothing. Yes, I'm still atheist.
I have a band profile on Myspace I just discovered. I guess I should post some music to it. XD why's it a "band" profile page if there is no "band" musix? I still can't figure out how to make a band background with the logo of the name.
We're called Bullet Thrash. lmao. God.
I'm ready to kill my new puppy. He tore up my autographed picture of this band my dad works with and it happens to be the only photo that has a deceased member in. Tore me apart when I saw it in a million different fuckin' peices. Hell, why was it on the floor in the first place?
Anyways, I'm going to stop doing drugs. Yes, I've decided i'm better than that. And so, I'm clean. As of today...and hopefully tomorrow I will be, too. lol.

Well, anywho, I'm sure no one cares and I'm heading off now to figure out damn myspace.

Peace,
Slippers13

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/25845507/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/25845507/ Thu, 09 Jul 2009 18:30:17 PDT celtic <--- which = total sexy voices and different language songs! It's soo so so beautiful to listen to.

ANYWAYS! I am back. and back for good. ^_^ Not only did I go to that concert, but I've been playing this new free game called Jade Dynasty that, for a free MMO, is pretty fuckin' good. I enjoy it alot. Met a new friend on there, too. He's arabic. ^_^

So I've done pretty damn good. Got a call from my ex-girlfriend which was heart-wrenching. We've had such a rough past I don't think we could last another relationship intimately. But, I guess I'll see where it goes.

Anywho, new stories + poems + photos coming. Woot! Aren't ya'll all excited?!

...
Didn't think so.

Toodles!
-Slippers13

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/25419966/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/25419966/ Fri, 19 Jun 2009 16:45:53 PDT
The other day my dad and I go into Walgreens. I'm not wearing anything too skimpy, just some shorts and my Killswitch tee-shirt. My dad goes to the Pharmacy part of Walgreens and I go look at some blank DvD's for a game. When I get what I need I return to him where he's waiting in line. But a couple, a person ahead of us, start arguing that they cut him and his WIFE. As soon as they said it I laughed. My God people. I'm not THAT OLD! Jesus! My dad immediately corrected them saying I was his daughter. Guess what the man said? He goes, "Oh, I'm sorry sir. Honey, you're mighty good lookin' for a youngin'."
I must've turned white as a ghost. How are you suppose to take that?!

Oh, and here's another thing. When we go into nice restaurants with my sister we are looked at as his kids. But when we go with just him and I, they offer us alcohol and the male waiters are exceptionally nice.

Why is it I could pick up a 30 year old but not a 16 year old? Hell, I can't even get a 30 year old because they think I'm married! Oh, Christ. I guess I should take it as a compliment. v.v but it's insane. I would like a guy my dad and the law would approve of me dating.


Anywho, My weeks been relatively "fun". I dug out the four years of yard work in the garden in front of our house that hadn't been touched in so long. Lizards, snakes, everything was in there. Now it has mulch down and you can actually see the plants. Not just vines, weeds, and a damn tree that's growing in there.

Today I finished my Terranium thingy for the frogs. The frogs I caught last night actually mated and I was too stupid to realize it until I looked it up on the internet. So, tonight I plan to catch some more. I know you must think I'm odd. Catching frogs at the age I am. Jesus, talk about a weird 'n.

My career path will have to be with something with animals.Or yard work. I don't mind being outside and getting dirty. In fact, I rather enjoy it. It's much better for me to exercise with my dog than on a treadmill in a gym.

Anywho, Father's day is coming up. Got his gift and am ready to surprise him! I wonder when Mother's Day is. Hmm, guess it doesn't matter since I don't talk to the damn woman.

Peace,
-Slippers13

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/25038327/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/25038327/ Sat, 30 May 2009 18:33:21 PDT
Anywho, I've been gone because, and I will admit, rehab. I was sent their for my family feared I was going to follow through with a death sentence. Now, mind you, I was not sane. Everything from my mother seemed to pile up on me and caused me to cave. I am okay now, though. Quite peachy, actually.
Anyways, the outpatient therapist wants me to have a relationship with my mother. To talk to her, love her, have a cup of tea with the damn woman. This is the third person to say, "hey, give her a try."

Uhm, hello! Apparently no one listens to me when I say the woman is a maniac. And, no, I am not exagerating. She doesn't think like an adult. She is controlled and manipulated like a puppet by a certain someone and has no sense of her own! I do not need nor desire time and energy to go into a relationship with her. She is not the woman I thought she was, nor the mother I found her to be. It hurts, but it's the truth. The truth I've been seeking yet refusing to see.

Though life is a tough pickle to swallow, I've seem to have done it. I've accepted the "mental death" of my mother and am moving on. Really, if I could by a casket I would bury it and tag the tomb stone with my mother's name.

Anywho, I am doing relatively well. An ex-girlfriend of mine I am missing quite terribly. I'm not over her. I thought I was, but am not. Damn me and my lesbian ways. XD

Well, school's out and I am H.A.P.P.Y!!!! I've waited for this summer what feels like a century. I won't be on much, for I am still grounded. Just snuck on here to let ya'll know I'm still somewhat alive. (lol, not funny. ^_^)

Have a good night, kids.
-Slippers13

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/24675694/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/24675694/ Sat, 09 May 2009 20:43:58 PDT I went Friday to the Orthodontics to remove braces, but guess what, the doc. doesn't want them to be removed. When he told me this I slipped, "I forgot since when I cared what you wanted." Then quickly aplogoized for my out-burst.
I've had these damn things on for so long, I'm ready to kill some idiots. Seriously, they're just a bunch of "Educated Idiots" that need to get their heads outta their asses and do their job. But, oh no, apparently they can't do that.
Anywho, on a lighter note, school ends the 28th I believe (correct me if I'm wrong, Liz). Can't wait. I have a class with an ex and I am ready to GET THE HELL AWAY from him. I know I shouldn't give a rats ass 'bout him. But, it's not that easy. He tore me apart and that takes time to say, "no sweat off my balls."
Mothers Day is here,too. Yay. A day I've devoted to flip my mother the finger. I did send her a gift though, (via mail) to help my concious. I hate that we haven't talked in over six months. But, that's what I believe to be best for me right now. And, for once, I'm going to take care of me because my mother never was able to. I don't plan to call her or anything like that. Just wanted to let her know, "hey! I know you're alive." And so, I did say just that. Hope ya'lls Mother's Day is good, though. Plenty of pie and cute stories for ya. ^^
Anywho, how ya'll doin'? I'm hearin' good things from some people on their Journals ^^ That's great!
Well, ya'll have a good rest of your weekend & week.

