http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Teckel1&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Teckel1 en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Wed, 02 Dec 2009 16:56:21 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/28641249/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/28641249/ Sat, 28 Nov 2009 23:30:35 PST
Fiction and reality collide
Faceless and so busted up inside
You've been searching you've been crying out
Will you be destroyed by all your doubt?

You decide
(Who will you run to)
Wrong or right
(There is no reason)
For you to hide
Only love can change your life
You decide

God is calling out to you again
Let Him pull you, let Him take you in
From the fear that swallows up your life
Will you stay the same or will you fight?

You decide
(Who will you run to)
Wrong or right
(There is no reason)
For you to hide
Only love can change your life
Only love can change your life

Every day you hold on to your lonely broken heart
(It's tearing you apart)
God is calling out to you just let the healing start
(Will you open up and let Him in)

You decide
(Who will you run to)
Wrong or right
(There is no reason)
For you to hide
Only love can change your life
You decide

[link]

]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/27561718/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/27561718/ Sat, 03 Oct 2009 15:49:17 PDT
Lose My Soul

Man I wanna tell ya'll something, Man.
Man I'm not gonna let these material thing's, get in my way, ya'll.
I'm trying to get somewhere.
I'm trying to get somewhere,
Thats real and pure and true and eternal.

Father God, I am clay in your hands,
Help me to stay that way through all life's demands,
'Cause they chip and they nag and they pull at me,
And every little thing I make up my mind to be,
Like I'm gonna be a daddy whose in the mix,
And I'm gonna be a husband who stays legit,
And I pray that I'm an artist who rises above,
The road that is wide and filled with self love,
Everything that I see draws me,
Though it's only in You that I can truly see that its a feast for the eyes- a low blow to purpose.
And I'm a little kid at a three ring circus.

I don't want to gain the whole world, and lose my soul,
Don't wanna walk away, let me hear the people say.
I don't want to gain the whole world, and lose my soul,
Don't wanna walk away, let me hear the people say.

(Mr. Franklin, Step up to the mic sir)

The paparazzi flashes, and that they think that it's you,
But they don't know that who you are is not what you do,
True, we get it twisted when we peak at the charts,
Yo before we part from the start,
Where's your heart?
You a pimp, hustler?
Tell me what's your title,
America has no more stars, now we call them idols,
You sit idle, While we teach prosperity,
The first thing to prosper should be inside of me.
We're free...
Not because of 22's on the range,
But Christ came in range, we said yes now we changed,
Not the same, even though I made a fall,
Since I got that call, no more Saul, now I'm Paul.
(YEP!)

I don't want to gain the whole world, and lose my soul,
Don't wanna walk away, let me hear the people say.
I don't want to gain the whole world, and lose my soul,
Don't wanna walk away, let me hear the people say.
Don't wanna walk away,
Don't wanna walk away

How do I sense the tide that's rising?
De-sensitizing me from living in light of eternity,
How do I sense the tide that's rising?
It's hypnotizing me from living in light of eternity,
How do I sense the tide that's rising?
De-sensitizing me from living in light of eternity.

(Lord what we gon do,We're relying on you,
all eyes are on you Lord,
all eyes are on you, all eyes are on you Jesus.)

I don't want to gain the whole world, and lose my soul,
Don't wanna walk away, let me hear the people say.
(Don't let me lose my soul, my soul.)
I don't want to gain the whole world, and lose my soul,
(This is my honesty, Father, won't you cover me.)
I don't want to gain the whole world, and lose my soul,
(Don't wanna walk away, and all those people say)
I don't want to gain the whole world, and lose my soul,
(Don't wanna lose, I don't wanna lose my soul.)

Lord forgive us when we get consumed by the things of this world,
That fight for our love, and our passion,
As our eyes are open wide and on you.
Grant us the privilege of your world view,
And may your kingdom be, what wakes us up, and lays us down.

(Hallelujah, Don't wanna lose our soul,
No, Don't wanna lose my soul.)

Hey excuse me,
I'm looking or the after party,
Toby,
Haha, yeah, last door on the left, you'll hear it.
Thanks,
No problem.

Don't let me lose my soul, I never wanna walk away,
I don't wanna lose my soul,
No, no, no.
Don't let me, don't let me, lose my soul,
I don't wanna walk away,
Don't let me walk away,
Na na na na no,
Don't let me lose, my soul,
I'm never gonna walk away.

