http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:TIGER-angel&section=today deviantART RSS for by:TIGER-angel en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 15 Dec 2009 12:39:59 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/25864028/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/25864028/ Fri, 10 Jul 2009 16:07:44 PDT RULES:
1. Answer the following questions and post it in your journal.
2. Tag all your watchers. (Add a comment to all of your watchers)
3. Post "You've been tagged. Read the rules in my journal entry."
in the comment.

P E R S O N A L

Real Name: Lani
Nickname: Cupcake, Babe, Chook
DeviantArt Name: Tiger-angel
Country: AUS
Gender: Female


F A V O R I T E S

Colour: Green and Purple
Food: Fruits
Drinks: Herbal Tea
Movie at the moment (1only): Death Proof
Song at the moment (1 only): Coming Home Soon by Latch Key Kid
TV Program (1 only): Currently True Blood
TV Channel (1 only): Dont watch real TV so probably HBO?
Book: Currently anything by Lillith Saintcrow
Ice Cream flavour: Strawberry

V E R S U S
What do you like most?

-Sweet or Spicy?:
Spicy
-White chocolate or dark chocolate?:
Dark
-School or Mall?:
Mall
-Desktop Computer or Laptop?:
Desktop
-Ice Cream or Cake?:
Ice cream
-Anime or Cartoons?:
Anime
-PSP or PS2?:
PS2
-Sony or Panasonic?:
Panasonic
-RnB or POP?:
NEITHER god damn


D E V I A N T A R T

-What is your most favourite deviation in your gallery?
Currently probably the fire twirling series
-Who is your first watcher?
Oh lord I dont know! I love everyone who watches me
-How many watchers do you have right now?
54
-How many deviation/s do you have?
159
-At the moment, how many are your page views?
9266
-Whom of your watchers do you talk the most?
~Outlaw-Tiger
-Are you a subscriber?
no
-When did you start using DeviantArt?
04/05

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/25503185/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/25503185/ Tue, 23 Jun 2009 19:20:08 PDT
Other then that I have been playing with Motorbikes and playing with swords and generally just having a blast! I definitely need to get my own motorbike sometime in the near future - its always been a big want but after cruising around on the back of my boy's I want to go play on one by myself. The closer we lean in a corner the bigger the grin on my face which I just think goes to prove that I'm meant to be on a bike.

Anyways I hope to get some shots of the boys on their bikes playing mid corner and what not so hopefully I can get that done soon and post them up. We just need a clear weekend! Wet Weather does not make for happy bike riding (unless its in the mud on a dirty). Plus I have a few other ideas I want to toy with on my camera.

Hope everyone else is well!

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/24452601/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/24452601/ Sun, 26 Apr 2009 19:31:29 PDT [link] ]

Its really encouraging me lately to try to find the time to do more photography. I'm going to have to get my hands on a less professional more portable camera for when I go on bike trips with my boy. We go to some really beautiful places and it would be fun to get some photographs from those trips. As for rust, I've always found it beautiful in an odd diseased way.

Thank you for featuring me!

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/23787764/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/23787764/ Thu, 19 Mar 2009 20:35:30 PDT or commented. Its really encouraging for me, and gives me a great indication that what I'm doing is working right now. I really love fire and I love the abstract art that the twirling creates on long exposure. Its certainly something that I want to continue to do and to get better at.

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/23473434/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/23473434/ Sun, 01 Mar 2009 15:33:38 PST
sorry guys.

Sunday was a long day, inside the tournament venue was well into 40*C with very little air flow. And of course with everyone competing, warming up, stretching and practicing it probably increased the temp just enough to make it completely unbareable. they had only 3 rings instead of 4 so that made the running time go longer too. It also pushed all my events back further. The general run of a tournament is: get all the kids out of the way first and the adults can hang out for most of the day waiting - it never really goes that way though.

My first event was Weapons, but I was so nervous about fighting later that I fluffed it up. I still got 3rd out of 8 but..it was 3rd. There was more interest in Weapons this year but I think gumdo will always have an edge. Other then the fact that swords are just cool, Gumdo is all sword all the time and it makes it highly competative against clubs who have one pattern for the same weapon. Also the Gumdo people have upped the standard for ourselves this year. It makes it hard to beat us.

Unless you fuck it up. haha.

Onto my open hand stuff. I did forms first (took it out), Then Points sparring which I hate (2nd).

then a long wait till we got to Continuous Sparring.

Now, I'm a pretty aggressive person. I've spent a lot of time trying to simmer myself down, but at the end of the day my aggressiveness is just apart of me. Granted, I am a lot better then I used to be. I have a lot more control then I used to. I still see red when I get hit and..well..I hit back.

The first round I was in I got disqualified. I didn't get a chance to fight again. I hit her about 5 times HARD in the face, and almost took her out with a right hook. And it was a beautiful right hook. It really was. But I got a DQ. I didnt even get a warning, it was pretty much instant. Jim Casey (who runs the whole show) kept it going though. Everyone thinks he was enjoying it.

I try to learn control. And I will keep learning control. But its going to be harder the more I train in contact Karate/Kickboxing.

Ah well, I had fun. XD

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/22742291/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/22742291/ Thu, 22 Jan 2009 17:28:37 PST
-Jimmy Dugan, A League of Their Own


I really like the new DA layout. JSYK

Life has been Training/Work and as of Feb 23rd it will be School/Training/Work. I'm planning on starting Crossfit when I start my course as there is a gym right near the school. Its just so hard to MOTIVATE myself when I do weights. I need someone there to push me and to compete against. Running is cool, Running i compete against myself. Weights, I dont know why. I love doing weight work, but I find it so hard to not get bored out of my mind. Though with Running I used to find that until I started running OUTSIDE, which kicked my ass but made it so much more enjoyable.

Ah well maybe I will just do my training with Leon and let him make me feel weak which always motivates me to go hard. haha.

First round of NAS is March 1st. I'd like to do well this year, rather then the complete crap I was last year. I guess it wasnt so bad, my national rankings have me 2nd in Demo with Master Cheri, 5th in Advanced female forms and 8th in senior weapons. Its the weapons that kills me. I hadn't trained all year for karate and I got 5th and Gumdo i worked my ARSE off and I got 8th. ah well.

Its not like NAS really counts. its overrun by GKR and is totally biased. I'll spar this year for the hell of it. May as well. Though that will prove interesting as I'll be training in full contact with Ethan this year. Still hope I have that switch in my head that allows me to go from contact to no contact fighting.

Still planning to move to melbourne at the end of this year.

I've lost my charger for my camera. I'm so pissed off about it too. all I want to do is run around and take photos of stuff.

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/22314044/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/22314044/ Wed, 31 Dec 2008 19:49:24 PST
MY NYE kinda sucked. Like with Christmas, I was by myself. I wasn't always going to be by myself but then I couldn't go out because I couldn't wear shoes. Seems i was bitten by something and now my feet are covered in blisters.

Oh yeah, Christmas sucked too - just so you know. Working in retail on christmas day always is going to be a downer. Let alone coming back to an empty house with no appetite.

