http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:UglyDuckling323&section=today deviantART RSS for by:UglyDuckling323 en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 15 Dec 2009 04:31:17 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/28207178/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/28207178/ Sat, 07 Nov 2009 21:22:59 PST In college now. Enjoying it so far. It'sm lonely, cause I'm out of state and I don't go to parties or make an effort to meet people... but I'm making it work. Taking my camera out a lot, but no picture I've taken seem to be very DA worthy. Making mostly all A's, cause I go to class every time. For my younger friends, go to class every time. College is easy if you'll just do that.
Not much else to mention, really. But I figured I needed another journal, since my last one was five months ago.

Crimson Tide is 9-0 by the way.



Denial, Revisted
The Offspring
Album: Conspiracy of One

So here we go
Having the same old fight again
So there she goes
Same old game that never ends

If I could say
All the right words
I know I could make you stay
If I could say all the right words
Things would work out alright

And if you go
I won't believe
That it's forever

And you can go
I'll never leave
'Cause it's not over

Replay last night
Talking it out don't make it right
I know she's tried, my whole world
is her and all we've got now

And if you go
I won't believe
That it's forever
I won't let go
Even if she says that it's over
I know it'll be
Different this time
If you'd just stay

And when we wrote this story
How did it end?
It was you and me for all our lives
Come on don't say it
We'll try again
And if I'd just hold you
We could last

But she stands softly
Tears down her face
Hitting me, oh God
This is the end
And I'm waiting for you
But there's nothing more now i can do

How did you know
How did you know
How did you know
Finally





Very talented artists and some of my close friends:

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/25319638/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/25319638/ Sun, 14 Jun 2009 23:40:23 PDT Summer, summer.
Haven't been doing much lately, have I? Shame on me. Just been so busy! Drama has consumed completely; last week i assistant directed a children's musical/ taught drama, this week I am working my first paid acting gig as a voiceover for a website on abusive relationships, next week I am counselor at a residential performing arts camp, the next week teaching drama to lil kids for $50 a day (not too bad for only a few days).... then vacation time all of July which I will definitely need.

Leaving for college August 14, have registered for all my classes. Ah scary!

So up was really cute, but I couldn't tell the different between 3D and reg.

My laptop's wireless chip has been broken for a month or so now. And as I was in the process of cleaning it off to have it shipped to be fixed moment ago, it came back on. I'm still trying to figure out that one.

I stumbled upon some computer paper on my desk a couple hours ago, made me miss drawing. So I may draw something soon. I want to write as well... and I need to pick up my camera... I'm just so lazy recently for some reason.

It's gunna be a big summer, that's for sure.

I guess I'll force myself to go to bed. Sometimes, I've found, you just don't feel like it.


SotD
Bruised
Jack's Mannequin

I've got my things, I'm good to go
You met me at the terminal
Just one more plane ride and it's done
We stood like statues at the gate
Vacation's come and gone too late
There's so much sun where I'm from
I had to give it away
Had to give you away

And we spent four days on an island at your family's old hotel
Sometimes perfection can be, can be perfect hell
Perfect...

Hours passed and she still counts the minutes that I am not there
I swear I didn't mean for it to feel like this,
like every inch of me is bruised
And don't fly fast
Oh pilot can you help me, can you make this last?
This plane is all I got so keep it steady now
cause every inch you see is bruised

I lace my chucks
I walk the aisle
I take my pills, the babies cry
All I hear is what's playing through the in-flight radio
Now every word of every song I ever heard that made me wanna stay
is what's playing through the in-flight radio
and I, and I am finally waking up.

Hours passed and she still counts the minutes that i am not there
I swear I didn't mean for it to feel like this,
like every inch of me is bruised, bruised
Don't fly fast
Oh pilot can you help me, can you make this last?
This plane is all i got so keep it steady now
cause every inch you see is bruised, yeah

So read your books but stay out late
some nights, some nights
And don't think that you can't stop by the bar
You haven't shown your face here since the bad news
Well I'm here till close with fingers crossed
each night cause your place isn't far

And hours pass
Hours pass
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah

She still counts the minutes that I am not there
I swear I didn't mean for it to feel like this,
like every inch of me is bruised, bruised
And don't fly fast
Oh pilot can you help me, can you make this last?
This plane is all I got so keep it steady now
cause every inch you see is bruised
Bruised, bruised.





Very talented artists and some of my close friends:

http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/24127698/ Wed, 08 Apr 2009 10:55:30 PDT Been awhile since I updated. I think it's about time.
In my living life, I'm leaving for Florida tomorrow with one of my best friends. I've been working on a bikini body since last August and I've got 4 almost-defined abs so I'm looking forward to hitting the spring break beach. ;D
Just got back from biking four miles and am really hot... the apple isn't helping much. Need water! Eventually.
My purse got stolen at school a few weeks ago. My cell phone and wallet were taken out, and my purse was stolen. Wtf? I don't know either. But I need it back because it has something very precious to me inside of it... I mentioned watching the security tapes to my principle but she never got around to it- although she told me every day I asked that "it's at the top of my list!"
Senior prom a week from this Saturday. There are thirteen guys in my graduating class. Suffice to say...... I'm being set up with by parents. Jess is officially lame. "she was lookin kinda dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an L on her forehead." However, I have a great dress.

As for my artistic life, Sweeney Todd was our spring musical (did i mention that before?). It sold out six of the seven shows and was a great success! I'm so glad it's over though!
I start rehearsals for Backstage Backstabbers on Monday, and for Senior Dance Concert on Thursday. Rehearsals for the commedia show will continue and rehearsals for my piece in senior showcase will start soon. I'll be getting the script for the Thespian show eventually and lastly, I will be starting to write my piece for the creative writing show, Studio Theatre, very very soon. Whew, Jess is busy. That's on top of two AP exams and an EOCT and six other honors classes. x_x
Last night I drew a picture... I think that it's the best I've ever done and I'm really proud! Soon as I get my camera back from the shop (yeah, it's in the shop) I'll take a picture of it and submit it. My scanner is teh suck.


I think I'm going to go hide the prime rib from my brother now. Deuces.



SofD
Does Your Mother Know
ABBA

You're so hot, teasing me
So you're blue, but I can't take a chance on a chick like you
It's something I couldn't do

There's that look in your eye
I can read in your face that your feelings are driving you wild
Oh but girl you're only a child

Well I could dance with you honey
If you think it's funny,
But does your mother know that you're out?
And I could chat with you baby,
flirt a little maybe,
but does your mother know that you're out?

Take it easy, take it easy
better slow down girl
That's no way to go
Take it nice and slow
Does your mother know?
Take it easy, take it easy,
try to cool it girl
Take it nice and slow
Does your mother know?

I can see what you want,
but you seem pretty young to be searching for that kind of fun
So maybe I'm not the one
Now you're so cute ,
I like your style,
and I know what you mean when you give me a flash of that smile
But girl you're only a child

Well I could dance with you honey
If you think it's funny,
But does your mother know that you're out?
And I could chat with you baby,
flirt a little maybe,
but does your mother know that you're out?

Take it easy, take it easy
better slow down girl
That's no way to go
Take it nice and slow
Does your mother know?
Take it easy, take it easy,
try to cool it girl
Take it nice and slow
Does your mother know?

Well I could dance with you honey
If you think it's funny,
But does your mother know that you're out?
And I could chat with you baby,
flirt a little maybe,
but does your mother know that you're out?

Well I could dance with you honey
If you think it's funny,
But does your mother know that you're out?
And I could chat with you baby,
flirt a little maybe,
but does your mother know that you're out?





Very talented artists and some of my close friends:

*UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/22318933/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/22318933/ Wed, 31 Dec 2008 22:38:50 PST Yesterday was my birthday. I'm legal now. I don't feel any different.
I just got home from my birthday party. It was a little... disappointing cause so many people were so... rude.
Hurt my heart. Guess you know your true friends.
I sang Janis Ian's "At Seventeen." I remembered all the words. That was great.
My brother's got the flu or something. My dad had to pick him up from work earlier cause he couldn't even drive home.


*sigh*
Better luck next year, I guess.

Hope everyone has had great holidays.





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]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/22195841/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/22195841/ Thu, 25 Dec 2008 17:15:05 PST On our way home from a movie, I listened to my voicemail. It was my grandmother. I called her back and she asked to speak with my mother.
Long story short, my great uncle is dying. She wants my mom (a hospice nurse) to come immediately and stay with him. Keep in mind it's 7:00 pm and we had yet to have Christmas dinner.
After an emotional and quick decision, my mom decided to go and my dad is going with her. I have to work tomorrow evening and couldn't. My brother is 20 so he didn't have to go.
So my mom and dad just left the house, on Christmas, destined for Oneonta, Alabama; she in tears, he with bad jokes.
I almost half-assed a Christmas dinner for my brother and I, but he let me know that even if I cooked anything he wouldn't eat it, then left the house.
Here I sit, alone on Christmas. An hour after I checked my voicemail coming home from the movie.
So, this is Christmas.
Jess is trying not to cry.




Have a Merry Christmas everyone.



I'll Be Home For Christmas
Bing Crosby

I'll be home for Christmas;
You can count on me.
Please have snow and mistletoe
And presents on the tree.

Christmas Eve will find me
Where the love-light gleams.
I'll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams.





Very talented artists and some of my close friends:



]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/21918216/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/21918216/ Wed, 10 Dec 2008 16:29:41 PST Wow, it's been a bit. Hokay! So, this past weekend I went to Disney World for the first time... and it was AMAZING!!!! I completely and totally regressed back into a 7 year old. Spectacular, I know.

Took some good pictures. Vic should be fixing some of them up on photoshop but he's getting lazy. (YEAH VIC I CALLED YOU OUT!)

Looks like I brought some of that immaturity back with me

I'm finally getting a new laptop (like, really, it's been broken for a year and a half) so I'm trying to get all my files off it. I have maxed out 5 DVDs so far and a 6th one is burning. I have 36 GIGS of pictures alone. Ha.

My audition for the musical was yesterday. It went great but I'm not going to get as high of hopes as I did last year... =/

FSU told me my SAT/ACT scores weren't high enough for their school and if i want to be admitted I have to retest. I got a 1790 and a 25! That's not bad?! Well, not *too* bad. So I don't know if I want to go through that again. Testing. But if my scores weren't high enough for FSU they're not going to be high enough for Vanderbilt...

Finals next week. I guess I should be doing my homework. I've been skipping my AP Lit class too much lately. Hm, the only class I've got semi-senioritis in.

That's enough for another month. (Oh, and I've got deviations saved that I haven't looked at yet cause of all this BS I've been having to go through recently, but I'm getting to them!)




SotD
Vulnerable
Secondhand Serenade

Share with me the blankets that you're wrapped in
Because it's cold outside
It's cold outside
Share with me the secrets that you kept in
Because it's cold inside
It's cold inside

And your slowly shaking fingertips show
that you're scared like me so
let's pretend we're alone

And I know you may be scared,
and I know we're unprepared,
but I don't care.

Tell me, tell me what makes you think that you are invincible.
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure
Please don't tell me that I'm the only one that's vulnerable.
Impossible

I was born to tell you i love you.
Isn't that a song already?
I get a B in originality.

And it's true i can't go on without you.
Your smile makes me see clearer-
if you can only see in the mirror what I see.

And your slowly shaking fingertips show
that you're scared like me so
let's pretend we're alone.

And I know you may be scared,
and I know we're unprepared,
but I don't care.

Tell me, tell me what makes you think that you are invincible.
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure
Please don't tell me that i'm the only one that's vulnerable.
Impossible

Slow down girl,
you're not going anywhere.
Iust wait around and see
maybe I'm much more.
You never know what lies ahead.
I promise i can be anyone
I can be anything

Just because you were hurt doesn't mean you shouldn't bleed

I can be anyone, anything
I promise I can be what you need
I can be what you need

Tell me, tell me what makes you think that you are invincible.
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure
Please don't tell me that i'm the only one that's vulnerable.
Impossible





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http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/21186103/ Mon, 27 Oct 2008 12:38:02 PDT Low-fat chocolate chunk granola bars are pretty good, if I do say so myself.
I'm gettin a four pack- w00t w00t!
Bout damn time I shaped up. I've been... "husky" for too long now.

