http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Stijntje&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Stijntje en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sun, 06 Dec 2009 23:42:20 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/22144075/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/22144075/ Tue, 23 Dec 2008 14:45:16 PST Feel it melt under your feet and smell the salt.
Look at the colors in the sky and wonder why.
Hide behind a blanket covered with knifes.
Feel the hurt but don't be afraid.
It was just time.

Let the sun hit you at your weakest.
Black shades hide a light bleu eye.
The other you left in the war against the table.
Guess who did won?
You've got to go now.

Tomorrow tries to be there.
Fight the day.
Fight the future!
Neither of them did knew.
Can you realy enjoy the rope around your neck?

Tried to help you escape.
Only I was to late.
Couldn't get you out of this circle.
Our worlds divided.
Our thoughts lost.

Forever I'll be watching from the sky.

]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/21725044/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/21725044/ Sat, 29 Nov 2008 04:14:59 PST Da ge ook al weet da da iets heel dom is toch efkes heel dom wilt zijn”

Don't you get that feeling, once in a while, that you know somethings wrong or not allowed and you can't stop it.
That you know it's very stupid but you wanne be stupid for that time?


Kan je grootste romance slechts 1 nacht duren?

]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/20503655/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/20503655/ Mon, 15 Sep 2008 10:30:48 PDT
]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/20467181/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/20467181/ Sat, 13 Sep 2008 07:10:10 PDT I'm over, I'm over, I'm over, I'm broken
We're miles adrift we're inches apart

In order to keep the dream alive, the dream in which I'm dying all the time, comes new waves, new tracks.
A final statement growing and getting ready to be unleashed.
One more time I breath and feel.

To keep this all going I present
"Great Thursday's in Forests and Lakes"

[link]

]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/20201861/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/20201861/ Thu, 28 Aug 2008 13:09:49 PDT no job, no money, house being selled in a month, need to be moving in 2 months.
everybody babbling round my head telling me the same thing over and over again every day.
i can't take it anymore

]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/18540556/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/18540556/ Wed, 28 May 2008 08:58:45 PDT
From this day on I call myself The BlingBling-Man!
Although life is full of shitty situations, shitty people, shitty complications,
desires which can't be filled,... on and on...

At the heart of everything there's still something you'd never hope wanting to be:
a muderer, politician, king, straight (although it's easier in life being straight then gay), ....

The need to kill is high, to kill myself higher. But we cannot fail untill the final task is done.

So hear it, read it, from the man who just discovered life with blings.


Signed,

The BlingBling-Man !

]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/18474438/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/18474438/ Sat, 24 May 2008 06:10:43 PDT [link]

]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/17607681/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/17607681/ Mon, 31 Mar 2008 14:28:30 PDT [link]

]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/17251142/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/17251142/ Sun, 09 Mar 2008 06:44:21 PDT then too weak means th end

]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/16312605/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/16312605/ Tue, 08 Jan 2008 08:31:17 PST Everything.

]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/14925710/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/14925710/ Fri, 05 Oct 2007 11:22:55 PDT Wait, but don't wait to long.
Sleep, but don't lie.
Lie, but try

]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/14925696/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/14925696/ Fri, 05 Oct 2007 11:21:42 PDT What is it that we know, but not see?
What is it that we feel, but not dream?

]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/14039659/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/14039659/ Mon, 06 Aug 2007 07:17:34 PDT Something's hidden through a door
Something's wrong
Though I'ld like to know
Hearing out to hear the voice
Crying I don't have a choise
Sofetly beating against my skull
The Wall is all I have

]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/14039607/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/14039607/ Mon, 06 Aug 2007 07:12:29 PDT Blood on the floor
Sound smashing in my skull
Will it led me be
Tiny little things flying around
I cannot dream this sound

]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/13417178/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/13417178/ Wed, 20 Jun 2007 09:00:31 PDT Take off this uniform
And leave the show.
But I'm waiting in this cell
Because I have to know.
Have I been guilty all this time?