So yeah two major holiday celebratory days that blew by me like they were just other days.

Last night was spent listening to instrumental scores, watching bad 90's teen movies (ah the nostalgia) and reading 'One Bullet Away' by Nathaniel Fick (an autobiography from a platoon commander in the US Marine's and one of the CO's in Generation Kill).

my brother is home for a while before heading off to do extra training for Afghanistan. He's going to give me his body weight circuit and his Fartlek course to do, because he thinks my other brothers training regime is a POS (like I do! imagine that).

So yeah, now I sit around wish my feet would stop hurting so much. urgh.

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/22041678/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/22041678/ Wed, 17 Dec 2008 23:01:02 PST
]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21934355/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21934355/ Thu, 11 Dec 2008 16:22:27 PST
So I'm about 5kgs off my ideal weight and about 8 off my 'happy' weight. I've dropped about 5kgs and 4% body fat in the past month so thats awesome. I just want it to go faster. I've worked up to doing 1.2kms running on the road and about 3km on the treadmill (4.5 if I do interval training instead). With my shoulder having been royally screwed for a while I've dropped the weight i've been lifting down and started to climb again. My favorite exercises (for various benefits and reasons) are: Cleans, Dead lifts, Bent over Rows, Australian Pull Ups, Dead Bug Crunches, Mountain Climbers, Dumbbell Swings, Turkish Get ups, Explosive Squats, Squats to front kick, Lunges with a twist, Incline Bench Reverse Crunches, Pike on the ball...

Okay so there are a few.

But the worst thing is I feel like I'm starting from scratch AGAIN. Its depressing. I really really really loathe my body right now and I loathe myself for losing discipline. I don't feel strong anymore, I don't feel fit. I feel lazy and fat and its gross and disgusting. But its OK, once I decide something nothing else gets in my way of getting it.

At least I'm spending Christmas alone (again) this year so I can ignore the whole Christmas feast thing (or people telling me to eat more, urgh) and just workout like its a normal day.

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21860193/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21860193/ Sun, 07 Dec 2008 07:16:23 PST
This weekend was fun. NAS Nationals is so weird now, actually compared to what I remember, NAS in general is just weird. I competed in my 3 events and came 2nd (Senior Demo with Master Cheri) 4th (Senior Weapons) and 6th ( Advanced Female forms). I started with my forms division and it quickly went into mayhem. I ended up bouncing form ring to ring to compete in my other events. eventually they held off the senior weapons so we didn't have to stress out so much, but unfortunately because of the bouncing I rushed my open hand form.

Okay onto what annoys me about tournaments.


While I didn't compete this year, I will next year. And I've been a competative fighter before. There are a few things that shit me:-

Judges: You are judging a non contact fight. I do understand the difficulty in seeing some things considering you don't have the physical reaction of a hit to gage what is going on. But when someone blocks a punch and kicks to someones head, thats pretty freaking obvious. To not score correctly means that either you have never been in a fight yourself OR you're biased. When someone is sloppy it shouldn't be scored. If you know someone fakes being hit hard you shouldn't allow their competitor a warning, and especially a disqualification. There's a difference between a tap and excessive force. These people are SPARRING. Even if its shadow boxing with someone else, punches and kicks are going to come through.


Competitors: FAKING BEING HIT IS BULLSHIT. If I see one more Oscar worthy performance I am going to end up exploding. AND if you go get hit, don't act so shocked. You're in a ring with someone, often someone whom unlike you doesnt train exclusively in non contact fighting. YOU ARE DOING MARTIAL ARTS. Harden the fuck up. Rolling punches; There is no technique in martial arts that involves rolling your punches. You look retarded. Running someone out of the ring is bad sportsman ship, be honorable, you're a martial artist. Also, allowing someone to run you out of the ring is bad form. Your instructor has obviously not taught you ring craft.

XMA: Sorry, but..thats martial arts since when? yes, I think its cool that you do back flips and stuff. But I don't consider it martial arts. I think there's such a thing as flashy but GOOD martial arts and what you do is just flashy crap. You mock the rest of us for being traditional, out loud, in a room full of people who could kick your ass. Your gymnastics is impressive but that is all it is. Its showy without a point. That is why real martial artists who are impressive while still doing martial arts kick your ass in forms. Despite not having idiotic music playing.



Dont get me wrong. I love tournaments. But Mixed style tournaments have their draw backs. Its why I plan on moving back to Melbourne by sep next year. I want to train with the best in a style that I love. I want to compete against people who know what they are doing without all the political bullshit and bias.

Ah well. Next year I fight in NAS. So hopefully I can be better. I just need my hip to heal and my fight training to actually start.

Oh and work kind of blows, but its fun. The people there are kind of cool. Well most of them.

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21849891/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21849891/ Sat, 06 Dec 2008 14:54:41 PST 002. Nickname → Lani (people dont give me nicknames, dont know why)
003. Status → breathing with a heart rate of 55BPM.
004. Zodiac sign → libra
005. Male or female → FEmale
006. Elementary → done
007. Middle School → done
008. High School → done
009. Smart → Not always
010. Hair color → Brunette
011. Long or short → as in hair? Long. As in height...Long. haha.
012. Loud or Quiet → depends who i am speaking to
013. Sweats or Jeans → depends on the situation
014. Phone or Camera → camera
015. Health freak – always
016. Drink or Smoke? – Avoid both
017. Do you have a crush on someone? → No
018. Eat or Drink → Drink
019. Piercings → ears, from when I was a kid. But my ears are so sensitive that I gave up on it.
020. Tattoos → Plan on it

FIRSTS:
023. First piercing → ears when I was 4
024. First best friend → Melissa
025. First award → Athletics, when I was 5.
026. First crush → I think his name was clinton.
027. First pet → Dog named Rastus
028. First big vacation → never really had one
030. First big birthday → 21st.

CURRENTLY:
049. Eating – nill
050. Drinking → Green Tea
052. I'm about to → go for a Run
053. Listening to → Music is my Hot Hot Sex by CSS
054. Plans for today → Workout, Train
55. Waiting for → The shed to clear out of people fixing cars

YOUR FUTURE:
058. Want kids? → No
059. Want to get married? – No
060. Careers in mind – Personal Trainer, Martial Arts Instructor

WHICH IS BETTER WITH GIRL/BOY?
068. Lips or eyes → Eyes
070. Shorter or taller? – TALLER, must be taller
072. Romantic or spontaneous → spontaneous
073. Nice stomach or nice arms → thats a hard one, cant I have both?
074. Sensitive or loud → dont mind either way
075. Hook-up or relationship → I no longer really care.
077. Trouble maker or hesitant → both

HAVE YOU EVER:
080. Lost glasses/contacts → My glasses remain missing
081. Ran away from home → Yes
084. Broken someones heart → Doubtfull
085. Been arrested → Ha no
087. Cried when someone died → uh yeah....

