http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Unspeakableme&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Unspeakableme en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Mon, 30 Nov 2009 09:54:37 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/27682358/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/27682358/ Sat, 10 Oct 2009 07:40:30 PDT
It took a long time to convince myself I didn't need the classes, the fancy pens, the expensive moleskines and all the other tit'n'tat that I thought were going to magically transmute me into my ideal artist. It's all bollocks. There's no reason for me (or anyone) to postpone creating. If it doesn't come out as you wanted, so what? Tear it up and make it a part of something new, something even better. Take the leap, keep trying, put down your thoughts and images into the physical world. Screw what you think anyone else will say or even what they actually do. Critics are overrated.

In summary, the time is nigh to jump up and do what we never thought we could do.

Lookout for some terrible sketches. Promise. <3

]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/18081496/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/18081496/ Tue, 29 Apr 2008 05:33:11 PDT Went back to America for five weeks.
Returned to the land of the Scots.
Desperately searching for a job.

<3

]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/16398943/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/16398943/ Mon, 14 Jan 2008 07:21:39 PST
It's been a fun last few months. Settling into the UK was easy as pie. I'm blissfully happy and quite content with how my life is going at the moment. This newfound bliss has given way to creativity. I have been painting, oh yes. Traditional stuff this time 'round. Complete with messy paint spills and 'rinsing water' that looks the colour of sewage by the end of my watercolour of the week.

And lucky you. I'm going to share it here.

I still need to research some lighting techniques so my works don't look horrible before I can get around to submitting. If anyone has any tips on how to photograph art with nothing but 'energy saving bulbs' and the little light that British weather grants me, they would be much appreciated.

I also received a tablet for Christmas. If you don't happen to have Corel Painter X, I highly suggest it. Get it. This very moment. (By any means necessary.)

<3 Look out below!

Vrai

]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/13946127/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/13946127/ Mon, 30 Jul 2007 18:51:07 PDT
Hello my lovely friends.
I'm back once again for a simple journal update. It seems that far too much has happened since I wrote that last one. It was over a year ago. As anyone who's had the chance to hop through a bit of life knows, a year can contain quite a splendid amount of experiences. The sad thing is, this lovely textbox has neither the height nor the depth in which to accomodate the lush stories that I have to tell.

So I'm afraid we'll have to sum it up like this: '...'
Wasn't that fascinating?
In other news, I'm leaving America. Should be in Scotland by the 4th.

<3 Cheers

P.S: What the hell are you still doing watching me? Am I suddenly more addictive than crack? I never submit anything. I suppose I might have to give you some piece of random art sometime soon.
That's right. Vrai knows how to keep you hooked.

Love,
Vrai

]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/9401157/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/9401157/ Mon, 17 Jul 2006 02:31:29 PDT _{The universe tends to unfold as it should}

So graduation came and went. I finally moved away from that..place. I finally got out. It doesn't help they everyone keeps trying to drag me back, but I'm free now. All they can do is reach out with their words and try to grip.
It won't work. I'm in control of my own life now. Finally.

With graduation came many changes. For one, a love lost. Everything comes to an end eventually. I keep telling myself that it just wasn't meant to be, but you know how my mind wonders. Someday I'll find someone who's truly meant for me. For the summer, I'm willing just to live.

I've decided money is the worst invention known to man. You can't live without it, but you can't live with it because it consumes your life. Everything comes at a price. Everything. No exceptions.

List of new things:
-Nose piercing (for no one but myself)
-New home (nine hours away)
-New car (1988 Eagle Premier)
-New job (Market Research -_-)
-New problems (every time I turn around)
-New joys (few and far between)
-New friends (they keep me afloat)
-New state of mind (hopefully I learn something this time)

I'm off to Seattle in August. I'm hoping things truly settle down by then, but I have a sneaking suspicion that things will become more complicated. I'll deal with things one day at a time and someday everything will calm down. I won't be caught up in this whirlwind anymore.
Someday.

