http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:SpillZ&section=today deviantART RSS for by:SpillZ en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Wed, 16 Dec 2009 04:05:22 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/23561808/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/23561808/ Fri, 06 Mar 2009 18:05:51 PST
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Anyway there's some new things up now and there should be even more new things up this weekend.

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soon.

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This is to say there will be drawings in the near future- I'm getting a little tired of posting exclusively photography here as has been the trend of late.

]]> ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/12188961/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/12188961/ Thu, 15 Mar 2007 02:17:01 PDT


It's magnificent.


As a consolation prize for everyone else I uploaded a few new photos, so indulge yourself in rich visual... cake? I don't know where I was really going with that one.



It's late.

]]> ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/11385846/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/11385846/ Wed, 10 Jan 2007 11:49:44 PST
Expect a lot of shit.

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Savor it, damn you.

]]> ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/10588660/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/10588660/ Thu, 02 Nov 2006 00:59:04 PST
WTF?


Hope to hear from you soon.

-Sam

]]> ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/10552263/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/10552263/ Sun, 29 Oct 2006 19:04:40 PST
I have deskspace now, amazing- I had forgotten it was made of wood. Roomies are coming back tonight (allegedly) and I'm glad for it, though it was nice having the house to myself.

Didn't go to Algiers today, though I can't say the thought didn't cross my mind. Oh well, there's always tomorrow.

I've gotta drink nasty then go work out, le sigh.

]]> ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/10538210/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/10538210/ Sat, 28 Oct 2006 13:41:28 PDT
I can't stop having these fucking dreams.

I think that perhaps it's because I try so hard to repress thoughts of Alex that they come to me when I'm most vulnerable, in my sleep. What's so cruel is that they're almost always dreams that he is alive, that somehow the accident was a sham, it was fake, and he is alive and well and has come back to me to be my friend once again. But even in these dreams I know it's too good to be true, and when, in dreamland, I'm finally on the verge of believing that it's real and that my best friend truly isn't lost to me, I wake, and the horrible reality comes crashing down on me once again.

Sometimes they take a different turn. Sometimes they are dreams of us simply hanging out, chatting, reliving old times. Those are the best, and most terrible dreams of all. I guess the reality of it is that I miss him. I miss him so fucking much at times it makes me sick to my stomach. It is so fucking hard sometimes to get out of bed, to get up and get on with my life knowing that I will not see him ever again, never hear his voice, his laugh, his in-your-face opinions about anything and everything. I'll never see my best and most dear friend again and I just... HATE that. It's unfair. SO FUCKING UNFAIR.


But I guess no one said life was supposed to be fair.

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No.

I don't want to.

I don't want to hear what you have to tell me.

But I did, and they told me, and my world came tumbling down on top of me. Alex Wappelhorst, my most dear friend and companion died last wednesday (October 4th, 2006) and with him died my way of life. I never once thought, even for a second, that he might die. I had never even thought about THINKING that he MIGHT POSSIBLY be taken from me. But he was. And here I am.

Past, present and future- three states of time that are forever altered for me. I look back and there's nothing but fond memories, I look foreward and there's nothing but hope; but they were both so heavily saturated with Alex. And now, what? What is my past? A series of events that happened with a ghost? And my future? I... I just don't even know. Really, I don't. I feel as if my very essence has been stripped from me; as if the foundation of my life has simply crumbled and fallen away; and now I, standing on a shaky prespice of wood and mortar, look down at the chaism that was my life and I think: what now?

What now?

It is a hard thing to contemplate, rebuilding. But I must. But I don't know how. Everything I once knew is now called into question, and everything I will learn will be brutally second guessed. I had to carry a casket that contained the corpse of my best friend over to a hole. I had to put that casket down and watch it slowly sink into the earth.

I had to take up a motherfucking shovel and bury my best goddamned friend.

Where is the justice? How is this fair? How could he have possibly deserved to die?

He didn't.

But he must have, because that's what he would've believed. We had talked, just days preceeding his death, about existance. "Things either make perfect sense, or existance is completely random and chaotic, it's irrefutable. It's got to be one or the other." And he didn't believe in chaos. He told me so.

So I am going to take your word for it, Alex. I believe you. I will believe that your death is a perfect piece of this perfect puzzle that is existance. I will take strength from the fact, yes the FACT, that your death was meant to be. I will take comfort in the notion that good will come from this horrible, horrible... HORRIBLE fucking tragedy.

I will draw strength from your life so that I may endure your death.