DO YOU BELIEVE:
089. Yourself → NO.
090. Miracles → Hard to say
091. Love at first sight → not really
092. Heaven → No
093. Santa claus → No
094. Sex on the first date → no
095. Kiss on the first date → yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
097. Is there one person you want to be with right now → No
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life → I'm wondering if I will ever be happy or content with life or if I will always be striving for that little more. But let the record stand that I seriously HATE my life.
099. Do you believe in God → no
100. Post as 100 truths and tag - yeah no

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21849610/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21849610/ Sat, 06 Dec 2008 14:35:24 PST
UUUURGH!!!

Yesterdays tournament really highlighted my lack of training. The WORST thing about living here is I dont get to train with Loong Fu Pai people. and LFP people are some of australia's tipy top martial artists. So fuck it, because of this I'll be working my way to moving to melbourne.

anyways. For my sword stuff I got a 2nd and a 4th or 5th placing. I hate that I am not the best. I want to be the best.

Oh and Master Cheir clocked me a good one up side my head. Its all bruised and horrible now. I was seeing spots before my eyes last night. eeks.

So today I am working out HARD. I will do kicking drills. I will do technique specific stuff. And then hopefully I can work out a way to get some of the instruction I need.

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21809495/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21809495/ Thu, 04 Dec 2008 01:34:44 PST [link]
Hatchling 2: [link]
Hatchling 3: [link]
Hatchling 4: [link]

yeah I dont even know what to do with these things.

I cant sleep. I need to sleep before graveyard. I'm going to end up crashing and burning then turning into a huge 'blunt to the point of rude' bitch by morning. damnit.

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21808373/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21808373/ Wed, 03 Dec 2008 22:45:33 PST staring at these half-naked stars on magazine covers.
feeling pressured by the public.
She only weighs 90 pounds but still sucks in her stomache.
On the inside she's dieing, lying to herself, thinking:
- 5 more pounds won't jeopardize my health.
One day she might just collapse, she can't avoid it.
Too many sleepless nights spent bent over a toilet.
Spewing vomit, like she was an alcoholic.
Praying to a God she never believed in to stop it.
Now she looks like the skeleton she sees in her closet.
So close to death she can taste it, body looks wasted.
Hates life, hates you, hates the way she looks naked.
Now she's feeling drowsy, lousy,
thinking maybe this world's better off without me"
-Someone I once Knew by Dead Celebrity Status

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21743068/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21743068/ Sun, 30 Nov 2008 06:08:32 PST
So back to today. I did a Generation Kill Fanmix.
Which you can view here: [link]

Generation Kill is seriously my latest obsession. That and The Big Bang Theory. I like Geeky guys and I like army guys. Its one of my quirks. HAHA. But no, in all seriousness Generation Kill got me interested in the socio-political situations in hostile countries and whats been going on in the world. The past few years had me off the radar. That and my brother is off to Afghanistan in 6 months time. So I'd like to understand whats happening now, what might have happened before so I know the possibilities of what might occur in the future. Its like I'm doing school stuff for fun. What crazy mixed up world is this?

Seriously cannot recommend "I wouldn't start from here" by Andrew Mueller highly enough. Its part political commentary part travel book. Reporters get all the cool gigs huh? Yeah I just made a comment that suggested that I think a job that can potentially send you into war zones is cool. There's something wrong with me, seriously.

Seems I have the rambles. Thats what sleep deprivation does to me.

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21692051/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21692051/ Thu, 27 Nov 2008 03:52:45 PST
- Miranda July


So The next few weeks are going to be busy. A 'i'll sleep till I'm dead' kind of busy. Between working, working, training, competing, training, being 'the nanny' and training some more I think I'm going to burn myself out by Christmas. So my next few days look like this:

Tomorrow: Train, Work from 6pm to Midnight

Saturday: From Midnight head to center, sleep, look after girls/train/run saturday class, Sleep.

Sunday: Look after girls till Cheri returns, in the meantime - Train/Workout

Monday: Work from Mid-day to 630pm, head to center and train

Tuseday: Train/Workout, Sleep, Work from 6pm to Midnight

Wednesday: Workout, Sleep, Start Work at Midnight

Thursday: Finished work at 7am, Sleep, Workout, Sleep Start Work At Midnight

Friday: Finish work at 7am, Sleep, Workout, Train, Sleep

Saturday: Tournament

Sunday: Tournament, Work from 6pm to Midnight

Monday: Die.



Fun times.

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21674499/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21674499/ Wed, 26 Nov 2008 03:19:11 PST
I like the people there so that is something i guess. they were suprised and amazed at how smart I was and how quickly I learn things. I guess they're used to dumb people applying for those kind of jobs. meh. Aim low, avoid disappointment. At least its good money and they'll give me shifts. Besides in the current economic climate I am fortunate to have even landed a job. yay me.

Graveyard is going to be a bitch. At least my first few shifts I get to have someone else there with me. And its Jack! Jack and I ended up having a 2 hour conversation one night after training when I went in to get fuel.

Anyway after 6 hours of being perky I want to training and took class and ran them into the ground. Somehow being forced to be nice turns me into a power hungry authoritarian bitch? fun!

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21658734/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21658734/ Tue, 25 Nov 2008 05:18:03 PST
But its been harder recently. With Tournaments highlighting how far back I have slipped. And its easy to blame injuries or training techniques but the simple fact is is that its all making me question my abilities. There have been a few nights in recent times where I have left in tears, or angry. Hell I've had moments in class where I have needed to walk out.

And the only person to blame is myself.

This is one of the things that I like about MA. Is that at the end of the day the only person you can blame or congratulate on your success is you. There is no team. There are no other players. Even your class mates are people whom you end up competing up against.

But its hard, too. Because if you're like me and you realize that you're the only one in charge of your success and skills, well then you just end up training yourself into the ground. You push harder and harder. You start to find little flaws to drill out of your stuff. You spend hours picking yourself to pieces. And when you get to that point where you look at your sword sitting in your room and you wish it could be fun again.

The bad part of all this is that training is one of the few things that seems to make waking up worth it. Plus I love competition. I love the adrenaline and that certain something that washes over you as you stand beside your ring.

But at the end of the day is any of this worth it? The physical and emotional toll I put on myself day in day out for what? so I can be a mediocre martial artist?

I just don't know anymore.

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21624758/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21624758/ Sun, 23 Nov 2008 03:57:44 PST Blue egg:[link]
Green Egg: [link]
Grey Egg :[link]
Pink Egg: [link]

I'm sick of people I know, people who read my story while I was going through my recovery from my Ed, coming to me with tips on how to have an eating disorder. Or repeat things that I have said to gain attention or sympathy from me. While I have true sympathy and love and understanding of people who actually suffer from the disease and would gladly assist anyone in their need/want of recovery, I wont be a role model for anorexia as a 'lifestyle'. I have nothing but the tough love I received for those who come to me asking 'how did you stop the hunger pains' and like to inform me how they 'ate nothing but an apple today' as if I should be proud of them. Its idiotic to desire an eating disorder, completely and utterly fucking idiotic. To do it by asking a recovered anorexic who is, and always will be, susceptible to triggers that will tip her over the edge, advice on how to get themselves on the 'right track' for an eating disorder? Are you fucking kidding me?

