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        <title>deviantART: by:TweekFreak</title>
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        <pubDate>Tue, 15 Dec 2009 23:25:05 PST</pubDate>        
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                  <item>
                <title>New account :B</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/26930872/</link>
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                <pubDate>Mon, 31 Aug 2009 07:16:16 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ Hey guys, I've moved everything here: <a href="http://iwouldratherfly.deviantart.com/">[link]</a><br /><br />This is where I'll be uploading everything new, but i'll keep all my old stuff here still. Thanks yous <img src="http://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/smile.gif" width="15" height="15" alt=":)" title=":) (Smile)" /><br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>hey guys.</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/25363537/</link>
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                <pubDate>Tue, 16 Jun 2009 23:24:45 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ shup <img src="http://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/bucktooth.gif" width="15" height="15" alt=":B" title="Bucktooth" /><br /><br />how is everybody?!<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>note to self</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/23850482/</link>
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                <pubDate>Mon, 23 Mar 2009 14:37:38 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ STOP GIVING IN TO THE PART OF YOU THAT ONLY WANTS TO BRING YOU DOWN!!!!11<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>happy birthday to me.</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/23653288/</link>
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                <pubDate>Thu, 12 Mar 2009 00:46:09 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ maybe i'll write myself a poem for my birthday. or go to sleep for the rest of my life.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>haii.</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/23102967/</link>
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                <pubDate>Mon, 09 Feb 2009 13:41:16 PST</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ i'm in art class so i'll be posting some things maybe. sigh. i keep saying i'll do things and then i don't do them. feels like there's too much to do. and then i sit around as much as i can so i don't have to do anything. that's why i'm writing this. fix me.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>slowly they come.</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/22175945/</link>
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                <pubDate>Wed, 24 Dec 2008 20:40:34 PST</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ i'm not sure if i'm still a poet or not. i write sometimes, but not nearly as avidly as i once did. i feel like i must make beautiful things but i run out of inspiration and motivation so easily. <br /><br />i do love words; i love reading poetry by talented wordsmiths but modern poetry bores me. some of them are talented writers but it's like they purposely lead drama-filled lives just so they can write sad poems about it. it bothers me. some of it is beautifully sad but so, so fabricated and i'm sick of people who wallow in misery without attempting to move forward and then complain about it in poetry. and everyone eats it up - even me, sometimes.<br /><br />i love shakespeare. i love wordsworth and longfellow. beautiful, beautiful stuff. those are the kind of words i would like to write but i'm not quite sure how. and even when i do write things that i think are beautiful, nobody appreciates it. they are all busy reading poetry about sad sex and tender betrayal. people who know me and know my experiences appreciate my poetry greatly.. maybe that's my problem. maybe my poetry holds too much personal meaning and i should never expect to make anyone amazed by it. but I'M not amazed by it, either. i love it but it's just not great enough yet. i feel like there is so much beauty inside of my mind dying to escape and expand in all sorts of unrestrained forms. i have been drawing more. maybe i can make more out of that. i don't know.<br /><br />this was an incredibly pointless journal entry. <br /><br />basically,<br />life is wonderful. wonderful. wonderful. (Won"der*ful\, a. Adapted to excite wonder or admiration; surprising; strange; astonishing.)<br /><br />and i want to express it through words!<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>allee</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/21289641/</link>
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                <pubDate>Sun, 02 Nov 2008 18:52:34 PST</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ I know I keep saying I'll put stuff up and I don't, but I will, I promise it! Even if it sucks, I'll get to it. I have so much inspiration now, I just need more motivation, and time!! Oh sigh.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>sigh.</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/20299255/</link>
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                <pubDate>Tue, 02 Sep 2008 21:43:38 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ and the inspiration still escapes me..<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>niggaa</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/20227611/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/20227611/</guid>