-Slippers13

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/24489425/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/24489425/ Tue, 28 Apr 2009 22:32:07 PDT He tried to bring up the hazards of pot, but I was like, "nu uh. You are a dumbass. Goodbye."
I know drugs are bad blah, blah, blah. But I'm one of VERY FEW who knows how to balance the usage and NOT let it fuck up my life. Adults, ya know, do what the hell you want. But kids, no no no. If you get sucked into pot, cigs, meths, & sexual themes, you're just stacking the deck against yourself. Why do that? Oh! And, just a reminder, it IS NOT COOL to steal. No sir. You are stupid and if kids are telling you you are 'badass' for doing it. They need to be shot. If they survive the first shot, shoot them again.

Sorry for this rant, but kids my age seem to think being depressed, wanting to die, and lighting up is 'da bomb'. It is not. Please, keep your mouth SHUT if you're really that ignorant. I do not want to hear that you've fucked two girls already and you're 14. You've probably got some disease that's air-born.
Christ.

~Slippers13

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/24454691/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/24454691/ Sun, 26 Apr 2009 22:11:31 PDT
Tomorrow is Monday. Joy. Weekend passed way too fast. Wish it were summer already. :/ Mustapha the Ferret has gotten exceptionally well recently. His swelling has gone down and he's playing again. Vet tells us to watch for Adrenal disease, though (The hair on his tail will start to fall out) but, so far he hasn't lost a hair on him. ^^
I'm excited for May 8th. I get these damn braces off. God, they've been on so long I probably won't know what to do without 'em.

Anywho, hope ya'll have a good week & awesome opposum Monday!
Cheers,
~Slippers13

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/24402523/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/24402523/ Thu, 23 Apr 2009 21:48:55 PDT How embarrassing. This whole "trusting your classmates" bullshit is really getting under my skin. I don't even trust my family members let alone a bunch of imature brats. gah.
I think when the teacher said I had to do this whole "human ladder" thing, it was b/c he knew I had problems. 'cause, as soon as I had to go up, i stared ahead and nearly had an anxiety attack.
He tried to calm me, but after getting half-way across the ladder thingy, I grew too close to the edge and fell, my whole body shook and I simply stood and walked off. I felt awful.
It wasn't even that it was humiliating, I've grown use to being embarrassed. It was all these flashbacks of mom and events that took place. I felt weak and sick. A friend of mine tried to comfort me, but within a minute or two she was off subject about herself...which I enjoyed, I didn't like talking about my issues. I'd much rather tone out and nod my head ever so often than actually have to talk about anything.
I dunno, I don't want to be "admitted" into any nut house. But, with how things are going and father is talking...looks like that's what he wants to happen.
Maybe I do need it. Maybe I am crazy...but, aren't we all?
Jesus, I sound ridiculous.
Hey! last day of testing Friday, yesh! ^^ Guess I should head to bed. Need to rumage any bit of strength I might have to get through it. Gah, can't wait till Saturday.
Anywho, yall have a great Friday and awesome opposum weekend, yo!
-Slippers13

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/24386189/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/24386189/ Wed, 22 Apr 2009 22:07:23 PDT o and I'm still up. Can't seem to sleep & I have two days of testing starting in the morning. gah, and it's in math. I plan to sleep through it anyways, XD. no no. I gotta do good this time. But, eh, I just suck ass at math. Why must they do this?
History, English, hell science! Anything other than math.

Hmmm...Mustapha (the ferret) his head is the size of my palm almost. (not normal) we can't figure out what's wrong. Hell, we've gone to a 'ferret expert' and we're told the same thing. every. damn. time.
gah, people=fuckin' idiots.

end of story.

lol, anywho, I'm excited for prom!!! *squeals* for my sister, not meh ^_^. I will cry when I take pictures of her and her boyfriend. She is growing up so fast. *tears up* yes, I am serious. I wish we had a better relationship, but it'll always be rocky with how it was in the passed with mom...ugh. mother..I loathe her very existence.

Anyways, I really do need to at least lay in the bed and stare at the ceiling so I at least know I tried to sleep.

Cheers, mutha fu-
^_^

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/24335251/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/24335251/ Sun, 19 Apr 2009 22:47:14 PDT When you find the greatest band alive.
Now, I'm a die-hard Metallica fan. But, I have found a new one to fuck to(and one that still records music with quality).
The band is Katatonia & the best song in the world is "Criminals" look this shit up...better yet, here's the link [link] XD

I also love Beneath The Sky who sing "7861".
If you like metal, listen to Akercocke, too.
Now that I think about it, you should look into Anathema Black. A fellow Deviant actually started that one up. [link]

Anyways, I have totally lost what my original Journal entry was about....

School in a few hours. nice. I can't wait till I graduate & head to college (maybe).
I'm going to become a nut-job PETA supporter! lol.
Anyways, hope ya'lls week goes well. I'll submit stuff through-out the week. God knows I'll have enough emotion to right something.

Night all,
♥Slippers13♥

A wise man once said, "There is no God. Get the fuck over yourself."

Ein kluger Mann sagte einmal, "Es gibt keinen Gott. Bekommen Sie das Bumsen über sich selbst."

Un homme sage a une fois dit, "Il n'y a aucun Dieu. Recevez le fait de baiser sur vous."

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/24316498/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/24316498/ Sat, 18 Apr 2009 22:26:18 PDT I have to admit, I haven't had that much fun...well, ever. And it almost became depressing to me. Thinking back through all the horrible shit that's happened in my short life. I never have had the chance to be a kid. So, I imagine, the people watching me trapse through the mudd & laugh like a 2 year old...caught them off guard.
It was fun, my sneakers are ruined and my once white socks are now a tan dress-shoe-kind-of color. ^_^
Anywho, going through this remote old town, was absolutely amazing. At one point, we came across an area where houses had completely collapsed. The roofs to the homes were level with the road, leaves scattered across them. It looked like something had just squished 'em. Reminded me of something outta horror film. Was pretty nifty. I had the time of my life. It was like a high.
We didn't find any diamonds, some Jasper & Quartz. That was it. But, it was the experience that counted.

Now to work on that damn story to get finished up. Need to post it on here & get it together for school. Yesh, I am proudz of it. ^_^
Peace, muther -

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/24296685/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/24296685/ Fri, 17 Apr 2009 19:07:58 PDT [link])

I took part in this today. A couple of friends did,too. I was told though by a few kids that this was stupid & that I should back out. They don't understand,though. Because they're not the ones loosing their humane rights.

Basically, I spoke to no one all day. I slipped a few times, but did pretty good. I simply wrote "Day of Silence" on my hand & when addressed showed it to the student/teacher who was trying to communicate with me. I realized how difficult this was. Even a couple of kids told me there was no way they could stay quiet all day. I smiled, they think not being able to speak is painful? Jesus, be glad you're not in love with the same sex then.

There were a couple of creative ways of doing this. Writing it on your hand, you can print a card that gives the information on DOS & I even saw a guy today with duct tape over his mouth.

Even though not many took participation in this protest, it still matters because at least some kids did.

