http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Wick5ter&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Wick5ter en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Wed, 09 Dec 2009 14:37:25 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/21658030/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/21658030/ Tue, 25 Nov 2008 03:13:15 PST
Well i shall make this quick as im off to work soon, totally shocked that Quakers revenge got this award, its an honor to get this award and especially as its an old style fractal, which i try and champion among the many new styles.

So once again thanks kindly to all who like my work and all who have inspired me, i wont name names as you know who you are



]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/20603838/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/20603838/ Sun, 21 Sep 2008 14:29:27 PDT
Some people may have noticed i uploaded some work recently, i have quit Ultra Fractal learning and am back with Apo, something has re-ignighted and im making art again, but im using similar styles as before, i deleted all the params i had and all my work from my hard drive so am learning all over again, im not gonna be so serious this time, last time i was obsessed and on a mission, im working full time so now i make art when i get chance, i got about 5 potential peices on the go. I usually save potential work in a bit stockpile and then use other time to tweak and color it!

Regards

Wick5ter

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/18376604/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/18376604/ Sun, 18 May 2008 03:36:53 PDT
Well i went to see my clinical psychiatrist/psychologist or whatever she is after months of waiting, she is going to refer me to someone about alcohol abuse possibly before the therapy as i was totally honest aboout my drinking. She will ask me to do things out of my comfort zone and does not want me to rely on drink to be able to do them!

Ive been browsing through my apo art and looking through the comments and it brought back good memories , it was nice reading all the lovely comments people had posted and its a shame i cannot make art now, im literally looking for fads to fill up my spare time, i feel like im ready to settle down, but i need a girlfriend first.

I start a new job on monday, i got screwed over my hours on the job i had so i moved to another department!

Its 11:35am and im drinking, its not a good sign but i will be getting help soon, i wish i could find something else to give me the buzz that drink does

Peace all!

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/18212286/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/18212286/ Wed, 07 May 2008 13:42:00 PDT
Hopefully if i catch onto something i can post a bit more art!


Regards


Nick

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/18158687/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/18158687/ Sun, 04 May 2008 03:39:43 PDT
Been so so recently, in a bit of a slump at times, got screwed over at work, i had a week off and they decided to change my hours, nearly all 11-8 shifts which is rubbish, so i went for a new job in the store and got it, i did not really want to leave the department but felt my hand was forced, so im not excited by new job. A manager approached me and said i should go for a team leader position, i told her my history and said i thought i had the work ethic but not the inter-personal skills/confidence.

I start my therapy in a week, been waiting since last summer, in a strange way im nervous, ive made alot of progress but still have issues, so ive been worried as to whether i still need the therapy. Im definately going to mention my alcohol consumption, its way too much, its sad cos i leave work and then im bored, i have more fun at work than i do at home. Drink gives me a feeling that absolutely nothing else can do. I may buy an xbox 360 to ease the bordem, although ive not owned a console for 10 years.

Im still on the meds, dont really wanna come off them as i dont want to have a full relapse!

Still check your work sometimes, dont really comment but you all know who my faves are and i still peep your work!

Going to majorca in july!

Take care all

Nick

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/16627881/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/16627881/ Tue, 29 Jan 2008 12:26:57 PST
Well i dont know whats up but im not sure about art anymore. Im near the end of the 1st VAA course and something is not right, whether its desire or something else im not sure i can continue to create art. I think i binged on art when i used Apo and whilst i can appreciate nice art im not sure i wanna create it!

I have felt like this for a few weeks now, i dont know what it is but im just not getting much enjoyment out of it anymore! Somthing is just not right, maybe its got something to do with the full time hours im doing now but i just cannot be bothered with it anymore and i cannot force myself to make art.

Ive already paid for the 2nd vaa course but thats my tough luck, im still having problems with my hand but i dont think that is the main reason for my lack of interest, its something more deep than that and i cant figure it out, either way i cant see myself making art for much longer if i feel like this!

On a side note i have my 1st Physio session on thursday, im not too optimistic as i still think its a nerve problem! I have to give it a try though and its free so...!

Anyway enough rambling now, keep making great art, just cos im not enjoying making it does not mean i cannot enjoy looking at your art!

