http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Theory1&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Theory1 en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Thu, 10 Dec 2009 12:31:34 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/23393737/ http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/23393737/ Wed, 25 Feb 2009 05:49:22 PST
But! Here I am.

Its been hectic at work lately... We just finished up our Pre-audit, and are still working out some of the kinks in the system. (Oh yes... I did mention I'm working as an Inventory Clerk now, right?)

On the upside, I finally got my vehicle paid off! (Woot)
...Only to have bought another one. (...Heh)

Also, valentines day passed a while back... and the Missus purchased an Encyclopedia of Guns! (Awesomeness!) I'm learning alot!

...And now, to bed with myself.

(Work tomorrow...)

Good night all,

Missing you,

~nrow~

-Theory

]]> ~Theory1 http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/20835514/ http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/20835514/ Sun, 05 Oct 2008 03:14:54 PDT
I think I'll just get right into this then.

*Ahem...*

I believe I'm coming to that awkwardly weird stage of life where I begin to become ever so slightly more self-aware...
Where I am given many choices... All with life altering consequences.

Mind you, I do not wish to say I wish to be young again, back at age where I was not required to fend for my own existence.(though, that thought HAS crossed my mind a few times...)

It seems, that in my physical, and more so,my mental endeavors,I have simply ended with too many questions... rather than conclusions.

Hmm... No that's not right...

I should rather say that I have come to more questions than I would have preferred.

(Yes, that sounds better.)

I have seen a question I have been pondering since my first few cognitive years...
(Around 8 or 10)

Fighting... Why?

I understand the many factors put into a fight/argument: the most important of which being simply this: "Perspectives... are almost always relative" -Me. (I hope...)

That means that, automatically, we all seem to be pit against each other. Diversity itself seeming to cause strife and turmoil.

But... I also happen to know that this is not always the case. Nor is it even the issue half the time...

I think, that to explain this, I must go around a few turns... so, if you are still reading I ask that you'd bear with my mind, as it does tend to jump around a bit.

...

From my early youth, I remember the lessons I was taught. Most, if not all were given in simple formats of black and white: Fire is hot, water is wet, the sky is blue, and so on...

As I (We) aged my instructors began to teach me (us) other more complicated formulas of life. the contrast of division between the black and white blurred ever so slightly, but not enough for me to worry, or even notice.

At about 16 or so, when the invisible line between the two colors blurred enough to cause me some trouble, I think I actually began to question things a little more deeply... Sometimes, enjoying the long roundabout of discussions I had with myself in the privacy (And coziness) of my mind. Everyday actions and discussions I observed, I tried to play the part of the 'great watcher' and learn everything I could from everything I saw.

I came up with a few good insights here and there, but I should note that I had ALOT of help and inspiration from my family and friends.

And then, I think about 18 or so, I came to a bit of a conclusion. One I am comfortable enough with to write and inform you about: "There is almost always an exception to every rule, Including this one."

There.

I do hope I'm the first to write this in such a way, (For we all seem to strive for originality) but I'm pretty sure I'm not the first to think it.

At first glance it seems almost like the ultimate cop-out. Its almost paradoxal really... (I do hope I'm spelling that right)

Simply said, in life there are laws, and constants, and then there are the loop holes which connect and undermine most of these, and then there are the extremes of all of these.

The ultimate constant, I believe, is God.

I am told, (And I do believe) that He (Somehow, don't ask me how, I'm still figuring it out... But hey, that's called Faith! And also, another journal entry all on its own.)has been, and always will be. Infallible, omnipotent, all seeing, and all powerful. God is... all.

Now, that's an extreme constant, (And I do mean that respectively.) for a regular constant, let us say... The sunrise.

Assuming that one lives in the good ol' US of A, (Heh heh, inside joke...) one can expect to see the sun rise from the east and set to the west. Every day, of every week, of every month, of every year... it is the same. Sunrise, sunset, as they say. (A pun? Ohhhh... I'm getting sly in my old age! Heh.)
Sadly, there will almost certainly be a time where our planet slows its revolution around the yellow star, (And at that point I think it would almost certainly be a red giant, or something to that effect... I do hope I'm getting this right.) and falls into it, or explodes... Or something.
Thus, killing the constant. (And whatever happens to be on the planet at that point and time... I'm thinking... Death, taxes, cockroaches, and... Cher! Ha!)

An exception to a rule... Hmm. Lets think of a good one now...

Ah! There's a good one: the death of the sun being altered or (Perhaps...) stopped by science: Maybe, just maybe, in the future, when we stop killing each other for a long enough period of time, the world advances its science far enough to... *Ahem* ...kill entropy. (Hah! Another one! I'm on a freaking roll! Whoo!)

But that, dear r... ]]> ~Theory1 http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/18441543/ http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/18441543/ Thu, 22 May 2008 03:47:01 PDT
Lordy Lou... It has, it has...

