http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:SouthernRose42189&section=today deviantART RSS for by:SouthernRose42189 en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Wed, 09 Dec 2009 21:47:35 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/28702069/ http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/28702069/ Wed, 02 Dec 2009 00:07:50 PST
1st-- I want to thank anyone who reads my stuff and likes it. As most artists, I tend to be sensitive and your support means a great deal.

2nd-- I am thankful for my most supportive fans. The ones who stick like glue and read/comment/fav so often. Especially those who have grown to love my series regulars such as Steve/Rose and the newer couple Rachael/Aiden. It always feels great to see the familiar names.

3rd-- I was pleasently surpised when the first
part to my new series was showcased by a newsletter run by
I was shocked and very flattered

Lastly-- to DA in general. I never would have discovered you without the arm twisting of a former friend and though much has changed since then, you are always here as an escape from the cruel world. I love this place so much!

Ok, now that I've given thanks, I do want to talk about something that occurred yesterday that has made me realize that I have reached a very good place. You see, if you've followed my journals, then you know that I had a falling out with a very dear friend of mine a while back. He is someone I still miss, but it is a very mild ache now. His birthday was 11/30 and I thought of him. I decided to send him a birthday text knowing that he would most likely ignore it completely, but I didn't care about that and when he did ignore it I wasn't hurt at all. I realized that this is because I have completely accepted his wish to ignore my existence, but I also acknowledge that I don't have to stop caring about him just because he stops caring for me. He will always be in my heart and so I sent him a text, just to let him know that I still think of him. I meant no pressure for a response and I am glad he didn't try and start something. If next year I still think of him I might do it again. But as I said, its just because it is something I want to do...

Anyway, one last note: I'm SOOOOO SORRY to any fans who missed my weekly installment of Magic of the Deep, I didn't post it cuz I was so busy, still sort of am. If it isn't up this week I will post two parts on Sunday. Also, I have a bonus story that I'm posting tonight. So if you like my other, shorter, love pieces you will enjoy this fun and sexy fanfic for Inuyasha.

]]> ~SouthernRose42189 http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/28496103/ http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/28496103/ Sat, 21 Nov 2009 19:58:34 PST
It turns out that the demand was big enough that they added another showing
as soon as I heard about it I went to the theater to exchange our tickets
but I was trying not to get my hopes up, just in case they were already gone
or in case the rumors weren't true
well, happily I found that the rumors were true and we got to go at midnight!!!
things do work out sometimes

anywho, as for the movie, well....

IT ROCKED!


I mean, book to movie adaptations are never perfect
and this wasn't perfect
but it came pretty damn close
there were a few things that were added or changed

1)fight scene in Volterra
I agree with a interview I read from Stephanie that if this had happened in the books, that Edward, Bella, and Alice wouldn't have walked out of that tower. But I also understand that Hollywood can not have a movie without at least some privitol violence at the climax, it just isn't done.

2) the ending got jumbled
Some may not have noticed, but the ending was all jumbled up. It was obvious that they did this so that the last line in the movie would be, "Bella, will you marry me" which, once again, I can understand. It didn't take away too much from the book because they kept most of the essential info in there. The only info that was excluded from this wrap up was how much Bella is in trouble and the part where Jake gets her into more trouble by bringing by her bike...
I did like the part at the end where Bella throws herself in the middle and says "you can't hurt each other without hurting me" even though in the book Edward made sure she was never closer to Jake than he was, this was a great way to visualize the main conflict in this little love triangle AND it works as a great prelude to Eclipse

3) Bella never gets on that guys bike
Come on! I didn't see any good reason to do this, but I guess that it was there way of intruducing the motorcycle idea into Bella's brain in a more visual easier to get and less random way, but I didn't like it

4) the visual hallucinations
I feel like I don't have a right to complain about this because I just read this article from Stephanie where she admits to liking this visual additive, but I just hated it. I guess I can understand that in movies they like to make everything visual, but instead of looking at it like that I keep thinking that it is another example of how modern tv and movies are spoon feeding us like we aren't smart enough to understand subtlety. Like, in the book the vocal Edward was so real to Bella that she sometimes was answering him while she was still talking to Jake, and I didn't see that in the movie at all. I think it could have been a great additive if they could capture it in film.

LAST...

