http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:The-Suicidal-Angel&section=today deviantART RSS for by:The-Suicidal-Angel en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Thu, 17 Dec 2009 12:56:49 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/28343929/ http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/28343929/ Fri, 13 Nov 2009 23:38:11 PST 2. A couch
3. a giant Hippie rug XD
4. working space heater!
5. Finish my dads christmas present
6. the long list of books i want, lol
7. More canvas any size
8. people to ACCTUALLY critique my work....
9. find more things to make Javy for christmas
10. Make everything i wanna make for everyone...

]]> ~The-Suicidal-Angel http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/28343686/ http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/28343686/ Fri, 13 Nov 2009 23:13:34 PST Make a post to your DA journal. The post should contain your list of ten holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple and fandom-related ("I'd love a ______ icon that's just for me") to medium ("I wish for _____ on DVD") to really big ("all I want for Christmas is a new car/computer/house/TV."). The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.

If you wish for real life things (not fics or icons), make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) could get in touch with you.

Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your DA or link to this post so that the holiday joy will spread.

STEP TWO
Surf around your friends list (or friends' friends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now, here's the important part:

If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use -- do it.

You need not spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf -- to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not -- it's your call.

There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Give, and you might receive. and you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.

]]> ~The-Suicidal-Angel http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/26788943/ http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/26788943/ Mon, 24 Aug 2009 04:45:51 PDT
1) If you are one of the first 15 people to comment on this journal entry, I will add you to the list!

2) For each of the 15 first people answering this journal I will put his/her avatar and the three deviations I like most from his/her gallery on the list~

3) If you answer, you'll have to do the same in your journal, putting the tagger on the first place, completing this way the list with 15 people. The idea of this is not to get a free feature, it is to spread art around for everyone!

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.

]]> ~The-Suicidal-Angel http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/26401836/ http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/26401836/ Wed, 05 Aug 2009 12:27:03 PDT
but, i tried it again, and, man..... I need a different kind lol

So maybe thats what has me so different, is if one doesnt work, i wont learn my lesson... It needs to be done a few times, and maybe ill get it... MAYBE


But like right now, i need to recover lol. Im wide awake, and have been drawing since about five this morning trying not to throw up...

It feels like i have been drinking on an empty stomache.. It pretty much sucks. But the less i think about it, the better off i am.... Hmm... lol

Oh well <3
Isa

]]> ~The-Suicidal-Angel http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/25386506/ http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/25386506/ Thu, 18 Jun 2009 03:38:45 PDT ya know?
I kinda figured that out recently, iunno....

dont just hate things cuz you dont know what they are, try em, you might like em.


-Keyz

]]> ~The-Suicidal-Angel http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/24549140/ http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/24549140/ Sat, 02 May 2009 13:48:19 PDT

Sorta long story short, people got run out of town, that person is coming back in like, three or four days... And well...... Either will be leaving cali in a coffen, or with broken kneecaps.....


Lol, to those who know, well, i think only one or two people who read this know who i am talking about.. So yeah.

Gosh, i am just going at it lately.... I feel really sick and twisted, I think its not enough sleep. My ex (well, now ex) Been pissing me off to no end.... Says i cant do something and im gonna end up being an idiot and doing it anyways... Like going to a party alone in the desert with someone i just barely met.. But my friend Earl was asked to go too... So im safe there, i guess who knows. But anyways, i want to upload some art, but i cant find my camera right now.


-keyze

]]> ~The-Suicidal-Angel http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/23565850/ http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/23565850/ Fri, 06 Mar 2009 22:37:40 PST
But this one.. Im keeping =].

I have a couple of screws loose in my head, but, gotta love me

i have more pictures ima put up right now.

Love
Isabell

]]> ~The-Suicidal-Angel http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/21956472/ http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/21956472/ Fri, 12 Dec 2008 23:47:13 PST So.... Finals are over.
I have unit five testing at the highschool now. New facilitator...

I have spring symester already signed and done for. now i just wiat to get everything signed for winter and i have alot more things done.

I figure by the end of Spring symester at the highschool and college, i will have 140 or 150 credits done in highschool.
So seeing as i only need 175 credits needed as of right now.
10 credits go to english that i need.
5 i think it is to carrers and computers
like ten to community service
and 5 to economics.