Upon this week, (The week of my wedding anniversary no less...) I finally got the internet back up and running... It seems like its been ages since I've been here...
And, whilst dusting off some of my old stuff... I happened upon an avatar I made some time ago. I simply never got the chance to upload it before the...

*Ahem*

"Incident"

I wonder...

Of my old comrades, whom is still there...

Ah, well, I'll find you all in good time...

Most of you, (or at least some of you, I would hope...) are aching for an explaination of some sort...
An explanation as to why I abondoned my "post" as it were, and floated off aimlessly into the ether...

...

Well, I can tell you, I do have such an excuse... Albeit, its not very good...

Ah well, here goes then:

*Ahem*

...

Some time ago, I was given a pirated version (I'm not very proud of it...) of the new (At the time...) movie, I Am Legend, starring Will Smith.

Unfortunately, when I tried to run the DVD, it said it required a certain codec in order to play.

I Googled the specific type, and after some hunting, found what I was looking for on rapidsearch.com.
After downloading it, I viewed the movie and found that it was of horrible quality... I.E.; filmed via movie theater, shaky camera movements, people talking, throwing popcorn at the screen, etc. etc...

...

Needless to say, I no longer needed the codec, so I uninstalled the little bugger...
And then, things went a little crazy.

Suddenly, Internet explorer wouldn't work...
Then, Windows Media Player wouldn't respond.
Then, I found I no longer had the ability to cut and paste... Anything.
As time went on I found more and more of my computers functions had been curtailed, or in other cases, simply rendered non-operational.

...

I got a little worried, so... I tried to run a virus scan just in case... And then found out that My anti-viral software was also out of commission.

I was stuck.

For months, I tried everything... and nothing worked.

The only programs still working were third-party internet based, and I had only Maplestory...

This went on for a while, and just when I was considering wiping the drive, and starting over again... I was saved by an old friend.

...(I shall go into details later, if allowed...)

And now, here I am. Back again, if only for a moment. Now also, with freshly purchased anti-viral software! (Woot!)

I have missed you all terribly... and am deeply sorry for my idiocy.

I hope to see you all again, soon.

~nyu!!~

-Theory

]]> ~Theory1 http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/10286000/ http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/10286000/ Wed, 04 Oct 2006 18:35:01 PDT
The first thing I feel I must do is apologize.

Before my untimely vanishing act, I made alot of promises to you all.
Some, concerning work I was on the verge of finishing, while others were as simple as keeping better contact.

And, for that, I do apologize...

Both for unfinished work, and for unkept promises...

*Sigh*

I return to you all, a sad and confused person.

I've been finding alot of things out about myself.

Unfortunately, most of the things I fond out aren't that nice...

Mostly, I've found out that I can be lazy alot more than I had cared to believe...

I hope to update more frequently from here on out.

I hope you all aren't too infuriated at me...

-Theory

]]> ~Theory1 http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/8788358/ http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/8788358/ Tue, 16 May 2006 12:50:35 PDT I'm sorry I havent been on in such a while guys.

I havent been able to complete anything as of late, I do apologize.

In recent news, my cousin, (the one who miraculously survived getting hit by a car) celebrated his catholic confirmation. He appears to be much better...
But I could not help feeling out of place at the table surrounded by people I should have been there for...( I did'nt even CALL him after I found he was okay... I'm such a jerk...) I got the feeling that they might have thought I was only there for the free meal... *sigh* Oh well...

I'll find a way to explain it to them someday.

Anyhow, a hearty hello to all my friends.

Thank you for being there.

~Mew~

Well, I'm off to get ready for work.

I'll talk to you all later, and hopefully, I'll have something to show for it this time.

~nyu~

-Theory ]]> ~Theory1 http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/8379510/ http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/8379510/ Wed, 05 Apr 2006 23:55:02 PDT My brothers really sick, and I can't get on when he's sleeping.
The doctors think it might be Spinal Meningitis... but they are hoping, (like me) that its just a bad virus. The only way to tell if it was spinal meningitis is if they did a spinal tap thingy on him... And... that wouldn't be very fun.

Apart from that, I'm well.
Still trying to finish some gifts and art for random peoples.
(Sebring, Ihochisuru-shi, Romara...)
I actually felt pretty good picking up on the tale I started for Sebring a while ago. I might submit a new chapter soon, (God willing.)

I'm listening to the "Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe" soundtrack right now.
(Yes, I bought it... I'm such a music dork. Heh...)
After that I'll pick up on some of the other tracks from the Gungrave O.S.T
I bought a while back.

Hope you are all doing well!
I must be off, to make my friends happy!

~nyu!~

-Theory ]]> ~Theory1 http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/8046926/ http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/8046926/ Thu, 02 Mar 2006 13:15:20 PST I feel disgusting.