4/17/09

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/24158117/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/24158117/ Fri, 10 Apr 2009 03:10:40 PDT For example, last story I was required to write we had to give the story a moral. Most kids wrote about talking animals and fruits...I wrote about a boy who commited suicide. The whole moral to mine was, don't judge before you know someone. Which was the jist of most kids, they just did it....differently. lol.
My teacher is smart, well acheived, and proud. And christian. Now, now, don't get me wrong! I have friends that believe in God and attend church. But my teacher, it's almost a burden to go into her class. I feel like I'm being pressured to change into...that!
Gah! In fact, the other day, she found out I was atheist from a friend of a friend of a teacher friend. XD
Soooo, as you can probably guess, that went just peachy. lol.

I honestly wanted to write something in the beginning to piss her off. But, now the idea I have for this short story is simply because I think it's badass & that's how I roll.
Anywho, it's 5 in the morning & a certain somebody isn't on so I'm heading to bed. lol.

Peace.

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/23909862/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/23909862/ Thu, 26 Mar 2009 23:58:44 PDT [link]....
Hey, here's another answer. no.
*sighs* Ever felt emotionally sick? As if, it would just be easier to take a can of bleach and chug that son o' a bitch? Yeah, honestly, it would be. Really, what's the point in going through everything that most people have to go through. Rape, drugs, divorce, hate, greed, depression, and having to listen to Christians chirp about their God? Yes, where is a gun when you need it. Really, as soon as we're born we are dying. That's pretty cool if you look at it in a depressing, sick and twisted way...
I really feel like shoving a fist in my sister's face. Tonight she hit me again. I've never laid one hand on her and she hits me? What the hell. She's turned into my physco of a mother. I'm always the one chewed out,too. I yelled first, I acted first, I cause the issues. Fuck, if you guys hate me so much, why the hell did you support me in coming to live with you? I could've endured with Elizabeth, become a physco gay/lesbian hater, and moved on. But no, I had to come back. Hell, had I stayed with her I could've even gone out. Had fun. Fucked around. But no. I am stuck here. Talking to a God damn computer screen.
I had a "heart to heart" with you, dad. I understood and tried with you. Took your advise to the heart and did my damn best to make life for you more pleasant. I worked on my grades, I worked on my attitude, I worked on suicide issues. What have you done? Payed the bills. Gone to your room and sulked. You don't know me. Hell, you don't even know my sister. And she's just like you.
I'm so so tired of everything and everyone. I'm tired of being told I'm not good enough. I never try. I'm nothing. I can't cook. I can't get along with my sister. I'm a waste of space. You don't like me. You hate me. You wish I were dead. You think I'm nastey. You think I'm a lazy peice of shit.
I understand where all of this comes from. I look, talk, and breathe mom, eh? I have her eyes. Her nose. Her smile. Her funny humor. Her stupid laugh. Her God damn twin.
I'll have you know I'm not her. I haven't talked to her in four months for YOU. I'm sick of this. Sick of helping everyone except myself. You just walk on me. You just use me. Fuck you. I hope your life goes swell when you grow up and beat your kids and drive your husband away. I hope you realize one day just how wrong you were. How wrong you are. I hope someday you regret all the shit you put me through. All the things you said.

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/22530524/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/22530524/ Sun, 11 Jan 2009 17:40:43 PST Now, the average girl would of taken that as an insult and logged out and never wasted her breath on him again.
But, considering I actually enjoy "softcore" porn, I told him thank you. lol.
He actually did mean it as a complement, just a funny one to give, eh?
I have actually thought about porn as a career path...I don't know why, but I have. Only thing that would be really stopping me is the fact that it would totally demolish any relationship I had/ or ever wanted. I dunno, something about it would turn most men/women off.
I know, it would turn me off unless I really trusted that significant other, ya know?
Anywho, I gotta 'nother 4 or so years before I really need to be in a panic on whether hard porno's or softs' are what I should do. lmao.
Peace peeps!
~Allie

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/22352533/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/22352533/ Fri, 02 Jan 2009 11:27:59 PST Aren't you a bunch of lucky bloody bastards, eh?
Get to deal with Ms. Allie a bit more.
XP
So, I haven't written a poem in ages. I feel like there are cobwebs on my finger tips' when I write one. A bit rusty, you could say. Though, I am getting frequently better at writing prose's which shocks me seeing as that was my biggest challenge in writing. I've got one going now called "Shut your Eyes" It's off to a good start, says my fellow critiquer (Mr. Hutto XD) But, I need to run it by the Masters themselves, Ya'll!
So, update meh!
How are you?
And, would you like to sign my Guild Charter?
Ah-ha, if you happen to play WOW, you should make one just on meh server to sign that damn charter. 'cause, people are Mofo's when it comes to getting some help.
ANYWHO!
I'll try to post some things here pretty quick, will work on it some 2day.
PEACE
~Allie A.K.A-Slippers13~

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/20466385/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/20466385/ Sat, 13 Sep 2008 05:49:06 PDT It's saturday and I'm awake at 7:42.
That's bullshit to be up like that.
lol.
Anyways, how was your week?
If you've been reading these journals..
You know mine was rough!
I wrote a poem for english class...the substitute absolutely loved!
She actually caught me while I was in a different class to let me know how wonderful it was.
So, I asked the actual teacher if she could run me off a copy to keep.
She has yet to do it, can't even find it!
Wish I could remember it...


I haven't got to talk to my boy toy except here and there, which really upsets me. I miss him sooo bad sometimes I can't hardly stand it!
(no, he is not really a "boy toy"!!!!)

Well, plans for today, like they say over the intercom every morning in second period, (only it's about food) is:
Hanging with Jess and James.
Going bowling (I SUCK at bowling!)
And talking to my handsome!

And if I don't get to do that last one, I'm going to have a nervous break down.lol.
Peace people, tell me how your week was!!!^_^
-Slippers13

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/20462483/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/20462483/ Fri, 12 Sep 2008 21:05:08 PDT I laughed, tugging on her back pocket of her jeans.
"Yeah, well, this was your brilliant plan, dear heart." I snickered, I couldn't feel my nose.
Jennifer and I are complete dumbasses. As we stand here in the two inch snow with our frozen thumbs up in the air, watching as there are no cars on the freeway.
I just happened to notice that where we are standing is a sign above our heads that reads, "Beware of Hitch hikers, Juvenile center near."
I snort and roll my eyes, Jennifers icey blue eyes slide toward me, glaring.
"Why isn't your thumb up?"
"It's no use. Look." I show her the sign. Immediatley she swings her arm underneath her coat and begins to push her way off the side of the road.
I follow shortly behind her, I just happen to catch a glimpse of a truck shoveling it's way towards us.
"Uhm, Jen, what is he doing?" I question, worried as the guy is actually coming off the road toward us.
"Huh?" She asks, just as she turns, The truck is sliding off the freeway and driving in the ditch at us!
"Fuck!" I yell, grabbing Jennifer by the wrist, I throw her into the woods, she tumbles and hits a tree trunk. Snow falling from its limbs and covering her body.