Q & A:
Why are you going to Seattle?
-School. I'm going to study massage therapy.

Why did you get your nose pierced?
-Because I wanted to. No other reason. No stupid rebellion. No one coaxed me into it. I love it. It's magnificent. A piercing is an experience everyone should have. Well, almost everyone. Those who are afraid of needles might want to stay away from that experience.

Why don't you ever come to DA or submit anymore?
-I have a life. I have bills. I have things that need to be taken care of. Once upon a time the internet was an escape, but slowly it turned into a burden. Now it's a simple piece of entertainment. I don't have time to draw or write or mess around with photoshop currently, so no more submissions for a while. I do still dabble in photography. I might submit some photos once they pass the perfection tests.

Will you be my friend?
-Yes.

Do you love me?
-Possibly.

Why are you doing this stupid Q & A section?
-Partly to fill space. Mostly because the voices told me to.

Are you out of unimportant questions yet?
-Yes.

Love, live, laugh, learn.
<3 True ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/6368455/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/6368455/ Tue, 30 Aug 2005 11:27:45 PDT _{"You think I can't fly? Well you just watch me.."}

Well, I'm not back yet. Just submitting a few things I've been meaning to.

How's life?
Beautiful. Found the love of my life and I couldn't be happier. Things at home are actually stable. A new school year is here and it's bound to have some sort of fun to experience. I'm sort of anxious about the entire thing. It's my last year, graduation coming up, time to truly decide what the future holds for me. It's all something to look foward to, but also something I'm afraid of.
Complicated little me.

Hope you all are doing well. If anyone is still seriously watching me, I thank thee muchly. I should make a point to submit a bit more in the future.
Time to sign off.

<3 you all,
True

_{Current Obsession:}
­­The Dresden Dolls: Brechtian Punk Cabaret ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/4875264/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/4875264/ Mon, 21 Mar 2005 18:35:47 PST _{"Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,
They slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my open mind,
Possessing and caressing me.
Jai guru de va om
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world"}

I've come to conclusion that if I want to salvage anything that's left of the life I used to enjoy, I have to start now.
By taking on this task I have to, somehow, find a way to make more time for thinking and the salvage process.
To do this, I've decided to boycott the internet for a while.

My time could be better spent doing other things. Wonderful things. Things like real life and its many wonders.
Again, this means basically cutting off any contact with anyone I know online and ignoring my gmail for a long while.
..and I'm oddly okay with that.

It's a sacrifice, but I think I need to stop letting these important years of my life pass me by. I need to revive the part of me that lives in this dream.

I might drop by once in a while.

For the final time, I love you all and I always will.

Pass it on,
True

_{Amuse yourself:}
Here are a few links I picked up long ago.
Most of them are time wasting games and just fun little things. <3

Ferry Halim Interactive Art
Eyezmaze
Tetris 1d
Jay Is
Albino BlackSheep
Crimson Room ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/4695361/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/4695361/ Mon, 28 Feb 2005 17:31:59 PST
I'm coming off as really cynical these past few days.
I'm not sure why. :/
Anyway, things are still..'interesting' but I'm not going to explain everything more.

Also, Hello Lani. You went to my /old/ account.
Welcome to deviantart too.

A MESSAGE TO ALL OF YOU:
Go visit Lani-San's page. She's a FANTASTIC anime/manga artist..and she's just a year older than I am. She's seriously going to be professional VERY soon. ;x

Anyway, I don't know what else to write here.
I feel sort of 'icky' and lonely at the moment.

I <3 you all.

..obviously not the /same/ headache.
Hrr hrr -___---- ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/4625800/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/4625800/ Sat, 19 Feb 2005 23:02:22 PST
In other news, I'm not dead. I'm very much alive. *groan*

I went to this modern dance thing last weekend in Clarkston. It was performed by the Dancers' Company of BYU. It was strangely enjoyable.

