An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bolognaise again! If I get a bolognaise sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bolognaise and jumped to his death as well.


At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping.She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,

"Don't look at me. The idiot makes his own lunch."

At a recent open house at a suburban high school,
a parent wandered into a teacher's office that was empty, and looked
around the room. Posted on the bulletin board was a list of sentences
that the teacher's students have written on exam papers through
the years. Other teachers contributed to the collection, too. The
parent couldn't resist copying the list of sentences, including these
gems of creativity:
By Peter B. Taub



Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Spices.
Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards.
The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made men think.
Three kinds of blood vessels or the arteries, veins and caterpillars.
The dodo is a bird that is nearly decent now.
A thermometer is an instrument for rasing temperance.
To remove air from a flask, fill the flask with water, tip the water out and put the cork in quick.
A litre is a nest of young baby animals.
A vacuum is a U-tube with a flask at one end.
When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood, you'll get a glacier.
It is a well-known fact that a deceased body warps the mind.
The human is more intelligent than the beast because the human has more convulsions.
To remove dust from the eye: Pull the eye over the nose.
For head colds: Use an agonizer to spray nose until it drops into your throat.
For snake bite: Bleed the wound and rape the victim in a blanket for shock.
For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
The process of turning steam into water again is called conversation.
A magnet is something you find in a bad apple.
Ammonium chloride is also silly maniac.
The school is ventilated by hot currents.
To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
Parallel lines never meet unless you bend one or both of them.
Typhoid fever may be prevented by fascinations.
Algebraic symbols are used when you don't know what you're talking about.
Geometry teaches us to bisex angles.
A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending.
Sound is a rapid series of osculations.
The moon is planet just like the earth only deader.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
An example of animal breeding is the farmer who mated a bull that gave a great deal of milk with a bull with good meat.
English sparrows and starlings eat the farmer's grain and soil his corpse.
By self-pollination, a farmer may get a crop of long-haired sheep.
If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence.
Dew is formed on the leaves when the sun makes them perspire.
Vegetative propagation is the precess by which one individual manufactures another individual by accident.
Sea water is has the formula CH20
A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle.
The hydra gets its food by descending upon its pray and pushing it into its mouth with its testicles.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
The cerebrum is a cavity in the head.
The hookworm larva enters the human body through the soul.

100 Ways to Order a Pizza

1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
3. Use CB lingo where applicable.
4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
7. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
8. Answer their questions with questions.
9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
10. Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST FREE-SPIRITED COST-EFFICIENT UKRAINIAN PUCE.
11. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
12. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD.
13. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
14. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."
15. Stutter on the letter "p."
16. Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g. If phoning Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!)
17. Ask what the order taker is wearing.
18. Crack your knuckles into the receiver.
19. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
20. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.
21. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
22. Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.
23. Change your accent every three seconds.
24. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
25. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say "Bed-Wetters' Camp, right?"
26. Start your order with "I'd like. . . ". A little later, slap yourself and say "No, I don't."
27. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."
28. Rent a pizza.
29. Order while using an electric knife sharpener.
30. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
31. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.
32. Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."
33. Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" When they finally offer proof that it is, in fact, (Pizza Place), start to cry and ask, "Do you know what it's like to be lied to?"
34. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.
35. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
36. Imitate the order taker's voice.
37. Eliminate verbs from your speech.
38. When they say "What would you like?" say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now."
39. Play a sitar in the background.
40. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.
41. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.
42. Ask to see a menu.
43. Quote Carl Sandberg.
44. Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back.
45. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.
46. Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.
47. Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.
48. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
49. Shout "I'm through with men/women! Send me a dozen of your best, Gaston!"
50. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say "Where was I? Who are you?"
51. Psychoanalyze the order taker.
52. Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.
53. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."
54. Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask th... ]]> ~Tomeka04 http://Tomeka04.deviantart.com/journal/8837049/ http://Tomeka04.deviantart.com/journal/8837049/ Sun, 21 May 2006 16:46:41 PDT

On a Saturday night several weeks ago, this pastor was working late, and decided to call his wife before he left for home. It was about 10:00 PM, but his wife didn't answer the phone.


The pastor let the phone ring many times. He thought it was odd that she didn't answer, but decided to wrap up a few things and try again in a few minutes. When he tried again she answered right away. He asked her why she hadn't answered before, and she said that it hadn't rung at their house. They brushed it off as a fluke and went on their merry ways.