I will follow this path, Alex, I will walk the road that you have left for me; and I will trust in you, dear Alex, that at the end of this road I will find what I have been searching for. I will find the purpose of my life, and I will fufill it. I will live the best life I possibly can because you cannot.

I will live life for the both of us.

I will keep you with me, inside, and make you proud. I will do right by you, Alex, because I love you, and always will.

]]> ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/9570372/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/9570372/ Tue, 01 Aug 2006 20:31:29 PDT


PHOTOGRAPHY INC!!!!!!!11one ]]> ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/9488992/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/9488992/ Tue, 25 Jul 2006 10:58:15 PDT ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/9163708/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/9163708/ Fri, 23 Jun 2006 21:20:59 PDT


But maybe not. ]]> ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/8532203/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/8532203/ Thu, 20 Apr 2006 14:01:21 PDT
Art trade, yes?
Sketch trade, very yes?
SKETCH BATTLE!? eh? ehhhh?



-----------------------------------------

There's going to be more art comin, don't matter if you like it or not. ]]> ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/8464487/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/8464487/ Thu, 13 Apr 2006 23:36:23 PDT
I know we fight sometimes, but, I'll always make it right in the end. Just check your mail- you'll find fresh sketches and a heart shaped box of creamy inked images. Intar Wubs, please come back to me.

xoxo- Sam ]]> ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/8422557/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/8422557/ Sun, 09 Apr 2006 22:43:15 PDT ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/8384403/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/8384403/ Thu, 06 Apr 2006 13:12:07 PDT


It's not like anyone cares anyway- no one looks at this da shit ]]> ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/8309882/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/8309882/ Wed, 29 Mar 2006 23:23:26 PST ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/8222834/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/8222834/ Tue, 21 Mar 2006 00:17:44 PST ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/8154503/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/8154503/ Mon, 13 Mar 2006 22:27:54 PST
Look, I can't stand it when you yell at me, I'm going to post scaps as deviations- it doesn't matter if you like it or not.

Damn. ]]> ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/8065376/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/8065376/ Sat, 04 Mar 2006 13:16:13 PST
Then, of course, there's color.

Now I prefaced this thing with my love for color. I DO love it, me and color go way back. But no one ever told me about color MIXING. My mind's eye is a photoshop template, y'see. I look at my pallette, I see yellow- I look at the still-life, I see shadows. I say to myself, hmm, looks like I need a darker yellow, let's add some black! It makes sense to me yet what do I get? GREEN. MOTHERFUCKING GREEN. My question is a simple one: "WHAT THE HELL??" No one told me about that shit- in Photoshop I have fucking SLIDERS - this color mixing is new to me, yet, they want me to take college level painting courses? With critiques?

Damn. ]]> ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/7443536/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/7443536/ Wed, 28 Dec 2005 21:05:25 PST

I'm diggin it. ]]> ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/7175713/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/7175713/ Tue, 29 Nov 2005 10:40:04 PST


WOW, starting a new journal by commenting on my lack of updates- how cliche. But, commenting on how cliche I was? Was that, in itself, cliche? I'm not sure, but I do know that commenting on my comment about me commenting on how cliche I was certainly was not cliche, so I suppose I'll be ok for the time being. Cliche.

Anyway- Art. Yes art- I've been doing a lot of it lately, unfortunately most of it is terrible (read: paintings) so they're not getting uploaded. Fear not, however, because I smell a change in the winds (or a farm feed lot, whatever) and I think some photography could be in the works. This is not a guarentee, naturally, but rather a forcast for future updates. I still have a couple of older pieces to upload that I'll ideally get around to later today or tomorrow- but I'm definetly feeling a trip to Denver to do a little clickity click of an Urban variety.

The million dollar question: is urban photography sexy? *ding ding* What is: Hell yes? CORRECT. ]]> ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/7063363/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/7063363/ Wed, 16 Nov 2005 12:21:52 PST


Apologies. ]]> ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/6986870/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/6986870/ Tue, 08 Nov 2005 02:17:17 PST





