http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:SongShadow&section=today deviantART RSS for by:SongShadow en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Fri, 11 Dec 2009 09:36:18 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/28853694/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/28853694/ Wed, 09 Dec 2009 19:54:04 PST
]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/28681567/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/28681567/ Mon, 30 Nov 2009 21:40:23 PST But dad of course, didn't. It only made him angrier and more vicious, thinking she'd only wanted his money, and now wants to be rid of him.
I'm supposed to graduate next spring with my Liberal Arts. While I was in the shower today, apparently they fought... And mom blurted out that she thought her and I moving into an apartment would do better for my education.
Enraged, dad phoned someone immediately. They'll be here tomorrow to put a price on the house...

Mom and I have no vehicle. She has not even looked into apartments.
We're royally fucked. Dad doesn't even have a place to stay... Let alone, he's not cutting her any slack. False smiles and fake happiness might've been unpleasant, but compared to what it is now... To know, that they'll never again hug or laugh together...because I pushed it...

It feels like my whole world has crashed and I'm buried beneath the rubble. I just want to suffocate and die there. Goodbye to my yard, goodbye to my pool, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye...

Merry Christmas.

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/28661977/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/28661977/ Sun, 29 Nov 2009 22:27:46 PST
But do I want to clear that blood away?
I don’t think so. After everything I’ve been through, why would I just want to wipe it away? Not all souvenirs of those experiences are bad… They may hurt a little…But I can’t live without them.

…I wish my parents hadn’t been so emotional over me having Leukemia. I can understand how hard it is for a parent, but when you take someone so insensitive, partnered with someone incredibly emotional… Look what happens. Dad never wanted to be reminded of my past. They didn’t even tell me I’d had cancer until I was around the age of twelve. How and why they’d kept it a secret for so long, I didn’t know. Just because I’m naïve and in most cases, ‘innocent’? I was dragged to the clinic yearly for tests and other irksome shit. Quite honestly, despite the memories of kicking, screaming, being held down and used as a lab toy, they had some damn good food there and the toy room was heaven. I practically owned (or so I thought, at that age) the little playground outside. The people who visited me, who I will never really know or remember, brought me nice things and yummy foods. I grew up without a clue as to what I had; even while living with a broviac in my heart until the age of five. I remember kids looking at me strangely and wondering why there was an odd bulge beneath my shirt; and when the tape would come loose, a tube would slip out from underneath my shirt.
I can’t say why, but I’m almost glad I remember the worst of the memories. They make me think. Especially the very last, PAINFUL memory… Where they removed the broviac from my heart via tearing it out of me while I was awake… I clearly remember being held down, the ‘toobie’ as I called it being pulled out of my chest, and someone giving me a constant shot in the shoulder…. Apparently, that shot, was that medicine that was supposed to make one forget the experience.
I think it failed. I’ve also built an immunity to sedation, it seems… I woke up in the midst of my colonoscopy last month. I could feel everything, and was also aware of everything. Funny thing was though, I could’ve cared less about the thick tube trailing up my ass and within my lower abdomen; I kept trying to see the screen so that I could see what my own intestines looked like. The nurse was startled that I was awake, so tried to communicate with me and make sure something wasn’t going very wrong. I remember having an in depth conversation about hockey…
Later, they told my mom that I’d broken through the sedation, which is something that is rarely seen. Yay for being a freak! I have hyper sensitivity, P.T.S.D, apparently I’m Clairvoyant and I break through sedation! Whee.

…Now what did I even start this journal.
Oh yes. Parents.

…Nah, I’ve spoken too much already. I don’t have the will to speak words anymore tonight.

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/28424216/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/28424216/ Tue, 17 Nov 2009 22:18:13 PST
]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/28324310/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/28324310/ Thu, 12 Nov 2009 23:22:23 PST
Then we reach that stage… Past the point of denial, where we realize just how helpless we are/were in those particular situations. Things change without our motive, including our very selves. One minute we’re sitting and enjoying the calm breeze, and the next, we’re watching the moments sift through our fingers like sand.
But how easy can it be when, you finally wish to move on, yet that one cold claw, an undying bother, has you in its’ grip; a vice on you for as long as you can remember?

I want my parents to split up. Better yet, I want my father to move down with my brother… He wants us to go out there this winter, to visit, but I’d rather not…
I tell you, nine years ago when I was eleven, I couldn’t have dreamt more fondly about living in California with my brother and his three children. I developed a bond with those kids, I really did. For whatever reason kids have always admired me, despite my firsthand intentions at labeling them as a personal bother. Even as an eleven year old, I was overwhelmed and curious as to why they immediately fell in love with my presence. Two nieces and a nephew… Knowing that we were so close in blood made the bond even more special.
Well, now my oldest niece has piercings, in her lip and covering her every inch of ear… She’s thirteen. Not to mention, my brother has had two more children, and proceeds to smoke, and do other…drugs.
I’ve honestly no desire to go out there and see him. How to get by dad though? He’s determined. If anything, I’ll have to pull up a little white lie about schoolwork still existing… I shouldn’t have ever told him that I had nearly a month of break.
I would like nothing more than for him to go out and live there, truly. He speaks now of resolve, of mending this ‘family’ and bringing things to a more mellow state. Granted I love the happy attitudes lately, but I’m not buying it… Too long my own smiles have been torn from my face to satisfy the rage of an immature parent. I can’t lie about turning cold and distrusting; within the last few years I’ve been injured in more ways than I’d admitted. After silently weeping inside during my last years of school; for some cursed reason KNOWING what I would lose, now here I stand, seemingly in the place I was meant to. Our group is broken, my friends passed onward to wherever their hormones or dreams likewise, have taken them. I stand by very few now, and even fewer stand by me. I find myself making new friends, though… They will be nothing similar as to what I once had, but trying to belong never hurt anyone…that much. To me, these light, carefree friendships are all I care to wear anymore… I’m done wasting my time on building the sweet richness of a golden bond, only to have it grow weak and melt away. As they almost always do.
For future records, I don’t plan on staying in this state… I don’t even exactly know what I mean by that, but I feel I must say it. Once I am free and contain the means of doing so, I will leave. There’s nothing left for me here… Other than Hamlin Beach.

My one inspiration now, my greatest strength, is my man. Since he came into my life in the very beginning of ‘07, coming at a time when you might say I was at one of my weakest points… I can’t say I’ve ever felt a spirit more uplifting. For the first few months I tried to deny what I was feeling… I promised myself I’d never give into love. And I never break my promises.
But… This one was worth breaking, I suppose. Despite foreboding feelings and natural distrust, speaking with him just felt…right. For months we didn’t know what the other looked like, but our close feelings were mutual… I can even proudly say that I didn’t let him even explore sexual concepts with me for a year and a half; exactly.

I’m not sure where my future’s going to take me. Or rather, where I’m going to take my future. Most of my doors are closed to others, except for those exceptional few who have always been beside me. Regardless if and when I meet my mate, I have a feeling that my life is going to last awhile. Longer than I feel, or might even prefer. But who knows… Chemotherapy left me with lots of little ‘gifts’… My time might short circuit.
I feel as if… I have grown to be like my Guardian. Few of you know who I speak of; but if you do, there you go. He didn’t want me growing up to be like him; a supposedly aimless wanderer. I always told him I wanted to be a Guardian when I was little… He’d laugh, kindly. Even now I still speak those same words to him, but he says I cannot, or rather, don’t deserve to stake my life to such a rough and tipsy existence when there are still comforts and things I’ve yet to receive from people. But I could care less… I think it’s easier to be a Guardian when you kn... ]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/28214634/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/28214634/ Sun, 08 Nov 2009 09:46:43 PST
Though the most I got was slightly dizzy, happy, and very chummy and tired when we got back to the apartment. A and Ike went to bed, but I spent some time with my mate (Actually, ended up not going to bed until 5am)

All in all... A very good night. I am satisfied.

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/28188205/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/28188205/ Fri, 06 Nov 2009 21:52:49 PST
If there is some sort of affection for one another, hidden somewhere there, it's too late for me to see it. I don't like seeing you together. I don't like seeing you smile. You're giddy, aloof attitudes are turning me entirely off; and you scold me and wonder why I don't smile too... Well let me tell you've something. It took five years for your case to close... It took twenty for me to be brainwashed. I remember thinking, back when I was of a very early age, "This is wrong, the way you talk about each other. I won't hear of it from either of you, and I won't let you brainwash me against the other." Well, somewhere along the line, I clearly failed. I grew weak, and succumbed to your ridiculous wound seepage. I am cold, I don't feel for certain things, and your relationship certainly is one of them. I don't care where you go, I don't care where I end up... Lords know I won't find peace until I'm well over thirty, if I manage to make it that far. All I know is, I want you gone, I want you out of my life, and I want to live alone for a good long while so that I can replenish what I had so long ago. With no money and no license, no, confidence for that matter, it's a difficult feat to accomplish. My mind has been warped and twisted by both extremes of human nature, what I've witnessed and what I've felt. The only true happiness I feel anymore is that which is unreal; that which I experience in dreams. Why, if only I could never wake up... To belong to a world where reality couldn't sink its' grungy teeth into you.

I don't know what this is, coursing through my veins, but I don't like it... It makes me not care. I can say the coldest things to my mother, think about my own father in the worst of ways, and not feel a twinge of remorse. Perhaps later I will and do, but somehow, I convince myself that those feelings are justified.
Five years ago I laughed and learned, I began to accept growing. Somehow inside though, I was crying for everything I knew I'd lose; why? It's so stupid. Everything changes, and everyone knows it, but it's as if I knew how things would change.
Perhaps why my reactions to them are so...unfeeling.

We may be moving, come early spring. Maybe sooner or later. You say you want a smaller house with larger land... You say we don't deserve a big house, because this one was never taken care of...

I'll settle for a small apartment, with mom. Right now I don't care about land... I just care about space. I want a room of my own again, so I can try and go back to what I used to be, rather than this cynical sardonic stiff.

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/28168768/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/28168768/ Thu, 05 Nov 2009 19:52:45 PST
That makes me, a happy sponge.

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/27921290/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/27921290/ Fri, 23 Oct 2009 11:03:17 PDT
Good news is I'll be sedated, of course. Bad news is I just hope the shit works >>;
In a way though, I'm eager for this to be done and over with simply because, I want to eat and be able to actually keep my food in me. For three years now my stomach attacks have grown worse, keeping me at the embarrassing weight of 94 pounds and no higher. The pain's gotten bad enough to make my eyes water. So... Hopefully they find something, and hopefully it's taken care of then and there.

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/26014625/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/26014625/ Fri, 17 Jul 2009 20:43:15 PDT Umm… I’ve not yet kissed, lol. So in truth, m’dear, there is honestly no answer to this question.

If the last person that you kissed said they wanted to marry you, what would you say?
….Who are you?

Are you currently looking forward to anything?
Yiss! Be campin’ with my friend this weekend ^^

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
Um.. I think so. I can kinda feel it.
And.. Yus! I was right. He just wrote to me xD;

Lose any friends lately?
…Nah. If I ‘lose’ someone, then they weren’t exactly that much of a friend to begin with. ‘Cause I’m pretty damn lenient xP

What's something you really want right now?
Oh, many things. But lucky for me, I lack very much Materialism.