Nick

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/16314137/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/16314137/ Tue, 08 Jan 2008 11:04:07 PST
Well i got my 3rd DD for

It was nominated by sophquest

I am astonished at this to be honest, i look back at this fractal and im not too fond of it now, and as my output of fractals has been so low for ages i was really not expecting this!

Many thanks and i hope you like it more than i do at the moment!



]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/16287156/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/16287156/ Sun, 06 Jan 2008 13:37:22 PST
Well i have just handed in my 1st weeks homework for the first UF course. Not sure whether i got it right but it was more fun than i had with Apo in a long long time!

Im planning to do the masking course in about april if possible.

My physical problems remain pretry much the same, although my shoulder has been good recently, the hand and lower arm has been a right pain in the A$$ recently.

Im mentally in a better place now but still fear a relapse when i stop meds, ive not had therapy yet but been following some exercises that my counciler gave me!

Still waiting on Physio!

Got a few days off work over next weeks as i was owed time, so will have some extra time for VAA lessons, dunno how long it will be til i post something though as im in early stages and im sure Midgets wont impress anyone that uses UF!

Had a ton of drink at christmans and since i started again last summer so im having 6 months detox, my body must need it, this is the first sunday in god knows how long that ive not had a hangover!

Once again i wish you all a great new year and look forward to seeing your work!

Nick

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/16164921/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/16164921/ Sun, 30 Dec 2007 10:34:54 PST
Just to update you all on the current situation, i had my X-Ray results back and everything was fine apart from the fact that i have 2 bones in my neck fused together, the doc thinks this should only affect mobility, he says its a genetic condition, my dad has something called Spondylosis (sp)!

Im waiting to get Physiotherapy soon!

Still haaving problems with my hand and lower arm when i use PC and other times too, yet most days i use the PC for just an hour or less

I am drinking way too much at the moment, i am well over the limit for daily consumption but to be honest it makes me happy! I can easily drink 2 bottles of wine or 6 cans of Cider, or even 6 glasses of bailys. my doc wants to lower my meds in a few months and im worried about a relapse, still not heard about CBT!

My shoulder has been not too bad and job is going ok at the moment, very busy over Xmas!

Ive not heard from VAA about course yet so have emailed them for info!

Peace im out!

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/15788725/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/15788725/ Tue, 04 Dec 2007 04:59:59 PST
He said he still belives its a nerve thats being pressed on by either a bone or muscle, he sent me straight up for an X Ray and referred me for physiotheropy!

This was by the doctor that has been taking me serously so that was progress!

When i got home my mum was really pleased about the news but also let slip that the other doctor (the one with the not so good bedside mannor) said to my mum when he last saw her that they were wiping their hands of me and will keep giving me prozac as its all in my head!

Mum feels terrible for telling me this, im not upset with her, im just upset that a doctor would say such a thing, its as if he thinks im a Fraud, if that was true i would not have continued to work all throughout my problems this year and even have full time work now!

My mum only made these comments as she feels i have proved the first doctor wrong, there is no way i can go back and see him now, i could not face or be in the same room as him now!

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/15759404/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/15759404/ Sun, 02 Dec 2007 04:53:24 PST
Had some nice meals and drinks, went to a big wildlife park and rode a camel, also saw a reptile show, bird of prey show and a parrot show!

Ended up playing table tennis alot with my friends as we had some mini tournaments, also a bit of pool!

Went in a Sauna and used the swimming pool a few times!

I had a T-bone steak on my first night and im not kidding but nothing else would fit on the plate, ive even got a pic on my phone to prove it! I also had a pic of me taken holding a Crocodile and also with parrots sitting on my shoulders!

Been back to work and its getting busy on the lead up to xmas, ive bought and wrapped up most of my prezzies!

Going back to the docs this week cos my problems are not going away, i had 4 days off the pc and still had trouble when using it!

Now im working full time im certainly not over-using the pc, some days i dont use it and others its about 1-2hours a day!

Off til wednesday now as tomorrow is my float day and tues is my day off anyway!

Nick

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/15618683/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/15618683/ Thu, 22 Nov 2007 10:08:59 PST
My osteopath thinks that she cannot really do anything else for me and that i might not be completely receptive to treatment. She said i should go back to the doctors for further investigation!

Ive had enough of apo again, had a little phase where i was back into it but i just cannot be bothered! My hand is playing up still when i use the mouse, yet ive reduced my PC time by atleast 75% cos of the new job!