I apologize for not coming on as often as I should, I've been sick from a nasty flu bug for the past few days...
(My little Brother gave it to me too, of all people. Now I REALLY want to kill him)

Anywho, I finally broke it down a bit with some medication.
*Knocks on wood*

So, here I am.
I've got a little time before I head off to work, so I'll try and interact socially as much as I can.

Well, I'm off then.
(I might submit somthing too... *cough*Sebring*cough*.)
Heh.

Bye then.

-Theory ]]> ~Theory1 http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/7930456/ http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/7930456/ Sat, 18 Feb 2006 00:18:03 PST I got up early to go to a funeral, for a great grandmother of mine that had past away. She was well over 90, and had lived a relatively good life. I just wished I could say that I knew her a bit better...
Carmen, was her name.
She was but another tree from which many branches of life sprung.
Alot of people were there... The wierd/pathetic part about this is that, I only really felt like bawling when they ceremonially shut the coffin, and draped a cloth over it.

I guess... It sort of finalized things. It made it perfectly clear... She was gone.
My dad will miss her, I'm sure. They often had a fun time having mock arguements together, which usually ended with Carmen sticking out her tongue at my Dad. (Always a good laugh for all.)

I guess I'll miss her too...
Is that bad? That I "guess" I'll miss her?
...

(sigh)


Well, in other news, a good friend of mine, Ashley, is in the hospital at the moment due to serious illness. I do hope she gets better soon...

Not the worst day I've had... Better to say that it could have been much worse.
Things will get better soon. I just know it.

But... Before I go... One thing really freaked me out a few days ago...

I was on lunch hour at work... And... While walking, I gazed into the sunset, and got the oddest sense of nostalgia...
I thought, "Boy, I'm really going to miss this..."
And, as a branch to that thought, (I think...) I was suddenly aware of an invisible clock that was slowly counting down.

Needless to say, I thought that the raputure was going to happen that day.

Fearing for all that I had done and failed to do, I ran inside and made a phone call to Ashlee, and asked her if everything was ok. (Normally, If there's something astrally astray, she's the first one I believe knows.) She said that she was fine, albeit tired from all the running around she was doing. I told her to call me if something felt wrong, and told her how much I appreciated her.
She thanked me politely, and we hung up. I almost cried at that...
I actually believed, for some reason or other, that it was my last day on earth...

Thankfully, the day ran through relatively smooth, and I made it home safely.

(Praise the Almighty...)

In hindsight... I believe that this happened to me for a reason:
I needed to see... what it would be like, if I don't get on moving soon.
If I stayed a lump and wallowed for the next few years, I'll live to have nothing but regrets...

I need to move out.
Take action for myself.
Grasp destiny.

(Smarmy line, sorry... But its what I felt)

I hope I make the cut, when the time comes...


Wishing you all a good evening,

-Theory ]]> ~Theory1 http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/7556215/ http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/7556215/ Mon, 09 Jan 2006 16:26:09 PST It was at the mall when a male friend of mine presented me with something extraordinary...

A late christmas gift, as it were.

My first Sword.

He even had it engraved.
It says... Theory, in olde english lettering across the hilt...

I almost cried.

Its a beautiful weapon... Good steel, wooden sheath, full-tang blade, but dull ended.
A bastard sword, is the name of it, methinks.

My first real blade...
He's going to teach me to wield it too.
It was an awfully wonderful thing for him to do...
I don't know if I can ever repay him...

(But I'll try.)

I'll upload pictures for your viewing pleasure later on.

Thanks everyone, I'm off to break the furniture with it then.

(Heh)

-Theory ]]> ~Theory1 http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/7445641/ http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/7445641/ Thu, 29 Dec 2005 04:20:21 PST Little...
...

AHHH!

(Pants heavily....)

God almighty...
I want to MURDER him.
My little brothers been on holiday since the 20th, and he's been taking over what is usually my free time on at night.
He see's no problem in it either.
...

So...
Fucking...
Frustrated at him.
I realize this must seem horribly out of character for me, I'm sorry.

I have'nt had time to access properly for a few days now... And he's to blame.

I apologize to you all...
For not being around.
I'm going to try and catch it early in the morning...
When he's asleep.
Its already 420am...
I'm going to KILL him.

...

Gah...

Sorry to you all.

Especially you, Aki and YaymeQ.

-Theory ]]> ~Theory1 http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/7360726/ http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/7360726/ Tue, 20 Dec 2005 05:34:22 PST Might be the late hour or all the happenings as of late.
My sister is home from Arizona college.
(Indefinately, I'm not sure...)
She and my brother are starting to raise my homicide tendancy level a tad...