This time last year, can you remember who you liked?
The same man of whom I love today~<3

Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
Richard.

Do you currently like anyone?
I’d say it’s more than like… Definitely.

Were you single on your last birthday?
Nope.

Dare you to tell why you kissed the last person you kissed?
…I was dreaming?

Are you afraid of losing the last person you talked to?
Of course.

Is anything bothering you?
Aha. Many things. But stuff none of you really need to know that much about.

Is anyone else in the room with you?
>>
Let’s hope not…

Who was the last person you had a conversation with on the phone?
Oh, I haven’t spoken on a telephone in so long…

How religious are you?
Fuck that.
I’ll find my own Faith; and not through the misguided tales of people probably on some sort of drug.

How do you feel right now?
Calm, and peaceful.

Does anyone call you babe?
Very rarely… Which is good. I hate that term.

Do you know anyone who has been arrested?
I guess.

Think back to the last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them?
The hell is with all these kissing questions?

Are you jealous of someone right now?
Nope. I couldn’t ask for more than what I have right now; other than a few helpful necessities.

If someone kissed your ex boyfriend/girlfriend,would you be mad?
No… They’d be an ex for a reason, wouldn’t they?

Have you found someone you really like?
Oh yes.

Will your next kiss be a mistake?
You mean my first? Let’s hope not…

How's your ex doing? Do you care?
I don’t really have an ex.

Have you been a happy, angry, or sad person lately?
Oh, I’m all of those constantly. No wonder I have physical health issues.

Has anybody ever given you butterflies?
Lots of people give me butterflies… A few even give me eagles.

Has anyone told you they would never leave and left?
Oh, of course.

Your boyfriend/ girlfriend isn't around, their phone is just laying there, do you look through it?
Um, no..?

Is anyone in your top a virgin?
…Yes ^_^

Do you have a reason to smile right now?
I have many.

Have you kissed the last person you messaged?
Someday…

How many pillows do you sleep with?
…Three

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/25926902/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/25926902/ Mon, 13 Jul 2009 18:11:34 PDT 1. Bamboo plant
2. Boxes
3. Optimus Prime (a model, obviously)
4. Jetfire (Also a model)
5. Books
6. Clothes
7. Spiders

SEVEN THINGS YOU CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT:

1. Basic necessities (food/water/shelter/all that)
2. Richard and my few close friends
3. Music
4. Dreams
5. A laptop
6. Movies
7. Did I mention Dreams?

SEVEN THINGS ON YOUR MIND:

1. My blood's racing
2. I want to brush my teeth
3. I can't wait to go camping this weekend with Jennie
4. I want to see him
5. I like the dark
6. I hear my parents' voices raising
7. I want those cookies...

SEVEN OTHER THINGS - DO YOU

1. Believe In God? Nope. I'll believe in what I Feel... And it sure ain't no shimmering being that the vast majority of stuck-up religious snobs reach out to so desperately.

2. Had A Dream Come True? Many.. Doesn't mean they were all good, though.

3. Read The Newspaper? Nah.

4. Get Enough Sleep Everyday? Haha.

5. Have A Best Friend? One or two. S'all I need.

6. Take A Bath Daily? Yeah. Shower, actually.

7. Wish On Stars? Nah.. Well, occasionally. But I really don't wish anymore...


SEVEN HAVE YOU EVERS

1. Fallen In Love? Yes. Yes I have.

2. Kissed Someone Of The Same Sex? No.

4. Been To A Bonfire? Hellz yeah! I go to one practically every weekend, lol.

5. Ran Away From Home? Yup.

6. Played Strip Poker? No.

7. Pulled An All Nighter? Haha. Every night, my friend. Every night.


SEVEN THINGS IN THE LAST 24 HOURS HAVE YOU:

1. Cried? No.

2. Had Fun? Mhm.

3. Been Kissed? No.

4. Felt Stupid? Nah, surprisingly.

5. Talked To An Ex? No.

6. Missed Someone? Yes.

7. Listened To Music? Yes.


RED : ANGER

1. Are You Currently Mad At Someone? No.

2. Which Of Your family Members Has The Worst temper? Dad. Fo sho.

3. Have You Ever Thrown Something At Anyone? No. Unless it was playfully.. Like a beach ball or something.

4. Does Your Face Turn Red When You’re Angry? Uhh.. How should I know? I don't really let it out..

5. When You’re Mad Do You Prefer To Stare Angrily Or Yell? Stare angrily. Somehow, that gets to them....



ORANGE : EXCITEMENT

1. Has Anyone Ever Thrown A Surprise Party For You? Yup.

2. Are You Easily Excited? Yes and no. Depends on what mood I'm in.

3. Is there an event coming up you are looking forward to? Yes.

4. If You Won A Million Dollars, What Will Be Your First Thought? Lies.

5. What Would Make You The Happiest Right Now? Sleeping.


YELLOW : SELF DISCOVERY

1. Full Name: No.

2. Birthday: I'm disowning it >.>

3. What’s Your Main Goal In Life? Too many to mention. But it's not just sit around, work, have a family, grow old and die.

4. Do You Want To Have Children? Eh. Nah.

5. How Do You Want To Die? In any way that Nature wills me to...


BLUE : SADNESS

1. When Is The Last Time You Cried? Why?

2. What Is The Saddest Thing That Is Happening Right Now? Uhh...

3. Do You Usually Cry/Get Depressed When Something Doesn’t Happen Your Way? No. I just get disappointed.

4. Has Anyone Made You Cry In The Last 24 Hours? No.

5. When You Are Sad, What Do You Do? Push people away and drift to where they can't find me.

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/25592134/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/25592134/ Sat, 27 Jun 2009 17:59:40 PDT
...'Nuff said.
Though I will easily say... Some things were quite unnecessary

(I went to see it with my best bud, A, and a friend of mine; Robert, who came up to visit his family in Henrietta.
I originally met him on GaiaOnline, lol)

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/25207322/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/25207322/ Mon, 08 Jun 2009 22:11:48 PDT TWO - Are you single?: Nope!
THREE - Whats your favorite number?: 6
FOUR - What color do you wear most?: Comfy clothing
FIVE - Least favorite color?: None
SIX - Favorite candy?: Sour gummy worms
SEVEN - What do you smoke?: Life x]
EIGHT - Are you happy with your life right now?: I can say that I am… Thanks to Richard, and a few close friends.
NINE - Anyone ever said you resemble a celebrity?: No, thankfully..
TEN - What is your favorite class in school?: English
ELEVEN - Do you shop at hollister/DC/Bluenotes?: Uhh.. No?
TWELVE - How do you make money?: By being poor and gaining Financial Aid.
THIRTEEN - Who is your best friend?: Anck, A.. But y’know what, I’m closer to Richard than I am to any of them… So blah!
FOURTEEN - Where do you go to school?: Monroe Community College.
FIFTEEN - Are you outgoing?: Hardly.. I like to hold back xP
SIXTEEN - One word to describe you?: Real
SEVENTEEN - Favorite pair of shoes?: Knee-high boots. Which I rarely wear lol
EIGHTEEN - Do you own big sunglasses?: Big? No.
NINETEEN - Where do you wish you were right now?: With my mate
TWENTY - What should you be doing right now?: Sleeping? Or eating, maybe? Relaxing? I dunno, there’s a lot of things I should be doing..
TWENTY ONE - Do you have a crush on anyone right now?: Major…

HONEST SECTION:
Honestly, what's on your mind right now?: My mate. Among other things.
Honestly, what are you doing right now?: …This. Talking to my mate and Josh on IM
Honestly, have you done something bad today?: Nope.
Honestly, do you watch disney channel?: Sometimes.
Honestly, who is the last person you talked to on the phone?: Uhh.. Gee. I can’t remember the last time I used a phone lol
Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?: Nope.
Honestly, what makes you mad most of the time?: Other people’s anger, fights, immaturity or lack of humility
Honestly, do you bite your nails?: No.
Honestly, do you want to see someone this very moment?: Yes.
Honestly, are you keeping a big secret right now?: …Am I? I don’t really think so..
Honestly, do you have a friend you don’t actually like?: Nah. If you’re a friend you’re family, and I look above all faults. If you break my trust or try to push me down in any manner.. Then it’s goodbye.

THE CANS:
Can you blow a bubble?: Yes.
Can you dance?: Uhh.. Depends?
Can you do a cart wheel?: No..
Can you tie a cherry stem with your mouth?: No?
Can you whistle?: No -.-
Can you wiggle your ears?: I’ve…never tried. I don’t think so.
Can you wiggle your nose?: Yup.
Can you roll your tongue?: Yus.
Can you make a clover with your tongue?: Uhh.. No?

ANGER SECTION:
What do you do when you’re mad?: Get real quiet and dangerously tense.. Avoid which or whomever that’s causing my discomfort.
What’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were mad?: Slapped my mother in the face, because she tried to strangle me…
Ever made anyone cry when you were mad?: No. Usually if I make someone cry it’s because I’ve spoken hurtful truths.. In which case, I do when I’m calm.

CRYING SECTION:
Ever really cried your heart out?: Yeah. Quite literally. Nearly turned inside out.
Ever cried yourself to sleep?: Yeah.
Ever cried on your friend’s shoulder?: Nope. Well, Anck, but… That was when I was little. I’ve not the courage to do such a thing now.
Ever cried over the opposite sex?: No.
Ever cried over the same sex?: No.
Do you cry when you get an injury?: No.
Do certain songs make you cry?: Takes a certain song, and a certain mood lol
Do certain movies make you cry?: Oh yes.. Never used to… Then I matured… And got feelings, lol

HAPPY SECTION:
Are you usually a happy person?: Usually. I try to have the brightest possible outlook on life; but not if something’s truly bothering me. Again, I try to avoid whatever weighs me down.
What makes you the happiest?: Seeing those I care about smile and be at peace and comfort.
Does being with your friends make you happy?: Yup.
Do you believe in yourself?: Yeah, but not as much as I should I guess.
Do you wish you were happier?: Nah. What’s happiness without a little..opposite? The good times wouldn’t be so good if there weren’t any ill times
Is being happy overrated?: No, lol
Can music make you happy?: Yup.

LOVE SECTION:
How many times have you had your heart broken?: Many; but not in the term of romantic relationships
Have you ever loved someone so much that you’d die for them?: Richard, anybody I consider a friend… Even those I no longer consider friends but once did. Yeah, they’re worth my life.
Has anyone besides your friends and family ever said ‘I love you'?... ]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/25132616/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/25132616/ Thu, 04 Jun 2009 20:06:40 PDT
[ ] smoked.
[x] consumed alcohol.
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex. (Ike&A)
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex.
[ ] kissed someone of the same sex.
[ ] had sex.
[x] had someone in your room other than family.
[x] watched porn. (Goddamned friend's birthday party.. I walked out though, and found better things to do xP)
[ ] bought porn.
[ ] tried drugs.

TOTAL: 5


[x] taken painkillers.
[ ] taken someone else's prescription medicine.
[x] lied to your parents.
[ ] lied to a friend.
[x] snuck out of the house.
[ ] done something illegal.
[x] felt hurt. (Who hasn't?)
[x] hurt someone.
[ ] wished someone to die.
[x] seen someone die. (Counting... Over 6...)

