http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:SunscapeWings&section=today deviantART RSS for by:SunscapeWings en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Fri, 11 Dec 2009 18:31:04 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/8705662/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/8705662/ Sun, 07 May 2006 22:55:40 PDT update:
moving into my new place ( !!!!!!!!!!!!! ) : 1 week.
calgary: 1 1/2 weeks. = sarah's grad/ mad parties / money making goodness

I'm bringing my laptop along, so for the month and a half that I'll be gone I'll still check in when I can

Have a great summer guys, and stay safe-ish

]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/8561098/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/8561098/ Sun, 23 Apr 2006 13:02:34 PDT

A, I wish I could pass some of this on to you.



...and I've met someone, which always puts roses in your glasses
and I like him for real.

Fox, you and your brother are ridiculous in the best possible sense of the word, and all I have to say is U-F-C!!!!!!! Ben told me what you call f&s, so I can see how the U-F-S came about.



]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/8378948/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/8378948/ Wed, 05 Apr 2006 22:01:57 PDT Johnny Depp: "Comandeered mate, comandeered."
me: "thanks for having my back Johnny."
Johnny Depp: "You can have my back any time. Or my front, or whatever you want."
me: *starts to swoon*

:dream sequence ends:

*cough* so ANYWAY, the point is I comandeered this from max.

Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle.
Say the following questions aloud, and press play.
Use the song title as the answer to the question.
NO CHEATING.

How does the world see me?:
Wouldn't it be nice?- Beach Boys
Bahaha... maybe the male world...

Will I have a happy life?:
The Joker- Steve Miller Band
I guess this means I'll be a carefree goof forever...

Do people secretly lust after me?
The Stranger-- Billy Joel
Ooo, how mysterious...

How can I make myself happy?:
The Way You Make Me Feel-- Michael Jackson
I'll let you take from that what you will. Then get back to me.

What should I do with my life?:
Amie-- Damien Rice
Become a lesbian?? What is destiny telling me??

Will I ever have children?:
The Dream-- The Birthday Massacre
umm...

What is some good advice for me?:
Moving Out-- Billy Joel
Bahaha... Maybe I'll just selectively choose to take this advice and discard the possible push towards lesbianism. Would that be wrong?

How will I be remembered?:
Bridge Over Troubled Water-- Simon and Garfunkel
Aww, that one is sweet. I like helping people *does the helping dance*

What is my signature dancing song?:
Tucker's Town-- Hootie and the Blowfish
fun. sort of.

What do I think my current theme song is?:
Change-- Eric Clapton
no comment?

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?:
Love Song For No One-- John Mayer
Well I don't know how to take that.

What song will play at my funeral?:
You give love a bad name-- Bon jovi
oh, come on now. that was just spiteful. *shakes head at Fate*

What type of men/women do you like?:
Obvious-- Christina Aguilera
BAHAHAHA!! cute. Now, feel free to shoot me for having that song on my list.

When will/do you have sex?:
Femme Fatale-- Velvet Underground
hehe...

What is your day going to be like?:
No, je ne regrette rien (No, I regret nothing)-- Edith Piaf
um, I guess that's good.


well that was fun.

]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/8210554/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/8210554/ Sun, 19 Mar 2006 19:19:46 PST I know your mom says that if at first you don't succeed, you should try again, but trust me, I could never love you.
I'm NOT sorry. That's life. Some people just don't fit together. Your love is ANNOYING me. Yep, the constant attention is flattering, and it's getting on my nerves.

'A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space.'



and then, the one I want gives me goose bumps. I want him, but I don't want the game to end. I never want to lose the goose bumps. I'm afraid to make it real because in the light maybe it won't be what I imagined. I'm afraid to. Isn't that strange? ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/8150175/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/8150175/ Mon, 13 Mar 2006 14:16:06 PST
Just wanted to change up my page.

Listening to Billy Joel "only the good die young", and in a good place.

Hmm... update?

Help me stop dating, pleaaassee... *laugh* Boys are everywhere, looking for girls. It's no good, I can't hold back I'm sick of dating people I don't care about. Sick of it! I'm sick of breaking up with people, sick of first dates, sick of fancy friday night dinners. I'm in that phase where I just want to be expectation-free. No pressure... I want to have fun. I need to be impressed for it to be more. They just don't get it... *sigh* A few days ago, I went out to Blue Cactus with this guy... I thought I might as well give him a chance. He was cute, 25, in law school, really intelligent, sweet, bilingual (haha...)... He introduced me to his best friend, who was Engaged *choke* and I suddenly thought: "My parents got married when they were 25..." and I freaked. Grow up? I DON'T WANNA! *stomps foot*
I need summer. I need to fly... the sooner I get on that plane, the better.
May: Calgary, Alberta
June: road trip to Vancouver, mayyybe a week in Australia... we'll see
July: Stampede! Then Nova Scotia to see Cait
August: volunteering at a camp for kids taking a break from tough homes
September: back at school, in my own apartment with three of my best friends, starting the archaeology part of my program

A nice long talk with ... I feel a lot more sane

]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/8001077/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/8001077/ Sat, 25 Feb 2006 16:28:10 PST There's no better word.
My skin is alive with tension.
Their eyes, those meaningful looks, are pulling me in every direction.
I'm swaying this way and that
What am I supposed to do?
Which one do I want?
Do I take the opportunity, before it passes me by, or wait?
I don't know. Not at all.
Which one do I want?
I want all, I want none.
What does each want from me?
A lover, a friend, a soulmate, a one night stand?
An adventure, a commitment, a savior, a crutch?
It's too difficult to say.
Just when I think I've broken free, I'm overwhelmed.

To quote Sir Sydney:
"So strangely (alas) thy works in me prevail,
That in my woes for thee thou art my joy,
And in my joys for thee my only annoy."

Can you ever really be friends with someone who wants to date you?

]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/7843068/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/7843068/ Thu, 09 Feb 2006 02:14:45 PST I L-O-V-E love my friends.

When I got up this morning, My door was covered in streamers, and the hall was full of balloons and confetti. There were a dozen people outside, taking pictures of my surprise and throwing confetti at me. I went to class all warm and fuzzy, feeling loved and excited to be legal

For probably a month, my two best friends in rez, Cait and Cookie, have been planning for my birthday to take me out for dinner and drinks to Medithéo, this really classy Mediterranean place in the Market. Cait and I got all dressed up in prom dresses, did our hair and make-up, and even got flowers. Cookie put on a suit and tie and we were his ladies for the night.

When we got there, the whole second and third floors of rez were there, all dressed up. I seriously wanted to cry. How could a girl feel more loved? Here were like fifty difficult-to-assemble, starving students, dressed their best at a really expensive restaurant on a wednesday night during exams, just for my special day. They screamed happy birthday, bought me drinks, toasted to me, gave me birthday hugs and kisses, and my boys took turns birthday dancing with me. What did I do to deserve this?

How could I ever be sad again? All I have to do is remind myself of this day.


]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/7820272/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/7820272/ Mon, 06 Feb 2006 15:49:53 PST
I'm not really sorry.

ANYWAY...

I'm ridiculously excited... I have a midterm tomorrow!! yes, that should be cause for despair, but the midterm consists of dressing up like a story book character and having a debate. HOW FUN IS THAT?? I'm the White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland (HEY, could have been worse...) I bought a sweet pocket watch, monacle, and I have one white glove, a suit, and a tie. ooo, and bunny ears and a tail. It's off the hook. Who said university was about hard work? psh.

so I was in the elevator with a guy friend and the shy guy, and right at the last minute, my guy friend jumped out and gave me a wicked grin, so I there alone with nick. You know what he did? He turned crimson and stared at his feet. How awkward!! What is it about this boy that I like so much?? arrrg. I don't understand it.

what else? a creepy guy named Pierre who tells me every week in lit class that I look really pretty in a pedophile-tempting-a-child-with-a-kitten way (and I can feel him staring at me pretty much the whole class) asked me out the other day. *shudder* He scares me a little. I said I was seeing someone.