And, my poor Mum.
She recently broke up with some fellow (Whom I can't name) and is now seriously broken up after hearing he tried to pick up one of her good friends from church...
Work is going to be a good hellish ordeal this week. I just know it.
EVERYONE and their damned dog will be there...
Gah...
I'm so angry at everything all of a sudden.
On top of this and all, I tried to work up the courage tonight to call my up my ...
"Old friend" and see how she was doing.
(Maybe I could see her, talk for a bit...)
I caught her at a bad time, after trying twice before with a bad connection...
I'm such an idiot...
Voices in my head conflict over this every time.
Why should I bother?
I should just let her be... Space is the best gift I could give her.
While... another portion believes that she still might need me as a friend...
Like I always was...
And that pushing her out and away from me might be doing more harm than help.
I'm so lost with that...
I somehow wish to stay that way also... But I know I cannot.
Its almost always easier for me to simply give up and wallow.
But I must not give in.
There's always some sort of way around this. To circumvent these feelings of anguish and remorse... and these flares of resent and self loathe.

...

Sigh...
Meh.

I'll get over it.
I think...

In other news this evening, My car is relatively okay, but a bit thrashed after I ended up shoving a christmas tree into the back of it. (My poor car!)

Oh!
I almost forgot this little bit too.
My other family.
The one I seldom talk about...
Though I honestly should.
I have an entire family of people that are related to me simply by marriage.
I knew them all for a LONG time back in my youth.
When my mother was in LA sorting out her life, she left us in my Step Mother and Fathers care. They were, and still are, loving and kind people. They taught me good manners, moral, and a religion basis.

...
And, when I was 15, a bitter custidy battle ensued , and I betrayed everything they gave to me and went to live with my mother.

The family never looked at me the same way after that...
I could always sense that feeling in thier eyes... That burning hatred...
That desire to exact revenge. That look of disgust... and dissapointment.
"We taught you better than that..." they all seem to say.
Well, this family that I betrayed, still wishes for me to be a part of thier lives.
It hurts more in this case, to think that after all thats occured, (Most of which I won't repeat here) they wish to keep my sister and I close.

...


I have'nt called them in about two months...
They called me three days ago...

God... I'm such a bastard.

I can't get off of my own fear of hurt to simply give them the pleasure of seeing us together again...
Not that I'm anything special... But I know that they care for me enough to miss me. And from the sounds of thier voices on the phone... They most certainly do.

...

I'll have to find an answer to that one soon.

Wish me luck guys,
I'm off to battle the irate, and the clinicly insane...
Off to try and conquer my own insecurities.
Lets see if I get any farther this time...

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas.

-Theory ]]> ~Theory1 http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/7190996/ http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/7190996/ Thu, 01 Dec 2005 02:08:19 PST A good many thing have happened since I last posted.
I'm feeling much better now. (Ha! Take that, Virus!)
*Knocks on wood*
Heh.
My car, oh... I love her so.
The red tape I complained about earlier was worth the convenience of sleeping in and not having to take the bus. Ooohhh blissful slumber....
*Snores*

...

*Wakes up with a start*

Gah!

Oh, I'm sorry.
I need to give my car a name though... Something elegant, with the word "shadow" in it. Any ideas?
(Let me know!)


Ah, yes, my main feature of this journal, to introduce a new member of the DA.
An old freind of mine, whom I used to go to highschool with!
Yep, she and her significant other were pretty chummy with me back in the day.
(Heh, chummy...)
Sadly, I got lazy over the years after highschool, and let our ties slacken, and had not seen or heard from her in some time.
Now, as fate would have it, I met up with her again and have happily introduced her to the site.
She's a caring and wonderful person, very talented at whatever she puts her mind to.

Ladies and Gentlemen allow me to introduce...



*Applause*

Welcome to the DA!

(Heh... She's SO going to kill me for this!)



Apart from that... I had an okay day...
I was doing pretty well around lunch, I ended up getting a compliment from one of the managers of the store on how well I handled some customers earlier in the day... And as the day closed, I got into an arguement with a woman over some copyrighted photographs...
Sigh....
At work, these are the BIGGEST pain the arse.
Pictures taken by a proffesional or found in a newspaper/Magazine/etc. cannot be legally copied onto photo-paper and sold by our store. Its Law.
Kinda sucks, yeah... But what REALLY sucks is that WE have to enforce it.
People REALLY get in your face to when you tell them you can't sell them their photos either...
Its gotten really nasty once or twice...
*shudders*
Managers couldn't handle a few of em....
*Shudders again*
This time, I was flying solo with the customer, while my coworler worked the counter and finished up the evening maintenence.
She began to get uppity, and demanded to see my superior...
So, as nicely as I could, I said, "Okie Dokie" and called for one.
When the Manager arrived, she basicly took my side, knowing full well the Law of the big (C).
Apparently, the customer tried to make it sound like I was lying to her, and that it was a personal attack on her.
*Sigh...*
She had told me that she had "Proofs" of her pictures, which I mistook for the negatives, or the actuall written copyright release, from the photographer.
Apparently, "Proofs" to her, meant nothing more than "Photos"
And, she tried to cite me on just that. Saying that I told her that as long as we had the so called "proofs" we could copy them.
I did indeed say that, and I admitted it to her and the manager.
I also tried to explain the misunderstanding to her, but she appeared not to have heard me much...
She was very upset as she flung the picures down saying that we should forget it, and that she had other things to do.

