http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Toados&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Toados en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sat, 19 Dec 2009 18:04:32 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://Toados.deviantart.com/journal/21598748/ http://Toados.deviantart.com/journal/21598748/ Fri, 21 Nov 2008 14:26:55 PST
When i left off i had just reached secondry school, i shall pick up from that point.

In an all boys school never, ever, be anything that could look, act, appear or be construde as being different. Young boys, in all probability, will not know the meaning of any of those words but will know how to pumell you into the dust for being any of the above. Added to that if you have the audacity to be better at beating the shite out of them then they are at attempting to do the same to you their innumerable friends will come along and redress their error.

So, in the first years of school what did i learn: the weaknesses and general ground speed of the average 12 year old and that i was rubbish at french. Sometimes I wish someone had just sat me down and told me that, to be honest most 12 year olds don't like it when they get punched, gangs of them should be avoided (for a more eloquent account about avoiding gangs of young people go here; [link]) and the meaning of fils de putain.

it would have saved so much time ]]> *Toados http://Toados.deviantart.com/journal/19535543/ http://Toados.deviantart.com/journal/19535543/ Tue, 22 Jul 2008 11:15:00 PDT
A short list of the injuries so far would include, a fractured leg, broken arm and a broken skull, and then I went to secondary school

at which point all my injuries became mostly surface level....the only point this was not the case was when I accidentally knocked myself out by falling onto my head (it’s skill....really it is – you try to ‘accidentally’ fall on your head, it’s quite hard). However, after those comparatively blissful 7 years when the worst thing to happen to me was two concussions and a punch in the face I went to uni. Prior to this point alcohol had no influence

that was 5 years ago.

Now it gets....complicated. ]]> *Toados http://Toados.deviantart.com/journal/19053517/ http://Toados.deviantart.com/journal/19053517/ Thu, 26 Jun 2008 08:58:27 PDT
When people hurt themselves (i am told) usually they atop doing whatever it was that caused them to have an accident. it took me awhile to learn that :S When i was nine i tried to learn how to rollerskate - I totally failed at this. Instead i, through repeatedly falling over, managed to break both bones in my right wrist and move the entire hand two inches to the left the odd, and slightly ridiculos thing about this is that, rather than after falling over a couple of times deciding maybe i should give up on the whole wheels on feet thing i just kept going, or rather kept stopping abuptly and more importantly, i kept falling in the same way! i think young people should all be taught how to fall properly, afterall they usually do it more often than everybody else. of course at the time i thought it was marveolous - no more maths lessons, and they gave me a glow in the dark cast

about 4 months later, my arm mostly better i contrived to be run over by a horse, this is a surprisingly easy thing to do, basically find a hungry horse and then stand between it and it's feed bucket, the final step is to try not to scream as that might scare the horse into running over you again, just in case it makes you shut up. luckily for me, all the horse in question trod on was the back of my left leg fracturing the bone and brusing the muscles (or rather the bit of leg where my mucles whould have been if i had had any, as a nine year old was rather scrawny). Again, as a nine year old i thought this was great because 1) i got a crutch and 2) meant in the school play i could be a pirate (as i already had the dodgy limp down)so was then permitted, nigh on encouraged, to hobble rampage with a wooden sword while shouting incomprehensible, high pitched vagugly piratical threats curses, and basically anything else that popped into my nine-year old mind. Strangly i thought that marvelous, and really liked the horse after that

it's a funny old world ]]> *Toados http://Toados.deviantart.com/journal/18625999/ http://Toados.deviantart.com/journal/18625999/ Mon, 02 Jun 2008 11:38:29 PDT
Throughout people’s lives, starting at Junior School and carrying on to a lesser degree though the rest of their lives is the question: “what is your first memory?” to further the original plan of this (the many and varied ways I have hurt myself) I do not actually intend to talk about my first memory, instead my third.
My first memory is not wanting to give the headphones back on a plane (Singapore airlines Heathrow to Singapore 1988). My second memory is being stuck in a lift because I was too small to reach the buttons (Singapore 1988). My third memory is cracking open my skull on a door-handle with a jumper rapped round my head (UK 989). There are two things that have always stuck with me from this (excluding the pain factor) the first is seeing my own hand covering in my blood after putting it inside my head . The second is the impression that they stuck my head together with super-glue. I’m fairly sure they used something more sophisticated and medial (although super-glue was invented as a method of stopping bleeding in wounded soldiers in Vietnam [or so I am told])
The odd thing about these memories is that what I remember is not the pain, or how it affected me, it is how my parents reacted. I have come across a lot of people with abandonment issues etc. From situations similar to the first (being left in a lift) but other than the battered knees of the pair of blue work trousers worn by the man who returned me. The main thing remember is the happiness in my mother’s face when she got me back – that and being smothered by her as she tried to hug me to death. And my second memory ended with my dad driving me to hospital because i had hurt myself...to be fair in hindsight I would have preferred it if he had called an ambulance but, although I hate the phase and mock it a lot.....sometime the thought really does count.

]]> *Toados http://Toados.deviantart.com/journal/18558105/ http://Toados.deviantart.com/journal/18558105/ Thu, 29 May 2008 10:35:12 PDT
Ok, i have been told, repeatedly, that although i am neither clumsy nor accident prone i do appear to have an alarming tendency to hurt myself, the positive element to this, i am told, is that for the most part i manage to do so in an amusing, entertaining or otherwise funny way. I think this would be the point to emphasise that this is what people who are not me think.

As a premise i thought i should briefly list the injuries i have had in my life: Broken skull, broken finger, exposed hip bone (stripped skin + muscle off), fractured (left) leg, broken (right)wrist then i went to secondary school, at which point most of my injuries become far more superficial, although also more regular, the more serious being concussion, a twisted ankle and various cuts scrapes and burns.

Unfortunately after going to uni and the two years prior things seemed to get marginally more serious to wit: stab wound, broken finger (a different one) broken hand, damaged tendon, hit by a piano, broken rib, hit by a car and most recently a fall from a roof.
In my defence, as i will go on to explain, although those final events my seem more serious, dire or worrisome, they are not actually the worst and i am skipping over events that did not cause injury, such as being chased across a field by a horny highland bull. Also, despite various injuries and inabilities i have only spent the equivalent of three days in hospital, and at least 8 hours of that time has been looking after other people (severe dehydration and abbesses)

The cunning plan i have devised is that, over the next few weeks/ months i will go through, hopefully in an entertaining manner, the various ways i have hurt myself, partly to make myself fell better by getting to laugh at myself and secondly to let all of you laugh at me and feel better because i’m really rather silly/stupid

]]> *Toados