It's my birthday wednesday the 8th, and we're going out for drinks at Blue Cactus... good times

you know what else? I feel really, really good. I'm charged with endorphins or something; I'm like perma-hyper, perma-horny, perma-energetic, perma-smiley, super confident. fun fun



*gasp*



[link]
[link]
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[link] ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/7812264/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/7812264/ Sun, 05 Feb 2006 18:22:21 PST

SO.

Last night, my friend cait found out that the guy she has been interested in for at least two months just got a girlfriend. An ugly, loud, annoying girlfriend. We all understand how insulting and crushing that would be...
So given her situation and mine, we decided to get shmammered off our asses.
Cait got her toenail ripped off, I smashed my head on a shelf, I banged my nose somewhere but I don't remember how, I passed out in a public bathroom, Cait and I told quite a few people off (rudely) and confronted some about issues we never would have brought up if we weren't intoxicated, including a girl we all suspected of being a lesbian, and I also told this guy that I like him and I definitely don't and apparently he likes me back, so I'll have to deal with that later...
Needless to say, we drank a LOT. My head hurts. a LOT.

So I resolved to put the nice guy behind me. It's kind of sick, I suppose, but when I want to just shut off my emotions for someone, I can quite easily. I decided I'd get drunk, have a good time, and forget all about him and his silly smile.

Well drunk cameron didn't agree, and she went right up to him and kissed the hell out of him. Not gonna lie, I was all over him. It's all a bit fuzzy (like I said, I was extremely drunk) and it's more of a dream memory than a real one. Well my friend dave was there, and he told me all the details. I was falling over, being supported by the nice guy. Dave says he was trying to hold himself back, even though I was ALL over him ( ) but he did kiss my neck a little. Dave told him to make a move, but he said "I don't want it to be like this" ... I passed out then ... and later, when I'd had lots of water and some bread, I went to talk to him (still a little drunk, but sober enough to keep my hands to myself and remember it after) and he told me that he really cares about me. He said "Cameron, I really like you. I wouldn't lie to you... it's just that this is all hard for me... You just have to understand" The way he said it, his voice... gave me butterflies. I could feel how he felt in his eyes and is voice. I WANT to wait for him. He is so sweet. Please god don't let me hurt him.

Ok, so I sound like an idiot, I know I know. I sound like that girl you would be telling him to stay away from... but I honestly like him. I'm shameless, I know.

so.. keep you posted? I surely will. ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/7795494/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/7795494/ Fri, 03 Feb 2006 23:54:25 PST
Like What The Fuck.

He doesn't want me back! What is this??

Apparently he's afraid I'll cheat on him. Based on nothing. He just thinks I'm a big maneater all about the game, going from one guy to the next.

I don't know how to take this. It's a fucking joke, that's what it is.

I apologize, I'm being ridiculous. Just... fuck. This does not happen. How did this happen? I want him! And he knows it! And he is choosing not to do anything about it!!! I can tell he wants me, I can see it. I feel him look at me in that way with those eyes, and I KNOW. So what the hell.

ok, so maybe I deserve it, a bit. I'm not girlfriend material, I get that. I'll freely admit that the men in my life have all turned out to be disposable. That doesn't mean he has to walk away. jesus fucking christ. He could give it a chance.

*growl*

I WANT HIM! oh god, I'm being veruca salt. ridiculous. "Daddy, I want a squirrel!!"

Him shying away just makes me want him more. What the fuck is wrong with me? I like aggressive, so why do I have this feeling for this silly nice boy who is deathly afraid of getting hurt? I respect that fear, but fuck, why would I be so attracted to someone who's clearly not compatible with me??

I NEED to put this behind me.

Get the fuck out of my head, nice boy.

Where are the jerks when you need them?



aggressive, much? *sigh* ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/7644537/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/7644537/ Thu, 19 Jan 2006 00:31:14 PST
It has been brought to my attention by certain deviants (you know who you are) that I have an affliction. My grandmother would call me "stir-crazy", Farley Mowat would say I have cabin fever. Regardless, I am feeling the annual need to fly away to some distant shore and go on mad adventures. in a few weeks, a bunch of us will be going to a friend's time share in florida, but I don't know if that will be good enough. I'm working in calgary this summer... but what I really want is a random act of 'Tolma' (to find out what that is, ask Thucydides. hint: Greeks at the battle of Plataea)

-WANTED, WHEN I AM DONE MY PROGRAM: 1 travelling companion to go backpacking in Ireland and Scotland, Australia, Spain (as well as elsewhere, if they prove to be what I'm looking for). Must be EXTREMELY adventurous, so much so that they would be willing to risk possible hunger and discomfort, and the possiblility of spending the night at odd, distant relatives' houses in the british isles with me. This person must be hardy and capable of backpacking with me, and if they whine, I would publically flog them. MOST IMPORTANTLY, they have to witty, humorous, and good-looking, a.k.a. they must get along with me. I have yet to find someone who meets all of my requirements. I have several friends who THINK they're capable, but let's face it, even though I love them, they're just not tough enough and I know it. My cousin and I get along really well, but she's led a sheltered life, and I don't think she could handle hostels, or my rather cavalier attitude towards sex for that matter. Speaking of sex, I think a guy would be better suited to this trip I'm planning, but the problem is that it's pretty much guaranteed that he would develop feelings for me (which is only natural, spending so much time together and all) and either it would be annoying if I didn't want him back, or we would end up having way too much sex and I'd miss out on the whole 'fling in Europe' experience. Or I would fall deeply and madly in love *cue laughter*. Where do I find someone as spontaneous and crazy as me?
The most important thing is someone who I can have good times with, but who won't bitch and complain when things don't go quite right and maybe we get lost, or it starts to rain. Someone good natured, able to have deep, intelligent conversation, who loves and appreciates a life changing experience, as well as pieces of history, as much as I do. Someone who doesn't care about time, or social restrictions, and just lives to live, for knowledge and pleasure, as I do. THAT's what I need to find before I go. I may be spontaneous, but I'm not an idiot; I know no one should randomly travel alone in a foreign country.
Sam, could you handle it? You're probably the closest girl to my requirements, but I don't know if you would want to take the brutal urchin-ness of such a trek.
-okay, so I went off on a random tangent. that's cool, it happens... this is MY journal man, I can write what I want!! *glares*

On an utterly unrelated note:
Things I eventually need to buy, so I better get rich now:
-a kiln for my pottery
-a Steinway,... ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/7569777/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/7569777/ Wed, 11 Jan 2006 00:14:12 PST on Tolkien: "There is nothing so great as an idea whose time has come."
Dr. Hudson is fabulous. She lectured on the essay of Tolkien addressing fairy tales, and their inner-consistency of reality.
On Harry Potter and fantasy in general supposedly contradicting the bible: "Cameron; God created man in the image of Himself. As God used words to create the world, so uses the fantasy author to create their own secondary world."
After a class with her, I find myself questioning my major. What began as a frivolous elective has dangerously become a fascination.
Nooo... don't worry, it won't happen.

Why can't I just know everything at once and be everywhere all the time? Someone give me directions to the tree of knowledge, because I'm ready for a bite of that delicious forbidden fruit.