Thank you I don't need reminders every day on how I felt much more in control of my world when I could count every calorie in and ever calorie in and could chase the number on the scale. I dont need reminders on how I felt successful when I could wear the smallest clothes on the rack, that I finally fit in with society. I'm strong and fierce now. I am proud of my muscles, of being able to lift weights and run for kilometers. I don't need that gentle push back down that road where I was weak and vulnerable.

I tread so carefully these days, walking the fine line between health and eating disorder. I think anyone who is as hard on themselves as I am to meet perfection, to meet the very high standards of self that they set on themselves (and then, in my case, fail miserably) walks this fine line.

I get kind of irate at Thinspiration and Wannarexics. The girls who force themselves into an eating disorder. The girls who bitch and moan about wanting to be anorexic because its 'beautiful'. I'm sorry but for me my eating disorder wasn't beautiful, it wasn't about being beautiful, had nothing to do with beauty, thinness and vanity. Its had everything to do with control. The ED is just a symptom of a larger issue, for me, I am someone who cant deal with their emotions and their life, someone who cant stand the image reflected in the mirror because the image there isn't perfect, its a symbol of failure, something disgusting, of uselessness and of stupidity. Its about being accepted, about succeeding at SOMETHING.

So why does this all effect me now? because I'm trying so hard to change myself and my life. I want to move forward, to step into life and to accept that I am apart of it - no matter how far down the rabbit hole I hide. Change is a scary thing, its something both in and out of my control depending on the day and the situation. Plus I don't like myself very much, that is no secret. So when people email me and post me (not on this site) about their desires it does trigger me for a moment. Remembering how much easier it all was when I didn't really exist, when I was so doped up on meds and had to spend ever other day at a psych. How oddly good it felt to feel so empty. How easier it was to not feel anything, not have to deal with anything, not have to interact with the world at all.

Fortunately it only last a moment before the reality hits me. Do I want to not be able to walk for more then 6 steps without pain? Do I want to not have to spend 2 hours eating a piece of toast (and by eat I mean choke it down while I bawl my eyes out)? Do I want to be able to wield a sword and kick a bag WITH some kind of resemblance of power? Do I want to be a real girl now?

Despite set backs and fear, I don't need the little cluster bomb of freak teenage girls and their desire to be thin to fuck me over.

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21616791/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21616791/ Sat, 22 Nov 2008 15:44:00 PST
And yes, for those twilight fans out there - I have read all the books. Why? because I like to know what all the fuss is about. I had hoped they'd get better over time. That perhaps the author went and took some writing lessons?

The point is, books that are this influential over the masses should have better role models for girls. I would make a teenager read a Jane Austen novel before this. Bella, how do I put this nicely? is a: 'He hurts me because he loves me!' type. Why is he stalking me for months on end and acting like an asshole? BECAUSE HE LOVES ME!

please.

I have some better recs for you paranormal urban fantasy fans who might have come into the genre because of these books:
- The Dante Valentine Series by Lillith Saintcrow (is a bit cyber punk to boot which = completely amazing)
- The Rachel Morgan Series by Kim Harrison
- The Anita Blake Series by Laurell K. Hamilton
- Southern Vampire Series by Charlaine Harris (currently seen as the tv show "True Blood")
- The Walker Papers by C.E. Murphy
- Chronicles of Elantra by Michelle Sagara
- The Mercy Thompson Series by Patricia Briggs

Just to name a few

Anyway my current favorite song is Rootless Tree by Damien Rice:

what i want from you
is empty your head
they say be true,
don't stain your bed
we do what we need to be free
and it leans on me
like a rootless tree
what i want from us
is empty our minds
we fake a fuss
and fracture the times
we go blind
when we've needed to see
and this leans on me
like a rootless...
so fuck you
and all we've been through
i said leave it
it's nothing to you
and if you hate me
then hate me so good that you can let me out
let me out of this hell when you're around

what i want from this
is learn to let go
no not of you
of all that's been told
killers reinvent and believe
and this leans on me
like a rootless...
so fuck you
and all we've been through
i said leave it
it's nothing to you
and if you hate me
then hate me so good that you can let me out
let me out of this hell when you're around
let me out...
and fuck you, fuck you, i love you
and all we've been through
i said leave it
it's nothing to you
and if you hate me
then hate me so good that you can let me out
let me out...
it's hell when you're around

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21578599/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21578599/ Thu, 20 Nov 2008 09:01:18 PST
I've been really lucky though, these past 3 storms, including last nights, have really wrecked havoc in the city. Houses have been torn to shreds, flash flooding etc. I live on a hill surrounded by big trees and we're still standing. We certainly have trees down but they're down away from the house. The run off that we call the creek is running pretty hard, I can hear it even now and its a fair distance away from where I am sitting. Our driveway turned into a river during the rain.

Our tanks are overflowing.

The thing that I love about this kind of weather is that last week everything was just..dying. A few heavy rain periods, followed by the summer sun during the day and everything becomes green again. Its beautiful. Living here allows you to understand what a little bit of rain really does for the environment.

In other news, there's a good chance that I will be starting work as of next week. The faster the better I say! Money is a wonderful thing.

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21560625/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21560625/ Wed, 19 Nov 2008 03:01:23 PST * Grab the book nearest you. Right now.
* Turn to page 56.
* Find the fifth sentence.
* Post that sentence along with these instructions in a note to your wall.
* Don't dig for your favorite book, the coolest, the most intellectual. Use the CLOSEST.

"In a bookstall in Tirana, I bought a glossy volume entitled - Forty years of socialist Albania"

From:
I Wouldn't Star From Here ( A Misguided Tour of the 21st Century)by Andrew Mueller


---

On a side note, this is a book I've wanted to read ever since I had heard of it but never managed to get my hands on it. Now that my hands are on it I LOVE it. This, along with Generation Kill, bought me out of my slump/slide back into some numb version of depression. fun fun.

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21544306/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21544306/ Tue, 18 Nov 2008 01:03:25 PST
So I've been working out harder lately. Mainly from boredom and mainly because I am apparently officially 'fat' (according to the doctor thats been treating me since my eating disorder). Interval training and full body weight work. Burns fat, makes me strong, all in all a good thing I think.

Photography has drizzled down to nothing lately. Despite some wicked storms I just wasn't able to capture anything that I consider good enough for display. Huff.

