http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Suntarazu&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Suntarazu en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Fri, 11 Dec 2009 00:57:35 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/27410568/ http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/27410568/ Fri, 25 Sep 2009 14:08:11 PDT
i dont really want to take the time to do that right now tho
but i do want to take a short amount of time writing a new blog

just short tho

hmmmm

schools been fantastic
i've met some amazing people from the track team, im so incredibly glad i joined.

i want to stay single! eeek lets see how long that will last
boyfriends are too complicated for me. i always end up pushing thema way. i like being on my own. i dont need the security of a boy thing gosh

ne way
thats it for now
i want to write a lot mmore actually
but not right now! i cant!




]]> ~Suntarazu http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/22929792/ http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/22929792/ Sat, 31 Jan 2009 19:30:47 PST but its not going fantastic.
and its because i dont see him so much that my feelings arent strong at all at times, maybe not even there.

like it sounds ridiculous but its like i have no time for him.
im gettin stressed with school and i have so much going on. and i know i procrastinate but im not going to not do that for him, im sorry but no boy has ever or will ever make me not procrastinate really.
i want a day to relax, by myself, try to not be stressed.
he wants me to take that day and give it to him. i feel like thats too much though...especially for someone who i dont even feel anything for at that moment.
but even if i did, i dont think i'd really wanna give that up. i dont recall very many times when i have for just a boy.

i've said i loved him already but only like twice maybe three times. but sometimes i wish i didnt just so i didnt feel bad...idk it makes me feel bad because i dont wanna say it all the time....with all this i feel pressure and anger from him like david did...its too much...




i doubt he'd read this. as far as i know, he doesnt even know my deviant art exists...i think ...i dont know actually.
if he does, oh well.
what have i to hide.










what i really wanna do...is get rid of my feelings for marcos....i dont even know why i STILL like him. i need to actually, honestly know he doesnt like me and then i will surely be able to let go. but i really dont want to ask, especially when im with someone because i feel like its betrayal but i need to get rid of the feelings to move on....
everytime he goes away finally....then he pops up! and starts flirting with me or does jus somthin little that totally gets me..i dont like that........he should jus go away...







everytime i think of ryan....its empty. my head has empty thots when it comes to him. i have finally erased him.
if i wanted to, of course i could recall plenty of things that i either hated or loved.
but im kinda convinced by now that he totally doesnt give a shit about me.....and it doesnt hurt unless i knew that directly.







last night when i was with mikey....i felt so close to him. i felt like it was the beginning again, like i just wanted him and only him. i saw it again. and its so unfair that i feel nothing at times but i cant help it. yeah i can go out of my way to see him but i just dont have any motivation to do so. if i have time to spare for anyone at all, its most likely gonna be for him and it has been. sometimes i feel i think i wanna keep him. but...i think agian and i get scared...










***oh and my mood isn't "shame"
the mood thing just wont work again.

what i wanted to put was "hopeless"

]]> ~Suntarazu http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/21615689/ http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/21615689/ Sat, 22 Nov 2008 14:30:41 PST but its useless.

this is all self-inflicted.
i dont even know any more.

]]> ~Suntarazu http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/20813681/ http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/20813681/ Fri, 03 Oct 2008 18:25:05 PDT
i couldnt...i was in class....instead i just asked her for a bathroom pass and walked right out and sat by the concrete by the class and cried hard.....i didnt really hurt myself much...jus punched the wall and slammed my hand on it...i just didn't know what to do, i wanted to stop hurting thats all.

today at lunch i wanted to kick really hard but it wasnt really THEM i wanted to hurt....just whatever pain i felt and at that moment i felt they were the pain...well they ARE the source but i just want to kick the pain out.



i dont want aaron.....i need him to just get out of my life...i cant do this...
i dont want marcos.....he doesnt even care and just whatever.

there was one point where i was almost going to throw this thing away...but for some reason i didnt....i still had hope.


im stupid.
i feel stupid.
i feel like its my fault.





in 6th period, i didnt feel a TON better but a bit. so after the test i asked for a bathroom pass again and walked around and then wen i walked around the hall, i saw jeremy and he asked what was wrong and i started crying again. it's so sweet that jeremy hugged me and whipped my eyes and just cared that i was crying. it was real sweet and i thanked him so much because i did feel better because i finally said something.