So like.. 30 credits for senior year, and still going to school at the college? that i can only do prolly half of what im doing now, which means taking maybe 6 or seven units instead of the 10 i have for spring right now lol.

Itr kinda weird now..

I feel like i have nothing to do other than get christmas presents done. and then i get to wait for it to dry....

I have to send my old mans pres sent off tomorrow.
Get my moms painted..
Find somethin for my grandma..
find something for my little brother....
and my uncle jim =[


Sheeeeet, man. This is lame. I have alot to find =[ lameeee.


Oh and another thing
So theres a guy ive been into since i first met him back in august, and so, like eight weeks ago he said he would see me tomorrow, and well, he didnt show up. So im at the figging mall today, and im turned talking to my buddy i was with, and i look back forward, and i see him! His face totally lit up! i know so did mine, i wanted to friggen run to him =[

And we started talking again, just all casual, trying to get my self back under control from shaking and stuff...
And he says.. yeah, im leaning more towards guys now than girls..
I have way more feelings towards them now...

(not exactly what he says, but kids could be reading this, love you MJ! lol)
But we kept talking till he left, so when we got outside, he started to hug me and stuff, and im like, so whats with still doing this? and hes like, its flirting (he says hes gay with bi tendancies i guess). ANd before he ran off to his ride and such..

Man... He can make someone break =[. It makes me sad, i was sooo into him. But he makes the comment ALL the time, "you dont want to date me, im a whore" and he is. but.. ehhhhhhh, why do the honest ones have to be like this!!!! Grrr..

Anyways, thast been my trip like half the day....
Oh well..
I have a few pictures, so ill put them up no worries.

Anyways
Yeah.. Just looked a little empty on here lol

Love
Jailbait

]]> ~The-Suicidal-Angel http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/20965720/ http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/20965720/ Mon, 13 Oct 2008 08:16:33 PDT

And since im the only one who knows waht that means!

Yayyy!!!!
new pictures to be posted soon.

]]> ~The-Suicidal-Angel http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/20865181/ http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/20865181/ Mon, 06 Oct 2008 19:50:53 PDT

Met this guy 8 weeks ago lol.
And finally met back up with him.

But, anyways.

My arts not really coming along yet. I have sketches i need to upload. and i have a painting im doing. so when i get all of it done i will have it up.


So yeah. Theres my update

]]> ~The-Suicidal-Angel http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/20678872/ http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/20678872/ Thu, 25 Sep 2008 23:28:20 PDT
I have learned, love isn't about having all the same interests, or doing the same things all the time. Lov is about being able to turn to that person, and accept their entire being, not being able to love with them, but not being able to live WITHOUT them. Age shouldn't matter, its whats deeep in your heart that should always matter.

To never leave the one you love, for the one you like, becase the one you like will leave you for the one they love, an when you go back to the one you loved, t will never be the same again.

To fall in love, or come to hate them after having them in your arms for any length of time. To know what feeling you have in the bottem of your heart. To look them in the eyes, sweating and showing them a side of you that even you didn't know you had, and to feel the tug in your chest….

Love isn't about sex.. Love isn't about dealing with someone. Like I said before, love is about accepting them for who they are, for knowing somewhere in the world you have someone you can trust with all of your being, someone that will never turn the other cheek.. Someone, for when you ask "why did you choose me?", they answer, "because you need me". The feeling becomes so visible… The look in your eyes. The fact you cant look away from theirs, that you feel like you can never let go when you hug, cuz if you do…

They'll be gone forever… And sometimes I wonder, if God is playing a cruel joke on us. To have these wonderful people in our lives, to fall in love, whatever it can be classified as.. Only to feel one day when they are long gone, loving someone else. That it only feels like a dream. And you realize, while they are off loving that other person, and you are hurting that they are the only one happy. That your all alone, no one is there for you. No one can completely fill that void that is just burning deep inside of you. Age?

doesn't matter

Distance? That shouldn't matter either. As long as in your hearts, you know, no matter what happens, you will forgive that person from the bottom of your heart, to move on, to make it worl…

But what's love but that second hand emotion, like a drug really, that sometimes you cant get enough of… That all you do is get hurt… But, why cant we stop? Are humans just gluttons for pain? Are we the ones who are wrong to feel like human being's can somehow belong to each other? To feel that there are two halves to every soul, to every heart… Who are we to know, what really goes on? Is this part of our devine plan? To fall in what our lord says is love? Is that what we are really mean to do? Our lord is a forgiving person… She doesn't want her children to be in pain, right? So who are we to say, that love is really the thing hurting us?