5) Charlie's lines
I notice this in the first movie too, but they very rarely stick to Charlies real dialogue and I have no idea why. I admit he doesn't talk much in the books, but what he does say I really like and I wish they would keep it. I will admit, that even though they BS most of Charlies lines, he is my favorite character in the sense that he is so much like the Charlie from my head when I read. He was the first character in the first movie that I truly accepted as the real deal from the book. The others had to grow on me and I think they all stepped into their roles a lot more in this movie. There are times where they take Edward, Bella, Jacob's etc. actual lines from the book word by word and stick it in the movie and I think Charlie deserves that same respect. I really hope they do him better in the next book, particularly during his "sex talk" and all his lines right after he finds out Jake stole a kiss off Bella, that scene is so perfect and if they kill it I will cry!

That wasn't every thing that was different, but it was everything that truly bothered me. Even this short list of things don't bother me as much as anything in any of the Harry Potter movies or the first Twilight movie, and for that reason I still give New Moon a solid 9 out of 10!

]]> ~SouthernRose42189 http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/28364416/ http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/28364416/ Sat, 14 Nov 2009 23:03:29 PST But I am also ultra bummed because we went to get tickets to the midnight show today and they were all sold out

I can't believe it! Ever since the first HP film, my family and I have been going to these movie midnight shows. We go to all the HP midnight shows and since we all got addicted to Twilight we go to those too. Its our thing. But this year, we had no idea that the theater was selling them so soon in advance (usually its only two weeks prior to the premiere not a whole month) and so we get to go at 10pm on Friday

But I guess we at least get to see it. The main thing I'll miss is the excited, buzzing atmosphere of the midnight crowd. These people who all gather and wait in line before getting seats, these are the big fans. They all cheer and aww and boo and laugh at the right parts. They all understand the magic of the books and how awesome it is to see it on the big screen.

I'm sure the people who go on opening night will be pretty big fans too. Also, me and my sis have a pact that we are going to still howl and cheer no matter what people say

I'll give a review of the movie afterwards!

Till then, peace out peoples and have a good rest of the weekend!



]]> ~SouthernRose42189 http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/28084275/ http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/28084275/ Sun, 01 Nov 2009 10:32:57 PST But I wanted to document that I hit 6,666 on Halloween!

How cool is that?

Just want to shout out a big thanks to all my watchers and anyone who reads my stuff. This is pretty big number for me and I am thrilled to have met it ^_^

ALSO, if you read my last journal I want to say thanks for voting and the winner is (by a pretty big gap) the merman story aka

Magic of the Deep

So that series starts today! First part is already up -->[link]

thanks again everybody!

]]> ~SouthernRose42189 http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/27736487/ http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/27736487/ Sat, 17 Oct 2009 10:46:41 PDT ++All these ideas have to do with mature adult stories. You have been warned!++

Ok peoples who watch me
I'm going to start a new series (for those of you who have read my past series', thanks for the support)

I don't have a full membership, so I can't post a poll, but I would like some help making a choice of which if these three ideas I should pursue. I am gonna do them all eventually, but I would like to focus on one at a time.

1st idea- Magic of the Deep --> [link]
This is a short couple paragraphs to describe the story. Out of the three, this is the most fantastic of all. Its going to be a more intricate plot but a few love scenes dotted here and there.

2nd idea- Serving the Executive -->[link]
This one is a lot bolder and edgier, set in a big company where everything has to look legit, even when underneath it isn't. This one would be a lot more experimental sexual tactics but there is a plot that weaves into all the dirty stuff.

3rd idea- Past and Future -->[link]
this is the third and final set of twists and turns in the story of Rose and Steve, in case you really haven't had enough of them...

All three of these I've started a little bit, so after I get 30 responses on this (or after I get bored of waiting for responses) the first part of the winning idea will be up fast

These are working titles so I will take suggestions from people with any ideas (the one I most am not happy with is #3)

Also, these are all adult stories (see the bold print) so don't be offended, you were warned

Thanks guys! hope to hear your vote soon!

]]> ~SouthernRose42189 http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/27586259/ http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/27586259/ Sun, 04 Oct 2009 19:35:19 PDT Me and my sibs went to the movies but when we were trying to pick which move we would see, we couldn't choose between Zombie Land and Nine, so we payed to see Zombie Land then snuck into Nine
luckily we didn't get caught.
Both movies were awesome for very different reasons.

Zombie Land was hilarious. I loved the concept and the way the narrator told the story, the whole thing just worked.