The following Monday, the pastor received a call at the church office, which was the phone that he'd used that Saturday night. The man that he spoke with wanted to know why he'd called on Saturday night.

The pastor couldn't figure out what the man was talking about. Then the man said, "It rang and rang, but I didn't answer." The pastor remembered the mishap and apologized for disturbing him, explaining that he'd intended to call his wife.


The man said, "That's, OK. Let me tell you my story.


You see, I was planning to commit suicide on Saturday night, but before I did, I prayed, 'God if you're there, and you don't want me to do this, give me a sign now.' At that point my phone started to ring. I looked at the caller ID, and it said, 'Almighty God'. I was afraid to answer!"


The reason why it showed on the man's caller ID that the call came from "Almighty God" is because the church that the pastor attends is called Almighty God Tabernacle!!


If you believe that God answers prayers then pass this on. God bless!


READ EACH SENTENCE SLOWLY AND THINK ABOUT IT.


Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.


Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you.


Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.


Don't let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff.


BEST FRIENDS are the siblings God didn't give us.


When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your BEST FRIEND will be there.


Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.


Send this on to everyone special in your life, blah blah blah

http://Tomeka04.deviantart.com/journal/8654636/ Tue, 02 May 2006 17:27:00 PDT

http://Tomeka04.deviantart.com/journal/8387004/ Thu, 06 Apr 2006 17:42:14 PDT

Cosmo+Wanda[fop], Church+Tex[RvB], RonxHermione[hp], Link+Zelda[LoZ]

Wally+Abby [knd], Jessie+James[pkmn]

Dou+Quatre[GW], Johnny+Edgar[JtHM-Zarlaverse only], Tucker+Caboose[RvB], Shouldich+Omi[WK], Ren+HoroHoro[SK], Joey+Chandler[Fnds], Kenny+Kyle[SP]

Chester [FoP], Sokka[ALA], Tucker[RvB], ed and edd[EEnE], Kabuto[nrt], Jak & Dexter[JnD], Hutch[SnH], Yamato[DGMN], Omi, Yoiji & Schuldich[Weiß], Han Solo & Mako Spice [SW]

TrowaxQuatre[GW], KukixWally[knd], johnnyxjimmy[JtHM], ZADR[IZ], Harryx(anyone, especially Draco)[hp], OmixKen[Weiß]


http://Tomeka04.deviantart.com/journal/7507869/ Wed, 04 Jan 2006 12:30:03 PST
(Like THAT makes sense.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

(Do they look dif ferent reversed?)

*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.

(A brick??)

*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

(Much worse than "going blind!")

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time

Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.

(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the
world that even comes close to this?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.

(Ah! Justice!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores.

(But of course!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Cali , Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.

(Makes one shudder at the thought.)

*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*

In Santa Cruz , Bolivia , it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.

(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."

(Is this a great country or what? Well . . . not as great as Guam !)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

(Who volunteers for this stuff?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

(From drinking little bottles of ?)



(Did the government pay for this research??)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Butterflies taste with th eir feet.

(Ah, geez.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Starfish don't have brains.

(I know some people like that, too.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

And, the best for last

Turtles can breathe through their butts.

(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)

===================================
I don't know how i'm doing - but welcome to the Year of the Zecks, I hope the Year of the WuFei was good for you all.
===================================

********************
Friends on line:
http://Tomeka04.deviantart.com/journal/5973209/ Mon, 18 Jul 2005 23:34:56 PDT I GOT A FIRST PLACE!!!!!
forgive me a moment as i squee!
SQUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
...
....
^___________________________^


okies okies....
what in cardboard wands am i talking about, hmmm?

okies... some may know. i do horse shows.
yes.. i ride horses. I've been training my horse all by myslef for the past few years, and it's finnaly showing that we are getting somewhere!
first place in keyholes!
granted, it was becuase everyone else screwed up. My time was about 13 seconds. my person best time, but the normal times are usually about 8 seconds. record times are about 7 seconds.....

but... my half blind, scared-of-everything baby got a first!!!!

SQQQQQQQQQQUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeee!
sorry... forgot to warn you that time....

heh....
okies...
i got a couple things to scan here this week... okay, just a picture of J.J. at the moment... maybe i'll do something as we watch M.L.Perry movies......

heh... yeah... i know, i know.. issues....

********************
Friends on line:


Friends I've made by stalking them:


Friends offline:


NDK convention peeps:
~Shuuen-die

~Tomeka04