My stress level is still about seven hundred points above where it should be. There are soo many things I have to do. School is really tiresome. I swear if I didn't have to rely on it to get away from this useless town/state/country I'd just give it all up now.
Junior year is supposed to be filled with lovliness, sweetness and light..isn't it? You're supposed to worry about everything your senior year. *ssiiiiiggghh*

My mum's birthday was today. I was trying my best to make it slightly wonderful for her. 'He' was gone, so he wasn't there to ruin anything and hurt her again..
..so I thought.
It turns out there's this great thing called a telephone that can ruin entire days with just a single call.
She and I ended up getting into a fight about the things 'He' told her.
I tried to hold in the anger and hurt but I couldn't just sit there while he lies about everything and anything and further tries to ruin...it all.
I finally just left. I needed to wash off everything, so I went into the shower and just let the water run over me while I cried. I wanted to scream, but I knew the neighbors would hear.
I could've held it all inside if I really tried. I'm sure I could have. I shouldn't have ruined her day. As much as I've lost respect for her, I still can't condone myself ruining a day that's supposed to be special to her. Every time I do I'm no better than 'Him'.

I can't wait to get out of here. I can't wait to get away from all this. As soon as I finish school I'm never going to come back to this place again. So much pain here.
I want her to leave and get out while she can. I want to stay and help her do it. But after three years of this, I really don't think she will.

I don't care what they say. Emotional pain hurts just as much as phsyical. Every word you say that hurts someone. Every lie you tell that is for a specific vindictive purpose. They're all tools of destruction. Every. Single. One.

I don't even know why I'm writing this here.
I'll probably delete this later.

I'm so tired. ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/4404585/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/4404585/ Mon, 24 Jan 2005 16:43:00 PST
I feel really intelligent today.

I wanted to debate one of the geeky kids at school but then decided against it.

A couple of minutes later I thought about debating one of the dumber students.
I decided against that too because I wouldn't want to make them look worse if they lost.

Other than that my day was pretty much 'bleh'.

Yeah. That's all.

I <3 you all. ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/4257848/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/4257848/ Thu, 06 Jan 2005 21:14:22 PST
You love the disco cult. You want the disco cult.
You. Cannot. Live. Without. It.

On a lighter note I was quite sick and coughing up blood.
I think I'm getting a bit better.

DA is still bad for me, but I love everyone too much. ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/4181533/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/4181533/ Tue, 28 Dec 2004 22:39:56 PST
]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/4154035/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/4154035/ Sat, 25 Dec 2004 11:59:38 PST
..and 'Happy Holidays' for the rest of you too. ¬_¬

Mood: FESTIVE
Watching: Elf!

This was actually a really great christmas.
No family fights or anything. Everyone was happy with their gifts (genuinely! ) and everything just went really smoothly.
My uncle (also known as Mr. 'Real Men Don't Cry') CRIED.
He said everything was just so perfect.
We all got to meet his girlfriend for the first time too.
She's really great, very energetic and funny.

n_n This was the best way to end a semi-crappy year.
It cancels out everything that went wrong in this year.

I love you all and hope you all had great holidays.
~Vrai

'Tis the season..
..so smile with 'festive joy' already. n_n ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/4122649/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/4122649/ Tue, 21 Dec 2004 20:07:32 PST
STOP

Mood: Floam
Watching: Elf!

I have done nothing

STOP

Absolutely nothing

STOP

Mwahahaha

END

Fa la la la la
La la la
MLER ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3965453/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3965453/ Wed, 01 Dec 2004 15:34:33 PST
Bring a flashlight. It's quite dark. . .

Mood: Numb

Every time.
Every. Single. Time.

The tiniest thing can remind me and it just sets me off on this whole nostalgia trip.
I can't change the past.
The sooner I realize this the sooner I can move the hell on with my life.

I keep screaming within to just forget about it all.
There isn't a chance of anything going back. Ever.

Why can't I just get on with my life?
Why do I have to dwell on the past so much?

Urgh. It's so frustrating. I want to scream. I want to yell.
I want to stomp. I want to pout. I want to steal him away.