what do i want?
to not be used.
and that may seem irrelevent to everything else thats been written but thats something else i need to explain.














im going to homecoming again this year
aaron asked me out to it
but

]]> ~Suntarazu http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/20103209/ http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/20103209/ Fri, 22 Aug 2008 20:32:20 PDT

we ended up going to monterey
we went to mcdonalds for breakfast which i feel lame for only cuz i feel lame for eatin fast food

then we went bowling
then we went paddling or whatever you call it with the boat or floater and two ppl kick and two ppl sit

then boys and girls split up, girls went to the beach to have lunch and guys to the park to have lunch
and then we switched
then from there we went biking which was the best part for me

then we went to dinner

and home


on the bus ride home me and naomi sang most the time a bunch of songs, trying to find songs we both knew. awh she's so lucky she knows how to harmonize haha its so prettyyyyy




oh and i made two wishes today.
both involving ryan but they werent exactly what you might be thinking.


mmm i cant believe what i wrote in the sand..ugh and hilary caught me hahah

]]> ~Suntarazu http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/20006239/ http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/20006239/ Sun, 17 Aug 2008 14:35:59 PDT
]]> ~Suntarazu http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/19989880/ http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/19989880/ Sat, 16 Aug 2008 15:14:18 PDT why?
i was doing fine.
now ugh...now just im not so great.

down down the drain
yeppp

i had trouble sleeping because of it
and then i was awoken early from a dream because of it
wow
completely take over my mind



why am i so stupid?
i just feel so stupid, so so stupid
so low


hmm...smallest things...the littlest things..

]]> ~Suntarazu http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/19959275/ http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/19959275/ Thu, 14 Aug 2008 19:58:42 PDT Oh! And that he tried to kiss me.
It was kinda cute to watch only because it was entertaining because nothing was going to happen lol
I feel bad in a way because i feel like I'm messing with his mind but really now, it was so obvious. For some reason though, I still felt really shy by the fact that he was trying to kiss me so sneakily haha Maybe just because I get shy fairly easily, especially in such situations whether I like them or not. But if I do actually happen to like them oh gee wiz I will be shy as all hell for the slightest thing.
Oh, and his remark saying "its romantic" about the movie, though I caught it a bit late, I still caught it. Funny isn't it?

The only thing I want are his green eyes ><
Better than my brown eyes for sure.
Just the color though, just the color I'd rather have. I'm fine with the rest of my eyes xP

]]> ~Suntarazu http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/19959080/ http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/19959080/ Thu, 14 Aug 2008 19:47:50 PDT
a pointless phone call

some singing, annoying myspace :b

Calling Jesus up to hang out and so we went to the creek and took pictures for no reason and he drew

Having Ducky pick me up from the creek and went back to my house to hang out with him, Manuel, Gary and Alex

Staying up at 1 in the morning cutting up posters, making a poster and getting everything ready for the next day




Tuesday consisted of:

Going to link crew

Getting picked up by Ducky again to be taken home and hung out with him as Manuel passed by for a bit

Getting in trouble by my mom




Wednesday consisted of:

Going to link crew to do the skit to laugh at Johnny, Matt and Laurnie for crossdressing and Richards perfect act

Hanging out afterward with Johnny, Arturo, some new kid named Carlos and a little kid named Miles

Staying on the computer for way too long





Thurseday(today) consisted of:

Getting my schedule

Going to the mall with Alex, Arturo, Ray, Minh and Puppy

Made Ray play DDR with me XD

We all watched a couple movies and then me, Alex and Dan left to eat because we were starving and had lunch with Brittany Perez <3 but then she left to go back to work :b

Walked around, found Josh and Baker, walked around some more

Dan walked with us to the lightrail station to walk back to the mall once our train came

and here I am







Schedule:
1st - Adv Choir, Mrs. Hillman
2nd - AP Gov, Mrs. Rubello
3rd - AP Lit, Mrs. Quinn
4th - Honors Pre-Cal, Mrs.
5th - Physics, Mrs. Miller
6th - Electrnc Music, Mrs. Hillman
7th - Yearbook