I sighed, relieved, as she left, and the manager gave me a reassuring pat on the shoulder, and told me to try not to let it bother me. Apperently the manager had understood what I was trying to say to the customer...
Even though I wasn't doing a too good job of it... Stuttering and biting my lip....

In the end, I turned around to get back to work... shaking like a leaf.
Odd thing that happens whenever I'm confronted...
I shiver.
Yeah, real manly... I know.
Its so odd though... I feel extremely cold whenever I do.

Prior to this, I found that this is caused, (I believe...) by the adrenaline rush in response to the bodies "Fight or Flight" defense mechanism.
Mine just isn't used that often enough for me to take a fighting stance, I guess.

Anywho, I tried to back to work, shaking the whole while.
The issue bothered me all the way home too...
I feel that I'm partly to blame. I can honestly see her it from her perspective, but I just wish she hadn't been so abrupt in her accusations...
The day did kinda pick itself up from there though.
Another customer, who was there to witness the arguement, said that I should try and let it go, that he got plenty of people like that at his work too.
God bless that little chinese fellow...
He was so nice too. ~Theory1 http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/7136907/ http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/7136907/ Thu, 24 Nov 2005 22:23:19 PST (But I'm better thanks)
I just finished watching War of The Worlds.

...

My God...

Stephen Spielbergs still got it.
I was freaking TERRIFIED. And I almost cried at the very end.\
THAT, ladies and gentleman, is the sign of a truly good movie.
SOmething that wisks you away completely into another world for an hour or two to teach you something... Whether it be done by romance, laughter, or scaring the living shit out of you.

Damn, that was a good movie...
I'm slightly sick to my stomach from certain parts though...
Ug.

I need social interaction now, so I'm gonna go chat it up.

Later,

-Theory ]]> ~Theory1 http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/7107080/ http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/7107080/ Mon, 21 Nov 2005 16:23:53 PST I've been lagging lately, and for that I must apologize.
It turns out that my lil' brother has contracted Broncitus, and is quite ill.
(And now, He's given me a sore throat.)
Ack.

Things will be hectic this week.
But I've got some new stuff to post in a week, so don't get too dissapointed.

Oh, I must mention, these guys...
[link]
came to MY church and played the opening.
I swear, if anyone had a lighter in the building they would have lit up.
These guys ROCK.
So much so that the gave an encore at the end, much to the screaming delight of the congregation.
My favorite song... The Undiscovered, is very nice.
It inspires.
(I liked it so much I got the CD... I sold out to the MAN!! Ah!)

I encourage you to check out their stuff.
(Even if your not a big fan of Religious song stuff...)

Heh.

Talk to you all later.

Yours,

-Theory ]]> ~Theory1 http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/7048598/ http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/7048598/ Mon, 14 Nov 2005 19:12:24 PST
Today, was good.
I wnet out for an errand in place I had never driven to, and got lost about three times coming back.
Heh heh...
I even ended up taking a service road out into the middle of an oil field.
Heh...

I'm such a baka.

Thank God I made it back okay though, I banged the car up a tad turning a corner to soon...
And I probably could have done without the four-wheeling, lost, in the middle of a dark field.
But its funny nonetheless.
A learning experience, to say the least.

Tonight I'm going to try and fiunish up the second chapter of the tale I began telling a while ago, as I had told Aki that I would.

Its longer than the last one, I do hope she doesn't mind.

Anywho, off to create then.
Thanks to everyone, for all of your <3 and support.
I lurve you all.

(Heh heh...)

Yours,

-Theory ]]> ~Theory1 http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/6996433/ http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/6996433/ Wed, 09 Nov 2005 03:10:47 PST Today was an interesting day...
I got my car, which thrilled me mildly until I had to put up with all the damned red tape...
(Annoying D-M-fucking-V...)

I was frustrated as hell because I actually ended up getting lost for about 45 minutes or so trying to find a way home...
Shows how well a navigator I am...

Dejected, I return home for a quick repreive before I set off for work.
No problem really, getting there.

At work, I get the most awkward feeling of antipathy from a few of my coworkers...