I know that it can NEVER happen.
I know this -- and that's the problem.

I can't stop the memories. I can't stop any of it.
God, I want it to stop.
I want to forget.
I don't want this pain anymore.

This is so petty. It's stupid.
What do I have to be in pain about NOW?
I shouldn't even be worrying about any of this anymore.
It's done. It's dead. It's gone.

I'm so selfish.
Look how many of the sentences start with "I".
What about what /he/ wants?
Would it make any difference even if I knew?
Probably not.

I feel so ashamed.
This shouldn't matter anymore.

I'm sorry.

~Vrai ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3948943/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3948943/ Mon, 29 Nov 2004 15:38:00 PST
. . . but what else is new?

This is pointless.

~Vrai ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3932799/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3932799/ Sat, 27 Nov 2004 15:38:02 PST
Mood: Icy
Listening to: Billy Idol - White Wedding \m/
Reading: Pride And Prejudice

SNOW! ALREADY!
Curses. ;_;

LOEF <3

~Vrai ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3928095/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3928095/ Fri, 26 Nov 2004 22:21:25 PST
MURR

LOEF <3

~Vrai ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3913104/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3913104/ Wed, 24 Nov 2004 22:35:31 PST
Mood: FULL OF THANKS ¬_¬
Listening to: Beach Boys - Kokamo
Reading: Pride And Prejudice

Mler tomorrow is Thanksgiving. WHAT FUN! My entire family (yes, the whole lot of them) is going to be here. Apparently one of my older cousins is coming back for the first time in three years and wants everyone to get together and have a big, gluttonous, bloody time.

I can guarantee you that tomorrow will NOT end well.
Someone will storm off (most likely my mum).
Someone will be in tears. Everyone else will be fed up, sedated on turkey, or angry (as usual).

OH THE JOYS OF HOLIDAYS!

Hrm, what else can I say in this journal.

Oh, I recently went to Spokane to see a production of Les Miserables. It was the best musical I've ever seen. n_n (It was the only musical I've ever seen!)

Jenica and I did a scene from "Cheating Cheaters" for the District Drama competition. We came in 7th. In the event that 6th, 5th, and 4th PLACE winners cannot attend the state competition --for whatever reason-- Jenica and I go.

Anyone have the number of a good hitman? ¬_¬

LOEF <3

~Vrai ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3816181/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3816181/ Fri, 12 Nov 2004 08:44:26 PST They're lovely and green. I've gotten compliments all day.
The best part is that I look even older.
Around the age of 22, I'd say.

LOEF <3

~Vrai ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3801136/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3801136/ Wed, 10 Nov 2004 12:10:10 PST Lack of sleep is not good.
I've gotten less than six hours every night for the past three days.
Honor band is more fun this year.
Abram's Pursuit is difficult. (One of the songs)
Mler.
-_---

]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3751890/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3751890/ Thu, 04 Nov 2004 11:52:10 PST Everyone should try it.
When you do, be sure to get only four hours of sleep for that 'authentic experience'.

Bleh -_--- ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3733955/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3733955/ Tue, 02 Nov 2004 13:19:46 PST I miss talking. ;_;
NOTE ME, PEOPLE!

Still grounded, unfortunately.
I don't even know when that'll be over.
My stepdad (I cringe at giving him /that/ much of a title so from now on he will be referred to as 'Ken') is still as much of a prick as ever. I've been confined to my room quite a bit lately.
It's given me a chance to catch up on my reading.

Currently I'm reading the works of Emily Dickinson. She's has very lovely talent. It's been putting me in a poetic mood. (Maybe I'll write/submit some poetry sometime soon.)

I've also been reading quite a bit from Lani's collection of Manga. She has me addicted.
I guess it's a good thing she started the collection or she wouldn't be quite the anime/manga artist she is now.
I'm looking into getting her on DA soon.