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21459074/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21459074/ Wed, 12 Nov 2008 18:08:24 PST And i miss her, too.
And i miss her like you do.
The no one who comes with you holding your hand.
The girl who isn't there to mind when i hurt myself"

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21439741/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21439741/ Tue, 11 Nov 2008 14:17:14 PST 2. How big is your bed? Queen
3. Is your room clean? Tis, indeed, cranky/mopeyness had me cleaning.
4. Laptop or Desktop computer? desktop
5. Favorite comedian? don't really have one at the moment
6. Do you smoke? only if I were to be set on fire
7. Does anyone like you? it's extremely possible
8. Whats the sexiest thing about Condoleeza Rice? that she's very far away
10. Sleep with or without clothes on? minimal clothing
11. Who sleeps with you every night? me
12. Do long distance relationships work? I've never, ever, seen them work
13. How many times have you been pulled over by the police? twice, both for speeding.
14. Pancakes or French Toast? French Toast.
15. Do you like coffee? Black
16. How do you like your eggs? Poached.
17. Do you believe in astrology? I dont believe in Horoscopes, but my birth chart is freaking dead on.
18. Last person you talked to on the phone? I cant remember the last time I used the phone. Probably a customer.
19. Last person on your missed call list? Justin
20. What was the last text message you received? "Hey, how's tricks? havent talked in months, get you ass to melbourne pronto"
21. McDonalds or Burger King? Neither
22. Number of pillows? currently 4
23. Last thing you ate? half an apple
24. Last thing you bought? dvd
25. What are you hearing right now? watching GENERATION KILL
26. Pick a lyric? "so you don’t know where you’re going/and you want to talk?/and you feel like you’re going where you’ve been before?/you tell anyone who’ll listen, but you feel ignored?/nothing’s really making any sense at all?"
27. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich? I learnt what 'jelly' is the other day, I knew it was Jam, but I didnt realize what the real difference was. Thats pretty disgusting really.
28. Can you play pool? Yes (you didnt ask whether I can play it well or not)
29. Do you know how to swim? yes but its been a few years since I was in the water.
30. Favorite ice cream? I'm a Frozen Yogurt kinda girl
31. Do you like maps? Its a funny thing, but sometimes when I am bored I open up the street directory to a random page and work out how to get back home.
32. Tell me a random fact: I was reading novels in the 1st grade
33. Ever had a hard on at work? Well I'm a girl so no
34. Ever attend a theme party? yeah
35. Ever do a keg stand? nope
36. Craziest place you've slept after a night of drinking? Back of someones car, where I fell asleep and nobody felt the need to wake me to get me to come inside the house.
37. What is your favorite season? Autumn
38. What is the first music video you ever saw? I think it was a Soundgarden video.
39. Pick a movie quote: "Everyone knows that books are better than life! That's why they're books! "
40. Favorite quote: “I’ve learned over the years that everything is more or less the same amount of work, so you may as well set your sights high and try and do something really cool.”(Neil Gaiman)
41. What is your favorite hangout? Dojo (seriously, I need a life)
42. Best friend's name? I've come to realise that I like all my friends equally and a bestie can only be a beastie when the feeling is mutual.
43. How long have you known them? some friends since the first year of highschool, some from just this year
44. Last time you laughed at something stupid? hard to say, theres been too much stutpid going on lately that even the bad stupid you have to laugh at
45. What time did you wake up this morning? 5am
46. Wake up next to anyone? Never have
47. Best thing about winter? heater+blanket+book = bliss
48. Name a couple of favorite colors: Green, Red.
49. How old are you? 25
50. What month is your birthday in? September
51. Do you think pirates are cool or overrated? I think movie pirates are cool and real life pirates arent
52. Favorite Dave Matthews Band song (if you have one)? Crash Into Me
53. What are you doing this weekend? Training, Movies, Sleeping.

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21432602/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21432602/ Tue, 11 Nov 2008 05:04:31 PST
Cause, you know, I need another obsession.
Thanks Dave.

After watching such things I feel the need to go put myself through a bootcamp style workout. I really need to learn to do pull ups. haha.

and yes, I've often wondered if I were a boy in a former life.

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21275966/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21275966/ Sun, 02 Nov 2008 02:19:06 PST Alanis Morissette - Fear of Bliss
my misery has enjoyed company
and although I have ached
I don't threaten anybody
sometimes I feel more bigness than I've shared with you
sometimes I wonder why I quell when I'm not required to
I've tried to be small I've tried to be stunted
I've tried roadblocks and all
my happy endings prevented
sometimes I feel it's all just too big to be true
I sabotage myself for fear of what my bigness could do
fear of bliss and fear of joyitude
fear of bigness (and ensuing solitude?)
I could be golden I could be glowing I could be freedom
but that could be boring
sometimes I feel this is too scary to be true
I sabotage myself for fear of losing you
this talk of liberation makes me want to go lie down
under the covers til the terror of the unknown is gone
I could be full I could be thriving I could be shining
sounds isolating
sometimes I feel this is too good to be true
I sabotage myself for fear of what my joy could do


So I've been writing again. Little drabble pieces. I'm not happy with them but some of my favourite authors have suggested to me (being that I converse with them on their sites and all) that I should just write arrangements of words until inspiration is found.

I also really really need to get out with my camera more. Training has taken over again because of tournaments.

I kind of get a single minded focus on these things. heh.

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21135287/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21135287/ Fri, 24 Oct 2008 04:32:46 PDT
When I was sick she was going to pay for my ticket to get to see Smashing Pumpkins and the Pixies at the Virgin Concerts. She wanted me there. I couldn't go because I wasn't well enough to go. I regret that, and will for the rest of my life.

Being that she was quite a bit older then me, she was my 'mum'. She kicked my ass when I needed it kicking and hugged me till I was blue in the face whenever I didn't. She was proud of me, for managing to fight myself and my demons, and for the things I have accomplished not the things that I should accomplish. Her pride in me was worth more then anything. I loved her. I missed her. And then she died.

After my move to Brisbane I never really got to see her. I never got to go to a concert with her. Never got to hang out in day-to-day settings the way we wanted to. I hate that.

Meg, I will always be YOUR Polyester Girl. And whenever I hear that song, randomly, I know I'm either getting a verbal ass kicking or a verbal love fest. And I will cry because I miss you.

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21127455/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21127455/ Thu, 23 Oct 2008 15:09:43 PDT Warrior, wanderer, lover of leaving
(it doesn’t matter)
Ours is not a caravan of despair.

Come, even if you have
Broken your vows a thousand times.

Come, come yet again, come.

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21100374/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21100374/ Tue, 21 Oct 2008 18:32:30 PDT
Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21089320/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21089320/ Tue, 21 Oct 2008 02:56:45 PDT

Something about me that people need to know. I hate calling people. It borders on phobic. And its annoying. I stress myself so much about calling someone to the point where I just..wont. I go round and round 'what if they're busy or don't want to talk to me or its the wrong time or its inappropriate'. Which means people think I dont want to talk to them. And its not that I dont want to. Its just that I am Mental.

And nobody likes the irrational mental girl do they?

There is a reason why I've destroyed two mobiles up to this point.

And, really, who has a fear of phones? it sounds stupid.

I even, most of the time, have a thing about answering the phone. Especially if its a number I don't know. Even if someone else answers it and the person who answers it doesnt relay the message so I know exactly who I am talking to and why. When i was a kid I used to make sure I was nowhere near the phone in case it rang.

Wow I am such an introvert aren't I?