[link]

]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/27516871/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/27516871/ Thu, 01 Oct 2009 07:22:11 PDT
Tobymac - Made To Love
From the album Portable Sounds

The dream is fading now I am staring at the door
I know it’s over cause my feet have hit the cold floor
Check my reflection, I ain’t feeling what I see
It’s no mystery

What ever happened to a passion I could live for?
What became of the flame that made me feel more?
And when did I forget…

Chours:
That I was made to love You
I was made to find You
I was made just for You
Made to adore You
I was made to love and be loved by You
You were here before me
You were waiting on me
And You said You’d keep me never would You leave me
I was made to love
And be loved by You

The dreams alive with my eyes open wide
Back in the ring You got me swingin’ for the grand prize
I feel the haters spittin’ vapors on my dreams
But I still believe…

I’m reachin’ out, reachin’ up, reachin’ over
I feel a breeze cover me called Jehovah
And Daddy I’m on my way…

Chorus:

Anything I would give up for You
Everything I give it all away

[link]

]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/23603994/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/23603994/ Mon, 09 Mar 2009 05:18:44 PDT
Breathe Into Me Lyrics
Artist(Band):Red


And this is how it feels when I ignore the words you spoke to me
And this is where I lose myself when I keep running away from you
And this is who I am when, when I don't know myself anymore
And this is what I choose when it's all left up to me

Breathe your life into me
I can feel you
I'm falling, falling faster
Breathe your life into me
I still need you
I'm falling, falling
Breathe into me
Breathe into me

And this is how it looks when I am standing on the edge
And this is how I break apart when I finally hit the ground
And this is how it hurts when I pretend I don't feel any pain
And this is how I disappear when I throw myself away

Breathe your life into me
I can feel you
I'm falling, falling faster
Breathe your life into me
I still need you
I'm falling, falling
Breathe into me
Breathe into me
Breathe into me
Breathe into me

Breathe your life into me
I can feel you
I'm falling, falling faster
Breathe your life into me
I still need you
I'm falling, falling
Breathe into me

Breathe your life into me!
I'm falling, falling faster
Breathe your life into me!
falling, falling, falling
Breathe into me
Breathe into me
Breathe into me
Breathe into me
Breathe!!

[link]

May the Lord bless you and keep you always! ]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/23320536/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/23320536/ Sat, 21 Feb 2009 08:49:03 PST
Praise You in This Storm
words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

Chorus

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth


Please check out the video for this, with the message before the song here: [link]

May the Lord bless you and keep you always! ]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/23191339/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/23191339/ Sat, 14 Feb 2009 08:59:33 PST
I love this song by Skillet - Imperfection

"Imperfection"

You're worth so much
It'll never be enough
To see what you have to give
How beautiful you are
Yet seem so far from everything
You're wanting to be
You're wanting to be

Tears falling down again
Tears falling down

You fall to your knees
You beg, you plead
Can I be somebody else
For all the times I hate myself?
Your failures devour your heart
In every hour, you're drowning
In your imperfection

You mean so much
That heaven would touch
The face of humankind for you
How special you are
Revel in your day
You're fearfully and wonderfully made
You're wonderfully made

Tears falling down again
Come let the healing begin

You fall to your knees
You beg, you plead
Can I be somebody else
For all the times I hate myself?
Your failures devour your heart
In every hour, you're drowning
In your imperfection

You're worth so much
So easily crushed
Wanna be like everyone else
No one escapes
Every breath we take
Dealing with our own skeletons, skeletons

You fall to your knees
You beg, you plead
Can I be somebody else
For all the times I hate myself?
Your failures devour your heart
In every hour, you're drowning
In your imperfection

Won't you believe, yeah
Won't you believe, yeah
All the things I see in you

You're not the only one
You're not the only one
Drowning in imperfection

To hear the song click [link]

I like what this person did with the video!

May the Lord bless you and keep you always! ]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/22318875/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/22318875/ Wed, 31 Dec 2008 22:37:08 PST
A new year, a new life. This picture brings comforting feelings to me.

It represent my life coming full circle, back to where I so strugled to leave and realized that was where I belonged!!!

I wish everyone a wonderful New Year and thank you for all the support I've had from you all in working through my own demons.

The Lord has definitely shown his Grace with me!

As Natalie Grant's song says....On the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand!!!!

May the Lord bless you and keep you always! ]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/21642675/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/21642675/ Mon, 24 Nov 2008 06:23:21 PST
Born: 09/18/1994
Died: 11/24/2008

My Whoodi girl passed away today. My heart is broken. I miss her already.

She was the most unique dachshund I've ever had, and a joy to me for 14 years. She passed away in my arms. I love her so much!

May the Lord bless you and keep you always! ]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/21475836/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/21475836/ Thu, 13 Nov 2008 19:38:16 PST
The last couple weeks have been extremely busy. I got back from Atlanta, which was -awesome- and I had a great time, and dove right in to setting up eBenefits for Open Enrollment at work. We go live next week. Between work and school though, it's been insane! I had to take a test at school right after I returned, and I have another scheduled for next week. So far though, I'm averaging a 92%. Not too bad!

Things are going great, even with the lack of sleep. I still love my job, and love being back in school. I truly know what it means by the saying 'It's only by the Grace of God'. He has blessed me in ways I never thought were possible!

The only sad thing right now is that my Whoodi girl isn't doing very well. She's 14 now. I know she's had a really good life and has been loved dearly, but still. It's hard to watch. It's hard to know that eventually I will lose her. Until that time though, I will do anything I can to help her and to continue letting her know just how much she's loved.