Honor Band rehearsals and the concert are next week. The week after that is the District Drama Competition and my trip to Spokane to see Les Miserables.
I have a busy month. :/

On another note, I went to the eyedoctor yesterday to get an exam. It was my second one ever. (I had my last exam when I was around six or seven.)
As it turns out, I have a slight (/very/ slight) stigmatism and I'm farsighted. My glasses will be here in about a week. ;_;
They're lovely and green, though. It shouldn't be too bad..

Lots of love to all of you. ;X

~Vrai ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3669251/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3669251/ Mon, 25 Oct 2004 08:11:43 PDT Without a trace.
Just gone.
All gone.

;_; The best to both of you..
..wherever you are.

<3 Know that I love you both.

~Vrai ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3634304/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3634304/ Wed, 20 Oct 2004 12:16:56 PDT Maybe you watch me because you loved my lovely (yet small) gallery.
OR, maybe you watch me because I've spoken to you PERSONALLY and threatened to imprison your soul and/or corrupt you further if you didn't watch me.

Whatever the reason, thank you. ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3618446/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3618446/ Mon, 18 Oct 2004 12:18:28 PDT ONE! THOUSAND! PAGEVIEWS!

I hope someone took a screenshot.
;____;

I'D LIKE TO THANK ALL THOSE THAT HAD NOTHING ELSE BETTER TO DO THAN LOOK AT MY DA PAGE!

I'D ALSO LIKE TO THANK THE CREATORS OF THE REFRESH BUTTON. I'M SURE THAT WONDERFUL BUTTON HAS BEEN A LARGE CONTRIBUTOR TO MY SUCCESS!

I lurve you all
~Vrai ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3572885/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3572885/ Tue, 12 Oct 2004 12:12:29 PDT I hate to sound /emo/, but I can't imagine going on anymore.
I can't think a time when I've been this depressed.
I've come close, but this time I think I"ve finally pushed over that edge.

I sat down and anguished last night.
I cried the most bitter, painful tears I've ever cried.
I wanted to scream myself out of existence.
I wanted to tear away my soul with my bare hands.
All of this because I was faced with the cruel fact that there isn't
anything left to live for.
There hasn't been any point to my existence.

I thought about all the people I've tried to help.
Every single person (those I've met or otherwise) always had something
or someone else there to take my place.
If I wasn't there, the next in line would've just stepped up.
Maybe I was just the quickest one.
Maybe I just noticed something first.
Every single person had another way to get help.

Probably most of you are reading this and thinking that this isn't true.
But think again.
If I /have/ helped you, was it more than just listening and a tiny bit
of advice?
It may not have even been GOOD advice.
(My advice isn't exactly spectacular. It won't end wars. It won't change lives.)
Anyone could've done that.
Even someone anonymous would've listened and tried to help.
I really wasn't crucial to anything.

The clarity of this revelation shocked me.
I rethought. Surely I had missed something?
No. I hadn't.

I thought again. I HAD to have missed one tiny detail: one person that
could only have used me for help.
Someone's life had to have changed because of me –right.
Wrong.
I thought about the people I knew.
I thought about the strangers I'd met.
The most I've done for anyone is basic friendship – nothing extravagant.
I've never had anyone dependent on me.
You claim you were? Think again.
Really, truly think about how much I mean to you.
Think about how long it would take you to forget me.
How would your daily life be changed if I wasn't around or hadn't ever been?

I tried to place myself in the shoes of those that I knew would read this.
For some, it might take a while.
For others, only moments.
There isn't a single life that wouldn't be the same (if not better) if
I hadn't ever played a part in it.

It's a harsh reality, but I have to face it.
It will be the bravest and most cowardly thing I'll ever do.
Brave because I'll be facing something I know I can't change.
Cowardly because I'll be running away from everything.

I act so happy almost all the time, you would never know I wanted to
sink into a hole and just be forgotten.
I've learned my entire life to just wear this mask of faux emotion
just so I wasn't considered a bother.