TOTAL: 11

[ ] missed curfew.
[x] stayed out all night.
[ ] eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself.
[ ] been to a therapist.
[ ] received a ticket
[ ] been to rehab
[ ] dyed your hair.
[ ] been in an accident.
[ ] been to a club.
[ ] been to a bar.

TOTAL: 12


[ ] been to a wild party.
[ ] been to a Mardi Gras parade.
[ ] drank more than three alcoholic beverages in a night.
[ ] had a spring break in Florida.
[x] sniffed anything
[ ] wore black nail polish
[ ] wore arm bands.
[x] wore t-shirts with band names.
[x] listened to rap. (Does anyone have a choice?)
[ ] owned a 50 Cent CD.

TOTAL: 15

[ ] dressed gothic.
[ ] dressed girly.
[ ] dressed punk.
[ ] dressed grunge.
[x] stole something. (Yeah, when I was like...three.)
[ ] been too drunk to remember anything.
[x] blacked out.
[ ] fainted.
[ ] had a crush on a neighbor.
TOTAL: 17


[x] had a crush on a friend.
[ ] been to a concert.
[ ] dry-humped someone.
[ ] been called a slut.
[x] called someone a slut.
[ ] installed speakers in your car.
[x] broken a mirror.
[ ] showered at someone of the opposites sex's house.
[ ] brushed your teeth with someone else's toothbrush.

TOTAL: 20

[ ] considered Ludacris your favorite rapper.
[x] seen an R-rated movie in theater.
[x] cruised the mall.
[ ] skipped school.
[x] had surgery.
[x] had an injury.
[ ] gone to court.
[ ] walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping.
[x] caught something on fire.
[ ] lied about your age.

TOTAL: 25

[ ] owned/rented an apartment/house.
[ ] broke the law in the police's presence.
[ ] made out with someone who had a gf/bf
[ ] got in trouble with the police.
[x] talked to a stranger.
[x] hugged a stranger.
[ ] kissed a stranger.
[x] rode in the car with a stranger.
[x] been harassed.
[x] been verbally harassed.

TOTAL: 30


[x] met face-to-face with someone you met online.
[x] stayed online for 5+ hours straight.
[x] talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight.
[x?] watched TV for 5 hours straight.
[ ] been to a fair.
[ ] been called a bad influence.
[ ] drank and drove
[ ] prank-called someone.
[ ] laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex.
[x] cheated on a test. (Good ol' elementary days...lol)

TOTAL: 35

Grand Total: 35

If you have less than 10.. write [I'm a Goody Goody]
If you have more than 10.. write [I'm still a goody goody]
If you have more than 20..write [I'm average]
If you have more than 30..write [I'm a bad kid]
If you have more than 40..write [I'm a very bad influence]
If you have more than 50..write [I'm a horrible person]
If you have more than 60..write [I should be in jail]
If you have more than 69..Write [I should be dead]

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/24853949/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/24853949/ Wed, 20 May 2009 10:01:42 PDT I guess I made the right move by coming back here, for at least the few months. Though my parents are still their quirky selves, and dad's still HIMself; they're far more lenient towards me and almost seem to bow out of the way if I step near.. Things were a bit tough the last two weeks; they argued, and though it didn't get violent, I still made it quite clear that it bothered me. While I was gone just this last weekend, mom said that they had had a long talk, and came to the firm realization that they didn't want me upset. As long as I do a few chores around the house, my life is finally my own. I don't have to ask, I can just do. I can speak my mind more. While dad still attempts to suggest his preferences over my own, the choice is still ultimately mine. I've reached the point where I've broken away from any and all who have caused me unnecessary stress, and stand by those who have been with me through the end. I owe a lot to my friend, A- With two jobs, classes back to back and taking care of her own place, she's always jumped to my side whenever something ill was befalling. And she's never left it.
My closest friend, whom I call my Guardian, has told me that I have some sort of ability to make others think and see in a different, more open-minded way. Though slightly aware of this, I never thought in a million years that I could do it to my parents... I guess I'm starting to realize now, that all you have to do is pull and unsnap the knot which centers people's security.. Some might call it chaos, others call it change. The past few months have given me much experience in my own life; and made my Wings even greater. I look forward to what the Wind brings me this summer...

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/24768808/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/24768808/ Fri, 15 May 2009 11:45:58 PDT After getting a small chunk of money, my father just slipped me enough to go and buy myself a TV, for when I move in with my best friend ^.^
It's a flat screen, HD LCD thing-er.. Beautiful quality, and now I get to play my PS2 games all I want!

I'm really going to miss my classes. I never thought I'd grow so close to my Creative Writing class; we were all like one big family at the end. Alex, a rather short but energetic Irishman, ended the class by correlating reading a pirate poem that another guy in the class, George, wrote; and they both spoke in rich pirate accents; Alex sounding more like a Scottish man.. But he had the class doubled over laughing, including myself. The fact that we were all eating pizza seemed to make the whole class seem like a lounging session more than anything. And that pizza was good..
Our math Professor brought in donuts for us, which shortly after I scored a perfect 100% on my last test for the semester ^^

*Sigh* I'll certainly never forget the events of this semester. From how shy and timid I had been starting out, to the end where George and I spent a half hour before class started, drawing pictures on the chalkboard for the class to see when they walked in xD

Good times, good times...
Now, onto a fun-filled summer! My Uncle just started recently working for Darien Lake; and says he gets a free ticket with every pay check. So that means... Free Darien Lake trips! ^.^
My friend A and I already have a Seabreeze and a camping trip planned; I can't wait to tell her about Darien Lake, hehe..

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/24635551/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/24635551/ Thu, 07 May 2009 13:35:46 PDT After finally coming to at least a higher-ground sandbar than where I've been for the past half of a year, today's classes just seemed to top it all off.

First off, yesterday was somewhat of a beginning for it. I had a Workshop in my Creative Writing class; meaning, that I had to sit quietly while the class discussed a poem that I had written (I submitted the one in my Gallery; Trapped) and we all sat in a circle.
The class loved it, like, more than I thought they would. A rather peculiar male in my class, code named Sandals (because he always wears sandals, no matter the weather)especially liked it. He called it, 'Real.' Also, 'Raw.' He said he liked it because, it had been the first poem he had read that felt... Real.
I was flattered = ^.^ = Lol.

But anyway. Some people in the class also hit the nail on the head when they got the message of 'Child Abuse' from the poem.
Of course, that's something I won't admit.

But what I did admit, and what just seemed to release a whole lot of tension, was my story; that I've been writing since back in October when I first ran away. Today in Writing From Personal Experience, we had to go around the room, and speak out about which assignment during the semester weighed on us the most. As a physical metaphor, the Professor passed a small bucket of stones around. Most of them were all alike; cream-colored, small. But all of them were smooth. We all wondered what they were for. She told us to hold them, and explained that 'that' was the weight in which she wanted to hear about, that we had gained from the class. Something that didn't way too much, but could still be held.
I, personally, was rather hoping we could keep our stones. The one I chose was perfectly round, smooth, and a chocolate brown. It was definitely a stone, but the pattern on it looked, literally, like a drop of wood.
The thing with talking out was, we couldn't be blunt. Our speech had to be at least a good three minutes.

So... I went for it. I explained that, throughout the journey I had taken since October. In front of the entire class, with my face growing hotter and hotter, I explained how the class had helped me through one of my roughest adventures. Even the Professor had known what was going on; just last week, I had e-mailed her while in a state of stress and crisis, having no one else to turn to. I then explained to her everything that had been going on, and what was going on.
At first, I didn't go into detail. I didn't really want to, if I could avoid.
After merely stating that I had just recently started pulling through the last stage of my 'situation', my Professor replied with a small, gentle smirk, "What was your situation?"
She obviously knew... But she wanted me to tell the class.

Sooo... With unusually firm strength, I held onto that stone and went into it. I revealed what I had been going through for my entire life, what I had done the previous October, where I had gone, and how just last week I knew that I had to get out of where I was then. How I had made a deal with my parents, and how I would be spending the next three months with them until I went to live with my friends. It went well past three minutes- I felt every eye on me, and my face constantly went from hot to sweaty, cold to clammy. My entire body was still, frozen, but my voice was unusually steady. By the time I had finished, I could hear a few quiet 'Wows' in the class; and then a few people asked me questions pertaining to the situation.

It felt... Damn good. When you've practically grown up without proper parents, only have a good two or three people to talk to in your life.. And then live to the day when you can tell your story, and have people feel what you've said, truly, then... Yeah.
And to top it all off, we got to keep the stones x3
I was happy about that.

On the way out of the school, there was a young man seated to the left on the benches near the entrance/exit doors, playing a blue acoustic and singing with all of his spirit. And I mean, rocking. He was going all out. And he was good, too. Talk about a perfect way to top off a nearly perfect day.
He caught my eye as I was walking out, and I grinned at him; as if to say, "Good timing, buddy... Good timing."

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/24087866/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/24087866/ Mon, 06 Apr 2009 05:29:15 PDT
]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/23333725/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/23333725/ Sat, 21 Feb 2009 22:53:44 PST I was fascinated by the movie. Definitely 'weird', but that's exactly the kind of 'weird' I live by. I admire such abstract imagination... It doesn't fully explain itself, and that's what brings it to life. Thus... I want to draw a picture.

It's just a very strong urge, and I'm not used to sketching or drawing characters that aren't mine... But I've got a new sketch pad, a larger one, and I think that this may just be the perfect time to give it a try...

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/23258063/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/23258063/ Tue, 17 Feb 2009 17:21:12 PST Well, I'm just putting this down so that maybe someday, I'll look back upon it and grin.. Laugh, even. I can feel my life starting to climb a hill... The one that leads to that big first drop. All of the previous happenings in my life were quite cushioned, where I could've and did fall... But here, here comes the steep cliff I'm to climb; the first huge obstacle that I need to get over to get into the next stage of my life. And there are no more cushions.

It'd be murder to have a job right now; what with four classes and at least two kinds of papers to write everyday. But come the end of it, I'll freakin' skin myself to find a job. Because the sooner I find a job, the sooner I move in with Adrianne and Ike. They said that they would up their apartment to a two-bedroom, come time. Because I really don't feel like moving back in with my parents... Mom, maybe, but I doubt dad'll get smart enough to jump out West before the cancer sticks he's so passionately sucked on all of his life, bring him down.

Hurr. I feel myself growing more and more reckless and stressed; probably, because I by no means feel safe or set. I doubt even if/once I move in with Adrianne and Ike, that I'll feel settled. I think I'm forever going to be riding this indecisive wave..
No wonder my health hasn't gotten any better.

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/23193000/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/23193000/ Sat, 14 Feb 2009 10:22:17 PST For those of my friends that read this or not, I love you guys!



And I'd also like to place a bit of honor here to my mate... The only man who has earned my trust through-and-through, and who has proven me wrong about most males. I've promised never to leave your side, and I will forever stand by that promise...

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/23091142/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/23091142/ Sun, 08 Feb 2009 20:05:13 PST not going for my permit test tomorrow. Either I forgot, or I wasn't told, that it costed so much. I'll either have to draw a bit of money out of the bank before next time, or wait until I get my check.

Oh well. A bit of further studying never hurt anybody. I know I should've done this, like.. years ago, but I'm not too eager to get behind the wheel...