                <pubDate>Fri, 29 Aug 2008 22:48:33 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ Hellooo everyone!<br /><br />So, remember how I made that new account and I was gonna move all my shit to it and start using that instead? I think I'm too goddamn lazy to do that. It would take soo long! Then I would need to delete them all from this account. My name is just so lame. I had an unhealthy obsession with Tweek from South Park when I was like, 12, and I thought I was really cool because I rhymed it with "freak" and used it as my name. I was so wrong. And everyone knows how important a username is! I might just have to stick it out, though, and hope people like my words enough to ignore my stupid username.<br /><br />I want to give an update on my life, now, really.<br /><br />I read through a huge portion of my old journal entries - they are so sad! I would realize so many things, and write them in those entries but it's always just like me to take so, so long to <i>actually</i> truly learn the things I realize. I knew what needed to be done the whole time but my mind kept deceiving me. <br /><br />I want to let you know, whoever you may be, that I am actually okay this time. I'm actually better, I really am! I used to say it so much, "I'm okay now," but it was just because I sat under the most pathetic shelter waiting for the storm to pass, and when the rain looked like it was letting up I wanted to believe it so bad that I would get excited and run out into it, run away from it even though I had nowhere to go, only to be caught in even heavier downpours. It was awful.<br /><br />But now, each day everything is a little brighter, and everyday I smile and do things I am proud of. I have never felt that way before. I tried three medications at the beginning of the year and though I wanted to get better, I still had so many pessimistic thoughts, I always brought myself down and gave up too easily, and that medication only focused on those tiny evil thoughts and amplified them to the size of hell. I went crazy, I really, really did, and everything went to absolute shit. It got so bad. Makes my heart droop and my stomach knot just to think of it. If I didn't have so many scars I don't think I would even believe that any of those awful days actually happened. It's going to be an even longer time until I am completely better, actually able to say I'm truly happy, and that I love myself. Going to take forever to completely let go of my million years past. But I know everything I need to know now. I can finally start walking in the direction I need to go. I've learned so much and it makes me so happy I want to bawl. Funny.<br /><br />And so right now everything is just as hard as it's ever been. All of the things I want still seem just as far away and out of reach. The only difference is my knowledge that I can achieve the things I want to if only I really try. Try to the extent that there is no try.<br /><br />p.s. I need to write a book about my life. I always want to tell everyone everything that's happened. I get so carried away when I try to explain, like I almost did with this, because I feel like there was way too much for anyone to understand in only a few paragraphs. I will write a book. I hope someone reads it. I promise you it's been interesting.<br /><br />Love Allee.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>hoo.</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/16777166/</link>
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                <pubDate>Thu, 07 Feb 2008 21:15:51 PST</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ i'm disappearing for a while.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>round we go</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/16636915/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/16636915/</guid>
                <pubDate>Tue, 29 Jan 2008 23:08:35 PST</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ back in the same circle again. <br />i want to die.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>luck.</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/16492459/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/16492459/</guid>
                <pubDate>Sun, 20 Jan 2008 15:21:52 PST</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ i write too many journals. i'm so glad we're the way we are.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>patience.</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/16472998/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/16472998/</guid>
                <pubDate>Sat, 19 Jan 2008 10:20:24 PST</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ i've got to start waiting for things. i'm so impatient.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>gh</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/16452800/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/16452800/</guid>
                <pubDate>Thu, 17 Jan 2008 21:47:50 PST</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ i'm so pathetic. it's always back and forth. up and down. black and white.<br />
<br />
i'm so fucking pathetic.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>i get it now.</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/16393123/</link>
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                <pubDate>Sun, 13 Jan 2008 18:38:33 PST</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ i get it i get it i get it i get it.<br />
<br />
not so much, but it's falling into place. and he said a long time.<br />
<br />
it's great.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>the past.</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/16350456/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/16350456/</guid>
                <pubDate>Thu, 10 Jan 2008 21:14:59 PST</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ it's weird how you can't get away from it no matter how hard you try. maybe one day ..<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>. . .</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/16307486/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/16307486/</guid>