Sketches ---> scraps




That is all. ]]> ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/6920506/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/6920506/ Mon, 31 Oct 2005 20:53:57 PST
In other news, zombies. Yes, zombies, those loveable, huggable walking dead. I love them. Seriously, zombies are the most kickass thing that ever happened. Maybe it's because I have a morbid fascination with the 'end of days'- or other really big threats to humanity as a whole. I love natural disaster movies, alien movies, essentially anything that pits humanity in its entirety against some other force, but out of all those forces, I think zombies are the coolest. The whole concept of day to day life going up in flames is rediculously interesting, the first scene in Dawn of the Dead where you see the neighborhood going to hell is like, euphoric for me. Maybe I'm insane, but I don't think so, because there have to be people out there who sympathize with me, because someone is clearly making these movies/games/books/whatever. But all this is precisely why I hate games like Land of the Dead: Road to Fiddler's Green. It's based on the movie Land of the Dead (which was fairly terrible) and when I'm thinking of zombies ruining everything, it's not like, two zombies at a time. Oh no. It's like 50000 zombies surrounding your fortified shopping mall, it's about the thousands of zombies who are swarming your car while you try to make it to a safehouse in the middle of a ruined city. But in this game, you're walking around killing, 2-4, MAYBE 5 zombies at a time. I may as well be killing no zombies, because that's just pussy. The whole point of zombies at all is that it's an epidemic, there are zombies EVERYWHERE, and there are shitloads of them, so many that soldiers with machineguns spitting out hundreds of rounds per minute cannot kill them fast enough. There are so many zombies, be they slow, or fast, small or large t hat you simply cannot kill enough of them not to be overwhelmed. That's a lot of fucking zombies. So, if you're going to make a zombie game, please don't fuck around. Please let me fight about 5 million zombies at a time. And please, for the love of god, don't have me go into sewers. You know what? I'm making another paragraph.

So where we are, in the next paragraph, and why? I'll tell you. Sewers. What the fuck. Why do developers always have to have some fucking sewers in their game? Hmm? Can you tell my why? I can think of reasons why you SHOULDNT put me in a sewer. For one, they SUCK. Why do you think our shit goes down there? Because it sucks ass that's why! It's not like it's an awesome party down there, it just sucks all the time. And even more of an issue is that it sucks in the same way every time. There's like, a couple walkways on the side and then shitty water in the middle. There's nothing interesting at all, save for maybe some, like, valves or some shit. It's just one hallway after another, it all looks the same, it's sprawling all over cities, so WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THERE? Why is the road blocked? Why can't I hop over those cars? Why do I have to go into the fucking sewers?? I don't want to, my character doesn't want to, no one wants to so please, let me like, hop over this fence, or kick this door in or SOMETHING. God I hate sewers.

Oh, go to my scraps, I've been churning out these 'doodle' pages that are completely sweet and are without a doubt, totally entertaining. ]]> ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/6885888/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/6885888/ Thu, 27 Oct 2005 20:03:15 PDT
I've decided to start up my sketch a day thing again- but it'll probably be more of a 'page of doodles' a day type deal. Now, I know you NAYSAYERS doubt that I have to willpower to do such a thing, but I just bought a sketchbook and (SEXY) new drafting pencil, so I'm committed! Or something. I dunno, we'll see how it turns out. I'll just drop everything in as a scrap, so if you're at all interested, that's where they'll be.

Dang. That is a sweet Earth you might say. ]]> ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/6530942/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/6530942/ Sat, 17 Sep 2005 18:04:44 PDT


Suckers. ]]> ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/6493183/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/6493183/ Tue, 13 Sep 2005 10:19:33 PDT ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/6454717/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/6454717/ Thu, 08 Sep 2005 21:45:04 PDT ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/6289818/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/6289818/ Sun, 21 Aug 2005 16:45:32 PDT
Mmm, that's fresh. ]]> ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/6263791/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/6263791/ Thu, 18 Aug 2005 16:53:27 PDT
Times are a'changin. ]]> ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/6245560/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/6245560/ Tue, 16 Aug 2005 17:21:45 PDT
In other news I leave in two days (that's Thursday, for you people who DON'T read my journals when I post them~ shame on you) - and for those who aren't up-to-date or simply don't remember, I'm on my way to CSU in Ft. Collins. It's going to be a big change but I feel that I'm more than ready for it. I think I'm game for a change of scene, and I suppose this is just bringing me one step closer to independance which they always seem to say is a good thing. Anyway, wish me luck- I'll attempt to post again once I'm situated.

Ciao~ ]]> ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/6112948/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/6112948/ Tue, 02 Aug 2005 13:26:30 PDT
I leave for school in 16 days- curiously enough this step into adult-hood leaves me significantly less financially independant than living at home. Looking at all the slobs that come into Gamestop, I wonder how the games industry makes any money at all. How can individuals who rely completely and totally on pennies, nickels, and buy one get one free coupons fuel a ten billion dollar industry?

I think that the line of Adobe products is simultainously my savior and nemesis at the same time. With everyone going their own seperate ways in a matter of weeks, I hope that those ways will cross again- I'm not really sick of everyone yet. ]]> ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/6062315/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/6062315/ Thu, 28 Jul 2005 21:54:30 PDT ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/6054420/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/6054420/ Thu, 28 Jul 2005 03:31:59 PDT ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/5614568/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/5614568/ Sat, 11 Jun 2005 00:04:16 PDT
I'll see you online.