Then Nine was something else entirely, most of Tim Burton's movies are something else entirely. The movie was about the apocalypse brought on by the great Machines, basically a scientist created a machine that had some pretty sweet AI. Then there was a war between humanity and the machines. But the story began when everyone was gone, except for nine doll like things that were created by the same guy who created the big evil machine. The scientist put a spark of life into these dolls that gave them some humanity. He did all this to try and save humanity from the brink of destruction. This movie is thrilling and moving and will leave you breathless.

]]> ~SouthernRose42189 http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/27028058/ http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/27028058/ Sat, 05 Sep 2009 04:04:26 PDT the total damage ended up costing $7,268.68!!
Luckily the other guys insurance flipped the bill for everything
My sis has a couple more appointments at the chiropractor
but after that she is done and we get a check to cover her medical expenses
plus a little extra to cover her "pain and suffering"
whatever that means

All in all things are all patched up
My only concern is whether my car is truly ok
they say after that sort of total damage the car isn't meant to be fixed
they ended up stripping and almost rebuilding the whole thing
and the car sounds a little off
only time will tell I suppose

]]> ~SouthernRose42189 http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/26660581/ http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/26660581/ Wed, 19 Aug 2009 22:32:07 PDT I was on the freeway
traffic got heavy
and it was stop, go a little, stop, etc...
I stopped, guy behind me didn't
pretty much as simple as that
my sister and her bf Tino and her best friend Nadya were all in the back
but luckily we were hardly jostled
our necks are a little sore, but other than that were fine
my car looks pretty good
I'm pretty proud of her
(especially cuz the other guy was smashed!)
I've been dealing with insurance crap ever since
and that is why I've been delayed in posting the next part of C+C
I'm gonna get that up ASAP
but right now my greater concern is how to get my car back
I work about 20 miles from here, so its hard to function without my wheels

check out this link to see the other guys damage -->[link]

***************************
UPDATE!
So my sister officially has whiplash
and also the damage to my car is much greater than I thought
the estimate is $7,500 so far
and if it turns out that the car will cost $8,500 or more
then instead of fixing it then they are just gonna kill it and give us its estimated value (aprox $10,000)

everyone says thats what I should be hoping for
but I Love my car
its my only car ever
its the one I learned to drive on
we've been through so much


I'll keep you guys posted...
***************************

]]> ~SouthernRose42189 http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/26163773/ http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/26163773/ Sat, 25 Jul 2009 03:17:03 PDT I try not to compare it too much to the book because I know that if I do I will be disappointed
Usually the first time I can do this ok
but the 2nd time I see it, everything seems ten times worse
tonight I went to the drive in with my bro and one of our friends, Tino
and it seemed like the worst thing ever because I sort of saw it all through Tino's eyes
what I mean is, he kept asking me things because he hasn't read the books
and I kept getting so angry because some of his questions seemed so basic to me
but its true, if someone hasn't read any of the books they don't get any of the sub text or details that tie things together so well!

I could go into a list of everything that is wrong with the 6th movie, but I don't have the time, its getting late
mainly, I'm worried that they did not set up properly for the final movie
1) Harry has no inkling of what the other horcruxes could be because they did a grand total of two memories from Harry's lessons with Dumbledore.
2) no Dobby or Kreacher both of whom are important in the final movie, they should have at least mentioned the things that Black left to Harry I think
3) the thing with Harry and Ginny was completely ruined. They shared this one moment (and at the time it wasn't even clear if she was still with Dean so she seems sort slutty of to be kissing Harry) so wether or not we get any sort of sad goodbye is a mystery
4) also no set up for Fleur and Bill to have a wedding, is that going to happen?

and last, just a general complaint, I HATE when they add things that are completely irrelevant and serve no purpose and have nothing to do with the plot at all just to add some action. ESPECIALLY when they have already neglected several key sub plot points. I am referring to the scene at the Weasley's during Christmas with Bellatrix. Its a lame sequence because all they do is chase each other in the field then watch their house get attacked. Pointless.