                <pubDate>Mon, 07 Jan 2008 20:05:51 PST</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ hahaha, "uNF!"<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>sigh</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/16289228/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/16289228/</guid>
                <pubDate>Sun, 06 Jan 2008 16:00:46 PST</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ well, what do they know anyway ..<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>wellwhat.</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/16248116/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/16248116/</guid>
                <pubDate>Thu, 03 Jan 2008 23:08:39 PST</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ i had the most profound and important experience, the most useful revelation i have ever had, but .. the last two weeks have been a blur but a happy one, an almost worriless one, and, well, that worries me... i have this lingering sense of sadness, now .. that even my revelations that to me are so colossal are too pathetically small to tackle the world and my towering life and you, of course you. <br />
<br />
the first two days (it seems like two.. i guess it has been about four... i squish the days down when they become toomuch..) i told myself i was lying to myself, i was facing my delusions still, even with my revelation, that that is all they were, delusions, but this time i knew and i thought i could face everything, i knew my head was just working against me and to ignore it ignore it ignore it even as it stuck to my face and i knew it would all be okay so i cried hard into my pillow and cried again after i called you all over my floor but i said "i'm overreacting and tomorrow it will all be normal and i'll think how silly of me to cry so much" but right now, right this second      why do i feel like i'm standing at the edge of the cliff? i guess my worst fear is that you will push me off, i know you won't want to do it but what if you have to? <br />
<br />
i thought ours was different, too different to follow the real rules of romance, you know, too insightful to die justlikethat, that we're too different to take separate paths when it comes to forks in the road that is always forking, always forking, far too different from the other people we know. but sometimes people are blinded. i don't know by what. beauty, maybe. people are blinded by beauty, the bloomed but ready to wither, and they forget about the quivering bud that still has it's beauty coming, beauty that won't really ever fade or wither away... it's always so much easier to go with what is beautiful now instead of waiting for wonders, especially when you are uncertain of them. i'm scared you will lose your certainty of me. you're so sure there's this wonderful being inside of me, but once my shell starts to chip off, what if i am hollow? what if there is not much more than that shell? what if that wonderful being is just some demon in disguise or a figment of your own fanciful hallucinations?<br />
<br />
i'm not sure that's right but, but, why am i so scared you will give up? talking myself through it i can't possibly imagine you would, seeing you in your layers, your divinely, unfindable inside any other soul, beautiful wonderful spectacular layers of life, of knowledge, wisdom, wonderment i can't possibly begin to fathom. when i look inside of you and know you are looking in me the same way, then, i can't imagine why you would possibly fade away. when i think of the kindness and the words, the wisdom oh god the wisdom, through all my stupid huge stubbornness, you have given me, all the days you have stood my egocentric, delusional sadness, again i can't even begin to believe you would leave. when you look at me (especially, especially this) and when you hug me tight as you can around my waist and when i make you smile, when i make you smile! that is when i really think it's right. when you hug me, and you smile, just the way, ohhh, just the way you talk and the way you become so alive, the way your inner beauty just radiates, thru your eyes and your mouth and your every movement, even when you are just sitting there speaking, and every sentence makes me swoon. <br />
<br />
well, god, there's no way it's not real ..<br />
<br />
do you think it's possible to live in your own reality? the rules of society, "the way boys are, the way love is .." is it possible to avoid living under that spell? is it possible to really see past pitiful human nature, to live in some kind of self-created heaven that looks like hell from the outside, to everyone else who looks at it, but know that it is really, really divine? is it possible?<br />
<br />
i'm going to believe it is because believing is always the last thing you can do, when your emotions start to get the better of you and everything around you tells you it will go wrong.. optimism. something i've never been good at. but i will just believe. i will really, really trust your godliness.<br />
<br />
this wasn't even going to be about you. it was going to be about how change is such a long process...endless, even. how it's so annoying going through each day just waaaiting because nothing happens overnight. god the days are long ..<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>Devious Journal Entry</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/15943232/</link>
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                <pubDate>Sat, 15 Dec 2007 10:39:59 PST</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ my favourite part is how when i dream of you so vividly in my head when i sleep i can wake up to find you beside me, too.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>yeahhh.</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/15713815/</link>