I need to change out of electronic music, im supposed to take Spanish 5/6 as for my 3rd year of language :b plus i really want to take it, i like spanish

oh and i forgot the name of the teacher for Honors pre cal lol so deal with it :b
but my word, my entire schedule is advanced classes lol not including yearbook but really tho XD
its awesome but not

]]> ~Suntarazu http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/19898791/ http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/19898791/ Mon, 11 Aug 2008 14:07:42 PDT
]]> ~Suntarazu http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/19484939/ http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/19484939/ Sat, 19 Jul 2008 15:24:41 PDT [link]

1. Post these rules.
2. Each tagged person must post 8 things about them self on their journal.
3. At the end, you have to choose and tag 8 people and post their icons on the same journal.
4. Go to their pages and send a message saying you tagged them.
5. No tag-backs.

1. i want a red electric guitar or a white one would be sweet
2. i hate roaches
3. i've been hit on by way too many guys over 21
4. i honestly dont like my waist, i want it thinner
5. i think girls are WAY prettier/beautiful/hotter than any boy will be
6. i have OCD when i put food together (like a sandwitch, everything has to be placed just right)
7. joining something like the army/marines whatever sounds challenging and FUN because of that.
8. if i could, i'd take back every time i kissed or touched a boy other than family


I tagged:
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]

]]> ~Suntarazu http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/19110876/ http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/19110876/ Sun, 29 Jun 2008 14:11:43 PDT is everything. Today my friend Alyssa came to church and I hope her relationship with God gets better...I do. She's never been super religious but the preaching today by Pastor got to her and I hope more of it gets to her head. I'll pray for her, and many others. I'm not to sure what to do really...I feel lost like a little child because I don't really know what to do or where I would go with it but I know God will lead me. He has before he will again. Oh it drains me how people just cannot believe in him. If they only knew for the slightest second, the feeling of his love, his spirit around you then they would know he is there, he is real, he is God. Nothing in the world could defeat his existance. Pshh, the bible even talks about evolution, how funny huh.
Oh darn it I was going to quote the scripture but I completely forgot where it was T_T I just spent like 10 minutes looking for it but I don't remember urghhhhh but anyway it talks about how man is foolish and creates an image that they make themselves believe because it pleases them, because it's in human nature to sin and to believe something other than God is so much easier because then you don't have to do anything. The bible also says that man was made for God's pleasure which is why when you live to serve him, it gives you pleasure and then when God blesses you, it's overwhelming pleasure and I have felt that. Now, the part when it said that man was made for God's pleasure sounds a bit imperfect, it sounds a bit evil maybe even. But I know God is for the right and wouldn't do something to hurt us just for the sake of hurting. If he hurts us, its because we need to be taught a lesson, corrected and such like a parent does to their child.
I feel like I'm preaching but that's okay because it's just a journal entry. I have no one to tell this to, I feel no one would care and if they do they probably already know it from Pastor or a preacher. Or they would have asked....I'm open for helping anyone. I feel I need to help the world sometimes, for the better. Other times I feel cold and distant and I really don't like that. With God's help I'm melted down, humbled, and made to be kind and I like that, really. Even if its hard sometimes.



oh and for some reason the mood thing STILL won't work on this computer and so the amused thing isn't so true haha

]]> ~Suntarazu http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/18634172/ http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/18634172/ Mon, 02 Jun 2008 19:28:41 PDT
Moments when I realize I really am someone to be some sort of artist, some sort of person born into art; I think back and question because of how long beforehand I had believed I wasn't any good.
I suppose you could say I get my spirit from my drawings.





The worst thing I hate is to not get anything out of something done. It could be the smallest thing to others but if it's something I want and like, then it's enough for anything. If I finish a drawing and look at it afterward, either I will be inspired by myself and self-motivated, or I will be disappointed, self critical however aspired to get better.
I like a good ending through any sort of work. If it leaves me with a smile or good heart, it's enough. This goes for everything, not just art.






Oh I love figuring out things. I love the mysteries of the world! At moments I find myself lost, transfixed, and become rapt in thought of the real world; what makes the world.

I go mad with joy at the findings of my research. Figuring not many others have had this curiosity.
--WORDS! What a mystery. I've wondered so much about difference in words. What makes them be what they are. So many other questions and throughout it I've created a theory of my own. Now, I won't share, mind you people wouldn't care for any of my theories however, it would make you think and wonder I dare say.