As of this moment I'm waiting for rehearsal to start. Not too much to say, just checkin to be like "howdy" and stuff.
It's so cold. It is not unusual to find me here lately asleep wearing sweat pants, a big t-shirt, a XXL hoodie, all my blankets, and in the warmest position i know: fetal.

I may get around to submitting some writing here soon. I'm working on a couple projects for some upcoming writing contests and scholarships (oh, right.. scholarships...) <_< .. >_>...

I got into the University of Alabama! (Who, by the way, DEFEATED Tennessee in their first consecutive win since '91... 8-0!) and I'm still waiting for my other 5 colleges to give me some form of reply. Vanderbilt I won't get until sometime next spring, which sucks cause it's my other number one.
Something tells me I won't get in though. They're pretty elitest.

Taking my last SAT this saturday. I got a pretty good grade the first time, so it can only get better. (Or worse. Depends.)
"Almost, Maine" is my new show. IT's opening on November 13 and runs till the 16th. Come see me.

Till next time, here is your song of the day:

AT SEVENTEEN
Janis Ian

I learned the truth at seventeen
That love was meant for beauty queens
And high school girls with clear skinned smiles
Who married young and then retired
The valentines I never knew
The Friday night charades of youth
Were spent on one more beautiful
At seventeen I learned the truth...

And those of us with ravaged faces
Lacking in the social graces
Desperately remained at home
Inventing lovers on the phone
Who called to say "come dance with me"
And murmured vague obscenities
It isn't all it seems at seventeen...

A brown eyed girl in hand me downs
Whose name I never could pronounce
Said: "Pity please the ones who serve
They only get what they deserve"
The rich relationed hometown queen
Marries into what she needs
With a guarantee of company
And haven for the elderly...

So remember those who win the game
Lose the love they sought to gain
In debitures of quality and dubious integrity
Their small-town eyes will gape at you
In dull surprise when payment due
Exceeds accounts received at seventeen...

To those of us who knew the pain
Of valentines that never came
And those whose names were never called
When choosing sides for basketball
It was long ago and far away
the world was younger than today
when dreams were all they gave for free
to ugly duckling girls like me...

We all play the game, and when we dare
We cheat ourselves at solitaire
Inventing lovers on the phone
Repenting other lives unknown
That call and say: "Come on, dance with me"
And murmur vague obscenities
At ugly girls like me, at seventeen...





Very talented artists and some of my close friends:



]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/20870910/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/20870910/ Tue, 07 Oct 2008 08:40:51 PDT
Jess is a sad panda. She's sick.
Today is my second day out of school. I went to rehearsal last night and it took so much out of me... my show opens on Friday, so I'm freaking out that I won't get better. I'm debating on going to rehearsal tonight... I mean, I need to... but..ehhh.
I guess I can take this opportunity to upload things I've been putting off. Keep an eye out... I guess.
Ahhh, my head hurts when I cough. Is it possible for your eyes to explode?
Everyone in the Atlanta area: come to Standard Safety!! Support ME if nothing else. Friday and Saturday! Next weekend we're taking it to Albany to compete.. woo!
I need a shower, so i'll go do that. Then I may draw a little bit. Hmm?




SotD
Maybe This Time
Cabaret

Maybe this time I'll be lucky
Maybe this time he'll stay
Maybe this time
For the first time
Love won't hurry away

He will hold me fast
I'll be home at last
Not a loser anymore
Like the last time and the time before

Everybody loves a winner
So nobody loved me
Lady Peaceful
Lady Happy
That's what I long to be

Well all the odds are, they're in my favor
Something's bound to begin
It's gunna happen, happen sometime
Maybe this time I'll win

Cause everybody
oh, they love a winner
So nobody loved me
Lady Peaceful
Lady Happy
That's what I long to be

Well all the odds are, they're in my favor
Something's bound to begin
It's gunna happen, happen sometime
Maybe this time
Maybe this time
I'll win











Very talented artists and some of my close friends:






]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/20599987/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/20599987/ Sun, 21 Sep 2008 10:44:30 PDT Good afternoon!
This has been an emotional weekend. I broke it off with my almost boyfriend yesterday morning, and my best friend's boyfriend of 3 years broke up with her this morning.
On the bright side, I got my last homecoming dress (aww ) AND I'm on homecoming court.. for Ms. DSA. "Homecoming queen" if you will. There's some fierce competition. Me and two of my very best friends, another of my good friends, and another girl.

I've picked up a little drawing here recently! I've had nothing but bad feedback from my most recent drawing though.. so I don't know if I'll put it up. I was really proud of it... I'm kind of embarrassed now though. It just feels like suddenly I can't do anything. I can't write, I can't draw, I can't photograph well. I can't sing...
I don't know, I mean, it's even getting really hard to play Andrea in Standard Safety. I feel like since I'm the senior actor of the school and now the lead in the play... there's just a lot of pressure to do well and I'm afraid I'm going to mess it up.

I've ALMOST applied to about 4 colleges. University of Alabama, Drexel U (they sent me a free app, so I figured why not?), UGA, and Oglethorpe. I need to finish Florida State... and Vanderbilt. I just hate writing essays! But I'm so good at it!

Those of you at DSA... vote for me! Ahhh, how cool would it be if I won?? Yay! I need to find a date now.

Oh, oh my God, and my song of the day is really... special. I saw it performed at my school by our premier singing group. Everyone should see the video. Everyone. It is absolutely phenomenal.
Add me as a friend on facebook to see it! Jess Cardwell. You know me.

After Tonight
Justin Nozuka

There's something in your eyes
Is everything alright
You look up to the sky
You long for something more

Darling
Give me your right hand
I think I understand
Follow me and you will never have to wish again

I know that after tonight
You don't have to look up at the stars
No, No, No, No
I know by the end of tonight
You don't have to look up at the stars
I know that if the love is alright
You won't have to look up at the stars
No, No, No, No
I know by the end of tonight
You don't have to look up at the stars

Tell me how you feel
and if I'm gettin near
I'll tell you where to steer
you'll tell me where to steer
Da-Da-Da-Darling
Way above the clouds
And high above the stars
Through the unknown black holes
No one knows where we are
But we'll return to Earth and do it all over again

Cause I know that after tonight
You don't have to look up at the stars
No, No, No, No
I know by the end of tonight
You don't have to look up at the stars
and I know that if the love is alright
You won't have to look up at the stars
No, No, No, No
I know by the end of tonight
You don't have to look up at the stars

Come away with me
Come fly away with me

Just for a night
No one will ever know
No, No, No, No
Darling

I will leave you satisfied
Forever past time
You don't have to hide you're free to fly
I know that after tonight
You don't have to look up at the stars
No, No, No, No
I know by the end of tonight
You don't have to look up at the stars
and I know that if the love is alright
You won't have to look up at the stars
No, No, No, No
I know by the end of tonight
You don't have to look up at the stars

I know that after tonight
You don't have to look up at the stars
No, No, No, No
I know by the end of tonight
You don't have to look up at the stars
and I know that if the love is alright
You don't have to look up at the stars
No, No, No, No
I know by the end of tonight
You'll be looking down upon them from heaven











Very talented artists and some of my close friends:

http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/20215016/ Fri, 29 Aug 2008 08:18:17 PDT Good day, all. I'm sitting in psychology at my own personal desk right now. Heh. Got finished teaching the class about nueroimaging techniques. Love bein a TA!
Senior pictures this morning. Went well. I'm not a very good picture taker, so I hope they came out okay =/
I got the LEAD in the play Standard Safety; my best friend Jasmine playing the lead opposite me. I'm very excited. We're taking the show to Georgia Theatre Conference in October, and from there to South Eastern Theatre Conference in March.
That's just the first show.. drama ensemble is putting on a show called Almost, Maine (AMAZING!!)that will be the fall drama.
There are some rumors going around about the spring musical... I know what it is for a fact though... I'll post it when I'm allowed to spill. It's a really, really big deal!

I'm taking online PE, so I've got lots of free classes this year. It'll be pretty easy... I think I have 100s in all my classes except anatomy.

Pretty much all the updates I have now. Been taking more candid shots recently than anything, so I dunno when the next time I'll submit anything will be.

Anybody going to the Mamma Mia karaoke version this weekend? I know I'll be


SotD
Reckoner
Radiohead

You can't take it with you
Dancing for your pleasure

You are not to blame for
Bittersweet distractor
Dare not speak its name
Dedicated to all human beings

Because we separate like
ripples on a blank shore
(in rainbows)
Because we separate like
ripples on a blank shore
(in rainbows)

Reckoner

Take me with you
Dedicated to all human beings











Very talented artists and some of my close friends:






]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/19813118/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/19813118/ Wed, 06 Aug 2008 17:10:48 PDT [link]

That's a really really cool link. Just look at it.











Very talented artists and some of my close friends:






]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/19428396/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/19428396/ Wed, 16 Jul 2008 13:06:00 PDT Well, I'm alive.
Been working with lil chillins at camps all summer, so haven't had much time to be..er..active.

Primaries were yesterday, as some of you know, and sadly my dad came in third.
The biggest, most evil man ended up winning, but there's going to be a runoff between him and another man who we hope will win. The man who won raped a woman and got away with it... and he may be our next US senator.
It makes me wonder if the people of this country are even stupider than the people running it.

Our family has grown stronger in result of it though, and I've met some really really awesome people. For example, last night the man who Forbes named next president of Georgia (the country) grew to love me. He's inviting my family over to where he's staying and going to make us a Georgian cuisine.
I met a filmmaker who has recently bought a place in Italy because he's running the italian film festival. He's invited my family there next summer to watch the film fest.
One of the running mates of my fathers is a huge business man who lives in the mountains. I've been invited to their house to go horseback riding with his wife.
The co-founder of UPS.
The inspector general for the southeast and Carribean. He actually hosted the primary party last night.
It's been a bumpy ride, and my dad was a great sport about it all. We're all glad it's over though.

This morning I was told by my favorite teacher that I made a 4 on my AP Psych exam this past spring. Great news for me, and everyone is a little happier because of it.

I've taken lots of pictures over the past few.. months, I guess, that I may or may not put up. I'll have to review them and see which ones are good enough.

And that about sums it up, I think. Hope everyone is doing well!



Big Balls
AC/DC

Well I'm upper upper class high society
God's gift to ballroom notoriety.
And I always fill my ballrooms-
the event is never small.
The social pages say I've got the biggest balls of all

I've got big balls,
I've got big balls.
They're such big balls,
and they're fancy big balls.
And he's got big balls,
and she's got big balls,
but we've got the biggest balls of them all!

My balls are always bouncing,
my ballroom always full
and everybody comes and comes again!
If you're name is on the guest list
no one can take you higher.
Everybody says i've got great balls of fire

I've got big balls
oh i've got big balls
They're such big balls
Dirty big balls
And he's got big balls
And she's got big balls
But we've got the biggest balls of them all

Some balls and held for charity
and some for fancy dress
But when they're held for pleasure
they're the balls that i like best
My balls are always bouncing
to the left and to the right
It's my belief that my big balls
should be held every night

We've got big balls
We've got big balls
We've got big balls
Dirty big balls
He's got big balls
She's got big balls
But we've got the biggest balls of them all!

(We've got big balls)
(We've got big balls)

And I'm just itching to tell you about them
Oh we had such wonderful fun
Seafood cocktail, crabs, crayfish
(But we've got the biggest balls of them all)

(Ball sucker)
(Ball sucker)
(Ball sucker)
(Ball sucker)











Very talented artists and some of my close friends:

*UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/19398726/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/19398726/ Mon, 14 Jul 2008 20:51:49 PDT Long ago,
in someone else's lifetime,
someone with my name who looked a lot like me
came to know a man and made a promise
he only had to say and that's where she would be.
Lately, although the feelings run just as deep,
the promise she made has grown impossible to keep.
And yet- I wish wasn't so.
Will he miss me if I go?

In a way,
it's someone else's story.
I don't see myself as taking part at all.
Yesterday a girl that I was fond of
finally could see the writing on the wall.
Sadly she realized she'd left him behind,
and sadder than that she knew he wouldn't even mind.
And though- there's nothing left to say.
Would he listen if i stay?