]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/13140630/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/13140630/ Tue, 29 May 2007 16:15:06 PDT The damage has been done
You wake alone
Finding out a bullet is gone from your gun
And you're trying to find

But it's over

You take the bus
Looking out the window
Seeing all the joy in the world
And you smile and think it's almost done

And it's over

You walk to the sea
Sinking in the sand
And you're almost there

You're free to go
To walk alone
To fall in

And silence

]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/12799222/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/12799222/ Tue, 01 May 2007 05:21:59 PDT Extraordinary is not only that she has one eye.
Besides, she keeps it for the bigest part of her life closed.
The mechanism that will open her eye, is not for some reason called the shutter in stead of the openen, as you would expect.
This Sleaping Beauty opens her eye usually not longer than a fraction of a second.
Sometimes just only a thousandth, or a twothousandth of a second. And then she sleeps again. But what she has seen, she never forgets.
If one goddess rarely have an open eye for the world, then it is her.
She is not a seducer who winks to her prince charming on who she has let her eye fall, or winks to encourage her lover.
She only raise the eye with the desire to bing a picture into her darker inner.
And there it remains 'till, after being in deep dark hellish baths, as a flatten dry plant for the day comes and, if it is beauty, beautifully in a way the model has never been.
Photographs of beautifull naked girls are not always ugly, what Playboy proofs.
The highest accessible is making nice photographs of ugly things, taking pleasure of misery.

]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/12284172/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/12284172/ Thu, 22 Mar 2007 13:16:14 PDT And the lust of the light
Among the stray dogs and families
I find myself in trouble
Out of the dark
Fireworks burst above the trees
And to pillows of white cloud
And wine in the water
Falling
I lock the doors, and
Swallow the key
And draw the curtains, closed forever
Forever

]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/11830869/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/11830869/ Thu, 15 Feb 2007 14:52:16 PST That were athirst for sleep and no more life
And no more love, for peace and no more strife!
Now the dim gods of death have in their keeping
Spirit and body and all the springs of song,
It is well now where love can do no wrong,
Where stringless pleasure has no foam or fang
Behind the unopening closure of her lips?
It is not well where soul from body slips
And flesh from bone divides without a pang
As dew from flower-bell drips?
It is enough; the end and the beginning
Are one thing to thee, who art past the end.
O hand unclapsed of unbeholden friend,
For thee no fruits to pluck, no palms for winning,
No triumph and no labour and no lust,
Only dead yew-leaves and a little dust.
O quiet eyes wherein the light saith nought,
Whereto the is dumb, nor any night
With obscure finger silences your sight,
Nor in your speech the sudden soul speaks thought,
Sleep, and have sleep for light.

]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/11314063/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/11314063/ Thu, 04 Jan 2007 14:06:19 PST My heart is cold
No more water flowing in the right direction
My throat stuck
The bed empty, filled with sweat
My thoughts ready to start something new
The things of him left for me
My feelings unknown
Another year full promises I forget after 2weeks
My camera waiting to be taken away and shoot something big
The cemetery closing slowly behind me and starting all over again
My fingers full of things to do
Let there be no tears

]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/10193044/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/10193044/ Tue, 26 Sep 2006 13:31:28 PDT to the place we left.

Is it all a dream?

Can it really be?
And I find it hard,
to make it really real.
No possibilities
no way out.

And I don't deny it,
I don't accept.

Is it all a dream?

And I'm sitting here,
all alone.
Wondering why,
I'm not ready old.
Time goes by,
still nothing changed.

It's all cold outside
but will the hearts of us
warm this fireplace?

Is it all a dream?
Well make it part of life...

]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/9840659/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/9840659/ Fri, 25 Aug 2006 14:21:57 PDT

Couldn't get the train
Was I missing time
It changed
Before I knew I found myself with you
Playing dead, feeling sick
Was it all a dream
Unrightfully taken what was to big
Drinking, singing about the fire that shook our hidingplace
And sleeping with too many at too little space
And seeing the world disappear without really knowing it
Painting the walls around us
Filling the empty space
It were only
Black Walls and Coconuts ]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/9333751/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/9333751/ Mon, 10 Jul 2006 14:48:33 PDT Since june 19 I have found love again, or did love find me?