The new job is going pretty well, i did some overtime too on sunday so pay packet should be nice!

Have a nice weekend all and see ya soon!

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/15490543/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/15490543/ Tue, 13 Nov 2007 09:02:36 PST
Tuesday is my day off and would you believe it im bloody bored, my slight return to apo may have already ended!

Im also worried about not having enough free time to prosper in UF when i start the course!

Enjoying the boxing lately, but i stayed up til 5.30am on weekend and ended up drinking 14 Pints of lager, despite things improving my drink consumption is not improving when i do drink!

Next friday i am going to fuerteventura with 3 of my friends, be nice to have a break, especially as im not feeling so bad now!

Visited the osteopath again and she said things were improving, my hand still seems to tingle alot at work though, my shoulder has been ok! But because im far more busy at work i spend less time concentrating on things i should not be!

Keep up the great fractals people!

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/15218327/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/15218327/ Thu, 25 Oct 2007 16:10:03 PDT
I bet you were surprised i made some more apo peices, well get used to it cos im making a few more, but the sad news is they wont be anything far away from what ive already made, but i dont care cos good spirals and old style flames are as good as any other style!

With a bit of luck i can upload some over the coming weeks!

I also start my new job either this coming monday or the monday after!

I apologise for tha lack of comments and thank you's but ive not been doing much typing or interacting on DA!

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/15169347/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/15169347/ Mon, 22 Oct 2007 07:23:09 PDT
She said that the top of my spine was not very mobile and the muscle development in my shoulder had been affected!

She crunched my neck and both shoulders (felt weird)

She was surprised that the doctors did not offer me Physiotherapy on the nhs,

I asked her kindly if she would write a letter explaining her findings and she is going to post one to me to take to the doctors!

She said it was not very good what the doctors and orthopede told me but was pleased they got me NCS tests!

I told her i was not made of cash so she estimated 3-4 treatments and said we would know pretty soon if it was making a difference!

She did not guarantee that this is whats causing my problems but she was not too happy with the way my neck, shoulder and top of spine were!

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/15072412/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/15072412/ Mon, 15 Oct 2007 12:04:56 PDT
She said to me that my next option would be an mri scan, If there nerve problem is in the shoulder then its too deeply routed to be detected by NCS.

So now it will depend on whether i get referred for an MRI or not!




Im still missing art, had a play with Cinema 4d although it did not run great on my pc, also tried bryce too, but there is no way i can progress with those complex programs, may attempt somethning else soon!

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/15011564/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/15011564/ Thu, 11 Oct 2007 07:33:21 PDT
Believe it or not i actually have some good news for once, i applied for a full time job in the store i work at and got it, start in 4 weeks!

Im just hoping it all goes smoothly!

Got my NCS tests on monday, only thing thats bothering me is that my shoulder on the same are is giving me a few problems also, im wondering if that stems from whatever is wrong! It does not hurt when i lift things but when i lift my up up high it does a little!

Still missing art, but got some good boxing over the next few months to entertain me!

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/14880597/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/14880597/ Tue, 02 Oct 2007 05:08:03 PDT
By Dragonwinter

This is a lovely peice that shows the diversity of Apo, i wont be using it next year but will still appreciate what it can create!

By littledeviltoo

Love this fractal, i will be a full time UF user next year and fractals like this are going to make my try harder, amazing coloring and such clarity!

By Platinus

Very cool design and lovely shiny effect, looks like metal!

By ~skellorg

This is one of those rare gems, just the perfect old skool fractal with great coloring, these remain my favourite of all Apo fractal styles!

By ClaireJones

I think the texture is as good as the perspective in this peace by the supremely talented Claire, great work!

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/14808987/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/14808987/ Thu, 27 Sep 2007 04:10:06 PDT
Well i had a letter today and in 2 weeks i have my nerve conduction tests, i just hope they show something cos otherwise i feel like im going mad!

Just goes to show how quick you can get things going if you kick up a fuss!

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/14752747/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/14752747/ Sun, 23 Sep 2007 05:30:54 PDT
After visiting the doctor again i did some research and this condition is almost identical to my symptoms, i have a feeling this is what i have!

