deviantART: by:SouLXposed

a rant. if you're attached to me, don't read.

~SouLXposed — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 20:38:10 PST

Contacting Me

Note Me

Skype:
cay_beach

Links:

(don't worry, i didn't trash any close friends)

How did you do it? I desperately need to know. How did you abandon reality and retreat to be alone? I just feel so lost and broken. Like shards of glass painfully reflecting surrounding disappointed faces. Faces feeling betrayed, full of scorn, contempt. Hurting those around it, not knowing how to help. I just want to be alone. Gorge myself till I explode. Gaining weight, body losing shape. I just want to disappear. Barely noticeable, like the sun into the night.
How do I manage to make everything worse, when I so desperately want to help? I want to be perfect. To be able to stop all the pain. I want to tear apart the barriers, I want to know who I am and what I want. I want to stop hurting. So badly. I want to revert to when there wasn't any hurt. But there's no such place. It's an imaginary thought. I just want this pain to go away. This monster devouring my soul. It's so tempting to distract myself with physical pain, something I can handle. Distract myself with food. with drawing. with writing. but it doesn't take it away. Let me fade quickly, so I can numbly go through the motions. Struggling to wake up, to meet peoples' faces, not knowing how they'll see you. Ups and downs exhausting, terrifying, for there's no control. Hold me, make it stop. I don't want to do this anymore. Why can't I withdraw? Gather what I've got. Instead I stumble through other peoples' lives, butting in where I'm only an obstacle, merely getting in the way. I'm slowly getting weaker. Life draining ounce by ounce. I don't know how to get out of this cycle. I don't know who to hold onto. I don't know how to hold on. Maybe just let me slip away, and everyone else's life will be okay..

Journal CSS made by =caybeach
Brushes by *gvalkyrie

WARNING: INCOHERENT RANT

~SouLXposed — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 20:56:06 PDT

I haven't really read over this, read at your own risk. i hope this doesn't upset anyone. i love you so much <3

So. I'm crying. What's fucking new? Not my writing, haven't been doing that. Too fucking lazy to something like that. That can be quasi-enriching. last few days have been wonderful. guess it's catching up on me now. got upset earlier during work. was able to brush it off. then i cried because of a fucking tv show and now im crying because of this message:
"Actually I was getting ready to mail the papers and your address on your audition form only said ** (initials) for the city and I don't know what that is. Next time please take the time to write out your complete mailing address so that you can receive things in a timely matter. It is just good practice to not abbreviate your city only the state.
So what does ** stand for, I really didnt have time to go searching the internet to find out??"
it's not bad at all.. it just made me feel badly and made me cry, WTF!? idk even know why im upset.. i just wanna be held. it's so twisted that i can't spend too much time consistintly out because i try not to cry in front of people and it ends up building up too much. so i cry over nothing. i cry over not feeling loved. being stressed. being helpless. hurting others. people thinking poorly of me. wanting to hurt myself, starve myself, but knowing i don't have the guts to and having the inability to hurt the people around me that much. from knowing that i've broken hearts. from being sick. from getting mad. from feeling like a failure. not being good enough. being scared. seeing that people think that i'm gonna leave them when i love them so incredibly much. from not being able to help. from frustration. from the battle that i have with myself. from not understanding. from people thinking nothing's wrong with me resulting in me believing them.. making me confused, frustrated. my head hurts.. i wish i could bang it so i wouldn't wake up.. idk what's wrong with me. is it for attention??? i hate myself for it. i wish i could make all my friends' problems go away. it's not fair. it's not fair.. NO ONE should feel the way some of my friends feel. it's not fair. she's wonderful, pretty, funny, intelligent, skinny.. HOW CAN SHE FEEL THIS WAY!?? i want her to be better. i want everything to be better. i want to be held. i want this to go away. why does she have to feel so worthless? I value her SO much. SO many people do!!!! She means the world to me. One of my best friends.. I want to kill what makes her feel this way. it's disgusting. it lies. terrible awful lies. disgusting lies. i would do anything.. take it away. please. stop it. how could she think that i'd ever go away. how do i even know this?
i think too highly of myself. think everything's about me. wtf? i'm probably not making sense. i don't care. i want to stop feeling. i feel too much. people think poorly of me because of it. im an attention whore. someone's said that to me. it killed me a little inside. it hurts. my heart feels like it's going to burst. i want it to. right now at least. im done. i hate this. so much. make it stop.. i love you. i love so many people. i don't wanna lose you. what if they stop loving me. it's hard to handle that thought. what if things i do are too much for them to handle? or they don't feel comfortable with me anymore? what if i die alone? like those few seconds that i knew i was collapsing and couldn't control myself and no one was there to help me. what if i never get better? what if people expect more from me than i can give? what if my friend never gets better? IT'S NOT FAIR. I love her so much. Make me forget. make me disappear. anything. i can't stand this. bring me to wonderland. anywhere but here. hold me. please. don't let me push you away.