May the Lord bless you and keep you always! ]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/21158217/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/21158217/ Sat, 25 Oct 2008 16:02:42 PDT
Well, I leave Monday for Atlanta. Work is sending me down there for the week for training on the HRMS software we use. I'll be busy, but it should be fun considering I haven't been to Atlanta in over 10 years! They're giving me a company car to drive, putting me up at an absolutely beautiful hotel, paying or meals, etc. Oh, I'm also getting a company laptop to take along. I'll be in training all day, then at night I'll being doing schoolwork and stuff for work. Though I'm also hooking up with a very dear old friend while I'm down there. He's coming up from Alabama to see me the last couple days I'm there. I'm really looking forward to that.

Right now though, my mom's in the hospital for some tests. I spent most of today up there with her. She's okay, but still...I'm worried about her. I hate to be leaving while she's there. And then there's also my brother's political compaign. When I get back, hopefully it'll just be a few days and I'll be down in Columbia celebrating his win!!!

Yes, my life is extremely full right now, but in a very good way. I love my family so much!! It's great living here now so I can spend time with them.

Hope everyone is good and hopefully when I get back I'll have some pictures of Atlanta!

]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/20973928/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/20973928/ Mon, 13 Oct 2008 17:11:01 PDT
Oh wow...just WOW! Being at Lowes Motorspeedway for the first time, at the night race (which I've never been to one), with friends that also actually wanted to be there...wow, just WOW! I had such a great time! My man, Mark Martin, finished in the Top 10, fun was had by all, and the one nice thing was I didn't feel like I was forcing anyone with me to be there!!

It was a blast, it really was. I had so much fun and that's something that comes rare. My schedule is so incredibly busy these days it's hard to find the time to get out and do just fun stuff.

Anyway, this week it's back to the grind. I have a major test tomorrow night, which I'm taking a break from studying for to update this. I have to name 206 bones in the body, and that's just a start. The sheer volumn of definitions and translations from latin and greek that I have to know is incredible!!

That's okay, I've been doing really well so far and feel fairly confident on how I'll do with my test.

Anyway, hope everyone is doing well and see ya soon!!

]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/20924815/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/20924815/ Fri, 10 Oct 2008 17:14:47 PDT
Well, tomorrow night is the Nascar race at Lowes...and I'm going!! I've never been to a race there, or to a night race. To say I'm excited is an understatement! After this week, which has seemed to be so busy that I didn't think I could fit everything in, it's a very nice reward. I couldn't think of something I would enjoy more actually, other than maybe a week within the Grand Canyon That will come in time though.

School has really been keeping me busy. Work, school, Work, homework, Work, School..etc, etc. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I get up at 5:30am and after leaving for work, don't get home until around 11pm. Mondays and Wednesdays, I work and then study all evening. The class I'm taking right now is the second hardest in the course. Anatomy and Medical Terminology. My coding courses start after the first of the year. Those are the hardest. I am getting a bit of a jump on those though by doing some self-studying even now as I find the time.

I love it though, I really do. I was at a training all day yesterday for Workers' Compensation; which is what I'll be going into full time after I finish school. I spent the entire day with attorneys, woohoo! Actually, it was interesting and informative because each state has variations of their WC laws. Michigan and North Carolina are different and I spent the day distinguishing what those differences are. Am I an expert yet? Absolutely not! While I become one eventually? You betcha!!

Anyway, it's time to go do some stuff around here and then some studying before bed. Yea, I know, I'm pretty boring these days. :LOL:

]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/20784892/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/20784892/ Wed, 01 Oct 2008 20:57:24 PDT
Wow, getting used to working full-time and school/homework is hard! It's good though, I'm loving my Anatomy class. I've always enjoyed this subject. I've always excelled in medical terminology. The pace of this class though, while working a 40+ hour week, is grueling! Oh well, it's definitely worth it!

Heading to bed here, work at 8am, class at 6pm, home at 11pm tomorrow. I'm looking forward to the weekend so I can do some more homework of course!!

I hope to get some time to upload some more pix. Though, I have to be honest, if I have the time between homework and going to Carowins with my cuz and the kids, I'd prefer to be fishing on the river. I pray I can fit it all in this weekend!

]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/20656011/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/20656011/ Wed, 24 Sep 2008 17:13:14 PDT
This year though, just WOW! My family actually got one over on me! I had orientation for school yesterday. My cousin (who, I have to say, is more like a sister/best friend combined, and I love with all my heart) tricked me! I thought she was just picking me up from school and we were going out to dinner. I thought maybe one of her absolutely ADORABLE children who I LOVE to death might be coming with us, and maybe her husband who has been such a ROCK for me as I've struggled through this last year might be coming with us, but I never imagined what was -really- going on.

Anyway, she picked me up, we did a couple things that I just thought were normal other than her phone kept ringing. She just said it was one of her kids. So, we went by her house for a few, and then we leave to go out to this really nice Italian place. When we get there, they seat us...but then some lady comes up and says she has to move us. Well, I'm just following along and we're lead to this back room. Then.....BAM!

I hear this CHORUS of HAPPY BIRTHDAY LANEY!!!!!

I'm jolted out of conditioned following of hostesses in restaurants and there sits 27 (yes, I actually counted because I couldn't believe it!) of my family, all there just to celebrate my birthday!! I'm still in awe over it! Earlier that day I was feeling pretty depressed because of talking to my ex recently. But, at that moment, I had to acknowledge fully what the Lord has done for me here.