"Scorpio's can become masters of the written and spoken word" and only because we "are the most intense, profound, powerful characters in the zodiac."
Don't you see? The connection in the mysteries? Such a passion I have for seeing the thing's people look past every day.
I've so much I wish to know. I have an intense love for my missions that I set myself to. The secrets is one of them. If you could hear me speaking this, you would feel a vibration to your soul of my intensity of this want.



And it's these moments that make me, create me, destroy me, absorb me. All my realizations, failures, secrets, talents, acheivements -- they make me.



As a side note, I love mouthful words. The more a mouthful, the bigger the bang; the more I emit of myself, my passion, my intensity.






Interesting:[link]

]]> ~Suntarazu http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/18406999/ http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/18406999/ Mon, 19 May 2008 21:19:37 PDT art


and music.



I love to create and make my own.


I love that time doesn't exist in MY real world.




I hate that it does in everyone elses in which I'm forced to stay with.
In that case causing limited creations by me.



I was playing my brothers drums Sunday and I found they were fun and pretty easy. I wish I had so much more time. I'd be great at a lot more things. Instead, all I can do is draw - sorta - and sing - I guess.
Blah! I am not the greatest artist. Though I love art so much. If I were to go to an art museum again, my word! Such inspiration, love, passion, excitement, creation all in one building that I'm overwhelmed and drenched in what is art, real art.

And I love real artists! Such a connection I know they feel. It's inner and it's unreadable and unspeakable. All you can do is feel. Feel the artist love that non-artists like "us" can. And this art is of course some sort of craft. Not dancing, singing, or acting. This is the silentest of arts, the most secret of arts. Something everyone should identify during time's of their life.
I love art, its all beauty.

]]> ~Suntarazu http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/18386756/ http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/18386756/ Sun, 18 May 2008 16:54:31 PDT
I love FLCL/Furi Kuri, Jubei-Chan, Battle Angel Alita (Gunnm), Cardcaptor Sakura, Saber Marionette J, Chobits, Fushigi Yuugi, Rurouni Kenshin, Gundam, Tenchi Muyo, Ranma 1/2, Hamtaro, Seven of Seven, Life, Blue Gender, Wedding Peach, and possibly more XDD




myanimelist. net

]]> ~Suntarazu http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/18256048/ http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/18256048/ Sat, 10 May 2008 11:07:47 PDT

anyway, on a better remark I been doing a little research just for fun like I always have. Although I haven't had much time this year to be able to do so because of school but not the hardest class's AP exam is over and so the class overall can pretty much relax, thank God. Well, I was researching songs basically; I was looking up the lyrics and the meanings and different people's opinions and basing my own and that's how I find the beauty in songs. It's amazing what can come out of any sort of art and what is really to be recognized as art.

At this point of time, my favorite artists are Taylor Swift, Sara Evans, Colbie Caillat, and that's all I been listening too really. Mostly Taylor Swift but I just adore her, I actually want to see her in concert or something haha I don't think I've ever actually wanted to see an artist in concert. I just adore her and her songs and her music is just so perfect to me. I love it XD

However old classics will always stay top favorites but I think Taylor Lee is becoming a permanent favorite haha
Old classics I consider ones that have been favorites to me since I was little and that would be Alan Jackson and the Dixie Chicks. Dear God I could listen to them forever and ever =]

]]> ~Suntarazu http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/18230767/ http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/18230767/ Thu, 08 May 2008 17:16:35 PDT i just fuckin cried in rage i dont' know what to do but i got one thing on my mind:
fuck it.

]]> ~Suntarazu http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/18077568/ http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/18077568/ Mon, 28 Apr 2008 20:07:37 PDT
"I hope I break your fucking heart to the point it won't beat anymore."

"I want to rip this out and watch it squirm in my hand. Let it burn in the atmosphere as it feeds off the hate given. Thats what I call a tint of revenge."

"I want to bash it into its own face, mix it in and straw it up into its own knot. I'll make it see it's twisted works on me. I'll make it feel every milimeter of all the hidden things I felt that didn't make sense in the end. And in their end it won't either."

"I'll slide under your thoughts, like I do to your clothes."