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/23070252/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/23070252/ Sat, 07 Feb 2009 20:51:33 PST
Granted, the person who jerked my chain isn't hated; hell no. She's still as good a friend as ever.. Just reminded me that I should keep my mouth shut, and personally trust only those with empathetic ears.

Tomorrow I'll be going off with mom to do a bit of light shopping; have a McDonalds and go see Coraline. The next day I'll be taking my driver permit test... I just hope to Hell that I get through next week. Because then I've got a bit of a vacation.
Right now, though, I just long for summer.. And the days when I'll have a job, have a smooth-running laptop, and possibly live in an apartment with my two closest friends. I can only hope, and keep walking.. No matter how tough the current against me, gets.

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/22785630/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/22785630/ Sat, 24 Jan 2009 15:51:54 PST
For nearly the first time, I'm doing quite well in all of my classes and at the same time enjoying them very much.
It doesn't mean I won't be drawing, but I'm not going to focus on it as much; at least not until breaks. The career I've chosen demands six more years of schooling after this; and I'm dead-set on acheiving it.

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/22545669/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/22545669/ Mon, 12 Jan 2009 15:07:21 PST
My DeviantArt name is the same name as all of my online accounts. It's completely original, and unless the site is HUGE (like NeoPets) than chances are, I'm the SongShadow there.
It means the second note to the song; the background. The piece of music which contains no words; but without it, the story would have no flow.

2. What fandom where you obsessed with when you joined and what are you into now?

Oh, I fluctuate pretty much.. Just look at my faved pieces. You'll know what I like.

3. How many watchers do you have now?

Dunno; don't care xD
I'm not here for attention.

4. Name 3 of your favorite artists on DA.




5. Do you comment, fav, or both?

I usually just fave; only if I come across something I like. I usually don't go looking for stuff, unless I'm bored.

6. Do you participate in clubs' contests here on DA?

Nope.

7. What is your most popular deviation?

Nooooo idea~

8. What are you favorite non-anime TV shows?

I don't really watch TV anymore.

9. What are the things you wish you could draw better?

Ohh, I sincerely think I'm improving

10. Summer or winter?

Mm, both have favorable qualities.

11. Rain or Sun?

Both.

12. What's your favorite type of music?

Soundtrack.

13. PC or Mac?

PC.

14. Anime or Manga?

I don't watch or read either.

15. Coke or Pepsi?

Coke..?

16. Read or TV?

Read.

17. How many hours a day do you spend on DA?

I usually only brush by once or twice a day; unless I'm doing a journal

18. Name a hidden talent

...It's hidden, for a reason.

19. Flash or traditional cartoons?

Either or.

20. What is your favorite fast food restaurant?

KFC.

21. What is top 3 favorite books?

Pendragon; Showdown; The Immortals

22. Wii or Playstation?

PS2 all the way!

23. Name 3 of your favorite bands

Within Temptation, Sonata Artica.. That's it right now.

24. Are you a fast, slow, or medium typer?

Fast. Unless I'm reeeeally thinking about it..

25. Do you like Denny's?

Haven't been there since.. Back when I was eleven. And that was in California.

26. What is your favorite emoticon?

:furryglompplz:

27. What is your favorite type of pie?

Anything with ice cream, chocolate or pudding~

28. Have you ever stayed up for 24 hours?

Oh, of course.

29. Do you go on YouTube alot?

Mhm. Gotta have music!


30. Are you a member on any other sites besides DA?

....Duh....

31. Do you cosplay?

Nah. I've never found that very appealing.
Unless it was in real life, lol.

32. Fruits or sweets?

Both.

33. Name 4 artists you admire

Hmm.. I really don't know that many... Like I said. Look in my faved pieces.

34. Buttered, plain, or salted popcorn?

Buttered and salted.. Mmm...

35. Have you skipped school?

Not really..

36. Have you been on a plane?

Yup. Awhile ago, though.

37. Have you swum in an ocean?

Yup. Around the same time that I went on a plane; or two.

38. Have you been iceskating?

Yup. I'm not a pro, but I find it easier than rollerblading xD

39. Favorite vacation spot

California.

40. Ever been on tv?

Eh. When I was little and in Cancer Action, there used to be Media people.. I'm pretty sure I was caught a few times; but only in the background of course.

41. Favorite salad dressing?

Ranch, if any.

42. What do you do to relax?

Draw, listen to mus... ]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/22239218/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/22239218/ Sun, 28 Dec 2008 08:29:12 PST 1. Laura
2. Mew

Two things you're wearing now:
1. Pants
2. Shirt

Two things you would want [or have] in a relationship:
1. Honesty
2. Trust/Loyalty

Two of your favorite things to do:
1. Draw
2. Listen to music

Two things you want very badly at the moment:
1. A drink
2. To wash my face

Two people who will fill this out:
1. No
2. Idea

Two things you did yesterday:
1. Saw Valkryie
2. Listened to my new Mp3

Two things you ate yesterday:
1. Whopper
2. Turkey Sandwich

Two people you last talked to:
1. Holly
2. My mate

Two things you're doing tomorrow:
1. No
2. Clue

Your 2 favorite holidays:
1. Halloween
2. Christmas

Two favorite beverages:
1. Chocolate Milk
2. Kiddie Cocktail

Two people no longer alive that you'd like to talk to:
1. My Grandma.
2. Those I've lost in cancer

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/22200284/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/22200284/ Thu, 25 Dec 2008 21:26:56 PST But now here's the test. Saddened that I was not with them on Christmas day, they've invited me over for dinner. And this is not something I can easily get out of. They wanted me to come over today, but, seeing as I already had pretty firm plans, I didn't feel like bending my schedule. Especially for them. But now, they're determined to have me over either tomorrow or Saturday. I told them tomorrow, because Holly won't be home anyways and I'll just plain be able to get it over with. The phone was one thing. I worry about being in the same proximity as dad..
I've solidly set the time up to be from 1-4, so that I won't have to be there that long. They of course, tried to lengthen the time, but this is my choice to begin with, so I stood by my set times. And they accepted.
I'm nervous though. Even on the phone, dad tried simple guilt trips.. Little things, like, "Don't you miss the homemade pizzas?" and whatnot. Questions that, for me, are an obvious yes. And if I show how I really feel, like, if I actually go there and let the nostalgia show through my eyes, that'll only give them a fresh opportunity to jump at me with guilt trips. And it will hurt.

But, I'm stuck now, there's nothing I can do. I can only grit my teeth and plow through the event, and try to remain as numb as possible. I can't act like I miss Maddy too much, even though I do.. I can't act like a happy little child anymore. The only way they'll learn to respect me is if I walk in there with a 30-year-old air about me.
So I will. I'll just pray, pray to my God and my God alone, that this event goes quickly, and that I'll soon spend another all-nighter with Holly, basking in our glorious Christmas gifts...

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/22153105/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/22153105/ Tue, 23 Dec 2008 23:19:27 PST My father is rumored to show up at the Christmas Eve Party tomorrow. Er, tonight. Rumored, but almost certain, the way my mother put it. I even jumped out to ask my friend to drive me, so that I'd have an excuse as to why I couldn't stay longer or hang around to be tempted into coming home with them... Besides, 'tis the same friend I'll be staying with that night, anyway, so it all works out perfectly.

Here's my problem. As I mentioned in the previous survey, I'm split. Completely broken, into two halves, right now.. One is my Past, and the other, of course, the Current Me. While the Current Me just wants to move on with things, take what I have a run with it, the Past Me constantly hangs, clinging to it. It refuses to let me turn away completely from the problem, and only causes me to occasionally and constantly re-face the problem. Which only hurts, of course. And it's not exactly easy to get rid of it. If I think about it too much, I fall guilty and let myself be eaten by regret and pity. The only other alternative is to, actually, be selfish; swallow any care I might've had for my parents, and finish turning away from them... After all, it's doing no good, to try and explain... They only keep misunderstanding. And it's clear dad only truly cares about what he thinks, and his opinion, rather than the real truth.
But anyway. Yeah. Right now, the Past Me is screaming and ripping at the Current Me, forcing me to turn my head and look back. For there are so many things I've left behind, so many things I've neglected now, and so many things I've given up, merely because I couldn't take it anymore... What exactly does that make me? A coward? A hypocrite, for scoffing at my parents for being so selfish, only to suddenly turn heel and care only for myself, as well?
I don't know. Perhaps I'm too tired to think about it right now. Let alone be writing about it. I probably just sound like a whimpering rant, which, I really only am....
But we'll see. Tomorrow. Will truly be, a test. The most awkward Christmas I'll have ever had, the one time I'll ever fear the Holidays. I haven't seen my father since I ran away. Several months ago. When I was still quiet, submissive.. Now, should he meet me tomorrow, he will not mistake the fire licking at him from within my eyes... He will feel it, I know he will. He did a few times before, when I'd truly feel anger towards him. He would speak, look me in the eye, and I would actually see momentary fear; but it would quickly turn to anger.. As if I had already said something against him.
But anyway. Yes. Sleeping now. I haven't had a good night's rest in a while, and doubt I will, until this unfortunate mess is over....

Now to go to sleep, only attempt thinking happy thoughts, and daydream about my new current movie obsession, Optimus Prime... Hahaha.

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/22130592/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/22130592/ Mon, 22 Dec 2008 21:13:19 PST Instead, I'll do this; for the moment.
--------------------------------------------------
Has anyon​e ever said they wante​d to marry​ you?
Yup. A looooooong time ago, when we were young and had not a single clue about real Love.

Would​ you rathe​r live in alask​a or texas​?​
Alaska.

What is wrong​ with you right​ now?
Hmm. I'm split. My past Self and my current Self are at each other's throats, kay? Like I said, I'll write about it tomorrow... Maybe..

Do you pop your knuck​les?​
No. At least, I can't intentionally. It'll sometimes happen though, by accident, if I'm coming up the stairs on all fours or something. (Which I do..)

Would​ you go in publi​c looki​ng like you do right​ now?
No.

Whats​ on your bedro​om floor​ ?
Notebooks, sketchbooks, colored pencils, purse, various attire.. Yeah, I'm a slob at the moment

Descr​ibe your curre​nt shirt​?​​​
Nightgown. Fluffy. Cute. Childish. 'Nuff said.

Who was the last perso​n you talke​d to last night​ befor​e you went to bed?
Last night..? Uhh, Holly.

Have you made a mista​ke this past week?​​​
Have I? I'd like to know that, myself...

Is there​ a membe​r of the oppos​ite gende​r on your mind?​
Always.

Do you want somet​hing reall​y bad right​ now?
I don't know. I really can't tell right now. I guess I just want to sleep..

What do you think​ of peopl​e that do drugs​?​​
Near hopeless. Oh, and I have very little to solidly no respect for them.

Who was the last perso​n you rode in a car with?​​​​
Holly, her parents, her brother, her two grandparents. Yeah. Tight squeeze.

If there​ was a spide​r in your room,​​​​ would​ you leave​?​​​​
No. I'll keep my eye on it, if anything, make sure I know where it's headed. I'll never kill it. I'll actually go through extreme, creative lengths to deliver it elsewhere without harm.

Do any of your frien​ds annoy​ you?
Just one, really. But she annoys us all...