]]> ~SouthernRose42189 http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/26045328/ http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/26045328/ Sun, 19 Jul 2009 13:34:09 PDT so that old journal was a bit obsolete
well some changes include a new job
its a cool job cuz it has potential to make big money
down side is it depends a lot on good social skills which I am sorely lacking
but hey, it will be a good way to build those skills
and at least it will pay the bills

other new things
my sister is in Alaska on a missions trip
spreading the word of God
also, her boyfriend of 16 months is no more
they have split up for good this time
thank god too cuz he was starting to really be an ass to her
anyway, there is a new guy on the ropes whose madly in love head over heels for her
she is one of those girls who always has a waiting list ready so she never stays single long

also, I think I'm at the level of not caring at all about my personal life
I've been here before, I remember the signs
for one, I feel detached from people
they can talk and instead of caring about their problems I find myself zoning out
I have to really try to focus on any one person
this makes things easier for me, because I don't care if I do or say the right things anymore
kinda makes my job harder though
also, I had to go to Long Beach last Tuesday for a conference and I didn't even hurt as bad as I thought I would
some part of me deep down felt sad for what that city once meant to me, who it represented
but mostly I felt numb to the old memories
I drove right down Orange to get to the convention center
and unless he actually reads this journal (doubtful) he will never know

I cant tell if things are good or bad right now
mostly I don't feel a thing

]]> ~SouthernRose42189 http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/25008477/ http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/25008477/ Fri, 29 May 2009 02:29:52 PDT
even when they are relatively good ones, they are annoying. I can't help but think that my life will never just stay stable, you know? I'm afraid of everything falling away again and I don't know if I could take that shit again...

I've started hanging with a girl from group, Kat, and her husband Billy. They are cool and easy to click with. Kat has a friend Katie who just moved in with them and she is cool too. The 4 of us are forming a Dungeons and Dragons group and Kat is gonna be Dungeon Master. All of this is well and good and it promises to be a lot of fun, but I can't help but feel nervous about wether or not its gonna last...

My sister has been having a bunch of problems that are not her fault, but the way everyone is pressuring her its making her feel like its all her fault. I hate seeing her so upset especially when she does stupid things. I'm trying to give her time to figure out what she wants to do and I think she is grateful that I am not being as pushy with my opinion as everyone else, but its hard not to advise her. I'm worried what will happen if she makes a bad choice.

]]> ~SouthernRose42189 http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/23978272/ http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/23978272/ Mon, 30 Mar 2009 23:37:50 PDT I was mostly just sick of seeing the old one's title every time I come to my page :/
any who
I've been collecting a bunch of different writing competitions to enter and I have them all organized by deadline date
so aside from working on my first book (the first in a fantasy trilogy) and working on C+C
I will also be working on submissions for these contests
Some of them I am taking old stories and re-writing and or re-formatting them
and for others I am writing something tottally new
either way, you guys will see all these posted on my page as I send them out

]]> ~SouthernRose42189 http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/23810622/ http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/23810622/ Sat, 21 Mar 2009 09:02:46 PDT
she was only 4, still a puppy basically
she had a bad habit of jumping over our fence
and last night when me and my brother got home, she was standing in front of our door
I was the first to notice that she wasn't coming over to greet us, which is very weird
then I saw that she looked, off
like she was lopsided
then I saw her tail, which was bloody and looked like it had been torn off or something
"Something's wrong with her Rob!"
I cried to my brother
we rushed forward and were frozen by what we saw
under legs she was covered in blood, her back leg was mangled and her foot looked all messed up
fur was hanging from her lip and her mouth looked lopsided
she didn't even whimper in pain, which scared me the most
Robby rushed to unlock the door and go get our dad
I couldn't move and when I saw that only her front paws moved as she tried to go inside, I got even more upset
I heard my dad asking my bro what was wrong and I screamed "She can't move!"
My dad came down and looked at her, then he went to get a towel and took her upstairs to try and clean her up
my mom got the phone book and found the nearest late night vet that was in the next town
I wanted to take Roxy to the vet but my mom said that it wasn't something I should have to do
she went and she took my brother cuz my dad works early on Saturday mornings
I had to go pick up my sister from the midnight bowel but I was freaked the whole time
I described what happened to my sister and when we got home, we anxiously waited for my mom to come home
we thought Roxy would be ok, but my mom called and said that even after three surgeries there was no guarantee that she'd be ok
the vet said the more humane thing to do was to put her down
I felt numb and in shock while my sister cried and called her friends for comfort
when my mom got home she told us that the doctor could tell she'd been hit by a car
"she was definitely run over and rolled under the car, she had internal injuries"
those words, that image, haunted me all night, I couldn't sleep

]]> ~SouthernRose42189 http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/23772753/ http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/23772753/ Wed, 18 Mar 2009 22:57:38 PDT Also it felt like a whole separate story line
so I decided that I would just create a sequel using my characters Steve and Rose
well life got pretty crazy/busy, but I am finally in a place where I feel I am in the right mood and I have some time to work on this
so in case you enjoyed my first series, this is me telling you...
ITS BACK BABY!
first two parts are already up

]]> ~SouthernRose42189 http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/23516813/ http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/23516813/ Tue, 03 Mar 2009 23:02:18 PST
I've been renting at this place for a week and a half now. I've paid the full deposit plus the first months rent so I know for a fact I am covered, roof and all, until April 1st at least....

damn, when I said April I reminded myself that this is the last month at this job, I gotta start looking into something more permanent. I reeeeeeally can't afford to stay unemployed for too long.