After finishing Up, I go to the lot and sit there in my new car gathering myself up...
Wishing I could have gone to look at the sky tonight...
But tonight the air is foreboding...
There is a strange wind and chill in about...
The moon appeared almost dangerous as I gazed out of my windshield into the nightsky...
A hunch tells me to stay inside tonight.
My paranoia is really acting up again, I think...
I'm still seeing moving shadows...

Oh, right.
Prior to this, I finally worked up enough will to call my old Fiance'.
( I really dislike calling her my Ex. She deserves a better title...)
She was quite surprised that I had called, especially since it was her birthday
today...
She's 20 now.

...

I somehow got the feeling that I shouldn't have called...
That maybe I was just wasting my time.
Well... maybe not wasting, persay...
I feel now that maybe I should have just left it alone and sent her a non-chalant card in the mail...

With an awkward goodbye (on my part) I hung up and started shuffling out the door...

Now, I feel that I've burned away my night trying to get rid of these thoughts...
I should've just gone to sleep.

Damnit...

It feels mildly better typing this.

At least I don't feel crazy...

Sigh...
Well, I've got to go now...
Overwhelming regret kicking in again.
I'm going to try and beat it...

Tommorow, I've got to get up to go through some more damned red tape for my car...

Oh, right.
TO add insult to mental injury,
I have found that one of the doors won't lock on the car.
AT ALL.

Great.

...

I've gotta go.
I'm sorry If this depresses you in any way.
I'm trying to see what venting does for me.

...

Well...

Goodnight then.

-Theory ]]> ~Theory1 http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/6968257/ http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/6968257/ Sun, 06 Nov 2005 03:53:52 PST I've been tagged!
So graciously by
Because I'm in the Blade-Lovers club,
(I love to design, and collect.)

Ah!
(I feel so honored... *Sniff*)

Ok, I guess its 20 random facts about me...
(Truth is, I'll probably spend a good half hour trying to think of good ones.)

*Ahem*

1) I... enjoy (Greatly) Instrumental Music. Its inspiring.
During the right peak of imagination prowess, I can actually weave a pretty
good tale about most any of the songs that I enjoy listening to. Although,
Most of them have to do with just me, and Theory. (I'm selfish, sorry....)

2) I daydream at any given opportunity.
Its a bit of a double edged sword, really... It can lead to great and
wonderfully elaborate tales and inventions, while on the other hand, it can
also lead me to wander off form the planet completely... IE Sleeping in class.
Also, a good chunk of my paranoia springs form my imagination.

3) I'm paranoid.
Yup. While its not yet officially documented by any medical official yet,
(And I hope it never is, to be honest,) I can be quite the little worrier at
times. It has gotten better over the years though, as I slowly learned that I
could fight most of my fears.

4) I tend to eat ALOT of unhealthy things.
By unhealthy, I don't neccessarilly mean the old bottle of chlorine underneath
the sink, I actually consume alot of junk food. (Caffeine, is my biggest vice.)
Mostly stuff with LOTS of salt already in it. (And chinese food... Gah.)

5) I'm a closet Neko by nature.
Yes, I'm actually a bit of a closet anthro by nature. I tend to act a little catty
at odd moments in time... I love cats. I just don't think I should own any
though, considering all the trouble I have taking care of myself. I simply
Love being feline at times, odd as they might be. *Miao.*

6) I love Video Games
Yeah, and who doesn't? I love a good game now and then. Especially the
REALLY long RPG's (Final Fantasy Series) and the in depth plot lines during
the really good games. (Metroid and a bunch of others.) Mostly, because I'm
simply given a new world to play around in. Most recently, I ended up buying
Gungrave for the PS2. Oh, My... Lord. Nathan Graves, I LOVE that man.
(Another role model for me! Heh heh..) Its short, but damn, I can't stop
playing. Its too damned fun!

7) I enjoy a good Book now and then.
When I was younger, I used to read quite a bit. Normally one could find me
sitting (Or laying, depending on the weather.) on top of a brick wall,
reading my latest find from the school library. I was drawn to the Sci-fi,
fantasy, and horror genre's. I fell in love with C.S. Lewis and Brian Jaques,
as well as Applegate and R.L. Stine, and finally, Stephen King. Nowadys, I try
to find something that satisfies my odd blend of intrests. Also, Manga's.
LOTS of mangas. (Same variation in tastes)

8) I'm Mexican.
(Da nuh nah nah nuh nah nuh nah nah nah nuh!) Heh heh... Hard to believe eh? No? Yes?
Heh heh... Yep. I'm Mexican. Somewhat proud of my heritage, and
always willing to mock my own culture at any given opportunity.
I'm sure my own ancestors are rolling their graves right now,
because almost everywhere I go, I'm everything BUT mexican.
I've been called everything from Phillipino to Asian, and I don't speak
alot of my language. Yup. I've been Americanised, and I don't mind at all.
XD

9) My hair grows fast.
Hey, you all said random. And, I'm running out of good ideas...
My hair tends to grow out fast. (Mostly due to my intake of protein rich food)
Its nice too, because as much as I hate it, my mum likes my hair short.
So, I get it cut once too often for my tastes, to make her happy. If I could
have it any way, I'd let it grow out to where I can't see in front of me the
morning. I'm just happier with longer hair. Its relatively thick and quite
soft to the touch, or so I've been told.
(Plus, I think it looks more attractive.)