"I'll love you forever: if not as a lover, then I'll love you as a friend, if not as a friend, then I'll love you as a stranger."

"I like crawling into peoples minds and feeling everything that makes them tick, squirm, repell, and as of what is appealing to them. I can almost hold it in my hands! Thats how well I get through people; imagine me feeling through their brain, tinkering with whatever -
fingering the untouched."

"I'd do anything just to forget you..."

"His heART is in the hand of the artist in him."

"Everybody wonders if they're better off alone."






Quotes From Others:

"It's the final kiss from a lover's fist, it's the reason why you can't cry" - Scarlet

"I won't stop loving you until I tell you different" - Jesus Rivas

"But it's sad because you know that when something doesn't feel new anymore it's closer to ending." - anonymous

"If a boy doesn't make you feel like the world Victoria, then leave him. There are plenty of other boys out there that will."
- my aunt, Barbara

"Koi wa nesshi yasuku same yasui"
Translation: Love becomes deep easily, but cools down soon.

"A strong soul, a tender heart."

"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."
- Woody Allen

"Sex relieves tension - love causes it."
- Woody Allen

"Sex is emotion in motion."
- Mae West




I Timothy 4:12
Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity

]]> ~Suntarazu http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/17998312/ http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/17998312/ Wed, 23 Apr 2008 20:09:31 PDT Well, I'm sure I have many other secrets but this ones becoming big...


Anyway, besides that I am simply stressed with school.


Oh, so now I'm distracted and reading "What Women Wnat From Men" which is basically just fifty things a girl would want their boy to know and some are making me laugh or smile. I'm going to put some down that I agree with haha

3. I will leave if you lie. <----depends how severe it is and how good the relationship is to me but it does really hurt and it can seriously damage my view of "us"

6. I love it when you hug me from behind and whisper in my ear.

7. "Fine" is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look.

11. I expect you to call me.

15. Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card. Manolo Blahnik shoes also do the trick.

16. You did something bad. I seem cool with it. I'm not. (See directly above.)

17. If I'm not having sex with you, I'm... a.) ...having a fat day. b.) ...not feeling "connected" to you. c.) ...blackmailing you to get something I want. <---that ones most likely for me just "a"

20. When I compare my flabby tummy to a kangaroo pouch, say nothing. <----that just made me laugh

22. You look hot in hooded clothing items.

23. You should never tell me what to do. <---totally agree. if anything must be told then it should be suggested or asked ...then i'll probably end up doing it.

24. If I slept over, you owe me breakfast.

26. If you ask me out directly, I will say yes. <---direct in every way is best

28. I'm unimpressed with a man who doesn't take the lead. <---VERY true

32. I'm in heaven when you hold my hand.

33. You're sexy when you're shaving, fixing things, wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, driving, eating a peach, holding a baby. <----you get the point

34. I need to hear how you feel about me. Often. Tell me now. <---it sounds funny but its so true

36. I want to be the best thing that ever happened to you--and for you to recognize this. <---all girls want to feel like the most special in their boy's life

37. If I'm not feeling loved, I will start looking.... <---warning but just sorta. i won't cheat but my mind might wonder amongst others

39. I like it when you tell me what you're thinking, even if you don't know yourself. <--- yessssss

46. Even nice girls like hushed dirty talk in public.

47. It's cheating as soon as you're doing something with her that you wouldn't want me to see, hear, read... <---if it hurts and involves any other girl in ANY way then yeah it could stick in my mind as cheating although I'm not one to accuse, it will feel like it

49. I remember everything about our relationship

50. You should know all this and more without my telling you. <---most girls will expect the boy to know these things. I know they don't so i won't have such a high expectation but it would be real nice in fact...