Reflecting

~SouLXposed — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 18:41:55 PDT

This year.. Has been a hard one. I've been battling with depression and it's been very challenging. I've been very sick (not fatally, just consistantly) this year and it's really taken a toll on my mental health.. or my mental health has taken a toll on my physical health, who knows?

In the begining of the year one of my best friends fell into a very bad depression along with battling with anorexia. She almost completely withdrew and I had no idea what to do. It was really hard for me to watch her suffer so badly and not be able to do anything about it and feel like our friendship was dwindling. Thankfully she got the help she needed and is recovering. She is an amazing friend and as soon as she was able to, she has helped me exponentially in getting better. Thank you so much for being here for me. I don't know what I would do without you, you are an amazing and strong person. Always be true to yourself.

One of my other close friends in the begining of the year was also anorexic and depressed and has been dealing with it for a very long time. We had a lot of issues and this year I lost one of my best friends and it was really hard. I'm sorry if you think that I'm a bitch for making so little contact to the point where I can't look you in the eyes. I truely hope that you are doing better and will improve and keep your friendships that can help you.

My father started wanting to be a part of my life again this November. I was not ready for it. I had already desensitized my emotions towards my father and his family; I needed to be strong for myself and not let him just come into my life whenever he wanted to. He threatened to go to court to make me go down to visit him and he caused a lot of drama, but I know that it's what I needed to do for myself. I may find that I can go back down again, but for now I need to focus on myself and not my failed relationship with my father.

I have always been a very religious person, and I still am. But my relationship with God has suffered a lot throughout my depression, which has made my depression even worse, that's how it always works, isn't it?

My grades sucked for the year, but what's happened happened. I can only work from here on. I became extremely unmotivated throughout my depression. I would seem alright; I'd still be happy every once in a while, but I wasn't myself anymore. These past two years my depression has been peaking and falling. I'm on medication now, and going to a doctor who does acupuncture and it's been helping a bit. I've crashed hard a few times. I'm not actively hurting myself or anorexic, but it's been on my mind and I've gone a day or two without eating, just flirting with the idea. I know that I have that tendency, but I know in my heart I can do that to the people around me. My worst crash unfortunetely had it's consequence. I became hysterical and gave myself a concussion accidentally. It's been hard to deal with life this year, but things are getting better.

Lately, I've become much more motivated. I've had my falls and bad thoughts, but it's different this time. Even if I crash, I pick myself back up. It's so hard when you're falling to not know if you'll be able to pick yourself back up or not or if you'll find yourself again, but I think I'm going to. And I have people to thank.

I have 4 best friends and I don't know what in the world I would do without them. They have been so strong for me and have helped me so much. I hope that I'll keep them as friends for the rest of my life, I am detirmined to be as good a friend as they've been to me, thank you so much. I might not be here if it wasn't for you..