Anyway, spending more time with him, having sleep-overs that last a week or more.
I think it goes the right way.
Let's hope it keeps going good for a long time.

See you next time when I have time who-ever will read this. ]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/8770849/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/8770849/ Sun, 14 May 2006 17:05:53 PDT don't look back.
Take all the money,
run away.

Don't play games.

If the heat turns on,
it's cold enough to see the snow.
Winter falling on our heads.

But do I really want this life?

Turn the fire out,
release the smoke.
Put the songs away,
silence will overcome.

My heart empty as before.

Now it's time for me to leave,
with no more sweet goodbye's,
no more time to lie.
Why am I falling for the wrong one?
He should be the one feeling guilty.

You can stay or walk away.

I have no more fear.
Sometimes all I wanna do is disappear.
Why do you leave me wanting more?

Kiss me I'm dying. ]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/8382287/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/8382287/ Thu, 06 Apr 2006 08:48:51 PDT This is when I give myself to every inch of me that says
it's time to go
The voice is clear, but not alone
Doubt has made my head it's home
And I can hardly hear myself explode
Someone tell me something good
Something I can really use

Here I go, say goodbye to everything
I know, here I go, I love you 'till the end of time
I have to do this on my own so here, here I go

On the edge of everything
The start, the end, the inbetween
But somewhere through my fear I know I'm fine...

Nothing like the way it's been
An open door I've never seen
And I can't help but wonder what's inside
Someone tell me something good
Something I can really use

Here I go, say goodbye to everything
I know, here I go, I love you 'till the end of time
I have to do this on my own so here, here I go

Sure I guess I must be strong
But what if I am just very wrong
What if I don't know
Where I belong

Here I go, say goodbye to everything
I know, here I go, I love you 'till the end of time
I have to do this on my own so here, here I go ]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/7999479/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/7999479/ Sat, 25 Feb 2006 13:14:54 PST for I've got nothing more to give.

Every time again and again
I get nothing more than lies and
truths I have to get from somewhere else.

And every time again I force myself
not to give up, to keep going
for something better,
waiting for tomorrow.

I don't care anymore
for all the people who do care about me,
thanks but it doesn't give me strength to go on
finding ways to fill up the silence
why should I care.

Abandoned by love
thrown away like I was nothing
I am nothing
I am the one wasting my time
everytime again I say it's the last time
but why should I now wake up in the morning?

It's in the pills that bring me down ]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/7544402/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/7544402/ Sun, 08 Jan 2006 12:03:46 PST blind to a habitant world all but unseen by us.
A world of beings travelling through time and space imaginable to us
only as flights of fancy.
Who are these beings we dare to imagine, but fear to accept?
What dark word goes on inside their impossible machines
cloaked from us by invisible forces?
If they know our secrets, why can't we know theirs?"


And so here we are again,
a new year, new changes we must make.
Us and them, and all in between.
Chasing after a new love, but will he be the one?
Or am I blind again to see he's te wrong one,
and am I to much trying to get him.
Or is he the one for me,
though we share the same illusions, but not the same dreams? ]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/7055490/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/7055490/ Tue, 15 Nov 2005 14:40:37 PST have I been so wrong to let you go?
I had time to think
For weeks I've been gone
Time enough, and made decisions
Decisions who were hard to make
Time will reveal the things I've done
Going to new places,
looking through new eyes
Going on that trip
Although everything's fine
Maybe I'm sorry 'bout the thing I'm going to do
But I need to make changes in life
Everybody sometimes comes to a point where you have to decide:
left or right

Gent of Antwerpen... ]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/6815724/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/6815724/ Thu, 20 Oct 2005 04:20:50 PDT I feel these words as if their meaning were weight being lifted from me, knowing that you will read them and share my burden as I have come to trust no other.
That you should know my heart, look into it, finding there the memory and experience that belong to you, that are you, is a comfort to me now as I feel the tethers loose and the prospects darken for the continuance of a journey that began not so long ago, and which began again with a faith shaken and strengthened by your convictions.
If not for which I might never have been so strong now as I cross to face you and look at you incomplete,
hoping that you will forgive me for not making the rest of the journey with you."