I am so incredibly grateful to have my family, each and every one of them! Yes, we are a family, and we have our difference and struggles, but last night I truly saw just how much they love me. I KNOW I am loved and I KNOW that if I'm struggling I can go to any of them and they are there for me.

I do have to say though...Reesa, I -will- get you back for being so good at keeping that from me!!

]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/20441685/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/20441685/ Thu, 11 Sep 2008 16:02:09 PDT
]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/20330608/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/20330608/ Thu, 04 Sep 2008 19:12:32 PDT
]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/16527545/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/16527545/ Tue, 22 Jan 2008 19:16:31 PST
Its just been a very good day for me today. Class was great, learned a lot, which is always good. Afterwards, I had to stay late for some paperwork for the State which is paying for my classes. In doing so, I also got to talk some with my teacher...ya know, some one on one where I could ask some more indepth questions about today's subject. It was really good. This afternoon, I went and bought a new Robin Cook book, Invasion....I enjoyed Chromosone 6 so much I wanted to read something else by him. I'm already hooked on it! I almost didn't go out tonight to meet with friends because I wanted to continue reading! I'm glad I did go out though....we had a wonderful time.

Now, I'm getting ready to head to bed, read some more of course and hopefully not stay up too late doing so because I have class again tomorrow and I almost overslept this morning!! Tomorrow afternoon I have to take Lacy back to the vet. I thought she was getting better, but she's really not. Its looking like the problem is up between her shoulder blades, or in the left shoulder itself. I don't know. I just want her to stop hurting! She's such a beautiful little girl, and my pride and joy. I love her soooooo much!

Anyway, overall a really good day and I know there are plenty more to come!

~God does not send us despair to kill us; He sends it in order to awaken us to a new life!~ ]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/16512660/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/16512660/ Mon, 21 Jan 2008 20:22:16 PST
I worked through some tough things this weekend; which is really good! Today has been a really peaceful day overall. I just got home a bit ago from spending time with some friends in a healthy atmosphere.

Its funny, I'm still amazed how many friends I've made since I've moved here. In Michigan with Jim, I never had my own friends really. Here, I do! Friends who like me for -me-, not looking at me to be something I'm not. Its a really great feeling. My cell phone rings more often now than it ever did while I was still living up there!

Part of that may be because I'm more open now to other people. I don't feel I need to hide myself anymore. Don't get me wrong though, I still have my quirks!

I'm also learning new things that I've always wanted to do, but really couldn't living in the situation in my marriage. Everything was about Jim, make him happy, do what he wanted me to do. Being out of that situation I'm able to see the things I enjoy, without worrying if it was something that he would 'approve' of, or tell me I couldn't do.

And oh! Man I'm getting in a better physical condition than I've ever been. Wearing a size 4 and still able to....okay, nevermind there! I actually love the way I look right now!

~God does not send us despair to kill us; He sends it in order to awaken us to a new life!~ ]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/16438889/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/16438889/ Wed, 16 Jan 2008 21:09:56 PST
Without going into details right now, finding out the truth is a true relief for me. All the things that I couldn't comprehend, now make sense. Hence...RELIEF!

I'm so grateful I'm where I am right now in my life!

~God does not send us despair to kill us; He sends it in order to awaken us to a new life!~ ]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/16422517/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/16422517/ Tue, 15 Jan 2008 18:44:13 PST
...and then I saw this article! Acceptance, forgiveness, and release is truly a wonderful feeling.

[link]

~God does not send us despair to kill us; He sends it in order to awaken us to a new life!~ ]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/16369605/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/16369605/ Sat, 12 Jan 2008 09:18:18 PST
My friend Ana called me this morning and woke me up. She wanted me to go to the breakfast thing with her. At first, I just wanted to crawl back in bed and sleep some more, since this -is- Saturday ya know! Well, I'm really glad I didn't now. I had more fun than I've had in some time. I also met someone that, how do I put this....well, I found him -extremely- attractive. That was a huge thing for me really. I say that because for years I just thought Jim was the only man I'd ever find attractive. It showed me that I'm finally starting to heal and move forward in my life! It was really cool, he's a huge NASCAR fan too!

Anyway, after I got home, my cousin Ryan called. I just found out that he met Darrell Waltrip this week! I can't believe it, he didn't even recognize him!! I just got done telling him that he needs to stick around me when the race season starts so I can educate him on who's who in the NASCAR world! We're going to see if we can get tickets to Darlington this spring. If not there, possibly Richmond. Lowes is the last choice really, even though its so close, I prefer 'short tracks' and have always wanted to go to a race at the 'Track Too Tough To Tame!'

Anyway, good day, had a great time with my friends, enjoying family, and oh! Lacy is finally starting to get better!!

Hope y'all are having a great weekend too!

~God does not send us despair to kill us; He sends it to awaken us to a new life!~ I love that quote! ]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/16349007/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/16349007/ Thu, 10 Jan 2008 19:12:22 PST
I've learned a lot today...and to me, any day I learn something new, its a good day!