Hopefully, each of you know who you are, if not, then you can ask me

I know this year has been really hard for you too, and I'm so proud of you. It's incredible to look at what you're defeating. You are so strong, but I'll always be here for you if you can't seem to find that strength. I know that you'll always be here for me, and you don't know how much comfort I take in that. You've gotten me out of hysterics, even though you weren't there physically. Thank you so much for your friendship, I will always treasure it.

...well, the first thing I thought to say is that you're gorgeous, even though that really has nothing to do with this... but you are. so there. But I feel like I've gotten a lot closer to you this year and I'm so happy for it. You've helped me a lot even if you haven't realised it. You make me happy. Just writing this, I'm smiling. I just think of all your quirks lol I love our relationship, how we can be crazy but still talk and let things out. I love spending time with you and I know that you'll be there when I need to cry in someone's arms. You've been so strong watching everything go on around you al...

Not functionable..

~SouLXposed — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 07:47:54 PDT

I'm sorry that I'm still not keeping up with dA.. I've been feeling so depressed.. I'm not doing well... I hate feeling like this. I broke up with my boyfriend.. I feel terribly.. He is great. I just suck. I don't feel like I'm living right now.. Like one of my friends said, it's like you're here physically, but sooo not here. My eyes are swollen from crying so much yesterday. I feel like such a bitch.. So worthless. I hate hurting people. so much.. I'm just not fuctionable right now. I feel so miserable.. I've been feeling miserable for a while.. It's just so much worse now, I feel so badly. I know that it'll pass, but it's really hard now. I'm PMSing and I get a lot worse because of that. I'm so sick of crying.. I'm so sick of being miserable. I have a good life.. Why do I feel like this? I am hurting people.... I hate it... I don't want to be with my family, I always want to sleep, or get away.. I want to get better... I'm sorry for hurting people.. It almost makes me want to not be in any relationship or friendship.. The people I love don't deserve to have a friend who is so screwed up... I can't function. I can't figure out my emotions. I can't control myself. I have just been so unhappy and I don't even have a fucking reason!!! I have an absolutely wonderful life.. I just feel terrible. I want to stop this.. I want to just go into a coma and not wake up until everyone's gone. I don't wanna hurt people anymore.. I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to deal with life...

but thank you to all my close friends for putting up with me... I couldn't ask for better friends. You guys are amazing. I love you.

Starting fresh

~SouLXposed — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 09:51:54 PDT

I am soo sorry for totally being MIA. I have just been so busy with life and not writting too much, it' sucks. So I've decided that I'm going to get back on, I really do love this website! I am very sorry that I probably won't get to many if any of the deviations that I missed.. That was one of the reason that i haven't been on, I felt guilty for not keeping up with everything but it's just too much to read. So hopefully I'm back!!
Update on liveliness.. hmm Welll, school sucks as always. I've been depressed lately, but I'm getting help and it's not too too bad. I have a wonderful boyfriend and I'm doing pretty well with my wonderful friends, I love them so much! I'm not dancing as much but that should be changing hopefully. I miss it. But my boyfriend said that he'll dance with me!!!!!!!!!!!! hehehe like do ballet! how awesome is that?!?!? or gay.. depending on the person. but I love it. lol I can't wait to catch up with everyone!

Probably time to explain myself...

~SouLXposed — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 07:31:30 PDT

I haven't been keeping up very well with deviations.. For once, I actually have a pretty good reason. I haven't had access to the computer much because there was a fire in my house. It was contained, everyone's okay, but, I haven't been at home for the past week. So, there you go. ugh. was not the best time for me. but, I've met a lot of new people, and I went into the city. so, I guess I'm pretty good.

A quick question

~SouLXposed — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 10:28:25 PDT

Well, I haven't been very active, crazy life. lol right after this, I have to start a paper, due tommorow not fun. I was wondering if you guys would be interested in me writing a short story... I had written some of it a while ago, and I came across it and was interested again. I would be re-writing and adding to it. It's called, Rorrim Sisters. It's about three best friends who all find themselves in a different dimension, through a mirror.... I really enjoyed writing it so I wanted to see if you guys would be interested in my posting it! Any sugguestions for it would be welcome too, I have a lot of if written out, but I'm willing to change it up and make it something you guys'll love. Thanks!