It's all very well to say 'you fool, it's now or never.'
I could be choosing no choices whatsoever.

I could be in someone else's story,
in someone else's life, and he could be in mine.
I don't see a reason to be lonely.
I could take my chances further down the line.

And if that girl I knew should ask my advice,
oh I wouldn't hesitate, she needn't ask me twice.
'Go now'- I'd tell her that for free.
Trouble is, the girl is me.
The story is, the girl is me.




primaries are tomorrow. i hope my dad wins.











Very talented artists and some of my close friends:






]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/18118127/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/18118127/ Thu, 01 May 2008 13:49:26 PDT OKAY- no more emo journals for a long time. Promise!

It's been a long week, I'm so tired. One day left! I have two performances on Saturday night: Studio theatre & Drama ensemble. I know most all my lines, so it shouldn't be too bad.

My mom found out the results of her MRI today. No brain tumors () and nothing abnormal. Something that had to do with her ears or something?

wow. i just fell asleep.

Support my daddy!!!!!! [link]
He's got a rally on the DeKalb courthouse this Saturday at noon. For all of y'all in Georgia, check it out!

I wish I could find some time to get out and take some more pictures. I feel like i'm writing too much lately. Sorry about that guys. Maybe I can this weekend at Fringe... and the rally.... any suggestions for pictures?

Now... maybe I'll take a nap.


Being For the Benefit of Mr. Kite
Eddie Izzard version from Across the Universe
.....the most rambled and On-Drugs song evar!

For the benefit of Mr. Kite
there will be a show tonight on trampolines!
The Hendersons will all be there
late of Pablo Fanques Fair- have you seen it?
It's great! They've got stuff!

Over men and horses, hoops and garters
Lastly through a hogshead of real fire!
In this way Mr. K will challenge the world
with the blue people! They're great, they're just...
chilled out.

The celebrated Mr. K performs his feat on Saturday
at Bishop's Gate- nice neck of the woods!
The Hendersons, they're gunna dance and sing
as Mr. Kite flies through the ring- don't be late!

Messrs K and H assures the public their production's second to none baby!
And of course, Henry the Horse is gunna do the waltz!
(oh, you've gotta see it! It's genius! I mean she's brilliant; she does this stuff and movement and... squats... Horses! How do they do that stuff?? You gotta give her sugar. And you know? She's called Henry, and it's a lot of explanation, but don't worry about it kids okay? Just tune in, turn off, drop out, drop in, switch off, switch on, and explode.)

The band begins at ten to six
when Mr. K performs his tricks
(without a sound)
And Mr. H will demonstrate
10 SOMERSETS he's gunna do
on solid ground! Whatever they are!

Having been some days in preparation
A splendid time is guaranteed for all
And tonight, Mr. Kite is topping the bill, baby!
Across the Universe!

It's me! I'm on top of the bill! I've spent YEARS gettin to this point! I'm bloody brilliant!This is golden, you gotta see what I do man. I got horses, and dogs, and cats, and monkeys, and blue people. Its just... its such a collection! I spent years putting it together. You gotta watch it. You gotta see it. It’s me. In the thing! Yeah!











Very talented artists and some of my close friends:

http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/18008019/ Thu, 24 Apr 2008 13:59:06 PDT Days have gotten sad lately... not much to be happy about recently. Repeated blows to the self-esteem not helping.

I got second place in GPC writing contest, and God Objects was published in a little book called Copia. Or something. That was pretty cool.

Prom came and went. It wasn't as magical as I was always told. I had a great date that ended up being a really shitty person.

My mom's been really really sick. Gone to the hospital twice since Sunday. She's having to go back again to do an MRI.

I've found I'm academically more stupid than all my best friends. It's been proven to me. Today, actually. It was pretty much told to me.

I have no idea where my life is going. I hate that feeling. I absolutely hate it. I'm a person who plans for years and years in advance. I need to get back on track asap, or I'll go crazy.

Sorry for all the journals I've been doing nothing but complaining in. I'll find something positive sooner or later.



Almost Lover
A Fine Frenzy

Your fingertips across my skin,
The palm trees swaying in the wind;
Images.
You sang me spanish lullabies,
the sweetest sadness in your eyes;
Clever trick.
I never wanna see you unhappy-
I thought you'd want the same for me.

Goodbye my almost lover,
Goodbye my hopeless dream.
I'm trying not to think about you-
can't you just let me be?
So long my luckless romance;
my back is turned on you.
Should have known you'd bring me heartache.
Almost lovers always do.

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images

And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you would never never forget these images
And no, I never wanna see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me.

Goodbye my almost lover,
Goodbye my luckless dream.
I'm trying not to think about you-
can't you just let me be?
So long my luckless romance;
my back is turned on you.
Should've known you'd bring me heartache.
Almost lovers always do.

I cannot go to the ocean,
I cannot drive the streets at night,
I cannot wake up in the morning
without you on my mind.
Oh, so you're gone and I'm haunted,
and I'll bet you are just fine.
Do I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye my almost lover,
Goodbye my hopeless dream.
I'm trying not to think about you,
can't you just let me be??
So long my luckless romance;
my back is turned on you.
Should've known you'd bring me heartache.
Almost lovers always do.

Very talented artists and some of my close friends:

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/17689903/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/17689903/ Fri, 04 Apr 2008 20:36:39 PDT This has been... a pretty much... really awful day. I don't really wanna go into the story (for your sake- trust me) but it ended with me losing (I dont know if it's forever) 3 of my very good friends... maybe even best...

I'm... I'm not a bad person... I swear I'm not... I just.... don't notice things sometimes... it's not my fault... I'm not a bad person...


Oh, and um... I won another contest. I dunno what place I got... but I won another one. *tries to smile*



I Will Always Love You
Dolly Parton/ Whitney Houston

If I should stay
I would only be in your way
So I'll go... but I'll know
I'll think of you every step of the way

And I will always love you
Will always love you
You, my darling, you

Bittersweet memories
That is all I'm taking with me
So goodbye
Please don't cry
We both know I'm not what you, you need

And I will always love you
I will always love you, you

I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you have all you've dreamed of
And I wish to you joy and happiness
But above all this, I wish you love

And I will always love you
I will always love you
I will always love you
I will always love you
I will always love you

I, I will always love you, you
Darling I love you
Oh, I'll always
I'll always love you








Look..... I'm sorry, okay?

Very talented artists and some of my close friends:

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/17472165/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/17472165/ Sun, 23 Mar 2008 09:55:28 PDT Hiya all.

Getting finalized for the musical. Had a 5 hour rehearsal yesterday! Ended up getting some of my psychology done
I'm having some REAL trouble getting the choreography for Hernando's Hideaway. For some reason I can't remember any of the steps for the 15 or so measures at the end. I'm getting really worried. Opening in 3 days.

Went to the gym for about 2 hours yesterday. That was good for me. I've been having some real self-image issues lately. I refuse to even buy a bathing suit. I haven't made any plans for Spring Break. Although Alex is begging me to come down to this condo his family owns with him. That would be awesome as hell, but I'm not sure if that's going to happen. My mom is trying to make up for lost times by taking the family to Disney World. My 21 year old brother and me. I'm not sure where the thought process was on this one, but I'm pretty sure I should have gone like 12 years ago.

Well, anyway, I'll go along with whatever as long as no one looks at me.

I hate college algebra. I'll leave it at that.

so I guess I'll do some more psych now (abnormal FTW!). check back in later. Holla! (xD)




Life is Beautiful
Sixx AM

You can’t quit until you try
You can’t live until you die
You can’t learn to tell the truth
Until you learn to lie

You can’t breathe until you choke
You gotta laugh when you’re the joke
There’s nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

I know some things that you don’t
I’ve done things that you won’t
There’s nothing like a trail of blood
to find your way back home

I was waiting for my hearse
What came next was so much worse
It took a funeral to make me feel alive

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?





(PS...

Pajama Game-
March 27, 28, 29 @ 8:00pm
March 30 @ 2:00pm
April 3, 4, 5 @ 8:00pm

Come see me!)

Very talented artists and some of my close friends:

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/17303805/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/17303805/ Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:42:56 PDT HI!


So...


I WON THE GOLD KEY AWARD
FOR THE
SCHOLASTIC ART AND WRITING AWARDS

A national contest.

"Approximately 30,000 young artists and writers from across the United States receive recognition on the regional level of The Awards. The most outstanding works of art and writing from each of the regional programs— Gold Keys—are forwarded to New York City to be assessed on a national level. Panels of professional jurors will review more than 8,000 works of art and 2,000 manuscripts to select the 1,200 national award recipients in 2008."



I got this award for God Objects [link]


I can't believe it. I'm so happy about it.
WOW!





I Wanna Hold Your Hand
The Beatles (Covered by T.V. Carpo in Across the Universe)

Yeah I'll tell you something
I think you'll understand
When I say that something
I wanna hold your hand

I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand

Oh please say to me
You'll let me be your man
And please say to me
You'll let me hold your hand
Now let me hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand

And when I touch you
I feel happy inside
It's such a feeling that my love
I can't hide
I can't hide
I can't hide

Yeah you, you got that something
I think you'll understand
When I feel that something
I wanna hold your hand

I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand






Very talented artists and some of my close friends:

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/17231219/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/17231219/ Fri, 07 Mar 2008 20:43:28 PST Soooo I'm in Chattanooga right now ** at the South Eastern Theatre Conference! (SETC). I've havin a blast with everyone... I think i lost my booklet....

well, anyway. I saw Josh (cousin), his girlfriend, and this kid Bobby tonight. They drove in from Manchester and we hung out. It was a lot of fun, we went to a mall and Josh and gf ditched me. Lil awkward. I hear the poor guy is already naming our kids.

We'll be leaving tomorrow night-ish though. Gotta check out by 11. I'm SO GLAD I brought my laptop!! Free wifi.

Oh, yeah, so I got lost this morning in downtown chattanooga trying to get to the conference center...in the rain... and so I had ~FurzyBear rescue me with mapquest. It took me the upwards of four miles to get there. AND THEN on the way back? I was walking with 2 of my best friends.. and I almost got them lost too (Jess loses at directions, obviously..) but they went up to a cop and asked for directions. So he drove us back... then...we turned into lil girls and started taking pictures in the back of the car... it was fun. xD




More Than A Memory
Tim McGraw

People say she's only in my head
Its gonna take time to laugh again
They say I need to get on with my life
But they don't realize

Is when your dialing six numbers just to hang up the phone,
Driving cross town just to see if she's home,
Waking a friend in the dead of night, just to hear 'em say it's gonna be alright,
When your finding things to do not to fall asleep cuz you know she'll be there in your dreams,
Thats when she's
more than a memory

Took a match to everything she ever wrote
Watched her words go up in smoke
Tore all the pictures off the wall
But that aint helping me at all.

Cuz when your talking out loud and nobody's there,
You look like hell and you just don't care,
Drinking more than you've ever drank,
Sinking down lower than you've ever sank,
When you find yourself falling down upon your knees, praying to God, begging him please,
That's when she's
More than a Memory

She's more
She's more

Cuz when your dialing her number just to hang up the phone,
Driving cross town just to see if she's home,
waking a friend in the dead of night, just to hear 'em say it's gonna be alright,
When our finding things to do not to fall asleep cuz you know she'll be waiting in your dreams,
That's when she's
More than a Memory

People say she's only in my head
It's gonna take time to laugh again

Very talented artists and some of my close friends:

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/17154127/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/17154127/ Sun, 02 Mar 2008 18:11:04 PST this has been a very bad day.

and apparently i'm very rude.


who knew.


If I Fell
The Beatles

If I fell in love with you
Would you promise to be true
And help me understand
'cause I've been in love before
And I found that love was more
Than just holding hands

If I give my heart to you
I must be sure
From the very start
That you would love me more than her

If I trust in you, oh please
Don't run and hide
If I love you too, oh please
Don't hurt my pride like her
'cause I couldn't stand the pain
And I would be sad if our new love was in vain

So I hope you see that I
Would love to love you
And that she will cry
When she learns we are two
cause I couldn't stand the pain
and I would be sad if our new love was in vain

so I hope you see that I
would love to love you
and that she will cry when she learns we are two.