The truck sludges against me, as it's back end is lifted into the air, the bed of the truck being emptied of its contents. The truck falls down to the ground, completely destroying the bottom of it. Parts falling out from beneath it. Blood is evident across the windsheild, other colors smeared in with crushed skull and brains.

I examine my arm, flexing my fingers and making sure no real damage was done. A truck can't do anything to me, even if he was going ninety miles at me.

I suddenly remember Jennifer, when the snow begins to shake and she pops her head out.
"God damn, you idiot! I'm cold enough as it is!" She screatches at me. I try not to smile, I can practically see the steam roll out of her ears. She stomps over to me, "Yeah, and had you not completely fucked the truck over, we could've used it!"
"Well, see if it still runs." I said, watching as she studies the parts littering the snow. She glares at me, punching me in the arm.
"Faggot." She mutters, sludging off into the snow, the sun beginning to set, I could tell it was going to be a long night.



I dunno, just a story I'm going on. I make little ones up as I go along to improve my story telling.

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/20446613/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/20446613/ Thu, 11 Sep 2008 21:00:21 PDT Dreams of no conformity
Dreams of no mishappenings
Dreams of what use to be.

Nightmare of a breaking dawn
That may never shake a song
That makes you feel love
And know that you are a gift from above.

Swallow your pride and loose it all
It's a game where you'll always fall
In the end you feel the break
Of lashing out and fight back


Swallow your pride and loose it all
But don't forget I was there
To break your fall.
Never again to I whipser your name.

For I know my dreams and nightmares
Would never be the same.

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/20435803/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/20435803/ Thu, 11 Sep 2008 09:06:10 PDT

Lily Dies.

Puddles of dirty, murky water splatter across my legs as I run hard and fast toward the end of the street. Just ahead, lies the forest. If I can just get there before night fall. But the sun is dying behind me, fading ever so fast. Leaving me in shadows and mystery. If I don't make it, I pant, neither will mom or Lily. The sun begins to fade, its last bit of light shining on the back of my neck. I can hear the screams and frantic heart beats behind me, they won't wait much longer.

The rain begins to poor; acid. I yell out in pain and fear as the sun is shot out and thick black fog falls about me; leaving me breathless and oblivious to my surroundings. Everything is silent, I can only hear my heartbeat. No more screams and I can't sense anything else around me.

Suddenly, I feel the cool breath of someone behind me. Red eyes staring into my living soul.
"hello, sister."

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/20429963/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/20429963/ Wed, 10 Sep 2008 20:14:55 PDT I won't allow your bullshitting to take place.
You held me down in these rusting chains.
But I won't take your hell anymore.
Not anymore."

Today in sixth period my friend came in late. As she came in, she wouldn't make eye contact or even look my direction. As she handed in her not and came to sit by me, I stopped building my house and nudged her, "What's wrong?"
She simply shook her head, "I just want you to know that I love you."
By now,I'm like, what the hell?
Not a second later my name is announced through the intercom to go to the office. Some "oohhs" and "Your in trouble!" echoes throughout the room, I ignore the fuck tards and ease my way out the door.
I'm thinking, hey, I'm probably in trouble for sharing a locker, a few days of detention won't kill me. So I shrug it off and calmly walk to the office, when I am there, they send me to the councelors.
He's a tall old man with a soft voice and concerned eyes.
Councelor: Hello, have a seat.
Me:...
Councelor: A friend of yours, a concerned friend, has brought it to my attention that you had a fight with your mum? and that you...*makes a motion to his arm*
Me:...Yes,sir...(I'm a good kid!)
My thoughts: who the hell told this?
Councelor: What exactly was the fight about?
Me: I go into everything he wants to hear and know about, I even show him. He nods and takes notes.
Councelor: I see, well, how long has this been going on?

This conversation lasts awhile till I'm sent out of the room so he can call mum and make sure that she knows. I'm told to go back to class.
This time I'm not walking with a cool stride.
I'm pissed.
I really thought I could trust my bud,but I've been wrong before...and here I am, wrong again.
Maybe it's just my choice of friends. I don't know, but it always seems that I am the one who gets hurt in the end. This is not the first time I've been called to the office over an incident like this. It also happened at another school.
Ugh.

I get to sixth period just as the bell rings, with a "fuck you" look plastered on my face, kids avoid me and move as I pass them. My friend won't even look near me.
I gather my things, to see a note in my notebook.
"I didn't do it, i swear! I'm so sorry! I didn't say anything!..."
I'm so angry I could shit a brick. I get to my next class with kids yelling out, "emo!" and "faggot!" 'cause now it's around school that I had a girlfriend.
I manage to get to seventh without the rafters falling in on me, I'm thinking, "Just don't talk to her, it's not even worth your breath." and even,"Everything is temporary, everything will pass eventually."
As I exit seventh, I stay up against the school wall and talk to a different friend of mine, she's also angry at the girl. Knowing how she can be, why did no one inform me? I must be seriously slow...
As we load onto the second route on the bus, I get to g-mas and get a text from her, "I'm sorry!" something along those lines. I'm also being chewed out by my mum about it.
anyways, long story short,
My parents have to meet with a councelor tomorrow and figure out where I can live where I'll be stable.
For me, that may mean a mental institute.
lol.
I've had a rough day, I just needed to vent.
Thanks for reading,
Peace!
-Slippers13

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/20413749/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/20413749/ Tue, 09 Sep 2008 20:02:08 PDT I wasn't until I thought it'd be an interesting peice to do for the school newspaper.
So, I found out that both candidates are AGAINST same-sex marrieage.
Obama and McCaine BOTH belive in the traditional, "male and female union. It is a sacred thing between MAN AND WOMAN."
alright, this is usually a touchy subject, but hell, I'm seriously confused.

The other day my southern baptist christian and her boyfriend who is pentecostal, decided to "lay it on me" about how "gay" marrieage is wrong.

"The bible says-" okay, immediately after you say that, you should regret. Never start out with that phrase with me. I mean, where are your facts? And this is NOT to hurt you, but to simply make you think. So, he says that "the bible says it's wrong. So, you shouldn't do it. God burnt cities over gay affairs."

Me:...

My thoughts: WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?

Moms bf: Besdies, it's gross.

Me: So, what if I said you marrying a woman is gross? Same thing, dude, just different opinions; people.

Mom Bf: no, hun, it's not the same thing. Plus, you can choose to not be gay.Its just a matter of whether you want to or not.

Me: So, tomorrw you can wake up and say, "hey! I want to be gay for now on."?

Moms bf:...I...

Me:...?

My thoughts: Heck yes!

Please, someone advise me how the HELL there could be a hell, why a God would want to burn his "loved" children and want to burn their asses.
Another thing, gay marrieage is not a choice. So, if God hates it so bad and he makes us, then why does he make some of us "gay" or "bi"?
Or even retarded "special ed" people?
I don't understand alot of things, and neither do most people. I am being pulled from the "right Jesus Christ-buddy" ways and then my aethiest father who is for the "facts and the potentials in life" .
Frankly, I can't believe what I don't see. And I can't say that is lack of faith, it's just common sense to me, ya know?
And all my life I've been raised Baptist.