Thinking about givin' up.
I prefer much more the dark cold night above the hot summer day.
For all I've known, there've been better weeks than this.
And all I could do is watch how you dragged me out and made me mad.

Crushed by my own dreams.
Go to sleep and forget who I am.
Though I won't forget what we shared.

There's nothing more for me to do.
Don't come after me, you won't find me.
Sucked into the Earth by the river of dreams.
Don't come after me, you're looking at the wrong place. ]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/6721073/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/6721073/ Sun, 09 Oct 2005 12:52:51 PDT Past year was so damn hard.
Now the feelings that I have are totaly changing.
The persons who've been there last year, who I know to good,
are somehow slipping away from me.
Doing the wrong things, saying those painfull words, asking the fucked-up questions.
Stop being interesting.

Can't get him out of my mind.

I won't let them control my life.
Not now.
Never.


I want you to feel what it's like being me. ]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/6385386/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/6385386/ Thu, 01 Sep 2005 07:10:01 PDT Trouble's come and go.
There comes and end to everything, and everything is lost.

The dark days are upon us.
Let them in.
Open your heart, stop fighting.
Solitude ain't so bad.
There's nothing left for us to gain.
You can control the future.

My heart is gonna crash. Pain is moving in slowly,
like the day is comming to an end. And there will be no more. ]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/6130307/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/6130307/ Thu, 04 Aug 2005 08:22:13 PDT people come and go
won't care about them anymore
there was a time I did
that time is over and again pain and mysery
has found the way to me

I won't let this happen
not again
they're losers
have to think about the nice time
I have meeting new people
people I started to care about

going to have fun at some exclusive party's
I'm not a party-humen
but for everything there's a first time

A year has gone by
I've been here so many times
still not knowing the right side
good or evil
white or black
falling to the dark side again
I love it.

x ]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/5929259/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/5929259/ Thu, 14 Jul 2005 02:52:10 PDT
Going to dissapear for some time.
Vacation, you know.
It's good to do this, 'cause now I work a little bit more on the future.
My future. Being tired of sitting here doing nothing,
and now I do something, and I know some people are proud of me I do this. Which gives me 'power' to go on.
Without them I would already be dead by now,
but after all the pain and misery I've been through the last year, I haven't given up, and maybe I'm glad, but on the other hand, it's hard.

Ok,

Leave you all in peace, (yeah right),
see you all in a week,
with hopefully some new work and stuff.

Greets,

Stijn

X ]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/5734967/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/5734967/ Thu, 23 Jun 2005 14:20:42 PDT Into Darkness - Time Flies.

Those I've been using a lot lately.
Don't know why.

Places change when you haven't been there for like 5years.
The place is knew where I used to go in my youth, is now totaly broken.
Damaged by people who like to damage things, the stupid ones.
The place that I knew, totaly wrecked-up, it's hard to go back there and see those things, when you know it onces belong to the family of my father who died a couple off years ago.

I don't think I will let them take my emotions, I have to be strong for some reason and fight it.

Been on a date with a friend, well, I don't know if he ever will read this, but I like him, he's so nice, I only can hope maybe someday...

Ah well we'll see how things go, it choises that everybody must make everyday to go where you wanne be in the future.
Been busy making choises, not knowing if they'll turn out right, but that's the risk I take.

Leave you all now,
X ]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/5482783/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/5482783/ Sat, 28 May 2005 05:51:42 PDT
Hi,

It's all strange: life, love, pain, it's all funny in a way.
I must take control over the things I do, I'm to good for some people and I have to stop being nice.
Why do I let them wake me up in the middle of the night for some stupid things? Because I'm to good, I can't say No to them. I love them, and it's time that I have to deal with it that they'll never will love me.

Remember where we found misery.
Deep inside my heart, there's so much pain. I thought I could have a normal life like everybody else, but nope, not for me.
Hurt myself again today, and the worst part is, there's no one else to blaim. Because they all left me, another reason to have pain in my heart. No one to talk to.
I've started with something like a diary. I have to write down the things I think.