If I fell in love with you

Very talented artists and some of my close friends:

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/17001308/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/17001308/ Thu, 21 Feb 2008 22:22:37 PST IIII'VE GOT A STORY I'M ABOUT TO SUBMIT!!!



be excited!!!!!

Very talented artists and some of my close friends:

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/16927084/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/16927084/ Sun, 17 Feb 2008 09:54:20 PST Backed up on math homework. I might be seeing a show tonight. Noises Off.
Went to Lil 5 yesterday. Had some damn good pizza.

Me, the one who really knows you.
Me, the one whose heart you've broken.
Me, the one who was still hopin you might be missing me.



Sometimes When We Touch
Dan Hill

You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge ya on what you say or do?
I'm only just beginning to see the real you

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you till I die
Till we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer, still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter, still trapped within my youth

Sometimes when we touch
the honestly's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you till I die
Till we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

At times I'd like to break you and drag you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through and hold you endlessly
At times I understand you and I know how hard you try
I've watched what love commands you and I've watched love pass you by
At times I think we're drifters still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
but then the passion flares again

And sometimes when we touch
The honest's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you till I die
Till we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you til the fear in me subsides

Very talented artists and some of my close friends:

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/16838240/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/16838240/ Mon, 11 Feb 2008 18:39:33 PST Hello!


I want to give a headsup to ~TheblankPoet and *time-capsule.
I used Time Will Tell, acid-free., and i dreamt the fast lane. for a project last night. I gave acknowledgements, so be kind.

I had a fairly good day today. Said project took me from 5:00pm yesterday to about 6:00 this morning... then I had to finish other homework and got into bed at 6:20- 10 minutes before I had to get up for school. My parents let me sleep for about 3 and a half hours though, and I was sure to stop by chick fil ay for lunch to reward myself on the way to school

My internet isn't working right now. It's been going in and out on me. Really obnoxious.

I finally have a name in the musical! Mara!!! But she only has ... 3 lines in the whole show. I guess it's something, right? =/

Annabelle Lee is still probably my number one poem ever. But Sylvia Plath's Mad Girl's Love Song is pretty good too.

Oh, and ThesCon was last weekend. It was okay. I got out of school for a day for it. I wouldn't say it was worth $85 bucks though. *shrug*

I go out to a school tomorrow with my show so I'm missing another day of chemistry. Fine with me!!! I'm starting to get the feeling that this new teacher isn't much better than my last teacher... who got fired... and it's really annoying. We had such high hopes. Meh.

HEY new Beta stuff!!!! ......Anyway, well, I guess I'll start on my customary 'Single's Awareness Day' deviation pretty soon...

Adios.



Poison
Alice Cooper

You're cruel device
Your blood, like ice
One look could kill
My pain, your thrill

I wanna love you but I better not touch (don't touch!)
I wanna hold you but my senses tell me to stop
I wanna kiss you but I want it too much (too much!)
I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison
You're posion running through my veins
You're poison
I don't wanna break these chains

You're mouth, so hot
Your web, I'm caught
Your skin, so wet
Black lace on sweat

I hear you callin and it's needles and pins (and pins)
I wanna hurt you just to hear you screamin my name
Don't wanna touch you but you're under my skin (deep in)
I wanna kiss you but your lips are venomous poison
You're poison runnin through my veins
You're poison
I don't wanna break these chains
You're poison

One look could kill
My pain, your thrill

I wanna love you but I better not touch (don't touch!)
I wanna hold you but my senses tell me to stop
I wanna kiss you but I want it too much
I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison
You're poison running through my veins
You're poison
I dont wanna break these
Poison (Poison)

I wanna love you but I better not touch (don't touch!)
I wanna hold you but my senses tell me to stop
I wanna kiss you but I want it too much (too much!)
I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison
Well I don't wanna break these chains
Poison (poison)
Runnin deep inside my veins
Burnin deep inside my veins
Poison
I don't wanna break these chains
Poison

Very talented artists and some of my close friends:

http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/16697541/ Sat, 02 Feb 2008 21:09:14 PST yo.

mk, well, new picture.

Busy week coming up. Pajama Game rehearsals have been underway... started last week. Next Thursday is my IE audition at Thespian Conference. I'm super nervous for that. I have never really sung in front of anyone like that.. um.. since.. I can't even remember. It's be an auditorium full of people and 3 judges... *falls over*
After that, I'm missing school Friday for ThesCon all day... then a photography contest on Sat. morning, then off to Thescon again. Afterward rehearsals keep on 4-7 everyday till end of March. I have no life until spring break.

I just don't understand the concepts of another language. I just dont.

I've got some other pictures on my comp... I'm lookin for advice on wether or not to post them from my advice-giver, but no feedback really yet.


Life is good at the moment. We'll see how long it'll stay this time.






conversational question: What is an unusual phobia you have? I have a horrible fear of stepping on shower drains.




Why Don't You Stay
Sugarland

I've been sittin here starin at the clock on the wall
and I've been layin here prayin, prayin she won't call.
It's just another call from home.
You'll get and be gone and I'll be cryin'.

I'll be beggin you baby, beg you not to leave,
but I'll be left here waiting with my heart on my sleeve
for the next time we'll be here-
Seems like a million years and I think I'm dyin'.

What do I have to do to make you see
she can't love you like me?

Why don't you stay?
I'm down on my knees.
I'm so tired of being lonely-
don't I give you what you need?
When she calls you will go,
there is one thing you should know:
We dont have to live this way.
Baby why don't you stay?

You keep telling me baby, there will come a time
when you will leave her arms and forever be in mine.
But I don't think that's the truth
and I dont like being used
and I'm tired of waiting.

It's too much pain to have to bear
to love a man you have to share.

Why don't you stay?
I'm down on my knees.
I'm so tired of being lonely-
don't I give you what you need?
When she calls you will go,
there is one thing you should know:
We dont have to live this way.
Baby why don't you stay?

I cant take it any longer,
but my will is getting stronger
and I think I know just what I have to do.
I can't waste another minute
after all that I put in it.
I've given you my best-
why does she get the best of you??

So next time you find
you wanna leave her bed for mine,

why dont you stay.
I'm up off my knees.
I'm so tired of being lonely-
you can't give me what I need.
When she begs you not to go,
there is one thing you should know:
I dont have to live this way.
Baby why don't you stay?



.

Very talented artists and some of my close friends:

*UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/16505618/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/16505618/ Mon, 21 Jan 2008 12:51:32 PST I'm unhappy.

This has been a bad, downward- spiral day.

I need a really good hug right now.






Ghost
Indigo Girls

Theres a letter on the desktop
That I dug out of a drawer
The last truce we ever came to
From our adolescent war
And I start to feel the fever
From the warm air through the screen
You come regular like seasons
Shadowing my dreams

And the Mississippi's mighty
But it starts in minnesota
At a place that you could walk across
With five steps down
And I guess thats how you started
Like a pinprick to my heart
But at this point you rush right through me
And I start to drown

And there's not enough room
In this world for my pain
Signals cross and love gets lost
And time passed makes it plain
Of all my demon spirits
I need you the most
I'm in love with your ghost
I'm in love with your ghost

Dark and dangerous like a secret
That gets whispered in a hush
(dont tell a soul)
When I wake the things I dreamt about you
Last night make me blush
(dont tell a soul)
And you kiss me like a lover
Then you sting me like a viper
I go follow to the river
Play your memory like a piper

And I feel it like a sickness
How this love is killing me
But I'd walk into the fingers
Of your fire willingly
And dance the edge of sanity
I've never been this close
In love with your ghost

Unknowing captor
You never know how much you
Pierce my spirit
But I cant touch you
Can you hear it
A cry to be free
Oh I'm forever under lock and key
As you pass through me

Now I see your face before me
I would launch a thousand ships
To bring your heart back to my island
As the sand beneath me slips
As I burn up in your presence
And I know now how it feels
To be weakened like Achilles
With you always at my heels

My bitter pill to swallow
Is the silence that I keep
It poisons me I cant swim free
The river is too deep
Though I'm baptized by your touch
I am no worse at most
In love with your ghost

You are shadowing my dreams
(in love with your ghost)
(in love with your ghost)
(in love with your ghost)







.

Very talented artists and some of my close friends:

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/16384117/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/16384117/ Sun, 13 Jan 2008 08:19:14 PST hi everybody. Just a quick update.
Hope some people were watching CNN last week cause I was on it
My dad finally came down. He was hypothermic with like 3 infections. Not pretty. But he's doing really good at home now, and we're hoping that what he did will prove to people that he's serious...

bought me another years subscription. ^^

Yesterday I went paintballing for the first time, for 7 hours. Wow. It was soooo much fun, but I've got some pretty big and nice welts on my body. Especially on my leg, where I was hit by my teammate close-range. It's huge! Like, I can't wear jeans it hurts so bad.
Some guys called my ugly, so I bitched about it to another one of my teammates, who got pissed about it and told 2 others, and then it got back to them that they shouldn't be talking shit about other players... and the next time we played against them one of them came after me illegally and shot me...then kept shooting me relatively close-range as I was walking off. Lol, I didn't mean for it to get that big.

Hmm... I need a new laptop SO badly. It's really starting to phuck up. All the time. Damn Vista!!

Trying to draw some more, but I can't seem to get any real inspiration. Same with writing. I really should get out and shoot some things with my camera... I finally got the battery charged. Maybe I can do that today. I've of course got some sunrise shots. We'll see...


SotD
Untouchable Face
Ani Difranco

I think I'm going for a walk now
I feel a little unsteady
I know nobody will follow me
Except maybe you
I could make you happy you know
If you weren't already
I could do a lot of things
and I did.
To tell you the truth I prefer the worst to you
Too bad you had to have a better half
She's not really my type
But I think you two are forever
And I hate to say it
But you're perfect together

So fuck you and your untouchable face
And fuck you for existing in the first place
And who am I, that I should be vying for your touch?
And who am I?
I bet you cant even tell me that much

2:30 in the morning
Gas tank will be empty soon
Neon sign on the horizon
Rubbing elbows with the moon
Safe haven of sleepless
Where the deep fryer's always on
And the radio's counting down the top twenty country songs
Out on the porch the fly strip is waving like a flag in the wind
You know I don't look for a word of seeing you again
You'll look like a photograph of yourself
Taken from far, far away
and I won't know what to do
and I won't know what to say except

Fuck you and your untouchable face
And fuck you for existing in the first place
And who am I that I should be vying for your touch?
And who am I?
I bet you can't even tell me that much

I see you and I'm so perplexed
What was I thinking?
What will I think of next?
Heh, where can I hide...?
In the back room there's a lamp that hangs over the pool table
When the fan is on it swings gently side to side
There's a changing constellation of balls as we are playing
I see Orion and say nothing
the only thing I can think of saying is

Fuck you and your untouchable face
Fuck you for existing in the first place
Who am I that i should be vying for you touch?
And who am I?
I bet you can't even tell me that much

Said who am I?
Somebody tell me that
Who am I?
Somebody tell me that
Who am I?
Somebody, somebody just tell me that

Very talented artists and some of my close friends:

http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/16181692/ Mon, 31 Dec 2007 10:03:22 PST Well, it's my birthday once again.
Not a whole heck of a lot to show for myself, but eh.

Iternerary of New Years Eve/Birthday:

Finish syncing up my dad's new ipod for HIS birthday present.
Shower
Friends
Dinner at 3 or 4
Friends
Party @ Evans
Party @ Santiagos
Sleep

lol. Pretty amazing, right? I wish I was with some of my real friends though. Parties will be fun, but there will be tons of people that I don't know... I just wish I was with some DSA people... watching musicals... making fun of teachers. I dunno. My best friend is out of town, as he is every year. God- am I just pathetic or what? How much is that doggie in the window, right?

Well, I'll be happy. After all, I'm not feeling sick anymore like I have been the past couple weeks. Damn kidney infection!