God, how do you just explain that feeling that you get from looking at them, from giving them a hug. To feel like you have the entire world in your arms? Is it wrong of us to feel that way? Is it wrong, for our ages? Is it wrong for me to love him, but not wrong for him to love her? Whats this, of morals? To say "get someone your own age", what is age? Is it that number of years we have been here on earth? Or is it something else? What do we know of what we are supposed to do? Who are we supposed to be with? Is it that person we feel like we have known for ever and yet havent? Is it that person we have known for a long time? No, neither… I believe it is someone, we know can just hurt us at any moment, but doesn't. Its someone who shows you how wonderful you are, always reminds you how happy they are to have you, to say "I could possibly be with anyone else, but baby, I have you, and I cant ask for anything else.". God what is it you put that emotion in us for? Am I talking from the bottom of my heart? Where is all of this coming from?

Why are you doing this to me? No, wait I am doing this to me. To see someone I love, love another, to cry every time I think abut it. To know, I am the one who has to wait. To see the bearer of my heart, loving someone else… to know… That I will never again, be the one he turns to.. The one he hugs and kisses every time he sees me… to know, I just got hurt again…

Love is about being who you are… Love, means getting hurt sometimes.. Love, is that feeling you get every time you look them in the eyes….

I may be young… You say I don't know what love is… I know I don't, but I know, better than anyon on here, what love shouldn't be…

AT least… That's my theory on love



Its about being happy right? So if, she can be happy with his age.. Why cant anyone leave us alone, and be happy, that we are happy? Or at least, were happy… Age shouldn't matter, as long as your treated right… right? Love is that connection between two people, that everyone should be able to see, yet, I guess, sometimes are too blind for... ]]> ~The-Suicidal-Angel http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/20038599/ http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/20038599/ Tue, 19 Aug 2008 09:47:40 PDT
Again....


Ah well...

Friends?
Maybe so....


Relationship?


I have to grow up first....

]]> ~The-Suicidal-Angel http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/19740264/ http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/19740264/ Sat, 02 Aug 2008 18:09:12 PDT Gosh, so much so much!!!


Im in love, completely, full heartedly, even though there is one thing nagging at my heart, im doing my best to leave it behind. Anyways...

I am going to work on some things..

first probably being a picture of my manny, and jesus...

becuase manny does kinda look like jesus XD
and get my other items up that i have completed...

Anyways, thats all i wanted to say really.. im still here just kind of out of it. And my one month was yesterday (the first) and im happy =]


so yeah
love
isabell

]]> ~The-Suicidal-Angel http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/18829265/ http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/18829265/ Fri, 13 Jun 2008 22:04:26 PDT

Stitch just has to get his head straight (either one or both maybe =/)
Spent the night at my brothers a few days ago... Fun stuff, passed out at midnight and no one did anything to me O_O, they wanted to, but didnt . We were all in our own little worlds...

At one point, tori and i started singing Strawberry fiels forever..... We were GONE.... It wasa grand ol time though.
Stitch and i talked... That was fun. He knows what i want, and i know what he wants. What i want is up to him, what he wants is up to me... UGH.


erk. I start class on monday...

So its all fun fun =]

Anyways. ima upload some pictures...

<3 Isabell

]]> ~The-Suicidal-Angel http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/18566712/ http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/18566712/ Thu, 29 May 2008 19:49:04 PDT
God, i feel emo.


whatever.