On an unrelated note, a guy who I thought was over me has started harassing me again. He is convinced that I really do love him deep down inside and that I'm just running away from my true emotions. *barf* He is smart, talented, good-looking, successful, and he cares about me--- a lot. Why can't I just feel it back? One day we were walking and the falling leaves excited me so much, I started to dance. This guy just looked at me, a bit puzzled. I knew at that moment that I could never really love him.
I'm convinced that I need a man who seems normal but is secretly dark. Honestly, the emotional connection, and to be honest, the sex, is always better (for me, anyway) with a guy who is just a little bit crazy. After all, How else could they put up with MY crazy? I don't mean crazy like wife-beater/psycho/serial killer... I mean... ok. so when I'm alone in my big old creaky house, I hear a noise, and I take a quick glance, I sometimes think-- and hope-- that I might see something supernatural. THAT sort of crazy. Crazy enough to explore an ancient temple, talk to trees, risk a quickie in a public bathroom, or make a snow angel on a roadtrip to nunavut. And enjoy it as much as I would.

ramble ramble... sorry guys...
]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/7326782/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/7326782/ Mon, 09 Jan 2006 11:55:10 PST [link]
this is fun, check it out...

THIS, is an amazing poem by the quirky and talented LiteracyScaresMe I want you all to check out. dooooo eeeeeeet...

[link]

wow. wasn't that amazing?

here's something else that's fun. you should check out this artist's gallery too, it's carayzay... [link]




and on an unrelated note...

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.

Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral; I'm a gynecologist."

And that's when the proctologist fainted.

chortlesnort...


]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/7167258/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/7167258/ Mon, 28 Nov 2005 12:31:34 PST
It's been a while.

ok, relationships.
I went through this highly intense, completely non-physical ..thing... with someone. A close friend. I don't know what to call it... and I don't think it's something anybody wants to hear about anyway... lol. it sort of killed our friendship. it sucks. hm...

Recently, I had random sex. yea... never a great idea. It was an amazing night, I mean, he was really hot, and, well, it was good, and we both decided right away before anything happened that it would be a one time thing and that we'd just be friends after, no problem. I just really needed a fix... (gah that sounds bad...) guys, it's been a while, ok? ok. so... now he comes to visit me "as friends" all the time... arg... I really don't want to see him again, lol. that's just how it is. He definitely wants more... haha, I don't blame him... lmao, sorry.
so I was pretty brutal with him the other day. I think I hurt his feelings... but it needed to be done.

OK, on to the fun stuff! I met this super hot guy who I had a bit of a crush on and we really got along, and then started talking a lot on msn. so he was the MC of this battle of the bands thing, and he had friends in one of the bands, and he was like "This one is for a girl I want to date..." and he sang. FOR ME. *squeal* how sweet is that?? it's ridiculously corny, but it put a huge smile on my face, so... naturally I have to go on a date with him. OF COURSE I do. It doesn't hurt that he is sexy as hell and 6"1... he's also really smart, and he loves history just like I do. *big smile* this weekend, he and I have an all-day date planned, involving museums in ottawa... yay! I'm a geek at heart. So... I guess I'll have to get back to you on how it goes... mm... cammie wants kisses...

]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/6807313/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/6807313/ Wed, 19 Oct 2005 07:41:15 PDT
I just came back from the bathroom like five seconds ago. I knocked before I went in, went into the stall, did my business, and I walked out, AND THERE WAS A GUY PISSING IN THE URINAL. So now I know him a little better than I did before. I laughed (couldn't help myself!!) and was like "my bad, hun" and he was like...

"no problem." turned around, his dick hanging out, and just kind of put it away all non-chalant.
Why can't all guys be that cool? lol ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/6805503/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/6805503/ Tue, 18 Oct 2005 23:56:00 PDT AHHH!!!!

Leave a comment here and...
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written. So there!


Don't do it if you don't want... really. lol But hell I'm willing of you are...

I SWEAR IT WAS DEE'S FAULT!!!! I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF!!! ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/6775309/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/6775309/ Sat, 15 Oct 2005 13:52:35 PDT
1. I was on my feet from 6:30 til about 3:00 am.
2. I was dancing for most of that time, in the sort of ridiculous flailing manor of a girl whose had just enough coolers to be giddy as hell
3. I was wearing ridiculous shoes that I’m sure have caused me some future arthritis
4. On the bus to the after party I sat with a Sigma Alpha Mu frat boy (who was pretty hot, but so drunk he was drooling on me) and he was rubbing my arms and squeezing my ass suggestively--- romantic.
5. I got WASTEd at the after party and didn’t get to “bed” until about 6:00
6. I slept in an awkward position on a crowded couch.
7. I had to get up at 9.
8. At which point I played beach volleyball in shorts, a t-shirt and bare feet in like plus 5 weather. In the rain. For like four hours.
9. I saw people having sex on the beach.
10. I have possibly the worst hangover I’ve ever had.


Yep, I feel like ass on a stick. But it was probably the best 24 hours I’ve had for a good month. And we’re doing it all again tonight.

So the sorority went to Le Scratch for some fun with the boys last night. Wild, lol. I played some pool, had some drinks, chilled with my girls, chatted up the boys, and did a little dancing.

Highlights: This frat, the Sigma Pi’s, had their pledges dress up like firefighters and strip on stage for initiation. It was hot, lol. They had on cute little spongebob squarepants tighty whiteys, which I enjoyed. So I saw like ten penises last night. Lovely, lol. I took pictures; maybe I’ll post one. We’ll see. I saw a guy get his face busted open in a mad drunken bar fight, eee. Also, we played truth or dare (this was at, I dunno, 4 am?) and I had to buzz the guys in the next room, who were playing poker, sweep all the stuff off the poker table and get up and do a sexy dance. It was a fun night.

I KISSED NO ONE. So I’m still a good girl, and I’m keeping my resolution.


Btw, apparently I have some guy “Jeff” s email scribbled on my arm. Think I should add him? ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/6686016/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/6686016/ Wed, 05 Oct 2005 11:01:48 PDT

Monday, this random guy in my spanish class asked me if I wanted to go out for pizza, and I said sure, naturally. so we chatted and everything, and he came back to my room after to watch Salad Fingers ( teehehe, salad fingers!) It was pleasant.

THEN...
he told he liked me a lot and had for a long time. oh god. I told him that I wasn't into getting into a relationship right now, and I gave him a hug.
AT WHICH POINT he told me he loved me. and that he prayed to God for me to come to him and that we were meant to be.

OMFG...

AND...
last night I had to tell alex we should just stay friends. He said he was ok, but I could tell he wasn't. fuck. we went to the movies, and it wasn't awkward for me, thankfully, but I bet it was for him. Every time we talked, he looked at me with those sad eyes that told me he still liked me so much, and it sucked. a lot. A HELL of a lot.

I'm sick of boys. ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/6639237/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/6639237/ Fri, 30 Sep 2005 02:09:13 PDT He was like "read that bottle to me"
It was in french, and i was like "no! my french accent is too english to read it to you"
and he leaned in and sort of murmured in a french way "i tink your french accent is sexy"
and i MELTED.
and now every time I speak french he gives me this sexy french smile and goes "ya baby" in a totally hot french way. He's one of my best friends. Yes, I'm extremely attracted to him, but I decided to remain friends with him and just sort of flirt shamelessly and fantasize about kissing his sexy french mouth... lol.

reasons:
1. I vowed to slow down. To take my time, and stay AWAY FROM BOYS. for a while.
2. he is TOO sexy. boys that sexy are bad bad boys.
3. he has a posse of silly little french and english girls following him everywhere, grasping at him and trying to rape him. It's a real problem, and it's annoying as hell. They're all these mindless little blond bitches, lol
4. Honestly, there are too many boys out there right now to DATE one. I mean, that sounds bitchy but I don't want to date anyone for kicks; I want to date someone I really care about.
5. I don't like him THAT much, in a more than friends way. not enough to date him. And I decided not to do meaningless ever again.

so the other night, he walked me home to my dorm, and we always hug, friendly-like, and we were hugging, and I could tell he wanted to kiss me. cammie can tell. he sort of leaned in, and I carefully avoided it so as not to injure his pride and to make it look like I didn't know he was going for the kiss. I quickly said goodnight and left, lol.
tonight, we were at a friend's place, and he sat right up against me beside me, and I could feel this tension, and I could see it in his eyes. he walked me home again. This time I stood kind of away from him, lol, just in case... we talked about normal stuff, all friendly and casual. When it came time to leave, I hugged him quickly and said "I won't see you this weekend, I'm going home, but I'll call you Monday!" and turned to go. He grabbed me. like a scene from a corny movie, lol, yanked me over, and pulled me in close. He closed his eyes, parted his lips, then sort of drew back all of a sudden (still holding me to him) and said "I'm not seeing you all weekend... can I please just kiss you?"