]]> ~Suntarazu http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/17770234/ http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/17770234/ Wed, 09 Apr 2008 19:36:09 PDT


So today after practice, I went through the pool to get to the locker room with Joe. We were talking about something, don't remember but it wasn't super important I don't think. Anyway, instead of going inside to get changed, I ended up sittin down on the side between the two locker rooms, boys and girls, and just talking to Joe. Then of course Spencer and Eric was on the pool deck so I said hi to them. Then Chelsy came up, then Travis and somewhere in this Brittany did too. A bit before Chelsy came up, Armando and Arthur came the same way to get to the locker room of course and ended up staying and sitting. I was talking to the two of them for a bit then got distracted by Chelsy and the others since I was hyper. They were playing around trying to throw me in the pool knowing I hate the water. Then Jeremy came around and did the same thing but also asked to borrow a dollar. I told him sure after a bit and stalled because I was playing around with Chelsy mainly. Then I told him fine I'll go in and get changed to give him the dollar since he was waiting. I didn't want to just ditch everyone so of course I told Arthur and Armando by besides the others though they were sitting on the side. I gave Arthur a hug and he played around picking me up while he was hugging me to get me in the pool. Then I gave Armando a hug and I've been noticing he's been giving me big tight hugs lately. Well, when I gave him a hug, it was longer than usual and he moved away from Arthur and the others a bit while holding me. I had my arms around his neck since he's tall and just to reach of course so his head was next to my ear. He softly said he wanted to ask me something. He asked if I was still with Ryan and of course I responded yes. Then he said "oh, 'cause I was going to ask you out." Then he kissed me on the head/forhead and said "well, I still love you" and let me go. I said "sorry" in a manner of "oh well" rather than in sympathy. He's sweet but even if I was single I wouldn't go out with him because I don't really know him. After that incident, I went in the locker room to get changed and told Chelsy. We both laughed and had a short conversation about it and related things. Then I told Spencer. At this point thats it but I'm not trying to tell every person I know. That would be terrible for Armando hah

]]> ~Suntarazu http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/17231423/ http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/17231423/ Fri, 07 Mar 2008 21:01:33 PST 2) Name Backwards: Airotciv
3) Were you named after anyone?: nope
4) Does your name mean anything?: victory in french i think
5) Nick Name(s): Vikki
6) Screen Name(s): Suntarazu
7) Date of Birth: November 1, 1991
8) Place of Birth: Salinas
9) Nationality: Vietnamese and Mexican
10) Current Location: mom's room
11) Religion: Christian
12) Height: 4''09
13) Shoe Size: 5.5
14) Hair color: black or dark brown, i dont know
15) Eye color: brown
16) What do you look like?: a tiny little thing
17) Innie or Outie?: innie
18) Righty, Lefty, Ambidextrous: Righty
19) Gay, Straight, Bi, or Other?: confused maybe...
20) Best friend(s): Chelsy, Jazzy, and I don't even know who else is anymore
21) Best friend you trust the most: I don't know..I suppose all of whoever is my best friend
22) Best friends {your sex}: the two I listed
23) Best friends of the opposite sex: who used to be isn't anymore and who could be now I'm not so sure
24) Best Bud(s): I don't know
25) Boyfriend / Girlfriend: you should know
26) Crush: >_o
27) Parent(s): my parents never got married
28) Worst Enemy: rain!!!!
29) Funniest friend: Johnny, Deric, Evie
31) Advice Friend: maybe Spencer?
32) Loudest Friend: Brittany Verbeckmoes
33) Person you cry with: now, now, no one needs to see that
34) Any sisters: eh, i guess i could say i have a step sister but i would never mention her. besides, I've never even seen her
35) Any brothers: way too many; four younger
36) Any pets: many fishies
37) Have a Disease: nope
38) Have a Pager: wow those are old
39) Have an mp3 player/ipod: yeah, an ipod
40) Have a laptop: the one from my school
41) Fav. Gaming platform?: 360 is pretty awesome
42) Have surround sound: yea
43) Have a Personal phone line: nah
44) Have a Cell phone: yes it is red
45) Have a Lava lamp: yes actually but it broke and wouldn't turn on and so i was so sad
46) Have a Pool or hot tub: nope
47) Have a Car: not yet

Describe Your...

48) Personality: depends but most would say I'm pretty odd and random if I'm not quiet and shy but overall I'll say I'm nice
49) Driving: scary first experience is what i'll say...
50) Car or one you want: just one that works and not trashy is good enough
51) Room: i share it with two brothers
52) What's missing?: privacy at my house and someone I want with me
54) Bed: i sleep on the top bunk with four blankets and about 8 pillows surrounding me
55) Relationship with your parent(s): WAY better than the past couple of years

Do You...