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21071125/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21071125/ Sun, 19 Oct 2008 21:05:40 PDT [Name] Lani
[Nickname] erm..Lani (people dont seem to give me nicknames, I am unnicknameable)
[Screen name] Tiger-angel, Heroineforhire
[Birthday] 25, Sep, 1983
[Age] 25
[Astrological sign] Libra
[Chinese zodiac sign?] Hog
[Location] Brisbane, Australia
[Sexual Preference] Straight
[Marital Status] Single
[Religion] spiritual
[Eye color] brown
[Height] 5'8"-5'9"
[Shoe size] 9
[Parents still together] yeah
[Siblings] 2
[Nieces/Nephews] none
[Pets] none
[In school/graduated] Graduated highschool/Enrolled in AIAS
[What do you drive] A Car (crappy shit box peice of shit car)

Favorites:
[Color] Greens, Purple, Red
[Number] 7
[Animal] Havent met an Animal I dont like.
[Vehicle] Pontiac Firebird
[Flower] Tiger Lilly
[Scent] Mango, Strawberries, Rain/Oxygen
[Drinks] water, tea, coffee
[Soda] ew. i'm off that stuff. i'm clean!
[Book] thats too long of a list to even get started on.
[Band] See Above
[Song] See above

Do you...
[Color your hair?] Yeah, not as often as I'd like, but I do
[Twirl your hair?] When I'm anxious
[Have tattoos?] No
[Have Piercings?] Ears
[Have a boyfriend/girlfriend/both?] No
[Cheat on tests/homework?] No
[Drink/Smoke?] Drink yes, Smoke No
[ Like roller coasters?] YEAH
[Wish you could live somewhere else?] Often and Frequently
[Want more more piercings?] Not really
[Like cleaning?] Yeah, when I'm not sleep deprived
[Write in cursive or print?] Cursive
[Sweat a lot?] Yes, its a bad habit
[Own a web cam?] yeah (use it? no)
[Know how to drive?] Yes
[Diet?] Back on it again!
[Own a cell phone?] yeah
[Ever get off the damn computer?] Yes, Wish I could right now

Have you ever...
[Gotten a speeding ticket?] yeah, sigh.
[Been in a wreck?] no
[Been arrested?] no
[Been in a fist fight?] yes
[Kicked someone in the nuts?] yes
[Stolen anything?] yes
[Held a gun?] no
[Drank?] yes
[Been so drunk you couldn't remember your name?] I've been really really drunk, but I never forget anything.
[Considered a life of crime?] yeah
[Considered being a hooker?] no
[Cheated on someone? no
[Cried over a girl?] no
[Cried over a boy?] yeah
[Lied to someone?] yes
[Been in love?] dunno
[Fallen for your best friend?] yes
[Made out with JUST a friend?] um....
[Been rejected?] All the fucking time
[Been in lust?] yes.
[Used someone?]no
[Been used?] yes
[Been cheated on?] no
[Been kissed?] yep
[Experimented with homosexuality?] yeah

[Current mood] blah
[Current taste] gum
[Current hair] messy, tied back
[Current thing I ought to be doing] working out
[Current cds in stereo] Elliot Smith
[Current crush] ...
[Current job] I have a job? fuck me, when did that happen?

The last time...
[Last book you read] about 6 hours ago
[Last movie you saw] DVD was Elizabethtown, Cinema was...Batman I think.
[Last thing you ate] blueberries and Strawberries
[Last person you talked to on the phone] James

Do you...
[Do drugs?] nopers
[Have a dream that keeps coming back?] yes
[Play an instrument?] Wish I could better.
[Believe there is life on other planets?] Depending on your definition of 'life', by mine, yes.
[Remember your first love?] no
[Still love him/her?] no
[Read the newspaper?] yes
[Have any gay or lesbian friends?] yeah
[Believe in miracles?] yes

[Consider yourself tolerant of others?] yes
[Consider love a mistake?] not always
[Have a favorite candy?] licorice
[Believe in astrology?] to a certain extent.
[Believe in magic?] no
[Believe in God?] as in the big man upstairs kind of god? no
[Do well in school?] could have done so much better.
[Go to or plan to go to college] meh
[Wear hats?] sometimes
[Hate yourself?] lot of the time
[Have an obsession?] yeah.
[Have a secret crush? no anymore
[Collect anything?] not in a 'collector' kind of way.
[Have a best friend?] Yeah. Dont talk as often as I would like, but you get that.
[Close friends?] A few.
[Like your handwriting?] yeah its not too bad
[Care about looks?] yes (but only my own, not so much others)

Love life
[First crush] Real Life Crush? Fuck I cant remember.
[First REAL kiss] its bad that I don't remember his name isn't it?
[single or attached?] Single
[Ever been in love?] ...
[Do you believe in love at first sight?] Lust at first sight.
[Do you believe in "the one?"] sometimes, sometimes not.
[Describe your ideal significant other] Someone silly but intense, passionate, Geeky.

Juicy stuff...
[... ]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21042146/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21042146/ Sat, 18 Oct 2008 05:24:28 PDT
I am afraid of failure. Having tasted its bitterness and resentment in such full and rich ways, I do my upmost to avoid it. Thus, I never succeed because I never try. Trying leads to failure and failure leads to – what? More failure? In reality, at this stage of the game, I have nothing left to lose - Mainly because I live in a state of perpetual failure.

There is a great quote from Motley Crue that I read once on a tattoo that sticks to my core even today.

It reads; “if you wanna live life by your own rules you gotta be willing to crash and burn”.

And its true. Success in life only occurs to those who are willing to risk living. And life is a risk. To step out on your own, to try new things, to say what you think and feel – these are risky things, things that have no fathomable outcome. And who is to say that a negative outcome now is not a positive outcome for the future?

I wish I were more of a risk taker.

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21019868/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/21019868/ Thu, 16 Oct 2008 16:42:04 PDT Music, Books, Friends, Intense Exercise and Financial security (at least I assume this, never having had it I cant be sure)

2) What are you wearing at the moment?
Green spanky shorts and a tank top

3) Are you a dog person or a cat person?
Definitely a dog person. I like cats fine but if I had to choose dogs will always win.

4) What are your favorite songs of the moment?
"Sex on fire" - Kings of Leon; "The Beginning is the End is the Beginning" - Smashing Pumpkins; "Gonna try to be a girl" - Love Outside Andromeda.

5) What do you do to waste time?
facebook, twitter, Marathon tv shows, Run, Drive

6) What do you drink the most?
Water, Coffee, Herbal Tea

7) What color is your car?
White

8) Who was your first big crush?
River Phoenix (all my crushes are cool )

9) What did you want to be when you grew up?
Explorer

10) Who is your favourite artist?
The two photographers that are in my info. Justice Howard does amazing erotic/alternative photography and Tony Mott has captured some of the most iconic rock photography ever.

11) What are your favorite sports teams?
I dont really follow teams. Essendon is 'my' AFL team (but I don't follow them and my mood isnt really effected by their wins or losses). Can I say Australia and just go with that?

12) What 3 sounds do you hate?
Audible Chewing/Drinking, Tone Deaf Singing/Out of Tune Guitar, Sarah Palins voice

13) What is your current desktop?
Battlestar galactica 'Last Supper' photograph.

14) What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
I wasnt tagged.

15) What are you afraid of?
Failure, Loneliness,

16) What's your favorite article of clothing?
Gumdo Pants cause they're comfy to hang out in.