It seems the only times when I can't keep the mask on anymore are when
the emotion becomes too much.
When I'm about to burst is when I have to let it out.
It's been too long. I've kept it trapped for far too long
I'm numb.

Anyway, the point of this entire entry is to let you all know why I
won't be active for a while.
It's a bad habit, but when something becomes too emotionally
pressuring, I just run away.

But don't misunderstand this.
I don't want you all to think I'm this wannabe "emo-goth-stereotype"
that's going to slit her wrists and take pictures to post on DA.
I'm not.
I'm just a girl that's tired of fighting.
I'm just a girl that's tired of life and needs to take some time off.
I can't promise I'll be back.
I can't promise anything right now.

Please know that I care for you all: my sisters, my brothers, my close friends.
I wish you the best of luck in everything you do.
I wish you love. I wish you happiness.

I love you all.
~Vrai ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3563354/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3563354/ Mon, 11 Oct 2004 08:18:37 PDT
I really haven't done much of interest.
..and things that I /have/ done are PRIVATE.
(Feel free to stalk me any time if more information is desired.)

Things are going a bit better in general life.
..hopefully more joy is to come.

YES
THAT IS ALL

[link] ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3491971/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3491971/ Fri, 01 Oct 2004 23:54:16 PDT I love little children. (Not in /that/ way, you bunch of perv's)
Mrs. T's little daughter is so cute and sweet. n_n
She keeps calling me her "big sister". ;_;
I think I'd make a great mother, but at the same time I think I'd just corrupt and ruin a child if I had one.
OF COURSE, I'm not planning on children soon.
I was planning on NEVER having any--ever.
I think I'm slowly changing my mind.
:/ ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3375679/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3375679/ Thu, 16 Sep 2004 08:12:45 PDT Deal with it.
Mler
;x
~Vrai ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3294661/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/3294661/ Tue, 07 Sep 2004 11:44:35 PDT ..but I'm really, really lazy and can't be arsed to actually do it.
Not that anyone really watches me seriously or anything. ;x
Meh, I'll see if I can get a few older ones done by tomorrow.

On another note, school has started once again.
Junior year, oh what fun.
Two more years and then I'm out of highschool and the US of A.
I hate it here. n_n
*gets arrested by the department of homeland security*
Guess that makes me a terrorist because I didn't jump on the whole 'post 9/11 patriotism bandwagon'.
Oh well. n__n
I shall bask in my terrorism and make homemade bombs at my leisure..
..WITH WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION ON THE SIDE!
*cough*
¬_¬

Right. That's all for now.
~Vrai ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/2980401/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/2980401/ Tue, 27 Jul 2004 14:17:42 PDT Nothing inside.
Nothing,
Nothing,
Nothing.
~True ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/2972841/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/2972841/ Mon, 26 Jul 2004 14:11:31 PDT You don't want to fucking mix "internet and emotion"?
Is that all you think I am?
Just some person you talk with?
TWO FUCKING YEARS.
I tried to help you get over problems,
I listened to you when you needed someone there.
I even fucking listened to your past.
And....*sigh* all that doesn't even matter, huh?
Gee, what a nice way to repay someone.
"I consider you a close friend".
But how could you? If you don't want to mix internet and emotion?
Don't you need to show SOME emotion to a friend?
I'm so tired of this fucking charade.
I'm angry.
I'm hurt.
I don't even know you anymore.
~True ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/2914875/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/2914875/ Mon, 19 Jul 2004 16:18:10 PDT I just realized how pointless and idiotic everything is.
*sigh*
I wish some things had never happened.
I wish I could go back and rewrite the years.
~True

---[Edit]---

Let me just say:
Change is inevitable.
I never expected someone not to change.
I never expected someone not to live.
In fact, I'm glad that life is flowing smoothly for them.
My only complaint, is to myself.
If you go near the fire, you'll get burned.
I'm always /too/ near.
When I shy away, I realize that I miss the warmth too much.
This is my biggest problem.
It's a problem that I just have to deal with.
I'm to blame, no one else.
For now, I'm very content watching the flames from a distance.
And next time, I'll know not to get too close..
~True ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/2837283/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/2837283/ Thu, 08 Jul 2004 22:14:11 PDT From this moment on,
I give up completely.
Thank you,
For everything.