56) Believe in yourself: I try to, I really do and sometimes I do happen to
57) Do you believe in love at first sight?: kinda
58) Do you consider yourself a good listener: yes sir
60) Do you get along with your parents: I do
61) Do you save your e-mail/im conversations: yea
62) Do you pray: I do.
63) Do you believe in reincarnation: "If you're coming back as a tree I'm gonna have you chopped down and turned into a bible."
64) Do you like to make fun of people: in innocent ways
65) Do you like to talk on the phone: not really unless the person is that special
66) Do you like to eat?: People say I'm too skinny, but when I do eat they call me a pig.
67) Do you like to drive: wouldn't really know
68) Do you get motion sickness: not at all
69) Do you eat the stems of broccoli: yes
70) Do you eat Chicken fingers with a fork: depends
71) Do you dream in color: yes
72) Do you type with your fingers on home row: yes because I know how to type properly
73) Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: my bunny that my grandpa gave me!


What Is...

74) Right next to you: the arm chairs...not much
75) On the walls of your room: tissue flowers, medals from elementary, little papers with verses on them
76) On your mouse pad: those are a pain in the butt
77) Your dream car: I'm not much of a car person so I never really thought about it.
78) Your dream date: honestly, I have no clue
79) Your dream honeymoon spot: again, not the slightest clue
80) Your dream husband/wife: someone who is a strong person, someone who I look up too, feel perfectly comfortable with, can trust with anything and everything, can cheer me up, wouldn't ever leave me to cry, could make me feel like the only girl on the planet and like no other girl mattered.
81) Your bedtime: hmm, maybe I should set one
82) Under your bed: game systems, consols, controllers, wires, you get it
83) The single most important answer: what?
84) Your bad time of the day: i dont know
... ]]> ~Suntarazu http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/17225443/ http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/17225443/ Fri, 07 Mar 2008 13:59:50 PST
I feel it right now. I have no idea why.
I feel bad...that's probably why.


I been acting stupid and I don't really know what to do with myself. The only solution is to run away from things because it's either that or hurt me or someone else. Because I can't be up and down all the time. I'd rather be one thing or the other. I end up confusing people and myself and not for good reasons.
Lately, I just want to sit down and be quiet. Well, some days I mean. I don't want to talk to anyone and I don't even want to be around anyone.
The reason is because I'm thinking and I'm thinking of things I know isn't right. What do I mean? Oh, well...





Today, link crew had to film the video for the freshmen, the event that's coming up. I was the freakin pirate and to show that I was the pirate, I had a white bandana on my head with "Pirate!" written on it in purple sharpie. Since later on I ended up being a nazi too, they crossed out "Pirate!" and put "Nazi". It was on purpose, the film was to be funny. In the last scene recorded, I had to be a pirate again and so they crossed out "Nazi" and wrote "Pirtate". The white bandana thing ended up having "Pirate! Nazi Pirate" in the end with the first two crossed out with a couple of lines. I had many suggestions and the first scenes I did were embarassing but I've learned to swallow my gut; especially when necessary.

Oh, I'm sore today. GOOD. I am sore in my whole back, abs, and legs a bit. It's good I'm sore in my body because then I know my muscles are growing and I'm getting stronger. I really want to work on my back, I want a nice back dang it. And of course stomach as well but my back is weaker than my stomach so bleh.
I'm slowly kind of starting to like my body. Although, I won't admit I'm comfortable with it until everything is the way I want. I'm still the way I was for awhile; I'm happy with the way my body seems some days and then not others. Eh, I'm picky and also a girl. Go figure.

I remember reading a thing about boobs in some article. Forgot what the main point was about. I think it was about how most girls are not comfortable with their bodies. Anyway, the thing I remember it said was that girls think that boobs come in two sizes: too big or too small and it said that it wasn't true. It said something like boobs are great no matter what yada yada. But its funny because that statement of what girls think of them is true. Not many girls are satisfied with themselves. They compare themselves or feel compared to when they see "better". Especially when most boys gawk at amazingly hot girls on TV, internet, magazines and posters.
That reminds me: one time I went to Jesus's house in his room. And he had just put up a bunch of pictures of showy girls that were in bikinis and whatnot. I felt so out of place, so crappy, and least to say so ugly. I felt horrible! I felt like I wasn't good enough, wouldn't be, and so unbelievably low after looking at all the pictures. These girls had perfect bodies of the perfect hourglass shape. They had big lips, eyes, boobs, butt, fit bodies overall and long enough hair. What was I? I felt too fat, too ugly, too crappy and no where near good enough for anyone or anything. After telling him I didn't like it, he took them down. This was the part of the relationship where he said he was "testing" me; to see how much I would take. He even told me that. What crap.
However, he is also the only one who has ever been able to make me feel like the only girl on the planet that mattered. He said things that made me feel so special and so beautiful that I could really believe everything. In that case, he made up for any crap he did. He would always notice everything that I did, wore, looked like and tried to do. He was very great with encouraging people. I adored him for it, he made me feel safe and I looked up to him.