OH...... yesterday I found that all my pictures got deleted. All of them. I found out how, and it was my fault cause I'm retarded.
But my brother downloaded this program to be able to get them back, but they were all damaged and I can't open them now.

That's like hundreds of pictures.

I only have Homecoming left.

I had some pics that I took over christmas that I was really excited to put on.... and they're all gone.
*sigh*

C'est la vie. It's my birthday, I can't be sad.

time to party.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!




SotD
Hard Days Night
The Beatles

It's been a hard day's night, and I've been working like a dog
It's been a hard day's night, I should be sleeping like a log
But when I get home to you I find the things that you do
Will make me feel alright

You know I work all day to get you money to buy you things
And it's worth it just to hear you say you're gonna give me everything
So why on earth should I moan, 'cause when I get you alone
You know I feel okay
When I'm home everything seems to be right
When I'm home feeling you holding me tight, tight, yeah
It's been a hard day's night, and I've been working like a dog
It's been a hard day's night, I should be sleeping like a log
But when I get home to you I find the things that you do
Will make me feel alright

Owwww

So why on earth should I moan, 'cause when I get you alone
You know I feel okay
When I'm home everything seems to be right
When I'm home feeling your holding me tight, tight, yeah

It's been a hard day's night, and I've been working like a dog
It's been a hard day's night, I should be sleeping like a log
But when I get home to you I find the things that you do
Will make me feel alright
You know I feel alright
You know I feel alright...

Very talented artists and some of my close friends:

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/16004859/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/16004859/ Wed, 19 Dec 2007 18:18:33 PST

hello everyone

busy times for jess.... only 4 finals left though

I auditioned for the spring musical... got in.... but only in chorus. Its a major bummer, and I gotta say, some of the people who got leads... DONT DESERVE IT.


ahem.


Drama, drama, drama, drama!!!

everything about my life is drama.
If it's not God then it's a man. If it's not a man then it's a woman. If it's not a woman then it's politics or bee pollen or a future of some kind. Some kind of future.

Number of teachers at my school retiring: 6
Number of teachers at my school FIRED: 1 (or will be fired... we're not sure how it is going to play out)

It's cold. All the time it's cold.

Except for the past two weeks where it's been like 80 degrees-

Another really not-so-insightful journal. I'm just tired of the other one...

Camera in 6 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!! (plans Camera Day Out with Daniel ^^)


SotD
Lost Without Your Love
Bread

Lost and all alone
I always thought that I could make it on my own
Since you left I hardly make it through the day
My tears get in the way
And I need you back to stay

I wander through the night
And search the world to find
The words to make it right
All I want is just the way it used to be
With you here close to me
Ive got to make you see

That Im lost without your love
Life without you isnt worth the trouble of
Im as helpless as a ship without a wheel
A touch without a feel
I cant believe its real...

And someday soon Ill wake
And find my heart wont have to break

Yes Im lost without your love
Life without you isnt worth the trouble of
All I want is just the way it used to be
I need you here with me
Oh darlin cant you see...
If we had love before
We can have it back once more

Very talented artists and some of my close friends:

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/15756224/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/15756224/ Sat, 01 Dec 2007 21:15:28 PST New journal background. It was a first attempt, so be nice.

I'm counting the days till my camera gets here.

App. 24 days and 5 minutes at the moment.

and then,

30 days and now 4 minutes until my birthday. (I expect a plethora of presents, bitches. Or not, you know, if you're poor, like me, just whatever. )

Now 3 minutes!

haha, I feel like i just keep talking to hide the fact that this amazingly deep and philosophical journal is in reality a stream of consciousness of a girl who just made $52 by sitting in a comfortable chair and reading books for 4 hours. (2 of which I finished .)


If no one has noticed, I have recently experience a stange burst of confidence. (Between y'all and me, though, I think it was the fact that I dried my hair every night instead of letting it become frizzy and curly and complete WTFness. )

I'm good with that though.



I am, as of today, an "official beta tester". Now doesn't that sound completely badass? Well, it is. It really is.

23 days, 23 hours, and 58 minutes until I get my camera! (This is, of course, assuming I get it at midnight of the 25th of December. Which, I would not necessarily object to-I'd more than likely be awake anyway- but Santa might not think it so swell of an idea for me to not only eat ALL the cookies, as is tradition, but also to snap random pictures of him as he attempts to get his fat ass back up my chimney. Enough said.)
......(but just think about how cool that would be?! Holy crap!)



Well, that's enough of my sweet inspiration and random observations for one day. Adios.




SotD
Fall
Clay Walker

Oh look there you go again
Puttin on that smile again
Even though I know you've had a bad day
Doin this doin that
Always puttin yourself last
A whole lotta give and not enough take
But you can only be strong so long before you break
So..

Fall
Go on and fall apart
Fall into these arms of mine
I'll catch you everytime you
Fall
Go on and lose it all
Every doubt every fear
Every worry every tear
I'm right here
Baby fall

Forget about the world tonight
All thats wrong and all thats right
Lay your head on my shoulder and let it fade away
And if you wanna let go, baby it's okay

Fall
Go on and fall apart
Fall into these arms of mine
I'll catch you everytime you
Fall
Go on and lose it all
Every doubt, every fear
Every worry, every tear
I'm right here
Baby fall

Hold on
Hold on
Hold on
To me

Fall
Go on and fall apart
Fall into these arms of mine
I'll catch you everytime you
Fall
Go on and lose it all
Every doubt every fear
Every worry every tear
I'm right here
Baby fall

Very talented artists and some of my close friends:

*UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/15591111/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/15591111/ Tue, 20 Nov 2007 14:07:43 PST


Hello

I'm wondering...... what are the chances that someone could make me a background for my journal? I've always wanted one, but I don't even know where to start. And here I am, 9 months into my subscription. O_O

Let's see.... any good updates....

I'll be leaving tomorrow for FL for Thansgiving.
My philosophy: eat as much as you can; diet when you get back.





Memorable quotes of the day:

Mr. Golden: "Do I hear dancers singing?? Or is that a man throwing a duffel bag full of cats against a wall?"

Seth: "How many sex dreams have you had about Mr. Pillow?" *pause* "Mrs. Holland did you hear that?!?!?"

Me: "I thought you were going to say, 'Do you feel like giving me a lapdance?' xD"
Alex: "Yeah...... you're not crazy at all."

Hmmmm...

Okay, pointless journal, I just really needed to get that other one out of the way. I feel stupid whenever I look at it. lol


Keep in mind, someone, PLEASE can we talk about some kind of background for this thing? muchos gracias.

Adios!


SotD!
I'm Not At All in Love
Babe from The Pajama Game
(DSA Spring Musical 2007)

Babe: "Love, are you nuts?"
Girls: "Some people can't tell when it hits 'em!"

Babe:
All you gotta do is say hello to a man
And they've got you whispering in his ear
All you gotta do is be polite with him
And they've got you spending the night with him
If there's a guy you merely have a beer with
They've got you setting the wedding date
It seems they've just gotta have some dirt
To bend your ear with
So before you start
I hear with...state

I'm not, at all in love, not at all in love, not I!
Not a bit
Not a might
Though I'll admit he's quite a hunk a guy

But he's not, my cup of tea, not my cup of tea, not he!
Not an ounce
Not a pinch
He's just an inch, too sure of himself for me

Girl: Well of course you've noticed his manly physique and that look in his eye
Girl: Well I'm sure he can cut most any man out of size!
Girl: He must he as fierce as a tiger when he's mad
Girl: And I'll bet he cries like a little boy when he's sad

Babe: But I'm not at all in love, not at all in love not I!
Not a straw
Not a hair
I don't care if he's as strong as a lion
Or if he has the rest of you sighing
You may be sold but this girl aint buying!!
I'm not at all in love!

Girls: She's not at all in love, not at all in love, oh no

Babe: Not a pin, not a crumb

Girls: Must be the summer heat that gives her that glow
Cuz she's not at all in love, not at all in love, she cries!

Babe: Not a snip, not a bite

Girls: Must be the light from the ceiling shining there in her eyes
He's young and handsome, and smart, and we can't get over it

Babe: but this ladies heart he doesn't effect a bit

Girls: It's easy to see that her daffy grin is a grin she always wears
And she's breathless because she ran up a flight of stairs!

Girls: "obviously"
"naturally"
"certainly"

Babe: Oh! I beg your pardon!
Sid: I beg your pardon.

Girls: "obviously"
"naturally"
"certainly"
HA!
She's not at all in love, not at all in love, not she

Babe: No I'm not!

Girls: Not a dot

Babe: Not a touch

Girls: No not much

Babe: When I fall in love, there will be no doubt about it
Cuz you will know by the way that I shout it

Girls (softly): You're shouting.....

Babe (softly): I haven't fallen

Girls: she hasn't fallen

Babe: I'm not at all in love!
(Girls: She's not at all in love!)

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/15486106/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/15486106/ Mon, 12 Nov 2007 21:28:50 PST
Got stabbed in the back by my "best friend"
Got in a car accident that same night
Got sick..... am still sick.

I got into talent show
but, i don't think I'll be able to do it cause I can't even talk my throat is so closed up... show is on Saturday.


Prime of Miss Jean Brodie went well. Everyone loved me and called me. 'the pretty one'. Which, of course, I was. lol.... Sunday's performance though was bad for me cause I had to scream my lines cause of my being sick. My director wouldn't let me rest.

I've been really lonely.

My mom and Vic gave me a huge reality check last night. I sobbed into my pillow while my mom screamed in my ear. Telling me I'm the only one who can fix my life, and she thinks I just want to be miserable all the time. I'm the only one who is making my life unbearable, and I'm not going to find happiness and love until I stop looking for it so damn hard. I screamed at her to go away. She said, "You only want me to go away because you know that it's true!" I screamed, "Who made you a psychologist?" and she said, "I'm not a psychologist, I'm your mother."
Then she left.
I laid there crying my insides out, then I called Vic for sympathy, and he reiterated everything that my mom said.

I don't want to admit that it's true.... cause that would be admitting that I'm a hypocrite.


Meh.

I just have a need for affection. That's all.



You may be right. I may be crazy.
But I just might be the lunatic you're looking for.

SotD
(this is a beautiful song.... people should hear it)
It's Not Over
Secondhand Serenade
My tears run down like razorblades
And no, I'm not the one to blame
It's you ' or is it me?
And all the words we never say
Come out and now we're all ashamed
And there's no sense in playing games
When you've done all you can do

But now it's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back
But it's over

I lose myself in all these fights
I lose my sense of wrong and right
I cry, I cry
It's shaking from the pain that's in my head
I just wanna crawl into my bed
And throw away the life I led
But I won't let it die, but I won't let it die

But now it's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever

It's not over, it's not over, it's never over
Unless you let it take you
It's not over, it's not over, it's not over
Unless you let it break you
It's not over

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/15192211/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/15192211/ Tue, 23 Oct 2007 17:59:36 PDT

Am I really that out of it?


Am I popular?



When, pray tell, did THIS happen???









Well, in any case, THANK YOUUUU!!

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/15077272/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/15077272/ Mon, 15 Oct 2007 17:27:07 PDT

And, um, it's got brain damage.

Annnd... cirrosis of the liver....

And.... syphilis.... like Jonno........



Therefore, it is about to die.


It's capable of taking pictures.... but it is pretty much worth the amount of a disposable.




In any case, there will be no more pictures from me until I get my new camera (Wheeee!!!!!) on Christmas morning (Dammmmmnnn!!!) Mother has already said that Christmas can't come early.

This means:

no halloween pictures
no CHS homecoming pictures
no thanksgiving pictures
no christmas eve pictures
no 'last day of semester' pictures
no Alex's birthday pictures
no just-for-fun pictures
no contest pictures
no art pictures

for the next 3 months.




Life is teh suck X_x

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/14818849/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/14818849/ Thu, 27 Sep 2007 19:23:25 PDT
Which first?


Bad news is always better to start with.... one supposes.