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                <pubDate>Wed, 28 Nov 2007 20:50:01 PST</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ i'm not sure why some things are so hard!<br />
<br />
i don't want to say anything. you can never guess.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>Devious Journal Entry</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/15442124/</link>
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                <pubDate>Fri, 09 Nov 2007 23:40:28 PST</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ i ne3ed something but i donm't know what.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>Devious Journal Entry</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/15227967/</link>
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                <pubDate>Fri, 26 Oct 2007 10:50:22 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ my words have slowly started to overflow and run out everything else. one day i want to submit photography or drawings, but i find my photographs are only of myself (i was thinking of starting a seperate account for this, for this reason but i'm so lazy sometimes and i can't be bothered to show pictures of my and only me) and my drawings are rarely finished on top of the matter that i have no scanner. so right now poetry is just all i really have, in a lot of senses. in too many senses. <br />
<br />
it's sad when i've started to fall in love with every pattern of rhyme and each allusion, each alliteration and assonance and every intricate syllable because i've nowhere else to shift my love. (it seems to hover in a hollow daze across a gaping black openness with nowhere to rest, no final statements to end its hanging in space where it floats floats floats, unanswered. i'm sending out each ounce like tiny baby spiders and it's carried off subtly by a sailing breeze but most of it is windswept into waterholes or stuck in spiderwebs or carried much, much too far. some of it i just seem to send out knowing, as soon as i see it hover haphazardly in a lopsided, left-footed twirl, that it will spiral hopelessly to the ground with no chances for survival.) and so i've stopped sending it out, most of the time, because it seemed only the smallest sparks of it ignited anything at all into fires that are put out too soon by frequent downpours. i've stopped walking with my love worn like a perfume and i've started to carry it inside and thrust it out through metaphor and meter. i've started to make love to my sentences. it's sad.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>ohh.</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/15080387/</link>
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                <pubDate>Mon, 15 Oct 2007 21:19:25 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ positive anything is better than negative nothing..<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>,</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/14830034/</link>
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                <pubDate>Fri, 28 Sep 2007 16:42:11 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ ugh.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>i better stop now before i start crying.</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/14751060/</link>
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                <pubDate>Sun, 23 Sep 2007 00:09:28 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ why can't you at least try to make it better? why do you make it so so much worse?<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>Devious Journal Entry</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/14568848/</link>
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                <pubDate>Sun, 09 Sep 2007 22:42:35 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ i feel so crazy sometimes but all i gotta do is wait and hope.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>.</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/14348223/</link>
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                <pubDate>Sun, 26 Aug 2007 11:36:15 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ so I'm alive. I'm doing a little better. we'll see how it pans out this time.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>for a walking corpse like me...like you..</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/14249327/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/14249327/</guid>
                <pubDate>Mon, 20 Aug 2007 02:05:20 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ Consider me deceased. R.I.P. self. Honestly. I can feel nothing anymore, not even reality. I'm disconnected. I've lost all touch. I can't feel anything. They say in psychology the word for it is derealization. Or depersonalization. It depends. It's both, in my case. You might consider me lucky, I'm not afraid of anything anymore, and I don't have to feel pain. Like going to heaven. Like I'm dead. And like I'm dead, I have no personality, no sense of self, no ability to feel passion. It's like everything I am doing, is happening to someone else instead. Like I can't experience the moments I'm creating. When they are further in the past will I forget them completely? I don't know. If I wasn't so good at pretending I am always okay, at pretending I am completely normal, then I would consider myself gone absolutely mad. And I've looked everywhere and found nothing to bring me back and I'm scared I <i>won't</i> ever come back. I'm terrified. If I can't come back then I can't feel myself or you ever again, not the way I want to. I can't look at the sky like I used to. The sky used to cheer me up anytime I would see it, it was there for me to marvel at when I had no hope in anything else. But now it is nothing at