Devious Journal Entry

~SouLXposed — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 21:22:33 PDT

1) If you HAD to get a tattoo where would you get it?
neck, it would be pretty

2) If you HAD to dye your hair a color what color would it be?
um.. I like my hair! a lighter blonde

3) If you HAD to get a piercing (not ears) what would you get?
umm... belly button

4) If you HAD to change your name, what new name would you choose?
hmmm... Nuella. [yea. a little wierd, but I like it]

5) Would you rather love one person or have many short relationships?
one person. as long as that person loved me back

6) Would you move anywhere if you could?
umm.. maybe into a house

7) If you were given the chance to go to Paris, would you go?
Yes!

8) If you were given 10 million dollars to keep, what would you do?
buy a house for my family, pay for my college, and my siblings, further myself however I could concerning dance classes, fly to see one of my best friends, do something special for each of my close friends, and give the rest to a charity

9) Would you eat a live tarantula for $1,000.
yea right

10) What makes your bedroom unique?
I have my friend's pictures and random stuff like tissue paper and my friend's art, lotsa polka dots

11) What's your favorite season of the year?
summer, just because I can swim, and schools OUT! lol

12)Do you like cheese?
who doesn't?

13) Are you the same person as you were at the beginning of 2008?
ummmm. idk?

14) Anything exciting happen this year?
ummm.. lemme see. crazy boy problems, baby brother, surprise birthday party, first kiss

15) Have you been involved with the police this year?
nope

16) Are your best friends still your best friends?
as far as I know

17) Got any tattoos or piercings this year?
Nope and nope

18) Had a haircut yet this year?
nopee

19) Been in a hospital this year?
for baby!

20) What woke you up this morning?
my body?

21) What color shirt are you wearing?
turquoise

22) Are you crazy?
crazy? nah

23) Does anyone call you baby?
dont think so

24) Regular Cheetos or hot?
regular

25) How's your heart lately?
hah.. well, it's pumping alright

26) Favorite fruit?
watermelon probably

27) Are you scared of spiders?
I can be scared of anything in the right circumstance

28) If someone doesn't like you, its usually because...?
um. I don't know.. ugh.

29) Do you wear the hood on your hoodie?
Sometimes

30) Do you like being around a large group of friends, or two best friends?
I'd rather two best friends

31) Do you like roller coasters?
very very much!!!

32) Do you care what others think about you?
a lot..

33) Do you think you'll be married in 10 years?
hmmm.. depends on how my life takes me

34) Are you afraid of the dark?
in certain settings

35) Like your life at the moment?
pretty much

36) Where were you last night?
um.. dance teacher's house

37) What are you wearing?
capris and a blue tank top

38) How late did you stay up last night?
12?

39) Have you ever lost a best friend?
YeaÂ

40) Last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
um.. idk.

41) Describe your life in one smiley:

An update on my liffffeeeee.. and a surprise!! lol

~SouLXposed — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 19:45:14 PDT

heeeellllo! haha well, I haven't been really active lately. School=HORROR, plus I've had a lot of drama of my own. I've had guy troubles and friend troubles and school troubles and life troubles lol I probably should be studying for my final instead of updating you guys, but here I go. I haven't written a lot at all, and if I have writen, it's been in my diary, because I just haven't been inspired or creative at all lately. I've been so tired with school and everything. My mom has been upset with me because I'm so out of sorts when I don't dance.. I've been moody (which also has to do with the fact that I'm overtired) and I haven't been doing much around the house (haha, which also has to do with my tiredness.) My dad finally decided to grace us with his presence for father's day, I didn't actually go with him. I had too much to do, and I didn't need any more drama. I've seen him 3 times since last father's day.... I didn't need to deal with telling him that I'm not going to be coming up anymore.. I've actually sorta changed my mind on that.. I'll go for the summer, but during the school year, I have a job on saturday... I've been so emotionally stressed, it's stupid... I am a very naieve, innocent, unexpirienced person. I've dealt with a few minor problems, but haven't dealt with anything that major. Weeeelll, I have 2 friends who are depressed and it majorly upsets me. I love them so much, and it hurts so much to see them loathe themselves. I don't know what I can do anymore. I'll always be there, but I always feel like I can't be there enough. I don't know how they can feel so horribly about themselves... actually, I do, but I don't think to the extent that my friends do.. It's just so horrible. I love them to death and would be such a mess if they actually like killed themselves or hurt themselves really badly.. I'd end up blaming myself. and I wouldn't gett over it, I'd be a disaster. I just can't help thinking about that kinda stuff. If you guys do read this, I LOVE YOU!! aaaand, anyone else who is depressed/thinking of suicide, you deserve to live, no matter what you've done, or what you think of yourself. And if you decide to permanetely end a temporary problem, even if you don't see it, there will be people effected. Even if you don't see it, people love you and would miss you and would be crying if you took your life away. Don't make a mistake that can't be fixed. I love you.

aaaand just to prove I love you, leave a comment and I'll do this for you! LMAO

Leave a comment and I will:

a) tell you why I friended you,
b) associate you with something - fandom, a song, a colour, a photo, etc.,
c) tell you something I like about you,
d) tell you a memory I have of you,
e) ask something I've always wanted to know about you,
f) tell you my favorite pic of yours,
g) in return, you must post this in your journal

hahaha... only meee

~SouLXposed — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 18:40:02 PDT

WoW.. I thought you guys would enjoy how much of an idiot I am.. lol Sooo, I went to get my water, drank about three gulps, my mouth started fizzing.... It was hydrogen peroxide!!!! It sucks majorly.. I feel soooo sick right now.. I threw up twice.. a LOT.. probably all of the contents of what I ate today.. but now my whole chest is burning and my stomach hurts soooo badly.. It was just the icing to my horrible day.. not fun. I got rejected. yelled at. and I missed my bus. Then I poisoned myself and I still have a major paper to write due tonight, and a project due tommorow!!!
*sigh* my teacher is going to deal with a late paper... I can't workk.. I feell horrrrrrible! haha I actually do fine the poison part funny

Devious Journal Entry

~SouLXposed — Sat, 07 Jun 2008 17:14:00 PDT

[] My fingernails/toenails are almost always done
[] During the summer the only shoes i wear are flip flops
[ ] My favorite toys as a child were barbies.
[ ] My favorite colour is pink or purple.
[ ] I did Gymnastics.
[ ] I love skirts.
[ ] Hollister is one of my favorite places to shop
[ x] Tight jeans are the only jeans i'll wear.( I don't look right in baggy..)
[X] I love chocolate
[ ] I've never had a real job.(dance teacher!)

TOTAL: 2

[ ] My hair is almost always straightened. (the one time it was, my head was majorly burnt!)
[ ] I have at least 8 myspace pictures.
[ ] I usually go shopping once a week.
[ ] I love to hang out at the mall with friends.
[ ] I have a real diamond ring or diamond necklace or earings.
[ ] I've gone to a tanning salon.
[ ] I've gone to the beach to tan.
[ ] I have at least 10 pairs of shoes. (But im not a shoe lover, My mum makes me get them XD)
[] I watch either the OC or Laguna Beach.
[ ] I change my icon weekly.
[ ] I wear a shower cap.

TOTAL: 0 very girly so far doncha think!?

[X] I don't shop at Hot Topic.
[ ] My cell phone might as well become a part of me.
[ ] I wear mascara everyday
[X] I've been or am on a diet. (to gain weight........)
[ ] Bathing suits are adorable.(totally depends!)
[ ] I dont know the difference between a sheep and a goat.
[ ] Big sunglasses are hot.
[X] I have gotten my nails done before(every once in a while ).
[ ] MTV is one of my favorite channels.