Have you ever thoug​ht you were gonna​ die?
Of course. Who hasn't really..?

Name the location of 1 of your scars and tell how you got it:
Only one? Aww, but they all have a story... Well, you all know where they came from anyway, so 'nuff said.

Would you consider yourself sarcastic?
Sometimes. Yes. Very.

Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced?
No. Piercings don't appeal to me.

Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in?
Before. Gotta let it adjust to the preferred temperature.

What was the last movie you saw in theaters?
Madagascar 2.

Do people ever make mistakes when spelling or saying your name?​
Hardly. My last name, anyway. I always have to remind people that it's with a 'K', not a 'C'.

Do you wear makeup?
Not really. Sometimes I do, for special occasions, but... I feel fake with it on.

When was the last time you straightened your hair?
Couple weeks ago.

Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?​
Fuck yes.

Do you hate using public bathrooms?
Depends on the bathroom. And the place.

What is your current relationship status?
Taken

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/21998081/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/21998081/ Mon, 15 Dec 2008 13:45:04 PST
Point given, I got my stuff back. Well, y'know, the important things, the rest of the stuff that really meant something... Thing is, dad doesn't know. Yet.
Holly and I went out shopping. Well, not really, but that had been our goal to begin with. We were to stop at the bank, so that I could draw out a bit of money, and then go to RITE AID to see if we couldn't find a present there. For those of you that don't know, my mom works there.
Since things have once again gone downhill between me and my parents for the last couple of days, I planned to tell her that I wanted my things back; and since I wasn't coming to the house to get them, she would need to deliver. Of course, she hadn't, and dad probably wouldn't have let her.
So I told her that, knowing that they're both going to a party this weekend, to leave the top lock unlocked so that Holly and I could come and retrieve my things. Dad wouldn't have known, of course.

She of course disliked the idea, thought I was being irrational, that I wasn't being fair to him because she truly believed he's changed.
After pressing my point a bit further, we both had to say goodbye because she had to get back to work. So for around fifteen minutes, Holly and I walked around, looking for things to buy for Christmas presents.
Doesn't my mom catch hold of me then, and suddenly tell me that she recalled the fact that dad was going out today. To a friend's, who lives about forty minutes away. He was supposedly going to help his friend 'move stuff', so he wouldn't be back for awhile. She agreed to give us her own house key, so that we could go and get the business taken care of. We all of course knew it would be no easy task; a trip to the backyard shed would likely be involved.

So we get to the house, after several long minutes of experiencing delirium due to the fact that we were both pretty scared. I mean, what if he had been home? Such a thing was too dreadful to even think about. But it stuck with us.
I called the house with Holly's phone, and got no answer. Figuring we had no choice but to proceed, we pulled into the driveway, both of us pumping with adrenaline and nerves.

Isn't the top lock, locked. Mom had said it wouldn't be, for sure, because dad usually only locked the garage when he left.
But it was locked. So we ran around to the back, and poked around there. Such an odd sensation, sneakily trying to get into a house that was once my own... And the thick cloudy skies and hurricane winds weren't extra lessening the drama any.
So I call mom, and doesn't she admit that she has a key for the back door. So, our dilerium now turned to disbelief and even higher nerves, we drove all the way back to RITE AID to retrieve the key. I felt less wary of dad though, seeing as no one had confronted us at our previous attempt to break in.

So we get back, and after several minutes of jamming the key into the stupid lock, and practically body slamming the back garage door, we get in.
To our luck, the basement door was unlocked. But, as soon as I opened that door, the silent and dreary appearance of the finished basement where mom and I had enjoyed so many movies together for countless years, hit me.
But, doing what I'm good at, I ignored any emotion I felt and pushed on. For one, Holly had to get to work. Therefore we only had about ten minutes, fifteen at the most. Even then, she would still be late, because we had to return the key to mom.

Seeing my cat again, perhaps for the last time, was the most painful part. When I saw his light blonde form happily trotting over to me, I had to freeze. I had forgotten how beautiful he was.
After giving him one hell of a glomp followed by a series of pets, I quickly took route to clear the number from the Caller ID, from when I had called earlier with Holly's phone.
That was when I heard Holly say, "Wow..!" From my room.
I knew that I couldn't have possibly expected any different. But it was still painful, taking those steps down the hallway.
It was indeed different. Didn't even look like my room. Practically everything was gone, the walls were bare, and the bed was shifted; the last few dressers having been moved. To me, it reminded me of the first day I had moved in; when the room was new and bare, cold and unwelcoming. Something very similar to a Hospital room.

I quickly scraped around for any of my treasured belongings, and managed to find a few. But the things I truly wanted, weren't there. So, as I had known, we had to go out to the shed.

It honestly felt like I was living a dream, watching a movie, as I ran through the cold desolate backyard with the wind throwing punches at me from all around. I took notice of my hammock, swaying uselessly in the wind. The trees I had spent so much time underneath; drawing,... ]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/21955255/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/21955255/ Fri, 12 Dec 2008 21:43:41 PST
Anyway. I just hope that that goes away soon. Christmas is approaching fast, and I'd at least like to feel physically well...
My father typically realizes now that, I don't want to see him right now. That means Christmas as well. Thus, I'll be spending Christmas Eve night and Christmas day with my other two friends, at their house. Beforehand I'll be attending an annual Christmas party with my mom; the one that her family hosts every year. Rumor has it that dad might go as well. That can be nothing but interesting.
I suppose though, I like the idea better of facing him, with a whole lot of other people around...

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/21921049/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/21921049/ Wed, 10 Dec 2008 19:09:34 PST
...If you're still reading at this point, you're hopeless.

Anywho. Those close to me know that this weekend, I am to have dinner at my parents'. Something I'm not too excited about.. For one, I find it very difficult to believe that dad will behave. And two.. Going back there wasn't exactly in my plans... That place, those walls, the room that used to be mine... Still does and always will hold the magic I brought into it, during my childhood... There's no way that I can go there, and not feel it trying to pull me back in... On top of that, my spirit, so used to having been calmed and simply move on with life, could easily be fooled by any kind nature portrayed by my mom and dad... And, as happened when I lived there, I just might very easily see no reason to leave...
That's what would happen when I lived there. Something nasty would happen, but, the next day, they'd be all smiles.. And no matter how much I still felt the pain of yesterday, I'd always swallow it and convince myself that there was reason to stay.
I mean, I left that place to do just that; leave. Going back to tease the dead can do no good... Can it..?

On top of that, I've got exams for the next two Thursdays and the upcoming Tuesday. My school grades are crucial at this point; whether I pass or fail now depends on if I even go back.
So. Let me consider the two possible outcomes...
Either, A, I fail, and fall even further behind and only increase the burden upon Holly and her family..
Or, B, I pass, successfully move on in my schooling, and thus look forward to another three to four years at Alfred...

Fun stuff.
My apologies if I seem to fade in the future.. I admit it, everything that's happened within the last few months has really taken a toll on me. I'm finding if difficult to even recognize myself.
I seem to like who I'm turning into. Trouble is, hardly anybody can reach me... Only Anck and Holly I seem to readily recognize and trust.

Anyway, again... Sorry if I disappear in the near or far future..
But I'll always be back. Those of you that truly know me, know that. Unless you give me reason to distrust you... Then, you'll slowly see less and less of me until I am no more, in your life.
So yes, allow me to become the ghost I've always been best at being; and ciao for now~

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/21846790/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/21846790/ Sat, 06 Dec 2008 11:30:15 PST
Drinking hot chocolate, and training my Pokemon...

And I love my mate, more than anything~

That is all :3

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/21763088/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/21763088/ Mon, 01 Dec 2008 09:20:15 PST Uhh.. Well, I have no phone, so I can't text ^-^

What would happen if you had a kid with the last person you kissed?
I... Haven't kissed anyone. Yay! No kids!

What did you do today?
I woke up. And had two poptarts. Blueberry.

Do you know a secret about your last ex that would embarrass them?
Uhh... No ex's.

Last time you were on the phone?
An hour ago. I called mom.

Who will you be sleeping with tonight?
Nobody.

Do you do your own laundry?
No... I iron when I'm asked to, though.

Are you getting engaged any time soon?
No, lol.

What's the best part about being single?
You're completely free. 'Nuff said.


Do you watch"The Hills"?
No?

Wearing any bracelets?
Nah.

Do you feel awkward when strangers say hi to you?
Yes.

Are you any different now than you were a year ago?
Ohhhh yes. Very different.
Yet uniquely the same. 'Nuff said.

Are you taller than your mom?
Nearly the same height as her.

Is anything upsetting you right now?
Yup.

What's the farthest away from home you have ever been?
California.

Do you hate being alone?
No. I'm quite used to it, and really know of no other way. Hence why I'm so timid around people.

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
Holly.

What's on your agenda for tomorrow?
School.

Does anyone know your password besides you?
Not that I'm aware of.


Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
Not really. It used to. I just don't care for it if it's spoken of frequently.

Have your parents ever caught you drinking?
Ew. Alchohol.

Who were you with last night?
When, last night?

What woke you up this morning?
The fact that it was 11am.

When's the last time you cried?
Couple weeks ago.

Passed out because of alcohol?
Nearly. When I was six,someone spiked my drink.

What's on your mind RIGHT NOW?
Stuff.

Would you take a bullet for anyone?
Not ANYone. But someone I consider Friend and Family. Sure, I have the instincts to protect in a heartbeat, but it'd suck to die for a stranger who might be a total asshole.

Where would you like to live?
Ahh... A forest. In the mountains, perhaps.

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Myself.

How long until your birthday?
Many many months.

When were you the saddest in your whole life?
Oh, don't ask. And that's really nobody's business, is it?

Have you ever had a song written about you?
...No?

What song makes you cry?
There's only one, and it's instrumental... From a game soundtrack. Such a strong use of violin and whatnot... It brings back painful memories. Like, all of them.

How long did it take you to get over the last person you dated?
No previous experience.


What do you look forward to in 2009?
Uh, the future? A lot has changed...


Who was the last person you called?
Mom.


Last time you saw your dad?
Pfft. Not since back in... What, October?

Do you like coffee?
No.

What do you drink in the morning?
Milk.


Do you know how to play poker?
Nah. Stupid. Pointless. Boring.

Do you eat out or at home more often?
Home.


Do you keep a piggybank?
No, lol.

Have you ever been in an ambulance?
No.

Do you prefer an oceanor a pool?
Pool.

Do you speak any other language?
A few words of Spanish and Egyptian.

Are you waiting for something?
Yes. Many things.

What were you doing at ten last night?
Listening to music. Pretty much the same thing I'm doing right now, lol.

Do you prefer hot or cold weather?
Warm. In between. As always.

Could you go out in public looking like you do now?
Uhh... V.V
I could... I'd be ashamed of it, though..

Have you ever made someo​ne so mad that they brokesomething?
Yup.


If you could go back in time, how far back would you go?
Blah. Why would I? I like who I am. And everything I've gone through has only made me stronger and more aware.

What is your current mood?
Alone, determined, vicious, spirited.


Have a crazy side?
:3

Ever cried yourself to sleep?
Who hasn't?

What is something you like to do a lot?
Listen to music.

Angry at anyone?
Kinda. It's not really anger...

Do you like drama?
I don't. But I don't di... ]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/21680639/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/21680639/ Wed, 26 Nov 2008 12:30:19 PST Of course you do. I'm not special.