10) I'm a dork.
Yes, its t... ]]> ~Theory1 http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/6918083/ http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/6918083/ Mon, 31 Oct 2005 16:18:39 PST
I planned on getting a spellcaster-looking outfit this year, but instead opted to create my own using household goods.
I'm very pleased with how the staff came out, though, I do wish I had more leather belts for the outfit...

I'll upload pics for you all later on.

Good night!

-Theory ]]> ~Theory1 http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/6860686/ http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/6860686/ Tue, 25 Oct 2005 02:26:23 PDT Ugh...
Nothing a good gallon of water can't fix though.

Anywho...
I'm a little Sleepy, and I'll be hitting my bed soon enough, but before I did, I wanted to say hello and thank you to all my friends this evening.
I seemed to have gained so many since last month...
I'm honored to be your companions...
And gratefull nonetheless.

I want to thank all my watchers, and all the commenters.

Tonight, though my mind is adrift in a cloud of sodium induced haze,
I feel a nostalgic presence here...

I look through old fond memories I've shared in the past...
And I look upon old wounds, and am surprised to see how much they've faded...

Only with time, and the love and compassion that I've been shown, was this possible.

Thank you.

To all of you who care, and to all of those who inspire me to become better.

I feel a bit better somehow now...
I guess thats the purpose of a good journal, then....

Going off to dream then...
I hope to see you all there.

Yours eternally,

-Theory ]]> ~Theory1 http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/6754297/ http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/6754297/ Thu, 13 Oct 2005 03:51:39 PDT
Such an odd thing, really...
I really didn't find it worth keeping...
Don't get me wrong, the animation is superb, and the visual effects are great...
The story was... Meh...

Just that.

Meh.

I had alot more fun watching Akira.

Well, enough of my ranting then.
I'm doing well for the time being.
Just trying to do alot of gift art at once.
Works been off and on craziness, but its been good.
Mostly, I've been collecting my thought at the end of the day and repiecing my stance on patience together again each long night.

Its nice to be back in life again, I think.
Heh...
A MAJOR thank you to all my good friends,
Sebring, especially.

Later!

Yours,

-Theory ]]> ~Theory1 http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/6626551/ http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/6626551/ Wed, 28 Sep 2005 15:23:48 PDT
I've taken a small step forward.
I dunno why... Especially now, of all times...
But I'm grateful all the same.

All this time...
I've just sat here like a damned lump...
All because I'm too afraid to move forward again.
Too afraid of screwing up as bad as I did last time...
Too afraid of the consequences of my own actions...

No more.

I send a defiant NO to my self doubt and move.

My apologies everyone.
Especially you dear Sebring, I shouldn't have kept you waiting.

Thank you and God bless.

-Theory ]]> ~Theory1 http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/6312417/ http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/6312417/ Wed, 24 Aug 2005 04:24:57 PDT
Not much going on, really.
Oh, right.
I'm 20 now.

Wierd feeling too...

Oh, right...
I saw an old elementry school teacher of mine a while back...
I was delighted to see her, its nearly been 10 years since I last saw her...

She made something apparent though...
When she asked how I was doing...
What I was doing...

I SHOULD have been able to tell her that I was just hitting the books, same MO as I had in 6th grade...

But I couldn't.
Oh, forgot to mention... I met her while I was at work.
At Wal-mart.
In the 1-hour developing lab...

Pathetic right?


...


It was just that look in her eyes...
That saddened dissapointment she had...
I realized, of course that my parents must have the same look in their eyes.

Sad really...

My own fault, I aptly admit.

Now, all I have to do is fix it.

Wish me luck...

(On a side not I'd like to remind everyone that I'm still drawing, and I plan on releasing a very special few images this coming month...)

Thanks everyone.

(Off to battle!)

-Theory ]]> ~Theory1 http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/5928940/ http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/5928940/ Thu, 14 Jul 2005 01:27:14 PDT
Works been a tad rough.
But no big problem.

The main thing that kept me from coming back to see all of you as often as I usually do, was...

(Embarrassed to say...)

A new online Game!

...

Yup.
I'm that shallow.

Sorry...


Anywho...

I'd love to hear if anyone else has heard of this one yet.

It came out a few months ago...

Its called MapleStory.

Its a cute little MMORPG, with chibi styled characters.

Oh, and did I mention it was FREE?!