I need to get my head straight, ill be here. Just not really "here"

]]> ~The-Suicidal-Angel http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/18511627/ http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/18511627/ Mon, 26 May 2008 13:37:21 PDT
but im happy that its here =]=]=]


But whatever, hahaha, i have a few things i wanna do, but i gotta wait for my dads midterms to be over with =/ Then i get my photoshop back =]

Yeah i know my art is a P.O.S but at least i try


anyways =]

Ill find some new stuff to put up here maybe, oh well, i acctually do have a few photo's i canput up =]

Love
Isa

]]> ~The-Suicidal-Angel http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/18142612/ http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/18142612/ Sat, 03 May 2008 02:21:12 PDT
Anyways, today(yesterday now..) i got with this REALLY good guy. like i mean, since the day i practictly met this guy, he has been digging on me, and i sorta have been too.

So i told my buddy Aj, and she instantly said "gurl, you gotta tell him!" that was at the college and then like 5 hours later at the mall, she told him, and he wanted her to ask me out for him, lol. Funny, but i told her he had to ask me himself, =]. and he did. lol

We were out having a stogie and listening to music all quiet, and out of the blue, like randomly almost, lol he asks me. He is nice. and caring. and all that. =]

he is someone who isnt afraid to show emotion, and im acctually happy for that. Its not that tough guy who is all "yeah, i never cry, im afraid of no one" kind of thing. Nope, he will show how he feels. =]. though....

He is 5 years older than me..... he he he?
So yeah.... Im planning on telling my uncle sooner or later maybe, and my step dad.

And i thought they got on toppers case lol. well, there is less than a year bewteen topper and micheal. lol.

oh Topper is like a brother to me, hes a good guy, and he talks to me when he doesnt have a girlfriend lol, its all good.

Prom is prolly ending now, or its later, idk...
But i get to go to grad night with my best friend!!1 yays me =] lol
i just REALLY gotta work this weekend on my reports ya know? its easy stuff, i have about another page or two on my english, and work on my math packet, and then onto science... Fun stuff.. So, i gots to call my father again for my celular device to be sent back down from alaska... and yeah lol, so, idk...

Its all been, happy, yet, people coming after Mikey and others, its just been.... Violent, if you must, and little me is trying to keep one girl out of the way. and i hate violence really. but if i have to, i will fight for my family. and most of these people are like my family. so yeah.. ahahha.

I took a very strong pain med for a headache, and its realy got me all.... Sleepy =]

So yeah, ima end this on a good note.

Ive been smiling all day, for lyke no reason, even after failing my math thingy, im like, okay whatever, and i just kept smiling!

Its been a good day for me.. very very very very good. like, even if you take out im with someone now, i would still be smiling. I love it!!!

Haha, just wish i was 18 so i could be at the huka lounge with those fools!

haha, oh well.

Anyways,
Love
Isa

]]> ~The-Suicidal-Angel http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/17920762/ http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/17920762/ Sat, 19 Apr 2008 00:41:00 PDT
files are all here... But...

Programs are a different story...


Anyways, itll be okay.

I might be at a graveyard today (saturday).... Moral suport for my boyfriend and stuff...

Anyways...

Im about tofall alseep on my keyboard..

Night
<3 stoner emo, Isabell

]]> ~The-Suicidal-Angel http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/17833133/ http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/17833133/ Sun, 13 Apr 2008 13:44:35 PDT
Happiness. Though, im hoping the first week turns out okay =] dont wanna curse it. ♥

But anyways. Im with this guy, his name is Scott =] ♥

Hes nice, and he will be 18 on the 15th =] ♥

Yeah =] ♥


Wooooooo. Love love love =] ♥

Hehe♥

Anyways, i need to start in on some stuff♥

Love♥
Isabell♥

]]> ~The-Suicidal-Angel http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/17691280/ http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/17691280/ Fri, 04 Apr 2008 22:37:05 PDT
Anyways.
i will try very very very hard to get some new drawings up a least, maybe tonight whe i take pictures of them. I acctually have a few good ones so yeah.

i will put them up asap.

thankies for the wait.


love
me

]]> ~The-Suicidal-Angel http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/17363214/ http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/17363214/ Sun, 16 Mar 2008 12:59:21 PDT

I do have to say, though, i did hate some of the people in that cast, and went there for Keiko, it was really good.