all to me and when I look at it, I look with dead eyes and it is just a sky and it makes me wonder just where my soul went or if I ever really had one. I used to believe I must have done something to deserve this. I don't really believe anything at all now. Sometimes I find myself crying and I stop immediately. When I get lonely I ignore it. I keep thinking there must be someone who is going to help me get through this and each time I realize we are all humans and if I, a human can be this weak how should I expect anyone else to stop it? And if there's no one to stop it or even understand it then I have to be the one to stop it, and now I can think of no way how but to end it all completely. And it sounds so terrible but it's not how it is in my mind. Think of it as a way to be happy. It ends pain you can't really imagine. I'm not going to kill myself. But sometimes when I am crossing the road I wish the light would turn green and the cars would disregard me. Maybe a few people would care but they wouldn't understand how glad I would be to go. Am I wrong to feel like this?<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>we only come out at night</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/14173597/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/14173597/</guid>
                <pubDate>Wed, 15 Aug 2007 00:54:15 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ sometimes i just write journals so the last one isn't on the front page anymore. you know how it goes.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>you.</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/14010226/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/14010226/</guid>
                <pubDate>Sat, 04 Aug 2007 02:59:38 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ Why do you do this to me? You make me too happy sometimes. You make it all feel better. When I'm with you I don't even worry, and then you really make me feel like you mean it all and you actually make me smile.<br />
<br />
Crazy fool.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>A question for all y'all.</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/13867801/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/13867801/</guid>
                <pubDate>Tue, 24 Jul 2007 23:59:19 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ I was really thinking lately that maybe I should try submitting writing in contests or something? So I was wondering if any of you knew of any, and also someone should tell me which piece of writing I should use because I just wouldn't have a clue! Thanks guyths.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>i guess</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/13797912/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/13797912/</guid>
                <pubDate>Thu, 19 Jul 2007 16:55:24 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ all you can ever do is live.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>no matter where we are, we're always touching</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/13710414/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/13710414/</guid>
                <pubDate>Thu, 12 Jul 2007 16:33:39 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ i'm almost as tired of myself as everyone else is. sigh.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>let's pretend we don't exist.</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/13551809/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/13551809/</guid>
                <pubDate>Sat, 30 Jun 2007 12:48:31 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ i had a revelation i think, or maybe i have just been high most of the time lately, but either way, suddenly it doesn't really matter. suddenly i know the exact reasons for everything and they make it hurt so much less and i am still lonely but only because to exist is to be lonely and that is unavoidable. the thing is, i am no longer in love, in like or missing and that is wonderful for so many reasons.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>rut.</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/13519639/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/13519639/</guid>
                <pubDate>Thu, 28 Jun 2007 01:10:39 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ i still am very very upset. i still can't think of any worse feeling than the knowledge that you are not good enough; the feeling of someone else being chosen over you and you not even being able to say a word. there is nothing that can possibly make me feel more worthless and used.<br />
<br />
i am so lucky i've got a bag of bud to deal with it. it's the only thing that listens to me and tries to comfort me, i swear, and that doesn't even make sense. i am always so lonely and it's become harder and harder to ignore. ritalin made me shaky and anxious. probably not gonna do that again. i don't think i'm doing well lately. which sucks. it's summer. i want to love. too bad it isn't going to happen.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>twist your head around,</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/13245609/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/13245609/</guid>
                <pubDate>Wed, 06 Jun 2007 22:04:19 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ it's all around you. all is full of love.<br />
<br />