Oh!
and my mom thought my dad was cruel and ,"if he truly loved me he wouldn't have taught me his twisted ways"

Me: If you truly loved me you wouldn't have indoctrinated me in your bullshitted beliefs.

Mom: Go to your room!

James: ....

Grandma: *asleep*


So, if you read this.
Poor out what you believe and think.
For I am truly confused and a bit scared.
Cause what if I die tomorrow?
To some people, "well, she's gay and burning in hell."
to others, "may she rest in peace. For now it is black abiss."

What do you think?

Cheers,
Slippers13

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/20398908/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/20398908/ Mon, 08 Sep 2008 20:54:04 PDT Hopeles, with nothing to say
I screen my eyes
Hoping to see you again

This is my curse (the longing)
This is my curse (to)
This is my curse (the yearning)
This is my curse

There is love burning to find you
Will you wait for me?
Will you be here?

Your silence haunts me
But I still hunger for you

This is my curse (the wanting)
This is my curse (to)
This is my curse (the needing)

There is love burning to find you
Will you wait for me?

Still I want
And I still I ache
But still I wait
To see you again

Dying, inside, these walls (2x)

Can I see your face in these tears? In these tears
And I see your face...
"


huh...

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/20398715/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/20398715/ Mon, 08 Sep 2008 20:40:27 PDT The bullet digging deep into his mind
Everything spirals from his world
The dark time has come to claim him

His wounds are deep and horrific
He cannot breathe, let alone see
That he may live to see another day
Everyone is in pain, we've lost our precious jewel.

Now he's hurting and crying out
God is not here to save you now.
He feels he's lost and has no hope.
How am I to comfort him,now?

I watch as his friends gather in sorrow
The fear of watching him die is bothersome
I can't stand the agony penetrating my heart
All I had left was you, and now your gone?

I'll watch over you till your end comes
God, I'm so sorry that I was angry at you.
Please, don't leave me in this world of hate.
For if it hadn't been for you, I would of never loved.
Again.

I hope you make it,Lucias.
We need you.

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/20363150/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/20363150/ Sat, 06 Sep 2008 18:52:08 PDT
He lets her off at the bus stop
But she never makes it on the bus.
Her heart stops and she prays
That one of these days
She can explain.
What really happened.

When she grew two sizes too big
And her body began to kick and scream
And daddy said he had different plans.
Please let him be joking
Even though he'll leave tomorrow.
Is it over?

Think about it.

How close are you to the end?
When your breath stops and your heart pounds
You know you've reached Heaven.
When you see that light shining in on your eyes.
And you see your life flash before your eyes.
And your wounds become easier to handle

But when you see that you've almost come to it
and your ready to release
That light turns to be a mask
And the hand creeps up to ask
"will you live another day in agony?"
Just for your family
To feel better about themselves?

Think About it.


Her eyes are blood shot
And she's snuffing one last time
When he comes in and hands her a glass.
Powder floats at the top
Fizzing, she refuses.
But he has different plans.
And slams her to her agony
Where she is penetrated to loose her inocence
You said that you loved me
But why would you do this to me?
She doesn't understand.
Now look where she stands.
Thirty years later
In a mental state
Where she can't handle
Her own hand.

Think about it.

Now we're all full of mistakes
And God can say "yes" or "no"
But in the end we're still human
And This all seems so confusing
But in the end it'll make since
When you see your life flash before your eyes
And you see that where you made a mistake
You did the right thing.

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/20349296/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/20349296/ Fri, 05 Sep 2008 23:02:59 PDT
So, it came out this weekend that I am no longer, "a follower of Christ" in which those of you who actually read these journal entries know this meaningless shit,already. *shrugs* I got a few comments on the last journal entry that I may answer!!!

Yea, christianity is about living life well and being a good person and loving thy neighbor. But hell, I'm aetheist and I love EVERYTHING AND EVERYBODY more than most christians.
That's bad,dude.

Anyways, I went to church Wednesday night with James to try his youth group out. How funny is this, his youth pastor told him "if you don't stop screwin' around, you and your buddies are out of here." Hmmm, AND!!!
After the service where it was publicized by the damn youth pastor that I don't believe in God,
A guy threatened to beat the hell out of James for only "God" knows why. *rolls eyes*
Yes, this "fight thing" took place outside of church, during church, and on the church bus.
When I confronted the pastor about this issue, he simply said, "what? Well, don't worry about it."
Yeah, here where I live, when someone says, "I'm gonna beat the shit out of you if you even look at me wrong..." that's something to worry about.

Anyways, I dunno, I guess you could say I'm "confused". But I'm not looking to find Christ. I know that Jesus was a real man. And I think that the stories in the bible are to be taken figuratively, not literally. For the people I know, take the "walking on water" and "Jonah and the whale" lies as "real experiences".

I think that Jesus was just such a great man, that they made a book on his great teachings & added the stories as a way of showing how great a guy he was. But, seriously, do you really think that when you die, there will be saint Peter at the gate seeing if you made it on the list or not?
Remember, don't live your life in fear.
But if you're Christian.
I guess you have no choice.
Remember,
"God is judging."

Yeah,
Slippers13

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/20237387/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/20237387/ Sat, 30 Aug 2008 14:12:52 PDT A sensitive subject I'd like to hit the head on is
Christianity.
God.
Jesus.
And most of all
THE BIBLE!

*slams my fist down on the "book" as a gesture of anger*

I'll first start out on a little story.
Aug, 29, o8.

My friend, James, is a fundamentalist christian. He beilieves every word the bible says, takes it to heart, prays every night, blah blah blah.
Well, we're good friends, so eventually the subject will come up, "do you believe in God?"
And so, one day, I say, "James, did you know Heaven is just a poor excuse that people believe in because their afraid of the fact that when they die...nothing happens?"
So, the subject has shown itself in its true colors, and James takes this the wrong way.
"What? Are you kidding me? You need to be saved! I want you to come to church with me-"
And I don't remember much what he said after that.
So, come a few days later, we're cracking jokes at eachother that he's a "Christ Buddy" and I'm an asshole aetheist. (but do realize, him being a "christ buddy" makes him the butt of every gay joke). So, anyways, as I was saying. The two of us are due to a movie and as I'm getting ready, he decides to tell my Southern Baptist Fundamentalist christian mother AND GREAT GRANDMOTHER!!!...that I don't believe in God.
So, with that, I get the "guilt trips" of "breaking my grand mothers heart" and the heated angry arguement that "christ is real! BELIEVE IT!" *laughs obnoxiously*...anyways, I decide to lay down the law about science, that apparently, they didn't pay attention to in school.
*shrugs* here is just a lesson, don't let your friends try to suck up to your parents,
Especially if he's going to say that you hate god.
'cause it will be bad.
^^'

So, long story short, I was chewed out for three hours, had many heated arguements that,"God is Fake" the "bible is wrong" and "I can't burn in hell if there isn't one"
*shrugs* peace of advise, believe in what you want to believe in, but don't drag everyone else down with you in your "looney" ways.
Just try to be a good person, fulfill your life goals, and live a healthy life. Everything should be fine.
Just remember, if you go up to an aetheist and let them know they "should of had a v-8"
Their not "christ-like" and you're probably gonna get hit.
^^,cheers.
-Slippers13

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/19509547/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/19509547/ Sun, 20 Jul 2008 23:41:38 PDT Let me fall flying.
Seek to see.
That I am reality.
I catch that tear in the air.
That fails to fall on the cheek of love.
I let myself die.
Inside and out
You and I

See it this way,
That we can't be this way.
Yeah, You fear the worst.
It is to come, that holy wrath.
Of mother against child.
Where she bruises her childs life.
& covers her fucked up deeds
With a hershey's bar or a fake smile.
Can you handle this?