I really couldnt stop laughing through it.
Yesterday's Mattenee(sp?) was the best, when Ben N. was telling Ben R. about his plans for world domination, and Ben R is like "but i never even knew you had plans for world domination!" And ben N mouths "sh*t"

I have no idea what it is but that was the best things EVUR. lol

Anyways. Im going to see the ast preformance today and get pictures of the show!

So yeah. ill be here for about an hour. the show starts at 2:30 =]

Love
Isa

]]> ~The-Suicidal-Angel http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/16985717/ http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/16985717/ Wed, 20 Feb 2008 22:25:35 PST

But, i guess she and i arent going out...

But, i dont feel bad =/, im just all blahhh

I cant go to th collage anymore, like im not gonna find ways around it, becuase i was "smoking"

I was solid evidence then ill shut up


Anyways, i dont know why im sying this but yeah. Being single sucks...


Love
Isabell

]]> ~The-Suicidal-Angel http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/16954117/ http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/16954117/ Mon, 18 Feb 2008 22:12:16 PST
But i have a girlfriend now =]
her name is jennifer, and ive known her for 3 years, shes a year older than me, but ive been trying to ask her out for almost a month! But, i had the perfect oppertunity tonight. =]

happiness! I really like her and i hope i get to see her soon XD lol


Yours truely
Isabell

]]> ~The-Suicidal-Angel http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/16870345/ http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/16870345/ Wed, 13 Feb 2008 19:41:27 PST Disgusting really is the word. But what do i know?
The only good valentines i had was last year mother fucker..
I could have had another good one... Maybe, if someone else and i didnt break up..
I just hopes hes making that other girl happy, and her him =/


hes an ass, but who cares? hes nice when he wants to be....
Oh well, Here's to another year single....



fuck this, im gonna try to do something this weekend... Other than being pent up in my room cuz my moms gonna be here.....

Oh well

Love
Isabell

]]> ~The-Suicidal-Angel http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/16621695/ http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/16621695/ Tue, 29 Jan 2008 00:19:12 PST the first pic is uploaded. but i was wondering if anyone wanted me to edit a picture of theirs

I will do it to the best of my ability, with the things i have.
So if you want me to do it, just send me a note, or comment here.



Yours truely
Isabell

]]> ~The-Suicidal-Angel http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/15857100/ http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/15857100/ Sun, 09 Dec 2007 03:17:45 PST im not th one who CONSTANTLY brings up in one form or another our past relationship.... Im not the one who broke the promise that NO MATTER WHAT we would be friends, and now, im the whole key to his life ending or not.... Just one little word, and i can end his world forever, but you know what? I see something in that boy that everyone else refuses to see.... Yes i hurt him, dont you think it hurts me to see him 4 days a week, and have the memory of the pain in his voice....

The memory like he was ALWAYS hiding something valuable from me....

And now, the only thing i get sick over, is the heartless, cold people around me, wanting me to loose the last person who ever gave a damn about me. Loved me, cared about me, and LIED to me....


I have the horrible feeling i dont deserve to have, but i am a human fucking being, and ya know what? i fight for my right to MY freedom, to have the right to say what I want.
And though i dont deserve, and dont have the right to think this, but i belive he was cheating on me..... It crossed my mind a few times, but i dismissed it... But when, he wont tell me anything... Is that what a relationship, a FRIENDSHIP, is about?
Why should i be the one to be shuned, whe he may hae done it before me?

Why should i be the one, who takes it out on ME, not him... ME, god damnit, ME.
Im a horrible human being, many people, though they may not have said it, the look in their eyes, the tone of their voice... Why do i have to be the one to see this, to be the one to feel this....

Was my happiness, and my love, just a LIE?

though.... A small part of me yells... SCREAMS, telling me, I deserve every bit of hatred spewed at me. Im not the only one who feels this way, right? I know im not, but right now, it sure damn feels like it.