I'm over it, now. Now I've got no one to distract me from you; I think that's why I liked him so much. I finally had a distraction. And I tried so so hard. I really did. I was scared of losing him (like I lose everything, so scared), people told me to try and believe in myself and it would work, to really try and keep this one going, and I did it, and I just wound up embarrassing myself. All I was doing was going for another person I couldn't have, if only to get away from the exact same thing with you. So now that's what I'm left with, again. You. And I'm not really left with you because I can't even have you. And once you leave I'm only going to be left with myself and then, then I'm not really quite sure what I'm going to do.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>you'll end up where you were.</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/13144195/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/13144195/</guid>
                <pubDate>Tue, 29 May 2007 21:14:20 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ It's still hard everytime it comes into my mind, but I guess I'll live. I mean, of course I'll live. I'm just going to be really hopeless for a while. Hopeless, just like before. Just like me.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>closer than anyone would ever get...</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/13098575/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/13098575/</guid>
                <pubDate>Sat, 26 May 2007 08:47:01 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ I can't stand my brain. It's making me crazy. It's like the only way to escape it is to go to sleep and even then I'm twisting in the covers for hours before I fall asleep. And then I have the dreams. I used to not get dreams because my brain was too tired from getting high all day or something, they just wouldn't happen. But now even when my brain finally shuts and the thoughts stop pouring out, I get the most restless sleep ever and they are just full of you. They are full of you and him and every other him and I feel like I'm making a decision in each dream and I don't know which way to go, ever. It's funny, when I was with you I remember thinking "I like you but I think if it really boiled down to it and he came to me, I think I would pick him because I am in love with him". But now I lay there in the mornings (I can't stop waking up in the mornings. As soon as I am awake I have to lay  for about another hour because my brain jumps at the chance to open up and start that goddamn thinking again) and I think "I don't even want him anymore." I liked you so much. I gave you so much of me and put all of my trust in you and honestly, I haven't felt my heart break like this in so long. I liked you so much I would rather take the chance with you, kiss you for the rest of eternity over him. And that says so, so much. And it's nothing to you. It's nothing to you and that's what really kills me. This is exactly what happened 3 years ago except way, way more extreme. It's about the exact same situation and yet I just can't deal with it like that. I just can't get over you. I can't stop thinking about you. It is literally driving me insane.<br />
<br />
He showed me this song and it used to be an incessant reminder of song and now all the words remind me of is you. All everything reminds me of is you...<br />
I'm a mess.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>.  .</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/13081733/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/13081733/</guid>
                <pubDate>Thu, 24 May 2007 21:10:42 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ I love being alone. I really do. I love having my friends and I love to be with them but I just really love not having feelings for anyone or being tied down and having to worry about things. I'm sick right now and taking antibiotics but I would much rather be sick than sad. I love being okay. Really. It's the best.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>Yeah right.</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/13027124/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/13027124/</guid>
                <pubDate>Sun, 20 May 2007 14:47:29 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ And I've got this stupid scar that will never go away to always remind me of you and how much of an idiot I am. I should stop hoping that things will turn out okay because they always just ruin themselves. I hate people.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>I think I'm dumb.</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/12880223/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/12880223/</guid>
                <pubDate>Mon, 07 May 2007 19:16:38 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ Things are okay I think.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>These walls are paper thin..</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/12823243/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/12823243/</guid>
                <pubDate>Thu, 03 May 2007 02:03:03 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ I've come to the conclusion that people only become/stay friends with me for sex/everything leading up to sex or weed.<br />
<br />
And it seems so often I get so desperately lonely that I just don't give a shit. I feel so used, all the time. But I know I'm paranoid. I make things much worse than they are. One time a boy wanted to be friends with me and I came up with all these ridiculous explanations on why he wanted to hang out with me because I couldn't imagine how anyone could ever like me (he just wanted me to relieve him of his loneliness and I said no, like I've had to so many times before because people see me, an obviously lonely person and expect me to be like them). So I don't confront anyone about it, because what if I'm wrong and they aren't using me?<br />
<br />
But sometimes it's blatantly obvious that they are and I still go along with it and I feel a little bit torn apart after.<br />
<br />
I never post these things on DeviantArt, but if you guys who are reading this have looked at my photos and writing, then you already know all of my secrets and so I feel perfectly fine posting stuff like this here. You guys make me happy.<br />