I'm just a worthless mutt.
I deserve to die.
In the end you slam
Me to the floor
And make sure I feel your foot
Dig into my skull.
Crack snapped knuckles
And think You did the right thing
To put me in my place.

I let you down,
I am ashamed.
Look at what I've become.
Am I alive?
In everyones eyes.
I've died.
But I still slip on through
Into the shadow of day
Even though you see
You do not believe.

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/19509456/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/19509456/ Sun, 20 Jul 2008 23:32:20 PDT Jesus Christ I'm alive.
Here I go to round two.
Here I am,taking another hit,too.

Weak in the knees,
I scream in pleads
Can't you see?
I'm aching!

I'm screaming,
It's the only thing that stops the pain.
I feel the murder in my veins
That shatters the sanity of hate.

I'm snapping back into reality
I'm feeling the fingers of insanity
Lately I'm not quite myself.
I'm seeing how quick this shit buils in me.

I'm screaming,
It's the only thing that keeps me breathing.
It's the only thing that keeps me living.
It's the only thing that keeps me thinking.
The only thing from gun blast head shot.

So, I was actually in a good mood.

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/18771874/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/18771874/ Tue, 10 Jun 2008 18:08:05 PDT Let this dream fade
Let my head clear.
Remember my place in the world.
And let the rooms fill
With laughter & shame.
As I am awakened.
Does no one know my name?
As I am crawling,pleading.
Over & over I think it.
But it'll never go my way
It'll just fade away.
A new dawn to take us on
As we slip into the abiss.
I close my eyes,
In a nightmare of twisted sheets.
& dying screams.
As we cry about our pride.
Being shattered & we're devoted
To seeing only the pessimist.
Let this light shine.
Into the mirror; we can't see
We're blind.
I close my eyes,
(Let go let go)
Clenching my fists
(let go let go)
I feel you coming in
(let go let go)
Just as you once did.
And now I'm letting you go.
Into my mind of oblivion.

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/18636370/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/18636370/ Mon, 02 Jun 2008 22:17:34 PDT
-Slippers13

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/18078130/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/18078130/ Mon, 28 Apr 2008 20:49:22 PDT Let the rain soak through your hair.
Your lips move with the wind.
And your heart beats a rhythm.
As he lies dying

I am through with dealing you.
Lost to all the the shit you put me through.
And I am tired of lying.
In a cloud of deliberate smoke.
In fact I hate the smell of your dope.

Every cross breaks down.
Every drying creek.
Leaves a leak of the past.
As doors creak.
It's an ending to far to pass.

When will there be a rest?
Put an end to the test.
In the eyes of the past.
I see too how long we'll last.

Not long at all.

Every heart lifts in the room.
Every eye falls down on you.
As you speak in your tongues.
They fall to the floor.
Believed you hit them in the core.

Every Mind fills with bliss.
As you unravel your testimony.
Even though it isn't true.
you really were a rich boy.
You never were the favorite toy.

Every cross breaks down.
Every church floods out.
And every throat is cut.
At the end of the rope.
Every heart cries out.
But is stomped down.

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/18054492/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/18054492/ Sun, 27 Apr 2008 12:24:50 PDT Of a dying lad.
I smell the fear.
In the beasts belly.

every suicide a haunting reality.
As demons nightmares come true.
Fucking with your mind.
And playing dead.

Sugar coat the ending.
Finish your beginning.
Sugar coat the ending.
Finish your beginning.

With the dying sibling.
She slips into a coma.
Where her nightmares come alive.
With worms in her eyes.

The grave robbers won't touch her grave.
She's never been the same.
Once you let the beast from it's cage.
You are in for hell to pay.

Sugar coat the ending.
Finish her beginning.
Sugar coat the ending.
Finish her beginning.

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17949236/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17949236/ Sun, 20 Apr 2008 18:05:53 PDT That my time has ended.
That I have met my foe.
I will never be forgiven.

His head snaps up.
As I walk through the door.
But his feet do not lift up.
And his heart does not skip a beat.

I have been stupid.
And forgetful.
Suddenly I know
That I am not dreaming.

He is really forgetting.
slipping away from me.
My fingers raw from touching.
My soul cold from loosing.

Can he really expect me?
To hold onto him so dearly.
Though he tosses me aside.
As though he's got nothing to hide.

But he is the monster in it all.
The beast beneath your bed.
Lurking on your death.
There will be no savior to call.

I am half expected to rise again.
To love as I once did.
to remember to forget.
The bloody years of no respect.

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17929624/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17929624/ Sat, 19 Apr 2008 14:59:42 PDT That I am too weak.
To hold onto this.
This memory of what use to be.

The cold is to hard to swallow.
The mind is too far gone.
To believe in a God.
That lost his soul before mine.

How could I let this happen?
In the midst of it all.
I was caught on the edge.
I can't count the stars anymore.

The midnight fades to day.
Everyone calms to the same.
As every passing day.
Looses its blue to grey.

I am on the brink of extinction.
I have already hit failure.
There is no rescue now.
Except for that thought of how.

How I could relieve myself of this.
Of Cringing in fear every time.
Something fell in on my head.
But it's all the God damn same;

With your pathetic game.

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17918002/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17918002/ Fri, 18 Apr 2008 19:56:12 PDT
Every moment was a waste of breath. Everyday a moment too late. Every second a stab of pain. Every glance a death stare. Like needles pricking the skin, she could take no more. Even as the sun rose she still held tight to the railing, shaking her head. She couldn't be this stupid, not like he had been. She wouldn't let it control her. The thing that haunted her family for generations and generations. Now it had it's grasp on her, whispering in her ear, "Just do it...just do it.." It was that easy. That easy to just close her eyes and step her foot over the thick iron railing, and stand over the bridge edge. To feel the wind catch in her lungs and feel her last stab of icey, harsh pain. To open her blood shot,drugged endosed eyes and watch the last sun rise...as she fell head first into the river. Not knowing if this would actually kill her or not, she hoped it would. She didn't want to leave a scare like her last suicide attempt.