Yeah... I'm just wondering when I'm going to break out of it. Probably after the Holidays... Never did I think I'd ever dislike the Holidays. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't... But it just feels weird even being a part of them this year.
I'll probably wind up going over to another friend's house, because, after that e-mail, there is no way I'm going... Well, I'm no longer even going to call it home.
Tomorrow I just hope I'm more awake; I've been mentally out of it for a few days. Haha, and it's weird, I cannot physically feel.. I mean, I can if something painful happens, but as for like, bumping into something or scratching myself, my skin is completely numb.
I used to get that at the other house, maybe it's just due to the level of stress... And school never helped anybody....

Anyway. I'mma take a nap... Maybe afterwards, I'll be more inclined to function like I'm actually awake.

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/21587777/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/21587777/ Thu, 20 Nov 2008 19:13:14 PST
After mom had slipped one of my greatest secrets, I knew it was all over. And sure enough, didn't I just last night receive a lovely little e-mail from my father... Which I'm not going to post. Only my closest friends are allowed to and have already seen it.

But yeah. It was quite cruel. Basically let me know that, I am never again welcomed back into my old home. And everything that I left behind, is to be thrown out.

Well. That's it. I am quite fed up with being patient. I've blocked both parents, and will make sure that no phone calls directed to myself are answered in this house. I'm also changing my address... For school, anyway. Whether or not it is to be permanent altogether, I still must ask Holly's mom.

But yup. Everyone agrees that it was for the better; and it makes it easier for me to just write them off.
Well, my family now immediately consists of Holly, (of course), A, her mate, Jere, my Guardian and my mate. And of course, those long-lost friends that are still out there somewhere, which I may never see again... And a few of them just took a turn for the worst. Which I've no desire left to help..

Anyway. Yup. That's my Life as about now.

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/21564342/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/21564342/ Wed, 19 Nov 2008 10:52:06 PST And she's not even sorry. She told it to him to, 'shut him up' apparently because he was ranting and raving.

Well. No more. I'm through. I wish to be rid of them, and never speak to them again.
This means I lose what was left behind at my house....

Anyway. I just want to get through tomorrow, hand in all four papers that are due, successfully pass this semester and be assured that I can go to Alfred next year...

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/21558640/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/21558640/ Tue, 18 Nov 2008 21:19:03 PST
Yeah. So, pretty short journal, but that's all. I'll be more talkative once this week is over... Maybe.

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/21529634/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/21529634/ Mon, 17 Nov 2008 05:59:12 PST Ew, no. I find nothing appealing about having metal stick out of your flesh.

2. Do hugs make you feel better?
No.. Not really. I avoid them if I can... Maybe that's why...

3. Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?
No.

4. Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in?
Before.

5. What did you do today?
...Woke up.

7. Have you had more than 3 boyfriends/girlfriends at the same time?
Uh, no, thanks. That's effed up.

8. Have you ever thought about your death?
Of course. Haven't we all?

10. Would you rather be in a permanent relationship or play the field?
Permanent... Like I said in a previous survey, players can die.

11. What is your favorite sport?
Pickleball!

12. What color is your shower curtain?
It's technically not 'mine', its Holly's.. But it has horses on it

13. Have you ever had stitches?
Oh yeah. Several over my heart, in my neck and other parts of my chest. Fun times, fun times..

14. How long ago did you hug someone?
Um.. Yesterday? I occasionally hug Holly randomly...

15. Did you believe that boys/girls had cooties?
No.

16. Do you know how to use chop sticks?
I don't believe so.

17. Lyrics stuck in your head?
Not really anything. Just a faint, repetetive tune.

18. Do you like the Red Sox or Yankees?
I'm not much of a Sports person..

19. What are you doing tomorrow?
Going to school.

20. Who was the last person you couldn't take your eyes off of today?
My mate. Well, actually, I can't look at him for too long or my face turns bright red and I get all bashful..

21. Have you ever given money to a homeless person?
No. Unfortunately it's so difficult to distinguish the True from the ones preying on your pity.

22. Have you ever run over an animal?
No.

23. What is your favorite cereal?
Eh, it varies..

24. Have you ever had an Oreo with peanut butter?
No..

25. What are you doing right at this moment?
...I wonder...

26. Do you think its right for straight guys to get their tongue pierced?
Nah.

27. Where's your favorite place to be?
Right where I am now.

28. What's your favorite song?
Again, it varies.

29. Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker?
Nope. I hate both.

30. Have you ever thrown shoes on a telephone wire?
No..

32. Have you ever climbed up a water tower?
Not that I recall...

32. Have you ever been arrested?
Nope.

33. Do you dream in black and white?
Nope. I don't think I ever have.

34. Do you talk in your sleep?
I used to, apparently.

35. Do you snore?
I don't think so. I just deep breath.

36. Have you ever thought about being a model?
No.

38. Funniest thing you heard all day?
...I just woke up. The day hasn't started.

39. Ever gotten a mosquito bite on your face?
Maybe. I dun remember.

40. What are you afraid of?
Hmm, good question... What am I afraid of? Probably, the feeling of being helpless...

41. What does the 10th text message in your inbox say?
N/A

42. Do you like someone?
Oh, it's more than like~

43. Do they know you like them?
Oh yes.

45. Can you recite the alphabet backwards?
No.

46. What's your middle name?
Do you really care?

47. What's your profile song and why?
Haha, I can tell this wasn't originally from DeviantArt.

48. What's your mobile ringtone?
No cell phone.

49. Need to get something off your chest?
Haha... Ha.

50. How do you feel about your life right now?
How do I feel about it? ...Quite lost, but at the same time, I know exactly where I'm going... Weird, huh?

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/21481594/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/21481594/ Fri, 14 Nov 2008 08:20:07 PST I'm actually proud to say, no I'm not ^^

2. If not, who is your boyfriend/girlfriend?
My Wulfie That's all you need to know.

3. How strong are your feelings for them?
Incredible. I've never felt anything more True; and it's given me an amazing amount of strength within the last two years.

4. If you're single, how do you like it?
N/A

5. Do you have a crush on anyone right now?
I love my mate... Does that count? I ain't about to go crushin' on anyone else.

6. First kiss?
Not yet.

7. Ever kiss in the rain?
No.

8. In a movie theatre?
Is this one of those stupid... yes it is.

9. Underwater?
That would be difficult.. Wouldn't it..?

10. First Love?
First and only.

11. Been cheated on?
I don't think so.

12. Used someone?
I'm sorry, but Users need to die.
That's a strict no, in case you couldn't tell..

13. Been used?
Yeah, I've been used... But only by people claiming to be 'friends'.

14. Lied to your boyfriend/girlfriend?
Nope. I never have, and never will. What's the point of the whole thing if you're just going to lack honesty, even in the slightest.

15. Ever made out with just a friend?
No.. I would never do that.

16. Ever had sex with just a friend??
Yuck. Shallow. No.

17. Are you a tease?
I've been called a tease.. Though I don't really recall TRYING to be :/

18. Do you flirt a lot?
Uh.. No?

19. Longest relationship?
Current and only.

20. Shortest?
N/A

21. Have you ever received a poem?
I've gotten songs. Those are good enough

22. Ever received chocolates?
No, no, no... I am NOT good with receiving stuff :/
If I want chocolate, I'll seek it out on my own

23. Sweetest thing you've ever gotten?
Trust.

24. Do you like Valentine's Day?
Mhm

25. Do you believe in love at first sight?
At first sight? Sure, I guess... But it's horribly rare. Horribly. Takes a special kind of person.

26. Do you believe that everybody out there has someone for them?
Yup.

27. Do you fall in love fast?
Haha, no.

28. Are you a player?
No. Players can die, too.

29. Would you ever hook up with somebody of the same sex?
Ew, no. I'd never put up with a female. Besides, I've yet to meet a lesbian that actually has thoughts other than BDSM and smut.

30. Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?
I guess, a long time ago, my parents.. Way back when things were 'good'.

31. Kissed 2 people at one time?
0.o How..?

32. Had sex with 2 people in one day?
Uh, no.

33. Had sex with 2+ people at one time?
Uh, no.

34. Ever cried over someone of the opposite sex?
Nah.

35. Ever been dumped?
No..

36. Ever dumped someone?
No. Well, not really. I had a guy that liked me, who supposedly just thought I was his girlfriend because I hung out with him.. So when I turned him down, he considered it being dumped.

37. Ever been rejected??
I don't usually make first moves...

38. Do you have a lot of ex's?"
Not one.

39. Are you a slut?
Nope ^^ I belong to my mate, and my mate only

40. Ever been called one?
No.

41. Do you want to get married?
Only if it's my Wulfie. Though the idea of a wedding just scares me... Not the marriage part though.

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/21361870/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/21361870/ Thu, 06 Nov 2008 17:43:31 PST I'm staying at Holly's; that much is certain. I will only leave the comfort of my new home for Thanksgiving and Christmas; in which my parents shall promptly return me back where I am now, as is my wish.
Both of them have felt the sting, and now look upon me with more respect.. Though no matter what, I don't feel that they'll ever truly understand.

Oh well. I've felt an incredible change in myself, and in my motives. I'm not as afraid as I used to be.. Far more open to people, and less easily intimidated.
Even my health is starting to take a turn for the better.
Tomorrow, or at least sometime this weekend, I am preparing to call a local Vet to ask for a job. Ironically, the girl who sits behind me in my math class lives directly behind Holly's house; and she's given me a phone number that is almost certain to get me a decent job; $10.00 an hour!

Anywho, for now, I continue enjoying the present with my sister; learning, expressing myself through my artwork, and working on a life-long story.

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/21265960/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/21265960/ Sat, 01 Nov 2008 13:38:30 PDT Anyway, each vehicle was to have a theme with matching costumes. I was the creature (costumed photo of myself in my gallery) and Holly made herself a gorgeous costume that was to represent a bird. Our theme was Masquerade, and by far, the most creative. Everyone else were either clowns, superheroes or pirates... So over-rated

Two sets of parents had their children's picture taken with us, even! Haha, so we'll forever be in someone's photo album. We got so much attention, many compliments and even a few hugs
Something I'd definitely like to do again next year, if it's possible.
Woot for originality!