<br />
But, I will go on with my life and know things will turn out ok, and even if they don't I've always got myself and that's all I really need to stay alive.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>The World at Large.</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/12731642/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/12731642/</guid>
                <pubDate>Wed, 25 Apr 2007 14:53:09 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ Ice-age heat wave, can't complain.<br />
If the world's at large, why should I remain?<br />
Walked away to another plan.<br />
Gonna find another place, maybe one I can stand.<br />
I move on to another day,<br />
to a whole new town with a whole new way.<br />
Went to the porch to have a thought.<br />
Got to the door and again, I couldn't stop.<br />
You don't know where and you don't know when.<br />
But you still got your words and you got your friends.<br />
Walk along to another day.<br />
Work a little harder, work another way.<br />
<br />
Well uh-uh baby I ain't got no plan.<br />
We'll float on maybe would you understand?<br />
Gonna float on maybe would you understand?<br />
Well float on maybe would you understand?<br />
<br />
The days get shorter and the nights get cold.<br />
I like the autumn but this place is getting old.<br />
I pack up my belongings and I head for the coast.<br />
It might not be a lot but I feel like I'm making the most.<br />
The days get longer and the nights smell green.<br />
I guess it's not surprising but it's spring and I should leave.<br />
<br />
I like songs about drifters - books about the same.<br />
They both seem to make me feel a little less insane.<br />
Walked on off to another spot.<br />
I still haven't gotten anywhere that I want.<br />
Did I want love? Did I need to know?<br />
Why does it always feel like I'm caught in an undertow?<br />
<br />
The moths beat themselves to death against the lights.<br />
Adding their breeze to the summer nights.<br />
Outside, water like air was great.<br />
I didn't know what I had that day.<br />
Walk a little farther to another plan.<br />
You said that you did, but you didn't understand.<br />
<br />
I know that starting over is not what life's about.<br />
But my thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth.<br />
My thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth.<br />
My thoughts were so loud.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Sometimes songs say it better than I do. Also, I really like Modest Mouse.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>One love.</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/12638741/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/12638741/</guid>
                <pubDate>Tue, 17 Apr 2007 23:02:41 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ My life feels very important right now. Does that ever happen to you? Maybe like, it's changing in a significant way. Like every day it's changing and at night I can't wait for the next day to see what happens next. It also means I'm too busy to write or do any art, generally, which sucks. But I am willing to put things on pause if other things are going to change a little bit.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>Loop.</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/12019106/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/12019106/</guid>
                <pubDate>Thu, 01 Mar 2007 20:10:02 PST</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ Loop me round and round<br />
I will still stand tall though claim knocked down<br />
And if you loop me into sound<br />
I am found<br />
<br />
And force me to capsize<br />
By the strength of your intimidation<br />
And factual lies<br />
And if you force me to capsize<br />
You're denied<br />
<br />
Im astounded by the way you deal<br />
With all your views and the things you conceal<br />
And in view of all you views I think you feel<br />
Yes, in view of all your fearlessness<br />
Youre dying to reveal that<br />
You'll tell me anything I want to hear<br />
You'll tell me anything to keep me near<br />
<br />
That's how you loop me round and round<br />
I will still stand tall though claim knocked down<br />
And if you loop me into sound<br />
I am found<br />
<br />
I was feeling kind of ugly<br />
Wanted everyone to love me<br />
You can call it kind of greedy<br />
Call it giving to the needy<br />
Though I do believe you'll tell me what I want to hear<br />
You'll tell me anything to keep me near<br />
<br />
That's how you loop me round and round<br />
I will still stand tall though claim knocked down<br />
And if you loop me into sound<br />
I am found<br />
<br />
That's how you loop me<br />
That's how you groove me<br />
And how you keep me and you lose me<br />
You loop me<br />
And it goes on and on and on...<br />
<br />
This is the only place I can think of to post lyrics that seem like they were written by me but forgotten about, or something. I just want to post lyrics that explain how I'm feeling basically, but I have no place to put them. So I decided here would be a good idea. I love lyrics where every word is true to you. It's amazing. Not the situation though, I fucking hate it.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>Yey.</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/10977396/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/10977396/</guid>
                <pubDate>Wed, 06 Dec 2006 20:48:49 PST</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ I get happy when I come on DevArt because I love comments and when people like what I do. It's cute, and makes me blushy happy giggly. Yayy, thanks guys. <img src="http://e.deviantart.com/emoticons/h/hug.gif" width="38" height="15" alt=":hug:" title="Hug" /><img src="http://e.deviantart.com/emoticons/h/heart.gif" width="15" height="13" alt=":heart:" title="Heart" /><br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>What's wrong with you?!</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/10707317/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/10707317/</guid>