I bought a really great Homecoming dress. It's probably my favorite I've ever had. Absolutely beautiful. Heh, but no one seems to want to go with me to the dance. I haven't had a date to a dance since 8th grade..... and for some reason this year it is just really bumming me out. Something about me just makes me completely undateable. Is it my looks? My personality? My behavior? I think guys see me as a play-thing. A fuck doll, if you will. At least, that is how I have been percieved by every guy for the past 3 years that I thought liked me and might have wanted to date me for more than a month.
Heh, this is what happens when I get too sure of myself. Something always comes to fuck it up and I fall face down in the mud, with no one to help me up.

Opening Night is tomorrow, and as far as I know right now my two best friends aren't coming to see it.

I haven't had a full nights sleep since Wednesday. I'm actually not even going to have one tonight either because I still have a play report to do and I have to read a billion chapters of Between, Georgia for creative writing....

My dad keeps telling me that my life sucks cause I'm not going to church and God is mad at me. He says that if I don't take care of the things important to God, he's not going to take care of me.

I made a 64 on a test that I not only studied for everyday for a week but also cheated on. I'm not so sure how that happened. I already had a 69 in the class. If I am still below a C by December, I'll be kicked out of my school.

I just want someone to hug me for a long time and let me just cry all over them and I want them to tell me it's going to be okay and I'll be fine and that they love me. I need a mother fucking hug. Is that really so much to ask?



....Good news?
I took a billion pictures today for two different contests. I'll be uploading them probably tomorrow or Saturday. Some of them are actually pretty decent.






Well, that's it for me. Back to my homework....

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/14354119/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/14354119/ Sun, 26 Aug 2007 18:29:45 PDT

As you can tell, I kinda went on a photography spree. <3


School has started up... I have a huge psychology test tomorrow that I haven't really studied for, and some math homework I haven't started cause I can't find my graph paper.

I had an audition last monday. It went well, and I got two callbacks, even though I couldnt show up for the first one. Friday I found out that I got casted, but not in the show I wanted to get it..... it really, really, really damaged my pride.
I guess I should be grateful, cause some people didn't even get in a show, but still.
I know why I didn't get in the show, and I know why the people who got casted for the lead roles got there. It's unfair.... and very corrupt. I think I'm going to drop out of ensemble at my first oppurtunity.. I can't handle acting anymore. I'm too fragile.

/emo party.


So I went to the Styx, Foreigner, and Def Leppard concert last night. It was aweeesome, but I had drunks hanging onto me all over the place. Kinda scary..yet hilarious.

I'm really running low on money, so if someone can send me some, that'll reallllly be great.



As some of you may know, my dad is running for US Senator.... that is making some stuff hard on my family. Really stressing my mom out.

ah, ha. And my shoulders, tummy, and legs are sunburned cause I fell asleep on the boat yesterday.

I hope everyone is doing well.

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/13689047/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/13689047/ Tue, 10 Jul 2007 22:47:59 PDT I would really really like to apologize to all my friends out there.
Especially the ones who have known me for a long time.

I realized a lot of things about me tonight, that I have sworn all my life to never be. And that is a very selfish and self centered person.

It seems people have been telling me this for years, but I would always get angry and depressed and not listen.

So for those of you who have tried to tell me, I'm sorry.

I called two of my old my best friends, because I let our friendships die. Jasmine and I aren't friends anymore because of my insecurities and need for attention. I made the excuse that it was drama ensemble, but it was my own fault. I just couldn't let someone be prettier or skinnier or more talented or more popular than me. I could not take it. So I stopped being her friend and acted as if it was mutual.
My director raves about Imari, and how she is a better actress than me and how she will go somewhere in theatre, etc. I didn't like this, so because of it, I decided to change my major in college. I also told Imari that I did not want her to be in drama ensemble because I didn't need more than one person showing me up.
......Did I really do that?
I cried, telling both of them how sorry I was. I got Jasmine's voicemail, but I got to actually talk to Imari. She seems to have known for a long time, but has forgiven me.

I am so in my head I feel like I just don't care about anyone.
I always try to be the sweet person that everyone just loves to be around, when in reality, I try to be sweet just so someone will tell me that I'm sweet and give me compliments.
I call myself fat so someone will say, "You are not fat!"
I call myself ugly so someone will say "You are not ugly!"
I call myself stupid, unwanted, pathetic, everything under the sun, just so someone will contradict me and give me compliments.

And for alll of this, I apologize.

you are so incredibly talented and fun. You have a great heart and sense of humor. Your drawings blow me away. Mrs. Diamond is a first grade finger painted compare to you.

you are so beautiful and an amazing photographer. I am jealous of you, honey. You seem to have everything. I am so happy for all the gifts you have, and I hope you always use them to the fullest. Never give up your dreams, love love. Your future is just around the corner, and it looks bright to me. Better put on those Lennon shades and get 'er done. I love you so much.

Raini-poo, your heart it so big I'm surprised it hasn't asploded yet. You are fun fun fun and beautiful as can be. Your drawing skills are phenominal, and I wish I could draw HALF as good as you can when you're not even trying. Thank you for always being there for me and cheering me up, especially when I almost get in fist fights with big black men named Stefond.

I love you more and more all the time! You make me happy when I'm down, and you are always there for me when I need someone to talk to. You're cute as bug, even with short hair. And your writing... you're amazing. Please never be sad again, you don't deserve it.

honestly, is there anything you can't do? Everything I've seen of yours is awesome, and I it. I know I don't seem like I'm around a lot, but I do see them. I actually have to restrain myself with the favoriting to just one or two. Even though technically.. it's not a sin to favorite all. I guess that is something else I can change about me.

http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/13661795/ Sun, 08 Jul 2007 18:05:32 PDT He came on the 4th.. I was so nervous and shy to see him I walked up to his truck with my Coke can in my mouth.
The 5th we walked around a field. I didn't realize how stupid that is until now.. I was just so happy to be with him again. I missed him.
The 6th we went to see a movie together and I went to stuff my face at Chickfila. Then I got caught in a rainstorm so bad on my way home I almost wrecked a few times... lost sight of the road... but he stayed on the phone with me while I yelled and screamed and whimpered.
The 7th we took lots of pictures together and got his truck unlocked cause he locked his keys in it... .... we went to Borders, then Chilis where he bought me lunch, cause I guess I made him. Then to Brook Run where we got to the abandoned insane asylum, then to my old middle school track where we said our goodbyes.
And I had to keep running back to grab his hand cause I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want him to leave again. I cried.
Then I came home and cried again.
Then he had to go to bed and I cried again.
And now I'm crying again writing this journal and remembering how happy I was and how perfect everything was ......

I want him back... I miss him. Heh, it's just not fair.

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/13499433/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/13499433/ Tue, 26 Jun 2007 14:05:29 PDT
I have until Friday to finish 4 units... and my outlook isn't very good.
I have yet to get a car... and I need it by next Wednesday.
I'm completely stressed out.
Dad is running for senator, so he is always gone and mom is always in a bad mood.
My laptop is defective, but I haven't had a chance to go get a new one yet
I have negative $200.
I've been realizing things about myself and other people lately, and it's pretty depressing.
"I've lost my light, for I toss and turn, I can't sleep at night."

I'm done whining now.



Linger
The Cranberries

If you, if you could return
Dont let it burn, dont let it fade
Im sure Im not being rude
But its just your attitude
Its tearing me apart
Its ruining everything
And I swore, I swore I would be true
And honey so did you
So why were you holding her hand
Is that the way we stand
Were you lying all the time
Was it just a game to you

But Im in so deep
You know Im such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger

Oh, I thought the world of you
I thought nothing could go wrong
But I was wrong
I was wrong
If you, if you could get by
Trying not to lie
Things wouldnt be so confused
And I wouldnt feel so used
But you always really knew
I just wanna be with you

And Im in so deep
You know Im such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to. do you have to
Do you have to let it linger

And Im in so deep
You know Im such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger

You know Im such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/13369289/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/13369289/ Sat, 16 Jun 2007 13:29:39 PDT
Well, okay it's been a little while but I at least have something to submit to make up for it!

Yay.


In other news, I bought a laptop. It's really hardcore.
I started my summer online course last Monday, and it's a lot harder than i thought. I've been up till 3:00am working on assignments two nights in a row. Last night it was only midnight though. I have a one page essay due, but I haven't gotten around to it.....


alright, so I hope everyone is doing okay.... annnd.. I should be getting around to looking at all your wonderful artwork soon.

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/13097581/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/13097581/ Sun, 27 May 2007 07:54:14 PDT And summer means Jess has more time to think.

Jess + Thinking = bad.
very very bad.

For instance, I have nothing to do but sit around and think I won't be getting my licence for at least another week.

I have nothing to do but bitch and whine about how the video ipod I bought with my own money about 3 fucking months ago just stopped working.

I have nothing to do but lie and cheat- and that's no fun. Unless you're with friends. And one of my best friends is going to Costa Rica next week and then straight to California until August. The other one doesn't want to hang out with me lately. And all the rest live at least thirty minutes away because of my damn school.

I have nothing to do but wonder when that asshole is going to get what he deserves. Wonder when he's going to realize... everything. When he's going to fucking grow up and be a man. He should have done that already.



I WANT SOME FUCKING PEACE!!!!!!!

DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE........ i get destructive...



EDIT

Hey guys. Sorry about that. Yesterday was a very bad day, to say the least.
I'm calm now. I slept on and off since about 2:00 yesterday afternoon, so I'm much more chill.

Wow.

No worries anymore. Promise. Thanks for letting me vent my ickle heawt owt.


So until next time: cheese waffles. (thanks honey)

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/13018339/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/13018339/ Sat, 19 May 2007 20:56:37 PDT
I'm almost over being sick. I'm still coughing a bit, but that's to be expected. It really pisses my dad off though. Last night, he even told me (keep in mind, he was completely serious) that I "have to make a choice. Either stop coughing, or get Leukemia."



Now tell me, does that sound... even remotely possible?
My mom pretty much told him to stfu and he stormed off. Needless to say, I was laughing very hard.



Anyway, I saw Saving Private Ryan tonight. It was so amazing. I couldn't believe it. Spielberg deserved every one of those 5 academy awards.


I decided not to go to SPA banquet. Too much drama. Literally and figuratively. I was planning on going to FL, but those plans fell through.

Holy shit. I didn't know how incredibly pointless this journal was until I actually started typing. I should just stop now, and keep some brain cells.

Goodnight all.



SotD
Woman in Love
Barbara Streisand

Life is a moment in space
When the dream is gone
Its a lonelier place
I kiss the morning goodbye
But down inside you know
We never know why
The road is narrow and long
When eyes meet eyes
And the feeling is strong
I turn away from the wall
I stumble and fall
But I give you it all...

I am a woman in love
And I do anything
To get you into my world
And hold you within
Its a right I defend
Over and over again
What do I do?

With you eternally mine
In love there is
No measure of time
We planned it all at the start
That you and I
Would live in each others hearts
We may be oceans away
You feel my love
I hear what you say
No truth is ever a lie
I stumble and fall
But I give you it all

I am a woman in love
And I'm talking to you
Do you know how it feels?
What a woman can do
Its a right
That I defend over and over again......

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/12877031/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/12877031/ Mon, 07 May 2007 14:34:54 PDT
I'm very sick.

It started on Saturday, right after my 3rd show. I started losing my voice and coughing. By the end of the night I had pretty much zero action in my vocal cords because I had been projecting and yelling all day... but I got through it. Then overnight it worsened (yay Jess) and I couldn't do anything but lay in bed blowing my nose and coughing. Same thing today, too. Couldn't go to school, and still no voice. I'll sucked down a whole bag of cough drops. Someone help me!!!

Other than that, things have been going okay. School is going to be out soon... thank God.

OH! I got nominated Best Supporting Actress for SPA Banquet!
It's like the Tonys at my school, pretty much. Everyone gets really really dressed up and goes to this place and eats and stuff.. winners give speeches... I can't wait. I'm so excited!! I hope I win.....

*cough*

Well, I'm just procrastinating my homework now. I hate play reports X_x

lalala...

Okay, bye!

SotD
Eleanor Rigby
The Beatles

Ah, look at all the lonely people
Ah, look at all the lonely people

Eleanor Rigby picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been
Lives in a dream
Waits at the window, wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door
Who is it for?

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?

Father McKenzie writing the words of a sermon that no one will hear
No one comes near.
Look at him working.
Darning his socks in the night when there's nobody there
What does he care?