She wanted to be dead. Wanted to see if she could go without feeling. She believed in Heaven nor Hell. Her body would simply rot in the ocean, become one with the fish fecies. And her soul would evaporate into oblivion and she, herself, would be nothing. Just as it had been on Earth. She had been nothing. Just a pigment of someones imagination thrown to the side to be forgotten. She was once drawn, but now erased. She had nothing left to look forward to, not the sex, or the drugs, or the love. Everything had gone and passed her. Even motherhood.

" I am as weak as he was, I will and never was as good as him. How pathetic." She whispered as she closed her eyes and released her self of the anxiety of what would happen and the guilt, the pain, the dying inside. Everything felt as though it would end in that two second drop. But something happened. Something that was not meant to happen.

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17872233/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17872233/ Tue, 15 Apr 2008 21:07:17 PDT Digging through
And bleeding me.

He is diving in.
Believing in us,
Seeing it through.

I am devoted to you.
My weakness is.
what our love can do.

I am completely in love with you.
Even though,
You can turn my heart blue.

You say the wisest words.
Such as,
"I'll hug the wall to get to you".

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17852049/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17852049/ Mon, 14 Apr 2008 16:24:01 PDT The second he tells me he doesn't trust me.
I absolutely die inside.
Or when he says,"I've been told that before"
Like I'm out to hurt him.
My soul duty is to make his life hell.

My words don't mean a God damn thing to him
Yet he claims he loves me.
I can't handle this anymore.
I can't handle life itself.
God is NOT on my side.

He doesn't even give a fuck.
hell, if there is a "him".
I know about the free will crap.
So don't feed that to me.
I'm usually a nice person

But I have officially looked at the thought of death.
For life is not working for me.
I am flunking; yes, flunking.
And my financial situation is not any better.

If you have a word of advise,
Give it.
I could use some serious help.
and the fact that I'm letting you in.
And saying these things.
IS a HUGE fuckin' deal.

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17810132/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17810132/ Sat, 12 Apr 2008 09:21:08 PDT In our bed clothes.
With yellow stained nails.
And dark glares.

The poisons run through us.
Revealing all we've been through.
In a mysterious way of hate.
So lost we've become.

Does the sun ever shine?
Especially in such a chaotic dungeon.
I can't seem to breathe.
As the soot envelopes my lungs.

The crows haunt the scarecrow.
Watching as they tear him straw from straw.
Kind of like humanity,
In a burning sun with their enemies driving them to insanity.

It's a hard thing to swallow.
The fact that we'll all die in the end.
Never knowing what will become of us.
Just worm food.

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17800731/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17800731/ Fri, 11 Apr 2008 18:51:33 PDT High to the sky
Raise your devil symbol.
It's our goal to bring their souls to the Eater.

With our bull rings,
Our red glares.
And deadly stares.
You'll find your king on his thrown.

Everyone pull their weight
Raise your devil fingers to the sky
Bash the skulls
Know that your alive!

He's the king of Kings.
The Lord of the underworld.
And he pulls us downward
In our laughter and shame

Here we come
Messed up
The drugs still thick in our veins.
The street nights too bright.

Here we sit,
In our death beds.
With slit wrists.
I'd say we're dead.

I don't know what the hell this is...it really sucks though,lol.

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17765531/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17765531/ Wed, 09 Apr 2008 14:48:31 PDT It does not beat.
Nor does it care to.
It's just dead.

Like I am to him
He does not hear me.
Nor does he see.
The tear that follows through.

I'm lost without him
In my minds eye
I see I can't do better.
He is all I've got.

So why push away?
I do not want to hurt him.
Nor make him feel this way.
The way I do; all in vain

I wish there was a way.
For him to know.
I love him so.
I just can't go on.

This is my suicide.
My lullaby.
I falter with shame.
I loose my name.

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17761810/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17761810/ Wed, 09 Apr 2008 10:35:31 PDT
]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17760044/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17760044/ Wed, 09 Apr 2008 07:56:44 PDT And steal from the needy.
Forget to forgive.
Such a selfish thing.

We are the fatest country.
With the fatest people.
Who do not worship a God.
But a satan, called a president.

We walk the line of sinfilled days.
Going to church and claiming him our God.
When we walked to the world an hour later.
And shoot a man in the back.

Don't you realize,
That you have been brain washed?
The soldiers all christian men.
But killing another is not a holy matter.

Where does it say love thy neighbor?
But murder thy baby?
The Abortions are of inhumanity.
So unreal how fake we have become.

America's flag flies high.
Burning in the ash trays of all Americans.
Feel offended and ashamed.
That you claim this your country.

Are you in constant threat of a suicide bomber?
Are you in the middle of class an a man walks in a ticking time bomb?
Are you living in constant fear in your life?
To you feel the hands of God?

As he grasps you by the throat.
And like a puppy in need of punishment,
Throws you to the firey hell.
Where politics determine our faith.
Our minds.

It's insane how we've dried to nothing.
Like raisens we have dried up and died.
The feilds no longer plentiful and lucious.
Just dead and unbearing.

I want to live in a world of humanity,
Not where one kills their own babies.
I want to be in a Heavenly place.
Not where the mind thinks suicide.

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17749497/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17749497/ Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:46:20 PDT How I look forward to you everyday.
You make me feel, "high on life".
I stopped my smoking
My getting high.
For you.

I took a risk,
That I'd never taken in a million years.
To be with you.
Why can't you understand?
That you've got me held by the head.
And if I jerk away,
I'd fall apart.

I can't simplify the things I want to say/do to you.
Heh, I enjoy your laughter,
And every moment we spend together.
But your so caught up in the dead zone.
That I'm left to the unknown.

Baby doll, you are my superman.
And hopefully I'm not your kryptonite.
I try desperately to keep together.
BUt your constant death notes worry me.

I don't understand how it could escalade.
From love to hate.
I wish I could just hold you close,
An call you my superman.

You know who you are, and how much you mean to me.Sorry my bitch mode took over, I truly love and adore you more than you'll ever know.

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17742931/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17742931/ Tue, 08 Apr 2008 05:34:37 PDT You drag me down; my sounds awakening.
Every dawn a slit to the wrists.
Another day to waste in insecurities.

I'm empty,
So close to falling away.
You don't understand.
This beating within.
That stares down my weakened soul.

And drowns me from within.
The darkest of all around me.
Sucking in the formulas.
To take my under the ground.

Where the dead live to tell tales.
And the heavens skies lie behind angels eyes.
And every day is sut infested clouds.
And the memories flooded within.

I can't take much more.
This fear rising deep.
I couldn't mistake myself as strong.
Although some do.

I have doubts,
I have serious doubts.
And they creep in with the worst of them.
Just as you led me into it.

I'm falling into this black abiss.
So long that I've missed,
The feelings of your finger tips.
Running down the crawling skin.