]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/16329264/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/16329264/ Wed, 09 Jan 2008 12:23:49 PST
A man who will threaten harm on an animal just to retaliate against someone he is angry at, is an abusive individual and does not respect himself or anyone else.

]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/16281617/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/16281617/ Sun, 06 Jan 2008 06:32:34 PST
There is sorrow enough in the natural way
From men and women to fill our day;
And when we are certain of sorrow in store,
Why do we always arrange for more?
Brothers and Sisters, I bid you beware
Of giving your heart to a dog to tear.
Buy a pup and your money will buy
Love unflinching that cannot lie—
Perfect passion and worship fed
By a kick in the ribs or a pat on the head.
Nevertheless it is hardly fair
To risk your heart for a dog to tear.

When the fourteen years which Nature permits
Are closing in asthma, or tumour, or fits,
And the vet’s unspoken prescription runs
To lethal chambers or loaded guns,
Then you will find—it’s your own affair—
But . . . you’ve given your heart to a dog to tear.

When the body that lived at your single will,
With its whimper of welcome, is stilled (how still!).
When the spirit that answered your every mood
Is gone—wherever it goes—for good,
You will discover how much you care,
And will give your heart to a dog to tear.

We’ve sorrow enough in the natural way,
When it comes to burying Christian clay.
Our loves are not given, but only lent,
At compound interest of cent per cent.
Though it is not always the case, I believe,
That the longer we’ve kept ’em, the more do we grieve.
For, when debts are payable, right or wrong,
A short-time loan is as bad as a long—
So why in—Heaven (before we are there)
Should we give our hearts to a dog to tear?

]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/16274591/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/16274591/ Sat, 05 Jan 2008 18:00:13 PST
Lacy is still in a lot of pain. I have to call Marcia back tomorrow and have her records faxed down here to show what we've been successful before with the Dex.

I'm really worried about her, the 'Golden Puppy' as Dr. Connell calls her!

Lot's of prayers are requested for her right now!

]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/16230651/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/16230651/ Wed, 02 Jan 2008 20:01:21 PST
Its been a busy day today! I went over and took care of a friend's dogs that I'm watching while he's gone this week. A Golden Retriever and a Norwegian Elkhound. I'm going twice a day to make sure they're fed, watered, and running time in the yard of course. They're really cute! The Golden is like this big puppy, and the Elkhound is just funny to watch. He likes to get under the bushes and use them to scratch his back! So, that's what I did this morning after I got my own dogs outside. Then, I had my hair cut and coloured by my cousin Mary. Wow!!!! She did a great job! With the new year, new life, and all the changes, I let her do what she wanted....and I actually love it! I haven't changed the style of my hair in YEARS! I like this though! She was telling me that I should take advantage of having a hair stylist in the family now that I live here...lol I think I will, she's really good! She's the one that actually did my hair for my marriage to Jerry and I loved how she did it then, and I love it now even more! We're going to let the top grow out a bit more too, but the highlights she put it, well, actually 'highlights' and 'lowlights' are really great.

After getting my hair done, my cousin Chandra and I took my dog Lacy to the Neurologist. So far, so good there. He wants to give her a couple more weeks to see if we can avoid surgery on her back. I really liked him. It sure doesn't hurt that he has dachshunds himself, so he really knows the breed! So, prayers for her full recovery are greatly appreciated.

Oh, the trip with Chandra to Charlotte....LOL Well, after Lacy's appointment (which entailed us going past the Specialties Clinic due to Uncle Ed's misdirection to us! ), we took the wrong way on 485...which led us to an extended shopping trip. Now, y'all know I hate shopping with a passion, but I have to admit, I had a lot of fun! We ate lunch at Panera's, then went to Kohl's, then she took me to the World Market. Oh wow, I could have spent hours on end in this place! I can't wait until I get my own place and can actually decorate it how I want. I will definitely be going back there!

That's something else I'm looking forward to really, decorating how -I- want, not trying to please someone else. I already know how I want to do my bedroom!

Anyway, another good day on the road to many more!!

Thought for the Day: I will admit that I don't have all the answers. I will look and listen to the experience of others for the answers I need. ]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/16207589/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/16207589/ Tue, 01 Jan 2008 13:33:43 PST
Happy New Year everyone! I hope y'all are having a great one. Its absolutely beautiful here today.

With the New Year, I'm making some changes. For example, this blog....I'm going to turn it into something positive. Out with the old, in with the new, as the saying goes! I'm going to make a point of updating it regularly, even if its just a thought for the day. I've been making a lot of changes over this holiday season, good changes. I'm leaving the past behind and looking forward to a healthy and happy future! It feels so good to be in a place that I can just be myself. I don't have to try to make someone else happy, which is really impossible anyway. I can only control myself, no one else. Right now, I'm very happy and content. I'm enjoying being around my family, knowing I'm part of it, that I'm loved, that I'm supported in what I'm trying to do here. Now, if we can avoid having to have surgery done on Lacy's back, that would be even better!! Poor girl, she's in so much pain right now. With each day though, its really looking like surgery will be needed.