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?

Eleanor rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name
Nobody came
Father mckenzie wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave
No one was saved

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/12771191/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/12771191/ Sat, 28 Apr 2007 20:31:24 PDT
I'm playing Juliet on Friday and Saturday
I'm in a play I wrote
A play called Merbarl
A play called Macbeth Murder Mystery
A play called Check Please: Take 2
AND!
An improv play where I am a man with a weird arm. O_o



Anyway, so my camera had some, uh.. *ahem* water damage so I have to call HP and get a new one. Doesn't work outside... white balance is on the fritz.

I've got a fuzzy character... name is Helena Renee, goes by F.B. (or, Frosty Bitch). I'm an arctic wolf, what can I say??
So anyway, I've been drawing her lately, but I have no scanner sooo... yesh.

Hmmmm....


Went to see a movie with my dad this morning, and I started singing "Que Sara" randomly, and this really old man in front of us in line started joining in. It made my day. He was grinning so big.

Anything else.....

Guess not. Okay, well I hope everyone is doing well. I will get around to looking at your deviations VERY SOON!!!



-JessKa


SotD
Unloveable
The Smiths

Oh ...
I know Im unloveable
You dont have to tell me
I dont have much in my life
But take it - its yours
I dont have much in my life
But take it - its yours
Oh ...

I know Im unloveable
You dont have to tell me
Oh, message received
Loud and clear
Loud and clear
I dont have much in my life
But take it - its yours

I know Im unloveable
You dont have to tell me
For message received
Loud and clear
Loud and clear
Message received
I dont have much in my life
But take it - its yours

I wear black on the outside
cause black is how I feel on the inside
I wear black on the outside
cause black is how I feel on the inside

And if I seem a little strange
Well, thats because I am
If I seem a little strange
Thats because I am

But I know that you would like me
If only you could see me
If only you could meet me

Oh ...
I dont have much in my life
But take it - its yours
I dont have much in my life
But take it - its yours
Mmm ...
Oh ...

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/12398923/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/12398923/ Sat, 31 Mar 2007 07:49:44 PDT
I didn't get into GHP.

Spring break starts today.






Is there just something about women that always ... always go back to people that hurt them... even when you know that they will hurt again... because they just don't care about you.... they don't care that you have feelings, and a soul, and a heart. They don't care if you're the toughest or most sensitive person in the world... they will just lie and cheat to get what they want out of you... and then they get tired of you... but they don't tell you they get tired of you... and you keep trailing after them like a stupid bitch (i mean that literally and figuratively) as if they'll suddenly change their minds and say, "Oh Jessica! I'm so sorry I've hurt you all those times. I'm ready to be whatever you want me to be. I'm ready to stop lying to you. I'm ready to change."



Is their just something in me that always... goes back.....


SotD
Even Now
Barry Manilow


Even Now
When there's someone else who cares
When there's someone home who's waiting just for me
Even now I think about you as I'm climbing up the stairs
And I wonder what to do so she won't see
That even now
When I know it wasn't right
And I found a better life than what we had
Even now I wake up crying in the middle of the night
And I can't believe it still could hurt so bad

Even now when I have come so far
I wonder where you are
I wonder why it's still so hard without you
Even now when I come shining through
I swear I think of you
And how I wish you knew
Even now

Even now
When I never hear your name
And the world has changed so much since you been gone
Even now I still remember and the feeling's still the same
And this pain inside of me goes on and on
Even now

Even now when I have come so far
I wonder where you are
I wonder why it's still so hard without you
Even now when I come shining through
I swear I think of you
And God I wish you knew
Some how
Even now

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/12193171/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/12193171/ Fri, 16 Mar 2007 20:37:38 PDT
Rehearsal is starting in about 35 minutes, so why not make a journal?
Show opens a week from today... w00t. lol, I know all the songs but one.. and I'm kind of "La la la la.... truth... la la la... la la la la la la la la PAYS!" the whole time. No one has noticed yet.

Slept through my alarm, so my daddy had to drive me to school. It was pretty nice, I loved the sleep.

I GET MY LICENSE IN 2 MONTHS!!! Beware!

...okay, I"m being called away from the computer. I'll update a little more later.


**EDIT**

So. I know this is late, but, today in rehearsal, (w00t commas), I had to step in for the male lead because he had disappeared, and do about 3 love scenes with my best friend, who is the lead female understudy but not really.. can't really explain. But it was hilarious, and people started coming up to me, "I always knew you wanted to be a man."

Actors. Gotta love a sense of humor. *sarcastic*

I wrote a poem, so I'll submit it as soon as I get around to it. I sware. (that's french )

Ever have the feeling you should be doing something, but don't know what it is?

Yeah.


So, anyway, I have my bass lesson tomorrow at 11:30, and then rehearsal from 1-6, and then a party from 8-? so.. jam packed day full of fun. Except rehearsal.

I need a jobbbbbbb! Help me. I have no money left. Arg.

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/11984299/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/11984299/ Tue, 27 Feb 2007 07:37:42 PST
Hmm.. rehearsals are a bitch. Going till 7:00 every night. AND someone stole my script- which is killing me. And so I had to borrow someone's... you know the deal. The show opens in like, 3 weeks. Wow.
And then, I'm going to be a counsler at a drama 1-day camp thing for 7-14 year olds. End of March. I've done it before, and it was a blast.
At the school's Fringe Festival, I'll be in at least 2 performances, and that may be bumped up to 4. O_O ... busy schedule.

I haven't been on the computer in awhile, which is amazing for me.

I'm learing how to play What Is And What Should Never Be on my bass. It's difficult, but I've got skillz with a Z. I can do it.



I'm trying to work on some new work, so some stuff should be coming in soon. Hope everyone is doing fabulous.

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/11815709/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/11815709/ Wed, 14 Feb 2007 13:44:36 PST
*is so excited*
Vic= , by the way. I wuv him. He's amazing.

So I'm still trying to figure it all out. Mhmm.


Anyway, Happy Single's Awareness Day, everyone! (Or, Depressed Single's Awareness....? Agh *waves it off with a hand*)

Anyway, so want to know how my day went?

History: Everyone came in with some kind of present their darling boyfriends (or, in some cases, girlfriends) bought them and was showing off to everyone. Made me feel a little lonely because Vic is so far... but I tried to stay happy.

Lit: Ex friend's boyfriend delievers her roses, balloons, stuffed animal, and chocolate. Hmm. bitch.

Math: got a 77 on my test, as I heard ex friend bragging about her little dick of a boyfriend. (he's one of my ex... er.. people.) Walked out of class and cried.
iPod broke.

Spanish: could hardly concentrate... everywhere there was cake and chocolate and happy people. I'm on a diet. I can't eat chocolate. X_X

Bus: tried to fix my iPod, but no dice. Cried again cause I'm pathetic. Hated my life and Valentine's Day until

Home: got a call from one of my guy friends... he told me that last night he ordered for roses and balloons to be delivered to my school because he knew that I was going to feel like shit and wanted me to be happy. Of course, they didn't make it to my school for some reason... but it's the thought that counts. And it's that thought that made me much happier.




Getting better at photoshop. Not too much better, as you can probably tell, but I'm at least not blowing up something or someone. Heh, layers still kick my ass though.


My daddy is taking me out to dinner tonight.



Someone tell me how to work a subsciption. I'm confussed.

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/11762823/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/11762823/ Sat, 10 Feb 2007 16:31:45 PST
I've been cast for Mikado. Rehearsals are from 4-7 every other day (which only partly sucks) and I'm starting to get the music a little better. They casted me as an alto, which I'm definitely not, so it's been really difficult for me.. but my buddies are getting me through. =]

GHP honorees haven't been posted yet.

I've been in an independant film, and mostly because I can cry on command. I've been casted for ANOTHER independant film, but that is yet to be started.

*yawn*

Been playing around on photoshop some. As you might can tell ^_^. I took a lot of pictures for PS, but I can't seem to make anyhing turn out good. I'll try again.

AND then something that has nothing to do with the arts at all.....:

I'VE LOST A LOT OF WEIGHT!!!!
*gleeful*
I've gone down about 4 sizes, and my mom bought me this slinky black dress for me that actually looks good!!! I'm so proud.... but I've still got a good 15-20 more pounds to lose for spring break and bikini season. X_X

I suppose that's all.


Go see some of my favorite people in the world. They rock hard.


]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/11611762/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/11611762/ Mon, 29 Jan 2007 13:28:34 PST
So I decided that I need to get off my ass and do something productive now that I have a [1 GIG MEMORY] camera again.

So here I am, in my Thrashers jersey...

And I'm about to go outside. Really.


It's like... 9 degrees though.
And I'm pretty hungry.


Well, in any case, be looking out for some new pictures of things.
Thanks.



OH!!! and PS!!!

I had 2 auditions last week, the first being for Gilbert and Sullivan's 'Mikado' and the second being for the Governor's Honors Program, which is a 6 week program during the summer where I will be learning ALL about theatre (and probably either dance or singing cause I need that experience..)

Cast list for Mikado will FINALLY be on the callboard tomorrow, after almost a week. I'm fairly certain I'm in, but I've had a tip that I might be playing lead. That would be so hardcore.

GHP ... the people who get in will be put on the website on March 31st. Errg.


I love theatre.

Wish me luck!
That is all.

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/11398748/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/11398748/ Thu, 11 Jan 2007 13:28:01 PST (1849)



It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of ANNABEL LEE;--
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.
She was a child and I was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea,
But we loved with a love that was more than love--
I and my Annabel Lee--
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud by night
Chilling my Annabel Lee;
So that her high-born kinsman came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in Heaven,
Went envying her and me:--
Yes! that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of a cloud, chilling
And killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we--
Of many far wiser than we-
And neither the angels in Heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee:--

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise but I see the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride,
In her sepulchre there by the sea--
In her tomb by the side of the sea.






'Nuff said.

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/11297712/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/11297712/ Wed, 03 Jan 2007 06:56:17 PST Yesterday morning at 6:30 I got up.
Yesterday morning at 8:00 I get there.
Yesterday morning at 8:15 they gave me medicine to help me 'relax'.
"I don't feel anything. Are you sure it works?" says I.
"It works. Let me just.. put this in your mouth..." says she.
Yesterday morning at 8:16 I was knocked out cold.

For the next hour I got my wisdom teeth out.. and then they woke me up to put me on a gurney and took me to the recovery room.
I was in and out of consciousness for the next hour..
Things I remember:
Everything was bright
My mom asking me if I was awake... and reading to me
People telling me to open my eyes
Hitting my head on a door frame when I fell.
Getting in a wheelchair and feeling so self conscious that I was shriveling down in it and hoping that no one could see me.
Going outside
Waking up in my own bed.

Apparently I was hitting on the guy who was taking my wheelchair out. Haha, I pimp in my sleep. Go figure.

I was so hopped up on the drugs yesterday that I was talking and talking and begging my mom for food and texting and using the phone.
I woke up this morning with the feeling that my jaws were being ripped out of my teeth. You have no idea how much pain I felt ...
I have this big white thing wrapped around my head with ice packs in it.. and my meds are starting to work again.

I feel like a baby... my mom is having to spoon feed me cause I get so weak. I can't even open my mouth all the way.

Surgey is a bitch.

SOMEONE LOVE ME!!

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/11255578/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/11255578/ Sun, 31 Dec 2006 08:39:04 PST






These 4 people are absolute amazing and I love them more than anything in the world. Go worship them... for my birthday present.




Happy birthday to me.

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/11205460/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/11205460/ Tue, 26 Dec 2006 20:42:32 PST I've been working on a new drawing for awhile... I haven't got it completely finished cause I'm a lazyass... but I'm on the last stage soooo it should be in soon! My first *real* drawing in forever.



Oh, and Merry f-ing Christmas.

My birthday is going to suck. Someone hug me.




And surgery on the 2nd= recuperation until school starts again.
.... Jess is not amused.

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/11081362/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/11081362/ Sat, 16 Dec 2006 07:56:37 PST
Hmm... well, my 2 shows premiered on Thursday the 7th and Monday the 11th.