...


and...

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, what could I do??

I smiled up stupidly at his sexy face. I couldn't say anything. Can he kiss me??? OH GOD. What the hell??? YES YES YES!!! NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!



We kissed. briefly. well, not that briefly.

He gave me this "I am your puppy dog forever" (totally foreign thing for him, lol) look, squeezed my arm, and watched longingly as I scurried away. I was trembling.

WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST DO?

WHY COULDN'T HE GO FOR ONE OF THOSE STUPID LITTLE BLOND BITCHES????

WHY GOD WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!


lol.

I say "lol", but it's not funny at all.


He really likes me, I can tell. LIKE likes me. I really like him too, as in he's one of my best friends! I really enjoyed kissing him too. And that whole grabbing me thing was sexy as hell. but... I can't just date him!!! and he expects that!!! My heart isn'T really there!!!! but I love him as a friend!!!!

I'm a fucking bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I teased him, flirted with him, led him on SO much. I never expected anything, and I made that pretty clear several times. He seemed to understand. We were just great friends. grrr... BITCH BITCH BITCH!! *slaps own face repeatedly*
I'm fucked up. he deserves better, lol. I'm seriously the most emotionally fucked up, careless girl when it comes to love, unless the person really truly is my match. and I know he isn't. I KNOW what kind of person is. (th.....) I am shameless. Truly. All men should stear clear of me.
but I've never tried dating a friend, getting to really know him and then DATING. Usually I date people I've messed around with first. Hell it sounds horrible, but I'm being honest here. Is this something I should try?

cammie... what are you doing? and where do you go from here... ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/6577990/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/6577990/ Fri, 23 Sep 2005 00:34:56 PDT
So I got this thing saying "Hey first year, you're cool, for a first year, we want you in our sorority."

So I went to this... thing... they had me go to. Apparently I'm RUSHING, which means they are planning to swear me in as a member in like two weeks. GAH.

A giant club of horny, crazy girls looking for excitement about 4 times a week. Does that sound like cammie?? Maaaaybe.

It's intense though... you have to be totally into the whole sorority thing to join, apparently. eee...
Ok. so I was all sketch about the situation, until I went to this mixer, where the NuSigmaPis met up with the Omegas. OH GOD. It's a frat of amazingly hot guys. Who we're supposed to become "close" with. I could get close to a piece of Omega, let me tell you.
There's a red light green light formal tomorrow night (red light=taken, green light=single) where you dress all up and meet guys. I have to admit; that's exciting! Like OMG, I'm not a member and like, they're totally like getting me all like girly like already, like totally, OMG.
lol...
they do volunteery stuff too. which I'm into...
and they have these girly picnic thingys every week or something, lol. how cute.
And girls, these boys were... orgasmic. All preppy and fratty, if you're into that. totally schoolboy hot. lmao...

I'd be one of the only first years though... maybe the only one. eee... Does cammie want to do this??!?

We shall see. ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/6497060/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/6497060/ Tue, 13 Sep 2005 18:14:47 PDT
Cam says:
eeee... he's on... AWKWARD...
Starálfur says:
are you gonna talk to him?
Cam says:
HE'S TALKING...
Cam says:
eee
Starálfur says:
hahahahaha! what's he saying?
Cam says:
hi, etc
nothing specific...
Starálfur says:
as though nothing happened?
Cam says:
kind of.
Cam says:
eee
Starálfur says:
poor boy
Cam says:
k, he totally just blocked me or something
Cam says:
he randomly went offline
Starálfur says:
hunh. maybe his computer fucked up
Starálfur says:
awww... ^_^
Cam says:
lol
Starálfur says:
did you say anything back to him?
Cam says:
ya, i said hi
Starálfur says:
well THAT was no reason to block you..
Cam says:
lol
Cam says:
he might not of. we could just be dramatic girls
Starálfur says:
very possible
Cam says:
or not...
Starálfur says:
lol
Starálfur says:
hey, whenever i thought dono blocked me, he did
Starálfur says:
*shrugs*
Cam says:
meh. it's weird to talk to him anyway
Starálfur says:
there ya go
Cam says:
what could we possibly say to each other
Starálfur says:
"hi" "how was school?" "talk to joel lately?" "everyone loves joel...."
Starálfur says:
etc. etc.
Cam says:
"how's school?" "good" "how are you?" "good"
Cam says:
lol
Starálfur says:
hahaha
Cam says:
exactly
Camsays:
no, I'm staying away from that scene for a while
Starálfur says:
probably a good call
Cam says:
mmhm
It's fucked me up in a weird way
Starálfur says:
yeah?
Cam says:
it's like... you know when you do something stupid, like vandalize something, then you get caught, and the person is really actually sad, and you realize how stupid what you did was??
that's how i feel.
Starálfur says:
hmm... yeah, i know what you mean
Starálfur says:
i think
Cam says:
seriously, i dated him FOR FUN, you know that. but to him it was real. i didnt take it seriously. i was such a fucking bitch. i realize that now
Starálfur says:
you weren't necessarily a fucking bitch... you just were looking at it differently
Camsays:
it'S not that i liked him more than i thought i did. it's that I vandalized his heart in some stupid game.
Starálfur says:
did you apologize to him?
Cam says:
kind of. you see, i used the whole classic long distance relationship thing. I think it would be easier for him that way anyway. That way he doesn't think that it was his fault or that it was personal or anything
Starálfur says:
ahh.
Cam says:
i didnt tell HIM that i used him or anything, lol
Cam says:
i think that would hurt worse.
Starálfur says:
i think it would too
Cam says:
so i stuck with... we never see each other and it makes me too sad... we didnt know each other well enough to begin with to make long distance work... blah blah blah
Starálfur says:
i see
Starálfur says:
that was probably the best way
Cam says:
definitely.
Cam says:
but i STILL feel like a bitch.
Starálfur says:
you're not a bitch, camface
Cam says:
on a personal level, y'know??
Cam says:
like, i need to change my ways. i have serious character flaws. why haven't i noticed this before?
Starálfur says:
everyone has serious character flaws
Starálfur says:
it makes things more interesting
Cam says:
it,s not that i hurt him, because he sort of knew going into it that it couldn't last, so that I can get over. It's how messed he was while I didn't care THAT much that bothers me.
Cam says:
i feel dishonest.
Starálfur says:
what do you mean "It's how messed he was"?
Cam says:
like for me, it was inevitable. for him, it was like "Oh No... don't let us end like this..."
Starálfur says:
ohh..
Cam says:
for him it was... REAL.
Cam says:
jeez.
Starálfur says:
it was different perspectives
Cam says:
he wasn,t "messed" per say
Cam says:
lol, it could have been worse, like a crying david fit
Starálfu... ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/6490330/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/6490330/ Mon, 12 Sep 2005 22:51:22 PDT
you wanna know what?? I feel like shit. I feel absolutely like a piece of shit.