Anyway, work is pretty good. I've got things down and I know whats expected of me. I just resolved this huge issue with Smart and Final about our bill so my bosses gave me a big pat on the back (basically means I am sure to get a good recommendation from them). We just got this huge job thrown in our laps though and its adding a bunch of shit to our already full workload

As for school, its going pretty good. I'm doing ok in all my classes, struggling in spanish a little (shocker! *sarcasm*) but its pretty good. I had to drop art because of some stupid computer error, but i think with the move an everything its best to lighten my load anyway.

my mom guilted me into dinner at the house on Sunday, and that was predictably stressful/emotional. Really enforced my decision to leave.

this year has become my year to work on me. Which makes sense considering that I've got no one else really. All my siblings need form me are rides and someone to play video games with, so why not help myself out a little. I'm seeing a counselor weekly now. My 2nd meeting is Thursday. Its kind of pricy but I can afford it if i skimp on extras and I really think I need to talk to someone about all the shit I've been going through. After my first session I was able to write a poem and I was even able to write a little in my book. None of that feels as good or right as it used to but it all takes time right?

the counselor wanted me to see a doctor for routine tests and because I had prior thyroid issues. Supposedly if my thyroid is still bad it could be making me depressed, which would explain why its so hard to get out of this latest funk...I really hope I'm not depressed though, even if its mild like she was saying...*shudders*

either way, the doc is gonna help me find healthy ways to lose a lot of weight faster, so thats always an upside.

Lastly, I've been thinking more and more about my ex-friend. Its become easier to think about him. It doesn't make me sad at least, just frustrated and confused. My sister keeps brining him up as well, making it harder not to think about him. She says they are still talking, which I don't mind at all, but I can't tell if she even wants to talk to him anymore. But she said that when she told him that I moved out cuz of my dad his response was....

"*holds in snicker* only because it probably is upsetting to you..."

now we both agreed that this is making him sound a little forced. Like he is forcing himself to act like he hates me. I mean if he really didn't care, he'd just shrug off the part about me and change the subject or something, but the way he acts seems to indicate that he does care, so he keeps denying it so he can reinforce the idea to himself. Question is, why try to hard? Why is he insisting on doing this? If he doesn't hate me, why can't we try and resolve things? Or of he really doesn't want to be friends but he can't make himself hate me, why does he have to hate me to no be friends? two people can still care about each others well being and still decide it is best to not be social, right? It feels like he really just has to hurt me some way....why?

Bleh, this is too long (again) and I should really sleep, I have work tomorrow....*sigh*

]]> ~SouthernRose42189 http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/23338661/ http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/23338661/ Sun, 22 Feb 2009 08:32:11 PST
The she agreed to take only part of the deposit now so I could move in this Saturday, and I'm paying her the rest next Saturday because it is right after payday. As of right now I am sitting on my mattress in this room. There is no furniture but there is a strong wireless connection and I have about half of my things (excluding books) already here. I'm going back to the house to pack up the rest of my room in a bit, but i am basically free of that hell hole!

There are downsides to moving this fast. When I told my mom about the move, I told her on the phone because I was hoping she could lend me the last part of the deposit. She didn't have the money and the landlady agreed to take a portion now so that was fine, but my mom turned around and told my dad that I was moving. That was a bad idea.

I had been planning on telling him about it that night at dinner. but because he heard it from somewhere else, he got all pissy. Before I got home that night he took out his rage on my whole family. He yelled at my sister and told her that I was moving because of her, because she always asks me for rides, which even he knows is total Bull. Then he yelled at my brother about why I was moving and when he told him it was because he called me a cunt and told me to leave the other night my dad told my brother that he was fucked in the head.

You may be confused right now so let me inform you on how it is around my house. Sometimes late at night if my dad is drunk or in a bad mood, he yells at everyone, insults them, makes everyone cry, then he does some drugs or gets more drunk until he passes out. Now I can't tell you what goes on in his head, but after he wakes up the next morning he wither can't remember what happened the night before or he has twisted everything around so that we all were the ones causing problems, not him. This time, he seemed to remember what had happened, but he was saying it was all my fault, that I had been attacking him.