[link]


Had a little go with apo and lost interest with it straight away

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/14724276/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/14724276/ Fri, 21 Sep 2007 05:37:48 PDT
Well i went back and saw the senior doctor at the surgery this morning and after hearing what i had to say he said im definately not imagining it and in his opinion it may be a trapped nerve in either my elbow or shoulder, he said painkillers are unlikely to help me!

He said that in the next few months i will have some nerve conduction studies and if it is a trapped nerve in my elbow i may have a small operation to alleviate the problem!

So atleast i am finally being taken seriously, he said there is no guarantee of fixing the problem but atleast we are a step closer to finding out what it is!

Thanks for all your support and shall keep you informed!



]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/14711752/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/14711752/ Thu, 20 Sep 2007 08:02:07 PDT
Well although ive been on the pc (my dads) i have been totally resting my left hand (as the right is bad enough) because i dont want more problems with that, ive done no intensive graphics work, actually ive done none at all!

Been doing puzzles and the other day i got some overtime at work and did a 13 hour shift which knocked me out!

Back to the docs tomorrow as my mum kicked up a fuss and the head doctor wants to see me so i will visit him tomorrow!

If you all dont mind i may not comment on hardly any peices at the moment, maybe a couple, im trying to keep hand usage to a minimum, im also on painkillers!

I will probably try and get some more overtime and keep away from graphics until atleast November, then i must refresh myself on UF 4 before starting the VAA courses, i hope that next year i can produce some UF peices that stand up well against some of my Apo work!

Just keeping yall informed!

Nick

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/14618615/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/14618615/ Thu, 13 Sep 2007 14:50:40 PDT
God damn im frustraited, i had to use pc on dads behalf briefly so thought i would update you all!

Went back to the doctors to say i was not very happy with the specialist that i saw and she got offended and said something like "well if you had all those years training to be an orthopede"

i said he mentioned painkillers but she seemed to think i was trying to pressure her into giving me some when what i wanted was further investigation. She said she can do nothing til she gets a letter from him!

I told her the best way to desciribe my symptoms is like having toothache in the arm/hand!

Im really starting to get upset and angry now, work was rubbish tonight and i was having some not nice thoughts going through my head

Ive stayed away from pc and been doing arrowwords instead but they are getting boring now!

Im just so frustaited at the moment!

I bought myself 2 bottles of wine and some cider tonight so no doubt i will consume some of them!



]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/14540404/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/14540404/ Sat, 08 Sep 2007 04:39:00 PDT
Well from monday im having exactly 30 days off the pc, i will return 30 days after (just in time for all the internet hype surrounding Calzaghe/Kessler)

This is part of my efforts to improve my hand problems, hopefully it will have some effect!

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/14512199/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/14512199/ Thu, 06 Sep 2007 04:49:59 PDT
Well i am officially retiring from Apophysis, although it has bought me joy and helped me meet some great people on here i no longer feel the same way about it! I shall be doing no more, however i may get people to nominate what peice in my gallery they would like to see the params too, maybe 1 a week or something, i dunno, gimme some feedback on that!

I shall be signing up the the first VAA Ultra Fractal Course and will be starting that in January. This enables me to have a complete break from fractals for a while!

Towards the end of the year i shall refresh myself on UF to prepare me for the first course, if all goes well i want to atleast do 2 of the courses!

Looks like im going to have to format because for some reason my mouse keeps pausing when i drag it across the screen, i know its not dirty, my web browsers do the same too so i may just have to format unless someone knows something i dont!

Once again i must apologise for the lack of commenting ive done recently, its all been a bit of a struggle!

Big thanks to both Fraxa and Welshwench for keeping me going with UF and helping me decide to do the courses, i hope that some day i can achieve results half as good as they can!

Nick

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/14482223/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/14482223/ Tue, 04 Sep 2007 04:59:36 PDT
Well i had my appointment with specialist yesterday and he said he could find nothing wrong with either my joints, muscles or Tendons which was a little deflating at the time!

He said that the sypmtoms were likely caused by repetition!

So basically im going to make my computer setup more ergonomical and try and get a different job at work cos i dont want to stop using my computer and creating art!

I am also going to enroll in the 1st VAA Ultra fractal course soon too, to be honest UF peices are impressing me more than Apo peices lately and im more interested in how they are created.

I dont like any of my UF work yet and i hope that doing these courses can get me to a level at which im proud of my work! Ive heard good things about the VAA courses so i hope i can get on with them ok!