We just couldn't keep going though. It wouldn't have worked. Too much. The long-distance thing just wasn't working. We've talked on the phone like twice since we saw each other last. Fuck. We're both just too busy for the long-distance thing. We're both out partying every night, which is never good for a long-distance relationship.

So why do I feel like I just ripped out his heart??!?

Why do I feel like such a bitch?

Why can't I be a normal person and just cry about it?? I wish I could.

seriously, what the fuck is wrong with me?

*Cam, this is your conscience. Calm down. Calm the hell down.*

We didn't even date that long or anything. And I didn't even like him THAT much. I think I liked him more than I let myself believe. Why am I sick to my stomach?

Maybe because I just got trashed, and I'm STILL a little fucked. I HAD to. It was the only thing that could make me forget. That or crazy sex, but then I would be a bad person, and I know I'd feel way worse. I can't just rebound the same day, lol. That would be nuts.

On a random note, sex is such a fucking amazing anti-depressant. man. I could use some sex right now. But that wouldn't be fair to Steve OR the boy I was rebounding with. So cammie will-- as they say figuratively-- keep it in her pants.


THIS FUCKING SUCKS. i feel so... eeew. ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/6472598/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/6472598/ Sun, 11 Sep 2005 00:12:25 PDT
I kiss your eyes
Softly
Firmly
A careless brush
Not because I want to but because I can't help myself.
With blithe eyes, I sigh
Girly is surfacing
Those eyes trace you helplessly.
Tingling finertips brush your sleeve
Itching
Encouraging
Dancing close with impatience.
A racing heart with a mind faster still takes a tumbling dive into the hampster wheel of uncertain frustration.

Everything...

for a smile.
THE smile. The smile of a complaisant star.

Is my abstraction a wasted enslavement in fond proclivity?

There is a world beween this and the other.

An instant rush of blood
Singing
Relentless
A hot chorus on a wheel of fire.
I grasp a fistful of hair
Clumsy
Careless
An act of lusting abandonment.
Lidded eyes
Silky skin
Shivers and curves
Arched toes on a cold floor.
The language of necessity and life
Painful urgence
Fulfilled emptiness.

My Mind is Screaming.

Fitful unrest claws me anxiously while two stars burn
One soft and strong
Inexorable, but placidly so as a lake of unexplored depth
The other a bright river shifting and glaring in sharp sunlight to destinations unknown.

Shall I bask in the glow of a star for millenia to come, or be transported on an indeterminate journey in a beam of blinding light?

Decisions, decisions. ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/6437265/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/6437265/ Tue, 06 Sep 2005 23:13:55 PDT
And classes start thursday. dear Lord. ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/6338861/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/6338861/ Sat, 27 Aug 2005 00:31:11 PDT ANYWAY... my whole body is tingly right now in such a crazy awesome way. like after a great orgasm. it's undescribable. I can can barely type right now because of my twitchy hands and drunkeness. but not crazy drunk. just the perfect buzz drunk. I feel incredible. GOD. Like I'm about to pass out after great sex but I can't because I feel so good. man. I was at this bush party in beachburg, and I met all kinds of crazy fun people who are going to ottawa u next year. lots of fun craziness took place, but I won't go into details. then matty E and I had this great soul-connecting discussion that was aided greatly by much booze. just a friendship thing, though. I'm not all "MATTY E (orgasm), I WANNA BE YOUR FANCLUB" like SOME people I know... we're just tight now, lol. and SO many hot guys in one place. a feast for the eyes. k... you have no idea how good I feel right now. unless you've had FUCKING AWESOME sex. I have to stop. now. GOD i'm shaking. k. I'm seriously done now. beeeedddd...

p.s. Like I said to sam-face, this all makes perfect sense, but perhaps it won't later, so disregard it completeyl. ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/6290142/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/6290142/ Sun, 21 Aug 2005 17:32:04 PDT
read this and tell me what you think.
[link] ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/6136948/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/6136948/ Thu, 04 Aug 2005 22:25:25 PDT
[link]

what the hell do you think of this?



well holy shit. that's all I have to say.

go here too.
[link]


and here, because this is fabulous, and you NEED to see it.
[link] ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/6000625/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/6000625/ Fri, 22 Jul 2005 00:22:35 PDT I FINALLY FINISHED HP and the HALF BLOOD PRINCE TODAY AND IT WAS...


A---M---A---Z---I---N---G!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A---M---A---Z---I---N---G!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A---M---A---Z---I---N---G!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A---M---A---Z---I---N---G!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A---M---A---Z---I---N---G!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Book five was a bit of a let-down; no crazy surprise twist ending, Harry was being a complete tart, and the love plot was lacking.

THIS ONE SURPASSED MY EXPECTATIONS COMPLETELY.

I actually ALMOST CRIED!!!!!!

ME!!!!!!!!

SOOOOOOOOO many crazy things happened...

I started reading it late in the evening yesterday... bad idea. I was up until about 5:00. I kept almost falling asleep, and it was getting lighter out, so I went to bed, only to wake up early the next morning to resume my reading.
HARRY POTTER, YOU DIRTY LITTLE PAGE-TURNER!!!

I don't know how the hell I'm supposed to live with myself, knowing what I do, not knowing what I don't. WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO HARRY?!??!? What's going to happen to the half-blood prince? What about the FUCKING HORCRUXES, and Ginny?? or Bill?? WHAT ABOUT HOGWARTS? Fred and George?? My very existence depends on this knowledge!!


DAMN YOU, J.K. ROWLING AND YOUR MARVELLOUSLY BRILLIANT CREATIVITY!!!

Someone I know, PLEASE read it so we can rant together. I'm in desperate need. Perhaps I'll find another girl at the mall like the last one... (Sam knows of what I speak)

And a big I told you so about a certain something, or someones, Jeanerificus, hint hint.

I think I'll go have another night of fitful tossing now. Sweet sleep to all. ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/5987737/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/5987737/ Wed, 20 Jul 2005 15:09:43 PDT
Cup of coffee
A psychologists sees an addiction.
A student sees an all-nighter.
A kinesiologist sees a miracle.

Chair
A philosopher sees simplicity.
A designer sees a classic.
An environmentalist sees deforestation.

Earth
A geologist sees fossil fuel.
Engineer sees space stations.
Historian sees war.

Cigarette
A chemist sees formaldehyde
Law student sees class action.
Child psychologist sees peer pressure.

Doctor mask
Nursing student sees protection
Biologist sees SARS
Sociologist sees chaos

QUESTION EVERY ANGLE.
STUDY EVERY ANGLE.
RESEARCH EVERY ANGLE. ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/5945290/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/5945290/ Fri, 15 Jul 2005 19:31:37 PDT To me, that was kind of interesting, if not mildly disturbing.
Then...
we were sitting at the table having a nice chat when one little girl nudged me discreetly, and leaned over to whisper: "You left it out on the table, maybe you should put it away," indicating a wooden cutting board we had there with a wooden handle. At my look of confusion, she continued: "It's sitting right there and you have people over. You should put it out of sight." I asked her what she was talking about, and she replied with the astounding question: "Isn't that what your father uses to hit you at night?"
"UH... NO. Are you joking?"
"Don't you get a spank at night for your sins?"
"No. I've been spanked like twice in my life. With a hand. And it never really hurt; it just kind of made me mad."

She didn't fucking believe me. That little girl thought that every family had the children line up and get paddled so hard they cried each and every fucking night. No matter what they'd done. The eldest was FIFTEEN fucking years old. You know what their sins were? Speaking. Looking too pretty. Smiling too much.
SICK.
She also said something to me in a way that made me suspicious that he enjoyed the paddling in a sick, nasty way.