TOTAL: 3

[x ] All I want to do at sleepovers is talk about boys! (sad but true)
[X] I love to have gurls do my hair. (It feels really good lol)
[X] I give and recieve hugs from all my friends (except julie lol.. but I give her hugs!! sorry julie)
[ ] I hate bugs.
[X] Carnivals are so fun!
[x] Summer is THE best season.
[X] My swimsuit has 2 pieces
[ ] I'm waiting for my knight in shining armor.
[ ] Musicians are so hot. (it depends on the musician)
[ ] You write me a poem and tell me I'm beautiful and I'm all yours.

TOTAL: 6 the most so far!

[X] I am self-conscious. (who isn't? girls or boys!)
[X ] I cry often.
[ ] My car smells like vanilla or cherry.
[X] My dishes get washed more than once a week. (I would really hope so)
[ ] I dont do sports.
[X] I HAATE to run. (I'm horrrible... Wings makes me feel so guilty for not trying though.. but not enough to start running ::
[ ] I squeal when I am surprised or angry.
[ ] I eat dried fruit as a snack.
[X] I love romance novels.
[ ] Drew Barrymore is so cute.

TOTAL: 5

[X] I dance a lot. (My LIFE)
[ ] I usually spend an hour or over to get ready to leave my house.
[ ] I only have like 5 billion hair products.
[ ] I love to get dressed up.
[ x] Every part of my outfit needs to match.
[] I talk on the phone at least once a day to my friends.
[ ] I would love to have a .
[ ] I apply lip stuff 50 times a day.
[ ] I wish I were a .

TOTAL: 2

[ ] I wish I could meet Paris Hilton. (Why would I?)
[ ] I have been something that was semi.
[] I own Uggs.
[ ] Hip Hop is the best music.
[ ] I pop my collar.
[ ] I like to be the center of attention.
[ ] Guys with Mohawks are crazy.
[ ] Horses are beautiful.
[X] I'd rather not pay attention in school. (that would apply to most students!)
[ ] Cats are adorable.

TOTAL: 1

[ ] I write my own music.
[ ] I would love to visit Hawaii.
[ ] Valentine's day is so cute!
[ ] White is better than black.
[ ] I wouldn't be caught in all black.
[ ] My closet is STOCK FULL of clothes.
[ ] Haate the grunge look.
[ ] I love to read magazines.

TOTAL: 0

[ ] I love to gossip. (I feel bad for it)
[ ] I had Lisa Frank folders/posters/notebooks as a kid.( who's that? lmao)
[ ] I love Celine Dion.
[X] My bubble baths are 1-2hrs long.
[ ] My wedding only needs a groom because it's already planned. (I once got this evil look from a girl because I hadnt planned my wedding... I was 13 at the time.)
[ ] My friends and I are in a strict group. We mostly only hang out with each other.
[X] I like little kids.
[ ] Diet drinks are the best.
[ ] I'm all about being vegetarian.
[ ] I refuse to eat at McDonalds.

TOTAL: 1...

How are you guys? :D

~SouLXposed — Fri, 16 May 2008 11:17:37 PDT

Hey you guys! How are you guys? Haha, I've been sick :[ it's not fun I feel like I haven't written in forever! ack! I wanted to try and bring more structure and purpose to my writting... I was wondering if you guys could post a theme for me to write about or a structure to follow. weeelll, if you could do that, it would be quite amazing, I love you guys!!