The first, Reckless, went great. Opening night was amazing! I've heard I was best in show, but I'm not going to endorse that. I just like the sound of it ^-^!
During said show, the cast got a severe addiction to italian soda, thanks to Michael. I have a huge bottle in my room right now, actually. Wildberry... Blueberry is best.
Pick some up at your local Target today!

The second was Dark Night... a collaboration of plays written by my 2nd, 3rd, and 4th year creative writing class. (I submitted one, but if it had been staged I would have been expelled XD) I was the lead in one of them, called In A Church. I had a real gun that I had to put to my real head, and pull the real trgger.
Needless to say I was paranoid as hell someone loaded it (I didn't figure out how to check the bullets till about 10 minutes before opening) so I got my friend to shoot it in an empty hallway of the Horizon Theatre. It was empty, so my head is still quite intact.


My parents lost their minds yesterday and have gone to North Carolina, leaving their sweet little girl home alone for a whole weekend to fend for herself.
I've been racking my mind since they left thinking of who I can get to come over... lol


I have been rid of son of Satan for about a month now. It was really hard, so props to me.


My birthday is in 15 days (12/31)


My camera is still not fixed. fuckers..


Finals week starts Monday with History (1st) and then Math (5th)..and then ongoing from there. I guess I'll be doing my study guides all day if I don't go out and have fun.


Been really down lately.... unsually down since I got over my depression.... it's starting to worry some people..


Had a stress attack on Wednesday


Vic was supposed to be here this weekend but couldn't make it cause his boss .... well, anyway, yeah. That pretty much killed everything in me.


Hmm... fuck happiness.
Fuck the world! (VO: how do you do that??? Do you dig a hole in the ground???)
nyuck, nyuck.



Okay, enough mindless chatter. I'm out.




SotD, bitches!
Misery
Soul Asylum

They say misery loves company
We could start a company
And make misery, Frustrated Incorporated
I know just what you need
I might just have the thing
I know what you'd pay to see

Put me out of my misery
I'd do it for you, Would you do it for me?
We will always be busy, making misery

We could build a factory, and make misery
We'll create the cure, we made the disease
Frustrated Incorporated, Frustrated Incorporated

I know just what you need
I might just have the thing
I know what you'd pay to feel

Put me out of my misery
Suicide kings and drama queens
Forever after happily making misery

Did you satisfy your greed, get what you need
Was it only envy, so empty

Frustrated incorporated...

I'd do it for you, would you do it for me?

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/10780364/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/10780364/ Sun, 19 Nov 2006 16:53:10 PST Stolen frommmmm: Tao2Eden!!!
YaY!! Thank you!


How emo are you?

[x]You hate the world.
[ ]You hate society.
[x]You think vampires are cool.
[x]You write poetry.
[ ]You have colored your hair black.
[x]You wear black/blue eyeliner at times.
[x]You write poetry that's not for school.
[xYou are freakishly obsessed with darkness.
[ ]You think love is a waste of time.
[ ]You've given up on the world.

Total = 6

[x]You've shopped at Hot Topic.
[ ]You've spent over $100 at Hot Topic.
[ ]You wear more bracelets than a Russian.
[ ]You own a dog collar, that's not for your dog.
[ ]You're extremely pale.
[x]You are a member of a poetry site.
[x]Your screen name has been an oxymoron.
[x]You are an atheist or agnostic.
[ ]You don't believe in god.
[ ]Your screen name has/had X's in it.

Total = 4

[x]You have been referred to as scary.
[ ]You have been referred to as demented.
[x]You have been referred to as weird.
[x]You have been known to hate teachers.
[ ]You have been known to cause trouble.
[x]Your hair has been dyed a color that was not natural.
[ ]You have at least one photoshopped picture on myspace.
[ ]You think pictures look better in greyscale or sepia tone.
[ ]You are scared of yourself sometimes.

Total = 4

[x] Suicide has crossed your mind.
[x]You have screamed before.
[ ]You use big words that no one has ever heard before on occasion.
[ ]you've seen The Exorcist. And I laughed!
[ ]You liked The Exorcist.
[ ]You've seen Saw.
[ ]You liked Saw.
[ ]You've done voodoo.
[ ]You hate sports.
[ ]You dress up as the most morbid thing possible on Halloween.

Total = 2

[ ]Halloween is one of your favorite holidays.
[x]You have an obsession with fire.
[ ]You have only a couple of actual friends.
[x]You're not afraid of spiders.
[x]You have had a conversation about how you want to die.
[x]You've painted your nails black.
[ ]One or more of your myspace pics had writing on them.
[ ]You have had the word "...." in your display name. (Wtf, "...." is not a word.)
[x]You love art.
[x]You like art with negative meanings.

Total = 6

Now add up your total and multiply by two.

I am 44% Emo.

w00t....



Oh, and I HATE (Hate cubed) a person on my friends list... and he should know who he is... and I would REALLY like to call him out... but I won't.

But I'm just going to let everyone be aware that if I have really angry and homicidal journals... they're for him. *grins*

Thank youuuu and goodnight.

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/10658074/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/10658074/ Wed, 08 Nov 2006 11:52:27 PST You're not very nice cause you made me cry
You're not very nice and I don't want to see you
So why don't you just fuck off and die




Please and thank you

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/10559714/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/10559714/ Mon, 30 Oct 2006 13:21:14 PST
---Massive by Julia Bell---

"Hey, Kelly." Paisley puts her arm out to stop her from passing. "We think you should apologize."

"Wha'?"

I wish she'd shut her mouth. Her braces make me feel ill.

"Yeah, lezzie, say sorry." Maxine stands close to her, her breasts pushed forward.

"I haven't done nothing." Tears begin to wet the corners of her eyes. "Whadd've I done?"

"You're fat," I say. "And you're ugly." I can see the whites of her eyes, glossy, like boiled eggs. "Apologize."

"I'm sorry." She's really crying now.

I suck in my cheecks, pool saliva in my mouth, and spit it at her. Strings of white soak into her cardigan.

Paisley tugs at my arm. "Teacher," she hisses in my ear. "Teacher."

We pull back, flatten ourselves against the corridor. Kelly waddles off. "I'm gunna get you, smelly." I whisper at her back. Paisley giggles.





...fuckitall.

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/10401619/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/10401619/ Sun, 15 Oct 2006 13:33:11 PDT You Remind Me Of You


When he first wake up and the one good eye focuses
on my face, I only ask if you understand where you are
because that's how thy handle comas on M*AS*H- I don't expect
to see your eye travel acorss the white room, squint under
the long tube of the fluorescent light and decide heaven. You say,
You swallowed the poison and I took the dagger and now
we're teo pillars in heaven. And I put my knuckles in my
mouth and press the button that will summon the nurse.
When you say, You drank the poison and I had to follow, I argue No.
You shot yourself and almost died. You would have left me
behind and I would have been so angry. This is the hospital
where people will help you get well. And you say No. This is a
play. This is when we stand together in front of God. You look beautiful.



Back then, when you ran after me every time I tore from a room,
I saw you taking care of me. Here you are bandaged. Here you are
with your scalp stapled to your skull. Explaining you were only
following me. We'll blame all of this on LSD. And once I start
eating again, I'll swear I began sitting at the table again because of you.
We'll promise I'll live if you live. I'll tell the story and say
I couldn't watch him working so hard towards his own self
without wanting mine back too. Couldn't watch him fighting
to recognize the alphabet only to head home and ride the treadmill
back to eighty pounds. But really, you did the thing I did other
things in place of. You slid open a cardboard box and placed
a bullet in the chamber. You found the way to hold it and then
fired. The thing I couldn't do. And rendered my smaller gestures smaller and somewhat pointless.

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/10240845/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/10240845/ Sat, 30 Sep 2006 20:02:49 PDT
I cannot wait to get my constume for 'Blood'. I get to be this punk rock princess in pajamas. ^_^

So I chopped my hair all off. Kinda. It's a lot shorter. Heh, 2 days after I cut it I started hating it. I can't do anything with it!!! I miss my long hair...

There is a walk out this Thursday that I plan on taking part in. We're going to be rallying in Woodruff Park and protesting in Downtown Atlanta and marching on the streets...if I get trampled that would be so badass. I'd be a fucking martyr. (Right?)
Well, in any case it's like a modern Vietnam/Fuck Nixon thing. I'm a post modern hippie.
Yep. John Lennon is my new hero, and he kicks your hero's ass, my friend.


I bought a bass. It's pretty. I'll be getting lessons pretty soon, but my friend Evelyn got me started on some pretty basic blues lines.

I'll be going to 2 Homecomings this year. The real one and my school's pseudo one. The real one's at Chamblee with my friend Alex and mine is at, well, my school. The art school.

Heh, drama IS our football team, asshole.

Alex refuses to accept that DSA is third best school in GA when Chamblee is only...what, 5th? ^_^
Watch me be wrong though. It happens a lot...

Alright. Goodbye chickadees.



SOTD

Give Peace A Chance
John Lennon

Ev'rybody's talking about
Bagism, Shagism, Dragism, Madism, Ragism, Tagism
This-ism, that-ism
Isn't it the most
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chance

Ev'rybody's talking about
Ministers, Sinisters, Banisters and canisters,
Bishops and Fishops and Rabbis and Pop eyes,
And bye bye, bye byes.
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chance

Let me tell you now
Ev'rybody's talking about
Revolution, Evolution, Mastication, Flagelolation, Regulations.
Integrations, Meditations, United Nations, Congratulations
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chance

Oh Let's stick to it
Ev'rybody's talking about
John and Yoko, Timmy Leary, Rosemary, Tommy smothers, Bob Dylan,
Tommy Cooper, Derek Tayor, Norman Mailer, Alan Ginsberg, Hare Krishna,
Hare Krishna
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chance

]]> *UglyDuckling323 http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/9933604/ http://UglyDuckling323.deviantart.com/journal/9933604/ Fri, 01 Sep 2006 18:56:15 PDT

So...I have a poem I've been meaning to submit. It's in my journal but ... I haven't exactly gotten around to it. I don't write very much anymore. It's a sad thing.

So my digital camera is broken. Retarded.

I have a new found hatred for the male species. No offense, but it would be so much easier if you were all gay. Why can't sex just be instinctual? Damn you, "evolution".
(I put that in quotes because although I welcome each and every religion, unfortuneatly it is against my religion to promote others.

No, not really. Kidding. )

I'm making up a new religion. It's called the, "Religion is a big piece of shit. And who cares what anything says about who's going to hell and who's not. It's all about what makes sense. If you're good, you go to Heaven. If yopu're bad, you go to Hell.

Anyway, that's my new religion.

Sorry I'm getting off on this religious rant. I'm just insanely bored.
Someone PLEASE talk to me. I miss all of you so much...it's like, all of you have disappeared.

SOTD



Stolen from Cauthon [ [link] ] <- Go to it. Now.

IF A MOVIE WAS MADE OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

So, here's how it works:

Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, etc).
Put it on shuffle.
Press play.
For every question type the song that's playing.
When you go to a new question press the next button.
Ready? GO!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Opening Credits:
Anna Nalick - In My Head

Waking Up:
Rondavous- Lovin' Life

Falling In Love:
Heart- If Looks Could Kill

Fight Scene:
Collective Soul- Better Now

Breaking Up:
Heart- Who Will You Run To

Make-up:
Against Me!- I Still Love You Julie

Secret Love:
Bryan Adams and Barbara Streisand- Finally Found Someone

Life's Okay:
Nirvana- Heart Shaped Box

Heartbreak:
Stockard Channing- There Are Worst Things I Could Do

Mental Breakdown:
Adam Sandler- The Excited Southener Proposes To A Woman

Driving:
B*Witched- C'est La Vie

Flashbacks:
Social Distortion- Reach For The Sky

Happy Dance:
Saving Jane- Girl Next Door

Regretting:
Simple Plan- Me Against The World

Long Night Alone:
Justin Timberlake- Cry Me A River

Final Battle:
David Gates- Goodbye Girl

Death Scene:
No Doubt- It's My Life

Ending Credits:
Heather Headley- Four Words From A Heartbreak




Wow, that was kind of right on. Interesting. ]]> *UglyDuckling323