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/21132295/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/21132295/ Thu, 23 Oct 2008 20:39:22 PDT [x] You have a dark sense of humour. (Sometimes)
[x] People often tell you you're 'crazy', 'weird', 'a freak' and other words to that effect. (And proud of it!)
[ ] You like wearing bright colours even if they clash.
[] You don't tend to make a lot of sense. (I try)
[ ] You are self-obsessed.
[x] You will do anything for a laugh.
[] You can't laugh at yourself very easily.
[x] You're smiling a lot of the time.
[x] You are intelligent.
[ ] You like to be the centre of attention.
[x] You enjoy the work of the Marx Brothers.
Total: 6

2 - Two-Face
[ ] You are a Gemini.
[x] You seem to have two sides to you that different people see.
[ ] You have taken revenge on a bully.
[x} You have/had a burn or scar or something similar visible for over two months. (And will be for the rest of my life)
[x] You believe in chance and fate.
[x] You tend to be paranoid.
[x] You consider yourself unattractive.
[x] You feel no-one can truly like/love you for who you are.
[ ] You have trouble making decisions by yourself.
[ ] Blackmail is a completely acceptable method to use in getting what you want.
Total: 6

3 - Penguin
[x] You love birds.
[x] You consider yourself a complete gentleman/lady. (I try)
[ ] You have/had an overprotective mother.
[ ] You always keep an umbrella in your bag just in case.
[ ] You are always dressed smartly.
[x] You were/are bullied in your youth.
[ ] You consider yourself obese.
[x] You have a lot of connections.
[x] You want to work with animals in some way.
[ ] You want to run your own nightclub.
Total: 5

4 - Scarecrow
[x] You like to scare people.
[x] You have a reclusive nature.
[ ] Your life is ruled by research/work.
[ ] You are scared of birds.
[ ] You are tall and skinny.
[x] You take/have taken psychology at school/university/college.
[ ] You feel your parents were loveless towards you.
[ ] You were born out of wedlock.
[ ] You used to pick on animals as a child by hurting them or scaring them.
[x] You have/had religious fanatics in your family.
Total: 4

5 - Riddler
[x] You love puzzles and riddles.
[ ] You have red/ginger hair.
[ ] You have OCD.
[x] You are quirky.
[x] You consider yourself a 'smooth talker'.
[x] You are an intellectual.
[ ] You get high marks on your texts/exams.
[ ] Most of your body is covered in tattoos.
[] You seldom win in physical fights.
[x] You complete computer games with ease.
Total: 5

6 - Mr Freeze
[ ] you prefer cold weather.
[ ] You want to be cryogenically frozen.
[ ] You have lost a loved one to a terminal illness.
[ ] You go/have gone to boarding school.
[x] You are a loner.
[x] You go all out to hurt someone who hurt you.
[x] You would do anything for the one you love.
[] Winter is your favourite season.
[x] You have poor blood circulation.
Total: 4

7 -Ra's Al Ghul
[x] You are manipulative. (I can be. Wrong me, and I'll play with you..)
[ ] You would love to get rid of everything and start the world again from scratch.
[x] You want perfect environmental balance.
[ ] Science is/was your favourite subject.
[x] You consider yourself a spiritual person.
[x] You consider your age to not be an issue.
[ ] You want a son.
[x] You keep yourself fit.
[x] You want to live forever.
[x] You see the world as decadent and corrupt.
Total: 7

8 - Bane
[ ] You consider yourself as physically strong.
[ ] You go the gym a lot.
[x] You have an addictive personality.
[ ] You have been to prison.
[x] When you were younger, you had a teddybear that you took everywhere.(not a teddy bear but close enough)
[x] You had a classical education.
[ ] You have/had nightmares involving bats.
[x] You are violent. (I could be)
[x] You do not explain your actions.
[ ] You have a Mexican heritage.
Total: 5

9 - Clayface
[ ] You like B-Movies.
[ ] You want to be an actor/actress.
[ ] You are a good liar.
[ ] You make sculptures.
[ ] You enjoy the work of Boris Karloff.
[ ] You have had plastic surgery.
[ ] You have been in a car accident.
[x] You hate remakes.
[ ] You can't swim.
[x] You reference films all the time.
Total: 2

10 - Killer Croc
[ ] You were born with a medical condition that affects your body on the outside.
[x] You were/are raised by a member of your family that wasn't/isn't your parents.
[x] You enjoy your own company.
[x] You have quick reflexes.
[ ] You enjoy wrestling.
[x] You are a good swimmer.
[x] You can run very fast.
[ ] You grew up without... ]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/21080467/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/21080467/ Mon, 20 Oct 2008 14:08:34 PDT
The venture to go and reclaim my stuff was successful. Of course, I didn't get EVERYthing, but I got what meant most to me, and what I simply cannot live without. Though I'm not entirely settled in yet; still gotta organize everything. We were supposed to do that this weekend, but, Holly's mom has been ill too; and neither of us felt like moving much.
Now that I'm starting to feel back up to life, I've gotta start getting it into gear again. My grades took a painful dip; so there's something I really have to fix.

But! Once I settle back in, hook everything up, I'll be drawing once again ^^
And, I feel I'd like to accompany in exploring her artistic talents; at least with PhotoShop x3

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/21002351/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/21002351/ Wed, 15 Oct 2008 13:58:41 PDT
An event took place last Friday that I feel I'm ready to talk about here.

I ran away. I won't go into details; for those of you that know them, good for you
Plain and simple. I was sick and tired of being tied down, for my whole life to boot! So I managed to sneak out, and am now living with my closest friend. Who is now, basically, my sister

was there for me once again, and offered a place to stay. Well, again I won't go into details, but in conclusion my father demands that I move out completely if I'm not coming back at all.
So, Saturday, I'm going back for all of my stuff... Well, what I can carry, anyway. Holly has a truck, so that'll be most helpful. I just hope I can get all of the pictures off of my wall without ripping them
Oh yes, and dad will be at a reunion while we do this. So hopefully, everything will work out.

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/20796952/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/20796952/ Thu, 02 Oct 2008 16:57:33 PDT How do I go about it?

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/20782594/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/20782594/ Wed, 01 Oct 2008 18:33:40 PDT I'm reaching that stage of life now, where things are drastically changing. And it's becoming increasingly difficult to ignore them.

At first, I didn't like the feeling of change. I've never been one to comfortably adapt to new ways or happenings.
Yet, almost two years ago, I began to develop a growing sense of strength and hope; ever since I had met my mate.
Well, that light's only gotten stronger. And I plan on using it.
I'm just suddenly wondering... I can feel something big coming up. I don't know when, or how soon, but I just know that it's going to be big. As much as my home life continues to be the cause of practically every ounce of stress I've ever experienced, I don't feel that it's going to last much longer... It always used to sadden me. Thinking of leaving the house I currently live in. But, ever since my grandmother died, it just seemed to lose its... Enchantment. Things just aren't the same anymore. My friends have grown apart. There are really only two left, three if I count the boyfriend of one.
Of course, life can never continue without change. This I know. I just wish I hadn't spent my whole high school career, practically weeping for what wasn't yet lost. Now it is, and I simply still remain. Part of me will always continue to roam the halls I once called a second home. And my memories... Well, I know those aren't going anywhere.

I just know that I won't be living in New York forever. I doubt even my dad will ever know what I plan. But... Regardless. I always have a way of taking those that I care, along with me. Just like my memories. I'm ready to leave this house, but I will never leave behind the feelings or experiences that occured.
Two of my friends have offered to let me live with them once I move out. And so has Holly
But, for that matter, I might even someday move out to be with my mate. And in that case, I'll have to leave New York behind.

But, that's not for awhile yet; although time does fly...

And here's something for

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/20725849/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/20725849/ Sun, 28 Sep 2008 14:41:31 PDT Uh, duh. Why I would I do this if I'm just going to answer it fasley?

What' s the last thing you put in your mouth?
Carrots.

Where was your default picture taken ?
In my room.

Name someone that made you laugh today?
Holly.

How late did you stay up last night and why?
'Till 4:30, because I had a sleepover...

When was the last time you cried ?
Not horribly long ago, but no time recent.

When is your birthday?
August 11th.

Who took your profile picture?
Me.

Can you live a day without TV?
For how long? I may not watch many shows, but I do like my movies.

What are you listening to?
The movie I'm watching with Holly; Sweeney Todd.

Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
Yes. It always depends of course, but in truth, sometimes they really are.

What are you wearing?
Cream-colored long sleeved shirt, tan pants.

Where do you wish you were right now?
With my mate. But, I am quite happy right now, sitting next to Holly watching a movie and talking to my mate on IM.

Is anything bothering you right now?
School.. I've a quiz to take online before today ends.

Have you ever had your heart broken?
In a matter of speaking, but by family, not a lover.

If you could go back in time and change things, would you?
Nah. My past created me.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone ?
Holly.

If your being extremely quiet what's it mean?
I'm always quiet. Unfortunately, people take that as "Oh, she dislikes me." It just means I'm... me. Takes a lot to get me out of my shell.

Have you ever kissed someone and never saw them again?
No.

How are you feeling right now?
Content, tired, a tiny bit anxious.

Last time you laughed?
I've laughed a lot today ^^

If you could seek revenge on someone would you?
I do. And succeed.

Last argument?
There's always some sort of pointless argument around me. I tend not to get involved.

What are you doing on Saturday?
Might hang out with Holly or something. Not sure yet.

Excited about anything?
Nope. Not currently. The days I've been looking forward to are now sweet memories in the past.

What's a happy time you've had in the past week?
Being with my mate

If you could push one person off a mountain, who would it be?
Bah. I'd only do that should I need to in self defense. Otherwise, if I hate the person that much, I'd rather make it bloody and worthwhile.

Are you a morning person or a night ?
I can be either. It just depends on the schedule and how much sleep I get.

Are you a forgiving person?
No. I have never truly forgived, and probably never will. If you cut deep enough.
But if it's something light and minor, it's not even worth my forgiveness; I'll just brush it by.

Do you wish somebody would call you?
Uh, no? Well, maybe perhaps somebody responding to a job application...

Do you want children?
I put up with enough of them in adult skin.

If yes how many?
This world isn't right for children anymore.

If someone likes you would you want them to tell you?
Go ahead. I try to make it clear that I'm taken though.

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/20679941/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/20679941/ Fri, 26 Sep 2008 02:31:50 PDT
Name: Well, psh! Like I'm gonna give that information out!

Birthday: August 11

Birthplace: Rochester, New York

Current Location: Guess.

Eye Color: Dark brown. I've also been told they look to be light mahogany sometimes

Hair Color: I don't even know anymore... Used to be golden brown, ever since a shit load of stress a year ago, it's gotten lighter.. And continues to.

Height: 5'4"

Right Handed or Left Handed: Ambi; with the exception of writing with my left hand.

Your Heritage: I'll never really know.

The Shoes You Wore Today: I haven't worn any today; I just woke up.

Your Weakness: Affection, receiving the feeling that someone actually cares about me.
I can overcome that though, easily. Unless you're a certain someone...

Your Fears: I will know when I meet them.

Your Perfect Pizza: Black olives, mushrooms, pepporoni.

Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Get a job and move out, but that doesn't look like it'll happen this year either.

Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: lol

Thoughts First Waking Up: "I hate people."

Your Best Physical Feature: I've been told people like my eyes for whatever reason.. I'm kinda starting to favor meh magic color-changing hair though

Your Bedtime: I'm forced to go to bed at ten... Doesn't mean I sleep though, does it?

Your Most Missed Memory: Hmm.. I used to have a bunch... But I trashed them. I'd have to pick out something from my childhood, but there's far too many...

Pepsi or Coke: Coke. Come to think of it... I don't think I've ever had a Pepsi..

McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds.

Single or Group Dates: Single. I'd prefer it personal, or it wouldn't feel like a date.

Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Never had either

Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate

Cappuccino or Coffee: Cappuccino. I hate coffee. I'll only settle with those light latte things that don't TASTE like coffee.

Do you Smoke: I've been around second hand smoke all my life, but no, I myself do not smoke.

Do you Swear: Only if I'm really pissed. To me, swearing is a male thing.

Do you Sing: Only when I know you can't hear me...

Do you Shower Daily: Yes.