Nick

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/14421365/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/14421365/ Fri, 31 Aug 2007 06:31:06 PDT
Well im learning UF but i getting frustraited to the point of giving up, i know i should probably do the UF courses but with my hand problems and lack of motivation i dont wanna waste the time or money!

Ive managed some basic masking but i cant even make a decent simple bg, and dont get me started on textures!

I begin to wonder if im just not up for making anymore fractals anymore!

Im wondering if its worth me bothering at this point in time!


On a side note i have appointment with specialist at hospital on Monday regarding my hand so im nervous about that at the moment!


Nick

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/14061418/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/14061418/ Tue, 07 Aug 2007 14:43:29 PDT
I reached a solid number of 10K page views today!

Thanks everyone for visiting and supporting my work, its greatly appreciated. My fractal output will be low for a while because im learning UF and trying not to use fractal programs too much too!

I must also apologise for my lack of commenting and faving recently so please forgive me for that!


Nick

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/13996592/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/13996592/ Fri, 03 Aug 2007 05:18:43 PDT




Very surprised and pleased to recieve a daily deviation for this peice, a special thanks to Claire Jones for nominating it and also thanks to anyone that has commented on or faved this peice!

Despite all the new variations Apo has these fractals are the reason i started using apophysis, they will always be my favourite style of apo fractal!

Nick

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/13972945/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/13972945/ Wed, 01 Aug 2007 14:44:57 PDT
Well it saddens me to say that i am leaving apophysis alone for an unknown amount of time, ive enjoyed building up my apo skills but i think its come at a price!

I was having troubles with my right hand for the past few years but recently my left has been giving me problems and apo requires intense mouse work from me!

Im waiting to see a specialist but that wont be anytime soon, my job is also being affected by whatever is wrong with me!

You may have noticed that ive started using Ultra Fractal, it is less stressfull on my hands and wrists!

I think i was getting a bit stale (sp) with apo, not been enjoying it and in a way i feel like i got to a point where i could not get any better!

But if i were not having problems with my wrists/hands/arms then i would continue to use it, i dont want to stop but its no longer a pleasure!

The same may happen with UF but i gotta wait and see, i am enjoying uf because its a challenge and im a newbie so ive much to learn, the hunger for apophysis has faded and ive probably overdosed on it also!

On a side not its my 26th birthday on 2nd August (1hr 15 mins in uk time). Gotta work on my b day but nevermind!

Nick

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/13767211/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/13767211/ Tue, 17 Jul 2007 08:04:10 PDT
Well ive decided to put together a flame pack for people to download, only got one so far but will add to it over the next few days, weeks etc etc!

Am i supposed to post it in the scraps section or in resources ?


Will post it for people as soon as ive finished it!


Nick

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/13616814/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/13616814/ Thu, 05 Jul 2007 05:39:09 PDT



By *WelshWench

This is by far my favourite fractal at the moment on da, its my fave style and just amazing in all aspects, i think its one of welsh's best ever!


By *Platinus

Love the clarity and colors of this peice by platinus!



By ~Pho3nix94

You really need to view this at full size to appreciate the great texture and design of this peice!



By ~segami

This is a lovely peice that is brought to life by superb colors!



By *Beesknees67

Superb texture, color and design in this peice!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Got my 3rd councilling session tomorrow, they are going ok but im not expecting miracles, having troubles with my emotions lately and for the first time in 23 months on saturday i went out and got very drunk, felt ill for a few days and been beating myself up about it but as people keep saying i take life too seriously, plenty of people do that every weekend and im sure they dont care!

I dont crave another drink but its been hard socialising without alcohol over the past 23 months, i stopped drinking for my own benefit as i could not drink in moderation and although im a happy drunk i was worring family and friends!

My Manager asked me how i was getting on last night, its nice to know he is interested in my wellbeing!

I am being referred to a Orthopedic Specialist about my arm and looks like i will be seen in the next 2 months!

Hope You enjoyed the features!

Nick ]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/13522411/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/13522411/ Thu, 28 Jun 2007 08:00:57 PDT
Well just to inform people i will be holding a live tutorial in the Apo chat room this coming sunday at 12pm EST (5pm UK Time).