Finding out other stupid things, where I get to emotional.
Like the new Star Wars movie, have seen it with my brother and it was so hard. I've cried, like 2 times, (and you may all laugh now) but if you see it, then you'd understand.
And finding out the last episode of season 2 of Carnivalé, and just seeing the tv-spot, gets me a so OMG-feeling.
(but we can't watch it here in Belgium season 2)
And (still not the end of my blabla-talk) seeing the trailer of the very last season (5) of Six feet Under makes me cry to, like missing them for ever.
The same feeling I'll have when I'm done watching X-Files every night.
The end is coming closer, the pain is growing stronger.

I'll end now,
some love,
and bye,

x

I'll leave you all and take the pain away. ]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/5402405/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/5402405/ Thu, 19 May 2005 13:22:48 PDT
Why do I keep thinking about him?

That's the mean question for this week.
Saw him in the evening school, but I liked him and his boyfriend, and I know I don't know him etc etc, but still I can't get him out of my head.
Why oh why.

Trying to put my life back together, it's hard to live with no pain.
Now the pain is back and I'm feeling good.
This pain is from missing and seeing friends and missing the contact between me and who-ever will love me.

I need it because I miss it.
Love can be beautiful if you have it.
Otherwise it's pain, misery.
Sometimes I wonder what's left here for me, and then I sigh and go on with my life, a little harder then before.

The ones I like have left me alone, no-one to hold on to.
And what can I do about it? Not much I'm afraid.
And then again, sigh.

Bye you all,

x ]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/5318703/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/5318703/ Tue, 10 May 2005 08:44:34 PDT
Things are almost back in the normal way,
people I've missed are coming and going. Still one remains I love, and need some days.
Busy making analog photo's for my old school, they asked me to do it and print them, so I'll do that.
I'm just to good for some people.

This Saterday going to Amsterdam (Holland) , (hope to get some nice pics to put up here.), what means, again, early time I have to get out,
I feel tired already, but I can't give up hope.

The weather from the last week (1th May) has burned me, and now I walk, my front body almost completely red, my skin coming of my skin, down the street.

Still thinking about him, having bad dreams, having good days, having bad days, struggling to get everyday filled with something.

Have some new photo stuff, will put it up, one of these days. I promise.

Keep all good, have a nice life,
there's so much more, if you don't give up.

Greets,

Stijn

x ]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/5318656/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/5318656/ Tue, 10 May 2005 08:36:22 PDT ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/5087878/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/5087878/ Thu, 14 Apr 2005 14:40:46 PDT
Everybody is happy and having a nice life. But I can't take it anymore.
Once I was glad to live alone, but now when I'm really living alone, I won't have it anymore.
You know, I had a nice family, but they all left me, leaving me alone in a far to big house.
Now I sit here, alone in the dark, don't know what I'm doing here, just writing and crying.
When I come home from school in the evening (evening school : 18.30h - 22h) then it's almost 23 o'clock, dark, and just no one to say 'hi' to, nobody to hold.

The last week was hard.
To see more and more people happy.
I'm slowly dying, 'cause I can't have it anymore.
I'm happy for some of my friends who have lovers etc.
But, how much I may like them, (and for one of them, I really love him (but I know it will never be something), I hope he knows)
everytime they tell me things, it breaks inside me.
I know I may not say negative things, blabla, (almost 6 weeks 'happy') but now I wanne stop after 6 weeks, and just be negative.

Not being positive again, 'till I found a new love. Or somebody who wants to live with me.

Hate being alone, it's killing me.
I can't anymore. ]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/5004375/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/5004375/ Tue, 05 Apr 2005 05:47:36 PDT
Well, I came here to tell you that if he dies because of what you've done, four days from now, nobody will stop me from being the one that throws the switch and gases you out of this life for good, you son of a bitch!!

Where do you think it is?
Who knows?
Which could have a certain cruel irony, wouldn't. Scientific knowledge that could change the course of mankind buried out in a field somewhere, or sitting in some safe-deposit box, getting old just like the rest of us.
If he didn't destroy it, chanses are somehow, someday, somebody will find it.