So bottom line, I am out of there now, but last night I had to sit through this damn lecture from my sober dad and my upset guilt ridden mother. They were trying to convince me that I didn't have to leave, that it was a waste of money when I could just stay with them. I'm just sitting there feeling like I am going crazy. I literally had to keep reminding myself that he had said all those things and that that had been the fifth time he suggested I leave. I had to keep reminding myself that if I stayed, he would just do it again. I hate that my mother is in such denial that she ends up on his sides and trying to make me stay like that. I know that he is fucked up, but she should know why I am leaving, she should be helping me!

*sigh* but really, in the end, this should make everything better

]]> ~SouthernRose42189 http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/23277311/ http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/23277311/ Wed, 18 Feb 2009 18:30:22 PST Here's how its going down:

My dad is getting drunk more than ever to compensate for his new years resolution to give up smoking. But when my dad is drunk, he says horrible things and he says what he's really thinking....

Bottom line, I'm no longer welcome at my house. I have till my next paycheck then I am supposed to be gone. Problem is, I have nowhere to go.

I have to stay local unless I want to be a college dropout on top of everything else, but i have no one here.

My mom is trying to convince me that my dad isn't serious, but even if he isn't, this is the fourth time he has kicked me out. And it isn't like I am being a leech. I have my own job and pay for my own shit. I occasionally eat dinner with the family but other than that I pay for my own food. I go to night school so I'm hardly ever home, but he still wants me out, and really I WANT to be out, the question is where do I go?

I don't have the kind of money to get a place right now, and even if I can find something affordable, I'm currently a temp, I need proof of a steady and reliable income before most places will even consider me.

Currently I am seriously thinking about just living out of my car, and I'd sneak in to my parents to shower and shit...

I have no friends to ask for help, no family that I feel close enough to ask for help....my mom would kill me for that anyway.

I'm pissed and hurt that my own mother, who claims to feel horrible about all of this, wont leave that bastard...He is forcing me to become homeless and she still defends him....

I have no idea what to do anymore, all I can rely on is my brother and sister, but hey are younger than me, and as a big sis I don't feel right laying this kind of heavy stuff on there shoulders. They get upset everytime I even talk about leaving so when we hang out, i just act like everything is ok...

I was thinking about looking into welfare, or some sort of student grant, but I've never been able to qualify for those things before. I have no idea how to prove to those aid offices that my parents don't give a crap about if I am homeless...it still sounds pretty far fetched to me considering that I never do anything wrong: no parties, no drugs, no loud music at 3am...my dad is the one who does all that shit.....


If anyone has any advice, I'm taking all I can....

]]> ~SouthernRose42189 http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/22480127/ http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/22480127/ Thu, 08 Jan 2009 23:37:13 PST I spent a chunk of my new years day talking with my sister about how pointless it is for us to choose a random day to celebrate the birth of a new year. Its right in the middle of Winter so there really is no difference from Dec.31st 2008, to Jan.1st 2009, the only difference is the significance we as a culture have placed on this date....

now that I am done with that ranting, here is the update for anyone who even cares...

I am now done at my moms job, I trained the new accounts payable and she seems perfectly nice and capable. Now I am training to take over for Anna at Orcutt when she goes on maternity leave. I will be there until the start of April for sure.

Today I realized how tenuous my job status is, it is only temporary and even though while I am employed I am earning a good pay, I have no guarantee that I will still have a job by the time my b-day comes around, and I hate that

hopefully this experience will boost my resume so that I can find a more stable job in accounts payable, one of my new years resolutions is to never work minimum wage again

another resolution is sort of a family deal, my parents are giving up smoking and drinking so long as me and my sibs give up energy drinks and junkfood. So far I am doing fine, I am sure I can do it. The only thing is I get the munchies alot, but I chew gum and eat carrot sticks, that pretty much fixes that

my last new years resolution is more private, I havent told anyone it yet, haven't really voiced it all. I sort of promised myself I would make an effort to 1)truly get over this fallout with my ex-best friend and 2) make an honest effort to put myself out there and not act like a loner. I'm doing better with part one, but part two is hard since all I do is work then come home. I am trying to make friends at work but everyone there have kids my age, so its sort of a generational gap. My hopes for now are to make friends once I start my night classes on the 26th.