So here's the deal

~SouLXposed — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 20:37:39 PDT

Weeeelllll! Hello!!! I'm really sorry that I haven't been on in so long... Basically, for the past like 3 months, I haven't really been here.... As some of you know, I was in a drama production that had taken up most of my time.. Resulting in me not writing and not having time to read anyone else's work.. I've tried to respond to comments on my work and journals I got. At first I tried keeping up with reading everyone's work, it was futile.. It kept piling up, so I decided I would read it when I could make sane comments instead of trying to make sense of myself at 2 in the morning! lol
Soo, my show was last weekend, so I'll be having a lot more time. I'm just sorry that my comments are going to be so delayed. Hopefully I'll be writing a lot more, and thanks a lot to all of you who read my work. I really appreciate it. It means a lot to me when people take thier time to read and comment my work. I swear, some of your comments had made my day. You guys have really been an incredible outlet and have made my writing seem good and worthwile. Thank you sooo much!!

I love music!!!

~SouLXposed — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 20:59:18 PDT

weeeeeelll, since my ipod is nonexistant I just googled a play list.. I picked the first one I saw.. no the second one because the first thing I saw was like a list of banned songs... but still, I don't know most of these songs...

Alright, so...paste this into your journal and put your iPod on shuffle and then pick the songs that come up randomly and look at the humor that ensues. No cheating and yada yada!

1. How does the world see me?:
Angel by Sarah Mc laughlin
{that sounds good to me! I hope I help!}

2. Will I have a happy life?:
Far behind by candle box
{Hopefully not so far that my friends can't help me catch up}

3. What do my friends really think of me?:
sobsob by cheers
{gosh.. if I'm annoying just tell me! I can't help being emotional!}

4. Do people secretly lust after me?:
Bobby McGhee by Janis Joplin
{I guess Bobby secretly does?}

5. How can I make myself happy?:
Shoop shoop by cher
{changchang boop sha boop shawadawada! we'll alway beEE like oneewaaaone!!! that has nothing to do with it but shoop reminded me of it! }

6. What should I do with my life?:
The greatest love of all by Whitney Houstan
{There you go wings! That's why I like boys so much!!}

7. Will I ever have children?:
Live like you were dying
{haha! I love this song!!! weeelll, I guess for me means no.. I wouldn't want to leave my children on earth without a mommy}

8. What is some good advice for me?:
I hope you dance by Lee Ann Womack
{weeeelll, I belieeve everyone knows I do!}

9. How will I be remembered?:
With or Without you by U2
{weeeell, if I'm remembered, probably without, but I hope I'll always be in thier hearts}

10. What is my signature dancing song?:
When doves cry
{never heard of it... it sounds sad though}

11. What do I think my current theme song is?:
Red Hot Chili Peppers ÂFortune FadedÂ
{Well, I donÂt think my lifeÂs gone awry just yet!}

12. What does everyone else think my current theme song is?:
Picture by Sheryl Crow
{I love pictures!}

13.What song will play at my funeral?:
Going under by evanessance
{I reallly do love evanessance even though I've never listened to this.. sounds emotional}

14. What type of men/women do I like?:
Lady by Kenny Rogers
{ummmm... I like boys tooo.. and I'm strait.}

15. What is my day going to be like?:
Far away by nickelback
{that sounds pretty accurate..}

16. When will I find my soul mate:
My little girl by Tim McGraw
{hmm... I'll find my soul mate when I'm married and have a llitttle girlie?}

17. My happiest day will be:
I've been loving you too long by Otis Redding
{hmm.. weeeeellll, I guess I can see that.. the relief..... sorry, not making sense....}

18. My darkest hour will be:
Both sides now by hayle westerna
{hmmmm... I already usually listen to both sides.. any other ideas of what this could mean?}

19. Where does my future lie?:
Sometimes when we touch by dan hill
{WoW...}

20. The key to winning the lottery is:
Crying in the rain by everly brothers
{hehehe! Wings, do you wanna try?!}

21. What should I watch out for?:
To love you more by celine dion
{hmmm. this sounds too true.. I don't like it}

22. What should I really be doing right now?:
Hahaha.. Sleeping! LATE rehersal tonight AND tomorrow AND the next day AND the next day!

Let's learn about soulXposed!!!