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17714503/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17714503/ Sun, 06 Apr 2008 11:45:02 PDT Tragedies.
This is what it all comes down to.
A life of poor quality,
An no understanding.

His voice fades from the crowd,
As does his physical means.
His demis is slowly approaching.
On a clock that skips time.

Every now an then.
He gets the feeling.
That defies his every move.
An leaves him hanging.
In a mood.

I'd approach him and say,
Life is good.
But he'd just walk away.
And leave me as I should.
But life is not clean.

He envelopes me,
In sick dread.
A harsh reality,
of deaths penalty.

I'm haunted by his dying moves,
It's as if he didn't know.
He'd have to pay his do's.

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17703617/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17703617/ Sat, 05 Apr 2008 18:08:29 PDT You cringe in dismay.
How twisted you became.
Now listen here, an listen well.

You need to learn the love of life.
And to take people seriously.
That it's not all a game.
Remember this and tame.
Those feelings of death an regret.

Not everyone is going to cock up and say,
hey, I was wrong.
Nor do most people.
But you can be strong.

Not every day is a lie.
And not every memory has to be a scar.
I'm so lost in this twist.
This game we call pain.

There is no hope for this land.
Nowhere we can stand
Without being shot down.
In a crash of the invasion of sound.

I'd come to you to make it better,
To help you understand
That there is more to this life than suicide.
But you don't listen, the gat held high.

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17680310/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17680310/ Fri, 04 Apr 2008 09:15:42 PDT leaving me weak at the knees.
So close I have become,
Leaving me needing him more.

Everyday draws him closer,
To a shinier sun.
With a reflection of pure beauty,
And it doesn't hurt that he smiles.

He fills my heart with butterflies,
And when I see them; they release,
As well as me.
In and out they say, this love we call hate.

Each moment draws us closer,
TO a never ending beginning.
Even though we loved eachother.
It just wasn't meant to be.

I'm so close to drowning in this misery,
And you do not offer your hand.
It's as if you've known it would come to this,
I believed you to be my friend.

Now I'm soaking in hot tub,
Thinking of the days I spent wet.
Now I raise the gun to my head,
As if it will end.

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17658552/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17658552/ Wed, 02 Apr 2008 20:31:20 PDT bleeding all over the place.
I'm so lost and confused.
Without you I'm nothing.

In your grace,
I fall on my face.
So engrossed in your presence.
I can't help but stare.

Every moment is a gash in the head.
A blow to hard to take.
And a hit to far down to mistake,
As a reasonable gesture

Like, rewind that.
I meant to say life is perfect and joyous.
And I'm a christian.

I say I love the world,
And I've got the perfect man.
My life is perfect chaos,
And I'm lying as I speak.

Everyday is a fall from God.
A day that I go perfectly wrong.
Fuck loving your neighbor,
Can't stand them,they can't stand you.

Who ever said I had to love you.
Besides Jesus Christ.
Is he even real?
A man, but not a God.

Called to you,
But you said nothing.
You turned your back.
And walked the fuck away.

I'm so angry,
I could kill.
Again.
And I will.
In anger.
With rage of hate.
A mind of guilt.
A body of slit wrists,
And a bleeding bleating heart.

That just caved in.

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17641955/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17641955/ Tue, 01 Apr 2008 20:37:54 PDT His mind is swaying and fading.
Dying in a crimson red.
Every day an ending to his pain.

So very close we became.
Till she entered the picture.
Leaving us defenseless and stripping us
Of our pride.

I so badly want to cut her throat out.
And feed it to the dead.
They would take it.
But no one else would.

She cuts you clean,
Of every feeling.
That we ever made.
Creeping in and removing us of faith.

You cry that you loved her so,
But how could you let go?
If she really meant that all to you,
Why crawl to me in loving memory.

I'm sick of the using and the games.
Of the mind flips and the hoops I play in.
It's so tiring to feel so depressed.
This nightmare haunting my reality.

You seep back into your black hole,
Leaving us both to fend on our own.
I always knew you'd leave.
It was just a matter of time till you'd give up.

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17636809/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17636809/ Tue, 01 Apr 2008 15:45:30 PDT Got something to say?
Run it into my face.
Hey, hey faggot.
Got somet time to waste?

What are you,
Believing that there's something more.
Some kind of religious fanatic.
You raise your hands to the sky,
As if it it's not all a lie.

Hey, hey faggot,
Got a cigarette?
Hey, hey faggot.
I got something to say.
I'm on the edge of explosion.

Every moment is by the skin of my teeth.
Leaving me in clenched fists and angered memories.
Every God damn day I waste,
Held in all high, so unreal.
I taste this acid boil on my tongue.

Every dog bark,
Every bite.
Is just pushihng me closer.
The the edge.
Every little word,
Hey, hey faggot.
hey, hey faggot.
Hey, hey faggot.

It's just me torn between you and I.
In a dead stare and an open glare
As the sun seeps through tattered curtains.
Releiving us from the dark.
It's like a doomsday gone bad.

Every moment crept away,
At the smell of your perfume.
Every bad memory fell between dead fingers.
As you became my own.
And now all I see is your beauty,

You are what I behold,
In this lovely beauty,
Of betrayal.

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17610005/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17610005/ Mon, 31 Mar 2008 16:44:58 PDT Walking down the street,
Alone.
No one.
Alone.
In an agonizing reality.

No, it does not have to be this way,
They all like to say,
Little do they realize,
Their the ones that cause him the pain.
In their hearts their doing him good,
In his mind,
Their pulling him down.

Into a shallow grave,
Is where the worms lay.
Desperate to penetrate.
His body disenagrates.
With every passing day.
It's all the same.

Every move I make,
Pulls him down a little more.
I try not to break.
But it's too damn late.
To turn the hands of time.
As the nickel and dime take over our lives.

I'm so sick of knowing,
That I'll never be alright,
In this skin of mine.
that he fiddles with,
As we lie next to one another,
In our shallow grave.

]]> ~Slippers13 http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17595588/ http://Slippers13.deviantart.com/journal/17595588/ Sun, 30 Mar 2008 18:59:28 PDT But they don't mean a God damn thing.
His body becomes one with mine,
But I'm too angered to care.

Every distant dying cry,
Only heard by me.
I go to the wounded; helpful and understanding.
But when the stables are turned and I am stabbed,
Their hearts flutter and walk on by.

Every bullshitted moment time and time again,
has gotten me worked and fucked over.
I'm so sick of the meaningless shit you bring me.
Learn to live and fuck off.

It is the way the candles light your face,
That I dearly miss,
You and I; but you dismiss me like I was never there.

Every moment is filled with anger and torture.
the skin is breaking and bleeding,
But no one hears me screaming.
I call to you; like you said for me to.
But you don't answer; like everyone else seems to do..

This life has filled me with pain and regret,
How I long to be free with death.
Eating my soul and choking on my flesh,
Maybe I'll just end it quick.

]]> ~Slippers13