Is it okay for people who are clearly mentally sick and twisted to hide behind a mask of 'Religion'? Those children will be fucked over for life. They will never be functioning, happy members of society because their parents are crazy christian motherfuckers. They've twisted what was wholesome and good into a destructive cult mentality.

Hell, at least their souls will be saved. ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/5614446/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/5614446/ Fri, 10 Jun 2005 23:40:02 PDT
This journal was inspired by ~djh , but the contents were brought forth and discussed with Matt-O, Smelly Nagora, Jean-face, and stupid-face Benny B. (but it was mostly Matt-O).


Life would be so much easier if we were all naked.

1. What's more fun than being naked??!??
2. Everything is more comfortable naked.
3. You could eat wthout worrying about soiling your clothes because you could just lick it off or get someone else to. .
4. You could just walk in and out of the shower without dealing with clothing or towels. (mmm... Guys dripping wet from the shower are so damn sexy...)
5. You could casually have sex without frantically putting your clothes back on when you're caught because you were both just naked anyway. ("We weren't doing anything... We were just naked...")
6. Having sex would just be natural. ("Well, were naked, and standing close to each other, and so naturally...")
6. you wouldn't have to worry about what your date's body looks like under their clothes because it's right there already.
7. People could just get tatoos in cool places all over instead of wearing clothes.


Feel free to add more.

]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/5565019/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/5565019/ Sun, 05 Jun 2005 21:56:17 PDT () smoked a cigarette--- EEEW! no.
() smoked a cigar
(x) been high (on sugar)--- yay sugar!
(x) been drunk
(x) made out with a member of the same sex---weeeell, "made out" is an overstatement. kissed on a dare, maybe.
() been in love--- I don't know. Love is so... intangible.
() been dumped
(x) dumped someone
(x) shoplifted--- candies when I was like seven. My mom thinks it's hilarious.
() been fired
(x) been in a fist fight--- yea...
() snuck out of your parent's house
(x) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back--- as much as I'd like to believe johnny depp wants to sweep me off my feet...
() been arrested
(x) made out with a stranger--- eee, guilty. sounds so much worse in writing. ok, maybe we should add some x's, for honesty's sake...
() gone on a blind date--- never. crazy, huh?
(x) lied to a friend--- eeep, yes. unfortunately.
() had a crush on a teacher
(x) skipped school--- pfft. who hasn't?
(x?) slept with a co-worker--- EEE. (awkward silence) we didn't really sleep... actually, I... well, I gave him a blow job. No sex though...
(x) seen someone die (animals count as someones)
() had a crush on one of your internet friends--- all the time.
(x) been to Canada. never. I just live here.
(x?) been to Mexico--- flown over...?
(x) been on a plane
() thrown up in a bar
(x) set a part of myself on fire--- long story
(x) eaten sushi
() been snowboarding
(x) been moshing/crowd surfing at a show
() been in an abusive relationship
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(x) made a snow angel
(x) had a tea party
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
(x) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up--- with cari, yesterday!
(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game--- naturally. There's a game called cheat.
(x) been lonely--- stupid question
(x) fallen asleep at work/school
() used a fake id
(x) watched the sun set
() felt an earthquake--- canada...
(x) touched a snake
(x) slept beneath the stars
(x) been tickled
(x) been robbed
(x) been misunderstood
(x) petted a reindeer/goat
(x) won a contest
() ran a red light
() been suspended from school
(x) been in a car accident
(x) had braces
(x) felt like an outcast--- I feel like a major third wheel when jeanie and ben come over because they snorkle all over each other in my presense. eug.
() eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu
(x) danced in the moonlight
() hated the way you look--- hate is too strong a word. Disliked, yes.
(x) witnessed a crime
() questioned your heart
() been obsessed with post-it notes
(x) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
(x) been to the opposite side of the country--- kind of. calgary??
(x) swam in the ocean
(x) felt like dying
(x) cried yourself to sleep
() played cops and robbers
(x) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
(x) sung karaoke
(x) paid for a meal with only coins--- it's called timmy's at least once a week, baby.
(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) made prank phone calls
(x) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) danced in the rain
(x) written a letter to Santa Claus
(x) been kissed under a mistletoe
(x) watched the sun set with someone you care about
(x) blown bubbles
(x) made a bonfire on the beach
(x) crashed a party--- if by that you mean walked in on friends having sex therefore crashing a private party of two, yes.
(x) gone rollerskating
(x) had a wish come true
() humped a monkey--- I have to say no on that one.
(x) worn pearls
(x) jumped off a bridge
() ate dog/cat food
(x) told a complete stranger you loved them--- only in jest.
() kissed a mirror
(x) sang in the shower
(x) have a black dress (how sad...)
(x) had a dream that you married someone
(x) glued your hand to something
(x) got your tongue stuck to something metal
(x) kissed a fish
(x) worn the opposite sexes clothes--- I'm wearing my brother's boxers right now. shhh, don't tell him.
() been a cheerleader
(x) sat on a roof top
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
() done a one-handed cartwheel
(x) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) stayed up all night
(x?) didn't take... ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/5505176/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/5505176/ Mon, 30 May 2005 18:38:16 PDT (I make an exception for digital photography; it's a little different...)

there is so much versatility required to make great photographs. Julia Margaret Cameron made her own makeshift darkroom in her home and explored the exposure taking, developing, and printing processes of photography. just look at some of her amazing, emotive pieces.
[link] rev=/images%3Fq%3Djulia%2Bmargaret%2Bcam eron%2Bpictures%26start%3D20%26hl%3Den%2 6lr%3D%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26rls%3Dorg. mozilla:en-USfficial_s%26sa%3DN
[link] rev=/images%3Fq%3Djulia%2Bmargaret%2Bcam eron%2Bpictures%26start%3D80%26hl%3Den%2 6lr%3D%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26rls%3Dorg. mozilla:en-USfficial_s%26sa%3DN
[link]

When you TAKE pictures, it's not art. You MAKE them. dodging, burning, vignetting, exposure times, film speeds, flare, filters, polarizers, lenses, dichroic filtration, developer, fixer, stop bath, silver nitrate, fogging, light sensitive materials, silver salts, sync terminals, f-stops, shutter speeds, bracketing, hot shoes, flashes, reflectors, incident light meters, grain, neutral density, pentaprisms, brownies, copy stands, diffusion... the list goes on and on...
THEY are the art.
the composition and the click of the shutter release are merely the beginning. ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/5458577/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/5458577/ Wed, 25 May 2005 15:07:55 PDT
such a relief.

oh the joy of submitting deviations! I have lots, but I won't spam you guys. I'll let them trickle.

trickle trickle...

at last. ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/5028433/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/5028433/ Thu, 07 Apr 2005 18:49:27 PDT Don't forget that there's still snow on the ground, and he had to carry his groceries home.

oh, I almost forgot! the underwear was pulled up as high as possible and was wedged up his crack in a self-inflicted wedgie.

When I'm old, remind me to go shopping in my underwear. ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/4899969/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/4899969/ Thu, 24 Mar 2005 12:20:26 PST
I'M still there. I got on a plane and flew home to Canada with my luggage and my memories, but my heart is still there. The Mayans clasp my heart.
Why does my existence seem to pause, like I'm sleeping and waiting to awake to the crowing of a rooster in the garden below? I've caught myself dreaming a dozen times of a volcano rising from the mists behind the myriad of massive marble ruins of ancient Mayan temples.