~SouLXposed — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 21:29:50 PDT

~1. Post these rules.
~2. Each tagged person must post 8 things about their self on their journal.
~3. At the end, you have to choose and tag 8 people and post their icons on the same journal.
~4. Go to their pages and send a message saying you tagged them.
~5. No tag-backs.

1. I love to dance with all my heart!
2. I trust and get hurt very easily
3. I have 6 siblings including those in heaven
4. Both my parents have had a divorce and are now remarried
5. I care incredibly much for almost everything... Which can turn out badly.....
6. I really think that people are good at heart and that everyone can be turned around
7. I'm honestly really upset when I hear about the troubles of people I don't know.. I'm easily upset by other people's pain even if mine doesn't seem that important
8. I believe in God even though I don't know why. I've always felt a pretty deep conection with him... He's been my daddy who'll never abandon me

I tag... Sorry if you didn't want to be tagged....

Just an Update

~SouLXposed — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 05:53:51 PDT

Happy Easter!!!!
Weeelll, it feels like I haven't posted anything in a very long whilez! I've been pretty busy, I'll be able to write more once summer hits. I've been feeling very emotional lately, and lately, instead of inspiring me, it's kinda just made me want to fall asleep or eat.. But on a happy note, I'm going over the summer to see one of my best friends across the country!!! I am soo happy, I've only seen her once in the past 2 years since she left!

I've had a lack of drive to write and it's bothering me... If anyone has any sugestions of subjects to write about or for, maybe I'll be more driven.

I wanted to say how grateful I am to everyone on deviant art, you've made my poetry feel really worthwhile. Thank you so much for being here for me

*just a reminder- you can still get featured by me if you just tell me, you don't have to do it, but I need my 10 people to feature!*

And our Feature Presentation!!!

~SouLXposed — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 21:29:15 PST

Yay!!! I got featured by ... (sorry I'm not sure how to do her icon thing, not sure if it worked...) Sooo, the deal is: The first 10 people who comment on my journal, I will pick my favorite of their gallery and feature it!! Then, in return, you have to do up a journal like this and feature another 10 people!!

Good News!!

~SouLXposed — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 18:25:59 PST

I got a call.... And my mom is going to have her baby!!! Very exciting! IT's going to be amazing to have a little baby in the family! There's such a big age difference too, it'll be fun. She hasn't had the baby yet, but she's been induced. She's in the hospital, and the baby will be here in the very near future!

...
She actually had the baby boy at 10:59 yesterday! I'm going to see him today!

Not the best feeling...

~SouLXposed — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 10:12:32 PST

I just found out that one of my friends niece died... It's horrible, I've been crying a lot.... The worst part is, is that since it's not even out of my pain that I cry, I don't get that feeling that I wrote about in 'After I cry'. I've wrote about my friend and I just don't know what to do. Any sugguestions to help her would be great. I love her so much. So for now, I'll just be writing about it.. And probably crying.

Starting out!

~SouLXposed — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 13:05:37 PST

Hello! I'm new to deviantArt... My friends have been on this site for a year, two years?? Well, I have finally made an acount
I am not nearly as good as my talented friends but I'm okay with that! I mostly write... actually I mostly dance, but I don't think I can put that on here! I love to write poetry so that's mostly what I'll be putting up, that is if I can figure out how to post stuff! I am going to try ans start drawing.. I am going to try and draw a character tonight and try and get critiqued by my friends.. I have an idea of what to do from watching my friends draw for the past three years.
Wish me luck!
Off to draw!!

deviantART: by:SouLXposed

a rant. if you're attached to me, don't read.

*WARNING: INCOHERENT RANT*

Reflecting

Not functionable..

Starting fresh

Probably time to explain myself...

A quick question

Devious Journal Entry

An update on my liffffeeeee.. and a surprise!! lol

hahaha... only meee

Devious Journal Entry

How are you guys? :D

So here's the deal

I love music!!!

Let's learn about soulXposed!!!

Just an Update

And our Feature Presentation!!!

Good News!!

Not the best feeling...

Starting out!

WARNING: INCOHERENT RANT