Anyway, here's to a New Year and a better tomorrow! No more rollercoasters, no more mind games, no more emotional upheavals, just happy, joyous, and free! Finally!

Oh, I've changed my cellphone number for reasons obvious to those that have it. If I haven't sent you the new one yet, just drop me a note!

Thought for the Day: I can look anyone in the eye without shame. I am grateful for the loving support that has made this possible. ]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/15981720/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/15981720/ Tue, 18 Dec 2007 03:33:08 PST
My soon to be EX husband and his business partner thought that me posting her letter was a bad thing. He called my Aunt about it, and my cousin, and had it deleted. No, I won't repost the letter she wrote. He complained about a card I sent him weeks ago that just said I was grateful he had been in my life. He complained that I sent him a text message, well, that was two months ago. He accused me of having spyware on his business partner's computer. Hrm, they're computer experts, wouldn't they be able to tell if I had? I didn't put anything on her computer and they both know it. Oh, they also accused me of changing the letter, putting things in it that she didn't say. As I said in the original post, if you'd like a scanned copy with her signature, let me know. I didn't even fix her grammatical errors!

Now my husband is accusing me of taking their business tax returns. I've asked for them to be sent to my lawyer. Now, why would I be asking for them if I had them? Seriously, that makes absolutely no sense. Jim just doesn't want me to see anything, just like it was when we were together.

Look within yourself and love who you are! ]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/13458712/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/13458712/ Sat, 23 Jun 2007 11:02:06 PDT
As I said before, I've come to the conclusion that acceptance doesn't really matter other than to yourself. If you accept yourself, then you gain contentment and peace with who you are. You're better able to just smile and nod when you encounter others that for whatever reason, have issues with you. As long as you know you are doing the 'next right thing', then there will be nothing you feel the need to look back on and say 'what if I did this, or that'. The what ifs will get you every time!

Its the 'yets' you have to worry about! If you continue a road of deceit, by lies or omitions, by emotion deceit (pretending to feel one way about a situation to make others, or yourself, feel better, yet deep down you know you're angry, hurt, etc.), or by emotional absence..withdrawing emotionally, keeping others at arm's length to keep from being rejected or hurt, leaving them wondering what they've done to drive us away.

Continuing by those destructive behaviors opens you up to the 'yets'.

A life lived with these character flaws (we all have them, even the ones you see that seem so 'ut together' within ourselves inevitably brings us to the 'yets'. These are the things that have happened over and over to those that have been through our problems before us.

If we continue on our path of destruction, we will inevitably hit the 'yets'. You haven't yet lost a relationship that meant a lot to you, romantic, family, friendship, etc., yet...though is you continue on your path, you will. You don't see that yet, but if you look at your path and compare it to those that have travelled your path, it will happen.

This is just a taste of the differences in living a live of 'self-control' vs 'acceptance'.

Think about these things, I'll be posting later with more steps in a couple weeks.

I'm still dealing with my own acceptance issues, though now I'm able to just say that I'm doing what's the right thing, if that's not enough for others, then that's their problem. Not mine.

Look within yourself and love who you are! ]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/13283585/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/13283585/ Sat, 09 Jun 2007 21:54:35 PDT
When I was younger I thought it did. Though, the reasons that brought about that conclusion were due to the fact that I didn't enjoy being at home (long story). So, my escape was to be away from home, and be accepted by my 'friends'. At a young age, I learned to be whatever anyone wanted me to be. I learned to read what someone else wanted in the first few minutes of meeting them and attempted to please them in that way. Now, don't get me wrong, I mean in my personality only. In the process of doing this though, you lose sight of who you really are, even to yourself! I was always drawn to the eccentric, the esoteric, even the bazaar personalities because for me, it was easier to be accepted, with all my faults, than it was to those more 'main stream' and honestly, main stream bored me. Having a high intelligence combined with insecurity, low self-esteem, and a 'need' to please others, makes for a very bad combination! We won't mention the fact that I'm extremely easily bored and need something to stimulate my brain at all times! I obsessively research things that catch my interest, to this day.

Anyway, what I'm getting at is this. These last few months I've been working on some things within myself. I've learned a lot, and been taught by some very knowledgeable people that have been where I've been, that accepting who you are is much more important than anything else in life. I'm actually beginning to know myself! This is great, because I never have known. Well, maybe when I was 3 or 4, but the scarce memories I have of that were even a bit warped as one may say.

In the process of this transformation in myself, the ones around me that I'm close to really don't understand what they're seeing, and some may never be able to deal with the 'new' me. At first, this terrified me, because as I said, I've spent my life trying to be what everyone wanted from me. I wanted to be accepted! With some of these others, it doesn't get to me really bad. With some others, it hurts deeply. Though, I've accepted the fact that this is what I need to do for myself and if they can't handle it, well, then they can't. Though, I'm not willing to go back to the life I've lived before. I've now seen a life that, while there are still struggles and pain, its a lot more beautiful than what I've lived all these years.

Basically, I let others control me. Not that they were trying to do that, but because I let them do that because I just wanted to be accepted by them. It wasn't their fault, it was a character fault within myself. I could go into long explainations of this, but that's not for here.