Imagine.
You rip, screaming and writhing from your poor mother's womb on a dirt floor in a hovel made of chunks of garbage tied together with more garbage while your seven older brothers and sisters look on in idle fascination. They all regard you enviously as you suck the swelling nipple offered to you because none of them have eaten in the past few days. Your mother gazes at you with eyes dulled from a day of hard labour. Your own glitter, still bright because you are ignorant of the pathetic lack of future stretching before you. You are born with nothing, and you will die with nothing.
Savour this moment. In less time than you can imagine, something will jolt the realization of your hopelessness, as inexorable as the sands of time. Savour this moment. You can’t imagine. ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/4829904/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/4829904/ Wed, 16 Mar 2005 15:41:45 PST
there's seriously nothing i can say about this place that describes it. oh god.


not much time...


can't wait to see you all- cari, sam, jean-face, hobain, say hi to everyone else for me!!


when i get back, remind me-

san pedro, volcano, mayan ruins, julio!, sexy german boys, bitchy american jerk girls (fast food junkies), el madré, rafael, gustavo, carlos, katerina, tin houses, hanley, spanish, gah.


SO MUCH MORE...

I have to explain everything later. hope and i are about to give some blind street children (who are so cute and i want to take them home) some candy and water.


LOVE YOU ALL!!!! ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/4766868/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/4766868/ Wed, 09 Mar 2005 07:15:11 PST
OH MY GOD.


DO YOU REALIZE THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THIS??!!?? IT'S FUCKING WEDNESDAY GUYS.


that means that tomorrow is thursday. tomorrow, I'm going to the festival of stars to receive my award. then, after that, it will be friday. I'll be going to NAC to see RENT.

FUCKING AMAZING.


you know what? the day after that is saturday. I'm going to ottawa to shop all day. omg.

that night, I'm sleeping over at my brother's apartment, and the next day will be sunday. I'm getting up at 5 to get on a plane and fly to...


GUATEMALA!!!


OH


MY


GOD...



cammi!e's excited guys.


ancient mayan temples and jungle hikes, HERE I COME!!!!!


Hopefully, at some point in my week I'll make it to an internet café and I'll update you guys on what's going on.



eeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/4725848/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/4725848/ Fri, 04 Mar 2005 08:45:09 PST
I didn't realize what a huge stress it was until after it was over. My god. This morning, I poured myself a big glass of 1% milk with no regard whatsoever for my vocal chords. I also screamed good morning to my little brother. you wanna know why? Because I COULD, that's why. Fucking right.
No more burning lights on a massive stage. No more panel of judges watching and critiqueing (?) my every move. 8 fucking entries, and now it's over. No more hourly sips of warm water or throat burning lozenges.

thank god. ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/4577107/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/4577107/ Mon, 14 Feb 2005 07:20:22 PST This is the first year since elementary school that I haven't been dating someone on Valentine's day. And you know what? It sucks. I didn't think I'd care, but I really do. Every year some silly guy has painstakingly planned a corny, stupid, romantic day for me, and... I miss it. fuck. it sucks. It fucking sucks.
ANYWAY...
Do you know the story of Valentine's Day? No? ok. so it was the Roman Empire, during the reign of Claudius (the totally nutso emperor known for his wild, sexual, zoophiliac escapades, among other things...) Ok, so claudius wanted to wage a war, but no one would voluntarily enlist. Of course, he assumed that the men stayed home to get laid, so he made marriage illegal. Go figure. So, this priest named Valentine performed lots of marriages in secret, but he was caught and sent to jail. Tons of people visited him and brought him flowers, candy, and cards to make him feel better, including this one girl who came to see him often and had a special relationship with him. When he died (he was pretty old), he wrote her a note thanking her for sharing her love with him, and signed it "Love From Your Valentine".
A legend is born.
Isn't that so amazing? Fuck, it's real. I can't wrap my head around it.

And I'm still alone on V-Day. ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/4532865/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/4532865/ Tue, 08 Feb 2005 19:30:31 PST First Best Friend: Crystal Migwans. She’s… amazing. She lived on a native reserve, and I owe all of my spirituality to her and her crazy free lifestyle.
First Crush: mmm… not sure. I think it was thomas smith. Coincidentally, we got married, but had a very emotional divorce when I moved away.
First Real Girlfriend/Boyfriend: define ‘real’. Ryan (Sudds) was my first highschool relationship, but we never even kissed, so… does he count?
First Date: k, define ‘date’.
First Kiss: you all know that story… French exchange student + little cammie = kissy kissy
First Album/CD: SPICE GIRLS! YAY! maybe it was aqua. or dance mix '96. i can't really remember.
First Piercing/Tattoo: Ears
First True Love: hasn’t happened yet. (sorry guys I’ve dated… ee… tugs at collar)
First Enemy: cammie loves all.
First Time Breaking A Bone: Haven’t.
First Time Getting Really Sick: Who remembers that?

L A S T S
Last Cuss Word Uttered: fuck… to ben benson
Last Compliment: jess was talking on msn to this guy who told her he thought I was pretty hot. Teehehe… he didn’t know I was standing over her shoulder… tricksy little hobbitses…
Last/Current boy/girlfriend: eee. Define ‘boyfriend’…
Last Crush: too frequently changing to post
Last Time Driving: uuummm… don’t remember. I think it was dad letting me drive myself home from work.
Last Kiss: mmm… hot, passionate kisses two days ago… yum.
Last Good Cry: when I caught mikala cutting her wrists… man, haven’t cried like that since I was like six. That was about a year ago.
Last Movie Seen: Spirited Away. Amazing movie. It made me feel like I was on crack.
Last Phone Call: to Jean-face
Last Thing Written: to Jean-face (see above…)
Last Show Watched: I don’t remember. I haven’t watched tv for a while.
Last Time Showered: last spring. You should be excited; spring is coming again, so you’ll be able to see me under my year of grime.
Last Shoes Worn: My green and yellow sneaks
Last Person That You Saw Naked Besides You: my mom. She’s the definition of an exhibitionist.
Last CD Played: Classical Instrumental Broadway hits. Yay theatre!
Last Item Bought: a vibrator, obviously. No, something far less exciting like vegetables or a toothbrush. I don’t remember.
Last Disappointment: I got a thing in the mail saying I didn’t win the $65 000.00 scholarship university trust fund dealio. Meh.
Last Annoyance: something silly ben said to me
Last Song You Heard: Your Song… Moulin Rouge.
Last Piercing/Tattoo: I stopped at the ears, kids.

I AM: busy. Busy busy busy.
I WANT: my friends to be happy.
I HAVE: a sore throat.
I WISH: I could do everything, learn everything, experience everything. (there are two exceptions: cheat/ be cheated on, and have sex with children and/or inanimate sharp objects)
I MISS: cari and sammy in the afternoon!
I FEAR: nothing, yet. Perhaps falling in love… lust is so much easier.
I HEAR: Neil’s voice over my shoulder telling me to say that I have a fear of strange cats. Silly Neil. He has the key to my heart. Now he’s telling me not to say that he has the key to my heart. I'm laughing because as i write he is shaking his head and i know he won't do a thing about it.
I SEARCH FOR: knowledge.
I WONDER: how I’m going to finish everything without exploding.
I REGRET: nothing. To love this life is the greatest fulfillment.
I LOVE: many. My friends, family… my solitude, my together-time with friends and family, nature… people who need love.
I ACHE: for all the people who haven’t found their road.
I ALWAYS: listen.
I AM NOT: perfect.
I DANCE: with my eyes closed to the music in my mind.
I SING: always!
I CRY: rarely.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: forgiving
I WRITE: often.
I SHOULD: stop accepting new challenges and endeavours.
I SHOULDN’T: let my room get so messy…!


You get embarrassed when: mmm… that doesn’t really happen to me anymore.
What upsets you: cheating boyfriends/girlfriends of my friends
You keep a diary: for special occasions
You like to cook: yes.
You have a secret you have not shared with anyone: not that I can think of.
You set your watch a few minutes ahead: I don’t wear one, but I should
You bite your fingernails: yes…
You believe in love: I believe that anything is possible.