Its going to be a linear/spherical tut, i feel that these 2 variaitons are important in the learning process of apo and some people on da have made astounding work using them, i wont name people as they know who they are!

Its not gonna make anyone an apo genius but it may give some insight to beginners as i have much to learn yet also!

As you can see my journal is still bland, thanks for the offers of help to spice it up, i may use a claire jones css to improve it!

Ive got my 2nd counceling session tomorrow, the first was ok, nothing life changing!

Feeling so so, a bit up and down at the moment, still not heard about scans at hospital for my arm and no news on therapy either, although im not expecting any info before mid - late winter

Nick

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/13470958/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/13470958/ Sun, 24 Jun 2007 11:14:15 PDT
I want to do a features journal and i need some css to do a decent one, i was wondering if anyone could give me a script or point me in the right direction of using them, i would like to do a frequent features journal to show my appreciation of peoples works!

All help greatly appreciated!

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/13339070/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/13339070/ Thu, 14 Jun 2007 06:47:56 PDT
Well i yet again went to the doctors about the problems i was having with my arm and even though she was a little baffled at times she was of help, its really tricky to describe the symptoms but i did and she tested my fingers in both hands and said they should of been stronger than they were, ive since performed this test on other people and my fingers seem very weak, i also feel as if i have a very poor grip strength with my right hand especially!

She has informed me that it could be a problem with my neck or back and im going to have some scans, another thing ive noticed is that the veines in my right hand seem to be very visible and almost bursting out of my hand at times!

Unfortunately she could not offer me any anti-inflmatries because i am on a high dosage of Prozac. I was hoping for something to releive the symptoms a little but thats the way it goes!

In terms of depression im not as consistantly low as i was but still nowhere near what i should be, especially given the amount of prozac im on, i should be dancing on the ceiling (sp)!

I hate my anxiety and low confidence, i did not even have the confidence to phone up an insurance company to get my car insured this week, i asked my dad to do it instead, that is one thing that really gets to me!

At this point in time i have 1 thing in my life to look forward to and that is the supermiddleweight clash of Joe Calzaghe/Mikkel Kessler, hopefully the promoters get it sorted!

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/13235152/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/13235152/ Wed, 06 Jun 2007 05:34:08 PDT
Well i had some feedback for the place where i had my assesment and it looks as if i will be getting some Cognative Behaviour therapy, but that could be 6 months away!

I should be hearing about a meeting to asses my medication within the next 10 weeks or so!

I went back to the doctors about my arm and my regular doctor told me that he trusted the other doctor would of had a very good reason to send me the letting stating nerve conduction tests would not be needed. He is going to speak to the doctor and let me know!

He did hint that its possible my arm problems could be linked to whats going on in my head, he did not imply i was imagining it just that the mind does strange things sometimes!

I also phoned up my careworker for a chat, i told him about feelings of having no purpose in life and that i felt i had not enjoyed anything in life since i quit drinking 22 months ago!

He told me that the feeling of no purpose in life could be due to the fact that young men often need something to define them, whether that be a partner, family or a job!

The dog is settling in well, likes digging holes in the garden and pulling up plants too which is not pleasing my mum, dad gets back from work tomorrow after 10 days away so he will be keen to give the dog some attention, which could put my mums nose out of place!

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/13121496/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/13121496/ Mon, 28 May 2007 05:51:30 PDT
Well last friday i went and had an assesment for action regarding my depression and state of mind! It was concluded that some therapy is needed and also a possible change of medication as the dosage im on should be having more of an effect. I now just have to wait for confirmation of that, i may also be attending some group classes for my confidence!

I am also going back to the doctors and will press for some tests regarding my arm, in a way i wish it was painful, that would be easier to cope with than the sensations i get in it!

Below is a link to a picture of our new dog Marly, we lost our last whippet Jay last summer after 16 years, he lived that long, i think it was a fluke, as well as good living!

[link]

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/13046899/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/13046899/ Tue, 22 May 2007 05:12:17 PDT
Well with the way things have been going lately in my life im not surprised but today i had a letter from the Doctors and it said that the nerve study department at the hospital did not think nerve conduction test was appropriate and to visit doctors again if i have problems!

Both me and my mum think the dr is just fobbing me off with this letter because i did not have exact symptoms of carpel tunnel, infact we dont even think the hospital was contacted, im gonna take the letter back when i see my regular docter at the beginning of next month!