What this man imagined,
his dreams,
who he loved, saw, heard,
remembered,
what he feared,
somehow it's all locked in this small mass of tissue and fluid.

The conquest of fear lies in the moment of its acceptance, in understanding what scares us most is that which is most familiar, most commonplace.
It's been said that the fear of the unknow is a response to the excesses of the imagination.
But our fear of the everyday, of the lurking stranger, and the sound of footfalls on the stairs,
the fear of violent death and the primitive impuls to survive are as frightening as any X-File.
As real as the acceptance that it could happen to you.

What happened to me out on the ice has justified every belief. If I should die now, it will be with a certainty that my faith has been righteous.
And if, through dead, larger mysteries are revealed,
I will already know the answer to the question that has driven me here. That there is intelligent life in the universe other than our own.
That they are here among us.
And that they have begun to colonise.

And if so, might it follow that our own fate and existence could finally be dependent on the conservatorship of an extraterrestrial race?
Or in the simple words of a creature whose own future is uncertain:
will man save man?

One Man Alone Cannot Fight The Future. ]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/4845947/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/4845947/ Fri, 18 Mar 2005 13:02:16 PST
From the beginning of time people searched for answers on questions they didn't even know.

All things will come to an end, and as mankind live like this, it will be sooner then any one will see.

And when the song slowly fades, me life ends in one breath.

Can I believe that he will be the one?

Will I believe?

I want to believe.

But what is it that they call believe?

Out of all the people, why me?

Can't I just be normal?

I am the machine, I will work for you, until my battery's low.

I know, only this time. Only just this one time.

We die. ]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/4646865/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/4646865/ Tue, 22 Feb 2005 16:56:17 PST
it's just, things are not getting how I want them to go.
(Like always).
I was dreaming about the people I love, and in one of them I was dying in the arms of one of my best friends. I must say, it starts to think about things like death and dying.
(I was doing that long time ago also, but now it's so delicate with friends stuff).

Well, I've got come to a point where I say, that if I ever have a heartattack (which can come, because I've got heart problems). There I have decided, that if that ever happend, I don't want them to rescue me.
Then my life is over and so be it.

Or if I get cancer, I will do no chemo or things like that, that can safe me.
It's just; then I know it's over and I would do the one thing I wanne do when I know I'm going to die. (But what that is, I'm not gonna tell)

The fact is, we all die.
I don't see myself sitting in a wheelchair in 60years from now.
I don't even know if I will be here next month, lets say next week.

And people must stop telling me lie's (lies?) (don't know, my english is crappy) about things like everything will be ok, because it won't. I don't belief in things anymore.
Have givin' up love, don't want the pain when it's over, I have already pain, and misery for a long time. so that can be missed.

And I can't stop being so negative, so stop asking that I would have positif thoughts.

Also, another point of my life. I wanne go study another type of photography then I'm already doing.
I wanne go study mode-photography (fashion-photography).
I've been seeing things, that I really say : 'waaw' of. Now I wanne do the same, so why not, at least I can try.

For the past three weeks I was happy, that was a wonder for three weeks, but now, I feel like snow falling out of the sky and being stepped on by people who don't like me.

And I want a new pc, this one is getting me really mad.
I want something from Apple, because I get really addicted to it. So maybe an iBook or something when I have enough money. (Like never)
And trying to get also a new camera, for my later works, when I'm gonna do fashion-photography.


That would be all for now, I guess.

Don't know what to say more,

Greets,

Stijn ]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/4025408/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/4025408/ Thu, 09 Dec 2004 08:38:34 PST
Things are happening no one can deny, no one can stop it.
Dreams seems so real, but they're not.
Dreaming of people I've seen somewhere before but not able to say where or who they are. Those people are the one I Love in my dreams.
A Love I shall never get, because I don't know them.

Dreaming of the ones I love, make love them more. The real people I know and love. But don't know if they love me.
Don't know if I can love them more then I already do.
I want but I may not.

My hair is getting me crazy. I can't put it how I want. For a couple of months I wanted to do something with it, but it's still the same. I don't know if I change it, people will like it.