17) What would you most like to be doing right now?
Running. So I should go do that.

18) What did you do today?
I got up. Woah, Big Accomplishment!

19) Would you rather be buried or cremated?
Cremated.

20) What should you be doing right now?
uhm, I dont really have to be doing anything. Which I hate.

21) What's the meaning behind your LJ username/name/nicknames you go by?
Tiger-Angel was a nickname I was given when I was at the race track with my dad and one of the guys he knew really well was the owner of Tiger angel motorcycle leathers, he said something about me being a living version of the name. It seemed appropriate at the time. Since then I've had a few s-n's like 'seudoartstar' and 'heroineforhire'. Mostly people just call me Lani.

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20996139/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20996139/ Wed, 15 Oct 2008 03:21:16 PDT
]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20994249/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20994249/ Tue, 14 Oct 2008 22:05:49 PDT
]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20973654/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20973654/ Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:54:43 PDT
We turned at a dozen paces, for love is a duel, and looked at each other for the last time."

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20952681/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20952681/ Sun, 12 Oct 2008 12:00:43 PDT
This weekend there's no training so I'm hoping to go...anywhere to take photos of something. Yeah my planing never goes beyond a vague description.

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20942744/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20942744/ Sat, 11 Oct 2008 19:38:40 PDT
I really should clean out my car, and possibly my room. Things get trashed pretty easily when I'm tired and cant be bothered. When I'm tired my perfectionist gets locked up in a cage and regularly beaten.

So bored.

Oh and Happy Birthday Sano, you've only got a year left before it all goes down hill.

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20925159/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20925159/ Fri, 10 Oct 2008 17:39:58 PDT -Rose Walker, in SANDMAN #65: "The Kindly Ones:9"

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20898125/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20898125/ Wed, 08 Oct 2008 21:46:13 PDT

Nonetheless, I could talk about my life. I could reveal great pearls of wisdom from my 25 (yee gods!) years on this planet. If I had any, which i don't. Because I've come to appreciate the fact that I don't really know anything about anything. I'm a student of life and I'm becoming more comfortable in that position.

That said, becoming comfortable is becoming boring.

I need something to shake my life up. The subjects in which I use my photography bores me. I wish to learn more but I think that to learn more I need a change of scenery that challenges me to want to learn new skills, new ways of doing things and best utilizes those skills. I think I could be so much better then what I am now and I cant seem to find anything to inspire me to be that.

Its like so many other things in my life. I'm finding such a lack of inspiration. I thrive when I am inspired and challenged. When I used to stay up until the early morning filling notebooks with prose. Frivolous nonsensical rambles that boarded on the mundane and contained the bad grammar and spelling of a drunkard - but I was writing all the same. I don't write anymore. I'm uninspired to write.

Well that isn't true, but the things I desire to write about I have no...intelligence to write about.

I need to get out, and get inspired again.

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20868311/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20868311/ Tue, 07 Oct 2008 02:14:07 PDT
]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20845914/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20845914/ Sun, 05 Oct 2008 16:40:34 PDT
Colonel Tigh: The difference is my flaws are personal. Yours are professional.

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20844539/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20844539/ Sun, 05 Oct 2008 15:12:08 PDT In this spirit, he confesses the thoughts that shame him. You play the role of Red Cross volunteer, impervious and good-hearted, ladling out mush-until the night he tells you he has been fantasizing about other women.

You know men do, you would assume that he does, but this truth said aloud, confession style, becomes your own lurid infection.
He's oblivious. He says, "It's transference," putting himself on the couch: he's hating and loving you the way he did his mother. Fantasies are his way of escaping your power.
When he says that transference is a universal truth, you say, "For you maybe."
You break up.

Everywhere you go, you see women more beautiful than yourself.
You imagine him being attracted to them.
You're drinking gasoline to stay warm.

When he calls and tells you he misses you, you invite him over. He spends the night.
In the morning, he asks where his razor is. You tell him you threw it away when you broke up. He says, "I framed your deodorant."

-The Girls' Guide to Hunting and Fishing
By: Melissa Bank

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20818451/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20818451/ Sat, 04 Oct 2008 01:41:33 PDT Have the people changed
Does it make you happy you're so strange
And in your darkest hour
I hold secrets flame
We can watch the world devoured in its pain

Time has stopped before us
The sky cannot ignore us
No one can separate us
For we are all that is left

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20751899/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20751899/ Mon, 29 Sep 2008 23:22:17 PDT
She might have seen that what had bowed her head so profoundly- the thought of the world's concern at her situation- was founded on an illusion. She was not an existence, an experience, a passion, a structure of sensations, to anybody but herself. To all humankind besides Tess was only a passing thought.

Even to friends she was no more than a frequently passing thought. If she made herself miserable the livelong night and day it was only this much to them -- 'Ah, she makes herself unhappy.' If she tried to be cheerful, to dismiss all care, to take pleasure in the daylight, the flowers, the baby, she could only be this idea to them -- 'Ah, she bears it very well.'

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20733701/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20733701/ Sun, 28 Sep 2008 23:11:18 PDT I guess far away.
Yes you were. Too far away.
They sat in silence.
You know you frightened me a little, she said. At the beginning.
No.
You did.
He smiled at that.
You look as if you didn't need anyone, she said.
But those are the ones who need the most, he said. Don't you know that?
I do now, she said. Too late.
Never too late to know something, he said.
Maybe not, she said. But too late to do any good.


I speak my life through quotes lately.

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20733665/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20733665/ Sun, 28 Sep 2008 23:06:41 PDT
]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20731316/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20731316/ Sun, 28 Sep 2008 19:47:08 PDT
- Stephen King, Carrie

Alone. Yes, that's the key word, the most awful word in the English tongue. Murder doesn't hold a candle to it and hell is only a poor synonym.

- Stephen King, Salem's Lot

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20710952/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20710952/ Sat, 27 Sep 2008 18:50:49 PDT
-Charles Dickens
Great Expectations

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20671888/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20671888/ Thu, 25 Sep 2008 16:02:44 PDT -Donald Culross Peattie, Flowering Earth

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20644687/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20644687/ Tue, 23 Sep 2008 23:21:39 PDT - Everything is Illuminated, Jonathan Safran Foer

"No matter how careful you are, there's going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn't experience it all. There's that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should've been paying attention."
-Invisible Monsters, Chuck Palahniuk

"She is so beautiful, she is unnatural; her beauty is an abnormality, a deformity, for none of her features exhibit any of those touching imperfections that reconcile us to the imperfection of the human condition. Her beauty is a symptom of her disorder, of her soulessness."
-Angela Carter, "The Lady of the House of Love," from The Bloody Chamber.