How the hell am i supposed to know what the problem is if i dont see a specialist, clearly the doctor did not know!

BTW this is not the same doctor for which i see about my depression, he has been very good to me recently!

Im still waiting for a letter about my first session with a Phychiatrist!

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/12961692/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/12961692/ Tue, 15 May 2007 05:38:11 PDT
Well i said in my last entry that i had got some more hours at work but that possibly turned out to be the worst thing! Yesterday i started the new position at 8am in the morning after a fairly restless night and it was more complex than i thought, the job involved things which i felt a little bit uncomfortable with due to confidence issues, by the end of the shift i was worried about it and worried about not being able to learn it and getting nervous!

3 hours later i was a wreck and in tears, what a state to get in, mum went to the docs cos she was annoyed about previous help i had received and the doctor seemed quite shocked so he wants me back down there tomorrow to take further action!

I told my manager everything and decided to swicth back to my old hours which he kindly let me do, he is a really nice guy! I ended up delaying his shift cos i was talking to him and i was shaking and in such a state it was probably a mistake to drive up there in the first place!

All in all it was just too overwhelming or ive blown things out of proportion but either way yesterday i felt so bad i did not want to live feeling like that cos it was horrible!

Im just hoping that further/alternate action can be taken cos i dont want to feel like this again!



]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/12924540/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/12924540/ Sat, 12 May 2007 04:10:17 PDT
Just thought i would update you all, went back to the doctors recently and as i was not really feeling any better he upped my Prozac dosage to 60mg per day, that is the max amount i am allowed! I asked if it was possible for me to see a psychiatrist for specialist help but he basically implied that i was not serious enough to see one (presumabely i must be threatening to jump off a building and such). He also said that a psychiatrist would just play around with medication!

Another avenue i suggested was Cognative therapy, but i was told the waiting list is a year

I bet if i had the money i could pay massive amounts and have this treatment fast tracked in some way.

In another appointment another doctor thought i did not have Carpel Tunnel Syndrome and i am waiting for a letter to arrange some nerve conduction tests at hospital!

I managed to get some more hours at work although to be honest its at work when i feel at my lowest most of the time. As i have more hours i may be making less fractals and commenting less and such, but that does not mean i am not appreciating your work and comments and faves that you give me, i am very appreciative for all the support you have given over recent times!

Im getting enjoyment out of making fractals as i find it very demanding and it means i think of nothing else when making them, i am however getting very frustraited with the coloring process, i wish i did not take fractals so seriously because it makes me stress over color and choice etc etc, i then worry about if my fractals are as good as previous works etc etc, i basically worry about everything!

Will stop blabbering on now, thanks again for the support, i look forward to seeing your fractals!

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/12650572/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/12650572/ Thu, 19 Apr 2007 04:12:47 PDT
Well unfortunatly im in my 3rd or 4th bout if depression in recent years so no jokes this time, been feeling like this for a couple of months and its my worst depression ever, it had me in bed and feeling sick (and being sick) recently, im still feeling low, i been having problems with my right arm/wrist and feel it may be Carpel Tunnel which a doctor previously diagnosed!

Im already on Anti-depressonts (Prozac) and they have just been upped to a stronger dosage, i dislike their side effects! My mum reckons i need to see a phychiatrist (sp)!

I got a dead end part time job, low confidence, poor social life, low prospects, low self-esteem, i worry about everything!

At the moment im getting extra worked up cos im more sensative than normal, people are worried for me, im struggling to eat!

When i feel like this 2 of my greatest passions suffer, i stop listening to music and i dont particularly enjoy making fractals!

Ive also just spent £400 on pc parts so i dont really want to stop making fractals anytime soon!

Im now worried that the Carpel Tunnel may prevent me working longer hours, cos at the moment ive got too much spare time and its occupied by dark thoughts, it also does not help that my job (stock control) requires no brain power so i have depressive thoughts whilst im doing it, and my arm annoys me then too!

I shall stop now or i will make all you lot depressed just reading this and im sure you have your problems too!