It's hard to stand there, but I can't give up. Not again. Not now.
There're things waiting at the end of the month. Like a concert of Hooverphonic, just like last I did last year, but now with someone I really love more and more, but don't know if there's going to be something more and if after that we still be good friends as now.

Also going to see my family back after almost 2years. I'm not so family bounded, but people change and it's been a while.

Christmas is coming, what I this year really hate. All the fun that's there with christmas, I don't like it, but I will survive, I guess.
New Year is the same shit, I think I'm going to bed at 10 o'clock.

Sweet dreams. ]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/3878104/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/3878104/ Sat, 20 Nov 2004 11:47:37 PST
not so happy today, it's weekend and the most of the weekends I feel down.
Most of them are boring, and if you don't know what to do (Especially with this weather (rain, rain, and ohno some more rain)) And it's becoming winter, so the air fills with darkness. (I like black things) but this makes most of the people so down.

Thinking to stop with Photography and do something more for the people. (don't know what the meaning of that is) I've been making photo's now for 5years, and the power to go on is gone, and I can't find a spirit to continue.

And I have the feeling that I'm losing the people I love. (Love in every way: the ones I talk to on msn, who are just good friends where I have a good band with. And the ones I really love, who I dream off, where I also to talk (duh))

But, yeah, the feeling of losing everybody you love, and to see that the ones you normally talk to the most of the time, don't talk to you anymore, makes me feel empty inside.
And keeps me wondering why I'm still here.
But, as I told other people already, I may not give up, there will come a better time for me. (hopefully )

Lately also listening to sad songs. Don't know why, makes me feel good in a way, not good good, but sad good.

This last month I've been crying so many times. Thinking things like (up there) losing the people I love, and thinking about the things that happend in the past. Also at home here, things aren't going very well, now I live alone (with the bitch they call my sister), and I miss people around me, people to talk to, you know.
I'm so emotional lately.

Writing again, little piece further on my 'make-for-fun-a-thriller-or-something-sh ocking', is becoming something like 'a-deep-Psychological-drama' where you have to read carefeully, because it's beginning to get to hard even for me to write something sinful.

Started to write an angel related story, because now I'm in the Angelmood, with on msn Angel avaters etc. (Just the beauty of a Male Angel).

Won't take more of your time.

Bye to all,

Stijn

Can't..

Won't..

Don't..

]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/3734449/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/3734449/ Tue, 02 Nov 2004 14:13:06 PST I'm back from vacation, out of the woods in the Belgain Ardenne's.
Taken a lot of digi-photo's, and putting the most of them now online.
Found new love, giving me power to go on and to do things.
Want to be (don't now actually).

The day after I came back I went to the city of Antwerp. After like 4days being in a place where almost are no people, where there's almost nothing, and comming back in the 'great' city, was like: 'Wow, some many people, I must get out of here.'

But yeah, I survived.
Putting photo's online.

See you next time.

Bye bye ]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/3526547/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/3526547/ Wed, 06 Oct 2004 12:41:27 PDT Just doing things with things.
I've got now some days that all hope is lost for me, how I feel myself.
And then a good couple of days.
And life goes on.

I'm now making photo's (analog, so harder to get them right on the net) for my eveningschool (from 18.30 - 22h). And now and then digital.
But at the end of the month there's back vacation, so i'm going to get some more things on the net.

See you,
when I come around. ]]> ~Stijntje http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/3279295/ http://Stijntje.deviantart.com/journal/3279295/ Fri, 03 Sep 2004 16:45:18 PDT
Back with more photo's of myself and things I see.
Now I'm in a stadium (don't know if you can call it a stadium) of showing more of myself. And put the anger in the photo's and the way I take them.

Ripping of the clothes of my body, just to make that, one, little, good photo.

I'm good, I'm supprised that I'm good.
I've noticed the last weeks, when I walk on the street, and a car is comming faster and faster in my direction, that I was thinking what it would be, to get hit.
And maybe to die.
Then it's over.
But it didn't happen, and I'm still here, so no panic.

For now,
byebye ]]> ~Stijntje