Up from sunrise one day, to sleep nightfall 3 days later... Thinking, Wishing, Praying, a Semi will just one day come and BAM, land you in Our Heavenly Fathers arms. Praying the pain is enough to kill you. Wishing the guilt will wash away everything you ever felt for anyone, and anything. Thinking, Maybe this isnt happening... But a voice yells at you, a mere whispering, Saying, You deserve to DIE. Such a coward, you dont all a single soul, and sit... For hours, with a razorblade in hand, saying "He isnt worth another thousand scars." But finally, a little push.... A little voice inside your mind, Says "deeper right there. He'll be happier that your gone"

Youve gone from being in the same bed as him, to the nightmare he screams from... the one he hides away, the one he DRINKS away.... You dont do anything, a Hi here and there... Advice maybe.... And working back up to even FRIENDS, and he constantly brings up a love you cherished.... a love you feared before you had it.... A Love.... That makes you shake and shiver, even in the hottest room... A love you cry from.... a love that makes you finally.... Answer the call of sweet nothings from metal..... A love you long to have back sometimes.... A love where all you want is to say "I LOVE YOU" and not worry what they will think....

And the worst part is, youll do anything to forget the pain you caused.... A memory of a blade, people teling you to date other people, when all they want is your body, The negitivity, the constant put-down.... The screaming and yelling, and sweet whispering you hear, in the middle of the night when you have forgotten all youve known, when even think you can forget it all, and it all comes rushing back... A stabing in your heart, feeling like youll throw up.... You force yourself to eat.... YOu smile to the people you see, because they are so SICK, of you being you.... When they have someone else to cry to... And they think you DIRT, BELOW THEM, because you dont have that other person....

In a conversation, youll start to cry for no reason, they know something is wrong, because the tears are free falling now.... They expect you strong, and even if you arent now, they say you will be one day.... What they mean is, "i know your strong so GTFOI, and be a strong person by tomorrow"

You dont say a word, you look at him, you just sit there, and the only though is... I want to die, because of so much pain and shit i put him through.... And all your told, when you tell someone, he is in so much pain, he needs help, he isnt ok.... Your told to BACK THE FUCK OFF....

Pain has so many definitions, but does anyone really know all of them? Emotional, into phisical... Phisical, can turn emotional... And we wonder, why we feel this pain, why me?
just why did i have to be left like this? Just why did i choose to be this way?
For those who think, Phisical pain is so much better than these thoughts i have... To those who think, Emotional... ]]> ~The-Suicidal-Angel http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/15788038/ http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/15788038/ Tue, 04 Dec 2007 02:48:03 PST
The Cruxshadows song, "Even Angels Fall", has givin me a few lines to make my art off of... So far one of em is turning out VERY well, at least, for now it is....


Here, lemme find the lyrics.....

Sorrow sings
her kisses in silence
and adjusts the blinds to keep the light
from mocking everything I feel
She dances slowly
a silhouette upon the curtains
but her eyes seem to cry
only empty tears
I beg for comfort with inadequate verse
it meant so much to me...and so little to her
and I am sinking into a mountain of self pity
why can't I simply disregard all the things I feel?

"where is my angel when I need him most?"
"tell me now where did he go?"


There they are... Its werid, ive had two lines of that song stuck in my head for a few days, and when i woke up two hours ago, called my mom cuz she said i was in toruble (whooo, i got NORMAL EFFING SCORES ON MY TESTS<<< i got 70, 70, and 77, and shes mad...) And while waiting for my computer, i started drawing it..
She was suposed to be in a school uniform, but i started to draw one, and it looks like a good design for a REALLY pretty dress, My other pic is gonna be all plain... No character design.... No nothing... Black is all its gonna be... Oh well, youll see, and so will i....
Stupid vivid imagination! lol

And now its 3 in the morning, and im still working on this post... And wanting to cry because of a song a friend wrote...

Kiwi, your song makes me cry.
Anyways, back to these pictures, and the maybe off to bed for a few more hours before i get up and do all my homework for 3 weeks.... which i acctually wanna do, and then get the study guides and take my tests.... Get unit 6, work on those, and then take the test....Meh, just boring old Carkeys, lol....