]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/12177043/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/12177043/ Wed, 14 Mar 2007 05:11:23 PDT

I do not wish to offend anyone, just to make you laugh

A mans wife dies in Israel whilst on holiday, the officials say "We can bury your wife for £150 or we can prepare and fly the body home for £15000". The husband says "I want her flown home", the official says "why pay all that money when you can have a good funeral here for £150". The man replies "2000 years ago a man died in this country and 3 days later he rose from the dead, i just cant take that fucking chance"


Got a new car stereo, voice activated. I shout Country and it plays Dolly Parton, i shout rock and it plays Guns n Roses. Was driving through town the other day and some little shits ran out in front of me, i shout fucking kids and it plays gary glitter!




On A side note ive had a couple of faves from the great Michael Faber recently so if i achieve nothing else in fractal art i can be happy

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/11842123/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/11842123/ Fri, 16 Feb 2007 12:35:33 PST
Again, i hope no one is offeded!

-----------------------------

did you hear, Nike are releasing a trainer for Lesbiens, its called "nikes for dykes", it comes with 50% extra tongue and you can get one off with one finger !

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A guy in hospital with 60% burns, the Dr says "give him 2 viagras", Nurse asks "Do you think that will help", the Dr replies "No, but it will keep the sheets off his legs"!

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2 dwarfs pull 2 girls and take them home, the 1st dwarf cant get it up and to make matters worse all night he can hear the 2nd dwarf saying "here i come again.. 1 2 3 uuh".

Next morning the 1st dwarf says to the 2nd "how embarassing i could not even get an erection", the 2nd dwarf replies "you think thats bad i could not even get on the bed"!

-----------------------------

A bloke with an oxygen mask on in hospital says to a crackin young nurse "are my testicles black", the nurse replies "Im sorry but im just here to give you a bed bath", a few minutes later he says through the mask "are my testicles black" so she lifts up the cover, holds his cock in one hand, balls in the other and says "no sir, they are fine", he finally takes off his mask and says to the nurse " that was all very nice love, but are my test results back ?"




]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/11798444/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/11798444/ Tue, 13 Feb 2007 12:30:01 PST
2 old men had not had sex in years so they decided to go to a whore house, the lady in the whore house took one look at the men and thought "Im not wasting my best women on them, i will give them 2 blow up dolls, they will never know the differnce"!

The 2 men go about there business and on the way home they are discussing it. The first man says "so what was it like for you" the second man replies "to be honest i think mine was dead, she made no noise or had any movement at all.

The second man asks the first man what it was like for him and the first man replies "i think mine was a witch cos when i was chewing her nipple she farted and flew out the window!




]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/11783491/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/11783491/ Mon, 12 Feb 2007 08:43:41 PST
Seems like my peice Tree Of Love is proving more popular than i expected (did not totally achieve what i wanted in design), link to is is below!

[link]


It recently got voted heart of the week in the link below

[link]

Its also gained a feature on the link below

[link]


I wish i knew how to change the titles of links in my Journals cos they look very unprofessional

Also sorry my journals are just boasts of my achievements but i dont have any quirky storys or jokes like some (Fractoid)

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/11679628/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/11679628/ Sun, 04 Feb 2007 04:51:41 PST
Woah ive now had 4000 pageviews (well just over 4000 if you wanna be picky)

Ive also just subscribed for a year too!

Currently working on some new peices, got a new Peice using the Flipped Disc Tutorial by the Wonderful Joel Faber. Gotta color it and render it but im optimistic that i will be uploading it today sometime!

Also got a couple more flower apos in progress although im not 100% certain if im gonna render them as i dont really know if they are gonna be good enough!

I think Summer Flower may have been a fluke and Dragonwinter is upping alot of good flowers peices so i gotta make them good if im gonna keep up with her standards

]]> ~Wick5ter http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/11531109/ http://Wick5ter.deviantart.com/journal/11531109/ Mon, 22 Jan 2007 14:41:35 PST

If anyone can offer tips on Journal making i will be glad to recieve

I somehow managed to get a DD for The Rising (link Below), quite surprising for me really, even though i like the peice it looks a little awkward in shape, but that may just be me

[link]

I would like to thank everyone who nominated me and also everyone who has been supporting me in this short time ive been making fractals, there really are some great people on DA, i wont mention names as you know who you are

Hopefully i can keep making some nice fractals, im working on one now and its titled (Tree Of Love), and the title is very suitable for the peice

So thanks once again for the support from the great people on DA

]]> ~Wick5ter