                <pubDate>Mon, 13 Nov 2006 01:05:51 PST</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ Devart is being weird. When people leave me comments it doesn't show me until like 5 days later. Or at all.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>Ahem.</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/10701309/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/10701309/</guid>
                <pubDate>Sun, 12 Nov 2006 13:14:29 PST</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ This is nothing important, I just felt like making a journal entry. Sweet!?<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>belrh,a.s</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/10033054/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/10033054/</guid>
                <pubDate>Sun, 10 Sep 2006 20:31:12 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ Everything I write has been stupid lately so I don't submit it. So uhh, my account will probably be dead for awhile. Unless I get random inspiration. I dunno! I'm just too apathetic to write right now. Maybe I'll put up drawings even though they are teh sux. Yawn, I'm tired. ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>hey guys,</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/9726418/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/9726418/</guid>
                <pubDate>Mon, 14 Aug 2006 15:04:50 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ what's up? ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>Beware.</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/9539772/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/9539772/</guid>
                <pubDate>Sun, 30 Jul 2006 04:08:57 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ Bwahaha, I just uploaded a billion jillion pictures. ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>Mmm.</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/8712827/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/8712827/</guid>
                <pubDate>Mon, 08 May 2006 16:53:56 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ Channa Masala is good. ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>poo.</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/7929385/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/7929385/</guid>
                <pubDate>Fri, 17 Feb 2006 20:54:08 PST</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ I hate being bored when there's nothing to do, and it's too early to go to bed. My right hand is cold, but my left hand isn't. I had sushi and miso soup and tempura tonight. IT WAS YUMMEH. I need a job so I can buy lots of things. Then I'll be cool. And stuff. TTYEEDHSGL;KJSHDF.<br />
<br />
<br />
sweet. ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>DeviantArt,</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/7514109/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/7514109/</guid>
                <pubDate>Thu, 05 Jan 2006 03:20:17 PST</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ take down your damn Christmas lights.<br />
<br />
In other news...Allee sucks at putting stuff on DeviantArt because I never take pictures during the Winter and I don't have a scanner, thus I can't put up drawings, and I suck at everything else so BOOM.<br />
<br />
Wow, I love being awake at 5:30 in the morning. No I don't, I need to go to bed. ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>art uploadage</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/6401905/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/6401905/</guid>
                <pubDate>Fri, 02 Sep 2005 23:59:53 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ THAT WAS SO FUN. ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>Procrastination.</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/6345219/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/6345219/</guid>
                <pubDate>Sat, 27 Aug 2005 19:10:43 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ Yeah, so I barely ever put new things up. My bad. I'm just really lazy. And I can't put up drawings because I don't have a scanner and stuff. ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>Fuuck.</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/5668532/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/5668532/</guid>
                <pubDate>Thu, 16 Jun 2005 16:22:27 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ I really hate people, sometimes...<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.peta2.com/takecharge/t-wetseal.asp">[link]</a><br />
<br />
Watch it. It's so cruel. ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>Abuh??</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/5527007/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/5527007/</guid>
                <pubDate>Thu, 02 Jun 2005 00:30:36 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ So I definitely put some new pictures  up. Deviantart must hate me cause it  sure isn't showing 2 of them for me.  Whuevs. ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>IOHDFOS??!</title>
                <link>http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/5090283/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://TweekFreak.deviantart.com/journal/5090283/</guid>
                <pubDate>Thu, 14 Apr 2005 19:39:15 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ Eww. My art on here is old. I don't  even update anymore so I'm like, gonna  delete everything soon or something. ]]></description>
                <author>~TweekFreak</author>
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