Anyway, my point in all of this to anyone that reads it is this: You need to look within yourself, accept yourself for who you are. Others aren't as important as that! Once you can do that, you'll be surprised at what will open up before you!

And now I'm off to look at old pictures to see if I have anything worthy of posting! I can't wait until I have a new camera!! ]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/13198587/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/13198587/ Sun, 03 Jun 2007 06:40:25 PDT
Well, I'm back, at least here I am. We'll see how things go. I'm staying away from other online pursuits for the time being though as my life is sort of still chaotic at the moment. I'm planning on uploading some pix that my husband took last year in Norway soon. I haven't had a camera to take any new pix in a couple months now, but that'll change in a couple weeks. Until then, it'll just be pix that were taken a long time ago!

Hope things are going well with y'all and life is treating you well!

]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/12716487/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/12716487/ Tue, 24 Apr 2007 11:07:53 PDT
Life off here is more important. That's all that needs to be said. Thank you all for everything!

]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/12602115/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/12602115/ Sun, 15 Apr 2007 07:29:55 PDT
Always loved, never forgotten....rest in peace my beautiful girl.

November 1st, 1991 - April 14th, 2007

]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/12562132/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/12562132/ Thu, 12 Apr 2007 02:53:46 PDT
Surviving, trying to be strong, putting on a smile when you want to cry, feeling like everything you do only makes things worse....yep, that's my life right now. It has to get better at some point. I'm trying though, really trying. It would help if I could get a little decent sleep I'm sure! Unfortunately, that's when my mind racing more than any other time during the day. That's normal though I guess. Plus, Daphne's really sick. She can't even stand up on her own right now. That has me really torn up inside. I'm going to see if Doc can take a look at her on Saturday, though I'm scared of what he'll say really. I know she's almost 16 years old now, but still.

Anyway, I've got work today...which is good. Something to concentrate on instead of everything else around me.

]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/12520987/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/12520987/ Mon, 09 Apr 2007 07:14:21 PDT
It's Monday! Whee!! The start of a new week, a fresh awakening, a chance to redo whatever you did wrong the previous week! Or, if you're pessimistic, the beginning of another dreary long work week. No matter how you look at it though, Monday (instead of the more appropriate Sunday) is a new beginning, sort of like New Years is to the year. Once again, the week starts over and here you are, deciding what you need to do, what you want to do, what you wish you -could- do, and hoping it will be a good one.

For me, I'm attempting to look at it optimistically. After the last month here, I need some good things to happen. I need hope. Hope that things do get better, hope that everything isn't lost, hope that I'm not as awful as some others seem to think I am. Actually, that last one, I know I'm not. Its just that I let others make me out to be that way because its easier for me instead of speaking up and saying 'hey, if that's how you feel, then why are you here?!'. The Rollercoaster I mentioned previously is still ongoing. Though, I have changed the way I’m dealing with it internally at least. I’ve weighed the pros and cons, debated within myself, decided what I can and cannot deal with (and what I'll do if the cannot occurs), and I’ve come to the conclusion that for now, the alternative would be more painful than the immediate situation. I have made some changes though. Changes that others wouldn’t see on the outside, but important to me all the same. I’ve also made contact with old friends, but I really need to follow up with one who’s around here and somehow found me! She has no idea how glad I am that she did though, because her timing couldn’t have been better. I’ve really missed her over the years (you know who you are!). It’s just been that the topsy turvey rollercoaster has gotten the better of me lately and when that happens, I crawl in my insulated cave, hoping that all the bad will disappear before I crawl out. Yea, yea, I know that’s not a good way to deal with things, but believe me…right now, it’s better than losing it completely like I did a little over a week ago. At least it keeps me from doing things that I really don’t want to do, aren’t good for me, are counterproductive, and just will destroy everything around me!

Anyway, that’s what is going on right now. A new day, a new week, a fresh start, and new adventures in the land of amusement!!

Oh, ever seen someone be so paranoid about something so ridiculous that it made you think they actually enjoyed feeling that way?? I’ve seen that lately, and I’m truly beginning to think that’s just how they want to live life. Oh well, I do hope they enjoy it! That’s a sidetrack though and just something that has lately just made me go…hmmm!!

Here's to friends, may the blessings of the Earth always protect you!! ]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/12334215/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/12334215/ Mon, 26 Mar 2007 09:45:08 PDT
I wonder how many truly love rollercoasters. I mean, seriously....what is it about these contraptions that make us ride them over and over again until our bodies revolt! I can remember times when I've gotten up the next morning with bruises all over me from the metal bars after I'd ridden one so many times. What is it about freefalling, being slammed from one side to the other, spinning upside down on some, going airborn, and getting whiplash that entices us? It would make sense that we would avoid these results instead of seeking them out!

In thinking about this phenomenon, it comes to mind that it's the same thing we do with relationships. Emotional rollercoasters. One day up, the next day down, a little plateau and then all over again. Once in awhile even, they'll throw you for a loop or two! Riding these 'emotional rollercoasters' exhilarate some. With others, like me, it simply wears us out to the point of swearing we'll never ride one again. Then, someone will come along and convince us we'll enjoy the ride once more and off we go, to ride that train again convinced it'll be better this time!