"The problem is, after a week of intense googling, we’ve started to burn out on knowing the answer to everything. God must feel that way all the time. I think people in the year 2020 are going to be nostalgic for the sensation of feeling clueless."
-"Jpod" by Douglas Coupland

"The enemy," retorted Yossarian with weighted precision, "is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on, and that includes Colonel Cathcart. And don't you forget that, because the longer you remember it, the longer you might live."
-Joseph Heller "Catch 22"

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20629398/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20629398/ Tue, 23 Sep 2008 02:31:50 PDT
]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20445162/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20445162/ Thu, 11 Sep 2008 19:16:04 PDT "Remember when you were a kid and your biggest worry was, like, if you'd get a bike for your birthday or if you'd get to eat cookies for breakfast? Being an adult? Totally overrated. I mean seriously, don't be fooled by all the hot shoes and the great sex and the no parents anywhere telling you what to do. Adulthood is responsibility. Responsibility, it really does suck. Really, really sucks. Adults have to be places and do things and earn a living and pay the rent. And if you're training to be a surgeon, holding a human heart in your hands, hello? Talk about responsibility. Kind of makes bikes and cookies look really, really good, doesn't it? The scariest part about responsibility? When you screw up and let it slip right through your fingers".
--Ellen Pompeo as Dr. Meredith Grey (Greys Anatomy)

"Nothing lasts forever, so live it up, drink it down, avoid the bullshit, take chances and never have regrets, because at one point everything you did was exactly what you wanted".

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20414880/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20414880/ Tue, 09 Sep 2008 21:30:25 PDT "I remember that relief, that power. I miss it. It hurts like a sonofabitch. It's disgusting, but it was my safeguard, my sure thing, my security, my life for all those years. It was something I knew for sure, no question, that I was good at. I knew it would be there for me when I needed it. That's the thing: It's still there." --wasted by marya hornbacher (on Anorexia)

It makes me wonder if mine is still there, or if it isnt, why I'm so different from other girls?

"Suffering is temporary. Giving up is forever"

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”-Kahlil Gibran

"Someday, somebody will walk into your life who'll make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else."

"'Impossible' is a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact, it's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration, it's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing." - Muhammad Ali

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20396572/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20396572/ Mon, 08 Sep 2008 18:24:10 PDT I'll come talk to you
you make things alright
when I'm feeling blue

you are such a blessing
and I won't be messing
with the one thing that brings light
to all my darkness

you're my best friend
and I love you
and I love you
yes I do

there is no other one
who can take your place
I feel happy inside
when I see your face

I hope you believe me
'cause I speak sincerely
and I mean it when I tell you
that I need you

you're my best friend
and I love you
and I love you
yes I do

[guitar solo]

I'm here right beside you
I will never leave you
and I feel the pain you feel
when you start crying

you're my best friend
and I love you
and I love you
yes I do

you're my best friend
and I love you
and I love you
yes I do
yes I do
yes I do

]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20382103/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20382103/ Sun, 07 Sep 2008 20:00:47 PDT
]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20302093/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20302093/ Wed, 03 Sep 2008 04:40:47 PDT
]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20088720/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/20088720/ Fri, 22 Aug 2008 01:54:35 PDT
]]> ~TIGER-angel http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/18986746/ http://TIGER-angel.deviantart.com/journal/18986746/ Sun, 22 Jun 2008 16:36:43 PDT 1. Put your iPod, Windows Media Player, etc on shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get the answer
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY OR SICK IT SOUNDS
4. Put the first line(s) of the song inparentheses after the song name.


If someone asks "Are you okay"?
“aranoid Andriod” by Radiohead (Please could you stop the noise, I'm trying to get some rest)

What do you like in a guy/girl?
“Genocide” by The Offspring (Our lives run different ways/Through the rain I see you in the sun/Our star shines anyway/If you wish upon it we are one)

How do you feel today?
“Competition Smile” By The Gin Blossoms (Looking up I saw nothing/But blue in the bluest sky/And now it's creeping across my eye/Going down in my mind, down in my mind/I'm high and I'm hopeless/So help me to get untied)


What's your life's purpose?
“(northbound on) Cahuenga” by Scarling (She's precious and perfect/While easily broken/Dear sister, You missed her/She's already spoken.)

What is your motto?
“Beautiful Day” by U2 (The heart is a bloom /Shoots up through the stony ground)

What do your friends think of you?
“Cherry” by Smashing Pumpkins
(Stay with me, I'll set you free
'Cause I can tell you once were pretty
Rose so sad you've lost your petals
Lost the luster off your tattle tales)



What do you think of your parents?
“Darkness Prevails” by Devil Sold his Soul (Leave me here/I want to stay/I don't want this awkwardness/This pain/Just leave me here)



What do you think about very often?
"Brain Stew” By Green Day (I'm having trouble trying to sleep/I'm counting sheep but running out/As time ticks by/And still I try/No rest for crosstops in my mind)


What is 2+2?
"Bad Reputation” by Joan Jett (I don’t give a Damn ‘bout my reputation, you’re living in the past it’s a new generation)

What do you think of your best friend?
"The Fallen” By Franz Ferdinand (Some say you're trouble, boy/Just because you like to destroy/All the things that bring the idiots joy/Well, what's wrong with a little destruction?)


What do you think of the person you like?
"A Stranger” By A Perfect Circle (Cast the calming apple /Up and over satellites /To draw out the timid wild one /To convince you it's alright /And I listen for the whisper /Of your sweet insanity while I formulate /Denials of your affect on me)


What is your life story?
"Wild Girl” By Matt Pond PA (Hey, little wild girl, I think maybe turned out okay.)

What do you want to be when you grow up?
"Black Tattoo” By Grinspoon (little hints of summer shining through/pouring from a window bathed in blue/and i can't stand the rain of the storm/this time i should be letting go)

What do you think of when you see the person you like?
"Someone to Die For” By Jimmy Gnecco and Brian May (Before you landed/I had a will but didn't know what it could do/You were abandoned/And still you're handing out what you don't wanna lose)


What will you dance to at your wedding?
"Parabola” – Tool (We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment,/We are Choosing to be here, right now.)


How do you feel when you see the person you like?
“Signal Fire” by Snow Patrol (The perfect words never crossed my mind,/'cause there was nothing in there but you,/I felt every ounce of me screaming out,/But the sound was trapped deep in me)

What will they play at your funeral?
"Paper Cuts” By The Boy Least Likely Too (I bruise like a peach/I mumble when I speak/I'm in the gutter/Lookin at the stars)

What is your hobby/interest?
"Stop” by The Black Rebel Motorcycle Club (We don't like you we just want to try you/I'm tired of runnin' the feeling ain't comin'/This all could be simpler it all could be simpler/But all this is sickness the feeling ain't in this)


What is your biggest fear?
"Hyperfast” By Lacuna Coil (A storm is brewing here right by my side/I've tried all sorts of disguises/I hope he cannot do wrong within my sight)


What is your biggest secret?
“violence fetish” by Disturbed (Bring the violence/It's significant/To the life/If you've ever known anyone )

What do you do when you're bored?
"Sinner vrs Sinned) by Miss Conduct (What do you take me for?/ Nothing is real anymore/You listen to yourself /In the most persistic ways)

What is your theme song?
"Big Exit” by PJ Harvey (Look out ahead/I see danger come/I wanna pistol/I wanna gun/I'm scared baby/I wanna run/This world's crazy/Give me the gu... ]]> ~TIGER-angel