lastly, my schedule is all set for school, and it is as follows:

Mon & Wed- Spanish
Tue & Thu- Art
Tue- creative writing (this is a lecture/online combo course)
Sat- drama
Child psychology- all online

(I would have given times but I am too comfortable to go looking for my schedule, they all begin after 5:30pm though, except for the Sat which is like 8am or something)

sounds like a really slacker schedule, but thats cuz I kicked my ass in the first year, and now all I have left is foreign language and arts (also advanced english which I substituted with creative writing)

As far as I am concerned, foreign language is tough enough to make up for the softy classes, I SUCK at foreign languages -_-

]]> ~SouthernRose42189 http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/22130145/ http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/22130145/ Mon, 22 Dec 2008 20:42:49 PST
I'm not really feeling the Christmas cheer this year
I have all my gifts bought
but it feels very fake to me
I'm sort of waiting for something to come along and make me feel like less of a loser
i just feel lonely most of the time

if it weren't for my sibs....
not so sure I'd still be around
gah!
suicide so isn't me...
but I dunno
sometimes it crosses my mind
it would be such an easy out
I feel myself retreating from everyone
I cant seem to find the will or strength to make myself vulnerable anymore
everyone always hurts or disappoints u anyway, so why bother?

]]> ~SouthernRose42189 http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/21729471/ http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/21729471/ Sat, 29 Nov 2008 11:04:34 PST things have really picked up as of late
I'm getting things all set so I can start community college in January
I am registering online for it on Tuesday
I am currently working in two offices
one as a receptionist (subbing for two weeks)
and the other is at my moms work, which I can sub in until they find someone new
I could have done the job, but supposedly i cant work under my mom, conflict of interest or something
but while I am working at both, they are both over 13 bucks an hour, very nice
just had thanksgiving which was bleh
I still...have trouble with loneliness
miss my friends
recently something weird happened between me and Ash...
so now I just feel truly alone lots of the time
but, staying busy is the best medicine for that I find
so thats what I'm doing

]]> ~SouthernRose42189 http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/21110638/ http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/21110638/ Wed, 22 Oct 2008 13:19:48 PDT you know I recently had a pretty bumpy ride
the loss of my best friend was very hard on me
I've tried to mend the damage there but its over
For the longest time I couldnt write a thing
I would have ideas, and hey werent all bad, but I couldnt find the passion to write them up like I used to
it was very hard for me
I distracted myself with other creative projects but I really missed my writing
but now I wrote this short story
its broken up in two parts, feel free to read and comment it
and I hope this means I'm pulling out of my funk


]]> ~SouthernRose42189 http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/20566012/ http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/20566012/ Fri, 19 Sep 2008 09:58:23 PDT and they all happen too fast
even when you are the one living through it
it is sometimes difficult to keep up...

Due to financial issues I am being forced to move back home
I'm not happy about that

Also, someone I really care about, someone I considered to be my best friend, someone who I spent alot of time and most importantly, feelings...

well they arent in my life like that anymore

sometimes you are forced into a place u dont want to be in

sometimes you have to do something for you, even if it feels selfish, and you feel like a jerk for doing it

sometimes, if a "friend" causes much more pain than happiness, u are forced to walk away from it, even if it hurts like hell to do so

I've tried to think back, to when my friend actually acted like a friend, and I know their was a time when they were...but I can't for the life of me see where and why all of it changed

all I know is that these past few months, it has been unbearable to stick by them, I have cried more tears than I like to think about, and...

its just not worth the pain anymore...

]]> ~SouthernRose42189 http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/18181636/ http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/18181636/ Wed, 25 Jun 2008 17:28:58 PDT are compiling a poetry book and the only thing missing was a cover.

So my friend put up a contest on DA for anyone who wants to try and design a cover.

Here is the contest -->[link]

Also check out my friends journal cuz if you want to enter you must submit both on the journal and the contest.

Here is the journal -->[link]

Ok but the reason for this entry is to list all of the contestant and their entries. As an added bonus I will be putting a link to a couple of each of their art work that I think is a good sample of there work.

So basically come here to check out every entry so far or just to check out certain artists that are competing.