The question is, is it worth it? Is it worth the frustration, turmoil, insecurity, vulnerability, and pain just for that brief glimpse you have of a possible future? At times I think it is. At other times, I question my judgement regarding that. I'm riding one of these trains right now and honestly, there are moments I just want to scream 'Let me off of this ride!!'. Though, then I get that brief glimpse again and resign to ride just a little longer in hopes that it'll eventually pull in to that peaceful station where everything is beautiful once more.

I don't know, I suppose I'll just hold on the best that I can for the time being and see what happens around the next turn. These rides can't last forever, can they??

]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/12050186/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/12050186/ Sun, 04 Mar 2007 07:05:22 PST
Its still snowing here....almost 10 inches over the last 2-3 days. I long for spring!! Oh well, not far away now at least!

Things are good, really good. Lots of things that have been bothering me a great deal have been worked out and I just plain feel good! I start a new job on Monday with more hours and a much better pay, so I'm looking forward to that. Should be interesting at least! Haven't been out to take any pictures lately though with the weather. Yep, warm weather person that I am, I probably won't take any until Spring arrives!

Anyway, good times, good feelings, good friends, and most important, good coffee! Life is definitely good right now!

]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/11695427/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/11695427/ Mon, 05 Feb 2007 10:12:47 PST
Its still snowing on and off here as it has been for the last few days. I really wish it'd stop! For someone that really hates the winter, this is a nightmare. Its so cold outside I'm scared to even let my dogs out for longer than a few minutes at a time. That sure makes for a lot of shuffling around the house with all seven of them inside.

I will say I'm beginning to feel a bit better. Still a bit tired, but at least not banging my head against the wall. That might be because I've just seperated myself from everything except for here the last couple days. Got a couple new movies to watch tonight, so that will be nice and relaxing.

Tomorrow will be even better I'm sure!

]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/11668840/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/11668840/ Sat, 03 Feb 2007 08:39:20 PST
You can ignore them...

You can face them head on...

You can know they're there, yet say you'll deal with them later..

It sometimes seems that no matter how you look at them, they get the best of you.

]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/11646193/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/11646193/ Thu, 01 Feb 2007 10:58:02 PST
She's just this little dachshund....she looks at me with those eyes and I melt. She's spoiled, due to my making her so. She's loving, because she's just that way.

Well, that's all I have to say.

]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/11578473/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/11578473/ Fri, 26 Jan 2007 16:36:35 PST
As I said in my previous entry, I know things will get better. Well, they have thank goodness. The snow has fallen here and cleansed the figurative soul along with blanketing the land in an awe inspiring purity. I always love the sight of freshly fallen snow, I just don't like the frigid air that comes with it! If only....*daydream*

Anyway! Life is once again good. The previous frustrations...if not entirely gone, have at least settled to a level that I don't feel like banging my head against the nearest tree. This is a very good thing, as my forehead doesn't like the abuse!

I've actually been enjoying myself immensely. Although, I haven't had much chance to get outside due to work (and the fact as previously mentioned, I don't enjoy cold weather) to take pictures of just how pretty it is here. The only ones I've taken have been simple shots on break where I work, which are really just for my own pleasure. I will say though, as breathtaking as some of the visages are here right now, I'll still take home...even in the dead of winter when the grass is kissed with shades of brown, when the sea is too cold to play in and the days are short, its still home and the salt air tingles your senses. One day, yes, one day....no more snow, no more ice, just chilly air during these months and the cry of seagulls!

Thinking about that, I should sometime put down my thoughts on seagulls. So many look at them as if they are, hrm, how does my brother put that....oh yes, rats with wings. Its always bothered me. They really can be quite beautiful!

Well, here's to the New Year, friends made and kept (you know who you are!), and Life...just a wonderful experience that we are privileged to have!

]]> ~Teckel1 http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/11456552/ http://Teckel1.deviantart.com/journal/11456552/ Tue, 16 Jan 2007 06:30:47 PST
So far this year, it seems it's been one thing after another. I thought New Year was supposed to bring about changes for the good? Maybe I was misinformed at some point during my childhood regarding this subject...or maybe its just my normally optimistic attitude that sets things up to go drastically wrong.

So far this year, I've had a relative pass away, a friend's relative pass away, another relative arrested for a serious felony that I can't even begin to imagine him being capable of doing, had my vehicle decide that today was the day for everything to just up and quit, had an ice storm and no power for most of the day yesterday, missed work yesterday due to ice and today due to said vehicle, and just got back from a trip where I was driving 1000 miles each way in three days for a funeral.

To say that I'm a tad bit tired is an understatement. Then to heap on more, the one escape that I have here has been a nightmare lately too!

I know things will get better, and realistically compared to what others are going through, its not that much. Maybe I can get outside and take some more pictures of the ice or something. That always cheers me up. It looks as if the sun is trying to shine today at least!

So, here's to a better New Year, starting right now!

]]> ~Teckel1