I'm thinking of leaving.
If you would like to contact me,
Don't bother.

It's been nice.
It's been painful.
It's been..a learning experience.
~True ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/2826365/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/2826365/ Wed, 07 Jul 2004 14:57:59 PDT By default,
"Forgotten,"
Is still just that:
A lie.

~True ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/2815516/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/2815516/ Tue, 06 Jul 2004 08:17:45 PDT Actually, many turns in whatever direction it decides.
For the past few years, I have had to readjust to my Mother again.
I have only lived with her, since the wedding, for one year and three months.
She had gone and come back, and during that turning point when she was away, I grew up.
I became very feminine, I developed my personality, I became interested in all sorts of things that "mommy wouldn't approve of" and I was only twelve.
But being who I was, meant that I didn't behave like your typical twelve-year-old girl. I was more like someone in their mid-early 'teen's..
So here I was, someone fourteen in a twelve-year-old body (although I looked somewhat older, and still do) trying to rediscover the world and myself, and then Mother comes home.
Joy! Elation! It was always 'her and me' and I was glad she returned.
..but many things had changed in my life, mind, world: she never quite caught on.
She still thought that I was her sweet, innocent, mindless little girl..and no one could convince her otherwise.
And so we come to the point of all this description.
For this past year that I've lived with her, she has only /just/ begun to change her mind. Only, it changed in reverse.
Instead of "well, she's older, more responsible, etc" her thinking became, "she's older, more likely to get into trouble.. Tighten the chains! Lock the doors! We can't have her thinking for herself, now can we.."
And I've gotten used to this. I've gotten used to the rules, I've gotten used to the demands, I've gotten used to the accusations, the restrictions, the controlling, the brainwashing..
I've even gotten used to the lies.
But this stops here.
I'm going away for college in two years, almost exactly.
If she can't stay out of my life while I'm still at home, what is she going to do when I leave?
Doesn't she realize that she's pushing me away?
Doesn't she understand that I'll just go farther if this continues?
Obviously not.
~True

Well, thank you for reading this little bitch/rant/thing.
I don't expect many to truly understand this.
I daresay they will be confused.
--
I write only for myself.
I write to end the frustration.
I write to release the feeling.
I write only for myself ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/2763210/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/2763210/ Tue, 29 Jun 2004 11:50:48 PDT ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/2721815/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/2721815/ Tue, 22 Jun 2004 18:50:13 PDT I throw a party,
I invite around eight people,
THREE show up,
One just for the food.
I am bored and very insulted,
The party ends.

Later That Night:
I call up a good friend,
I am very drunk,
Ask her why she didn't come,
She gives me a bullshit excuse,
I am very drunk,
She hangs up on me,
I call her back,
Her dad answers (he hates me),
I am STILL drunk,
He threatens to call my mum,
I hang up...and mentally kick myself,
I hope and pray that I'm half sober before my mum picks me up,
I think about how how quick and/or painful my mum will make my death,
This is going to be a long night...

My mum ended up being very, very, very, late and she was none the wiser...but that was a bit too close. ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/2446567/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/2446567/ Mon, 17 May 2004 08:22:03 PDT WHY?!!??!
*dies* ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/2370273/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/2370273/ Thu, 06 May 2004 08:18:43 PDT The anime, the music, the sheer composition of the entire movie was genius....
Yeah, that's all.
~True ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/2255526/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/2255526/ Mon, 19 Apr 2004 12:13:33 PDT I'm not leaving forever and I'm not dying a slow and painful death...I'm just...getting my life adjusted to some things that have happened.
I'll probably be submitting a few new things...if things go well.
I LOVE YOU ALL!