Yup.
Not a damn cent.

God Bless Wizet and all their generosity...

I recommend you all check it out sometime soon!
(Before all the good names are taken...)

Here...

[link]

Remember, You heard it here first!

Later!

Oh...

And...

Sorry!

I'll try and play less, I swear!

-Theory ]]> ~Theory1 http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/5899930/ http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/5899930/ Mon, 11 Jul 2005 00:24:33 PDT
Sleep is good.

VERY good.

Hey everybody, how ya'll doing?

Thanks to all of your kind efforts, I'm feeling much better now.

I'm happily wishing you all a pleasant night.

Especially you, my Friends...

Wishing you all the same,

Theory. ]]> ~Theory1 http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/5652730/ http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/5652730/ Wed, 15 Jun 2005 04:50:29 PDT
I would like to thank some of those people tonight.

Ihochisuru-shi...

Sebring...

Yinger2k7...

All so young, and yet these individuals have demonstrated a level of thought and maturity WELL beyond their years.

Thank you guys, for your sage-like advice during my time of despair.

I'm feeling better now.

I just need sleep.

Well then, goodnight guys.
I'll talk again later on in the week.

Godbless...

-Theory ]]> ~Theory1 http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/5633185/ http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/5633185/ Mon, 13 Jun 2005 04:07:59 PDT And somehow disparaged all the same.

Lately, I've been hitting a sort of mental/spiritual brick wall.

I have concluded its source by now, of course...

I'm having whats known as a serious case of "Identity Crisis"

I am trying, at the moment, to decide my own fate in that respect.

You see, I have grown weary of my mind pestering me about one simple, horrible, albeit 'viral', truth...

With everything I'm doing in life right now...

I have no REAL future at all ...

You see, I have come to terms with the fact that with all of the abilities I MIGHT (keyword might) gain in the future, I am still limited to being just that.

An artist.

Nothing more.

Not a father, not a husband, or dear freind to anyone but myself...

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

Honestly, I'd sort of welcome that kind of future.

But...

There is something else.

Something seemingly invisible, hidden deep inside me, waiting to be freed...

I only know because of this ever pressing feeling in the back of my conciousness.

I feel as though I missed a big turn somewhere on my road of life...

I've determined what it is that i yearn to be...

And that only served to complicate matters further.

It seems that despite all my triumphs over my strange quirks and immaturities...

All I want to be is a hero.
An original, remembered just as I was for whom I was.

A fighter.
A righter of wrongs.

It what gets me fired up, so to speak.

All in my own style of mixed arts.

Angelic, Demonic and Human, all in one.

...

Life and all else is telling me to turn around and stop a futile attempt...

But I know something else too...

The power I seek...

The power to achieve this goal...

Such power exists.

I've seen it.

Mere glimpses, yes. But it's there.

Oh, yes...
It's there...

I reallize the lifetime of training and sacrifice I will have to make in orfer to achieve it...

I am willing to start this path, but...

Like the path of the artist this one has it's own doubts as well.

This one is simply whether or not the goal is feasable or not.

So, here I am...

Rifted.

...

This'll take some time to figure out...

I guess I'll see you all later then.

(Pray for me, please.)

-Theory ]]> ~Theory1 http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/5557084/ http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/5557084/ Sun, 05 Jun 2005 03:08:26 PDT
Life changes.

I guess I'm supposed to roll with it.

...

It feels like my art has been dragging its ass for awhile.

It's all my fault really.

There are so many things I've thought of writing. (Typing)

So many things I thought I could somehow make profound by putting them onto paper...

Why...?

Great.

Now I'm getting all depressed.

Emo.

...

I think I'll end this little rant with a new Theorem from yours truly.

(Ahem...)

Sometimes...
It's not the ones who don't realize how pathetic they are that are truly the saddest.

Sometimes...
Its the one's who do realize, but are at an emotional/mental/physical loss as to how they should act in order to correct or live with the problem, that are indeed the saddest.

Heh.

I think I'll call this the EMO Theory, Part one.

Remember folks, you heard it here first!

Well, goodnight then.

-Theory ]]> ~Theory1 http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/5482250/ http://Theory1.deviantart.com/journal/5482250/ Sat, 28 May 2005 03:30:39 PDT This will apparently be my first use of this gracious service.
...

Tonight... I feel I have a need for self-evaluation.

I feel that by trying to improve myself, I will enevitably validate my own existance in the process...

Of course this is just a foolish hope...

Or perhaps it's just good optimism.

I'm not sure right now.

All I do know,
(Funny how we always resort to that line huh?)
is that I'm a little tired, I have the yen to draw, I miss my fiance, and its getting later and later by the ever quickening minute.

Damnit...

I guess I should just call it huh?

...

Perhaps tommorow then...

Night... ]]> ~Theory1