( FAVORITES )
NUMBER: 12
COLOR: periwinkle
DAY: depends on my schedule
MONTH: august
SONG: too many! Everything from Moulin rouge and Chicago, enya, Diana krall, billy joel, ella Fitz... ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/4524783/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/4524783/ Mon, 07 Feb 2005 20:54:17 PST i'm so relieved.
it's been so long guys; i'm sorry. I missed you all!!!
i have no idea why, but my comp wouldn't let me log onto the site for FOREVER. I have no clue why it's letting me now. it probably won't last long, but i'm going to make the most of it while i can.

I have over 200 messages to sort through in the meantime, lol. you guys have been busy!!


i'm so confuddled... why? why? WHY?

love you all! ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/4046356/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/4046356/ Sat, 11 Dec 2004 23:27:02 PST

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG .

CHRISTMAS IS COMING... i just spent like three hours wrapping presents, and i'm soooo excited... i LOVE giving people presents, and Christmas is like the only time of year i can randomly buy people stuff and they won't feel silly and obligated to return the favour. YAY CHRISTMAS!!! I love planning out people's presents, and wrapping them carefully, and writing happy little messages on the cards, and surprising them to make their day better... YAY CHRISTMAS!!! ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/3943106/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/3943106/ Sun, 28 Nov 2004 20:58:44 PST I was shopping for christmas presents (yay!) with jubey, and she was pestering me to dye my hair. NATURALLY i said NO, but OH NO. she just couldn't stop bugging me, COULD SHE? so finally i agreed to do one of those washes-out-in-three-weeks dyes. so i get home and use it. i was SHOCKED.
now, you know how my hair's dark blondish? WELL. i picked out a nice, light brown; not so different from my usual colour. APPARENTLY, whwn you use that brand, light brown turns FLAMING RED. so now i have this freaking intense pinkish red crap hair colour.



after a bit, i didn't mind so much. it's kind of fun, actually. and all i have to do is wait three weeks...


next time, she's dyeing hers with me. ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/3896548/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/3896548/ Mon, 22 Nov 2004 20:00:48 PST did you ever watch today's special? if not, it was about a mannequin in a store window that came to life at night when he put on this special hat. all the other stuff in the department store came to life then, too. i LOVED that show. it was friggin A! after that, i believed all my toys were alive. (actually, i still do...) i would seriously try to coax them into talking to me. isn't that awesome? kids are funny.
oh man, what else? k:
sharon, lois (sp?) and bram
mr. dressup
fred penner
sesame street
under the umbrella tree
book mice
pepperann
madeleine
pippy!
goof troop
dinosaurs!
teehehe... power rangers
strawberry shortcake
pingu
iunno... there's so many. help me think of some more.

btw, my favourite care bear is cheer bear. i love grumpy, grams, hugs and tugs, but my favourite of all time was always cheer bear. no wonder i'm so cheerful... ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/3872470/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/3872470/ Fri, 19 Nov 2004 16:04:48 PST --Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit


i love stories for little kids. i seriously do. being a kid made life so easy. it was entirely believable to imagine that toys could come alive and there were fairies in the garden. of course, i still believe those things, it's just that now i get strange looks whereas before people thought it was cute...

props to the velveteen rabbit. ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/3797032/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/3797032/ Tue, 09 Nov 2004 20:04:00 PST
GROUPS of ANIMALS

• Ambush of tigers
• Arc of doves
• Army of frogs
• Band of gorillas
• Bed of clams
• Bevy of quail, swans
• Brace of ducks
• Brood of chicks
• Cast of hawks
• Cete of badgers
• Charm of goldfinches
• Chattering of choughs
• Cloud of gnats
• Clowder of cats
• Colony of ants
• Congregation of plovers
• Convocation of eagles
• Covey of quail, partridge
• Crash of rhinos
• Crossing of zebras
• Cry of hounds
• Den of vipers
• Down of hares
• Drift of swine
• Drove of cattle, sheep
• Exhaltation of larks
• Flight of birds
• Flock of sheep, geese
• Gaggle of geese (on the ground)
• Gam of whales
• Gang of elks
• Grist of bees
• Herd of elephants
• Horde of gnats
• Husk of hares
• Kindle or Kendle of kittens
• Knot of toads
• Leap of leopards
• Leash of greyhounds, foxes
• Litter of pigs
• Lodge of beavers
• Memory of elephants
• Mob of kangaroos
• Murder of crows
• Muster of peacocks
• Mute of hounds
• Nest of vipers
• Nest, Nide of pheasants
• Ostentation of peacocks
• Pack of hounds, wolves
• Pair of horses
• Parliament of owls
• Pod of whales, seals
• Pride of lions
• School of fish
• Sedge or Siege of cranes
• Shoal of fish, pilchards
• Skein of geese (in the air)
• Skulk of foxes
• Sleuth of bears
• Sounder of boars, swines
• Span of mules
• Spring of teals
• Swarm of bees
• Team of ducks, horses
• Thunder of bison
• Tribe or Trip of goats
• Troop of kangaroos, monkeys
• Volery of birds
• Watch of nightingales
• Wing of plovers
• Wisdom of wombats
• Yoke of oxen

That absolutely rocks my world. ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/3779577/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/3779577/ Sun, 07 Nov 2004 19:15:29 PST 2. i hate long distance relationships.
3. i hate dating and not seeing the person
4. i hate dating and seeing them too much
5. i'm the opposite of commitment
6. i'm totally unreliable.
7. i'm always uber busy
8. i can't stand investing too much in a relationship because feeling so much for someone always distracts me from the rest of my life.
9. i get frustrated often
10. i'm hot and cold (i change my mind constantly)
11. i'm always afraid or too bold.
12. they expect way more from me (without realizing it) than i'm prepared to give. i have giving issues, lol
13. i have a habit of forgetting about people's emotions
14. did i mention how much i HATE phones?

maybe i could give them a try, lol, but they never remember what they're working with. ]]> ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/3778793/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/3778793/ Sun, 07 Nov 2004 17:50:53 PST ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/3038282/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/3038282/ Tue, 03 Aug 2004 23:06:12 PDT ~SunscapeWings http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/3038093/ http://SunscapeWings.deviantart.com/journal/3038093/ Tue, 03 Aug 2004 22:32:44 PDT

STONE all around.
Marble, granite, limestone, volcanic ash
Rock, piles stacked and toppled, closely fitted
Cold slabs of stone make rutted streets smoothed by time
Carefree tufts of grass sprout boldly from crevasses of the forgiving ruins
Warm rays of sunlight peer playfully from each hole
Friendly stone, friendly grass, friendly trees, friendly sun
700 years of city buried in ash
recently revealed bone barren structures
fraction of their former glory
Pain of past covered and forgotten
paradox; the happy sunshine shades the shadows of the victims of the past.
Lifeless hollows in the eerie forms of living beings mark the final resting places of the incredulous inhabitants of Pompei
Hollows and skeletal dust are all that remain.
It is hot. i stand in the street for a moment, beads of perspiration on my forehead. I feel my fair skin burning in the mediterranean sun. it pulses on my closed eyelids. i can see ephemeral flashes of delirium in the tepid heat. for brief moments, i am not alone in the street. around me a torrent of frenzied citizens whirl, clutching their belongings and fleeing desperately to escape the doomed coastal paradise.
Darkening sky
poisonous air
contorted grimaces of suffocation
screams, cries of anguish.
Carefree, a flash of light as tourists laugh and snap their pictures
I look around, jolted to my reality
friendly stone, friendly grass, friendly birds, friendly sun
STONES of Pompei; what secrets do you hold?

:iconunseenartists : ]]> ~SunscapeWings