~True ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/2157257/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/2157257/ Mon, 05 Apr 2004 12:22:43 PDT
He didn't really sound that hurt, but I felt pretty bad.
It was the first time I've ever had to "dump" someone...which is good in some senses but bad in others.
I just feel as though I owed him an explanation, but he really wouldn't understand.
..I couldn't just tell him that I was thinking about someone else. That they were my perfect match...even though I'd never actually met them.
I wouldn't expect him to take it very well, so I will refrain from telling.
I shouldn't have even written this.
Chances are I will delete it later.

*shame* ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/2042991/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/2042991/ Fri, 19 Mar 2004 12:16:17 PST Is everyone dead?
The main people I devwatch have been inactive for...a while...
I'm frightened and worried.
SOMEONE GIVE ME A SIGN!
...tell me you're all still there?
]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/1933036/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/1933036/ Mon, 01 Mar 2004 12:20:29 PST
Yesterday I found out that my very best friend in the world is going to Europe on a choir tour!
She was chosen out of all the highschool members across the NATION that applied. Oh, I'm so happy I want to explode.
Well, all I can say now is:
Congrats Sunny!

Go shower her with kisses at: ~dannonlee ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/1894104/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/1894104/ Mon, 23 Feb 2004 14:25:37 PST Mwahahaha...the last book...

Hug everyone..just because I told you to.

Charming Anecdote of the day:
If you're lucky enough to be Irish, you're lucky enough.

~True ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/1866450/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/1866450/ Wed, 18 Feb 2004 12:25:24 PST I've been reading nearly nonstop in anticipation for "The Amber SpyGlass"... *jumps up and down*.
Currently I'm feeling very loved and such.
Well, I'm off. ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/1827137/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/1827137/ Wed, 11 Feb 2004 08:22:52 PST Things should be looking more promising right now...but they aren't.
I just feel really empty, I miss everyone that used to be a part of my life. It feels like I've just been torn apart from everything and everyone. ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/1799047/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/1799047/ Thu, 05 Feb 2004 15:01:56 PST ..and this girl lived her life "ok" until the one day she met this person. They both became fast friends and because the girl knew this person, her life was enriched and ultimately made better.
The girl's life went on until one day she finds out that her friend has lung cancer and only 6 or less more months to live.
All of a sudden the girl plummets into a depression because she knows that a good thing in her life will go away...she has other good things, but this friend is one of the better few.
This is the first time in the girl's life that she has ever had a personal relationship with someone who will be gone forever...and she doesn't know what to do..

How do you think the girl should cope?
Help me to write the ending...please. ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/1767192/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/1767192/ Fri, 30 Jan 2004 12:23:34 PST But, I am just fine with that...I accept it and move on.
Currently I am reading "The Golden Compass" by Philip Pullman, listening to an assortment of "Blondie" classics from the 70's and 80's, and getting ready to enjoy a fun two weeks of grounding goodness..
I really can't complain, I'm getting the best sleep I've had all year, and my classes have become easier this semester. No speeches to worry about, etc. And, to top it all off, I might be getting a new computer.
Well, I'm off.
Shower everyone with kisses and sweeties.

I LOVE YOU ALL THE SAME...except for some people I love more..
~True ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/1520628/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/1520628/ Thu, 11 Dec 2003 12:24:09 PST Is it wrong to still be unrecovered from something in the far past?
I still feel like I'm missing an important piece.
I still think that because they're not here, I'm not really living.
Should I have overcome a long while ago?

I need help. ]]> ~Unspeakableme http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/1449691/ http://Unspeakableme.deviantart.com/journal/1449691/ Tue, 25 Nov 2003 12:19:42 PST Has anyone seen that commercial for " Brillo Scrub 'n' Toss Pads" ?
At the end of the advertisement, it says:
"work 'em long, work 'em hard, let 'em go" ...

Now, is it just me..or can that same catch phrase be used as for "kidnapped sex slaves in a box"..?
Coincidence, I think not.

~True ]]> ~Unspeakableme