Have you Been in Love: For the first time, I think I am. I could never ask for a better mate. I've had a few minor crushes in the past, but he's proved me wrong about males and earned more trust than anyone. And I feel that this is really love, not lust nor infatuation. I met him almost two years ago and it's only gotten better.

Do you want to go to College: I am.

Do you want to get Married: I don't rightly believe in marriage, and I am rather terrified at the thought of it, but.. I'd do it for my love.

Do you believe in yourself: Yes. I never used to, but meeting my mate seemed to change my for the better and make me stronger.

Do you get Motion Sickness: Yah, unfortunately -.-

Do you think you are Attractive: I'm okay. There's a lot I don't like about myself though..

Are you a Health Freak: Not intentionally, if I ever appeared to be. True, I do raid the vegetable table at parties before I go for the sweets, but..

Do you get along with your Parents: Haha. Ha.

Do you like Thunderstorms: Love 'em, but not when I'm sleeping...

Do you play an Instrument: I wish..

In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Nope.

In the past month have you Smoked: Nope.

In the past month have you been on Drugs: Nope.

Three words: Must get out.

In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: Yes

In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Nu.. I want to try it, though...

In the past month have you been on Stage: Haha, no.

In the past month have you been Dumped: Nope.

In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: No.

In the past month have you Stolen Anything: Nope.


Number of Drugs... ]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/20575810/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/20575810/ Fri, 19 Sep 2008 21:12:51 PDT This makes my life so much easier!!!
And it's all thanks to...



Sorry.. I just needed to get that off of my chest... This is like, a dream come true for me.

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/20562871/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/20562871/ Fri, 19 Sep 2008 03:52:06 PDT Uhh.. Duh.

[02] Would you do meth if it was legalized?
Hell no.

[03] Abortion: for or against it?
Against. I'm pro-choice, but hell, either get smart and protect yourself or bear the child.

[04] Would our country fall with a woman president?
I don't think a female would be good.. Sorry.

[05] Do you believe in the death penalty?
In some cases, yeah. But I think they may push it a bit...

[06] Do you wish marijuana would be legalized already?
No... Isn't this world screwed up enough?

[07] Are you for or against premarital sex?
I say, do it when you're mature (obviously) and when you feel ready. And I mean, at least wait a year or more.. Geesh. The longer the wait, the more proof that love outweighs lust.

[08] Do you believe in God?
I believe in some things. But not an Almighty.

[09] Do you think that same sex marriage should be legalized?
Doesn't matter to me. I don't believe in marriage as it is.

[10] Do you think its wrong that so many Hispanics are moving to the USA?
Yeah, I guess.. This country's no more than a toilet bowl, nowadays.

[11] A twelve year old girl has a baby, should she keep it?
She'd BETTER. It was her choice to lose her virginity at that age. Pay the price.

[12] Should the alcohol age be lowered to eighteen?
I don't care. I hate alcohol.

[13] Should the war in Iraq be called off? The first answer that comes to mind?
I'll stick with what I'd tell anybody; I'm against war, but I obviously support those out there fighting for us.

[14] Assisted suicide is illegal: do you agree?
Pretty much..


[15] Do you believe in spanking your children?
Haha. No answer for that; I was spanked pretty badly because my father was a violent jerk. And did that teach me lessons? No. I grew up with a grudge and a bad violent streak. That I restain, don't worry

[16] Would you burn an American flag for a million dollars?
No. Sorry, I'm not exactly THAT patriotic, but I prefer dignity over money; unlike most.. No matter what the damn price.

[18] Who do you think would make a better president? McCain or Obama?
I don't really give a crap.. I HATE politics.

[19] Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers?
The real question is, "Do I care?"

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/20555999/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/20555999/ Thu, 18 Sep 2008 16:19:57 PDT I mean, these critters looked like anthro. Not just animals standing on their hind legs. He mixed both human features and animal quite well

So, yes! I just need to think of whom to draw.. Aya will of course, be one of the characters...

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/20407931/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/20407931/ Tue, 09 Sep 2008 14:23:56 PDT I'm going to start practicing Anthro a lot more, and I hope that I can succeed in improving. I'm also going to be playing with different techniques, backgrounds and whatnot; so don't be surprised to see a few of the same drawing submitted; only in different styles.

I haven't really revealed much on my character, Aya. But then again, I'm not really sure if this is the place for it..
Anyway, College work will of course cut into my drawing time, but not horribly. I plan on evenly spacing out my study hours and free-time for drawing.

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/20389785/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/20389785/ Mon, 08 Sep 2008 11:29:30 PDT Within the next season, or at least until December, I'm under major jeopardy. Mostly within school work. I'm not the best at math, but I HAVE to do good in practically every subject this semester to avoid getting kicked out due to poor grades.. I'm starting to value and understand studying a lot more now; but it's just rather difficult to actually DO it because I have...well, a lot of interference at home. Not to mention, slow computers never helped.

But! One of my closest friends (or, THE closest friend, I should say) is giving me a laptop. Actually GIVING it to me!!! I mean, again this may sound lame but, that's literally a dream come true for me!!!
Thus, she's getting paid back... A lot, whether she likes it or not. And I don't mean in one huge chunk. Like, throughout her life
Soo, having a laptop will majorly help; seeing as lots of my College work is now online, for whatever reason

But, yeah... That's my outburst for now. I have much more on my mind as well.. But that's best left unspoken.

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/20128017/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/20128017/ Sun, 24 Aug 2008 10:22:46 PDT

But, I've some new ideas for things to draw, so I'm gonna try and get my butt back into gear; aside from studying of course.

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/19219513/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/19219513/ Sat, 05 Jul 2008 13:25:47 PDT Woot! So, to give myself some practice (and ideas) I think I'm going to take this on! Hopefully it'll make me a little bit better. Plus, this is a good chance for me to experiment with my own characters, as well as my friends ^^



1.) Make 100 pieces, each piece having to do with one theme listed below. Each piece should have ONE and only ONE theme to it, for it to count.

2.) Drawings should be of your own artistic ability. You may not edit photos, or break any other rules set out in the DA etiquette policy. Your pieces can be anything from sketches and doodles to great master pieces. Just have fun with it.


THE LIST............................

1. Introduction [link]
2. Love [link]
3. Light [link]
4. Dark [link]
5. Seeking Solace [link]
6. Break Away
7. Heaven
8. Innocence
9. Drive
10. Breathe Again
11. Memory
12. Insanity
13. Misfortune
14. Smile
15. Silence
16. Questioning
17. Blood
18. Rainbow
19. Gray
20. Fortitude
21. Vacation
22. Mother Nature
23. Cat
24. No Time
25. Trouble Lurking
26. Tears
27. Foreign
28. Sorrow
29. Happiness
30. Under the Rain
31. Flowers
32. Night
33. Expectations
34. Stars
35. Hold My Hand
36. Precious Treasure
37. Eyes
38. Abandoned
39. Dreams
40. Rated
41. Teamwork
42. Standing Still
43. Dying
44. Two Roads
45. Illusion
46. Family
47. Creation
48. Childhood
49. Stripes
50. Breaking the Rules
51. Sport
52. Deep in Thought
53. Keeping a Secret
54. Tower
55. Waiting
56. Danger Ahead
57. Sacrifice
58. Kick in the Head
59. No Way Out
60. Rejection
61. Fairy Tale
62. Magic
63. Do Not Disturb
64. Multitasking
65. Horror
66. Traps
67. Playing the Melody
68. Hero
69. Annoyance
70. 67%
71. Obsession
72. Mischief Managed
73. I Can't
74. Are You Challenging Me?
75. Mirror
76. Broken Pieces
77. Test
78. Drink
79. Starvation
80. Words
81. Pen and Paper
82. Can You Hear Me?
83. Heal
84. Out Cold
85. Spiral
86. Seeing Red
87. Food
88. Pain
89. Through the Fire
90. Triangle
91. Drowning
92. All That I Have
93. Give Up
94. Last Hope
95. Advertisement
96. In the Storm
97. Safety First
98. Puzzle
99. Solitude
100. Relaxation

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/19183441/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/19183441/ Thu, 03 Jul 2008 12:09:11 PDT

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/19050428/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/19050428/ Thu, 26 Jun 2008 03:43:51 PDT / = Half
o = No

[x] I know how to cook toast.
[x] I can do my own laundry.
[x] I can cook for myself
[x] I actually enjoy intellectual conversations.
Total so far = 4

[x] I show up for school all of the time unless I'm sick
[o] I always carry a pen in my pocket/purse.
[o] I've never gotten a detention.
[/] I've watched talk shows.
[o] I drink coffee/tea at least once a week.
Total so far = 5

[x] I know how to run the dish washer and/or do the dishes.
[x] I can count to 5 in either Spanish/French /German/Italian/etc
[x] When I say I'm going to do something I always do it.
[x] I can mow the lawn.
[/] I remember to water my plants.
[x] I study when I HAVE to.
[x] I pay attention at school most of the time.
Total so far = 11

[x] I can spell experience without looking it up.
[x] I can go to the store without getting something I don't need.
[/] I always understand jokes the first time they are said.
[x] I can type fast.
Total so far = 14

[o] I have realized that the weather forecast changes every hour.
[x] I realize that no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 20 and have a job.
[x] I can read a book and actually finish it.
Total so far = 16

[x] I knew that the alphabet and twinkle twinkle little star have the same rhythm
[o] You just checked.
[x] You actually watch the weather.

Total = 18
Actual age= 18. Woot! Haha, that's the first time I've actually gotten my real age as a result on something

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/19002597/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/19002597/ Mon, 23 Jun 2008 13:40:50 PDT

Anyway, I need some new drawing ideas. I'd like to keep practicing with my current style; since it seems to come so easily for me.
So... What should I attempt to next draw/portray?

]]> ~SongShadow http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/18956172/ http://SongShadow.deviantart.com/journal/18956172/ Fri, 20 Jun 2008 19:35:48 PDT
I'll change it as soon as it'll let me.

Woot. Well, finally summer seems like it's started. I've had two sleepovers within the last week. One, of which... Heh. Well, lets just say my friend and I went for a late night walk out in the country, and several odd happenings occured...
Her and I got bored; it was about 11:30 at night. We decided to go for a walk. Just to be safe (because no neigborhood where I live is 100% safe) we each brought a knife. Of course, the one I was holding, I didn't even know how to use properly We were mostly walking in the dark. Me, being paranoid, kept glancing behind us every minute or so. At one point, we were both talking, and suddenly heard footsteps behind us that clearly DIDN'T belong to us. We spun around, and saw some man literally seven feet behind us, his black suit and white baseball cap silhoutted by the past streetlight. Obviously, he hadn't been there a minute before. When he heard us gasp, he assured us that he wasn't going to hurt us, and that he had been kicked out of his father's car on the way home from his graduation party.
We kept our eye on him until we finally came to an intersection where our paths separated.

Then, so don't we decide to take the long, light way home; that is, walk through the town for the next three miles to get back to her house. Don't we just enter town, and the power goes out everywhere
Hehe, I'm too tired to go into details. But I'll never forget the humidity, the fog, nor the way such beautiful willow trees can seem so ominous in the still dead of night.

But, the sleepover I had last night was much more peaceful and safe ^^
Guess you could say, I like to walk both sides of the line~

]]> ~SongShadow