You can tell I believe someone if they compliment me if I smile and/or say thank you. I'll admit I'll deny it to want to hear more but it's only beecause I'm not sure I should believe them. I question: Do they really mean it?





All I want is a sign of approval. My mom has only told me negative things and if it is something good then it's just a simple gesture of "yeah, it's good" but it's not enough. If you say something and really mean it, then show it. It drives me crazy when people say things and don't express how great they really think it is.
If you mean it, then say it. If you want it, get it. Those are my two things I tend to lean towards. If I want a kiss from someone I know I can get one from, I'm freakin getting a kiss haha and I know they won't mind. If I thi... ]]> ~Suntarazu http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/17094819/ http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/17094819/ Wed, 27 Feb 2008 19:24:07 PST




Besides that, I finally told someone a secret today. I thought I'd keep it to myself and if I mentioned anything more or why then you'd know why it was a secret. In that case, I am not announcing it here muahaha
However, I will say one thing that was interesting about today; I was talking to Jeremy after school, after the review session and we had some interesting topics. He's not a bad guy, really. He's just his age. The converesation was mainly about girls and somewhat boys. Teen stuff when it comes to relationships, flings, flirts, perverts, sluts, whores and crushes. Those are always fun topics now aren't they

]]> ~Suntarazu http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/17080426/ http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/17080426/ Tue, 26 Feb 2008 20:18:26 PST
Seemingly, sports is the only thing that is keeping me uplifted at all. Surprise? or no? Well, I would say I like to work out, be fit, and participate in some sports but, I can't say I'm the greatest, strongest or fastest. I'm not. Yet I am better than some and that's enough for right now.

Well, today was....eh
Lets see, I mostly consolidated myself: sat down on the floor quietly at lunch, kept to myself most of 5th which isn't normal, and then something sorta drastic happened afterschool which lead to tears. But don't worry much of that one! I went to track still feeling it but soon enough I ran it out of me. It's okay. It happens.



I feel like so much is on my plate. Not just school; school I can deal. But my tiredness, my irritation and huge disappointments with myself, track, yearbook, and link crew. (Okay, so the last three were around the school area but still not classes so you choose to count them or not.) I get scared of it all and I collapse on myself. Oh dear, I shoot myself in the face with things sometimes. Why? Doesn't matter, don't need to think right now, I'm too tired.


I need to mention a random thing that washes through me: I enjoy writing. Writing is an art. Word structure, imagery, the ability to make such an amazing story - it all fascinates me. I remember I used to be more into it, so dreamy of being able to do such. All art fascinates me. If I can find an art in anything, I think it's a love. Science in just a few ways I've discovered an art. Can't think of anything specific but I know it's there. You know, that tingling in your tummy that you get when you just know? Well, maybe not, but I feel it. My truest love is in art. I get butterflies from it, seriously. Anyone else with me?

]]> ~Suntarazu http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/16952624/ http://Suntarazu.deviantart.com/journal/16952624/ Mon, 18 Feb 2008 20:03:34 PST
[link]
[link]
[link]

Tips for Drawing Anime: [link]

Anime Slideshow: [link]



my random top TEN people that will pop in my head:

1. Barbara
2. Mom
3. Alex
4. Ryan
5. Jesus
6. Andy
7. Manuel
8. Chelsy
9. Johnny
10. Puppy




Best thing today: reading Watership Down


Best Food today: plain bagel with creme cheese yum!


Randomest thing today: painted my nails dark red whoot!



QUOTE:
"When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half"
-Gracie Allen

]]> ~Suntarazu