]]> ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/5601797/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/5601797/ Thu, 09 Jun 2005 17:20:48 PDT
People have come and gone already this summer- and as much as I miss the people who've left, the new people in my life are fantastic. My summer is really going well, I've been busy and having fun all over the place, things seem to be really working out- hopefully everyone's summer is going as well as mine.

I s'pose that's it for now, nothing earth-shaking going on at the moment- so until next time kids! ]]> ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/5496647/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/5496647/ Sun, 29 May 2005 20:34:21 PDT ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/5251956/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/5251956/ Mon, 02 May 2005 23:01:53 PDT
Fuck the end.

Fuck that stupid shit right in its ass- I don't CARE about how things WILL be in like, a gazillion years- I care about how they are NOW. Sure, I might be dust in a few decades, but I don't really give two shits about that. I want life to kick ass RIGHT NOW. If we have such a limited supply of time, why waste that shit shambling around like a goddamn asshole bitching about how you're going to die? I mean, shit guys! Maybe even shitguys! I'm just sick of these whiny bitches telling everyone that what they do doesn't matter- because that's just a crock of shit! It totally DOES matter. What you do affects what you WILL go through in say, 15 minutes- that matters, that's important, because in 15 minutes, or even in 15 years, I want life to just keep kicking ass all over the place. Sure, in like, 80 years I'm gonna be a corpse- but I don't care about that. That's like, a long fucking time to wait- and that's a lot of sucking that life will be doing if you focus in on that one cataclysmic event: death. So, you little emo bitches, please, shut the fuck up beforeI stick my nuts in your face.

Thanks!

-- oh, btw, I TOTALLY posted some art, so you lady folk can assail me with HOT HOT lovings (except you, sho, you just PRETEND to be a lady folk) - ok? ok. good. I'm glad we got that worked out. ]]> ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/5160429/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/5160429/ Fri, 22 Apr 2005 17:27:41 PDT
So like, not much has been going on in my life, and it kinda sucks. I've been pretty bored, and with no car it's like... I can't go entertain myself. Been playing some WOW, yes- then just putzing around on the net and then going to bed at like, 10 because there's nothing better to do. Depressing, no? I go to dinner and shit with pals, but it's like- I have nothign to do at home, and that's where I'm typically at. I'd love to see Melissa more, but she's ALWAYS busy, so that's out. Been hangin out with Emily (F) a lot, and that's cool, but it's still boring 'round these parts. Oh well, things will be better once Alex gets back (in 5 days, woot!) and once I get my licence back. But enough about that, let's get to the real topic.

Masturbation.

Ha ha, just joking kids, masturbation will send you straight to HELL so you better fucking watch out! Ah, just joking again lads.... or AM I!? I don't even know. Seriously. It's like I've got ADHD or something. Anyway. Been doing SOME art, nothing really cool and since I just had to format my Harddrive - my scanner ain't installed... and I'm kinda lazy so... yeah.

Allright, so I was just checking in with you kids. God bless and know that I love you all.*


*lies ]]> ~SpillZ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/5025101/ http://SpillZ.deviantart.com/journal/5025101/ Thu, 07 Apr 2005 12:28:15 PDT
It's these people who talk rebellion as they buckle their seatbelt and lock their doors. The people who leave little nuggets of joy in their profiles like "I do it because YOU said I couldn't do it!". These people, I hate them. Oooh, you're doing it because I said you couldn't, you REBEL! Now go to class before you're late. What? You want to sleep in!? OH NOES! *gag* give me a goddamn break. I don't care how rebellious or assertive you THINK you are, just stow it please. When I read your profile I'm not thinking 'wow, I wonder if he/she is feeling really rebellious... *click* oh, thank god, they still are!'.

It's these people who try to really assert themselves as individuals and ignore that everyone else is doing the same thing. That bothers me so very, very much. The key to individuality isn't dressing and acting to fit into the group, no, but it's certainly not individual to dress and act in such a way just so you can lie outside that group either. You're still acting based on the group, you're not in 'control', your 50 dollar torn jeans from Hot Topic aren't making you any more assertive, I promise. There are things in pop culture that are terrible, yes- they are popular just because they once were, but keep in mind, there are things in pop culture that are GOOD, too. They are popular precisely because of that fact, so you're not a brilliant individual for forsaking, say, pop music. You're just a goddamn idiot.

I hate these people.

Stop(); ]]> ~SpillZ