1) scarsinsideheaven
RIP entry [link]
Jigoku [link]
Guitarist [link]

2) katamoria
RIP entries
1. [link]
2. [link]
Gypsy Girl [link]
Boredom [link]

3) Sushi-queen
RIP entry [link]
Mrs. Cullen [link]
Briar Rose [link]

4) tabletsniper
RIP entries
1. [link]
2. [link]
ChristianRockSucksLOL [link]
Hands [link]

5) Remijai
RIP entries
1. [link]
2. [link]
3. [link]
4. [link]
5. [link]
6. [link]
7. [link]
8. [link]
9. [link]
10. [link]
11. [link]
12. [link]
13. [link]
Wings [link]
Me [link]

6) Doomy-san http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/16306105/ Thu, 15 May 2008 06:11:27 PDT and Aaron you said your bored so do this with me
u will probably finish way sooner lol
i may take a while folks but i will finish these!

1.) Make 100 poems each poem having a theme listed below. Each poem should have ONE and only ONE theme to it, for it to count.

2.) No time limit so have fun

3.) The main poem should be written by your own self. However, for the poets that get inspirations from other sources such as poem books then that is alright.

A.) *poems should be of own ability*. You may not edit ppoems, or break any other rules set out in the Da etiquette policy. Your poems can be anything from one part shorties and quick splats to great ten page monsters. Just have fun with it.

4.) The list below is to be placed somewhere in your journal for others to see that......

A.)You are in the challenge
B.)What you have completed

5.) make sure to update this list and check off what is done and make a link to the poem

6.) In the comments for your writing note if it is part of the list and what ONE theme it is.

1.Introduction[link]
2. Love[link]
3. Light [link]
4. Dark [link]
5.Seeking_Solace[link]
6. Break Away[link]
7. Heaven[link]
8.Innocence[link]
9. Drive[link]
10.Breathe_Again[link]
11. Memory[link]
12. Insanity [link]
13. Misfortune[link]
14. Smile [link]
15. Silence [link]
16.Questioning[link]
17. Blood[link]
18. Rainbow[link]
19. Gray[link]
20. Fortitude[link]
21. Vacation[link]
22.Mother_Nature[link]
23. Cat [link]
24. No Time [link]
25. Trouble Lurking
26. Tears
27. Foreign
28. Sorrow
29. Happiness
30. Under the Rain
31. Flowers
32. Night
33. Expectations
34. Stars
35. Hold My Hand
36. Precious Treasure
37. Eyes
38. Abandoned
39. Dreams
40. Rated
41. Teamwork
42. Standing Still
43. Dying
44. Two Roads
45. Illusion
46. Family
47. Creation
48. Childhood
49. Stripes
50. Breaking the Rules
51. Sport
52. Deep in Thought
53. Keeping a Secret
54. Tower
55. Waiting
56. Danger Ahead
57. Sacrifice
58. Kick in the Head
59. No Way Out
60. Rejection
61. Fairy Tale
62. Magic
63. Do Not Disturb
64. Multitasking
65. Horror
66. Traps
67. Playing the Melody
68. Hero
69. Annoyance
70. 67%
71. Obsession
72. Mischief Managed
73. I Can't
74. Are You Challenging Me?
75. Mirror
76. Broken Pieces
77. Test
78. Drink
79. Starvation
80. Words
81. Pen and Paper
82. Can You Hear Me?
83. Heal
84. Out Cold
85. Spiral
86. Seeing Red
87. Food ~SouthernRose42189 http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/15527545/ http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/15527545/ Thu, 15 Nov 2007 22:54:54 PST
Im with my new guy and we are very happy together hehe

I love him soooo much and soon he says he is gonna come down so we can meet in person.

]]> ~SouthernRose42189 http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/15363023/ http://SouthernRose42189.deviantart.com/journal/15363023/ Sun, 04 Nov 2007 13:57:01 PST to now im just Grrrrrrrr!
first he dissappears for a month! And I get that he was moving and it takes a while to settle in and all that shit but a month!? come on now
and now he calls back and he acts like nothing. He doesnt seem to have missed me at all
and he is treating me like just some friend of his, like im not his gf
before he was talkng love and forever
now its like im one of his gjuy friends or something!!
so im confused and not sure how he feels and hurt cuz he wont say "I love you" to me...
and when I say it he says mmhmm...thats not very responsice -_-

Also to add on to all of this, before he came back i was almost ready to give up on him
alot of people were saying he wasnt coming back
and there is this guy who says he loves me and wants to be with me
and i might have feelings for him to
and since my "bf" came back im not sure i wanna be with him anymore
so this other guy is looking better and better to me
he is sweet and kind and loving and there for me, and very understanding about all this crap
*sigh* what to do....

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