Yours truely
Markeyze forsheze

]]> ~The-Suicidal-Angel http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/15656413/ http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/15656413/ Sat, 24 Nov 2007 21:28:33 PST < mainly HIM things!!!! Its of Bumble Bee from Transformers =], mommy really likes him =]


And then, for reasons i cannot say, im also gonna be making my step dads... his sounds really hard.... but im sure i can do it! so while he and my friend john play Halo, i will be doing dishes, taking care of a three year old, and doing HIS present, then when he gets done, i get to show him how to use photoshop ><

Its almost cute =]
he races sportbikes, and can build computers, but he cant use a simple program, lol.
Its ok, makes me feel helpful

but anyways, back to finding stuff =]

Love
Marquise

]]> ~The-Suicidal-Angel http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/15614395/ http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/15614395/ Thu, 22 Nov 2007 02:11:47 PST
It was a great year with him... i want so badly to start over, he probabaly wont see this, but.... mabe i shouldnt be writing this... but whatever ya know?
Ive finaly gotten to a point of... nothingness.... I know its stupid, but i cant feel anything from anyone, but him... Someone died? Huh, ok. Someone got a bad grade? Ok, whatever.

He makes fun of me or brings something up.... Please just kill me! After all weve been through, yeah its the one thing i did that screwed us up.... But hearing things, he was so willing to make it work out... I wish all of the time that we could have.... Yeah, he may not have wanted me doing ANYTHING.... But, i loved him, and thats all that matters, right?
But i cant go back and change the past... Everytime someone mentions his name, or our past relationship, god im a bitch... or i just cry...

I dont think anyone really knows WHAT he meant to me... He wasnt just my boyfriend (ex now...) He... he was the light to my darkness... He was the angel i saught after...

He was the only thing i saw, the only thing i ever wanted... now all of his traits, i want to find in someone else... Getting over him isnt for me, its for him... Hes my best friend, and maybe we should have kept it that way...

I always think about him, even when i try not to... Its just hard, i could have done everything different... maybe only spend two weeks with my so called "father", who screwed everything up.... But he didnt do what i did...

Sometimes i feel like dating someone else is wrong, a sin... that i have no right to love anyone... But with the sudden downs i have, ive taken a huge turn with my creativity, i see designs i could make, tattoos i can have, things ive always wanted to draw, its like... the depression is makin the art in me grow... But he was my BIGGEST muse, and i guess its staying that way...

]]> ~The-Suicidal-Angel http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/15527739/ http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/15527739/ Thu, 15 Nov 2007 23:27:26 PST
lol
Yeh i guess.
So im at my moms, and my step dads birthday was yesterday, fun... Made him a gift.. its up on my deviantart. My baby bro is asleep on the floor, my other brother and brother-in-law are playing halo, and my sis is watching them....

So, of course im on here... Nothing else to do... well, matt has photoshop, and i could edit some pics and put up here =]
But nahhhh, although, i could make him his christmas present, and my moms b-day and x-mas present. cuz her b-day is on tuesday..... ill find something... oh well.....

i know i have a alot of dot dot dot's, i guess im just thinking too much...


but anyways, My Muse is completely GONE, you ever just wake up and one day you feel that there is no life left worth living? Well feeling like ive lost all ability to draw, is alot worse. This is sooo much worse then slitting your wrists, because it isnt very physical.... Ive always had a HUGE creative side, and feeling like ive lost it, is alot....
gah! i dont know....

Im thinking about TRYING to date again... yeah right!
gotta cover some things up, then ill try =]

oh well, im gonna go and check my World of Warcraft character.

Ill update another time

Yours truely anf faithfully
Marquise

]]> ~The-Suicidal-Angel http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/14780149/ http://The-Suicidal-Angel.deviantart.com/journal/14780149/ Mon, 24 Sep 2007 23:14:25 PDT well, my sister now has two geckos, Cute, huh?
HELL NO! ITS JUST WERID, yeeesh!
My mom has a pet rat, who has become HUGE over thelast 2 months
My teacher is a complete dick
Ben and i broke up (my fault)
I want to take a history course, NOT HEALTH
my father is an asshole (yeah, news eh?)
My sister has become a major ucking bitch and i everytime i call her on anything, _I_ get yeleld at for no fucking reason
Not much has really changed,,,,, NOTHING EVER CHANGES!
Yeah, change in the year, new friends.... You think it would be different right? HELL NO, its all the same!
whatever... The only think tyhat has changed is my screwy sleep patterns ><

Im off to play world of warcraft

]]> ~The-Suicidal-Angel